0:00:18 > 0:00:20YOUNG BOYS SHOUT
0:00:20 > 0:00:22Skips are nothing to do with age!
0:00:31 > 0:00:32- Hello.- Morning.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Me first!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53- Bye.- Argh!
0:00:53 > 0:00:54- What about me?- All right.
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Whoa!
0:01:06 > 0:01:07Dear Vic, I agree.
0:01:07 > 0:01:11That Vanessa Chatsworth story is very odd.
0:01:11 > 0:01:13You can't suddenly decide you're Australian.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16It's not a religion, is it? You can't convert.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18If she wants to pull it off, she's going to have to move to
0:01:18 > 0:01:21a town where nobody was at primary school with her.
0:01:21 > 0:01:24I wonder if it's a form of mental illness?
0:01:24 > 0:01:26- Are you locked out?- Sorry?
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Oh! No.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31The boys are just having a little mess-about in the skip.
0:01:31 > 0:01:35The news from London is that I seem to have met someone.
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Although I'm not sure I like him much.
0:01:37 > 0:01:41I regret to inform you that are no boys in the skip.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Oh, shit.- Are you supposed to be looking after them?- I'm their nanny.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50What else are you good at? You're going to need a new job.
0:02:03 > 0:02:07- Please, listen. Please listen.- Boys!
0:02:07 > 0:02:08I'm sure our readers...
0:02:08 > 0:02:10Shh!
0:02:10 > 0:02:11Look, please listen.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14No, I'm sure our readers are fascinated by a quarrel
0:02:14 > 0:02:17between Sir Philip Sidney and Edward de Vere.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19But 12,000 words, Nick?
0:02:19 > 0:02:22Honestly, people have lives, they have families. They've got jobs.
0:02:22 > 0:02:25- They're got televisions.- Boys?
0:02:25 > 0:02:26Shh!
0:02:27 > 0:02:29Hmm?
0:02:29 > 0:02:31Well, I do, yes, actually. Grange Hill.
0:02:31 > 0:02:33Question Of Sport, Match Of The Day.
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Bergerac, Rockford Files.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38Maybe you should watch Rockford Files, might help you with your word count.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40- Boys?- Hang on, one second, sorry.
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Stibbe, is everything all right?
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Yes. Completely fine.
0:02:45 > 0:02:46All right.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Sorry, where were we? Hmm?
0:02:51 > 0:02:54- Yeah, but they got lucky. - Nunney, what team do you support?
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Man U, of course. What's yours?
0:02:55 > 0:02:58Arsenal, we're going to win the league this year.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- No, you're rubbish. - They're better than Spurs.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03You've got Lee Chapman in attack, how can you win the league with him?
0:03:03 > 0:03:07- We wouldn't have bought him if it wasn't any good.- Where were you? - In the skip.- No, you weren't.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08You just didn't look hard enough.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10- You went to the shop for sweets. - We were bored.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13You just sat there reading.
0:03:13 > 0:03:14Only because you were in the skip.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Must be an extremely good book.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18It is, actually.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19I presume you just got to the good bit,
0:03:19 > 0:03:21that's why you lost track of the boys?
0:03:21 > 0:03:23And what would you call the good bit?
0:03:23 > 0:03:24The goldfish.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29- Can I read it after you? - Not suitable.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32- The book about a talking goldfish? - Who says he talks?- I just presumed.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34He can't talk. Not where he's going.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- At least, there'd be trouble if he did.- Will you stop it?
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Oh, my God. - Now look what you've done.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42- What? - WHISPERS
0:03:42 > 0:03:43Ugh!
0:03:43 > 0:03:48- So, what's a proper girl like you doing reading a book like that for, anyway?- That's disgusting!
0:03:48 > 0:03:52- What should I be reading?- I think you could probably manage Austen.
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I've already managed Austen, thank you very much.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Or Hardy. I could lend you some.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00All right, thanks.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03It better be as good as this one.
0:04:08 > 0:04:09- Shit.- They've gone home.
