The Dilemma

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0:00:02 > 0:00:04Contains strong language.

0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Smile though your heart is aching

0:00:07 > 0:00:13# Smile even though it's breaking

0:00:13 > 0:00:17# When there are clouds

0:00:17 > 0:00:22# In the sky, you'll get by

0:00:23 > 0:00:30# If you smile through your fear and sorrow

0:00:30 > 0:00:35# Smile and maybe tomorrow

0:00:35 > 0:00:41# You'll see the sun come shining through... #

0:00:41 > 0:00:42Mum?

0:00:47 > 0:00:49Mum?

0:00:53 > 0:00:59# Hide every trace of sadness

0:00:59 > 0:01:03# Although a tear

0:01:03 > 0:01:09# May be ever so near... #

0:01:09 > 0:01:10Mum?

0:01:12 > 0:01:13Mum?

0:01:22 > 0:01:24Can I ask you something?

0:01:24 > 0:01:25Course you can.

0:01:28 > 0:01:30I was wondering if you might help me to die?

0:01:32 > 0:01:34What?

0:01:34 > 0:01:35Help me call it a day.

0:01:39 > 0:01:41I think you've had a bit too much Shiraz, Mum.

0:01:43 > 0:01:45I went to see the consultant.

0:01:46 > 0:01:48When?

0:01:48 > 0:01:50Today.

0:01:50 > 0:01:52This morning.

0:01:54 > 0:01:56There appears to have been a bit of movement.

0:01:59 > 0:02:00What do you mean?

0:02:02 > 0:02:05Because the blood flows through the something-or-other...

0:02:07 > 0:02:09..apparently it's found its way to my liver.

0:02:12 > 0:02:14Oh.

0:02:14 > 0:02:16Also...

0:02:16 > 0:02:17it...

0:02:18 > 0:02:22..it turns out I might be a little shorter on time than we thought.

0:02:28 > 0:02:29How short is shorter?

0:02:35 > 0:02:38- I would have come with you, you know?- I know.

0:02:40 > 0:02:42You don't have to give me an answer now.

0:02:44 > 0:02:47But I would appreciate it if you gave it some serious thought.

0:02:47 > 0:02:50- Oh, come on, Mum, don't be silly. - I'm not.

0:02:54 > 0:02:56- Hey, guess what?- What?

0:02:56 > 0:02:58No, you've got to guess.

0:02:58 > 0:03:00- No.- Can you guess?- No.

0:03:00 > 0:03:03I bought a spliff off, er, someone in the pub.

0:03:03 > 0:03:06Do you want to smoke it, get stoned, like we used to, in the old days?

0:03:06 > 0:03:09- I'm six months pregnant. - Nah, it's all right.

0:03:09 > 0:03:14- Are you joking?- Nah, you can have a few, can't you?- No.

0:03:14 > 0:03:15Once in a while.

0:03:16 > 0:03:18You're going to be the least responsible parent ever.

0:03:18 > 0:03:20Yeah, well.

0:03:21 > 0:03:23I'm also going to be the coolest, aren't I?

0:03:26 > 0:03:27Tony.

0:03:29 > 0:03:31Makes me think of Tony Blair.

0:03:31 > 0:03:33Hmm. Horrible.

0:03:33 > 0:03:35Erm, what about Graham?

0:03:37 > 0:03:39- Bit World War II.- Yeah?

0:03:40 > 0:03:41Walter?

0:03:43 > 0:03:46Hmmm. Walter? I prefer Graham, I think.

0:03:48 > 0:03:50- Yeah?- Thomas?

0:03:50 > 0:03:52Nah, too posh.

0:03:52 > 0:03:54Barry?

0:03:55 > 0:03:58- Yeah, let's go for that. - What's funny about Barry?

0:03:58 > 0:04:01- I don't know.- I'm serious. I like Barry.- I don't like Barry.

0:04:01 > 0:04:03Er, Stuart?

0:04:04 > 0:04:06- What's funny about Stuart? - I don't know.

0:04:06 > 0:04:08I've got a cousin called Stuart, you know that.

0:04:08 > 0:04:10- No, and he's lovely. - He is lovely, ain't he?

0:04:10 > 0:04:12Maybe we should call him Stuart, then.

0:04:17 > 0:04:19- Shaun?- Mm-hm.

0:04:20 > 0:04:22Mum's cancer's got worse.

0:04:30 > 0:04:32You seem very calm. Are you all right?

0:04:33 > 0:04:35I think so. And you?

0:04:37 > 0:04:39Yes. It's a lot to take in, isn't it?

0:04:39 > 0:04:43It is. A little less so the second time.

0:04:43 > 0:04:46But there were some positives.

0:04:46 > 0:04:47Every cloud...

0:04:47 > 0:04:48There was the palliative care thing,

0:04:48 > 0:04:50nurse, I thought was an interesting idea.

0:04:53 > 0:04:56- Mum?- I could murder a pint of IPA.

0:04:56 > 0:04:59Oh, you could at least pretend not to ignore the question.

0:04:59 > 0:05:01Not to worry if you haven't the time.

0:05:01 > 0:05:03I'm meant to be meeting Shaun.

0:05:03 > 0:05:06- Oh, never mind. - Well, you can come, too.

0:05:07 > 0:05:10Not sure I've got the energy for going out.

0:05:10 > 0:05:12Well, how about dinner, then, back at the house?

0:05:14 > 0:05:15Yeah.

0:05:23 > 0:05:26I am perfectly capable of looking after myself.

0:05:26 > 0:05:30At the moment you are, just about, but what happens...

0:05:30 > 0:05:32I'd rather wither away in peace

0:05:32 > 0:05:34than have to make endless small talk with...

0:05:34 > 0:05:35This isn't funny.

0:05:38 > 0:05:40I wasn't suggesting it was.

0:05:42 > 0:05:44The amount of pain you're going to end up in is going to be unbearable.

0:05:44 > 0:05:47No-one's suggesting it's going to be easy, Pip.

0:05:47 > 0:05:49- But I won't be able to look after you.- And nor am I expecting you to.

0:05:49 > 0:05:52No, well, actually, by not receiving any treatment or accepting

0:05:52 > 0:05:54any help that is exactly what you are doing.

0:05:55 > 0:05:58I think you know perfectly well there is an alternative.

0:06:00 > 0:06:03All I'm asking you to think about is having someone drop in on you

0:06:03 > 0:06:05once or twice a week. That's all it is.

0:06:05 > 0:06:08- That's all I want you to think about. - I understand all that.

0:06:08 > 0:06:10I don't want to be driven insane with worry, Mum.

0:06:11 > 0:06:14I don't wish to be dying. But there we are.

0:06:30 > 0:06:33If you could give them a ring, maybe delivery on Tuesday.

0:06:33 > 0:06:35- All right then. - I'd prefer it...

0:06:35 > 0:06:36Can I have some help, please?

0:06:36 > 0:06:38- Yes, what's happened? - I think he's been hit by a car.

0:06:38 > 0:06:40OK. And what's his name? Her name?

0:06:40 > 0:06:43- Bob.- Bob. OK. Do you want to come with me

0:06:43 > 0:06:44and we'll... All right, darling.

0:06:44 > 0:06:46..we'll have a look. All right?

0:06:47 > 0:06:48Where did it happen?

0:07:03 > 0:07:04Thank you.

0:07:45 > 0:07:48Apparently they have black skin.

0:07:50 > 0:07:54Their fur isn't white, it's transparent.

0:07:54 > 0:07:56It just reflects the snow.

0:07:56 > 0:07:57Mental.

0:08:00 > 0:08:01You all right?

0:08:02 > 0:08:06Sorry, yeah, I'm fine, just a bit erm...

0:08:06 > 0:08:08I ought to go, really.

0:08:08 > 0:08:10- Sorry, what were you saying? - Doesn't matter.

0:08:10 > 0:08:14- No, go on.- Just...polar bears.

0:08:14 > 0:08:15Oh.

0:08:19 > 0:08:23I think you've forgotten the water, Mum.

0:08:23 > 0:08:26It's actually surprisingly comfortable.

0:08:26 > 0:08:28Is it?

0:08:28 > 0:08:30Well, let's have a go. Budge up.

0:08:39 > 0:08:40Pff...

0:08:43 > 0:08:44Yeah, it's great.

0:08:49 > 0:08:51I spoke to someone. A nurse.

0:08:51 > 0:08:53I'm really sorry I shouted at you. I mean it.

0:08:55 > 0:08:56How was your day?

0:08:56 > 0:09:00Long. I killed a cat.

0:09:00 > 0:09:02Intentionally, I hope?

0:09:02 > 0:09:04It was in a pretty bad state.

0:09:06 > 0:09:07I know the feeling.

0:09:12 > 0:09:13You hungry?

0:09:15 > 0:09:17Not really.

0:09:17 > 0:09:18I've brought sausages. You ought to eat.

0:09:20 > 0:09:22Shall we?

0:09:24 > 0:09:25If you insist.

0:09:32 > 0:09:33Ah!

0:09:36 > 0:09:38Mum, you ought to at least take something for the pain.

0:09:38 > 0:09:40I'm fine.

0:09:43 > 0:09:45Oh!

0:09:47 > 0:09:49Oh!

0:09:49 > 0:09:50It's ridiculous!

0:09:54 > 0:09:55Hmm!

0:10:00 > 0:10:02'Shaun Boddy Trees, Shaun speaking.'

0:10:02 > 0:10:04- Hi, it's me.- 'Oh, hello.'

0:10:04 > 0:10:07Hello. Um, could I ask you to pick up something for Mum on your way home?

0:10:07 > 0:10:10'Yeah, yeah, of course. What do you want?'

0:10:10 > 0:10:12You know the guy in the pub that you bought the weed from?

0:10:12 > 0:10:14Could you get her a bag of weed?

0:10:14 > 0:10:16'Get her a bag of weed?'

0:10:16 > 0:10:20- Yeah, we're going to try something. - 'OK. Yeah.'

0:10:20 > 0:10:22And we might need you to roll it for us.

0:10:22 > 0:10:24- 'I can do that for you.' - Thank you.

0:10:24 > 0:10:26- 'I'm intrigued.'- Huh?

0:10:26 > 0:10:27'I'm intrigued.'

0:10:29 > 0:10:32- 'All right. Well, see you later.' - See you later. Thanks, Poops.

0:10:32 > 0:10:33Bye.

0:10:35 > 0:10:38MUSIC: "You Got A Friend" by James Taylor

0:10:40 > 0:10:41- All set.- Hmm.

0:10:56 > 0:10:57What do you reckon?

0:11:03 > 0:11:05It's very soothing.

0:11:07 > 0:11:08Good.

0:11:17 > 0:11:18It's lovely and warm.

0:11:21 > 0:11:22Ahh...

0:11:22 > 0:11:23Mum!

0:11:26 > 0:11:27It feels nice.

0:11:30 > 0:11:31Hmm.

0:11:33 > 0:11:34Want some more?

0:11:36 > 0:11:38- Why not?- Yeah?

0:11:42 > 0:11:45# Winter, spring, summer or fall

0:11:46 > 0:11:50# All you got to do is call

0:11:52 > 0:11:55# And I'll be there, yes, I will... #

0:11:55 > 0:11:57You're getting there.

0:11:57 > 0:11:59Ooh, it's nice.

0:12:01 > 0:12:03- I feel calm.- You feel calm.

0:12:06 > 0:12:12# If the sky above you

0:12:12 > 0:12:18# Should turn dark and full of clouds

0:12:18 > 0:12:20# And that old... #

0:12:20 > 0:12:21How are you feeling?

0:12:21 > 0:12:23Bit sore.

0:12:23 > 0:12:25Not high, then?

0:12:25 > 0:12:28Not any more, no. I'm afraid it wore off a while ago.

0:12:49 > 0:12:51Hey, what are you doing?

0:12:52 > 0:12:55- I'm thinking a lot about Mum.- Yeah.

0:12:56 > 0:12:58- What to do.- Hmm.

0:13:01 > 0:13:03I think I'd like to help.

0:13:03 > 0:13:07- Yeah, totally agree.- Do you?

0:13:07 > 0:13:09Hmm. Yeah. Of course.

0:13:09 > 0:13:12I reckon we should just insist she gets a nurse.

0:13:12 > 0:13:13I mean, she might fight it at first...

0:13:13 > 0:13:15It's not about the nurse, it's about the other thing.

0:13:20 > 0:13:23I'd at least like to have a conversation about it.

0:13:26 > 0:13:28There's no conversation to be had.

0:13:28 > 0:13:30There's no version of events where killing your mum

0:13:30 > 0:13:33- is the right thing to do.- You're being a bit melodramatic about it.

0:13:33 > 0:13:35- It's better to be melodramatic than naive.- Oh, wow.

0:13:35 > 0:13:37- Are you mad?- OK, fine.

0:13:37 > 0:13:40I'm just saying. I'm just saying.

0:13:53 > 0:13:54Fuck!

0:13:56 > 0:13:57LOCK FALLS AND CLANGS

0:14:39 > 0:14:40Hello. Police, please.

0:14:42 > 0:14:44Yeah, there's been a break-in at the Village Vets.

0:15:12 > 0:15:14Mum?

0:15:14 > 0:15:17I've been thinking about your question.

0:15:20 > 0:15:23- I should never have mentioned it. - No, you should have.

0:15:24 > 0:15:26It was inappropriate.

0:15:26 > 0:15:27No, it wasn't.

0:15:28 > 0:15:33I was just having a bit of a wobble, that's all.

0:15:35 > 0:15:36Oh, Mum.

0:15:39 > 0:15:45It's remarkably hard work this staying alive business. The energy.

0:15:47 > 0:15:49- Oh, why don't we have another coffee?- I'm fine.

0:15:49 > 0:15:52Oh. Coffee for one, then.

0:15:53 > 0:15:54Ah!

0:15:57 > 0:15:58Let me, I'll do it.

0:16:08 > 0:16:09Mum...

0:16:11 > 0:16:12..if you want me to help you...

0:16:15 > 0:16:16..I'll help you.

0:16:34 > 0:16:38It's what I do, every other day of the week, you realise that?

0:16:38 > 0:16:39What?

0:16:41 > 0:16:42I don't think I could do it

0:16:42 > 0:16:45if I didn't think it was the right thing to do.

0:16:46 > 0:16:50Listen, I...I get that. I'm not saying that I don't.

0:16:51 > 0:16:52It's just that...

0:16:54 > 0:16:55..this is completely different.

0:17:01 > 0:17:05People die in all sorts of unnecessary protracted ways.

0:17:07 > 0:17:09Yeah, they do. You're right.

0:17:10 > 0:17:12You're right.

0:17:12 > 0:17:14And it's awful, it's fucking awful.

0:17:15 > 0:17:18But sometimes...

0:17:20 > 0:17:24..you've just got to stop thinking about this. I'm serious about that.

0:17:41 > 0:17:43Yeah, absolutely.

0:17:43 > 0:17:45Erm, no, that's fine, we'll see you then that's...

0:17:46 > 0:17:48OK. Yes. See you then.

0:17:48 > 0:17:50No problem. All right.

0:17:52 > 0:17:53OK. Bye-bye. Bye-bye.

0:17:54 > 0:17:56- Hello. - Hi, Mum.

0:17:56 > 0:17:58You look lovely.

0:17:58 > 0:18:02Ooh, it's cold.

0:18:02 > 0:18:03Hello.

0:18:04 > 0:18:05I'll get my coat, OK?

0:18:15 > 0:18:16Here you are.

0:18:16 > 0:18:19Oh. Ooh, lovely.

0:18:24 > 0:18:26- Cheers.- Cheers.

0:18:35 > 0:18:37What?

0:18:37 > 0:18:39I'm looking at you.

0:18:39 > 0:18:41OK.

0:18:42 > 0:18:45I'm looking forward to spending this evening with you.

0:18:47 > 0:18:49Same.

0:18:52 > 0:18:54Good.

0:18:59 > 0:19:01Wow, Mum.

0:19:03 > 0:19:06- It's not too much? - Oh, you look amazing.

0:19:06 > 0:19:08MUSIC: "For Once In My Life" by Stevie Wonder

0:19:08 > 0:19:10Oh, I love this song.

0:19:11 > 0:19:16# For once in my life I have someone who needs me

0:19:16 > 0:19:20# Someone I've needed so long

0:19:20 > 0:19:25# For once, unafraid, I can go where life leads me

0:19:25 > 0:19:28# And somehow I know I'll be strong

0:19:28 > 0:19:34# For once I can touch what my heart used to dream of

0:19:34 > 0:19:38# Long before I knew

0:19:38 > 0:19:42# Oh, someone warm like you

0:19:42 > 0:19:47# Would make my dreams come true, yeah

0:19:47 > 0:19:51# For once in my life I won't let sorrow hurt me

0:19:51 > 0:19:55# Not like it's hurt me before

0:19:55 > 0:19:59# For once, I have something I know won't... #

0:20:07 > 0:20:08Shame about the rain.

0:20:10 > 0:20:13- Will you be all right getting home? - I will.

0:20:14 > 0:20:17Can I give you some money for a taxi?

0:20:17 > 0:20:19No, Mum. You don't need to give me any money.

0:20:21 > 0:20:24- You'll get soaked.- I'll be fine.

0:20:25 > 0:20:27OK, sorry.

0:20:29 > 0:20:31But if you change your mind,

0:20:31 > 0:20:34there's £40 in my handbag

0:20:34 > 0:20:37and another 20 in the jar in the toilet next door.

0:21:52 > 0:21:55OK.

0:21:55 > 0:21:57So, you drink half of that,

0:21:57 > 0:22:01and then some of this and then the rest of that.

0:22:01 > 0:22:04Don't drink it all in one go cos it's too strong.

0:22:04 > 0:22:06I understand.

0:22:08 > 0:22:09Thank you.

0:22:12 > 0:22:14Can I have a hug, please?

0:22:20 > 0:22:22I'm sorry I couldn't help you more, Mum.

0:22:22 > 0:22:24Nonsense.

0:22:24 > 0:22:27If it hadn't been for you, I wouldn't have made it this far.

0:22:32 > 0:22:35You're going to be a wonderful mother.

0:22:38 > 0:22:39All I ask is...

0:22:41 > 0:22:44..that you and Shaun opt for a sensible name

0:22:44 > 0:22:47and none of this Bruno nonsense.

0:22:55 > 0:22:58Oh, hush now. Hush now.

0:23:08 > 0:23:10I'm sorry.

0:24:27 > 0:24:29You did what?

0:24:29 > 0:24:30You fucking helped her?

0:24:36 > 0:24:38No, it's OK.

0:24:38 > 0:24:40Is it? It's OK, is it?

0:24:42 > 0:24:45- I spoke to the police. - You spoke to the police?

0:24:45 > 0:24:47I told them that we often met for lunch at the surgery

0:24:47 > 0:24:49and she must have taken it herself

0:24:49 > 0:24:52because the lock on the cabinet was broken because of the break-in.

0:25:04 > 0:25:05How long did it take?

0:25:08 > 0:25:09Not long.

0:25:18 > 0:25:19Was she all right?

0:25:22 > 0:25:23Yeah, she was.

0:25:29 > 0:25:33And you were with her, you, like, you waited?

0:25:36 > 0:25:37Were you there?

0:25:43 > 0:25:45Did she say anything?

0:25:50 > 0:25:52She said, "Thank you."

0:25:56 > 0:25:58Oh, sweetheart.

0:26:13 > 0:26:15Er...Brian?

0:26:15 > 0:26:17PIP GIGGLES

0:26:17 > 0:26:19- What's funny about Brian? - Brian the snail.

0:26:21 > 0:26:23- Alvin?- Stardust.

0:26:23 > 0:26:26- Yeah.- Or chipmunk. - I like the '70s names.

0:26:31 > 0:26:33I like Ziggy Stardust.

0:26:33 > 0:26:34- I quite like Ziggy.- Yeah.

0:26:36 > 0:26:39- Maybe not.- Bit glam rock, though, isn't it?- Yeah.

0:26:41 > 0:26:43- Gordon?- Gordon Brown.

0:26:46 > 0:26:48What about...

0:26:49 > 0:26:51..Arthur?

0:26:51 > 0:26:53- What?- Arthur.

0:26:55 > 0:26:57- That was my dad's name.- Yeah, I know.

0:27:00 > 0:27:02- What do you think?- Yeah, I like it.

0:27:04 > 0:27:09- Yeah, OK. Arthur.- Arthur.

0:27:10 > 0:27:12Aw.

0:27:13 > 0:27:15Aren't you clever?

0:27:15 > 0:27:18Oh, he likes it.

0:27:18 > 0:27:19He's got hiccups.

0:27:20 > 0:27:26# You'll find that life is still worthwhile

0:27:26 > 0:27:34# If you just smile. #

0:27:50 > 0:27:53# Going to the chapel and we're

0:27:53 > 0:27:55# Going to get... #

0:27:55 > 0:27:57You can tell me anything, you know?

0:27:57 > 0:28:00You can...tell me all your dirty secrets.

0:28:00 > 0:28:01HE SIGHS

0:28:01 > 0:28:04Charlotte, why are you doing this?

0:28:04 > 0:28:06Please, Mum, please, I need your help on this.

0:28:06 > 0:28:08Your sister's said something, hasn't she?

0:28:09 > 0:28:11There were rumours.

0:28:11 > 0:28:13Why the HELL didn't you say something?!

0:28:13 > 0:28:15# Spring is here... #