0:00:04 > 0:00:06A nice bit of cholesterol, that, love.
0:00:06 > 0:00:08Says the man who can't leave the ale alone.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11- Just a couple of pints after work! - Oh, a couple?- A couple!
0:00:11 > 0:00:12What time's kick off?
0:00:12 > 0:00:16Would you believe three? What about you, what are you doing today?
0:00:16 > 0:00:18- Shopping.- Go on!
0:00:18 > 0:00:22Funny. Go on, give our Daniel a shout. Tell him his breakfast's ready.
0:00:22 > 0:00:23Dan!
0:00:24 > 0:00:26Dan!
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Dan!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37You're on that thing morning, noon and night.
0:00:37 > 0:00:39- Food!- Privacy!
0:00:54 > 0:00:57- Mum?- Yes, love. - I pay my keep, right?
0:00:57 > 0:01:00I know it's only a part-time job, but I still pay?
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- Yeah.- Well, when does that room I stay in become mine?
0:01:03 > 0:01:06- I don't get you.- Oh, here we go...
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- What have you done now?- Nothing!
0:01:09 > 0:01:13So anyone can just, like, barge in when they want?
0:01:13 > 0:01:15You're supposed to knock.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17He's always on the computer, he never would have heard me!
0:01:17 > 0:01:19I'd have heard a knock.
0:01:19 > 0:01:23- Happy birthday, Dad!- Thanks.
0:01:23 > 0:01:28- You've no manners, you know that. - It's- my- house!- It's his room!
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Oh, I'm getting ready for the match.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32But you've loads of time yet.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- Pub first.- Go 'way!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Yeah, I need a pint.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Three hours?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Must be some pint, that.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43- I knew I should never have married you.- My mum warned me.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45Wish she'd have bloody warned me.
0:01:45 > 0:01:46Excuse me!
0:01:47 > 0:01:49You going out?
0:01:49 > 0:01:52Yeah, yeah. Might buy myself something.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55- D'you want me to come?- No... I mean,
0:01:55 > 0:01:57you'll be bored after ten minutes.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- What time you gonna be in then? - Why do you want to know what time we're in and out?
0:02:01 > 0:02:04I'm just showing a bit of interest in my parents, that's all.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06- Have you got a girl coming back?- No.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10Well, if you do, just make sure your room's tidy.
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- (He's gonna bring a girl back!) - (Just shut up!)
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Thanks for that, son!
0:02:20 > 0:02:21OK, I'll see you later.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24- Yeah.- I'll text you when I'm coming home so you can...
0:02:24 > 0:02:26What?
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Well, you know... make yourself decent.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- Mum! Just go out, will you!- OK.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42All the best, lad.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46- Oh, erm, thanks very much... - Number 18, Jake?- How did you know?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- Shall I put you down for 18? - Laura mentioned it.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Laura? 18, yeah.
0:03:51 > 0:03:53Yeah, I was in her shop the other day, you know.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55It's the other side of town, though, innit?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- D'you wanna go?- No.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01- Yeah, I was working over there, you know, central heating job.- Oh, yeah.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04Why don't you ever play the spot the ball, Les?
0:04:04 > 0:04:06I like to keep an eye on my cash.
0:04:10 > 0:04:14And the ladies. Don't like him.
0:04:14 > 0:04:15Doesn't bother me.
0:04:15 > 0:04:18Just watch the sleaze with your Laura.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20They know each other from school.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23- He fancies her rotten.- He fancies everything with a pulse.
0:04:23 > 0:04:25Laura's got a pulse.
0:04:25 > 0:04:27Yeah. But it's my finger on it.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17- Shall we go then, yeah? - Yeah. Come on, drink up.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30- Er... me season ticket!- You haven't left it at home, have you?! - Yeah, I think I have.
0:05:30 > 0:05:35- You're such a dope!- It's all right, we'll pick it up on the way, I'll get a taxi.
0:06:06 > 0:06:07FRONT DOOR CLOSES
0:06:07 > 0:06:09Dan!
0:06:16 > 0:06:18I left me season ticket, Dan.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34Oh, what!
0:06:46 > 0:06:48Oh. Genius!
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Oh, oh, what.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Oh, you are kidding me!
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Happy birthday to me!
0:07:05 > 0:07:08CAR HORN
0:07:08 > 0:07:11Yeah, all right, all right!
0:07:25 > 0:07:28- Did you catch her with the milkman? - The milkman had no chance.
0:07:28 > 0:07:31Happy birthday, Jakey boy. Come on!
0:07:31 > 0:07:35Fill your boots! I know what I'm getting for me birthday this year! Yes!
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Hey, would you go the chippy for us while I get ready.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00- Yeah.- Get me a fish, and get yourself whatever you want.
0:08:00 > 0:08:04I don't know what I'm going to wear, you know, I couldn't find anything in town.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30# He saw a sign for a stock car race
0:08:30 > 0:08:34# A thousand dollar prize, it read
0:08:34 > 0:08:38# He couldn't get Laura on the phone
0:08:38 > 0:08:43# So to her mother, Tommy said
0:08:43 > 0:08:47# Tell Laura I love her
0:08:47 > 0:08:51# Tell Laura I need her
0:08:51 > 0:08:55# Tell Laura I may be late
0:08:55 > 0:08:57# There's something to do
0:08:57 > 0:09:01# That just won't wait. #
0:09:05 > 0:09:11# Sometimes it's hard to be a woman
0:09:14 > 0:09:21# Giving all your love to just one man
0:09:23 > 0:09:27# You'll have the bad times
0:09:28 > 0:09:31# And you'll have the good times
0:09:32 > 0:09:38# Doing things you don't understand
0:09:42 > 0:09:48# And if you love him, you'll forgive him...
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Nice song, Les.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Yeah. She's good.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59I meant yours.
0:09:59 > 0:10:02Ah, just a bit of fun.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Really hope so.
0:10:06 > 0:10:07Just a bit of fun, Jake.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23Wouldn't want you to look a mess outside now, would we, Les?
0:10:23 > 0:10:27# Give him two arms to cling to
0:10:27 > 0:10:31# And somewhere warm to come to...
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Aye-aye, Dan, see anything you like? You just window shopping?
0:10:47 > 0:10:49Like father like son, eh!
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Hey, are you looking at my missus or yours!
0:10:52 > 0:10:53Eh?
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Oh, no, not for me. I'm taking it easy tonight!
0:10:57 > 0:11:01And we all know why, don't we, eh?
0:11:01 > 0:11:05He's in for a treat. He found Laura's sexy basque today.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07- Whorrr!- Not in front of the lad!
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Ah, he knows the score.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12- Just ignore him, Dan, yeah. - He's a good lad!
0:11:12 > 0:11:15That's his mum you're talking about.
0:11:22 > 0:11:24Goodnight, everyone, it was a lovely time.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Someone's in for a good time tonight, eh!
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Get in there, my son!
0:11:28 > 0:11:30Shut it, Tony!
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Miss Whiplash!
0:11:34 > 0:11:36- What was all that about? - Oh, just ignore him, he's drunk!
0:11:40 > 0:11:42It was your birthday after all. >
0:11:42 > 0:11:46I can't believe you're still sober.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51That's a thing...
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Where did you sneak off to while I was singing?
0:11:53 > 0:11:55I mean, you picked it for me.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58Everyone else had to suffer it so why not you?
0:12:01 > 0:12:04It doesn't exactly fill you with confidence
0:12:04 > 0:12:10when you start singing and then your husband flees the room.
0:12:12 > 0:12:16It was your birthday.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31I had a problem today.
0:12:31 > 0:12:36- TOILET FLUSHES - My dad found some of my stuff.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39- I thought...- What? - You know, I thought...
0:12:39 > 0:12:44'Me red basque,
0:12:45 > 0:12:47'and silky underwear
0:12:48 > 0:12:50'and stockings.'
0:12:50 > 0:12:51Very, very sexy(!)
0:13:00 > 0:13:03Goodnight, love.
0:13:16 > 0:13:19Oh, please, turn it off. >
0:13:20 > 0:13:21What's going on? >
0:13:21 > 0:13:23It's me birthday.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25I'm just tired. We're drunk.
0:13:25 > 0:13:30- I'm not drunk!- I'll tell you what, OK, I'll make it up to you tomorrow.
0:13:31 > 0:13:33Please, just please turn it off.
0:13:33 > 0:13:35Oh, please...
0:13:47 > 0:13:51Hey! Hey! Hey!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Are you thick! I'm sick of this.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55Every time you deliver it it's ripped to shreds...
0:13:55 > 0:14:00- Act your age, not your shoe size. - Take the magazine out first. Are you stupid?
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Soft lad! No brain!- Jake!
0:14:03 > 0:14:05- Wha...! What?- Behave, slap head!
0:14:05 > 0:14:10- I'm gonna' complain about you! - Jake, would you come in here now! - Me dad'll sort you out!
0:14:10 > 0:14:14Well, bring your Dad, bring your Dad down here now! And your uncle, everybody! What?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- Look!- What is the matter with you, for God's sake?!
0:14:16 > 0:14:19- Look at this! Stupid paper lad!- Get in here!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21What is the matter with you!
0:14:21 > 0:14:23That paper lad! Stupid!
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- Oh, for God's sake it's only a newspaper.- Do you pay for it, do you?
0:14:26 > 0:14:28You know what? There's something wrong with you.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31You should be out there as well, at least filling him in!
0:14:31 > 0:14:33- He's only 13!- So!
0:14:33 > 0:14:35It's your blood sugar.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- Rubbish!- Oh, you know what, calm down. Mind. The plate's hot.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45What?
0:14:45 > 0:14:47I've got indigestion.
0:14:47 > 0:14:53- Ah, well that's cos you had too much ale last night. - Actually, I had less. For a reason.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Should have got trolleyed, shouldn't I?
0:14:55 > 0:14:59- Yeah, well, maybe you should take a tablet then. - Haven't got any, have I?
0:14:59 > 0:15:03- You could have told me before I started cooking. - It's only just come on.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04It's OK, I'll have it!
0:15:04 > 0:15:08No, no, no, that is not the point. He wakes up with a hangover, and everyone...
0:15:08 > 0:15:11- I have not got a hangover! - Everyone else has to suffer.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- Dad! Just ease up, eh?- Ease up!
0:15:14 > 0:15:16It's got nothing to do with you, has it?
0:15:16 > 0:15:20You know what, you should just take your tea in there, will you?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48The under-15s are playing at home. You coming down?
0:15:49 > 0:15:52It's the Sunday Youth Cup.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- Go on then, I'll follow you down. - Nice one!
0:15:55 > 0:15:57See ya!
0:15:57 > 0:15:59Dinner, three o'clock.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03My mum and dad are coming. Don't forget!
0:16:05 > 0:16:08Not even a ta-ra.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11Does my head in sometimes.
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- Just let it go, eh, Mum. - Well, why should I?
0:16:13 > 0:16:16Just cos he didn't get his way.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31- All right, see you later. - Take it easy.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Good game, that, wasn't it?
0:16:33 > 0:16:35- That Jones lad's all right, isn't he?- Yeah.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Did you get your birthday present there, Jakey?
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Shut up.
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Two pints of lager, please.
0:16:44 > 0:16:46What about me Nan and Granddad?
0:16:46 > 0:16:50- Plenty of time.- Well, I said, I'd help me mum, so d'ya wanna...
0:16:50 > 0:16:54If you want. Just one pint, please.
0:16:56 > 0:17:01- She did say three o'clock, you know. - Half an hour from now, that is.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- Come on, you're already in her bad books.- Me!
0:17:04 > 0:17:06I'm the good guy here.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08Whatever! Just forget it then.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10When till you get married, son.
0:17:10 > 0:17:13Women, they're a different, different breed from us. They just don't get it.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17She's gonna go spare.
0:17:17 > 0:17:19Well, if you're worried, there's the door.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26It's twenty past three! I'm gonna kill him!
0:17:29 > 0:17:31Can you take that out of the oven?