0:04:21 > 0:04:22See you.
0:04:24 > 0:04:25His name is Nunney.
0:04:25 > 0:04:28And he's handsome, and I think he's probably clever.
0:04:28 > 0:04:33He has clever hair, if you know what I mean. University hair, I call it.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36He's not at university, but he's applying.
0:04:36 > 0:04:40So, pros - one, clever.
0:04:40 > 0:04:42Two, good-looking.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45Three, convenient - works in the street.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49Cons - don't know whether I actually like him.
0:04:49 > 0:04:51SIGHS
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Pros win, 3-1.
0:05:03 > 0:05:08- Is George not eating with us? - She's going out on a date.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- With Floppy.- Floppy?
0:05:10 > 0:05:13That's what they call David, because of the hair.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- Are you going out on a date with David?- Yep.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19David Moore?
0:05:19 > 0:05:21- Yep.- Floppy.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25I thought you didn't like David Moore very much?
0:05:27 > 0:05:31Can you pass the coleslaw there, please, Max?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Are those tinned mandarins?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40They are, aren't they? Dear God.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I want to know why George is going on a date
0:05:42 > 0:05:44with someone she's not very keen on?
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Yes, I'd be wanting to change the subject too, if I were you, too.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Trying to remember. Seemed like a good idea when he asked me.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54You often have floppy hair if you go to university, don't you?
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Oh, I see.- What?
0:05:56 > 0:05:58David Moore hasn't been to university for a while.
0:05:58 > 0:06:02And also, Nina, salad cream?!
0:06:02 > 0:06:04What's wrong with the salad cream now?
0:06:04 > 0:06:05You sound like Mrs Thatcher.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07- BOTH:- Boo!
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Max, what do you see?
0:06:11 > 0:06:12What do I see?
0:06:12 > 0:06:14My turn, he took too long!
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Stibbe's coleslaw, Stibbe, plates, cutlery!
0:06:18 > 0:06:20No, before, you said, "I see"? When Nina was asking you about
0:06:20 > 0:06:24- what kind of hair people had at university?- Oh.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- Nina likes the look of Nunney.- Oh!
0:06:28 > 0:06:32- That's exciting. - I did NOT look the like of him.
0:06:32 > 0:06:33Like the look of him.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38He looked after us when Nina left us in the skip.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41I did not leave you in the skip, and you climbed out without telling me.
0:06:41 > 0:06:44You were in Ursula Vaughan Williams' skip?
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Who's Ursula Whatsit's Whatsit?
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Ralph's widow.
0:06:48 > 0:06:49Who's Ralph?
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Ralph Vaughan Williams.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54The composer?
0:06:54 > 0:06:56There was a composer called Ralph?
0:06:56 > 0:06:59Why were they in the skip in the first place?
0:07:00 > 0:07:03- They wanted to go in there.- Right, and that's what I pay you for?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05To execute their every ridiculous whim?
0:07:08 > 0:07:10It wasn't my finest hour as a nanny.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13What would you say has been, so far, as a matter of interest?
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Hmm...
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- Hmm? - DOORBELL
0:07:20 > 0:07:22Don't anyone call him Floppy.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- DOORBELL - All right, I'm coming!
0:07:25 > 0:07:26Hi.
0:07:26 > 0:07:27- BOTH:- Hi.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I liked your piece in the Literary Observer
0:07:30 > 0:07:32about Graham Greene's entertainment.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35That wasn't me.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Oh, I thought it was.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39No.
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Are you sure?
0:07:41 > 0:07:42(Oh, God.)
0:07:42 > 0:07:44See you later.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55- BOTH SHOUT:- Get in there, Floppy!
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Romantically speaking,
0:08:09 > 0:08:12I've always ruled out the people I couldn't really stand.
0:08:12 > 0:08:14But George seemed to quite enjoy her evening with Floppy.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Even though he irritated the hell out of her.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18She even said she might do it again.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20Shut up!
0:08:20 > 0:08:22You keep hitting me, I'm going to deport you!
0:08:22 > 0:08:25So maybe I should keep an open mind
0:08:25 > 0:08:27and not rule anything out at this stage.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37Do you mind me asking if you regret any of them?
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Yes.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45Sorry, my fault for imprecise phrasing.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Yes, you mind me asking, or yes, you regret them?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Both.
0:08:50 > 0:08:51Oh. It's just...
0:08:52 > 0:08:56I look after a couple of young lads, and you know what they're like.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58What advice would you give them?
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Don't be a butcher.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02I meant in the tattoo arena.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- You actually going to buy anything? - Yes.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Five lamb chops, please.
0:09:07 > 0:09:09Stick to football teams and parents.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14- Are you talking about tattoos or life?- Both.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15Oh.
0:09:15 > 0:09:16Can't you remove it?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- She'd notice. - I'm guessing that matters?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- Wife.- Oh.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26So you're still together, at least?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Unless it's only because of the tattoo.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30Stuck with it all now, aren't I?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32I presume you liked her when you married her?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34She was pregnant when I married her.
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Well, I presume you liked her a couple of months before that?
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- How old are you?- 20.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Yeah, like I thought - old enough to know better.
0:09:41 > 0:09:46I like her, she likes me, what's liking got to do with anything?
0:09:46 > 0:09:48£1.68, please.
0:09:51 > 0:09:52- There's two there.- Thank you.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Thank you.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01Thank you.
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Who's next? Hello, mate.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12When was the last time you had an episode, Joey?
0:10:12 > 0:10:16- He doesn't really like being called Joey.- Sorry.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17When was the last crisis, Joe?
0:10:17 > 0:10:20The day of the European Cup Final.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23I wasn't allowed to watch, so I had to sit in the dark,
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- listening to the radio. - I'm not a football fan, I'm afraid.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28About ten days ago.
0:10:28 > 0:10:29Do you know anyone called Marigold?
0:10:29 > 0:10:32Erm, no. Don't think I do.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36Funny, isn't it? My parents knew dozens of Marigolds.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Every other middle-aged woman who came to tea
0:10:38 > 0:10:39seemed to be called Marigold.
0:10:41 > 0:10:43- Do you want some tea, Marigolds? - Thank you, Marigold.
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Would you like a scone, Marigold?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48THEY REPEATEDLY CALL EACH OTHER MARIGOLD
0:10:49 > 0:10:53Gone for ever, do you think? The name, not middle-aged women.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55I don't know, really.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Would you call your daughter Marigold?
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- If you paid me a lot of money. - Good grief, no money involved!
0:11:00 > 0:11:04I'm not mad. Out of your own free will.
0:11:04 > 0:11:05How are my eyes?
0:11:05 > 0:11:09I take it that's a no. What about Violet? Another one.
0:11:09 > 0:11:10How are his eyes?
0:11:11 > 0:11:13No significant deterioration.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16Coat.
0:11:19 > 0:11:20One piece of advice.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24If you want to take someone's photograph -
0:11:24 > 0:11:28a portrait, not a snap - get them standing on a staircase,
0:11:28 > 0:11:31and then ask them to focus just above the camera.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Thank you.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37We'll remember that.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Right, come on.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Here comes Skippy.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59Is he saying that because of the skip incident?
0:11:59 > 0:12:00I think so.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03And because there was a kangaroo on television called Skippy.
0:12:03 > 0:12:07- Weak.- Yeah, I thought so.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09Bit of a sense of humour failure?
0:12:09 > 0:12:10No. No, not really.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13We're just not laughing at something which isn't funny.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16If one of us looked like or was actually a kangaroo,
0:12:16 > 0:12:18then, yes, hilarious.
0:12:19 > 0:12:21We don't, really, do we?
0:12:21 > 0:12:24So all you've done is put a Y on the end of the word skip.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27That would be sky-pee.
0:12:27 > 0:12:31You need the double P to keep the vowel short.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Thank you.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36What's the university bit? Is it the stuff on top?
0:12:36 > 0:12:39We'll talk about it later.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42The university bit of what? Me?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Stibbe thinks you have university hair.
0:12:45 > 0:12:48University's a bad thing, presumably?
0:12:48 > 0:12:49Like shoes.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54I'm not against university, per se.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Ooh, how very broad-minded of you.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59- Could we get on with it? - Sorry, Ray.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02No, he hasn't called for us. Get on with THIS.
0:13:03 > 0:13:05- What's this?- I don't want to have to go through all this
0:13:05 > 0:13:07whenever we bump into her.
0:13:07 > 0:13:11Your hair, her feet, blah, blah, blah.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13It'll take forever at this rate.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Ask her out!
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Would you like to go to the pub, Nunney?
0:13:26 > 0:13:29Like Ray says, we should probably get it out of the way.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30Yeah.
0:13:37 > 0:13:38- Erm...- I'll...
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- Yes.- Yeah.- Bye.- Bye.
0:13:44 > 0:13:45- Thank you.- You're welcome.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Wow, this really is a date.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00Dirty plimsolls, that's your equivalent of cleavage.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Do you think I've made too much effort?
0:14:04 > 0:14:06No.
0:14:06 > 0:14:07You made an effort for Floppy.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11I didn't make an effort FOR Floppy. I just made an effort.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13What's the difference?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15Well, sometimes - once every five years - it's nice for me
0:14:15 > 0:14:19to feel like I have a life which doesn't revolve around the boys
0:14:19 > 0:14:20or Game For A bloody Laugh.
0:14:20 > 0:14:22I don't know why you like Game For A Laugh.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24- I don't.- No?
0:14:25 > 0:14:29Hang on, so, when you laugh during Game For A Laugh...
0:14:29 > 0:14:32- that's canned laughter, is it? - Canned?
0:14:32 > 0:14:34You know, when people force it out,
0:14:34 > 0:14:35just to show that they're having fun.
0:14:35 > 0:14:39But that isn't what canned means. Canned laughter is...
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Anyway, you're getting off the point. You're very good at that.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44The point is, is that sometimes
0:14:44 > 0:14:48it's nice to be reminded that one is a woman.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Well, that's not why I'm wearing shoes.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54I don't think Nunney's going to get the wrong idea.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56I'd rather be in watching Bergerac with the boys.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59Oh, it's not Bergerac tonight, is it? Shit.
0:14:59 > 0:15:01Got this whole piece to edit.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03What do you think of Nunney?
0:15:03 > 0:15:06I hadn't realised you were marrying this evening.
0:15:06 > 0:15:07I thought it was a quick drink in the local.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09Yes, but if it goes well tonight,
0:15:09 > 0:15:11then we'll have to go to the cinema or something next week.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- And then... - I know, and on and on it goes.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21Just remember, it all gets a bit murky if sex is involved.
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Murky?
0:15:22 > 0:15:25Mmm, there are implications.
0:15:25 > 0:15:26You might become a mate.
0:15:26 > 0:15:31But if you sleep with him, it doesn't work out, it can be awkward.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34You see him 20 times a day.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37God.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40I think I'm going to call him and tell him I'm poorly.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45Actually, would you do it?
0:15:45 > 0:15:47DOORBELL
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Go on.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52- Ugh...- Have fun.- Thank you.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58SIGHS
0:16:07 > 0:16:09I was going to pop in and say hello to the boys.
0:16:09 > 0:16:10No point in dragging it out.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14- BOTH:- Get in there, Nunney!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19So, what would you like?
0:16:19 > 0:16:21I usually drink white wine, but this doesn't look like
0:16:21 > 0:16:24the sort of place the white wine would be very nice.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Don't mind me, eh?
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Sorry. I'll have a glass of white wine, please.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32MUSIC: It Started With A Kiss by Hot Chocolate
0:16:32 > 0:16:34Erm...
0:16:34 > 0:16:37I've changed my mind. Can I have a gin and tonic, please? With ice.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39We ain't got any ice.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40Right. That's OK.
0:16:50 > 0:16:51- You, mate?- Pint, please.
0:16:57 > 0:17:00MUSIC: You Drive Me Crazy by Shakin' Stevens
0:17:10 > 0:17:12Got any hobbies? HE CHUCKLES
0:17:12 > 0:17:13What?
0:17:15 > 0:17:17Oh, sorry. No.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21Do you?
0:17:21 > 0:17:23No, not really.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26Some people do. My mum, my auntie Joy.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Well, erm...
0:17:31 > 0:17:33what are their hobbies, then?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36My auntie Joy, she collect these...
0:17:36 > 0:17:39Before we carry on, I just want to check -
0:17:39 > 0:17:41is this what you'd enjoy talking about?
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Well, I don't know what I'd enjoy talking about
0:17:43 > 0:17:45until I'm talking about it, so...
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I was just trying to get things started.
0:17:47 > 0:17:50What do you want to talk about?
0:17:50 > 0:17:53You...you can't just set a timetable, can you?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55If it's not happening naturally, perhaps you need a framework.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Have you designed one?
0:17:57 > 0:18:01Or have you got a template from previous hopeless nights out?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03This isn't hopeless yet, is it?
0:18:03 > 0:18:04No.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07Not literally beyond hope.
0:18:09 > 0:18:10- What does that mean?- Well...
0:18:13 > 0:18:15- you're quite tricky.- Tricky?
0:18:15 > 0:18:16Me?
0:18:16 > 0:18:17Not you?
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Well, you were rude about my Skippy joke.
0:18:20 > 0:18:23And then there was all that university hair business.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I didn't think you liked me very much.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30Well, that's what tonight's about, isn't it?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32- Is it?- Yeah.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Going for a drink with someone, you're trying to make your mind up.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Yeah, hasn't there got to be a bit of goodwill in the first place?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41Just to get you out the door.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44It's like going to the pictures - you might not end up liking
0:18:44 > 0:18:47the film, but something made you want to buy a ticket.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48I'll watch any old rubbish.
0:18:48 > 0:18:50Ha-ha!
0:18:50 > 0:18:52And look, there we go!
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Oh, no!
0:18:55 > 0:18:57I knew it!
0:18:57 > 0:18:58You're joking!
0:19:02 > 0:19:03OK.
0:19:03 > 0:19:05So, I'm going to start with a question,
0:19:05 > 0:19:07and we'll see where it takes us.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09All right.
0:19:09 > 0:19:10Why are you a nanny?
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- Why are you a Nunney? - My name's Mark Nunn.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Mine's Nina Nann.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17- One N or two? - Two, otherwise I'd be a nay-nee.
0:19:17 > 0:19:21- So you allowed your surname to dictate your career?- Yes.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23- What should I be? - Well, you don't look like a nanny.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27- What do nannies look like? - They wear shoes.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29And they don't put children in skips.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Why aren't you at college, then?
0:19:34 > 0:19:37Haven't been to school for a long time.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- How old are you, then?- 20.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Sort of left when I was about 14 or 15.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45- How can you sort of leave school? - MUSIC: Tainted Love by Soft Cell
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Got an after-school job, and they asked me to work during the day.
0:19:48 > 0:19:49So I did.
0:19:49 > 0:19:54And it turns out you can't do a full-time job and get O-levels.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55So...
0:19:55 > 0:19:58- Did you hate school?- No. No.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01English was all right. And drama.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04- And I still read, and I write, too. - Ah, writing!
0:20:04 > 0:20:06You see, I knew there'd be something.
0:20:06 > 0:20:08- Cos you're convinced I'm clever?- No.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11About you not being very good at nannying.
0:20:13 > 0:20:14Hello!
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Do you like him?
0:20:20 > 0:20:22No, not really.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23Good girl.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27"Not really"?
0:20:27 > 0:20:29Private joke.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- Isn't that the butcher?- We get on.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Oh, right, well, go out with him, then.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Dear Vic, how bad was your first date with Dave Adams,
0:20:57 > 0:20:59on a scale of one to ten?
0:20:59 > 0:21:03With ten representing maximum unenjoyability?
0:21:03 > 0:21:04I know it didn't go well,
0:21:04 > 0:21:07so we can forget about one through seven, presumably.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09But you stuck at it for a year at least.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11That's what I'm interested in.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15Please expand at length, I'd find it very helpful.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18As for things here...
0:21:18 > 0:21:20It's been a very exciting week.
0:21:20 > 0:21:21Ha!
0:21:21 > 0:21:23Max, don't just chuck it in there.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25How else we supposed to get it in?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27God, this is an absolutely ridiculous idea.
0:21:27 > 0:21:30- Wish you'd never talked me into it. - It'll be fine.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32She doesn't need the whole skip.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34And it'd be great to get rid of all this.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Right, erm...
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Yes, I think one of us will have to climb in, lower it down.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44I haven't got any shoes on.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Well, we'd never do anything if we had to wait for you to be shod.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- It won't take a moment, go on.- I'm absolutely not climbing in there.
0:21:50 > 0:21:52I have to live in this street forever,
0:21:52 > 0:21:54you'll be moving out one day.
0:21:55 > 0:21:56Right.
0:22:00 > 0:22:02I'll do it then.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03I'll get in the skip.
0:22:04 > 0:22:05Oh, shit!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12Right, boys. Give your mum a hand.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13Yep.
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Hup.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20- Got it?- Think so.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21Yep.
0:22:23 > 0:22:24GEORGE GASPS
0:22:24 > 0:22:25What on Earth...?
0:22:25 > 0:22:26Oh, shit!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28I'm coming down.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34(She's coming down, quickly.)
0:22:37 > 0:22:38Help.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42Bastards!
0:22:55 > 0:22:58- Whose stuff is that?- Erm...
0:22:58 > 0:23:02It belongs to Malcolm Tanner, the writer. Do you know him?
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Why is Mr Tanner putting stuff in my skip?
0:23:05 > 0:23:07We know what people are like with skips,
0:23:07 > 0:23:10- they can't resist putting stuff in, taking it out.- But it isn't his.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12I know. I told him.
0:23:12 > 0:23:14Who are you, what are you doing in there?
0:23:14 > 0:23:18Could I just say that I love Eric's compositions?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21Eric?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Wasn't that his name?
0:23:24 > 0:23:27If you are referring to my late husband, then no.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29- His name was Ralph. - SHE PRONOUNCES IT "RAFE"
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Rafe...
0:23:31 > 0:23:34- Some people do refer to him as Ralph. - SHE PRONOUNCES IT "RALF"
0:23:34 > 0:23:37That's it! I knew it was something like that...
0:23:37 > 0:23:38I need you out of that at once.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41I still haven't decided whether to call the police or not.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I don't think we need to get the police involved, do we?
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I mean, they're very busy.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46She's obsessed with that skip.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49I think Skippy's quite a good name for her, actually.
0:23:49 > 0:23:50Do you know this young woman?
0:23:59 > 0:24:00Get out.
0:24:06 > 0:24:08Why's she not back yet?
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- TV:- 'Now, Bill, for your team, we've a bird-watcher.'
0:24:11 > 0:24:14Oh, hell, bird-watching. I don't know any bird-watchers.
0:24:14 > 0:24:16It's not even a sport, bird-watching.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17Boys, we have this every week.
0:24:17 > 0:24:20He's not a bird-watcher, they're trying to fool you.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23- He is a bird-watcher, look. - See, bird-watching.
0:24:23 > 0:24:25No, he's bird-watching for the programme -
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- he's not a full-time bird-watcher. - How do you know?
0:24:28 > 0:24:31He's the mystery guest, we don't know what he does.
0:24:31 > 0:24:32We know he's not a bird-watcher...
0:24:32 > 0:24:35Will you stop saying bird-watcher time and time again?
0:24:35 > 0:24:38- Bird-watcher.- Bird-watcher! - # Bird-watcher! #- Oh, shut up.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Perhaps I should have stayed,
0:24:40 > 0:24:42to shield her from the wrath of Ursula Vaughan Williams.
0:24:42 > 0:24:46- She can be really scary.- It was a silly idea in the first place.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49She's made her own bed, now she'll have to lie in it.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52She was lying on the bottom of a skip when I last saw her.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55The thing is with skips, you never know you want one
0:24:55 > 0:24:57until you see someone else's.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59I've noticed that phenomenon before.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Anyway, Nina was right, she was never going to fill it up.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04FRONT DOOR OPENS
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Oh, she's not chucking her books out, is she?
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Because I bet Ralph has a few valuable ones.
0:25:16 > 0:25:18Are you in trouble?
0:25:18 > 0:25:20Not as such.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Uh-huh. You blamed me?
0:25:22 > 0:25:23No.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25- I blamed Malcolm.- Me?!
0:25:25 > 0:25:27Why me?
0:25:27 > 0:25:30- Told her it was your stuff.- What did you do that for?- I panicked.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32Why didn't you just panic and tell the truth?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34It's more common to lie, surely?
0:25:34 > 0:25:37Not on Colombo, it isn't, they just panic and tell the truth.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Well, to be fair to Nina, Ursula doesn't like me much.
0:25:39 > 0:25:42- She's great admirer of yours. - Now she thinks I'm a thief.
0:25:42 > 0:25:44Putting things in skips is not thieving.
0:25:44 > 0:25:46You are actually giving her things.
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Well, I'm sure she'll be eternally grateful for your broken hoover.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53But it is thieving, you're stealing her...her space.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Space? You can't steal space.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57You can steal anything if it costs money.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59And that space, it cost her money.
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Anyway, look, I wasn't stealing space, Malcolm. You were.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05That's what she thinks, anyway.
0:26:05 > 0:26:08You really are the limit, Nina!
0:26:09 > 0:26:12Where were you all this time, anyway?
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Oh, went to Nunney's for a cup of tea.
0:26:14 > 0:26:16Wa-hey!
0:26:16 > 0:26:20It wasn't like that. He lent me some books to read.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Thomas Hardy,
0:26:21 > 0:26:23Albert Ca-Camus?
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- Mm-hm.- And Sylvia Plath.
0:26:26 > 0:26:29Oh, dear, he wants you to hang yourself.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33And there were no implications?
0:26:33 > 0:26:35- I wasn't gone that long. - What are implications?
0:26:35 > 0:26:37Oh, sex, probably. If in doubt.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42- Now we've missed who it was! - It's Greg Norman.- Ugh...
0:26:42 > 0:26:44TV: 'Greg Norman, the Australian golfer...'
0:26:44 > 0:26:48- That's cheating, he's a golfer, not a bird-watcher.- JOE:- Yeah.
0:26:57 > 0:27:00He's given me some books to read, which is another pro.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03And there's still only one con.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06And according to my elders and betters, the one con -
0:27:06 > 0:27:09namely that I don't like him - is another pro anyway.
0:27:09 > 0:27:10So we're all set.
0:27:14 > 0:27:17Would Quavers be good for crisp sandwiches, do you think?
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Or would they go too soggy with the butter?
0:27:21 > 0:27:22Love, Nina.
0:27:49 > 0:27:54PS: Do you think that men's names are harder to say then women's?
0:27:54 > 0:27:56What do you mean, he has a difficult name?
0:27:56 > 0:27:58I find lots of men's names difficult.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00- Really?- Mm-hm.
0:28:00 > 0:28:01John?
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Difficult.
0:28:03 > 0:28:04Timothy.
0:28:04 > 0:28:05Difficult.
0:28:05 > 0:28:06Michael?
0:28:06 > 0:28:08Easy.
0:28:08 > 0:28:09Alf?
0:28:09 > 0:28:11- Oh, enough, shut up. - Did someone say Alf?