0:00:10 > 0:00:13# Oh, yeah, they call me the recluse
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# Cos I don't go outside for nothing
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# No-one is gonna make me leave this room
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Oh, no, they can't tell me nothing
0:00:24 > 0:00:25# No way
0:00:25 > 0:00:28# You see I'm being a fool
0:00:29 > 0:00:33# Yes, so I don't care about being cool
0:00:33 > 0:00:36# What's it to you?
0:00:37 > 0:00:41# If I just stay here in this hole that I boarded into
0:00:41 > 0:00:43# Oh, yeah, they call me the recluse... #
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Hey.
0:00:46 > 0:00:49No blubbing, you. We don't want to embarrass the lad.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52# ..No-one is gonna make me leave this room
0:00:52 > 0:00:55# Oh, no, they can't tell me nothing
0:00:55 > 0:00:56# No way
0:00:56 > 0:00:59# You see, I ain't thinking clear
0:01:00 > 0:01:02# Yes, so I dunno
0:01:02 > 0:01:04# I'm feeling sorry for myself
0:01:04 > 0:01:06# Who asked you to interfere?
0:01:08 > 0:01:09# How would you really know
0:01:09 > 0:01:12# What is or isn't good for my health?
0:01:12 > 0:01:14# Why don't you leave me alone...? #
0:01:17 > 0:01:19Distraction number one. Lucky dog.
0:01:19 > 0:01:21# Get up out my soul
0:01:23 > 0:01:25# Why can't you just let me
0:01:25 > 0:01:27# Get through my time this way?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29# Oh, yeah, they call me the recluse
0:01:31 > 0:01:33# Cos I don't go outside for nothing... #
0:01:33 > 0:01:36So, you're all set? You've got your money?
0:01:36 > 0:01:39- Yeah. Yeah, that's everything. - Right. Come on, then, give us a hug.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Aww!
0:01:48 > 0:01:49# Can't tell me nothing
0:01:51 > 0:01:53# They can't tell me nothing
0:01:55 > 0:01:57# They can't tell me nothing
0:02:03 > 0:02:05# Sitting here by myself, looking mad at myself
0:02:05 > 0:02:07# Thinking I don't want to go out there
0:02:07 > 0:02:09# I don't need no help looking after myself
0:02:09 > 0:02:11# I've got everything I need right here
0:02:11 > 0:02:12# I ain't trying to impress anyone
0:02:12 > 0:02:14# In this cesspit jail I just don't care
0:02:14 > 0:02:16# I ain't gotta smell fresh for no woman
0:02:16 > 0:02:18# So I'm blessed not washing my skin or my hair
0:02:18 > 0:02:20# They can call me a recluse, they ain't gonna remove
0:02:20 > 0:02:23# Or cut me loose from this place, I'm locked in hiding. #
0:02:26 > 0:02:30Oh, this is taking the mickey now. I'll leave him another message.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Let me call him this time. You'll just fly off the handle.
0:02:33 > 0:02:36I don't work so he can lie in bed and go out on the town at night.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Who does he think he is, royalty?
0:02:40 > 0:02:44PHONE RINGS
0:02:44 > 0:02:46Have you seen Kieran? He's been gone ages.
0:02:46 > 0:02:51No. But he was saying some weird stuff before, man. Well weird.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Kieran? Kieran, are you in there?
0:02:55 > 0:02:59Look, why are you being like this again?
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- Answer machine.- Call him again.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Keep on calling till he answers. That'll sort him.
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Kieran?
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Kieran, open the door. You...
0:03:14 > 0:03:15you're scaring me now.
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Come on.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22DANCE MUSIC BLARES
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- Help me. There's something wrong. He's on the floor!- Huh?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- You need to, you need to open the door!- Kieran!
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- No, you need to break it down! You need to break it down.- Right.
0:03:32 > 0:03:34PHONE RINGS
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- Kieran, get up! - Wake up! Wake up, man! Come on!
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Um... Oh, George?
0:03:41 > 0:03:42PHONE CONTINUES TO RING
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Get him on his side!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46It's his mum.
0:03:46 > 0:03:47It...
0:03:47 > 0:03:50- Kieran, come on! - Shall we call an ambulance?
0:03:50 > 0:03:52Shut that phone up! Move!
0:03:54 > 0:03:56Hello?
0:03:56 > 0:03:58Sorry. Um...
0:03:58 > 0:04:00- love, is that you? Hello? - What's going on?
0:04:00 > 0:04:05I don't know. There's some girl. I can't hear what she's saying.
0:04:05 > 0:04:08- Hello.- Hiya. Yeah...- Could you put Kieran Murphy on, please?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10Sorry, I can't hear you. You're breaking up.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19If he thinks he can party for the next three years, he's got another thing coming.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Come on. He'll settle down. It's only his second semester.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26Too right, he will. Especially when I stop paying his rent.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33So, what did they say?
0:04:33 > 0:04:37Just if I can eat something and keep it down, then I can go.
0:04:39 > 0:04:42But you'll have to speak to someone on campus. A counsellor.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43I was hammered.
0:04:43 > 0:04:47I had a migraine, forgot how many pills I'd taken, that's it.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50Why were they asking all those questions?
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Just procedure.
0:04:53 > 0:04:54You should tell your parents.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58There's nothing to tell.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01- You have been stressing a lot. - Just like everyone else.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04- Yeah, well, you've missed loads of lectures.- My mum worries.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07All right? It's cool. Just leave it.
0:05:09 > 0:05:10- Do you want me to call?- No.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16Just...promise me you won't say anything about this to anyone.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19You promise?
0:05:21 > 0:05:23Yeah. Yeah, I promise.
0:05:26 > 0:05:31PHONE RINGS
0:05:31 > 0:05:32Hello?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Hoping me phone was off so you'd get away with leaving a message?
0:05:37 > 0:05:40Your mother's worried sick. What are you playing at, Kieran?
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I'm sorry, Dad.
0:05:44 > 0:05:45I'm sorry.
0:05:58 > 0:06:00Are you often sad or irritable?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02No.
0:06:02 > 0:06:06- Have you lost interest in activities you used to enjoy?- No.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10Have you noticed any weight loss or weight gain?
0:06:10 > 0:06:11No.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13Changes in sleep pattern?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15No.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17Have any trouble making decisions or concentrating?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19I'm not sure.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21Not sure?
0:06:24 > 0:06:25No.
0:06:26 > 0:06:29Thought you were joking. You know, "Not sure."
0:06:30 > 0:06:32Do you suffer from feelings of guilt?
0:06:32 > 0:06:36Look, I've been getting out of it a bit too much lately.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Missed the occasional lecture.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39It's fine.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41- Doesn't make me a nutter.- No-one's...
0:06:41 > 0:06:42This is a waste of time.
0:06:42 > 0:06:43Kieran.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45Kieran!
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Boots off before you go up them stairs.
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Hiya.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Tried our Kieran again. Still no answer.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Oh, he rang me earlier.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01Just after lunch. Lazy git!
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- He rang you?- Yeah. He was hoping to get away with leaving a message.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07You didn't fall out, did you?
0:07:07 > 0:07:09I told him what I thought.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11- And?- What could he say?
0:07:11 > 0:07:13He knows he's been out of order.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17So, everything all right with him?
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Yeah. He apologised.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23Did he manage to get that assignment finished?
0:07:23 > 0:07:24I assume so.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25He didn't say.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30What about that girl? That, um...Amy.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33- Is he still seeing her?- He doesn't talk to me about stuff like that.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Well, what else did he say?
0:07:35 > 0:07:38Look, I'm sorry, Dad.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39I'm sorry.
0:07:41 > 0:07:43John, what else did he say?
0:07:43 > 0:07:46I can't remember word for word.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48Did he say when he would call back?
0:07:48 > 0:07:49Yeah, tomorrow.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51He said he'd ring you tomorrow.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58COUNSELLOR'S VOICE DISTORTED: 'Can you concentrate,
0:07:58 > 0:08:00'remember things or make decisions?
0:08:00 > 0:08:03'Do you suffer from a lack of energy?
0:08:03 > 0:08:04'Inertia?
0:08:04 > 0:08:06'Have you lost any weight? Gained any weight?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08'Inertia. Have you lost any weight?
0:08:08 > 0:08:11'Are you often restless? Gained any weight?
0:08:11 > 0:08:14'Do you sometimes feel confused?
0:08:14 > 0:08:15'Are you sure?
0:08:15 > 0:08:18'Are you able to describe what you are feeling?
0:08:18 > 0:08:21'Restless. Confused. 'How do, how do you feel?
0:08:21 > 0:08:22'Kieran? Kieran?'
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Kieran?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27Look, if you're not into me, just say so and I'll go.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Promise you won't ever see or hear from me ever again.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- What?- You!
0:08:33 > 0:08:34You were miles away!
0:08:34 > 0:08:36I'm sorry.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- You're so bony, lately. - Yeah? Am I?
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Yeah. I wish I was that bony.
0:08:44 > 0:08:45No, you don't.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50What were you thinking about before?
0:08:50 > 0:08:52I need another extension on that assignment.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54You could try lying.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56"I was thinking about
0:08:56 > 0:08:57"how beautiful you are, Amy."
0:08:57 > 0:09:00Or, "Ooh, I was thinking about how you're the best girl
0:09:00 > 0:09:03"I've ever been with in my whole entire life."
0:09:03 > 0:09:05Something along those lines.
0:09:05 > 0:09:07You are beautiful, Amy.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11No lie. You're the most truthful thing I've got in my life.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16I haven't even started the reading for that essay yet.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18So start.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20The book's already been lent out.
0:09:20 > 0:09:24Yeah, it's because you never go to the library.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25I'd better go.
0:09:26 > 0:09:27Why?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30RINGTONE SOUNDS
0:09:30 > 0:09:33You know, if you want to... sort stuff out,
0:09:33 > 0:09:36just stop moaning about it and do it.
0:09:36 > 0:09:39Yeah. You're right. I'll get up early and make a start.
0:09:41 > 0:09:42What did the counsellor say?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44Nothing interesting.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47Um, I'll see you later.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01DOOR CLOSES
0:10:22 > 0:10:23- Ta.- Mwah!
0:10:27 > 0:10:29- Don't slam the... - DOOR SLAMS SHUT
0:10:29 > 0:10:31..door.
0:10:32 > 0:10:33Oops!
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- BOTH:- Phone!
0:11:01 > 0:11:05ALARM BUZZES
0:11:44 > 0:11:46KNOCK AT DOOR
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Kieran?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50If we want to go for breakfast before the lecture,
0:11:50 > 0:11:52George said he'd give us a lift in.
0:11:52 > 0:11:54You'd have to be ready to go in five, though.
0:11:55 > 0:11:56Kieran?
0:11:58 > 0:12:01He's already gone, George. He didn't even text me or anything.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10INDISTINCT CHATTER
0:12:10 > 0:12:12..Threw up everywhere!
0:12:30 > 0:12:32(Go on, you idiot.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36(Just go in, sit down. No-one will notice.
0:12:36 > 0:12:37(Just do it.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41(Do it.)
0:12:46 > 0:12:49I don't understand why you didn't pick up on anything.
0:12:49 > 0:12:51All right. We're on our way now, aren't we?
0:12:51 > 0:12:54I'm just saying. If I'd have spoken to him...
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Well, you didn't, I did!
0:12:59 > 0:13:02This is what happens when you live the way he's been living.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Boozing every day.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06God knows what else he's been taking.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- Don't say that.- The state he was in, it wouldn't surprise me.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13HORNS BLAST
0:13:19 > 0:13:20I'm not taking drugs.
0:13:20 > 0:13:23Just the booze that's destroying your brain cells, is it?
0:13:23 > 0:13:24I've been stupid.
0:13:24 > 0:13:26You're up to the limit with your overdraft.
0:13:26 > 0:13:27Everybody is.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Have you been drinking?
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Is he drinking every day?
0:13:31 > 0:13:34What's he doing spending money he hasn't got on ale? Look at this.
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Is that it - money problems?
0:13:36 > 0:13:37Look!
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Have you not been eating?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41Same here.
0:13:41 > 0:13:45Why didn't you say something? Where's the nearest supermarket?
0:13:45 > 0:13:46It's around the corner.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Right, well. I'll get a big shop in when I've cleared this lot up.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52How did he manage to get into this state?
0:13:52 > 0:13:54- You can go now, Amy. I'll be fine. - Fine, he says(!)
0:13:54 > 0:13:57What's he spent his loan on, then?
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- It's not that! - I am still in the room, remember.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02When was the last time you ate something?
0:14:04 > 0:14:07He's always tired. I mean, he's really tired.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09- And...he's been getting worse.- Amy.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12- Especially since...- Don't.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- What are you talking about?- Since...
0:14:14 > 0:14:17- Shut up! - Have you done any work this term?
0:14:17 > 0:14:19- Kieran, stand up. - Look at the state of this!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21- You've lost weight, haven't you? - Sorry.- Just go.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24What do you mean, you're sorry? I don't understand.
0:14:24 > 0:14:28Mrs Murphy...I wanted to call you from the hospital.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31- This is illegible.- Wait a minute. Why were you in hospital?
