0:00:21 > 0:00:22You can't just ignore them.
0:00:22 > 0:00:24Caitlin, some of those are bills.
0:00:24 > 0:00:25- So?- So they need to be paid.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28It's nearly Christmas time, I need my money for stuff for the kids.
0:00:28 > 0:00:32You can still have the mastectomy. I don't care what shape you are.
0:00:32 > 0:00:33I just want you to be well.
0:00:33 > 0:00:35I need a base. Chrome?
0:00:35 > 0:00:36Billy has already tried this.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38Kel won't let it happen again.
0:00:38 > 0:00:41She's on maternity leave, she won't know about it.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45We can put ten grand a week through without any trouble.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48'She's my mum, she just has a way of getting what she wants.'
0:00:48 > 0:00:49Remind you of anyone?
0:00:49 > 0:00:51- I want the money you owe me. - I don't have it right now.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53But you've got money for presents?
0:00:53 > 0:00:55- You want the rest of us to go without?- You were with AJ?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Yeah, did he not tell you?
0:00:57 > 0:00:59You do believe me, don't you,
0:00:59 > 0:01:01that we didn't come back cos of Eileen?
0:01:01 > 0:01:03Cos, see if you don't, there isn't any point.
0:01:03 > 0:01:04I believe you.
0:01:07 > 0:01:08ALL: Namaste.
0:01:11 > 0:01:15Oh, that was hard today.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18I'm just putting the hours in before AJ's nonstop
0:01:18 > 0:01:20festive food orgy kicks off.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Does he go to town?
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Starts off with smoked salmon and champagne for breakfast
0:01:25 > 0:01:28and finishes some time around midnight.
0:01:28 > 0:01:30It's the midnight part I'm jealous about.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32Yeah?
0:01:32 > 0:01:34Yeah, well, I'll go and see my dad and then Liz'll come over
0:01:34 > 0:01:37and I'll make a big fuss of Stuart, obviously, but then it's after that,
0:01:37 > 0:01:40where you want to sit in front of the Christmas tree
0:01:40 > 0:01:44and watch an old movie, but... you need somebody with you for that.
0:01:44 > 0:01:49- Is there no-one on the horizon? - There isn't even a horizon.
0:01:49 > 0:01:52You know, a lot of my single friends in London, they did online dating.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55No, they're welcome to it.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57So you've dabbled then?
0:01:57 > 0:01:58Well, ages ago.
0:01:58 > 0:02:01It's the men - you've got to trawl through the weird ones,
0:02:01 > 0:02:04and the desperate ones, and the married ones,
0:02:04 > 0:02:06and you don't even know who you're going to end up with.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09What if you find "the one?"
0:02:09 > 0:02:11I didn't have you down as a romantic.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12Well, I am.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Tell you what, why don't we get ready,
0:02:17 > 0:02:21go back to yours, and fire up the laptop?
0:02:21 > 0:02:24Today? Oh, my account's probably been deactivated.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Well, then we can reactivate it.
0:02:26 > 0:02:28- SHE GIGGLES - Come on, Eileen, it's Christmas.
0:02:28 > 0:02:30It's time for miracles.
0:02:30 > 0:02:33Are you saying I need a miracle to get a man?
0:02:33 > 0:02:35Be quiet, come on, you're going.
0:02:43 > 0:02:44Hiya.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47I'll risk an Americano - large.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56Now, I know I said lunch, but I'm here to spirit you away.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58Me? Where to?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00Well, a friend of mine -
0:03:00 > 0:03:02well, a friend of a friend, actually -
0:03:02 > 0:03:04had this package booked and she can't make it
0:03:04 > 0:03:07so I've taken it off her hands for half price.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08What sort of package?
0:03:08 > 0:03:12Pampering - facials, massage.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17Oh, I thought, given your condition, you'd like a wee treat.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19That does sound nice.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21You can take it as a Christmas present.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23No, you don't have to buy me anything.
0:03:23 > 0:03:24- You really, really don't.- Oh...
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Now, don't make a fuss
0:03:26 > 0:03:28It was a steal.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Right, I'll tell the girl to make the coffees to go.
0:03:31 > 0:03:33Do you know what? Let me do that.
0:03:35 > 0:03:39"The girl" is called Stella, and she's seriously ill,
0:03:39 > 0:03:42which is why Kelly-Marie doesn't want you treating her like a serf.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Oh, she's so kind-hearted, your wife.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47It's called common humanity - you wouldn't understand.
0:03:47 > 0:03:49Well, I got the "common" part.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52If you're trying to exploit her and get to me,
0:03:52 > 0:03:54I'm no' going to let that happen.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57You're so melodramatic.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00Now, what kind of wickedness could I get up to in a spa?
0:04:00 > 0:04:04Right, ready when you are, Martina.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09MUSIC: Wonderful Christmastime by Paul McCartney
0:04:12 > 0:04:14What's he meant to be?
0:04:14 > 0:04:17- One of the wise men. - Gold, frankincense, and nightmares?
0:04:17 > 0:04:20Well, the guy in the charity shop knocked some money off.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21They should've paid you to take it away.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24The rent's due, and unless you want to spend Christmas
0:04:24 > 0:04:27in an actual stable, this is the best we can afford.
0:04:27 > 0:04:29It's not magical, though. I want it to be magical.
0:04:29 > 0:04:31Magic costs money.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33- I'm going to the library.- Now?
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Yeah, well, they'll be shut next week and I need to use the computers.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38See you later.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41MUSIC CONTINUES
0:04:41 > 0:04:44SHE SINGS ALONG
0:04:44 > 0:04:46# The spirit's here
0:04:46 > 0:04:49# It only comes
0:04:49 > 0:04:51# This time of year
0:04:51 > 0:04:53# Simply having
0:04:53 > 0:04:56# A wonderful Christmas time
0:04:56 > 0:04:58# Simply having
0:04:58 > 0:05:01# A wonderful Christmas time. #
0:05:11 > 0:05:13Kids, come down, we're going out!
0:05:16 > 0:05:17It's all different.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19What do you mean?
0:05:19 > 0:05:21Oh, he looks like a prospect.
0:05:21 > 0:05:23- Now, wait, ugh...- Sorry.
0:05:23 > 0:05:27Now he'll know I've viewed his profile - he'll think I'm interested.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29- And aren't you? - Well, give me a chance.
0:05:29 > 0:05:30Right, "good sense of humour".
0:05:30 > 0:05:33See if you have to announce that, you don't have one.
0:05:33 > 0:05:35As you demanded, ladies.
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Ah, living in a pub is the best.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Oh, you should put that on your profile.
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Oh, yeah, cos I want to appeal to heavy drinkers
0:05:43 > 0:05:45across the Central Belt.
0:05:45 > 0:05:46Is that a dating website?
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Yes, it is, and it's private, so you can go now.
0:05:49 > 0:05:50As long as it's private.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52By the way, Eileen, don't let her bully you.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54Be picky - you're worth it.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56Oh, nice wee compliment, and a dig at me.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58So, rub a lamp if you want more wine.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01Oh, look, John66, John66!
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- What?- Someone's viewed your profile.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05Look, John66.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08Oh, hello, "early-30s entrepreneur".
0:06:08 > 0:06:09That could mean a window cleaner.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Yeah, but early 30s.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13I mean, sexually, you're both in sync.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Right, calm down. A view does not mean a like.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17- COMPUTER CHIMES - New private message.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Private message.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20Well, open it.
0:06:20 > 0:06:24Sometimes people - men - send pictures.
0:06:24 > 0:06:28- Do you not want to know what he looks like?- Not all of him.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Oh, right.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32- Still...- Oh.
0:06:32 > 0:06:37Oh, no picture. Just, "good afternoon".
0:06:37 > 0:06:39Well, still, you know, it's classy.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- It's not, "Hiya, doll".- I suppose.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- Well, what are you waiting on? - I don't know.
0:06:45 > 0:06:49Oh, come on. Live a little. You know, be impulsive.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52- OK.- Right, I'll leave you in peace to answer him.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58SHE EXHALES
0:07:03 > 0:07:05Here, what have you gals been buying?
0:07:05 > 0:07:08What have we no' been buying, more like!
0:07:08 > 0:07:10- Just the usual?- Erm...
0:07:10 > 0:07:13For Molly, yes, but I'm just going to have a lime and soda,
0:07:13 > 0:07:16for I want to get started on my wrapping when I get home.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17I'll get these.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18Oh, very kind.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21Well, I do have an ulterior motive.
0:07:21 > 0:07:24I was looking for a baby-sitter for this evening.
0:07:24 > 0:07:25Look, I'm sorry it's short notice
0:07:25 > 0:07:28but I thought I'd go in and do some last-minute shopping.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30It would be lovely to see wee Stuart again.
0:07:30 > 0:07:33In fact, why don't you let him come to us for a sleepover?
0:07:33 > 0:07:35Oh, you don't have to have him the whole night.
0:07:35 > 0:07:38You haven't seen how busy those shops are.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40OK, well, if you're sure?
0:07:40 > 0:07:41Positive.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45(Have you got a date with that guy?)
0:07:45 > 0:07:47(Shh! Behave. Yes.)
0:07:47 > 0:07:48(Right, upstairs.)
0:07:48 > 0:07:50We won't be a minute.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52- Oh!- Oh-ho!
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Ladies.
0:07:57 > 0:08:00Oh, hi. We were passing so we thought we'd pop in.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02(It was her idea.)
0:08:02 > 0:08:06What would my detox counsellor think of me now, eh?
0:08:06 > 0:08:09So you're not a convert to the spa life?
0:08:09 > 0:08:10Hardly.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13Oh, I feel brilliant - every muscle totally relaxed.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15I don't think I've ever seen you totally relaxed.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18That's what comes from bringing up two boys.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Be warned.- We'll need to get you a wee something to say thank you.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24Oh, no, no, you don't need to do that.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26I don't really keep Christmas these days.
0:08:26 > 0:08:27My mum has the whole tribe round.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30Oh, that must be lovely.
0:08:30 > 0:08:32I bet you look great in a party hat.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35- It's not for the entire day. - Aye, we'll escape after dinner.
0:08:35 > 0:08:37So you're free in the evening?
0:08:37 > 0:08:38Not free, exactly.
0:08:38 > 0:08:42Oh, well, I'll be at a loose end myself,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45but I imagine more company is the last thing you'd want.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Well, maybe you could pop round for a drink or something.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50Oh, I wouldn't want to intrude.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53No, it'll stop me eating all the mince pies.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Oh, thank you.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56Thank you very much.
0:08:56 > 0:09:00Oh, you'll need to excuse me. Pregnancy bladder. It's no joke!
0:09:03 > 0:09:05I'm impressed.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08You've added self-pity and fake vulnerability to your repertoire.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11Look, you're the only member of my immediate family
0:09:11 > 0:09:14not currently incarcerated.
0:09:14 > 0:09:17Is it so hard for you to believe that I might just
0:09:17 > 0:09:20want to spend Christmas with you?
0:09:20 > 0:09:22You never "just want" anything.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24There's always an agenda.
0:09:24 > 0:09:25Always.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34SHE SIGHS
0:09:43 > 0:09:44All right? How we doing? How was work?
0:09:44 > 0:09:47Aye, no' bad.
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Are you tired, or...?
0:09:49 > 0:09:52No, I'm fine.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Right, well, that's me away now.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Ships that pass in the night, eh?
0:09:56 > 0:09:57You left that on.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02Bang goes the surprise.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05I think I've had enough surprises recently.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07I don't want you to buy me anything.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10I want you to keep what you've got for the wean.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- Well, if that's what you really want.- It is.
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Done.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18OK.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Well, what about a tree?
0:10:21 > 0:10:23A tree?
0:10:23 > 0:10:28Aye, we need to do something Christmassy.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31- Why? Cos we might no' get the chance again?- I never said that.
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Well, it's written all over your face.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36Fine then, we'll just forget the whole thing, shall we?
0:10:36 > 0:10:37Suits me.
0:10:39 > 0:10:40See you later.
0:10:40 > 0:10:41See you later.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51SHE SIGHS
0:10:53 > 0:10:56Right, ahem, which one?
0:10:56 > 0:10:58I think you can't go wrong with an LBD.
0:10:58 > 0:11:00Style classic.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Am I making a massive mistake?
0:11:02 > 0:11:04No, course not.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Look, you are just having fun.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09Now, come on. Don't overthink it.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13Now, go on, make yourself look irresistible.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15Yes, ma'am.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18Oh, and heels - wear killer heels.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22CHOIR SINGS: Silent Night
0:11:24 > 0:11:26# Round yon virgin
0:11:26 > 0:11:29# Mother and child
0:11:29 > 0:11:32# Oh, the infant
0:11:32 > 0:11:35# So tender and mild
0:11:35 > 0:11:41# Sleep in heavenly peace
0:11:41 > 0:11:46# Sleep in heavenly peace
0:11:46 > 0:11:49# Silent night
0:11:49 > 0:11:51# Holy night... #
0:11:53 > 0:11:56YODELLING FROM TV
0:11:56 > 0:12:00Oh, goodness, that was lots of fun, wasn't it? Tons.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02Would you like to watch another episode, Stuart?
0:12:02 > 0:12:05Eh, do you no' think it's too late?
0:12:05 > 0:12:08Oh, come on, he's allowed a wee treat.
0:12:09 > 0:12:11Disc three it is, then.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14Too much TV though, Liz, he'll be getting square eyes, the wee soul.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Perhaps you're right.
0:12:16 > 0:12:17Aye, probably.
0:12:17 > 0:12:22So, Bob, why don't you turn the television off altogether?
0:12:22 > 0:12:26And then, there's a big lovely jigsaw
0:12:26 > 0:12:28that we could all do together.
0:12:28 > 0:12:30It's in the hall cupboard, if you don't mind?
0:12:30 > 0:12:34It's a snowscape so it could be quite a challenge.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36Quite.
0:12:36 > 0:12:39Right, I'll just find my specs.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41- Look, I'm gonnae go to Caitlin's, right.- The now?
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I don't get many nights off, do I?
0:12:43 > 0:12:45But we could go for a swally?
0:12:45 > 0:12:47I see enough of the inside of that pub.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49What are you going to do at your sister's, but?
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Just a cup of tea and a chat.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Not a bloomin' jigsaw.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Anybody making tea?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58HE SIGHS
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Right, why don't you go and put your PJs on and pick what story you want?
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- OK?- Good man.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08So, you enjoyed all that pampering today, then?
0:13:08 > 0:13:10Oh, it was great, aye.
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Good, cos I've had an idea.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14What could be better than a few hours in a spa?
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Christmas in the Highlands?
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Me, you, Cal -
0:13:20 > 0:13:23we get waited on hand and foot, he gets to build snowmen and...
0:13:26 > 0:13:29..meet a real live reindeer.
0:13:29 > 0:13:30That does sound nice.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Nice? It sounds fantastic.
0:13:32 > 0:13:34Have you booked it already?
0:13:34 > 0:13:36Don't you want me to?
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Well, it's just that I need to see my mum.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40Can't this be the one day of the year that you don't?
0:13:40 > 0:13:42Well, it's Madonna's birthday too.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44And she'll be inundated with presents.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- She won't even miss us. - Aye, she will.
0:13:46 > 0:13:48Kel, have you any idea how impossible it is
0:13:48 > 0:13:49to buy for a pregnant women?
0:13:49 > 0:13:53Look, I do, and I appreciate the thought, all right?
0:13:53 > 0:13:54So don't say no yet. Think about it,
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- and maybe even sound Scarlett out. - SHE SIGHS
0:13:57 > 0:13:59I know exactly what she's going to say.
0:13:59 > 0:14:00Can you not be so negative?
0:14:00 > 0:14:02I'm trying to do something for everyone here.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04I know, I'm sorry.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07I will. Think about it, I mean.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09That's all I ask.
0:14:12 > 0:14:16And there is your mum to think about and all.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19It's just a casual thing. It's no big deal.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Well, she seemed pretty keen to me.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24What? Should I not have invited her?
0:14:24 > 0:14:27Don't kid yourself, you never had a choice.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28Let me worry about my mother.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Look, no matter what she was like with you growing up,
0:14:31 > 0:14:34she's getting on now. You know, I just think she's lonely and...
0:14:34 > 0:14:37Tell you what, let's just forget about the whole thing, then, eh?
0:14:37 > 0:14:40- Alex...- We'll wait in all day on the off chance Her Majesty shows up.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Look, why don't I go and check on Cal,
0:14:44 > 0:14:47and then I'll come back, and we can talk about this properly, OK?
0:14:48 > 0:14:49OK.
0:14:52 > 0:14:54A riot of colour, I think the expression is.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57Well, that's why we went shopping without you, sarky.
0:14:57 > 0:15:00She'd have had us buying grey tinsel.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02Aye, well, it's expensive, though, all of this.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05Aye, well, that nativity scene was giving me the creeps.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Mary's eyes followed me round the room.
0:15:07 > 0:15:09And if I wanted funny looks off a virgin
0:15:09 > 0:15:11I'd ask Jenny to make me a cup of tea.
0:15:11 > 0:15:13I heard that.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- Heard what?- Nothing!
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Look, where did the money come from?
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Well, the tree was on offer, I swear to god.
0:15:19 > 0:15:20There's a wonky branch.
0:15:20 > 0:15:22Well, you cannae see it by the wall.
0:15:22 > 0:15:24I'm already living in Santa's Grotto.
0:15:24 > 0:15:27Do you know, Scarlett's got Bob hiding the presents she bought
0:15:27 > 0:15:29- for Cal and Madonna in his room? - What's Madonna getting?
0:15:29 > 0:15:30None of your business.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32My kids and their bat ears, eh?
0:15:32 > 0:15:35It's her birthday too, and last year she got a tablet AND rollerblades.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Oh, well, you'll get a few surprises, Rube,
0:15:37 > 0:15:40- don't worry about that.- Don't you go making promises you can't keep.
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- Well, I'll have to buy them a few bits, won't I?- Aye?
0:15:42 > 0:15:45What are you going to pay for them with, eh? Magic beans?
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- You worry too much. - You don't worry enough.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49Madonna's getting a bike.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51I saw Jimmy taking it out his motor the other day.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54- A bike?- Nice one, Drew.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55I won't tell her.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57That's not what's bothering me.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01Right, let's get that fairy on the top. Come on.
0:16:01 > 0:16:03Oh, watch, right.
0:16:05 > 0:16:07Right, hold it.
0:16:08 > 0:16:10Right, OK...
0:16:10 > 0:16:12# Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall...? #
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Da-da-na-da-da-da!
0:16:17 > 0:16:18Ta-da!
0:16:18 > 0:16:22# Are you hoping that the snow will start to fall?
0:16:23 > 0:16:27# Do you ride on down the hillside?
0:16:27 > 0:16:28Aw...
0:16:28 > 0:16:31# In a buggy you have made?
0:16:31 > 0:16:34# When you land upon your head
0:16:34 > 0:16:37# Then you've been slayed
0:16:37 > 0:16:40# So here it is
0:16:40 > 0:16:42# Merry Christmas... #
0:16:42 > 0:16:45MUSIC: Let It Go by James Bay
0:16:58 > 0:17:00Are you John?
0:17:00 > 0:17:03I am, yes, which must make you Eileen.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05Yeah, I suppose it must.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07This is the part where you sit down.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09No, this is the part where I say there's no way
0:17:09 > 0:17:11you're in your 30s!
0:17:11 > 0:17:12I didn't want to scare you off.
0:17:12 > 0:17:14What?
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Well, we did the chatty thing,
0:17:16 > 0:17:18you know, we got on, we swapped photos...
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Yours was conveniently blurry.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23Yours wasn't. I liked you.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26I'm sorry if you feel tricked into being here,
0:17:26 > 0:17:27but I thought you'd be an interesting woman
0:17:27 > 0:17:30to have a drink with, and, well,
0:17:30 > 0:17:31I still think that.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34# Everything that's broke... #
0:17:34 > 0:17:36One drink.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38# Leave it to the breeze... #
0:17:38 > 0:17:40But if you get asked for ID, I'm off.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42# Why don't you be you...? #
0:17:42 > 0:17:44Suddenly I feel a running joke coming on.
0:17:44 > 0:17:47Well, I'd have to stay a while for it to be a running joke.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49Dirty martini, please.
0:17:49 > 0:17:50I'll have a Manhattan.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57We didn't get one from Max and Laura.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58Well, maybe they're not doing cards.
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Or maybe we fell off the radar.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03- Is it really that big a deal? - They were our neighbours.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Who we saw, what? Three, four times a year?
0:18:05 > 0:18:09They were good times, though. Traditions.
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Aye, well, we can start new traditions.
0:18:12 > 0:18:13Well, we'd have to go some to
0:18:13 > 0:18:15compete with their Christmas Eve party.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Does everything have to be a competition?
0:18:17 > 0:18:21No, no, I'm sure Old Town's got so much going for it, obviously.
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Look, I'll get these. You cooked.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Look, you've got work to do. I'll get these, and when you're finished,
0:18:28 > 0:18:30we'll have the evening together.
0:18:42 > 0:18:43Same again.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46So, does your bar do cocktails?
0:18:46 > 0:18:47At a push.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50It's more of a pub-type pub.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52Ah, an endangered species.
0:18:52 > 0:18:53Yeah, we get by.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56I mean, nothing as grand as pharmaceuticals, obviously.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57Don't... I'm getting out.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Because?
0:18:59 > 0:19:01Well, that's a longer conversation, really.
0:19:01 > 0:19:04It's just... The whole industry is just too huge.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07I'm not cut out to be a cog in a machine.
0:19:07 > 0:19:09So what are you cut out for?
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Well, I'd like to start a business of my own, you know,
0:19:11 > 0:19:14build something from the ground up.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17That's, erm... very commendable.
0:19:17 > 0:19:19Ah, patronising, excellent.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21"Build something from the ground up"?
0:19:21 > 0:19:22You have to admit, it's a bit vague.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Well, I can talk you through my crowdfunding model
0:19:25 > 0:19:27and market research algorithm,
0:19:27 > 0:19:31but you might have to stay for dinner.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34- I could handle dinner. - Cool.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39But don't be too disappointed that the meals here,
0:19:39 > 0:19:41they don't come with a wee toy.
0:19:48 > 0:19:49Right, that's me.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54- Sorry?- Oh, I'm done. What are you doing?
0:19:54 > 0:19:56Oh, I'm just adding to the food order.
0:19:56 > 0:19:59Oh, well, make sure you book a delivery slot,
0:19:59 > 0:20:01because they get snapped up.
0:20:01 > 0:20:05Yes, in late November, by organised, forward-thinking people like me.
0:20:05 > 0:20:09It's coming on the 23rd, including a fatted calf for the boy.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12Look, I wouldn't pin all your hopes on Harry coming at all -
0:20:12 > 0:20:14he's probably got a better offer.
0:20:14 > 0:20:16Yes, well, she'd have to be pretty amazing for him
0:20:16 > 0:20:18to miss my Christmas lunch.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20I meant more in terms of places to stay.
0:20:20 > 0:20:21He might really like it here.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24- And he might really not. - HE SIGHS
0:20:24 > 0:20:26Look...
0:20:26 > 0:20:28he'll be spectacularly well fed,
0:20:28 > 0:20:31and he'll be with the two people who love him the most in the world.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34He's going to want to know what we're doing here,
0:20:34 > 0:20:37and he's going to miss all his friends, and having his own space.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39He's got his own room - don't make it sound like Harry Potter.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42I just think it's going to be a culture shock.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44What? After student digs? This is a palace.
0:20:44 > 0:20:45Trust me, he'll cope.
0:20:47 > 0:20:48Yeah, I'm sure.
0:20:49 > 0:20:52Listen, do you fancy doing something?
0:20:52 > 0:20:53Like what?
0:20:53 > 0:20:56We could go to the pub?
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- Maybe...- Call it a sixth sense,
0:20:58 > 0:21:00but I get this weird feeling that you're not entirely keen?
0:21:00 > 0:21:02I just keep waiting for someone to come over
0:21:02 > 0:21:04and ask me to have a look at their rash.
0:21:04 > 0:21:06Look, it's late.
0:21:06 > 0:21:08Why don't we watch the news?
0:21:08 > 0:21:09Sure.
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Let's see what's going on in the world.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18FAINT VOICES FROM TV
0:21:23 > 0:21:25So the crowdfunding gets me to start-up level
0:21:25 > 0:21:29which unlocks enterprise grants - UK and European.
0:21:29 > 0:21:31If you reach your target.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34Well, I'm at 79%, with three months to go.
0:21:34 > 0:21:372,806 people believe in my idea.
0:21:37 > 0:21:40I'm impressed.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42You know what's really impressive?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I'm having such a great time
0:21:46 > 0:21:50that I haven't checked my phone to see if I've made 2,807.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53Is that your way of getting me to chip in?
0:21:53 > 0:21:56OK, I'll tell you what, I'll ask you in three months' time,
0:21:56 > 0:21:58if I still need one last stakeholder.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00John?
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Yeah.
0:22:01 > 0:22:04Let's not pretend that we're going to be talking about anything
0:22:04 > 0:22:05in three months' time.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08I'm not making any long-term plans, don't worry.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11I'm just happy you're still here now.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14Me too.
0:22:14 > 0:22:18So, go on, tell me - how did I get so lucky?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20I mean, why aren't you in a club somewhere?
0:22:20 > 0:22:22Honestly?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24We've no reason to lie to each other.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28Well, that's just not me. You know, it never has been.
0:22:28 > 0:22:29No?
0:22:29 > 0:22:30No.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33Quite a serious person, aren't you?
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I can be, definitely,
0:22:36 > 0:22:38but not a lot of people see that side of me.
0:22:38 > 0:22:39Really?
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Hardly anyone.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43I probably keep it hidden, to be fair.
0:22:45 > 0:22:47Well, I'm honoured.
0:22:48 > 0:22:52Well, you're making it easy to be myself.
0:22:52 > 0:22:55I think the cocktails might have something to do with it.
0:22:57 > 0:22:59GLASSES CLINK
0:23:01 > 0:23:04If there are any issues, just let me know,
0:23:04 > 0:23:06otherwise, merry Christmas.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Look at you, getting into the festive spirit.
0:23:11 > 0:23:13It is the season of good will.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16We're alone now. You don't need to pretend.
0:23:16 > 0:23:18I know. I'm not.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22All that rubbish about spending, quality time with Kelly-Marie -
0:23:22 > 0:23:24that can't have been easy for you.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27She is relatively pleasant.
0:23:27 > 0:23:30Too nice is what she is.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31Ah.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34Are you here to rescind the invitation?
0:23:34 > 0:23:36We're going away.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38Oh, that's a bit extreme.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42You're running money, and God knows what, through our business,
0:23:42 > 0:23:45to carry on some pathetic feud with Lenny Murdoch.
0:23:46 > 0:23:49There are financial considerations.
0:23:49 > 0:23:51Well, it doesn't need to be this club, and you know it.
0:23:51 > 0:23:54Now you think we're going to let you contaminate our Christmas as well?
0:23:54 > 0:23:57Oh, I've no intention of...
0:23:59 > 0:24:04I was just hoping to suspend hostilities for one day.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07Oh, right, so you coming round for a drink's
0:24:07 > 0:24:10our game of football in No Man's Land?
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Why not?
0:24:15 > 0:24:19So, dinner doesn't seem to be happening.
0:24:19 > 0:24:22No, but I have eaten my own body weight in complimentary nibbles.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25That's one of the great things about a good hotel bar.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28MUSIC: White Christmas by Bing Crosby
0:24:28 > 0:24:30They probably think I'm your mother.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34Anybody who looked at us long enough
0:24:34 > 0:24:36would see the way I've been looking at you,
0:24:36 > 0:24:38and they'd know that wasn't true.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42You're very sweet.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- Sweet?- That's a compliment.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48Shall I tell you another great thing about hotel bars?
0:24:48 > 0:24:50Go on.
0:24:50 > 0:24:53- Well, they have rooms upstairs. - John...
0:24:53 > 0:24:56I'm staying in one.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58You're taking quite a bit for granted, aren't you?
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Actually, I'm not.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03You see, I only got to Glasgow today and I needed somewhere to crash.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05I checked in before you and I met.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07That's all falling nicely into place.
0:25:07 > 0:25:09Well, that's up to you, I guess,
0:25:09 > 0:25:13but I know I don't want tonight to end yet.
0:25:15 > 0:25:16It has been fun.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19So now we've had "fun" and "sweet".
0:25:19 > 0:25:23Do you want to try "cute" and go for the hat-trick?
0:25:23 > 0:25:24What would you like me to say?
0:25:24 > 0:25:26That you want the same thing as me.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Oh...
0:25:28 > 0:25:32What I want isn't necessarily what I think is...
0:25:32 > 0:25:34wise.
0:25:36 > 0:25:37So be impulsive.
0:25:49 > 0:25:52SHE TAPS ON PHONE
0:26:05 > 0:26:07MUSIC: Only Girl (In The World) by Rihanna
0:26:07 > 0:26:10# I want you to love me
0:26:10 > 0:26:13# Like I'm a hot ride
0:26:13 > 0:26:15# Oh, yeah
0:26:15 > 0:26:18# Be thinkin' of me
0:26:18 > 0:26:20# Doin' what you like
0:26:20 > 0:26:22# Ha-ha
0:26:22 > 0:26:25# So, boy, forget about the world
0:26:25 > 0:26:29# Cos it's gonna be me and you tonight
0:26:29 > 0:26:30# Yeah
0:26:30 > 0:26:32# I wanna make you beg for it
0:26:32 > 0:26:36# Then I'm a make you swallow your pride
0:26:36 > 0:26:38# Oh
0:26:38 > 0:26:40# Want you to make me feel
0:26:40 > 0:26:44# Like I'm the only girl in the world
0:26:44 > 0:26:47# Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
0:26:47 > 0:26:52# Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
0:26:52 > 0:26:55# Only girl in the world
0:26:55 > 0:26:58# Like I'm the only one... # KNOCK AT DOOR
0:27:00 > 0:27:01Come in.
0:27:05 > 0:27:06Right...
0:27:06 > 0:27:07Thanks.
0:27:07 > 0:27:11I thought that was going to be way cooler in my head.
0:27:11 > 0:27:12It's cool enough.
0:27:14 > 0:27:18# Like I'm the only one that you'll ever love
0:27:18 > 0:27:22# Like I'm the only one who knows your heart
0:27:22 > 0:27:24# Only one
0:27:24 > 0:27:27# Want you to take it
0:27:27 > 0:27:31# Like a thief in the night
0:27:31 > 0:27:32# Hold me like a... #
0:27:33 > 0:27:35It doesn't suit you, you know?
0:27:35 > 0:27:36What doesn't?
0:27:36 > 0:27:39The "bird with a broken wing" act.
0:27:39 > 0:27:42I'm too tired for any kind of act.
0:27:42 > 0:27:43I meant what I said.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47I'm not going to see my brother or my youngest son,
0:27:47 > 0:27:50and my granddaughter is no longer part of my life.
0:27:50 > 0:27:52And why do you think that is?
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Well, you would know better than I would.
0:27:54 > 0:27:57No, she has her reasons for hating me.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59I let her and her mum down.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03But Granny Martina - why cut you off?
0:28:03 > 0:28:04You'd need to ask her.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Instinct.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08She knows you're rotten.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11She had a nickname for you - the Martian.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17An anagram - I always knew she was a bright girl.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19She can tell there's something not right with you,
0:28:19 > 0:28:20not even human,
0:28:20 > 0:28:23and that's a kid that knows nothing about any of this stuff.
0:28:23 > 0:28:26She just hates you.
0:28:26 > 0:28:27How does that feel,
0:28:27 > 0:28:30to provoke hatred in a child on a primal level?
0:28:30 > 0:28:33I was only just made aware of the fact that she feels like that,
0:28:33 > 0:28:36so I need to take a few moments to process the information.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Well, you'll have a lot of time to mull it over.
0:28:39 > 0:28:42When did you start enjoying being cruel, Alex?
0:28:42 > 0:28:45I don't know, but I obviously learned from the best.
0:28:45 > 0:28:49Ah, so it's my fault.
0:28:49 > 0:28:52Well, maybe you should look at my life and the way it is
0:28:52 > 0:28:54and change your ways.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56I'm your ghost of Christmas future, Alex.
0:29:01 > 0:29:02Goodbye, Alex.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Enjoy the Highlands.
0:29:04 > 0:29:05Oh, we will.
0:29:05 > 0:29:07DOOR SLAMS
0:29:45 > 0:29:47SHE YAWNS
0:29:53 > 0:29:55Oh...
0:29:59 > 0:30:01John?
0:30:12 > 0:30:15PHONE RINGS Oh...
0:30:17 > 0:30:19Hello?
0:30:20 > 0:30:24No, no, it's fine, I'm going to be checking out soon anyway.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29Sorry, can you say that again?
0:30:31 > 0:30:34(What?)
0:30:34 > 0:30:36- DOORBELL RINGS - Alex, can you get that?
0:30:36 > 0:30:38I'm on it.
0:30:38 > 0:30:41Right, Callum, hurry up, and remember and brush your teeth, OK?
0:30:41 > 0:30:44Oh, a few more mornings of this madness.
0:30:44 > 0:30:46I'm telling you,
0:30:46 > 0:30:48- I cannae wait for a long lie. - ZIP SQUEAKS
0:30:48 > 0:30:51Right, packed lunch. Where's his bag?
0:30:51 > 0:30:53- What's that?- It's for Cal.
0:30:53 > 0:30:55Could be from Lenny.
0:30:55 > 0:30:57I've no' heard from him since he left.
0:31:06 > 0:31:10No way, it's that remote-controlled car Cal's after.
0:31:10 > 0:31:11Good old Grandpa Lenny.
0:31:11 > 0:31:14Eh, more like, good old Nana Kennedy.
0:31:14 > 0:31:16- You're kidding me.- No.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18Do you know, I just mentioned this to her at the spa yesterday?
0:31:18 > 0:31:20I mean, just in passing.
0:31:20 > 0:31:22- It wasn't like I was giving her a list or anything.- No.
0:31:22 > 0:31:24She must've ordered it there and then for it to come so quick.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27Yeah, well, we'd better hide it before he comes running in.
0:31:27 > 0:31:30See, this is why I think we should see her on Christmas night.
0:31:30 > 0:31:33We're not really going to let her buy her way into our lives, are we?
0:31:33 > 0:31:35- Tell him to get a move on.- Right.
0:31:35 > 0:31:39And once we've dropped him off, we'll tell your mum about Christmas.
0:31:39 > 0:31:41- SHE SIGHS - OK.
0:31:46 > 0:31:48Oh, it's gorgeous though, isn't it?
0:31:48 > 0:31:52Aye, it wasn't last night when I had to hide it in my room from Stuart.
0:31:52 > 0:31:55They handlebars nearly had my eyes out.
0:31:55 > 0:31:59- Oh, Ruby would love something like this, though.- Aye, well...
0:31:59 > 0:32:01You couldnae lend us a few quid, could you?
0:32:01 > 0:32:03How much is a few?
0:32:03 > 0:32:04200?
0:32:04 > 0:32:07- I haven't got that kind of money. - What kind have you got?
0:32:07 > 0:32:08Oh, God, Caitlin.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10I wouldnae ask if I wasnae desperate.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13Look, you don't need to spend a fortune at Christmas.
0:32:13 > 0:32:14Aye, and folk on the radio and the telly
0:32:14 > 0:32:17and in the papers are always saying that, and do you know what?
0:32:17 > 0:32:20They're loaded and their kids don't wake up to nothing.
0:32:22 > 0:32:24Well, I could do 75.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26- It's a start. - No, it's your total budget.
0:32:26 > 0:32:31- All right, hold these, till I go and get my purse. Hold them.- Ah!
0:32:31 > 0:32:34You know, Liz had Stuart over for a sleepover last night.
0:32:34 > 0:32:36How come we don't have Cal over for sleepovers lately?
0:32:36 > 0:32:39Well, you can, any time. He'd love that.
0:32:39 > 0:32:41Mm-hm. Stuart's a nice wee guy,
0:32:41 > 0:32:44but he's not got the spark our weans have got.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47You know, Scarlett we'll be taking all the help you can offer
0:32:47 > 0:32:49- when the new baby arrives. - Oh, definitely.
0:32:49 > 0:32:51Oh, I cannae wait. Any time you want.
0:32:51 > 0:32:52I think, though, this Christmas,
0:32:52 > 0:32:55we're really going to make a fuss over Cal,
0:32:55 > 0:32:57- while there's still the three of us. - Aye, make it a special one.
0:32:57 > 0:33:00- I'm way ahead of you there.- Are you? - Aye, cos you know how it's
0:33:00 > 0:33:03Madonna's birthday and she's always the centre of attention?
0:33:03 > 0:33:05We're going to put Cal in a big chair at the end of the table
0:33:05 > 0:33:07and I've ordered him this gorgeous jersey
0:33:07 > 0:33:10and it's got "big-brother-to-be" written on it.
0:33:10 > 0:33:12Here I'll show you. I've got a picture on my phone?
0:33:12 > 0:33:14No, it's fine, don't spoil the surprise.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16Aye, right enough. You'll see them in a week.
0:33:16 > 0:33:17A week or thereabouts...
0:33:17 > 0:33:19Oh, that's the other thing I was going to say.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21I was going to invite Liz and Eileen over,
0:33:21 > 0:33:24- cos it's going to be a quiet one for them.- Some people like it that way.
0:33:24 > 0:33:26- Aye, only if they've got no choice. - Not necessarily.
0:33:26 > 0:33:29I mean, some people might choose to go away for Christmas.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31A bit of winter sun, or maybe somewhere with snow -
0:33:31 > 0:33:33a real festive atmosphere.
0:33:33 > 0:33:36Well, we've got festive atmosphere in spades.
0:33:36 > 0:33:37Some places even have reindeer.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40Listen, I don't care if Santa Claus is making the porridge.
0:33:40 > 0:33:43Christmas is all about family. Isn't that right, Kelly? and that's it.
0:33:43 > 0:33:45Aye.
0:33:45 > 0:33:48Aye, and see all the time I was away in Peru,
0:33:48 > 0:33:51it was at Christmas time that I missed home the most.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54Oh, darling.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56Oh, dear me.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58ENGINE PURRS
0:34:07 > 0:34:09- Right, just keep the change. - Right, thank you.
0:34:09 > 0:34:10Oh, dear.
0:34:10 > 0:34:13Ah, good morning, good morning.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15Hiya. LAUGHTER
0:34:15 > 0:34:19What time do they shops stay open till?
0:34:19 > 0:34:21Oh, 10pm, 11pm.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23And after that, what did you get up to?
0:34:23 > 0:34:25Cos they look like last night's clothes.
0:34:25 > 0:34:27Erm, I stayed over with a friend.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29Oh, lovely.
0:34:29 > 0:34:32- Anyone we know? - Just a pal from the council.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34Good of her to put you up...
0:34:34 > 0:34:36or him?
0:34:36 > 0:34:39Well, I couldn't get a cab, you know, this time of year.
0:34:39 > 0:34:43Oh, well, as long as you had fun, dear.
0:34:43 > 0:34:44I'll say she did.
0:34:53 > 0:34:54Big Issue?
0:34:54 > 0:34:57Excuse me. Excuse me, Madam.
0:34:57 > 0:34:58Madam? Are you talking to me?
0:34:58 > 0:35:01- You left this on the train. - Oh, God, so I did, thanks.
0:35:01 > 0:35:02It's no problem.
0:35:02 > 0:35:05Wait, you didnae just jump off for this, did you?
0:35:05 > 0:35:08No, no, this is actually where I'm meant to be.
0:35:08 > 0:35:11You know, some folk would've taken this for themselves.
0:35:11 > 0:35:12Yeah, well, luckily, I resisted.
0:35:12 > 0:35:14You're a gent.
0:35:14 > 0:35:16I always try to be.
0:35:16 > 0:35:19Erm, is there, like, a pub or something nearby?
0:35:19 > 0:35:22Oh, round the corner, Tall Ship, you cannae miss it.
0:35:22 > 0:35:23My sister's the barmaid -
0:35:23 > 0:35:27looks like me, only a wee bit less gorgeous.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29Right, well, I'll be sure to say hello.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31Oh, well, I'd chum you in if I didnae have all this to wrap.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33Yeah, that looks like quite an undertaking.
0:35:33 > 0:35:35Well, if I see you over the festive season,
0:35:35 > 0:35:37I'll get you a bevvy to say thanks.
0:35:37 > 0:35:38I believe in karma, me.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40Deal.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43Although, to be honest, I don't know how long I'm going to stick around.
0:35:43 > 0:35:45- Merry Christmas.- The same to you.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51You get that in draught or bottles, so it's up to you.
0:35:51 > 0:35:52Excuse me...
0:35:54 > 0:35:58I've got five minutes till my next appointment. Spill.
0:35:58 > 0:36:01It was...interesting.
0:36:01 > 0:36:03Well, I take it, it was a late night?
0:36:03 > 0:36:06I didn't actually make it home.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09But you had a good time, all things considered?
0:36:09 > 0:36:12All things considered, yeah.
0:36:12 > 0:36:14See, you can't go wrong in a little black dress -
0:36:14 > 0:36:15or out of it.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17- Shh!- OK, OK.
0:36:17 > 0:36:20I'll save the grilling for later at dinner when you can't escape.
0:36:20 > 0:36:21Look, I haven't got a baby-sitter yet.
0:36:21 > 0:36:23- I'm really struggling.- Yeah?
0:36:23 > 0:36:25I think my niece Jenny would be up for that.
0:36:25 > 0:36:27She's the most responsible one in our family.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29Perfect. Sevenish?
0:36:29 > 0:36:30Oh, one thing,
0:36:30 > 0:36:33just to get me through another day with the afflicted,
0:36:33 > 0:36:34was he hot?
0:36:34 > 0:36:35Tell me he was hot.
0:36:35 > 0:36:37He was...hottish.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39Oh...
0:36:40 > 0:36:43SHE SIGHS
0:36:53 > 0:36:55Oh...
0:36:57 > 0:37:00You haven't told him yet - about the trip.
0:37:00 > 0:37:02I'd never get him to sleep.
0:37:02 > 0:37:05He's excited enough as it is, without me mentioning reindeers.
0:37:09 > 0:37:11We're not going, are we?
0:37:11 > 0:37:14Alex, I don't know.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17I mean, you saw what it was like this morning -
0:37:17 > 0:37:19no-one wants to break their mum's heart at Christmas.
0:37:19 > 0:37:20I do.
0:37:24 > 0:37:26Does that make me a bad person?
0:37:27 > 0:37:29You don't mean that.
0:37:29 > 0:37:31Like...
0:37:31 > 0:37:34You put us first, which was totally right and fine,
0:37:34 > 0:37:37but I just don't know if I can.
0:37:37 > 0:37:40What I want...
0:37:40 > 0:37:41What I'm trying to do is....
0:37:41 > 0:37:43is the right thing.
0:37:43 > 0:37:45I'm trying to do the right thing.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47And you will.
0:37:51 > 0:37:52You didn't need to.
0:37:52 > 0:37:53Well, I do own a pub,
0:37:53 > 0:37:57so I've never really got any excuse for turning up empty-handed.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59Something smells wonderful.
0:37:59 > 0:38:02Right, well, I'm trying to compete with last night, aren't I?
0:38:02 > 0:38:06- Sorry?- You know, last night, you went out for dinner, didn't you?
0:38:09 > 0:38:12I'm sure it'll be really nice.
0:38:12 > 0:38:14So how did Stuart get on with the new baby-sitter?
0:38:14 > 0:38:16Like a house on fire. She seems lovely.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19- Good, good.- Took a wee minute to settle him down,
0:38:19 > 0:38:21- so I'm sorry if I'm a bit late. - Don't worry.
0:38:21 > 0:38:23Well, it is practically ready, so if you want to have a wee seat.
0:38:23 > 0:38:26There we go. Cheers. GLASSES CLINK
0:38:26 > 0:38:30- DOORBELL RINGS - I'll get it.
0:38:30 > 0:38:32Are you expecting somebody else?
0:38:32 > 0:38:34- No.- Oh, thank God, I thought for one horrible minute...
0:38:34 > 0:38:36What, that I'd set you up?
0:38:36 > 0:38:38I would never do a thing like that.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41Oh, who am I kidding? That's exactly the kind of thing I would do,
0:38:41 > 0:38:44although you don't need any help, after last night.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47Well, thanks to you, I have unleashed my inner floozy.
0:38:47 > 0:38:49You're welcome.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51Right, now that AJ's not here, tell me -
0:38:51 > 0:38:53did you go back to his place?
0:38:53 > 0:38:54A hotel.
0:38:54 > 0:38:57- Hussy!- I know!
0:38:57 > 0:39:00Erm, look what the cat dragged in.
0:39:02 > 0:39:03Oh, Harry!
0:39:03 > 0:39:06- Oh, my baby boy! - ANNIE LAUGHS
0:39:06 > 0:39:11Oh, you smell like a drip tray but, oh, my boy!
0:39:11 > 0:39:13I'll get rid of these bags.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15This could take a while.
0:39:15 > 0:39:18KISSES SQUELCH
0:39:22 > 0:39:26- Thanks, doll.- What time were you and Bubba coming over?- Sorry?
0:39:26 > 0:39:28Christmas Day - do you want to do the presents
0:39:28 > 0:39:31- before or after the dinner? - I'm not sure.
0:39:31 > 0:39:33Make it 12, then we can have a cheeky wee snowball
0:39:33 > 0:39:36- while we're peeling the spuds. - Aye, 12's brilliant.
0:39:36 > 0:39:38No escape, doll. Just give in now.
0:39:38 > 0:39:40Why would she want to escape?
0:39:40 > 0:39:43What about you, Stevie, eh? What are you doing for Christmas?
0:39:43 > 0:39:45Oh, we're no' gonnae bother this year.
0:39:45 > 0:39:47You're no' gonnae bother?
0:39:47 > 0:39:49Stella's not really up for anything.
0:39:49 > 0:39:52Listen, son, it's Christmas,
0:39:52 > 0:39:55you cannae just pretend it's no' happening.
0:39:59 > 0:40:01This is a nightmare.
0:40:01 > 0:40:02- I'm going.- No, you can't.
0:40:02 > 0:40:05- Look, they'll get suspicious if you start acting weird.- Weird?
0:40:05 > 0:40:08It's taking all my strength not to rip your head off your shoulders.
0:40:08 > 0:40:10We didn't actually do anything wrong, you know.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12Oh, glossing over the fact that you left me with the room tab.
0:40:12 > 0:40:14Oh, I'm so sorry about that,
0:40:14 > 0:40:17- you see, my card got refused and it was...- Oh, a high-flyer like you?
0:40:17 > 0:40:21- There's no need to be mean about it. - Mean? How old ARE you?
0:40:21 > 0:40:22You need to chill.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25Stop speaking. Your parents are my friends.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28- If they knew that I'd...- They don't, OK, look, and if we're cool,
0:40:28 > 0:40:31- there's no reason they ever will. Just...- Top up?
0:40:31 > 0:40:33Erm, no, no, I'm fine.
0:40:33 > 0:40:36Actually, I'm not.
0:40:36 > 0:40:39I've got a bit of a headache coming on.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41Well, you can't kid a kidder.
0:40:41 > 0:40:42Still suffering from last night?
0:40:42 > 0:40:44No, no, no, no.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46She's got loads of hangover cures, by the way -
0:40:46 > 0:40:48nothing to do with her being a doctor, either.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Making light of my mother's drinking -
0:40:50 > 0:40:51now it feels like Christmas.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53Don't embarrass me in front of the nice lady.
0:40:53 > 0:40:56I'll get all your baby pictures out - the naked ones.
0:40:56 > 0:40:58And where are you keeping them? Oh, in the east wing?
0:40:58 > 0:41:00See, we've spoiled him, Eileen.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02- IN BROAD ACCENT:- What, is Glesga no' good enough for you?'
0:41:02 > 0:41:05- No, there's nothing wrong with Glasgow.- Oh, nice of you to say so.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07..but it's not London,
0:41:07 > 0:41:10and this, well, this shoebox of a flat, it's not our old house.
0:41:10 > 0:41:14For God's sake, son, there's people sleeping rough on the streets tonight, freezing.
0:41:14 > 0:41:16Yeah, and there's usually a story about how those guys ended up
0:41:16 > 0:41:19like that, so what's our story? I mean, how did we end up here?
0:41:19 > 0:41:21I really think I should go.
0:41:21 > 0:41:23Now look what you've done. Unbelievable.
0:41:23 > 0:41:25- Eileen's a grown-up. - Are you?
0:41:25 > 0:41:28- Yes.- Well, start acting like one and we'll talk later.
0:41:32 > 0:41:37I apologise if I've created an atmosphere.
0:41:40 > 0:41:41Please, stay, Eileen.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44I mean, I don't mean to guilt-trip you,
0:41:44 > 0:41:48but AJ went all the way across town to get those crayfish tails.
0:41:48 > 0:41:51OK, I won't rush off...
0:41:53 > 0:41:55..and I will have a splash more wine.
0:41:55 > 0:41:57Harry, you do the honours.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07Look, no-one was having a go at you then.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10I didnae think you were.
0:42:10 > 0:42:12Folk just...
0:42:12 > 0:42:14They don't know what to say to you.
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Scarlett always manages.
0:42:17 > 0:42:20SHE EXHALES
0:42:20 > 0:42:22Nobody can tell you what do.
0:42:24 > 0:42:28I really wish they would cos I've no' got a scooby.
0:42:28 > 0:42:31Have you spoken to Stella about it?
0:42:32 > 0:42:34We don't talk.
0:42:36 > 0:42:40I tiptoe around everything and she just gets annoyed.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42I don't blame her.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46You know, I think...
0:42:46 > 0:42:49I mean, I could be wrong here, right, but...
0:42:49 > 0:42:52I think that she thinks,
0:42:52 > 0:42:55if I so much as put a card up,
0:42:55 > 0:42:58I'm trying to make it her perfect last Christmas, and I'm really not.
0:42:58 > 0:43:02No, no, of course you're not.
0:43:02 > 0:43:06Look, why don't you just do what you want?
0:43:08 > 0:43:10- Nah.- But why not?
0:43:10 > 0:43:14Give her the chance to get on board without making choices herself,
0:43:14 > 0:43:16she's got too much on her plate.
0:43:19 > 0:43:21Can you...?
0:43:21 > 0:43:22Can you cash up?
0:43:22 > 0:43:24What? Tonight?
0:43:24 > 0:43:26Aye, well, it's no' too busy.
0:43:26 > 0:43:28Aye, I can handle it,
0:43:28 > 0:43:31if you've got somewhere you need to be.
0:43:36 > 0:43:38That was delicious, thank you.
0:43:38 > 0:43:40Well, there's nothing wrong with your appetite.
0:43:40 > 0:43:41Are you feeling better?
0:43:41 > 0:43:42Yeah, a lot.
0:43:42 > 0:43:45Look, I hate to eat and go but....
0:43:45 > 0:43:48No, no, no, stay for a coffee. There might even be a bottle of brandy
0:43:48 > 0:43:50- kicking about somewhere. - Oh, I'd better not.
0:43:50 > 0:43:51- Are you sure?- Yeah.
0:43:51 > 0:43:53Harry, do you mind getting Eileen's coat?
0:43:53 > 0:43:55It's just hanging in the hall cupboard there.
0:43:55 > 0:43:58I know where you mean, yeah. It's slightly bigger than my bedroom.
0:43:58 > 0:44:00All right, don't start that nonsense again.
0:44:00 > 0:44:02Is that what this is, it's nonsense?
0:44:02 > 0:44:04Yes, frankly.
0:44:04 > 0:44:06You're only going to be home from uni a few days at a time.
0:44:06 > 0:44:08Please stop calling it home.
0:44:08 > 0:44:09You loved London more than you love me.
0:44:09 > 0:44:11You've got a six-month placement coming up.
0:44:11 > 0:44:13There's no reason why that can't be in London.
0:44:13 > 0:44:14Yeah, not all that easily.
0:44:14 > 0:44:16Look, once you graduate,
0:44:16 > 0:44:18then you can decide where you're going.
0:44:18 > 0:44:20Oh, so you've got it all mapped out haven't you?
0:44:20 > 0:44:23No, you decide where you're going and we have to do buy you the map.
0:44:23 > 0:44:25Don't bring money into this. I never asked for your money.
0:44:25 > 0:44:27You didn't have to ask, you were given it.
0:44:27 > 0:44:29Wait, no, what, so this move thing -
0:44:29 > 0:44:31you didn't sell up to fund my course?
0:44:31 > 0:44:34- No, you're covered.- I could actually just get my own coat.
0:44:34 > 0:44:36Sorry, Eileen, I think he's up way past his bedtime.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38Don't talk about me like I'm a toddler.
0:44:38 > 0:44:39- Then don't embarrass us. - Harry.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43Father.
0:44:43 > 0:44:44- The coat.- Actually...
0:44:44 > 0:44:46No, Harry can get it.
0:44:46 > 0:44:48He obviously needs a minute to compose himself.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51I'll remember that when you start going ballistic.
0:44:51 > 0:44:53Given your atrocious behaviour,
0:44:53 > 0:44:55I think we've stayed remarkably calm so far.
0:44:55 > 0:44:59Only because you don't know the big news.
0:45:02 > 0:45:04I failed my course.
0:45:05 > 0:45:07I've been kicked out of uni.
0:45:08 > 0:45:10So you see, Mum, that London placement -
0:45:10 > 0:45:12it might be a bit tricky.
0:45:21 > 0:45:23How long have you been standing there?
0:45:23 > 0:45:25A minute or two.
0:45:25 > 0:45:27I thought I felt a draught.
0:45:28 > 0:45:29You look tired.
0:45:30 > 0:45:32Even aliens need some downtime.
0:45:36 > 0:45:40Is it absolutely necessary for you to be here every night?
0:45:40 > 0:45:42You know, I must be tired,
0:45:42 > 0:45:47because I'm sure I detected a note of concern just then.
0:45:47 > 0:45:48I'm asking a question.
0:45:48 > 0:45:51Well, where else would you have me be?
0:45:51 > 0:45:54What... What other kind of life would you have me lead?
0:45:54 > 0:45:55Bridge clubs?
0:45:55 > 0:45:57Church socials?
0:45:57 > 0:46:01Why not? Why would that be so terrible?
0:46:01 > 0:46:05Might not be so bad, but I think it's a bit too late for me now.
0:46:05 > 0:46:08The nearest I've ever got to normality in years
0:46:08 > 0:46:11is when my daughter-in-law invited me over for Christmas,
0:46:11 > 0:46:13and we all know how that turned out.
0:46:13 > 0:46:15KNOCK AT DOOR
0:46:15 > 0:46:17I need to deal with this.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20Of course you do.
0:46:20 > 0:46:21Come in.
0:46:29 > 0:46:31Right, I'll call the dean first thing in the morning.
0:46:31 > 0:46:33That's how I got on the course in the first place,
0:46:33 > 0:46:34you calling in favours.
0:46:34 > 0:46:36Clearly, I shouldn't have left you to your own devices.
0:46:36 > 0:46:38Maybe if you did, I'd find my own level.
0:46:38 > 0:46:39What's that? Sponging off us?
0:46:39 > 0:46:41It's somewhere between sponging off you
0:46:41 > 0:46:44and finding a cure for cancer. Is that unreasonable?
0:46:44 > 0:46:46You do know that we've already paid for a year's rent,
0:46:46 > 0:46:48- and we're not going to see that back.- I know, I'm...
0:46:48 > 0:46:50- Look, I'm not proud of any of this. - Good.
0:46:51 > 0:46:54Well, maybe you can go back in September and resit the year.
0:46:54 > 0:46:56Are you not even listening to me?
0:46:56 > 0:46:58Look, it's not what I want to do with my life.
0:46:58 > 0:47:00- It's not right for me. - Well, then make it right.
0:47:00 > 0:47:01For God's sake. I'm going out.
0:47:01 > 0:47:02Do you know what? Enjoy it,
0:47:02 > 0:47:05cos we're not going to fund any more trips to the pub.
0:47:07 > 0:47:10- DOOR CLOSES - What are we going to do?
0:47:10 > 0:47:13MUSIC: All I Want For Christmas Is You by Mariah Carey
0:47:13 > 0:47:14Sorry, did I wake you?
0:47:14 > 0:47:16- No, I needed to go to the toilet. - Leave the light.
0:47:16 > 0:47:20# I don't want a lot for Christmas
0:47:20 > 0:47:23# There is just one thing I need... #
0:47:23 > 0:47:26Before you say anything, I know you didnae want any of this,
0:47:26 > 0:47:28but I just thought, if we're going to be staring at a blank wall
0:47:28 > 0:47:30on the 25th, you know, we'll just be wondering why,
0:47:30 > 0:47:32and I don't want to be thinking about
0:47:32 > 0:47:35all the bad stuff that's happening, I want us to think about
0:47:35 > 0:47:38- the good things that are going to be coming...- Stevie, shut up.- Sorry.
0:47:39 > 0:47:42I love it.
0:47:42 > 0:47:44Aye?
0:47:46 > 0:47:48Good.
0:47:48 > 0:47:53# All I want for Christmas
0:47:53 > 0:47:57# Is
0:47:57 > 0:48:02# You... #
0:48:04 > 0:48:07# I don't want a lot for Christmas
0:48:07 > 0:48:09# There is just one thing I need... #
0:48:09 > 0:48:13- PHONE RINGS - Get the corners neat.
0:48:13 > 0:48:16# Underneath the Christmas... #
0:48:16 > 0:48:18DOORBELL RINGS
0:48:18 > 0:48:20# I don't need to hang my stocking
0:48:20 > 0:48:24# There upon the fireplace
0:48:24 > 0:48:26# Santa Claus won't make me happy
0:48:26 > 0:48:28# With a toy on Christmas Day... #
0:48:28 > 0:48:30I didn't expect to see you this morning.
0:48:30 > 0:48:33Are you avoiding Angus again?
0:48:33 > 0:48:36That's a breach of landlord-tenant confidentiality, by the way.
0:48:36 > 0:48:38- He had no right...- Get off your high horse, woman, he said nothing.
0:48:38 > 0:48:41- Oh. - It was just the look on his face.
0:48:41 > 0:48:44- Have you missed your rent? - Well, he'll get double next month.
0:48:44 > 0:48:46How?
0:48:46 > 0:48:48I'll cross that bridge when I get to it.
0:48:48 > 0:48:51You don't cross bridges, Caitlin, you burn them.
0:48:51 > 0:48:54Look, Angus is a decent guy - you won't get a nice place like this
0:48:54 > 0:48:56- in a hurry if he kicks you out. - It'll no' come to that.
0:48:56 > 0:48:58Did you blow the whole lot on presents for the kids?
0:48:58 > 0:49:00They deserve a Christmas, Ellie.
0:49:00 > 0:49:02Eh, they deserve a roof over their heads more.
0:49:02 > 0:49:04What happened to the 75 I loaned you?
0:49:04 > 0:49:07Well, it didnae last long. Have you seen the price of things?
0:49:07 > 0:49:10Uh-huh, and I know I can't afford them.
0:49:10 > 0:49:12How could I look my kids in the eye?
0:49:12 > 0:49:13The kids get it.
0:49:13 > 0:49:16The kids understand.
0:49:16 > 0:49:18You're the one with no grip on reality.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20It's you who can't face a skint Christmas, not them.
0:49:20 > 0:49:22What if it is? You don't know what it's like to be me.
0:49:22 > 0:49:24It's soul-destroying counting every penny,
0:49:24 > 0:49:27terrified that you're gonnae miss an appointment and end up sanctioned.
0:49:27 > 0:49:30It's one day out of the year when I want to be like everybody else.
0:49:30 > 0:49:35OK, I get it, doll, I do, but loads of people are struggling.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37You can't just hope for the best.
0:49:37 > 0:49:39- I'm not stupid, Ellie. - Have you even got any money left?
0:49:39 > 0:49:41Cos you still have to feed everyone.
0:49:41 > 0:49:43I've got an appointment at the food bank later on,
0:49:43 > 0:49:45- so we should be fine.- Food bank?
0:49:45 > 0:49:47What? There's no shame in it, you know.
0:49:47 > 0:49:50I'm saying there is, it's just, they're for folk who are desperate.
0:49:50 > 0:49:53I'm desperate, OK? I'm...
0:49:53 > 0:49:55I'm desperate.
0:49:55 > 0:49:57All right. OK, Cait.
0:49:58 > 0:50:00Are you going to have a cup of tea or is that too extravagant?
0:50:03 > 0:50:06I'm sorry that you had to witness that last night.
0:50:06 > 0:50:08Don't worry about it, really. It's fine.
0:50:08 > 0:50:10I invite you round for dinner
0:50:10 > 0:50:12and then plunge into the middle of a family drama.
0:50:14 > 0:50:18Was that why you wanted to see me? To apologise?
0:50:18 > 0:50:20I just needed someone to talk to.
0:50:21 > 0:50:24- Do you think it's all my fault? - No.
0:50:24 > 0:50:26You know, I just want what's best for my son.
0:50:26 > 0:50:28Of course you do. There's nothing wrong with that.
0:50:28 > 0:50:31Harry would tell you otherwise.
0:50:32 > 0:50:34Well, Harry's young.
0:50:36 > 0:50:39Would I have been better divorcing AJ and staying in London?
0:50:42 > 0:50:47I mean, I salvaged my marriage, but is my son paying the price?
0:50:47 > 0:50:51I think Harry's just finding his way in the world,
0:50:51 > 0:50:55and it might be that university's not for him.
0:50:55 > 0:50:59I mean, could he be more entrepreneurial, do you think?
0:50:59 > 0:51:02- Wow. - What?
0:51:02 > 0:51:05I mean, that is exactly how he sees himself.
0:51:05 > 0:51:10I can't believe you got that from him being half-cut and petulant.
0:51:10 > 0:51:12No, no, I mean...
0:51:12 > 0:51:14It was just a thought,
0:51:14 > 0:51:17and if that's right, then...
0:51:17 > 0:51:21then Harry's a decent guy,
0:51:21 > 0:51:23and that's a credit to you and AJ.
0:51:26 > 0:51:27You're a good friend.
0:51:30 > 0:51:31I'm trying to be.
0:51:34 > 0:51:37I feel bad now, after crying on your shoulder,
0:51:37 > 0:51:40but I do have a favour to ask you,
0:51:40 > 0:51:44and you have made it easier, by saying that Harry's a decent guy.
0:51:44 > 0:51:47Have I? Good.
0:51:47 > 0:51:48Good.
0:51:51 > 0:51:54- Morning, boss, just the usual? - But just for me today.
0:51:54 > 0:51:56No Kelly-Marie, no?
0:51:56 > 0:51:58I took Cal to school and let her have a lie-in.
0:51:58 > 0:52:00Oh, you're really getting the hang of this
0:52:00 > 0:52:02step-father business, aren't you?
0:52:03 > 0:52:05I'm trying.
0:52:07 > 0:52:08Your present arrived.
0:52:08 > 0:52:10Well, that's a relief.
0:52:10 > 0:52:14You never know if you can trust next-day delivery.
0:52:14 > 0:52:17- Does the boy like it? - He hasn't seen it yet.
0:52:17 > 0:52:20You can give it to him yourself on Christmas night.
0:52:20 > 0:52:22Has there been a change of plan?
0:52:22 > 0:52:26- There has.- Ah, a spot of emotional blackmail from the in-laws.
0:52:26 > 0:52:28No, it was my choice.
0:52:30 > 0:52:33I want to see Kelly-Marie's family,
0:52:33 > 0:52:36and mine. Something Kel said made me realise
0:52:36 > 0:52:41that only a monster wouldn't feel sorry for their mum at Christmas.
0:52:41 > 0:52:43Feel sorry?
0:52:43 > 0:52:46I don't like the thought of you being alone, despite everything.
0:52:46 > 0:52:50Ah, so this is a pity invitation,
0:52:50 > 0:52:54motivated by the fact that you need to feel better about yourself?
0:52:54 > 0:52:55It was meant to be a Christmas truce
0:52:55 > 0:52:57- but since you don't have the good... - Oh, no.
0:52:57 > 0:53:01I think it's wonderful. Truly, I do.
0:53:01 > 0:53:06How nice to think that the working class Glesga is rubbing off on you.
0:53:06 > 0:53:08How lovely to think that you'd be greetin'
0:53:08 > 0:53:10if you didnae see your mammy.
0:53:10 > 0:53:12You weren't faking this.
0:53:12 > 0:53:17Last night, you looked old, tired and sad.
0:53:17 > 0:53:21Yeah, well, I'd be all of these things at 1am -
0:53:21 > 0:53:23low blood sugar -
0:53:23 > 0:53:25but now,
0:53:25 > 0:53:26I'm fine.
0:53:26 > 0:53:28You reached out to us.
0:53:29 > 0:53:32I charmed your wife, yes,
0:53:32 > 0:53:37in roughly about the same amount of time as it would take to train a dog.
0:53:37 > 0:53:38And me?
0:53:38 > 0:53:40Sorry to disappoint you, son,
0:53:40 > 0:53:43but there's no silver-haired granny going to be waiting to
0:53:43 > 0:53:45rock your latest brat to sleep.
0:53:47 > 0:53:50I'll see you on the big day, if not before.
0:53:52 > 0:53:54DOOR OPENS
0:53:54 > 0:53:56DOOR SLAMS
0:54:01 > 0:54:04There he is - your new handyman.
0:54:04 > 0:54:05Sorry, what?
0:54:05 > 0:54:07I've been doing a bit of match-making.
0:54:07 > 0:54:09Eileen's got a pub and half a dozen flats.
0:54:09 > 0:54:12She needs some stuff done, and you need to get some extra cash.
0:54:12 > 0:54:14Yeah, it makes sense, I guess, yeah.
0:54:14 > 0:54:16In a strange kind of way, yeah.
0:54:16 > 0:54:18Your mum can be very persuasive.
0:54:18 > 0:54:20Yeah, well, tell me about it.
0:54:20 > 0:54:21I'll leave you to it. Enjoy.
0:54:21 > 0:54:23Thanks, by the way.
0:54:23 > 0:54:25Happy to help.
0:54:25 > 0:54:27- HE SIGHS - Is this for real?
0:54:27 > 0:54:30- Just till you make your first million.- Oh, that's funny.
0:54:30 > 0:54:32Not my idea.
0:54:32 > 0:54:34Are you sure? I mean,
0:54:34 > 0:54:37I bet you quite like the idea of telling me what to do.
0:54:42 > 0:54:44DOOR SLAMS
0:54:44 > 0:54:47- Hey, you're back. - Looks like it.
0:54:47 > 0:54:50I tell you, I could get used to this - the spas, the long lies.
0:54:50 > 0:54:53- But only on your terms. - What do you mean?
0:54:53 > 0:54:56Well, you were never really into our Highland getaway, were you?
0:54:56 > 0:54:58- I was, but...- Spare me, Kel!
0:54:58 > 0:55:00You're so bloody passive-aggressive.
0:55:00 > 0:55:03"Let me speak to my ma. What about your mum?"
0:55:03 > 0:55:06- That's not how it was. - Whatever. We're going.
0:55:06 > 0:55:09- What? No.- Yes.
0:55:09 > 0:55:11I want to spend Christmas with my family.
0:55:11 > 0:55:12I'm your family!
0:55:12 > 0:55:16Me, the new baby, Cal and nobody else.
0:55:16 > 0:55:19Even if I have to drag you into the car, we're going to that hotel,
0:55:19 > 0:55:20do you understand me?
0:55:21 > 0:55:24- Yes.- Good.
0:55:24 > 0:55:27I'm sure we'll have a wonderful time.
0:55:36 > 0:55:39Your uncle's got a bit of business he wants you to handle.
0:55:39 > 0:55:42Do you know when you're going to tell him the truth?
0:55:42 > 0:55:44- Not yet.- I want to protect him for a little while longer.
0:55:44 > 0:55:47- You promised me things were going to change.- They will. I want them to.
0:55:47 > 0:55:50I just need to do this. Please, just trust me.
0:55:50 > 0:55:51Call your mother-in-law.
0:55:51 > 0:55:54Tell her you're bring a plus-one for Christmas dinner.
0:55:54 > 0:55:58# And the bells were ringin' out for Christmas Day. #
0:55:58 > 0:55:59I really believed him,
0:55:59 > 0:56:01you know, when he says all this stuff was behind us.
0:56:01 > 0:56:03Oh, your husband's a piece of work.
0:56:03 > 0:56:05You don't call the shots, Alex. Billy does.
0:56:05 > 0:56:07I'm finished with this family.
0:56:07 > 0:56:09You leave the family feet-first or not at all.
0:56:09 > 0:56:11Scarlett, I love your decorations.
0:56:11 > 0:56:13Oh, they were just from the cash-and-carry.
0:56:13 > 0:56:16Really? I'd never have guessed.
0:56:16 > 0:56:17Aye, aye, we've got company.
0:56:17 > 0:56:20- What are we going to do? - Just stay calm.