0:00:02 > 0:00:07*
0:00:10 > 0:00:13Parapraxis.
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Parapraxis?
0:00:15 > 0:00:22It's what Dr Freud would term a slip of the tongue or lapse of memory, revealing an unconscious desire.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26Not what you might call a USEFUL word.
0:00:26 > 0:00:30Then how about "paramour" - an illicit lover?
0:00:30 > 0:00:35- How do I get that into an everyday sentence?- That's the challenge!
0:00:43 > 0:00:50- Better late than never!- Perhaps if we hadn't had to go back for your speech...
0:00:50 > 0:00:56- I dare say Dr Freud would have something to say about that. - I dare say, George.
0:01:08 > 0:01:13- This brings back memories - happiest days of your life.- The longest.
0:01:13 > 0:01:19- How would you define finishing school, madam?- A sort of farm,
0:01:19 > 0:01:24where they grow wives and mothers. Young women are sent to be finished.
0:01:24 > 0:01:31- Which is precisely what they will be if they believe the twaddle they're taught.- "Home, harmony, humility."
0:01:31 > 0:01:32Hogwash!
0:01:37 > 0:01:44- She's here at last. Clementine, it's vital I see your father afterwards.- Yes, Miss Ferris.
0:01:44 > 0:01:50I read the other day that smoking ruins the complexion. ..Chop, chop!
0:02:00 > 0:02:05MUSIC: Overture to "The Mikado" by Gilbert and Sullivan
0:02:14 > 0:02:20Such an honour, Mrs Bradley. We thought we might have to start without you.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26GRAMOPHONE: # A wandering minstrel I
0:02:26 > 0:02:29# A thing of shreds and patches
0:02:29 > 0:02:33# Of ballads, songs and snatches... #
0:02:33 > 0:02:36FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:02:36 > 0:02:39'Our guest of honour, Mrs Bradley,'
0:02:39 > 0:02:46has been described by the Times as one of the country's foremost criminologists and psychoanalysts.
0:02:46 > 0:02:53She is perhaps more at home lecturing policemen at Scotland Yard than young ladies at her alma mater.
0:02:53 > 0:03:01LAUGHTER But she has agreed to give this year's Evadne Flint Memorial Lecture.
0:03:01 > 0:03:04This will follow The Mikado.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10PIANO INTRODUCTION PLAYS
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Same here - bo-RING!
0:03:20 > 0:03:26- Do you like Gilbert and Sullivan? - Frankly, Doctor, I wish they'd never met.
0:03:28 > 0:03:32# If you want to know who we are... #
0:03:32 > 0:03:36< Plum! # We are gentlemen of Japan
0:03:36 > 0:03:41# On many a vase and jar... #
0:03:41 > 0:03:44GRAMOPHONE: # Three little maids from school
0:03:48 > 0:03:50# Three little maids from school are we
0:03:50 > 0:03:53# Pert as a schoolgirl well can be... #
0:03:57 > 0:04:01# But here he comes
0:04:01 > 0:04:07# Equipped as suits his station
0:04:07 > 0:04:16# He'll give you any further information... #
0:04:23 > 0:04:26- What are we waiting for? - Miss Ferris!
0:04:26 > 0:04:29Go and find her!
0:04:37 > 0:04:40BLOODCURDLING SCREAM
0:04:43 > 0:04:47GRAMOPHONE: # Three little maids from school are we
0:04:47 > 0:04:49# Three little maids from school are we
0:04:49 > 0:04:52# Three little maids from school are we
0:04:52 > 0:04:55# Three little maids from school are we Three little maids... #
0:04:57 > 0:04:59Sayonara, Miss Ferris.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06# You're the cream in my coffee
0:05:06 > 0:05:08# You're the salt in my stew
0:05:08 > 0:05:11# You would always be my necessity
0:05:11 > 0:05:13# I'd be lost without you... #
0:05:13 > 0:05:18- Heart attack. No doubt about it. - Are you sure, Doctor?
0:05:18 > 0:05:24Yes. She had a heart condition - just a matter of time, I'm afraid.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27- Who last spoke to her?- I did.
0:05:27 > 0:05:31- Head girl, Clementine Prosser-Harris. - Did she feel unwell?
0:05:31 > 0:05:37No. She said she wanted to speak to my father after the show. "Vital," she said.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41He's chairman of the Board of Governors.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46- Any idea why she wanted to see him, miss?- I'm afraid not, no.
0:05:48 > 0:05:53- HEAD TEACHER: Poor Miss Ferris! - Poor Miss Ferris, indeed.
0:05:53 > 0:06:00- Excuse me, Mr...?- Valentine. Max. Music tutor. Miss Mona Bunting, motherhood and make-up.- May I?
0:06:00 > 0:06:02Of course.
0:06:08 > 0:06:13- I'll write a death certificate. - That might be premature.
0:06:13 > 0:06:18These marks on the door... The varnish has been scratched away -
0:06:18 > 0:06:23clawed, I'd say - and there's varnish under Miss Ferris's nails.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28It looks as though she was desperate to get out, but couldn't.
0:06:28 > 0:06:33- You're quite sure the door was unlocked, miss?- Yes, positive.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35Thank you, girls. You may go.
0:06:41 > 0:06:48- Are you suggesting something is wrong?- Probably not, but you should notify the police, just in case.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52- But think of the publicity! - Think of Miss Ferris!
0:06:52 > 0:06:59Mrs Bradley, my husband and I have worked ceaselessly to build Hadleigh Heights's reputation.
0:07:00 > 0:07:06We are not having it shot to pieces when the truth is plain to see.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11- Poor Miss Ferris had a heart attack. - Very well. No police.
0:07:12 > 0:07:18On one condition - you allow me to satisfy myself there's been no foul play.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23- Do you find the school changed since you were here?- No. Gloomy as ever.
0:07:23 > 0:07:30This used to be out of bounds. I actually feel rather naughty just being here!
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Well, I hope you'll be comfortable.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34Goodnight.
0:07:36 > 0:07:41Oh! Spiders everywhere! I'm sorry - they give me the creeps.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- Same here, miss. - Goodnight, Miss Bunting.
0:07:47 > 0:07:52One or two of yours here, madam - Criminal Minds...
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Prison Reform...
0:07:55 > 0:07:58Manners Maketh Man.
0:07:58 > 0:08:04- I didn't write that. - No. "A guide to everyday etiquette by Evadne Flint."
0:08:04 > 0:08:09Miss Evadne Flint! She didn't care tuppence for the three Rs.
0:08:09 > 0:08:14For her, it was the three Es - elegance, entertaining, etiquette.
0:08:14 > 0:08:22If you wanted to know how to address an archbishop, Miss Flint was your woman. They got her in the end -
0:08:22 > 0:08:25embezzlement, as I recall.
0:08:25 > 0:08:31"A gentleman escorts a lady on the street side to protect her from splashes, footpads and marauders."
0:08:31 > 0:08:39- More to the point, did you manage to pickpocket that key from Miss Bunting?- Mmm.- Well done!
0:08:39 > 0:08:47- In Pontefract, they don't call it pickpocketing - they call it "doing a George".- You must be very proud.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52OPERA MUSIC PLAYS
0:08:57 > 0:08:59There.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02One death certificate.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07It would have been...sudden, I take it?
0:09:09 > 0:09:12She wouldn't have felt a thing.
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Well, I'm up the wooden hill to Bedfordshire.
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Goodnight.
0:09:19 > 0:09:22I shan't disturb you.
0:09:25 > 0:09:30- Was Mrs Simms here in your day, madam?- No. They're all new faces.
0:09:30 > 0:09:38- If you hated this place, why come back?- I had one or two things to get off my chest, but they can wait.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09First impressions?
0:10:09 > 0:10:11A keen traveller.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Very neat and tidy.
0:10:14 > 0:10:16Keeping chaos at bay.
0:10:42 > 0:10:45Paris...Moscow...
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Egypt...Egypt...
0:10:49 > 0:10:52A diary...
0:10:52 > 0:10:54- fitted with a lock!- Aha!
0:11:05 > 0:11:09- It's in gibberish, madam. - No, George, it's in code.
0:11:20 > 0:11:25So...Miss Ferris was a) neurotic, b)compulsive,
0:11:25 > 0:11:29c) secretive, to the point of obsession.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34- Ten bob you can't crack that code by tomorrow.- You're on.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Sapphire - on a teacher's pay?
0:11:44 > 0:11:49It could be a gift, but then, why hide it?
0:11:55 > 0:12:00- Trouble sleeping, Mr Valentine? - I'm on my way for a glass of water.
0:12:00 > 0:12:07- You don't waste any time.- No sense letting the trail go cold. - Assuming there IS a trail.
0:12:07 > 0:12:14- Must have been a shock, sir.- In hothouses like this, it's surprising it doesn't happen more often.
0:12:14 > 0:12:20- Did Miss Ferris have a regular travelling companion?- She headed the trip to Rome at Easter.
0:12:20 > 0:12:25- Otherwise, she was deeply antisocial. She holidayed alone.- Really?
0:12:25 > 0:12:28Then who took all these films?
0:12:31 > 0:12:38- He was right. These hothouses breed incest, rivalry and jealousy.- It's a wonder they get any work done.
0:12:38 > 0:12:42- Miss Ferris was a woman obsessed. - By what?
0:12:42 > 0:12:45What, indeed? Goodnight, George.
0:12:45 > 0:12:47Goodnight, madam.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Splendid, splendid!
0:12:54 > 0:12:58And...glide, ladies...glide...
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Head, head! Chin, chin!
0:13:02 > 0:13:04Splendid!
0:13:06 > 0:13:12Posture and poise, s'il vous plait, Plum!
0:13:12 > 0:13:16- Why the nickname?- Anything beats Prunella - even Plum!
0:13:17 > 0:13:20Mrs Bradley, can I be of help?
0:13:20 > 0:13:26- What can you tell me about Miss Ferris? - Best art teacher ever. Excuse me.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29There we are...
0:13:31 > 0:13:35There. That's better, Little Miss Pretty.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40- She taught conversation and floral display.- Did she have a lover?
0:13:40 > 0:13:44Romances are not permitted during term time.
0:13:44 > 0:13:48My wife is most insistent.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52My observation system,
0:13:52 > 0:13:59so we can see what's going on in all parts of the school wherever we are - eyes in the back of our head.
0:13:59 > 0:14:06- Most ingenious!- We've had one or two jewellery thefts. I rather hoped this would prove a deterrent.
0:14:06 > 0:14:13- Speaking of jewellery, do you know who this belongs to? It was found in Miss Ferris's room.- Clementine,
0:14:13 > 0:14:15isn't this yours?
0:14:16 > 0:14:20Yes! I reported it stolen last week.
0:14:20 > 0:14:26- My pearls went missing too. And my watch. - You didn't call the police?
0:14:26 > 0:14:33It was an internal matter. Now Miss Ferris has passed on, I think we can leave it at that.
0:14:33 > 0:14:36Resumez, jeunes filles! Vite, vite!
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Heads erect!
0:14:45 > 0:14:49Agnes! It's a baby, not a sack of potatoes!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52But this is what nannies do.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56You need to know Nanny's doing it right!
0:14:56 > 0:14:59KNOCK AT DOOR
0:14:59 > 0:15:05I'm down for art. I've just got the hang of one subject, then I have to bone up on a mother one!
0:15:05 > 0:15:08MISS BUNTING: Merci, mes filles.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10ALL: Merci, mam'selle.
0:15:10 > 0:15:16I'VE got to take over conversation skills and floral display.
0:15:18 > 0:15:25Max Valentine said, "I've just got the hang on one subject, then I've got to bone up on a MOTHER one."
0:15:25 > 0:15:31- He meant "other".- Touch of the old parapraxis, madam?- Exactly.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35Maybe these dolls triggered thoughts of his mother.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39- Got that ten bob handy? - You've cracked the code!
0:15:39 > 0:15:46The most common letter of the alphabet is E. In the diary, it's F or maybe T. If F or E equals T...
0:15:46 > 0:15:51- You don't know what you're talking about, do you?- Not a clue.
0:15:51 > 0:15:59You're being too complicated. If F equals E, let's assume each letter corresponds to the one behind -
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- B equals A, C equals B.- So...
0:16:02 > 0:16:05this reads...mad...bad...
0:16:05 > 0:16:11And dangerous to know! As Lady Caroline Lamb said of her lover, Lord Byron.
0:16:14 > 0:16:21Thank you! Supposition - the mysterious Miss Ferris had a secret lover, hence the code.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25Secret because he's a member of staff. Max Valentine!
0:16:25 > 0:16:32I'll search his room. You keep him busy. See if you can find anything in his wallet.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35And, George...
0:16:35 > 0:16:37Go carefully.
0:16:47 > 0:16:54I first saw the original of this when I was on holiday in Paris with my late husband and his mother,
0:16:54 > 0:17:01who said, "What is the Thinker thinking?" My husband replied, "Probably wishing he'd worn a vest."
0:17:01 > 0:17:06At that moment, I knew my marriage was doomed.
0:17:06 > 0:17:08# Life is just a bowl of cherries
0:17:08 > 0:17:12# Don't be so serious Life's too mysterious
0:17:12 > 0:17:16# You work, you save You worry so... #
0:17:16 > 0:17:19This is very good of you, sir.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22I loved painting as a nipper -
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- walls, mainly. - I'd never have guessed(!)
0:17:34 > 0:17:37# Life is just a bowl of cherries
0:17:37 > 0:17:42# So live and laugh at it all! #
0:17:44 > 0:17:47"With birthday love from M."
0:17:51 > 0:17:57This is supposed to be a life class. Miss Ferris promised us a male model.
0:17:57 > 0:18:04I do have a copy of a sculpture by Rodin in my room. Anything beats bananas.
0:18:04 > 0:18:07- Back in two ticks.- No!
0:18:07 > 0:18:10Um...no need for a sculpture, surely.
0:18:10 > 0:18:15- Are you volunteering your services? - Certainly not!
0:18:15 > 0:18:20- In that case, I'll get my sculpture. - Well, on second thoughts...
0:18:20 > 0:18:22if it would help...
0:18:25 > 0:18:29EXPLOSION OF GIGGLING
0:18:36 > 0:18:39# All that meat and no potatoes
0:18:39 > 0:18:43# Just ain't right Like green tomatoes
0:18:43 > 0:18:46# Yeah, I'm waiting, palpitating
0:18:46 > 0:18:49# For all that meat and no potatoes
0:18:49 > 0:18:52# All that meat and no potatoes
0:18:52 > 0:18:56# All that food to the alligators, yeah
0:18:56 > 0:18:59# Hold me steady I am ready
0:18:59 > 0:19:03# But all that meat and no potatoes... #
0:19:22 > 0:19:28- Did you need me, madam? - GIRLS: No! - Quite all right. Take your time.
0:19:31 > 0:19:34One can't hurry art.
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Thank you, ladies. ALL: Aw-w!
0:19:52 > 0:19:55Thanks, George! Thanks very much!
0:19:55 > 0:19:58Bye, Georgie!
0:19:58 > 0:20:00MR VALENTINE: Thank you, George.
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Thank you.
0:20:06 > 0:20:13- I'm burning this lot!- Nonsense! I like this one by Plum. Interesting perspective.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18I didn't manage to nab his wallet, due to a shortage of hiding places.
0:20:20 > 0:20:26Four pounds ten...and an Italian passport with a photograph of Max Valentine,
0:20:26 > 0:20:29but bearing the name Massimo Valentino.
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- What about his room?- Nothing,
0:20:32 > 0:20:39- except a book of poems given with love by somebody whose name begins with M.- Mona Bunting.
0:20:39 > 0:20:40Yes?
0:20:41 > 0:20:47Just thinking aloud. Would you give this to Mr Valentine? He dropped it.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51No, please...I don't want to know.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01"Miss Mona Bunting has been appointed Deputy Principal."
0:21:05 > 0:21:10Congrats! I don't want to speak ill of the dead, but I AM glad it's you.
0:21:10 > 0:21:11Thank you.
0:21:18 > 0:21:21A fob! How unusual for a woman.
0:21:21 > 0:21:27- No choice. Allergies, I'm afraid. - Really?- Yes.
0:21:27 > 0:21:34Is that the Italian Embassy? This is Mr George Moody, headmaster at Hadleigh Heights Academy.
0:21:34 > 0:21:42I'm checking up on a countryman of yours. He applied for a position here - Mr Massimo Valentino.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Yes, of course I'll hold.
0:21:48 > 0:21:51OPERA MUSIC BLARES OUT
0:22:09 > 0:22:12..Excuse me.
0:22:18 > 0:22:21Yes...grazie to you, too. Thanks. Bye.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27MUSIC STOPS
0:22:28 > 0:22:32I asked George to telephone for some clothes.
0:22:32 > 0:22:37- I hope you don't mind.- Top-notch idea! You ought to patent that.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Madam...
0:22:45 > 0:22:51"Dear Miss Ferris, We have pleasure in enclosing your boat ticket, final destination Madagascar."
0:22:51 > 0:22:58Jenner's book shop. "We beg to inform you the book you ordered is ready for collection."
0:22:58 > 0:23:01- Postmarked... - BOTH: Yesterday!
0:23:03 > 0:23:07- Poor Miss Ferris! Sorely missed. - Indeed.
0:23:07 > 0:23:12- May I see the book she ordered? - I hardly think so.
0:23:12 > 0:23:17- She was a very private person. - And now she's a very dead person.
0:23:23 > 0:23:30- The Well Of Loneliness by Radclyffe Hall. No wonder it's wrapped.- Not mucky, is it?- No, but it IS banned.
0:23:30 > 0:23:34- It's about love between two women. - Oh.
0:23:34 > 0:23:36Oh-h...
0:23:36 > 0:23:43Assuming Miss Ferris's secret love - mad, bad and dangerous to know - wasn't a man, but a woman...
0:23:43 > 0:23:48- I'd hazard a guess at Mona Bunting. - She could've taken those films.
0:23:48 > 0:23:55- But she gave those poems to Max with love.- Maybe she butters her bread on both sides.- Beg pardon?
0:23:55 > 0:24:02If Mr Valentine was in love with Mona Bunting, but discovered she was also in love with Miss Ferris,
0:24:02 > 0:24:08- could he have murdered out of jealousy or disgust? - SHOP BELL TINKLES
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Morning, Doctor!
0:24:10 > 0:24:13All ready for you.
0:24:15 > 0:24:20- And I've slipped in some extra postcards.- Thank you, Mr Jenner.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Good day.
0:24:29 > 0:24:35- Might I enquire what the doctor bought?- I'm not sure he'd want me to say, madam.- Pity.
0:24:35 > 0:24:42These imported books and postcards you sell - aren't they the kind the police would be interested in?
0:24:42 > 0:24:47He bought Practical Hypnosis by Dr Jurgen Van Gelder.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49And a book on sexual manners.
0:24:55 > 0:24:57Sex, George.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00Beg pardon, madam?
0:25:00 > 0:25:05Sex or money. With murder, it's usually one or the other.
0:25:05 > 0:25:10One can't help thinking how much simpler life would be without sex,
0:25:10 > 0:25:15or what my mother used to call "matters of the trouser".
0:25:15 > 0:25:21Then again, as St Augustine said, "Lord, make me chaste - but not yet."
0:25:21 > 0:25:26What Mrs Bradley's getting at is, are you...? I mean...
0:25:28 > 0:25:31How exactly do you butter your bread?
0:25:32 > 0:25:35Are you in love with Mr Valentine?
0:25:35 > 0:25:40And were you also involved with Miss Ferris?
0:25:43 > 0:25:46I've been looking for that.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51If there WAS a menage a trois, it might have a bearing on her death.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Please try and understand.
0:25:55 > 0:26:02As far as Mrs Simms is concerned, even a conventional romance means instant dismissal.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04Anything at all...
0:26:05 > 0:26:10..unorthodox would lead to utter ruin.
0:26:10 > 0:26:16Was Mr Valentine aware of you and Miss Ferris, or vice versa?
0:26:16 > 0:26:22- Not as far as I know. - I assume you're the "M" who gave Mr Valentine a book of poetry?
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Then you assume wrongly!
0:26:25 > 0:26:30- Are you aware Mr Valentine is using a false identity?- Max?!
0:26:31 > 0:26:35- Why?- That's what WE'D like to know.
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Why did you lie to me? Not here!
0:26:40 > 0:26:46# Keep young and beautiful It's your duty to be beautiful... #
0:26:46 > 0:26:51Quicker, girls! Come on, Lady Lovely Legs! Put your back into it!
0:26:53 > 0:26:56Reach, girls, reach!
0:26:56 > 0:27:00Well done, mam'selle! Presto! Presto!
0:27:00 > 0:27:08I've been through the entire register - girls and staff. Mona Bunting is definitely the only M.
0:27:08 > 0:27:15- Perhaps it's a nickname.- Weren't you wearing a brooch when we arrived? - The school magpie has swooped again.
0:27:15 > 0:27:22- Not Miss Ferris this time!- Telegram for Mr Moody - our new headmaster(!) - Are those Clementine's parents?
0:27:22 > 0:27:26Yes. They're taking me on a picnic. We're having champagne!
0:27:26 > 0:27:33"Confidential - Signor Massimo Valentino not recommended for employment at your academy."
0:27:36 > 0:27:41Well done, George! What do they call that in Pontefract?
0:27:41 > 0:27:43Picking a lock, madam.
0:27:45 > 0:27:51Well, well! A suspect in several major jewel robberies in Venice,
0:27:51 > 0:27:55our friend Mr Valentine was tried, but acquitted.
0:27:55 > 0:28:02- No wonder he changed his name, but why keep these papers?- Ego. Everyone loves to see their name in print.
0:28:02 > 0:28:07- But if Miss Ferris found out... - He'd want to keep her quiet.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10And we've just told Miss Bunting!
0:28:12 > 0:28:15Max, talk to me!
0:28:19 > 0:28:22There was a trial. I was cleared.
0:28:22 > 0:28:27But your name, where you come from, everything - it's all lies!
0:28:27 > 0:28:31I needed a fresh start. How dare you...!
0:28:31 > 0:28:35Careful, sir - manners maketh man.
0:28:36 > 0:28:39Goodbye, Signor Valentino.
0:28:43 > 0:28:49- I suppose YOU told Mona about me? - Yes.- The allegations were untrue.
0:28:49 > 0:28:56- If you've got a crazy notion- I- killed Miss Ferris, that's nonsense! - I don't recall accusing you.
0:28:56 > 0:29:03You should be talking to Dr Simms. Dirty old goat! He's been trying his luck with Miss Ferris for months.
0:29:03 > 0:29:10I reckon she was going to report him to the chairman of the governors, but she never got the chance.
0:29:15 > 0:29:22- What exactly are we looking for, madam?- Anything that tells us more about Dr Simms.
0:29:22 > 0:29:29- HELP! I think I can smell gas from the kitchen, and the door's locked! - Leave this to George.
0:29:33 > 0:29:36THEY COUGH
0:29:46 > 0:29:48What's going on?
0:29:48 > 0:29:51George...get the police.
0:30:04 > 0:30:09- Agnes, this is...- Inspector Christmas, Scotland Yard.- Tell him.
0:30:09 > 0:30:14I was after some biccies, but the kitchen was locked and I smelled gas.
0:30:14 > 0:30:21So, you broke down the door, then YOU arrived. I was getting water and heard Agnes.
0:30:21 > 0:30:26"I'm sorry. I can't bear the guilt. I poisoned Miss Ferris."
0:30:26 > 0:30:30You're sure this is Miss Bunting's writing? Positive.
0:30:30 > 0:30:35Her application to be deputy principal. Identical.
0:30:35 > 0:30:39She and Miss Ferris were rivals. Is that relevant?
0:30:39 > 0:30:46Motive of a sort, I suppose. ..May I ask why you didn't report the death of Miss Ferris as suspicious?
0:30:46 > 0:30:53- I was convinced it was just a heart attack.- But YOU thought there was more to it.- I had my suspicions.
0:30:53 > 0:30:58- And Miss Bunting's death? - Suicide, as far as one can see,
0:30:58 > 0:31:05prompted by despair at being forced to disguise her true self, guilt at having murdered her lesbian lover.
0:31:05 > 0:31:12- Suicide could have offered an end to her torment.- COULD have? You're not entirely satisfied.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15It takes a lot to satisfy me, Inspector.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18Did you say...lesbian?
0:31:18 > 0:31:23Indeed I did. It doesn't do to deny one's nature,
0:31:23 > 0:31:26whatever that may be.
0:31:26 > 0:31:33Open and shut, as far as I'm concerned - just the way I like them. And a chance to meet you - a bonus.
0:31:33 > 0:31:41- I've read all your books, and I found your lecture on murder in marriage fascinating.- How kind.
0:31:41 > 0:31:48- If I can ever be of assistance... - Henry Christmas. Unusual name.- The novelty wears off, believe you me.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50A real pleasure, Mrs Bradley.
0:31:50 > 0:31:53- Good day.- Goodbye.
0:31:56 > 0:31:59Charming man. Charming!
0:31:59 > 0:32:06- If you say so, madam. - Does anything strike you as odd about this suicide?- In what way?
0:32:06 > 0:32:11Are we to believe that two teachers are dead because of petty rivalry?
0:32:11 > 0:32:18- And Max Valentine searching for water for the second night running. - He seems a remarkably thirsty man.
0:32:18 > 0:32:23Someone could've knocked her out, then put her head in the oven?
0:32:23 > 0:32:28Before locking the door and climbing out the window. But the note...
0:32:28 > 0:32:34- Easy to fake her handwriting - sheet of tracing paper...- If so...
0:32:34 > 0:32:39hypothesis - whoever murdered Miss Ferris also killed Miss Bunting.
0:32:39 > 0:32:44- Then faked her suicide to foil us. - Interesting watermark.
0:32:44 > 0:32:46Looks like the Colosseum in Rome.
0:32:46 > 0:32:54I think it's time we took a look at the staff files, find out exactly who we're dealing with. ..Biccy?
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Madam.
0:33:49 > 0:33:52HE COUGHS
0:33:54 > 0:33:58Beg pardon, madam. This etiquette malarkey...
0:33:58 > 0:34:01At a society wedding,
0:34:01 > 0:34:07- how would I address the eldest son of an earl?- Do you attend many society weddings?
0:34:07 > 0:34:10Fair point, but, um...
0:34:10 > 0:34:14Lord How's-Your-Father or the Honourable How's-Your-Father?
0:34:14 > 0:34:21- I can't remember.- Would a gentleman escort a lady to dinner on this side or this?
0:34:21 > 0:34:23A gentleman would know.
0:34:23 > 0:34:26Excuse me.
0:34:34 > 0:34:36Thank you.
0:34:38 > 0:34:43The answer is Mr How's-Your-Father would be a viscount.
0:34:43 > 0:34:49Now, why would Mrs Simms keep a secret photograph of Max Valentine?
0:34:49 > 0:34:55- The word "paramour" springs to mind. - I was hoping it would, George.
0:34:55 > 0:34:58And what is he tearing in half?
0:34:58 > 0:35:05- "Certificato".- Italian for certificate. You can just make out the letters Z, I, O, N.
0:35:05 > 0:35:09Zion... Some sort of Jewish connection?
0:35:09 > 0:35:14You're a liar! I did not steal your stupid crucifix.
0:35:14 > 0:35:19You were the only one in the dorm. Give it back! Can't. Haven't got it.
0:35:19 > 0:35:24Trust you to stick together. I know all about you two. You're disgusting!
0:35:24 > 0:35:28And you're a snob and a bully. I hate you.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31I'll see you later.
0:35:31 > 0:35:37- Loathsome creature! She's always picking on me.- Probably because you're a scholarship girl.
0:35:37 > 0:35:42- Is it that obvious?- You darn your stockings, just as I did.
0:35:42 > 0:35:49- You and I, Plum, we're birds of a feather.- But you're as rich as Rockefeller!- My family was rich,
0:35:49 > 0:35:56until my father decided to invest in a gold mine in Basotholand. A word of advice...
0:35:56 > 0:36:02- Never invest in Basotholand? - Precisely. Everything I have, I've earned.
0:36:02 > 0:36:09The one lesson I learned from the bullying I suffered here was it can make you weep, or make you strong.
0:36:09 > 0:36:16She's done enough weeping. Her parents died when she was six - influenza.
0:36:16 > 0:36:22- Who looked after you? - Nuns in an orphanage - if you can call it "looking after".
0:36:22 > 0:36:29But soon we'll be one big, happy family. My parents are adopting Plum. By Christmas, Daddy says.
0:36:29 > 0:36:33A real-life sister - best present ever.
0:36:33 > 0:36:40- Congratulations!- I know. I can hardly believe it myself!- What then? - How do you mean?- Dreams. Ambitions.
0:36:40 > 0:36:45Monte Carlo or a flat in London. Lots of parties.
0:36:45 > 0:36:47What more could you want?
0:36:47 > 0:36:55I want to be a writer. All I can remember about my father was him saying, "Read, girl, read.
0:36:55 > 0:36:59"Books contain all the treasures of the world."
0:36:59 > 0:37:03She locks herself away, writing her novel.
0:37:03 > 0:37:05A novel? How enterprising.
0:37:05 > 0:37:11- Would YOU have a look - give me a few pointers?- I'd be delighted.
0:37:27 > 0:37:32- Ah! "A Perfect Life". Thank you. - If it's not too bad,
0:37:32 > 0:37:36- perhaps you could show your publisher.- Mmm.
0:37:42 > 0:37:46"I know about you two. You're disgusting."
0:37:46 > 0:37:50What do you think Agnes meant, madam?
0:37:50 > 0:37:54I should have thought that was fairly obvious.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59What?
0:37:59 > 0:38:01Young girls like that?
0:38:01 > 0:38:06In my day, it was called "having a pash" - short for "passion".
0:38:09 > 0:38:12Seldom a lifelong state of affairs.
0:38:13 > 0:38:16- Right, madam.- At least...
0:38:16 > 0:38:19not necessarily.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35# Jealousy
0:38:35 > 0:38:39# It was only through jealousy
0:38:39 > 0:38:46# Our hearts were broken And angry words were spoken
0:38:46 > 0:38:48# Now all I have... #
0:38:48 > 0:38:51What a delightfully louche crowd!
0:39:00 > 0:39:04Do you know...where the tango first originated, George?
0:39:04 > 0:39:08- I've no idea, madam. - In the brothels...
0:39:08 > 0:39:11of Buenos Aires.
0:39:37 > 0:39:42I proposed to the former Mrs Moody at a dance. Not Buenos Aires.
0:39:44 > 0:39:46Basingstoke.
0:39:47 > 0:39:49Happy birthday, my darling.
0:39:52 > 0:39:54Wordsworth. Perfect!
0:39:58 > 0:40:03- It's not what you think! - What DO we think? - "With birthday love from M."
0:40:03 > 0:40:05- It's not how it looks.- No.
0:40:05 > 0:40:11"M" stands for Mother, which accounts for your Freudian slip.
0:40:11 > 0:40:17I've no idea what... You've been looking through my things!
0:40:17 > 0:40:22I've been looking for a murderer in all the wrong places. "Z, I, O, N" -
0:40:22 > 0:40:29it's part of an Italian word, adozione. You were tearing up your certificate of adoption.
0:40:29 > 0:40:32# Goodnight, Vienna
0:40:32 > 0:40:37# City of a million melodies... #
0:40:37 > 0:40:44It broke my heart. But when you are 17 and working in a foreign land and find you are expecting a baby,
0:40:44 > 0:40:47what choice do you have?
0:40:47 > 0:40:51The father was your employer, I take it?
0:40:51 > 0:40:58A businessman from Naples, married to the Contessa Manzi. I was governess to their children.
0:40:58 > 0:41:02I thought it was love. He said so often enough.
0:41:02 > 0:41:08But when I told him I was expecting his baby, he called me "puttana" - harlot.
0:41:08 > 0:41:15I was packed off to their country house till the baby was born, then back to England...alone.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18You don't have an Italian accent.
0:41:18 > 0:41:24When I was six months old, my father paid an English family to adopt me.
0:41:24 > 0:41:27It took me 15 years to track my boy down.
0:41:27 > 0:41:33Now I take him to lunch like this every birthday - just the two of us.
0:41:33 > 0:41:39- And the robberies in Venice? - I was on holiday. It was a simple case of mistaken identity.
0:41:39 > 0:41:46But people do love to talk, so Mrs Simms - my mother - gave me a fresh start.
0:41:46 > 0:41:50And Massimo Valentino became Max Valentine.
0:41:51 > 0:41:57- How long had Miss Ferris been blackmailing you? - How did you know about that?
0:41:57 > 0:42:04You were going to make her deputy principal, even though Miss Bunting was better qualified.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07She must have had a hold over you.
0:42:07 > 0:42:13Appalling woman! Money didn't interest her. Status - that's all that mattered.
0:42:13 > 0:42:19- She threatened to tell the school governors about your past?- Yes.
0:42:19 > 0:42:24- But I didn't kill her, if that's what you're thinking!- Who else knows?
0:42:24 > 0:42:25No-one.
0:42:26 > 0:42:29Except my husband.
0:42:31 > 0:42:37Remember, mademoiselle, we are ladies of quality. Legs together, swivel,
0:42:37 > 0:42:40and out you come, dainty as a daisy.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43Mademoiselle, remember - elegance.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46Legs together...
0:42:46 > 0:42:48swivel... Not too high!
0:42:48 > 0:42:52Out you come, pretty as a picture. Charming!
0:42:52 > 0:42:57He fits the bill - illegitimate children, foreigners, scandal...
0:42:57 > 0:43:04- No good for his school's reputation. - If Miss Ferris WAS a blackmailer, she'd have to be silenced.
0:43:04 > 0:43:11- But imagine spending all day, every day surrounded by nubile young ladies.- I'm doing my best.
0:43:11 > 0:43:15I mean, what effect would it have on a man?
0:43:17 > 0:43:19Apart from that.
0:43:24 > 0:43:29Dr Simms reminds me somewhat of the Ancient Mariner -
0:43:29 > 0:43:37"Water, water everywhere, nor any drop to drink." Whether or not he's fallen overboard remains to be seen.
0:43:37 > 0:43:40This is the one that will make my fortune.
0:43:40 > 0:43:43Press the little black button.
0:43:47 > 0:43:49- Oh, look...- That's...
0:44:09 > 0:44:13If that isn't the best thing since...
0:44:13 > 0:44:15Well, since I don't know what!
0:44:15 > 0:44:23No, thank you. I've been talking to your bookseller, Doctor. He told me of your particular area of interest.
0:44:23 > 0:44:25Hypnotism.
0:44:27 > 0:44:30Yes...yes, a fascinating field.
0:44:30 > 0:44:37Most people read Van Gelder on the subject, but personally, I think Slegmann has more to offer.
0:44:37 > 0:44:44- Er...yes, I've been experimenting with it as a cure for phobias and other conditions.- Really? Such as?
0:44:44 > 0:44:52Nightmares. Young Plum Fisher suffered badly when she arrived, but four sessions did the trick.
0:44:52 > 0:44:58- Who else did you treat in this way? - I really couldn't say. Almost time for your lecture.
0:44:58 > 0:45:04- Was Miss Bunting one of your guinea pigs?- I can't discuss patients.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07Not even dead ones?
0:45:08 > 0:45:13I can be very discreet when the occasion demands.
0:45:15 > 0:45:18Miss Bunting had certain...
0:45:18 > 0:45:24- sexual proclivities, of which she was deeply ashamed. - And powerless to resist?
0:45:24 > 0:45:31Yes. She wanted a cure, underwent several sessions of hypnosis, but to no avail.
0:45:31 > 0:45:38- Were you aware that Miss Ferris shared these lesbian proclivities? - Not until you mentioned it, no.
0:45:38 > 0:45:43- Did you use hypnosis on Miss Ferris? - Yes, but for something different.
0:45:43 > 0:45:48- Was it a physical or a psychological disorder?- Really, Mrs Bradley!
0:45:48 > 0:45:56- It goes against the grain to discuss patients.- We know she had a severe heart condition.
0:45:56 > 0:46:02- I told her she had to be very careful. - May I see Miss Ferris's case notes?
0:46:02 > 0:46:04Very well.
0:46:15 > 0:46:22When you broke the bad news about Miss Ferris's heart condition, was there anyone else in the room?
0:46:22 > 0:46:27- Of course not!- But there could have been an eavesdropper outside?
0:46:27 > 0:46:34- It's possible, I suppose.- During that consultation, did you discuss Miss Ferris's other problem -
0:46:34 > 0:46:41- the one here?- I hypnotised her. She was adamant nothing should interfere with her holiday.- Madagascar.
0:46:41 > 0:46:44- I beg your pardon? - She was going to Madagascar.
0:46:44 > 0:46:49"Madagascar - a lush, tropical island off the coast of Africa,
0:46:49 > 0:46:56- "famed for its distinctive evolution of flora and fauna, including large..."- Spiders.
0:47:01 > 0:47:05Message from Mrs Simms. Everyone's here. Ready when you are.
0:47:07 > 0:47:09Mrs Bradley?
0:47:09 > 0:47:12Thank you. Why don't you sit down?
0:47:12 > 0:47:18- I'd like to talk to you about your book. It's very good.- Thank you!
0:47:18 > 0:47:22I have a theory about why some people write fiction.
0:47:23 > 0:47:29They want to impose some sort of order on the chaos of the world,
0:47:29 > 0:47:37to create the neat, happy endings that life stubbornly refuses to provide.
0:47:37 > 0:47:42- And we all love a neat, happy ending, don't we?- Yes.
0:47:42 > 0:47:45Especially a girl like you.
0:47:45 > 0:47:47Yes.
0:47:47 > 0:47:49Why not close your eyes a moment?
0:47:52 > 0:47:55Just for a moment. ..Good girl.
0:47:55 > 0:47:58INAUDIBLE REMARK
0:48:05 > 0:48:10- Will Mrs Bradley be much longer? - Hard to say, madam.
0:48:10 > 0:48:13'Once upon a time,'
0:48:13 > 0:48:20there was an angry little girl, furious with the world, especially her parents for leaving her alone.
0:48:20 > 0:48:25She knew they couldn't help it, but she was still angry.
0:48:25 > 0:48:29The anger was so deep she didn't even know it was there.
0:48:29 > 0:48:37She didn't understand why she had terrible nightmares and a compulsion to steal things she didn't want,
0:48:37 > 0:48:39but HAD to have.
0:48:39 > 0:48:43Then, one day, she was caught red-handed.
0:48:43 > 0:48:46You little thief!
0:48:46 > 0:48:48Who said that?
0:48:48 > 0:48:55- Miss Ferris. She saw me take Clementine's ring.- And threatened to tell her parents.- She can't!
0:48:55 > 0:48:59- The adoption's about to go through! - Who will stop her?
0:49:00 > 0:49:02- I- will.
0:49:08 > 0:49:15- Where are you now?- Ssh! I'm outside the study, eavesdropping on the doctor and Miss Ferris.
0:49:15 > 0:49:22- She's got a very bad heart. No sudden shocks, or else... - Or else what?
0:49:22 > 0:49:24She'll die.
0:49:24 > 0:49:28- There's something else. - She's scared of spiders.
0:49:28 > 0:49:31More than scared -
0:49:31 > 0:49:34she's absolutely petrified.
0:49:36 > 0:49:38# Three little maids from school are we
0:49:38 > 0:49:40# Three little maids from school are we... #
0:49:41 > 0:49:44What now?
0:49:44 > 0:49:49- I'm watching the Mikado.- Where is Miss Ferris?- In the dressing room.
0:49:49 > 0:49:53- But the door is locked.- ..Yes.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55No escape.
0:49:55 > 0:50:00# Two little maids remain and they Won't have to wait very long, they say... #
0:50:16 > 0:50:18Let me out!
0:50:19 > 0:50:23# Three little maids from school are we
0:50:23 > 0:50:26# Three little maids from school are we
0:50:26 > 0:50:28# Three little maids from school are we... #
0:50:28 > 0:50:33STUCK RECORD CONTINUES PLAYING
0:50:48 > 0:50:51'The perfect murder.'
0:50:52 > 0:50:55Not bad for a scholarship girl.
0:50:57 > 0:51:01- They're waiting.- What did your father say about books?
0:51:01 > 0:51:05"Books contain all the treasures of the world."
0:51:08 > 0:51:13I believe this... is your crucifix, miss.
0:51:13 > 0:51:16Yes! And my watch.
0:51:17 > 0:51:19And my brooch.
0:51:19 > 0:51:22And my pearls.
0:51:22 > 0:51:27Don't look at me! That's MY crucifix and my watch - both stolen.
0:51:27 > 0:51:29Or so you said.
0:51:29 > 0:51:32Anybody could have put those there.
0:51:32 > 0:51:39Just as anyone could have forged Miss Bunting's suicide note? One fatal mistake.
0:51:39 > 0:51:46The Colosseum watermark - identical to the watermark on all 206 pages of your manuscript.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50Oh, Plum!
0:51:53 > 0:51:56We were nearly sisters.
0:51:56 > 0:52:00PLUM: Family. That's all I wanted.
0:52:00 > 0:52:02So much...it hurt.
0:52:02 > 0:52:08How could I let Miss Ferris ruin my one chance to be happy?
0:52:08 > 0:52:11Haven't I been through enough?
0:52:12 > 0:52:15Well, haven't I?
0:52:25 > 0:52:32- Try not to be too hard on her, Inspector. She's a very disturbed young lady.- I'll do my best, madam.
0:52:32 > 0:52:36- I do hope we meet again. Goodbye. - Goodbye.
0:52:51 > 0:52:55'I'm not trying to justify what she did,'
0:52:55 > 0:52:58merely to understand it.
0:52:58 > 0:53:03She craved a family and acceptance in what passes for polite society.
0:53:04 > 0:53:07But society is changing.
0:53:07 > 0:53:11Last year, we women won the right to vote.
0:53:11 > 0:53:14Amelia Earhart flew the Atlantic.
0:53:14 > 0:53:18Who knows - one day, a woman might be Prime Minister.
0:53:19 > 0:53:24I was expelled from Hadleigh Heights.
0:53:24 > 0:53:30Had I stayed, I might have come to believe in home, harmony, humility,
0:53:30 > 0:53:36and to lead a life of jam-making, gin rummy and Chalfont St Giles.
0:53:36 > 0:53:40So, girls, before you settle for the little life,
0:53:40 > 0:53:45remember - the world is now your oyster.
0:53:46 > 0:53:54And provided you believe in yourselves, there is nothing you cannot achieve.
0:54:10 > 0:54:15There's bound to be some rather lurid publicity, I'm afraid.
0:54:15 > 0:54:17We'll survive.
0:54:17 > 0:54:23We're not the dinosaurs you seem to think. People will always need standards.
0:54:23 > 0:54:27And some of us rather like the little life.
0:54:29 > 0:54:30Winifred.
0:54:39 > 0:54:44Not exactly birds of a feather after all, eh, madam - you and Plum?
0:54:44 > 0:54:46No, apparently not.
0:54:46 > 0:54:51Come on! I suspect we've somewhat outstayed our welcome.
0:54:51 > 0:54:54Yes, if this is anything to go by.
0:54:54 > 0:55:00The Japanese say, "Visitors are like fish - they begin to stink after three days."
0:55:00 > 0:55:03Clever people, the Japanese.
0:55:05 > 0:55:08All set? I've tied it to the back.
0:55:08 > 0:55:11- Thank you! Arrivederci.- Goodbye.
0:55:11 > 0:55:17- Tied WHAT to the back, madam? - Oh, nothing. Just a little souvenir.
0:55:29 > 0:55:34# You're the cream in my coffee You're the salt in my stew
0:55:34 > 0:55:38# You would always be my necessity I'd be lost without you
0:55:38 > 0:55:43# You're the starch in my collar You're the lace in my shoe
0:55:43 > 0:55:47# You would always be my necessity I'd be lost without you
0:55:48 > 0:55:53# Most men tell love tales Find each tale dovetails
0:55:53 > 0:55:58# You know each known way This way is my own way
0:55:58 > 0:56:02# You're the sail in my love boat You're the captain and crew
0:56:02 > 0:56:07# You would always be my necessity I'd be lost without you. #
0:56:07 > 0:56:11Subtitles by Valery Tough BBC Scotland 2000