0:00:49 > 0:00:51Gary?
0:00:51 > 0:00:52WHIRRING
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Gary?
0:00:56 > 0:01:01- Hiya, love. How was work? - The usual. But look at this. Ta-da!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Popped out at lunchtime. It was in the sale.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06- Thought I could wear it tonight. - Tonight?
0:01:06 > 0:01:108:30. Puschka. Table for two.
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Do you mind if we leave it, love? Get a takeaway.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Small Terry's done us a load of DVDs.
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Another perfect Saturday night in(!)
0:01:20 > 0:01:21WHIRRING
0:01:49 > 0:01:51FOOTBALL COMMENTARY ON TELEVISION
0:01:55 > 0:01:58COMMENTARY CONTINUES
0:02:07 > 0:02:09LISA TURNS TELEVISION OFF
0:02:09 > 0:02:12- What are you playing at? - I need you to look at this.
0:02:13 > 0:02:17- Right now?- If you can fit it into your busy schedule(!)
0:02:21 > 0:02:23This is our house.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Yeah.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28I'm going to tell the estate agent to put it on the market.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- Since when are we moving? - I want a divorce, Gary!
0:02:33 > 0:02:34- You're kidding!- Oh, don't worry.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37I'm sure you and Alan Hansen will be very happy together.
0:02:39 > 0:02:40Hey! Hang on!
0:02:42 > 0:02:45Hey! Lisa! I'm talking to you!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- Well?- Well, what's brought this on?
0:02:47 > 0:02:50I mean, you don't just come home and decide you want a divorce!
0:02:50 > 0:02:51I didn't just decide, Gary.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53- Right, who is he?- What?
0:02:53 > 0:02:55You know what. Is there someone else?
0:02:55 > 0:02:57- There is no-one else!- Oh, really? - Oh, don't be so stupid!
0:02:57 > 0:03:01- Well, what's your problem, then?! - Us! You and me! We're the problem!
0:03:01 > 0:03:04- What?!- Don't act surprised. We've been going through the motions for years!
0:03:04 > 0:03:06Oh, fine, then! Pack your stuff.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09A few warnings would've been nice. A hint here and there. Maybe a text!
0:03:09 > 0:03:11Oh, well, what's the point?
0:03:11 > 0:03:13You just sit on the sofa doing nothing
0:03:13 > 0:03:15- with that gormless look on your face!- No, I don't!
0:03:15 > 0:03:17Oh, yeah? Well, who books the holidays?
0:03:17 > 0:03:21- Manages the finances? Decides where we...?- Oh, whatever!
0:03:21 > 0:03:22Who's the control freak?
0:03:22 > 0:03:24Who has to have everything just the way she likes it?
0:03:24 > 0:03:27People in comas make more decisions than you do, Gary.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29Oh, so you thought you'd go behind me back, did you?
0:03:29 > 0:03:31Get the house valued. When did you decide that?
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Huh! It's that Roy, innit, off the Mortgage Desk.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Always going on about his stupid catamaran.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41I have told you, there is no-one else!
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Hang on. This is my stuff!
0:03:44 > 0:03:47- Yeah. Well, I thought you could move in with your mum.- Oh, did you now?
0:03:47 > 0:03:49I am going nowhere. You decided this!
0:03:49 > 0:03:52You wanted to split up! So you can move back home!
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I can't! You know Mum's moved Geoff in!
0:03:55 > 0:03:58- I knew you'd be like this. - Oh, what did you expect?
0:03:58 > 0:04:00"Hiya, Gary, do you like me new dress, Gary?"
0:04:00 > 0:04:04- "You know that life you've been having? I'm about to flush it down the toilet!"- Life?!
0:04:04 > 0:04:07I've not exactly been walking on sunshine all these years meself.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11Then why didn't you send me a text? Surprise, surprise, you couldn't be bothered!
0:04:11 > 0:04:13Oh, do you know what, Lisa? Do what you want!
0:04:13 > 0:04:15But I tell you one thing, I am not moving out of this house!
0:04:15 > 0:04:17It's the right thing to do!
0:04:17 > 0:04:19Better we do it now than in another 14 years!
0:04:19 > 0:04:21DOOR SLAMS SHUT
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Thanks, love.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26Take no notice. Birds say these things. They love the drama.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28By the time you get home, she'll want to kiss and make up.
0:04:28 > 0:04:31- She's had an estate agent 'round. - Oh, has she hell! It's a wind-up.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33They've taken pictures for the website.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Listen, when you get in, just say you're sorry, soften her up.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38Buy her a kebab on the way home.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41It's not just some sort of tiff, Tony.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42And she doesn't eat meat.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44Well, you did marry a vegetarian.
0:04:46 > 0:04:49All right. Think like a bird.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52You have to pull out the big guns.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Book a nice romantic weekend away. Paris or Prague. Somewhere classy.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57It's beyond any of that now, mate.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59I just want to know what I did wrong.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03I thought I was being a new man letting her make all the decisions, sorting everything out.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05I thought that's what she liked.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07She's thrown it right back in me face.
0:05:07 > 0:05:10All this time thinking I'm bone idle, contributing nothing.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14What?
0:05:14 > 0:05:16Well, it's all your own fault, isn't it?
0:05:16 > 0:05:18You should've put your foot down, told her what's what.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20Birds like to know who's boss.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Stop saying birds. It's not 1975.
0:05:22 > 0:05:25They're never going to admit it, but they love a man in charge.
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Makes them feel safe, protected.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29It's a primal thing.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31They know at the end of the day it's a man's world
0:05:31 > 0:05:33and they have to live by our rules.
0:05:33 > 0:05:34MOBILE PHONE RINGS
0:05:35 > 0:05:37You going to get that?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39Oh, it's Paula! Damn!
0:05:41 > 0:05:44I said I'd be home by 10:30. She'll paste me.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Hey. I'm telling you,
0:05:48 > 0:05:52bit of humble pie, wining, dining, tickets for Take That.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54You'll soon be out the doghouse.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- Night, Lisa.- Night-night, you.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13So, you're going to stay together in the same house?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Yeah. I can't see any other way of doing it.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Neither of us can afford to rent somewhere else until we've sold up, so...
0:06:19 > 0:06:22Seven out of ten murder victims are married to their killers.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24It was on Discovery!
0:06:24 > 0:06:26It'll be fine. It will.
0:06:26 > 0:06:31You're sure it's what you want? There's no going back?
0:06:31 > 0:06:34I did one of those lists. You know, pros and cons about Gary.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37I had about 37 cons and one pro.
0:06:37 > 0:06:38LISA CHUCKLES
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Well, it's a start. What was it?
0:06:41 > 0:06:42He puts the bins out.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Was he shocked when you told him?
0:06:46 > 0:06:47Went berserk.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50But it turns out he hasn't been happy, as well.
0:06:52 > 0:06:54Someone had to make the first move
0:06:54 > 0:06:56or we could've gone on like that forever.
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Better we walk away now and...
0:07:01 > 0:07:03It's not that I hate him. I don't.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05It's just the whole situation.
0:07:05 > 0:07:10He likes to do the same things at the same time on the same day.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11There's no ambition.
0:07:13 > 0:07:14No bigger picture.
0:07:17 > 0:07:19I'm going to crack up.
0:07:20 > 0:07:22And what about...?
0:07:24 > 0:07:26Oi, Big Ears, bed!
0:07:26 > 0:07:28HE SIGHS
0:07:33 > 0:07:34Well...?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Do you still fancy him?
0:07:38 > 0:07:41To be honest, it's a long time since I've thought of him like that.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46Sometimes I look at my Phil. You know, first light in the morning
0:07:46 > 0:07:51when they're lying there all lovely and innocent, fast asleep.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53I just stare at his face.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55And you think how lucky you are?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58No. I think I really, really wish you were having an affair
0:07:58 > 0:08:00so I'd have a good reason to leave.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02LISA LAUGHS
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Oh, I can't really fault him.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06- He's a great dad.- Hm.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08But, God, it's boring.
0:08:10 > 0:08:12MUSIC BLARES
0:08:18 > 0:08:19GARY BELCHES
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Lisa?
0:08:39 > 0:08:40Lis?
0:08:45 > 0:08:47I've, er...
0:08:49 > 0:08:51..I've booked us a meal for tomorrow night.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57I thought we could make a fresh start, you know.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59Clear the air.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01I'm going to make this up to you.
0:09:06 > 0:09:10It's that Italian place you like. Um...Roberto's.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Hey, it's two mains for a tenner. You can't say fairer than that.
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Look...
0:09:29 > 0:09:31..I know you're angry.
0:09:32 > 0:09:37I can see where you're coming from. I-I...I have been coasting.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41HE SIGHS
0:09:41 > 0:09:46But...I mean, all this drama over one lousy night out?
0:09:48 > 0:09:52And don't tell me I never plan nothing cos I've got it all up here.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Little cogs turning.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56I have got the long haul sussed.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02I mean, 12 years' time, mortgage is off our backs.
0:10:02 > 0:10:03We can do what we want then.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Maybe get that, that caravan in Anglesey.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15I thought we were forever, Lis.
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Thick and thin. Sickness and in health.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25I thought we were going to have kids.
0:10:28 > 0:10:30You know what, Gary?
0:10:31 > 0:10:33I am having kids.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35Just not with you.
0:11:18 > 0:11:20It's really happening, then, is it?
0:11:20 > 0:11:22SHE SIGHS
0:11:25 > 0:11:29I thought you'd have at least slept on it.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31I've had years of doing that, Gary.
0:11:31 > 0:11:34But a divorce, though. I mean, are you a million-percent sure?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Because I will not be messed about, Lisa!
0:11:36 > 0:11:40OK. Listen, I know this is going to be a bit awkward,
0:11:40 > 0:11:42but if neither of us are going to move out,
0:11:42 > 0:11:44we've got to act like adults.
0:11:44 > 0:11:45Respect each other's space.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48You have upstairs, I'll take downstairs.
0:11:48 > 0:11:51- What if I want downstairs? - Fine. Take it.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54I've drawn up a rota for the bathroom. Kitchen's neutral.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56- What, like Switzerland(?) - Exactly.
0:11:56 > 0:11:59We both do our own shopping, cooking, washing, ironing.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02You mow the garden, I'll see to the borders.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Just think of us as room-mates. Ross and Rachel.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14The estate agent reckons it'll be snapped up in a couple of weeks.
0:12:15 > 0:12:18How bad can it be?
0:12:18 > 0:12:21With a little bit of politeness and courtesy, we CAN get though this.
0:12:27 > 0:12:30You've got it all worked out, haven't you?
0:12:32 > 0:12:34You can't just divide a marriage over a load of Post-it notes
0:12:34 > 0:12:37and think it's all done and dusted!
0:12:37 > 0:12:39The solicitor said we should try to keep it amicable.
0:12:41 > 0:12:43Bye.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55If that's what you want, Lisa, you can have it with bells on!
0:12:55 > 0:12:58If you want to sack off our marriage, then that is up to you!
0:12:58 > 0:13:00But it's not going to be an easy ride!
0:13:00 > 0:13:02You've had it your own way for too long!
0:13:03 > 0:13:05I'm not a pushover!
0:13:07 > 0:13:08Two sugars.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11If you're asking.
0:13:15 > 0:13:18You're both going to live in the same house? That's proper mental!
0:13:18 > 0:13:20That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22Is that you offering me your spare room?
0:13:22 > 0:13:24Yeah, I thought not.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27I just don't understand why you've agreed to it.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Well, I've not, have I? I've had no say in the matter.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34And you're going to have no say when she starts bringing fellas back?
0:13:34 > 0:13:35You know something I don't, do you?
0:13:35 > 0:13:38It's inevitable, She's a good-looking woman, your Lisa.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- You got your beady eyes on her, have you?- Don't be like that!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43I'll give you her number. Maybe she's at a loose end Friday night.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46I'm just trying to make you see the reality of the situation.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48This could go on for months. Years.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51No way! The houses on our road, they sell like that.
0:13:51 > 0:13:52Really? And what do I always say
0:13:52 > 0:13:55is the best assessment of the current economic climate?
0:13:55 > 0:13:58If they're not taking cabs, they're certainly not buying houses.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01I'm telling you, this could drag on and on.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Both of you stuck together, getting more and more bitter.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07You can't just keep your lives on hold forever.
0:14:07 > 0:14:10One day she's going to get asked out. Bound to.
0:14:10 > 0:14:13And how are you going to feel when she's gadding about,
0:14:13 > 0:14:16getting all dicky-dolled up to meet some Charlie Big Potatoes
0:14:16 > 0:14:19and you're stuck in, like Eleanor Rigby?
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Hey. You've not told the rest of the lads, have you?
0:14:26 > 0:14:27MUSIC BLARES
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Usual, Gary?- Yeah.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45So, is she carrying on, then, or what?
0:14:51 > 0:14:52SHOWER RUNS
0:14:57 > 0:15:00BLEEPING
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Don't bother, it's locked! I told you, there's no-one else.
0:15:06 > 0:15:08- I wouldn't care if there was. - Really?
0:15:08 > 0:15:12Yeah. Like you said, free agents. Do what we want. Room-mates.
0:15:12 > 0:15:16Yeah. Be nice for you to leave the house after all these years(!)
0:15:16 > 0:15:18So, you won't mind me going on a date, then?
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Mind?! I'll shave your legs for you!
0:15:28 > 0:15:31- He's done it in here, as well. - THEY LAUGH
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Yeah, there. Exactly!
0:15:33 > 0:15:35Oh, as soon as me back's turned!
0:15:35 > 0:15:39My half of the bed's not even cold yet and you're bringing up your fancy man!
0:15:39 > 0:15:42- Gary?- Well, I tell you what, mate, all sweetness and light at first,
0:15:42 > 0:15:46then it's, "Why don't we do this, Gary? Why don't we do that, Gary?"
0:15:46 > 0:15:47Never a minute's peace!
0:15:47 > 0:15:49I can only apologise.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Mate, mate, best of luck because you are going to need it.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55This is Mr Hargreaves. He's come to view the house.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- Oh.- A-hem!
0:16:01 > 0:16:03We are open to offers.
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I've got a few more to look at.
0:16:12 > 0:16:13Nice carpet.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17You will not stop us selling this house!
0:16:21 > 0:16:22KNOCK AT DOOR
0:16:22 > 0:16:24TOILET FLUSH
0:16:26 > 0:16:29I'd give it 20 minutes if I were you.
0:16:52 > 0:16:54ENGINE SPLUTTERS
0:16:57 > 0:16:58It won't start.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01Oh, you need some help?
0:17:01 > 0:17:03That would be great.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06You'd better call the AA, then.
0:17:17 > 0:17:20ENGINE SPLUTTERS
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Shouldn't mix your colours, you know.
0:17:24 > 0:17:27Your house is up for sale.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33When you go, can I have your basketball hoop?
0:17:33 > 0:17:37Lisa's going travelling and you won't have room in a bedsit.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38You never use it, anyway.
0:17:39 > 0:17:41Do I know you?
0:17:42 > 0:17:44And who says I'm living in a bedsit, anyway?
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Lisa earns loads more than you.
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Who says?
0:17:50 > 0:17:51What else have they been saying?
0:17:51 > 0:17:54Mum's told me I've got to stop earwigging.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58What about the basketball hoop?
0:17:58 > 0:18:01All right, I'll throw in the mini trampoline, as well.
0:18:02 > 0:18:04What else have you got?
0:18:06 > 0:18:08How about I don't tell your dad
0:18:08 > 0:18:13that you've been kicking your Casey against my cab, again?
0:18:13 > 0:18:16- I didn't! - He doesn't know that, does he?
0:18:18 > 0:18:19She's on the net.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21So? Who isn't?
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Are you stupid? Online dating sites!
0:18:27 > 0:18:31Do you know, there's one just for them that work in uniforms.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47Think it'll last forever, do you?
0:18:47 > 0:18:49Oi! You two. Kate and Wills.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52Kissing in the back of taxis?
0:18:52 > 0:18:54Can't get enough of each other?
0:18:54 > 0:18:58Well, make the most of it cos this is as good as it gets.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01You two are in for one big, fat, nasty surprise
0:19:01 > 0:19:04once all this lovey-dovey-doughnut stuff's over.
0:19:04 > 0:19:05Oh, yeah.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09Both of you sat on the couch, staring out the window,
0:19:09 > 0:19:12hating the sound of the other one's breathing.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15You'll be gutted cos you've got an egg in the nest
0:19:15 > 0:19:17and she'll be whingeing cos she's got cellulite
0:19:17 > 0:19:19or you don't ever take her out enough any more.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23But you know what the worst thing is?
0:19:23 > 0:19:26You'll both blame each other for killing the other one's dreams.
0:19:26 > 0:19:30And then, after 40 or 50 years of marriage, one of you will die.
0:19:30 > 0:19:33But do you know what, to be honest, it'll come as a relief.
0:19:33 > 0:19:36Because you have been living a slow, painful death
0:19:36 > 0:19:38ever since the day you said, "I do."
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Oh, we're here.
0:19:46 > 0:19:48HE SOBS
0:19:52 > 0:19:55RADIO CONTROLLER: "Gary 105, are you there?
0:19:57 > 0:19:59"Gary 105, pick up, mate."
0:20:02 > 0:20:04105 receiving.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09"Got an urgent pickup at Heartbreak Hotel going on to Dumpsville."
0:20:09 > 0:20:12RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
0:20:12 > 0:20:13HE SOBS
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Happy now, are you? Got what you wanted?
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Going out every night with a load of fellas.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32You are crucifying me, you know that?
0:20:32 > 0:20:35Fellas? I'm going to a Zumba class, you fool!
0:20:36 > 0:20:405:15 you got in the other morning. What was that, lunar Pilates?
0:20:40 > 0:20:43- None of your business. - I am still your husband!
0:20:43 > 0:20:46Husband? Person you share your life with, do nice things with?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49Was that you? Sorry.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52I thought you were a random bloke that used to come in for his tea
0:20:52 > 0:20:55and spend the rest of the night with his hand shoved down his pants.
0:20:58 > 0:21:02I can't take this any more, living with you, not living with you.
0:21:02 > 0:21:03Then move out, Gary! Go!
0:21:03 > 0:21:06Just take your stuff and leave. It's as easy as that.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09But just for the record, I didn't want it to be like this.
0:21:09 > 0:21:12You're the one turning it into a nightmare.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15I never had you down as one cold cow.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Just cutting me off and sticking our marriage on death row!
0:21:22 > 0:21:25In your head, you moved out months ago!
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Go on! Admit it!
0:21:27 > 0:21:30Big world out here, Gary. You want to give it a go.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40What?
0:21:40 > 0:21:43Get a cover on my hoop, will you? It's going all rusty.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50- ALL: Hooray!- Hip-hip!- ALL: Hooray!
0:21:50 > 0:21:52CHEERING
0:21:52 > 0:21:55INDISTINCT CHANTING
0:21:57 > 0:22:00(Don't come over, don't come over, don't come over, don't come over.)
0:22:00 > 0:22:02- Hiya, Paula.- Aw, Gary!
0:22:02 > 0:22:06You've lost weight. How are you coping?
0:22:06 > 0:22:09- Not great, as it happens.- Oh, lovey!
0:22:09 > 0:22:12I was just up for a tenner on here and it gave me a stream of politics.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Stop it!
0:22:15 > 0:22:19You're going through one of the most traumatic things a human can experience.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21I know you're hurting.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24You're angry. You're in pain.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28- Tony's singing isn't that bad. - Don't mask it with jokes, Gary!
0:22:29 > 0:22:32You've got to let your grief out.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Mourn for your marriage.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38The wasted years, the sense of bereavement.
0:22:40 > 0:22:41You can talk to me.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Hang on! They've just opened the buffet!
0:22:47 > 0:22:50Everyone's looking at me like I'm some kind of freak, mate.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53Thinking, "Oh, what a loser. No wonder his wife doesn't want to be with him."
0:22:53 > 0:22:57No, they're not. Come and have a drink. A sit-down with the lads.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59It's like a zoo in there and I'm the main attraction.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01Everyone pretending they're interested,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04but they just want the goss so they can go back to Lisa.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Me life's turning into one big episode of Jeremy Kyle.
0:23:07 > 0:23:09You're paranoid. We're your mates.
0:23:09 > 0:23:10You've no idea what I'm going through!
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Go on, get back in there with your soggy sausage rolls
0:23:13 > 0:23:15and just thank your lucky stars you're not me!
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I'm sorry, mate. I'm best out of here.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Me head's battered.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28Faceache gone, then?
0:23:28 > 0:23:30I told you we should've invited Lisa.
0:23:45 > 0:23:48When?
0:23:48 > 0:23:50Just take it.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51Yes!
0:23:52 > 0:23:56New Year, new you!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- Date and Play?- Clue's in the title.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02- You're not looking for a wife. - Just someone to play with.
0:24:02 > 0:24:0419-year-old twins.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- I...I can't do it.- How many times?
0:24:07 > 0:24:10You want to get back with the missus, so get another woman.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12I'm right, aren't I?
0:24:12 > 0:24:15- Marriage is all about psychological warfare.- Tormenting the opponent.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Right. Occupation?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Huh! Self-employed.
0:24:20 > 0:24:23Managing director of own transport company.
0:24:23 > 0:24:24CEO sounds better.
0:24:24 > 0:24:26Love it. Very Lord Sugar.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28What about when they find out?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30You're just baiting the hook.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33- I just don't think I can do this. - It doesn't matter!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35As long as you get a date out of it
0:24:35 > 0:24:38so Lisa doesn't think you're sitting round pining for her.
0:24:42 > 0:24:45Come on! Right, I've got this regular, right,
0:24:45 > 0:24:48tells them he's a pilot, but he buffs the floor in duty-free!
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Drop him off, what, three nights a week.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Fighting them off with a big stick, he is!
0:24:52 > 0:24:56Right little runt, but might as well be Brad Pitt as far as they're concerned.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58See? Women love the flannel.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- Flannel?- They half know that it's a web of deceit, but who cares?
0:25:02 > 0:25:04They appreciate the effort.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Nobody wants to hear the ugly truth, Gary.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- This better work!- Course it will!
0:25:13 > 0:25:15Do it now.
0:25:15 > 0:25:19Right. Let's think of a name to give your racehorse.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- PHONE BEEPS - He's back in the saddle!
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Let's have a look!
0:25:40 > 0:25:43- Ooo! Roxanne. 35, divorced. - THEY CHEER
0:25:43 > 0:25:46- Two kids. - THEY GROAN
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Likes cinema, theatre, walks in the rain.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52Don't they all! Lives in Wrexham.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55- £68 fare, that.- Far enough never to have to see her again.
0:25:55 > 0:25:57The perfect woman!
0:25:57 > 0:26:00£10 says you and Lisa will be back together by the end of the week.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02- I'll have a bit of that.- You're on!
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Has she got any allergies?
0:26:07 > 0:26:09HE SNIFFS
0:26:19 > 0:26:21HE SIGHS
0:26:28 > 0:26:30HE SIGHS
0:26:56 > 0:26:58SHE SIGHS
0:27:05 > 0:27:08You...going anywhere nice?
0:27:08 > 0:27:11Yeah. You?
0:27:11 > 0:27:13Just...the pub.
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- Maybe onto that new Thai place. - Puschka?
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Started doing meat and potato pies, have they?
0:27:23 > 0:27:26That's right, get your digs in.
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- Might go clubbing later, as well. - What, Seals?
0:27:36 > 0:27:37Must be a woman involved.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Yeah, as it happens, there is.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41I don't know why you're being so hostile.
0:27:41 > 0:27:44Mm. All planned out, is it?
0:27:44 > 0:27:47- Meals, dancing.- Hm.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49When was the last time you took me anywhere in a suit?
0:27:49 > 0:27:51That wasn't a funeral.
0:27:55 > 0:27:56Got nothing, have you?
0:28:00 > 0:28:01SHE SOBS
0:28:03 > 0:28:06You...Are you crying?
0:28:09 > 0:28:10(Yes.)
0:28:10 > 0:28:12L-Lis?
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Yes, I'm crying.
0:28:15 > 0:28:16You happy now?
0:28:18 > 0:28:22No. I-I...I thought this was what you wanted.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29Seeing you, like this, all dressed up for some other woman?
0:28:29 > 0:28:35And then there's me, stuck in all those years.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39I virtually had to put a gun to your head to get you off that couch.
0:28:43 > 0:28:48We were in a rut, you know. You were right. I-I agreed with you.
0:28:50 > 0:28:51I just needed a second chance.
0:28:53 > 0:28:56I gave you a hundred chances, Gary.
0:28:57 > 0:28:58But now I see.
0:29:01 > 0:29:03I just wasn't worth the effort, was I?
0:29:08 > 0:29:11Just so you know, you might want to get a hotel tonight.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13I'm probably bringing someone back.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18Hey!
0:29:18 > 0:29:21Oh, yeah? Yeah, well, so am I!
0:29:23 > 0:29:25I told you you'd get a reaction.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27Phase One successfully completed.
0:29:33 > 0:29:35MUSIC BLARES
0:29:42 > 0:29:44Gary's gone on a date.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48LAUGHTER
0:30:03 > 0:30:05Can I get you another drink?
0:30:05 > 0:30:09- You trying to get me drunk? - No, no. I...- Try harder.
0:30:09 > 0:30:11- SHE LAUGHS - Oh! Huh!
0:30:12 > 0:30:15I'll have a vodka cranberry when you're ready.
0:30:15 > 0:30:16Sure.
0:30:19 > 0:30:23- So, you live in Wrexham?- Mm-hm. - Nice.
0:30:23 > 0:30:24Not really.
0:30:26 > 0:30:31So...so, is it flat or national hunts?
0:30:31 > 0:30:35- Sorry?- Your racehorse.- Oh!
0:30:36 > 0:30:38I go riding every Sunday morning.
0:30:42 > 0:30:43Ever been?
0:30:43 > 0:30:48Just once. Lisa made us go pony trekking on the Trough of Bowland.
0:30:48 > 0:30:50- Lisa is...?- Me wife.
0:30:50 > 0:30:52- Ex wife.- Well, we're still married.
0:30:52 > 0:30:55- But you're separated. - Yeah, but we live together.
0:30:55 > 0:30:58In the same house? Wow!
0:30:58 > 0:31:00SHE CHUCKLES NERVOUSLY
0:31:00 > 0:31:03Don't tell me, you've built a brick wall right down the middle?
0:31:03 > 0:31:06No, nothing like that. She has upstairs, I have all of downstairs.
0:31:06 > 0:31:10Well, apart from Switzerland. Obviously we share that.
0:31:12 > 0:31:14MUSIC BLARES
0:31:31 > 0:31:36I mean, I know Australia's a long way and that, but...
0:31:36 > 0:31:38maybe I am willing to give it a whirl.
0:31:38 > 0:31:40Lisa, she's always trying new things.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42I'm just not adventurous enough.
0:31:42 > 0:31:45Maybe that's where I've been going wrong.
0:31:45 > 0:31:46Just too long in me comfort zone.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49I said to her the other day, I said,
0:31:49 > 0:31:52"I admit it. Our marriage has taken a back seat."
0:31:52 > 0:31:56She said, "It's never been in the front seat, Gary." Huh-huh!
0:31:56 > 0:31:58She's dead...dead sharp like that.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00Can we shut up about Lisa?
0:32:00 > 0:32:04I've got a childminder back home on £7.50 an hour
0:32:04 > 0:32:07and I want to get my money's worth.
0:32:07 > 0:32:11If you're not man enough, it's fine, but...
0:32:11 > 0:32:14Who said anything about not being man enough?!
0:32:14 > 0:32:16SHE CHUCKLES
0:32:16 > 0:32:19Well, saddle up, then, Gaz.
0:32:19 > 0:32:21We'll have a double in there. Make it a treble.
0:32:21 > 0:32:23SHE CHUCKLES
0:32:23 > 0:32:26LOW CHATTER
0:32:29 > 0:32:32RAY LAUGHS / ROXANNE RETCHES
0:32:32 > 0:32:34Oh, it's not funny, Ray!
0:32:34 > 0:32:36I should never have listened to you lot!
0:32:36 > 0:32:38Name your price.
0:32:38 > 0:32:40You're kidding, aren't you?
0:32:40 > 0:32:43No cleanups in the back of this cab. It's madness out there.
0:32:43 > 0:32:44Well, what am I supposed to do?
0:32:44 > 0:32:47No hotel's going to take her in this state!
0:32:48 > 0:32:50Well, drag her back to yours and wind the missus up.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52I thought that was the master plan.
0:32:52 > 0:32:54RAY LAUGHS
0:32:56 > 0:32:59Oh, come on! Stop!
0:32:59 > 0:33:00SHE LAUGHS
0:33:00 > 0:33:03ANIMATED CHATTER
0:33:03 > 0:33:05I don't know anything about that.
0:33:05 > 0:33:07SHE LAUGHS
0:33:07 > 0:33:08I wouldn't go there.
0:33:09 > 0:33:12Hey, thanks for tonight.
0:33:12 > 0:33:14Been all right, hasn't it? Did you have a nice time?
0:33:15 > 0:33:18I'm not very good at dating. I mean, you are a lovely girl,
0:33:18 > 0:33:22but I did say to the lads I wasn't quite ready yet.
0:33:22 > 0:33:25And it's not you, it is me. I know everyone says that, but...
0:33:28 > 0:33:29All right?
0:33:31 > 0:33:32There is a train in about...
0:33:34 > 0:33:36..in about six-and-a-half hours.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38You'll be all right.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41OK? See you, then.
0:33:41 > 0:33:43Safe journey back.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45You're so lovely!
0:33:47 > 0:33:50Horsey, horsey, horsey, horsey, horsey!
0:33:50 > 0:33:53Ssh! Shut up, will you? You're going to wake the neighbours!
0:33:53 > 0:33:55Yes, horsey, horsey.
0:33:55 > 0:33:56SHE LAUGHS
0:33:59 > 0:34:02Go on, giddy up! Oop!
0:34:02 > 0:34:03THUD!
0:34:05 > 0:34:07Oi, I fell off. Whoo!
0:34:07 > 0:34:09Lis?
0:34:09 > 0:34:11SHE CHUCKLES
0:34:12 > 0:34:14Lisa! Open this door.
0:34:14 > 0:34:15I'm having no man in my house!
0:34:15 > 0:34:18Gary, stop it! What the hell do you think you're doing?
0:34:18 > 0:34:21Lisa, I mean it! Open this bloody door!
0:34:21 > 0:34:23Go to bed, for God's sake!
0:34:27 > 0:34:30- Pack it in! You're behaving mental! - Where is he? Eh?
0:34:30 > 0:34:31Under the duvet.
0:34:31 > 0:34:33- I'll kill him!- Try the sock drawer.
0:34:35 > 0:34:38But you...
0:34:38 > 0:34:40- but you said...- I know what I said!
0:34:40 > 0:34:42But that was to get back at you.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44What kind of woman brings another man
0:34:44 > 0:34:47to the house where she still lives with her husband?
0:34:48 > 0:34:50I would not do that to you, Gary.
0:34:50 > 0:34:52No matter how bad things got.
0:34:56 > 0:34:58How was your night?
0:34:58 > 0:35:00Hey, lover boy!
0:35:03 > 0:35:05- (I'm sorry.) - Get out!
0:35:05 > 0:35:07GIGGLING
0:35:13 > 0:35:15Stewed, three Sweetex. Just how you like it.
0:35:17 > 0:35:19Cheers!
0:35:19 > 0:35:22Just you watch. Things always start to pick up around Easter.
0:35:22 > 0:35:25Hm! I don't think I'll last that long.
0:35:27 > 0:35:31Things were bad before, but... I've really messed up.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34Why did I listen to the lads?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38My mates had a sweep.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Guess the day of the decree absolute.
0:35:41 > 0:35:45What I realised, though, is that she was right and he was long gone.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49- Who? - The fella she fell in love with.
0:35:49 > 0:35:53The fella who made her smile, promised her the world.
0:35:53 > 0:35:56And with him AWOL, nothing worth her sticking around for.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09# You could be happy
0:36:09 > 0:36:10All yours!
0:36:10 > 0:36:13# And I won't know
0:36:14 > 0:36:21# But you weren't happy the day I watched you go... #
0:36:21 > 0:36:23- Hiya!- ALL: Hi!
0:36:24 > 0:36:26All right, girls. Have a nice night.
0:36:26 > 0:36:28- Thank you.- 'Bye!- Good night, Gaz.
0:36:30 > 0:36:31Right, then, come on.
0:36:31 > 0:36:34I've booked us a really nice table. You'll love it.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40I was going to make a start on that bathroom. Warm magnolia.
0:36:41 > 0:36:43Nice!
0:36:50 > 0:36:52Scrambled eggs?
0:36:52 > 0:36:55Yeah, go on, then.
0:36:55 > 0:36:57- Stilton special?- Yeah.
0:37:05 > 0:37:10She's cooking...breakfast for you?
0:37:10 > 0:37:13Yeah. I mean, it's only brekky.
0:37:13 > 0:37:15I still do the tea and...
0:37:15 > 0:37:18we've not actually had an argument now for about three months.
0:37:18 > 0:37:21You've gone from Sid and Nancy to Terry and June.
0:37:22 > 0:37:26Zero aggro, nice place to live, come and go as you please.
0:37:26 > 0:37:27You're living the dream.
0:37:27 > 0:37:29Big time.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Hey, we even went the cinema last night.
0:37:31 > 0:37:34- Snogging in the back row, were you? - Hey, behave!
0:37:34 > 0:37:38We just happened to want to see the same thing on the same night.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Sounds...great.
0:37:44 > 0:37:45It's weird!
0:37:45 > 0:37:48Divorced. Living in the same house.
0:37:48 > 0:37:52Going to see a film. On a Monday!
0:37:53 > 0:37:55It's not normal.
0:37:57 > 0:37:58It's like you're French.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04Here we are, guys, Puschka. Supposed to be lovely in there.
0:38:04 > 0:38:07Massive portions and they don't rip you off with the booze.
0:38:07 > 0:38:11I hate that, don't you? £25 for a £2 bottle of wine.
0:38:14 > 0:38:17What is it, then? Birthday? Anniversary?
0:38:17 > 0:38:19You don't need an excuse sometimes, do you?
0:38:19 > 0:38:22It's just nice getting dressed up and treating yourselves.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25Even if it is a school night. Who cares, eh?
0:38:25 > 0:38:27Just enjoy each other's company,
0:38:27 > 0:38:29get waited on, spend some time together.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32All right, you two. Have a top time. See you!
0:39:10 > 0:39:12Gary?
0:39:12 > 0:39:15I know you don't know me from Adam, mate, but...
0:39:15 > 0:39:17there's something you should know about this woman.
0:39:17 > 0:39:21- Gary, what are you doing? - She...is fabulous.
0:39:21 > 0:39:25You will not get one better than her.
0:39:25 > 0:39:28She's brilliant and, and kind and, and beautiful.
0:39:28 > 0:39:32Well, you can...you can see that for yourself.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34She'll make you laugh when you feel like crap and...
0:39:34 > 0:39:38make you do stuff, weird stuff.
0:39:38 > 0:39:40Abseiling and learning Japanese and...
0:39:42 > 0:39:45..just like walks on a beach in the morning.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47Sunday mornings, dead early.
0:39:47 > 0:39:51You'll want to stay in bed reading the papers, having a lie-in, but you'll go and...
0:39:53 > 0:39:56..you'll be glad you did because you got to spend some time with her.
0:39:57 > 0:39:59Just the two of you.
0:40:00 > 0:40:03And she'll do your VAT. She's dead good with numbers.
0:40:04 > 0:40:08I just...I just want you to know what you've got because...
0:40:09 > 0:40:11..because I didn't and...
0:40:11 > 0:40:13and I blew it.
0:40:14 > 0:40:15Big time.
0:40:18 > 0:40:22I...I would give my right arm to be where you are right now.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25Eating chow mein and drinking wine at 7:45 on a Tuesday night.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27But I'm not.
0:40:27 > 0:40:28Because I had my chance and...
0:40:30 > 0:40:31..I messed it up.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36Anyway...enjoy your dinner. I'm sorry.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Oh!
0:40:39 > 0:40:42She makes brilliant scrambled eggs, as well, with blue cheese.
0:40:42 > 0:40:46Sounds like it should be rank, but it's well nice. Tangy.
0:40:50 > 0:40:52Anyway...I just thought you should know.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18I-I'm sorry. I just saw you by chance and I-I couldn't help meself.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20- Gary?- I meant every word, though.
0:41:20 > 0:41:24I just wanted him to know just how lucky he was.
0:41:24 > 0:41:25HE SIGHS
0:41:25 > 0:41:29As long as he treats you right.
0:41:29 > 0:41:31He did have funny ears, though. Did you notice that?
0:41:31 > 0:41:34I didn't notice.
0:41:34 > 0:41:38Look, it, it won't happen again and I'm not stalking you, I just...
0:41:39 > 0:41:42Gary?
0:41:42 > 0:41:44You said some really nice things.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51- It looks like we've sold the house. - What?
0:41:51 > 0:41:52Yeah. Estate agent's rang.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55Remember that couple that slagged off the front room?
0:41:55 > 0:41:57The Dunphys? That was months ago.
0:41:57 > 0:41:59Yeah. They've put an offer in.
0:41:59 > 0:42:01- They haven't!- Yeah.
0:42:01 > 0:42:03I mean, £15,000 underneath the asking price, but...
0:42:03 > 0:42:05Cheeky gits!
0:42:05 > 0:42:06THEY CHUCKLE
0:42:11 > 0:42:13I accepted it.
0:42:16 > 0:42:21So I suppose that means we can finally go our separate ways.
0:42:24 > 0:42:27She hated the kitchen. Told me to me face.
0:42:27 > 0:42:30Yeah, well, he's after ripping out that power shower.
0:42:30 > 0:42:33- Putting in a corner bath.- Idiot!
0:42:33 > 0:42:35THEY CHUCKLE
0:42:37 > 0:42:40Well...I suppose we should be celebrating.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44Fancy a drink?
0:42:45 > 0:42:47Yeah. Why not.
0:42:50 > 0:42:52Your place or mine?
0:42:56 > 0:43:00# When the moon hits your eye like a big-a pizza pie
0:43:00 > 0:43:03# That's amore
0:43:05 > 0:43:10# When the world seems to shine like you've had too much wine
0:43:10 > 0:43:12# That's amore
0:43:14 > 0:43:18# Bells will ring ting-a-ling-a-ling ting-a-ling-a-ling
0:43:18 > 0:43:22# And you'll sing, Vita bella... #
0:43:22 > 0:43:24Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd