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0:00:05 > 0:00:08- I'm Alex Jones. I'm a TV presenter.
0:00:08 > 0:00:11- Since last year, - I'm a first-time mother.
0:00:13 > 0:00:16- Life for women was more restricted - 100 years ago.
0:00:16 > 0:00:21- They didn't have the right to vote, - buy a house or work while pregnant.
0:00:24 > 0:00:27- Things have changed significantly - in the last century.
0:00:28 > 0:00:29- You're enjoying this!
0:00:30 > 0:00:31- Whoosh!
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- Most women now go to work.
0:00:34 > 0:00:38- I returned to work - three months after Teddy was born.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41- That was difficult.
0:00:41 > 0:00:46- Finding the balance between my job - and being a mother is hard.
0:00:47 > 0:00:53- Even finding time to feed Ted - before I go to work is difficult.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58- Don't squish it. Eat it.
0:00:58 > 0:00:59- Nice?
0:00:59 > 0:01:01- Mami have one?
0:01:02 > 0:01:06- How do you find the balance between - being a mum and holding down a job?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09- On this programme...
0:01:09 > 0:01:13- ..I'm going to travel across the - country to speak to other mothers...
0:01:13 > 0:01:16- ..share experiences - and get some advice, I hope.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23- This is the question. Is it possible - for a Welsh mother to have it all?
0:01:26 > 0:01:29- And who or what - is the Welsh mother today?
0:01:38 > 0:01:43- "The role of a mother - is trying to be a bit of everything.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46- "It's impossible most of the time.
0:01:48 > 0:01:50- "I'm not sure - if any advice or book...
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- "..can prepare you - for when you first hold your child.
0:01:54 > 0:01:56- "You feel every emotion - under the sun.
0:01:57 > 0:01:59- "Just don't mention the exhaustion!"
0:02:00 > 0:02:04- "The biggest struggle with being - a mother in this day and age...
0:02:04 > 0:02:07- "..is trying to have that balance...
0:02:08 > 0:02:10- "..between family life - and work life."
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- It's so important for us mothers - to talk to one another.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- We pretend we're perfect - to the outside world...
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- ..but there's no such thing.
0:02:22 > 0:02:26- I'm not sure if it's harder - for our generation.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29- There might be more pressure - because we want it all.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33- I'm on my way to speak to a mother - who can be very honest with me.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37- Someone who can compare - her experiences with mine.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40- The mother I know better - than any other - my own.
0:02:41 > 0:02:42- Hiya!
0:02:42 > 0:02:45- Hiya!- - Hello, Al. How was the journey?
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- Come in for a cuppa.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51- I'm doing a programme - on what it is to be a mother.
0:02:52 > 0:02:56- I thought the person who'd be - most honest with me would be you...
0:02:56 > 0:02:58- ..since you raised me.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02- How old were you when you had me?
0:03:02 > 0:03:03- How old were you when you had me?- - Twenty-five.
0:03:04 > 0:03:06- Jen is two and a half years - younger than me.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- Did you and Dad have a plan?
0:03:10 > 0:03:13- We planned to have two children.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- You came sooner than planned!
0:03:18 > 0:03:20- Did I? Was it a shock?
0:03:20 > 0:03:22- Yes, it was.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26- I was going to work for two years, - but no.
0:03:27 > 0:03:30- I had five years off to raise you.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35- That's how it was. I had nobody - to look after you anyway.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- That's how it was back then.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42- There was no creche - or anything like that.
0:03:42 > 0:03:47- But you're glad now - because you were a young mother.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- It was fine. It worked out great.
0:03:51 > 0:03:52- Twenty-five...
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- I think 25 is very young now.
0:03:56 > 0:03:58- Yes, it is young.
0:03:59 > 0:04:02- Back then, it wasn't young.
0:04:02 > 0:04:03- I was an old mother.
0:04:04 > 0:04:05- You were an old mother!
0:04:05 > 0:04:06- You were an old mother!- - On the card they give you.
0:04:07 > 0:04:08- What am I? A geriatric!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- What am I? A geriatric!- - I was an old mother.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13- Anything older than 23 - was classed as an old mother.
0:04:14 > 0:04:16- Gosh! As young as that?
0:04:16 > 0:04:20- Forty is the age - considered old nowadays.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24- I was just under that threshold, - being 39 when I had Teddy.
0:04:24 > 0:04:28- It's all changed. Everything.
0:04:28 > 0:04:30- Dadi didn't get any time off.
0:04:30 > 0:04:31- Dadi didn't get any time off.- - Not at all?
0:04:32 > 0:04:33- No, none.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36- Was he back at work the day after?
0:04:36 > 0:04:37- After you came out.
0:04:38 > 0:04:41- He was allowed to fetch you - from the hospital...
0:04:41 > 0:04:43- ..but he had to go in the next day.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47- You were born on the weekend - so you did well there!
0:04:48 > 0:04:49- Same thing as Ted.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52- Planning. - Giving birth on a Saturday.
0:04:59 > 0:05:02- You lost your mother - when you were 16.
0:05:03 > 0:05:04- Yes.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- That must have affected you.
0:05:07 > 0:05:09- It was very hard.
0:05:10 > 0:05:13- I'd have been stuck without you - at the start.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- You know - I was hopeless at the start.
0:05:16 > 0:05:18- Everyone's the same.
0:05:18 > 0:05:22- But I was almost 40 - and I didn't know what I was doing.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24- What advice do you have?
0:05:24 > 0:05:28- You were there for the first - three weeks after Ted was born.
0:05:29 > 0:05:31- What's Mary's top tip?
0:05:31 > 0:05:36- It would be to do it your way.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- You'll work it out.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42- Everyone raises their children - differently.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45- Do it your way, you and Charlie.
0:05:47 > 0:05:49- That's what we do, - from week to week.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- When we're stuck, we come here.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- OK. See you before long.
0:05:58 > 0:05:59- Ta-ra.
0:06:02 > 0:06:05- I sometimes find it hard - to look after one child...
0:06:06 > 0:06:10- ..between working full-time, - household chores and everything.
0:06:10 > 0:06:13- Others say it's hard with two.
0:06:13 > 0:06:16- Some friends say - that having three is impossible.
0:06:16 > 0:06:19- But some mothers deal - with a lot more.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27- On a small estate - between Cwm-y-Glo and Llanrug...
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- ..Jen and Rob - live with their nine children.
0:06:31 > 0:06:36- The eldest has just turned 17 - and the youngest is seven months.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46- Hello, how are you?
0:06:46 > 0:06:47- Hello, how are you?- - Not bad. And you?
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- Nice to meet you. I'm Alex.
0:06:49 > 0:06:50- Nice to meet you. I'm Alex.- - Jen.
0:06:51 > 0:06:55- You're the mother? - I thought you were the eldest!
0:06:55 > 0:06:56- You look so young!
0:06:57 > 0:06:59- Hello, everyone.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01- Introduce me to everyone, Elliw.
0:07:02 > 0:07:03- This is Poppy.
0:07:03 > 0:07:08- Alfie, Jasmine, Keith, Jac, Rob, - Dylan, George and Dad.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- Do you remember all their names?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15- Do you remember all their names?- - Yes. I write them down!
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- Wow!
0:07:19 > 0:07:24- It's so nice to come - into such a fun and lively home.
0:07:24 > 0:07:29- For you as parents, - it must be extremely hard work.
0:07:29 > 0:07:31- You get used to it.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34- It's not come about all of a sudden, - it's progressed over time.
0:07:35 > 0:07:36- You get used to it over time.
0:07:37 > 0:07:39- Did you plan on having a big family?
0:07:39 > 0:07:40- Did you plan on having a big family?- - No.
0:07:41 > 0:07:44- After three, you didn't think, - "That's it."
0:07:44 > 0:07:45- No!
0:07:48 > 0:07:52- It's too expensive for you to - eat out so it's sandwiches instead.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54- How many sandwiches?
0:07:54 > 0:07:56- An entire loaf.
0:07:56 > 0:07:59- How much bread do you buy a week?
0:08:00 > 0:08:04- Ten. We have toast in the morning.
0:08:04 > 0:08:05- And in the evening!
0:08:06 > 0:08:08- Yes, and for lunchboxes.
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- We go through eight pints of milk - a day.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- Eight pints a day?
0:08:13 > 0:08:18- People will ask this question. - Why do you have so many children?
0:08:18 > 0:08:19- What's your answer?
0:08:20 > 0:08:24- I like a large family - though I'm not from a large family.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28- You have fun with them - and I enjoy doing things with them.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- There's a nice atmosphere here.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31- There's a nice atmosphere here.- - It's great.
0:08:31 > 0:08:34- There's a lot of love in the house.
0:08:34 > 0:08:36- That's obvious. It's nice.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40- There's always someone to play with. - Or to fight with!
0:08:43 > 0:08:44- Jasmine. Poppy. Coat.
0:08:45 > 0:08:46- OK? Shoes on.
0:08:49 > 0:08:54- For the whole family to go out, - there was only one solution...
0:08:55 > 0:08:57- ..buy a bus.
0:09:00 > 0:09:05- What's the reaction at the school - when Rob turns up with the kids?
0:09:05 > 0:09:08- The kids say, "Wow!"
0:09:09 > 0:09:10- You work full-time, Rob.
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- You work full-time, Rob.- - Yes, I have my own business.
0:09:12 > 0:09:14- Who has the hardest job?
0:09:14 > 0:09:15- Who has the hardest job?- - Me.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17- You think so, do you?
0:09:17 > 0:09:18- You think so, do you?- - Do you want a swap?
0:09:19 > 0:09:20- I was going to say.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26- How many bedrooms are in the house?
0:09:26 > 0:09:27- How many bedrooms are in the house?- - Three.
0:09:28 > 0:09:29- And eleven of you.
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- Right. So how does that work?
0:09:32 > 0:09:34- It doesn't at the moment!
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- To be honest, it doesn't.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40- But we manage.
0:09:40 > 0:09:44- I've made beds for the boys.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- It's a five-bed bunk bed.
0:09:46 > 0:09:47- Wow!
0:09:47 > 0:09:49- Wow!- - A five-tier bunk bed.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- The boys think - it's the best climbing frame.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- They must love it.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- They don't know any different.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58- No.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05- Do you and Rob - have any time for yourselves?
0:10:06 > 0:10:07- Not much.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10- Do you miss that?
0:10:10 > 0:10:11- Do you miss that?- - Sometimes.
0:10:13 > 0:10:15- Would you change anything?
0:10:16 > 0:10:17- No.
0:10:17 > 0:10:18- No.- - No.
0:10:18 > 0:10:19- A larger house.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- In an ideal world, - we'd have an extension...
0:10:23 > 0:10:25- ..so we could live more comfortably.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27- But the same number of children.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29- But the same number of children.- - One more.
0:10:29 > 0:10:30- And one more.
0:10:34 > 0:10:35- .
0:10:41 > 0:10:41- Subtitles
0:10:41 > 0:10:43- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:10:52 > 0:10:57- I've been writing a book called - Winging It! for other mothers.
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- It's about my own experiences - as a mother.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04- Doing it in the first year after - having Ted has been challenging.
0:11:05 > 0:11:10- But the stories I've got from other - parents has been an inspiration.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13- It goes to print next week.
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- Our unit here in London - is very small...
0:11:18 > 0:11:22- ..as Mam and Dad live in Wales, - at the other end of the M4.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26- Charlie, my husband, and I - share the burden.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28- But what about single parents?
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- A hundred years ago, a single mother - would have been mocked.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- But with the 1960s revolution - and the feminist movement...
0:11:43 > 0:11:47- ..more and more women had the - confidence to raise a family alone.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- This is exactly - what Angharad does today.
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- You can think of bike rides as being - an activity for the whole family.
0:11:57 > 0:12:00- Do you sometimes miss another person - being there, a man?
0:12:01 > 0:12:02- Yes.
0:12:02 > 0:12:07- We might go past a park and see - a mother, father and their children.
0:12:07 > 0:12:10- It makes you think sometimes...
0:12:10 > 0:12:13- ..that it would be nice - to have someone else.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17- They're growing up now - and doing things on their own.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21- It would be nice to have someone I - can do things that I like with too.
0:12:22 > 0:12:24- Plenty of time! Your time will come!
0:12:25 > 0:12:30- Do you think there's still stigma - attached with being a single mother?
0:12:31 > 0:12:35- I've never experienced stigma, - not to my face anyway.
0:12:35 > 0:12:41- People think of single mothers doing - the school run in their pyjamas.
0:12:41 > 0:12:45- They go home, sit on the sofa, watch - Jeremy Kyle and live off benefits.
0:12:46 > 0:12:51- I've worked all my life apart - from maternity leave for both boys.
0:12:51 > 0:12:55- I work full-time - to keep a roof over our heads.
0:12:56 > 0:13:00- So weekends are very important - to you as a family.
0:13:00 > 0:13:02- They are.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04- We don't rush around.
0:13:04 > 0:13:06- We can take our time, - have breakfast...
0:13:07 > 0:13:10- ..go out on our bikes - and do something we all enjoy.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13- It's an important time for us.
0:13:13 > 0:13:16- Shall we go back to the house? - I'm freezing!
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- How did you become single?
0:13:29 > 0:13:34- I was in a relationship - with the boys' father for 15 years.
0:13:35 > 0:13:40- I found that I wasn't - living the life I wanted...
0:13:40 > 0:13:43- ..and I couldn't see that changing.
0:13:43 > 0:13:47- I was becoming bitter - because I felt I was stuck.
0:13:47 > 0:13:51- So I thought I had to change it.
0:13:51 > 0:13:56- It was a big step - to go from a two-salary home...
0:13:57 > 0:14:01- ..and someone who loved me - to saying, "No, I don't want this."
0:14:01 > 0:14:02- After 15 years.
0:14:02 > 0:14:04- After 15 years.- - You were very brave.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06- People say that...
0:14:06 > 0:14:10- ..but I had to do it, - I had to get out of that situation.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15- Of course, we were all upset. - It went on for many months.
0:14:15 > 0:14:17- The tears.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- Trying to get used - to another way of living.
0:14:21 > 0:14:24- It's almost six years - since we separated.
0:14:24 > 0:14:30- It took two or three years for me - to get used to being alone again.
0:14:32 > 0:14:34- But, yes...
0:14:35 > 0:14:36- Sorry.
0:14:36 > 0:14:38- It's alright.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41- How did the boys respond?
0:14:41 > 0:14:47- Ioan took it very badly that his - father wasn't living here any more.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- He was very angry with me.
0:14:49 > 0:14:52- He'd sometimes come home - from his father's house...
0:14:52 > 0:14:56- ..he wouldn't look at me - or talk to me, which was very hard.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58- Llew was more supportive.
0:14:58 > 0:15:02- He was older. He could see - that things weren't right.
0:15:03 > 0:15:07- It's a lot for a six-year-old child - to understand.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- Did you find it difficult that, - from his perspective...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- ..he regarded it as your fault?
0:15:15 > 0:15:16- Yes.
0:15:16 > 0:15:21- He feels that I've removed something - from his life.
0:15:21 > 0:15:26- That I've spoiled his life, - taken something away from him.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29- I don't think - he feels I did it on purpose.
0:15:29 > 0:15:32- I've tried explaining the reasons - to him.
0:15:32 > 0:15:36- It happens to a lot of families, - not just us.
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- I told him - it's happened to his friends.
0:15:39 > 0:15:43- For him, it's been a major event.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46- I think it still affects him.
0:15:47 > 0:15:50- But you go from two salaries...
0:15:50 > 0:15:55- ..and someone else to share the - responsibility of raising children.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58- Everything falls on your shoulders.
0:15:59 > 0:16:02- You've worked full-time - throughout this time.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03- Yes.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06- Everything falls on my shoulders.
0:16:06 > 0:16:11- So I have to go to work, come home, - make dinner, help with homework...
0:16:11 > 0:16:13- ..do the chores.
0:16:13 > 0:16:18- There's nobody else to sit down - and read with them or do homework.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21- You have to be everything for them.
0:16:21 > 0:16:25- It is a struggle - when you have to say no.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27- "Sorry, I can't buy that."
0:16:28 > 0:16:29- "We can't go there."
0:16:30 > 0:16:33- "I don't know where - we'd get the money to do that."
0:16:33 > 0:16:38- But there's the argument - that you're a better mother...
0:16:38 > 0:16:40- ..because you're happier.
0:16:41 > 0:16:44- After about two years, - did you feel that was the case...
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- ..that you could be - a better mother...
0:16:47 > 0:16:51- ..because you weren't in - a relationship that wasn't working?
0:16:51 > 0:16:56- I'm definitely happier. - I enjoy my life. I have my freedom.
0:16:57 > 0:16:59- They see me now working hard...
0:16:59 > 0:17:03- ..but also going out with friends - and enjoying myself.
0:17:04 > 0:17:09- I'm a very different person now - to who I was six years ago.
0:17:13 > 0:17:18- To be honest, since Dad left, - it's brought us very close.
0:17:18 > 0:17:23- If Ioan goes to stay with Dad, - Mam and I will go out for the day.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27- What about you, Ioan? - What's the best thing about Mami?
0:17:27 > 0:17:32- When I want to talk about something, - she's happy to talk to me.
0:17:32 > 0:17:34- All she wants is for us to be happy.
0:17:35 > 0:17:36- It's not all been easy.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40- We had to battle through - some difficult times.
0:17:40 > 0:17:44- But the three of us - have come out on top and are happy.
0:17:44 > 0:17:45- Yes.
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- The thanks goes to her because - she's done everything for us.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- Do you see yourself - living at home for a while?
0:17:54 > 0:17:55- Yes.
0:17:55 > 0:17:58- It would be very hard to leave Mam.
0:17:59 > 0:18:00- Mummy's boy.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10- I'm sure there are lots - of single mothers...
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- ..or those going through - a separation or a divorce.
0:18:15 > 0:18:18- What would your advice be?
0:18:20 > 0:18:21- Good friends.
0:18:22 > 0:18:24- You need good friends...
0:18:24 > 0:18:25- ..to laugh with...
0:18:26 > 0:18:27- ..and cry with.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32- My friends will tell you - I've cried enough over the years.
0:18:33 > 0:18:38- The time when children are small - is relatively short, isn't it?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40- It is.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- You need friends - for the next part too.
0:18:44 > 0:18:45- Yes!
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- Or a man!
0:18:47 > 0:18:48- Or a man.
0:18:54 > 0:18:57- "The only advice I would give...
0:18:57 > 0:19:01- "..would be to have as much fun - as possible with children...
0:19:02 > 0:19:06- "..while they're young - before they can answer back."
0:19:07 > 0:19:10- "Though it breaks my heart - as they grow up...
0:19:10 > 0:19:15- "..that they don't need me as much, - it gives me great happiness...
0:19:15 > 0:19:19- "..to see them growing up - to be confident young people."
0:19:21 > 0:19:26- Seeing your child grow, develop - skills and become independent...
0:19:26 > 0:19:29- ..is an integral part - of being a mother.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33- But the mother I'm about to meet - won't get that opportunity.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37- Hiya. Are you OK?
0:19:38 > 0:19:40- Sandra? I'm Alex. Nice to meet you.
0:19:40 > 0:19:41- Sandra? I'm Alex. Nice to meet you.- - Come in.
0:19:42 > 0:19:43- It's lovely and warm here.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- Is this your first photograph - of Marie?
0:19:48 > 0:19:50- Yes, the one in the middle.
0:19:51 > 0:19:52- How much did she weigh?
0:19:52 > 0:19:53- How much did she weigh?- - 2lb 7ozs.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55- She was premature.
0:19:55 > 0:19:56- She was premature.- - Several weeks.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59- Is this you?
0:19:59 > 0:20:01- Is this you?- - That's me.
0:20:02 > 0:20:03- Look, Marie.
0:20:04 > 0:20:07- You're holding her in your hands. - She was very small.
0:20:11 > 0:20:14- During Marie's early years, - Sandra and her husband Mal...
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- ..realized - she wasn't developing properly.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22- After she turned two, - they took Marie for a scan.
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- They discovered - she had cerebral palsy.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29- Life for the family - would never be the same.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37- How did you and your husband feel...
0:20:37 > 0:20:40- ..when you found out - that Marie had problems?
0:20:41 > 0:20:42- We were upset.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44- It changed your life.
0:20:44 > 0:20:48- Our lives changed completely - after having her.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51- When she was a baby, - she was alright.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54- I could carry her everywhere.
0:20:54 > 0:20:57- But as she grew, she got heavier.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00- I had to carry her into the car, - into the house.
0:21:01 > 0:21:02- Do everything for her.
0:21:02 > 0:21:07- I quit my job then my husband - got ill with kidney problems.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09- Then he gave up his job.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11- She wasn't sleeping either.
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- So I'd sleep for an hour - then he'd sleep for an hour.
0:21:16 > 0:21:17- We did that all night.
0:21:18 > 0:21:20- Has that changed?
0:21:20 > 0:21:23- It's still the same. - She's still up all night.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- We got a phone call - when she was three...
0:21:27 > 0:21:30- ..asking - if we wanted her to be adopted.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32- Really?
0:21:32 > 0:21:34- I said, "No chance.
0:21:34 > 0:21:38- "She's my daughter - and she's staying with us."
0:21:38 > 0:21:40- Then I put the phone down.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- You knew straight away, - no question.
0:21:44 > 0:21:45- No question.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48- She's my daughter, and my husband's.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51- We'll look after her - whatever happens.
0:21:51 > 0:21:54- What is Marie's mental age?
0:21:54 > 0:21:56- 12-18 months.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03- It's like having a permanent baby.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04- Yes.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06- Is that the best way to describe it?
0:22:06 > 0:22:07- Is that the best way to describe it?- - Yes.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- Neither of us goes out. - We're here with Marie.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12- This is our life.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17- Do you think that your other two - have received less attention...
0:22:17 > 0:22:23- ..than you'd have liked - to have given because of Marie?
0:22:23 > 0:22:24- A lot less.
0:22:25 > 0:22:29- But they've grown up with it - so they don't know any different.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35- How often do you go to the hospital - and the doctor's surgery?
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- This year, she's been - admitted twice, so not too bad.
0:22:39 > 0:22:40- Right.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43- The seizures are the worst.
0:22:44 > 0:22:45- What causes the seizures?
0:22:45 > 0:22:46- What causes the seizures?- - Stress.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50- Any stress, - it happens straight away.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- Do you know when the seizures - are going to happen?
0:22:54 > 0:22:55- No.
0:22:55 > 0:22:59- She could be asleep.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- So it can happen at night.
0:23:01 > 0:23:06- There's no wonder you don't sleep - because you're on pins all the time.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09- She died once, when she was four.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15- A doctor came to the house - and revived her.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17- He went with us in the ambulance.
0:23:18 > 0:23:20- But she's still here.
0:23:20 > 0:23:21- Aren't you?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24- She's always happy.
0:23:24 > 0:23:25- She's still here...
0:23:26 > 0:23:29- ..because you do such a - fantastic job of looking after her.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31- We have to.
0:23:33 > 0:23:35- She's brought us so much pain...
0:23:36 > 0:23:37- I'm hopeless!
0:23:38 > 0:23:39- It's fine.
0:23:39 > 0:23:44- She's brought us so much pain for - years but you have to keep going.
0:23:46 > 0:23:50- We put music on for you. - Whatever you want, you get.
0:23:50 > 0:23:53- You're always happy and smiling.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57- She makes us proud every day.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59- She never grumbles.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03- She's always happy.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05- There's always a smile on your face.
0:24:07 > 0:24:10- At the end of the day, - it's your child.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- You'll do anything for that child.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27- Pick your leg up. OK?
0:24:27 > 0:24:28- Leg go.
0:24:28 > 0:24:29- Leg go.- - Righto.
0:24:35 > 0:24:39- I have no words to describe - what it was like to meet Sandra.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- I'm full of admiration...
0:24:42 > 0:24:46- ..for what she and her husband - go through every day.
0:24:48 > 0:24:52- It goes to show that some mothers - have it much tougher.
0:24:53 > 0:24:55- They're stuck in that house.
0:24:57 > 0:24:58- We have no idea.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02- As she said, - she's her mother and that's it.
0:25:06 > 0:25:07- .
0:25:11 > 0:25:11- Subtitles
0:25:11 > 0:25:13- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:25:15 > 0:25:21- The Internet with all its websites - on how to be the perfect mother...
0:25:21 > 0:25:25- ..puts more and more pressure - on us today.
0:25:26 > 0:25:30- The mummy blogger fashion - has exploded in recent years.
0:25:30 > 0:25:34- These websites vary - in terms of style and content.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37- Some look at the challenges - of raising children...
0:25:37 > 0:25:40- ..while others portray - the ideal family life.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44- These blogs are now big business.
0:25:44 > 0:25:50- Mother Of Daughters and Mother Like - No Other are the most influential.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- I want to find out more - about how it all works...
0:25:54 > 0:25:58- ..so I've come to meet Heulwen, who - has started a blog called Mam Cymru.
0:25:59 > 0:26:00- Hiya, Heulwen. How are you?
0:26:01 > 0:26:02- Are you OK?
0:26:02 > 0:26:03- Are you OK?- - Yes, thanks.
0:26:05 > 0:26:07- Where did the idea come from - for Mam Cymru?
0:26:08 > 0:26:12- There was nothing in Welsh online - when I was pregnant with Elsi.
0:26:12 > 0:26:16- I looked at English forums - but couldn't relate to them.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20- Raising children bilingually - in Wales is very different.
0:26:20 > 0:26:24- So I started it last July.
0:26:24 > 0:26:28- I wrote my own articles - and interviewed people.
0:26:28 > 0:26:33- Other people then wanted to - contribute and would send articles.
0:26:33 > 0:26:37- I now receive articles daily from - parents across Wales and beyond...
0:26:37 > 0:26:39- ..who want to contribute.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41- It's very exciting.
0:26:41 > 0:26:44- But it isn't your full-time job...
0:26:44 > 0:26:47- ..so where do you find the time - to do the blog?
0:26:47 > 0:26:48- That's true.
0:26:49 > 0:26:51- Mam Cymru is a hobby.
0:26:52 > 0:26:56- I get up early, - between 5.00am and 5.30am...
0:26:56 > 0:26:57- You don't!
0:26:58 > 0:27:02- I do. My alarm goes off and - I shift quietly to the spare room.
0:27:02 > 0:27:06- That's the Mam Cymru HQ - as I say on Twitter!
0:27:07 > 0:27:08- It's the Mam Cymru HQ.
0:27:08 > 0:27:12- I'm there for about an hour and - a half then I go to my proper job.
0:27:12 > 0:27:18- When Elsi's gone to bed, - I do some more work on Mam Cymru.
0:27:18 > 0:27:20- Blogs like yours...
0:27:20 > 0:27:24- ..are good at making young mothers - feel they're not alone...
0:27:24 > 0:27:28- ..that there are people - who can share their experiences.
0:27:29 > 0:27:33- When I would feed Ted - at three or four in the morning...
0:27:34 > 0:27:37- ..that's when I'd surf the Internet - for these websites.
0:27:38 > 0:27:43- The early hours is when - a lot of people do go on Mam Cymru.
0:27:43 > 0:27:45- Not just in Wales but abroad too.
0:27:46 > 0:27:48- It's daytime then in Australia.
0:27:49 > 0:27:53- I can see how many people in Wales - go on it in the early hours.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58- It's something to entertain them - while the children are feeding...
0:27:58 > 0:28:00- ..or while they're screaming!
0:28:01 > 0:28:05- Raising a child - where there's family around you...
0:28:05 > 0:28:09- ..those days have gone, - as you and I both know.
0:28:09 > 0:28:14- I think people need services - and places they can go for advice.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16- Being a mother isn't perfect...
0:28:16 > 0:28:19- ..but it's the best thing - that's happened to me.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21- I reflect that in what I write.
0:28:22 > 0:28:26- When mothers and fathers say it's - made a difference to their lives...
0:28:27 > 0:28:30- ..and has inspired them, - it makes me want to carry on.
0:28:30 > 0:28:34- As you said, something was needed - in Welsh as there was nothing.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37- Congratulations to you. Fantastic.
0:28:37 > 0:28:40- I'll be reading it - in the coming years...
0:28:41 > 0:28:45- ..when I'll have lost the plot - and will need something to help me!
0:28:51 > 0:28:55- "Being a mother is missing your kids - when you're not with them...
0:28:56 > 0:28:59- "..and loving them - when you're with them.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01- "But you need a lot of patience."
0:29:02 > 0:29:07- "What struck me after coming home - from hospital with the baby...
0:29:07 > 0:29:09- "..was the huge responsibility.
0:29:10 > 0:29:14- "I was now responsible for this - tiny person for the rest of my life.
0:29:14 > 0:29:18- "There's no clocking off - when you're a parent."
0:29:22 > 0:29:27- When I was pregnant with Teddy, lots - of people said I wouldn't believe...
0:29:27 > 0:29:30- ..how much love I'd feel - for the new baby
0:29:30 > 0:29:32- They were right. - The love is endless.
0:29:33 > 0:29:37- But these feelings aren't unique - to mothers who've given birth.
0:29:38 > 0:29:42- There are many different ways - of feeling that motherly love.
0:29:44 > 0:29:46- Hiya! How are you, Elin? Are you OK?
0:29:46 > 0:29:47- Hiya! How are you, Elin? Are you OK?- - Good. Come in.
0:29:47 > 0:29:49- Thank you.
0:29:51 > 0:29:55- You'd struggle to find a closer bond - between a mother and daughter...
0:29:55 > 0:29:59- ..than Elin and Caitlin's, - but this is no ordinary story.
0:29:59 > 0:30:03- Your journey to becoming a mother - is different to most.
0:30:04 > 0:30:05- Tell me the story.
0:30:06 > 0:30:10- I became friends with Caitlin's - mother when I was about 26.
0:30:10 > 0:30:15- We both got jobs lecturing for - a year at Cardiff Met University.
0:30:15 > 0:30:19- During our time there, - she fell pregnant with Caitlin.
0:30:19 > 0:30:23- She gave birth to her. - I was her godmother.
0:30:23 > 0:30:25- After about a year...
0:30:25 > 0:30:29- ..her mother developed symptoms - which turned out to be cancer.
0:30:30 > 0:30:34- She died when Caitlin - was about a year and three months.
0:30:38 > 0:30:43- As a godmother, I wanted to help - her father John to look after her.
0:30:44 > 0:30:48- In time, a relationship developed - between John and me.
0:30:48 > 0:30:53- We weren't sure if it would work out - as we had to think of Caitlin.
0:30:53 > 0:30:57- It has worked. - We've been married for ten years.
0:30:57 > 0:30:59- We've lived as a family since then.
0:31:00 > 0:31:03- So your life changed completely.
0:31:03 > 0:31:06- You hadn't foreseen it.
0:31:06 > 0:31:07- You hadn't foreseen it.- - Not at all.
0:31:07 > 0:31:12- I was single at the time and - hadn't thought about settling down.
0:31:12 > 0:31:15- Suddenly, I was looking after - a little girl.
0:31:15 > 0:31:18- But it's the best thing - that could have happened to me.
0:31:18 > 0:31:23- Had you and Nicola discussed this - at all during her illness?
0:31:23 > 0:31:26- I'd visit her regularly - and help with Caitlin.
0:31:26 > 0:31:31- I remember one night - when she was very ill in hospital.
0:31:31 > 0:31:35- John was sat on one side of her - and I was sat on the other.
0:31:36 > 0:31:38- She held our hand...
0:31:39 > 0:31:42- ..and something in my head said...
0:31:42 > 0:31:46- .."Oh, my gosh, I think - she wants me to look after them."
0:31:46 > 0:31:48- That's stayed with me.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52- I've never felt guilty - for taking her family.
0:31:52 > 0:31:57- I just want to do the best for Cait - and give her every opportunity.
0:32:02 > 0:32:04- Your mother explained...
0:32:04 > 0:32:07- ..that you were a baby - when you lost your birth mother.
0:32:08 > 0:32:10- You remember hardly anything.
0:32:11 > 0:32:13- Nothing.
0:32:13 > 0:32:15- What's your first memory?
0:32:16 > 0:32:19- I don't remember anything.
0:32:19 > 0:32:23- I only know Mam - through photographs and videos...
0:32:24 > 0:32:26- ..that Mam and Dad have shown me.
0:32:27 > 0:32:29- But Mam is your mother, is she?
0:32:30 > 0:32:31- Yes.
0:32:31 > 0:32:33- What's great about Mam?
0:32:35 > 0:32:37- I'm putting you on the spot!
0:32:38 > 0:32:41- She makes me work hard.
0:32:41 > 0:32:43- Does she?
0:32:43 > 0:32:47- She helps me with homework - as she's a teacher.
0:32:47 > 0:32:49- So she is good.
0:32:50 > 0:32:52- You look very similar.
0:32:52 > 0:32:54- Do people say that often?
0:32:54 > 0:32:55- Yes.
0:32:56 > 0:33:00- When you were growing up, people - were saying how similar we are.
0:33:00 > 0:33:04- "She's the spit of you." - We'd look at each other and smile.
0:33:04 > 0:33:10- Nice. Are there things about Caitlin - that remind you of Nicola?
0:33:10 > 0:33:13- I've noticed - when she looks a certain way.
0:33:13 > 0:33:16- She looks the same as her mother.
0:33:16 > 0:33:19- I say, - "You looked like your mother there."
0:33:20 > 0:33:23- Nicola was quite shy. - She didn't like a fuss.
0:33:23 > 0:33:26- I think you're like her in that way.
0:33:27 > 0:33:31- She liked to do her schoolwork - tidily as she was a teacher.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34- You like your work to be tidy too.
0:33:34 > 0:33:38- The older Caitlin gets, - the similarity increases...
0:33:38 > 0:33:41- ..as she develops - into a young woman.
0:33:41 > 0:33:45- Are there things - you want to know about your mother?
0:33:46 > 0:33:48- Things you didn't think about - before.
0:33:48 > 0:33:51- I think more - about her personality...
0:33:51 > 0:33:53- ..and what she was like.
0:33:56 > 0:33:58- Yes, I want to know more.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02- Caitlin's mother - was a primary school teacher.
0:34:02 > 0:34:08- That's what you want to do. There - might be something in her nature.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16- I don't know what it's like - to have a child naturally.
0:34:17 > 0:34:21- But I can't imagine our relationship - would be any different.
0:34:24 > 0:34:28- I'm so proud of everything she does. - I'm sharing her journey.
0:34:28 > 0:34:32- She does a lot of dancing, - gymnastics and athletics.
0:34:32 > 0:34:36- It gives me a lot of pleasure - watching her.
0:34:36 > 0:34:39- I feel proud - knowing I'm doing an OK job...
0:34:40 > 0:34:42- ..and that Nic's - watching over her too.
0:34:43 > 0:34:45- "Dear Mam, - Happy Birthday to you. 40!
0:34:45 > 0:34:48- "You support me in everything I do!
0:34:48 > 0:34:51- "Thank you very much - for being there with me!
0:34:51 > 0:34:53- "Loads of love, Caitlin"
0:34:59 > 0:35:00- .
0:35:03 > 0:35:03- Subtitles
0:35:03 > 0:35:05- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:35:16 > 0:35:19- The role of the Welsh mother - has changed so much.
0:35:19 > 0:35:24- Since 2002, same-sex couples - have been able to adopt children...
0:35:24 > 0:35:27- ..and prove that a man or woman - can be a mother...
0:35:27 > 0:35:29- ..like Alan and his partner did.
0:35:30 > 0:35:34- Did you always know - that you wanted children?
0:35:34 > 0:35:38- Yes. I've always had - a maternal side to me.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40- Or paternal!
0:35:40 > 0:35:45- I've always known I've wanted - to give that love to a child.
0:35:46 > 0:35:49- Mam is such an important figure - to me.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51- I want to do what she did.
0:35:52 > 0:35:56- I was eight - when I first thought I was gay.
0:35:56 > 0:36:00- But you don't understand - what that means at that age.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04- I grew up knowing I wouldn't - get married and have children.
0:36:04 > 0:36:05- At the time, it wasn't an option.
0:36:05 > 0:36:06- At the time, it wasn't an option.- - No.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09- When we were going through - the adoption process...
0:36:09 > 0:36:12- ..they said - that dealing with gay couples...
0:36:12 > 0:36:16- ..was different - to dealing with straight couples.
0:36:16 > 0:36:20- The woman experiences grief in a way - as she can't have children.
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- She has to deal with that - before she can adopt.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26- They said that gay people - don't have that.
0:36:26 > 0:36:30- But they do. I was eight - trying to deal with that.
0:36:30 > 0:36:33- Women deal with it - with a partner as an adult.
0:36:33 > 0:36:35- I was a child dealing with it.
0:36:35 > 0:36:36- Yes.
0:36:36 > 0:36:40- What did your family think - of the fact you wanted to adopt?
0:36:41 > 0:36:42- They were delighted.
0:36:42 > 0:36:45- Mam's been over the moon - from the start.
0:36:46 > 0:36:47- She loves coming down.
0:36:47 > 0:36:51- He has bunk beds in his room. - The bottom one is Nain's bed.
0:36:51 > 0:36:53- Is it?!
0:36:53 > 0:36:59- Can you describe the moment you saw - your little boy for the first time?
0:36:59 > 0:37:00- Just...
0:37:01 > 0:37:02- We walked in.
0:37:03 > 0:37:07- We'd stopped somewhere - to buy a wooden toy to give to him.
0:37:08 > 0:37:12- We walked in and he ran towards us, - smiled and jumped up for a hug.
0:37:12 > 0:37:15- It felt that he belonged to me - and that's it.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17- That's lovely!
0:37:21 > 0:37:22- Oh!
0:37:23 > 0:37:26- I'm hopeless! I'm a real softie!
0:37:27 > 0:37:30- Did it feel natural from the start?
0:37:30 > 0:37:32- Totally natural.
0:37:34 > 0:37:37- A lot of what they discuss - beforehand...
0:37:37 > 0:37:41- ..is if you have a feeling - that "he's not my son"...
0:37:41 > 0:37:43- ..how do you bring about that love?
0:37:43 > 0:37:47- We prepared ourselves for - not having an immediate connection.
0:37:47 > 0:37:49- But I did have that connection.
0:37:50 > 0:37:54- Even parents who give birth - might not have that connection.
0:37:54 > 0:37:55- But it felt totally natural.
0:37:55 > 0:37:56- But it felt totally natural.- - Immediately.
0:37:57 > 0:37:59- I was a father - the moment he looked at me.
0:38:10 > 0:38:14- When you came back, - the three of you...
0:38:14 > 0:38:17- ..how did you define who did what?
0:38:17 > 0:38:19- My partner took time off.
0:38:19 > 0:38:24- At the beginning, I was more - the father who comes home...
0:38:24 > 0:38:27- ..who hasn't seen the child all day.
0:38:27 > 0:38:29- The stereotypical father.
0:38:30 > 0:38:34- That was the only time - where we had more traditional roles.
0:38:35 > 0:38:39- I'd give him a bath and put him - to bed - I hadn't seen him all day.
0:38:40 > 0:38:42- You have preconceptions.
0:38:42 > 0:38:46- I thought I'd be the best - at keeping discipline.
0:38:47 > 0:38:48- But not at all. I was so soft.
0:38:48 > 0:38:50- But not at all. I was so soft.- - Like me. Hopeless!
0:38:52 > 0:38:55- What does your little boy - call you as parents?
0:38:55 > 0:38:56- Dad and Dadi.
0:38:56 > 0:39:00- Did you decide beforehand - which was which?
0:39:00 > 0:39:04- We said, "Let him decide - and see what comes."
0:39:04 > 0:39:08- People thought that was weird - as children aren't used to it.
0:39:08 > 0:39:10- I had Nain and Nain.
0:39:10 > 0:39:13- You're right. Of course.
0:39:13 > 0:39:17- It isn't anything new. - People just look for differences.
0:39:18 > 0:39:22- Yes. Did you get - any negative responses?
0:39:23 > 0:39:28- You like to think that everyone's - open-minded but that's not the case.
0:39:28 > 0:39:33- Some people still believe that - a child needs a mother and father.
0:39:33 > 0:39:35- Nobody's said anything to my face.
0:39:36 > 0:39:37- Great.
0:39:38 > 0:39:42- There were a couple of times when - people thought they were being kind.
0:39:43 > 0:39:45- A couple of women have hugged him - saying...
0:39:45 > 0:39:49- .."It's nice to have a hug - from a mother sometimes."
0:39:49 > 0:39:51- That must hurt.
0:39:51 > 0:39:54- It doesn't hurt. - It angers you more than anything.
0:39:55 > 0:39:59- What do you think - you as two fathers offer your son?
0:40:00 > 0:40:04- I think we show that from being - the type of family we are...
0:40:05 > 0:40:07- ..we show you can do anything.
0:40:07 > 0:40:10- It's OK to be different. - It's OK to be yourself.
0:40:10 > 0:40:12- We give him pride.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15- You are the modern family.
0:40:15 > 0:40:17- We've pushed the boundaries!
0:40:18 > 0:40:20- It's quite complicated.
0:40:20 > 0:40:24- There are four fathers - in the picture.
0:40:25 > 0:40:29- We've gone from a time - when we couldn't get married...
0:40:29 > 0:40:32- ..to having got married - and then we divorced.
0:40:32 > 0:40:33- We have new partners now.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37- The little one divides his time - between the two of us.
0:40:37 > 0:40:41- It works for us - and for him, more importantly.
0:40:42 > 0:40:46- As long as the parents are open - and put the child first...
0:40:46 > 0:40:49- ..it might not affect the child - too much.
0:40:49 > 0:40:50- Of course.
0:40:50 > 0:40:53- You have a child...
0:40:53 > 0:40:56- ..and your current partner - has children too.
0:40:57 > 0:41:00- So it must be chaos around here - sometimes.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02- Most of the time!
0:41:02 > 0:41:05- You've gone from no children - to three.
0:41:05 > 0:41:07- How does that work?
0:41:08 > 0:41:09- It's great!
0:41:09 > 0:41:14- It gives a foundation to your life.
0:41:16 > 0:41:20- In your 20s, you're happy doing - whatever you want.
0:41:20 > 0:41:25- You reach a point when you want - something to take over.
0:41:25 > 0:41:27- I think you want to stop - being selfish.
0:41:28 > 0:41:31- You want to have to put - somebody else first.
0:41:32 > 0:41:35- What's nice is it's not - that you have no choice...
0:41:35 > 0:41:39- ..it comes naturally - - you can't help but put them first.
0:41:41 > 0:41:44- You can sit down, - look around the room and think...
0:41:44 > 0:41:49- .."If I do nothing else in my life, - I've done something worthwhile."
0:41:55 > 0:41:59- "My advice is not to be concerned - about what anyone else thinks.
0:41:59 > 0:42:03- "If you listened to everyone, - you wouldn't know what to do."
0:42:04 > 0:42:07- "There's no right or wrong way - to raise children.
0:42:07 > 0:42:10- "Everyone has a way - that works for them."
0:42:11 > 0:42:13- "What's the biggest struggle?
0:42:13 > 0:42:17- "I think it's the guilt, - especially when you're working.
0:42:17 > 0:42:20- "You feel that whatever you do - isn't right."
0:42:24 > 0:42:25- As I work in London...
0:42:26 > 0:42:30- ..I miss having my family - and Charlie's family around.
0:42:30 > 0:42:34- It was important for me to find - a group of Welsh-speaking mothers...
0:42:35 > 0:42:38- ..for support - and to chat with over a cuppa.
0:42:40 > 0:42:43- At the same site as the - London Welsh School in Wembley...
0:42:43 > 0:42:47- ..a group of mothers - meets every week.
0:42:47 > 0:42:52- Talking in this cosy atmosphere, - in Welsh, has been a great help.
0:42:53 > 0:42:54- Who is next to you?
0:42:55 > 0:42:56- Lois.
0:42:57 > 0:42:59- Good morning, Lois.
0:43:01 > 0:43:03- It's fantastic for people like us...
0:43:04 > 0:43:08- ..who've come from Wales and who - don't know many Welsh people here.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11- I never thought I'd live in London.
0:43:11 > 0:43:13- I never thought I'd leave Wales.
0:43:13 > 0:43:14- I never thought I'd leave Wales.- - Neither did I.
0:43:15 > 0:43:19- To come to London and find a group - of Welsh-speaking mothers...
0:43:19 > 0:43:23- ..and for the children to be able - to play with other Welsh speakers...
0:43:24 > 0:43:26- ..did us the world of good - as a family.
0:43:27 > 0:43:29- It meant so much to me.
0:43:30 > 0:43:35- As a mother, I enjoy coming here - and chatting in Welsh to friends.
0:43:36 > 0:43:40- Doing so in the centre of London - feels like an honour.
0:43:40 > 0:43:43- You feel as if you're home.
0:43:43 > 0:43:49- Yes. For me, it was also an - opportunity to practise my Welsh.
0:43:49 > 0:43:51- I don't live with a Welsh speaker.
0:43:51 > 0:43:52- I don't live with a Welsh speaker.- - Neither do I.
0:43:52 > 0:43:55- I try and speak Welsh to Monty.
0:43:55 > 0:43:59- It's nice to have a chance - to hang out with Welsh speakers...
0:43:59 > 0:44:01- ..and to speak Welsh with them.
0:44:01 > 0:44:04- Three, four, five.
0:44:05 > 0:44:07- Five of us!
0:44:07 > 0:44:11- You're in a situation where - you're about to return to work.
0:44:11 > 0:44:17- How do you feel about leaving little - Lois, who's almost a year old?
0:44:18 > 0:44:24- That's when childcare - becomes so important.
0:44:24 > 0:44:27- If you have someone - that you trust...
0:44:27 > 0:44:31- ..who's almost - like a second mother...
0:44:31 > 0:44:33- ..that's great.
0:44:36 > 0:44:41- I moved to London just over - three years ago to work as a nanny.
0:44:41 > 0:44:46- As we depend on Jess, - Cian's family depends on you.
0:44:47 > 0:44:49- Are the hours long sometimes?
0:44:50 > 0:44:51- They are long hours.
0:44:52 > 0:44:54- It depends what day it is.
0:44:54 > 0:44:56- Between ten and twelve hours.
0:44:57 > 0:45:01- But I do enjoy looking - after children, especially Cian.
0:45:01 > 0:45:04- You've known him - since he was eight months.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07- Yes. We have a good relationship.
0:45:07 > 0:45:11- The hardest thing - is knowing it'll end.
0:45:11 > 0:45:16- Cian's going to school so I'll be - finishing with them in September.
0:45:16 > 0:45:18- Thinking about that is quite tough.
0:45:19 > 0:45:21- # I saw a jackdaw
0:45:21 > 0:45:23- # Sitting on a rooftop #
0:45:23 > 0:45:29- I know from experience that you can - maintain a career and have children.
0:45:29 > 0:45:34- I think I've come to the conclusion - that there's no perfect solution.
0:45:35 > 0:45:37- You compromise in some way - whatever you do.
0:45:38 > 0:45:40- You make compromises every day.
0:45:40 > 0:45:43- You make compromises every day.- - It's hard to get everything perfect.
0:45:48 > 0:45:54- "Try your best to strike a balance - between your work and your life.
0:45:54 > 0:45:57- "All you can do is try your best."
0:45:58 > 0:46:04- "It can be difficult at the start - but it's also a lot of fun.
0:46:04 > 0:46:06- "So, ride the wave."
0:46:06 > 0:46:10- How are you? - You've got nice aftershave on.
0:46:11 > 0:46:17- "My advice for any mother - would be not to be hard on yourself.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20- "Do your best and enjoy it.
0:46:20 > 0:46:24- "It's a responsibility - but it's a special, special honour."
0:46:25 > 0:46:28- I couldn't agree more - - it is a special honour.
0:46:28 > 0:46:33- I dreamt of being a mother - for years. I've been lucky.
0:46:33 > 0:46:35- The first year has been challenging.
0:46:36 > 0:46:39- But having Ted in my life - is so precious.
0:46:39 > 0:46:43- My superhero sidekick for the night, - faster than a speeding autocue...
0:46:44 > 0:46:45- ..Jeremy Vine.
0:46:45 > 0:46:48- I also enjoy my work. - There's no shame in that.
0:46:48 > 0:46:52- I know how lucky I am - to do a job I love.
0:46:52 > 0:46:55- But family will always come first.
0:46:56 > 0:46:58- So, can we have it all?
0:46:59 > 0:47:01- A career and time with family.
0:47:01 > 0:47:04- Well, it's not a simple answer.
0:47:04 > 0:47:08- Every mother I've met on my journey - copes in their own way.
0:47:09 > 0:47:13- What works for one mother doesn't - necessarily work for another.
0:47:14 > 0:47:18- The image of the Welsh mother - isn't the reality any more.
0:47:18 > 0:47:23- Our role's expanded. - Families have different needs.
0:47:23 > 0:47:29- But what's certain is that us women - try and succeed every day.
0:47:29 > 0:47:32- Perhaps the spirit - of the Welsh mother is still in us.
0:47:55 > 0:47:58- S4C Subtitles by Testun Cyf.
0:47:58 > 0:47:59- .