0:00:02 > 0:00:04This programme contains some strong language.
0:00:04 > 0:00:05What if I want to take care of my own son?
0:00:05 > 0:00:09I know what it's like growing up round here. Having sex seems like a good way to pass the time.
0:00:09 > 0:00:12- That were quite a battering you gave us.- I did it so you can help Joe.
0:00:12 > 0:00:13Oh, here he comes...
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Is this about Joe?
0:00:15 > 0:00:17No, Mum. It's not about Joe. It's about you.
0:00:17 > 0:00:20Joe needs a champion. That's not the same as a bully.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23- Oh, so I'm a bully? - Yeah, you are!
0:00:23 > 0:00:26- I'm a trained therapist, not Jesus. - Please, I'll do anything to help my child.
0:00:38 > 0:00:43- SINGING TO RECORDING:- # I wrote this song two hours before we met
0:00:45 > 0:00:52# I didn't know your name or what you looked like yet
0:00:52 > 0:01:00# Oh, I could've stayed at home and gone to bed
0:01:02 > 0:01:08# I could've gone to see a film instead... #
0:01:08 > 0:01:10CAR HORN BLARES
0:01:10 > 0:01:16# You might have changed your mind and seen your friends... #
0:01:16 > 0:01:19What are you doing?
0:01:19 > 0:01:22What are you doing out on your own? Eh?
0:01:22 > 0:01:24Where's your mum and dad?
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Oh, come on, lad.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Hey, you! Stop touching that child!
0:01:33 > 0:01:37He shouldn't be out on his own. You do know that?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39Neither should you!
0:01:39 > 0:01:43CAR HORN BEEPS All right! All right!
0:01:48 > 0:01:51# Something changed. #
0:02:03 > 0:02:05You don't have to force yourself to stay the night
0:02:05 > 0:02:07every time we have sex, you know.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- I'm not.- I really don't want to wake up to the sight
0:02:10 > 0:02:11of your polite smile.
0:02:11 > 0:02:14- It makes me feel like I'm being visited in hospital.- Oh, right.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17Oh, I've hurt your feelings. I thought you'd be relieved.
0:02:18 > 0:02:22If you do go now, can you be quiet, cos I don't want Ralph knowing
0:02:22 > 0:02:24that you stayed?
0:02:24 > 0:02:25Of course.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27I think he'd find it hard to understand what's going on here.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29He's not alone.
0:02:30 > 0:02:34Daresay it'll be the same for your Joe. When he's older.
0:02:34 > 0:02:35You'll see.
0:02:35 > 0:02:37Hm.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05CHATTER
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Hey, hey.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20Hair?
0:03:20 > 0:03:21Done.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23Tongue?
0:03:23 > 0:03:24Good.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Ears?
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Good.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31Oh. I think I have found something.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39Have a good day, Joe.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58What we want for Joe - it was called a statement when I was at school -
0:03:58 > 0:04:02and now it's an EHC plan, isn't it?
0:04:02 > 0:04:05You know, to get him extra help in the classroom.
0:04:05 > 0:04:09Yeah, but not like in-your-face help that all the other kids notice.
0:04:09 > 0:04:12We have lots of children who need extra help, so they really are used to it.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Yes, you'd be amazed how little the other children worry about such things.
0:04:16 > 0:04:19- I'll be able to see that for myself in about ten minutes, so...- Oh?
0:04:19 > 0:04:22Yeah, I'm on the parents' reading rota. Two times a week.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24If I'm going to commit to this school,
0:04:24 > 0:04:26then believe me, I'm gonna commit.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29I know it's a pain, but the local authority insists that there are
0:04:29 > 0:04:34stages the school has to go through first before issuing an EHC plan.
0:04:34 > 0:04:37Yeah, but the reports you have in front of you, they're all you need.
0:04:37 > 0:04:40We've got a customised speech therapy plan. It's all in there.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43- These are the top people that we've consulted.- I think... I think what Alison is trying to say
0:04:43 > 0:04:47- is that they're very thorough reports.- Yeah, they're...
0:04:47 > 0:04:51- There's paediatrician. There's, erm, clinical, erm...- Psychologist. Clinical psychologist.
0:04:51 > 0:04:56- ..psychologist and speech therapist. - Speech and language therapist.- Just don't ask me to spell any of them.
0:04:56 > 0:04:59You have the diagnosis, but until we can show that we have tried
0:04:59 > 0:05:02to meet Joe's needs within the existing school budget,
0:05:02 > 0:05:05the council won't offer any extra.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08No. I-I-I just don't want Joe to fail
0:05:08 > 0:05:10before he gets the help that he needs
0:05:10 > 0:05:13and I'm telling you, he will fail.
0:05:13 > 0:05:17It happened to me, it's not nice. It's not nice, at all.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20We have to play the game and we need your support.
0:05:20 > 0:05:24Yeah. You know, it's a funny thing, I swore I would never be one of those parents
0:05:24 > 0:05:27that's a pain in the arse, but Joe's been at school half a term
0:05:27 > 0:05:29and I have decided to be that parent.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Who've you got lined up barista-wise up there? Will they need training?
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Believe me, you get the wrong side of a 10-litre espresso machine
0:05:37 > 0:05:40and that bambino won't ever forgive you.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Oh, shit!
0:05:48 > 0:05:50Sal, what's going on?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Eh? Cookers shouldn't be here for another two weeks!
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- They're unloading it outside now! - We can store it.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59Where? We haven't even got a proper floor! Oi!
0:05:59 > 0:06:02We're better off having it here to fit, rather than having the gas lads here
0:06:02 > 0:06:03and nothing for them to install.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06- We've barely even finished second electrics.- So, what do you want me to do?
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Stand here while you shout at me, or get on with bringing the flooring forward
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- and booking an electrician for tomorrow.- I tell you what I'm gonna do, I'm...
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I'm going to manage it myself.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- Don't be a dick, Paul.- Look, it's chaos and I can do chaos all by myself.
0:06:19 > 0:06:21I don't need to pay somebody to do that for me.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23I thought I said, "Don't be a dick."
0:06:25 > 0:06:28The paperwork's on the bar over there.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Call me in an hour when you find you can't cope.
0:06:36 > 0:06:41"Tess got a pot.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45"Cook, pot, cook!
0:06:45 > 0:06:46"The pot was b..."
0:06:46 > 0:06:50Joe, it's not computer time now.
0:06:50 > 0:06:55- Shall we do some reading? Joe? - "The pot was b...boil...
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- "boil..."- "Boiling." That says, "boiling."
0:06:58 > 0:07:01Look, see? Can you see? "Boil...
0:07:01 > 0:07:04"ing." "Boiling." See?
0:07:07 > 0:07:10"Look at all the food, Mum!
0:07:10 > 0:07:13"Look at all the food, Nan!
0:07:13 > 0:07:17"Yum. Stop, pot, stop!"
0:07:20 > 0:07:24Come on then, let's go. In you go, go and sit down in your spot then.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26That's great. Thanks, Alison. I'll see you next week?
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Well, I can stay longer, if you like. I can stay all day!
0:07:29 > 0:07:33- I can cancel my shift at work, if you like, and just...- That's lovely, Alison.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36But we don't like to wear out our parent-helpers.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40Right, OK.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45All right. Well, I'll... Yeah, I'll see you next time, then.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31Joe?
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Joe?
0:08:35 > 0:08:37Joe?
0:08:37 > 0:08:39Eh, the little boy you were playing with in the playground,
0:08:39 > 0:08:42the one with the hearing aids, do you know his name? Hm?
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- He had things in his ears. - "He had things in his ears."
0:08:45 > 0:08:48- Yeah, he did, yeah. - Hmm, let me see.
0:08:55 > 0:08:57What about the other boy? He had a brown face.
0:08:57 > 0:09:00We've got pink faces and he had a brown face.
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Oh, come on, Joe. You're hardly spoilt for choice at that school.
0:09:03 > 0:09:08- You're not helping, Becky. Joe? D'you remember his name?- What name?
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Someone's busy.
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Joe was playing with two boys in the playground. I'm gonna invite them for a sleepover.
0:09:14 > 0:09:16Really? On day one?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Yeah, it was an Asian boy and a boy with hearing aids,
0:09:18 > 0:09:21- but Joe doesn't know their names. - A deaf kid, too?
0:09:21 > 0:09:24We could form a boyband and go on Britain's Got Talent.
0:09:25 > 0:09:29Although, the odds are, probably go out at the semifinal stage.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32The kid with the hearing aids, he's called Bill Hibbs.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- His brother's two years below me. - Why didn't you say that?
0:09:35 > 0:09:38So, it's paying off, then? The spying?
0:09:38 > 0:09:40Sorry, "helping with reading."
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Hm. I think spying pretty much covers it.
0:09:42 > 0:09:45I like to think there's a little altruism under there.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50No, I don't do altruism. Remember? I'm the bully.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23If it's any comfort, he hasn't replied to any of my texts either.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- He didn't sleep with you. - Is that what he's telling you?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- That was a joke, by the way!- I know.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32He was away with his mum and dad. Bad signal.
0:10:32 > 0:10:36- No credit. It happens. - So, why isn't he here now?
0:10:39 > 0:10:42What d'you mean, what d'you mean...?
0:10:45 > 0:10:46OK.
0:10:51 > 0:10:52Hiya.
0:10:52 > 0:10:53Hi.
0:11:00 > 0:11:03Your phone's not been working.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I lost it. Then I was out of credit.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07How d'you know?
0:11:07 > 0:11:08What?
0:11:08 > 0:11:11How d'you know it was out of credit, if you lost it?
0:11:11 > 0:11:12I found it again.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16You didn't come in on the bus this morning.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Dan's passed his test, he's got him a car now. He gave me a lift.
0:11:21 > 0:11:24Right. Well, erm... I'll see you in history.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27Unless Dan's got a Tardis too
0:11:27 > 0:11:29and you're gonna travel back in time with him.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32Right.
0:11:47 > 0:11:49Hiya, Rebecca.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54SHE SOBS
0:11:58 > 0:12:00I'm a cliche.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02We have sex and then he just blanks me.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06- He might just need some time to come to his senses.- D'you think?
0:12:06 > 0:12:09- If he doesn't, he's a prick.- And it's good to find these things out early.
0:12:09 > 0:12:14Nicola found out I was a prick very early and has learned to adjust her expectations accordingly.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Do you think he might just be having a bit of a wobble?
0:12:17 > 0:12:19If I was going to bet, I'd say next week he'll be on the phone
0:12:19 > 0:12:21sending you poems by text.
0:12:21 > 0:12:25Or at least a sad face with a tear in lieu of a poem.
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Stay for tea, Nicola does great comfort food.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47DOORBELL RINGS
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Hello, Bill. Here we are.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52- His sandwiches are in there. - Oh, great. OK.
0:12:52 > 0:12:57- This is his drink.- Er, right. - And a treat for afters.
0:12:57 > 0:13:00Rice cakes! Oh, we do actually have gluten-free.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- Oh, I never know, you know?- Yeah.
0:13:02 > 0:13:05And I can't be too careful. He's lactose and gluten intolerant.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07- Sorry.- Both?
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Oh, erm, this is my phone number.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- Ring me any time. - I'll give that to you.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13- In the night!- OK!
0:13:13 > 0:13:16And to be on the safe side, if the boys are gonna eat nuts,
0:13:16 > 0:13:19it's best if they do that outside and wash their hands afterwards.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22Well, bang goes the blindfold nut-tasting game!
0:13:25 > 0:13:27He's joking. Shut up, Paul.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Ignore him, ignore him, ignore him.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Right. Well, thank you for having him. I'll pick him up at 8.30.
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- He has African drumming at nine. - Course he does.- OK.
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Well, he'll be ready for you, I'm sure. Thanks for the food.
0:13:40 > 0:13:43This is the first sleepover he's ever been to.
0:13:43 > 0:13:46- He's a little nervous.- Yeah.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- Any time. Just call me.- Will do!- OK.
0:13:49 > 0:13:54- Bye, Bill!- We'll look after him, I promise. We will!- OK!
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- Bye, darling, bye-bye.- We'll look after him, honestly.
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- Ta-ta. See ya! - Bye now. Bye. Take care, Sarah.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03- Safe journey home. - Safe home, bye!
0:14:04 > 0:14:06KNOCK ON DOOR
0:14:10 > 0:14:14- He doesn't sleep in his hearing aids.- OK, great. Thanks, Sarah.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- No hearing aids. OK! - Great. Great.
0:14:16 > 0:14:19Thanks a lot. Take care now, bye!
0:14:19 > 0:14:20Wow!
0:14:21 > 0:14:23SHE GASPS Ugh...!
0:14:24 > 0:14:26O-o-o-h!
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Ah, yes. That's clearly marbles in jelly.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35No! That's an eyeball! Ughh...
0:14:35 > 0:14:38That's the idea, yes.
0:14:38 > 0:14:42But I don't think that eyeballs would actually feel that tough.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- OK!- Right, next. Hang on!
0:14:45 > 0:14:46OK!
0:14:46 > 0:14:49Oh, it's worms!
0:14:49 > 0:14:51It's spaghetti.
0:14:51 > 0:14:55- I'm not allowed spaghetti. - It's gluten free, Bill.
0:14:55 > 0:14:57- Come on then!- OK! - Last one.
0:14:57 > 0:14:59This is the scariest one, are you ready?
0:14:59 > 0:15:03There's a hairy, scary monster in here. Ready, ready?!
0:15:03 > 0:15:05Haaaaah! Careful, careful!
0:15:08 > 0:15:10It's a rodent of some kind.
0:15:10 > 0:15:12Joe, your turn!
0:15:15 > 0:15:17- Bill? - I've got allergies.
0:15:20 > 0:15:24OK, boys. Here we go.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26We've got...
0:15:26 > 0:15:28orangeade
0:15:28 > 0:15:31and red-ade...
0:15:31 > 0:15:34and coconut water.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40If you need anything, just give me a shout. All right?
0:15:40 > 0:15:41"Cheese!"
0:15:50 > 0:15:55- Should we have stayed in with them? - No! No, of course we shouldn't.
0:15:55 > 0:15:59- They'll be farting and wrestling in there by now.- Stop it.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03Just a guess, but not exactly the coolest boys at school, eh?
0:16:03 > 0:16:06Did you have cool friends when you were five?
0:16:06 > 0:16:09I WAS the cool friend. That's never really gone away, has it?
0:16:12 > 0:16:16- (I'll just go and have a little look.)- Don't go in!- I won't, I won't.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21Hey, boys. Boys, come on.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24Hey. Bill.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28Come on, lads. You're meant to be The Three Amigos.
0:16:28 > 0:16:30Joe, you've got to be a better host than this.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34Come on! Bill, come on! Come and watch the film, it's a classic!
0:16:34 > 0:16:36There we go!
0:16:38 > 0:16:40You can take more than one piece, Ramesh.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43I'll take one of each flavour, then see if I'm still hungry.
0:16:43 > 0:16:46Very sensible.
0:16:46 > 0:16:50- OK. I think that's enough now, Joe. - There we go, Bill.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53Gluten free hummus sandwich and a rice cake.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55A sentence that says pleasure in any language.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58All right? Good lad.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00OK! Bon appetit.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09Now, is it me, or is Ramesh actually an accountant in his early 40s?
0:17:09 > 0:17:11He's just got good manners.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15I get the feeling he's gonna come to tell us to keep the noise down at 10.30.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17LAUGHTER
0:17:21 > 0:17:23I think it's going really well.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- Mmm.- Well done, you.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30- Not bad for the school bully. - Oh, no. No, I didn't mean bully.
0:17:32 > 0:17:36- I meant bullish. Like in a china shop.- Mm-hm, yeah.
0:17:36 > 0:17:38I'm sorry. I know it's tough.
0:17:39 > 0:17:42And what do I know? You got him some mates. What can I say?
0:17:42 > 0:17:45Nearly an apology sneaking out there.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51Mr Joe's daddy, something bad has happened.
0:17:53 > 0:17:54HE RETCHES
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Ohh, ohh. Is that it, Joe? Eh? D'you think that's everything?
0:17:58 > 0:18:02You need to lie him on his side. He could choke on his own vomit.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06The gag reflex doesn't work well enough when it's overloaded.
0:18:06 > 0:18:10- Thanks, Ramesh.- My uncle is a paramedic in Blackpool.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13- Is he poorly? I think he's poorly. - I think so, Bill.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Does he have an allergy?
0:18:16 > 0:18:18Oh, he's burning up.
0:18:18 > 0:18:20- Oh, oh!- Ugh!
0:18:24 > 0:18:26When I said "get it all out," I wasn't actually talking
0:18:26 > 0:18:28internal organs.
0:18:58 > 0:19:01The thing about losing your virginity as a young man,
0:19:01 > 0:19:06is that it's pretty much the culmination of your lifetime's ambition.
0:19:06 > 0:19:08You've been thinking of little else since you were 12.
0:19:08 > 0:19:12When it finally happens, it can't help but be an anti-climactic experience.
0:19:12 > 0:19:14I'll take your word for it.
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Especially when the event takes place in her older brother's bunk beds
0:19:17 > 0:19:19and his football posters are staring down at you.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Not every young man can maintain an erection
0:19:21 > 0:19:23while staring at a celebrating Gary Neville.
0:19:23 > 0:19:28This theory of yours isn't based on personal experience, by any chance?
0:19:28 > 0:19:30My point is...
0:19:30 > 0:19:34afterwards, you feel the experience should have changed you
0:19:34 > 0:19:37and so you behave like it has.
0:19:37 > 0:19:41So, you don't think it's true, what you said about Rebecca's boyfriend coming back?
0:19:41 > 0:19:45- No. I was just softening the blow. - By hiding the truth?
0:19:45 > 0:19:47An age-old technique handed down from father to son.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50Well, I know that much is true.
0:19:50 > 0:19:53Uh-oh. I sense a theory coming on.
0:19:53 > 0:19:55Is this about the brewery expansion?
0:19:55 > 0:19:59I know exactly how it's gonna work, so whatever Dad's saying, it doesn't matter.
0:19:59 > 0:20:03I saw him yesterday morning, on his music teacher's doorstep,
0:20:03 > 0:20:05putting on his shoes.
0:20:05 > 0:20:06So?
0:20:06 > 0:20:08So, it was 7.30 in the morning.
0:20:08 > 0:20:11He's clearly having a secret relationship with her.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Or, maybe he was having an early singing lesson?
0:20:13 > 0:20:15Why would he take his shoes off to do that?
0:20:15 > 0:20:177.30 in the morning?
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Looked straight at me, didn't even say hello.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22How do you feel about it?
0:20:22 > 0:20:25My widowed father is having a sexual relationship.
0:20:26 > 0:20:31That's just another thing not to think about when I see his bony arse in a pair of shorts.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33SHE SCOFFS
0:20:33 > 0:20:34SHE LAUGHS
0:20:39 > 0:20:42You all right, Dad?
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I was usually at the brewery by now.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47I've already been in, I've got a nice golden ale coming in at 4.4%.
0:20:47 > 0:20:50Just popped out for some provisions.
0:20:52 > 0:20:53What about you?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55What about me?
0:20:55 > 0:20:57Oh, you've, erm...
0:20:57 > 0:21:01worked up quite a sweat there. Running, was it?
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Of course it's running. What you talking about?
0:21:11 > 0:21:14Yeah, he's got a high temperature. It's the usual routine.
0:21:14 > 0:21:16Just get as many liquids down him as you can
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- and Calpol every four hours. Yeah? - So, it's not food poisoning?
0:21:19 > 0:21:20More of a bug. His glands are up.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Just bad timing for his sleepover.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25OK. Well, thanks, Nicola.
0:21:25 > 0:21:28Any time. But if you're worried about anything, just give me a call.
0:21:28 > 0:21:29Yeah, I will.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32Is Rebecca OK, today?
0:21:33 > 0:21:38Erm... Well, as OK as any teenager can be, I think.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Good.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Why d'you ask that?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44I saw her the other day and she was a little upset.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48Any idea about what?
0:21:48 > 0:21:50I think if she wants to tell you, she will.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56Are you really going to leave it there?
0:21:56 > 0:21:59- Mum? Mummy? - Coming, sweetheart!
0:22:01 > 0:22:03Hey. Poor thing.
0:22:23 > 0:22:26Oh, poor Joe. You're burning up.
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- That means I'm hot. - Yeah. That's right.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32Not on fire.
0:22:32 > 0:22:35No. That's just something people say.
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Can I see the pictures?
0:22:40 > 0:22:43Want to see these? Come on then.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49There you go. Can you see?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Who is that?
0:22:56 > 0:22:59That's you. When you were a baby.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01What's baby Joe doing?
0:23:01 > 0:23:03He's sleeping. He's had some milk.
0:23:03 > 0:23:05You've had some milk, I mean.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11That's me?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Yeah. That's right.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17And this is me.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20Yeah, that's right, love. Yeah.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25It's confusing, isn't it?
0:23:26 > 0:23:29Joe, who's that there, holding you?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34Grandma hold Joe.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40Yeah, she did.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46And sings Horsey, Horsey.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49D'you remember that?
0:23:51 > 0:23:53You do? You remember that?
0:24:01 > 0:24:02Is Mum sad?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06You look sad.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10Well, cos that's my mummy there.
0:24:10 > 0:24:14And she's not here...so Mum's sad.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Yeah, that's right.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30That's right.
0:24:50 > 0:24:54Paul? Paul. Ring me when you can.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57There's nothing to worry about but...but I want to tell you something.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00It's really important. It's... It's about Joe. It's good!
0:25:00 > 0:25:02It's really good.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Bye.
0:25:14 > 0:25:20- It's Luke, isn't it?- Yeah. You're Rebecca's uncle.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Nice to see you again.
0:25:23 > 0:25:27Now, listen. I don't care if it's good news or bad news,
0:25:27 > 0:25:31but you go to my lovely niece and you talk to her. OK?
0:25:31 > 0:25:34You don't just ignore her like a prick.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36- I was going to talk to her.- Was?
0:25:36 > 0:25:39Well, I WAS going to invent a flying machine that ran on dog shit,
0:25:39 > 0:25:41but I never got round to it.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44So, you talk to her. Today. Or you'll have me to answer to.
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Can I go now? My choc-ice is melting.
0:25:50 > 0:25:54You're going to have more to worry about than a melting choc-ice, if you don't talk to her.
0:25:54 > 0:25:56Am I getting through?
0:25:56 > 0:25:58I think so.
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Good. Good.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15I think we should talk.
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Really? And then will you report our conversation back
0:26:18 > 0:26:20to your psycho uncle?
0:26:20 > 0:26:22What? I don't know what you're talking about.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25That uncle of yours, he threatened me this morning.
0:26:25 > 0:26:26He told me I had to talk to you.
0:26:27 > 0:26:29That had nothing to do with me.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34For the record, I wasn't ignoring you, I just didn't know
0:26:34 > 0:26:37- what to say to you after we'd done it.- Why? Was it that bad?
0:26:37 > 0:26:39It was great.
0:26:39 > 0:26:43But it... I didn't know how to be with you after we'd done it.
0:26:43 > 0:26:46It's just dead weird seeing you at school after, you know?
0:26:46 > 0:26:48So, why didn't you explain any of that? To me?
0:26:50 > 0:26:52I wanted to. But I didn't know how to.
0:26:52 > 0:26:54So, you just ignored me instead?
0:26:54 > 0:26:57I was about to call you and then your uncle came and threatened me
0:26:57 > 0:26:59and that nailed it for me.
0:26:59 > 0:27:02It's your family. You're all so intense.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06I can't see you again.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19There you go. That's for you.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- Here you go, chief. - Thanks.
0:27:23 > 0:27:25What is this? Who are you?
0:27:25 > 0:27:29- Er, my CV. Heard you were looking for a chef.- What?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Erm, that's what it said on the website.
0:27:31 > 0:27:35- You guys were doing interviews this week.- Does it look like I need a chef, right now?
0:27:35 > 0:27:38- I mean, I've cooked in worse. - Just...one minute.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40Right, I've got three launch brews underway.
0:27:40 > 0:27:44- Got an Indian pale ale using Jester hops for an added kick...- Oh, nice.
0:27:44 > 0:27:46..I've got a low ABV stout and a limited edition bitter.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50There's not a delivery van out there with half a kitchen hanging out the back of it, is there?
0:27:50 > 0:27:54Not that I noticed. Listen, I just need the, erm, final name for the restaurant,
0:27:54 > 0:27:56- so I can work it into the launch brews.- Yeah, well, I've told you -
0:27:56 > 0:28:00- The Fellside.- The Fellside?- Yeah. - I thought that was a working title.
0:28:00 > 0:28:04- Yeah. What's wrong with it?- Well, there's nothing wrong with it. I just thought you might
0:28:04 > 0:28:08pick up on the poetry theme a bit more. You've already got the Daffodil Diner after Wordsworth.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11- So, what else did he write? - Oh, I dunno.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Er... Bitches Ain't Shit, was one of his later works.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17I don't know, Eddie. Honestly! The Fellside.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20I'll do what I can, but it doesn't give me a lot to go on.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24The Fellside? Really?
0:28:24 > 0:28:28- Bit dull.- You go and tell him. He won't listen to me.
0:28:28 > 0:28:31You want to stop sticking your nose in other people's business, Eddie.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33There speaks the master.
0:28:33 > 0:28:36- What? I've stayed away from the brewery.- A whole week.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39- Must be killing you wondering what's going on.- Not really.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43- I know when to be discreet. - Mmm. You certainly do.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47What's that supposed to mean?
0:28:49 > 0:28:54Dad, if you're seeing someone else, I'm glad for you.
0:28:54 > 0:28:57You don't need to sneak around like some teenager.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01It's been a year, you're a grown man, so good luck to you.
0:29:02 > 0:29:05OK? I just wanted to say that.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24Why, Mr Scott. Twice in one week. You're spoiling me.
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Our secret's out.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31- Is it really such a bad thing? - Yes, it is.
0:29:31 > 0:29:33I don't want my family interrogating me about our love life.
0:29:33 > 0:29:35Or whatever it is we're calling this!
0:29:35 > 0:29:39Deny anything's going on, then. Don't indulge them. I don't mind.
0:29:39 > 0:29:42Listen, there's so much going on, the last thing we need is them having to cope
0:29:42 > 0:29:45with me making toast under another woman's grill.
0:29:45 > 0:29:47They'll think I've betrayed their mother.
0:29:47 > 0:29:50Me doing this with you means I love her less somehow.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52- That's what they'll think, is it? - I'm sure of it.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54Of course you are.
0:29:54 > 0:29:56Because that's what you think. It's only natural.
0:29:56 > 0:30:00- What?- You're ashamed of yourself for betraying your wife.
0:30:00 > 0:30:02Ashamed of myself? Give over.
0:30:02 > 0:30:06Why not? You love your wife still, don't you?
0:30:08 > 0:30:10- Of course I do, yes. - Yet, here you are in bed with me.
0:30:10 > 0:30:12So that's not always going to be easy for you
0:30:12 > 0:30:14or something you want to think about.
0:30:18 > 0:30:20I'm thinking about it now. Thank you(!)
0:30:25 > 0:30:27Shall we make love, then talk?
0:30:27 > 0:30:29I thought only men said that.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31I'm rewriting the rule book...
0:30:31 > 0:30:34page...by...page.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37And then there's Joe, of course.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39I mean, the last thing he needs in his life is any more
0:30:39 > 0:30:42complication right now.
0:30:42 > 0:30:43Maurice.
0:30:45 > 0:30:48The first ten years with Ralph, it was like, I don't know,
0:30:48 > 0:30:50"All time stands still."
0:30:52 > 0:30:54I couldn't plan. I couldn't live.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57Everything was Ralph.
0:30:57 > 0:31:01Because without me there worrying about him 24 hours a day,
0:31:01 > 0:31:02he was going to fail.
0:31:02 > 0:31:04Struggle.
0:31:04 > 0:31:05And, you know what?
0:31:05 > 0:31:09It didn't work. Ralph found his way.
0:31:09 > 0:31:11Joe will find his way.
0:31:11 > 0:31:14And sometimes he'll find it because of you
0:31:14 > 0:31:17and sometimes he'll find it despite you.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21Take it from someone who's been through all this.
0:31:21 > 0:31:23Joe isn't Ralph.
0:31:23 > 0:31:25I know that.
0:31:25 > 0:31:28You keep talking like he is. You don't even know him.
0:31:28 > 0:31:31- He could be anything!- Yes, he could.
0:31:31 > 0:31:34God knows, if he's really lucky, he could even be happy.
0:31:36 > 0:31:40ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
0:31:40 > 0:31:43# So if you're lonely
0:31:44 > 0:31:47# You know I'm here waiting for you
0:31:47 > 0:31:49# I'm just a crosshair... #
0:31:49 > 0:31:52Fuck off!
0:31:52 > 0:31:54ECHOES THROUGH THE VALLEY
0:31:56 > 0:31:58- Afternoon.- Afternoon.
0:31:59 > 0:32:01Afternoon.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16DOOR CLOSES, FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:32:25 > 0:32:27All right, sleepy? Ooh!
0:32:35 > 0:32:37Well, my day just got better.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40You're not going to believe this, love. Joe has been brilliant.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43He asked me about my mum.
0:32:43 > 0:32:45What? Joe did?
0:32:45 > 0:32:47Yeah. He asked if I felt sad.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49I mean, this is...this is empathy stuff.
0:32:49 > 0:32:52And he remembered things I didn't even know he'd registered!
0:32:52 > 0:32:54These are the things he's not meant to be able to do.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56What do you mean? I don't understand.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59It... I don't know, it's like...
0:32:59 > 0:33:00It's like he's turned a corner.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03It's like...like everything's falling into place.
0:33:07 > 0:33:09- I don't get it.- I don't know.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11He's just...he's just different. He's changing, Paul.
0:33:13 > 0:33:15Oh, I love you!
0:33:17 > 0:33:19SHE LAUGHS
0:33:40 > 0:33:44MUSIC: Teenage Kicks by The Undertones
0:33:49 > 0:33:50(He's fine, come on.)
0:33:51 > 0:33:53- Where's Rebecca?- Drama till nine.
0:33:53 > 0:33:56Oh, I knew those classes would pay off one day!
0:33:56 > 0:33:59SHE GIGGLES
0:34:02 > 0:34:03- Right.- Hey, no, no, stop, stop!
0:34:03 > 0:34:06We can't just go into it without any preamble.
0:34:06 > 0:34:09Preamble? Is that what we're calling foreplay these days?
0:34:09 > 0:34:12- This is reconciliation sex, right? - Don't count your chickens.
0:34:12 > 0:34:14Well, if it's reconciliation sex then we need to wear a variety
0:34:14 > 0:34:17of hats and have a classic soul track playing in the background.
0:34:17 > 0:34:20I don't have time. Or the hats!
0:34:20 > 0:34:22It's just going to have to be a classic soul track, then.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24Do you want download or vinyl?
0:34:24 > 0:34:27What are you doing?
0:34:27 > 0:34:28- Oh, what are you doing? - I think you know.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30It's not been that long.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, not tonight.
0:34:34 > 0:34:38You do know that doing this without taking precautions is how
0:34:38 > 0:34:40babies get made, don't you?
0:34:40 > 0:34:43Would that be such a bad thing? Hmm?
0:34:45 > 0:34:48I don't think so. I really don't think so.
0:34:50 > 0:34:51What, seriously?
0:34:54 > 0:34:55Seriously?
0:34:56 > 0:34:59- Ooh! - SHE GIGGLES
0:35:23 > 0:35:27Hey, love. What you doing sitting here in the dark?
0:35:30 > 0:35:31Luke finished with me.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33Oh, love. I'm sorry.
0:35:33 > 0:35:36That's never easy.
0:35:36 > 0:35:37Who's Luke?
0:35:37 > 0:35:39He said that Eddie scared him away.
0:35:39 > 0:35:42Eddie? What's it got to do with Eddie?
0:35:46 > 0:35:49Let me get this straight.
0:35:49 > 0:35:50You slept with Luke?
0:35:52 > 0:35:53Yeah.
0:35:53 > 0:35:55Ooh, OK, OK.
0:36:02 > 0:36:05Well, you're nearly 17, eh?
0:36:08 > 0:36:10As long as you were sensible.
0:36:15 > 0:36:16Good.
0:36:16 > 0:36:19And, you know, I get it.
0:36:19 > 0:36:21Why did you confide in Eddie?
0:36:21 > 0:36:24He saw I was upset and...
0:36:24 > 0:36:27he's easier to talk to than you and Mum right now.
0:36:28 > 0:36:30Fair enough.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33You're not going to say anything, are you, to Eddie?
0:36:33 > 0:36:35- No, course not.- Or Mum?
0:36:35 > 0:36:36Now, that's a big ask, isn't it?
0:36:36 > 0:36:38I will tell her, just not now.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41Oh, right. Well, make sure you do.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47Dad.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50I'm OK. You can stop before you start hoovering.
0:36:50 > 0:36:51Come here.
0:36:56 > 0:36:58Right.
0:36:58 > 0:37:00Eddie!
0:37:00 > 0:37:02How does Eddie scare anybody?
0:37:02 > 0:37:05Eddie's great, Dad. You've just got to give him a chance.
0:37:05 > 0:37:06Yeah. Maybe.
0:37:06 > 0:37:09Maybe.
0:37:09 > 0:37:10Night.
0:37:28 > 0:37:30MUSIC PLAYS IN DISTANCE
0:37:30 > 0:37:32# I want to live like common people
0:37:32 > 0:37:35# I want to do whatever common people do...
0:37:35 > 0:37:37MUSIC TRACK REWINDS
0:37:37 > 0:37:41# I want to live like common people
0:37:41 > 0:37:44# I want to do whatever common people do
0:37:44 > 0:37:46# I want to sleep with common people... #
0:37:46 > 0:37:48Uh, Mum, can I talk to you about something?
0:37:48 > 0:37:49Shh, shh, shh...
0:37:49 > 0:37:52Now then, mister, are you feeling a bit better?
0:37:52 > 0:37:55# I want to sleep... #
0:37:55 > 0:37:57I think one more day off school to get over it, don't you?
0:37:57 > 0:37:58Hey.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01Turn that off now, darling. Turn it off.
0:38:01 > 0:38:04# I bet that you look good on the dance floor
0:38:04 > 0:38:06# I don't know if you're looking for romance or
0:38:06 > 0:38:08# I don't know what you're looking... #
0:38:08 > 0:38:10MUSIC STOPS Joe, do you remember yesterday?
0:38:10 > 0:38:12We were looking at the pictures?
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Look. Do you remember?
0:38:15 > 0:38:17# I bet that you look good on the dance floor... #
0:38:17 > 0:38:19No, Joe. Look at the photo album. MUSIC STOPS
0:38:19 > 0:38:21Look, do you remember yesterday?
0:38:21 > 0:38:23You were asking me about the pictures, do you remember?
0:38:23 > 0:38:25- Asking me about the pictures. - Yeah, that's right.
0:38:25 > 0:38:27Look, who's this? Hey? Who's this?
0:38:27 > 0:38:29# I bet that you look good on the dance floor... #
0:38:29 > 0:38:31Joe, who's this? Look, you're not looking!
0:38:31 > 0:38:32You're not looking.
0:38:32 > 0:38:35Yesterday, we talked about this. Look, who is this? Who's this?
0:38:35 > 0:38:37Who is this? Who is this?
0:38:53 > 0:38:56# I bet that you look good on the dance floor
0:38:56 > 0:38:59# I don't know if you're looking for romance or
0:38:59 > 0:39:01- # I don't know... # - Someone's feeling better.
0:39:02 > 0:39:04Well, it sure to God isn't me.
0:39:04 > 0:39:06Is he all right? Back to normal?
0:39:06 > 0:39:09If by that you mean back to abnormal, then, yeah.
0:39:09 > 0:39:11OK.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14MUSIC CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND
0:39:16 > 0:39:19You never really believed he'd changed, did you?
0:39:19 > 0:39:20He doesn't need to change.
0:39:20 > 0:39:23Oh, Rebecca. I don't need your attitude right now.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27Hey.
0:39:27 > 0:39:30He was ill. So he was calmer.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33And it's understandable, you were with him all day.
0:39:33 > 0:39:34So what? I imagined it?
0:39:34 > 0:39:37- It was wishful thinking? What? - No, no, love. I'm not saying that.
0:39:37 > 0:39:39Well, the alternative is that you performed a miracle,
0:39:39 > 0:39:41but none of us were there to see it.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44- Now, you didn't mean that, did you, Becks?- Who knows?
0:39:44 > 0:39:47What is wrong with Madam this morning?
0:39:50 > 0:39:52Don't know.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54Maybe you should ask her.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00- Gentler. - THEY STRUM
0:40:00 > 0:40:02Yes, this is called C.
0:40:04 > 0:40:07It felt like, for a few moments, I could see the real Joe.
0:40:07 > 0:40:09Underneath all that autism, there he is.
0:40:09 > 0:40:11If I could just get to him.
0:40:11 > 0:40:13It's a thing.
0:40:13 > 0:40:14Yeah, it is, indeed.
0:40:14 > 0:40:16No...
0:40:16 > 0:40:19I mean, the evidence only seems to be anecdotal,
0:40:19 > 0:40:21but there's an American study that observed
0:40:21 > 0:40:24that when a child on the spectrum has a fever,
0:40:24 > 0:40:26some of their more extreme behaviours are diminished...
0:40:28 > 0:40:30..temporarily.
0:40:30 > 0:40:32There's even a name for it.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34Well, if there's a name for it.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37It's called...it's called the fever effect.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Oh, right, yeah, course.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41I'll file it next to the broccoli effect.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43You saw that article, too, did you?
0:40:43 > 0:40:47Yeah, we've got our very own Maya effect, of course.
0:40:48 > 0:40:49What's she doing?
0:40:49 > 0:40:51She seems to be teaching him the uke.
0:40:51 > 0:40:54Just another of her many talents.
0:40:54 > 0:40:56Along with beauty and love and...
0:40:56 > 0:40:58a fast-track to my son.
0:41:01 > 0:41:04Very honest of you to admit your jealousy.
0:41:05 > 0:41:06Yeah.
0:41:09 > 0:41:12Can you get me the morning-after pill?
0:41:12 > 0:41:14Is that a cure for autism or a cure for jealousy?
0:41:19 > 0:41:20Oh.
0:41:20 > 0:41:24I finally get your sense of humour and then I get it wrong.
0:41:24 > 0:41:27- You're serious? - Yeah, Paul and I had sex last night.
0:41:27 > 0:41:29We didn't use contraception.
0:41:29 > 0:41:32Then I woke up this morning and just realised it's not the right time.
0:41:32 > 0:41:34Not now. I need my energy for Joe.
0:41:34 > 0:41:36The local pharmacist should be able to sort...
0:41:36 > 0:41:38The local pharmacist knows my dad.
0:41:38 > 0:41:42Everyone knows my dad. It happens in small towns.
0:41:42 > 0:41:43So, yeah, I was just wondering
0:41:43 > 0:41:46if there was any way that you could get me one.
0:41:46 > 0:41:47No problem.
0:41:47 > 0:41:50We keep a big jar of them on the counter at the surgery.
0:41:50 > 0:41:52Are you being sarcastic now?
0:41:52 > 0:41:54Cos that's a bit confusing.
0:41:54 > 0:41:56You've never been sarcastic before.
0:41:56 > 0:41:58I won't be trying it again for a while.
0:41:59 > 0:42:01- I'll sort it for you.- Thanks.
0:42:01 > 0:42:04And, Nicola, don't, like, mention it to Eddie or anyone, will you?
0:42:04 > 0:42:07No, course not. And by "anyone" you mean Paul, I take it.
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Yeah.
0:42:13 > 0:42:14So now that we've bonded,
0:42:14 > 0:42:16do you want to tell me what's been troubling Rebecca?
0:42:16 > 0:42:18I thought you had to get to work.
0:42:23 > 0:42:26Respect her wishes? What?
0:42:26 > 0:42:29Hey! If my daughter is having sex, I should be the first to know!
0:42:29 > 0:42:32Have you any idea how dodgy that sounds?
0:42:32 > 0:42:34- You know what I mean.- No. I don't.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36You should be thanking me for being there for her,
0:42:36 > 0:42:38- for listening to her.- Right.
0:42:38 > 0:42:40And then scaring her boyfriend off.
0:42:40 > 0:42:42Oh, I see.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44So now it's not the fact she's had sex with someone,
0:42:44 > 0:42:46it's the fact that I confronted the scumbag
0:42:46 > 0:42:48who's been blanking her since they had sex.
0:42:48 > 0:42:51Eddie, her boyfriend dumped her because of what you said.
0:42:51 > 0:42:53Well, if he's that weak, then it sounds like I did her a favour.
0:42:53 > 0:42:55Oi! Oi!
0:42:55 > 0:42:56Now, listen.
0:42:56 > 0:42:59I know you enjoy playing the understanding uncle,
0:42:59 > 0:43:02but you don't have any kids.
0:43:02 > 0:43:03You're out of your depth.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05At least she has someone who listens to her, Paul.
0:43:07 > 0:43:08At least she has that.
0:43:29 > 0:43:32- So, I think this is a good height. - Sally, what are you doing?
0:43:32 > 0:43:35- Sorting out your electricians. - Well, no, you don't need to do that.
0:43:35 > 0:43:37Turns out your job wasn't that hard, so...
0:43:37 > 0:43:40So, what time are you going to start interviewing the chefs?
0:43:40 > 0:43:44Oh, shit! That's today, isn't it? That's today!
0:43:44 > 0:43:46- It looks that way. - What am I going to do?
0:43:46 > 0:43:50Well, shouting at me isn't an option any more, now I don't work for you.
0:43:53 > 0:43:55Hi, guys. Sorry I'm late.
0:44:00 > 0:44:01Raiding the pharmacy, eh?
0:44:01 > 0:44:05I hope we don't have a Nurse Betty situation on our hands.
0:44:05 > 0:44:07- You mean Nurse Jackie? - That's right. Do we?
0:44:07 > 0:44:10No. I was just, um...
0:44:10 > 0:44:12Oh, teenage sexual health clinic tomorrow.
0:44:12 > 0:44:14So, do you want me for something?
0:44:14 > 0:44:17Fan mail from the kids you did the measles talk to.
0:44:20 > 0:44:22Oh! That's nice.
0:44:24 > 0:44:25Don't get too excited.
0:44:25 > 0:44:29I expect they were responding to your novelty value.
0:44:29 > 0:44:30Meaning?
0:44:30 > 0:44:31Young. Female.
0:44:31 > 0:44:33Ethnically atypical.
0:44:33 > 0:44:35This ironic racism thing you do,
0:44:35 > 0:44:36you might want to keep an eye on that.
0:44:36 > 0:44:40So what would be the correct terminology in these circumstances?
0:44:40 > 0:44:41Oh, I don't know.
0:44:41 > 0:44:43"Well done," perhaps?
0:44:43 > 0:44:45OK. Well done.
0:44:45 > 0:44:48You were such a hit that two other schools want the same talk.
0:44:48 > 0:44:49So, yes, well done.
0:44:51 > 0:44:53Thank you.
0:45:18 > 0:45:20- Where's Joe?- Football practice.
0:45:20 > 0:45:22He hates football practice.
0:45:22 > 0:45:25Ah, but he loves Maya so I thought it'd be worth a try.
0:45:25 > 0:45:27Plus, it means I can get this in before the deadline.
0:45:27 > 0:45:30He loves me more. I could've taken him.
0:45:30 > 0:45:31You weren't here, love.
0:45:36 > 0:45:40I'm standing for school governor, since you asked.
0:45:40 > 0:45:44I'm going to Dad's for the weekend, to see my half-sister.
0:45:44 > 0:45:46Well, OK, as long as you've warned him.
0:45:46 > 0:45:50What do you think I should put as my electoral slogan?
0:45:50 > 0:45:52What?
0:45:52 > 0:45:53My tagline for my manifesto.
0:45:54 > 0:45:56How about...
0:45:56 > 0:45:58"All children matter. But not as much as Joe."
0:45:58 > 0:45:59Or, better still,
0:45:59 > 0:46:02"I won't listen because I'm always right."
0:46:02 > 0:46:04Don't be like that, Rebecca.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06I know you're growing up and I know it's difficult.
0:46:06 > 0:46:09But try not to take it out on me all the time. OK?
0:46:09 > 0:46:11Well, then, don't spend all your time being a bitch
0:46:11 > 0:46:14and then playing the understanding mum when it suits you.
0:46:16 > 0:46:19I know that you and Luke are sleeping together.
0:46:21 > 0:46:23Is that what this has all been about?
0:46:26 > 0:46:27No, it's not.
0:46:27 > 0:46:29And if that was your big moment to bring me
0:46:29 > 0:46:31back down to earth, then it didn't work.
0:46:41 > 0:46:43Thank you very much indeed.
0:46:43 > 0:46:45No problem at all.
0:46:45 > 0:46:46- Yeah, we'll be in touch.- Great!
0:46:46 > 0:46:49You know, just don't leave it too long. I'll get snapped up!
0:46:49 > 0:46:52- Right, thank you.- Cheers, pal. Take care.
0:46:57 > 0:46:58All good?
0:46:58 > 0:46:59I feel like Gregg Wallace.
0:46:59 > 0:47:02"They all talk a great meal."
0:47:04 > 0:47:06All right.
0:47:06 > 0:47:07Yeah, you've made your point, Sal.
0:47:09 > 0:47:12Really? What point do you think I'm making?
0:47:12 > 0:47:13That I've been an utter dick.
0:47:16 > 0:47:17I'll drink to that.
0:47:20 > 0:47:23I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
0:47:23 > 0:47:25I didn't mean to take it out on you.
0:47:25 > 0:47:27It's just, it's scary, this.
0:47:28 > 0:47:30It's taking shape, though, eh?
0:47:30 > 0:47:32Yeah.
0:47:32 > 0:47:33Not bad for a thick kid, eh?
0:47:35 > 0:47:36Indeed.
0:47:38 > 0:47:39Here's to us.
0:47:39 > 0:47:41- Mm.- Cheers.
0:47:41 > 0:47:42Nearly there.
0:47:42 > 0:47:46More debt than the Greek economy, but optimism to burn.
0:47:46 > 0:47:50That's more like it. That's the Paul I remember.
0:47:50 > 0:47:52You've already built a successful business from scratch.
0:47:52 > 0:47:57Yeah, but if that had failed, I could've just towed that away.
0:47:57 > 0:48:00But this place, you know, God, it's...
0:48:00 > 0:48:02Can you imagine?
0:48:02 > 0:48:04People will visit these ruins in 100 years' time
0:48:04 > 0:48:08and wonder about the vanity of the man that built it.
0:48:10 > 0:48:13You always were big on humiliation.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15I always thought that's why you finished with me.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18To spare yourself the humiliation of me finishing with you.
0:48:18 > 0:48:20- The pre-emptive chucking.- Mm.
0:48:20 > 0:48:22Still a modern classic!
0:48:24 > 0:48:27I blamed Oasis at the time.
0:48:27 > 0:48:28I blamed Blur.
0:48:33 > 0:48:37God, I haven't talked shite like this for a long time.
0:48:37 > 0:48:39Happy to oblige.
0:48:45 > 0:48:49If you think that's good, wait till you taste this.
0:48:49 > 0:48:52- Sorry, Eddie, I'm driving. - What have you got there?
0:48:52 > 0:48:54Sample bottles, limited edition, for the launch.
0:48:54 > 0:48:56Fellside Fuggles.
0:48:56 > 0:48:57Sounds vaguely sexual.
0:48:57 > 0:48:59It's the alliteration. Always punches through.
0:48:59 > 0:49:02I get the Fuggles. What's the Fellside bit?
0:49:04 > 0:49:06I'm off, then.
0:49:06 > 0:49:07Oh, all right.
0:49:07 > 0:49:09Wait, wait, wait.
0:49:10 > 0:49:14- You'd better take some money. - Dad's already given me some.
0:49:14 > 0:49:15All right, well, take it anyway,
0:49:15 > 0:49:18cos you might want to get a present for the baby or something.
0:49:18 > 0:49:20Do you not think I already thought of that?
0:49:20 > 0:49:22Look, I'm sorry about blurting that out,
0:49:22 > 0:49:24about you and Luke before.
0:49:24 > 0:49:26That was just wrong of me.
0:49:26 > 0:49:29I just want you to talk to me more, I suppose.
0:49:31 > 0:49:34Look, I just want you to know that I do know what you're going through.
0:49:34 > 0:49:36No, you don't. You really have no idea.
0:49:37 > 0:49:40OK. Well, just say hello to Stuart for me.
0:49:40 > 0:49:42What is that supposed to mean?
0:49:42 > 0:49:44Bye, Joe!
0:49:52 > 0:49:54Mmm!
0:49:54 > 0:49:56That's good, it's really good. Mmm.
0:49:56 > 0:49:59Crisp, hoppy and refreshing, just like the label says.
0:49:59 > 0:50:02That isn't what it says on the label, but, erm, never mind.
0:50:02 > 0:50:03It's great.
0:50:03 > 0:50:05It may surprise you to know I do have a bit of a clue what I'm doing.
0:50:05 > 0:50:07Never doubted it.
0:50:07 > 0:50:11What about you? Do you know what you're doing?
0:50:11 > 0:50:13Late night bonding over fuse boards
0:50:13 > 0:50:16and boiler options with the delectable Sally.
0:50:16 > 0:50:18No. Me and Sally? No.
0:50:18 > 0:50:21Now, that'd be...that'd be sad.
0:50:23 > 0:50:24What?
0:50:24 > 0:50:26What?
0:50:26 > 0:50:29Your doubting face.
0:50:29 > 0:50:32You two have got history and she's still a very attractive woman.
0:50:32 > 0:50:34You know what it's like.
0:50:34 > 0:50:37You get chatting to someone outside the family
0:50:37 > 0:50:42and, well, there's no bills to argue over and no kids.
0:50:42 > 0:50:46You can be that guy again, you can be yourself.
0:50:46 > 0:50:48Oh, the sad dyslexic loser that stayed behind to get
0:50:48 > 0:50:51a labouring job in a brewery while his mates went to uni?
0:50:51 > 0:50:52That guy?
0:50:52 > 0:50:55There were more to me than that, Eddie.
0:50:55 > 0:50:58I had trials for Morecambe, remember.
0:50:58 > 0:50:59Paul...
0:50:59 > 0:51:01everyone had trials for Morecambe.
0:51:03 > 0:51:08For five minutes, a breath of fresh air, you know, a bit of flirting.
0:51:08 > 0:51:10Me and Alison, we're rock solid, mate.
0:51:10 > 0:51:13- Glad to hear it.- Yeah.
0:51:18 > 0:51:20In fact, between me and you...
0:51:21 > 0:51:24..we're trying for another baby.
0:51:24 > 0:51:26- Really?- Yeah.- That's amazing!
0:51:26 > 0:51:28Yeah, I think the time's right, you know.
0:51:28 > 0:51:30Good for you. Good for you.
0:51:30 > 0:51:32- Cheers.- Cheers.
0:51:37 > 0:51:40It might make you feel sick or give you a headache.
0:51:40 > 0:51:41Yeah, I know. Thanks.
0:51:41 > 0:51:44- And if you vomit within two hours of taking it, come and see me.- OK.
0:51:44 > 0:51:48Listen, I'm sorry for asking you about Rebecca before.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50I should never have put you in that position.
0:51:50 > 0:51:52Well...
0:51:53 > 0:51:55No, you shouldn't.
0:52:01 > 0:52:03# ..common people
0:52:03 > 0:52:06# I want to do whatever common people do... #
0:52:06 > 0:52:08MUSIC TRACK REWINDS
0:52:08 > 0:52:12# I want to live like common people
0:52:12 > 0:52:15# I want to do whatever common people... #
0:52:15 > 0:52:18What was it like? The sex?
0:52:18 > 0:52:20On a scale from terrible to disastrous.
0:52:20 > 0:52:21Tom, you can't ask that.
0:52:21 > 0:52:24Just the way Luke's behaving, it looks like disastrous.
0:52:24 > 0:52:26So, he's embarrassed and that's why
0:52:26 > 0:52:28he's had a complete personality change.
0:52:28 > 0:52:31I don't know. I didn't have anything to compare it to.
0:52:31 > 0:52:32Was it...
0:52:32 > 0:52:35I don't know, vaguely enjoyable? Exciting?
0:52:35 > 0:52:41I enjoyed the fact that we were finally, you know, doing it.
0:52:42 > 0:52:44Is that it?
0:52:44 > 0:52:46Hardly Fifty Shades Of Grey, is it?
0:52:46 > 0:52:49I don't know what to say. What is there to say?
0:52:49 > 0:52:51ENGINGE RUMBLES
0:52:51 > 0:52:55GRIME MUSIC BLARES FROM CAR
0:52:55 > 0:52:56Do you want a lift?
0:52:56 > 0:52:58I'm going to my dad's.
0:52:58 > 0:53:00He lives in Lancaster.
0:53:00 > 0:53:02Sorry, no can do.
0:53:02 > 0:53:03My dad says, "No can do."
0:53:03 > 0:53:05You've only been driving for a fortnight
0:53:05 > 0:53:08and suddenly you're talking like you're 30 or something.
0:53:08 > 0:53:11How about you tell us about how many miles you're getting to the gallon?
0:53:11 > 0:53:12Oh, go suck a big one.
0:53:12 > 0:53:14Sadly, that rules you out, Dan.
0:53:14 > 0:53:17Oh, my God.
0:53:17 > 0:53:19SHE LAUGHS
0:53:20 > 0:53:23- You OK?- Mm, not really.
0:53:23 > 0:53:25Be good to get out of this shithole,
0:53:25 > 0:53:27see my dad and my new half-sister.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29She's, like, five months old.
0:53:29 > 0:53:30Listen to you,
0:53:30 > 0:53:33with your special needs brother and your blended family.
0:53:33 > 0:53:35You're like a set text in GCSE English!
0:53:38 > 0:53:40- You two need a lift? - No, it's all right.
0:53:40 > 0:53:42I'm going over to Lancaster to see my dad.
0:53:42 > 0:53:44Oh, that's a coincidence. I'm going that way.
0:53:44 > 0:53:47No, you're not. You're not even facing the right direction.
0:53:47 > 0:53:49How do you know I'm not reversing there? Come on.
0:53:49 > 0:53:51You'd be doing me a favour. I'm on the run.
0:53:58 > 0:54:01So, is that your boyfriend?
0:54:01 > 0:54:03- Who, Tom?- Yeah.
0:54:03 > 0:54:06No. Tom is not my boyfriend. Tom's gay.
0:54:06 > 0:54:07Oh.
0:54:07 > 0:54:10- Probably just a phase.- Grandad!
0:54:10 > 0:54:13I'm just saying. We had David Bowie.
0:54:13 > 0:54:16He was prettier than all the girls in the school so, you know!
0:54:16 > 0:54:19Yeah. Is that what you're on the run from, then? Your sexual confusion?
0:54:20 > 0:54:23Closer than you think! HE CHUCKLES
0:54:25 > 0:54:30You know, any time you want a lift to your dad's, you only have to ask.
0:54:30 > 0:54:31- I thought you hated him.- I do.
0:54:33 > 0:54:34But you don't.
0:54:34 > 0:54:36And I love you.
0:54:43 > 0:54:46Sometimes I miss him.
0:54:46 > 0:54:48Well, not him, exactly,
0:54:48 > 0:54:51because I've never known a time when Paul wasn't my dad,
0:54:51 > 0:54:54but I miss, like, the idea of him.
0:54:54 > 0:54:56Do you know what I mean?
0:54:58 > 0:55:00I do, love. I know exactly what you mean.
0:55:07 > 0:55:09Grandad?
0:55:11 > 0:55:15- Grandad, are you OK? - I'm fine. I'm fine, darling.
0:55:15 > 0:55:17- Do you want to stop? - Stop? No chance.
0:55:17 > 0:55:20If I stop, I'll be weeping like Louis Walsh.
0:55:20 > 0:55:22Driving's the only thing that's keeping me together!
0:55:25 > 0:55:28It's just, you know, sometimes,
0:55:28 > 0:55:31I miss the conversations I'll never have with your grandma.
0:55:32 > 0:55:34Hell...
0:55:36 > 0:55:38I even miss the arguments.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41Yeah, I miss Grandma, too.
0:55:41 > 0:55:44I know you do, love. I know you do.
0:56:08 > 0:56:12I'm doing all this for you, young man. I hope you appreciate it.
0:56:12 > 0:56:14I don't think so.
0:56:20 > 0:56:22Hey.
0:56:22 > 0:56:25Come on, eh?
0:56:25 > 0:56:27One more try, yeah?
0:56:28 > 0:56:31Come on, for me. One more try, eh?
0:56:33 > 0:56:35Eh?
0:56:37 > 0:56:38Do you remember?
0:56:40 > 0:56:41Cos I think you do.
0:56:45 > 0:56:49SHE IMITATES KNOCKING
0:56:49 > 0:56:51Calling Joe! Are you in there?
0:56:51 > 0:56:53Are you in there?
0:56:53 > 0:56:55I'm in here.
0:56:55 > 0:56:59I know you're in there, too. Somewhere inside.
0:57:02 > 0:57:05I know, Joe. I saw it.
0:57:24 > 0:57:28All right, all right, all right. Fair enough. Fair enough.
0:57:34 > 0:57:39LOUD ROCK MUSIC PLAYS
0:58:05 > 0:58:07What is it about Alison,
0:58:07 > 0:58:10she always manages to find a man to run around after her?
0:58:10 > 0:58:12HE MOUTHS
0:58:12 > 0:58:15I spend my whole life panicking, are we doing the right thing?
0:58:15 > 0:58:17Can we ever do the right thing?
0:58:17 > 0:58:19Dear me, Maurice, is this really still a thing?
0:58:19 > 0:58:21You don't fancy me till your best mate has a crack at me.
0:58:21 > 0:58:24There's only one good way of dealing with boys' gossip.
0:58:24 > 0:58:25- Ignore it, I know.- Ignore it?
0:58:25 > 0:58:26Avenge it.
0:58:26 > 0:58:28You can't expect everybody to do your bidding
0:58:28 > 0:58:30whenever you say the word "Joe"!