0:00:00 > 0:00:03- Happen we should... - ..just get on with the wedding,
0:00:03 > 0:00:07and not tell anyone until it's all over and done with.
0:00:07 > 0:00:09I've never been a best man.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12It's something I'd like to do, once, before I die.
0:00:12 > 0:00:15When I come back we really do need to work out what's what
0:00:15 > 0:00:18and whose is what, and all the rest of it.
0:00:18 > 0:00:20I think I'm a little bit in love with you.
0:00:20 > 0:00:22I need to tell you this thing.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24She slept with John.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27It's just a disappointment, isn't it? An ongoing disappointment.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31- Who?- Ellie.- Girlfriend. - She's not my girlfriend.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33Gillian's coming.
0:00:33 > 0:00:34Gillian?
0:00:34 > 0:00:38Yes. Oh, and Kate's moving in.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42They've got an appointment to get married at 11 o'clock this morning.
0:00:42 > 0:00:44KEYS RATTLE
0:01:37 > 0:01:39How long will it take?
0:01:39 > 0:01:42Oh, I don't know. Not long, I shouldn't think.
0:01:45 > 0:01:46DOOR OPENS
0:01:46 > 0:01:48This is Dave.
0:01:48 > 0:01:51He's kindly agreed to be our other witness.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54This is, er, Celia.
0:01:54 > 0:01:55How do you do?
0:01:55 > 0:01:57And this is Azeem.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00Do you know how long it's going to take?
0:02:00 > 0:02:01Er... Half an hour? 20 minutes?
0:02:01 > 0:02:03About that, yeah.
0:02:03 > 0:02:06I'm wondering if you'd be better off finding somebody else.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07- Oh.- Sorry.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10Are you on duty? Is he on duty?
0:02:10 > 0:02:13He shouldn't be wasting half an hour being a witness
0:02:13 > 0:02:17- in a Registry Office if he's on duty.- I don't mind.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Would you be all right finding somebody else if I do bugger off?
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Well, yeah, obviously, I'll have to.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25What if I gave you a £20 note?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27Oh. Well...
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Yeah. OK.
0:02:31 > 0:02:32A £20 note?
0:02:32 > 0:02:35- Yeah.- Each?- Yeah.
0:02:35 > 0:02:39- Not between us.- Yeah, both of you.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Well, that's sorted!
0:02:41 > 0:02:44And now we're ready!
0:02:44 > 0:02:46He's a policeman!
0:02:46 > 0:02:48He shouldn't be fleecing pensioners.
0:02:48 > 0:02:52And Azeem obviously needs to be somewhere else.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55You're fine, love. I'll just say I got delayed.
0:02:57 > 0:03:00Do you know Paul Jatri?
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Should I?
0:03:03 > 0:03:06Celia Dawson and Alan Buttershaw?
0:03:06 > 0:03:07- Yeah, that's us.- Oh, that's us.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11- Are you ready to come up? - Yep, yeah.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29I'm not too late? Alan Buttershaw and Celia Dawson?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Just...just up the stairs.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37And could you just confirm your date of birth for me, please, Alan?
0:03:37 > 0:03:4015th December, 1936.
0:03:40 > 0:03:44No, fine, you carry on! Don't tell us.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47We don't mind. We're just your daughters.
0:03:47 > 0:03:48Is Caroline here?
0:03:48 > 0:03:50No, Celia. She isn't,
0:03:50 > 0:03:53because you can't get from Harrogate to Halifax
0:03:53 > 0:03:55in the space of 15 minutes.
0:03:55 > 0:03:56Not unless you're Captain Spock,
0:03:56 > 0:04:00and you can disappear up your own backside in a cloud of glitter
0:04:00 > 0:04:03with a cheesy sound effect, and land on another planet two seconds later.
0:04:03 > 0:04:07I don't think even Caroline can do that. I may be wrong.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09She means Mr Spock.
0:04:09 > 0:04:11- Who's he?!- That's Azeem.
0:04:11 > 0:04:15"Halifax's Finest Halal." Rawson Street, just on here.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17Well, it's not mine, it's me uncle's.
0:04:17 > 0:04:18How did you know...?
0:04:18 > 0:04:20Down the side of the settee. I thought...
0:04:20 > 0:04:23I didn't know what to think. And you know what, Dad?
0:04:23 > 0:04:27It's fine. You go live in Harrogate with your posh pals,
0:04:27 > 0:04:29don't bother speaking to me for two weeks,
0:04:29 > 0:04:32don't invite me to your f... bloody wedding.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36We used to talk to each other. Do you remember?
0:04:36 > 0:04:37Before you had your head turned.
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Don't you start on Celia.
0:04:39 > 0:04:43I suppose it hasn't occurred to you to ask why...?
0:04:43 > 0:04:45I don't want to hear your crappy little excuses.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Y-you would never have done something like this before!
0:04:48 > 0:04:51You would never not have thought about me and Raff.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52But that's fine,
0:04:52 > 0:04:55if that's the way they do things in Harrogate.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57Enjoy.
0:05:03 > 0:05:09Have you any, ANY idea how worried and upset I've been, eh?
0:05:09 > 0:05:10You haven't a f...
0:05:10 > 0:05:12bloody clue!
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Are we, er... carrying on, then, or what?
0:05:25 > 0:05:28Oh, damn. I feel a bit shaken now.
0:05:28 > 0:05:32Would you like a few minutes? Just to gather your thoughts?
0:05:32 > 0:05:34Maybe I should ring Caroline.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- That's up to you. - Have a seat.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39She'll be busy.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43I haven't turned your head, have I?
0:05:45 > 0:05:49- Ignore her.- Oh, damn.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51It must have fallen out of my pocket.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56It was just meant to be a bit of fun, you see,
0:05:56 > 0:05:59getting married in secret.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Well, and romantic.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05And we were just going to tell 'em all afterwards.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10We thought they'd think it was funny.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13We thought they'd be pleased for us.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16It doesn't seem the same now, if they know.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Well, they do know, clearly.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23We weren't doing it just for effect.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26We are actually in love with each other.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28We have been since we were kids.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32I don't think we should let it make any difference.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44SHE SOBS
0:06:54 > 0:06:55SHE SNIFFS
0:07:00 > 0:07:02PHONE RINGS
0:07:04 > 0:07:05SHE GROANS
0:07:05 > 0:07:07Oh, you can do one.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11'I can't take your call just now,
0:07:11 > 0:07:15but if you leave a message, I'll ring you back.'
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Gillian, it's Caroline. I'm sorry I couldn't talk properly earlier,
0:07:17 > 0:07:20I was just, erm...
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Are you all right?
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Look. Ring me if you want to, I'm sure it's... They'll just...
0:07:27 > 0:07:31Oh, I don't know. I'll try you again in a bit, OK? Bye-bye.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32KNOCK AT DOOR
0:07:32 > 0:07:35Caroline? John's on the phone.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Put him through.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44PHONE RINGS
0:07:46 > 0:07:48'Ello, 'ello.
0:07:48 > 0:07:49'Hiya.'
0:07:49 > 0:07:51- You all right?- 'Been better.'
0:07:53 > 0:07:55What time's your dinner break?
0:07:57 > 0:07:58John.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- It's me.- 'Yes.'
0:08:04 > 0:08:07- Hello?- 'Can I talk to you?'
0:08:07 > 0:08:11- Yes.- No, I meant face-to-face.
0:08:11 > 0:08:14- When?- Sooner rather than later.
0:08:14 > 0:08:17Are you having a lunch break today, or just working through?
0:08:17 > 0:08:19What do you want to talk about?
0:08:19 > 0:08:22'Me. Us. Everything.'
0:08:23 > 0:08:26I can give you half an hour at 1:30 if it's important.
0:08:26 > 0:08:31- Where?- 'Well, it'd have to be here, in my office.'
0:08:31 > 0:08:33I think you're over-reacting.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37He thinks the sun shines out of her arse, and I'm just scum.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Well, he might think the sun... whatever,
0:08:39 > 0:08:42but why does that mean he suddenly thinks that you're scum?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Oh, just...
0:08:44 > 0:08:49He's taken up with her, he's in love.
0:08:49 > 0:08:51It's nice.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52You can't be jealous.
0:08:52 > 0:08:55- I'm not jealous! - Well, what is it then?
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Well, is it normal,
0:08:57 > 0:09:00not inviting any of your nearest and dearest to your wedding?
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Well... I could understand you being upset
0:09:03 > 0:09:05if they'd invited Caroline and not you, but they didn't.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09They obviously wanted this little secret...do.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I think it's romantic.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16- I think Caroline's right, they just want...- Oh, f... Bloody Caroline.
0:09:16 > 0:09:19- What's up with Caroline? I thought you were mates?- Nothing!
0:09:19 > 0:09:22She walks on water. She's perfection in human form.
0:09:22 > 0:09:27And I'm just braindead low-life trailer-trash. Oh, yes.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29Is there something else going on?
0:09:29 > 0:09:33He's been in Harrogate two weeks. I've rung him four or five times,
0:09:33 > 0:09:35because I'm worried about him, and he knows I am,
0:09:35 > 0:09:37and he barely has time to speak to me.
0:09:37 > 0:09:40And when he does it's all very...
0:09:40 > 0:09:42tepid.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Have you argued about something?
0:09:46 > 0:09:50- No.- Have you said something that's upset him?- No!
0:09:50 > 0:09:52SHE SIGHS
0:09:52 > 0:09:57I think she thinks I'm a bit of a one.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Which I might be, sometimes.
0:10:00 > 0:10:05But so what? Me dad's never minded before. Well, he has, but...
0:10:05 > 0:10:08I think she thinks our house is a right muck-hole,
0:10:08 > 0:10:11I can tell by t'look on her face. It's a farm! Get over it.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16Just cos I'm not sodding...perfect like Caroline.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20- Do you want me to ring him?- No.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26No. Oh, it's...
0:10:26 > 0:10:27No.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31Shall we get married and not tell anyone?
0:10:36 > 0:10:38I don't know what's happening to me.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40I don't know who I can... I can't...
0:10:41 > 0:10:43There's no-one I can...
0:10:43 > 0:10:45What do you want?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48I didn't mean... I meant generally, in life, now.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51What do you want?
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Focus on the future, not the past.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57I want you. I want everything to go back like it was.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Right.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17I've moved on.
0:11:17 > 0:11:20You are going to have to get used to that, and when you do...
0:11:20 > 0:11:21My publisher's dropped me.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Really? Really?
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- Yeah.- Oh, shit.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Well, I'm...
0:11:31 > 0:11:34God, I'm sorry.
0:11:34 > 0:11:39I've squandered everything that mattered. I don't recognise myself.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Could you get more work at the university?
0:11:41 > 0:11:44Yes, that's... It's...
0:11:44 > 0:11:47I can ask. But...
0:11:55 > 0:11:56Would you like some tea?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28DOOR OPENS
0:12:52 > 0:12:54I may have...
0:12:56 > 0:12:57..over-reacted.
0:13:03 > 0:13:07- You going to say anything?- It were just meant to be a bit of fun.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10Bit of an adventure.
0:13:10 > 0:13:14Nobody was excluding anybody...
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- as such. It were just... - Yeah, right.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Why would you think it was all about you?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21I didn't tell Caroline.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Cos of...
0:13:23 > 0:13:27Cos of that what you said last time I saw you...
0:13:27 > 0:13:29about me mother.
0:13:29 > 0:13:33And then you don't speak to me for two weeks, hardly.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37And I have to rely on Caroline, this woman who...
0:13:37 > 0:13:41let's be honest, I hardly know.
0:13:41 > 0:13:46Having the courtesy to pick up the phone to me
0:13:46 > 0:13:50to know you're not... back in hospital, or worse.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52We came up wi' t'plan
0:13:52 > 0:13:56before we ever even had that conversation about your mum.
0:13:56 > 0:13:59We just didn't want a fuss, love.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02Your dad didn't, and neither did I.
0:14:02 > 0:14:05- It were nothing to do with anything else.- This is between me and him.
0:14:05 > 0:14:08I really would appreciate you not speaking to Celia like that.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11- I don't believe you anyway. - Right.
0:14:15 > 0:14:20You don't... You don't want a fuss? Fine.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23But why would you not want to share all of that with any of us?
0:14:23 > 0:14:26With Raff, with your mates? Not just me.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29I mean, Harry and Maurice were wetting themselves, they were...
0:14:29 > 0:14:31I've said what I've said. It's t'truth.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35If you're not prepared to accept it, there's very little I can do.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39What have you done to him?
0:14:39 > 0:14:42He didn't used to be like this.
0:14:42 > 0:14:46You'll be voting for Snooty Dave and his chums soon, Dad.
0:14:46 > 0:14:49- You'll be buying the Daily Mail. - I think we better go.
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Back to Harrogate, is it?
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I'll phone you when we arrive so you'll know we've got there safely.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56If you've time.
0:14:56 > 0:15:01I don't know how you can fashion talking to your dad like this,
0:15:01 > 0:15:03when you know how poorly he's been.
0:15:05 > 0:15:08Don't go...Dad.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Well...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14the thing is, we're married now, so...
0:15:18 > 0:15:21- You did it? - Yeah, course we did it!
0:15:21 > 0:15:24So I'm going back to Harrogate with Celia,
0:15:24 > 0:15:27because that's always what t'plan were.
0:15:27 > 0:15:31Plan were to come and tell you first, because you're here,
0:15:31 > 0:15:33and Caroline second, because she's there.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36We had a bit of a debate about that, the logistics.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40Because we didn't want Caroline to feel she was any less important.
0:15:40 > 0:15:45But we couldn't think of a way round it...short of telephoning,
0:15:45 > 0:15:49but we wanted to see people's faces when we told them,
0:15:49 > 0:15:52because...I thought they'd be happy for us.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Right.
0:15:54 > 0:15:58Well, if you'd had us all there you could have seen all our faces
0:15:58 > 0:16:01all at the same time, but obviously that wasn't what you wanted.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04Well...
0:16:04 > 0:16:07perhaps we have made a mistake.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10Well, we have, clearly, because this doesn't resemble,
0:16:10 > 0:16:14in any way shape or form, the happy moment we hoped it might be.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17SHE SNIFFS
0:16:17 > 0:16:19I'm sorry.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23I've over-reacted.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26If I hadn't found that card, I'd never have known,
0:16:26 > 0:16:29and you'd have just turned up all happy, and I'd have...
0:16:29 > 0:16:33probably been very happy to see you.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36But still...pissed off
0:16:36 > 0:16:39that you hadn't spoken to me properly for two weeks.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Yes, you don't have to remind me that there was a...
0:16:42 > 0:16:45reason for not speaking to me.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13PHONE RINGS
0:17:15 > 0:17:17- Hello?- 'Mum? It's me.'
0:17:17 > 0:17:21- Hiya.- Is it all right if I bring Ellie home?
0:17:21 > 0:17:22For tea?
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- 'Ellie?'- Yeah.
0:17:24 > 0:17:28She's not a vegetarian or anything dozy, is she?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30Well, actually, yeah, she is.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34'Right, well, I might have a carrot somewhere.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36'Your grandad's got married.'
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- Me grandad?!- 'Yeah.'
0:17:39 > 0:17:40What?!
0:17:40 > 0:17:42- Yeah.- 'When?'
0:17:42 > 0:17:44- This morning.- The jammy old b...!
0:17:44 > 0:17:48- Were you there? Who were there? - Nobody. Nobody was there.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- WHISPERS:- Me grandad's got married!
0:17:50 > 0:17:52How come?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54ELLIE LAUGHS
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Your grandad?
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Is she laughing?
0:17:58 > 0:17:59ELLIE GIGGLES
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Married?
0:18:24 > 0:18:26Well, I don't know whether they actually did.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Granny's got her mobile permanently on voice mail,
0:18:29 > 0:18:32- so you know as much as me. - Ring Alan's mobile.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- I don't think I've got his number. - Ring Gillian again.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37I've rung her four times. I don't think she's speaking to me.
0:18:37 > 0:18:41- Why?- Oh, she was upset because they hadn't invited us,
0:18:41 > 0:18:44whereas I thought, well, I wouldn't have time to go anyway.
0:18:44 > 0:18:46- Yes, you would!- Kate, I haven't got time to get divorced,
0:18:46 > 0:18:48never mind going to other people's weddings.
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- You are going to find time to get divorced.- Where's Dad?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54He's at Judith's, I expect. I don't know.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57Angus said he saw him in school today.
0:18:57 > 0:19:00Yes, he was. Briefly.
0:19:00 > 0:19:04- Why?- We had something to discuss.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Angus said he looked hungover.
0:19:06 > 0:19:09Yes, well, Angus has a very fertile imagination.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11What did he want to discuss?
0:19:11 > 0:19:12I'll tell you later.
0:19:14 > 0:19:16I know why they didn't invite us.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18Why?
0:19:18 > 0:19:20It's not rocket science, is it?
0:19:26 > 0:19:29You don't think they didn't invite anyone because of me?
0:19:29 > 0:19:31Us. You and me.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34What makes you think that?
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Thanks.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44What's she like? The lady he's married.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46She's kind of glamorous.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- How?!- Me grandad thinks she is.
0:19:48 > 0:19:50And look at that car she persuaded him to buy.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- Well, he's mesmerised by her, isn't he?- She's nice. She's funny.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- She's a bitch.- What you on about? - That's a bit strong.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59He'd never have had that heart attack if she hadn't been so nasty
0:19:59 > 0:20:02and small-minded...about Caroline.
0:20:02 > 0:20:04She's got this daughter.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07She's posh. Really brainy, really clever. Really nice.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- On what planet is Caroline "nice"?! - She is!
0:20:10 > 0:20:12That night Celia and me grandad went missing,
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- she was really supportive and kind...- She was the one
0:20:15 > 0:20:18sat in this very chair, blubbing her eyes out, going,
0:20:18 > 0:20:22"Oh, I've been depressed." It was me, me, f...
0:20:22 > 0:20:24bloody me.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Do you mind not swearing at the dining table, Mother?
0:20:26 > 0:20:30Do you mind not cracking these people up to be things they're not?
0:20:30 > 0:20:34She's got a doctorate in chemistry from Oxford.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37So what?! I bet she doesn't know how to deliver
0:20:37 > 0:20:40breached twin lambs at 3:00 in the morning,
0:20:40 > 0:20:43in a blizzard.
0:20:43 > 0:20:44I bet she does.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46THEY GIGGLE
0:20:58 > 0:21:00HE SIGHS
0:21:00 > 0:21:03Well, Mrs Buttershaw.
0:21:03 > 0:21:05Well, Mr Buttershaw.
0:21:05 > 0:21:07It's been quite a day.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09Every day with you seems to be quite a day,
0:21:09 > 0:21:11one way or another.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I can't remember what I did with myself all day before I met you.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16No, I don't think I can.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19I just used to fart about and do bugger all.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Oh, I'm quite fond of farting about and doing bugger all.
0:21:22 > 0:21:24I think it relaxes you.
0:21:24 > 0:21:29"Hobbies include farting about and doing bugger all."
0:21:29 > 0:21:32I might put it on my CV.
0:21:32 > 0:21:33Have you got one?
0:21:33 > 0:21:35Have I hell!
0:21:35 > 0:21:37I don't need one, I'm a woman of leisure.
0:21:37 > 0:21:42And means. Have been for some significant time.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46I'm quite a catch, let's face it, in oh so many ways.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- And modest, too.- Hell, no!
0:21:49 > 0:21:53When did being modest ever get you anywhere?
0:21:53 > 0:21:55So.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57So...
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- The wedding night!- Hmm.
0:22:02 > 0:22:0560 years later than anticipated, maybe, but...
0:22:05 > 0:22:08Well worth the wait.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11Well, we'll find out, won't we?
0:22:11 > 0:22:12THEY LAUGH
0:22:14 > 0:22:17Had we not better knock on Caroline's door first?
0:22:17 > 0:22:20Oh, God.
0:22:20 > 0:22:22I wonder what Gillian's told her?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24CORK POPS Where's Kate?
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Oh, she's gone home. Just tonight, just to sort out a few things.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29And the boys?
0:22:29 > 0:22:32William's got a job in town, washing up in a restaurant.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36- Good for him!- He won't be back until gone midnight.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38And Lawrence is upstairs sulking.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Oh, why?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Cos I've taken him off at the knees, I wiped the floor with him.
0:22:43 > 0:22:45- What's he done?- He's upset Kate.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Why, what's he said?
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Apparently - I didn't hear it, I was trying to fathom the gas bill -
0:22:50 > 0:22:52he said the reason you hadn't invited any of us to the wedding
0:22:52 > 0:22:56wasn't rocket science, it was because you didn't want Kate there.
0:22:56 > 0:23:00Cheers! Congratulations! Here's mud in your eye.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- Which I said was nonsense. - It is nonsense.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06It were nowt to do with anyone else, it was just meant to be a bit of...
0:23:06 > 0:23:10A bit of fun! I know. As long as we're clear that it is nonsense.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13It's nonsense. And you can tell her that from me.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16- Or you can tell her yourself the next time you see her.- Right.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Right.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21So, just out of interest, now you're married,
0:23:21 > 0:23:23where were you thinking of living?
0:23:23 > 0:23:26- Ah, well...- We've not really...
0:23:26 > 0:23:28..that's one of the things, you see.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31We were getting that bogged down in t'practicalities
0:23:31 > 0:23:33of this, that and t'other, we ended up thinking,
0:23:33 > 0:23:35"Well, we'll never get wed at this rate."
0:23:35 > 0:23:39OK, well, I'm just going to run this past you.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42John's publisher's given him the shove.
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Oh, shit!
0:23:44 > 0:23:47So, this is the thing...
0:23:47 > 0:23:50He can't afford to buy me out, my half, my share,
0:23:50 > 0:23:54which I always imagined he could, but he can't, so, wahey.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58Anyway, now I'm contemplating ways in which I can buy him out,
0:23:58 > 0:24:02rather than...sell up, which, obviously, is an option.
0:24:02 > 0:24:04OK...
0:24:04 > 0:24:07I've not had the house valued yet, but based on what I imagine
0:24:07 > 0:24:11we'd be looking at, and if you did want to live in the flat together...
0:24:11 > 0:24:13We'd have to make a contribution?
0:24:13 > 0:24:16It's... That's...
0:24:16 > 0:24:19I have already put money into this house.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21The bottom line...
0:24:21 > 0:24:24unless a number of factors kick in, financially,
0:24:24 > 0:24:27is that we would have to sell up.
0:24:27 > 0:24:30What sort of figure would you be looking for from me?
0:24:30 > 0:24:32From us.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34100,000.
0:24:34 > 0:24:38One along here sold for 850,000 a few weeks ago, it's ridiculous.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41And you could afford the rest yourself?
0:24:41 > 0:24:43- No, I was going to ask Kate. - Ask Kate what?
0:24:43 > 0:24:46To sell her house. I haven't said anything to her yet.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50I wanted to talk to you first.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Look, don't... Nobody has to make any instant decisions. I just...
0:24:54 > 0:24:56It's the boys, you see, as well.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58I'd like to be able to give them that stability,
0:24:58 > 0:25:01at least until they've finished their education, and...
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Oh, God, I'm sorry!
0:25:06 > 0:25:11It's your wedding night. I shouldn't be inflicting all that on you now.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14We'll talk about it tomorrow.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16Take this.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Oh, thank you.
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Could you give us a minute?
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Eh? Oh, yes. Yes, of course I can.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27- Thank you, Caroline. - It's a pleasure.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30- I'll see you in t'morning. - I'll see you in the morning.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39What?
0:25:41 > 0:25:44It wasn't about Kate, us getting married like this.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46It hadn't occurred to me.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48It was because of what the consultant said
0:25:48 > 0:25:51that morning Alan left hospital.
0:25:51 > 0:25:52What do you mean?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55We just wanted to get it done with,
0:25:55 > 0:25:58quickly, with as little fuss as possible.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01Why?
0:26:01 > 0:26:04Look, you're not to say anything. He won't talk about it.
0:26:04 > 0:26:06He likes to pretend there's nothing wrong with him,
0:26:06 > 0:26:09and we just got married for a bit of fun.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Which we did!
0:26:10 > 0:26:13- And Gillian doesn't know this. - What?
0:26:15 > 0:26:18A sensible approach is the key, Mr Buttershaw,
0:26:18 > 0:26:22because, not to put too fine a point on it,
0:26:22 > 0:26:25you wouldn't survive another heart attack.
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Even a relatively small one.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36- Oh, good Lord.- Yeah.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Yeah.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41I just wanted you to know.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44And you can tell Kate, so she knows.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48It really wasn't about anything else.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- I need to tell you something. - How's she getting home?
0:27:01 > 0:27:05- Can she stop?- Here? - Yeah.- Tonight?- Yeah.- No.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07You can give Ellie a lift down Ripponden
0:27:07 > 0:27:09when you go, can't you, Robbie?
0:27:09 > 0:27:13- Yeah. I'll be setting off in about half an hour or so.- Sorted.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16Right.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19OK. Well...
0:27:19 > 0:27:21the thing is...
0:27:23 > 0:27:26She's pregnant.
0:27:26 > 0:27:29It's mine.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31She's eight months.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33She told her mum and dad and they went mad.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35They've chucked her out.
0:27:49 > 0:27:51Has something happened?
0:27:51 > 0:27:53'Not... No, not... Well, yeah, yeah.
0:27:53 > 0:27:57'Something's... Raff's got himself into a bit of bother.'
0:27:57 > 0:28:00It's nowt to worry about, Dad.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04I don't want you getting stressed.
0:28:04 > 0:28:10Just...it might benefit him if you're around a bit, that's all.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13If... if you...
0:28:13 > 0:28:17Right. OK. Well, we can pop over.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- Who is it?- Gillian.
0:28:20 > 0:28:24- That'd be... - 'Can you give me general, erm...?'
0:28:25 > 0:28:28It's... It's... It's...
0:28:28 > 0:28:31He's wanting to leave school,
0:28:31 > 0:28:34and chuck his life down the drain.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36Like I did. And I don't want him to.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Why? Why's he suddenly thinking of doing that?
0:28:39 > 0:28:43I thought he was doing very well with his A-levels?
0:28:43 > 0:28:45'He is! He is.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49'It's...a bit complicated, and there's a girl involved.
0:28:49 > 0:28:50'It's...a man thing.'
0:28:50 > 0:28:55It's best if you come over, if you can.
0:28:55 > 0:28:59I'm going to have to drive over to Halifax. Is Robbie not around?
0:28:59 > 0:29:01- You can't drive, you're not allowed. - Bugger that.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04'You're the only person he ever really listens to.'
0:29:04 > 0:29:05I'll drive you.
0:29:06 > 0:29:10- Sell my house?- I know it's mad. But you see, I think this is working,
0:29:10 > 0:29:11you and me, don't you?
0:29:11 > 0:29:14Well... There's Lawrence.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16And the ever-constant threat of John dropping by,
0:29:16 > 0:29:19- pissed, with Judith. - I'm dealing with all that.
0:29:19 > 0:29:20And your mum.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23Although maybe Celia and Alan will want to go and live somewhere else
0:29:23 > 0:29:25anyway, now they're married.
0:29:25 > 0:29:29Well, no, thing is I'd probably need her input as well, financially.
0:29:29 > 0:29:32So she'd be staying?
0:29:32 > 0:29:35Well, I... I think she's been on a steep learning curve. Really, I do.
0:29:35 > 0:29:38They'd probably spend most of their time over at Gillian's anyway.
0:29:38 > 0:29:44- I don't know.- Fine.- I'm not saying no.- I shouldn't have asked.
0:29:44 > 0:29:45CHILDREN SING HYMN
0:29:47 > 0:29:50OK, good, it's fine, forget it, let's not dwell on...
0:29:50 > 0:29:53No. Actually... If it was just about you and me,
0:29:53 > 0:29:56I'd be worried that it was far too quick and that you'd regret it.
0:29:56 > 0:29:59Kate, I wouldn't have asked you if I thought I'd regret it.
0:29:59 > 0:30:01I like that house a lot, but I'm not blinkered. It's...
0:30:03 > 0:30:05I want to spend the rest of my life with you.
0:30:07 > 0:30:10I hope I'm not shallow enough to be asking you for the wrong reasons.
0:30:10 > 0:30:13It's just a bit sooner than we might have anticipated. That's all.
0:30:13 > 0:30:14- Really?- Really.
0:30:15 > 0:30:18Look. Say no. If you really think it's wrong, say no.
0:30:18 > 0:30:19But think about it.
0:30:19 > 0:30:22It's not something we have to decide this second.
0:30:24 > 0:30:25I can't kiss you here.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29No. No. You really can't. Nope.
0:30:31 > 0:30:33- We'd need to know the exact figures. - Mm-hm.
0:30:34 > 0:30:38I've got someone coming to give me a valuation later this afternoon.
0:30:38 > 0:30:39I'll get mine valued.
0:30:41 > 0:30:43So is that...?
0:30:43 > 0:30:45There's just one other thing to say.
0:30:47 > 0:30:48Which I would've brought up
0:30:48 > 0:30:50further down the line had things progressed...
0:30:50 > 0:30:53but seeing as we're possibly moving forward slightly faster than...
0:30:53 > 0:30:54What?
0:30:56 > 0:30:59- You know I'm 42 next week? - Yes. I did know that.- OK.
0:31:04 > 0:31:05- This is equally...- OK.
0:31:08 > 0:31:09I want a baby.
0:31:11 > 0:31:12I want to have a baby.
0:31:14 > 0:31:16I've always wanted a baby.
0:31:17 > 0:31:20And if we are going to do this properly, permanently,
0:31:20 > 0:31:22you need to know that.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24And it's good that it's cropped up now
0:31:24 > 0:31:26because time is not on my side.
0:31:28 > 0:31:30No. Caroline.
0:31:34 > 0:31:35I'm serious.
0:31:41 > 0:31:42You better go.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21So, what's up?
0:32:23 > 0:32:25Celia.
0:32:25 > 0:32:26Gillian.
0:32:29 > 0:32:33You know I told you Raff's got a girlfriend?
0:32:33 > 0:32:36- Is this the one that blows hot and cold?- That's right.
0:32:36 > 0:32:37Ellie.
0:32:37 > 0:32:38The one who only bothers with him -
0:32:38 > 0:32:40if she hasn't got a better offer on the table.
0:32:40 > 0:32:43- Well, what about her?- She's here.
0:32:43 > 0:32:44She's inside.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46She's pregnant.
0:32:46 > 0:32:47Eight months.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49They both reckon it's his.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51Her mum and dad gave her an ultimatum,
0:32:51 > 0:32:53which allegedly she didn't like.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55It involved not seeing our Raff any more.
0:32:57 > 0:32:58So...
0:33:00 > 0:33:04Did she not... think to get shut of it?
0:33:04 > 0:33:06She didn't know she was pregnant. She says.
0:33:07 > 0:33:11She managed to convince herself it was any number of other things.
0:33:11 > 0:33:15And you can't tell till you know to look. She's hardly showing.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19So it's too late to...?
0:33:19 > 0:33:21Five months too late.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23I've made her an appointment at the surgery.
0:33:25 > 0:33:27I'm driving her down in half an hour.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30And...is it definitely his?
0:33:31 > 0:33:35He is convinced that it's his.
0:33:37 > 0:33:38But you're not to get upset.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41Whatever's happened, we'll sort it.
0:33:41 > 0:33:44What's the plan?
0:33:44 > 0:33:45The plan.
0:33:45 > 0:33:47Well...
0:33:47 > 0:33:49He's not leaving school. I've told him.
0:33:49 > 0:33:52He's a bright lad, he's going places.
0:33:52 > 0:33:55I'll do what I can for 'em, but...
0:33:56 > 0:34:00I've told them in words of one syllable, I am not a nanny.
0:34:00 > 0:34:01That's two syllables.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05I'm not made of money.
0:34:05 > 0:34:06What about her parents?
0:34:08 > 0:34:10They obviously think our Raff's not good enough for her.
0:34:10 > 0:34:11Which is interesting,
0:34:11 > 0:34:14cos frankly I'd have said it was the other way round.
0:34:14 > 0:34:16Did he not take precautions?
0:34:16 > 0:34:18These are the wrong questions, Dad!
0:34:20 > 0:34:21The time has passed.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25She's inside.
0:34:25 > 0:34:26Raff's gone to school.
0:34:27 > 0:34:30D'you want to come and say hello?
0:34:38 > 0:34:41Ellie. This is Raff's grandad.
0:34:41 > 0:34:44Hello, love. Alan.
0:34:44 > 0:34:45And this is Celia.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47My wife. Celia.
0:34:47 > 0:34:49I've just had a bath.
0:34:49 > 0:34:50Congratulations.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52I think it was a bit hot.
0:34:52 > 0:34:56I think I'm having like... contractions.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58Oh, heck!
0:34:58 > 0:35:01We'll get her up to the hospital.
0:35:01 > 0:35:02You go pick Raff up from school.
0:35:14 > 0:35:16It's a mess, that's what this is.
0:35:16 > 0:35:19A right total fff...sodding mess.
0:35:19 > 0:35:22Yeah, I know, I know, all right. I know!
0:35:22 > 0:35:24And how do we know it's yours? Really, eh?
0:35:24 > 0:35:27We've been through this. I told you, I know the night.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29No, come on, maths - if she's only eight months,
0:35:29 > 0:35:31- why's she gone into labour now? - It's early!
0:35:31 > 0:35:33You so want to believe it, don't you?
0:35:33 > 0:35:36She probably isn't even eight months, size of her!
0:35:36 > 0:35:38- She's never slept with anyone else. - She says.- Yes. She says.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Happen you better ring her mum and dad.
0:35:40 > 0:35:42I'm not ringing her mum and dad.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44- Oh, well, that's grown up. - They hate me.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47Well, they need to know, they need to share some of the responsibility,
0:35:47 > 0:35:49she's their daughter, that'll be their grandchild.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51Unequivocally, theirs.
0:35:51 > 0:35:54Whereas I don't have the luxury of such certain knowledge.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56She wouldn't lie! Why would she lie?
0:35:56 > 0:35:59Because she knows she can rely on you, you pillock!
0:35:59 > 0:36:02Cos you're so bloody smitten with her!
0:36:02 > 0:36:04So I'm reliable! And that's bad... why?
0:36:04 > 0:36:08Because you've got your whole life ahead of you! You've got choices!
0:36:08 > 0:36:11What choices will you have if you're saddled with a baby at 17?
0:36:11 > 0:36:14And it's not even yours! For sure.
0:36:14 > 0:36:18She dumped you for this other lad, who else has she been...
0:36:18 > 0:36:19wriggling around with, eh?
0:36:21 > 0:36:23No-one.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25God, you're naive.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28Yeah, and you're a dirty-minded old cow.
0:36:28 > 0:36:29I beg your pardon?
0:36:29 > 0:36:30Didn't say owt.
0:36:41 > 0:36:45- You haven't to stress your grandad. - I'm not stressing me grandad!
0:36:45 > 0:36:48If anyone'll be stressing me grandad with shouting, it's you!
0:36:48 > 0:36:50- WOMAN:- You're doing what?
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Delivering babies.
0:36:52 > 0:36:53Well, a baby.
0:36:53 > 0:36:58Unless it's twins, which I'd be very surprised, size of her.
0:36:58 > 0:37:02Well... Why're you...? What're you... ? Whose is it?
0:37:02 > 0:37:05That's the 64 million question.
0:37:05 > 0:37:08Shall we start at the beginning?
0:37:08 > 0:37:12Well, surprise, surprise, it turns out Raff's a bit of a...
0:37:12 > 0:37:16muck lump just like his mother. And... You know what?
0:37:16 > 0:37:20She insisted on Alan racing over here.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22She'll be wanting to tap money off him.
0:37:22 > 0:37:26They're already hard up, and now with a baby on the way.
0:37:26 > 0:37:27Sorry, so...?
0:37:27 > 0:37:31Raff's put his girlfriend in the pudding club.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34And she's not dared tell anyone until it's too late,
0:37:34 > 0:37:36and she's just gone into labour.
0:37:36 > 0:37:40Just now, just this morning, that's why we're here.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43But you needn't worry, love. On the money front.
0:37:43 > 0:37:44I'll not be taken in.
0:37:47 > 0:37:48Did you talk to Kate?
0:37:48 > 0:37:49Oh, yeah.
0:37:49 > 0:37:51Yeah. Yeah.
0:37:51 > 0:37:54And...? Is she on board?
0:37:54 > 0:37:58- In... Yeah, theory. - You don't sound convinced.
0:38:00 > 0:38:04No, she's... Obviously it's a big thing to ask.
0:38:04 > 0:38:07- Don't take this the wrong way... - What?
0:38:07 > 0:38:09Isn't it a bit soon?
0:38:10 > 0:38:13To be asking her to buy a house with you?
0:38:13 > 0:38:17I know you're very fond of her, and I'm not saying anything about that.
0:38:17 > 0:38:19But you've only been together five minutes.
0:38:21 > 0:38:22I can't sell that house.
0:38:26 > 0:38:30Oh, I'll have to go, love. I'll talk to you later, bye.
0:38:30 > 0:38:31Where is she?
0:38:31 > 0:38:33They're through here.
0:38:44 > 0:38:45He'll be here any minute.
0:38:46 > 0:38:48Sorry, what was your name again?
0:38:48 > 0:38:51Alan! I'm Grandad. Apparently.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54Deep! Really inhale it.
0:38:55 > 0:38:57Great-grandad.
0:38:57 > 0:38:58Sorry?
0:38:58 > 0:39:01Great-grandad. Won't you be its great-grandad?
0:39:01 > 0:39:03Oh, aye.
0:39:05 > 0:39:06It's one of these.
0:39:08 > 0:39:11- Are you looking for someone? - Ellie.- Ellie Weaver.
0:39:11 > 0:39:13Just down here.
0:39:15 > 0:39:16I don't want a baby.
0:39:17 > 0:39:19I'm too young to have a baby.
0:39:20 > 0:39:22I don't even know what you do with babies.
0:39:22 > 0:39:24You'll work it out soon enough.
0:39:24 > 0:39:26What if I don't like it?
0:39:26 > 0:39:29What if it's got something wrong with it?
0:39:29 > 0:39:31What if it's got more than one head?
0:39:31 > 0:39:33- Well, there's no sending 'em back. - It won't have.
0:39:33 > 0:39:38Why haven't we evolved better? This is medieval.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41- I'm going to be split in two, I'm going to die.- No you're not.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44I'm not ready for this, I'm not even here.
0:39:44 > 0:39:46You're going to be absolutely fine.
0:39:48 > 0:39:50Did you two get married yesterday?
0:39:51 > 0:39:53We did, yes.
0:39:53 > 0:39:54And not tell anyone?
0:39:54 > 0:39:56That's right.
0:39:56 > 0:39:57Why?
0:39:58 > 0:40:02Just...to be different, really. Romantic.
0:40:02 > 0:40:03And was it?
0:40:04 > 0:40:05Well...
0:40:09 > 0:40:10- MAN:- Everybody happy.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14Say cheese!
0:40:17 > 0:40:19..it was memorable.
0:40:21 > 0:40:22Now who've we got?
0:40:22 > 0:40:26- Ah, this is my grandson. - This is so weird.
0:40:26 > 0:40:27And you're the father?
0:40:27 > 0:40:29Yeah. You all right?
0:40:29 > 0:40:30And I'm his mother.
0:40:30 > 0:40:34I'm not really comfortable with the fact that this is happening.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37In fact, I'm inclined to suggest that it isn't.
0:40:37 > 0:40:41I am firmly of the opinion that I'm not really here.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43She's been at the Entonox.
0:40:43 > 0:40:48Right, so, she's between three and four centimetres dilated.
0:40:48 > 0:40:52It's going to be good few hours before the fun really starts, so...
0:40:52 > 0:40:56I'm not actually her mother. Her mother isn't actually here.
0:40:57 > 0:40:58Ellie?
0:41:00 > 0:41:04Have you rung your mum?
0:41:04 > 0:41:05No.
0:41:06 > 0:41:08D'you think you should?
0:41:08 > 0:41:10Because if you don't, I will.
0:41:23 > 0:41:27The night Caroline was born, I lost three pints of blood.
0:41:28 > 0:41:30- I nearly died.- Did you?- Mm-hm.
0:41:32 > 0:41:34I could feel myself going down this tunnel.
0:41:36 > 0:41:37Odd thing was, I didn't mind.
0:41:39 > 0:41:40I just thought...
0:41:40 > 0:41:43"So this is it, this is what it's like."
0:41:45 > 0:41:48And I nearly got to the end.
0:41:48 > 0:41:50And then it got slower, and slower.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55I realised I was going backwards. Back the way I'd come.
0:41:55 > 0:41:59And that must've been when they gave me the blood transfusion.
0:42:02 > 0:42:04D'you think it is his? Raff's?
0:42:06 > 0:42:10They were at a party. I asked him. They'd been drinking.
0:42:11 > 0:42:13Malibu or something. And....
0:42:15 > 0:42:18I think they're genuinely very fond of each other.
0:42:21 > 0:42:25They're the same age we were that day when you asked me out at
0:42:25 > 0:42:27the top of Elizabeth Street in 1953.
0:42:27 > 0:42:29D'you remember?
0:42:29 > 0:42:33I'd just started at Jessops. I had a new suit.
0:42:33 > 0:42:34You'd just started at Co-op.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38God.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41We'd have never carried on like that at that age, would we?
0:42:41 > 0:42:43No. But they do now. So...
0:42:44 > 0:42:47People had more self-respect.
0:42:47 > 0:42:52Well, we hadn't had the benefit of the swinging '60s in 1953, had we?
0:42:52 > 0:42:55You're not going to make out like it's a good thing.
0:42:58 > 0:43:00I'm very good with babies.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03I'm sure you are.
0:43:03 > 0:43:06They tend to like me. I don't know why.
0:43:06 > 0:43:09They can probably sense you're as daft as they are.
0:43:09 > 0:43:11Yes. That'll be it.
0:43:14 > 0:43:17I never thought I'd live to be a great-grandad.
0:43:19 > 0:43:20Well...
0:43:21 > 0:43:25We're not entirely sure that you are one yet. Are we?
0:43:25 > 0:43:26I'd have to help 'em out.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28In the money department.
0:43:28 > 0:43:31If that's what's needed. You know that, don't you?
0:43:31 > 0:43:33I'm not having that lad leaving school,
0:43:33 > 0:43:37he could get in at a university, the way he's heading.
0:43:38 > 0:43:41Well, OK.
0:43:41 > 0:43:46Just as long as you know that I can't see Caroline short either.
0:43:46 > 0:43:47Over this house business.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51How's it going?
0:43:51 > 0:43:53Slowly.
0:43:53 > 0:43:54Poor kid, she's terrified.
0:43:54 > 0:43:56I can't get hold of her mum and dad.
0:43:56 > 0:43:58I've left messages to ring me on both their mobiles,
0:43:58 > 0:44:01and their landline, and nothing.
0:44:01 > 0:44:02What's up with 'em?
0:44:04 > 0:44:06They're probably in shock, aren't they?
0:44:06 > 0:44:08Same as everybody else.
0:44:08 > 0:44:12Still, you'd not think they'd turn their back on her, would you?
0:44:12 > 0:44:15Perhaps they're Christians.
0:44:15 > 0:44:16Listen, I've got stuff to see to at home,
0:44:16 > 0:44:20I haven't fed stock in lower field, it won't take me long.
0:44:20 > 0:44:22Can you hang about here? Just for a couple of hours?
0:44:22 > 0:44:24Just until I get back?
0:44:24 > 0:44:26Just in case Raff needs a bit of support.
0:44:26 > 0:44:27Can we?
0:44:28 > 0:44:32- I don't think he believes it's happening either.- Course we can.
0:44:40 > 0:44:42- I let myself in. - What's all this?
0:44:42 > 0:44:45I've collected some of my stuff from the house.
0:44:45 > 0:44:49I'm going to look at getting a flat near the university.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54What happened to digging your heels in and pissing her off?
0:44:54 > 0:44:56They've dropped me, Kershaw and Whittle.
0:44:56 > 0:44:59Francis Hilliard sent me an e-mail last week.
0:44:59 > 0:45:00They've...?
0:45:02 > 0:45:05I don't know why I'm that surprised.
0:45:05 > 0:45:07It's been obvious for ages that you've lost it.
0:45:07 > 0:45:09What're you talking about?
0:45:09 > 0:45:11I don't even know if you ever really had it.
0:45:11 > 0:45:13"Had it." What?
0:45:13 > 0:45:15That fire. That real passion.
0:45:15 > 0:45:17I think you were just lucky for a while.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20- You have no idea.- You know...
0:45:20 > 0:45:23the trouble with you is that you've never really lived life on the edge.
0:45:23 > 0:45:26Have you? You've never really taken a risk with anything.
0:45:26 > 0:45:30You've never really dared to do anything properly dangerous.
0:45:30 > 0:45:31You just...
0:45:31 > 0:45:35You just fiddle-faddle around near the boundaries a bit, don't you?
0:45:35 > 0:45:39Pretending. But you never actually push them like a real writer.
0:45:40 > 0:45:42You're terrified.
0:45:42 > 0:45:44Given the choice, if she'd have you back,
0:45:44 > 0:45:47you'd go crawling back to Caroline, wouldn't you?
0:45:47 > 0:45:50With your tail between your knees.
0:45:50 > 0:45:53What do you want, John? What do you really, really want?
0:45:54 > 0:45:56You don't have to answer that,
0:45:56 > 0:45:58I'm not really interested.
0:45:58 > 0:45:59But whatever it is,
0:45:59 > 0:46:03can you piss off out of my flat and chase after it
0:46:03 > 0:46:05for once in your life?
0:46:05 > 0:46:07Instead of just clinging on to what's familiar.
0:46:19 > 0:46:21- Do they snog?- I don't know.
0:46:22 > 0:46:23Do they do sex?
0:46:25 > 0:46:26I don't know.
0:46:28 > 0:46:30Why don't you go and live with your dad
0:46:30 > 0:46:32if Miss McKenzie's going to start telling the boss fibs about you?
0:46:32 > 0:46:35I might do.
0:46:41 > 0:46:44Like I say, if you think it's a non-starter, then I...
0:46:44 > 0:46:47I mean, I do know it's a minefield.
0:46:47 > 0:46:50I do know that you might not want to go through all that again.
0:46:50 > 0:46:53And certainly not with a child that isn't... But it would be yours,
0:46:53 > 0:46:55is the point, ours.
0:46:55 > 0:46:58How? I mean, how would...?
0:46:58 > 0:47:03- Oh, well, obviously a donor.- Who?
0:47:03 > 0:47:07OK, so, there's this person I was at university with.
0:47:07 > 0:47:13And ever since I've not been married to Richard any more, I've often...
0:47:13 > 0:47:17occasionally thought that if I ever did manage to have a baby,
0:47:17 > 0:47:20he's someone I would ask, possibly.
0:47:20 > 0:47:21Who is he?
0:47:21 > 0:47:23He's called Greg.
0:47:23 > 0:47:26And I went out with him for a bit when we were at Durham.
0:47:30 > 0:47:32We slept together, is the point,
0:47:32 > 0:47:37so he's nice, he's clever, he's good, he's a really good person.
0:47:37 > 0:47:39He's... That's why I thought of him.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42He's like you. He's one of the grown-ups.
0:47:42 > 0:47:44Why didn't you marry him?
0:47:44 > 0:47:45Will you meet him?
0:47:46 > 0:47:48I'm not part of the equation.
0:47:48 > 0:47:50No! No. God, Caroline.
0:47:50 > 0:47:53The only people who are part of the equation
0:47:53 > 0:47:55are you and me and the baby.
0:47:56 > 0:47:57So...
0:47:57 > 0:48:00OK, so, have you...
0:48:00 > 0:48:02done any research as regards...?
0:48:02 > 0:48:05- We could go down the medical route. - Which is...?
0:48:05 > 0:48:08Complicated. Lengthy. And the thing is...
0:48:08 > 0:48:12because I have slept with him before, 300 years ago,
0:48:12 > 0:48:14we could just do it.
0:48:18 > 0:48:21I mean, he might not agree to any of this.
0:48:21 > 0:48:24I think he probably would.
0:48:24 > 0:48:27He's not married, he has been,
0:48:27 > 0:48:29and apparently that is the best way of getting pregnant
0:48:29 > 0:48:31rather than any sort of artificial...
0:48:32 > 0:48:35- Has he got children from his marriage?- No.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37- Is he firing blanks?- Oh.
0:48:37 > 0:48:38Does he want children?
0:48:38 > 0:48:41I don't... It's not really about whether he wants children, is it?
0:48:41 > 0:48:43It's more about whether he's willing.
0:48:43 > 0:48:46- Why did his marriage break down? - I don't know the ins and outs.
0:48:46 > 0:48:48He's obviously someone you keep in touch with.
0:48:48 > 0:48:50Yeah. Christmas cards. When we still did Christmas cards.
0:48:50 > 0:48:52- Now it's just the odd e-mail.- When?
0:48:52 > 0:48:55When his marriage broke down. When mine did.
0:48:55 > 0:48:56He knows about you.
0:48:59 > 0:49:01- I need to meet him.- You will!
0:49:01 > 0:49:03And this is all...
0:49:04 > 0:49:07I've not discussed it with him. He might just say no.
0:49:08 > 0:49:09Maybe I shouldn't meet him.
0:49:09 > 0:49:13- It so isn't about him.- No. It is.
0:49:13 > 0:49:16- I don't want you getting sperm from just anywhere.- No, course.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21- Do we know anyone else?- No.
0:49:24 > 0:49:26Why didn't you and Richard?
0:49:26 > 0:49:28We did. Four times.
0:49:28 > 0:49:29I lost them all.
0:49:31 > 0:49:32I didn't know that.
0:49:33 > 0:49:35I never got beyond 12 weeks.
0:49:36 > 0:49:38Oh, God.
0:49:39 > 0:49:40Oh, I'm sorry.
0:49:42 > 0:49:45Caroline, if you think it's a daft idea, just say...
0:49:45 > 0:49:47I don't think it's a daft idea.
0:49:47 > 0:49:50You've obviously...
0:49:50 > 0:49:53thought about it a lot and it obviously means a lot.
0:49:55 > 0:49:58I mean, it's fundamental, babies, isn't it?
0:49:58 > 0:50:01Who am I to say no, it's your life, it's your body.
0:50:01 > 0:50:03no, I know. It is, but...
0:50:03 > 0:50:05- I wouldn't want to do it on my own. - No.
0:50:08 > 0:50:11We would be talking sleepless nights and nappies.
0:50:11 > 0:50:14And years of angst and teenage tantrums.
0:50:14 > 0:50:15Oh, I can do all of that.
0:50:15 > 0:50:18You're 46. It's not really what you'd planned to do next, is it, babies?
0:50:20 > 0:50:21No.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28I wonder how my mother's getting on?
0:50:28 > 0:50:31She was delivering a baby last time I spoke to her.
0:50:31 > 0:50:33Your mother was delivering a baby.
0:50:33 > 0:50:35Well, she said she was.
0:50:36 > 0:50:38Whose?
0:50:38 > 0:50:41Is there anything that woman doesn't get up to?
0:50:41 > 0:50:43Somebody else'll be doing all the hard work.
0:50:43 > 0:50:46She'll just be standing near the door making droll comments.
0:50:46 > 0:50:48I think we're ready to start pushing, Ellie!
0:50:48 > 0:50:49PHONE BEEPS
0:50:49 > 0:50:51- Can you turn that off, please? - I'm sorry.
0:50:51 > 0:50:53- Can you feel the contraction coming? - Yeah!
0:50:53 > 0:50:55Right, well, I want you to push.
0:50:57 > 0:51:00I'm sorry, I'm going to have to sit down.
0:51:00 > 0:51:03Perhaps you could take Raff out into the corridor for a few minutes.
0:51:03 > 0:51:04Come on, lad.
0:51:04 > 0:51:08- What about me? - Grandad's still here.
0:51:08 > 0:51:12It's all right, love! You're doing very well.
0:51:12 > 0:51:14Put your head between your knees.
0:51:15 > 0:51:19I should be able to do this, I can deliver lambs, no problem.
0:51:23 > 0:51:26SHE SCREAMS
0:51:30 > 0:51:32Would you like a mint imperial?
0:51:34 > 0:51:36I want a thing! I want an injection!
0:51:36 > 0:51:38I want painkillers! I want everything!
0:51:38 > 0:51:41I think it'd be better if you can do it without.
0:51:41 > 0:51:42Keep pushing, love. Keep pushing!
0:51:42 > 0:51:45Yeah, you just keep squeezing Grandad's hand.
0:51:45 > 0:51:46He's not me grandad!
0:51:46 > 0:51:49No, I know I'm not, but I don't mind, we can pretend.
0:51:49 > 0:51:51I want my grandad.
0:51:51 > 0:51:54Well, I can ring him if you think he'll answer his phone.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Look in my phone book.
0:51:56 > 0:51:59You'll have to go out into the corridor to make that call.
0:51:59 > 0:52:01What's it under?
0:52:01 > 0:52:03Grandad! What do you think?
0:52:03 > 0:52:04Good, it makes sense.
0:52:04 > 0:52:06And what's his name?
0:52:06 > 0:52:08Harry. Harry Wallace.
0:52:08 > 0:52:12Harry Wallace is your grandad?!
0:52:12 > 0:52:13What's up with that?
0:52:13 > 0:52:15Nothing. We're...
0:52:15 > 0:52:17Hurry up! Get him rung!
0:52:33 > 0:52:35Hello?
0:52:35 > 0:52:36Gillian.
0:52:36 > 0:52:38Speaking.
0:52:38 > 0:52:39- How's things?- Why?
0:52:40 > 0:52:42Just wanted to run something past you.
0:52:42 > 0:52:44Quickly.
0:52:46 > 0:52:49OK. Well. I know you said you're seeing Robbie.
0:52:49 > 0:52:51But frankly...I think you and me
0:52:51 > 0:52:53both know that's just a disaster waiting to happen.
0:52:53 > 0:52:55- Really?- Really.
0:52:56 > 0:52:59You also indicated that you were in need of some sort of investment...
0:52:59 > 0:53:00in the farm.
0:53:00 > 0:53:03Your publisher's just dumped you, I'm not thick.
0:53:03 > 0:53:07Caroline wants to buy my half of the house.
0:53:07 > 0:53:09I think we'll be looking at...
0:53:09 > 0:53:11400, 450,000. Cash.
0:53:14 > 0:53:16You think you can just buy me?
0:53:16 > 0:53:17No. I just thought...
0:53:21 > 0:53:22Are you doing anything this weekend?
0:53:25 > 0:53:27What did y'have in mind?
0:53:27 > 0:53:28Anything. All sorts.
0:53:31 > 0:53:32Can we have this conversation later?
0:54:02 > 0:54:05- What are you doing here? - It's a girl. Six pound, three ounces.
0:54:05 > 0:54:06Did you know?
0:54:06 > 0:54:09Ellie's my grandaughter. This is her mum, my daughter, Yvonne.
0:54:09 > 0:54:11Yvonne, Gillian.
0:54:11 > 0:54:12I've been ringing you.
0:54:12 > 0:54:15We had no idea. We didn't even know that she was pregnant.
0:54:15 > 0:54:17- She said you'd chucked her out. - She never even told us!
0:54:17 > 0:54:20- Did you not get my messages?- I've been in meetings all day at work,
0:54:20 > 0:54:22I only got wind of it when Dad phoned my secretary.
0:54:22 > 0:54:23Alastair's going to go mad,
0:54:23 > 0:54:25he's going to go through the bloody ceiling.
0:54:25 > 0:54:28- Has your son never heard of condoms? - Eh, don't you start on my son.
0:54:28 > 0:54:31- What's your daughter doing putting it about so much?- Now, steady on.
0:54:31 > 0:54:34- We don't even know it is Raff's. - Keep calm.- And you an' all.
0:54:36 > 0:54:38So...it's a girl?
0:54:39 > 0:54:42They're just giving her a few stitches, Ellie,
0:54:42 > 0:54:44then we can go and have a look.
0:54:47 > 0:54:49PHONE BEEPS
0:55:02 > 0:55:04Yeah, but it's a bit interesting that she did lie, isn't it?
0:55:04 > 0:55:07Don't you make judgement about me, about my family.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09Nobody's making judgement, love. I'm just saying.
0:55:09 > 0:55:11It's a bit interesting that she couldn't tell her own mum.
0:55:11 > 0:55:14- Are you listening to this? Dad! - I'm staying out of it.
0:55:17 > 0:55:22Well, we've got married and had a baby in just 48 hours.
0:55:22 > 0:55:24- We're on fire. - We're cooking with gas.
0:55:24 > 0:55:26There's no stopping us.
0:55:35 > 0:55:37You're...
0:55:37 > 0:55:40It's poisonous saying something like that,
0:55:40 > 0:55:42you don't even know us, you don't know me.
0:55:42 > 0:55:43You know she doesn't like you.
0:55:43 > 0:55:46- Shit-stirrer. - Don't you dare!
0:55:46 > 0:55:48Oh, they know it all, don't they?
0:55:48 > 0:55:51Except how to avoid getting pregnant.
0:55:52 > 0:55:54I want to be somebody's mum.
0:55:55 > 0:55:58- It's true, she does want a baby. - How?
0:55:58 > 0:56:01It's going to get very confused about who its mother is.
0:56:03 > 0:56:04Ambulance.
0:56:25 > 0:56:28Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd