0:00:00 > 0:00:00- Subtitles
0:00:00 > 0:00:02- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:00:48 > 0:00:51- I haven't done stand-up - on S4C before.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53- D'you mind if we have some colour?
0:00:57 > 0:01:01- Ladies and gentlemen, - please put your hands together...
0:01:01 > 0:01:05- ..all the way to the microphone - for Mr Elis James.
0:01:16 > 0:01:19- Wow. Thank you.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22- Welsh-language comedy.
0:01:23 > 0:01:24- This place is packed.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28- I'm going up in the world.
0:01:28 > 0:01:32- A stage, a microphone - - someone's been to Homebase.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- Discount for cash.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38- I've been on a tour - to prepare for this show.
0:01:39 > 0:01:41- I visited different places.
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- I did one gig in Pontyberem.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47- Not in the village hall - too easy.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50- Not in a chapel vestry.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52- No - in a shop!
0:01:52 > 0:01:57- I'd never done a gig in a shop - - he'd never organised a gig before.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01- I turned up in Pontyberem. - "How many are we expecting tonight?"
0:02:01 > 0:02:03- "Half a dozen, nailed on.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09- "Half a dozen, maybe even eight.
0:02:10 > 0:02:14- "If everyone turns up - and then there's two walk-up.
0:02:14 > 0:02:16- "We'll see, we'll see."
0:02:16 > 0:02:22- The bloke in the shop in Pontyberem - had never organised a gig before.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24- I didn't know he was breaking rules.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27- Before I began, - he came on and said...
0:02:27 > 0:02:33- .."OK, boys, before Elis starts, - anyone want tea or coffee?
0:02:34 > 0:02:36- "The kettle's on.
0:02:36 > 0:02:41- "Brownies? For all you coeliacs, - they're gluten-free.
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- "Any coeliacs in tonight? - No, I know you all. No coeliacs.
0:02:46 > 0:02:50- "Anyone know a coeliac? - I don't like the brownies myself.
0:02:50 > 0:02:52- "Anyone work with a coeliac?
0:02:52 > 0:02:54- "Are you ready to tell your joke?"
0:02:55 > 0:02:56- Your joke! Singular.
0:02:57 > 0:02:58- Your joke.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03- Cardigan - another gig in a shop.
0:03:03 > 0:03:06- No stage, no mic.
0:03:06 > 0:03:08- I said, "Where do you want me?"
0:03:08 > 0:03:12- "I thought you could just - lean against the till like this.
0:03:13 > 0:03:17- "What do you think, just lean - against the till like this.
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- "If it goes well - and you want to mix it up...
0:03:20 > 0:03:24- "..lean the other side, just - to show how comfortable you are."
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- "Maybe, maybe."
0:03:27 > 0:03:31- I did a gig in Felinfach - on a Friday night.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- I was staying with Mam and Dad - at the time.
0:03:37 > 0:03:40- Dad walked into the kitchen - about 4.30pm.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- "Oh, El, you're not in Felinfach - tonight, are you?"
0:03:44 > 0:03:45- "Yeah, yeah."
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- "Oh, no, no, no, no.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- "You're clashing. - You're clashing tonight.
0:03:52 > 0:03:53- "I heard it on Radio Cymru.
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- "You're clashing - with the Felinfach treasure hunt.
0:04:01 > 0:04:05- "You can't compete - with the Felinfach treasure hunt.
0:04:05 > 0:04:10- "5 a car! A warm welcome to - everyone they said on Radio Cymru.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- "Cancel it - - you can't compete with that."
0:04:15 > 0:04:17- I turned up and it was sold out, - fair play.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20- I had my opening line prepared.
0:04:22 > 0:04:24- "Nice to see so many people here.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27- "I hear I'm clashing - with the treasure hunt."
0:04:27 > 0:04:30- Two men at the back said, - "Is that tonight?
0:04:32 > 0:04:35- "Sorry, sorry, - I thought that was next week."
0:04:36 > 0:04:39- The treasure hunt - brought back a lot of memories.
0:04:40 > 0:04:44- I used to do the Ffynnonddrain - Elim chapel treasure hunt.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48- A strange response - to a Carmarthen chapel!
0:04:51 > 0:04:55- Have you been on a chapel - treasure hunt? I've done loads.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59- That might qualify me for heaven! - Yeah.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03- I think they asked too much of us.
0:05:03 > 0:05:06- It was so, so boring.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10- The clues were so, so difficult.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14- It was meant to unify a community - but no-one wanted to be there.
0:05:14 > 0:05:17- The tension in our car was huge.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21- My family are very normal - - Mam, Dad, myself and two sisters.
0:05:22 > 0:05:27- The clues were either about - farming, poetry or the Bible.
0:05:27 > 0:05:30- It went something like this.
0:05:30 > 0:05:34- It started in the chapel and - ended up in a pub that served food.
0:05:34 > 0:05:37- Answer one clue - which points you to the next.
0:05:37 > 0:05:40- The treasure hunt - spans the whole county.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43- If you get the clue wrong, - you're stuck.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45- It's game over.
0:05:45 > 0:05:48- But every car - has an emergency envelope.
0:05:49 > 0:05:53- If you haven't finished by 8.30pm, - open the envelope...
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- ..and that reveals - the identity of the pub.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59- There was so much tension!
0:05:59 > 0:06:04- Every clue was so difficult - - the Bible, farming or poetry.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- Dad would be like, "Come on, Nesta, - what's the next clue?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10- "What's the next clue?"
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- "We've left the last five blank."
0:06:13 > 0:06:15- "Don't worry, come on!"
0:06:16 > 0:06:20- "OK, clue number 33.
0:06:22 > 0:06:28- "Three and sixty iron dogs in - a potato barn on Judgement Day."
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- "Jesus Christ!
0:06:31 > 0:06:34- "Who talks like that? - No-one talks like that.
0:06:34 > 0:06:37- "Oh, God, - Judgement Day, Judgement Day.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40- "I don't know. - Put sheep as the answer.
0:06:40 > 0:06:42- "There are plenty of sheep here."
0:06:42 > 0:06:45- "We've put sheep - for ten of the previous answers."
0:06:45 > 0:06:49- "We're bound to be right - with one of the answers!
0:06:50 > 0:06:53- "A Biblical verse - God is love. - Put God is love down.
0:06:53 > 0:06:58- "I'm driving to Capel Dewi - because it was in Meidrim last year.
0:06:58 > 0:07:02- "Tactics. We won't end up - on the Meidrim side of town again.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05- "We'll go to Capel Dewi - - ignore the envelope.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08- "Tactics. - Sheep, sheep. God is love."
0:07:09 > 0:07:14- We'd turn up in a pub that does food - and we'd arrive after everyone.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- We'd creep into the pub.
0:07:17 > 0:07:21- "Yeah, we had to open the envelope! - Nightmare, gutted."
0:07:23 > 0:07:27- After the food, they would - read out everyone's answers...
0:07:27 > 0:07:31- ..in front of everyone, - to shame us as a family.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36- The minister would usually say...
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- .."Right then, question number 22. - The answer is harvest.
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- "Morgans, well done, you're - in the lead. Davieses, well done.
0:07:45 > 0:07:50- "Joneses Clyn Melyn, well done. - Joneses Llachegon, well done.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- "Joneses Nantybwla, - well done, well done.
0:07:54 > 0:07:55- "Joneses Gelliwen, well done.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59- "The Jameses.
0:08:00 > 0:08:05- "You've put sheep again. - Is this the correct answer sheet?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- "There are so many blank answers.
0:08:08 > 0:08:11- "Your answers are sheep or blank.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15- "What's this - God is love? - What's going on here?
0:08:15 > 0:08:17- "OK, clue number 88.
0:08:18 > 0:08:20- "The answer is sheep!"
0:08:20 > 0:08:25- "Yes! I told you so. - It's all tactics."
0:08:26 > 0:08:29- "Well done, Jameses. One point."
0:08:31 > 0:08:35- With treasure hunts... - I'm going to swear now! I'm sorry.
0:08:36 > 0:08:39- In the Pontyberem gig, - only ten people turned up.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41- When I swore, - an old man right at the back...
0:08:41 > 0:08:45- ..would go, "Oh, dear boy.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49- "Oh, dear me.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53- "Oh, oh! Honestly, honestly.
0:08:53 > 0:08:56- "Oh, dear me. Dear boy, dear boy."
0:08:56 > 0:08:58- I'm going to swear.
0:08:59 > 0:09:03- Ffynnonddrain Elim chapel - treasure hunt 1994.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06- They're about to serve the food - in the pub...
0:09:06 > 0:09:11- ..and I'm outside playing - three-and-in with Matthew and Aled.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- The minister sends little Catrin - out to us.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- "Elis, Matthew, Aled...
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- "..Mr Davies the minister says - your food is getting cold.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- "Come in now."
0:09:23 > 0:09:26- I was playing football, - spirits were high.
0:09:27 > 0:09:28- I said, "I don't want to come in.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- "Tell Mr Davies to fuck off!"
0:09:39 > 0:09:40- Mistake.
0:09:40 > 0:09:43- She knew exactly what she was doing.
0:09:43 > 0:09:47- She walked back in - where everyone was eating...
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- ..and said, "Mr Davies, Mr Davies...
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- "..I passed your message on, - Mr Davies.
0:09:54 > 0:09:55- "I told Aled and Matthew...
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- "..but do you know what Elis, - son of Eurfyl and Nesta, said.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08- "He said he didn't want to eat. - He said fuck off."
0:10:10 > 0:10:12- People stopped playing pool.
0:10:15 > 0:10:17- People stopped playing darts.
0:10:17 > 0:10:20- I walked in - not knowing what she'd said.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- "Hiya, Mam, - where's my chicken and chips?"
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- "Sit down now! You're not - having chicken and chips."
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- "Why not - is it scampi?" - "No, it's not scampi!"
0:10:30 > 0:10:34- "Sit down now!" - "Can I put the ball in the boot?"
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- "You're not putting it in the boot!
0:10:38 > 0:10:42- "We don't use that language - at home!"
0:10:42 > 0:10:46- Little Catrin's mother came over, - "Don't ever use language like that!"
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- Catrin was sitting - in the corner like this.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- The chapel elders - were all sat in a row.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02- The minister was like this.
0:11:03 > 0:11:07- Dad came up to me and said, - "Fair play, son.
0:11:08 > 0:11:11- "No-one's talking about - our shit answers anymore.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- "Tactics. Well done.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16- "Good boy. Tactics."
0:11:16 > 0:11:17- .
0:11:21 > 0:11:21- Subtitles
0:11:21 > 0:11:23- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:11:24 > 0:11:26- I'm originally from Carmarthen.
0:11:26 > 0:11:29- Carmarthen is like a lot... - Oh, thank you, you're too kind.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33- Carmarthen is like - a lot of Welsh towns.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36- It's split between townies...
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- ..and farmers, or hambones.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42- Joskins in North Wales, - hambones down south.
0:11:43 > 0:11:45- I was half and half.
0:11:45 > 0:11:48- I wasn't raised in town - but I didn't live on a farm.
0:11:48 > 0:11:52- A lot of my family do farm - and I get on well with them...
0:11:52 > 0:11:54- ..but they're hambones.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58- I love them, I visit them, - I get on well with them.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02- But if I'm honest, - I don't understand a word they say.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05- They're real Westwalian hambones.
0:12:05 > 0:12:09- "Hey, how's things?" - "Oh, here he is!"
0:12:09 > 0:12:11- ELIS MAKES HAMBONE NOISES
0:12:13 > 0:12:15- "...no, no, no, no, no!
0:12:15 > 0:12:18- "..playing rugby, - passing the ball...
0:12:19 > 0:12:22- "No, no, no. Yes, yes, yes. - No, no, no. Passing the ball.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24- "Look at him!"
0:12:25 > 0:12:28- "Yeah, cool. - Give my best to Mam-gu."
0:12:36 > 0:12:41- Sometimes, you get a clue - about what they're talking about.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44- "..milking..."
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- Milking, OK!
0:12:46 > 0:12:48- I can discuss milking.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- "..five o'clock... - ..tired... ..milking... ..soil."
0:12:56 > 0:12:58- Soil, soil. OK, soil.
0:12:59 > 0:13:03- "..manure... - ..fertilizer... ..Huw Edwards..."
0:13:03 > 0:13:06- You've lost me now! - Milking, soil, Huw Edwards.
0:13:06 > 0:13:08- "..yeah, Huw Edwards...
0:13:08 > 0:13:10- "Soil in his mouth."
0:13:10 > 0:13:11- OK.
0:13:12 > 0:13:16- It's like watching - an episode of Pingu.
0:13:18 > 0:13:21- Fair play to whoever's - subtitling this programme.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29- Elis makes hambone noises!
0:13:34 > 0:13:39- I did a gig in Carmarthen last night - and they all turned up.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41- All my relatives.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44- They phoned Mam this morning.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48- Sorry, I'll translate.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52- "We saw Elis last night.
0:13:52 > 0:13:56- "D'you know what? It's true. - We do speak like Pingu."
0:14:01 > 0:14:05- A lot of the countryside boys, - the farmers...
0:14:05 > 0:14:08- ..gave me stick - when I was in school.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10- It was the same thing every time.
0:14:10 > 0:14:14- I had hair like this when I was - in school, fairly long.
0:14:14 > 0:14:16- "Look at this boy!
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- "Look at this boy - with his long hair.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23- "Who do you think you are? - An Englishman?
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- "'Kin Englishman and his long hair.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- "Hippy. Elis the English hippy."
0:14:32 > 0:14:35- Like those famous - long-haired Englishmen.
0:14:35 > 0:14:38- Winston Churchill, - Duncan Goodhew, Ross Kemp.
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Ross Kemp on Gangs, - his fringe getting in the way.
0:14:43 > 0:14:47- "English! Long-haired Englishman. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:14:47 > 0:14:50- "Englishman - with his long hippy hair."
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- A friend of mine comes from London.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- He went out to Mexico - for the New Year.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03- He'd read on Google - that you can fire a gun skywards...
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- ..at midnight on New Year's Eve.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09- He didn't have to travel - to Mexico to do that.
0:15:10 > 0:15:14- I've seen people do that - in a wedding in Llansaint.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- Just hambones.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- "Stop, Arwel, - you're shooting at the marquee."
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- "I'm in love! It's my wedding day!
0:15:22 > 0:15:24- "Leave me alone.
0:15:28 > 0:15:29- "Yeah!"
0:15:33 > 0:15:35- I was out one night in Carmarthen.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- I ended up in Crisp & Fry.
0:15:39 > 0:15:41- Only in Wales.
0:15:42 > 0:15:44- There are fans of Crisp & Fry.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48- "I hope he does jokes - about rissoles - I love rissoles.
0:15:49 > 0:15:51- "Battered sausage, yes, please."
0:15:51 > 0:15:54- I ended up in Crisp & Fry, drunk.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58- I did and unforgivable thing - - I pushed in.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01- I pushed in - and this lad came up to me.
0:16:01 > 0:16:04- "Hey, hey, Englishman, long hair.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07- "Englishman, long hair, pushing in."
0:16:07 > 0:16:10- "I'm sorry, it's my fault. - Sorry for pushing in."
0:16:11 > 0:16:14- I tried to chill him out. - "What's your name?"
0:16:14 > 0:16:15- "Dylan."
0:16:15 > 0:16:17- "OK, where are you from?"
0:16:18 > 0:16:19- "Lampeter."
0:16:19 > 0:16:21- His friend saw me.
0:16:22 > 0:16:25- "Hey, hey, hey, - who's the Englishman pushing in?"
0:16:25 > 0:16:27- "Whoa, whoa, whoa, I'm sorry.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31- "Sorry for pushing in, my fault. - What's your name?"
0:16:31 > 0:16:32- "Dylan."
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- "Where are you from?" "Lampeter."
0:16:35 > 0:16:39- I said, "Oh, yeah, - what are you - two brothers?"
0:16:39 > 0:16:43- I don't really remember much - of what happened after that.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50- I've done gigs all around the world.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- I was in New Zealand last year, - in Auckland.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- Auckland is at the far end - of the Earth.
0:16:59 > 0:17:03- You can't go further from Wales - than Auckland in New Zealand.
0:17:04 > 0:17:07- It said I was Welsh on the poster. - I was expecting some Welsh crowd.
0:17:08 > 0:17:10- "Hello, any Welsh in?"
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- One woman shouted, "Here!"
0:17:18 > 0:17:21- As if we were in school. - "Present, here."
0:17:23 > 0:17:25- I asked where she was from.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27- "Lampeter!"
0:17:27 > 0:17:30- "Do you know - these two brothers called...?"
0:17:32 > 0:17:34- I have family in Lampeter.
0:17:34 > 0:17:38- "Oh, yeah? I have family - in Lampeter. Do you know Dyfrig?"
0:17:38 > 0:17:40- "What's the farm's name?" - she replied.
0:17:42 > 0:17:47- I've done stand-up for a decade and - I've never had that heckle before.
0:17:47 > 0:17:49- I told her.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53- She said, - "Oh, I used to go out with Dyfrig."
0:17:53 > 0:17:59- "Oh, yeah?" "Yes, but I left him - because he bit me when we kissed.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- "But send him my best! - No hard feelings."
0:18:11 > 0:18:16- I had loads of different jobs - before I did stand-up.
0:18:16 > 0:18:20- While I was in college, - I worked in the Royal Welsh.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25- There are some North and Westwalians - here but for the city people...
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- ..I'll try and explain - the Royal Welsh to you.
0:18:28 > 0:18:30- It's like Ibiza...
0:18:32 > 0:18:33- ..for hambones.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38- Like a hambone San Antonio. - A joskins San Antonio.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41- Every day was the same - in the Royal Welsh.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- They'd turn up at the Members Bar - at 10.00am...
0:18:45 > 0:18:49- ..and say, "Pint of diesel, please."
0:18:50 > 0:18:55- Diesel is the hambone word - for snakebite and black.
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- "Pint of diesel please."
0:18:58 > 0:19:01- After the first hour, - they noticed I looked very pale.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03- I'd never worked outdoors.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- "Hey, Casper, Casper. - Casper the friendly ghost.
0:19:07 > 0:19:11- "Hey, Casper the friendly ghost.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15- "Yeah, yeah, yeah, you. - Casper the friendly ghost.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17- "Pint of diesel please."
0:19:20 > 0:19:25- By Tuesday, I thought there was - a bit of understanding between us.
0:19:25 > 0:19:29- On Tuesday, the second day, they - came in, "Pint of diesel please."
0:19:29 > 0:19:34- I replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, - we don't sell diesel.
0:19:34 > 0:19:36- "Only unleaded."
0:19:38 > 0:19:41- He said, - "Pint of turbo shandy, fleabag!"
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- "Yeah, just a bit of fun."
0:19:46 > 0:19:50- Every day, - always the same in the Royal Welsh.
0:19:50 > 0:19:54- The bar opens at ten and they show - a rugby match on the giant screen.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57- Wales v England, Wembley 1999.
0:19:57 > 0:20:01- Wales win in the final minute, - Scott Gibbs scores under the posts.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07- Every day, they'd watch the game - holding their snakebite and black.
0:20:07 > 0:20:12- They'd watch it as if it were live. - Like they'd never seen it before.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15- 78 minutes, Wales are losing.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18- "Jesus Christ, - we never beat England.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22- "I can't remember the last time - we beat England.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23- "Always the same.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27- "Scott Gibbs has got the ball. - Go, Scott, he's going!
0:20:27 > 0:20:31- "Yes! 20 pints of diesel, please."
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- DJ, Yma O Hyd, Dafydd Iwan, - the place goes wild.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- They're all singing, - some are crying.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- # We're all still here... #
0:20:41 > 0:20:45- The game ends, they settle down - and then they repeat the game.
0:20:46 > 0:20:51- There they are, "Jesus Christ, - we never beat England. Damn it all!
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- "It's not fair! We used to - always win up at Twickenham.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56- "Not anymore, oh, no.
0:20:57 > 0:21:00- "Scott Gibbs has got the ball. - Go, Scott, go. Yes!
0:21:00 > 0:21:02- "20 pints of diesel, please."
0:21:04 > 0:21:05- .
0:21:09 > 0:21:09- Subtitles
0:21:09 > 0:21:11- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- I didn't just like Welsh bands, - I like English and American bands.
0:21:17 > 0:21:20- I went to - a Grandmaster Flash gig in Cardiff.
0:21:20 > 0:21:24- Grandmaster Flash invented rap - in the 1970s and 1980s.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26- If you don't like rap, blame him.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31- There were only about 30 people - there, it was down in the Bay.
0:21:31 > 0:21:34- I couldn't wait for it, - I loved Grandmaster Flash.
0:21:35 > 0:21:39- Because there was such a small - audience, I was right at the front.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42- He walked on, electric atmosphere...
0:21:43 > 0:21:45- ..everyone was dancing.
0:21:45 > 0:21:50- The thing is, I learnt how to dance - in YFC dances in West Wales.
0:21:50 > 0:21:53- It's different - to everyone else's dancing.
0:21:53 > 0:21:56- Article A - thumb. - Article B - belt loop.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59- A pint and then just, yeah!
0:22:05 > 0:22:07- Here we go then, yeah.
0:22:07 > 0:22:09- Sometimes, leg up against the wall.
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- Too right, too right!
0:22:15 > 0:22:18- Flash came on and he said...
0:22:18 > 0:22:22- .."You gotta know where you came - from to know where you're going.
0:22:22 > 0:22:26- "I'm playing P Funk, Bootsy Collins, - Sly and the Family Stallone."
0:22:27 > 0:22:30- I was like, "Yeah, good thing.
0:22:30 > 0:22:33- "Good thing, - you carry on, lad, yeah!"
0:22:34 > 0:22:37- He started playing records - and I was loving it.
0:22:38 > 0:22:39- I'd never seen him before.
0:22:40 > 0:22:45- "Great, yeah, what's next? - Yeah, I like this one, yeah, great."
0:22:45 > 0:22:49- He saw something - in the corner of his eye.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- He kept on looking up. After - 10 minutes, he grabbed the mic.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- He wasn't rapping at the time - so everyone got excited.
0:22:57 > 0:23:01- He said, - "Man, there's some white guy...
0:23:02 > 0:23:05- "..down the front, man, and - this guy ain't dancing for nobody.
0:23:06 > 0:23:10- "What is wrong with you, man? - Why ain't you dancing?
0:23:10 > 0:23:14- "I'm playing some of the funkiest - records and you ain't dancing."
0:23:14 > 0:23:18- I thought, 'I wouldn't like to be - in that bloke's shoes'.
0:23:22 > 0:23:24- "You tell him, Grandmaster Flash."
0:23:27 > 0:23:30- He said, - "Man, why ain't you dancing?
0:23:30 > 0:23:35- "Your ass is stuck to the floor. - Your boots are made of lead."
0:23:35 > 0:23:40- I thought, 'Grandmaster Flash - is well riled. He's really angry.
0:23:40 > 0:23:44- 'I wouldn't want to cross - Grandmaster Flash.'
0:23:44 > 0:23:48- He shouted, "Yo, I'm talking - to this guy. I don't understand."
0:23:49 > 0:23:52- He was shouting at this bloke - so I turned around...
0:23:53 > 0:23:56- ..and everyone had disappeared, - the dancefloor was empty.
0:23:57 > 0:24:00- I turned around. - "I'm talking to you, man.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03- "With your thumb - in your goddamn belt loop...
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- "..shaking your head - with your pint of beer."
0:24:08 > 0:24:12- I remember thinking, 'Well, - there's no need to be like that'.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16- I walked away - to the other side of the gig.
0:24:16 > 0:24:21- It was very embarrassing, - everyone was laughing at me.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25- At the end of the gig, - I was so disappointed.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- We walked home, - we couldn't afford a taxi.
0:24:28 > 0:24:32- We happened to walk past the hotel - where he was staying.
0:24:33 > 0:24:37- Grandmaster Flash was in his room - but a roadie was carrying records.
0:24:37 > 0:24:39- My mate Brychan said to him...
0:24:40 > 0:24:43- .."Great night tonight, - lovely to see him in Cardiff.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46- "One of the funniest things - I've seen.
0:24:47 > 0:24:49- "Elis was the bloke - he was taking the piss out of.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53- "He's been crying. One of the - funniest things I've ever seen."
0:24:53 > 0:24:56- "Don't worry about it. - It's all part of the show.
0:24:56 > 0:25:01- "Tomorrow night we'll make fun - of some other loser in Exeter."
0:25:01 > 0:25:05- I thought, 'I like the idea - that I'm part of the show.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07- 'I like it, fair play.'
0:25:09 > 0:25:12- The first time - I sampled a foreign culture...
0:25:12 > 0:25:16- ..was a French exchange in school - during Year 10.
0:25:16 > 0:25:20- The boy I had, Kristoff, - we were different people.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23- Kristoff wanted to join the army, - the marines.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28- I just wanted to grow pubes! - I was desperate, any day now.
0:25:28 > 0:25:33- The books I read in the library - said any day now.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38- Kristoff wanted to join the marines. - Mam-gu liked him.
0:25:39 > 0:25:41- "Jeez, this one can eat.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45- "He can clear his plate, - this French boy."
0:25:45 > 0:25:47- She was obsessed with you - clearing your plate.
0:25:48 > 0:25:51- She once said to me, - while Bryn Terfel was on TV...
0:25:51 > 0:25:56- .."You know what they say about him? - Bryn Terfel.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58- "Maybe he can sing...
0:25:59 > 0:26:01- "..but he's not a farmer."
0:26:08 > 0:26:12- The world's greatest singer. - "He's not a farmer."
0:26:12 > 0:26:14- "I think he chose to be a singer."
0:26:14 > 0:26:16- "Maybe so, if that's what you think.
0:26:17 > 0:26:20- "Pavarotti clears his plate - but he's not a farmer.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23- "He doesn't work the food off, - that's why he's fat."
0:26:23 > 0:26:26- Everyone liked Kristoff...
0:26:26 > 0:26:32- ..but what do you do with 50 French - pupils if you live in West Wales?
0:26:32 > 0:26:35- Day 1, simple enough, Oakwood.
0:26:36 > 0:26:38- That's what you do.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42- I don't think that Oakwood - is good enough as a theme park.
0:26:42 > 0:26:45- This is how they advertised Oakwood - at the time.
0:26:45 > 0:26:47- Come to Oakwood.
0:26:48 > 0:26:52- Home of Europe's largest - wooden rollercoaster.
0:26:55 > 0:27:00- I might be wrong, but I don't think - anyone chooses a rollercoaster...
0:27:00 > 0:27:01- ..for its wood.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04- "What's this wood, - why didn't you tell me?"
0:27:05 > 0:27:09- Megafobia was Europe's - largest wooden rollercoaster.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12- I'll try and show you - what Megafobia was like.
0:27:12 > 0:27:13- I have enough room here!
0:27:15 > 0:27:18- We've queued for an hour, - you'll never get that hour back.
0:27:19 > 0:27:22- That's how time works, - in a straight line.
0:27:22 > 0:27:27- You've paid 20. Megafobia, - 1, 2, 3. Away we go, Megafobia!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33- Whoo!
0:27:33 > 0:27:35- Whooo!
0:27:36 > 0:27:39- Hey! What's this? Figure of eight.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42- What's the Gs, what's the Gs?
0:27:43 > 0:27:46- Zero Gs, zero Gs. - My hair's not even moving.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52- "Ooh, I can see my car from here. - Yeah, I can see my car."
0:27:52 > 0:27:55- Megafobia, yeah!
0:27:55 > 0:27:57- I've seen people eating curry - on Megafobia.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01- I've seen gravy harden - on Megafobia.
0:28:01 > 0:28:06- They take a photo in Alton Towers. - On Megafobia, it's a sketch.
0:28:12 > 0:28:17- At that time in school, we had - sex education for the first time.
0:28:17 > 0:28:19- That was a lot of fun.
0:28:20 > 0:28:22- Year 9.
0:28:23 > 0:28:24- Year 9.
0:28:24 > 0:28:28- There were very mixed messages - in sex education.
0:28:29 > 0:28:33- The woman who taught us had checked - us for nits in primary school.
0:28:34 > 0:28:36- How did that work?
0:28:36 > 0:28:39- Mixed messages, multi-tasking.
0:28:39 > 0:28:44- She came in and she was quite - forthright considering the age.
0:28:45 > 0:28:48- She walked into the gym - where Year 9 were waiting.
0:28:48 > 0:28:50- "Right then, Year 9, right then...
0:28:51 > 0:28:53- "..you might remember me.
0:28:57 > 0:29:00- "Nice to know some of you - are still using T-Gel.
0:29:01 > 0:29:05- "For those laughing at the others, - nits is a sign of cleanliness.
0:29:05 > 0:29:10- "Nits like clean hair, - but I'm not here to discuss nits.
0:29:11 > 0:29:13- "I want to talk about sex.
0:29:16 > 0:29:22- "Right then listen, to give me - a basis for your education...
0:29:22 > 0:29:27- "..to find out what you know, - what I should be teaching you...
0:29:28 > 0:29:30- "..and where this lesson - will take us...
0:29:31 > 0:29:35- "..after three, shout out - every sex word you know.
0:29:36 > 0:29:39- "That'll form the basis - of my teaching...
0:29:39 > 0:29:41- "..and we'll take it from there."
0:29:41 > 0:29:43- We were all so wound up.
0:29:47 > 0:29:50- The hambones were chomping - at the bit.
0:29:50 > 0:29:53- Like a pre-race greyhound. - Come on then!
0:29:53 > 0:29:56- "Away we go then. 1, 2, 3."
0:29:56 > 0:29:59- "Shagging, bonking, screwing, - tits, fingering..."
0:29:59 > 0:30:02- "Please, please, please, Year 9!"
0:30:02 > 0:30:07- "Tits, fingering, filling a hole, - dipping your bread..."
0:30:08 > 0:30:09- "Please, please!"
0:30:09 > 0:30:12- The headmaster walked in.
0:30:12 > 0:30:16- "Year 9, Year 9...
0:30:16 > 0:30:20- "..who shouted shagging, - screwing, sucking, tits, fanny?
0:30:20 > 0:30:22- "Who shouted that?"
0:30:23 > 0:30:24- "Hands up.
0:30:25 > 0:30:29- "Hands up. Who shouted - dipping your bread? Who was it?"
0:30:32 > 0:30:34- The farmers were like, - "I know it all anyway.
0:30:35 > 0:30:39- "I don't need education. - I've seen animals doing it."
0:30:40 > 0:30:45- "Right then, nice to see the - naughty ones amongst you have left.
0:30:46 > 0:30:49- "I've had five minutes - to settle down.
0:30:51 > 0:30:53- "Right.
0:30:53 > 0:30:57- "This morning, Year 9, I want to - discuss the human seed with you.
0:30:58 > 0:31:02- "I don't like the phrase human seed. - I prefer sperm."
0:31:04 > 0:31:08- Yes! This is the best tutorial ever.
0:31:08 > 0:31:10- She said sperm. Yes, please.
0:31:10 > 0:31:15- "Believe you me, Year 9, - sperm can be a dangerous fluid.
0:31:19 > 0:31:23- "If your sperm ends up - in the wrong place...
0:31:23 > 0:31:25- "..it can be disastrous."
0:31:30 > 0:31:33- "Right, Lee Evans... Lee Evans...
0:31:34 > 0:31:37- "..how many sperm - are released during a wet dream?"
0:31:38 > 0:31:40- Oh, my God, she said wet dream.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42- Lee Evans looked straight down.
0:31:42 > 0:31:46- Refused to answer. - "Come on, tell me, tell the class.
0:31:46 > 0:31:49- "If you're so confident - with your sperm."
0:31:52 > 0:31:54- He remained silent.
0:31:54 > 0:31:58- "Maybe Lee Evans has only produced - sperm during a wet dream...
0:31:58 > 0:32:02- "..and his mother washed his pyjamas - before he realised."
0:32:02 > 0:32:05- That is utterly insane logic.
0:32:05 > 0:32:07- The idea that Lee Evans' mother...
0:32:09 > 0:32:12- ..is in his bedroom - on a wet dream watch...
0:32:14 > 0:32:16- "Here we go then, here we go.
0:32:17 > 0:32:20- "He's having one, he's having one.
0:32:20 > 0:32:23- "Off with his pyjamas. - In the wash, tumble dryer."
0:32:23 > 0:32:27- "Mam? What are you doing?" - "Oh, just tidying up."
0:32:30 > 0:32:30- .
0:32:34 > 0:32:34- Subtitles
0:32:34 > 0:32:36- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:32:37 > 0:32:41- I'm going out with an English girl - from Derbyshire. We've had a baby.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44- Isy's learning Welsh.
0:32:44 > 0:32:48- She wants Beti to have - a bilingual upbringing.
0:32:48 > 0:32:51- She goes to night classes - in Covent Garden.
0:32:51 > 0:32:54- She loves it, - she's very enthusiastic.
0:32:54 > 0:32:58- The problem is, if you're learning, - there are two books.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00- The Southwalian book...
0:33:00 > 0:33:02- ..and the wrong book.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05- Yuck, yeurgh!
0:33:08 > 0:33:10- She bought the wrong one.
0:33:10 > 0:33:14- She came home from her first lesson, - really excited.
0:33:14 > 0:33:16- "How did it go?"
0:33:16 > 0:33:19- "Wyt ti moyn dysgu Cymraeg efo fi?"
0:33:20 > 0:33:22- "Efo?!
0:33:23 > 0:33:26- "It's gyda, gyda, - gyda, gyda, gyda, gyda!"
0:33:27 > 0:33:30- "OK, right, will you test me?"
0:33:30 > 0:33:33- "Wyt ti'n hoffi coffi?" - "Ydw, gyda digon o lefrith."
0:33:33 > 0:33:36- "Llefrith?! Llaeth, llaeth, llaeth!"
0:33:38 > 0:33:41- She was pregnant at the time.
0:33:41 > 0:33:43- "OK, Elis, - when we have a little baby...
0:33:43 > 0:33:47- "..do you think we'll have - a hogyn...?"
0:33:48 > 0:33:50- "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52- "Don't you even say it.
0:33:53 > 0:33:55- "It's bachgen, merch, crwt, croten.
0:33:55 > 0:33:58- "If you're from Pembrokeshire - and insane, rocyn or roces.
0:33:59 > 0:34:03- "I don't mind it, I wouldn't say it - myself, I think it's quite charming.
0:34:04 > 0:34:09- "Hogyn, hogan's bullshit! I don't - even know which way round that is.
0:34:09 > 0:34:13- "Machynlleth - llanc and lodes. - Youth and damsel.
0:34:13 > 0:34:15- "Come on, Machynlleth!
0:34:18 > 0:34:21- "Whilst we're at it, - let's nip this in the bud.
0:34:21 > 0:34:23- "It is nawr and not rwan...
0:34:24 > 0:34:28- "..even though they're the same - letters the wrong way around.
0:34:28 > 0:34:31- "You ask for ia in your drink - and not rhew.
0:34:32 > 0:34:34- "Rhew is a word that means frost.
0:34:34 > 0:34:39- "Who has frost in their spiced rum - and Diet Coke? It makes no sense.
0:34:39 > 0:34:42- "If I hear you saying goriad - instead of allwedd...
0:34:43 > 0:34:47- "..mark my words - allwedd is key, - goriad is an opening.
0:34:47 > 0:34:52- "Yet for some reason, Welsh was - codified by Northwalian academics...
0:34:52 > 0:34:57- "..at Bangor University - I don't - know how it happened but I hate it."
0:35:00 > 0:35:02- Thank you.
0:35:04 > 0:35:06- About half the audience there.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11- "It's a beautiful language."
0:35:11 > 0:35:15- "It is, in certain distinct regions - of South and West Wales!
0:35:16 > 0:35:20- "As far north as Aberystwyth - and as far east as Swansea."
0:35:25 > 0:35:27- I'm annoyed now!
0:35:27 > 0:35:31- "They even sound like gogs in - Patagonia - how are they doing it?
0:35:31 > 0:35:36- "This pernicious, malevolent - influence. How do they do it?"
0:35:40 > 0:35:43- We have a lot of fun, - she's enthusiastic and I test her.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47- Every Sunday night, - it's a laugh a minute!
0:35:50 > 0:35:55- It's difficult to teach Welsh. I'm - not a teacher, I just speak Welsh.
0:35:55 > 0:36:00- Every Sunday night, she'll say - something like, "Siocled am fi."
0:36:00 > 0:36:02- I'll say, "No, siocled i fi."
0:36:02 > 0:36:04- "But 'am' is for."
0:36:06 > 0:36:08- "Go get the book, go get the book."
0:36:09 > 0:36:11- We had an exam last week.
0:36:11 > 0:36:14- "OK, Isy, this one's easy. - You know this one.
0:36:14 > 0:36:16- "You did this in your second lesson.
0:36:17 > 0:36:19- "Beth yw enw dy frawd di?"
0:36:21 > 0:36:22- "What?!"
0:36:22 > 0:36:25- "Beth yw enw dy frawd di?"
0:36:25 > 0:36:28- "You know this one. - Beth yw enw dy frawd di?"
0:36:29 > 0:36:32- "What is the name - of my black brother?"
0:36:36 > 0:36:38- "Go get the book from the bin."
0:36:46 > 0:36:50- Also, some words are just - too difficult to translate.
0:36:50 > 0:36:54- My family are great - - everyone speaks Welsh.
0:36:55 > 0:37:00- A lot of them talk - a hard-core Westwalian vernacular.
0:37:00 > 0:37:04- She'll come with me to Wales - and my auntie will say...
0:37:04 > 0:37:08- "Did you hear - about Dafydd next door?
0:37:08 > 0:37:12- "He's crashed the car - - it's rhacs jibiders."
0:37:13 > 0:37:17- Rhacs jibiders! - How do you translate rhacs jibiders?
0:37:18 > 0:37:20- "What are those last words?"
0:37:20 > 0:37:24- "Rhacs jibiders. He's written-off - the car. It's jibiders."
0:37:25 > 0:37:27- "What's jibiders?"
0:37:28 > 0:37:33- "Jibiders. It's been written-off to - the extent it's been written-off."
0:37:37 > 0:37:39- "Is written rhacs - and off jibiders."
0:37:39 > 0:37:44- "No, written-off is rhacs. - Mae'r car wedi rhacso - ruined.
0:37:44 > 0:37:47- "It's ruined - to the extent it's jibiders.
0:37:48 > 0:37:50- "What's that mean?"
0:37:51 > 0:37:54- "Why is it?" "Because..." - "What does it mean?"
0:37:54 > 0:37:57- "Jibiders... Jibiders is...
0:37:57 > 0:38:02- "Jibiders is an unit of measurement - for rhacs!
0:38:05 > 0:38:07- "I don't know.
0:38:11 > 0:38:15- "At this end of the scale, - the car is fine. It hasn't crashed.
0:38:15 > 0:38:16- "It's not rhacs.
0:38:17 > 0:38:20- "To this end of the scale, - it's rhacs jibiders.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24- "Everything else is a grey area. - I don't know. It's rhacs jibiders."
0:38:24 > 0:38:28- Dad walks in, - "It's raining. I'm wlyb stecs."
0:38:29 > 0:38:31- "He is wet stecs.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36- "He is wet to the extent, - he's stecs. He's wet wet."
0:38:36 > 0:38:38- "I'm wlyb shwps."
0:38:38 > 0:38:42- "That's another stecs. - I prefer stecs, I don't know why.
0:38:42 > 0:38:47- "Dad's gone with his heart, - with his gut. From stecs to shwps.
0:38:47 > 0:38:51- "Welsh people get wet wet. - I don't know, it's the way it is."
0:38:55 > 0:38:57- We're raising this baby.
0:38:57 > 0:39:00- Isy said, - "Can we sing nursery rhymes?"
0:39:00 > 0:39:03- "Hwiangerddi," I replied.
0:39:03 > 0:39:07- "Oh, wow, wow, wow. Are they - the same melodies as English ones?"
0:39:08 > 0:39:12- "I don't know. - I haven't sung one for years."
0:39:13 > 0:39:16- # Two little dogs going to the wood
0:39:16 > 0:39:18- # Brand-new shoe on every foot
0:39:18 > 0:39:20- # Two little dogs - come back from the wood
0:39:20 > 0:39:22- # One of the dogs has lost its shoes
0:39:27 > 0:39:29- # Two little dogs #
0:39:31 > 0:39:35- "Cool, yeah. Great, I like it. - Great vibe, I like it."
0:39:35 > 0:39:39- "No, no, they're not all bad."
0:39:40 > 0:39:42- # I saw a jackdaw
0:39:42 > 0:39:44- # Sitting on a roof
0:39:44 > 0:39:45- # White hat on his head, - two wooden legs
0:39:46 > 0:39:47- # Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha #
0:39:54 > 0:39:57- "Yeah, great. I like them."
0:39:57 > 0:39:59- "This is a good one."
0:40:00 > 0:40:02- # Gee up, little horsey, - carrying us both
0:40:04 > 0:40:07- # Over the mountains - to hunt for some nuts
0:40:08 > 0:40:13- # There's water in the river, - the rocks are inevitably slippery
0:40:15 > 0:40:18- # Whoop! We both fell over
0:40:19 > 0:40:20- # What a hilarious trick #
0:40:28 > 0:40:29- Dacw Mam...
0:40:34 > 0:40:37- # Here comes Mother - over the white stile
0:40:37 > 0:40:41- # Something in her pocket - and a pitcher on her head
0:40:42 > 0:40:45- # The cow is in the cowshed, - mooing at the calf
0:40:46 > 0:40:47- # Lowing, mooing at the younger calf
0:40:47 > 0:40:50- # But the calf is somewhere else, - singing Jim Crow
0:40:51 > 0:40:56- "I think that's to do with - racial segregation laws in America.
0:40:57 > 0:41:00- "I don't know how that crept - into this Welsh nursery rhyme.
0:41:01 > 0:41:03- "They're quite racist, it's fine."
0:41:04 > 0:41:06- # Jim Crow crustin, one, two, four
0:41:06 > 0:41:11- "That bit is in English. - Don't know what happened to three.
0:41:11 > 0:41:14- "When she's only enough to count...
0:41:14 > 0:41:17- "..we'll emphasise - that three comes after two.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20- # Jim Crow crustin, one, two, four
0:41:20 > 0:41:25- # The little piglet is sitting - so sweetly on the stool #
0:41:32 > 0:41:34- "Shall we stick - to Hickory Dickory Dock?"
0:41:35 > 0:41:37- Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44- Oh, yeah, I've got TB. - I should have mentioned it.
0:41:44 > 0:41:47- Yeah, pretty contagious, really.
0:41:51 > 0:41:55- Can you do a thumbs-up as an adult? - That's OK.
0:41:55 > 0:41:58- But any adult that goes, boo!
0:42:01 > 0:42:03- "Has the car passed the MOT? Yes.
0:42:03 > 0:42:06- "It's failed? Oh, boo!"
0:42:15 > 0:42:20- I was in Cyprus last week. - Oh, some of you know.
0:42:21 > 0:42:24- To watch the football. - I was in Cyprus and it was great.
0:42:24 > 0:42:28- I was out on the lash. That's - the culture of football trips.
0:42:29 > 0:42:32- Out on the lash, - drinking, getting drunk.
0:42:32 > 0:42:38- Somewhere in London, I'm on a list - of Welsh football supporters.
0:42:38 > 0:42:42- On the day of the game, I'd been - in the pub for a few hours.
0:42:42 > 0:42:44- I'd had a couple of pints.
0:42:44 > 0:42:48- The bar had wi-fi - so I checked Twitter.
0:42:48 > 0:42:51- "Hey, Elis, - it's Tim from the BBC in London.
0:42:52 > 0:42:54- "From the Radio 4 Tonight programme.
0:42:54 > 0:42:56- "Would you come on the show...
0:42:56 > 0:43:00- "..to discuss Wales leapfrogging - England in the rankings?"
0:43:00 > 0:43:04- I replied to this genuine request - for an interview.
0:43:04 > 0:43:07- "I will be shitfaced unfortunately."
0:43:08 > 0:43:10- I was just being honest.
0:43:10 > 0:43:14- A comedian friend of mine called - Mike who has lots of followers...
0:43:14 > 0:43:18- ..tweeted 'The best conversation - on Welsh sport I've ever seen.'
0:43:19 > 0:43:23- He retweeted my tweet, that was - retweeted, that was retweeted.
0:43:23 > 0:43:27- As these things happen, - that was retweeted.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30- I'd switched off my phone - during the game.
0:43:31 > 0:43:33- I had no idea this was happening.
0:43:33 > 0:43:35- There were over 1,000 retweets.
0:43:36 > 0:43:39- When it reached 1,000, - the Western Mail thought...
0:43:40 > 0:43:42- .."There's a story here.
0:43:48 > 0:43:52- "We're just waiting for Tom Jones - and Shirley Bassey to die.
0:43:52 > 0:43:55- "We could get two pages - out of this."
0:43:55 > 0:43:59- They ran the story, - the Wales on Sunday ran the story.
0:43:59 > 0:44:03- I had no idea this was happening. - I'd been drinking all day.
0:44:03 > 0:44:08- The Western Mail publish the story, - as does the Independent.
0:44:08 > 0:44:10- The Guardian publish the story.
0:44:10 > 0:44:13- This has now had millions - of retweets.
0:44:13 > 0:44:18- James Corden saw it - he has five - million followers. He retweeted it.
0:44:18 > 0:44:21- This is bonkers - and I still have no idea.
0:44:21 > 0:44:23- I'm still drinking in Cyprus.
0:44:23 > 0:44:27- I have no idea this has spread - like wildfire.
0:44:28 > 0:44:33- An Australian website, news.com.au, - Australia's version of the BBC...
0:44:33 > 0:44:37- ..they thought, - "There's a bloody story in this."
0:44:37 > 0:44:39- I was on the front page.
0:44:40 > 0:44:42- "Welsh soccer fan - too shitfaced for interview."
0:44:45 > 0:44:47- They found a photo of me like this.
0:44:52 > 0:44:54- "England might have won the Ashes...
0:44:54 > 0:44:57- "..but British fans - are so starved of success...
0:44:58 > 0:45:03- "..every time one of their teams - beats Cyprus, they're shitfaced."
0:45:04 > 0:45:08- A New York website picked up on it. - They published the story.
0:45:08 > 0:45:13- It was on their front page - - millions of people read the website.
0:45:14 > 0:45:16- The comments were fantastic.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20- "The Welsh football team - are so unprofessional...
0:45:20 > 0:45:22- "..they get drunk before a game."
0:45:23 > 0:45:24- They thought I played!
0:45:24 > 0:45:29- They thought I was a player - getting drunk before a game.
0:45:44 > 0:45:49- One comment said, "He is nothing but - a Western European binge drinker."
0:45:49 > 0:45:52- I'm not representing Carmarthen.
0:45:52 > 0:45:55- I'm not even representing Wales. - I represent Europe.
0:45:56 > 0:45:59- World-class binge drinker, - that's me.
0:45:59 > 0:46:02- I didn't know this was happening.
0:46:02 > 0:46:05- I had no data roaming - - too tight to pay!
0:46:05 > 0:46:09- I did a gig in Felinfach - and an audience member said...
0:46:09 > 0:46:10- .."I live in Aber.
0:46:11 > 0:46:14- "I came all the way down - because the tickets are 3 cheaper."
0:46:15 > 0:46:18- Cardis don't get it sometimes, - do they?
0:46:21 > 0:46:25- It costs 3 of petrol to reach - Felinfach! I don't understand.
0:46:26 > 0:46:30- I didn't have any data roaming - so when I arrive back...
0:46:30 > 0:46:34- ..I switch my phone on - for the first time in days.
0:46:34 > 0:46:36- "What's this? 1,500 notifications?"
0:46:38 > 0:46:42- I read them all but from the top - down, it made no sense.
0:46:42 > 0:46:47- Australians saying, "Hi, I like - to get shitfaced as well, ripper.
0:46:49 > 0:46:53- "Next time you're in Sydney, - let's go out, eh?"
0:46:53 > 0:46:55- Who are these people?
0:46:57 > 0:47:02- "I think it's unprofessional you - get drunk before a game." "Why?!"
0:47:06 > 0:47:09- I was just watching - - what's the problem?
0:47:09 > 0:47:12- I'm just an ordinary bloke - who likes a drink.
0:47:12 > 0:47:14- What's all the fuss?
0:47:14 > 0:47:16- That's my epitaph.
0:47:16 > 0:47:18- On my gravestone.
0:47:19 > 0:47:21- An ordinary bloke - who liked a drink.
0:47:27 > 0:47:29- I'm done now.
0:47:36 > 0:47:38- I'm sweating pints.
0:47:38 > 0:47:40- That's why I'm not a farmer.
0:47:40 > 0:47:42- I sweat pints - just imitating farmers.
0:47:46 > 0:47:48- There's no hope for me on a farm.
0:47:52 > 0:47:56- That's the end of the show. I don't - do Welsh language stand-up often.
0:47:57 > 0:48:02- I've done English stand-up - for 10 years, 3,000 gigs.
0:48:02 > 0:48:06- This show has been an absolute - pleasure. Thanks for coming.
0:48:07 > 0:48:11- You've been a great audience. - Thank you very much, good night.
0:48:28 > 0:48:30- S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.
0:48:30 > 0:48:30- .