0:00:02 > 0:00:04- The new contraceptive pill.- What's a husband to do?- Talk to his wife.
0:00:04 > 0:00:06Did I mention I'm married to your Commanding Officer?
0:00:06 > 0:00:09- Is something wrong?- I just got a message from Dr Billings.
0:00:09 > 0:00:11- What's he saying? - He says he needs to see me.
0:00:11 > 0:00:14There's nothing keeping either of us here.
0:00:14 > 0:00:15We have to go to America, Jimmy.
0:00:15 > 0:00:18I'll meet you at the train station at nine and don't forget
0:00:18 > 0:00:19to bring my case.
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Lance Corporal Hobbs tired to steal my girlfriend, sir.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25I really think Private Lomax needs to be kept under observation, Sergeant.
0:00:25 > 0:00:26I'll be watching him very closely.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32# We gotta get out of this place
0:00:32 > 0:00:35# If it's the last thing we ever do
0:00:36 > 0:00:40# We gotta get out of this place
0:00:40 > 0:00:44# Girl, there's a better life for me and...
0:00:44 > 0:00:48# We gotta get out of this place
0:00:48 > 0:00:51# If it's the last thing we ever do
0:00:51 > 0:00:55# We gotta get out of this place... #
0:00:59 > 0:01:03GUNSHOTS AND EXPLOSIONS
0:01:14 > 0:01:15SILENCE
0:02:06 > 0:02:08A superior...
0:02:08 > 0:02:12will never ask you to do anything he can't do or hasn't already done.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16Now, ladies of two-section,
0:02:16 > 0:02:18it's your turn.
0:02:20 > 0:02:24Yesterday, one-section went round this assault course with
0:02:24 > 0:02:26their corporal.
0:02:26 > 0:02:27These are their times.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31If you beat one-section's performance,
0:02:31 > 0:02:32you will win my respect.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37You will win Captain Gulliver's admiration and show him you're not
0:02:37 > 0:02:38the waste of space he thinks.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47You will also win a crate of beer, to be shared between you.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48LAUGHS AND CHEERS
0:02:49 > 0:02:53If you fail, one-section get the beer.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58And you, two-section, spend the rest of the day in the mess kitchen,
0:02:58 > 0:03:01polishing and skivvying and doing whatever needs doing
0:03:01 > 0:03:04for the regimental dinner, do you understand?
0:03:04 > 0:03:06ALL: Yes Corporal.
0:03:06 > 0:03:12All right, the first man up...is...
0:03:14 > 0:03:16Where the hell's White-Bowne?
0:03:16 > 0:03:19Sir, it is with great regret but from a sense of duty
0:03:19 > 0:03:22no less profound of that of any prospective army officer,
0:03:22 > 0:03:24that I must ask leave to be dismissed.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Oh, dear.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28I intend to stand as the Conservative candidate
0:03:28 > 0:03:30in the up and coming by-election.
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Really?
0:03:31 > 0:03:33I have an interview in the next few days.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44Applications for leave to be dismissed.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47All from the last 18 months.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50All from privates who've suddenly discovered a desperate need
0:03:50 > 0:03:54to serve their country as a politician rather than as a soldier.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Really, sir? I had no idea, sir.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Because they knew that standing for political office would exempt them
0:04:00 > 0:04:02from what remained of their National Service.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05I can assure you that that is not my reason for standing.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07Where is this by-election?
0:04:08 > 0:04:09Oldham East.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10Oldham East.
0:04:11 > 0:04:16Northwich, Nottingham West, Oldbury...Oldham East. Hmmm...
0:04:16 > 0:04:20Labour majority of 12,635.
0:04:20 > 0:04:22No-one said politics was easy, sir.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- This is behaviour hardly worthy of a grammar school boy.- Sir!
0:04:25 > 0:04:27I may be powerless to stop you crawling through this legal loophole,
0:04:27 > 0:04:31White-Bowne, but don't insult my intelligence with this pretence,
0:04:31 > 0:04:32dismissed! Get out of my sight.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Come on, McIllvenny!
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Come on, come on! Hurry up!
0:04:45 > 0:04:46Come on!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49Jump!
0:04:50 > 0:04:51Come on!
0:04:51 > 0:04:52Go on!
0:04:52 > 0:04:55- Jump!- Jump!- Jump!
0:04:55 > 0:04:56Hurry up!
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Come on!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59ALL: Oh, no!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07That was pathetic, McIllvenny.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11I hope the rest of you can do better.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Because as it stands, you're way behind one-section.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Next, Private Lomax.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19Watch it, Lomax.
0:05:19 > 0:05:20No funny business, yeah?
0:05:22 > 0:05:25One day, this frightful business will be over...
0:05:25 > 0:05:27Get on with it!
0:05:27 > 0:05:32And people will laugh and dream as if nothing ever happened
0:05:32 > 0:05:34but until then...
0:05:34 > 0:05:38we are, after all, British soldiers.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Oh, for...
0:05:41 > 0:05:42I give up.
0:05:43 > 0:05:44Ready?
0:05:45 > 0:05:48Go!
0:06:10 > 0:06:13Would you believe it?
0:06:13 > 0:06:15He's practically a bloody commando!
0:06:24 > 0:06:25Go on, Lomax!
0:06:25 > 0:06:27ALL: Lomax, Lomax, Lomax!
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Lomax, Lomax, Lomax!
0:06:29 > 0:06:32Lomax, Lomax! Go on!
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Go on, Lomax!
0:06:38 > 0:06:40CHANTING CONTINUES
0:06:44 > 0:06:46CHEERING
0:06:51 > 0:06:53All right.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57Thank you, Alec Guinness(!)
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I want to see more like that.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03Were you watching, Wratten?
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Just imagine you're shinning up a drainpipe
0:07:05 > 0:07:08after Captain Gulliver's heirlooms.
0:07:08 > 0:07:09Yes, Corporal.
0:07:09 > 0:07:11However...
0:07:12 > 0:07:17..Private Lomax did not touch the top bar of the balance beam
0:07:17 > 0:07:19before his descent.
0:07:19 > 0:07:21This means a forfeit
0:07:21 > 0:07:23to the section's overall time
0:07:23 > 0:07:25of ten seconds.
0:07:25 > 0:07:26That's not fair.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28You didn't do that, Corporal.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32Thank you, Wratten. The time penalty is now doubled. 20 seconds.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34What? Come on, Corporal.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Anybody else have any observations?
0:07:37 > 0:07:39ALL: No, Corporal.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Private Hoy, you're up next.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48You know, much as I enjoy the idea of a beer or two
0:07:48 > 0:07:51at the end of this pantomime, I can't help thinking
0:07:51 > 0:07:53being stuck here is a waste of my younger years.
0:07:54 > 0:07:56Well, there is a way out for you.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00You could go into politics.
0:08:06 > 0:08:07DOOR IS UNLOCKED
0:08:11 > 0:08:12Sir.
0:08:12 > 0:08:13At ease.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Now, Lance Corporal Hobbs.
0:08:17 > 0:08:23Captain Gulliver, I would just like to apologise for the unfortunate
0:08:23 > 0:08:30and completely unintentional way that...I punched you, sir.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Your absence has given you some time to think.
0:08:33 > 0:08:37Running away, sir, it was a foolish act in the heat of the moment.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39- And I think it would be best... - I just hope that in...
0:08:39 > 0:08:42..if we started with the lobster bisque
0:08:42 > 0:08:44and possibly, although I'm open to your view,
0:08:44 > 0:08:46follow with the wood pigeon.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- The regimental dinner, sir?- Yes. I'll need to sign off the full menu
0:08:50 > 0:08:54- before lunch if we're to get it up to speed.- Yes, sir.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Sir?
0:08:56 > 0:09:00It, er...wasn't the regimental police that brought me in.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03I... I had to come back.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09Because this is where you're at your best,
0:09:09 > 0:09:11and here you are part of something great,
0:09:11 > 0:09:13and the army is a part of you.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17Sir?
0:09:18 > 0:09:21I suggest the quail, not the wood pigeon.
0:09:30 > 0:09:38# I'm so hurt
0:09:41 > 0:09:43# To think that you
0:09:43 > 0:09:45# You lied to me
0:09:49 > 0:09:56# I'm hurt
0:09:56 > 0:10:02# Way down deep inside of me
0:10:07 > 0:10:11# You said your love was true
0:10:13 > 0:10:20# And we'd never Never, never part... #
0:10:20 > 0:10:23White-Bowne's going to stand in a by-election and get exemption.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26Can he do that?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28He can and he will,
0:10:28 > 0:10:31unless somebody else gets elected as Tory candidate.
0:10:32 > 0:10:37Who, me? You really think some Jewish boy
0:10:37 > 0:10:39with radicals in his family tree will really be welcome?
0:10:39 > 0:10:43Why not? They opened the door to Disraeli, didn't they?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Except I know nothing about politics.
0:10:45 > 0:10:47I'll teach you all you need to know.
0:10:47 > 0:10:48How hard can it be?
0:10:48 > 0:10:52This is White-Bowne you need to beat, not Churchill.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55If you do beat him, you'll get exemption
0:10:55 > 0:10:57from the rest of your National Service.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Get in line, White-Bowne.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Private Rothman, you're next.
0:11:01 > 0:11:02You heard him, Rothman,
0:11:02 > 0:11:06or is this all too tough for a limp-wristed highbrow like you?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08OK, count me in.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11Good, because your membership card arrived this morning.
0:11:11 > 0:11:12Rothman, move your backside!
0:11:12 > 0:11:15And I've already put your name down for the selection panel.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17That's enough chitchat, ladies.
0:11:31 > 0:11:32Mrs Butcher?
0:11:33 > 0:11:34Yes.
0:11:34 > 0:11:36Dr Billings will see you now.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43Go on, Keenan! Yes!
0:11:43 > 0:11:45Yes, well done, Keenan.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Not bad for a pinko, Keenan.
0:11:49 > 0:11:53I'm sure you'll be setting the pace when they sound the retreat.
0:11:53 > 0:11:54Private Keenan!
0:11:58 > 0:12:00Grab your stuff.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02White-Bowne, you're next.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06You do well and you'll be neck and neck with one-section's time.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Lance Corporal Hobbs returned to the camp voluntarily last night.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14- Come back to rub salt in the wound, I suppose.- Keenan, I'm warning you.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Any more displays like the last time,
0:12:16 > 0:12:18there'll be serious consequences.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20- Do you understand?- Yes, Sergeant.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24The CO wants to bring you two together.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26He wants you to bury the hatchet,
0:12:26 > 0:12:28so you won't be using this.
0:12:31 > 0:12:34Hmm, come on, get in. Let's get you cleaned up.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37Hurry up, White-Bowne, you lazy toff!
0:12:38 > 0:12:42What I need to hear before this whole ugly business can be forgotten
0:12:42 > 0:12:45is that both of you accept that some hot-headed folly,
0:12:45 > 0:12:48some petty crime of passion over a girl,
0:12:48 > 0:12:49is of little importance
0:12:49 > 0:12:52compared to the greater goals and needs of the British Army.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Is that not so, Lance Corporal?
0:12:54 > 0:12:55It is, sir.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59I'm sorry, Private Keenan, for what I did,
0:12:59 > 0:13:03for giving you cause for grievance, for...for acting dishonourably.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08Private Keenan?
0:13:10 > 0:13:13I accept your apology.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Good, jolly good.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17Now, let's see you two soldiers shake hands.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25- Thank you. Dismiss, Sergeant.- Sir.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
0:14:00 > 0:14:03You're the last man, Wratten, everyone's relying on you to beat
0:14:03 > 0:14:06one-section and win the beer.
0:14:06 > 0:14:09You're going to let them all down, aren't you?
0:14:09 > 0:14:12Because you're a useless, thieving lump, aren't you, Wratten?
0:14:14 > 0:14:16And you'll never amount to anything, will you?
0:14:16 > 0:14:1915 seconds left!
0:14:19 > 0:14:21SHOUTS OF ENCOURAGEMENT
0:14:21 > 0:14:23Ten, nine, eight...
0:14:23 > 0:14:26Because all you are is a little gangster,
0:14:26 > 0:14:28just like your thieving dad.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30Agghh!
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- Me leg!- Wratten, are you OK?
0:14:34 > 0:14:37- Easy, easy.- Where does it hurt? Are you OK?
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Too slow, Wratten.
0:14:41 > 0:14:43Someone get him to the infirmary.
0:14:43 > 0:14:45Get a nurse to kiss it better.
0:14:45 > 0:14:47I'll take him, Corporal.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50No beer today, thanks to Private Wratten.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03It was awful, Michael.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06Dr Billings he just kept going on and on
0:15:06 > 0:15:09about effective doses and how in America,
0:15:09 > 0:15:12where they invented the pill, the dose was five milligrams of...of...
0:15:12 > 0:15:16whatever it is and how after the Yanks had cut the dose
0:15:16 > 0:15:19to two-and-a-half grams, the British cut it in half again to save money.
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Audrey...
0:15:21 > 0:15:23what did he say?
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Well, finally he came right out and said it.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30"Mrs Butcher, the truth of the matter is,
0:15:30 > 0:15:35"the contraceptive pill you were prescribed is inadequate."
0:15:39 > 0:15:40Inadequate?
0:15:43 > 0:15:46# Ever since we said goodbye
0:15:46 > 0:15:49# All because of a little white lie
0:15:49 > 0:15:52# Let me tell you why we parted
0:15:52 > 0:15:55# Let me tell you what my heart says
0:15:55 > 0:15:57# Gee whiz, it's you! #
0:16:02 > 0:16:05How could you do that to me, Jimmy?
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Do you know how long I waited on that station platform?
0:16:07 > 0:16:10I never said anything about America, that was you.
0:16:10 > 0:16:13I should have known you wouldn't have the nerve to do anything exciting.
0:16:13 > 0:16:15I tried to tell you it was all too much.
0:16:15 > 0:16:17Not if you had a chance to talk yourself out of it!
0:16:17 > 0:16:19I tried, but you wouldn't listen.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24Do you really want to stay in this place until they pension you off?
0:16:24 > 0:16:27What I forgot...is the army is a part of me.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30It's time to enjoy ourselves while we're still young.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Time to live.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41This is where I'm at my best.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49That's great.
0:16:50 > 0:16:52I'm very happy for you.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10I thought tea at The Ritz would be nice,
0:17:10 > 0:17:13but I'm told things have gone a bit downhill there recently.
0:17:13 > 0:17:17Ah, well, how about The Savoy? I've heard if you know people
0:17:17 > 0:17:20who know people, you can still get a table.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Of course, there's still a very slim chance
0:17:22 > 0:17:25and I don't want to get your hopes up, that I could still get us
0:17:25 > 0:17:28two tickets to the Assembly Room dance next week.
0:17:28 > 0:17:29Agh.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31You've got a date already?
0:17:31 > 0:17:35No, a late shift I won't be able to get out of.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40Is anybody interested in my broken leg?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42It's not broken, if it was broken,
0:17:42 > 0:17:44- I would not be able to do this. - Aggh!
0:17:44 > 0:17:48It's slight damage to the medial collateral ligament just here...
0:17:48 > 0:17:49Ow! Steady, girl!
0:17:49 > 0:17:52So we might have to make do with chips and cola in the NAAFI?
0:17:52 > 0:17:54- ..and the quadriceps tendon here. - Aggh!
0:17:54 > 0:17:56What? Only if The Savoy's full?
0:17:56 > 0:17:59So can I report Barrowman for this, does anybody know?
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Hmm! If you could, I think you'd find yourself in a long queue.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Meaning...what?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Well, it's not for me to say.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12Come on, spill the beans.
0:18:14 > 0:18:21I'm just suggesting that Corporal Barrowman, over the years, has had
0:18:21 > 0:18:23trouble knowing where to draw the line.
0:18:26 > 0:18:28Aaagh!
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Hmm!
0:18:34 > 0:18:35KNOCKS ON DOOR
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Come.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43Thank you. At ease, Sergeant.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49Sir, I think there's something we should talk about.
0:18:53 > 0:18:54About Private Keenan -
0:18:54 > 0:18:57I think we should keep an eye on him, sir.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01Sergeant, that's all been taken care of.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03Well, it's not as simple as that, sir.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09My word, this is, er, exceptional news.
0:19:09 > 0:19:15Whatever happened between Private Keenan and Lance Corporal Hobbs, sir,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18is not going to... not going to go away.
0:19:25 > 0:19:28Left, right, left, right, left, right,
0:19:28 > 0:19:32left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right, left, right.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Two-section, halt!
0:19:38 > 0:19:40Two-section, this is your punishment.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43This is Lance Corporal Hobbs.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46Some of you have had dealings with him already.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51I'm putting you in his experienced hands for the rest of the day.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Anything Lance Corporal Hobbs tells you to do,
0:19:54 > 0:19:57you do it double time, do you understand?
0:19:57 > 0:19:58Yes, Corporal.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Over to you, Jimmy.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07And don't let this one anywhere near the silverware.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14Thanks for helping out, lads.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16At Bleakly Marsh, we've got a reputation
0:20:16 > 0:20:19for putting on the best regimental dinners, and I mean
0:20:19 > 0:20:20the very best.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23The whole camp and its commanding officer
0:20:23 > 0:20:25are judged on its success or failure.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Understand?
0:20:28 > 0:20:29No?
0:20:29 > 0:20:32Right, there's not a lot of time and there's lots to do.
0:20:32 > 0:20:35So, roll your sleeves up and get started on the vegetables.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36ALL: Yes, Lance Corporal Hobbs.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Barrowman could have killed me out there.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49He's had it in for me from the day I got here.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51He's just doing what a Corporal would do, isn't he?
0:20:51 > 0:20:53The man cheated us out of a well-deserved win.
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Surely the question is whether we put up with it or not.
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Are you saying we have a choice?
0:20:59 > 0:21:04No, but there must be ways in which we can make his life more difficult.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07I'm all for that. I'd like to see him crawl on his knees!
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Oh, bloody hell.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16He sounds amusing. And just the right side of charming.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18At least he'd heard of The Savoy.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21It's just as a rule, I don't get involved with any of the Privates.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24But you said yes to this one, so you must think he's different.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Yeah, I suppose I must.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28Ah, we'll see.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Are you here about the serviceman's fundraiser
0:21:31 > 0:21:33because we haven't really had...
0:21:33 > 0:21:37Actually, no, it's a personal matter. Personal and medical.
0:21:37 > 0:21:38Oh, yes, sorry, of course.
0:21:42 > 0:21:46There is a chance that
0:21:46 > 0:21:47perhaps...
0:21:48 > 0:21:49..I might be pregnant.
0:21:51 > 0:21:52Well, that's marvellous...
0:21:53 > 0:21:55..isn't it?
0:21:55 > 0:22:00If you could do a test, might we keep the result confidential?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Of course.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11Has there been any irregularity in your period?
0:22:11 > 0:22:14Yes, but I've been taking the contraceptive pill.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16I thought it was because of that.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19Well, we'll soon find out.
0:22:20 > 0:22:21You mean now?
0:22:21 > 0:22:23If that's convenient?
0:22:23 > 0:22:24Of course, yeah, sit down.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45Fantastic, that sounds terribly spiffing, brilliant.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Private White-Bowne!
0:22:47 > 0:22:48This is not your personal office.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52No, but Sergeant Captain Gulliver sent a message there was a call for me, sir.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Hello?
0:22:57 > 0:23:00Sorry, operational duties, you know how it is.
0:23:00 > 0:23:03As I was saying, I'm very much looking forward to meeting the other
0:23:03 > 0:23:06members of the committee at the selection panel interview.
0:23:08 > 0:23:10What new development would that be?
0:23:16 > 0:23:18Put it out, good lad.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Sorry.
0:23:23 > 0:23:27He seems all right, don't you think? I mean, for an NCO.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Obviously you know him better than...
0:23:29 > 0:23:30I'll just shut up now, shall I?
0:23:32 > 0:23:35- It's not going to work, you know. - You have any idea what
0:23:35 > 0:23:38prospective Conservative candidate White-Bowne is talking about?
0:23:38 > 0:23:40No clue at all, prospective Conservative candidate Rothman.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44Do you think Rothman here has a chance of being selected while I'm on the list?
0:23:44 > 0:23:45My gran could give you a run for your money.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47Go ahead -
0:23:47 > 0:23:50keep laughing because you and you will still be in this pit of hell
0:23:50 > 0:23:54while I'm in the real world doing exactly what I want, whenever I want.
0:23:54 > 0:23:57- Maybe he should start practising his campaign speech. - Or perhaps that was it?
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Oh, it was very good. Captures the true Tory ideal.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03"Do whatever you want, whenever you want."
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Oh, ha-ha-ha(!)
0:24:05 > 0:24:09- Does that look done?- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:24:15 > 0:24:17Private Lomax...
0:24:18 > 0:24:21I've been looking for you.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25I heard how well you performed on the assault course this morning...
0:24:28 > 0:24:31..just like a soldier...
0:24:31 > 0:24:36About a hundred to one, the odds of getting out of here alive.
0:24:36 > 0:24:39..a soldier who didn't want to let down his section...
0:24:40 > 0:24:44..so the words might be John Wayne or Jimmy Stewart
0:24:44 > 0:24:48but the actions weren't those of a man trying to work his discharge.
0:24:48 > 0:24:49I think that's progress.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55Now get back to your kitchen duties.
0:25:36 > 0:25:41Darling, did you know we have almost 7,000,000 men stationed on the Rhine?
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I have to say I didn't.
0:25:43 > 0:25:46And who is the Commanding Officer of the British Army on the Rhine -
0:25:46 > 0:25:49that powerful defence against the aggression of the Warsaw Pact?
0:25:49 > 0:25:52I haven't just walked in on one of your lectures, have I?
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Field Marshal Archibald James Halkett Cassels - Normandy,
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Palestine, Malaya, Korea, he was there at them all.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59Colin, could you perhaps tell me what you...?
0:25:59 > 0:26:03And now he commands our forces at the border between East and West.
0:26:03 > 0:26:06- That's where the real action is. - What is all this?
0:26:06 > 0:26:08- Why are you even home at lunchtime? - I got a letter.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11Major Cunnicliffe is putting me forward for an important post...
0:26:11 > 0:26:13in Germany.
0:26:25 > 0:26:29Lads, let me tell you something you probably already know.
0:26:29 > 0:26:33Corporal Barrowman, like most NCOs, well, he's a pain in the backside.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37I bet he offered you a crate of beer for finishing the assault course
0:26:37 > 0:26:39and then whipped it away again, am I right?
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Bang on, Lance Corporal.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44You see, this is my parade ground, this is where I do my shouting.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46It's all about getting plates from here
0:26:46 > 0:26:49onto the table in the officer's mess.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51I don't really care if your belt buckle's not gleaming
0:26:51 > 0:26:53or if your hat's not straight,
0:26:53 > 0:26:55so let's do a deal, shall we?
0:26:55 > 0:26:56If you lot pull your finger out
0:26:56 > 0:26:59and help me make this regimental dinner a success
0:26:59 > 0:27:02you will get a crate of beer from me.
0:27:02 > 0:27:03CHEERING
0:27:03 > 0:27:04Scout's honour.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08Good man!
0:27:08 > 0:27:09Where exactly would we be?
0:27:09 > 0:27:13It's Bullenhausen, here, just south of Hamburg.
0:27:13 > 0:27:16I'll find out more from Major Cunnicliffe tonight at the dinner.
0:27:16 > 0:27:20Colin, I have grown accustomed to packing up our home
0:27:20 > 0:27:23and starting again, but Bullenhausen?
0:27:23 > 0:27:27Audrey, when was the last time you thought of this place as home?
0:27:27 > 0:27:29- Honestly?- Well, I...
0:27:29 > 0:27:31I know you've hated it since the day we arrived.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35Well, you said yourself it's not a stop on anybody's career path.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38It's certainly not an easy place to think of as home.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Is that why you didn't want to start a family?
0:27:44 > 0:27:45I've never said that.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48I found the contraceptive pills.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50Oh, Colin...
0:27:50 > 0:27:53I understand, I do. And you're right.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55You think so?
0:27:55 > 0:27:58It wasn't the right time and this place -
0:27:58 > 0:28:01Bleakly Marsh is killing our marriage,
0:28:01 > 0:28:06but now with this new start, we can leave here, be a family.
0:28:09 > 0:28:13And is that really what do you think we need - a child?
0:28:14 > 0:28:15Yes.
0:28:16 > 0:28:17Yes, I do.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32I, er...went along with what you said
0:28:32 > 0:28:36about me "stealing" your girlfriend,
0:28:36 > 0:28:39cos I know you don't want the whole world to know what really happened.
0:28:39 > 0:28:44Now we don't have to be friends, but I thought I at least owed you that.
0:28:45 > 0:28:46Hobbs...
0:28:50 > 0:28:54What you owe me will never be repaid.
0:29:08 > 0:29:12'Things I thought were true.
0:29:12 > 0:29:13'Three.
0:29:13 > 0:29:15'Violence never solved anything.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17'I punched a man today, Alice.
0:29:17 > 0:29:20'I punched a man and I felt a lot better for it -
0:29:20 > 0:29:23'a lot better,
0:29:23 > 0:29:26'but I'll never be able to forgive him for what he did to you.'
0:30:22 > 0:30:24CONVIVIAL CHATTER
0:30:32 > 0:30:34Would you excuse me for a moment? Thank you.
0:30:40 > 0:30:42You look incredible, as ever.
0:30:42 > 0:30:44We have to talk, Michael.
0:30:44 > 0:30:47You haven't had the test results already, have you?
0:30:47 > 0:30:49No, but there have been developments.
0:31:05 > 0:31:08The quail...
0:31:08 > 0:31:10- I trust they've all been checked for shot?- Yes, sir.
0:31:10 > 0:31:13Because we know from unfortunate experience
0:31:13 > 0:31:16how fragile Major Cunnicliffe's dentures can be.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19There is, er, plenty of saffron in the lobster soup, sir,
0:31:19 > 0:31:22- just the way he likes it.- Excellent. Excellent.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24HORN BEEPS
0:31:24 > 0:31:27Oh, God, I think he's here.
0:31:35 > 0:31:36Very good, very good.
0:31:38 > 0:31:41- Good evening.- Good evening. - Ah, Mrs Gulliver -
0:31:41 > 0:31:44the elegant epitome of the officer's wife.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46Major Cunnicliffe, always a pleasure to have you among us.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49Absolutely, your visits are far too infrequent, Major.
0:31:49 > 0:31:53It is the great tragedy and burden of my life that the army does not run itself.
0:31:53 > 0:31:57Well, I'm happy to think that perhaps I shall relieve a little of that burden.
0:31:57 > 0:32:00Now, now, time enough for that over brandy and cigars.
0:32:03 > 0:32:07# Well, I never felt more like singing the blues
0:32:07 > 0:32:12# Cos I never thought I'd lose your love, baby
0:32:12 > 0:32:15# Why'd you do me this way?
0:32:17 > 0:32:20# Well, I never felt more like crying all night
0:32:20 > 0:32:26# Cos everything's wrong and nothing ain't right without you... #
0:32:26 > 0:32:28The bill ending National Service
0:32:28 > 0:32:31is an act of political vandalism, nothing less.
0:32:31 > 0:32:33ALL: Hear, hear.
0:32:33 > 0:32:36Whitehall will live to regret it then I'm sure Major, while the
0:32:36 > 0:32:39border between East and West remains an active theatre of war.
0:32:39 > 0:32:40Ah, but is it?
0:32:40 > 0:32:41The cast of characters
0:32:41 > 0:32:45is colourful, I agree. Mr Castro with his cigars.
0:32:45 > 0:32:47This American fellow, Kennedy,
0:32:47 > 0:32:48Khrushchev, the mad Russian
0:32:48 > 0:32:52with his two heads, one calling for a peaceful co-existence, the other
0:32:52 > 0:32:54threatening nuclear annihilation but active?
0:32:54 > 0:32:58But our forces need to be ever vigilant against those threats, do they not?
0:32:58 > 0:32:59Actually, no.
0:33:01 > 0:33:04Unlike Stalin, Mr Khrushchev truly
0:33:04 > 0:33:07believes if he does nothing, if he just waits,
0:33:07 > 0:33:10capitalism will collapse under its own weight.
0:33:10 > 0:33:11LAUGHTER
0:33:12 > 0:33:15But don't we have a vital military role to play, Major?
0:33:15 > 0:33:19I suspect that despite the sloganeering and posturing, the task
0:33:19 > 0:33:22is actually to oversee a stalemate.
0:33:22 > 0:33:26And we need men of your calibre to see the job through, Gulliver.
0:33:26 > 0:33:27I've made that clear
0:33:27 > 0:33:29to those that need to know it.
0:33:35 > 0:33:38Never let it be said that I do not come good...on a promise.
0:33:38 > 0:33:39CHEERING
0:33:43 > 0:33:46Lance Corporal Hobbs, what do you think you're doing?
0:33:46 > 0:33:48Giving the lads their reward, Corporal.
0:33:48 > 0:33:53Like hell you are. These slackers were given duties after their failure -
0:33:53 > 0:33:54a reward is not required.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Corporal, we all agreed it.
0:33:59 > 0:34:01Attention!
0:34:01 > 0:34:05Major Cunnicliffe wanted to thank you in person, Hobbs.
0:34:05 > 0:34:06For the fine job you did, once again -
0:34:06 > 0:34:09a triumph from soup to nuts.
0:34:09 > 0:34:10It was a team effort, sir.
0:34:10 > 0:34:12Couldn't have done it without the lads of two-section, sir.
0:34:12 > 0:34:16Quite right. Ah, beer for the lads. And well deserved.
0:34:20 > 0:34:22Well, give it to them, man.
0:34:23 > 0:34:24Give it to them!
0:34:26 > 0:34:27Thank you, Corporal.
0:34:38 > 0:34:42CHEERING
0:34:44 > 0:34:47- The idea of spending the next 20 years in Germany...- Audrey...
0:34:47 > 0:34:50..with only the foolish wives of other officer's for company.
0:34:50 > 0:34:54Nothing's going to happen overnight. Nothing in the army happens overnight.
0:34:54 > 0:34:56We have some time to think.
0:34:56 > 0:35:00A few days ago, we had all the time in the world, we just didn't know it.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03Spending afternoons in a cheap hotel? Is that all you wanted?
0:35:03 > 0:35:06No, you know it isn't,
0:35:06 > 0:35:10but now we're being forced into decisions by things we can't control.
0:35:10 > 0:35:11Audrey, we need to wait
0:35:11 > 0:35:15for the result of the test - we can think about our options.
0:35:15 > 0:35:18He knows, not about us, about the contraceptive pill.
0:35:20 > 0:35:23What if I am pregnant? It'll almost certainly be yours.
0:35:25 > 0:35:26What do we do, Michael?
0:35:28 > 0:35:29What do we do?
0:35:33 > 0:35:34Major.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Do please excuse me.
0:35:47 > 0:35:48Oh, God!
0:35:48 > 0:35:49DOG BARKS
0:36:09 > 0:36:13The table's booked for eight o'clock. I hope that's all right.
0:36:13 > 0:36:15I hope that dress code is relaxed.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17I know the management. It'll be fine.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25SHE LAUGHS
0:36:25 > 0:36:26I let the waiters go early.
0:36:31 > 0:36:32Oh, thank you.
0:36:39 > 0:36:41It's a very good year for pale ale.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45Compliments of Major Cunnicliffe's table.
0:36:54 > 0:36:58- Always a pleasure, Major, to offer our meagre hospitality.- Quite, quite.
0:36:58 > 0:37:02- And if you'll forgive my keenness sir, might I expect to hear from command soon?- From command?
0:37:02 > 0:37:06Yes, sir, about the posting, I'll need to make preparations.
0:37:06 > 0:37:08Let's not get ahead of ourselves.
0:37:08 > 0:37:12There are, let's say, many considerations involved in decisions like these.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14Yes, I do apologise, Major, it's just the tone of your letter...
0:37:14 > 0:37:19Your...suitability for the post will be discussed.
0:37:19 > 0:37:23But am I right in thinking that you yourself feel I am the man for the job?
0:37:24 > 0:37:26My driver's waiting, I really must go.
0:37:49 > 0:37:52CHEERING
0:38:06 > 0:38:08This is probably the part where I ask you for your life story.
0:38:08 > 0:38:10What are you doing here, Tom?
0:38:11 > 0:38:13Here, now?
0:38:13 > 0:38:16You mean apart from having the most fun since I've arrived?
0:38:16 > 0:38:18You know what I mean.
0:38:18 > 0:38:20You could have deferred, gone to university.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25If I think about the other lads, all I can see
0:38:25 > 0:38:29is when their call-up papers arrived that their lives were interrupted.
0:38:29 > 0:38:32But my life was already interrupted.
0:38:32 > 0:38:36I was just sitting there with no plans.
0:38:36 > 0:38:37So the army, why not?
0:38:39 > 0:38:43Are you going to tell me about her? About your sister?
0:38:49 > 0:38:54If you're a twin, you don't know much about being lonely.
0:38:54 > 0:38:55From the day you were born
0:38:55 > 0:38:59there's two of you then there's the rest of the world.
0:39:00 > 0:39:05And until now, there hasn't been anyone I can talk to about her.
0:39:05 > 0:39:06Why not?
0:39:09 > 0:39:12Because if the truth came out about how she died,
0:39:12 > 0:39:14then it would destroy my dad.
0:39:15 > 0:39:17Destroy his memory of her.
0:39:18 > 0:39:19And what is the truth?
0:39:26 > 0:39:28She met a man...
0:39:30 > 0:39:34On a bright summer day by the sea, she met a man
0:39:34 > 0:39:35and fell for his charms.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41It's the oldest story in the world.
0:39:41 > 0:39:43But it's no less painful for that.
0:39:46 > 0:39:50By the time she found out she was pregnant, he was nowhere to be seen.
0:39:50 > 0:39:53And she knew in that in the kind of street where we lived
0:39:53 > 0:39:55that 19-year-old girls don't have babies.
0:40:00 > 0:40:04And then a friend at the office gave her an address.
0:40:08 > 0:40:12I tried to stop her. I should have tried harder.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21At first, it seemed to all go OK but...then she got ill.
0:40:24 > 0:40:25She got very sick.
0:40:28 > 0:40:29Then a week later she died.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37The father of the child was Lance Corporal Hobbs.
0:40:47 > 0:40:52# Please, please, please, please
0:40:52 > 0:40:58- # Please, please don't go - Please, please, please
0:40:58 > 0:41:01# Please, please don't go
0:41:01 > 0:41:07# Honey, please don't go-o-o
0:41:07 > 0:41:11# Oh, yeah, girl, I love you so
0:41:11 > 0:41:15# Please, please don't go
0:41:15 > 0:41:18# Baby, you did me wrong
0:41:18 > 0:41:21# So you got me, woman
0:41:21 > 0:41:24# Whoa, yeah, you did me wrong
0:41:24 > 0:41:28# So you got me, woman
0:41:28 > 0:41:33# So you done, done me wrong
0:41:33 > 0:41:36# Oh, yeah, took my love
0:41:36 > 0:41:38# And now you're gone
0:41:38 > 0:41:41# Please, please don't go
0:41:41 > 0:41:45# Please, please, please Please, please
0:41:54 > 0:41:58# Honey, please don't go-o-o
0:41:58 > 0:42:02# Well, oh, yeah, love
0:42:02 > 0:42:07- # I love you so - Please, please don't go... #
0:42:28 > 0:42:31HE MIMICS EXPLOSION
0:42:38 > 0:42:41- It's the War Office, sir. - Well, you'd better put them through.
0:42:41 > 0:42:44Two-section! You will not leave this hut.
0:42:44 > 0:42:47Any man who does so will be shot!
0:42:47 > 0:42:49It appears to be in order, Sergeant.
0:42:49 > 0:42:51It's time to save the world.
0:42:51 > 0:42:54Personally, I'm not so sure it's worth saving.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:42:56 > 0:42:59Hello, I'm Leonard Rothman, your local Conservative candidate.
0:42:59 > 0:43:00We're Labour.
0:43:09 > 0:43:12Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd