0:00:02 > 0:00:08This programme contains some strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature
0:00:08 > 0:00:11BOY SINGS ALONG TO HEADPHONES
0:00:11 > 0:00:13# ...Out come all these words
0:00:13 > 0:00:16# Oh, there's a very pleasant side to you
0:00:16 > 0:00:18# A side I much prefer
0:00:18 > 0:00:22# It's one that laughs and jokes around
0:00:22 > 0:00:24# Remember cuddles in the kitchen, yeah,
0:00:24 > 0:00:27# To get things off the ground
0:00:27 > 0:00:30# And it was up, up and away
0:00:30 > 0:00:33# Oh, but it's right hard to remember that
0:00:33 > 0:00:35# That on a day like today
0:00:35 > 0:00:39# When you're all argumentative
0:00:39 > 0:00:41# And you've got the face on... #
0:00:41 > 0:00:43HORN TOOTS
0:00:49 > 0:00:52# Well now, then, Mardy Bum
0:00:52 > 0:00:56# Oh, I'm in trouble again, aren't I?
0:00:56 > 0:00:58# I thought as much
0:00:58 > 0:01:00# Cos you turned over there
0:01:00 > 0:01:03# Pulling that silent disappointment face
0:01:03 > 0:01:06# The one that I can't bear, well, can't we...
0:01:06 > 0:01:09# Just laugh and joke around
0:01:09 > 0:01:12# Remember cuddles in the kitchen, yeah... #
0:01:12 > 0:01:13# To get things off the ground
0:01:13 > 0:01:15# And it was
0:01:15 > 0:01:18# Up, up and away
0:01:18 > 0:01:20# Oh, but it's right hard to remember that
0:01:20 > 0:01:22# On a day like today
0:01:22 > 0:01:26# When you're all argumentative
0:01:26 > 0:01:27# And you've got the face on
0:01:27 > 0:01:31# And yeah I'm sorry I was late
0:01:31 > 0:01:35# But I missed the train and then the traffic was a state
0:01:35 > 0:01:38# And I can't be arsed to carry on in this debate
0:01:38 > 0:01:40- # That re-occurs, oh... # - HORN TOOTS
0:01:40 > 0:01:41Oh, he's here!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44# ..But of course I do, yeah, I clearly do... #
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Thanks, lads!
0:01:51 > 0:01:53Hello. Thanks.
0:01:57 > 0:02:00You're a genius. What are you?
0:02:00 > 0:02:02A genius!
0:02:02 > 0:02:05# So laugh and joke around
0:02:05 > 0:02:08# Remember cuddles in the kitchen, yeah,
0:02:08 > 0:02:10# To get things off the ground
0:02:10 > 0:02:13# And it was up, up and away
0:02:13 > 0:02:16# Oh, but it's right hard to remember that
0:02:16 > 0:02:22# On a day like today when you're all... #
0:02:22 > 0:02:23Right.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25# ..Argumentative
0:02:25 > 0:02:28# And you've got the face on. #
0:02:28 > 0:02:34Right. No music and no presents until you've got ready, Mister.
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Pull your arm out...there you go, off you pop.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Rebecca! I need help! Joe, your party clothes are on the bed.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42I see you're doing what you can for the childhood obesity epidemic.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45It's the whole class. There's 30 of the little buggers.
0:02:45 > 0:02:49- Is that what you're wearing? - No. You're hallucinating. Yeah. Why?
0:02:49 > 0:02:52- Are there any Cheerios?- Any word from Eddie and his whore of a wife?
0:02:52 > 0:02:56No. Let's be kind and supportive to both him and his whore of a wife...
0:02:56 > 0:02:58It's never going to work.
0:02:58 > 0:03:00She cheated on your brother. Not you.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02You really don't understand family, do you?
0:03:02 > 0:03:03Not yours, I don't.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07Good lord. Did you need planning permission for that cake?
0:03:07 > 0:03:09Party bags! Dad.
0:03:09 > 0:03:14So, they need a toy. A book. Packet of sweets.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Tattoo stickers, bookmarks, Super Ball and baseball cap in each.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20What happened to a balloon and a slice of cake?
0:03:20 > 0:03:23And just make sure Joe's centre stage.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26- Of course. - You know what you're like when there are other kids around
0:03:26 > 0:03:28that laugh at your jokes more than he does, hm?
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Joe's birthday, Joe's day. And don't hog the karaoke, either!
0:03:31 > 0:03:35Karaoke? At a five-year-old's birthday party?
0:03:35 > 0:03:36Joe's birthday.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Joe's day.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43- Are you ready to dance...? - KIDS:- Yeah!
0:03:43 > 0:03:44Let's go!
0:03:44 > 0:03:46MUSIC: Rock Lobster by The B-52s
0:03:46 > 0:03:50I want to see those moves. I want to see those moves, that's it.
0:03:53 > 0:03:54Turn around.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57Go on, Joe!
0:03:59 > 0:04:00MUSIC STOPS
0:04:04 > 0:04:07Anybody moving? Let me have a little look.
0:04:08 > 0:04:10No.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13OK, I bet next time I'll be able to catch one of you out!
0:04:13 > 0:04:14You ready?
0:04:15 > 0:04:17MUSIC RESTARTS
0:04:26 > 0:04:28MUSIC STOPS
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Joe! Joe! Joe! The music's stopped.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35- CHILD: Joe! - Joe!
0:04:35 > 0:04:36Joe!
0:04:36 > 0:04:37OK, Joe's out, don't worry!
0:04:37 > 0:04:39Oh, a little girl there, Lucy, is it?
0:04:39 > 0:04:42I think your head was moving a little bit, lovely.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43I wasn't moving.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Just a little bit.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48Just a little, love. I think you were.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Well done.
0:04:50 > 0:04:51OK! Ready?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53OK! Here we go!
0:04:53 > 0:04:55MUSIC RESTARTS
0:04:58 > 0:05:00Any word from the entertainer?
0:05:00 > 0:05:01Sat nav problems.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04What? I thought she was a mermaid.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06How's that going to stop her needing sat nav?
0:05:06 > 0:05:08Oh, I'm thinking of dolphins.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Is the camera charged, Dad?
0:05:10 > 0:05:12I thought I was on party bags.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15Lucy Merrick was not moving her hand, by the way.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18You want your own son to be the first one out on his birthday?
0:05:18 > 0:05:21No. But knocking Lucy out, it drew attention to Joe, didn't it?
0:05:21 > 0:05:24It's Joe's day. He should be the centre of attention.
0:05:24 > 0:05:28- DOORBELL - Oh, eh, who can that be?
0:05:29 > 0:05:30Hi!
0:05:33 > 0:05:34Well done for finding us!
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Sea Lily. Underwater theme.
0:05:36 > 0:05:37HORN TOOTS
0:05:37 > 0:05:40The trailer... No, no, no, no...
0:05:40 > 0:05:41Oh, great!
0:05:41 > 0:05:43Summat wrong?
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Yes. But nothing that should bother you.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
0:05:57 > 0:06:01Dad. Can I just park the thing, OK? You're not helping.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04Is that more parking semaphore or humility. I can never tell!
0:06:04 > 0:06:08Eddie. At least get the car parked before we start an argument, hey?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Did you hire a hooker for a kid's birthday party?
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Oh, right!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- Did you adjust the pressure for that load?- What?
0:06:14 > 0:06:15Doctor. How are you?
0:06:15 > 0:06:17I'm very good, thank you, and you?
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Good. Yes. Good. Look.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21No cancer! Again!
0:06:21 > 0:06:24Good.
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Only teasing, you know.
0:06:26 > 0:06:27Um...
0:06:27 > 0:06:30So you're, er, going to walk to the kerb from there, are you?
0:06:30 > 0:06:34It's an old Woody Allen joke. 1977. Misquoted.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37But up here counts as cutting-edge humour.
0:06:38 > 0:06:41Eddie? Keys!
0:06:47 > 0:06:54ENTERTAINER: Now we're underwater, deep in the ocean...
0:06:54 > 0:06:57We just have to be really careful of the jellyfish...
0:06:57 > 0:07:00Look who I found lurking around outside.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01Sorry about the timing.
0:07:01 > 0:07:03We tried to call but no signal.
0:07:03 > 0:07:04Don't worry at all.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06You made it just in time to sing Happy Birthday.
0:07:06 > 0:07:08It's lovely to see you.
0:07:08 > 0:07:10You've lost weight.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Have I?
0:07:11 > 0:07:12Hi, Alice.
0:07:13 > 0:07:18ENTERTAINER: That's it! Keep swimming, all the way up.
0:07:18 > 0:07:20What a beautiful cake!
0:07:23 > 0:07:25Did you buy it or make it yourself?
0:07:25 > 0:07:27ENTERTAINER: Jellyfish! Swim away!
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Did we hug yet?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32I'll get you a drink.
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Hey!
0:07:40 > 0:07:42ENTERTAINER: Now just be careful,
0:07:42 > 0:07:45you don't want to be stung by a jellyfish!
0:07:45 > 0:07:51Joe. Birthday boy! You are Neptune.
0:07:51 > 0:07:54My assistant. I need you.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- Now, if all the little fishes... - Did they hire an hooker? - ..and the turtles are very quiet...
0:07:58 > 0:08:00I already made that joke.
0:08:01 > 0:08:06Then something special might be coming for Neptune!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Sh!
0:08:09 > 0:08:14# Happy birthday to you
0:08:14 > 0:08:19# Happy birthday to you
0:08:19 > 0:08:24# Happy birthday, dear Joe... #
0:08:24 > 0:08:25LOUD MUSIC FROM STEREO
0:08:25 > 0:08:26# Happy birthday to you! #
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Not yet, not yet, not yet, Joe!
0:08:31 > 0:08:35You've got your candles to blow out, haven't ya?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Eh, come on, come on, mate.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41Look, all your friends are waiting for you to blow your candles out.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43Go on.
0:08:43 > 0:08:45Come on, then, top lad! There we go!
0:08:45 > 0:08:47Make way for the birthday boy!
0:08:48 > 0:08:51Eh, Joe, come on. On your feet lad, big boy.
0:08:51 > 0:08:55- It's all right...- Hey Dad, Dad, leave him. Dad, leave him.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Joe? Joe? You've got a really cool birthday cake.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59I think he's just a bit tired, you know.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Joe, you want to see your cake, don't ya?
0:09:03 > 0:09:06It's got an octopus and fishes and seaweed on it.
0:09:10 > 0:09:11Just a minute.
0:09:14 > 0:09:15It's just...
0:09:16 > 0:09:19# I was waiting in the bar...
0:09:21 > 0:09:22# Where were you?
0:09:22 > 0:09:25# I was buying you a drink
0:09:25 > 0:09:26# Where were you?
0:09:26 > 0:09:28# I was crying home in bed
0:09:28 > 0:09:30# Where were you? #
0:09:30 > 0:09:32MAKES DRUMMING NOISES
0:09:39 > 0:09:42Mekons. 1978. Where Were You?
0:09:42 > 0:09:44- Yay! - Well done!
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- Shall we blow your candles out? - OK!- Good lad!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49Good lad, there we go.
0:09:49 > 0:09:50Get yourself to the cake.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Why does there have to be something wrong with everyone?
0:09:53 > 0:09:55OK! I'm wrong, let's change the subject.
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Like my dad's bowel cancer.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Your dad had all the symptoms.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00Yes. Apart from bowel cancer.
0:10:00 > 0:10:02I do know a bit about child development.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04I did do a paediatric rotation.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Hardly likely to forget that, am I?
0:10:06 > 0:10:10OTHERS SING HAPPY BIRTHDAY
0:10:10 > 0:10:14CHEERING
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Mum was right about the balloons.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21The boys just hit each other with them, then lie on them till they burst.
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Must be a breast-envy thing.
0:10:23 > 0:10:24Most things are.
0:10:24 > 0:10:26You all set for the new job, Eddie?
0:10:26 > 0:10:27Hardly new, is it?
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Is that the enthusiasm you showed your London customers? No wonder you went bust.
0:10:31 > 0:10:35When did we stop ripping presents open as soon as they came in through the door?
0:10:35 > 0:10:36When one little boy told his old Auntie
0:10:36 > 0:10:39he had Buzz Lightyear already and was scared of him anyway.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42- I was ten years old, Dad. - How do you know I was talking about you?
0:10:42 > 0:10:44There's millions of Buzz Lightyears out there.
0:10:44 > 0:10:47Come on, kidder, let's get these presents ripped open.
0:10:47 > 0:10:49You were scared of Buzz Lightyear? Really?
0:10:49 > 0:10:52He was always so certain he was right.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55I have an aversion to certainty. I can't think why.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57If I had my way, I'd flush them headphones down the toilet.
0:10:57 > 0:10:58He just likes music.
0:11:00 > 0:11:01What?
0:11:04 > 0:11:06What was that look?
0:11:06 > 0:11:07Nothing.
0:11:07 > 0:11:09No, it was something. What was it?
0:11:09 > 0:11:11It's just...
0:11:11 > 0:11:15You don't think Joe might have some kind of communication disorder?
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- (Eddie.)- It's just something might be worth checking out?
0:11:18 > 0:11:20We had his hearing checked. It's perfect.
0:11:24 > 0:11:26That not good enough for you?
0:11:26 > 0:11:29No, it's just, I might be talking shit, right, but Joe's really gifted
0:11:29 > 0:11:34in some ways, but he seems unable to follow simple instructions.
0:11:35 > 0:11:36Joe? Our Joe?
0:11:37 > 0:11:38Are you kidding?
0:11:38 > 0:11:40He just wanted his own way on his birthday.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42You find me a five-year-old who isn't like that.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46Is this your opinion, Eddie? Or is it Nicola's? Is that what you were arguing about in the hall?
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Rebecca, give everyone a glass, my love. This is losing its fizz.
0:11:49 > 0:11:51You're telling me.
0:11:54 > 0:11:58A few words on this occasion of Joe's fifth birthday.
0:11:58 > 0:12:01I retired so, er, my son could come home and...
0:12:01 > 0:12:03I lost my dear Sandra 12 months ago but...
0:12:03 > 0:12:06Look, I'm sorry...no... So he lay down on the carpet?
0:12:06 > 0:12:10- Eh? Who didn't have a tantrum on their own birthday?- Exactly.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13Nicola. Why do you have to make yourself feel important by finding
0:12:13 > 0:12:14fault with everyone else?
0:12:14 > 0:12:18Toast. To us. Eh? To us! All back together.
0:12:18 > 0:12:21Fighting like only a loving family can.
0:12:23 > 0:12:24To us!
0:12:29 > 0:12:32- I think we should go and unpack. - Yeah. Good idea!
0:12:32 > 0:12:35I'm making a toast here. Nobody leaves until they bloody join in.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39To us!
0:12:39 > 0:12:41- OTHERS:- To us!
0:12:41 > 0:12:43# Space travels in my blood
0:12:43 > 0:12:46# There ain't nothing I can do about it... #
0:12:46 > 0:12:51MUSIC: Another Girl, Another Planet by Blink 182
0:12:53 > 0:12:57# I think I'm on another world with you
0:12:57 > 0:12:59# With you
0:12:59 > 0:13:02# I'm on another planet with you
0:13:05 > 0:13:08# Another girl
0:13:08 > 0:13:10# Is loving you now
0:13:10 > 0:13:13# Another planet...
0:13:16 > 0:13:18# Another planet. #
0:13:19 > 0:13:23What did you mean - "Communication disorder"?
0:13:23 > 0:13:25I really don't want to talk about it, Maurice.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27The last time you visited, you said I had bowel cancer,
0:13:27 > 0:13:29so you'll understand if I have questions.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31You had weight loss and blood in your stools.
0:13:31 > 0:13:34- I just said you should have it checked out.- That's as maybe.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37But thanks to your advice, a strange man stuck his finger up my arse.
0:13:37 > 0:13:39He didn't even buy you dinner first.
0:13:39 > 0:13:40I'm going for a walk.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42It's going to be dark soon.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I'm going for a walk in the dark.
0:13:47 > 0:13:48I thought SHE cheated on you.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50What's that got to do with anything?
0:13:50 > 0:13:53And you let her talk to you like that? When she's the one in the wrong?
0:13:53 > 0:13:55No wonder she cheated on you.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20Do you believe Nicola? She hasn't even got kids.
0:14:20 > 0:14:24Well, in fairness, it was your Eddie's fault that it came out at all.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26We don't owe her an explanation.
0:14:26 > 0:14:28She doesn't get to judge our son!
0:14:28 > 0:14:31In fact, she has no right to judge anyone!
0:14:31 > 0:14:35Right, so adultery makes her a bad doctor, does it?
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Christ, there'd be no good doctors at all if that were true.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54Does this look like my sexual desire face, to you?
0:14:54 > 0:14:57I don't know. Not normally looking at your face.
0:14:57 > 0:15:02Is it the balloons or Sea Lily that's got you all stirred up?
0:15:02 > 0:15:03- Sea Lily... - Yeah.
0:15:03 > 0:15:06She turned out brilliantly, didn't she?
0:15:06 > 0:15:09- And I've got an early booking for Joe's stag night.- Look.
0:15:09 > 0:15:1260 months old, he ticks 80% of the boxes.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14I ought to mark this up and post it through Nicola's door.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17You know - sex can be a very effective cure for anger.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Who says I want a cure?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21Come on.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Come on.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Got a hard-on down here you can hang your washing off.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Oh, good. Got a delicates wash on.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33It's not sex slang, by any chance, that, is it?
0:15:33 > 0:15:34Totally not, no.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51DOG BARKS IN THE DISTANCE
0:15:56 > 0:15:58COMPUTER GAMING NOISES
0:16:11 > 0:16:12Hey, hey, little man.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Hello.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19It's bedtime, isn't it? Come on, let me have that!
0:16:19 > 0:16:22Give me that. There you go.
0:16:22 > 0:16:24Right, come on, lie down.
0:16:24 > 0:16:26That's it. Right.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28There we go.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Sh, sh, sh. Right, lie down.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34# The time has come to say goodnight
0:16:34 > 0:16:38# To say, sleep tight till the morning light. #
0:16:38 > 0:16:40HE SIGHS
0:16:40 > 0:16:42No? Not tired?
0:16:45 > 0:16:47OK, come on.
0:16:49 > 0:16:50OK, sweetheart.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59Hi.
0:16:59 > 0:17:00Oh. Hi.
0:17:06 > 0:17:09Is he having trouble sleeping?
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Oh, it's too much excitement.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14Way too many Haribos.
0:17:14 > 0:17:16Car sends him to sleep, it always works.
0:17:16 > 0:17:19So - do you do this a lot? Drive him around to get him to sleep?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22No. No. Hardly ever.
0:17:22 > 0:17:25I didn't know you smoked.
0:17:25 > 0:17:26Hardly ever.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45HE OPENS WINDOW
0:17:45 > 0:17:47Can we have music?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49No, no music, Joe.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52Don't You Want Me.
0:17:54 > 0:17:55Close the window, Joe.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58Who was the band?
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Joe. Close the window.
0:18:03 > 0:18:05Human League. 1981.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Close the window.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10# You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar... #
0:18:10 > 0:18:12- Joe, close the window! - # ..When I met you
0:18:12 > 0:18:15# I picked you out, I shook you up and turned you around
0:18:15 > 0:18:17# Turned you into someone new
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- # Now five years later on... # - Close the window!
0:18:19 > 0:18:21# ..You've got the world at your feet
0:18:21 > 0:18:24# Success has been so easy for you... #
0:18:31 > 0:18:35That's enough! That's enough! That's enough!
0:18:35 > 0:18:37That's enough. That's enough. That's enough!
0:18:41 > 0:18:42Sorry.
0:18:51 > 0:18:56# You were working as a waitress in a cocktail bar
0:18:56 > 0:18:58# When I met you... #
0:19:04 > 0:19:05You tired, baby?
0:19:07 > 0:19:09I'm tired, too.
0:19:53 > 0:19:57..Friday after school. There's just crisps, ice cream and a game
0:19:57 > 0:20:00of football but if the weather holds, you know, there you go.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02I'll see you at the party. OK?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05SCHOOL BELL
0:20:05 > 0:20:07Good morning.
0:20:08 > 0:20:10Right, come on, everybody,
0:20:10 > 0:20:13I know these invitations are really exciting, but put them away.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Bye, lovely boy.
0:20:16 > 0:20:17Come on now, hurry up.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Good morning, Joe.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32THUNDER RUMBLES
0:20:32 > 0:20:34HORN BLARES
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Oi, oi. I bet you didn't move back for the weather, did you?
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Good job I didn't move back for the banter, if that's the best you've got.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47Eh, that's a bit harsh. Must be the nerves.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50- Joe got over his party yet? - Bit of advice on your first day.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52Do not let them Polish lads take advantage.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54I learnt that the hard way.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57Sorry about the row. Don't know why I blurted it out like that.
0:20:57 > 0:21:01I think Joe's great. And I know what it's like to be the odd one out in this family.
0:21:01 > 0:21:05Now, they are grafters, these lads, but they will give you the runaround
0:21:05 > 0:21:08if they think you're going to be a pushover.
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I did run my own business for two years, you know.
0:21:10 > 0:21:13No, I know, I know. Lighten up. I'm only saying ...
0:21:16 > 0:21:17Oi, oi.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Hello, Maurice, come in.
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Try not to look so guilty, we're not doing anything to be ashamed of.
0:21:30 > 0:21:32Speak for yourself.
0:21:54 > 0:21:56Right!
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Be gentle with him, eh, guys! Czesc!
0:22:11 > 0:22:16THEY SPEAK POLISH
0:22:32 > 0:22:34# ..A movie queen
0:22:34 > 0:22:42# To play the scene or bringing all the good things out of me
0:22:42 > 0:22:46# But for now, love, let's be real
0:22:46 > 0:22:52# I never thought I could feel this way and I've got to say that I... #
0:22:52 > 0:22:54Bloody hell.
0:22:56 > 0:22:57I'm shouting again...
0:22:57 > 0:22:59Yes, you lost the breathing.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01When you're letting out the final breath on the note,
0:23:01 > 0:23:04think what it's like to hold in a fart and then finally...
0:23:04 > 0:23:06# Relax and let it go. #
0:23:06 > 0:23:08I've never held a fart in in me life!
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Well, maybe you should start.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Otherwise, good, Maurice, not bad at all.
0:23:12 > 0:23:13Don't patronise me, Louise.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16I've not been practising, there's been stuff at home.
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Oh, sorry to hear that.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20Uh, uh, have you got a moment?
0:23:20 > 0:23:21I've a proposal to put to ya.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25- Not really, no. - It won't take long.
0:23:25 > 0:23:27Sit down, I'll make some tea.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41Before you ask. I do not want to take up the ukulele.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45This is what I'm thinking.
0:23:45 > 0:23:49That you're alone and I'm alone and neither of us are particularly short of commitments or company,
0:23:49 > 0:23:53you with your family and your business and me with the teaching, and the choir and Ralph, but...
0:23:53 > 0:23:54Louise, come on...
0:23:57 > 0:23:58Here's the "but".
0:24:00 > 0:24:01I'm just going to say it.
0:24:04 > 0:24:07I miss sex, do you?
0:24:07 > 0:24:08I'm sorry?
0:24:09 > 0:24:10I miss sex.
0:24:13 > 0:24:15I'm sorry to hear that, erm...
0:24:18 > 0:24:20Have you thought about the internet?
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Oh, it's nasty out there, Maurice!
0:24:22 > 0:24:26So I was thinking that you and I should perhaps...
0:24:26 > 0:24:28start a sexual relationship?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30It strikes me as a practical solution.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32We're neither of us teenagers,
0:24:32 > 0:24:35and we know our needs and we seem to like each oth...
0:24:35 > 0:24:38And I can see the thought horrifies you, so I'll say no more about it.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41- It's not that! - Perhaps you don't miss the sex?
0:24:41 > 0:24:42Not that, either!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46I don't find you...
0:24:48 > 0:24:50I don't think of you in that way.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54Oh!
0:24:56 > 0:25:00I'm kind of wishing this conversation had been about a ukulele.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Right, well, thank you for your honesty.
0:25:04 > 0:25:05I should, I should go.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Of course, and if you do practise, erm,
0:25:08 > 0:25:11remember to sing the low notes from down here.
0:25:12 > 0:25:13Right.
0:25:18 > 0:25:19DOOR CLOSES
0:25:27 > 0:25:30Oh, come on, Wi-Fi, you know you want to.
0:25:30 > 0:25:31KNOCKING
0:25:34 > 0:25:37What did you mean, "Can't follow simple instructions"?
0:25:37 > 0:25:41Maurice. Like I said. I really don't want to talk about it with you.
0:25:41 > 0:25:42Don't get all delicate with me, Nicola.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45If there's a problem with my grandson, then we need to get it fixed.
0:25:45 > 0:25:49- And you think there's a problem, don't you?- None of my business.
0:25:49 > 0:25:50I think there is, as well.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52And it's going to get bigger if we wait for them two airheads
0:25:52 > 0:25:53to do anything about it.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55So? Who do I talk to, where do I go?
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Nobody needs to know you told me.
0:25:59 > 0:26:01OK. I'll have a think.
0:26:07 > 0:26:09I'll-I'll need to make a couple of phone calls.
0:26:09 > 0:26:11That's OK. I can wait.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17Um, I get a better signal on this in the bedroom.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Oh, you need to get one of these! You know, old but effective.
0:26:20 > 0:26:22Like me.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- TV:- One of the aspects of physical play that's maybe least understood
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- is rough and tumble. - PHONE RINGS
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Hey, Dad. Did you pick him up all right, is everything OK?
0:26:33 > 0:26:34Everything's fine.
0:26:34 > 0:26:38I have to go to Manchester, so I thought I'd take him to the Science Museum.
0:26:40 > 0:26:42Joe? Your mother says hello.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47He waves hello back. I'll see you later.
0:26:47 > 0:26:49Bye!
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Bye.
0:26:51 > 0:26:54- TV:- Research shows that fear has evolved as a way of controlling aggression.
0:26:54 > 0:26:58It's associated with the development of emotional and social skills
0:26:58 > 0:27:00and understandings.
0:27:00 > 0:27:01Oh, hey, latte?
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Please.
0:27:04 > 0:27:07Is Joe going to wear a proper kit?
0:27:07 > 0:27:08For what?
0:27:08 > 0:27:10For Friday?
0:27:10 > 0:27:12Harry's football party?
0:27:12 > 0:27:16Oh, right, um, yeah, no. Joe's not really that into football.
0:27:16 > 0:27:18Much to his dad's despair.
0:27:18 > 0:27:19You're late.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22Or you could be early. Time's all relative.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24We're out of skimmed milk. It's a latte.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Excuse me.
0:27:32 > 0:27:34Hello, Joe. What are you doing here?
0:27:34 > 0:27:37I'm his, er, grandad. I've got an appointment.
0:27:37 > 0:27:38Er, cancellation.
0:27:38 > 0:27:42Today? No. There must have been some misunderstanding.
0:27:47 > 0:27:49That's better. How are you today, Joe?
0:27:49 > 0:27:52You know him already? How do you know him?
0:27:53 > 0:27:54I can't tell you that.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56It's just confidentiality.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58Yes. But you do know him ...
0:27:58 > 0:27:59Clearly.
0:28:13 > 0:28:16Don't take her money, Terry. She's family.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19I knew I knew you from somewhere. It's Nicola. The doctor, right?
0:28:19 > 0:28:21- So you came too in the end, then? - Why wouldn't I?
0:28:21 > 0:28:24Good for you! The past is the past, yeah?
0:28:25 > 0:28:27Thank you.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30Coffee, please, Terry!
0:28:30 > 0:28:34So the cycle route comes right by Cumbria Way
0:28:34 > 0:28:37and two other hikes cut down the hill.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41So everybody sits out on the deck, eating dinner, drinking our beer.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44And then in the evening, the day-trippers and the campers,
0:28:44 > 0:28:48- they come over and they make use... - Does everybody talk about everybody's business here?
0:28:50 > 0:28:52Well, er,
0:28:52 > 0:28:54pretty much.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57Two metres of rainfall a year can do that to a town.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01If you're hiking or cycling, the diner does the job, doesn't it?
0:29:01 > 0:29:03It's only 100 yards away and it's good.
0:29:03 > 0:29:04Why build a restaurant?
0:29:04 > 0:29:07Oh, it's a gastropub, it's not a restaurant.
0:29:07 > 0:29:08Even so...
0:29:10 > 0:29:13It's a beautiful setting but it's kind of sinister, too.
0:29:13 > 0:29:15Really?
0:29:15 > 0:29:18- I don't think so. - I like the contrast.
0:29:19 > 0:29:22- Good. - Not everyone will, but...
0:29:22 > 0:29:26HAMMERING AND WHIRRING IN BACKGROUND
0:29:53 > 0:29:54How was today?
0:29:55 > 0:29:57It was OK.
0:29:58 > 0:30:01I get the impression they all think Paul's a bit of a wanker, so...
0:30:01 > 0:30:03that made it easier.
0:30:03 > 0:30:06I did my CV and your dad came round.
0:30:06 > 0:30:09He wanted to talk about Joe.
0:30:09 > 0:30:12Oh, God. I told you we should stay out of that.
0:30:12 > 0:30:15That's what I said. It's for Paul and Alison to deal with.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21- Are you settling in?- No.
0:30:24 > 0:30:25Do you want to leave?
0:30:26 > 0:30:28Only every hour or so.
0:30:28 > 0:30:29Me too.
0:30:34 > 0:30:36We can make this work, you know.
0:30:36 > 0:30:38I know.
0:30:41 > 0:30:42I do love you.
0:30:44 > 0:30:45Do you?
0:30:46 > 0:30:48I wouldn't have come here if I didn't.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42GROANING FROM UPSTAIRS
0:31:51 > 0:31:53Dinner's ready in 20 minutes.
0:31:53 > 0:31:54GROANING CONTINUES, BED CREAKS
0:31:54 > 0:31:55What's that?
0:31:57 > 0:31:59Er, washing machine.
0:32:00 > 0:32:01No, not that.
0:32:01 > 0:32:04GROANING CONTINUES That. That sound.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07Oh, I don't know.
0:32:12 > 0:32:14GROANING INTENSIFIES
0:32:17 > 0:32:19GROANING CONTINUES
0:32:23 > 0:32:26- What are you doing?- Don't stop.
0:32:26 > 0:32:29What are you doing? With my hand?
0:32:29 > 0:32:30I...
0:32:30 > 0:32:32I've done it before. I just...
0:32:32 > 0:32:34Not with me you haven't.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37Oh!
0:32:37 > 0:32:39Why don't you just tell me every move he made?
0:32:39 > 0:32:42Everything you did to him and he did to you, eh?
0:32:42 > 0:32:44I just thought it'd be nice.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46So where did you learn it? With who?
0:32:48 > 0:32:53Oh, Christ. Are you thinking about it? You can't even remember!
0:32:53 > 0:32:54What else did you do?
0:32:55 > 0:32:57I'm not indulging this.
0:32:57 > 0:32:59Like you indulged him inside you, you mean?
0:32:59 > 0:33:01SHOUTING FROM UPSTAIRS
0:33:01 > 0:33:02You can't do that! You can't walk away!
0:33:02 > 0:33:05- It's you that's in the bloody wrong! - Oh is it, really?
0:33:05 > 0:33:06Jesus, I never would have guessed!
0:33:06 > 0:33:10There you two are. Where have you been?
0:33:10 > 0:33:13Rebecca, would you take Joe and play, please?
0:33:13 > 0:33:14I was just about to eat.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16Take him to play? He must be exhausted.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19All morning at big school and then a trip to Manchester.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21Joe, did Harry give you an invitation today?
0:33:21 > 0:33:23Is it in your folder?
0:33:23 > 0:33:25I just want a word with your mum, love.
0:33:27 > 0:33:28Come on, Joe.
0:33:28 > 0:33:29Come on.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31Let's go outside.
0:33:35 > 0:33:37Unbelievable.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40How was the Science Museum?
0:33:40 > 0:33:43We didn't make it. We were in Manchester and it just so turns out
0:33:43 > 0:33:46that the head honcho of St Greg's is a friend of a friend of Nicola's.
0:33:48 > 0:33:50So?
0:33:50 > 0:33:54So I dropped in on her with Joe. Tried to get a cancellation.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56Sorry, you did what?
0:33:56 > 0:33:58Dr Eshell. Seems like a lovely woman
0:33:58 > 0:34:01and, er, what do you know? She knows Joe already.
0:34:01 > 0:34:02You fucking did what?
0:34:02 > 0:34:04Why didn't you tell me, love?
0:34:04 > 0:34:06You and Paul don't have to go through this stuff on your own.
0:34:06 > 0:34:08That's what your dad's here for.
0:34:08 > 0:34:11You took my son to hospital without asking me?
0:34:11 > 0:34:13To see a doctor? To have tests done?
0:34:13 > 0:34:16I knew you were a control freak but this is like a whole other level.
0:34:16 > 0:34:20Is the follow-up with the same doctor or are they going to bring a specialist in?
0:34:20 > 0:34:21You kidnapped him?
0:34:22 > 0:34:23Get out.
0:34:23 > 0:34:25Get out!
0:34:32 > 0:34:33What's going on?
0:34:41 > 0:34:44Can you ease off trying to drag Nicola into family arguments?
0:34:44 > 0:34:46Sure. If that's what I was doing.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49We're trying to make a go of it up here and it's not easy.
0:34:49 > 0:34:51Perfect family next door. Dad up the road.
0:34:51 > 0:34:54Paul dropping in every five minutes to tell me how to run the brewery.
0:34:54 > 0:34:55- Do you want my advice?- No.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58I advise you very strongly to get your head out of your arse.
0:34:58 > 0:35:01There are bigger problems in this world than yours, you know.
0:35:01 > 0:35:02That's all I'm saying.
0:35:02 > 0:35:04"That's all I'm saying.
0:35:04 > 0:35:05"With all due respect.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07"If you don't mind me saying so."
0:35:07 > 0:35:09Little sweeteners which you think give you permission
0:35:09 > 0:35:12- to say what the hell you like. - Stay away from my son!
0:35:21 > 0:35:24MUSIC: Where Were You? by The Mekons
0:36:05 > 0:36:08# When I was waiting in the bar Where were you?
0:36:08 > 0:36:11# When I was buying you a drink Where were you?
0:36:11 > 0:36:14# When I was crying at home in bed Where were you? #
0:36:24 > 0:36:27You know Harry's having a party this afternoon.
0:36:27 > 0:36:31- What time? We're going to be pushed to make it back.- Joe wasn't invited.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33What? No.
0:36:33 > 0:36:36- What? No, you're wrong. - No, seriously.
0:36:36 > 0:36:38Every kid in his class got an invitation except for him.
0:36:40 > 0:36:43- Harry? Harry with the inhaler?- Yeah.
0:36:47 > 0:36:49Well, who wants to go to his party anyway?
0:36:49 > 0:36:51We've invited every kid since nursery.
0:36:52 > 0:36:54How many invitations has he had in return?
0:36:57 > 0:37:00He's being patronised by the kid with the inhaler?
0:37:06 > 0:37:08This is Dr Waite, who I told you about.
0:37:08 > 0:37:10Yes, of course. Hello.
0:37:10 > 0:37:12- Nice to meet you.- Hi.- Hiya.
0:37:12 > 0:37:14- I'll leave you to it.- Thank you.
0:37:14 > 0:37:15Please.
0:37:17 > 0:37:21- Did you bring the questionnaire? - Er, yes, and medical records.
0:37:25 > 0:37:28And nursery reports? School reports?
0:37:28 > 0:37:29Oh, they're not very useful.
0:37:29 > 0:37:32- Maybe you can bring them next time. - Yeah, course.
0:37:32 > 0:37:34If there is a next time.
0:37:34 > 0:37:39OK, erm, well, why don't we start by you telling me about Joe?
0:37:39 > 0:37:42Well, we did that last time with Dr Eshell.
0:37:42 > 0:37:45It's good for me to hear it first-hand.
0:37:45 > 0:37:47Well, like...like what?
0:37:47 > 0:37:48Whatever you like.
0:37:53 > 0:37:58Well, he's...he's charming and he's funny and he's...
0:37:58 > 0:38:01Oh, he's a musical genius - he knows full songs by heart.
0:38:01 > 0:38:03Erm,
0:38:03 > 0:38:05he's smarter than kids his age, so he doesn't...
0:38:05 > 0:38:07they don't really interest him very much.
0:38:07 > 0:38:08Erm,
0:38:08 > 0:38:10he's got that thing about going last through a door
0:38:10 > 0:38:13but then, my friend's boy only eats Cheerios
0:38:13 > 0:38:16so that's not really a big deal or anything.
0:38:18 > 0:38:20And are those the difficulties that brought you here?
0:38:20 > 0:38:25Well, Dr Eshell said that we should come back so we came back.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27Well, if you hadn't thought there was still a problem,
0:38:27 > 0:38:31you wouldn't have brought him back, would you? So?
0:38:31 > 0:38:34Well, we took him to see a speech therapist when he was two and a half,
0:38:34 > 0:38:38erm, because he just... he didn't really speak.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41And, erm, she said that it would right itself and it did
0:38:41 > 0:38:44and since then, he never shuts up, does he? So, that's it, really.
0:38:47 > 0:38:48Is there anything else?
0:38:53 > 0:38:56Yeah, he doesn't talk to other kids very much.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59I think he just... I think he just prefers adults.
0:38:59 > 0:39:02He's, you know, erm...
0:39:04 > 0:39:06But he has just started school - reception.
0:39:06 > 0:39:10Erm, it's just part-time but if he's going to mix with new kids
0:39:10 > 0:39:11and, you know...
0:39:12 > 0:39:13OK.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15Well...
0:39:16 > 0:39:17Joe?
0:39:18 > 0:39:20Do you want to have a little play?
0:39:23 > 0:39:25Joe?
0:39:25 > 0:39:26Listen,
0:39:26 > 0:39:29I want you to play with Dr Waite for five minutes
0:39:29 > 0:39:32and then you can have your music back. OK?
0:39:32 > 0:39:34Come on, good lad. There we go.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36Do you want to help me with this, Joe?
0:39:42 > 0:39:46He doesn't really like jigsaws. He just finds them too easy.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49Joe, look.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54Hey, look who this is. Here, look.
0:39:54 > 0:39:55It's Tigger, isn't it?
0:39:55 > 0:39:57Hey, shall we show Dr Waite where Tigger goes?
0:39:57 > 0:40:00Just above Winnie the Pooh. Just there.
0:40:00 > 0:40:01Hey?
0:40:02 > 0:40:04The wonderful thing about Tiggers...
0:40:04 > 0:40:06Are Tiggers are wonderful things.
0:40:06 > 0:40:07Their tops are made out of rubber,
0:40:07 > 0:40:09their bottoms are made of springs.
0:40:09 > 0:40:11They're bouncy, trouncy, flouncy...
0:40:11 > 0:40:12- BOTH:- Fun, fun, fun, fun, fun!
0:40:12 > 0:40:16But the wonderful thing about Tiggers is I'm the only one.
0:40:16 > 0:40:18# I'm the only one. #
0:40:18 > 0:40:19Where does it go?
0:40:20 > 0:40:23Hey, does it go there? Like that? Hey?
0:40:23 > 0:40:27If Dad keeps helping you, Dad might have to wait outside.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34He really doesn't like jigsaws.
0:40:34 > 0:40:36Oh, it's OK.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38Children often react like that in the room.
0:40:44 > 0:40:45Now then, Joe...
0:40:49 > 0:40:51Can you take a look at this picture for me?
0:40:52 > 0:40:55Can you tell me, what do you see?
0:40:57 > 0:40:59Hmm, let me see.
0:40:59 > 0:41:02That's right. What do you see?
0:41:05 > 0:41:07Hmm...
0:41:09 > 0:41:13- A door.- That's right.
0:41:13 > 0:41:15A door to the cottage.
0:41:17 > 0:41:18Anything else?
0:41:20 > 0:41:21Hmm...
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Another door.
0:41:40 > 0:41:43That's right - another door.
0:41:43 > 0:41:45To the lighthouse this time.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49Now, can you see anything else,
0:41:49 > 0:41:51Joe, on the picture?
0:41:52 > 0:41:54Maybe not a door this time?
0:41:56 > 0:41:59- IN AMERICAN ACCENT:- You're a sad, strange little man.
0:42:02 > 0:42:03Toy Story.
0:42:03 > 0:42:04I know.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Joe...
0:42:09 > 0:42:12Joe, you love the seaside, don't you? Hey, look.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15Do you remember St Ives?
0:42:17 > 0:42:18With the seagull?
0:42:21 > 0:42:23A seagull ate Mum's pasty.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26That's right, he did. He really did.
0:42:46 > 0:42:48The lazy little bugger.
0:42:48 > 0:42:50I've never seen him so co-operative.
0:42:50 > 0:42:51Wait till I get him home!
0:42:59 > 0:43:01She loved him.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03Yeah, course she did. Why wouldn't she?
0:43:05 > 0:43:06I tell you what...
0:43:08 > 0:43:11..let's go away this weekend, just me and you.
0:43:11 > 0:43:12Book a nice hotel.
0:43:12 > 0:43:15That'd be romantic.
0:43:15 > 0:43:18We could have our fill from the award-winning carvery and then...
0:43:20 > 0:43:22..I could take you from behind over the Corby Trouser Press.
0:43:22 > 0:43:25Little bit less romantic that time.
0:43:25 > 0:43:27- It's such a fine balance.- Yes, tiny.
0:43:27 > 0:43:29Alison, Paul, come through.
0:43:34 > 0:43:35PHONE BEEPS
0:43:42 > 0:43:46You're not going to give us jigsaws, are you?
0:43:46 > 0:43:48- He's a lovely boy.- Yeah.
0:43:48 > 0:43:49He's polite,
0:43:49 > 0:43:54he's affectionate, he makes eye contact and he loves his music.
0:43:54 > 0:43:55Thank you for being so patient with him...
0:43:55 > 0:43:58- PHONE BEEPS AGAIN - ..and with me.
0:43:58 > 0:43:59Especially me.
0:43:59 > 0:44:02I know sometimes I can be bit of a prick, you know...
0:44:02 > 0:44:05Look, I'm going to write my own report
0:44:05 > 0:44:07but I can talk you through the test results now.
0:44:07 > 0:44:11I don't believe in keeping people waiting.
0:44:11 > 0:44:14You were right to bring him to Dr Eshell
0:44:14 > 0:44:16and she was right to refer him to me.
0:44:16 > 0:44:18He does have significant problems.
0:44:21 > 0:44:22What kind of problems?
0:44:22 > 0:44:24Communication.
0:44:24 > 0:44:26Auditory processing.
0:44:26 > 0:44:29Emotional responses.
0:44:29 > 0:44:30Self-soothing behaviours.
0:44:31 > 0:44:34If you look at the tests,
0:44:34 > 0:44:36in many areas, he is way above average.
0:44:36 > 0:44:38Sorry, I know you're the expert...
0:44:39 > 0:44:42..but is that really so different from any other kid?
0:44:42 > 0:44:44No, because he's five years old.
0:44:44 > 0:44:45But he will be.
0:44:47 > 0:44:51Did Dr Eshell mention the autism spectrum at all?
0:44:51 > 0:44:53No, why would she?
0:44:53 > 0:44:55I don't know very much about autism
0:44:55 > 0:44:58but from what I do know, there's no way he's got...
0:44:58 > 0:45:01He has problems processing emotions.
0:45:01 > 0:45:03He has problems with his auditory processing.
0:45:03 > 0:45:06Yeah, you keep saying that. I don't know what it means.
0:45:06 > 0:45:07I'm sorry.
0:45:07 > 0:45:09It means there's nothing wrong with his hearing
0:45:09 > 0:45:12but he has trouble making sense of what he hears
0:45:12 > 0:45:14and prioritising them.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16Like I'm prioritising this conversation
0:45:16 > 0:45:18over the sound of my e-mail alerts.
0:45:18 > 0:45:20That's not him. That...
0:45:20 > 0:45:22Sorry, but he talks, he sings.
0:45:22 > 0:45:24He has a wide vocabulary
0:45:24 > 0:45:27and he uses that to keep everyone at a social distance.
0:45:28 > 0:45:33His singing is another way to keep everyone out.
0:45:33 > 0:45:36To protect him from what he finds difficult.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40Communication,
0:45:40 > 0:45:41emotions.
0:45:42 > 0:45:44Well, that just sounds like every man I know.
0:45:44 > 0:45:45Right.
0:45:45 > 0:45:48But Joe has these problems to the extent
0:45:48 > 0:45:52that it limits his capacity to learn and change.
0:45:52 > 0:45:54So, are you saying he's autistic?
0:45:54 > 0:45:57I do believe he's on the autism spectrum, yes.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02But he's not autistic?
0:46:02 > 0:46:04That's not how I describe anyone with autism.
0:46:04 > 0:46:07So, you think he has autism?
0:46:08 > 0:46:10Yes.
0:46:10 > 0:46:13But the first thing you have to understand is that autism
0:46:13 > 0:46:15isn't a single condition
0:46:15 > 0:46:17and it's not a disease.
0:46:17 > 0:46:21It's a set of behaviours that cause difficulty in social communication.
0:46:21 > 0:46:25OK, well, here you are, saying that autism's hard to pin down
0:46:25 > 0:46:28so how can you even say that it's autism for sure?
0:46:29 > 0:46:33I'm afraid it isn't going to go away if we call it something different.
0:46:50 > 0:46:53Doesn't make sense, look.
0:46:53 > 0:46:55He scored high for expressive language.
0:46:55 > 0:46:56Third percentile.
0:46:58 > 0:47:01Third percentile means third bottom.
0:47:01 > 0:47:02Not third top.
0:47:04 > 0:47:08It means that 97% of children his age are better at this than him.
0:47:12 > 0:47:14Well, that's Eton down the drain.
0:47:14 > 0:47:17That day on the beach, he was two.
0:47:17 > 0:47:20Do you remember, he was turning circles in the sunshine?
0:47:22 > 0:47:24You looked at him and you said...
0:47:24 > 0:47:26You said to me you thought there might be something wrong.
0:47:26 > 0:47:29And then we got his hearing checked and we spoke to the nursery.
0:47:29 > 0:47:31Yeah, but deep down, what did you think?
0:47:31 > 0:47:33What were you afraid it might be?
0:47:34 > 0:47:35Was it this?
0:47:39 > 0:47:40It might've been, yeah.
0:47:42 > 0:47:44Why the hell didn't you say so?
0:47:44 > 0:47:46Because he was a little boy
0:47:46 > 0:47:48and I didn't want to pin a badge that big on him.
0:48:02 > 0:48:04Let's go. Come on.
0:48:26 > 0:48:28Oh, perfect.
0:48:29 > 0:48:31You've got hill-soft in London.
0:48:31 > 0:48:32That's your problem.
0:48:32 > 0:48:34Aye, well, that's London for you.
0:48:34 > 0:48:35The gift that keeps on giving.
0:48:35 > 0:48:37You need to put it behind you.
0:48:37 > 0:48:39Both of you.
0:48:39 > 0:48:40She's a doctor, she worked late hours,
0:48:40 > 0:48:43she's got involved with a colleague. It happens.
0:48:43 > 0:48:44Do you know what, Dad?
0:48:44 > 0:48:46You might be surprised to learn that owning a box set
0:48:46 > 0:48:50of Grey's Anatomy does not qualify you as a relationship counsellor.
0:48:52 > 0:48:54Have you heard from Paul or Alison?
0:48:54 > 0:48:56Joe had his follow-up at the hospital today.
0:48:56 > 0:48:58I think you might want to stay out of their business.
0:48:58 > 0:49:00Don't be ridiculous, he's my grandson.
0:49:00 > 0:49:01It's my business, too.
0:49:03 > 0:49:06It must be great being so certain about everything.
0:49:06 > 0:49:07Are you saying the boy's normal?
0:49:07 > 0:49:09Are you saying there's nothing wrong with him?
0:49:11 > 0:49:12Come on!
0:49:17 > 0:49:19HE PANTS
0:49:28 > 0:49:31Hi, could you tell Dr Graves I'm here? He's expecting me.
0:49:31 > 0:49:32Dr Daniels.
0:49:32 > 0:49:35Eddie's wife. Right. You actually came, then.
0:49:35 > 0:49:37Good for you.
0:49:46 > 0:49:48How is Eddie?
0:49:49 > 0:49:50He's fine, thank you.
0:49:52 > 0:49:55I'm confused - the job is for a practice nurse.
0:49:55 > 0:49:59I was a nurse specialist before I did my medical degree, so...
0:49:59 > 0:50:01I thought...
0:50:01 > 0:50:03You'd downsize?
0:50:03 > 0:50:05You need to be going for a GP trainee post, don't you?
0:50:05 > 0:50:08But this is just for maternity cover, right?
0:50:08 > 0:50:09I need a job.
0:50:12 > 0:50:14I don't think it's going to work.
0:50:16 > 0:50:17What, because I'm overqualified?
0:50:17 > 0:50:20Because you're not the right kind of nurse for us.
0:50:20 > 0:50:23It's just a personality thing. I'm sorry.
0:50:25 > 0:50:27What sort of personality thing?
0:50:27 > 0:50:28You're kind of proving my point.
0:50:31 > 0:50:34- MUSIC ON RADIO: What Do I Get? by Buzzcocks - Hey, Joe?
0:50:34 > 0:50:38- RADIO PRESENTER:- '40 years of the Buzzcocks and this never gets old.'
0:50:38 > 0:50:41# I just want a lover like any other
0:50:41 > 0:50:42# What do I get? #
0:50:43 > 0:50:45SHE TURNS THE RADIO OFF
0:50:45 > 0:50:47That's the first thing that's got to change -
0:50:47 > 0:50:49him listening to your music all the time.
0:50:49 > 0:50:51Right, yeah, of course.
0:50:51 > 0:50:54It's all Buzzcocks' fault, isn't it?
0:50:54 > 0:50:56Yep, my dad used to think that too.
0:50:56 > 0:50:58He isn't you.
0:50:58 > 0:51:00- I get that.- Yeah, so maybe if he didn't listen to your music
0:51:00 > 0:51:02all the time, he wouldn't be like he is.
0:51:05 > 0:51:06"Like he is"?
0:51:08 > 0:51:10It's one lousy football party.
0:51:10 > 0:51:14It's not just one. He never gets invited. We invite every kid.
0:51:14 > 0:51:17We throw everything in there - party bags, entertainers,
0:51:17 > 0:51:19three-tier birthday cakes, karaoke, games, prizes -
0:51:19 > 0:51:22and he doesn't even get invited back by the kid with the inhaler!
0:51:22 > 0:51:23You said it.
0:51:23 > 0:51:25I was joking.
0:51:25 > 0:51:27He's five years old and it's happening already.
0:51:27 > 0:51:29And do you know what, since he started school,
0:51:29 > 0:51:32the other mums don't even try and hide it.
0:51:32 > 0:51:34Well, it's their loss, isn't it?
0:51:34 > 0:51:37That may be so, Paul, but it's his loss, too.
0:51:44 > 0:51:46Where are you going?
0:51:46 > 0:51:47To get a picnic of our own.
0:52:01 > 0:52:02You never said it were here.
0:52:02 > 0:52:05I didn't know. I assumed they were down at the sports centre.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09- Come on. - CHILDREN SHOUT
0:52:09 > 0:52:11Hey, hey, where you going?
0:52:11 > 0:52:12I thought we were having a picnic.
0:52:12 > 0:52:14I don't want a picnic.
0:52:14 > 0:52:15Course you do.
0:52:15 > 0:52:19It's all your favourite foods, but with rain, wasps and dog poo.
0:52:19 > 0:52:21What could be nicer? Come on.
0:52:25 > 0:52:27Right, come on, then.
0:52:35 > 0:52:39Shall we go for an ice cream after this, eh?
0:52:39 > 0:52:40Can't we just go home?
0:52:43 > 0:52:46Look, we can do football, can't we?
0:52:46 > 0:52:49Come on, Joe, let's do football. Come on.
0:52:49 > 0:52:50That's it!
0:52:51 > 0:52:53There we go. Now you stand here.
0:52:53 > 0:52:54You ready?
0:52:56 > 0:52:57Kick it.
0:52:57 > 0:53:00No, no, no, no. Don't pick it up.
0:53:00 > 0:53:02Kick it, OK? Just kick it.
0:53:02 > 0:53:04There we go. That's it, go on.
0:53:07 > 0:53:12# Angels watching over me with smiles upon their face
0:53:12 > 0:53:18# Cos I have made it through this far in an unforgiving place. #
0:53:18 > 0:53:20Hey! Now put it on the floor and you kick it.
0:53:20 > 0:53:23Just like what the boys are doing over there.
0:53:23 > 0:53:26OK? That's it, go on, off you go.
0:53:26 > 0:53:28That's it! Good lad and again.
0:53:28 > 0:53:30Go on, go on and again.
0:53:31 > 0:53:34No, you put the ball on the floor.
0:53:34 > 0:53:37Just leave it, Paul. Leave him.
0:53:37 > 0:53:40Hey, hey, hey, Joe, come here.
0:53:40 > 0:53:41Joe!
0:53:44 > 0:53:46Well, you go, I'm not going.
0:53:49 > 0:53:51Joe!
0:53:51 > 0:53:52Come here.
0:53:54 > 0:53:56Joe, come here. Joe.
0:53:56 > 0:53:58Hi, Paul. Does Joe want to join in?
0:53:58 > 0:54:00He's welcome.
0:54:00 > 0:54:02Er, do you want to play, Joe?
0:54:02 > 0:54:05Do you want to... Do you want to play?
0:54:05 > 0:54:08Yeah? Do you want to play? Yeah, OK, then.
0:54:08 > 0:54:11Oh, here it comes. There you go, go on! Far post, Joe!
0:54:11 > 0:54:13Go on! Far post!
0:54:13 > 0:54:15Oh, hey, that's it.
0:54:15 > 0:54:17Oh, God, you never lose it, do you?
0:54:17 > 0:54:19That's it, Joe, go on!
0:54:19 > 0:54:22Hey, Joe?
0:54:22 > 0:54:23Joe.
0:54:24 > 0:54:25Joe!
0:54:25 > 0:54:28Hey, hey, Joe, come here.
0:54:28 > 0:54:29Joe! Get...
0:54:31 > 0:54:33- Joe!- Can we have the ball back, Joe's Dad?- Joe, just...
0:54:33 > 0:54:35What?
0:54:35 > 0:54:37Here, take it.
0:54:37 > 0:54:41Joe, look, I'm not going to make you play football, OK?
0:54:41 > 0:54:42Just...
0:54:45 > 0:54:46Look, Joe...
0:54:46 > 0:54:48Now, come on, Joe.
0:54:48 > 0:54:49Joe, come down, please.
0:55:23 > 0:55:26Least you've got Rebecca, hey?
0:55:26 > 0:55:29- That's something.- Meaning what?
0:55:29 > 0:55:31Meaning she's grown-up so you don't have to worry about her.
0:55:31 > 0:55:34Are you going to jump down my throat every time I talk to you?
0:55:34 > 0:55:37Dad, can you just try and be a bit more tactful?
0:55:37 > 0:55:39- That's all.- Of course.
0:55:41 > 0:55:43So...
0:55:43 > 0:55:46- is there a cure? - A cure? It's not a disease.
0:55:46 > 0:55:48All right. I didn't mean cure. I'm not up with the jargon.
0:55:48 > 0:55:52- I'm still getting used to not saying spastic and mongol.- Oh, my God.
0:55:52 > 0:55:54And coloured's still hanging in there, hey, Dad?
0:55:54 > 0:55:56We don't even know if it's the right diagnosis.
0:55:56 > 0:55:58Exactly. You might want to take a second opinion.
0:55:58 > 0:56:01You know, he talks, he laughs, he looks you in the eye,
0:56:01 > 0:56:04he smiles, how's he autistic? I don't understand.
0:56:04 > 0:56:05Right, no-one uses that word,
0:56:05 > 0:56:07not in this house and not outside this house.
0:56:07 > 0:56:08What if we want to explain?
0:56:08 > 0:56:10If we label him now, it's over.
0:56:10 > 0:56:13I am not having the rest of the town judging him at five years old and that's it.
0:56:13 > 0:56:16That's right, because the rest of the town hasn't realised
0:56:16 > 0:56:18that there might be something different.
0:56:18 > 0:56:20That's why he gets so many party invitations.
0:56:20 > 0:56:24I don't know anything about this but don't we need to be honest?
0:56:24 > 0:56:26Isn't that the starting point?
0:56:26 > 0:56:28You're right, you don't know anything about it.
0:56:31 > 0:56:32Eddie, ketchup.
0:56:36 > 0:56:39So, do I get a job in your gastro-pub?
0:56:39 > 0:56:40Short order cook?
0:56:40 > 0:56:44"At least you have Rebecca." What was that supposed to mean?
0:56:44 > 0:56:45I've explained.
0:56:45 > 0:56:47She's my daughter, I love her,
0:56:47 > 0:56:49but I didn't bring her into this world,
0:56:49 > 0:56:51biologically, and Joe is all mine.
0:56:51 > 0:56:55- So?- So you blame me, don't you, for your less-than-perfect grandson?
0:56:55 > 0:56:57For what? Blame you for what?
0:56:57 > 0:56:59Hey, can we eat? He's delirious.
0:56:59 > 0:57:03I need a name. I need someone who can give us a second opinion. Heavyweight.
0:57:03 > 0:57:06Erm, really? I'm not sure who I can ask.
0:57:06 > 0:57:08What about the person that recommended Dr Eshell
0:57:08 > 0:57:10- in the first place? Dad said you called someone.- I'm sorry,
0:57:10 > 0:57:13- I can't do that.- Can't do it? Why not? Who is it? Wizard of Oz?
0:57:13 > 0:57:15- Maurice, I know what you're thinking.- Take it on the road
0:57:15 > 0:57:18with your mind-reading act. I've no idea what you're talking about.
0:57:18 > 0:57:21What's the problem? If your contact is recommending people,
0:57:21 > 0:57:24- then obviously they know what they're talking about.- I can't...
0:57:24 > 0:57:26- do it because it's Michael. - Michael?
0:57:26 > 0:57:29The Michael who I had an affair with.
0:57:30 > 0:57:33He's a paediatrician and he specialises in that area.
0:57:35 > 0:57:37Right.
0:57:37 > 0:57:38Well...
0:57:40 > 0:57:42Er...
0:57:42 > 0:57:43No, sorry, what's the problem?
0:57:43 > 0:57:45I can't keep in touch with him. It'd kill Eddie.
0:57:45 > 0:57:47It's Joe's future, here.
0:57:47 > 0:57:49No, I'm sorry, I can't do it.
0:57:49 > 0:57:52Wouldn't be fair on Eddie. What wouldn't be fair on Eddie?
0:57:57 > 0:57:59What wouldn't be fair?
0:57:59 > 0:58:03# World, shut your mouth Shut your mouth
0:58:03 > 0:58:06# Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth
0:58:06 > 0:58:10# World, shut your mouth Shut your mouth
0:58:10 > 0:58:15# Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth. #
0:58:15 > 0:58:18Home schooling? I'm not meaning to be offensive but if Joe's
0:58:18 > 0:58:21damaged stock already, won't that make him even more of an oddball?
0:58:21 > 0:58:22That's you not meaning to be offensive?
0:58:22 > 0:58:25What kind of role models are in this school? He'll come out
0:58:25 > 0:58:26more autistic than when he went in.
0:58:26 > 0:58:28I thought we weren't using that word.
0:58:28 > 0:58:31It is ridiculous that you're avoiding me like some teenage boy
0:58:31 > 0:58:32who's been dumped at a disco.
0:58:32 > 0:58:34- I will move on.- Oh, there's a list?
0:58:34 > 0:58:36- You're very direct. - And you're very fierce.
0:58:36 > 0:58:38It doesn't matter to you if it's the right decision,
0:58:38 > 0:58:40as long as it's your decision.
0:58:40 > 0:58:41He's Joe,
0:58:41 > 0:58:44he's always been Joe. Why wouldn't we want him to be Joe?
0:58:44 > 0:58:48# World, shut your mouth Shut your mouth
0:58:48 > 0:58:52# Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth
0:58:52 > 0:58:56# World, shut your mouth Shut your mouth
0:58:56 > 0:59:00# Put your head back in the clouds and shut your mouth. #