0:00:02 > 0:00:05- So you're her, are you? You're the whore. - "Emily Jane Greenwood-Wallace".
0:00:05 > 0:00:09Well that's a gob-full, for someone who only weighs 6lbs 3oz.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12You can't call a baby that!
0:00:12 > 0:00:13What've they called it?
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Calamity Jane.
0:00:15 > 0:00:17I was so delighted when you told me you'd booked this place.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20And then you go and book two separate rooms.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23That bungalow we went to see when I said we were just looking...
0:00:23 > 0:00:25We've put in an offer.
0:00:25 > 0:00:26Maurice is dead.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32- Greg! - Kate!
0:00:32 > 0:00:33Have you slept together? (BOTH) No!
0:00:33 > 0:00:35Are you dumping me?
0:00:35 > 0:00:37I don't think anything ever really started, did it?
0:00:41 > 0:00:43Will you marry me? Again?
0:00:43 > 0:00:44Go on, then.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47- Yeah!- Yes!
0:00:47 > 0:00:51VIOLIN MUSIC
0:01:34 > 0:01:36BIRDSONG
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- Are you absolutely sure you need all this stuff?- Yes.
0:02:00 > 0:02:05- You'll only have it all to cart back again at the end of term.- And?
0:02:05 > 0:02:06Are you nearly ready?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Yeah! I've just got one more bag upstairs.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Nip round and tell Granny William's going.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Have you had the divorce papers in the post?
0:02:15 > 0:02:16- Yes.- Have you signed them?
0:02:16 > 0:02:17Yes.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19Did you send them back by registered post?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21I sent them back.
0:02:21 > 0:02:22By registered post?
0:02:22 > 0:02:25It said specifically to return them by registered post.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- Oh for f...!- I have saved you thousands of pounds in lawyers' fees
0:02:28 > 0:02:30by organising this online.
0:02:30 > 0:02:31The very least you could do is...
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Got it!
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- They're going! - Ey up, Alan! They're going!
0:02:55 > 0:02:57Ring me when you get there.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Only if you want to, only if you're not busy. Or drop me a text.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- I'll ring you. - I wish I could come with you.
0:03:01 > 0:03:03You've got a school to run!
0:03:05 > 0:03:06I am proud of you.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08I'm proud of you.
0:03:08 > 0:03:11WAY-HEY! Finally, we get rid of him!
0:03:11 > 0:03:13- Why does he exist?- Beano boy. - Yeah, special needs.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Stop it.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17- The concert party's arrived! - Just in time!
0:03:17 > 0:03:20How long does it take to drive to Oxford?
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Three or four hours, I would think.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Nah! Foot down, two-and-a-half.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24Please drive properly.
0:03:24 > 0:03:28Good luck, lad! Work hard. Enjoy yourself.
0:03:28 > 0:03:29Thanks, Grandad.
0:03:30 > 0:03:32See ya, Gran.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34Aww! Here, get your washing done regularly.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Girls like boys with clean underwear,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38don't let anyone tell you different.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40Do I get a twencer, Gran?
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Yeah! When you get in at Oxford.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45ENGINE STARTS
0:03:45 > 0:03:46- Bye!- Bye!
0:03:53 > 0:03:55I need a poo.
0:03:55 > 0:03:57Ooh! That egg'll be boiling.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10You all right, love?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Yeah.
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I was, um...
0:04:17 > 0:04:18Big day.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Me and Alan are off over to Ripponden today.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33We said we'd help out with the baby.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Still back and forth.
0:04:35 > 0:04:38It's a shame that bungalow fell through.
0:04:38 > 0:04:40How're the wedding plans going?
0:04:40 > 0:04:43Oh, we never seem to get any closer.
0:04:43 > 0:04:44Why?
0:04:44 > 0:04:49Well, for one reason, he's gone and invited Ted. His brother.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51I didn't know Alan had a brother.
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Yeah. Ted. He was two years above us.
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Right.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57So, what's wrong with Ted coming?
0:04:57 > 0:04:58He's in New Zealand.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01He's got five kids and they're all married
0:05:01 > 0:05:05and they've got 13 grandchildren between them,
0:05:05 > 0:05:07and, God knows why, but,
0:05:07 > 0:05:12because they've never met Alan, they all want to come over.
0:05:12 > 0:05:13Oh, gosh. So...?
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Well, we weren't planning on having that big a venue, really.
0:05:17 > 0:05:20But now it's all become a logistical nightmare.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21How?
0:05:21 > 0:05:24Oh, well, it has.
0:05:24 > 0:05:26How?
0:05:26 > 0:05:28One of them's a vegetarian.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Well, that's not insurmountable, is it, as problems go?
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Oh, it's all... "where are they staying?"
0:05:36 > 0:05:39and God knows what, and "will they all get a flight at the same time?"
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Right.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44You see, this is why we just wanted to do it all on the quiet.
0:05:44 > 0:05:48Well, you did. And then you decided to do this.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Have y'had any more inquiries?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58No, not this week.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25She's done, can you take her? I've not brushed my teeth.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27I'm making you a sandwich.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Yeah, but she needs to get her wind up.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Ugh! Have you not done her nappy?
0:06:34 > 0:06:35- Yeah.- She hasn't...?
0:06:35 > 0:06:36I think she has.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Is there any tea left in that pot?
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Yeah, probably, if you squeeze it!
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Mum, can you take Calamity? She needs burping.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45You're going to be late.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46Yeah, I do know!
0:06:48 > 0:06:51You don't want to be missing the bus, not this morning.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55I can't drive you, I'm taking hogs to t'livestock mar...
0:06:55 > 0:06:57Has she...?
0:06:57 > 0:06:58Yeah, sorry.
0:07:00 > 0:07:04Calamity, is there no end to your shining wealth of talents?
0:07:07 > 0:07:08- Ey, Mum.- What?
0:07:08 > 0:07:12It's been a month. It's a month today since Ellie moved in.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14You said you'd make a decision.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16Yeah.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17So?
0:07:19 > 0:07:20Yeah.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Yeah. As long Yvonne doesn't stop slinging me the cash every week
0:07:24 > 0:07:26for her housekeeping.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28So you're happy.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30Well, happy's pushing it, but, yeah.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- As long as she keeps pulling her weight.- She will.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Is she happy? With everything?
0:07:38 > 0:07:40She'd rather be here than with her mother.
0:07:44 > 0:07:47Oh, and we won't be in for us teas tonight,
0:07:47 > 0:07:49me, Ellie and Calamity.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51Robbie's invited us down to his.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Cheryl's cooking.
0:07:55 > 0:07:56Right. Is she?
0:07:58 > 0:08:01She's moving in with him, apparently.
0:08:02 > 0:08:03Right.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29KNOCKING
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Sorry. Hello.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35Beverley said you might have a few minutes.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39- I can come back later. - No. No. Come in.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46Sure.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50OK. Well...
0:08:52 > 0:08:54Amazingly, I'm pregnant.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58It was 12 weeks on Saturday.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03So... I'm cautiously starting to think about the future.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08And, what I'd like to do, if nothing...
0:09:12 > 0:09:14..is work up until next Easter.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Then, ideally, if it's possible,
0:09:16 > 0:09:18if it's something you can accommodate,
0:09:18 > 0:09:20I'd like to come back part-time.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23This time next year.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Autumn term.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Right.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28How possible is that?
0:09:28 > 0:09:30I know you've always been very good in the past
0:09:30 > 0:09:32with women who've left to start families
0:09:32 > 0:09:34and then wanted to go part-time.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37You'll have to leave it with me.
0:09:37 > 0:09:41If what you're really thinking is, "You'll be lucky", I'd rather you just said.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43I hope you know me better than that.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48I just need time to work out the logistics, that's all.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Sorry.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54OK.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Thank you.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05Congratulations.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Thank you. Thanks.
0:10:49 > 0:10:52- You're too late, you've missed her! - Who?
0:10:52 > 0:10:56Calamity! Harry's been and fetched her. You all right?
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Yeah! Very fair.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- Hi, Celia. - Are you all right, love?
0:10:59 > 0:11:00Not so bad.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02Where is she?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04With Harry. He wants you to text him.
0:11:04 > 0:11:06He's got summat he wants to show you, he said,
0:11:06 > 0:11:09down by t'wharf in Sowerby Bridge.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11- Is that where he's taken the baby? - Well, I'm assuming.
0:11:11 > 0:11:13What's he wanting to show us?
0:11:13 > 0:11:16I have no idea, but he seemed very excited.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18That's sounds ominous.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19- Down by t'wharf? - Yup.
0:11:19 > 0:11:21What is there down at t'wharf?
0:11:21 > 0:11:26Water? Ducks? Geese? Industrial waste?
0:11:26 > 0:11:27Are we setting straight off, then?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Make yourself a cup o' tea if you want to. I've got to get to Otley.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32I'll just use the bathroom, if that's...
0:11:32 > 0:11:33- Right.- OK.
0:11:41 > 0:11:43Are you...? Keeping fit?
0:11:43 > 0:11:46Yeah! Yeah, I think so.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48Have you not got a date sorted yet?
0:11:48 > 0:11:49Oh, have we buggery.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53Only Ted Skyped again last night. They're all itching to book flights.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54It's her sister.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56Has Celia got a sister?
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Muriel. She were in t'year below us at grammar school.
0:12:00 > 0:12:01She lives in Sheffield.
0:12:01 > 0:12:04So, what's up wi' Muriel?
0:12:04 > 0:12:07- Celia seems to have a very... - What?
0:12:07 > 0:12:09..ambivalent relationship with her.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Right. How come?
0:12:11 > 0:12:13I've no idea. We don't go there.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17Upshot is, she can't decide whether she wants her at t'wedding or not.
0:12:17 > 0:12:18Right.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20Whereas I can't wait to get on with it.
0:12:20 > 0:12:22I know! I know.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25Celia does seem to have quite...
0:12:25 > 0:12:29complex relationships with people, I've noticed.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33- I'll get to t'bottom of it. - Right. Good luck.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37Oh, text Harry.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38Oh, aye.
0:12:40 > 0:12:41It's nice to see you.
0:12:42 > 0:12:44Eh! Are you all right, love?
0:12:45 > 0:12:48Me? Yeah! God, yeah!
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- Ta'ra!- Ta'ra!
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- Be honest.- Well, it's, eh...
0:13:03 > 0:13:07- I think you're crackers. - You haven't actually sold your house?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09No, but that's plan. It's up for sale.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13- What, and you're going to live on it, permanently?- Through the winter?
0:13:13 > 0:13:17It's grand and warm. There's going to be a wood-burning stove,
0:13:17 > 0:13:23telly, DVD, drinks cabinet. satellite dish.
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- Come and have a look.- No!
0:13:27 > 0:13:32- Gordon said we can take it for a spin down Cut.- Yeah, come on. - Ooh, don't!
0:13:37 > 0:13:41It were after Maurice died. You have to seize the day.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44It's something I've always fancied, as far back as ever I can remember.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47How do you go on opening locks on your own?
0:13:47 > 0:13:51- Piece of piss, what you on about? - Hey, ladies present.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- Oh, I've heard worse. - I meant baby.
0:13:53 > 0:13:57He means when you get even older, you dozy old sod.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00How're you going to open locks when you're juggling with a Zimmer frame?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03Nay, I'll shoot me sen before I get to that stage!
0:14:06 > 0:14:09He'll sell his house, live on it for two or three weeks and then he'll get fed up.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- He misses Maurice.- Aw.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16- Is it just three of us for supper? - Yeah.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- Where have Raff and Ellie taken Calamity, then?- Oh, just...
0:14:19 > 0:14:24Robbie - Robbie's... He's got this new girlfriend. Cheryl.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28So - he works with her. She's a copper.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30She's blonde, gorgeous,
0:14:30 > 0:14:3315 years younger than him, divorced.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36- Is he making a point?- Yeah.
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Of course he is. He's always hated her up to now.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44Gone on about how annoying and dippy she is. So, yeah.
0:14:44 > 0:14:50Men, transparent. What can you do? Present company excepted, obviously.
0:14:50 > 0:14:57Except Raff says she's moving in with him. Apparently.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59John's back with Judith.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02I'm really not interested in John, Celia.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Thanks. Really, really not.
0:15:05 > 0:15:06Oh, no, I was just saying.
0:15:09 > 0:15:10I mean, God knows why.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I honestly don't think they can stand each other.
0:15:13 > 0:15:16It's just a habit. A bad habit.
0:15:16 > 0:15:18How's Caroline?
0:15:18 > 0:15:19She's all right.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Oh, yeah!
0:15:21 > 0:15:25Celia...tell me about your sister!
0:15:25 > 0:15:27I didn't know you had a sister.
0:15:27 > 0:15:28Oh...
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Shame the wedding plans have got bogged down cos of her.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37Oh, it's not cos of our Muriel, it's cos of Ted, isn't it?
0:15:37 > 0:15:39About them not being able to make their minds up
0:15:39 > 0:15:40when they're coming over
0:15:40 > 0:15:42and where they're all going to stay, and...
0:15:42 > 0:15:44No. No, I don't think so.
0:15:44 > 0:15:48Ted's waiting for you to fix a date so they can all book their flights.
0:15:49 > 0:15:50Oh.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52Well, I got the impression...
0:15:52 > 0:15:54No, no, there's no problem there. Is there? Dad?
0:15:54 > 0:15:59Er...well, it'll be tricky for 'em co-ordinating everything,
0:15:59 > 0:16:00but, erm...no.
0:16:00 > 0:16:04No, I don't think the problem is wi' our Ted, really.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06Anyway, that's their problem.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08You set a date, they turn up, if they can.
0:16:08 > 0:16:12I don't think they expect you to organise it around them.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13They don't. They absolutely don't.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15They're not like that.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Have you heard from Will?
0:16:30 > 0:16:32Yeah, he's fine. I got a text.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Can I go and live with my dad?
0:16:55 > 0:16:56Why do you want to do that?
0:16:59 > 0:17:02He's not...boring.
0:17:04 > 0:17:05Sorry.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07I really don't think that's a good idea.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12I'm sorry if you think I'm...
0:17:15 > 0:17:17..not very exciting, but I've seen Judith's flat.
0:17:17 > 0:17:18You wouldn't want to live there,
0:17:18 > 0:17:21you wouldn't want to spend more than five minutes there.
0:17:21 > 0:17:22PHONE RINGS
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- Hello?- Caroline? It's Gillian.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37'Oh, hello.'
0:17:37 > 0:17:38How are you?
0:17:38 > 0:17:40Fine! Fine.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42Good.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44- 'Are you?'- Yeah! Yeah.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47I was ringing you...about the wedding.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I'm just concerned.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52- I thought you might be able to throw a bit of light on something.- OK.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55It all seems to have got bogged down, somehow.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58And...I think it's making me dad a bit miserable.
0:17:58 > 0:18:03Oh! I know. is it not to do with...um...uh, Ted, his brother?
0:18:03 > 0:18:06No. No, it isn't.
0:18:06 > 0:18:07'That's what my mum said.'
0:18:09 > 0:18:10She's using that as an excuse.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12I did wonder.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15I think it's to do with her sister. Muriel?
0:18:15 > 0:18:18Right. Right.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20Ted's fine, honestly.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22He's really easygoing, he just wants to fit in.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Yeah - it's...
0:18:24 > 0:18:26That wouldn't surprise me, Muriel.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Is she...difficult?
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Auntie Muriel? No! God, no. She's...
0:18:30 > 0:18:35- They're just chalk and cheese, that's all.- 'OK.'
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Only if we could get to t'bottom of whether she's coming or not,
0:18:37 > 0:18:40they could move forward with things, that's all.
0:18:40 > 0:18:43Oh, she'll be coming. I don't think she wouldn't come.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46Well, pinning it down, then, so they can set a date.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50- Could you ring her? Muriel? - Yeah, sure.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54Find out what stage they're at in their delicate negotiations,
0:18:54 > 0:18:56cos I've got Ted and his lot Skyping every five minutes
0:18:56 > 0:18:59'wanting to know when they can book their flights.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01'Sooner they can book, cheaper it'll be.'
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Course. Of course. OK. Leave it with me.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05It's just...they're just...it's...
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Complicated.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Oh, hell! Orange again.
0:19:16 > 0:19:18I hate sport and nature.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19No, it's sport and leisure.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21No, that's green.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23No, that's science and nature.
0:19:23 > 0:19:26- Is it?- Yeah.- Oh, OK.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Sherlock Holmes. The Beatles. Shakespeare.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32- Sorry?- The answer.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34But I haven't asked t'question yet.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36No, I know, but it will be one of them.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37It always is, the answer.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39Or Manchester United.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- I've been thinking. - Oh, aye? What with?
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Oh, you're so funny(!)
0:19:46 > 0:19:51Why don't I... Why don't me and Caroline organise the wedding?
0:19:52 > 0:19:54- Really?- Yeah.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Only you seem to have got stuck
0:19:55 > 0:19:58and I can't believe you WANT to be stuck. So...
0:19:58 > 0:19:59Well, I...
0:19:59 > 0:20:02We'd run everything past you. We wouldn't do anything you'd hate.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05- Have you spoken to her? - Just now, just this second.
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Oh. Well...
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Why don't we just check out some venues for you, at least?
0:20:10 > 0:20:12We'll suss a few out and then you choose.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14And we'll compile an invite list
0:20:14 > 0:20:18and then you can...cross anyone out that you don't really want.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Well...I don't know.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26I suppose so, if you wanted to.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28We would love to. I would love to.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30PHONE RINGS
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Oh, who's this?
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Muriel!
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Hello!
0:20:37 > 0:20:38PHONE RINGS
0:20:39 > 0:20:41- Hello? - I've just put my foot right in it!
0:20:43 > 0:20:44Have you? Why?
0:20:44 > 0:20:46She didn't know - Muriel didn't even know.
0:20:46 > 0:20:47My mother hadn't even told her!
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Wow. Wow. That's...
0:20:50 > 0:20:51Alan Buttershaw!
0:20:51 > 0:20:54That's...it's so perfect! It's wonderful.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Gosh, you must be so happy.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I am.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01So when is it? The wedding?
0:21:01 > 0:21:02Well, we've - we've...
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Um...how did you know?
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Caroline. Caroline just rang, just now.
0:21:08 > 0:21:09I am so deep in the doghouse,
0:21:09 > 0:21:11it won't ever be worth trying to get out.
0:21:11 > 0:21:12It's not your fault.
0:21:12 > 0:21:13Our Caroline?
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- You don't know what it's like. - Caroline, you didn't know.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Oh, damn! She's spoilt the surprise!
0:21:18 > 0:21:22I was thinking of popping down this...this very weekend,
0:21:22 > 0:21:25this coming weekend, to tell you.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26Both of us, me and Alan.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27How's she taking it?
0:21:29 > 0:21:32She's smiling, she's happy.
0:21:33 > 0:21:34She's laughing!
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Yeah, well that's just...
0:21:38 > 0:21:40You wait till she comes off the phone.
0:21:40 > 0:21:41It'll be Armageddon.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43The forces of Gog and Magog
0:21:43 > 0:21:45will gather from the four corners of the earth...
0:21:45 > 0:21:48- You're losing me, Caroline. - Yeah, well, good luck.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50I've offered to organise the wedding for them.
0:21:50 > 0:21:51And I said you'd help me.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Hello?
0:21:57 > 0:21:59'Go on!
0:21:59 > 0:22:01'Come on, we'll have a laugh.'
0:22:01 > 0:22:03I could use a laugh, couldn't you?
0:22:03 > 0:22:04I'm...
0:22:06 > 0:22:08..bloody well fed-up.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11'I have been for months.'
0:22:11 > 0:22:12Yeah. Yeah...
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Yeah, all right.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Oh, wonderful! That'd be lovely.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23So this coming weekend?
0:22:23 > 0:22:24How are you fixed this coming weekend?
0:22:24 > 0:22:27Yes, well, if that was the plan, if that fits in with you and Alan,
0:22:27 > 0:22:29it's absolutely fine with me.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31You'll be thinking I wasn't going to tell you.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32'No! No.'
0:22:32 > 0:22:35And nothing could be further from the truth.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37No, you wanted to surprise me - that's nice!
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Yeah...
0:22:39 > 0:22:40Well, give Alan my love.
0:22:40 > 0:22:41I will.
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Oh, Caroline was telling me her and John are getting divorced.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Oh - what else did she tell you?
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Nothing, she didn't have time.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51I wanted to ring you to say congratulations.
0:22:51 > 0:22:53You'll have to fill me in when I see you.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Yeah.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- OK, then.- Aw! Bye-bye.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Bye, bye. Bye-bye!
0:23:06 > 0:23:07Who were that?
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Muriel - our Muriel.
0:23:13 > 0:23:14Nice.
0:23:14 > 0:23:15Yeah.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19Whose roll is it?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24I don't know what Caroline was thinking of,
0:23:24 > 0:23:25ringing our Muriel.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Well, she'd have assumed - and she wasn't alone -
0:23:28 > 0:23:31that you'd spoken to Muriel any number of weeks ago.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Well, I never said I had.
0:23:33 > 0:23:37If you don't want her there, we won't invite her.
0:23:37 > 0:23:39- What're you smiling at?- You.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42Whenever have I said I didn't want her there?
0:23:42 > 0:23:44It's an impression you've given.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46I don't know how.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49- She's always to be interfering. - Who?
0:23:49 > 0:23:53Caroline - always has to be organising everybody.
0:23:53 > 0:23:56Of course I want my sister at my wedding!
0:23:56 > 0:23:59Good! Good.
0:23:59 > 0:24:04I don't know why you've got that expression on your face.
0:24:04 > 0:24:06She's all right, our Muriel.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09In small doses.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14And if Gillian told you to jump off a cliff,
0:24:14 > 0:24:16what would your response to that be?
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Mum, I've explained what happened. I won't go through it again,
0:24:18 > 0:24:21because you are choosing not to hear what's being said.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24What YOU have to decide - when you're calmer -
0:24:24 > 0:24:26is whether you want Muriel there on the day or not,
0:24:26 > 0:24:28because it's precisely no skin off my nose.
0:24:28 > 0:24:31It's your wedding, your big day.
0:24:31 > 0:24:33No-one else minds what you do as long as you're happy.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35KNOCK ON THE DOOR
0:24:35 > 0:24:36That'll be John.
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Lawrence?
0:24:44 > 0:24:45I, erm...
0:24:46 > 0:24:47Sorry. Could...?
0:24:56 > 0:24:58This isn't your problem, clearly.
0:24:58 > 0:25:00But just...just so you're aware...
0:25:03 > 0:25:04Judith's pregnant.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Jud...?
0:25:10 > 0:25:11How?
0:25:12 > 0:25:16- I mean, how...? How can...? - Eight or nine weeks.
0:25:17 > 0:25:21- Is it yours?- She...yes. She's not slept with anyone else.
0:25:22 > 0:25:24- So I dunno, I... - Has she been to see a doctor?
0:25:24 > 0:25:26- Yes, just this week.- And?
0:25:26 > 0:25:30It's definitely not...something else?
0:25:31 > 0:25:32Such as?
0:25:34 > 0:25:35Does she want it?
0:25:35 > 0:25:38I...it's...all very...
0:25:39 > 0:25:42And the reason...the reason I'm telling you this
0:25:42 > 0:25:46is that things might get a bit fraught round there,
0:25:46 > 0:25:49given that it's all just reared its...
0:25:51 > 0:25:52So...
0:25:53 > 0:25:56..as much as I'm happy to have Lawrence for the weekend normally,
0:25:56 > 0:25:59if you wanted to take him with you instead,
0:25:59 > 0:26:02to Halifax, just this weekend,
0:26:02 > 0:26:05I would completely understand that that might be the better option.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09Not for you, obviously. But for him.
0:26:09 > 0:26:10Popsi-Cola!
0:26:11 > 0:26:14- You're going to have to come with me.- What?
0:26:15 > 0:26:18- To Gillian's.- Why?
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Because it's not a great weekend for us to do this,
0:26:22 > 0:26:24- as things have panned out... - I'm not staying here.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- No, we're going to Gillian's. - I'm not going to stupid Gillian's!
0:26:27 > 0:26:29I'm going to yours with you.
0:26:30 > 0:26:32It's...Lawrence...
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- Hates me, I'm boring. - No, you're not.- Apparently.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Lawrence? You can't...!
0:26:47 > 0:26:48You'll be on your mobile?
0:27:17 > 0:27:19- Hello!- Hi.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21- Caroline. - Robbie.
0:27:21 > 0:27:23They're off to York Races for t'day.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26Hello! Awww...!
0:27:26 > 0:27:29I'm Cheryl! How do you do? I'm Robbie's better half!
0:27:29 > 0:27:32Other half - what am I like?! Don't tell me!
0:27:34 > 0:27:35Ain't it a shame about t'weather?
0:27:37 > 0:27:38I like your jacket -
0:27:38 > 0:27:41I love the pattern, it's really classy.
0:27:41 > 0:27:42Bye, then!
0:27:43 > 0:27:46- I don't know how late we'll be. - No problem.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48Loving you and leaving you.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50- Bye!- Have a nice time!
0:27:50 > 0:27:52That's the baby. That's Ellie.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Oh, my God! Oh!
0:27:54 > 0:27:56- You're a grandmother.- Hm...
0:27:59 > 0:28:00She's annoying.
0:28:03 > 0:28:07Bloody York Races. They've money to burn.
0:28:07 > 0:28:09He's got homework. She's got homework.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13I thought - weren't you and Robbie...?
0:28:13 > 0:28:17No. Hell, no. That went tits-up months ago.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20Oh, I'm sorry.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22Right, Batman. What's the plan?
0:28:22 > 0:28:25Lunch. Somewhere nice.
0:28:25 > 0:28:27To be honest...I'm a bit skint this week.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30Well, I'm not. I'm...I'm loaded.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33- I can't have you paying for me. - Yes, you can! Get your stuff.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Do I need to get dressed up?
0:28:38 > 0:28:39Only if you want to.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44- Where we going?- It's a surprise.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46- Whose car we going in? - I don't care!
0:29:21 > 0:29:24I came here with Kate, three months ago.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26It was horrendous, it was when we fell out.
0:29:26 > 0:29:30It struck me as being a nice place for a wedding.
0:29:30 > 0:29:32I'm sorry you fell out.
0:29:32 > 0:29:36Tell me about Muriel and your mum. What's all that about, then?
0:29:36 > 0:29:38It's a long story.
0:29:38 > 0:29:40Well, it's an old story.
0:29:40 > 0:29:43And it may be me reading too much into things.
0:29:43 > 0:29:45I mean, she's never actually said anything.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47You don't have to tell me, honestly. I'm only being nosey.
0:29:48 > 0:29:52My mum, after they moved to Sheffield...
0:29:54 > 0:29:56..after - presumably - she'd given up on your dad
0:29:56 > 0:29:57ever getting in touch...
0:29:58 > 0:30:01..went out with this lad, Frank.
0:30:02 > 0:30:04It was serious, apparently.
0:30:04 > 0:30:05But then the upshot was...
0:30:07 > 0:30:09..he ended up marrying Muriel.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11No. No way!
0:30:11 > 0:30:13Of course, my mum's version is that she dumped him,
0:30:13 > 0:30:15and THEN he took up with their Muriel. But...
0:30:16 > 0:30:19..why would she be so funny about Muriel so many years on?
0:30:19 > 0:30:20God.
0:30:20 > 0:30:25All I know is...they'd had a spat about something,
0:30:25 > 0:30:26Muriel and my mum.
0:30:27 > 0:30:31This is - God - years ago, just after me and John got married.
0:30:31 > 0:30:34And she was upset - Muriel was -
0:30:34 > 0:30:35so I popped round to see her,
0:30:35 > 0:30:38to see if I could pour oil on...whatever.
0:30:40 > 0:30:44And she said, "What it is is,
0:30:44 > 0:30:47"she's never really forgiven me about Frank".
0:30:48 > 0:30:50And stupidly, I didn't say, "What do you mean?"
0:30:50 > 0:30:52I think I just left.
0:30:55 > 0:30:56Where is Frank?
0:30:56 > 0:30:58Dead. Years ago.
0:31:00 > 0:31:04- Are you the two ladies enquiring about wedding facilities?- Yes!
0:31:04 > 0:31:06Would you like to have a look at the brochures, over lunch?
0:31:06 > 0:31:08- And then perhaps I can show you around?- Thank you.
0:31:22 > 0:31:23Um...
0:31:25 > 0:31:28I know you wouldn't mention it, but just so you know...
0:31:28 > 0:31:31Muriel never knew about me and Kenneth.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34About all the ups and downs we had
0:31:34 > 0:31:36after I found out he'd been mucking about behind my back.
0:31:36 > 0:31:40- OK.- Like I say, I know you wouldn't, but...
0:31:40 > 0:31:43Not the sort of sister you could confide in, then,
0:31:43 > 0:31:44when it came to the crunch?
0:31:44 > 0:31:48No. No...not our Muriel.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50Well, who did you confide in?
0:31:51 > 0:31:52Well, no-one.
0:31:53 > 0:31:55Nobody. I didn't want folk knowing.
0:31:55 > 0:32:01I nearly told my mother, once, when I was at a particularly low ebb.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04But...it would have broken her heart.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07And she'd have killed him. She would have!
0:32:07 > 0:32:11So, no. I dealt with it on my own.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15Then I told Caroline, eventually,
0:32:15 > 0:32:17when she was old enough to understand.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21And then...yeah.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24You're the only other person I ever told.
0:32:31 > 0:32:33I've got a table booked for this evening for seven.
0:32:33 > 0:32:34It's just down here,
0:32:34 > 0:32:38we've an Italian restaurant just two streets away.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40It's very nice, it's very good, we're very lucky.
0:32:40 > 0:32:41Do you like Italian, Alan?
0:32:41 > 0:32:43Oh, I can eat anything!
0:32:43 > 0:32:44And this afternoon,
0:32:44 > 0:32:47Martin and Joanne said they'd pop in with the girls.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50How long is it since you've seen the girls, Celia?
0:32:50 > 0:32:51They've shot up!
0:32:51 > 0:32:53Martin's my eldest.
0:32:53 > 0:32:56Laura's just started the second year of her A-levels,
0:32:56 > 0:32:57she's doing very well.
0:32:57 > 0:33:01William's gone to Oxford. How's he getting on?
0:33:01 > 0:33:02Fine, as far as we know.
0:33:02 > 0:33:05- He's only been there a week... - Do you have grandchildren, Alan?
0:33:05 > 0:33:07Just the one. Raphael. Raff.
0:33:07 > 0:33:10He's just started the second year of his A-levels as well,
0:33:10 > 0:33:13- same as your...?- Laura.- Laura.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16You must be so proud of him, William.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19Well, I always think pride comes before a fall, so...
0:33:19 > 0:33:21Of course she's proud of him.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23I'm proud of him, he's not even my lad!
0:33:23 > 0:33:26Aw! What does your daughter do, Alan?
0:33:26 > 0:33:29She farms. She's a farmer. She farms sheep.
0:33:29 > 0:33:33Oh! Of all the things you might've said, and I'd been guessing,
0:33:33 > 0:33:35that would not have been one of them!
0:33:35 > 0:33:37Is it a special variety, breed?
0:33:37 > 0:33:40No, no - just your bog-standard Swaledales.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43- Fascinating.- It can be.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45- Lambing!- Oh, yes!
0:33:50 > 0:33:53- Tell me about Caroline. - What about her?- Her and John.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55Oh, well.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58He, er...started messing about with somebody else.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01No...no! He's an idiot.
0:34:01 > 0:34:03John? Well, yeah.
0:34:03 > 0:34:04I am sorry.
0:34:04 > 0:34:06It was about a year ago. 18 months.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Course, he came crawling back - when was it?
0:34:09 > 0:34:10Three or four months since.
0:34:10 > 0:34:14- Realising what a fool he'd been. But...- But she'd moved on.
0:34:14 > 0:34:16Well, she realised she didn't need him any more.
0:34:16 > 0:34:19- Good for her.- I think so. - Good for her.
0:34:19 > 0:34:21Absolutely. Absolutely.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25Well, I'm going to make another pot of tea, Alan, if...?
0:34:25 > 0:34:27Smashing, yes. Thank you.
0:34:27 > 0:34:31We should go into the garden. It's such a lovely day!
0:34:32 > 0:34:35Oh, I don't know how much more of this I can stand.
0:34:35 > 0:34:36What?
0:34:36 > 0:34:38Who does she think she is?
0:34:38 > 0:34:40POSH ACCENT: "And what do you do, you little person?"
0:34:40 > 0:34:42She seems right enough.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44Why do folk ask a question,
0:34:44 > 0:34:47and then interrupt as soon as you embark on an answer?
0:34:47 > 0:34:50She's just thrilled to see you, she's just...
0:34:50 > 0:34:52"Our Martin, our Laura."
0:34:52 > 0:34:55She wants to put a sock in it, she never stops.
0:34:56 > 0:34:59Do not tell her about Caroline.
0:35:01 > 0:35:04Instead of tea, can I tempt anyone to a gin and tonic?
0:35:07 > 0:35:09- She'd love this.- So would he.
0:35:09 > 0:35:13Can we talk about costs? Packages, deals, numbers?
0:35:13 > 0:35:16Of course! Can I offer you ladies a glass of champagne?
0:35:16 > 0:35:20- Um...yes. Thank you.- Do you want to join me in The Waterhouse Bar,
0:35:20 > 0:35:21when you're ready?
0:35:24 > 0:35:27If I drink too much, can you drive my Land Rover?
0:35:27 > 0:35:28What if I drink too much?
0:35:30 > 0:35:31We'll be up shit creek.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35WAR FILM BLARES
0:35:50 > 0:35:51I'm going out.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53Is this too loud?
0:35:53 > 0:35:56- No! No. It's me. It's fine. - We can turn it down.
0:35:56 > 0:36:00It's fine. It's just...I can't concentrate.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02- Where are you going? - Just for a walk.
0:36:02 > 0:36:04- Shall we all go?- No. - We can all go.
0:36:04 > 0:36:06I just...no. No, you...
0:36:09 > 0:36:12Perhaps you could get something for supper...while you're out.
0:36:12 > 0:36:14- Pizzas or...?- Yeah.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16How long will you be?
0:36:16 > 0:36:17I don't know, does it matter?
0:36:17 > 0:36:18Have you got your mobile?
0:36:26 > 0:36:28Isn't she too old to be pregnant?
0:36:28 > 0:36:32Well...no.
0:36:32 > 0:36:34Is she all right?
0:36:34 > 0:36:35I... It's...
0:36:37 > 0:36:39Why did you ask her if she'd got her mobile?
0:36:39 > 0:36:41Oh, she can't...
0:36:41 > 0:36:43- She doesn't... She sometimes... - What?
0:36:45 > 0:36:47I'll just follow her.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51I'll just make sure she doesn't...
0:36:51 > 0:36:54- She shouldn't really be drinking, you see.- Right.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57Shan't be long. Famous last words.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11Harry Wallace! Good Lord. He once asked me out.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13Oh, Harry asked everyone out.
0:37:13 > 0:37:16- Oh, I'm sorry, not that... - No, no, I know he did!
0:37:16 > 0:37:18I didn't say yes!
0:37:18 > 0:37:20Did he ever ask you out, Celia?
0:37:20 > 0:37:22He wouldn't dare.
0:37:22 > 0:37:26- We're related now, me and Harry. - How?
0:37:27 > 0:37:30Oh, well - did you not...tell Muriel...?
0:37:30 > 0:37:31Er, no. I hadn't.
0:37:33 > 0:37:37Well, I've got a great-grandchild. Emily. Emily Jane.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40His - Harry's - granddaughter and my grandson, Raff.
0:37:40 > 0:37:41They've...
0:37:41 > 0:37:44I thought...did you not say he was still doing his A-levels?
0:37:44 > 0:37:49- Yes! They're very young. - They're both still at school?
0:37:49 > 0:37:52- Mm.- Oh. Well...it happens.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55- They're very fond of each other. - Of course.- And they're not daft.
0:37:55 > 0:37:58Well...they were, obviously, or it wouldn't have happened, but...
0:37:58 > 0:38:00So they've risen to the occasion.
0:38:00 > 0:38:04Yes! Yes, they seem to be doing.
0:38:04 > 0:38:05Gosh.
0:38:10 > 0:38:13Do you think Caroline'll ever get married again, Celia?
0:38:13 > 0:38:15Is there anyone?
0:38:15 > 0:38:16Well, she's very attractive...
0:38:16 > 0:38:19I doubt it. I think she's seen the light.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21- Seen the light?- As regards men.
0:38:21 > 0:38:26I think she's worked out what shallow-minded half-wits they are.
0:38:26 > 0:38:28Oh, not you!
0:38:28 > 0:38:31Not you, never you.
0:38:31 > 0:38:33Aw, so wonderful. It's so perfect.
0:38:35 > 0:38:37What a shame it didn't happen all those years ago.
0:38:37 > 0:38:39Yeah. Yeah.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42In oh-so many ways.
0:38:43 > 0:38:47Although we wouldn't have had our Caroline and our Gillian.
0:38:47 > 0:38:49PHONE RINGS
0:38:55 > 0:38:56Hello, love! (It's Caroline.)
0:38:56 > 0:38:58Mum, this place we're visiting is perfect.
0:38:58 > 0:39:01I think you'll love it - there are various options,
0:39:01 > 0:39:03it depends how far you want to push the boat out,
0:39:03 > 0:39:05but honestly, I think you'll be charmed.
0:39:05 > 0:39:08But the point is the only day they've got free
0:39:08 > 0:39:10this side of Christmas, and it's a way off,
0:39:10 > 0:39:13is Tuesday the 24th of December, so...
0:39:13 > 0:39:15But that...that's Christmas Eve!
0:39:15 > 0:39:16'I know it's Christmas Eve!'
0:39:16 > 0:39:19So we need to make a decision, because it'll probably go,
0:39:19 > 0:39:20they're very popular.
0:39:21 > 0:39:24(I think they think we're getting married.)
0:39:24 > 0:39:27Can you e-mail me some pictures, to Muriel's address,
0:39:27 > 0:39:28so we can have a look?
0:39:28 > 0:39:30Just hang on, Mum.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33W-Why would they think that?
0:39:33 > 0:39:38I'm guessing that they remember you bringing Kate here,
0:39:38 > 0:39:43and they think that I'm just another one of your women.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45- No!- 'Hello?'
0:39:45 > 0:39:47Are you there? Caroline?
0:39:50 > 0:39:52Hello? Sorry.
0:39:52 > 0:39:55Can you e-mail me some pictures?
0:39:55 > 0:39:56Yeah, I can.
0:39:56 > 0:40:00I've...got Muriel's e-mail address on my phone.
0:40:00 > 0:40:01STIFLED LAUGHTER
0:40:01 > 0:40:03What are you laughing at?
0:40:03 > 0:40:06Nothing. We've just had some champagne, that's all.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10- Oh, don't do that!- Why not? - It's frightening.- Oh, thanks.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12My pelvic floor isn't what it was.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14I'm going to finish wi' you if you're not careful.
0:40:14 > 0:40:16I can't hear what you're saying.
0:40:17 > 0:40:22- I'm going to send you some photos and a list of costs, Mum.- 'OK.'
0:40:22 > 0:40:23Are you having a nice time?
0:40:23 > 0:40:25No.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28I'm sorry I rang her, I'm sorry I put my foot in it.
0:40:28 > 0:40:31It's fine, it's forgotten. You didn't know.
0:40:31 > 0:40:33I love you.
0:40:33 > 0:40:34Aww!
0:40:34 > 0:40:36- 'I love you.'- Bye.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38Bye.
0:40:38 > 0:40:39Bye-bye.
0:40:44 > 0:40:48HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER
0:40:48 > 0:40:49How are we doing, ladies?
0:41:07 > 0:41:09That's fantastic.
0:41:09 > 0:41:12Thank you very much, we will.
0:41:12 > 0:41:15Bye. Bye. Bye-bye.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20- Have they got it?- Yeah.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23"Inebriated headmistress leaves phone in hotel bar."
0:41:23 > 0:41:26"Drunken pillock leaves phone in hotel bar."
0:41:26 > 0:41:29- That's not good copy, that's just normal.- 60.
0:41:34 > 0:41:35Quick, open up, I need the loo.
0:41:38 > 0:41:42Oh, I never lock up. Nowt worth stealing.
0:41:49 > 0:41:51VOICEMAIL: 'Hello. This is Caroline.
0:41:51 > 0:41:54'Leave a message and I'll get back to you as quickly as I can.
0:41:56 > 0:42:00Mum? Dad went out. Ages ago.
0:42:00 > 0:42:01I can't get hold of him.
0:42:01 > 0:42:03Can you come and get me?
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Where are you? Why aren't you answering?
0:42:13 > 0:42:15I'm sorry I said you were boring.
0:42:19 > 0:42:20Mum?
0:42:22 > 0:42:23Mum?
0:42:28 > 0:42:31- Tea.- Mm.
0:42:31 > 0:42:33You definitely all right for driving me back
0:42:33 > 0:42:34to pick up the Landy tomorrow?
0:42:34 > 0:42:36Well, yeah, I've got to get my phone, haven't I?
0:42:36 > 0:42:37Oh.
0:42:48 > 0:42:50What happened?
0:42:51 > 0:42:52With Kate?
0:42:55 > 0:43:00I booked two separate rooms for a romantic weekend.
0:43:00 > 0:43:01You knob.
0:43:03 > 0:43:04Don't go on at me.
0:43:07 > 0:43:12What time will thingy and whats-it be back from...wherever-it-was
0:43:12 > 0:43:13with little doo-dah?
0:43:14 > 0:43:19Raff. Ellie. York. Calamity.
0:43:22 > 0:43:23I've no idea.
0:43:26 > 0:43:27Will you have room for me?
0:43:27 > 0:43:31We've always got room for you.
0:43:37 > 0:43:38I blew it with Kate.
0:43:41 > 0:43:42I really blew it.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49I only realise now how lovely it was.
0:43:51 > 0:43:52How precious.
0:43:56 > 0:43:58And I've tried to apologise, but she won't listen.
0:44:00 > 0:44:02I think she's decided that I'm bad for her.
0:44:04 > 0:44:08And there's nothing I can do or say.
0:44:11 > 0:44:13I'm in this box now, with "bad" written on it.
0:44:17 > 0:44:19Well, not "bad." Just...
0:44:23 > 0:44:24"Arrogant."
0:44:26 > 0:44:27"Inept."
0:44:30 > 0:44:31"Selfish."
0:44:33 > 0:44:34"Repressed."
0:44:37 > 0:44:40Just, emotionally...crippled.
0:44:45 > 0:44:46You all right?
0:44:53 > 0:44:54What about you and Robbie?
0:44:56 > 0:44:58Oh - me and Robbie.
0:45:01 > 0:45:03That's a different sort of thing altogether.
0:45:06 > 0:45:07Why?
0:45:18 > 0:45:21Do you fancy a drop of brandy in your tea?
0:45:23 > 0:45:24Are you?
0:45:33 > 0:45:36Oh, I hope we've made the right decision.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38I think it looks spot-on.
0:45:38 > 0:45:42One thing I will say for Caroline - she has good taste.
0:45:42 > 0:45:45Well, we're committed now, they've paid the deposit.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48Although she sounded a bit pissed when I spoke to her.
0:45:49 > 0:45:53- Is this...Kenneth?- Yeah.
0:45:53 > 0:45:55That's him.
0:45:56 > 0:45:57Hm...
0:45:58 > 0:46:01She seems very fond of you, Muriel.
0:46:01 > 0:46:03Considering...
0:46:03 > 0:46:04Considering what?
0:46:04 > 0:46:08Well, that...you don't seem very fond of her.
0:46:08 > 0:46:10Oh...she's right enough.
0:46:12 > 0:46:14- It's... - What?
0:46:16 > 0:46:21Oh...she's always has to be the centre of attention.
0:46:21 > 0:46:25She can't just come to a party, Muriel - she has to BE the party.
0:46:25 > 0:46:29Well, some people are needy that way, aren't they?
0:46:29 > 0:46:31Needy? Is that what it is?
0:46:31 > 0:46:35Scared of being left out. Scared of being overlooked.
0:46:35 > 0:46:39So they push their way to the front, with their sharp elbows.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43Some people might find that attractive,
0:46:43 > 0:46:44but I'm damned certain I don't.
0:46:47 > 0:46:49Is that what you're bothered about?
0:46:49 > 0:46:50If she came to t'wedding,
0:46:50 > 0:46:54she'd make you feel like it were her big day, rather than yours?
0:46:56 > 0:46:57Something like that, yes.
0:47:02 > 0:47:04She's very plain, you know.
0:47:05 > 0:47:06Compared to you.
0:47:08 > 0:47:11And she hasn't made me laugh all day. Not once.
0:47:11 > 0:47:16I think the day we get married, you and me together,
0:47:16 > 0:47:20we'll eclipse everyone else entirely - don't you?
0:47:22 > 0:47:24Was that her husband?
0:47:25 > 0:47:29Yeah. Frank. That's Frank.
0:47:31 > 0:47:32He's dead.
0:47:40 > 0:47:41So here's the thing.
0:47:43 > 0:47:44This is the thing.
0:47:49 > 0:47:50Me and Robbie.
0:47:51 > 0:47:57I am - I've always been - very, very, very fond of him.
0:48:00 > 0:48:02I should've stuck with him.
0:48:02 > 0:48:04Robbie.
0:48:08 > 0:48:10But Eddie...
0:48:10 > 0:48:11SHE LAUGHS WEAKLY
0:48:13 > 0:48:14He was...
0:48:16 > 0:48:18..just one of those men who...
0:48:19 > 0:48:20Oh, God.
0:48:23 > 0:48:27When I was with him, nothing else mattered. Nothing.
0:48:27 > 0:48:29You could've dropped a helium bomb on Halifax
0:48:29 > 0:48:31and I wouldn't have noticed.
0:48:33 > 0:48:34It was hydrogen.
0:48:41 > 0:48:43I shouldn't have done that to Robbie.
0:48:47 > 0:48:48But I couldn't help it.
0:48:51 > 0:48:53I couldn't.
0:48:53 > 0:48:56But you'd got over that, surely, before -
0:48:56 > 0:49:01you and Robbie, when you started going out with each other again...
0:49:01 > 0:49:02Mm, yeah. We did.
0:49:04 > 0:49:05Wow.
0:49:05 > 0:49:07But...
0:49:08 > 0:49:11It's not going to last with that Cheryl, is it?
0:49:11 > 0:49:13He'll soon get to the end of her.
0:49:13 > 0:49:16- He's obviously only bothering... - Yeah, yeah, yeah, whatever.
0:49:16 > 0:49:18I know that. I know that.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20Sorry.
0:49:22 > 0:49:24Although Raff reckons she's moving in with him.
0:49:28 > 0:49:31Am I missing the point?
0:49:31 > 0:49:34No. No. No.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37I...
0:49:41 > 0:49:45..don't think...ever...
0:49:49 > 0:49:51..me and Robbie could be a good idea.
0:49:54 > 0:49:58Even though, all things being equal, we could've been.
0:49:59 > 0:50:01Why?
0:50:01 > 0:50:05We could've been really nice together.
0:50:06 > 0:50:08Why do you think you can't be?
0:50:14 > 0:50:18I did the...shittiest thing to him.
0:50:23 > 0:50:26I never told anyone this, Caroline.
0:50:28 > 0:50:32- I'm...very drunk. - So am I.
0:50:32 > 0:50:34- Are you?- Yeah.- Really?- Yeah.
0:50:34 > 0:50:36- As drunk as me? - I don't know, I'm pretty drunk.
0:50:37 > 0:50:39Don't tell me something you're going to regret.
0:50:39 > 0:50:42- I want to tell you.- OK.
0:50:48 > 0:50:49I...
0:50:55 > 0:50:56I murdered him.
0:51:00 > 0:51:01Eddie.
0:51:03 > 0:51:06The only proper family Robbie ever had.
0:51:06 > 0:51:08And...fuck!
0:51:18 > 0:51:20I murdered him.
0:51:27 > 0:51:30You don't know what you're talking about, you never did!
0:51:30 > 0:51:31It's all so easy, isn't it?
0:51:31 > 0:51:35It's all so cut and dried and black and white,
0:51:35 > 0:51:39that's why you've been so successful all your life!
0:51:39 > 0:51:42Because you've got all the bloody answers to bloody everything!
0:51:42 > 0:51:44Lawrence?
0:51:44 > 0:51:48"Just get rid of it, Judith, you're killing it, anyway."
0:51:48 > 0:51:50Can you hear what you sound like?
0:51:50 > 0:51:53Can you hear how nasty it is?
0:51:53 > 0:51:56- Lawrence? - You have no... Men don't!
0:51:56 > 0:52:00Women create, men destroy. Fact.
0:52:00 > 0:52:04Women create life, men shoot people.
0:52:04 > 0:52:07Name me one war started by a woman.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09The Falklands.
0:52:09 > 0:52:11Yeah! Exactly! That's the one.
0:52:11 > 0:52:12Where's Lawrence?
0:52:12 > 0:52:15Out of how many? Since time began?
0:52:15 > 0:52:17- One war. - Where is Lawrence?
0:52:17 > 0:52:21And don't say the Trojan War, because that's bollocks.
0:52:21 > 0:52:25Pollux. Pollux and Castor, they started it.
0:52:25 > 0:52:28They invaded...Athens.
0:52:28 > 0:52:32She was - Helen was just an excuse to get the guns out.
0:52:32 > 0:52:34Boadicea.
0:52:34 > 0:52:36Joan of Arc, Elizabeth I,
0:52:36 > 0:52:41Cleopatra, Queen Anne, Golda Meir,
0:52:41 > 0:52:44Indira Ghandi, Catherine the Great.
0:52:44 > 0:52:47Queen Isabella of Spain - she was a bitch.
0:52:47 > 0:52:48Tzu-Hsi...
0:52:48 > 0:52:50You made that last one up.
0:52:50 > 0:52:53You don't know what you're talking about! Let's face it.
0:52:53 > 0:52:56Gun-boat diplomacy! Who started that?
0:52:57 > 0:52:58Queen Victoria!
0:52:58 > 0:53:00Where is Lawrence?
0:53:05 > 0:53:06He knocked me about.
0:53:09 > 0:53:10All the time.
0:53:14 > 0:53:17He knocked three of my back teeth out.
0:53:19 > 0:53:21Be careful not to do it at the front.
0:53:23 > 0:53:24Where people can see.
0:53:27 > 0:53:30Once...he pinned me down...
0:53:31 > 0:53:33..and put a cigarette out.
0:53:37 > 0:53:38On my neck.
0:53:53 > 0:53:56I've...shed blood...
0:53:57 > 0:54:00..in every room in this house.
0:54:11 > 0:54:15There were other humiliations.
0:54:18 > 0:54:19I won't bore you with them.
0:54:22 > 0:54:23So...
0:54:33 > 0:54:34I...
0:54:38 > 0:54:41The police had me in for...days.
0:54:41 > 0:54:44Hours, over several days.
0:54:47 > 0:54:48And me dad.
0:54:52 > 0:54:55I told him same tale I told them.
0:54:57 > 0:55:00That I'd found him with his head in the log splitter.
0:55:04 > 0:55:07He had an inkling there was more to it than that,
0:55:07 > 0:55:08me dad did.
0:55:14 > 0:55:16So I told him I'd put him out of his misery
0:55:16 > 0:55:18after a botched suicide effort.
0:55:24 > 0:55:26He bought that.
0:55:26 > 0:55:29I think - I think he bought that.
0:55:34 > 0:55:36Then he made me ring the police.
0:55:43 > 0:55:44Why are you telling me this?
0:55:48 > 0:55:49I don't know.
0:55:54 > 0:55:55Because...
0:55:57 > 0:55:58..that's why it could never work.
0:55:59 > 0:56:01Me and Robbie.
0:56:02 > 0:56:06Even he - after the coroner's report -
0:56:06 > 0:56:07had to accept...
0:56:16 > 0:56:17But I did it.
0:56:23 > 0:56:27His brother, only proper family he's ever had,
0:56:27 > 0:56:29and I...
0:56:33 > 0:56:34..did it.
0:56:38 > 0:56:39So that's why.
0:56:42 > 0:56:43That's why.
0:56:46 > 0:56:47But other than that...
0:56:55 > 0:56:59I don't know why I've told you, Caroline.
0:57:29 > 0:57:32Oh...
0:57:32 > 0:57:34SHE RETCHES
0:57:53 > 0:57:55I need to know if you're going to go to the police.
0:57:55 > 0:57:57Do you fancy a stag night, Alan?
0:57:57 > 0:57:58Like in a lap dancing club?
0:57:58 > 0:58:01I decided it was worth, one more time, saying I'm sorry.
0:58:01 > 0:58:06My only regret is that we didn't get that bungalow at Ripponden Bank.
0:58:06 > 0:58:08It were my fault we didn't get it.
0:58:08 > 0:58:12Kate's driven herself into hospital. She's bleeding.
0:58:12 > 0:58:15I think you and our Gillian should get back together.
0:58:15 > 0:58:19- Did you ever know how miserable I was with Kenneth?- No.
0:58:19 > 0:58:21- Hi?- We're ready. - They're ready.
0:58:21 > 0:58:22Have a nice Christmas.
0:58:22 > 0:58:24Yeah, how likely is that?