0:14:31 > 0:14:33This is taking the mickey, Kieran.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36He said it was an accident, but I don't think it was.
0:14:36 > 0:14:37You promised.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39It was painkillers.
0:14:39 > 0:14:40Oh, my God!
0:14:43 > 0:14:47- You're not well, are you, sweetie? - He won't talk. I've tried...
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- Please, shut her up. - ..I'm scared it'll happen again.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52- Please, Mum.- Shut up, Amy.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Just go.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04My poor boy.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08My...poor, beautiful boy.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13Do you want to come home, my love?
0:15:16 > 0:15:17- RADIO:- 'With your partner.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19'The best way to do it
0:15:19 > 0:15:22'is with the slushiest soundtrack around.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24'That's new late-night love with Dave.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26'He's back tonight with love dedications
0:15:26 > 0:15:29'and three hours of the best tunes to chill to.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33'And you can leave a love message now if you wish.
0:15:33 > 0:15:34'That's on 0870...'
0:15:34 > 0:15:39STUDENTS CHATTER
0:16:34 > 0:16:36(Go on, you idiot.)
0:16:36 > 0:16:37(Open the door.
0:16:37 > 0:16:39(Just go in.
0:16:39 > 0:16:40(Sit down, no-one will notice.
0:16:42 > 0:16:43(Just do it.
0:16:45 > 0:16:46(Do it.)
0:16:59 > 0:17:01Kieran, you all right?
0:17:39 > 0:17:43BIRDS CROW OVERHEAD
0:17:48 > 0:17:49HE SNIFFS
0:17:49 > 0:17:54PHONE RINGS
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Kieran?
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Kieran?
0:17:58 > 0:17:59Kieran, love?
0:17:59 > 0:18:01You all right, mate?
0:18:01 > 0:18:04We're here, we're home now.
0:18:15 > 0:18:20You know that thing Amy was talking about, about the...pills and that.
0:18:20 > 0:18:22I was just trying to get a few hours sleep...honest.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24People don't realise, do they?
0:18:26 > 0:18:28That exertion from physical work is one thing,
0:18:28 > 0:18:31but mental exertion...
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Could you eat a slice of toast, love?
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Nah.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42We should... I should have guessed.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45It's a big thing, innit?
0:18:46 > 0:18:48New city, different lifestyle.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52If I'd have known...
0:18:52 > 0:18:54We know now, that's what counts.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55Yeah, exactly.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00You're just a bit exhausted, aren't you, mate?
0:19:01 > 0:19:05Half the problem solved when you know what you're dealing with, eh?
0:19:05 > 0:19:07We'll get you sorted.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09Yeah, I'll take you down the doctor first thing.
0:19:09 > 0:19:11I'm not ten, Mum.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Dr Shah won't mind.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15I'd rather just go on my own, please.
0:19:16 > 0:19:17OK.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19OK, son.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30Hey, I don't know about anyone else but I'm done in after that journey.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Talk more in the morning, yeah?
0:19:42 > 0:19:44He's been up and down them stairs.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47He didn't say two words in the car.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Well, he slept most of the way.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50(He didn't.)
0:19:52 > 0:19:53Sshh.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56(He'll settle down now.)
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Do you believe what he said about the tablets?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Our Kieran has got too much going for him to...
0:20:08 > 0:20:10I'll have to ring the girls in the morning.
0:20:10 > 0:20:11(No, don't!)
0:20:11 > 0:20:14They'll be on the next train with the kids.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16He's home to rest, isn't he?
0:20:16 > 0:20:18They'd want to know, wouldn't they?
0:20:18 > 0:20:21There's no point worrying them, is there?
0:20:21 > 0:20:22SOBBING
0:20:22 > 0:20:24(Oh, God, listen!)
0:20:24 > 0:20:25(No, leave him!)
0:20:26 > 0:20:27He's crying, John.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Leave him. It's better out than in.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32I can't stand this.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34(Come on.)
0:20:36 > 0:20:37(Oh!)
0:20:42 > 0:20:45He's a man, he's entitled to his privacy.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49He'll be back at uni in a week or two, sorted.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57HE SOBS
0:20:58 > 0:21:02Are you sure it's not a virus like glandular fever or something?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Why are you so against taking antidepressants?
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Cos I want to feel more, not less.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10They're only a temporary measure.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Did you talk to anyone at university?
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Yeah.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17Did it help?
0:21:17 > 0:21:20If I had a good night's sleep I'd feel better.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Can't you just...
0:21:22 > 0:21:24give me some sleeping tablets or something?
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Honestly, I'm just tired.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31We need to get your mood stabilised.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Nobody can make you do anything you don't want to
0:21:36 > 0:21:38but...
0:21:38 > 0:21:39these will help,
0:21:39 > 0:21:41in the first instance.
0:21:41 > 0:21:43And in the second instance?
0:21:45 > 0:21:47I'll see you in two weeks.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Come back before if you need to.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54Thank you.
0:22:12 > 0:22:13I could have got the bus.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15No worries, mate, how did you get on?
0:22:15 > 0:22:19Yeah, she just thinks it's a... a post-viral thing.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23Did you tell her you've not been sleeping and you've lost weight?
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Yeah.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27Did you tell her you ended up in hospital?
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Yeah. I've got to rest up and go back in two weeks.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I wish you'd have let me come in with you.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43# It's such a tired game
0:22:43 > 0:22:46# Will it ever stop?
0:22:46 > 0:22:48# How will this all play out?
0:22:48 > 0:22:52# Upside out of my mouth
0:22:53 > 0:22:56# By now we should know how to communicate
0:22:56 > 0:22:58# Instead of coming to blows
0:22:58 > 0:22:59# We're on a roll... #
0:22:59 > 0:23:01LAPTOP BLEEPS
0:23:04 > 0:23:05You all right?
0:23:05 > 0:23:09Yeah. I just thought I'd, you know, call, see how you're doing.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Yeah, fine.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13What about your parents, how are they?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Worried now. Unfortunately.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20George and Tash send their love. And Ryan says hello.
0:23:20 > 0:23:22Bet they think I'm a right nut job.
0:23:23 > 0:23:24Look, Kieran...
0:23:24 > 0:23:27I'm sorry if you think I broke a confidence.
0:23:27 > 0:23:28You did.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33But it was hard being around you and...worrying about you.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35Well, you're not around me now, are you?
0:23:38 > 0:23:40I don't think we should be having this conversation now.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42I only rang to check you were OK.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45I wish you'd never said anything.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47I know what it'll be like here with Mum and Dad.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49You've made things a lot worse.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51That's not fair.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- I thought I could be honest with you and trust you.- You can trust me.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57But I'm sorry you feel that way.
0:23:57 > 0:24:02If you don't think breaking your promise was wrong, why apologise?
0:24:15 > 0:24:17- TV BLARES - 'Why not?'- 'Get down here.'
0:24:17 > 0:24:18- 'Why not?!'- 'That's why.'
0:24:20 > 0:24:23I'm meeting Billy and the lads in the Railway, if you fancy it?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25I'm all right, thanks.
0:24:25 > 0:24:29There'll be a card school on the go later if you change your mind.
0:24:29 > 0:24:31I'm just watching this.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35That should cheer you up(!)
0:25:16 > 0:25:17This is doing me head in.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19I know he's got to rest
0:25:19 > 0:25:22but if he's not lying around listening to miserable music
0:25:22 > 0:25:25- he's walking around with a face like a...- John.
0:25:25 > 0:25:27What's that?
0:25:27 > 0:25:30It's a prescription for our Kieran.
0:25:30 > 0:25:32For what?
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Antidepressants.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39Why did she prescribe these, then?
0:25:39 > 0:25:42I don't know, but I don't need 'em.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45They do seem to hand 'em out like Smarties.
0:25:45 > 0:25:48What do you think is wrong with you, Kieran?
0:25:48 > 0:25:50Just too many late nights,
0:25:50 > 0:25:51trying to catch up,
0:25:51 > 0:25:53like Dad says.
0:25:53 > 0:25:56If you are feeling depressed, maybe these pills, they can help.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59I've researched - side effects are horrific.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- I'm not taking them.- Research?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Yeah, online.
0:26:03 > 0:26:05I spent ages going through it all.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07If you'd put your energy into studying
0:26:07 > 0:26:10- things wouldn't have piled up and we wouldn't be having this chat!- John!
0:26:10 > 0:26:13- It's easy to let things slide, that's all!- Exactly!
0:26:13 > 0:26:16- Maybe I'm just not cut out for uni. - Don't be ridiculous!
0:26:16 > 0:26:18That's it, I'm going to talk to the doctor.
0:26:18 > 0:26:20About what?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Did you intend to kill yourself?
0:26:22 > 0:26:24For goodness sake, Ann!
0:26:24 > 0:26:27Have you been having suicidal thoughts?
0:26:27 > 0:26:29What? He's just a bit down, that's all.
0:26:29 > 0:26:32I was drunk with a headache, and forgot how many pills I'd taken.
0:26:32 > 0:26:34You're worse than the doctor, Ann.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36You need to tell us, Kieran!
0:26:36 > 0:26:38There's nothing to tell!
0:26:38 > 0:26:41If there was something to tell, I would tell you, all right?
0:26:45 > 0:26:46Great(!)
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Handled that well(!)
0:26:47 > 0:26:50He has to help himself, that's all I was trying to say.
0:26:50 > 0:26:54And you shouldn't be putting all that suicide rubbish into his head!
0:27:14 > 0:27:16'Doctor, I need to know'
0:27:16 > 0:27:18what's going on, seriously.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20I can't talk to John
0:27:20 > 0:27:22and Kieran's saying nothing,
0:27:23 > 0:27:25I'm on my own with this...
0:27:25 > 0:27:27I don't know what to do.
0:27:27 > 0:27:31I'm sorry, and I can't really discuss Kieran's case with you.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Really?
0:27:34 > 0:27:37There's a... volunteer counselling service.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39I think there's some leaflets in reception.
0:27:41 > 0:27:43ANN SIGHS
0:27:45 > 0:27:47- KNOCK AT DOOR - Tea's up!
0:27:47 > 0:27:49Ah, cheers.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52You should put some of this in the loft.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54No, just get rid of it, it's just tat.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58Not to me it's not! I've kept all our Becky and Leanne's stuff.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03I went up to Manchester today, with a few of the lads.
0:28:03 > 0:28:04Great!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07- We got tickets to see Leonard Cohen. - That's good.
0:28:07 > 0:28:08Have you heard from Amy?
0:28:10 > 0:28:12She's a lovely girl, isn't she?
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Yeah. Yeah, she is.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Oh...
0:28:17 > 0:28:21Your grandad was so proud of you!
0:28:22 > 0:28:24We should have kept on top of the allotment.
0:28:24 > 0:28:27He'd go mad if he could see it now!
0:28:29 > 0:28:30Look, Mum.
0:28:30 > 0:28:32I'm not sure I'm going to go back to uni.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Well, there's not much of the term left, anyway.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37I mean at all. Ever.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42Wow.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46That's a big decision.
0:28:47 > 0:28:49I know me dad will be disappointed, but...
0:28:56 > 0:29:00Do you know, when you were a little boy,
0:29:00 > 0:29:04I'd come in here sometimes, just to smell ya.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07SHE INHALES
0:29:07 > 0:29:08I'd think...
0:29:09 > 0:29:11"They should bottle that!"
0:29:12 > 0:29:14Eau de cologne of sleeping boy.
0:29:22 > 0:29:23What is it?
0:29:23 > 0:29:27Kieran, what is it that's hurting you?
0:29:30 > 0:29:33I don't know. Me.
0:29:36 > 0:29:40Can you just stop it? Just stop, please, just stop it?
0:29:44 > 0:29:45I'm trying.
0:29:49 > 0:29:51TRAIN HORN BLASTS
0:30:09 > 0:30:13HORN HOOTS
0:30:18 > 0:30:19Oi, mate?
0:30:19 > 0:30:21You have to be careful there, mate,
0:30:21 > 0:30:23there's a train coming!
0:30:41 > 0:30:43You all right?
0:30:43 > 0:30:44Yeah. Have you eaten?
0:30:44 > 0:30:46Yeah, me mam made us beans on toast.
0:30:46 > 0:30:48Is she all right?
0:30:48 > 0:30:50Yep.
0:30:50 > 0:30:53Our Kieran met up with some of his uni mates today.
0:30:54 > 0:30:55Yeah?
0:31:03 > 0:31:08Listen, did you mention to your mum that Kieran was a bit depressed?
0:31:08 > 0:31:10I told her he had a virus.
0:31:11 > 0:31:14There's no point worrying her, is there?
0:31:14 > 0:31:16She'll worry if he has a virus, won't she?
0:31:16 > 0:31:18Why won't you talk
0:31:18 > 0:31:21about our son's mental illness?
0:31:21 > 0:31:25"Mental illness". No getting away from it, is there?
0:31:25 > 0:31:27What does that mean?
0:31:28 > 0:31:30Forget it.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33Look, John, we have to talk about it.
0:31:33 > 0:31:34It's not a shameful thing.
0:31:34 > 0:31:37I'm sick of talking about "it".
0:31:37 > 0:31:40Running round after him all the time isn't helping either.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42If he had a cold or something...
0:31:42 > 0:31:46Getting over a cold takes effort, but you've seen the state of him, it's feeding it.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49Maybe that has got something to do with it.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52What, the miserable music he listens to on a bloody loop?
0:31:52 > 0:31:53Oh, sorry,
0:31:53 > 0:31:55he's not into Status Quo(!)
0:31:55 > 0:31:58Lying on this couch, watching foreign films,
0:31:58 > 0:31:59all pale and delicate.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01He's only short of a persistent cough
0:32:01 > 0:32:03and he'd be back in the 19th century.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08There is absolutely no comparison
0:32:08 > 0:32:11between any of the music that I listen to
0:32:11 > 0:32:13and Status Quo.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19I mean that!
0:32:20 > 0:32:23# The dog days are over
0:32:23 > 0:32:26# The dog days are done
0:32:26 > 0:32:29# The horses are coming
0:32:29 > 0:32:31# So you better run... #
0:32:31 > 0:32:33Oh, what are you doing?!
0:32:33 > 0:32:35- Every single time!- Every Time!
0:32:35 > 0:32:39- It's not even funny any more. - Oh, come on!- Take him off.
0:32:39 > 0:32:42# ..Leave all your love and your longing behind
0:32:42 > 0:32:45# You can't carry it with you if you want to survive
0:32:45 > 0:32:49# The dog days are over
0:32:49 > 0:32:52# The dog days are done
0:32:52 > 0:32:55# Can you hear the horses
0:32:55 > 0:32:59# Cos here they come. #
0:33:03 > 0:33:07'Oh, hello, love! Kieran? Look who's here!'
0:33:13 > 0:33:16Oh, let me show you what I've done for you.
0:33:18 > 0:33:20She's a nice kid, isn't she?
0:33:20 > 0:33:22No airs or graces there...
0:33:22 > 0:33:24considering she's posh!
0:33:24 > 0:33:26She's just got a different accent.
0:33:26 > 0:33:27You know what I mean.
0:33:32 > 0:33:34I've photocopied the essay questions.
0:33:36 > 0:33:39There's some interesting ones and a couple of duffers,
0:33:39 > 0:33:40so just ignore those.
0:33:40 > 0:33:44Oh, and there's a new timetable in there for tutorials.
0:33:44 > 0:33:48The best ones have gone. There's only ridiculous o'clock times left!
0:33:48 > 0:33:51That'll give him something to get his teeth into next term, eh?
0:33:51 > 0:33:54Is there anything I can do?
0:33:54 > 0:33:56No, no, you're all right, stay there.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Really, I'd love to help.
0:33:58 > 0:34:00Erm, OK...
0:34:00 > 0:34:03You can help sort out my recycling, if you like?
0:34:03 > 0:34:05Moneymaking game, more like.
0:34:05 > 0:34:08Oh, he's the most cynical person I've ever met.
0:34:08 > 0:34:10It's obviously a dad thing.
0:34:10 > 0:34:11Hey!
0:34:11 > 0:34:13My mum rang on Thursday, just after you rang.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16- And my dad's only gone and... - You rang her?
0:34:20 > 0:34:21Look, love...
0:34:21 > 0:34:22Before you go off on one...
0:34:22 > 0:34:24Spur of the moment!
0:34:24 > 0:34:25I was going to come anyway.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27Yeah, right.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29I just thought it would be nice to get you together.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31This is making me feel great(!)
0:34:31 > 0:34:33Amy went to a lot of trouble...
0:34:33 > 0:34:34Cos you asked her to!
0:34:34 > 0:34:36Let's just talk sensibly.
0:34:36 > 0:34:37No-one talks in this house.
0:34:37 > 0:34:39When your mum rang, I'd...
0:34:39 > 0:34:41Stop interfering in my life, OK?
0:34:41 > 0:34:43We're just trying to help, all of us.
0:34:43 > 0:34:45Thanks, Amy. Safe journey home.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47Oi! Don't talk to guests like that in my house!
0:34:47 > 0:34:49Yeah, your guest!
0:34:49 > 0:34:50Hang on, you!
0:34:51 > 0:34:52I'm sorry, love.
0:34:52 > 0:34:54KIERAN AND JOHN ARGUE
0:34:54 > 0:34:55- I'd better go. - No, not like this.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58I'd like my coat, please.
0:34:59 > 0:35:00Yes, of course.
0:35:00 > 0:35:02KIERAN: 'Stop treating me like a kid.'
0:35:02 > 0:35:05- JOHN:- 'Act like a man. You've got everything going for you.'
0:35:05 > 0:35:08'I'm sick of biting me tongue watching your mum fret.'
0:35:08 > 0:35:10'I'll get out of your face then.'
0:35:10 > 0:35:14'At least that'd be one thing you've done in the last few weeks.'
0:35:48 > 0:35:50Kieran?
0:35:50 > 0:35:52Hi, Amy, it's Ann here.
0:35:52 > 0:35:57If you hear from our Kieran, could you let us know, please?
0:35:58 > 0:36:03Hi, Mum, it's me. Our Kieran isn't there, is he?
0:36:03 > 0:36:05Hello, it's Kieran Murphy's mum here,
0:36:05 > 0:36:07I got your number from his mobile.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10Hiya, it's Kieran Murphy's dad.
0:36:10 > 0:36:13I was wondering if you'd heard from him at all?
0:36:17 > 0:36:21'Did you intend to kill yourself? Did you have suicidal thoughts?'
0:36:21 > 0:36:22'He's just a bit down, that's all!'
0:36:22 > 0:36:24'There's nothing to tell!'
0:36:24 > 0:36:26'You've got everything going for you.'
0:36:26 > 0:36:27'It's my life!'
0:36:27 > 0:36:28'Well live it then!
0:36:28 > 0:36:29'You think being a bit sad
0:36:29 > 0:36:32'gives you the right to behave like an ignorant pig?!'
0:36:32 > 0:36:34'Stop treating me like a kid!'
0:36:34 > 0:36:35'Then act like a man!'
0:36:35 > 0:36:41Lying in the dark, pretending not to hear him cry.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45Pretending to your mum everything's OK.
0:36:45 > 0:36:51We talk about everything else but what we should be saying...
0:36:51 > 0:36:53So it's my fault, is it?
0:36:53 > 0:36:57Oh, God. Not just you.
0:36:57 > 0:37:01It's me, our Kieran.
0:37:02 > 0:37:07Just all this pretending, keeping things hidden.
0:37:07 > 0:37:09It's not good, John.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13It's not good.
0:37:13 > 0:37:14We do the best we can.
0:37:16 > 0:37:19That's all that can be expected of any of us.
0:37:22 > 0:37:23Where are you going?
0:37:23 > 0:37:28Fishing. It's a beautiful sky, I want to make the most of it.
0:37:54 > 0:37:57SWANS SQUAWK
0:38:25 > 0:38:28SWANS SQUAWK
0:38:51 > 0:38:53You all right, Mum?
0:39:17 > 0:39:19If you think going missing and then turning up
0:39:19 > 0:39:22- as if nothing's happened will make everything all right...- I don't.
0:39:24 > 0:39:26I'm sorry I worried you.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30I went to the allotment.
0:39:30 > 0:39:32Have you spoke to your mum?
0:39:32 > 0:39:34Yeah.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41I've never told anyone this.
0:39:42 > 0:39:46Do you know why I started fishing?
0:39:46 > 0:39:48Why I come whenever I can?
0:39:53 > 0:39:55Because...
0:39:55 > 0:39:58I needed to find something.
0:39:58 > 0:40:01It was a struggle so I had to look hard...
0:40:03 > 0:40:06..but I needed to find something that made sense of me.
0:40:08 > 0:40:10In the world.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14Do you understand what I'm saying?
0:40:18 > 0:40:21Everything I've ever learned, I've learned from a book.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27People are basically the same, Kieran.
0:40:27 > 0:40:30We just...do things differently.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36Look, Dad, I can't go back to uni. Not at the moment.
0:40:38 > 0:40:43I need to...talk to someone about it all, sort things out.
0:40:45 > 0:40:48If that's what you have to do, that's what you do,
0:40:48 > 0:40:49but you've got to do it, Kieran.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59You should have seen the colour...
0:41:00 > 0:41:03- No, colour's not the word. - The quality?
0:41:03 > 0:41:05Yeah, that's the one.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08The quality of the light, over there, first thing.
0:41:10 > 0:41:11Took your breath away.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20Any luck?
0:41:22 > 0:41:27Ah, you can't rush these things. It takes the time it takes.
0:42:15 > 0:42:18Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:42:18 > 0:42:21E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk