0:00:07 > 0:00:13This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:28 > 0:00:31There's a vegetarian restaurant round the corner.
0:00:31 > 0:00:33You know, just round...
0:00:33 > 0:00:36A couple of streets from here. Does completely veggie.
0:00:37 > 0:00:40I had a falafel. It was nice.
0:00:41 > 0:00:42It was OK.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Did you see the news on telly last night?
0:00:47 > 0:00:49No, just wondered.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52There were some bits in the papers, I checked in WH Smiths.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Tiny, you know, but that's not what I'm...
0:00:56 > 0:00:57So, you didn't see News at Ten, no?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01No.
0:01:01 > 0:01:02Ah, shit.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Oh, well.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08Two fellas over there.
0:01:13 > 0:01:15Can you believe they voted no?
0:01:15 > 0:01:18Can you believe it? I couldn't believe it.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22Yeah, well, not... No, I know, but 18.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26You know, it's almost worse than if they'd kept it at 21.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28There would be some honesty in that.
0:01:28 > 0:01:31We hate you and, you know, piss off.
0:01:31 > 0:01:33At least that would have been consistent but, yeah,
0:01:33 > 0:01:36we'll make you slightly more equal.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Yeah, well, big wow!
0:01:39 > 0:01:41Of course it's better, I know that, of course it is.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43But, well, it's just...
0:01:44 > 0:01:45It's 1994!
0:01:45 > 0:01:47You know, Jesus!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50That's what this fella said last night.
0:01:50 > 0:01:53He said it was good and that things were changing
0:01:53 > 0:01:54but it just makes you...
0:01:55 > 0:01:57I don't want to be tolerated, you know?
0:02:00 > 0:02:03I've got a bit of falafel in me teeth.
0:02:06 > 0:02:08It's impressive when you see it.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10The House of Commons. Have you been?
0:02:10 > 0:02:12It's bigger than it looks on telly.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14I just come down on my own.
0:02:14 > 0:02:15I wasn't planning to.
0:02:15 > 0:02:19I hadn't thought of it, really. I mean, I knew the vote was coming up,
0:02:19 > 0:02:22the reading of the bill. I've been following it, but...
0:02:22 > 0:02:25Then it was on the front page that morning that Derek Jarman had died
0:02:25 > 0:02:26and, erm...
0:02:27 > 0:02:29You know, not like it was a sign or anything,
0:02:29 > 0:02:31I don't believe in all that, but I just thought...
0:02:33 > 0:02:36"Sod it. I should go."
0:02:36 > 0:02:38You know, show them that we count.
0:02:38 > 0:02:40You know, we do exist.
0:02:40 > 0:02:42It does matter, the things they're talking about, so...
0:02:47 > 0:02:50I mean, I'm not a big fan or anything.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52I just knew he was important, Jarman.
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I've seen his version of The Tempest.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58It was the first thing I saw at the arthouse cinema back home.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59I never even knew they were a thing.
0:02:59 > 0:03:03And I taped Blue off Channel 4 a couple of months back.
0:03:04 > 0:03:05I haven't watched it yet.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09That's been the best thing about sixth form,
0:03:09 > 0:03:11is discovering things like that.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14No-one at my old school would ever have gone to something like that.
0:03:14 > 0:03:15Morons.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20There was this lad in my year, Darren Hardcastle.
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Daz.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24All he'd talk about was wanking.
0:03:24 > 0:03:27You know, he was obsessed. It's all he went on about.
0:03:27 > 0:03:29And if he wasn't banging on about wanking, he was punching people.
0:03:29 > 0:03:32Wanking or punching.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36And I used to think, "This is what prison must be like.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39"This is like...1984."
0:03:40 > 0:03:42I couldn't wait to leave.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44I ran from that place.
0:03:44 > 0:03:45Well, metaphorically.
0:03:46 > 0:03:48Well, literally.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51They arranged a scrap with the comp across the field.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53I hated it.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58We were outside for hours last night, shifting around,
0:03:58 > 0:03:59trying to keep warm.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02Most people were in groups, actually.
0:04:02 > 0:04:05I don't know if they were friends or from, you know, Stonewall,
0:04:05 > 0:04:07that kind of thing.
0:04:07 > 0:04:10There were some banners and signs and people had candles.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12You needed candles because of how bloody cold it was,
0:04:12 > 0:04:14I'm telling you. Flipping heck!
0:04:14 > 0:04:19And there was a weird mix of excitement because of what it was
0:04:19 > 0:04:22and boredom because it took ages.
0:04:23 > 0:04:26And this lad looked at me a few times while I was there.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28I saw him looking.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30Caught his eye.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31Looked back.
0:04:32 > 0:04:33He was...
0:04:34 > 0:04:36You know, he was lovely.
0:04:38 > 0:04:39I can be a bit shy.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43And then finally someone come out, must have said it had been done,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46whatever time it was, late, come out of the House of Commons.
0:04:46 > 0:04:47I couldn't see who they were
0:04:47 > 0:04:49and then you heard everyone starting to boo
0:04:49 > 0:04:50and you think, "Oh..."
0:04:50 > 0:04:53You know, because we'd been there for so long because...
0:04:53 > 0:04:56Well, I don't know how many people there were, but enough.
0:04:56 > 0:04:58You know, 200.
0:04:58 > 0:04:59Enough for it to feel like...
0:05:00 > 0:05:03You know, because I'm used to being on my own.
0:05:03 > 0:05:04I don't know anyone else who's...
0:05:04 > 0:05:06gay.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09And last night, there were loads of us, and we're nice, you know,
0:05:09 > 0:05:11I was looking round and I was thinking, "These are nice people."
0:05:11 > 0:05:14And so you start to think, well, of course they'll vote the right way.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Why wouldn't they? What would be the point in not?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21You start getting carried away with reason.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24And I know...
0:05:24 > 0:05:25you shouldn't do that.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29And so this bloke come out and he must have said they voted 18 and
0:05:29 > 0:05:32everyone started to boo cos I think we had all convinced ourselves
0:05:32 > 0:05:35it was going to be 16, you know, it was going to be equal,
0:05:35 > 0:05:38so it was like a... It was like a kick in the teeth.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41And then we all sort of surged towards the Commons,
0:05:41 > 0:05:42towards the doors he had come out of.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45It just happened and police were there, a couple on horses,
0:05:45 > 0:05:46that kind of thing and...
0:05:47 > 0:05:49And people are chanting and shouting
0:05:49 > 0:05:51and just sort of, you know, pissed off,
0:05:51 > 0:05:55you know, and there is a bit of a scuffle and I did think,
0:05:55 > 0:05:57just for a moment, "Is this...?"
0:05:57 > 0:06:00Because a policeman's helmet landed at my feet.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Yeah, but it was nothing really, and then someone shouted,
0:06:04 > 0:06:05"Let's go to Downing Street,"
0:06:05 > 0:06:08and so we all marched up there and there was some shouting outside
0:06:08 > 0:06:10the gates for a bit
0:06:10 > 0:06:12and then we all went up to Trafalgar Square and a group of
0:06:12 > 0:06:15people started sitting in the road to block the traffic and...
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Well, you go along with it, but I did feel a bit...
0:06:22 > 0:06:24You know, self-conscious, I suppose.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27You know, but also, like...
0:06:29 > 0:06:31You know, because I was pissed off, too,
0:06:31 > 0:06:34and the police were getting a bit...
0:06:34 > 0:06:35Well, not mardy but...
0:06:37 > 0:06:38It was late.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43I think we could all tell it had run out of steam but we were angry.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45That's the point.
0:06:45 > 0:06:46And so what do you do?
0:06:48 > 0:06:51So we did that for, you know...
0:06:53 > 0:06:54..ten minutes.
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Then everyone went home.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06And then you read this morning that there were scuffles
0:07:06 > 0:07:09between police and a minority out to cause trouble.
0:07:09 > 0:07:10And there was no minority
0:07:10 > 0:07:13out to cause trouble, it was so...piddly.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16There was a bit of shoving and a bit of shouting and that's all.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20But to read the papers, the bit there is,
0:07:20 > 0:07:21you'd think it was a kind of riot.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25That's kind of interesting, the distortion.
0:07:25 > 0:07:28I've never been a part of something that's been reported before.
0:07:28 > 0:07:29We were all just fed up.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33And so I'd missed my train by this point and this fella, Marcus,
0:07:33 > 0:07:35that I'd been sitting in the road with,
0:07:35 > 0:07:38he asked if I wanted to go back to his and I thought...
0:07:39 > 0:07:42Well, you know, but what do you do?
0:07:42 > 0:07:44I had nowhere to go, and so I did.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48That's his name, Marcus.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50Of course it is, sorry.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53"Mar-cous".
0:07:55 > 0:07:59We went back to his, his flat, and it was...
0:07:59 > 0:08:02You know, I mean, it was fine. It was a bit...
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Not... It was OK.
0:08:05 > 0:08:08I think I'd thought, and I mean, this is stupid, I know it is,
0:08:08 > 0:08:10but I think I'd thought people in London...
0:08:11 > 0:08:12London is just a place, isn't it?
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Like any other.
0:08:14 > 0:08:16I suppose you think, London...
0:08:18 > 0:08:20You know, I don't mean to sound snobby.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22It's not snobby. I'm not a snob.
0:08:22 > 0:08:23My mate Sean is proper bourgeois,
0:08:23 > 0:08:26though he'd have you believe he's working class because his dad,
0:08:26 > 0:08:28I don't know, once drained a radiator or something,
0:08:28 > 0:08:31but I remember his face when I told him we had our tea on our laps
0:08:31 > 0:08:33on Sunday watching Bullseye, so I'm not...
0:08:34 > 0:08:35..you know, posh.
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Anyway, he was asking what I did, Marcus,
0:08:39 > 0:08:42and I told him I was a student and he said he worked for the BBC
0:08:42 > 0:08:45in accounts, so that's interesting, isn't it?
0:08:47 > 0:08:51Kind of. And I'd said from the start that I just needed a place to stay
0:08:51 > 0:08:55until I could get a train home in the morning and he said that was OK.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57I was giving off the right vibes, I think, so...
0:08:58 > 0:08:59Yeah, it was cool.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03He's a lot older than me. He's 30, but he was...
0:09:05 > 0:09:07You know, nice.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10He made us some toast and put the heat on, so it was fine.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15He had this jam that's made without any sugar.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20And we talked a bit. He said he'd been on a few marches and things.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23You know, not just gay, but other stuff.
0:09:23 > 0:09:24Poll tax, and...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27You know, so it was interesting.
0:09:27 > 0:09:31We talked about last night and called them bastards and put the...
0:09:32 > 0:09:34What is it? Put the world to rights.
0:09:36 > 0:09:40And then he said, "Well, at least that means you're legal now."
0:09:40 > 0:09:42You know, because I'm 18.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46I mean, I'm actually 17 but I'd told him I was 18
0:09:46 > 0:09:48because I thought 17 sounded a bit young.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51That's stupid, isn't it?
0:09:53 > 0:09:55And I think when he said that, I thought...
0:09:57 > 0:09:59"Right..."
0:09:59 > 0:10:00You know?
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I just kind of laughed it off and then he said he should go to bed
0:10:05 > 0:10:08and he went to get some bedding for me for the sofa
0:10:08 > 0:10:11and I think he thought I was a virgin, which I'm not, but...
0:10:11 > 0:10:12I mean...
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Well, I'm not not a virgin.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22But when he came back in the living room with the bedding...
0:10:23 > 0:10:26..he was starkers and I thought...
0:10:28 > 0:10:29"Blimey!"
0:10:29 > 0:10:32You know, but then I thought, maybe that's just what he does.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Sean, my mate, sleeps in the nude.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36It never occurred to me that was a thing you could do
0:10:36 > 0:10:38until I stopped round his.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42Well, a lot hadn't occurred to me until I stopped round his.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44But anyway, so I was sitting down on the sofa
0:10:44 > 0:10:46and he dropped the duvet and pillows next to me.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48The duvet didn't have a cover on it.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50The things that go through your head!
0:10:50 > 0:10:53You know, I thought, "Mum would never give someone a duvet
0:10:53 > 0:10:54"without a cover on it."
0:10:55 > 0:10:56So then,
0:10:56 > 0:10:58he was there...
0:10:59 > 0:11:01You know, "Hello, boys!"
0:11:03 > 0:11:04So I'm kind of...
0:11:10 > 0:11:12And then he reached his hand out and he stroked the back of my head,
0:11:12 > 0:11:16just softly, and... that was actually quite nice.
0:11:18 > 0:11:19That sounds pathetic, doesn't it?
0:11:19 > 0:11:21I'm not an idiot, I knew what...
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Well, you know, cards were on the table, but I thought,
0:11:24 > 0:11:29he's letting me stay over and he's not...
0:11:29 > 0:11:32Well, he's quite nice, you know, looking, I mean.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34He's all right. He's not Kristian Schmidt, but...
0:11:37 > 0:11:40So I put him in my mouth.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45And that seemed to go down well.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50And then a minute or two later he stood me up and he kissed me
0:11:50 > 0:11:53and I thought, "Right, I've got to decide now,
0:11:53 > 0:11:54"you know, if I'm not up for this,
0:11:54 > 0:11:56"I've kind of got to say something now
0:11:56 > 0:11:58"because you don't want to be rude."
0:11:58 > 0:12:01But I didn't say anything and so he led me through into his bedroom
0:12:01 > 0:12:03and he said, "Is this all right?"
0:12:03 > 0:12:04And genuinely, for a split second,
0:12:04 > 0:12:08I thought he was asking about his room, and I did think,
0:12:08 > 0:12:12"Well, now we know what Athena does with its remaindered stock."
0:12:12 > 0:12:16But he had my top off by that point and I felt kind of separate to it,
0:12:16 > 0:12:18like I was watching myself, you know,
0:12:18 > 0:12:20like Brecht - verfremdungseffekt.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23And I was kind of talking to myself, saying,
0:12:23 > 0:12:24"Is this all right? Is this OK?"
0:12:24 > 0:12:27You know, keeping calm. In my head, not...
0:12:28 > 0:12:31No, I think that might have put him off.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34But it was just nice not to be rushed because...
0:12:35 > 0:12:37I suppose everything I've done up till now
0:12:37 > 0:12:39has been at parties with lads from college who...
0:12:40 > 0:12:44Well, you've got to sort of take advantage of the moment.
0:12:44 > 0:12:46I say lads, it makes it sound like there's hundreds of them,
0:12:46 > 0:12:48there's not, believe me, really just me and...
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Well, just me and Jamie Flynn, I suppose.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55And Sean.
0:12:56 > 0:12:57We...
0:12:59 > 0:13:01Not, not regularly, you know, not...
0:13:03 > 0:13:05If he's drunk and in the right mood,
0:13:05 > 0:13:08and I kind of know how to be in the right place at the right time,
0:13:08 > 0:13:10but... Well, it's an art more than it is a science
0:13:10 > 0:13:12and you've either got one eye on the door or worse,
0:13:12 > 0:13:15you've got to kind of prep yourself in case he loses the mood or after
0:13:15 > 0:13:17decides it didn't happen.
0:13:17 > 0:13:18I don't mean nasty, but just...
0:13:21 > 0:13:24So it was really the first time it felt legitimate doing anything -
0:13:24 > 0:13:26you know, with an accountant!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30I didn't have a clue what I was doing, I'll be honest, but...
0:13:30 > 0:13:31Well, he didn't...
0:13:32 > 0:13:33You know, he was nice, patient.
0:13:35 > 0:13:37He kept talking to me and checking I was OK.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39I almost wished he wouldn't.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41I almost wanted him to just go for it.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45Almost.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47And I think, weirdly,
0:13:47 > 0:13:49and this feels weird now I come to think about it,
0:13:49 > 0:13:53but I think because I didn't madly fancy him,
0:13:53 > 0:13:55it meant I could relax a bit more.
0:13:55 > 0:13:57It didn't seem as important as it might have done.
0:13:59 > 0:14:03I could just do what he told me and weirdly that was kind of easier.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I think...
0:14:07 > 0:14:09I mean, it wasn't easy really, but...
0:14:10 > 0:14:14While we were doing it... I can't believe I'm telling you all this.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16I had a real coffee earlier. I think it's kicking in.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19There was a moment where I was thinking,
0:14:19 > 0:14:20"Two hours ago I was outside Parliament
0:14:20 > 0:14:23"and they were saying I wasn't allowed to do this,"
0:14:23 > 0:14:25and that made me laugh, and that turned him on
0:14:25 > 0:14:27because I think he thought it meant I was getting into it,
0:14:27 > 0:14:29and I was getting into it, but not because of...
0:14:29 > 0:14:33Not just because of him. I was thinking about all the tossers who'd
0:14:33 > 0:14:34opposed it, opposed me,
0:14:34 > 0:14:36and I was thinking, "If you could fucking see me now."
0:14:36 > 0:14:38You know, fucking...
0:14:40 > 0:14:42And that felt great.
0:14:42 > 0:14:43Oh, I felt great.
0:14:45 > 0:14:48You know, who'd have predicted I'd spent my first time
0:14:48 > 0:14:51thinking about Lady Olga Maitland and Sir Nicholas fucking Fairburn.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I doubt anyone's ever thought about them while they're doing it before,
0:14:54 > 0:14:57including the people they're doing it with, if they do ever do it,
0:14:57 > 0:14:59the desiccated twats.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05I wasn't dwelling on them. I'm not a pervert. But it did give it a...
0:15:06 > 0:15:08A frisson.
0:15:14 > 0:15:15HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:15:17 > 0:15:19I've never said frisson before.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22I've only ever seen it written down.
0:15:23 > 0:15:27That's one of those words, you know, like...
0:15:27 > 0:15:28hyperbole.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33And then,
0:15:33 > 0:15:35after, he turned the light off and he held me
0:15:35 > 0:15:37while he fell asleep and...
0:15:39 > 0:15:40..all I could think was...
0:15:42 > 0:15:44.."I hope Mum and Dad weren't watching the TV news," because...
0:15:45 > 0:15:51At one point, when we surged towards the doors of the Commons,
0:15:51 > 0:15:54that's when I'd seen the cameras.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02They had these big lights on the top of them, the cameras.
0:16:02 > 0:16:06You know, like spotlights, because it was dark, obviously.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10I'd been trying to stay behind this big bloke in front of me
0:16:10 > 0:16:12so I wouldn't be seen, but he moved out of the way
0:16:12 > 0:16:14just at the same moment that one of them swung round
0:16:14 > 0:16:15and I know it got me full in the face.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20If that's been on the News at Ten, I'm dead.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24So that's why I wondered if you'd seen it.
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Well, I'll find out later today, you know, when I get back.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35I mean, I was thinking about him as well, you know, Marcus.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39I was thinking, "He could get in trouble for this," but...
0:16:39 > 0:16:42But then I thought, "Yeah, but who's going to say anything?"
0:16:42 > 0:16:44I mean, who is? Who really cares?
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Quite dry, aren't they, falafels?
0:16:52 > 0:16:56My friend Elisa, she's a vegetarian. I mean, not just a vegetarian,
0:16:56 > 0:16:59she's quite fussy as well, you know, fries everything in water.
0:17:00 > 0:17:01She's got this...
0:17:03 > 0:17:06Futon? No, tofu, instead of chicken.
0:17:07 > 0:17:08Have you tried it?
0:17:09 > 0:17:10I had some once.
0:17:11 > 0:17:12I wouldn't go mad.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15It's not really a substitute.
0:17:20 > 0:17:21He's got his hand on his leg now.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23Those two blokes.
0:17:26 > 0:17:27It's just nice to see.
0:17:28 > 0:17:30You know, Nottingham, there's nothing.
0:17:32 > 0:17:35Gatsby's, MGM the first Monday of every month.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38But, here...
0:17:40 > 0:17:41Well, it's not lunchtime yet.
0:17:46 > 0:17:49My two hopes are that there won't be much coverage of it
0:17:49 > 0:17:52and that's a good bet, and that it won't be on at all,
0:17:52 > 0:17:54or that they will only show one or two seconds
0:17:54 > 0:17:56so I'll be really unlucky if I'm on it,
0:17:56 > 0:17:58or that Mum and Dad weren't watching last night.
0:18:02 > 0:18:05Or that they were watching and I was on it but they didn't see me because
0:18:05 > 0:18:06they won't be looking for me.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08They won't be expecting me to be on it.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13They'll think I stayed around Sean's last night.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17I'm kind of looking forward to telling him about it, Sean.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21I think I'll feel a bit better around him now.
0:18:23 > 0:18:24You know, it was good fun.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30It's funny, isn't it? Because if they'd said yes,
0:18:30 > 0:18:32if they had made it 16...
0:18:34 > 0:18:36..then I'd have gone straight home.