0:00:33 > 0:00:35BELL RINGS AS DOOR OPENS
0:00:38 > 0:00:40Ooh!
0:00:40 > 0:00:41By gollykins!
0:00:42 > 0:00:43Do you mind if I sit down?
0:00:45 > 0:00:48N...No.
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Sorry, please don't misunderstand.
0:00:53 > 0:00:55I'm just being friendly.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58You're, er...
0:00:58 > 0:01:02You're a long way from home. What brings you here?
0:01:02 > 0:01:05Oh, I'm waiting to meet an old friend.
0:01:05 > 0:01:07What about you, young lady?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10SHE GIGGLES
0:01:10 > 0:01:13I'm waiting to babysit two adorable kids.
0:01:14 > 0:01:16They live just over there.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Oh, you read them fairy stories.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Oh, yes!
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Oh, they love their story time.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28Little Red Riding Hood.
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Don't like her.
0:01:34 > 0:01:36And Snow White? She's actually a blonde!
0:01:38 > 0:01:39Sorry?
0:01:39 > 0:01:42"Happily ever after..." HE GRUNTS
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Come on, now, they're just stories.
0:01:45 > 0:01:48- You know? For children? - SHE CHUCKLES
0:01:48 > 0:01:50I don't suppose you have family yourself?
0:01:52 > 0:01:56Well, had. I had two nephews - Rolf and Rex.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59Had?
0:01:59 > 0:02:01Why? What happened?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06Well, since you ask...
0:02:08 > 0:02:11..once upon a time...
0:02:35 > 0:02:37HE GROWLS
0:02:49 > 0:02:50Flowers!
0:02:52 > 0:02:54Flowers!
0:02:54 > 0:02:55Would you like some flowers?
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Flowers?
0:03:05 > 0:03:06Very nice flowers.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09SHE SIGHS
0:03:10 > 0:03:13- MAN CLEARS THROAT - Oh!
0:03:13 > 0:03:15SOLDIERS GRUNT
0:03:15 > 0:03:17GIRL SOBS AND SNIFFS
0:03:20 > 0:03:22(Please take one.)
0:03:35 > 0:03:37BELL TOLLS
0:03:53 > 0:03:56When little Snow White's mother died,
0:03:56 > 0:04:00the King, her father, up and cried...
0:04:00 > 0:04:04Oh, what a nuisance! What a life!
0:04:04 > 0:04:06HE SOBS
0:04:06 > 0:04:10Now I must find another wife!
0:04:10 > 0:04:14It's never easy for a king to find himself that sort of thing.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16CONGREGATION MURMURS
0:04:30 > 0:04:32SNOW WHITE SOBS
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Snow White!
0:05:09 > 0:05:11PIG GRUNTS AND SNORTS
0:05:17 > 0:05:19PIG GRUNTS THEN SIGHS
0:05:24 > 0:05:25Piggy bank!
0:05:28 > 0:05:29Very good, very good.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40The King wrote to each magazine and said...
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I'm looking for a queen.
0:05:42 > 0:05:48At least 10,000 girls replied and begged to be the royal bride.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50However, in the end he chose...
0:05:51 > 0:05:54..a lady called Miss Maclahose.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56THE KING SINGS
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Who brought a mirror framed in brass.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00Good morning.
0:06:00 > 0:06:03A magic, talking, looking glass.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05RED RIDING HOOD GIGGLES
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Ask it something, day or night,
0:06:07 > 0:06:09it always got the answer right.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11Aww.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Go on!
0:06:12 > 0:06:15For instance, if you were to say...
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Oh, Mirror, what's for lunch today?
0:06:19 > 0:06:21The thing would answer, in a trice...
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Today it's scrambled eggs and rice.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26DOOR CREAKS
0:06:26 > 0:06:28There we are.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Din-dins.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35GIRLS LAUGH
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Oh, adorable!
0:06:41 > 0:06:44Now, every day, week in, week out,
0:06:44 > 0:06:47the spoilt and stupid Queen would shout...
0:06:47 > 0:06:51Oh, Mirror, Mirror on the wall!
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Who is fairest of them all?
0:06:53 > 0:06:56The Mirror answered every time...
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Oh, Madame, you're the queen sublime.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01You're the only one to charm us.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Queen, you are the cat's pyjamas!
0:07:05 > 0:07:07For ten whole years, the silly Queen
0:07:07 > 0:07:11repeated her absurd routine,
0:07:11 > 0:07:14then suddenly one awful day...
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Hello, Snow White!
0:07:21 > 0:07:22Hi! Ohh...
0:07:22 > 0:07:24- SHE CHUCKLES - That's very sweet of you.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29She heard the magic mirror say...
0:07:29 > 0:07:33From now on, Queen, you're number two.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36Snow White is prettier than you.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38The Queen went absolutely wild.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39She yelled...
0:07:39 > 0:07:42I'm going to scrag that child!
0:07:42 > 0:07:46I'll cook her flaming goose, I'll skin her!
0:07:46 > 0:07:49I'll have her rotten guts for dinner!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51She called the huntsman to her study.
0:07:51 > 0:07:53HUNTSMAN!
0:07:53 > 0:07:57Listen, buddy! You drag that filthy girl outside,
0:07:57 > 0:08:00and see you take her for a ride!
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Thereafter, slit her ribs apart,
0:08:03 > 0:08:08and bring me back the bleeding heart!
0:08:08 > 0:08:09HUNTSMAN GULPS
0:08:09 > 0:08:11DOOR CREAKS
0:08:16 > 0:08:18RED RIDING HOOD SIGHS
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Thanks, Pig.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37ROLF SNIFFS
0:08:43 > 0:08:45REX GULPS BIG BAD WOLF GROWLS
0:08:53 > 0:08:55REX WHIMPERS
0:09:01 > 0:09:03BIG BAD WOLF SCOFFS
0:09:05 > 0:09:11As soon as Rolf began to feel that he would like a decent meal...
0:09:16 > 0:09:19..he went and knocked on Grandma's door.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22KNOCK ON DOOR
0:09:22 > 0:09:25When Grandma opened it, she saw...
0:09:25 > 0:09:27The sharp white teeth, the horrid grin!
0:09:27 > 0:09:30And Rolfie said...
0:09:30 > 0:09:32May I come in?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Poor Grandmamma was terrified.
0:09:34 > 0:09:36- He's going to eat me up! - She cried.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42And she was absolutely right.
0:09:42 > 0:09:43He ate her up.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45In one big bite.
0:09:45 > 0:09:47WOLF SLURPS
0:09:47 > 0:09:49But Grandmamma was small and tough,
0:09:49 > 0:09:51and Rolfie wailed...
0:09:51 > 0:09:52That's not enough!
0:09:52 > 0:09:56I haven't yet begun to feel that I have had a decent meal!
0:09:56 > 0:09:59He ran around the kitchen yelping...
0:09:59 > 0:10:00I've got to have a...
0:10:02 > 0:10:04..second helping.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Boo!
0:10:17 > 0:10:18THEY LAUGH
0:10:18 > 0:10:20This is for you.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25HORSE NEIGHS
0:10:26 > 0:10:28SNOW WHITE GASPS
0:10:28 > 0:10:30- Quick! - SHE PANTS
0:10:34 > 0:10:35No!
0:10:35 > 0:10:37No! Snow White!
0:10:37 > 0:10:40Help! Help!
0:10:42 > 0:10:44RED RIDING HOOD GRUNTS
0:10:46 > 0:10:48HORSE NEIGHS
0:10:48 > 0:10:50A-agh! Red!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53SNOW WHITE SCREAMS
0:10:56 > 0:10:57Red!
0:10:59 > 0:11:01HORSE NEIGHS
0:11:07 > 0:11:09DOOR CREAKS
0:11:11 > 0:11:13In came the little girl in red.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Grandma.
0:11:15 > 0:11:16She stopped.
0:11:17 > 0:11:18She stared.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25And then she said...
0:11:25 > 0:11:27What great big ears you have, Grandma.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31All the better to hear you with.
0:11:31 > 0:11:35What great big eyes you have, Grandma.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38All the better to see you with.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42He stood there watching her, and smiled.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44He thought...
0:11:44 > 0:11:46'I'm going to eat this child.'
0:11:48 > 0:11:54But, Grandma, what a lovely great big furry coat you have on.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58That's wrong! That's wrong!
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Have you forgot to tell me what big teeth I've got?
0:12:02 > 0:12:04Ah, well, no matter what you say,
0:12:04 > 0:12:08I'm going to eat you anyway.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11The small girl smiles, one eyelid flickers.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14She whips a pistol from her knickers.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16She aims it at the poor boy's head,
0:12:16 > 0:12:18and bang, bang, bang!
0:12:18 > 0:12:20ROLF GROANS
0:12:20 > 0:12:22She shoots him dead.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Yes!
0:12:24 > 0:12:26Sorry.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34Fearing the worst, poor Snow White spake.
0:12:34 > 0:12:35She cried...
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Oh, please, give me a break!
0:12:38 > 0:12:42The knife was poised, the arm was strong.
0:12:42 > 0:12:43She cried again...
0:12:43 > 0:12:45I've done no wrong!
0:12:45 > 0:12:49The huntsman's heart began to flutter.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52It melted like a pound of butter.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58He murmured...
0:12:58 > 0:13:00OK.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02Beat it, kid!
0:13:02 > 0:13:05And you can bet your life she did.
0:13:05 > 0:13:08HUNTSMAN SIGHS
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Later, the huntsman made a stop,
0:13:10 > 0:13:12within the local butcher's shop.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15And there he bought, for safety's sake,
0:13:15 > 0:13:17a bullock's heart and one nice steak.
0:13:17 > 0:13:20HE EXHALES
0:13:20 > 0:13:23- Oh, Majesty! Oh, Queen! - He cried.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25That rotten little girl has died.
0:13:25 > 0:13:26Ooh!
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- And just to prove I didn't cheat... - Hmm?
0:13:30 > 0:13:33..I've brought along these bits of meat.
0:13:35 > 0:13:36Then...
0:13:36 > 0:13:39this is the disgusting part,
0:13:39 > 0:13:44the Queen sat down and ate the heart.
0:13:46 > 0:13:50OK, while all of this was going on,
0:13:50 > 0:13:52where, oh, where had Snow White gone?
0:13:55 > 0:13:57She found it easy, being pretty,
0:13:57 > 0:14:00to hitch a ride into the city.
0:14:06 > 0:14:08TYRES SCREECH
0:14:11 > 0:14:14And there she got a job, unpaid,
0:14:14 > 0:14:18as general cook and parlour maid,
0:14:18 > 0:14:21with seven funny little men,
0:14:21 > 0:14:24each one not more than three foot ten.
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Oh, thanks, love.
0:14:25 > 0:14:28Ex-horse race jockeys, all of them.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30HE LAUGHS
0:14:40 > 0:14:41'Red!'
0:14:43 > 0:14:44'Red!'
0:14:50 > 0:14:54A few days later, in the wood,
0:14:54 > 0:14:56I came across Miss Riding Hood.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02But what a change. No cloak of red.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06No silly hood upon her head.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- Hello...- She said. - ..and do please note,
0:15:09 > 0:15:13my lovely, furry, wolfskin coat.
0:15:31 > 0:15:34And...w-what happened to your other nephew?
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Patience.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41PIGS SNORT
0:15:41 > 0:15:42Come in, please.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49Please, have two seats.
0:15:50 > 0:15:51One each.
0:15:53 > 0:15:55How can I help?
0:15:55 > 0:15:58What, for example, would you say
0:15:58 > 0:16:00if, strolling through the woods one day,
0:16:00 > 0:16:04right there in front of you you saw
0:16:04 > 0:16:08a pig who'd built his house of straw?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12And here's another house for pigs,
0:16:12 > 0:16:14and this one will be built of twigs.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18HE SNORTS
0:16:18 > 0:16:20Both very promising.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25COINS RATTLE
0:16:32 > 0:16:34PIG CHUCKLES
0:16:34 > 0:16:35Very well done.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Bacon, pork and ham?
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Oh, what a lucky wolf I am!
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- Hello! - PIGS SQUEAL
0:16:53 > 0:16:56Two juicy little pigs, all right!
0:16:56 > 0:16:57HIS BELLY RUMBLES
0:16:57 > 0:16:59But still I am not satisfied.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03- Hmm! - HE LAUGHS
0:17:10 > 0:17:12DOOR CREAKS
0:17:13 > 0:17:15PIG GASPS
0:17:16 > 0:17:19HE SIGHS
0:17:19 > 0:17:21HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:17:24 > 0:17:27I am sorry, Pig, things aren't pretty.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30I'm out of here, off to the city.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33I'm moving out of Grandma's shack.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35I fear I'll need my savings back.
0:17:35 > 0:17:37HE GULPS
0:17:37 > 0:17:41I'm sorry, Red, we're stony broke!
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Go out and find some wealthy bloke!
0:17:52 > 0:17:55The Seven Dwarves, though awfully nice,
0:17:55 > 0:17:58were guilty of one shocking vice.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01They squandered all of their resources
0:18:01 > 0:18:03at the race track backing horses.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07When they hadn't backed a winner,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09none of them got any dinner.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11THEIR BELLIES RUMBLE
0:18:14 > 0:18:17One evening, Snow White said...
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Look, here. I think I've got a great idea.
0:18:21 > 0:18:23Just leave it all to me, OK?
0:18:23 > 0:18:26And no more gambling till I say.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32Now, creeping quietly as a mouse,
0:18:32 > 0:18:35the wolf approached another house.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38A house which also had inside
0:18:38 > 0:18:41a little piggy trying to hide,
0:18:41 > 0:18:44but this one, Piggy Number Three,
0:18:44 > 0:18:48was bright and brainy as could be.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51No straw for him, no twigs or sticks.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54This pig had built his house of bricks.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55BELL RINGS
0:18:55 > 0:18:59- You'll not get me! - The piggy cried.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03- I'll blow you down! - The wolf replied.
0:19:03 > 0:19:04You'll need a lot of puff.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07And I don't think you've got enough.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- If I can't blow it down... - Rex said.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15..I'll have to blow it up instead!
0:19:15 > 0:19:18I'll come back in the dead of night
0:19:18 > 0:19:20and blow it up with dynamite!
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Oh, no. You brute!
0:19:23 > 0:19:24I might have known!
0:19:24 > 0:19:25Ooh!
0:19:27 > 0:19:30Then, picking up the telephone,
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Pig dialled as quickly as he could
0:19:32 > 0:19:34the number of Red Riding Hood.
0:19:34 > 0:19:35Hello?
0:19:35 > 0:19:38I need your help, Miss Hood.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Oh, help me, please. Do you think you could?
0:19:41 > 0:19:44'I know you've dealt with wolves before'
0:19:44 > 0:19:48and now I've got one at my door!
0:19:49 > 0:19:52- My darling Pig... - She said.- ..my sweet.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55That's something really up my street.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57I've just begun to wash my hair,
0:19:57 > 0:19:59but when it's dry, I'll be right there.
0:20:03 > 0:20:07That very night at eventide,
0:20:07 > 0:20:10young Snow White hitched another ride.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14And then, when it was very late,
0:20:14 > 0:20:17she slipped in through the palace gate.
0:20:20 > 0:20:23The footmen and the servants slept,
0:20:23 > 0:20:25so no-one saw her as she crept...
0:20:25 > 0:20:27FOOTMEN SNORE
0:20:27 > 0:20:30..on tiptoe through the mighty hall...
0:20:33 > 0:20:36..and grabbed the mirror off the wall.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39QUEEN SNORES
0:20:44 > 0:20:46QUEEN SNORES
0:20:55 > 0:20:57PIG SQUEALS
0:21:02 > 0:21:05PIG SQUEALS
0:21:05 > 0:21:06REX LAUGHS
0:21:06 > 0:21:09A short while later, there she stood,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12notorious Miss Riding Hood.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16Rex quickly charged, his eyes ablaze,
0:21:16 > 0:21:18and yellowish like mayonnaise.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21Once more, the maiden's eyelid flickers.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24She draws the pistol from her knickers.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27Once more she hit the vital spot.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31And killed him with a single shot.
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Ohhh...
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Pig, peeping through the window,
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- stood and yelled... - Well done, Miss Riding Hood!
0:21:52 > 0:21:53Entrees vous.
0:21:53 > 0:21:55HE CHUCKLES
0:21:55 > 0:21:57Ta-dah!
0:21:57 > 0:21:58Wow.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Please, have a seat, relax.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08Oh, no need to...
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Oh, sorry.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11VAULT DOOR CREAKS
0:22:11 > 0:22:15There we are. Gone. You didn't see anything.
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Er, why don't we put on something...
0:22:17 > 0:22:19- appropriate? - MUSIC PLAYS
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Ooh, baby.
0:22:21 > 0:22:26And I've got a rather cheeky little white here, pour Madame!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28HE CHUCKLES AND SNIFFS
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Very nice. Oh!
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Ah, piglet.
0:22:36 > 0:22:38You must never trust...
0:22:38 > 0:22:39CORK SQUEEZES
0:22:39 > 0:22:40BANG
0:22:40 > 0:22:44..young ladies from the upper crust.
0:22:44 > 0:22:46SHE GASPS THEN LAUGHS
0:22:51 > 0:22:54When Snow White brought the mirror home,
0:22:54 > 0:22:56she told the senior dwarf or gnome...
0:22:56 > 0:22:57Wake up, come on!
0:22:57 > 0:22:59..to ask it what he wished to know.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- Go on!- She whispered. - Have a go!
0:23:06 > 0:23:08He said...
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Oh, Mirror, please don't joke.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14Each one of us is stony broke.
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Which horse will win tomorrow's race?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19The Ascot Gold Cup Steeplechase?
0:23:19 > 0:23:21The Mirror whispered sweet and low...
0:23:21 > 0:23:24The horse's name is Mistletoe.
0:23:25 > 0:23:28The dwarves went absolutely daft.
0:23:28 > 0:23:29THEY CHEER
0:23:29 > 0:23:32They kissed young Snow White fore and aft,
0:23:32 > 0:23:34then rushed away to raise some dough.
0:23:35 > 0:23:38With which to back old Mistletoe.
0:23:45 > 0:23:46MIRROR CLEARS ITS THROAT
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Red?
0:24:35 > 0:24:36Hey.
0:24:38 > 0:24:40RED SOBS
0:24:52 > 0:24:55They'd pawned their watches, sold the car,
0:24:55 > 0:24:58they'd borrowed money near and far.
0:24:58 > 0:24:59Guys?
0:25:00 > 0:25:02Meet Red.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Hello.
0:25:04 > 0:25:09For much of it they had to thank the manager of Porkley's Bank.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15And now Miss Riding Hood, one notes,
0:25:15 > 0:25:18not only has two wolfskin coats,
0:25:18 > 0:25:20but when she goes from place to place,
0:25:20 > 0:25:23she has a pigskin travelling case.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28They bought some ice cream and, of course,
0:25:28 > 0:25:32for once, they backed the winning horse.
0:25:32 > 0:25:34Thereafter, every single day,
0:25:34 > 0:25:37the Mirror made the bookies pay.
0:25:37 > 0:25:39All nine of them each got a share
0:25:39 > 0:25:43and each was soon a millionaire,
0:25:43 > 0:25:45which shows that gambling's not a sin.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51Provided that you always win.
0:25:51 > 0:25:53SPEECH MUFFLED
0:25:57 > 0:25:59SHE SHOUTS AND BANGS THE DOOR
0:26:01 > 0:26:03Hmm...
0:26:07 > 0:26:09WOLF TUTS AND SIGHS
0:26:24 > 0:26:27- Hi, there! - Hi!- Oh, it's you already!
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Well, I'm still waiting for the baby-sitter.
0:26:30 > 0:26:33Mum, don't worry. I can look after him.
0:26:37 > 0:26:40Well, I guess she should be here any minute.
0:26:40 > 0:26:41Ugh, Mum!
0:26:43 > 0:26:45All right, you can read him a story.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Don't open the door for anyone but Miss Hunt.
0:26:49 > 0:26:52- OK? Love you.- Bye, Mum.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54Bye, Mum!
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Are they going to be all right?
0:26:57 > 0:26:58They'll be absolutely fine...
0:27:09 > 0:27:12BELL RINGS/DOOR CREAKS
0:27:25 > 0:27:27DOORBELL RINGS