0:00:30 > 0:00:33APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:46 > 0:00:54When Morecambe and Wise received a special award at this year's BAFTA, I wondered why it had taken so long.
0:00:54 > 0:01:00Perhaps comedians are only appreciated when they can no longer make us laugh.
0:01:00 > 0:01:07Easily taken for granted, they were around a long time, like furniture. And they were so wonderfully funny.
0:01:07 > 0:01:12It seems like yesterday when we watched them on TV.
0:01:12 > 0:01:17In fact, Eric died 15 years ago. Ernie died earlier this year.
0:01:17 > 0:01:25They were not just our funniest double act, they compared with any double act, anywhere, any time.
0:01:25 > 0:01:30If people have a sense of humour, they will laugh at Eric and Ernie.
0:01:30 > 0:01:36I interviewed them in 1972. We're going to revisit that tonight.
0:01:36 > 0:01:39Raquel Welch was on the same show.
0:01:39 > 0:01:47We start with a short clip from her interview, because it sets up what followed from Morecambe and Wise.
0:01:47 > 0:01:50Were you a good-looking kid?
0:01:50 > 0:01:55I don't think I was. I had a parting in the middle and braids
0:01:55 > 0:02:00and my dad always said that I should be...I don't know, sort of...neat.
0:02:00 > 0:02:06I wasn't allowed ruffles, or to have my hair in curls like other girls.
0:02:06 > 0:02:10So I never really thought of myself as pretty-pretty. But when I...
0:02:10 > 0:02:16when I got a little older, the equipment arrived. LAUGHTER
0:02:20 > 0:02:25I thought, "Gee, this is terrific. Maybe I should try it out little."
0:02:25 > 0:02:32- And I'd sort of strut my stuff around, to see how it worked. And it worked pretty good.- I'll bet.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35APPLAUSE
0:02:45 > 0:02:47APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:02:47 > 0:02:50By golly.
0:02:50 > 0:02:53I was 15 when my equipment arrived.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:03:01 > 0:03:04I'm bigger than you thought, aren't I?
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I was 40 when it left.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09LAUGHTER
0:03:09 > 0:03:13I'm 45, now. I think it's coming back again.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- There's hope for us all.- There is.
0:03:16 > 0:03:21I was saying you've been together for a long time, some 30 years, now.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- He had the operation yesterday.- Yes.
0:03:24 > 0:03:29How young were you when you went on stage first?
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- On stage professionally, or at the beginning?- As yourself.- Seven.
0:03:33 > 0:03:41- Yes, I used to perform in a double act in the clubs and up the country. - What kind of double act was it?
0:03:41 > 0:03:45ERIC SNIGGERS I was... It was very good.
0:03:45 > 0:03:50It was. I've heard it was very nice. Do a bit.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54- What happened was, I used to... - With his dad, you know.
0:03:54 > 0:03:58This is very sensitive and dear to me.
0:03:58 > 0:04:06- My dad and I used to go around the clubs.- What was the name? - We were called Bert Carson and Kid.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10He was Bert Carson.
0:04:10 > 0:04:15- We did hit numbers...- His father was a midget, you know. Like that.
0:04:15 > 0:04:19Hit numbers like... # I'm knee-deep in daisies... #
0:04:19 > 0:04:25And I used to do a clog dance. And the little legs used to go...
0:04:25 > 0:04:28Oh, yes! There'd be steam and fur burning.
0:04:28 > 0:04:34And...It Happened On The Beach At Bally-Bally, Winter Wonderland...
0:04:34 > 0:04:38Then the big number. Dad put on a white suit, blacked up,
0:04:38 > 0:04:43like a minstrel, singing, # Little pal... # I was on his knee.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45 Lying down, asleep.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48I was only about that big, wasn't I?
0:04:48 > 0:04:51- You're not much bigger now. - I feed him!
0:04:51 > 0:04:57And why not? He'd sing, # Little pal, if Daddy goes away... #
0:04:57 > 0:05:00HE GABBLES NEXT LINE
0:05:00 > 0:05:05- He didn't do it like that!- I cut it down. He did nine choruses!
0:05:05 > 0:05:11# If some day I should be on a new daddy's knee, don't forget about me, little pal. #
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- Great.- Then he'd drop him and run.
0:05:16 > 0:05:22- It was the back of my jacket. - Can you match that experience when you first started?
0:05:22 > 0:05:26No, my dad's a tall fella. Yes. No.
0:05:26 > 0:05:32No, I started off in amateur concerts at Miss Hunter's dancing class over the Plaza.
0:05:32 > 0:05:37That was at Morecambe. I used to live at Christie Avenue, number 43
0:05:37 > 0:05:41and our Peggy used to live at 23, Christie Avenue.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46She came down in about 1930...1937, and she said,
0:05:46 > 0:05:47"Sadie...."
0:05:47 > 0:05:53That's my mother's name. Aunty Sadie, she used to call her, cos she liked her.
0:05:53 > 0:05:58"Aunty Sadie, I'm taking dancing class." Mother said, "How much?"
0:05:58 > 0:06:03Our Peggy said, "A shilling." She said, "Take him with you.
0:06:03 > 0:06:08"Keep him out the way on Saturday mornings." I was the only boy there.
0:06:08 > 0:06:12- Really. Then I had private lessons. - ERNIE SPLUTTERS
0:06:12 > 0:06:15And I ended up as the only GIRL there.
0:06:17 > 0:06:21He grew his hair. They were never sure.
0:06:21 > 0:06:23- When did you meet?- What?
0:06:23 > 0:06:27Oh, him and I? Yesterday morning, wasn't it?
0:06:27 > 0:06:33- I wish you'd introduce us. I don't know him.- Where did we first meet? - My audition.
0:06:33 > 0:06:36That's right. I saw his audition.
0:06:36 > 0:06:42I won the Lancashire and Cheshire Contest in Hoylake, just outside Liverpool,
0:06:42 > 0:06:47We worked with Glenda Jackson. She comes from Hoylake. Quickly.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50It was at Manchester. You gave this audition.
0:06:50 > 0:06:58The first prize was an audition - no money, an audition. And he was with Hylton at the time,
0:06:58 > 0:07:03- and he saw my audition.- What did you do? You had the top hat...
0:07:03 > 0:07:09- I did double acts in those days - Flanagan and Allen, I used to do. - Flanagan and Allen.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14- Yes.- By yourself?- Yes.- How? - I have false legs.
0:07:14 > 0:07:16It's true.
0:07:16 > 0:07:22I'd just put this battered top hat on and sing # Underneath the arches... #
0:07:22 > 0:07:25I used to do that a lot. I still do.
0:07:25 > 0:07:31- It's a gift.- Then you began the act together. Clubs and things, was it?
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- We have worked clubs, but not a lot.- No.
0:07:34 > 0:07:40The first act we did... When we started, we were both doing singles.
0:07:40 > 0:07:47I was doing a single act. I did Run Rabbit Run. I was all sophisticated, with a straw hat and white coat.
0:07:47 > 0:07:52I had a comedy image before that with a bowler hat and a 'tache.
0:07:52 > 0:07:58But then, I was doing this sophisticated act and I met Eric in Swansea.
0:07:58 > 0:08:03I was being what they called a droll comic in those days.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06I sang I'm Not All There.
0:08:06 > 0:08:10LAUGHTER He's still doing it.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13I hated it really, cos I was about 13, 14, 15.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16I hated singing that song,
0:08:16 > 0:08:22cos I had to dress up in a beret, the kiss curl, the big glasses and a lollipop,
0:08:22 > 0:08:28a cut-down coat with a pin, short trousers, red socks and suspenders.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33- It was basically a Northern idea of comedy.- The interesting part was,
0:08:33 > 0:08:40- I had almost the same outfit. - But he wore it outside.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40LAUGHTER
0:08:40 > 0:08:47- The funny thing about it was that we both had this very big safety pin that used to fasten the jacket.- Yes.
0:08:47 > 0:08:50What about other acts at the time?
0:08:50 > 0:08:54Do you have any memories of them on the bill?
0:08:54 > 0:09:00- Well, the double acts. That's where we got our double act.- Excuse me. Ta.
0:09:01 > 0:09:05- I'll stop talking(!) - I wasn't doing business.
0:09:05 > 0:09:09- You're not?- No.- It's probably neat gin, I should think.
0:09:09 > 0:09:13- We used to work with other acts... - Yeuch!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Water.
0:09:18 > 0:09:23- Moon and Bentley.- Moon and Bentley. - Georgy Moon and Dick Bentley.
0:09:23 > 0:09:31- They used to do a double act.- Great act.- Very funny. Marvellous. And we would...emulate.- Is that the word?
0:09:31 > 0:09:37- On the side of the stage. We emulated them...- How much emulating did you do?- A lot!
0:09:37 > 0:09:41Between 12 and 17, I never stopped.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:09:46 > 0:09:52Was that before or after you got the equipment?
0:09:51 > 0:09:52Instead of.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56So...
0:09:57 > 0:10:01I've got a small arse as well, you know.
0:10:01 > 0:10:06LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:10:09 > 0:10:14So, who were the influences on your career?
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- Oh yeah, Laurel and Hardy. - Laurel and Hardy.
0:10:18 > 0:10:21Honestly, perfectly seriously,
0:10:21 > 0:10:27if you analyse what we do at all, you will see a tremendous amount of Laurel and Hardy.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29I watched them as a kid.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Stan...not Stan, the other one...Oliver Hardy.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36He was the first to USE a camera.
0:10:36 > 0:10:42He always looked. "Give me number three." He would go like that.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48Straight out. Fabulous. You're not allowed to do it now.
0:10:48 > 0:10:54- We tried to do it in some films. - They wouldn't let us do it.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- We're in the camera, really. - Couldn't go on.
0:10:57 > 0:11:03Laurel and Hardy, Abbott and Costello influenced us to the extent that we had American accents.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07- Really?- Yes. I'm waiting for him to lose his.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11Hullo, there. Great to be here. Woo-ooh!
0:11:11 > 0:11:17I've got records at home of Ernie and I in early broadcasts of about 1941
0:11:17 > 0:11:21where we ARE Abbott and Costello - where we go,
0:11:21 > 0:11:27"I'm a bad boy! Ooh-ooh!" All that. I listen to them now and colour up.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- Yeah.- I blush.
0:11:29 > 0:11:37- "Now what are you going to do, Morecambe?"- "You can't get away with that!"
0:11:37 > 0:11:42- We did, though.- They don't know Abbott and Costello. We're too old.
0:11:42 > 0:11:46When did you get to the West End? Before the War?
0:11:46 > 0:11:50Ernie did. Ernie was there before the War.
0:11:50 > 0:11:56Well, I gave an audition to Brian Michie and I went to the Prince's Theatre
0:11:56 > 0:12:04- and appeared there in the bowler hat, the little 'tache and the cut-down suit.- In about 1940,
0:12:04 > 0:12:09- we did Strike A New Note.- What were you doing?- Sid Field.- Sid Field.
0:12:09 > 0:12:15- Beautiful girls in that show. - Beautiful. - They used to walk about naked.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19- Yes, it's true. - Remember? Beautiful showgirls.
0:12:19 > 0:12:23Black shoes and black gloves. Like the five of spades.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26Fantastic.
0:12:26 > 0:12:34HE MOUTHS I remember George Black said if he didn't blink once, he'd go blind.
0:12:34 > 0:12:37That was when I started wearing these.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41That's where I got that from, you know.
0:12:41 > 0:12:46You could look in at the back of this hotel. Things went on there!
0:12:46 > 0:12:50Those Americans were tearing it down.
0:12:50 > 0:12:55- That's where we learnt all about it. - Were you doing song and dance?
0:12:55 > 0:13:00- Well, glorified.- We were never sure what we were - chorus boys, or...
0:13:00 > 0:13:03- Chorus boy. - Do you know what a chorus boy is?
0:13:03 > 0:13:09I'll show you a chorus boy. Could we see one? Show him a chorus boy.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12BIG BAND MUSIC
0:13:14 > 0:13:19MALE CHORUS CROONS: # You were never lovelier
0:13:19 > 0:13:23# You were never so fair
0:13:23 > 0:13:28# You were never lovelier
0:13:29 > 0:13:33THEY MIME: # Lovelier, lovelier
0:13:33 > 0:13:36# Lovelier
0:13:36 > 0:13:38# Lovelier
0:13:38 > 0:13:40# Lovelier!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43SOPRANO: # Lovelier!
0:13:43 > 0:13:46APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:13:48 > 0:13:51APPLAUSE DROWNS SPEECH
0:13:57 > 0:14:00- Didn't know about that, did you?- No.
0:14:00 > 0:14:02He didn't know when he'd done it!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Oh, dear me.
0:14:05 > 0:14:13- Patrick Moore looks extraordinary doesn't he? We all did.- He's playing pantomime, isn't he?- Who?
0:14:13 > 0:14:15- He's not, is he?- He'll be good.
0:14:15 > 0:14:20He left the studio like that and went and bit somebody's neck!
0:14:28 > 0:14:31Tell me, when you went...
0:14:31 > 0:14:37You spent a tremendously long time on the road, playing the theatres after the War.
0:14:37 > 0:14:42What was that like? Was it an enjoyable time, or what?
0:14:42 > 0:14:49It was tough in the first place. You start in the small theatres then you move into the Moss Empires.
0:14:49 > 0:14:56- We were always second spot. We had to register straight away. - What about the Glasgow theatres?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58They were tough.
0:14:58 > 0:15:04- They had a thing against English comics.- Couldn't understand them.
0:15:04 > 0:15:08Once, we came off to our own footsteps.
0:15:08 > 0:15:13The fireman was in the corner. He said, "They're getting to like you."
0:15:13 > 0:15:17- They hadn't thrown anything. - They sat there.
0:15:17 > 0:15:22There's a comic - I won't mention his name - he fainted. Des O'Connor.
0:15:22 > 0:15:25- Won't mention his name. - APPLAUSE
0:15:27 > 0:15:30He actually walked on and went, "Well..."
0:15:30 > 0:15:32Out.
0:15:32 > 0:15:35- He was carried off. - Did they applaud?
0:15:35 > 0:15:40- What for(?)- Oh, dear. - # Any time you feel lonely... #
0:15:40 > 0:15:43And he was, that night.
0:15:43 > 0:15:48It must have been an extraordinary era to learn the business in -
0:15:48 > 0:15:51survive that, you'll survive anything.
0:15:51 > 0:15:56- Basically.- The Windmill was the same.- Was it?- Oh, yes. Worse. Worse.
0:15:56 > 0:16:00- We followed... - We only lasted a week there.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03I became a nervous wreck.
0:16:03 > 0:16:07We did. Tell him the story. And let me interrupt.
0:16:11 > 0:16:17- Well, first of all we gave them an audition - van Dam. - He was known by his initials.
0:16:17 > 0:16:23- LAUGHTER He was!- He was known as VD.- Yes.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Really.
0:16:25 > 0:16:30- We were quite shocked, weren't we? - Yes. We just laughed.
0:16:30 > 0:16:35But anyway, we gave an audition, little tiny room about that big.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39And he stood there and watched us do this performance.
0:16:39 > 0:16:46We did run-across gags. The pianist played. We sang the opening song - How About A Ramble In The Moonlight?
0:16:46 > 0:16:52- He came on and did quickies - like with an urn. "What's a Greek EARN?" - 30 bob a week.
0:16:52 > 0:16:59- He was flabbergasted and he booked us.- There's a man outside with a funny face.- Tell him you've got one.
0:16:59 > 0:17:05- The Invisible Man's outside.- Tell him I can't see him. Did all those.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07Quick, though.
0:17:09 > 0:17:16- My dog's got no nose. How does he smell?- Terrible.- We did all those. We're doing them now.
0:17:16 > 0:17:21We had a fishing rod, a stick with string on it
0:17:21 > 0:17:24with an apple, to hang over the orchestra.
0:17:24 > 0:17:31- What are you doing?- Fishing. - You need a worm, not an apple. - The worm's inside the apple.
0:17:31 > 0:17:37- It took years to drop that, didn't it?- We used to follow an orgy.
0:17:37 > 0:17:43- An orgy?- An orgy.- We called it that. - It's nothing nowadays. but we called it...
0:17:43 > 0:17:49I AM going bald! We called it an orgy. It was a thing called...
0:17:49 > 0:17:52I'll have to get one of them.
0:17:52 > 0:17:55- LAUGHTER - It was thing called...
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Lilleth.
0:17:57 > 0:18:03We followed this orgy where all the girls strip off and they just stand there.
0:18:03 > 0:18:06And we'd be on the side...
0:18:07 > 0:18:12- setting the props.- With his props. I'd be ready to go on.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14- Not looking. He's very moral.- Yes.
0:18:14 > 0:18:19- On I'd go, singing the opening song. - Forgetting the words.
0:18:19 > 0:18:24Then I'd do the quickies. But the audience were all fellas out there.
0:18:24 > 0:18:28If somebody left the front row, they'd fight.
0:18:28 > 0:18:36They'd climb over to the front row to get near for the next show, cos it was continuous. We died, awful.
0:18:36 > 0:18:39The opening line was "Hello, music-lovers."
0:18:39 > 0:18:42Hello, music-lovers!
0:18:42 > 0:18:49- No chance. They were climbing over the seats. You'd had it. They didn't listen to our witty jokes.- No.
0:18:49 > 0:18:54Someone else didn't listen - the TV audience, the first time you did TV.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57I didn't know till I saw the cuttings,
0:18:57 > 0:19:02a cruel remark about your first TV series. Was it Logan Gourlie?
0:19:02 > 0:19:08- Logan Gourlie, in the People. He said... Have you got it?- You say it.
0:19:08 > 0:19:13- You say it nicely.- I say it with venom.- Are we bitter and twisted?
0:19:13 > 0:19:18If he looks back, he must regret what he said.
0:19:18 > 0:19:23"TV is the box they boried...buried Morecambe and Wise in."
0:19:23 > 0:19:25YOU shouldn't have said it.
0:19:25 > 0:19:33He said, "What's that box there? Is it a TV set? No. That's the box they buried Morecambe and Wise in."
0:19:33 > 0:19:36I should have done it. No argument there.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39And the other one was -
0:19:39 > 0:19:45Alma Cogan was with us - "Alma Cogan stands out like a rose in a garden of weeds."
0:19:45 > 0:19:50- And "Get 'em off." - He was to the point, wasn't he?
0:19:50 > 0:19:55- What was the reason for this? - Very simple. It was terrible!
0:20:00 > 0:20:04- We were. - I wish the BBC had kept the tapes.
0:20:04 > 0:20:10- They couldn't afford it, but I'd like to have seen them to see how...- In fact,
0:20:10 > 0:20:13they weren't as bad as people make out.
0:20:13 > 0:20:19- They were only one a fortnight. - And it was the early stages of TV.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23I'm sure they weren't THAT bad. But there's no record.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27Since when, this extraordinary rise to the top,
0:20:27 > 0:20:34that was nearly brought to a premature end four years ago today, when you had your heart attack.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36I'll do anything for a laugh.
0:20:36 > 0:20:41- How are you feeling? You feeling all right?- Great. Never felt better.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47APPLAUSE
0:20:52 > 0:20:55I thought that would happen with Raquel!
0:20:55 > 0:20:58For a different reason.
0:20:58 > 0:21:01And in a different place.
0:21:01 > 0:21:08- You nearly fell over the equipment! - It seems daft to ask, but was there a funny side to it?- The illness?
0:21:08 > 0:21:11In a way, there was.
0:21:11 > 0:21:14I...We were working at this club in Batley,
0:21:14 > 0:21:17as assistant waiters.
0:21:18 > 0:21:25I got bit of a twinge in my arm and said to Ernie, "I don't feel too good. Can I go home tonight?"
0:21:25 > 0:21:33- "I'll sign the autograph," I said. - "You sign it." Cos his wife always asks him for his autograph.
0:21:33 > 0:21:35And, er...
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- She said you were good, tonight. - Yeah?
0:21:39 > 0:21:42- I drove home in the car... Thank you.- OK.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45I drove home in the car... Cheers.
0:21:45 > 0:21:49I must say, you've got a lovely home.
0:21:49 > 0:21:54APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:21:55 > 0:22:00And as I was driving home, the pain got worse and worse -
0:22:00 > 0:22:04up both arms, across the chest, sweating.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06And driving along.
0:22:06 > 0:22:12Funnily enough, I didn't realise, fortunately, it was a heart attack, you see.
0:22:12 > 0:22:15Because I'd have had a heart attack and died!
0:22:15 > 0:22:22Because I always thought a heart attack was...ba-hai-ba-hai!
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- But it's not at all. It's... - HE WHISTLES
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- And...- It's like what? - ERIC WHISTLES
0:22:29 > 0:22:36I thought I'd better pop myself into hospital. I was driving the car and it was getting worse.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39This was about 1.30am.
0:22:39 > 0:22:45I stopped a fella in Leeds and I said, "I don't feel well, do you think you could...?"
0:22:45 > 0:22:52I had a Jensen in those days. I said, "Could you take me to a hospital? I don't feel well."
0:22:52 > 0:22:59Walter Butterworth. I'll never forget him. Not his real name, but I'll never forget it.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02He said, "Yes. Oh, aye."
0:23:02 > 0:23:05"Eh! You're...
0:23:07 > 0:23:12"..Morton and White!" I said, "Yes, Morecambe and Wise."
0:23:12 > 0:23:18He said, "I've never driven one of these. I'm in the Territorials. I've only driven a tank."
0:23:18 > 0:23:21This is true.
0:23:21 > 0:23:26So he gets in and 7,000 quid goes pshoing...up the road.
0:23:26 > 0:23:32It was me, going a-a-ah! I got to the stage where I didn't care less.
0:23:32 > 0:23:36So he takes me to a hospital and it's locked.
0:23:36 > 0:23:38True.
0:23:38 > 0:23:43He's going bang bang on the french windows. I'm going...like this.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45And these windows open like that
0:23:45 > 0:23:51There's a fella in braces and pants going, "You can't come in here."
0:23:51 > 0:23:55He goes, "Look!" "You can't."
0:23:55 > 0:24:02He opens it a little crack and says, "This isn't a proper hospital. You want the main one up the road."
0:24:02 > 0:24:08He explained where it was and Walter drove me. I got out the car and he ran.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11It was up a hill.
0:24:11 > 0:24:18He went in there to try and get me some form of...wheelchair, you know.
0:24:18 > 0:24:23He said, "Five minutes." I was there waiting.
0:24:23 > 0:24:27So I start to walk up this hill, like Quasimodo.
0:24:27 > 0:24:34I go in, and he's said to the fella "Eric Morecambe's out there and he's not well."
0:24:34 > 0:24:40He wouldn't let him have a chair. I walk in. The fella goes, "Oh, yes!"
0:24:40 > 0:24:48And he says to all the boils and the cuts and the slashes in out-patients', "Eh! It IS him!"
0:24:48 > 0:24:51LAUGHTER
0:24:51 > 0:24:57It's true. My real name is Bartholomew. I never tell anyone, but it's Bartholomew.
0:24:57 > 0:25:03He says, "You don't look good, son." "I'd like to sign myself into hospital."
0:25:03 > 0:25:06He said, "Well, right."
0:25:10 > 0:25:16"Name?" I thought, I won't say Bartholomew, I'll say Morecambe. "All right."
0:25:16 > 0:25:21"Address?" Gave it. "Age?" I lied about that!
0:25:22 > 0:25:27He said, "Lie down on that thing." So I'm lying down on the stretcher.
0:25:27 > 0:25:32Next thing, I'm being injected. Walter Butterworth is sat with me.
0:25:32 > 0:25:38I said, "Thank you for all your help." He said, "That's OK. My pleasure."
0:25:38 > 0:25:41He said, "My mates won't believe this."
0:25:41 > 0:25:45He says - and these are the exact words -
0:25:45 > 0:25:47"Will you do us a favour?" "What?"
0:25:47 > 0:25:51"Before you go, will you sign this?"
0:25:51 > 0:25:53LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:25:53 > 0:25:56It's true, that!
0:25:59 > 0:26:03Perfectly true. Four years ago, tonight.
0:26:03 > 0:26:08Extraordinary, this relationship you've had for the last 30 years.
0:26:08 > 0:26:14- Do you have a social relationship as well, Ernie?- Well, not really.
0:26:14 > 0:26:20We don't really mix much. But we go to dos together. And we work together. We're together so much...
0:26:20 > 0:26:25- We've been together today. - Yes. So we don't really...
0:26:25 > 0:26:29- Eric, as you know, has his... HE MOUTHS- What?- Football.
0:26:29 > 0:26:34- Luton Town, yes.- You were with them. - You thought it was a brass band!
0:26:36 > 0:26:43- Where were we?- We got lost!- We were going to ask you the same question. Where were we? Oh, yes!
0:26:43 > 0:26:50I was going to ask you the thing people always ask - how do you get these personalities onto your show?
0:26:50 > 0:26:55You have the knack of persuading the most unlikely people -
0:26:55 > 0:27:00Andre Previn, Glenda Jackson, people like this. How do you do it?
0:27:00 > 0:27:03Quite simple, really.
0:27:03 > 0:27:06- Our producer does it. John.- John.
0:27:06 > 0:27:11We say, "You'll never get her! You'll never get him!"
0:27:11 > 0:27:17He touches his moustache. "We'll see." He rings them up. They say yes.
0:27:17 > 0:27:23But they've got to agree to coming on with the two of you. They know what they're in for.
0:27:23 > 0:27:29They're lining up to be insulted. I mean it in the nicest possible way.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33But honestly, I think they know we will approach it professionally
0:27:33 > 0:27:39- and we'll give them a good run for their money - that's what it is.- Yes.
0:27:39 > 0:27:44- Have you contemplated splitting up, at all?- Not till now.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53How does the relationship work? Who decides what's funny? Who...?
0:27:53 > 0:27:56Ernie does all the business side.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59We split the money equally - 60-40.
0:27:59 > 0:28:04- But you pay less tax.- Of course. Cos he gets 60, I get 40.
0:28:04 > 0:28:10What about other comedians? Do you have comics that you find funny?
0:28:10 > 0:28:12- Yes.- Like who?- Tommy Cooper.
0:28:12 > 0:28:16- To me, he's one of the greats. - Funny mover.
0:28:16 > 0:28:24And...one of the...the other one who for me, I feel, is the way I'd like to end up in show business,
0:28:24 > 0:28:30if I could get away - not get away, but if I could be like him, at his age - is Arthur Askey.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34Cos I think he's a gentleman, you know.
0:28:34 > 0:28:38- He's got a wit, that makes me go... - He's quick.
0:28:38 > 0:28:43- Very.- But I'm more likely to end up like him, cos I'm nearer his size!
0:28:43 > 0:28:47What about the people who make you laugh?
0:28:47 > 0:28:53I agree, I like Tommy Cooper. I like funny movers, not so much talkers. I like funny talkers,
0:28:53 > 0:28:58but comedians should move funny - besides talking funny.
0:28:58 > 0:29:03Jacques Tati said his humour begins in the feet. Is that true?
0:29:03 > 0:29:09Yes. Comics have good legs. I mean that. Cos they do a lot of walking about.
0:29:09 > 0:29:16If you're in a pantomime from 1pm to 11pm and you're on your legs, you need good legs.
0:29:16 > 0:29:20- But the shape of Tommy Cooper's feet - you've got it too.- No.
0:29:20 > 0:29:23I've got dainty, pretty feet.
0:29:23 > 0:29:28- He only takes a six.- On that foot. 11 on the other. To make up for it.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31And I'm a six-and-a-half. Tiny feet.
0:29:31 > 0:29:38- What about movies? Your movies haven't been as successful as your TV series.- Not what we wanted.
0:29:38 > 0:29:41- Does he mean "films"?- Yes. Not the blue ones.
0:29:41 > 0:29:45- The other ones.- Oh, the other ones. - Yes.
0:29:45 > 0:29:50- I'd like to make movies like this. - Like what?- He's doing rude signs.
0:29:50 > 0:29:57This is Pontefract in Yorkshire, the home town of the greatest sweet of all time, the Liquorice Allsort.
0:29:57 > 0:30:01Pontefract is a monument to our sweet tooth.
0:30:01 > 0:30:06For over 100 years, the five factories making Liquorice Allsorts
0:30:06 > 0:30:11have had their demand supplied by the home growers, but no longer.
0:30:11 > 0:30:17They're now importing liquorice from Turkey. Consequently, the industry here has died.
0:30:17 > 0:30:23This is positively the last crop of liquorice to be grown in Pontefract.
0:30:23 > 0:30:27At the end of the year, no more. The end.
0:30:27 > 0:30:29APPLAUSE
0:30:36 > 0:30:41- That was extraordinary. Where did you get that from?- Oh, we find 'em.
0:30:41 > 0:30:46- We know where the bodies are buried. - Would you like to make more movies?
0:30:46 > 0:30:50- We got it off Lew Grade. - I look like I've got the lurgy.
0:30:50 > 0:30:54- See what I mean? - Frightening, isn't it?
0:30:54 > 0:30:59But the thing is, that was done by making it up as I went along.
0:30:59 > 0:31:06- He's got fear in his eyes! He doesn't know what'll happen next. - I wonder what else you've got!
0:31:06 > 0:31:11- Don't stand up quickly.- We haven't got to the photographs, yet!
0:31:11 > 0:31:14What about making other movies, though?
0:31:14 > 0:31:18What's the problem behind making them?
0:31:18 > 0:31:25- Is it suitable scripts?- Yes. - We wish we'd made Butch Cassidy And The Sundance Kid.- Or The Odd Couple.
0:31:25 > 0:31:31Or The Odd Couple. We do. Those are the films we'd have liked to have made, but...
0:31:31 > 0:31:33LAUGHTER
0:31:35 > 0:31:38- I met a fella... - Did that remind you?- Yes.
0:31:38 > 0:31:42No, I met a fella in the hotel last week.
0:31:42 > 0:31:48He said, "I like your show. My mate wondered which one of you was bent!"
0:31:48 > 0:31:50Charming!
0:31:50 > 0:31:57- Well, you used to do scenes in bed together.- That's a Laurel and Hardy influence.- Yes.
0:31:57 > 0:31:59You see, they did it in those days
0:31:59 > 0:32:06and nobody said it was...er... you know, effeminate or anything. Nobody said that.
0:32:06 > 0:32:09- In those days... - We didn't understand.- No.
0:32:09 > 0:32:14It was two men who slept together. Nowadays, it's considered wrong.
0:32:14 > 0:32:19That's why, in these bed routines, I always make it mannish as I can
0:32:19 > 0:32:22by smoking a pipe.
0:32:23 > 0:32:30- The earrings...- I've never yet met a queer with a pipe! - The earrings are just accidental.
0:32:33 > 0:32:35Oh, dear.
0:32:35 > 0:32:42- What about American audiences? - A lot of people are saying that. No, I like them,
0:32:42 > 0:32:47- cos they're over there. - LAUGHTER
0:32:47 > 0:32:49APPLAUSE
0:32:50 > 0:32:55- You've worked there. - We did the Ed Sullivan Show.
0:32:55 > 0:33:01- A lot of Sullivan shows. - He introduced us as a three-handed act - Morey, Cambey and Wise.
0:33:01 > 0:33:05- Really?- Morey, Cambey and Wise. - Like a seal act.
0:33:05 > 0:33:10- Morey, Cambey and Wise.- You've no ambition to go over there?
0:33:10 > 0:33:15As far as I'm concerned, I'd like to stay here. I love it here.
0:33:15 > 0:33:18We're stars here and it's great.
0:33:18 > 0:33:23If the Americans want us to go over there they've got to do it here.
0:33:23 > 0:33:28They've got to buy the shows. I won't go there and say "sidewalk".
0:33:28 > 0:33:31I will not say "garbage".
0:33:31 > 0:33:34- That's pavement. - It's rubbish, if you ask me.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37And I'm not going to do it.
0:33:37 > 0:33:39APPLAUSE
0:33:39 > 0:33:42Except for the money, that's all.
0:33:42 > 0:33:47- I'm just going to take the elevator. - Are you?- I think you're right.
0:33:47 > 0:33:51"Take the elevator." It's the lift, you know.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57- Before you go...- Are we going?
0:33:57 > 0:34:03- I thought it was going well.- It is. We've done over an hour!- Lovely.
0:34:03 > 0:34:05Take you out, leave us in - great.
0:34:05 > 0:34:11- We can't ask for more money.- Why? - They've got this freeze on.- Oh, yes.
0:34:11 > 0:34:13What about...?
0:34:13 > 0:34:17Let's see. Two unexplained things for your fans.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21- One is them fellas in a deck chair. - The two old men.
0:34:21 > 0:34:27- Have you ever told the end of the joke on TV? - No. And we're not going to.
0:34:27 > 0:34:32Two old men sat in deck chairs. One said, "It's nice, out."
0:34:32 > 0:34:37The other old man says, "Then I'll take mine out." That is the gag.
0:34:37 > 0:34:40APPLAUSE AND LAUGHTER
0:34:46 > 0:34:52The irreplaceable Eric and Ernie. Let's see a great sketch from a Morecambe and Wise show.
0:34:52 > 0:34:59They persuaded Andre Previn to conduct Eric and the orchestra in Grieg's Piano Concerto.
0:34:59 > 0:35:05They said it was the funniest sketch they ever did. Don't argue. Marvel.
0:35:05 > 0:35:10- Thank you. - ORCHESTRA TUNES UP
0:35:14 > 0:35:17- This the band?- This is the band.
0:35:17 > 0:35:20I've seen better bands on a cigar.
0:35:20 > 0:35:24Which one's the fixer?
0:35:25 > 0:35:30- Which one?- Which one?- The one in the gold lame suit.- They usually are.
0:35:30 > 0:35:33Right! I'll go and get the music.
0:35:33 > 0:35:37- Incidentally, where's the piano? - It's...
0:35:37 > 0:35:40Never mind, this'll do.
0:35:41 > 0:35:46- I hope you understand all these squiggly lines.- I think so.
0:35:46 > 0:35:53- Good, because the second movement is most important to me - not too heavy on the banjoes there.- Oh, no!
0:35:53 > 0:35:58- Keep it down.- Yes...- Watch that rrrngg chhnk rrngg chhnk - vulgar!
0:35:58 > 0:36:03- Way down.- That's the word I was looking for. Good. That is me there.
0:36:03 > 0:36:07There, look. Me, playing the Grieg piano concerto.
0:36:07 > 0:36:12- A signed autograph later on, boys. - If I could explain to Mr Preview.
0:36:12 > 0:36:16Notice that Eric plays the ORIGINAL version of the concerto.
0:36:16 > 0:36:19The one before we went decimal.
0:36:19 > 0:36:24- But this is NOT the original version.- Not the original?- No. no.
0:36:24 > 0:36:29After the opening timpani roll, in the original the piano takes over.
0:36:29 > 0:36:33In here, you've got that played by the full orchestra.
0:36:34 > 0:36:39Ah, yes, but...this is a special arrangement.
0:36:39 > 0:36:43A special arrangement of the Grieg? I've never heard of that.
0:36:43 > 0:36:49That's the idea! Everybody plays it this way. We'll be different.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52- Whatever you say. - I'll announce it.- Yes, do.
0:36:52 > 0:36:55- You're doing well.- Thank you.
0:36:55 > 0:37:00Ladies and gentlemen, tonight, Grieg's piano concerto by Grieg...
0:37:00 > 0:37:05soloist Mr Eric Morecambe, conducted by Mr Andre Previn. Thank you.
0:37:07 > 0:37:11ORCHESTRA PLAY OPENING BARS
0:37:21 > 0:37:24SILENCE, THEN LAUGHTER
0:37:27 > 0:37:30What's the matter?
0:37:30 > 0:37:33- Sorry!- What happened?
0:37:33 > 0:37:36- The introduction.- It's wrong?
0:37:36 > 0:37:39- Too short.- It's too short! - Oh, you noticed?
0:37:39 > 0:37:44- By how much is it too short? - Well, I went down here...
0:37:44 > 0:37:48- and came back..- You wasted some time.- I wasted time there, yes.
0:37:48 > 0:37:53Over here...and it's about... I'd say about that much.
0:37:53 > 0:37:56- About a yard?- It's about a yard.
0:37:56 > 0:38:00- A yard.- If you lengthen it by about a yard, we'll be in.
0:38:00 > 0:38:06- What can we do about that?- Don't ask me, ask my musical manager.
0:38:06 > 0:38:09- Could we contact Grieg?- Good idea!
0:38:09 > 0:38:14- Call him on the phone?- Why not? - I didn't bring his phone number.
0:38:14 > 0:38:16It's Norway something or other.
0:38:16 > 0:38:21- What's the code?- Fingal's Cave, isn't it?- Fingal's Cave.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24Mind you, he could be out skiing.
0:38:24 > 0:38:27Look, could we just try it again?
0:38:27 > 0:38:33- Tell you what, this time I'll sit there waiting!- What a good thought!
0:38:33 > 0:38:35- I'll announce it again.- All right.
0:38:35 > 0:38:40Grieg's piano concerto, soloist Eric Morecambe, conductor Andrew Preview.
0:38:40 > 0:38:45ORCHESTRA PLAY OPENING BARS
0:38:53 > 0:38:56LAUGHTER
0:38:56 > 0:38:59What?
0:38:59 > 0:39:03- Any time.- Could I have a word with you, please?
0:39:03 > 0:39:06What happened there?
0:39:06 > 0:39:09It's one of those things where...
0:39:09 > 0:39:12- Has he gone?- No, he's over there.
0:39:12 > 0:39:16- You see - I hope you don't mind me saying this...- No.
0:39:16 > 0:39:20- When you got to my cue...- Mmm.
0:39:20 > 0:39:24- I couldn't see you for the lid of the piano.- Yes.- It was in the way.
0:39:24 > 0:39:29- Was it? Yes it was.- Yes.- In the way. - I don't know what we can do.
0:39:29 > 0:39:34- He wants to be taller, doesn't he? Could you wear high heels?- Again?
0:39:34 > 0:39:38- You don't have to, you know. - I don't know what we can do.
0:39:38 > 0:39:41I have a suggestion.
0:39:41 > 0:39:44Would you jump up in the air...
0:39:44 > 0:39:48so I can see you over the lid of the piano?
0:39:48 > 0:39:53You want me to jump up on the rostrum, so you can see my cue?
0:39:53 > 0:39:57Yes, I mean, if you'd do that for me, you know? If you'd...do that.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00I'll do that for you.
0:40:00 > 0:40:05- I'll announce it.- Nice man, isn't he?- Isn't he charming?
0:40:05 > 0:40:07Grieg...with him and him!
0:40:11 > 0:40:14- Great!- You got it!
0:40:14 > 0:40:17HE PLAYS A JOLLY TUNE
0:40:39 > 0:40:43Something wrong with the violins?
0:40:43 > 0:40:47- No, they're fine. - That's your opinion.
0:40:47 > 0:40:51What... What were you playing, just then?
0:40:51 > 0:40:54A Greek piano concerto.
0:40:56 > 0:41:01But you're playing... You're playing all the wrong notes.
0:41:14 > 0:41:17I'm playing...all the right notes.
0:41:17 > 0:41:22But not necessarily... in the right order.
0:41:22 > 0:41:26I'll give you that. I'll give you that, sunshine.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35That sounded quite reasonable to me.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38Are you satisfied, Mr Preview?
0:41:38 > 0:41:41- No!- No! What do you mean, no!!
0:41:41 > 0:41:44- I'm not satisfied.- Why not?!!
0:41:44 > 0:41:47Look, would you mind? Just...
0:41:47 > 0:41:51Another £4, we could have got Edward Heath!
0:41:51 > 0:41:54APPLAUSE
0:41:56 > 0:42:01HE PLAYS GRIEG PIANO CONCERTO
0:42:16 > 0:42:19Rubbish.
0:42:20 > 0:42:22HE PLAYS A JOLLY TUNE
0:42:22 > 0:42:25That's it! You got it!
0:42:31 > 0:42:35LOUD APPLAUSE
0:42:50 > 0:42:54APPLAUSE
0:42:58 > 0:43:02They were, they are the best. Next week, Hollywood men,
0:43:02 > 0:43:06interviews with Tony Curtis, Jack Lemmon, Orson Welles, Kirk Douglas,
0:43:06 > 0:43:10James Stewart, Henry Fonda, Yul Brynner, Dustin Hoffman,
0:43:10 > 0:43:14Robert Redford, John Wayne and James Cagney.
0:43:14 > 0:43:18If that doesn't entice you, then nothing will. Good night.
0:43:18 > 0:43:22APPLAUSE
0:43:54 > 0:44:00Subtitles by BBC Subtitling - 1999