0:17:35 > 0:17:36Be ready soon. Just waiting on Jake.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39- As usual.- Hush, woman.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42- Godot.- We're guests in his house.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Where is he?
0:17:46 > 0:17:49He's only having a pint.
0:17:49 > 0:17:53- He's always having a pint...- Aagh!
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Um, just wait there! Don't worry.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03Are you OK?
0:18:03 > 0:18:04- I've burnt myself!- Oh!
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Where's the lamb?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08- Everything OK?- Yes!
0:18:08 > 0:18:12Yes, Mum, everything's fine, don't worry, just sit down and relax, OK!
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Do you need any help?
0:18:14 > 0:18:16< No, no. We're nearly done.
0:18:31 > 0:18:32Say nothing.
0:18:33 > 0:18:36It's fresh litter.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39You wouldn't be running around if he was here to help you.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41We're nearly done, OK?
0:18:41 > 0:18:47Listen, you run that under the tap when you've finished sorting out your burn, OK?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58- They collect it then put it in a jar! Have you seen that?- No, no, no! - MOBILE RINGS
0:18:58 > 0:19:00- That is disgusting!- No, I haven't.
0:19:01 > 0:19:05- Do you want a pint? Pint? Pint? - Yeah go ahead. Yeah.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08Four pints, please, love!
0:19:14 > 0:19:19You know something, if you turn out like your father, I'm gonna kill you!
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Come on, Mum, he's not always like this.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23Oh, would you open your eyes! Of course he is!
0:19:23 > 0:19:27Whenever anything doesn't go his way, he makes life a complete misery for everyone else.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31- Well, maybe he's just forgot the time.- Oh, really? Is that why he cut my call?
0:19:39 > 0:19:40Daniel burnt his hand.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Is he OK?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44Yes.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46Have you tried phoning him?
0:19:46 > 0:19:48- Yeah.- And?
0:19:50 > 0:19:52- His phone isn't working. - Switched off, you mean.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Hey, hey! Give it a rest.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58No. He always makes himself scarce when we come over.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- You.- What?- When- you- come over.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05I can't say that I blame him.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08I seen Les the plumber the other day.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10He's always asking about you.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12He'd have made a better husband.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14And your taps wouldn't drip.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16He's got a bit of respect for people.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18And for family. I mean, this is just an insult.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Mum, would you ever just shut it!
0:20:29 > 0:20:31You're letting her down, mate.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- She let me down.- It's only a bit of slap and tickle.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36It's me birthday. We always...
0:20:36 > 0:20:40on my birthday. And why buy all that gear if you're not going to wear it?
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Maybe she's teasing you.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Oh, right, yeah, yeah(!)
0:20:45 > 0:20:46Pints, yeah?
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Four pints, please.
0:20:59 > 0:21:00Mmm, Mmm.
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Nice bit of lamb, that, lad.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15Happy birthday.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34- See ya!- Goodbye, love.- Ta-ra! - Ta-ra, Granddad.- Safe home, Dad. - See ya later.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39Right. Two can play at that game.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- You're only gonna make things worse. - How do you work that out?
0:22:13 > 0:22:16Well, he'll come in drunk, then you will, you'll just row.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Well, he started it by not coming home.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22I mean I know your nan can be a bit demanding sometimes,
0:22:22 > 0:22:24but what, she comes here twice a year.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28I just hate it when you argue.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32Well, that's marriage for you.
0:22:32 > 0:22:36You've got to take the rough with the rougher.
0:22:37 > 0:22:40You fall in love, you get married...
0:22:41 > 0:22:43..then five years later,
0:22:43 > 0:22:45whoosh. Down the pan.
0:22:45 > 0:22:48So what are you saying? You and me dad aren't in love?
0:22:48 > 0:22:52Oh, yeah, of course. But it doesn't stop me wanting to kill him.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Listen, after 20 years,
0:22:55 > 0:22:59it's a getting-on-with-it type of thing now, you know, Daniel.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Well, that's something.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06Well, I wouldn't swap your dad for the world.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12Even though he can a miserable, ignorant pig sometimes.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16I mean you saw him last night.
0:23:16 > 0:23:20There was I screaming Stand By Your Man,
0:23:20 > 0:23:23and what did my man do? Walk out.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25He's a pig!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34- That one.- What, this one?
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Yeah.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39You know I do all of this for him, you know.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42And does he notice? No way.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45He can't see past the pint glass in his hand.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50I've been trying to remember
0:23:50 > 0:23:53why I asked him to marry me in the first place?
0:23:55 > 0:23:57It wasn't his receding hairline.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Wasn't his beer belly.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05And it certainly wasn't his cash.
0:24:15 > 0:24:16It was your nan!
0:24:17 > 0:24:19I couldn't wait to get away.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27It's not easy being a woman, you know.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30You make it look easy.
0:25:07 > 0:25:08BEEPING
0:25:19 > 0:25:21"How's it going?"
0:25:21 > 0:25:25- There's a storm brewing here, mate. - I'm sure it'll blow over.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27I don't know.
0:25:27 > 0:25:28Are you on your own?
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Sister's in the other room. I've just borrowed her make up.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35- She knows?- Yeah.
0:25:35 > 0:25:37She's not bothered.
0:25:37 > 0:25:40Just been watching my mum put this new lippy on.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43It really glosses her lips. Brings out the shape and everything.
0:25:43 > 0:25:47I've got it. It's new Botox formula, I've got it somewhere here.
0:25:47 > 0:25:49Actually, I have something that you'll love!
0:25:53 > 0:25:57- Look at these.- Smooth, them, mate! - It's the accessories that make it.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- Wouldn't you just die for these. - Definitely!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I suppose I should go home, eh, soon.
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Sooner you than me, mate.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19She'll kill ya...
0:26:32 > 0:26:35I just wish I could walk down the street and show everyone.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38- So why don't you? - It's me mum and dad, innit?
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Well... you can't keep it secret forever.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46Me mum'd probably be OK but...
0:26:46 > 0:26:49me Dad,
0:26:49 > 0:26:51he's a man's man, in't he?
0:26:51 > 0:26:55He likes the boxing, the racing, the match, the beer.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Yeah and, er, we like those things too, so?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03That's the problem though, innit?
0:27:03 > 0:27:06I want the best of both worlds. The man's and the woman's stuff.
0:27:11 > 0:27:14You're gonna have to make a decision.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15I don't know.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- It could just be a phase I'm going through.- A phase?
0:27:18 > 0:27:20How long have you done this?
0:27:22 > 0:27:25- Ten years.- Long phase.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28DOOR CLOSES
0:27:28 > 0:27:30- Wait there. - Dan!
0:27:30 > 0:27:33Me dad's coming. I'm gonna have to go, mate.
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- Dan?- What?- Where's your mum?
0:27:39 > 0:27:40She's gone out.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42- Where?- I don't know, Dad.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52PHONE RINGS
0:27:58 > 0:28:00RINGING CONTINUES
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- Why's this here?- You keep asking me questions. I don't know.
0:28:08 > 0:28:10Your mum always has her phone on her.
0:28:10 > 0:28:13- She just got ready and went out. - Why?- Cos she was in a nark.
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Yeah, well, now I'm in a nark now.
0:28:15 > 0:28:18Just go to sleep. You'll be all right in the morning.
0:28:24 > 0:28:25Hey!
0:28:36 > 0:28:38What's this?
0:28:38 > 0:28:40What's this, what's this?
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Lamb.
0:28:48 > 0:28:51- Did your mum say where she was going?- No.
0:28:51 > 0:28:52Is it nice?
0:28:52 > 0:28:56- Mmm, yeah. Or who with?- No.
0:28:56 > 0:28:59- Well, why didn't you ask her? - Well, why should I?
0:28:59 > 0:29:01- Has she gone to your man's? - I doubt it.
0:29:01 > 0:29:04- You were meant to be here, remember?- Yeah.
0:29:05 > 0:29:08- Did anyone ring her? - I couldn't tell you.
0:29:08 > 0:29:11She's probably done the same as you,
0:29:11 > 0:29:13- gone to the pub with her mates.- Nah.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16She needs a month's notice when she does that.
0:29:18 > 0:29:20PHONE RINGS
0:29:26 > 0:29:29- Laura! I was ringing you.- Hiya.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36Les! Who's Les!
0:29:40 > 0:29:42That slimeball!
0:29:42 > 0:29:44- Things are kicking off. - CROCKERY BREAKS
0:29:51 > 0:29:56- I was just absolutely made up, you know.- They're lovely.
0:29:56 > 0:29:58PHONE RINGING Well, yeah, cos 75% off,
0:29:58 > 0:30:01- and they're really comfortable. - Are they? They look it!
0:30:01 > 0:30:05- I really love them. - Oh, it's your mobile?
0:30:05 > 0:30:06Huh?
0:30:07 > 0:30:09Oh, that'll be Jake.
0:30:13 > 0:30:15- You all right? - Yeah, no, I'm fine, I'm fine.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19Cut me off!
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Dan!
0:30:38 > 0:30:39Dan!
0:30:39 > 0:30:42- Dan, did your mum get a taxi? - Dad! Yes!
0:30:42 > 0:30:44- Who's that?- Just a friend.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Yeah, my advice? Just stay friends.
0:30:46 > 0:30:50- I'm in conversation here.- Er, did your mum have anything with her?
0:30:50 > 0:30:54- Like what? - Like a big bag of clothes!- No!
0:30:57 > 0:30:59What do I do?
0:30:59 > 0:31:00Good luck!
0:31:02 > 0:31:03Lesley?
0:31:03 > 0:31:06- Lesley!- What?- The round?
0:31:06 > 0:31:08Oh, yeah. I'll come with you.
0:31:10 > 0:31:14No, it's OK don't worry about it...
0:31:15 > 0:31:17I'm starving, I didn't eat...
0:31:26 > 0:31:28Jake's a nice fella, you know.
0:31:28 > 0:31:31He just likes his pint is all.
0:31:31 > 0:31:33Doesn't stray or nothing, not like my fella.
0:31:33 > 0:31:35There is that, I suppose.
0:31:35 > 0:31:38- At least you know you can trust each other.- Yeah.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40'I know Jake would never carry on.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42'And he knows I wouldn't.
0:31:42 > 0:31:46'I mean I know we have our ups and downs,
0:31:46 > 0:31:48'he can be a bit moody sometimes...'
0:31:48 > 0:31:49But we're always gonna be OK.
0:31:49 > 0:31:51I trust him. And he trusts me.
0:31:54 > 0:31:56Thanks.
0:31:59 > 0:32:00Pint please, love.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04Jake was in earlier.
0:32:04 > 0:32:06Right.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10He gave me a bit of a warning last night.
0:32:10 > 0:32:14- What for?- Singing to you.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17Thought he was gonna give me a hammering.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20Ah, well, that's completely out of order.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22Yeah, well.
0:32:22 > 0:32:25The thing is, I'd take a hammering for you any day.
0:32:30 > 0:32:34- Remember when we were kids? - SHE CHUCKLES Yeah.
0:32:35 > 0:32:38Good times, Les. I've got my memories.
0:32:40 > 0:32:44You know, your mum thinks you should have married me.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46Oh, I know.
0:32:46 > 0:32:47What do you think?
0:32:56 > 0:32:59I've got the right man, Les.
0:33:12 > 0:33:15Hey!
0:33:15 > 0:33:16Go to bed, Dad.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19- Do one.- Come on! It's crazy.
0:33:19 > 0:33:20Just go to bed and go to sleep.
0:33:20 > 0:33:23I want to know exactly what time it is when she gets here.
0:33:47 > 0:33:51Oh, God, I am absolutely knackered these days.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54Oh, it's all right, be all right after a few of these!
0:34:09 > 0:34:11Final round.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15FRONT DOOR CLOSES
0:34:19 > 0:34:22- Oh, you're in, then? - Oh, I've been in ages.
0:34:22 > 0:34:25- Right.- Good night, was it?
0:34:25 > 0:34:27Yeah.
0:34:27 > 0:34:30- Where'd you go?- Out.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33Yeah, I know you went out. I was just wondering where to.
0:34:33 > 0:34:36Why would you be bothered?
0:34:36 > 0:34:40- Well, I am your husband. - And I'm your wife, don't forget!
0:34:41 > 0:34:43So where'd you go?
0:34:43 > 0:34:45For a drink. OK?
0:34:45 > 0:34:49- Yeah, who with?- A friend. - Oh, do I know this friend?
0:34:49 > 0:34:52I don't wanna do this any more. I don't know and I don't care.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54- Don't you?- No. And I'll tell you why.
0:34:54 > 0:34:56My ma and da came over here for dinner today,
0:34:56 > 0:34:58- and you couldn't be bothered to turn up.- I was busy.
0:34:58 > 0:35:02- I've been busy tonight.- Oh, I'll bet you have!- What are you doing?
0:35:05 > 0:35:09- Just checking what you were wearing. - You're mad.
0:35:09 > 0:35:12Yeah, I must be, mustn't I?
0:35:14 > 0:35:18- You leave your clothes with your friend, eh! Did you?- What clothes?
0:35:18 > 0:35:22- The basque? The little mini skirt, the other stuff?- Mini skirt!
0:35:22 > 0:35:24A basque! Are you nuts? I'm 39 years of age!
0:35:24 > 0:35:28- You won't wear 'em for me, will ya? - What are you babbling on about?
0:35:28 > 0:35:30- I found them.- Found what?
0:35:30 > 0:35:34Are you on drugs? Has somebody slipped you something?
0:35:34 > 0:35:37I haven't bought any clothes, you idiot! There are none to find.
0:35:37 > 0:35:40- You must have bought clothes to wear for someone!- I haven't!
0:35:40 > 0:35:44- Liar!- Don't you dare call me a liar!
0:35:44 > 0:35:46- Don't you dare!- Mum! Dad! Stop it! Let's just go to bed!
0:35:46 > 0:35:50- We're all tired.- I am not a liar! - Hey, Dan, right!
0:35:50 > 0:35:54Have you bought any women's clothes, eh?
0:35:54 > 0:35:57Have you? Stuff like a basque, little mini skirt,
0:35:57 > 0:36:01bras, that kind of thing? Well?
0:36:02 > 0:36:05Thank you. Exactly! No! And neither have I.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08So therefore they must belong to you.
0:36:08 > 0:36:11Stop it. Let's just stop it. Please.
0:36:11 > 0:36:15This is between me and your mum, why don't you button it and do one!
0:36:15 > 0:36:19Go to bed, OK. There's no point talking to him, he's such a pig!
0:36:21 > 0:36:23- You need to sort yourself out.- I do?
0:36:23 > 0:36:26I'm not the one who's carrying on.
0:36:26 > 0:36:31- What?- Yeah. I know everything.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34- SHE LAUGHS RUEFULLY - I know all about it!
0:36:41 > 0:36:43- Have you fed the cat?- What!
0:36:44 > 0:36:46Have you fed the cat?
0:36:46 > 0:36:49No! Who cares?
0:36:49 > 0:36:52We're in the middle of an argument and you ask me about the cat!
0:36:52 > 0:36:55That's cos the cat has more sense.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01So come on, then...
0:37:01 > 0:37:03What do you know?
0:37:03 > 0:37:06- Everything.- Like what? - I want you to tell me.
0:37:06 > 0:37:09- What? Tell you what? - Stop playing games, will you?
0:37:09 > 0:37:12If I knew what you wanted to hear, I'd tell you, but I haven't a clue.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15- So, come on, Sherlock! Give us a clue.- I'll give you a clue.
0:37:17 > 0:37:20First thing Monday, I'm going to ram me fist down lover boy's throat.
0:37:20 > 0:37:22Oh, that is so original!
0:37:22 > 0:37:25Couldn't be a stud or a gigolo, it's got to be a lover boy.
0:37:25 > 0:37:29- Just do me a favour and grow up! - Why don't you just admit it, eh? Eh?
0:37:29 > 0:37:31- You're having an affair! - In your head, maybe!
0:37:31 > 0:37:36- If you want another fella, go on, then.- What do I want another fella for? You're bad enough!
0:37:36 > 0:37:40- I'm going up to my bed. And you, you can stay down here. - Oh, no, no, no, no.
0:37:40 > 0:37:43You're not going anywhere until you've explained what's going on!
0:37:43 > 0:37:47- Nothing is happening!- You are carrying on with that slimeball Les!
0:37:47 > 0:37:49Les! Oh, do me a favour!
0:37:49 > 0:37:52The one who sings "Laura, I love you..."
0:37:52 > 0:37:54Is that why you pulled him in the pub last night?
0:37:54 > 0:37:58- Oh, he told you, did he?! - Yeah, in the pub tonight!
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Liar! You're carrying on with Les, aren't you!
0:38:00 > 0:38:04If I was gonna have an affair with anyone, it wouldn't be Les!
0:38:04 > 0:38:07- I had enough of him when I was a kid! - Yous two weren't together tonight?
0:38:07 > 0:38:11- Correct! - He rang your phone, you stupid mare!
0:38:11 > 0:38:13I can't cope with this. I'm going to my ma's.
0:38:13 > 0:38:17- No, you're not!- Yes, I am! - No, you're not!
0:38:17 > 0:38:18SHE YELPS
0:38:18 > 0:38:20- Don't you... - There's the proof!
0:38:20 > 0:38:22..ever do that. Let me out!...
0:38:22 > 0:38:23- No!- This is...
0:38:23 > 0:38:26- Where are the clothes? - There are no clothes!
0:38:26 > 0:38:29- It's too late! Just tell me! - There are no clothes!
0:38:29 > 0:38:32Mum! Dad!
0:38:38 > 0:38:40I'm sorry.
0:38:44 > 0:38:46I'm sorry.
0:38:46 > 0:38:47HE SOBS
0:38:47 > 0:38:48I'm sorry.
0:39:01 > 0:39:03Have you got a girl coming back or something?
0:39:03 > 0:39:05Aye, aye, Dan, see anything you like?
0:39:05 > 0:39:07Have you bought any women's clothes?
0:39:10 > 0:39:14- It's not easy being a woman, you know.- You make it look easy.
0:39:14 > 0:39:17A basque, a mini skirt, me? Are you nuts? I'm 39 years of age!
0:39:53 > 0:39:57Erm, me taxi's here.
0:40:20 > 0:40:23# Moving on
0:40:23 > 0:40:28# Moving on
0:40:30 > 0:40:32# Some people say
0:40:32 > 0:40:38# Some things you can never change
0:40:40 > 0:40:43# Some people say
0:40:43 > 0:40:47# Sometimes you can get it wrong
0:40:50 > 0:40:51# It's time
0:40:51 > 0:40:56# Time for moving on
0:41:03 > 0:41:07# Moving on
0:41:14 > 0:41:17# Maybe if I'd had a better plan
0:41:18 > 0:41:22# Maybe I would not be where I am
0:41:23 > 0:41:27# Maybe I'll find the courage and the strength
0:41:27 > 0:41:31# To make a stand
0:41:31 > 0:41:36# Moving on
0:41:37 > 0:41:39# Moving on...
0:41:39 > 0:41:41Happy Birthday, Mum!
0:41:41 > 0:41:43Thank you!
0:41:43 > 0:41:45# ..Some people say
0:41:45 > 0:41:49# Some things you can never change
0:41:53 > 0:41:54# Some people say
0:41:54 > 0:41:59# Sometimes you can get it wrong...
0:41:59 > 0:42:01D'you fancy a pint?
0:42:02 > 0:42:04- Nice one.- Right.
0:42:04 > 0:42:10# ..Time for moving on
0:42:11 > 0:42:13# I
0:42:13 > 0:42:15# I, I
0:42:15 > 0:42:20# I can't turn back the clock
0:42:21 > 0:42:23# And I
0:42:23 > 0:42:24# I, I
0:42:24 > 0:42:29# This old world I can't stop
0:42:31 > 0:42:32# And I
0:42:32 > 0:42:34# I, I
0:42:35 > 0:42:41# Well, I have to be strong... #