0:00:18 > 0:00:19I need money for school.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21What for this time?
0:00:21 > 0:00:23Design technology, ten pound.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27I've made a wooden fish, it's pine, got real glass eyes.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Hurry up!
0:00:29 > 0:00:31Lee, training tonight, don't forget.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33I'll pick you up.
0:00:33 > 0:00:38- You won't have time. - I'll make time, I'll drop him off then go straight to work.- Right!
0:00:38 > 0:00:40For a tenner,
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- it should be carved in gold. - But then, the cat would eat it...
0:00:43 > 0:00:45cos it would be a goldfish!
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Don't encourage him.
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Make sure you get brushes and turps.
0:00:49 > 0:00:53- I know.- So, are we definitely going to Portugal, half term?
0:00:53 > 0:00:55- Who mentioned holidays? - Make sure you get the correct paint.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- Silk, not matt.- Mum's got brochures.
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- Oh, has she now?- Light bulbs, you keep forgetting light bulbs.
0:01:06 > 0:01:09Hiya, it's Norman Harrison, I've got an appointment at 9:15.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- Yep. Take a seat.- Keys. Keys!
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Oh, um ...
0:01:19 > 0:01:25- Can't find them.- Don't say that. - I must've left them at home.- Here, get a taxi, we can't wait around.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27No toilets, no surgery.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Lee?
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Lee, where are you for God's sake? Lee?
0:01:38 > 0:01:41Right, they're not in the hall ...
0:01:41 > 0:01:47Can you check that I've not dropped my work keys in the car?
0:01:49 > 0:01:53I'm looking round the house now and...
0:01:53 > 0:01:55I've got a terrible feeling I dropped them in the car
0:01:55 > 0:01:58when I was rooting for money for Sam and that bloody fish...
0:02:53 > 0:02:56- You're where? - CAR HORN
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Sick. That's not like Sam.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01Well, they have to send them home if they vomit...
0:03:01 > 0:03:05Well, when you get back here, tell him he has to stay in bed and wait for me.
0:03:05 > 0:03:07- CAR HORN - No, I'm not overreacting.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09That's the best place for him.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11- I've got to go. - CAR HORN
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- Would you like to come through? - Oh, right. Thanks.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34'This is a recorded message for the Manor Road drop-in centre.
0:03:34 > 0:03:40'For free advice, please call in to our centre, we are open from 8am to 7pm.'
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Keep as wide as you can.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43Not the best of mornings.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45- No.- BP probe.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48- Jill's an extra care patient. That's right, isn't it Jill?- Yes.
0:03:48 > 0:03:52The crowns won't be an exact match but they will be very close.
0:03:52 > 0:03:55- OK.- Did you decide on a holiday?
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Portugal at half term. I'm going to book it, surprise Lee.
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Nearly done. There, all finished.
0:04:01 > 0:04:02There's some tissue and mouthwash.
0:04:02 > 0:04:06- Thanks a lot.- I could do with a fortnight in Madeira myself.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10- We'll see you in a few weeks, Jill. - Great, thanks a lot.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12- Bye.- Bye.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Do you think she's a drug user?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18None of our business. There are other ways of catching Hep C.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21- She doesn't look like one. - Their teeth tell the story.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24We're getting more and more of them.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- What, addicts?- Extra care patients.
0:04:27 > 0:04:28What, because more kids are using drugs?
0:04:28 > 0:04:30More practices going private.
0:04:30 > 0:04:33There's no chance of cross infection, don't worry.
0:04:36 > 0:04:39PHONE RINGS
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Hello, Mum...
0:04:44 > 0:04:46Yeah, I'm OK.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50Sam? He's fine.
0:04:50 > 0:04:54No, I'm just getting the bus, Lee's got the car.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55I know it's my car, but...
0:04:57 > 0:05:01Sounds lovely, I just put something in the slow cooker ...
0:05:01 > 0:05:05No, it's not being lazy. Look, I've got to go, my bus is coming.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07I'll ring you. Bye.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28And you had no idea?
0:05:28 > 0:05:31Would you like to tell me your name?
0:05:31 > 0:05:35- Not really.- OK. I'm afraid I do have to ask you a few questions.
0:05:35 > 0:05:36Where did you hear about us?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38The phonebook.
0:05:38 > 0:05:40And your son is 14?
0:05:42 > 0:05:43I need to know what it is.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Shall we start by discussing how you feel?
0:05:48 > 0:05:50How would you feel?
0:05:50 > 0:05:52We all have our own different viewpoints and opinions.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Can you just tell me what it is?
0:05:54 > 0:05:56It's not that straightforward.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I just wanted a quick word with somebody on the phone.
0:05:59 > 0:06:02The helpline was closed down, it couldn't keep up with demand.
0:06:02 > 0:06:07I know, it's crazy, isn't it? But talking face to face is often better.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10It's more difficult of course, but it makes it more real.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- It's real enough. - Would you like a cup of tea?
0:06:13 > 0:06:18I'm sorry, I know you're trying to be helpful, but I need to get home, can you just tell me what it is?
0:06:18 > 0:06:22I would get into trouble if I gave you the wrong information.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24Foil could be anything ...
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Cannabis, hash on foil.
0:06:26 > 0:06:31And the marks on the ashtray, blacky brown, sticky, a resin, not a resin?
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Possibly burnt match marks.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36The foil could just be the wrapping that it came in.
0:06:36 > 0:06:39Chasing the dragon perhaps.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41Smoking heroin.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46I know it's a bombshell, but if it was my son...
0:06:46 > 0:06:48If it was my son...
0:06:48 > 0:06:50I'd take him away from here.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53I'd keep him safe. I'd make him have therapy.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Yes, that's what I would do.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04- Sorry?- If it was my son.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06I'd have a gentle word.
0:07:06 > 0:07:10I'd just ask him casually, without making too big a deal about it.
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Is there anything that you want to tell me?
0:07:13 > 0:07:17Is there anything that you're doing that could be dangerous?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Ask him.
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- How do you feel?- Rough. - Why've you been sick?
0:07:40 > 0:07:42Do I look like a doctor?
0:07:44 > 0:07:48Sam... Do you want me to get you anything?
0:07:48 > 0:07:49A glass of water, I'll get up.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51You stay there, I'll get it.
0:08:04 > 0:08:08- What are you doing?- Looking. Sometimes you get notes.
0:08:08 > 0:08:13I'm not five. Anything they give to me, goes straight to you.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17- You should be in bed. - Glass of water? Pass us my phone.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19Who do you want to call? You're supposed to be ill.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21I'm not calling anyone. Just pass us my phone.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25You've still got your coat on.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28I'm cold. I'll get you that water.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54- Right, are these dirty? - I don't know.- Any dirty clothes?
0:08:54 > 0:08:58- That ten pounds, you needed it for school?- Yeah, I told you.
0:08:58 > 0:09:01- Have you been smoking?- Oh, don't start all that again.
0:09:13 > 0:09:16Did Lee get the light bulbs?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Don't think so. What's wrong with you? You're acting weird.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20I'll get you that paracetamol.
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Kirsty?
0:10:10 > 0:10:14- Kirst?- I'm in the shower.
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Sam's fast asleep.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23I've just checked on him. Beef smells lovely.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26I put it in the slow cooker.
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Brilliant, that slow cooker.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32- I found a glass ashtray today. - I thought we only had a green one.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34At first I just thought it was Sam's, smoking again.
0:10:34 > 0:10:39But there was tin foil and black marks round the edges.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45- He's doing drugs.- Drugs?
0:10:45 > 0:10:48No, not Sam. He could have been burning anything.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50They get up all sorts, don't they?
0:10:50 > 0:10:53Boys his age. Jokes, science experiments...
0:10:53 > 0:10:55- What's this?- It's for...
0:10:58 > 0:11:01I know what it's for.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03Why didn't you phone me? I would've come home.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05- I'm his mother. - And I'm not really his dad.
0:11:05 > 0:11:09I didn't mean that. I found this thing later.
0:11:12 > 0:11:15- Needles...- What should we do?
0:11:15 > 0:11:17Needles, it's my worst nightmare.
0:11:17 > 0:11:19Do you want me to talk to him?
0:11:21 > 0:11:23I'll do it.
0:11:25 > 0:11:26Lee, I'm frightened.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29I know, babe.
0:11:29 > 0:11:30So am I.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14- Come downstairs.- Why?
0:12:14 > 0:12:17It's not his, it's mine.
0:12:31 > 0:12:35It's not Sam's needle bin, it's mine. I can't let you accuse him, because it's me.
0:12:35 > 0:12:39You're lying, taking the blame for him. He's at that age, full of secrets and...
0:12:40 > 0:12:42Me and you, we're...
0:12:42 > 0:12:48- I know everything about you, I'd have to be a complete idiot not to know that you...- I'm the idiot.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50Professional clown.
0:12:52 > 0:12:53When?
0:12:57 > 0:13:00- How long?- Years before I met you.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02I don't want to talk about it.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Don't be ridiculous, we have to bloody talk about this.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08You've got to admit, it's better that it's me and not him.
0:13:08 > 0:13:12- What is it?- It's just something that I do occasionally.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16- It'll never affect you or Sam, I swear.- What is it?
0:13:16 > 0:13:17You really don't know?
0:13:22 > 0:13:23Brown.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28Heroin.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Shall I make us a cup of tea?
0:13:44 > 0:13:46I'll take that as a "no" then.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08Milkman.
0:14:13 > 0:14:14Do you want one?
0:14:18 > 0:14:21- Undesirables.- Who is?
0:14:21 > 0:14:24Doing what you do.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26Lowlifes, thieves, you mix with them.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Keep your voice down. I don't mix with anyone like that.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32What if they come to my house?
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- What if they decide... - There is no "they".
0:14:34 > 0:14:37I've not suddenly got a whole different life.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39That's exactly what you've got.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41A secret life filled with nasty people.
0:14:41 > 0:14:44You buy it from criminals.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Well, they don't give it away.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51Look, I don't stand in back alleys waiting for lunatics in flash cars.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I meet someone, a mate I went to school with and we go for coffee.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58Coffee?
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- Money?- Yes, please.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Do you owe? Have you got any debts?
0:15:08 > 0:15:09You lied to me.
0:15:09 > 0:15:13Last night's gravy all down my sleeve, I've only just washed this.
0:15:13 > 0:15:14Lee?
0:15:14 > 0:15:17No debts, arrears or favours owing.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19How much does it cost you?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Not as much as you spend on cigarettes.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45You lied to me.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48I've never lied.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49You could go to prison.
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- Don't walk away. - I'm not talking about it.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55What about Sam?
0:15:55 > 0:15:57Where's he in all this?
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- He could have found your things. - The ashtray was a one-off.
0:16:00 > 0:16:02I'd have cleared it away, you'd never have known. The other thing...
0:16:02 > 0:16:05Needles. The other thing was used needles.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08You only found because you were looking.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- We never go in the loft.- You're not the man I thought you were.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12I am. The same man I was yesterday.
0:16:12 > 0:16:14This stops, here and now!
0:16:21 > 0:16:24You can't. Can you?
0:16:25 > 0:16:29You're an addict, a real, proper addict.
0:16:31 > 0:16:33Don't you dare.
0:16:33 > 0:16:36Don't you dare equate this,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38or these to what you're doing.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Come here.
0:17:13 > 0:17:16This is why I couldn't tell you.
0:17:16 > 0:17:18You're killing yourself.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22It's poisoning your insides.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24You could die before me.
0:17:26 > 0:17:28Yeah, get run over by a bus.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31I used to say that to justify the cigs.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34It won't affect you.
0:17:34 > 0:17:36I promise.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38You can't promise me anything.
0:17:38 > 0:17:42Nothing's changed.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Nothing's changed? Are you stupid?
0:17:45 > 0:17:47I want a future.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51While you're using that stuff, you can't even promise me a tomorrow.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Are you sure you feel well enough?
0:17:59 > 0:18:02Yeah, I've had about a million hours sleep.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04- Your body must have needed it. - How far did you go?
0:18:04 > 0:18:06Three times round the park.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08You're insane.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Feed the cat, will you? I think your mum's forgot.
0:18:10 > 0:18:11All right.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22I'm going to start the painting today.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24Undercoat the skirting boards.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- I can paint.- You can do the doors.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28- Class.- Stop the car.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- What do you mean? - Stop the car and pull over.
0:18:30 > 0:18:31Double yellows.
0:18:31 > 0:18:34- Just do it, will you?- Why?
0:18:40 > 0:18:45- You can't drive.- Why can't he drive? - Because he can't, now change places.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- Give me a second. - I'll be late for school.
0:18:47 > 0:18:49There are cars coming at 90mph. Do you want me to get killed?
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Well, you'll have to slide round me.
0:18:51 > 0:18:53I don't believe this.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Will someone tell me what's going on?
0:19:10 > 0:19:12Work hard, I love you.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I will.
0:19:15 > 0:19:16Have you two had a row?
0:19:24 > 0:19:25You're not insured.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28I was insured yesterday.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30- Who will know?- I'd know.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34If you had a smash, they might want to take blood. What if you killed someone?
0:19:34 > 0:19:37You're being ridiculous. If I can't drive, I can't get to work.
0:19:37 > 0:19:39- You should have thought of that before.- Oh, well, if I'd known that
0:19:39 > 0:19:42- 20 years ago, I wouldn't have touched the stuff(!)- Oh, shut up.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44- CAR HORN - Whoa!
0:19:50 > 0:19:53The way you drive, I might have to start drinking as well.
0:19:56 > 0:20:0020 years? Did you just say 20 years?
0:20:09 > 0:20:10Thank you.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12We've never been abroad.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15He says he loves camping.
0:20:15 > 0:20:16He can't get his heroin past Customs.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20He said he was afraid of flying.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23I even booked him an appointment with a bloody hypnotist!
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Has he said why he does it?
0:20:25 > 0:20:27No.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28Does he want to stop?
0:20:28 > 0:20:30I don't know.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34You said there were lots of options.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36For a young person, not for a long-term addict.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Anyway, after 20 years he's probably tried them all.
0:20:40 > 0:20:46- He's using a class A drug in your home.- Yeah.
0:20:46 > 0:20:50You shouldn't leave your son alone with him in the house, he might...
0:20:50 > 0:20:52No, no, no. Not with Sam there, he wouldn't.
0:20:52 > 0:20:55Yesterday, it didn't even occur to you that the ashtray might be his.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57How do you know what he would or wouldn't do?
0:20:57 > 0:21:00PHONE RINGS
0:21:00 > 0:21:03My mum's expecting me.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Why don't you go and see her? Maybe have a wee chat about all this.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09I don't get on with my mum, but I'm not trying to kill her.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12I want to help him. How bad can it be?
0:21:12 > 0:21:15He's not a mess, he keeps his DVDs in alphabetical order.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18Run for the hills.
0:21:18 > 0:21:19What?
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Tell him to leave.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39I want you to go.
0:21:41 > 0:21:42I don't have a choice.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44If it was just you and me, maybe.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Sam loves you too much.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52I'm not letting him watch you kill yourself.
0:21:52 > 0:21:56I knew. As soon as you put that bag on the table I knew it would end like this.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00So that's it, then?
0:22:01 > 0:22:05It doesn't have to be, you do have a choice.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07Some choice - give up or leave.
0:22:10 > 0:22:15- I love you.- And I love you.
0:22:18 > 0:22:20Show me.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24It's not about love.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Where's Lee?
0:23:15 > 0:23:16- Why won't it print? - Where's he gone?
0:23:16 > 0:23:20- I've checked the leads. - Have you two argued? - This computer's ancient.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Mum, where's he gone?
0:23:22 > 0:23:27He's staying at his mum's for a few days. She's not been well lately.
0:23:27 > 0:23:31Shift. Press print then OK.
0:23:31 > 0:23:33Drugs and HIV?
0:23:33 > 0:23:36It's for work.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39- When's he coming home? - Research for a course I'm doing.
0:23:41 > 0:23:43I don't know.
0:23:44 > 0:23:52# Does that make me crazy? Does that make me crazy?
0:23:52 > 0:23:57# Does that make me crazy? #
0:23:58 > 0:24:02- Can you take me to training after school? - Do you want some money?
0:24:02 > 0:24:05There's no point, it's two buses. I can't get there on time.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07I'm trying my best.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10How come you always mess things up?
0:24:10 > 0:24:14# But think twice
0:24:15 > 0:24:17# That's my only advice
0:24:20 > 0:24:21# Mmm, come on now
0:24:21 > 0:24:23# Who do you Who do you, who do you
0:24:23 > 0:24:26# Who do you think you are?
0:24:26 > 0:24:31# Ha, ha-ha, bless your soul
0:24:31 > 0:24:36# You really think you're in control Woo-ooh ooh-ooh... #
0:24:39 > 0:24:41I didn't know you were up.
0:24:41 > 0:24:43I've done my packed lunch.
0:24:45 > 0:24:50- I've fed the cat.- Have you been running around the park?
0:24:51 > 0:24:56- I'll clean up when I've finished school.- Are you running around the park hoping to see him?
0:24:59 > 0:25:05- Is it another woman? Is that why you threw him out?- No.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09It's worse.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I might be able to finish work early, take you to training.
0:25:15 > 0:25:17- Doesn't matter.- Why?
0:25:17 > 0:25:22I've missed too much, they've dropped me from the team.
0:25:22 > 0:25:27Erm, Grandma phoned. She's coming round tonight seeing as we, "Can't be bothered to go and see her."
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- 'Television, Coca Cola. Gambling.' - SHE MOUTHS
0:25:41 > 0:25:45- No.- Steal from you?- No.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48- Does he work?- Yeah. - It's not that bad, then, is it?
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- He's an addict.- We're all addicts. - You don't understand.
0:25:52 > 0:25:58- That's what addicts say.- Who actually has a problem here? Him or you?
0:25:58 > 0:26:00Cotton roll, please.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02You look a bit pale.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Migraine. I can't get rid of it.
0:26:04 > 0:26:07The holiday will do you good.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- I've changed my mind. Lee can't go. - That's a shame.
0:26:10 > 0:26:11Put your tongue forward for me.
0:26:11 > 0:26:16It's a rotten situation he's in...
0:26:16 > 0:26:19part-time casual work.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22When you don't work, they don't pay you.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Go on holiday and they find someone else.
0:26:25 > 0:26:28I'll need the high-speed and surgical blade. (Oh, zip.)
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Oh. Sorry.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33£6.40 that taxi cost me.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37Bus pass?! What's the use of a bus pass without buses.
0:26:37 > 0:26:396.40.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41I've been busy.
0:26:41 > 0:26:43Not busy cleaning.
0:26:47 > 0:26:48- Is Lee at work?- Yeah.
0:26:49 > 0:26:54He's gone, hasn't he? Bitten the dust.
0:26:54 > 0:26:56What do you mean?
0:26:56 > 0:27:01Oh, I can always tell. You've had enough men, one way or another.
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- I always know when they've gone. - He hasn't gone.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06Make sure the next one can decorate,
0:27:06 > 0:27:09that spare bedroom's still got bare walls.
0:27:09 > 0:27:11We're getting round to it.
0:27:11 > 0:27:15- Can't you find a man that's a bit handy.- All right, Gran.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19Hello, Shirley. Nice to see you. Been rugby training.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22It's a faff getting there, so Lee picked me up in a taxi.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24Taxi?! Must be made of money.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- I thought you weren't playing today? - Lee spoke to the coach.
0:27:27 > 0:27:29I told him it was my fault.
0:27:29 > 0:27:31- Cup of tea, Shirl? - Stay there, I'll make it.
0:27:31 > 0:27:34Going for a shower, Gran. I'm stinking.
0:27:37 > 0:27:40- Everything all right then, is it? - Yeah, why wouldn't it be?
0:27:40 > 0:27:43You've still not got around to decorating that spare bedroom.
0:27:43 > 0:27:46- I've bought the paint. - Do you want another scone?
0:27:46 > 0:27:51Yeah, that one were dry. And make sure tea's a bit stronger.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53I'm 75 and my house is spotless.
0:27:53 > 0:27:56- Always was. - Kirsty works full time,
0:27:56 > 0:27:59- you never did. Are you staying for tea?- I may as well.
0:27:59 > 0:28:05- Do you know how much it cost me to get here?- £6.40.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11Are you are going to stay?
0:28:11 > 0:28:14It'll be different this time with me helping you.
0:28:16 > 0:28:18What if I can't stop?
0:28:18 > 0:28:21You will. I can see it.
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Think positive.
0:28:24 > 0:28:26You just have to think positive.
0:28:39 > 0:28:40What are you doing?
0:28:40 > 0:28:44Right. The yellow leaflet is leisure centre classes, days and times.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46Blue one - swimming times.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49- Be active, that's the key. - I go running every morning.
0:28:49 > 0:28:54- Well, keeping occupied is going to take your mind off it. - Who wants mushrooms?- Me.- Not me.
0:28:54 > 0:28:58- Keep your voice down. - I want you to mark on the calendar, every time you...
0:28:58 > 0:29:01- You are joking?- Research shows it helps.- Research can sod of.
0:29:01 > 0:29:03Mark it on the calendar!
0:29:03 > 0:29:06In ink or blood?
0:29:06 > 0:29:07Lee - mushrooms, no egg.
0:29:07 > 0:29:10- Thanks.- Smells lovely.
0:29:10 > 0:29:15- How do you fancy abseiling? - TOGETHER: What?!
0:29:27 > 0:29:28Migraine.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56Thanks.
0:29:56 > 0:29:58OK.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07It's the loneliness that gets you.
0:30:07 > 0:30:09Terrified anybody will find out.
0:30:11 > 0:30:15No. They'd think I was a stupid cow, worse than him.
0:30:17 > 0:30:20No, I'm not suicidal.
0:30:20 > 0:30:22The computer helps.
0:30:22 > 0:30:24Message boards, advice.
0:30:26 > 0:30:28And then it hit me.
0:30:29 > 0:30:34There are other Kirstys talking about their Lees.
0:30:35 > 0:30:38I thought we were unique.
0:30:40 > 0:30:45Yeah, I'm still here.
0:30:45 > 0:30:48Right, we've got mint tea to help you sleep.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50Peppermint for digestion.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52Green tea for vitality.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54Milk thistle for your liver.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57Ginger tablets for sickness, antihistamines,
0:30:57 > 0:31:00and nicotine patches for me.
0:31:04 > 0:31:05- Swimming again?- Swimming again.
0:31:07 > 0:31:11Tennis. Circuit training.
0:31:11 > 0:31:13Badminton.
0:31:17 > 0:31:19Oh! Oh-ho!
0:31:21 > 0:31:24- The telly's dead. - It's probably a fuse.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27- Water's freezing.- Electric's gone. The fuse is in the shed.
0:31:27 > 0:31:31- Give me a minute. I'll do it. - You're not even dressed.
0:31:51 > 0:31:52What are you doing?
0:31:52 > 0:31:58Why hide it? I know now, so just tell me and put it on the calendar.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00It's that look in your eyes.
0:32:00 > 0:32:04- Which is why the calendar thing makes it easier. - It doesn't make it easier for me.
0:32:04 > 0:32:07- It's easier when I expect it. - Always expect.
0:32:09 > 0:32:14- What?- Expect to find it. That way you won't be disappointed because I'll keep failing.
0:32:16 > 0:32:19It doesn't matter if you fail.
0:32:20 > 0:32:22We'll keep trying.
0:32:33 > 0:32:37Here we are - Nonsense Anonymous.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40Don't worry. Be yourself. Everyone's the same as you.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20Believe me, it's full of lunatics, homeless losers.
0:33:20 > 0:33:23They only meet up at these places to score.
0:33:25 > 0:33:29- I can smell smoke. You've just had a cigarette.- Didn't enjoy it.
0:33:29 > 0:33:32Kept thinking of you trying to be strong.
0:33:32 > 0:33:35Don't blame your addiction on mine.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38- Going inside is a waste of time. - You're afraid.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40What have I got to be afraid of?
0:33:40 > 0:33:42Going inside and seeing what you could become.
0:33:54 > 0:33:57SHE CRIES
0:34:11 > 0:34:13HE BREATHES ERRATICALLY
0:34:18 > 0:34:25- We were going to play tennis. - You know what will happen if you carry on like this?
0:34:25 > 0:34:28Checking my phone, going through my pockets, following me around?
0:34:30 > 0:34:34- What?- You'll make me into a better liar.
0:34:37 > 0:34:39You looked shattered. Go to bed.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44Watch where you're going, OK?
0:34:44 > 0:34:46Yeah.
0:34:47 > 0:34:51- What happened?- You do know you've not got your name tag on?
0:34:51 > 0:34:55- That patient, what happened to her? - Oh, she tripped over a paving stone.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57Shame. Won't be able to fit her crowns now.
0:34:57 > 0:35:00Well, she was fine. She looked fine, didn't she?
0:35:00 > 0:35:03She wasn't too thin, like they're supposed to be.
0:35:03 > 0:35:08- She was polite and well dressed, wasn't she?- I presume that's how it is with that sort of person.
0:35:08 > 0:35:10What do you mean 'that sort of person'?
0:35:10 > 0:35:12Drug addicts. Fine one minute, the next...
0:35:12 > 0:35:14Are you all right?
0:35:15 > 0:35:16What?
0:35:16 > 0:35:19Come on. Come on!
0:35:22 > 0:35:23Come on!
0:35:38 > 0:35:40I think I can make a difference.
0:35:40 > 0:35:42- Powerless.- Mum, the man I love is a drug addict.
0:35:42 > 0:35:44Is that the only man you can get?
0:35:44 > 0:35:45- I can't see... - INDISTINCT SPEECH
0:35:45 > 0:35:47I can make a difference.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49They have a chance in a loving environment.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51- The environment gets ruined. - Are you making love?
0:35:51 > 0:35:54- I can make a difference. - Get yourself tested.
0:35:54 > 0:35:56Inadequate, every man you get.
0:35:56 > 0:35:59- One bad bag and he's dead. - He's dead and your son finds him.
0:35:59 > 0:36:02- I can make a difference. - Expectations are the killer.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05- The queen of bad choices. - When they go out.
0:36:05 > 0:36:07Don't expect him to come back.
0:36:07 > 0:36:08You can't change them.
0:36:12 > 0:36:16I can. I can. I can make a difference.
0:36:18 > 0:36:19Mum?
0:36:19 > 0:36:21Mum, are you all right?
0:36:34 > 0:36:35What do you want? Eh?
0:36:37 > 0:36:40What do you want?
0:36:40 > 0:36:43What do you expect? What the hell do you want?
0:36:48 > 0:36:51What would you want if you were in my shoes?
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Will you pass me two parsnips?
0:37:11 > 0:37:13I'm trying to cut down.
0:37:14 > 0:37:16- What?- I've cut down.
0:37:16 > 0:37:18You want me to talk, well, I'm talking.
0:37:18 > 0:37:20Not here. We'll be home in a minute.
0:37:20 > 0:37:23- Answers come when they come. - How much have you cut down?
0:37:23 > 0:37:28- Half. Pay for the apples. - Stuff the apples.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31How do we talk about something this big, this terrible?
0:37:31 > 0:37:33I mean, where do I start?
0:37:33 > 0:37:35Guilt, shame, the money I spend?
0:37:35 > 0:37:39Death, that's a good place to start because I should have been dead years ago.
0:37:39 > 0:37:43The mates who've OD'd, the relationships I've screwed up.
0:37:43 > 0:37:47Everyone said, "Look at him. No friends, relationships, he's lost it."
0:37:47 > 0:37:50But on the gear you don't need friends, you don't need anything.
0:37:50 > 0:37:52It's like having sex. Better than sex.
0:37:52 > 0:37:55- Can you imagine that?- No.
0:37:55 > 0:37:59Heroin, it's everything. This sexy wonderful woman that you can't get enough of.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02Then you wake up one day and she's a nagging wife.
0:38:02 > 0:38:04You wake up again and she's an old hag,
0:38:04 > 0:38:07but you're chained to her and she can't get enough of you.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11In my nightmares...
0:38:13 > 0:38:18- ..I watch her eat me.- Lee. Lee.
0:38:20 > 0:38:24Then I met you and Sam and for the first time I was something more.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27You are more. You're a good person. Everyone likes you.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29I'm a clown. I play to the gallery.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32Oh, God. I wish you could see yourself like I see you.
0:38:32 > 0:38:36You're humble, you're patient with people I wouldn't give the time of day to -
0:38:36 > 0:38:39drunks, door-to-door salesmen, nutters who shout at traffic.
0:38:39 > 0:38:45- I can't do this!- You can. If you fail you'll try again.
0:38:45 > 0:38:48We'll keep trying together.
0:38:48 > 0:38:50Your body goes into meltdown.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53Snakes inside your skin, wriggling around.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56It's not like it is in the movies.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59What can I do?
0:39:00 > 0:39:03Just get the veggies, cook tea.
0:39:12 > 0:39:15- Detox centres. - More drugs inside than out.
0:39:15 > 0:39:19- Retreats?- Great food, great location, nothing like reality.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22- Psychologists? - Get lost.- Sober housing?
0:39:22 > 0:39:26- So called cos no-one's sober in 'em.- 12-step meetings? - God. No, thank you.
0:39:26 > 0:39:30- Acupuncture?- More needles. - Aromatherapy.- No.
0:39:30 > 0:39:35- Hypnosis, homeopathy, massage, meditation?- No.
0:39:35 > 0:39:37- Outdoor treatment centres? - Scraping...
0:39:47 > 0:39:49# Lays me down
0:39:49 > 0:39:50# With my mind she runs
0:39:50 > 0:39:52# Throughout the night
0:39:52 > 0:39:54# No need to fight
0:39:54 > 0:39:57# Never a frown... #
0:39:57 > 0:40:00- # Na-nah... # - Turn it off! Turn it off!
0:40:00 > 0:40:03What sort of person sings along to a song like that?
0:40:03 > 0:40:07What sort of person judges somebody by their bloody teeth?
0:40:07 > 0:40:09What sort of person doesn't understand?
0:40:11 > 0:40:14What sort of person...?
0:40:16 > 0:40:17What sort...?
0:40:27 > 0:40:29Lee's here.
0:40:29 > 0:40:33- Can I have your keys? - I'm coming back to work.
0:40:33 > 0:40:35Yes, yes.
0:40:37 > 0:40:43- I'm coming back to work.- Of course, but the drug cupboard keys?
0:40:43 > 0:40:45I think it's best if I keep those for now.
0:41:01 > 0:41:03Tell me, then.
0:41:03 > 0:41:04Has she got cancer or something?
0:41:04 > 0:41:08- No, nothing like that. She's not ill-ill.- So what's wrong with her?
0:41:08 > 0:41:13- It's complicated.- Lee, that's my mum lying there.- I know.
0:41:15 > 0:41:21- So do something. - What brought it on?- She's been under a lot of pressure, worrying.
0:41:21 > 0:41:26- Never content, that's her trouble. What are you going to do?- I don't know.
0:41:26 > 0:41:29- Is she addicted to something? - Making people happy.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32She doesn't get that from your side of the family.
0:41:39 > 0:41:41Sorry, I pressed coffee by mistake.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45Aw, thanks.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47I'll pretend it's tea.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50I couldn't stop, not even with patches or gum.
0:41:50 > 0:41:55- It doesn't matter. - I tell you to quit and I can't even give up the cigs.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57I'm useless.
0:41:57 > 0:42:03- Don't ever think that.- This is the best relationship I've ever had.
0:42:05 > 0:42:09You hold my hand when we're asleep.
0:42:09 > 0:42:12- I can't live without you. - Same here.
0:42:12 > 0:42:17But with you like this, I obsess, I imagine.
0:42:19 > 0:42:21- I was in a dark place.- I know.
0:42:21 > 0:42:25I can't put my life on hold until you're ready.
0:42:25 > 0:42:26I never asked you to.
0:42:27 > 0:42:31I have to... I have to be selfish.
0:42:32 > 0:42:38So when I'm OK...I'm going to go on holiday with Sam.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41Just me and Sam.
0:42:41 > 0:42:45I'm not even going to think about you. Just me and Sam.
0:42:46 > 0:42:47Good.
0:43:06 > 0:43:10Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:43:10 > 0:43:13E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk