0:00:19 > 0:00:22CHURCH BELL TOLLS
0:00:27 > 0:00:29Bah!
0:00:29 > 0:00:30Humbug!
0:00:30 > 0:00:33CLOCK CHIMES
0:00:33 > 0:00:36Hush, confounded chimes!
0:00:38 > 0:00:43Wherever I go, all I see is this clock, staring back at me.
0:00:45 > 0:00:47No good in funerals.
0:00:48 > 0:00:51Marley wouldn't have approved, himself.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Waste of money!
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Waste of time!
0:00:55 > 0:00:57Hey! Hey!
0:00:57 > 0:01:00- Oh! - Get off!
0:01:00 > 0:01:03- All right, everyone out. - Who are you?
0:01:03 > 0:01:04Head of the BBC.
0:01:04 > 0:01:06- That was a Twix. - Get out!
0:01:06 > 0:01:08All right. Plan B it is.
0:01:13 > 0:01:14- Coats. - Yes!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20- What are you doing?- You said I'd be taking over as Scrooge.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22No, I'm playing Scrooge, that's why I've got the notes.
0:01:22 > 0:01:24You're playing the Ghost Of Christmas Yet To Come.
0:01:24 > 0:01:25He doesn't have any lines.
0:01:25 > 0:01:27The cast said they'd walk if you played Scrooge!
0:01:27 > 0:01:30What, the whole cast?! I'm the leading actor!
0:01:30 > 0:01:32No, you're the worst actor in the company.
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- AUDIENCE:- Aww!
0:01:34 > 0:01:36Auntie Diana, you promised.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Just hurry up.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Well, you'll have to do it over the phone, then.
0:01:40 > 0:01:41- Annie. Annie! - What? What?
0:01:41 > 0:01:43- I can't remember any of my lines. - Again?!
0:01:43 > 0:01:44It's the nerves.
0:01:44 > 0:01:45Come with me.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47- What if you become ill? - I won't!
0:01:47 > 0:01:48What if you get injured?
0:01:48 > 0:01:51I would have to be completely incapacitated to pull out now.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57- THOUGHTFULLY:- Really?
0:01:58 > 0:02:00ALL SHOUTING
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Give it here. Just stop, stop!
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Good evening, BBC viewers. Unfortunately,
0:02:08 > 0:02:11the cast of A Christmas Carol have all been taken ill.
0:02:11 > 0:02:12SHOUTING, FEEDBACK.
0:02:12 > 0:02:16But don't worry, the Cornley Polytechnic Drama Society
0:02:16 > 0:02:18happened to be passing by, and will be filling in,
0:02:18 > 0:02:23with special guest narrator, Sandra's aunt, Dame Diana Rigg.
0:02:23 > 0:02:26Please enjoy A Christmas Carol.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47CHURCH BELL TOLLS
0:03:07 > 0:03:08Bah.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10Humbug!
0:03:10 > 0:03:11MUFFLED CLOCK CHIMES
0:03:11 > 0:03:13Hush, confounded chimes!
0:03:18 > 0:03:25Everywhere I go, all I see is that damn clock.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28Everywhere I go...
0:03:29 > 0:03:31..all I see...
0:03:32 > 0:03:35..is that damn clock...
0:03:35 > 0:03:36..staring back at me!
0:03:39 > 0:03:41Ha!
0:03:41 > 0:03:43No good in funerals, anyhow.
0:03:44 > 0:03:47Marley wouldn't approve, himself.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Waste of money. Waste of time.
0:03:55 > 0:03:58Marley was dead to begin with.
0:03:58 > 0:04:00There was no doubt whatever about that.
0:04:11 > 0:04:17The register of his burial was signed by the solemn undertaker,
0:04:17 > 0:04:22and of course, the only mourner, his partner, Mr Scrooge.
0:04:32 > 0:04:34HE GRUNTS
0:04:43 > 0:04:45HE GRUNTS
0:04:48 > 0:04:50HE SPLUTTERS
0:04:59 > 0:05:01Auntie Diana, you're on. Go!
0:05:01 > 0:05:05On Christmas Eve, Scrooge walked into his counting house.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08He was a tight-fisted hand on the grindstone,
0:05:08 > 0:05:14a squeezing, wrenching, grasping, scraping covetous old sinner,
0:05:14 > 0:05:17who was as hard as flint.
0:05:17 > 0:05:19The weather was biting,
0:05:19 > 0:05:23but cold and heat had little influence on Scrooge.
0:05:24 > 0:05:27No warmth could warm him.
0:05:27 > 0:05:29No wintry weather could chill him.
0:05:29 > 0:05:33No wind that blew was bitterer than he.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Get off!
0:05:36 > 0:05:39Stop it! Stop it! Stop!
0:05:40 > 0:05:42- PUNCH - Ow!
0:05:42 > 0:05:46There was not a man, woman, or child in London
0:05:46 > 0:05:50who chose to walk close to Scrooge in the street.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52- Oh! - Get off!
0:05:52 > 0:05:53Get off!
0:05:53 > 0:05:57But as long as he was able to go about his business with thrift,
0:05:57 > 0:06:00and count his coins, what did Scrooge care?
0:06:05 > 0:06:07Merry Christmas, Mr Scrooge.
0:06:08 > 0:06:10Oh!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Merry Christmas, Uncle. God save you.
0:06:14 > 0:06:16Bah, humbug.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Christmas, a humbug?
0:06:18 > 0:06:21Uncle, och, you don't mean that, I'm sure.
0:06:21 > 0:06:24I do, Frances. What's Christmas but another time
0:06:24 > 0:06:27to find yourself a year older, and not an hour richer?
0:06:27 > 0:06:31Every idiot who goes about with "Merry Christmas" on his lips
0:06:31 > 0:06:33should be boiled in his own pudding,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- and buried with a stake of holly through his heart.- Oh!
0:06:36 > 0:06:38Wipe that stupid smile from your face.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42I have every reason to smile, Uncle, and make merry at this time of year.
0:06:42 > 0:06:46What reason have you to be merry? You're poor enough.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49What reason have you to be dismal? You're rich enough.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53What else can I be while I live in such a world of fools as this?
0:06:53 > 0:06:57Why is one a fool for wishing her uncle a Merry Christmas?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59- Because it does you no good. - Does me no good?
0:06:59 > 0:07:03It is the one time in the long calendar of the year
0:07:03 > 0:07:08when men and women can open their shut-up hearts freely,
0:07:08 > 0:07:14and hold out their hands to those below them as their true companions.
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Fine speech, Frances.
0:07:15 > 0:07:16You belong in Parliament.
0:07:16 > 0:07:17Christmas, Uncle,
0:07:17 > 0:07:21though it has never put a scrap of gold in my pocket, has done me good,
0:07:21 > 0:07:24and will do me good, and I say God bless it.
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Miss Frances.
0:07:33 > 0:07:35What a pleasure it is to see you.
0:07:35 > 0:07:37Well, Merry Christmas, Bob Cratchit.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40A Merry Christmas to you, too!
0:07:41 > 0:07:43We hear a knock at the door.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45KNOCK AT DOOR
0:07:45 > 0:07:47Oh, a knock at the door!
0:07:47 > 0:07:50Oh, that must be the lovely couple raising money for the orphanage.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52What merry, bold and charitable souls they are.
0:07:55 > 0:08:00Have I the pleasure of addressing Mr Scrooge or Mr Marley?
0:08:00 > 0:08:04Mr Marley died seven years ago this very day.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06Oh, I'm sorry to hear that.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08We're raising money for the orphanage
0:08:08 > 0:08:11to care for the sickly and make provision for the poor,
0:08:11 > 0:08:13like young Jane, here.
0:08:13 > 0:08:15- On the shelf, Bugsworth. - Yes, Mr Scrooge.
0:08:15 > 0:08:17Ah! Merry Christmas, Miss Frances.
0:08:17 > 0:08:19And to you.
0:08:25 > 0:08:27Ah, let me help you, Mr Scrooge.
0:08:27 > 0:08:29Oh, no!
0:08:29 > 0:08:32He's completely incapacitated. Don't worry, I'll step in.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34- I'm fine!- Humbug!
0:08:34 > 0:08:36Get out, Bugsworth!
0:08:39 > 0:08:42What shall I put you down for, Mr Scrooge?
0:08:42 > 0:08:44- Nothing.- You wish to be anonymous?
0:08:46 > 0:08:49I wish to be left alone and keep my money.
0:08:49 > 0:08:50What would you want for the needy?
0:08:50 > 0:08:54That they should die and decrease the surplus population!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59I have not much in my coin-purse.
0:08:59 > 0:09:01Fear not, Mr Cratchit.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03You are poorer than most.
0:09:03 > 0:09:08But what little I have...you are welcome to.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11I'm afraid there is only a single penny I have saved.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15You would part with your only coin?
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Yes!
0:09:23 > 0:09:26Do you not need it for your family?
0:09:28 > 0:09:29No.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Thank you, Mr Cratchit.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35You'd give all you have to charity.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37No.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39No?
0:09:39 > 0:09:41You don't want to give to charity?
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Yes.
0:09:43 > 0:09:45Are you sure?
0:09:45 > 0:09:47No...
0:09:47 > 0:09:49You have to make a choice.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52Make a choice. Will you give them the coin?
0:09:55 > 0:09:56Yes.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58Thank you!
0:09:58 > 0:10:01This bag was made in China.
0:10:02 > 0:10:04God bless you, Jane.
0:10:04 > 0:10:07May the generosity of goodly people of London Town
0:10:07 > 0:10:09keep you merry this Christmas.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16Merry Christmas, Miss Frances.
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Merry Christmas, Mr Cratchit.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21And to you!
0:10:25 > 0:10:26Don't be cross, Uncle.
0:10:26 > 0:10:28Say you'll come and dine with us tomorrow.
0:10:28 > 0:10:31No, Frances. I shall spend Christmas alone.
0:10:31 > 0:10:34Kindly keep Christmas in your own way,
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- and let me keep it in mine. - Keep it? But you don't keep it!
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Let me leave it alone, then.
0:10:38 > 0:10:40Very well, Uncle. If you change your mind,
0:10:40 > 0:10:42you have our address.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44CHAIR CLATTERS
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Merry Christmas.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05CHAIR CLATTERS
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Sorry...
0:11:28 > 0:11:29Sorry... Can we just...? Look...
0:11:29 > 0:11:31OK, Jane.
0:11:31 > 0:11:33And the coat. And the coat.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37Just...
0:11:37 > 0:11:39Don't look, Bob, don't look! OK.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42Right.
0:11:42 > 0:11:43Just get my coat...
0:11:43 > 0:11:45OK.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Right. Open the door, open the door.
0:11:50 > 0:11:51Open the door.
0:11:54 > 0:11:55OK. OK.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02And a merry Christmas to you, Bob Cratchit!
0:12:05 > 0:12:08You'll want all day tomorrow, I suppose?
0:12:08 > 0:12:10If it's quite convenient, sir.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14It's not convenient, Bob Cratchit!
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Christmas comes but once a year.
0:12:16 > 0:12:21Look outside at the people going about their business with glee.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24This is not a time for money but for family,
0:12:24 > 0:12:28and mine would appreciate me home, sir.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Spare me your foolish humbug, Cratchit.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33I...
0:12:33 > 0:12:35I... I...
0:12:35 > 0:12:36I...
0:12:36 > 0:12:39I... I...erm...
0:12:39 > 0:12:41I...
0:12:41 > 0:12:43I am not a rich man!
0:12:43 > 0:12:45BOOKS CLATTER
0:12:45 > 0:12:48If I can spend Christmas with my family,
0:12:48 > 0:12:50I would be content to...
0:12:51 > 0:12:53..gnaw...
0:12:55 > 0:13:01..upon a bone, or sleep on a bed of...warts.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11Fine, Cratchit, take the whole day.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Uoy sselb!
0:13:20 > 0:13:21Bless you.
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Thank you.
0:13:23 > 0:13:24Humbug!
0:13:27 > 0:13:29But be here all the earlier the next morning!
0:13:29 > 0:13:31Wang!
0:13:41 > 0:13:43OWL HOOTS
0:14:01 > 0:14:03Jacob Marley?
0:14:03 > 0:14:04Scroo...
0:14:04 > 0:14:06KNOCKER CLATTERS
0:14:09 > 0:14:12- MUFFLED:- Scrooge...
0:14:25 > 0:14:26Humbug.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Scrooge, shaken by the vision,
0:14:29 > 0:14:35went to search the rooms of his house for signs of an intruder.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50Finding nothing untoward, he returned to his bedroom,
0:14:50 > 0:14:55secure in the knowledge the house was completely empty
0:14:55 > 0:14:57other than Scrooge.
0:15:01 > 0:15:03SPLAT
0:15:05 > 0:15:07BELLS JANGLE
0:15:20 > 0:15:23I'll get it!
0:15:26 > 0:15:28- EERILY:- Scrooge...
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Who's there?
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Ebenezer Scrooge...
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Humbug!
0:15:36 > 0:15:38THUNDER CRASHES
0:15:42 > 0:15:46What trickery is this? Who are you?
0:15:46 > 0:15:50In life, I was your partner, Jacob Marley.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52You don't believe in me?
0:15:52 > 0:15:54I do not!
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Why do you doubt your senses?
0:15:57 > 0:16:00Because a little thing affects them.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03You may be an undigested bit of beef.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05A blot of mustard.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09There's more of gravy than a grave about you.
0:16:09 > 0:16:11Wah...
0:16:11 > 0:16:13THUNDER CRASHES
0:16:16 > 0:16:20That's it, you dreadful apparition. Why do you trouble me?
0:16:20 > 0:16:23If a spirit goes not forth in life,
0:16:23 > 0:16:27it is condemned to do so after death.
0:16:27 > 0:16:31I am doomed to wander through the world
0:16:31 > 0:16:33and witness what I cannot share.
0:16:35 > 0:16:39I wear the chain I forged in life.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41I made it link by link
0:16:41 > 0:16:43and yard by yard.
0:16:49 > 0:16:53You must listen! My time is nearly gone!
0:16:53 > 0:16:55CRASH!
0:16:57 > 0:17:01Oh, how I wish I could cast off these cursed chains!
0:17:05 > 0:17:09I am made captive by my deeds but, like me, Scrooge,
0:17:09 > 0:17:12you have girded yourself a great chain
0:17:12 > 0:17:15which in time shall hang heavy around you.
0:17:15 > 0:17:17DOOR RATTLES
0:17:18 > 0:17:20Stay away, vile spirit!
0:17:20 > 0:17:22I wish to see no more of you!
0:17:22 > 0:17:24DOOR RATTLES
0:17:24 > 0:17:27- Unlock the door!- Be gone!
0:17:27 > 0:17:29DOOR RATTLES
0:17:29 > 0:17:30Undo the bottom one.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40You will be haunted by three spirits.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46Without their visits,
0:17:46 > 0:17:49you cannot hope to shun the path I tread.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54Expect the first when the bell tolls one.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57Farewell, Scrooge!
0:17:57 > 0:18:00- ECHOING:- Scrooge...
0:18:08 > 0:18:11Scrooge was left alone again.
0:18:15 > 0:18:20He looked out through his window, which was locked shut,
0:18:20 > 0:18:24undisturbed, just as it was before the ghost arrived.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29Resolved to forget what he had experienced,
0:18:29 > 0:18:31Scrooge went to bed
0:18:31 > 0:18:33and blew out the light.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07CLOCK CHIMES
0:19:18 > 0:19:23Are you the spirit whose coming was foretold to me?
0:19:23 > 0:19:24I am!
0:19:27 > 0:19:29Who and what are you?
0:19:29 > 0:19:32Come close and I shall tell you.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42I am the ghost of Christmas Past.
0:19:42 > 0:19:46I shine with the light of a thousand Christmases gone.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49I have never seen your like before.
0:19:49 > 0:19:50May I look closer?
0:19:50 > 0:19:53No, no, no! Oh! Oh!
0:19:56 > 0:20:00By my light you shall see the truth of your past.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Take me in your hand, Scrooge.
0:20:03 > 0:20:04WIND WHISTLES
0:20:04 > 0:20:06HE GASPS
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Your past is hidden beyond these walls.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Step through with me.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15I am mortal, Spirit. I cannot.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17By my light, you shall.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19Humbug!
0:20:19 > 0:20:21HE GROANS
0:20:24 > 0:20:26This way, Mr Scrooge.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Ohh!
0:20:31 > 0:20:33And with that, Scrooge and the spirit
0:20:33 > 0:20:36disappeared from his bedroom.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37Tip me through.
0:20:37 > 0:20:38Just go.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42Tip me. Tip me. Tip me!
0:20:42 > 0:20:43HE STRAINS
0:20:43 > 0:20:45You're not moving.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- Have we disappeared?- Yes. Shh!
0:20:47 > 0:20:55And Scrooge found himself soaring over open fields and woodland.
0:20:55 > 0:20:58Oh, I'm not sure, Spirit. May we not fall?
0:20:58 > 0:21:01We shall not, Mr Scrooge.
0:21:01 > 0:21:03Where are you taking me?
0:21:03 > 0:21:08My light shall show you the man you once were.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19MAN MUMBLES
0:21:19 > 0:21:22Welcome to Greenscreen 1-2-3,
0:21:22 > 0:21:24where, with just one click,
0:21:24 > 0:21:26you can be on a beach...
0:21:26 > 0:21:28..or at the Eiffel Tower.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31Overlay your own exciting footage.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38- I think Robert would make a great leading actor.- Oh, come on!
0:21:38 > 0:21:41It's Ebenezer Scrooge, not Ebenezer Huge!
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Ow.
0:21:53 > 0:21:54Ow!
0:21:56 > 0:21:58Agh! Stop it!
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Stop it! Ow! Stop it!
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Get off!
0:22:02 > 0:22:04Get off!
0:22:06 > 0:22:08- <- Oh!
0:22:08 > 0:22:10- Oh, no!- Agh!
0:22:12 > 0:22:15- Oh, now he's completely incapacitated.- I'm not!
0:22:15 > 0:22:17- Humbug!- I'm fine!
0:22:19 > 0:22:21I want to be in a grown-up relationship.
0:22:21 > 0:22:24I don't want to be dating Max any more.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26When are you going to do it?
0:22:26 > 0:22:29- After we finish Christmas Carol? - Yeah.
0:22:47 > 0:22:49HE SIGHS
0:22:49 > 0:22:52Good heavens.
0:22:52 > 0:22:53I know this place.
0:22:53 > 0:22:55I grew up here.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01This is where Belle and I would court.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04And there we are.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10I'm sorry, Ebenezer. We cannot be together any longer.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Why, my love?
0:23:12 > 0:23:15Another idol has displaced me that you love more.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18Who is this idol you speak of? There is no-one else.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21The pursuit of wealth and gain engrosses you.
0:23:21 > 0:23:23I don't understand.
0:23:23 > 0:23:28You have grown hard and unfeeling, like your partner Mr Marley.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Please don't leave me.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Our contract is an old one,
0:23:33 > 0:23:35made when we were both poor.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37I can change.
0:23:37 > 0:23:38You are changed.
0:23:38 > 0:23:42When it was made, you were a different man.
0:23:42 > 0:23:47I release you with a heart full of love for the man you once were.
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Goodbye, my dearest.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Good...
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Goodbye, my dearest!
0:23:59 > 0:24:04Oh, Spirit, why do you delight in torturing me?
0:24:04 > 0:24:06Dry your tears, Ebenezer.
0:24:06 > 0:24:10You must to bed before the other spirits arrive.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12CLOCK CHIMES
0:24:16 > 0:24:18Oh! Sorry, mate.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23And just as Jacob Marley said,
0:24:23 > 0:24:25upon the stroke of two...
0:24:25 > 0:24:28CLOCK CHIMES
0:24:28 > 0:24:32..Scrooge heard the merry sound of laughter.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34- WAVERING:- Ho-ho-ho...
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- Hello, Scrooge. - Who are you, Spirit?
0:24:42 > 0:24:45I am the ghost of Christmas Present.
0:24:45 > 0:24:50I am cheer, I am joy, I...am Christmas.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52Come, and know me better, man.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Oh, Spirit,
0:24:54 > 0:24:56I have seen enough for one night.
0:24:56 > 0:24:59I cannot bear another heartbreak.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02I beg you, leave me be.
0:25:02 > 0:25:03Haunt me no longer.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05Humbug!
0:25:05 > 0:25:09MUFFLED GROANS
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Haunt me no longer.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13- No, me.- Get off!- Me!
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Worry not, Scrooge.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22Your journey with me shall not be one of heartbreak
0:25:22 > 0:25:23but of mirth. Now, come.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25You look hungry.
0:25:25 > 0:25:26What is all this?
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Why, it is the bounty of Christmas.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Ho-ho-ho!
0:25:31 > 0:25:32I don't believe...
0:25:32 > 0:25:35..you have merely come to feed me.
0:25:35 > 0:25:38Tell me, Spirit, the purpose of your visit.
0:25:38 > 0:25:40Each year, you have shunned the present,
0:25:40 > 0:25:43but this year you will mark the lessons it holds.
0:25:43 > 0:25:45CLATTER AND GROANING
0:25:45 > 0:25:46Very well.
0:25:46 > 0:25:48Conduct me where you will.
0:25:48 > 0:25:50If you have aught to teach me,
0:25:50 > 0:25:52I shall listen and profit by it.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55Then follow me to the street, Scrooge.
0:25:55 > 0:25:58Show me something I may smile upon.
0:25:59 > 0:26:02- GASPS:- Jacobi! - Ho-ho-ho-ho!
0:26:02 > 0:26:05DART WHIZZES
0:26:05 > 0:26:08Oh, come now, he's completely incapacit...
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Oh, for God's sake!
0:26:10 > 0:26:11Right, come on, Jacobi.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13Come down to the street, Scrooge,
0:26:13 > 0:26:17and see how the goodly people celebrate Christmas,
0:26:17 > 0:26:20a day where all mankind can forget their position
0:26:20 > 0:26:23and go about with glee and good tidings,
0:26:23 > 0:26:26masters and servants, judges and scoundrels,
0:26:26 > 0:26:30landlords and lodgers can all make merry together
0:26:30 > 0:26:32and wish each other well.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Do you recognise this house, Scrooge?
0:26:35 > 0:26:38Why, 'tis Bob Cratchit's house, for sure.
0:26:38 > 0:26:41Here comes his youngest, Tiny Tim,
0:26:41 > 0:26:43walking home.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47Ah, Tiny Tim, the sweetest, dearest boy that there ever was.
0:27:05 > 0:27:07Ho-ho-ho!
0:27:09 > 0:27:12Come, Scrooge, look through the window and observe
0:27:12 > 0:27:14how these humble folk live.
0:27:14 > 0:27:16I've had the children clean up before we eat.
0:27:16 > 0:27:19What will we be having for Christmas dinner, Bob?
0:27:23 > 0:27:24Bob?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31A goose!
0:27:31 > 0:27:33Oh, Bob, you saved up for it! How wonderful.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37Anything for you, my sweet?
0:27:37 > 0:27:39A drop to drink?
0:27:39 > 0:27:42Oh, why, thank you. How was Tiny Tim at church?
0:27:42 > 0:27:45As good as gold and better.
0:27:45 > 0:27:47He told me coming home
0:27:47 > 0:27:49he hoped people saw him because he was a cripple
0:27:49 > 0:27:52and it might be pleasant for them to remember upon Christmas Day
0:27:52 > 0:27:55who made lame beggars walk and blind men see.
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Enough wine for you, my dear?
0:27:57 > 0:27:58Plenty.
0:28:01 > 0:28:02I pray for him every day.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04Here he comes now.
0:28:04 > 0:28:06Hello, Mama!
0:28:11 > 0:28:13Tim! Come here, my little boy.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Lift me in your arms, Papa.
0:28:26 > 0:28:28We...
0:28:30 > 0:28:33Oh, Tim, you do look frail of late.
0:28:33 > 0:28:35I am frail.
0:28:35 > 0:28:36Frail and ill.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38Atchoo.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40Uoy sselb!
0:28:42 > 0:28:44Sit up to the table, my little Tim.
0:28:54 > 0:28:55Oh, Mama.
0:28:58 > 0:29:02Now...let...us...raise...a ...glass...to...
0:29:02 > 0:29:06..Mr Scrooge, the...founder...of...the...
0:29:07 > 0:29:09..feast.
0:29:09 > 0:29:11The founder of the feast indeed.
0:29:11 > 0:29:16That hard, unfeeling scoundrel is the cause of our suffering!
0:29:16 > 0:29:19Mr Scrooge has not the kind family I have.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21- I pity him.- Hmm.
0:29:21 > 0:29:22Alone on Christmas Day.
0:29:22 > 0:29:26We maybe poor but we are rich in company, eh, Father?
0:29:26 > 0:29:28Oof!
0:29:28 > 0:29:32There is the wealth Mr Scrooge may never know.
0:29:34 > 0:29:36To Mr Scrooge.
0:29:36 > 0:29:38BOTH: The founder of the feast.
0:29:38 > 0:29:39God bless us...
0:29:42 > 0:29:45Good bless us every one.
0:29:46 > 0:29:48A remarkable boy.
0:29:48 > 0:29:51Tell me, Spirit, if Tiny Tim will live.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55I see a vacant seat and a crutch without an owner.
0:29:55 > 0:29:57Do I really pay Bob so poorly?
0:29:59 > 0:30:01They have such a meagre feast...
0:30:01 > 0:30:03..but what a fine family they are.
0:30:03 > 0:30:07Tiny Tim is such a brave boy.
0:30:07 > 0:30:12Mrs Cratchit such a loyal and devoted woman.
0:30:12 > 0:30:15But they should get on with dying and decrease the surplus population,
0:30:15 > 0:30:17should they not?
0:30:17 > 0:30:18What more can you afford to pay?
0:30:18 > 0:30:21I don't only care about myself, do I?
0:30:21 > 0:30:24Come, there is more to see.
0:30:24 > 0:30:27Do you recognise this house, Scrooge?
0:30:27 > 0:30:29It belongs to my niece, Frances.
0:30:29 > 0:30:31There she is now.
0:30:31 > 0:30:32Erm...
0:30:35 > 0:30:37Oh, dear.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40It looks like they've got the decorators in.
0:30:40 > 0:30:44I'm sure they'll be done any moment now...
0:30:46 > 0:30:48..and there we are, they're done!
0:30:48 > 0:30:51THEY ALL LAUGH
0:30:52 > 0:30:55Is it a vegetable?
0:30:55 > 0:30:58- Not a vegetable, no.- Mineral, then?
0:30:58 > 0:31:00Not a mineral, which leaves you with...?
0:31:00 > 0:31:03- Animal.- Quite so.
0:31:03 > 0:31:05- Alive?- More or less.
0:31:05 > 0:31:07Oh, my dear Frances.
0:31:07 > 0:31:10Why must you always be so cryptic?
0:31:10 > 0:31:13Is this animal disagreeable or friendly?
0:31:13 > 0:31:16Oh, disagreeable, for sure.
0:31:16 > 0:31:18- Does it growl?- Sometimes.
0:31:20 > 0:31:23- Is it found in England? - It's found in London, Topper.
0:31:23 > 0:31:24A horse.
0:31:24 > 0:31:27No, but it says "nay" more than a horse does!
0:31:33 > 0:31:35- Is it a pig?- Is it a fox?
0:31:35 > 0:31:38Is this animal domesticated?
0:31:38 > 0:31:40Mmm, hardly.
0:31:40 > 0:31:42Frances, I know what it is.
0:31:44 > 0:31:46HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:31:49 > 0:31:52A disagreeable creature but none of these - it is your uncle,
0:31:52 > 0:31:57- Ebenezer Scrooge. - It is! It is! Oh, bravo, Topper!
0:31:57 > 0:31:58Oh...
0:32:01 > 0:32:03A disagreeable creature.
0:32:03 > 0:32:05Is that what they think?
0:32:05 > 0:32:06And a growling one.
0:32:06 > 0:32:09But what does Scrooge care what these fools believe?
0:32:09 > 0:32:11I don't care.
0:32:11 > 0:32:12Indeed.
0:32:12 > 0:32:15More or less dead, hardly domesticated.
0:32:15 > 0:32:17What childish blabber.
0:32:17 > 0:32:19I care perhaps a little.
0:32:19 > 0:32:24The time has come for me to away and let in another spirit
0:32:24 > 0:32:26before Christmas Day...
0:32:29 > 0:32:33- It's all right.- I'm sorry. - It's all right.- Sorry. Sorry, mate.
0:32:35 > 0:32:37CLOCK CHIMES
0:32:46 > 0:32:48Oh...
0:32:48 > 0:32:49Sorry, mate. Sorry.
0:32:52 > 0:32:55HE GASPS
0:33:28 > 0:33:31HE GASPS
0:33:34 > 0:33:36Come on!
0:33:36 > 0:33:38Come on...
0:33:42 > 0:33:45HE GROANS
0:33:57 > 0:33:59RASPING BREATHS
0:34:03 > 0:34:05Are you a ghost...
0:34:05 > 0:34:08..of Christmas Yet-To-Come?
0:34:33 > 0:34:35Sandra?
0:34:39 > 0:34:42I've got good news. That agent just called.
0:34:42 > 0:34:44He's going to take me on.
0:34:44 > 0:34:46He said the exposure from Christmas Carol
0:34:46 > 0:34:48will easily get me that advert.
0:34:48 > 0:34:52We'll never have to work with this bunch of freaks again.
0:35:15 > 0:35:19I don't suppose anyone will attend the old goat's funeral.
0:35:21 > 0:35:25He never gave a penny to charity. He stole from the poor.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29Selfish.
0:35:34 > 0:35:38Spirit, show me some tenderness connected with a death,
0:35:38 > 0:35:43or this dark conversation will be forever present to me.
0:35:55 > 0:35:57CLUNK!
0:36:14 > 0:36:16Oh, my poor Tim.
0:36:18 > 0:36:21Be at peace, my dear, sweet boy.
0:36:21 > 0:36:24HE ROARS
0:36:24 > 0:36:26HE GASPS
0:36:28 > 0:36:30Why did you put him in the coffin?
0:36:30 > 0:36:32How else am I supposed to keep him contained?
0:36:32 > 0:36:35CLOCK CHIMES
0:36:35 > 0:36:37CLUNK!
0:36:39 > 0:36:41Oh, come on!
0:36:44 > 0:36:46CLUNK!
0:36:49 > 0:36:51Yes, he died a week ago, I heard.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53Good Lord, I thought he'd never die!
0:36:53 > 0:36:55THEY CHUCKLE
0:36:55 > 0:36:59- Well, I certainly shan't miss him. - Nor I. He was very unpopular.
0:37:02 > 0:37:04CLUNK!
0:37:09 > 0:37:11Spirit...
0:37:11 > 0:37:14..are these the shadows of things that will be?
0:37:14 > 0:37:18Or are they the shadows of things that may only be?
0:37:18 > 0:37:20THUNDER RUMBLES
0:37:23 > 0:37:25Oh...
0:37:25 > 0:37:27Spirit...
0:37:27 > 0:37:31..a man may change the course of his life!
0:37:31 > 0:37:32Spirit, I...
0:37:34 > 0:37:36Spirit, I'm sorry.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41I have been greedy and selfish.
0:37:43 > 0:37:45I've served myself before others...
0:37:45 > 0:37:49..and shut out the gift of their kindnesses.
0:37:49 > 0:37:51I'm sorry to everyone.
0:37:52 > 0:37:54All of you.
0:37:55 > 0:37:57I've taken you all for granted.
0:37:58 > 0:38:01I thought I wanted to go it alone, but...
0:38:02 > 0:38:04..truth is...
0:38:04 > 0:38:06..I'd be lost without you.
0:38:08 > 0:38:09In fact...
0:38:10 > 0:38:12..I believe...
0:38:14 > 0:38:16..I'm not feeling at all well.
0:38:18 > 0:38:20I think...
0:38:20 > 0:38:21..I may be...
0:38:23 > 0:38:25..completely incapacitated.
0:38:28 > 0:38:30Scrooge...
0:38:30 > 0:38:31What?
0:38:33 > 0:38:35I'm completely incapacitated.
0:38:35 > 0:38:37Mr Scrooge.
0:38:38 > 0:38:40Chris, I don't know what to say.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42- I couldn't.- You have to.
0:38:43 > 0:38:46We're all counting on our lead actor.
0:38:46 > 0:38:50Chris, it's your part and you should finish it.
0:38:50 > 0:38:53I'm not going to take your role.
0:38:55 > 0:38:56Well, why don't we do it together?
0:38:56 > 0:38:58No, I'll do it.
0:39:00 > 0:39:02Humbug!
0:39:02 > 0:39:04Quickly, we'll finish the thing.
0:39:04 > 0:39:07Here we are. Come on, quickly.
0:39:07 > 0:39:11Hurry up, this way. Up to the bedroom. Come on, quickly.
0:39:11 > 0:39:14Hurry up, there's still time. We can still make it work. Quickly!
0:39:14 > 0:39:19Scrooge fell before the spirit and woke to find himself in bed.
0:39:19 > 0:39:21Good morning.
0:39:21 > 0:39:24I shall live in the past, present and the future,
0:39:24 > 0:39:28the spirits of all three shall strive within me.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30You there, child. What day is it?
0:39:30 > 0:39:35- It's Christmas Day!- Christmas Day? Oh, Jacob Marley be praised!
0:39:35 > 0:39:38Wait there, for I must speak with you a moment.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42I shall have that girl run to the poulterer's
0:39:42 > 0:39:45and fetch the plumpest bird she can find in the shop.
0:39:45 > 0:39:46Merry Christmas, everyone.
0:39:46 > 0:39:50Merry Christmas! A merry Christmas to you, sir.
0:39:50 > 0:39:51- Merry Christmas.- Merry Christmas.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54Merry Christmas to one and all!
0:39:54 > 0:39:58Excuse me, are you playing Scrooge?
0:39:58 > 0:40:00No. Chris is playing Scrooge.
0:40:00 > 0:40:03I am not playing Scrooge. You took over as Scrooge.
0:40:03 > 0:40:05I only took over as Scrooge because you forced me
0:40:05 > 0:40:06to take over as Scrooge.
0:40:06 > 0:40:08I did not force you to take over as Scrooge.
0:40:08 > 0:40:11If anything, you forced me to play Scrooge by being such a bad actor!
0:40:11 > 0:40:13Nobody forced either of you to play Scrooge.
0:40:13 > 0:40:16You came here and took Scrooge from me. By force!
0:40:16 > 0:40:19Stop fighting. Look, it doesn't matter who's playing Scrooge.
0:40:19 > 0:40:22- That's what we've learned tonight. - It's not what I've learned tonight.
0:40:22 > 0:40:26I've learned that it absolutely matters! I am Scrooge!
0:40:26 > 0:40:28Get them out!
0:40:28 > 0:40:29Come on, it's over.
0:40:32 > 0:40:34They're using force! They're using force!
0:40:34 > 0:40:35Chris! Understudy!
0:40:35 > 0:40:37I'm Scrooge!
0:40:37 > 0:40:40THEY ALL SHOUT
0:40:42 > 0:40:44Quick! The cameras.
0:40:47 > 0:40:49Get off him!
0:40:50 > 0:40:51Ow!
0:40:58 > 0:41:01We may as well finish the show outside. Everyone, outs...
0:41:03 > 0:41:05Hurry, quickly.
0:41:08 > 0:41:10We're still filming, so, action!
0:41:10 > 0:41:13Here's a better idea.
0:41:13 > 0:41:18Why don't we all go to the poulterer's and fetch a goose?
0:41:18 > 0:41:20We shall take it to Bob Cratchit's house.
0:41:20 > 0:41:23# Ding-dong merrily on high
0:41:23 > 0:41:26# In heaven the bells are ringing
0:41:26 > 0:41:28# Ding dong merrily the sky... #
0:41:28 > 0:41:31THEY STUMBLE OVER LYRICS
0:41:35 > 0:41:37# ..Glo-o-o-o-oria
0:41:37 > 0:41:40# Hosanna in excelsis! #
0:41:40 > 0:41:45Now, everyone, we must search for the plumpest goose we can find.
0:41:45 > 0:41:47# Jingle bells
0:41:47 > 0:41:50# Jingle bells, jingle all the way
0:41:50 > 0:41:52# Oh, what fun it is to ride
0:41:52 > 0:41:54# In a one-horse open sleigh... #
0:41:54 > 0:41:56Ah, no goose, then,
0:41:56 > 0:41:59but fare well, Bob Cratchit,
0:41:59 > 0:42:03if this is what you desire most then it is what you shall have.
0:42:03 > 0:42:07# For everyone at Christmas loves goujons! #
0:42:07 > 0:42:09Hey!
0:42:09 > 0:42:10# Jingle bells
0:42:10 > 0:42:13# Jingle bells Jingle all the way... #
0:42:13 > 0:42:15Sorry, would you mind if we went ahead?
0:42:15 > 0:42:17Yes, I would mind.
0:42:17 > 0:42:20# Dashing through the snow
0:42:20 > 0:42:22# On a one-horse open sleigh... #
0:42:22 > 0:42:23Greetings, good fellow.
0:42:23 > 0:42:27- Hiya.- I would like to purchase these fine goujons, please.
0:42:27 > 0:42:28That's 3.99, please.
0:42:28 > 0:42:31Does anyone have any money? Do you have any money?
0:42:35 > 0:42:37No.
0:42:39 > 0:42:43I appear to have left my coin-purse in my other britches.
0:42:43 > 0:42:46If you don't have any money, you'll have to leave.
0:42:46 > 0:42:50Might you be able to open your heart to those in need at Christmas?
0:42:50 > 0:42:53- I'm sorry, mate. - Please, it's for the Cratchits.- Who?
0:42:53 > 0:42:55Please, we need them.
0:42:55 > 0:42:57I... Just take whatever you want. Just take the money.
0:42:57 > 0:43:00- It's fine.- Really? The goujons? - Take them, just don't hurt anyone.
0:43:00 > 0:43:03Yeah. Yeah, bag it up, yeah.
0:43:03 > 0:43:05Merry Christmas!
0:43:05 > 0:43:07# Jingle bells, jingle bells... #
0:43:07 > 0:43:09Give us a Snickers.
0:43:09 > 0:43:11- Take one yourself.- What?
0:43:11 > 0:43:13- Take one yourself!- OK!
0:43:13 > 0:43:15And this lady's shopping's free.
0:43:15 > 0:43:16- Whatever you say.- OK.
0:43:16 > 0:43:18Merry Christmas!
0:43:20 > 0:43:23Oh, everyone, we shall return to Bob Cratchit's house
0:43:23 > 0:43:26and present him with the finest Christmas feast
0:43:26 > 0:43:28he's had in all his life.
0:43:28 > 0:43:32# Fah-la-la-la-la la-la-la-la... #
0:43:32 > 0:43:35THEY HUM THE TUNE
0:43:35 > 0:43:37Festive greetings!
0:43:37 > 0:43:41We are travelling the town to wish everyone a merry Christmas.
0:43:41 > 0:43:43ALL: Merry Christmas!
0:43:43 > 0:43:45Oh, that's nice.
0:43:45 > 0:43:50Might we enter and spread our joy to the fine townsfolk within?
0:43:50 > 0:43:52Not without a pass.
0:43:52 > 0:43:54Oh, dear.
0:43:54 > 0:43:57That is a shame.
0:43:57 > 0:44:02We had hoped we'd might be able to get back in the studio, but...
0:44:02 > 0:44:04FIRE ALARM RINGS
0:44:04 > 0:44:05Oh, that's the fire alarm.
0:44:05 > 0:44:08If you could all just make your way out of the building
0:44:08 > 0:44:11and across the courtyard. Thank you. All of you.
0:44:11 > 0:44:12We will!
0:44:15 > 0:44:17Shh! Shh! Shh!
0:44:17 > 0:44:20THEY WHISPER
0:44:28 > 0:44:30Oh!
0:44:30 > 0:44:32No!
0:44:36 > 0:44:38Bob Cratchit?
0:44:39 > 0:44:41Bob Cratchit, are you in there?
0:44:41 > 0:44:43No, I'm here.
0:44:43 > 0:44:44Go round.
0:44:49 > 0:44:51Merry Christmas, Bob!
0:44:51 > 0:44:54A merrier Christmas than I have given you in many a year.
0:44:54 > 0:44:56May I come in?
0:44:57 > 0:44:59Yes!
0:45:01 > 0:45:03Thank you, Bob.
0:45:03 > 0:45:07I have come here to tell you that I intend to double your salary,
0:45:07 > 0:45:09and shall endeavour to...
0:45:11 > 0:45:12..to...
0:45:12 > 0:45:15Assist your struggling family.
0:45:18 > 0:45:21..to assist your struggling family.
0:45:21 > 0:45:23BOTH: Tiny Tim shall walk again,
0:45:23 > 0:45:27and I shall keep Christmas in my heart.
0:45:27 > 0:45:32First, though, let us all have a Christmas dinner.
0:45:32 > 0:45:34What do you say, Bob?
0:45:35 > 0:45:36Yes.
0:45:36 > 0:45:39Merry Christmas.
0:45:43 > 0:45:45Pay attention, everyone.
0:45:45 > 0:45:46Sorry.
0:45:46 > 0:45:48Sorry, before we finish...
0:45:48 > 0:45:50..there's something I'd like to say to Max.
0:45:50 > 0:45:53You're going to break up with me on air. What's wrong with you?
0:45:53 > 0:45:54Break up with you?
0:45:54 > 0:45:58Yeah. I saw the video. You said you didn't want to be dating any more.
0:45:58 > 0:46:01I don't want to be dating any more. I want to be married.
0:46:04 > 0:46:05To me?
0:46:07 > 0:46:09Yes.
0:46:09 > 0:46:13I had a whole plan. I was going to propose.
0:46:14 > 0:46:17- But I saw you kissing Chris.- What?
0:46:17 > 0:46:19- I thought we were friends. - Look, I found something.
0:46:19 > 0:46:21Look at this.
0:46:26 > 0:46:29Oh, same dress!
0:46:29 > 0:46:31- All right, Chris?- Yeah.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35That's my sister.
0:46:42 > 0:46:43You were going to propose?
0:46:43 > 0:46:44Yeah.
0:46:44 > 0:46:47Right, that's it!
0:46:47 > 0:46:49I've had it!
0:46:49 > 0:46:53You've ruined Christmas again, all of you!
0:46:53 > 0:46:56It wasn't enough to ruin the production last year.
0:46:56 > 0:46:59Now you've sabotaged mine!
0:46:59 > 0:47:01Go on, get out of here.
0:47:01 > 0:47:05We are going to perform OUR version from the top now!
0:47:05 > 0:47:10- But it's a proposal!- I don't care! I'm going to give my performance.
0:47:10 > 0:47:13The only chance you have of continuing
0:47:13 > 0:47:15is if I am completely incapacitated.
0:47:15 > 0:47:17CAR TYRES SCREECH
0:47:21 > 0:47:24HE GASPS
0:47:26 > 0:47:27Oh...
0:47:27 > 0:47:30Oh, come on, Derek. This is not about you.
0:47:30 > 0:47:32But I...I...I...
0:47:32 > 0:47:34Oh, forget it.
0:47:34 > 0:47:36Da-na!
0:47:36 > 0:47:37Thank you, Auntie Diana.
0:47:40 > 0:47:42Aw...
0:47:45 > 0:47:49And so, as Tiny Tim observed...
0:47:49 > 0:47:52Please, God bless us ev...
0:47:52 > 0:47:55God bless us every one!