0:00:17 > 0:00:25This programme contains some strong language and some scenes of a sexual nature
0:00:30 > 0:00:32CLOCK TICKS
0:00:39 > 0:00:41TYPING ON KEYBOARD
0:00:46 > 0:00:48It's negative, Mrs Morris.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51SHE SIGHS Thank God.
0:00:51 > 0:00:54Thank you, Dr Gordon. Oh, that is such a relief.
0:00:54 > 0:00:57You can go home and get on with your life.
0:00:57 > 0:00:59You are so kind to me.
0:00:59 > 0:01:00Just doing my job.
0:01:00 > 0:01:02Oh, no, no, you're not.
0:01:02 > 0:01:05You always go the extra mile with me. I know you do.
0:01:07 > 0:01:10I got you these. They're brownies. Your favourites.
0:01:10 > 0:01:12No, really, I couldn't...
0:01:12 > 0:01:15You can let me have the box back when I see you next time.
0:01:15 > 0:01:16I've got one booked in a fortnight.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Mum.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20Thank you, again.
0:01:23 > 0:01:26I... Oh.
0:01:26 > 0:01:30What was that all about? Virtually ran me out of the building.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33No, I didn't. I said I've got a big do tonight.
0:01:33 > 0:01:36I'm already late. Fine. All about priorities, I suppose.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37I was there, wasn't I?
0:01:37 > 0:01:39I think most daughters would've been there
0:01:39 > 0:01:42under them circumstances, don't you? Red River Fever?
0:01:42 > 0:01:45Do you know how many cases there have been of that in Nottingham
0:01:45 > 0:01:47in the last year? If you didn't want to come,
0:01:47 > 0:01:48you should have just said so!
0:01:48 > 0:01:50I'd have found an alternative.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Mum, you don't need to get anyone else. You know that.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55I'll come with you whenever, but I've got my own life too, you know.
0:01:55 > 0:01:58Have you? Have you, Wendy? That's good to hear.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03What's that supposed to mean? What?
0:02:03 > 0:02:06You know what. "That's good to hear."
0:02:06 > 0:02:08Like there's something wrong with me.
0:02:08 > 0:02:10I don't think anyone said wrong with you.
0:02:10 > 0:02:11At the same time,
0:02:11 > 0:02:14you have rather put the A into alternative, haven't you?
0:02:14 > 0:02:17As long as I'm happy doing what I'm doing, that should be enough for you.
0:02:17 > 0:02:21It would be, if I thought you really were happy. What?
0:02:21 > 0:02:23You're 35 on Wednesday. So?
0:02:23 > 0:02:2635 is middle age. No, it's not!
0:02:26 > 0:02:31It's the start of middle age, which is bound to make me think -
0:02:31 > 0:02:34how long can she keep pretending?
0:02:34 > 0:02:37I mean, the truck driving, the clothes, the hair,
0:02:37 > 0:02:40the whole thing you've got going. What thing?
0:02:40 > 0:02:43Do not shout at me, please! You'll bring a migraine on.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45I'm not shouting. I'm just...
0:02:45 > 0:02:49You are shouting. It's what you do. It's what you've always done.
0:02:49 > 0:02:54You're a very aggressive girl. You can't help it.
0:02:54 > 0:02:56Look, I'm your mother.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00I can see it, you're like someone who's gone out on a limb
0:03:00 > 0:03:03a long time ago and they're too stuck to get back.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05But in their hearts, they want to.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10They want to wear a dress and have a proper roots touch-up
0:03:10 > 0:03:11and be with someone. Oh, no...
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I'm thinking of you.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17You're thinking of yourself, cos you hate being on your own.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20And you think I must n'all. Only I don't. I like it.
0:03:20 > 0:03:23Same as I like my job and my clothes and, well, I like my life.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27I'm really late.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31PEOPLE CHATTER
0:03:39 > 0:03:40You are in such trouble.
0:03:40 > 0:03:42Why aren't you playing?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I'm still banned. That biting business at the Crown.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50Right. Final one for the individuals. English Monarchs.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54It's, er, Roy for the Red Lion and, erm, Glen for the Dervish.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57Glen? Couldn't start one down.
0:03:57 > 0:03:58They waited for you as long as they could.
0:03:58 > 0:04:02My best subject at school, History. Shh!
0:04:02 > 0:04:04So, Roy...
0:04:04 > 0:04:10Of whom, whom was it said in 1264, "His mind seemed not to stand
0:04:10 > 0:04:16"on a firm basis, for every sudden accident put him into passion"?
0:04:16 > 0:04:19Henry III. Correct.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22I think it was after De Montfort defeated him at the battle of Lewes.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Yeah, all right! It's not a bloody thesis.
0:04:24 > 0:04:26LAUGHTER
0:04:26 > 0:04:31Glen, right. Who succeeded Henry VIII as King of England?
0:04:31 > 0:04:34AUDIENCE GROAN Just how they fall, folks.
0:04:34 > 0:04:35Henry IX!
0:04:35 > 0:04:37LAUGHTER
0:04:39 > 0:04:4220, 30, there you go.
0:04:42 > 0:04:43Cheers, mate. Cheers.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45Mind how you go, lads. See you next season.
0:04:45 > 0:04:47Well played.
0:04:47 > 0:04:49HE MUTTERS Cocky bastards.
0:04:49 > 0:04:52I swear... Wendy, it's fine. You couldn't get here. I understand.
0:04:52 > 0:04:55Things happen, and we lose 84-42. Semi-final.
0:04:55 > 0:04:5884-42! Not a problem.
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Bloody hell!
0:05:01 > 0:05:03Sod him! It's a bloody quiz.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05He needs to get his priorities right, he does.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Stephen King did not write Twelfth Night, did he?
0:05:08 > 0:05:10Just Googled it. It was Shakespeare.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12Easy mistake, Glen.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14I just thought Friday the 13th.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17Well, 12's one of 13. Plus, horror stuff's always done at night,
0:05:17 > 0:05:20so I thought, Twelfth Night - Stephen King.
0:05:20 > 0:05:21It's a banker.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25I can see how you got there. Right, I'm going round Caroline's.
0:05:25 > 0:05:26I'm off, too.
0:05:26 > 0:05:29Got a couple of things I need to check back at the office.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33Don't go there. What you going to manage this time of night? Really?
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Get a good night's kip. Sort it first thing.
0:05:37 > 0:05:38See you in the morning.
0:05:38 > 0:05:41I'll give you a lift, if you like? Brilliant!
0:05:41 > 0:05:42HE CLEARS THROAT
0:05:50 > 0:05:53Stop it, I said. It's a quiz. It's ridiculous.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I know it is. I just, I should've made it.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I got...embroiled.
0:05:59 > 0:06:00What in?
0:06:00 > 0:06:03Oh, it's just family stuff. I just should've not.
0:06:03 > 0:06:05If you see what I mean. Just forget it.
0:06:05 > 0:06:09In the general scheme of things, it honestly ain't that important.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11Salut.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Ah! What?
0:06:12 > 0:06:15I see where all this is coming from.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18I clocked that poster that you put up in the office n'all.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Them two statues snogging. I thought then, "Oh, he's off on one."
0:06:21 > 0:06:22It's what it does to you, travel.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24You went to France, Steven!
0:06:24 > 0:06:27I hate this about you. You're that cynical. What?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31No, you are. It stops you from doing stuff. Bollocks.
0:06:31 > 0:06:35You get one go at life and you can either do what you've always done
0:06:35 > 0:06:38and take pleasure in moaning like buggery about it,
0:06:38 > 0:06:41or you can, you know, step out of your misery comfort zone
0:06:41 > 0:06:44and help yourself to everything that's on offer.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45That's why I went to France.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49OK, so where'd you go, then?
0:06:49 > 0:06:53Oh, all over! Arc de Triomphe, er, Eiffel Tower...
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Like I say, it's not exactly the North Pole, is it? Have you been?
0:06:58 > 0:07:01No. No, I haven't.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05Well, you should. I think you'd like it.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11I like art. I've always... The Louvre! I went there. Massive.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Yeah. I've seen it online.
0:07:13 > 0:07:16Did you study it? Art.
0:07:16 > 0:07:19Did you do an A-level or something? Do I look like I've got A-levels?
0:07:19 > 0:07:20No, I mean, I could've done.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23School wanted us to, actually, I just didn't bother. Why not?
0:07:23 > 0:07:26I can't remember. Too busy partying, probably.
0:07:28 > 0:07:33I'm going... Stephen King! Yeah, he mentioned that.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35I love him. He's my son. I can't not. But...
0:07:35 > 0:07:36FRUSTRATED LAUGH
0:07:36 > 0:07:40I know. Yeah. I should... Nah, don't. Have another Coke.
0:07:43 > 0:07:44Or don't you trust yourself?
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Can... Can I just say?
0:07:57 > 0:08:00I've really enjoyed tonight. What?
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Look, I thought you were going to be a nightmare to hang out with.
0:08:04 > 0:08:07But then again, I thought you were a lesbian,
0:08:07 > 0:08:11when you first got down to the yard, only cos of your hair, you know.
0:08:11 > 0:08:16And your clothes. I don't think that now, obviously.
0:08:16 > 0:08:18But it's worth remarking on, innit?
0:08:18 > 0:08:22You know, how you shouldn't jump to conclusions.
0:08:24 > 0:08:26And... And...
0:08:26 > 0:08:31it backs up my earlier point that you've got to get out there.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Cos there's a corn...
0:08:33 > 0:08:36There's a corn... Cornucopia?
0:08:36 > 0:08:41Yeah. Of delights. You know, if you just look.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45You're really pissed, aren't ya? Is that a problem?
0:08:47 > 0:08:48Not for me.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02Whoa, all right, that's unexpected.
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Ah, Wendy...
0:09:04 > 0:09:06Ah, OK...
0:09:06 > 0:09:09Wendy, Wendy, the thing is, yeah...
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Oh, Wendy, please... Come on.
0:09:12 > 0:09:13Wendy, please...
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Oh, shit. Wait there.
0:09:17 > 0:09:18No, go on.
0:09:18 > 0:09:19I've cum.
0:09:19 > 0:09:23No, it doesn't matter. Come on, do it now!
0:09:23 > 0:09:25HE MOANS
0:09:30 > 0:09:32HE EXHALES
0:09:39 > 0:09:41I'll get you a cup of tea in a minute, or a coffee.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43And I'll make you a sandwich.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46What, right now?
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Well, got to keep your strength up. Huh!
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Where you going?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54South.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56Yeah, I know, but why?
0:09:56 > 0:09:59Why not? Have you had enough?
0:09:59 > 0:10:01No! I mean, no.
0:10:01 > 0:10:04Obviously, I could go on all night, but...
0:10:04 > 0:10:07You need a bit of a spur, don't you? Or just an intermission.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09I've got boots. Leather boots. I could slip them on.
0:10:09 > 0:10:13Look, just...just a sandwich! Bacon sandwich.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15If you can make me one? What's the matter?
0:10:15 > 0:10:18Nothing. There is, I can see it.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21I... I'm just a bit...tired, that's all.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Do you really want a sandwich?
0:10:25 > 0:10:31No. I'm full up! On all fronts, really.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Look, it's been... It's been brilliant, honestly.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37Fine. Good.
0:10:39 > 0:10:44See you in the morning, then. What? Where you going?
0:10:44 > 0:10:48My bedroom. You're on multi drops tomorrow, aren't ya?
0:10:48 > 0:10:50I'll wake you up about 6:00.
0:10:50 > 0:10:51No, no, hang on...
0:10:51 > 0:10:54What is this, then?
0:10:54 > 0:10:57I mean, where we are? Well, this is where I have my sex.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59Right.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01Morning, then.
0:12:29 > 0:12:31Steven!
0:12:47 > 0:12:52Avoid the lorry park, will you? There's been some diesel theft.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55Steven's gone already, has he? What?
0:12:55 > 0:12:57Flippin' heck, Martin! How many's that you've had?
0:12:57 > 0:12:59They give me a lift, first thing.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01You should have had a couple last night.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03What you on about? Name the six major rivers in Africa -
0:13:03 > 0:13:06the Nile, the Congo, the Niger, the Zambezi,
0:13:06 > 0:13:09the Limpopo and the Senegal. It's basic stuff, Martin.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12Ignore him. You did brilliantly.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Excuse me.
0:13:15 > 0:13:17You want to get your head down a bit earlier tonight, mate.
0:13:17 > 0:13:19You look dreadful. Yeah, he does, doesn't he?
0:13:19 > 0:13:21You had a nightmare or something?
0:13:24 > 0:13:25Can I help you?
0:13:25 > 0:13:28I was just wondering at the disappearing act. That's all. Me?!
0:13:28 > 0:13:30I wasn't the one who vanished into thin air, was I?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32What you on about?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35What do you... What do you think? You took your pleasure,
0:13:35 > 0:13:38more than once, and then you legged it. Pleasure?
0:13:38 > 0:13:41I mean, you're not supposed to do that. You cuddle up, you...
0:13:41 > 0:13:44No, you don't! You cuddle up when you're going out with someone,
0:13:44 > 0:13:45when you're being intimate.
0:13:45 > 0:13:49We weren't being intimate. We were having sex!
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Of course, you know, I mean,
0:13:51 > 0:13:54some time in the future, that might have turned into us
0:13:54 > 0:13:58being a bit more closer with each other, but not now, I don't suppose.
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Now you've made your sprint for freedom.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02Oh, no! Oh, no. You're not going to do that!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05I know where you're going with this. You're a man hater, aren't you?
0:14:05 > 0:14:08Hence the hair and... the checked shirts.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10And now you're going to make out like I'm one of those typical blokes
0:14:10 > 0:14:13that seduced you, had his fun, then tossed you aside.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Is that how you think I am? You're the one storming off, aren't ya?
0:14:16 > 0:14:19All self-righteous and like it's a done deal!
0:14:20 > 0:14:23I enjoyed last night. I really enjoyed it.
0:14:23 > 0:14:25We got on like a house on fire, and...
0:14:25 > 0:14:27And then you cleared off. You cleared off!
0:14:27 > 0:14:31Can you not get that into your peroxided, number one'd, DA'd head?!
0:14:31 > 0:14:35I was all up for a bit of sleepy, post-shag spooning.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37You make it sound dead romantic(!)
0:14:37 > 0:14:40Only you put the mockers on it. HORN BLOWS
0:14:42 > 0:14:44I mean, Wendy, Christ, what is wrong with you?
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Are you deliberately trying to scupper this or something? This?
0:14:47 > 0:14:51Us. I mean, if we can just ignore the post-shag etiquette,
0:14:51 > 0:14:54the rest of the night was cracking and I just assumed today,
0:14:54 > 0:14:56we'd be talking about doing it again. Not rowing.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00You try and give someone a good time and it all goes tits up.
0:15:00 > 0:15:03Except I'm saying, look, just forget the one bit
0:15:03 > 0:15:07that was ropey and concentrate on all the rest and you'll realise...
0:15:07 > 0:15:08it wasn't a bad night.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11It was a good night and we should do it again. I'd like to.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Yeah. Yeah.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19Well, let me think about it.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46BRAKES HISS
0:16:04 > 0:16:05All yours, mate.
0:17:22 > 0:17:24PHONE RINGS
0:17:26 > 0:17:29Hello? All right...
0:17:29 > 0:17:31'Yeah, I am. Are you?'
0:17:31 > 0:17:33No, I'm saying, all right.
0:17:33 > 0:17:34What to?
0:17:34 > 0:17:36'Going out again.' Eh?
0:17:36 > 0:17:38God, Steven, I thought you wanted another date!
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Well, I did, but I thought you were...
0:17:41 > 0:17:44I was thinking, and I've thought, and I've decided, and it's yes! OK?
0:17:44 > 0:17:48Right. Well, OK. Well, when?
0:17:48 > 0:17:53Erm, dunno. Tonight. If you're free?
0:17:53 > 0:17:55'Well, what do you want to do?'
0:17:55 > 0:17:56I'm not fussed.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59Well, sound a bit enthusiastic.
0:17:59 > 0:18:03Well, I've rung, ain't I?! Right, what about the pictures?
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Yeah. Fine. Call for me at 7:00.
0:18:07 > 0:18:09All right, 7:00. I'll be there.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30Shit a brick!
0:18:30 > 0:18:32What?
0:18:32 > 0:18:33These. Look at 'em!
0:18:33 > 0:18:35Oh, they've arrived, have they?
0:18:35 > 0:18:37Well, they're wrong! S apostrophe.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39Before, they were apostrophe S.
0:18:39 > 0:18:42There shouldn't be any apostrophe. That's why I had 'em done.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45I mean, that was my whole raison d'etre.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47You know, get us up to speed grammatically.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51They'll have to go back.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55What? Nothing. I just... You're such a...
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Pedant? Perfectionist.
0:19:00 > 0:19:02Just had Wendy on. She's got a date.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Jesus, he's brave! It is a he, is it?
0:19:05 > 0:19:11Dunno. She didn't say. It's nice though, innit?
0:19:11 > 0:19:13There's someone out there for everyone.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Oh...
0:19:19 > 0:19:21Yeah. Yeah, I know.
0:19:21 > 0:19:23I just dug it out the back of the boiler cupboard.
0:19:23 > 0:19:25Trying to find out where the banging's coming from
0:19:25 > 0:19:27when you flush. Bloody hell.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30It's tramping stuff. Must be one of the lads.
0:19:30 > 0:19:32They must have forgot they'd put it in there.
0:19:32 > 0:19:34Hmm, does smell a bit musty, doesn't it?
0:19:36 > 0:19:38So, anyway, I'm getting a new car.
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Eh? I'm picking it up this evening.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44Just wondered if maybe I could pop round to yours
0:19:44 > 0:19:47and take you out for a bit of a spin? I say spin,
0:19:47 > 0:19:51it's a van, so we could drive to a pub,
0:19:51 > 0:19:53have a drink and pop you back after!
0:19:53 > 0:20:00Well, you can't...come round. I'm out with my boyfriend.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01Oh. I...
0:20:01 > 0:20:06Yeah. Paul. Oh, we're not out, we're in. We're having friends round.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Takeaway, watch a film. Right. Of course. Sorry, I...
0:20:10 > 0:20:14Don't apologise. It's a lovely idea, it's just...
0:20:14 > 0:20:18it's not convenient. You know?
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Well, another time, maybe, eh?
0:20:33 > 0:20:36Hiya! No, no, no, no, no! Not hiya.
0:20:41 > 0:20:43Do you want a drink?
0:20:43 > 0:20:47I've got coffee, or mango juice, pineapple juice,
0:20:47 > 0:20:50cranberry juice, coconut. There's breakfast stuff.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53I could do with shifting it. Are you all right?
0:20:53 > 0:20:57You seem a bit tense. I'm not tense. I'm excited. Yeah?
0:20:57 > 0:20:58Obviously!
0:20:58 > 0:21:01OK, great. Well, I hope this is what you're after...
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Well, I text you, didn't I? Yeah. You did!
0:21:04 > 0:21:06But if I'm honest, "The Sound of Music,
0:21:06 > 0:21:09"but not like she's a dirty bitch," isn't as helpful as,
0:21:09 > 0:21:12"Dress - black, size eight." Or, "Shoes - patent, size five."
0:21:12 > 0:21:15I meant proper! Like Julie Andrews. But not pervy proper.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18What? I want...
0:21:19 > 0:21:23See, that? Oh, that's lovely. That's perfect.
0:21:23 > 0:21:26They're dead trendy. Brothel creepers.
0:21:26 > 0:21:29What did I just say? I want classical, Michelle.
0:21:29 > 0:21:32I don't want trendy. Right.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34Hey, they're great, n'all. Oh, and that.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38What about my make up?
0:21:38 > 0:21:40Oh, you could do it!
0:21:40 > 0:21:42You always look nice. Really?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Yeah, you know, virginal nice -
0:21:44 > 0:21:47no fun here, but I cook a cracking Yorkshire.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Right, get my lippy.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Wow. There you are.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05Yeah. All right? You set?
0:22:12 > 0:22:16This isn't the multiplex. Yeah, I know, but I had an idea.
0:22:16 > 0:22:18We agreed! We agreed what this evening was going to be!
0:22:18 > 0:22:21We discussed it! We did, but this is a cinema...
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I know what it is! It's dead alternative, innit?
0:22:24 > 0:22:26Don't crunch your popcorn, one cough and you're out!
0:22:26 > 0:22:28No. It's just that... Why are we here?
0:22:28 > 0:22:32Cos there's something on, it's called Amour. Which means...
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Which means love. I'm not stupid.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38It's about this couple, in Paris, who are in love
0:22:38 > 0:22:42and, well, I don't know much beyond that point, but it's won Oscars.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45I just thought, after what we'd talked about in the Dervish,
0:22:45 > 0:22:47that it'd be ideal.
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Yeah. All right.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56What were you thinking?! I actually...
0:22:56 > 0:22:59A couple of 80 year olds. One of 'em has a stroke.
0:22:59 > 0:23:03Cue four hours of him mopping up her piss!
0:23:03 > 0:23:07Which is love, I suppose, on one level, though not at the, er,
0:23:07 > 0:23:11you know, setting out weekend in Aya Napa level, admittedly.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14But on the other hand, it gives you something to talk about, doesn't it?
0:23:14 > 0:23:16I mean, when you think,
0:23:16 > 0:23:20because some people do reckon that's fantastic, and how come we don't?
0:23:20 > 0:23:23When you come out of the pictures normally,
0:23:23 > 0:23:25you're just going, you know, the CGI was dead good,
0:23:25 > 0:23:27or it was a load of crap, and that's all.
0:23:32 > 0:23:35The seats were comfy. Yeah, they were.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39This is nice, the bar.
0:23:41 > 0:23:42Can I have two Cokes, mate?
0:23:42 > 0:23:44You can have a beer, you know.
0:23:44 > 0:23:46No. I'm fine. Keep you company.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57How was your day? Eh? Your day at work. How was it?
0:23:57 > 0:23:59Yeah, you know, same as.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02But did you do anything interesting? Load-wise. Did you tip anything?
0:24:02 > 0:24:05You're a trucker. You know exactly what I get up to. All right!
0:24:05 > 0:24:08I'm only making conversation. It'd gone a bit quiet!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Quiet's fine. As long as you're comfortable.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13Well, I'm not! I like to talk when I'm out.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16If I'm with someone and we're getting on, we talk.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19That's what's supposed to happen.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22OK.
0:24:49 > 0:24:51Right, then...
0:24:51 > 0:24:52Do you want a coffee?
0:24:52 > 0:24:55I'm sorry. It's just...
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Have you enjoyed tonight?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00I've had a lovely time.
0:25:00 > 0:25:03Well, it hasn't seemed like it. What?
0:25:03 > 0:25:06Your mood! I mean, you've been all tense and...
0:25:06 > 0:25:09You have! The whole evening.
0:25:09 > 0:25:12I can't help but thinking that maybe you weren't up for it, after all.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15In which case, you know, you should've told me when I pulled up.
0:25:15 > 0:25:16Could've saved us tonnes of stress!
0:25:16 > 0:25:20I had a great time. Even the film, now it's over.
0:25:20 > 0:25:24It didn't start too well. The evening. With my outfit.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26I could see that you didn't like that.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30No. No. I did. I mean, I mean, I do. It's nice. Nice?
0:25:30 > 0:25:34HE CHUCKLES Yeah.
0:25:34 > 0:25:36I mean, it's a new look, innit?
0:25:36 > 0:25:39I haven't seen you like it before. It's... What?!
0:25:41 > 0:25:43I liked it when you looked like a lesbian.
0:26:08 > 0:26:11No. I want to go in yours.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30Whoa, whoa, whoa, wait. What?
0:26:30 > 0:26:31No, come on.
0:26:31 > 0:26:34Look, come here. All right.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Lie down.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38God, steady on, cowboy!
0:26:40 > 0:26:41Yeah.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44Oh, OK... Go on, then.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58Steven? What? Wait!
0:26:58 > 0:26:59What's the matter?
0:26:59 > 0:27:01Nothing. I... I thought you wanted to.
0:27:01 > 0:27:04I do! That's what I'm doing now. You're rubbing my back.
0:27:04 > 0:27:06So? You rub a baby's back.
0:27:06 > 0:27:08You wap that in when you're making love.
0:27:08 > 0:27:10Good God.
0:27:10 > 0:27:13Don't look like that. I'm trying to make it nice for you!
0:27:13 > 0:27:17I just thought we might, you know, do what you said in the yard.
0:27:17 > 0:27:20About us, you know, getting closer to each other,
0:27:20 > 0:27:22and staying in the same bed afterwards.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24All the men that have walked through that door downstairs,
0:27:24 > 0:27:27not one of them has ever complained about the way I do it.
0:27:27 > 0:27:30Well, I am!
0:27:30 > 0:27:33You, you, you, you're beautiful, you're funny.
0:27:33 > 0:27:35I mean, you're so bloody sexy.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38And I haven't ever seen a body like yours.
0:27:38 > 0:27:40All right, you've got a bit of timber round the hips,
0:27:40 > 0:27:44but I like it. I mean, just like I like your stomach,
0:27:44 > 0:27:48and your biceps are amazing, and as for your tits...
0:27:48 > 0:27:50I mean, your tits are unbelievable.
0:27:50 > 0:27:53I mean, they go up like a ski jump at the end.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55All of you is perfect.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57But you won't let me anywhere near it.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59I mean, you'll shag me. Yeah, you'll shag me.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03But it's like a performance or something. And I don't want that.
0:28:03 > 0:28:04I just want you!
0:28:04 > 0:28:07You've had me! You've had me, all right?
0:28:07 > 0:28:11I can't be no different. This is me. You're just being unreasonable.
0:28:11 > 0:28:13I'm being unreasonable?!
0:28:13 > 0:28:15Jesus, Wendy!
0:28:17 > 0:28:20You got us drunk, brought us back here and made me cum -
0:28:20 > 0:28:23prematurely and deliberately, in my opinion, in your hall -
0:28:23 > 0:28:26before you indulged in a bout of sexual assertiveness which,
0:28:26 > 0:28:29frankly, scared the living daylights out of me.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32After which, you systematically wrecked the night out
0:28:32 > 0:28:35at the cinema I'd planned for you, and then you drag us
0:28:35 > 0:28:37back up here for another bout of Wendy Does The Haulage Trade!
0:28:39 > 0:28:41You're calling all the shots.
0:28:41 > 0:28:44I just want to do something on my terms.
0:28:44 > 0:28:46I mean, that's fair enough, innit? If we're going out.
0:28:46 > 0:28:49Which, against my better judgment, I think we probably are now.
0:28:52 > 0:28:53You did it three times.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56Came prematurely.
0:29:10 > 0:29:13Wendy, you're gorgeous.
0:29:15 > 0:29:19You seen enough? It is quite cold.
0:30:01 > 0:30:05All right? Yeah. What there was of it.
0:30:05 > 0:30:09Oh, I think I've got more croissants. I'm joking! It was lovely.
0:30:23 > 0:30:24Do you want to meet my mum?
0:30:24 > 0:30:26What?
0:30:32 > 0:30:34Wendy.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37I'm sorry I'm late. I got stuck in a bit of traffic. No.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40It's no trouble. I've just got here myself.
0:30:41 > 0:30:44Right... It's just over there.
0:30:56 > 0:30:58Sit down, Steven.
0:30:58 > 0:31:00Oh, Mum. We're going out afterwards for something to eat.
0:31:00 > 0:31:03I'm sure you're not, round here?
0:31:03 > 0:31:06I mean, where is there decent any more?
0:31:06 > 0:31:10It's convenience this and convenience that.
0:31:11 > 0:31:12Thank you.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15I can't. I've got elevated cholesterol.
0:31:15 > 0:31:16Oh. That's a shame.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18No, thanks.
0:31:18 > 0:31:21I live with it. It's not something you complain about.
0:31:21 > 0:31:26Still, shouldn't stop you getting tucked in, my misfortune.
0:31:26 > 0:31:30Her doctor's brilliant with her ailments. And she's got a few.
0:31:30 > 0:31:32What does that mean?
0:31:32 > 0:31:35Nothing. Just that he looks after you so well.
0:31:35 > 0:31:37But you make it sound like I'm always there. Well...
0:31:37 > 0:31:40you do have a rolling appointment, don't ya?
0:31:40 > 0:31:41It's every two weeks.
0:31:41 > 0:31:44On the basis that when you're infirm, there is usually
0:31:44 > 0:31:46some issue that will have cropped up by then!
0:31:46 > 0:31:48No, I think it's good that you go so regular.
0:31:48 > 0:31:51I mean, erm, well, prevention's better than cure, innit? Plus...
0:31:51 > 0:31:54He's there, Wendy. HE is there for me.
0:31:59 > 0:32:02I like your walls. Are they eggshell?
0:32:02 > 0:32:03I wasn't being funny, Mum.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07Thank you, Steven.
0:32:07 > 0:32:11I did them myself. Well, since Wendy's dad went...
0:32:11 > 0:32:14Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
0:32:14 > 0:32:16No. It's all right. He isn't dead. He just left.
0:32:16 > 0:32:20I'm not sure "just" is exactly the word that you're looking for.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23I was... Besides which, those were the vodka years for you,
0:32:23 > 0:32:26weren't they? I mean, I'd be surprised if
0:32:26 > 0:32:27any of that's very fresh in your mind.
0:32:27 > 0:32:30Hasn't she done well, though?
0:32:30 > 0:32:33All the AA stuff. I mean, I'm sure she can
0:32:33 > 0:32:36still have her moments, eh, Steven?
0:32:36 > 0:32:38Oh, she's doing really well...
0:32:38 > 0:32:42Mood swings and such. I mean, you've no idea what she used to be like.
0:32:42 > 0:32:46Even as a baby. My old doctor, he said that to me,
0:32:46 > 0:32:49"Mrs Morris, she's a handful, that one."
0:32:49 > 0:32:54But it's not where you start, is it? It's where you finish.
0:32:54 > 0:32:56And look how she's turned out now.
0:32:58 > 0:33:02So, tell me about you, Steven. Are your parents from England?
0:33:02 > 0:33:05Or from some lovely Caribbean island?
0:33:12 > 0:33:14Right. Job done.
0:33:17 > 0:33:19Wendy! Wait!
0:33:19 > 0:33:23Happy birthday! How could I forget that?
0:33:23 > 0:33:26Mind you, over 30, who wants to be reminded, hey?
0:33:26 > 0:33:30It's body lotion, anti-cellulite.
0:33:30 > 0:33:34Hope I see you again, Steven, if, you know, if it all works out.
0:33:39 > 0:33:42Just say it, will ya? Bloody hell, Steven, just say it!
0:33:42 > 0:33:45Well, they're all the same, aren't they?
0:33:45 > 0:33:47My mum's a bit of a challenge. A challenge?
0:33:49 > 0:33:51She was fine.
0:33:51 > 0:33:54She's not fine! She's mean spirited. That's why my dad left.
0:33:54 > 0:33:56I'm sure it is. It weren't for another woman, then?
0:33:56 > 0:33:58That's what did it for mine.
0:33:58 > 0:34:01I mean, all parents can be a handful sometimes.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05Accept it and get on with your life. Especially on your birthday!
0:34:05 > 0:34:08I mean, you kept that quiet, didn't ya?
0:34:08 > 0:34:11What do you want to do, go and get a meal or a takeaway?
0:34:11 > 0:34:13No! What do you mean, no?
0:34:13 > 0:34:14I don't like birthdays. I've never...
0:34:14 > 0:34:17So this could be the year you change. Steven! What?
0:34:18 > 0:34:19Well...
0:34:21 > 0:34:25Maybe we'll go out for a drink or...I dunno.
0:34:25 > 0:34:29I just don't want to make a big thing out of it. All right?
0:34:29 > 0:34:31Sure. I'm parked round the back of the leisure centre.
0:34:31 > 0:34:35I'll see you later. I thought we were eating?
0:34:35 > 0:34:37Well, I've not got time, I won't get it done.
0:34:37 > 0:34:41All right, fine... How old are you?
0:34:41 > 0:34:42What?
0:34:42 > 0:34:44How old? You got to tell me that, at least.
0:34:44 > 0:34:4635.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48Ha! Bloody hell!
0:34:59 > 0:35:01SHE EXHALES
0:35:03 > 0:35:06SHE BREATHES UNSTEADILY
0:35:06 > 0:35:09'My name's Wendy. Hi, Wendy.'
0:35:09 > 0:35:12Erm, sorry that I missed the start of the meeting.
0:35:12 > 0:35:16I don't usually come to this one, but I've just been with someone
0:35:16 > 0:35:19and they whip us up and they always do that and, well,
0:35:19 > 0:35:20I just wanted to say...
0:35:20 > 0:35:25Oh, erm, I'm a recovering alcoholic, obviously,
0:35:25 > 0:35:27or I wouldn't have pulled up.
0:35:27 > 0:35:31But what I wanted to say was, well, I'm grateful you're here cos,
0:35:31 > 0:35:37you know, in the past, when I've got stressed and if I've got
0:35:37 > 0:35:42worked up, I've, you know, I've had a drink, and now I don't.
0:35:43 > 0:35:47And it's five years that I haven't touched it,
0:35:47 > 0:35:52and I'm really thankful for the Fellowship and for you all.
0:35:52 > 0:35:55GROUP: Thanks, Wendy.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57Anyone else want to share?
0:35:57 > 0:35:59OK. Mike.
0:35:59 > 0:36:02Can you lead us in the serenity prayer, please?
0:36:06 > 0:36:11GROUP: God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change,
0:36:11 > 0:36:16courage to change the things I can, and wisdom to know the difference.
0:36:25 > 0:36:28Mum. Have you forgotten something?
0:36:28 > 0:36:31No. I need to talk to ya. But I'm meeting Kendra. Five minutes.
0:36:36 > 0:36:39Why are you so horrid to me, Mum? What?
0:36:39 > 0:36:43Your attitude! You never support me. You never praise me.
0:36:43 > 0:36:46You just, you chip away. I... You did it in there at dinner time!
0:36:46 > 0:36:49As soon as Steven sat down, you started. Wendy...
0:36:49 > 0:36:51And I won't put up with it any more!
0:36:51 > 0:36:52I don't know what you think you're doing...
0:36:52 > 0:36:56You should've thought he was lovely! That's what should've happened.
0:36:56 > 0:36:59You should've put all your efforts into warming to this fella
0:36:59 > 0:37:04and bigging up your daughter! Only not you. Oh, no.
0:37:04 > 0:37:08Which is how it's always been, just year, after year,
0:37:08 > 0:37:11after year of me never saying a word and you, you just get on,
0:37:11 > 0:37:14sniping away and undermining me.
0:37:14 > 0:37:17And you know the reason I haven't said anything is because
0:37:17 > 0:37:20the whole time I keep telling myself - she'll change,
0:37:20 > 0:37:23she'll come round, she's bound to.
0:37:23 > 0:37:25Only you won't, will ya?
0:37:25 > 0:37:28You won't ever alter and it's me, it's me that needs to change.
0:37:28 > 0:37:32It's me that needs to say how this relationship is going to be,
0:37:32 > 0:37:34because the simple fact is, you're not like other mums.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37Because you're not like other daughters!
0:37:37 > 0:37:39What?!
0:37:39 > 0:37:41You say these things to me, you have a go at me,
0:37:41 > 0:37:43and yet after all you've done... I've done?!
0:37:43 > 0:37:47Yeah, your dad didn't just up and leave for no reason, you know.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50What are you talking about? People don't do that. They have cause.
0:37:50 > 0:37:53Well, it's nothing to do with me! Wasn't it to do with you?
0:37:53 > 0:37:59He couldn't stand all your wild ways, the drinking and the fellas!
0:37:59 > 0:38:01Christ, the fellas!
0:38:01 > 0:38:03He used to say that to me all the time.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06"Why can't she just get one bloke, instead of acting like
0:38:06 > 0:38:08"she should be stood on some street corner?"
0:38:08 > 0:38:10He never said that! He never said that!
0:38:10 > 0:38:14You have no idea. God, you have no idea.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16I haven't failed you, Wendy.
0:38:16 > 0:38:19I have risen to the challenge of being your mother.
0:38:19 > 0:38:23A challenge which, quite frankly, no-one else would've even tried.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27Faced with a nature like yours!
0:38:27 > 0:38:29What?
0:38:29 > 0:38:31The clothes, the hair, the job.
0:38:31 > 0:38:36Only it goes deeper than that, doesn't it? That abrasiveness.
0:38:36 > 0:38:38It was there from the day you were born.
0:38:38 > 0:38:41From the moment I held you in my arms
0:38:41 > 0:38:43and I tried to give you my breast,
0:38:43 > 0:38:47you were contrary and awkward and hard to love.
0:38:49 > 0:38:51And you still are!
0:39:38 > 0:39:40SHE SOBS
0:39:53 > 0:39:55PHONE RINGS
0:40:05 > 0:40:07Hello? 'It's me.'
0:40:07 > 0:40:08Yeah?
0:40:08 > 0:40:10'Let's have an early doors.'
0:40:10 > 0:40:12Eh?
0:40:12 > 0:40:15'Tonight. Let's just meet down the Dervish straight after work.
0:40:15 > 0:40:18'Then if we want to go on, we can organise it there.
0:40:18 > 0:40:19'Your birthday.'
0:40:19 > 0:40:21Yeah. Yeah. That sounds good.
0:40:23 > 0:40:26I've got to go. I'm just tipping something.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08Here she is! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:41:08 > 0:41:11Happy birthday!
0:41:11 > 0:41:13Happy birthday!
0:41:13 > 0:41:15Many happy returns, love.
0:41:15 > 0:41:17I'd get straight after him, if I was you.
0:41:17 > 0:41:19Steven's put a load of money behind the bar.
0:41:19 > 0:41:23He'll have drunk the lot before you can say, "Mine's a Coke."
0:41:23 > 0:41:25You're a sly one. Have a good 'un.
0:41:25 > 0:41:28I put 20 quid in there, you know, like a little bonus.
0:41:38 > 0:41:40Happy birthday, then!
0:41:42 > 0:41:48I'm sorry, sorry. Back on message. So what do you reckon?
0:41:48 > 0:41:51You had no idea, did ya? What did I say? Eh?
0:41:51 > 0:41:54About no fuss. Everyone says that. No, I meant it!
0:41:54 > 0:41:57Oh, come on! Look, it's a party. That's all.
0:41:57 > 0:42:00It isn't even that, you know, it's a bit of food and the crew,
0:42:00 > 0:42:03who were dead excited about coming.
0:42:03 > 0:42:04You've put cash behind the bar.
0:42:04 > 0:42:07Everyone wants to mark the occasion. I want to mark the occasion.
0:42:07 > 0:42:11Just don't say things like that. Just don't!
0:42:11 > 0:42:13We've had a couple of dates that've gone all right,
0:42:13 > 0:42:15but that doesn't mean you can say that sort of stuff.
0:42:15 > 0:42:18Wendy! We should call it off. What?! It's a mistake.
0:42:18 > 0:42:20I mean, it's always perfect, innit, the first few days?
0:42:20 > 0:42:24Perfect? Jesus, what... It's just, I don't want you wasting your time!
0:42:24 > 0:42:27This is ridiculous. Look, I understand it's early days
0:42:27 > 0:42:30and you can get ahead of yourself, but we're a good fit,
0:42:30 > 0:42:33and that's not based on some blissful view of the past
0:42:33 > 0:42:3548 hours, believe me.
0:42:35 > 0:42:38God, Wendy, you're like the crack cocaine of dating, you are.
0:42:38 > 0:42:41I mean, you might be irresistible, but it isn't without cost.
0:42:43 > 0:42:44I'm sorry about this.
0:42:44 > 0:42:46It was stupid, yeah?
0:42:46 > 0:42:49Only you can't let this blow us out the water.
0:42:49 > 0:42:52So please, look, if you can suffer it a bit longer,
0:42:52 > 0:42:56from here on in, I promise, it'll never happen again.
0:42:56 > 0:42:59Yeah? It'll just be you and me, and that's it.
0:43:19 > 0:43:22SHE BREATHES UNSTEADILY
0:43:30 > 0:43:33DANCE MUSIC PLAYS
0:43:43 > 0:43:46Hey! Happy birthday! How you doing?
0:43:46 > 0:43:50Good. Is that a 12-incher you've got there? Eh?
0:43:50 > 0:43:55I was making a penis joke. Oh. Oh! 12-incher! Nice.
0:43:55 > 0:43:59Will you have a look at my rig? What? My cab.
0:43:59 > 0:44:01I want to get a new sound system.
0:44:01 > 0:44:04Only your dad said the ones they come with take some beating, so...
0:44:04 > 0:44:07You're joking? Speakers are shite. Never mind the amp.
0:44:07 > 0:44:10See, this is it. I knew you'd know.
0:44:10 > 0:44:14You want to take a look in mine. State of the art.
0:44:14 > 0:44:17And they'd fit, would they, in my cab?
0:44:17 > 0:44:20Yeah, of course they would! They're like...
0:44:20 > 0:44:23Will you check? Just to make sure? Yeah. No sweat.
0:44:23 > 0:44:26No, now! Well, it's only outside.
0:44:28 > 0:44:30All right, fine.
0:44:34 > 0:44:38All right, let's have a little look. Now, what you got here?
0:44:38 > 0:44:42Yeah, this model, it's completely standard. Which means you...
0:44:42 > 0:44:44Glen. What are you doing?
0:44:44 > 0:44:47I'm just going through your configuration. I think you...
0:44:47 > 0:44:51You really aren't the sharpest tool in the box, are ya? What?
0:44:51 > 0:44:53And speaking of box...
0:44:53 > 0:44:57I want to muck about with you, Glen. I want to... What you doing?
0:44:57 > 0:45:00You can see what I'm doing. Is there a problem?
0:45:00 > 0:45:01This isn't funny, Wendy...
0:45:01 > 0:45:05It's not supposed to be funny. It's supposed to be sexy! But...
0:45:05 > 0:45:07But what? I'm offering it up to you on a plate!
0:45:10 > 0:45:14This is a joke, innit? All right, where's the camera?
0:45:17 > 0:45:20Glen! Stop being stupid and just do it, will ya?!
0:45:24 > 0:45:26No! I'm going out with Caroline.
0:45:26 > 0:45:29It's got nothing to do with Caroline! It's just a fuck, Glen.
0:45:29 > 0:45:32It's just a bit of fun. Don't tell me you don't want to!
0:45:32 > 0:45:34I can see it in your eyes.
0:45:34 > 0:45:36And it isn't going to affect anything.
0:45:36 > 0:45:38It's just you and me and now.
0:45:38 > 0:45:41And after that, well, we never say another word.
0:45:56 > 0:45:58MUSIC STOPS
0:45:58 > 0:46:00PEOPLE GRUMBLE
0:46:02 > 0:46:06Boo, come on! Somebody drop a phat one!
0:46:10 > 0:46:12MUSIC RESTARTS
0:46:12 > 0:46:15We've already had this one.
0:46:15 > 0:46:17If you want something different, put it on yourself.
0:46:17 > 0:46:19Well, I can't move. I can throw a few shapes,
0:46:19 > 0:46:23but my legs have basically lost all perambulatory function.
0:46:23 > 0:46:25That's cause you drank all the bleedin' kitty.
0:46:25 > 0:46:27MALACHI LAUGHS
0:46:27 > 0:46:30Oi, where's he gone? He nipped out about ten minutes ago.
0:46:30 > 0:46:33Yeah? It's not like him to desert his post.
0:46:33 > 0:46:36He was with Wendy. Beyond that, I dunno.
0:46:36 > 0:46:38MALACHI MUMBLES
0:47:00 > 0:47:02All right? Oi!
0:47:04 > 0:47:06Leave him! Steven!
0:47:09 > 0:47:11That's enough!
0:47:11 > 0:47:12Are you all right?
0:47:12 > 0:47:14Get off me!
0:47:19 > 0:47:21How could you?! How could you do that?!
0:47:26 > 0:47:28There's something wrong with you.
0:48:19 > 0:48:21PHONE RINGS
0:48:40 > 0:48:42Mum...
0:48:45 > 0:48:47There's nothing wrong with you.
0:48:50 > 0:48:52Well, ring the doctor, then.
0:48:54 > 0:48:56No! I can't. I...
0:49:03 > 0:49:05Mum, I can't talk to you at the minute. I'm just...
0:49:08 > 0:49:10Mum...
0:49:12 > 0:49:13Mum?!
0:49:21 > 0:49:23Mum!
0:49:23 > 0:49:25Oh, God!
0:49:25 > 0:49:26Mum, I'm here.
0:49:26 > 0:49:29Ambulance. No, no, I'll take ya.
0:49:29 > 0:49:31JUDY MOANS
0:49:31 > 0:49:34It's all right, Mum, come on.
0:49:34 > 0:49:38You're a good girl. I'm sorry I wasn't very nice to you earlier.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41It's all right, Mum, get up, come on.
0:49:41 > 0:49:43Oh... You're all right, you're all right, won't be long.
0:49:47 > 0:49:49SHE WHIMPERS
0:50:02 > 0:50:07Wendy! I'm all right. I'm fine. I can go.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09I don't even have to stay in.
0:50:09 > 0:50:14Well, what was it? Dyspepsia. They said I was 100% right to come in.
0:50:14 > 0:50:16Indigestion?
0:50:16 > 0:50:19You can't take chances with chest pains.
0:50:19 > 0:50:22When they make you vomit, when they're that bad,
0:50:22 > 0:50:23you've got to be sure!
0:50:23 > 0:50:27Wendy, if you're going to be like that, I'll just get a taxi home.
0:50:33 > 0:50:35SHE BELCHES
0:50:35 > 0:50:37Oh, so sorry.
0:50:37 > 0:50:40They did say that they thought some of it
0:50:40 > 0:50:42might even have been the journey in.
0:50:42 > 0:50:45You know, the car being thrown about, you know?
0:50:45 > 0:50:47Oh, it's not your fault. Don't worry.
0:50:47 > 0:50:50I said, "I'm sure she thought she was only doing her best."
0:50:57 > 0:51:01They said I should make an appointment to see Dr Gordon.
0:51:01 > 0:51:04They need close monitoring, these things, apparently.
0:51:09 > 0:51:11Wendy, I've said I'm grateful.
0:51:11 > 0:51:14I don't know what else you want me to do.
0:51:14 > 0:51:16You haven't, actually. You said I was a good girl
0:51:16 > 0:51:18and you were sorry. But you were dying then,
0:51:18 > 0:51:20so I'm not sure that counts.
0:51:20 > 0:51:23Look, I've had to put up with one of your outbursts already today,
0:51:23 > 0:51:27so, er... Do you want to know what happened to me tonight, Mum?
0:51:27 > 0:51:28My bit of drama?
0:51:29 > 0:51:33What? I fucked my boyfriend's best mate
0:51:33 > 0:51:36so I could shit all over my own relationship.
0:51:36 > 0:51:39Then I went to the offy, to get a bottle of vodka,
0:51:39 > 0:51:41and I was about to get stuck into that, only you called.
0:51:41 > 0:51:44You know how you always call? And I came.
0:51:44 > 0:51:48How I always come. And now you're all right.
0:51:48 > 0:51:50How you're always all right.
0:51:50 > 0:51:52We're going to wind things up the way we always do,
0:51:52 > 0:51:56with you making me feel like a piece of dirt who gets everything
0:51:56 > 0:51:57she deserves. Wendy...
0:51:57 > 0:52:00No, we can't be fixed. Can we?
0:52:00 > 0:52:04I mean, I've just assumed there must be some love there,
0:52:04 > 0:52:08between a mother and a daughter, and it's just a matter of
0:52:08 > 0:52:09working things out somehow.
0:52:09 > 0:52:15But between you and me, there isn't any.
0:52:15 > 0:52:17That's... That's the truth!
0:52:17 > 0:52:19It isn't there, Mum.
0:52:19 > 0:52:23And I'm buggered if I'm going to search for it any longer!
0:52:23 > 0:52:25I'm leaving you.
0:52:27 > 0:52:31And don't worry, I'll do my duty still. I'll fill in.
0:52:31 > 0:52:35But I won't let you hurt me any more.
0:52:35 > 0:52:37Wendy, stop it, Wendy, you're being...
0:52:37 > 0:52:43I'm being serene, Mum! I'm recognising what I can do...
0:52:43 > 0:52:45and what I can't.
0:53:00 > 0:53:01Hey?
0:53:01 > 0:53:03What are you doing here?
0:53:03 > 0:53:05What are you?
0:53:05 > 0:53:06I asked first.
0:53:08 > 0:53:12I...wanted to pick some stuff up, er...
0:53:14 > 0:53:16I live here.
0:53:17 > 0:53:20What? I got thrown out of home.
0:53:22 > 0:53:24I haven't got anywhere else to go.
0:53:28 > 0:53:30Is this recent?
0:53:30 > 0:53:35Well, depends how you'd define recent.
0:53:37 > 0:53:38Two years.
0:53:43 > 0:53:46What about your boyfriend, Paul? Can't he...?
0:53:46 > 0:53:49There isn't a Paul. I made him up...
0:53:51 > 0:53:53..so you wouldn't think...
0:53:55 > 0:53:57..any of this might be me.
0:53:58 > 0:54:00Look, I'm sorry.
0:54:00 > 0:54:03I know it's a breach of Health and Safety. I just...
0:54:03 > 0:54:05No, no, no, it's fine, it's fine!
0:54:06 > 0:54:10I'm really sorry that things aren't great at home.
0:54:11 > 0:54:13Shame Paul's not real...
0:54:17 > 0:54:21Well, there you have it, you've no choice, have you?
0:54:21 > 0:54:23No.
0:54:29 > 0:54:32Right, well, I'll leave you to it, then. Erm...
0:54:39 > 0:54:41I think I've got a camp bed at home.
0:54:41 > 0:54:44I could bring that in for you tomorrow.
0:54:47 > 0:54:50Right. Well, I'll see you then, then.
0:55:21 > 0:55:23You've got a bloody nerve.
0:55:23 > 0:55:27I'm sorry. I didn't think we should go out.
0:55:27 > 0:55:31I'm not making excuses. I'm just telling you what I was doing.
0:55:31 > 0:55:32I saw what you were doing.
0:55:32 > 0:55:38I'm 35, Steven, and I've never had a boyfriend for more than six weeks.
0:55:38 > 0:55:39Six weeks!
0:55:39 > 0:55:45And the thing is, I've always had this horrible feeling, deep down,
0:55:45 > 0:55:49it's cos there was something in me that was, I dunno,
0:55:49 > 0:55:54rotten or bad, or I couldn't be loved, no matter how hard I tried.
0:55:54 > 0:55:58Only you came along and you made me feel better about myself.
0:55:58 > 0:56:01I see, you wanted to say thank you? You know, just listen to me, please!
0:56:01 > 0:56:04You made me think I could change how I usually was.
0:56:04 > 0:56:08Only this whole load of shit happened, which made me think
0:56:08 > 0:56:11I was exactly the person I always thought,
0:56:11 > 0:56:14right from the start, and there was no point going on with you. So...
0:56:14 > 0:56:18What shit? Just, it was with my mum...
0:56:18 > 0:56:21It was her fault? It was all your mum's fault, was it?!
0:56:21 > 0:56:22So it's her I should go round to now
0:56:22 > 0:56:24and give a bloody good bollocking to,
0:56:24 > 0:56:28with her sodding prawn sandwiches and her anti-cellulite cream,
0:56:28 > 0:56:31and her, "Do your parents come from the bastard Caribbean"?!
0:56:31 > 0:56:33It was your mum that shagged Glen, was it?!
0:56:33 > 0:56:39Don't say those things, Steven, she's, that's how she is
0:56:39 > 0:56:40and she can't help it.
0:56:40 > 0:56:44And that's her. And I'm me.
0:56:46 > 0:56:48And I want a second chance.
0:56:48 > 0:56:49A what?
0:56:49 > 0:56:52You can't make things if you don't know what they look like!
0:56:52 > 0:56:54Anything. Especially love.
0:56:54 > 0:56:59And, well, God, I wasn't facing the right way earlier
0:56:59 > 0:57:02and I did something stupid, and I wish I hadn't,
0:57:02 > 0:57:05and I would never do it again because I really, really,
0:57:05 > 0:57:08really like you and I want another chance, please.
0:57:09 > 0:57:11Please?
0:57:19 > 0:57:20What happened to your eye?
0:57:22 > 0:57:25I just caught it. In the Dervish.
0:57:31 > 0:57:32Well...
0:57:34 > 0:57:35You should let me take a look at it.
0:57:35 > 0:57:40It's all right. It's just a graze. Wendy! I'm asking you in.
0:57:40 > 0:57:45And trying to keep my dignity, all at the same bleedin' time.
0:57:59 > 0:58:01What's wrong? Us!
0:58:01 > 0:58:02The looks. The atmosphere.
0:58:02 > 0:58:04You've got to get over it.
0:58:04 > 0:58:06Just want you happy in bed, Michelle.
0:58:06 > 0:58:07You know, so you're productive.
0:58:07 > 0:58:10Honesty's the best policy? Right from the kick-off.
0:58:10 > 0:58:12So I should tell Caroline about Wendy?
0:58:12 > 0:58:14I said honesty, not suicide. What is the matter with you?!
0:58:14 > 0:58:16You're not breaking up with me, are ya?
0:58:16 > 0:58:18No. Will you marry me? Andrea.
0:58:18 > 0:58:20It's my own fault. What you on about?
0:58:20 > 0:58:23You! And Little Miss...Melty Tits!
0:58:23 > 0:58:26You see the world like it's a U certificate.
0:58:26 > 0:58:29Whereas, in fact, the world is an 18.
0:58:29 > 0:58:31It contains scenes of an upsetting nature.
0:58:46 > 0:58:49Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd