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0:00:00 > 0:00:02- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:00:29 > 0:00:33- # As my Dad shrieks and my Mum weeps
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- # Run to Mum to make her smile
0:00:38 > 0:00:42- # Trying to keep peace all the while
0:00:43 > 0:00:46- # Ooh ooh
0:00:47 > 0:00:51- # Run to Dad to stem his rage
0:00:51 > 0:00:56- # Run to brother - who stares at the wall
0:00:56 > 0:01:00- # But he tends to say nothing at all
0:01:00 > 0:01:02- # Ooh
0:01:02 > 0:01:05- # It's just piggy in the middle me #
0:01:06 > 0:01:09- I began composing when I was seven.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11- My first song was "Second Best".
0:01:12 > 0:01:16- It's about feeling you're not - good enough to do things.
0:01:16 > 0:01:18- I'd just turned ten I think.
0:01:19 > 0:01:24- My next song was "Yn Y Canol". - It's about Mam and Dad splitting up.
0:01:25 > 0:01:29- # Daddy, Daddy, please don't go
0:01:29 > 0:01:33- # Let us be the family that I know
0:01:34 > 0:01:36- # Please make up #
0:01:36 > 0:01:40- When I feel sad, it helps - to get the emotions out in songs.
0:01:40 > 0:01:46- Writing about my feelings has helped - a lot during my parents' divorce.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49- # Let us be the family that I know #
0:01:50 > 0:01:54- When people hear "Piggy - In The Middle", they feel sad.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00- They say, "Why did you write that? - Why do you feel so sad?"
0:02:00 > 0:02:03- I explain it to them, - then they understand.
0:02:05 > 0:02:10- I began to see that the situation - between Mam and Dad wasn't normal...
0:02:10 > 0:02:12- ..when I was about three or four.
0:02:12 > 0:02:17- When I went to see friends, their - parents sat and had meals together.
0:02:17 > 0:02:19- Our parents didn't do that.
0:02:23 > 0:02:24- I'm Hero Douglas.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28- I'm 15 and I live in Capel Curig - in the Conwy Valley.
0:02:29 > 0:02:31- I love music and horses.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- They keep me very busy.
0:02:35 > 0:02:38- Horses are friends.
0:02:39 > 0:02:43- It's not like having pets, - it's like having friends.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- You're a friend, aren't you?
0:02:47 > 0:02:52- When I was five and my brother - was three, my parents separated.
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- It affected me a great deal.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58- I don't often see my father. - He lives in Ireland.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- I'm going to look - at how divorce affects children...
0:03:03 > 0:03:07- ..and see if we can make divorce - a little easier for everyone.
0:03:07 > 0:03:08- You're lovely.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13- Mam, or Lady Alice Douglas, is - a member of an aristocratic family.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- It was quite a scandal - when she married my father.
0:03:18 > 0:03:20- He was in prison for armed robbery.
0:03:21 > 0:03:23- So how did you and my Dad meet?
0:03:23 > 0:03:28- We met when I was asked - as an actress...
0:03:28 > 0:03:32- ..to go and work in a prison - and do a production of Macbeth.
0:03:32 > 0:03:36- I was Lady Macbeth, - playing opposite your Dad.
0:03:36 > 0:03:41- He's an incredible actor, with - such an immense amount of feeling.
0:03:41 > 0:03:46- I still think, I've seen that play - at the Royal Shakespeare Company...
0:03:46 > 0:03:49- ..and all different productions.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54- Actually, your Dad's - performance was incredible.
0:03:55 > 0:04:00- I remember Mam and Dad telling me - and my brother they were separating.
0:04:00 > 0:04:05- It wasn't a big surprise to us. - We knew something was going on.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10- But we didn't know other children - whose parents had split up.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- We didn't know what to expect.
0:04:13 > 0:04:17- It was very difficult for us, - but more for me...
0:04:17 > 0:04:20- ..because I loved Mam - and Dad so much.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25- I couldn't imagine life without them - loving each other as I loved them.
0:04:25 > 0:04:30- During the divorce, my brother - and I had counselling with Cafcass.
0:04:30 > 0:04:32- They represent children in court.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36- We went to Relate Cymru - for help too.
0:04:36 > 0:04:41- Now I'm older, I'd like to speak - to someone from Relate again.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45- One of the most important - things I see...
0:04:46 > 0:04:50- ..is that children often - think it's their fault.
0:04:51 > 0:04:52- We always say...
0:04:52 > 0:04:56- ..it's never, never, - the children's fault.
0:04:56 > 0:05:01- I didn't really know what it meant, - when parents separated.
0:05:01 > 0:05:06- I didn't know anything about - parents going to court or Cafcass.
0:05:06 > 0:05:10- I wasn't worried. But when - it happened, it was so fast.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- Why do you think parents separate?
0:05:13 > 0:05:15- For a lot of different reasons.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- When couples come to Relate...
0:05:19 > 0:05:22- ..the most common reasons are...
0:05:22 > 0:05:24- ..disagreements about money.
0:05:25 > 0:05:30- There's no right or wrong way, just - different ways of regarding things.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- The pressure of work and life.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36- People also have affairs.
0:05:36 > 0:05:40- Sometimes, an affair - can be a symptom of something...
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- In the past.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44- ..of problems in the relationship.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49- Do you think you fell in love - with the character he played...
0:05:49 > 0:05:51- ..as opposed to the man he was?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- Maybe there's an aspect...
0:05:54 > 0:05:58- ..that because your Dad - had a slightly fractured...
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- ..unhappy experience - as a young man...
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- ..that he was very good - at being a character.
0:06:04 > 0:06:09- But as much as he was brilliant, - he was also incredibly destructive.
0:06:10 > 0:06:11- Yes.
0:06:11 > 0:06:13- Sorry, it makes me cry.
0:06:19 > 0:06:20- Don't cry.
0:06:20 > 0:06:21- Don't cry.- - I won't, baby.
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- Despite the sad events - in childhood...
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- ..I have a full, busy life now.
0:06:38 > 0:06:43- Today, Mam and I are going - to Llanrwst Rural Show.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48- I go every year to compete with - my horses and enjoy the activities.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55- I have two horses, - but Heidi is coming with me today.
0:06:55 > 0:06:58- It's her first visit - to Llanrwst Show.
0:07:03 > 0:07:07- I haven't been - to the show yet with Heidi.
0:07:07 > 0:07:11- She's done the British Eventing, - but she didn't come through.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14- Today, we're doing - Junior Equitation.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18- We just ride round - and show the judge how we ride.
0:07:18 > 0:07:23- Then we're doing Working Hunter, - so you jump and ride round.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27- Then we're doing Best Horse - and Welsh Part-bred.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- I'll fit this on.
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- We put on studs so she doesn't slip.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- She's really naughty.
0:07:44 > 0:07:46- Heidi is a Welsh part-bred.
0:07:47 > 0:07:51- She's half Welsh Cob - and half Thoroughbred.
0:08:09 > 0:08:13- The judge looks - at my horse-handling technique.
0:08:14 > 0:08:15- I don't expect a prize.
0:08:16 > 0:08:19- Heidi is a young horse - and doesn't always behave.
0:08:23 > 0:08:25- But very unexpectedly, I win.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27- She's just ten-five.
0:08:27 > 0:08:28- What is your favourite?
0:08:28 > 0:08:29- What is your favourite?- - Eventing.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31- Well done.
0:08:33 > 0:08:38- I didn't expect to do so well. - I expected to come last!
0:08:38 > 0:08:41- I haven't done it before. - It was fantastic!
0:08:41 > 0:08:43- I'm glad I won.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49- I went to Relate Cymru - when I was small.
0:08:49 > 0:08:53- I drew this picture - when I was four or five.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- Can you see something in it?
0:08:56 > 0:08:57- Well!
0:08:57 > 0:09:00- There's a mountain and we see...
0:09:02 > 0:09:04- Dad, my brother Tybalt and me.
0:09:05 > 0:09:06- And here?
0:09:07 > 0:09:08- It's raining.
0:09:08 > 0:09:10- Are those tears, or is it rain?
0:09:11 > 0:09:12- Yes.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- But it isn't raining on your heads.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- Everyone says it looks sad.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- But we're smiling, so I don't know.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25- You're smiling and almost - look as if you're having fun.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- Maybe Dad is swinging you.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29- Is it dangerous, or is it safe?
0:09:29 > 0:09:30- Is it dangerous, or is it safe?- - I don't know.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35- I think my parents stayed together - for a very long time...
0:09:35 > 0:09:38- ..because they thought it helped us.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43- Mam has talked to me - a lot about the separation.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46- They thought it was better - to stay together.
0:09:46 > 0:09:51- Now, she sees it would be better - if they'd had a clean break...
0:09:51 > 0:09:53- ..and we saw Dad at weekends...
0:09:53 > 0:09:57- ..rather than have - a life with so many rows...
0:09:57 > 0:10:01- ..and never have a quiet place - when we were a happy family.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04- What is that on Dad's chest?
0:10:04 > 0:10:06- A heart.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- There's a heart - in all the pictures of Dad.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10- A huge heart.
0:10:10 > 0:10:11- A huge heart.- - Yes.
0:10:11 > 0:10:16- What would you say to the - little girl who drew the picture?
0:10:17 > 0:10:22- When I drew it, I was very scared - of losing Mam and Dad.
0:10:22 > 0:10:26- I'd say, "Everything - will get better.
0:10:26 > 0:10:30- "Even if you don't see Mam and Dad - the same time, you'll see them.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32- "Don't worry."
0:10:32 > 0:10:33- Were you scared?
0:10:33 > 0:10:34- Were you scared?- - Yes.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37- I was scared of losing one of them.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39- I was scared of losing one of them.- - And never seeing them again.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44- From the horses to singing.
0:10:44 > 0:10:49- During the week, I go to Chetham's, - a music school in Manchester.
0:10:50 > 0:10:52- I study classical music.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- But when I'm home, - I like doing informal gigs...
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- ..and perform songs I composed.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- I've come to the Word Festival - after the Llanrwst Show.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07- I'm doing five songs - with Aziz in the marquee.
0:11:13 > 0:11:15- Aziz just plays the guitar.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19- He has played - with the Stone Roses and Oasis.
0:11:19 > 0:11:24- The style I play with Aziz is a bit - indie and doesn't fit in a category.
0:11:26 > 0:11:31- The Chetham's teachers don't mind - me doing this. I think they like it.
0:11:31 > 0:11:36- They always say, "Do the style that - suits you." So that's what I do.
0:11:54 > 0:11:59- # Where did you go?
0:12:00 > 0:12:03- # Tears of sadness flow
0:12:04 > 0:12:06- # Like the river
0:12:08 > 0:12:12- # Regrets
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- # Why did you go
0:12:14 > 0:12:18- # And leave us? #
0:12:25 > 0:12:27- I've had a busy summer.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29- I'm going back to school.
0:12:30 > 0:12:34- I had an audition to Chetham's - four years ago.
0:12:34 > 0:12:36- I didn't think I'd get in.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- Someone said I should go - for an audition. I thought, OK.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45- When I was accepted...
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- ..it felt so surreal.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53- My friends think it's cool - to go to a boarding school.
0:12:53 > 0:12:56- They say, "You're so lucky.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00- "We'd love to go - to school in Manchester."
0:13:00 > 0:13:04- I still feel homesick - and want to come home.
0:13:08 > 0:13:08- .
0:13:14 > 0:13:14- Subtitles
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:13:22 > 0:13:27- I'm back in Manchester for the start - of the new term in Chetham's.
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- The emphasis is on music.
0:13:30 > 0:13:34- I do the usual academic subjects, - like everyone else.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37- I started in Chetham's - when I was eleven.
0:13:38 > 0:13:40- Mam couldn't take me to school.
0:13:40 > 0:13:44- She put me on the train - with all my stuff.
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- I was so nervous.
0:13:46 > 0:13:49- I said I'd get off - in Bangor and come home.
0:13:50 > 0:13:54- It's been a fantastic experience. - It's a fantastic school.
0:13:54 > 0:13:57- I love it and the people there.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01- My lessons start at 8.30am.
0:14:02 > 0:14:07- I have six lessons every day and - a long lunch hour, which is nice.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09- I finish at 4.30pm.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14- Then I have rehearsals, - like the harp ensemble.
0:14:16 > 0:14:20- I'm studying the harp, singing, - piano and composition.
0:14:21 > 0:14:26- I do normal subjects, like music, - science, Maths and English.
0:14:27 > 0:14:32- The balance between the academic - subjects and music is good.
0:14:32 > 0:14:38- We have an hour of English - then an hour's musical rehearsal.
0:14:47 > 0:14:52- I share a room with my best friend. - Her parents have split up too.
0:14:52 > 0:14:56- She knows what I'm going through. - We talk a lot about it.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01- She was brought up by her father, - not her mother.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03- It's hard for me...
0:15:04 > 0:15:07- ..because Dad isn't around.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- I feel sorry for her - because she doesn't have a mother.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- It's so important to have a mother.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- Hello, Hero.
0:15:17 > 0:15:18- How are you?
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- How are you?- - I'm good, thank you.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25- I'm an independent person. - I don't want to rely on anyone.
0:15:25 > 0:15:29- I want to be on my own. - I'm happy on my own.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35- When parents split up, - you do miss out on your childhood.
0:15:36 > 0:15:40- I had to grow up quickly to help - everyone, to be an active child...
0:15:41 > 0:15:46- ..to make sure Mam's happy, - as well as my brother and Dad.
0:15:47 > 0:15:48- # Scared
0:15:49 > 0:15:53- # Of being on my own
0:15:55 > 0:15:56- # Scared
0:15:57 > 0:16:01- # Of the expectations on me
0:16:03 > 0:16:07- # Scared that you will see
0:16:08 > 0:16:12- # I'm not half the person
0:16:13 > 0:16:16- # I appear to be #
0:16:17 > 0:16:21- Yeah. You've played - what I assume is the verse.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24- Is there a chorus? - Can you remember any of that?
0:16:24 > 0:16:26- Sort of.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- # There isn't a place that's safe
0:16:33 > 0:16:36- # Nobody understands
0:16:37 > 0:16:41- # I'm on my own #
0:16:47 > 0:16:49- I have good friends in Chetham's.
0:16:50 > 0:16:53- But my best friends are home. - One is Robyn.
0:16:53 > 0:16:56- We're good friends - because we both like horses.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- Her parents have separated, too.
0:17:01 > 0:17:06- It's nice to have a friend who - understands what I've been through.
0:17:06 > 0:17:07- Hiya.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09- Hiya.- - Hiya! Are you OK?
0:17:13 > 0:17:15- How did you hurt your foot?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18- I was riding my horse.
0:17:18 > 0:17:22- He slipped and fell on me. - My foot twisted.
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- I still don't know what's wrong.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29- How did you deal - with your parents' divorce?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- I was three when it happened.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37- I was very young - and I moved around with Mam.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41- We had horses there, too.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43- I did more with Mam.
0:17:43 > 0:17:48- I went to Dad's house - on the weekends.
0:17:48 > 0:17:52- Do you have a good relationship - with your father?
0:17:52 > 0:17:56- We're still friends, and we talk. - Maybe not every day.
0:17:56 > 0:17:59- He's too busy to talk to me.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04- I can talk to him about everything.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- Can I see your horses?
0:18:07 > 0:18:11- Yes! I can't ride. - Let's see the puppies first.
0:18:11 > 0:18:12- Please!
0:18:19 > 0:18:20- They're so cute!
0:18:20 > 0:18:22- They're so cute!- - They're so small.
0:18:24 > 0:18:26- Thanks.
0:18:29 > 0:18:30- Stay.
0:18:34 > 0:18:35- Are you keeping them all?
0:18:35 > 0:18:38- Are you keeping them all?- - We hope to sell them.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- We only need one dog. - This wasn't planned.
0:18:43 > 0:18:46- They're cute.
0:18:47 > 0:18:48- What breed are they?
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- What breed are they?- - The mother is a Patterdale.
0:18:51 > 0:18:55- I think the father - is a Collie from over the road!
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- They're Patterdale/Collies - - Pollies!
0:19:00 > 0:19:02- Good girl.
0:19:05 > 0:19:09- This feels weird!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11- I felt torn between Dad and Mam.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15- They wanted to do different things - on weekends.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- Dad said, "Hero is always with you. - Why can't I have Hero?"
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- That doesn't happen now - because Dad moved to Ireland.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27- It was hard for me - when he lived in Dolwyddelan.
0:19:27 > 0:19:31- I wanted to be with him and Mam, - but I couldn't.
0:19:33 > 0:19:35- How old is that one?
0:19:35 > 0:19:38- How old is that one?- - Jaffa is three.
0:19:38 > 0:19:42- Dad had the idea for the name - because he's orange.
0:19:43 > 0:19:45- Do you ride them?
0:19:45 > 0:19:50- Not yet. They're too young. - Next year, I can ride Donny.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51- Do you go riding with your mother?
0:19:51 > 0:19:53- Do you go riding with your mother?- - Yes.
0:19:53 > 0:19:58- Dad likes horses. - He doesn't like riding them!
0:19:59 > 0:20:04- I do that with Mam. - I compete every week.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11- There's a good boy! Come here, baby!
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- It's so long!
0:20:16 > 0:20:18- He's greedy.
0:20:19 > 0:20:22- Cheeky boy.
0:20:26 > 0:20:30- Even though Mam and Dad's divorce - was sometimes difficult...
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- ..my home life is very happy.
0:20:33 > 0:20:36- Our family life - is settled and quiet.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40- Mam met Steve, my stepfather, - a few years ago.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44- He's an important part - of our family.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46- We're leaving about seven thirty.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- We're leaving about seven thirty.- - I'm going with Steve, aren't I?
0:20:49 > 0:20:50- I thought I'd take you.
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- I thought I'd take you.- - He said it's fine.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57- He said it's fine, - driving all the way to Prestatyn?
0:20:58 > 0:21:02- If things were different, - it would be lovely to see Dad.
0:21:02 > 0:21:06- It would be nice to see who - I'm more alike, my mother or father.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09- It didn't work out like that.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12- I don't mind now.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- It feels easier not to see Dad. - Steve is my step-dad.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19- He's fantastic and Mam's fantastic.
0:21:19 > 0:21:23- I have a step-dad and a mother. - That's fine.
0:21:23 > 0:21:24- That's the one I wanted.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26- That's the one I wanted.- - He doesn't think so.
0:21:27 > 0:21:28- Was it better as it was?
0:21:28 > 0:21:31- Was it better as it was?- - Let's go with it as it is.
0:21:32 > 0:21:35- I still have to work - in inches and convert that...
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- ..because I'm old and thick.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40- You're not thick.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44- That's really nice, knees together.
0:21:44 > 0:21:48- If I had children, - I'd want to be a single parent.
0:21:49 > 0:21:54- I might adopt three or four - and live in a house on my own.
0:21:58 > 0:22:03- Having parents who split up - changed the way I look at men.
0:22:03 > 0:22:09- When I start to date boys, I'll - be more wary than other people.
0:22:09 > 0:22:13- I don't want to fall in love - with a man who's useless.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17- I want a man who does things - and who will be there.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- # Let us be the perfect family
0:22:23 > 0:22:26- # I beg Mum to show - that she really cares
0:22:27 > 0:22:31- # But she says - she can't after his affairs
0:22:33 > 0:22:34- # Ooh
0:22:34 > 0:22:38- # It's just piggy in the middle me
0:22:42 > 0:22:45- # Daddy, Daddy please don't go
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- # Let us be the family that I know
0:22:49 > 0:22:51- # Please don't go
0:22:54 > 0:22:56- # Oh, please make up
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- # Let's go to the park
0:23:00 > 0:23:02- # Play on the swings
0:23:02 > 0:23:06- # That's what I love - those little things
0:23:06 > 0:23:09- # The way it used to be
0:23:11 > 0:23:16- # It's just piggy in the middle me #
0:23:41 > 0:23:43- S4C Subtitles by Gwead
0:23:43 > 0:23:44- .