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0:00:05 > 0:00:09- Women are more in the limelight now - than ever before.
0:00:09 > 0:00:14- Fighting for their rights, - standing up for equality.
0:00:16 > 0:00:21- There is a wave of brilliant - young women at the moment...
0:00:21 > 0:00:23- ..who take ownership.
0:00:23 > 0:00:27- That's one of the big words - I like...
0:00:27 > 0:00:31- ..when you talk about - what it's like to be a strong woman.
0:00:31 > 0:00:34- To take ownership - and do what you want to do.
0:00:38 > 0:00:42- I was just enjoying life, - enjoying travelling.
0:00:42 > 0:00:43- I was working.
0:00:44 > 0:00:47- Then the man - never fitted into all that...
0:00:47 > 0:00:50- ..and then I decided - to do something about it.
0:00:53 > 0:00:56- There is so much pressure - on women today.
0:00:56 > 0:01:00- We just have to be happy with - who we are. Don't you think so?
0:01:00 > 0:01:04- It sounds really righteous, says - she with a full face of make-up!
0:01:07 > 0:01:08- I felt like a woman.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12- I thought I can do what I want now, - I look like everyone else.
0:01:13 > 0:01:16- You can't explain the feeling, - it's just amazing!
0:01:18 > 0:01:22- It's the old argument, the word - feminist has become a dirty word.
0:01:22 > 0:01:28- People say we don't need this - discussion, we don't need the word.
0:01:28 > 0:01:34- As we can see with coming of Donald - Trump, the battle is far from over.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40- Yes, we got the vote, - yes, there have been many battles.
0:01:40 > 0:01:47- But we haven't reached a place where - we don't have to ask questions.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51- That's the place when things - will be in their place...
0:01:51 > 0:01:53- ..when we won't need to discuss it.
0:02:07 > 0:02:11- A century ago, the tide closed in - on decades of fiery battles...
0:02:11 > 0:02:13- ..by women for the right to vote.
0:02:14 > 0:02:18- The reaction to their protest - was violent and cruel.
0:02:19 > 0:02:21- Many were imprisoned.
0:02:21 > 0:02:25- They demanded to be counted - as equal citizens.
0:02:25 > 0:02:30- That would take another ten years, - but the first steps had been taken.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36- That thirst to demand our place - and our voices to be heard...
0:02:36 > 0:02:38- ..has gone - from strength to strength.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41- I've reached an age - where I find myself...
0:02:41 > 0:02:43- ..questioning things more and more.
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- I want to hear - what other women think.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- Where actually are we - in society now?
0:02:50 > 0:02:54- Have we lost that focus - these women had back in 1918?
0:02:58 > 0:03:00- I worry that society - is, unfortunately...
0:03:00 > 0:03:05- ..moving towards a place where - outward appearance is important.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10- Everyone is going to end up looking - the same, that's a big fear for me.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- You almost want to say to society...
0:03:13 > 0:03:16- ..and to people who make money - out of that kind of thing...
0:03:17 > 0:03:20- .."I want you to stop for once - so that we can all realise...
0:03:20 > 0:03:22- "..what it is to get older...
0:03:22 > 0:03:25- "..or look like how we are - meant to look like women."
0:03:28 > 0:03:33- I think there's great pressure - on what men think of us today.
0:03:33 > 0:03:37- That hasn't changed, - it's been here for centuries.
0:03:38 > 0:03:40- During the second half - of the 20th century...
0:03:40 > 0:03:44- ..there were more opportunities - for girls to wear lovely clothes.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49- Even working class girls - could spend on this type of thing.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- It was important and they - also liked to show themselves...
0:03:53 > 0:03:58- ..in the best light when they worked - in quite a grey place very often.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03- And to flesh out this idea - of Miss World and so on.
0:04:03 > 0:04:05- It was part of their life.
0:04:06 > 0:04:08- I used to watch Miss World!
0:04:08 > 0:04:10- I used to watch Miss World!- - I did, I sat with Nain.
0:04:10 > 0:04:15- Nain, my sister and I - would sit down...
0:04:15 > 0:04:19- ..and Mam and Dad - would be out on Saturday night...
0:04:19 > 0:04:24- ..and we'd sit down scoring - these girls, judging these girls!
0:04:24 > 0:04:26- We didn't do that!
0:04:28 > 0:04:30- I don't know - why I admitted that on camera.
0:04:36 > 0:04:38- Beauty shows - mean nothing to me now.
0:04:38 > 0:04:43- I've been very critical of shows - like Miss Wales, Miss World.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46- I see them as being anti-feminist.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50- But the situation isn't quite - as black and white as that.
0:04:50 > 0:04:55- They've been a big part of - women's lives in Wales for decades.
0:04:56 > 0:05:00- They were part of - the factory girls experience too.
0:05:00 > 0:05:04- They liked to be Miss Dunlop, - Miss Hoover, Miss Hotpoint.
0:05:04 > 0:05:08- To them, working class girls, - they had different experiences...
0:05:08 > 0:05:12- ..to what they'd have in their - daily work and I understand that.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16- In 1970, there was a big protest - by the women's lib...
0:05:16 > 0:05:19- ..against the Miss World - beauty pageant.
0:05:20 > 0:05:25- It's amazing to see the images - of them throwing the papers down...
0:05:25 > 0:05:28- ..and disrupting the pageant.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- This was a big thing at the time - and people were against it.
0:05:33 > 0:05:38- They thought it was shameful - that women dared to do that...
0:05:38 > 0:05:40- ..and disrupt a pageant on TV.
0:05:43 > 0:05:46- I think you can be - whatever you want to be.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- We are born with our own body - and our own mind.
0:05:50 > 0:05:52- There is nobody to tell us - any different.
0:05:53 > 0:05:55- You can be a part of that journey...
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- ..by protesting - on the streets of London.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01- You can be a part of that journey - by walking a catwalk in Wales.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03- Different choices - for different girls.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10- I wonder why we're all - so fearful of beauty.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14- It's alright to be judged on how - you sing, how fast you can run...
0:06:14 > 0:06:16- ..how far you can kick a ball.
0:06:16 > 0:06:20- When it comes to beauty, there is a - fear that we're being judged for it.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- To this day, - I don't really understand why.
0:06:27 > 0:06:30- I don't think any of us - on the side-lines...
0:06:30 > 0:06:33- ..should tell these women - what they can and can't do.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42- To me, being a feminist - is not judging any other girl...
0:06:43 > 0:06:47- ..for what she wants to do - and to be whatever you want to be.
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- Nobody has the right to tell anyone - what they are meant to be.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- That's what being a feminist - is to me.
0:06:54 > 0:06:57- It's so much more than the pageant - that people think it is.
0:06:57 > 0:07:02- The year I competed, we raised - 13,000 for children's charities.
0:07:03 > 0:07:06- It's something huge that does - great work across Welsh communities.
0:07:07 > 0:07:10- I wanted to be a part of - something that was bigger than me.
0:07:11 > 0:07:13- There are a 101 pageants - in the world.
0:07:14 > 0:07:18- I work with Miss Wales and - Miss World at the top of that tree.
0:07:18 > 0:07:21- I'd like to think I'm - one of the feminine feminists.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25- I think we are far better - winning as women...
0:07:26 > 0:07:31- ..than as men and why should we - apologise for everything female.
0:07:31 > 0:07:36- This is our opportunity - to shout from the rooftops...
0:07:36 > 0:07:40- ..that we are proud of the feminine - values that we hold as a gender.
0:07:42 > 0:07:46- You can't deny - after seeing a show like that...
0:07:46 > 0:07:49- ..that we don't judge these girls - or look at them...
0:07:49 > 0:07:51- ..because of the way they look.
0:07:51 > 0:07:55- I found myself, - because I'd spoken to them...
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- ..looking at their shape, - their skin...
0:07:58 > 0:08:02- ..and the way - they carried themselves.
0:08:02 > 0:08:07- I've been on stage and TV, I've done - posters which pushed boundaries.
0:08:07 > 0:08:12- I've put myself in situations - where people have looked at me...
0:08:12 > 0:08:16- ..but I felt it was different, - I was in character.
0:08:16 > 0:08:21- I feel these girls are making - these decisions for themselves.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24- Yes, we are looking at them - and they are doing something...
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- ..which completely depends - on how they look...
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- ..but there is more to them - than that.
0:08:31 > 0:08:36- I think that is healthy enough - and who am I to judge it?
0:08:41 > 0:08:45- My parents never got much trouble - with me growing up.
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- There is a wild streak in me and - I am always drawn to wild people...
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- ..who push boundaries, - but actually, deep down...
0:08:52 > 0:08:56- ..I'm quite conservative and - I'm very aware of my own boundaries.
0:08:59 > 0:09:04- I feel lucky that I grew up - in the age before mobile phones...
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- ..and social media.
0:09:06 > 0:09:09- I had the freedom to experiment...
0:09:09 > 0:09:12- ..to make mistakes without - everything being scrutinized.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18- I can't imagine what it's like - for young girls today...
0:09:18 > 0:09:20- ..living their lives online.
0:09:24 > 0:09:29- Social media - and the generation of the selfie...
0:09:29 > 0:09:32- ..where everything - has to be perfect.
0:09:33 > 0:09:37- My daughter and her friends spend - hours getting the perfect image.
0:09:37 > 0:09:42- It does worry me, but then again, - the only way to get over it...
0:09:42 > 0:09:48- ..is to get them to realise - that this is something superficial.
0:09:48 > 0:09:52- Who you are and what you want - to achieve is more important.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57- I tell Leisa and her friends that - who they are is more important.
0:09:58 > 0:10:03- Because we lived - before all this was so important...
0:10:04 > 0:10:08- ..we know how to live - without social media.
0:10:08 > 0:10:16- There is something in us older women - who can appreciate what we have...
0:10:16 > 0:10:20- ..and you fear now - that those younger women...
0:10:20 > 0:10:23- ..won't know how to communicate...
0:10:24 > 0:10:28- ..without creating - that world for themselves.
0:10:31 > 0:10:37- Living life as a woman - is a constant narrative...
0:10:37 > 0:10:41- ..on questioning yourself, - looking at the world around you...
0:10:41 > 0:10:44- ..and thinking, - "Hm, what's really going on here?"
0:10:46 > 0:10:48- It's the old argument.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51- The word feminist - has become a dirty word...
0:10:51 > 0:10:56- ..with people saying we don't - need this kind of discussion...
0:10:56 > 0:11:00- ..but as we can see - with the coming of Donald Trump...
0:11:00 > 0:11:04- ..you sense the battle - is far from over.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10- I have felt a shift - and change since Trump.
0:11:11 > 0:11:16- People think they can say as they - like to women and people in general.
0:11:17 > 0:11:22- I've seen that on the school yard - and it's shocking.
0:11:22 > 0:11:26- You wouldn't think it can have - such an effect on you.
0:11:29 > 0:11:34- As women, we need to stick together - in times like this.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38- The fact that I've been raised - by a single mum...
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- ..strong and independent...
0:11:41 > 0:11:44- ..it's taught me to question - everything in life...
0:11:45 > 0:11:50- ..and to stand up strongly - for girls like Mam did.
0:11:50 > 0:11:53- I want to follow mam's footsteps. - Hopefully!
0:11:56 > 0:12:02- I'm sure I'm seen as old fashioned - now in what I believe a woman is...
0:12:03 > 0:12:12- ..but I do feel strongly that there - are young women out there now...
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- ..who are willing - to raise their voices.
0:12:18 > 0:12:22- The battles haven't been won - by a long way.
0:12:22 > 0:12:25- Yes, there is fear, - but from that fear...
0:12:25 > 0:12:29- ..I hope what comes from that - is a new confidence.
0:12:35 > 0:12:35- .
0:12:38 > 0:12:38- Subtitles
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0:12:45 > 0:12:48- It's a lovely thing looking back - at photos of the women...
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- ..that have defined me.
0:12:51 > 0:12:53- Mam, Nain...
0:12:53 > 0:12:58- ..sister, friends and stepmother.
0:13:00 > 0:13:05- Each one has given something - of their own personalities to me.
0:13:06 > 0:13:09- It's interesting - looking at these old photos...
0:13:09 > 0:13:11- ..thinking how society - has changed...
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- ..and the role of women - within that society...
0:13:15 > 0:13:18- ..since the time - when Mam was growing up...
0:13:18 > 0:13:20- ..and since - when Nain was growing up.
0:13:23 > 0:13:27- Throughout the decades, more and - more women raised their voices...
0:13:27 > 0:13:30- ..and Welsh women - were amongst them...
0:13:30 > 0:13:34- ..fighting for the causes - that were important to them.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40- We were fighting - as a group of strong women...
0:13:41 > 0:13:45- ..because we wanted a better world, - to be cliche about it.
0:13:50 > 0:13:53- It was a combination of things.
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- I'd campaigned, a lot - of people campaigned with me...
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- ..over language rights, they also - campaigned for the peace movement.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04- We're talking about - the beginning of the '80s...
0:14:04 > 0:14:06- ..when there was - a big nuclear threat...
0:14:07 > 0:14:12- ..and lot of opposition - between governments.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14- What's new there?
0:14:14 > 0:14:18- It was a period - when I'd just become a mum.
0:14:18 > 0:14:24- I had little children and I felt - very protective of them as a mother.
0:14:25 > 0:14:30- I also felt unable to protect them - in the face of this huge threat.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36- The women's protest opposing - American nuclear missiles...
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- ..on the Greenham Common site - was one of the longest...
0:14:41 > 0:14:45- ..and most famous campaigns - of the feminist movement in history.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50- Women can give something positive, - I would say.
0:14:50 > 0:14:54- Someone said during that time - at Greenham Common...
0:14:54 > 0:14:58- .."Men have always - gone away to war...
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- "..and now women - are going away to peace."
0:15:03 > 0:15:07- We can be just as strong, - just as determined...
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- ..and suffer, too, as men have...
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- ..but for something - strong and positive...
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- ..instead of something - destructive that kills.
0:15:18 > 0:15:20- For something creative.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23- That's the strength of women - in the peace movement.
0:15:29 > 0:15:33- I have so much admiration for - Meg Elis and her contemporaries...
0:15:33 > 0:15:34- ..and their protest campaigns.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37- She had strong principles - about what was right.
0:15:38 > 0:15:43- My mother taught me - those very same principles.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52- What hits me personally - at times like this is...
0:15:53 > 0:15:57- ..when my mother died, I was 26 - years old, I was a different person.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00- I was a girl, - I feel now that I'm a woman.
0:16:01 > 0:16:08- I almost feel like I'm getting to - know my mother after she's died...
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- ..because I realise - the things I do...
0:16:10 > 0:16:12- ..her strengths - and her weaknesses...
0:16:13 > 0:16:17- ..are the exact same strengths - and weaknesses that were in Mam.
0:16:18 > 0:16:23- I think that's why - there's a lot of guilt in me...
0:16:23 > 0:16:29- ..when I think about the things - I didn't ask her before she died.
0:16:30 > 0:16:34- I know what I feel now, - the loneliness that comes...
0:16:34 > 0:16:38- ..from not getting those answers - from her, as a woman.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47- It's important to remember her - as she was.
0:16:48 > 0:16:51- It's easy to romanticize a person - after they die...
0:16:51 > 0:16:54- ..and that's one - of my greatest fears.
0:16:54 > 0:16:58- I don't want Mam to be this perfect, - unblemished image in my head.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01- I insist - that I remember her failures.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05- In those failures, - I am coming to recognise myself.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09- The over-sensitiveness, - the untidiness, the overreacting.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11- She lives on in me.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16- As I look in the mirror - and see myself aging...
0:17:16 > 0:17:19- ..I see her face staring back at me.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24- Is she happy with who I am today?
0:17:24 > 0:17:28- Or can she see the inner turmoil - behind these lying eyes?
0:17:36 > 0:17:41- She was sensitive like me, - she was untidy like me...
0:17:41 > 0:17:45- ..she understood people, - she really did understand people.
0:17:45 > 0:17:48- There was something - that was very, very shy in her...
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- ..though she liked nothing more - than to have fun!
0:17:55 > 0:17:59- Someone looks at these images - from the '60s and they're iconic.
0:18:00 > 0:18:02- There's a new spirit here.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07- The '50s had been so austere - after the war, so it was great.
0:18:08 > 0:18:11- There were many young people about, - the baby boom...
0:18:11 > 0:18:14- ..they were now teenagers - - a new word from this era.
0:18:15 > 0:18:17- They were going out to have fun!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20- Sex became much more open too.
0:18:20 > 0:18:25- Yes, but that was partly because - in 1961, the pill was introduced.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28- To women that was key, and I think - it's still a turning point...
0:18:29 > 0:18:33- ..in women's history because now you - can control your sexuality yourself.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35- The mini skirt came in.
0:18:35 > 0:18:40- I remember when I started wearing a - mini skirt, I'd been in uni a year.
0:18:40 > 0:18:45- I felt a frump - coming from Aberystwyth to Bangor...
0:18:45 > 0:18:47- ..which was full of fashion!
0:18:48 > 0:18:52- I didn't care what people - thought of me and that's important.
0:18:52 > 0:18:56- This is my mother around - the same time, a few years earlier.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58- I love this picture.
0:18:59 > 0:19:04- I'm on her lap and the skirt is so - high up, I can nearly see her bum!
0:19:04 > 0:19:09- But it was obvious that she felt, - even being a young mother...
0:19:09 > 0:19:11- ..I'm only a few months old...
0:19:12 > 0:19:15- ..but she had plenty of confidence - to wear something so short.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- Women who haven't had children - are still a big taboo in society...
0:19:24 > 0:19:28- ..a society which places so much - pressure on women to be mothers.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30- As we reach a certain age...
0:19:30 > 0:19:34- ..it is expected that a mother - will have given birth...
0:19:35 > 0:19:40- ..and having to justify my childless - situation often makes me sad.
0:19:41 > 0:19:46- I think I had a very short period - in my early 40s...
0:19:47 > 0:19:52- ..that I felt the privilege - was being taken from me.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55- I hadn't thought - about having kids before then.
0:19:56 > 0:20:01- I didn't feel a huge urge - to have children...
0:20:01 > 0:20:04- ..but once that privilege - is taken from you...
0:20:04 > 0:20:10- ..the mind goes to panic because - you hear that old horrible phrase...
0:20:10 > 0:20:12- ..the clock is ticking.
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- I hate that sentence.
0:20:15 > 0:20:19- I went into a panic where - I looked at men and thought...
0:20:19 > 0:20:21- .."Are my ovaries - winking at that man?
0:20:21 > 0:20:23- "Could he be a father - to my children?
0:20:24 > 0:20:25- I didn't want to think like that.
0:20:26 > 0:20:29- I want to fall in love, - because I'm falling in love...
0:20:29 > 0:20:32- ..not because I feel - the necessity to do something...
0:20:32 > 0:20:34- ..society thinks I should be doing.
0:20:37 > 0:20:41- I suppose you and I have veered - from the conventional path.
0:20:41 > 0:20:44- Me, as a single, unmarried mother.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47- You, as someone - who hasn't had children.
0:20:48 > 0:20:51- I've never felt - there is a judgement...
0:20:51 > 0:20:57- ..but people do say things and - you think, "Why do you say that?"
0:20:57 > 0:21:03- People think that you're not happy - and I'm quite happy actually.
0:21:03 > 0:21:08- This wasn't the original plan, - but as it turned out, I'm OK.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12- I think it would be nice - to be in a situation...
0:21:12 > 0:21:16- ..where women could own - all kinds of situations in life.
0:21:16 > 0:21:24- We need to normalise not being - in a traditional nuclear family...
0:21:24 > 0:21:26- ..and that's actually OK.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32- What a conventional family...
0:21:33 > 0:21:36- ..what a conventional woman is, - has changed completely.
0:21:36 > 0:21:41- There are many options open to - single women keen to have children.
0:21:42 > 0:21:45- I think I always saw myself - having kids.
0:21:47 > 0:21:50- It was never a case - of do I want or not.
0:21:50 > 0:21:54- It was just naturally something - I thought would always happen to me.
0:21:55 > 0:22:02- I was just enjoying life, - travelling, sport, cycling, working.
0:22:02 > 0:22:06- And then, the man - never quite fitted into that.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- But I just thought it would.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15- One day, the man will come.
0:22:17 > 0:22:24- But when I reached 38 - and the man still hadn't come...
0:22:24 > 0:22:28- ..I thought, - "How would the child come?"
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- I decided to do something about it.
0:22:34 > 0:22:38- I decided on a sperm donor - from a sperm bank.
0:22:38 > 0:22:42- It's a little bit like - internet dating to be honest.
0:22:42 > 0:22:49- You go on the website where there's - a lot of information on each donor.
0:22:50 > 0:22:53- You can look at the characteristics.
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- Eye colour, hair colour, - height, family history.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00- The donor can't be anonymous.
0:23:01 > 0:23:09- Idris has a right to find his - biological father when he's 18.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13- He didn't look anything like me - at the start, at all.
0:23:15 > 0:23:20- Who knows how much of me and how - much of the donor, or the father...
0:23:21 > 0:23:22- ..will be in him.
0:23:29 > 0:23:34- I think we get conditioned too much - towards what society expects us...
0:23:35 > 0:23:37- ..to do as women.
0:23:38 > 0:23:41- Sometimes, it does feel - like society is making you think...
0:23:41 > 0:23:46- ..that you are a failure if - you haven't done the usual things.
0:23:48 > 0:23:50- Did you encounter any criticism?
0:23:51 > 0:23:54- Not to my face! - Maybe behind my back.
0:23:54 > 0:23:58- No-one said anything to me directly.
0:23:58 > 0:24:04- To be honest, I'm not one - who cares what others think.
0:24:04 > 0:24:10- I care very much - what the people I love think of me.
0:24:11 > 0:24:17- I've been one of those - who's let life guide me...
0:24:17 > 0:24:21- ..and, like you, I like - to enjoy life to the limit...
0:24:21 > 0:24:26- ..but that's where I've been lucky - these past two years.
0:24:26 > 0:24:31- I've realised the urge - was not strong enough...
0:24:31 > 0:24:37- ..or I would have taken - the initiative and taken that step.
0:24:38 > 0:24:44- You considered it, and that's what - I'd say to anyone thinking about it.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- There are options available.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51- No woman should - just take it for granted...
0:24:51 > 0:24:55- ..that they can't have kids - just because they're on their own.
0:25:03 > 0:25:06- My sister and I - are so close in terms of age...
0:25:07 > 0:25:10- ..and closeness in terms - of being two women...
0:25:10 > 0:25:12- ..but the divide between us is huge.
0:25:13 > 0:25:15- When we were children...
0:25:15 > 0:25:21- ..I was the one making scripts and - doing little dramas and performing.
0:25:21 > 0:25:23- What was Eleri doing?
0:25:24 > 0:25:27- She was going for a walk - around the street with the dollies!
0:25:27 > 0:25:31- She always said she wanted a row - of little shoes outside the house.
0:25:31 > 0:25:33- That was her dream.
0:25:33 > 0:25:39- She's had four boys - who are like monkeys.
0:25:39 > 0:25:45- Being in their company, I get - my fix of being with children.
0:25:46 > 0:25:52- But you know what, - I love turning that key and going...
0:25:52 > 0:25:55- .."Ta-ra, Ler, - it's over to you now!"
0:26:01 > 0:26:03- I have to accept who I am...
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- ..and I have to accept - the world around me...
0:26:07 > 0:26:11- ..and make the most of what's - in the world and appreciate it.
0:26:12 > 0:26:17- There we go. That's perhaps - a chapter that won't be.
0:26:23 > 0:26:23- .
0:26:26 > 0:26:26- Subtitles
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:26:29 > 0:26:31- A year and a half - after the big loss...
0:26:32 > 0:26:35- ..that big sentence came - that we had been worrying about.
0:26:35 > 0:26:37- Dad has a lover.
0:26:38 > 0:26:42- And we were thrown, my sister and I, - to an unknown territory...
0:26:42 > 0:26:45- ..without knowing where to turn - or how to feel.
0:26:45 > 0:26:48- There was nothing - that could have prepared us...
0:26:48 > 0:26:51- ..for the mess of emotions - that was about to grasp us.
0:26:52 > 0:26:55- Hiya, Lis.
0:26:57 > 0:26:58- OK?
0:26:58 > 0:27:02- I remember vividly - that I was scared to call the house.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07- Your father always rang me, - I didn't ring him.
0:27:07 > 0:27:12- I used to think, "Well, if I - call them, what am I going to say?"
0:27:12 > 0:27:14- "Who am I? What do I say?
0:27:15 > 0:27:17- "Who am I?"
0:27:17 > 0:27:23- Anyway, I didn't have to think - too much because the phone rang.
0:27:24 > 0:27:27- "It's Ffion here, - I'm Will's daughter."
0:27:27 > 0:27:29- "Oh, Ffion! How are you?"
0:27:30 > 0:27:32- And since then...
0:27:32 > 0:27:35- ..things have developed - over the years...
0:27:35 > 0:27:39- ..our relationship has developed - and here we are!
0:27:41 > 0:27:42- Little did we know...
0:27:43 > 0:27:47- ..that day when we met in a pub - on the outskirts of Cardiff...
0:27:47 > 0:27:50- ..that things would have - developed as they have.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53- I remember being so nervous.
0:27:53 > 0:27:59- It was so different for me - to think of Dad having a girlfriend.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02- Dad saying - that he had a girlfriend...
0:28:02 > 0:28:05- ..was something - I never thought I would say.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08- I remember saying to Will - from the off...
0:28:09 > 0:28:13- ..I'm not here - to take anyone's place.
0:28:13 > 0:28:17- And I did know, - we talked about your mother.
0:28:17 > 0:28:20- Marian was your father's first love.
0:28:21 > 0:28:27- So I wasn't coming to take anyone's - place and we discussed that a lot.
0:28:29 > 0:28:34- I think it took me quite a few years - to call you a stepmother.
0:28:34 > 0:28:38- I think maybe because - the word mother was in it.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43- I was scared of that. - Do you feel like a mother?
0:28:44 > 0:28:49- Well, I don't think I would - be able to love you any more...
0:28:49 > 0:28:52- ..even if I'd given birth to you.
0:28:54 > 0:29:00- That's the feeling I have, I'm very - very close to you both as girls.
0:29:01 > 0:29:06- I don't keep anything from you, - I tell you absolutely everything...
0:29:06 > 0:29:08- ..often too much, as you know!
0:29:09 > 0:29:13- But that's what's nice, - is that I feel I've got a friend.
0:29:13 > 0:29:18- That friend that I can turn to - when I have a problem or I'm scared.
0:29:21 > 0:29:24- I had been on my own - for many years...
0:29:25 > 0:29:29- ..the same as you, and we can - relate to each other's experiences.
0:29:32 > 0:29:39- I also feel when you're young - and you look forward to life...
0:29:39 > 0:29:45- ..marriage, children, - it didn't happen in my case.
0:29:45 > 0:29:50- But I have inherited the ones - I would have desired to have myself.
0:29:50 > 0:29:52- I have taken ownership of them.
0:29:54 > 0:29:58- I said I wasn't going to cry - but I've started already!
0:30:04 > 0:30:09- We are more free than ever before to - decide what path we want to follow.
0:30:12 > 0:30:14- As I approach - a new chapter in my life...
0:30:15 > 0:30:17- ..there are some things - I cannot control.
0:30:23 > 0:30:27- Aging, something that happens - to us all.
0:30:27 > 0:30:34- We see our bodies changing, - internally and externally.
0:30:34 > 0:30:37- It can be very scary.
0:30:38 > 0:30:43- I have to be honest, it depends - on my mood on any given day...
0:30:43 > 0:30:46- ..how exactly I feel about it.
0:30:46 > 0:30:51- Even though I believe - that every wrinkle is important...
0:30:51 > 0:30:58- ..and that every part of my body - has a story to tell...
0:30:59 > 0:31:02- ..those little fears can kick in.
0:31:05 > 0:31:10- I feel a lot happier being - in this industry the age I am now...
0:31:10 > 0:31:13- ..which I know - is a strange thing to say...
0:31:13 > 0:31:16- ..but in the acting world...
0:31:16 > 0:31:20- ..I do think there are many - interesting roles for women my age.
0:31:21 > 0:31:24- Getting to play - the First Minister of Wales...
0:31:24 > 0:31:27- ..you don't get - much more powerful than that.
0:31:29 > 0:31:31- Bloody hell.
0:31:32 > 0:31:35- Rhiannon Robert, a difficult day - for the First Minister.
0:31:35 > 0:31:39- That's just playing a role on TV.
0:31:39 > 0:31:44- Some prominent women on TV are still - criticised for the way they look...
0:31:45 > 0:31:47- ..and not for what they say.
0:31:49 > 0:31:51- Hello!
0:31:53 > 0:31:55- One woman said the other day...
0:31:55 > 0:32:00- .."It's really sad that one of the - main female broadcasters in rugby...
0:32:00 > 0:32:03- "..has fake eyelashes, - big hair and tight clothes."
0:32:04 > 0:32:05- It made me cross.
0:32:05 > 0:32:09- You should be celebrating the fact - that any woman can present sport.
0:32:10 > 0:32:12- We were talking here earlier.
0:32:12 > 0:32:16- The cameraman has given us - a lovely light in the kitchen.
0:32:17 > 0:32:18- Thank you very much.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22- Small things like that, - because we are on screen...
0:32:22 > 0:32:27- ..I pretend - that it doesn't affect me...
0:32:28 > 0:32:31- ..but it does, it really does.
0:32:31 > 0:32:36- When we do live games and we're not - in studio, we do links pitch-side.
0:32:37 > 0:32:41- Sometimes we are. At pitch-side, - it's raining, snowing, windy.
0:32:41 > 0:32:44- There is no chance - to make you look nice.
0:32:44 > 0:32:48- As I get older I ask, - "May I have another light, please?"
0:32:48 > 0:32:51- Young cameramen ask, - "Are you mental?"
0:32:51 > 0:32:54- I say, "When you get older - you'll need a light too!"
0:32:54 > 0:32:59- "Don't put the camera down there. - We really don't like that!"
0:33:00 > 0:33:02- It's horrendous.
0:33:03 > 0:33:05- It happens to us all, - all of us, women and men.
0:33:06 > 0:33:09- But when men get older, - they're distinguished.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11- When women get older... hmm!
0:33:11 > 0:33:14- We are meant to appreciate.
0:33:14 > 0:33:18- I try and make the most - of every wrinkle, every hair.
0:33:19 > 0:33:21- But it's hard, isn't it?
0:33:21 > 0:33:27- I remember years ago - when Botox became popular.
0:33:27 > 0:33:31- I said, "I am never having Botox! - Awful thing to do to your face!"
0:33:31 > 0:33:33- I was 25 and I didn't need it then!
0:33:34 > 0:33:39- I still haven't had it, but, - oh, my gosh, never say never now!
0:33:39 > 0:33:41- I'm trying to hang on in there.
0:33:43 > 0:33:46- But hang on in there - for who and what reason?
0:33:46 > 0:33:50- For me, to prove - that I don't need to conform...
0:33:50 > 0:33:52- ..to how I should be looking.
0:33:53 > 0:33:57- Are you a feminist - if you don't have Botox? No.
0:33:57 > 0:34:00- However you want to look at it.
0:34:00 > 0:34:05- I think, this world, there is - so much pressure on women today...
0:34:06 > 0:34:10- ..and we just have to be happy - with who we are, don't you think so?
0:34:10 > 0:34:14- It sounds really righteous, says - she with a full face of make-up!
0:34:18 > 0:34:22- I think, in terms of changing the - body, it's a totally personal thing.
0:34:22 > 0:34:24- It's completely up to that person.
0:34:24 > 0:34:27- Whatever makes you feel better - in this world...
0:34:27 > 0:34:31- ..whether it's making your breasts - larger or smaller...
0:34:31 > 0:34:36- ..changing what you think - will make you happy...
0:34:37 > 0:34:41- ..and I think if you have the choice - and it makes you feel better...
0:34:42 > 0:34:43- ..then why not?
0:34:48 > 0:34:51- But for one young mother, - Carrie Harper, there was no choice.
0:34:51 > 0:34:55- She went under the surgeon's knife, - not for cosmetic reasons...
0:34:55 > 0:34:58- ..but to have a double mastectomy - due to cancer.
0:34:58 > 0:35:02- It had a profound effect - not only on her confidence...
0:35:02 > 0:35:05- ..but it made her feel - incomplete as a woman.
0:35:05 > 0:35:08- I was devastated, - absolutely devastated.
0:35:09 > 0:35:13- I had quite big breasts - and to go from that to nothing.
0:35:14 > 0:35:18- Everything was all sunk in my chest. - I couldn't even wear a bra.
0:35:19 > 0:35:23- This is it. I'm going to look - like this forever. I hated myself.
0:35:23 > 0:35:27- Carrie's new breasts were created - out of skin from her stomach...
0:35:27 > 0:35:30- ..but the operation left her - with no nipples.
0:35:30 > 0:35:35- She turned to a tattooist - to put the icing on the cake.
0:35:35 > 0:35:38- People really lose - their confidence...
0:35:38 > 0:35:42- ..and a lot of people - I've noticed go quite introverted.
0:35:43 > 0:35:47- The way things are today with social - media, it's all about how you look.
0:35:47 > 0:35:49- People retract - and go into themselves.
0:35:51 > 0:35:53- I show nipple protrusion...
0:35:53 > 0:35:56- ..and that creates a 3D effect - like a natural breast.
0:35:57 > 0:35:59- You create the illusion - of a protrusion.
0:35:59 > 0:36:02- When it hits the light, - it looks like a natural breast.
0:36:02 > 0:36:06- You see a huge difference from - the person who laid on the bed...
0:36:07 > 0:36:08- ..to the person who sits up.
0:36:09 > 0:36:13- I was a double-D before I had - the mastectomy and I am an E now.
0:36:13 > 0:36:14- Bigger.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17- My husband's chuffed!
0:36:20 > 0:36:23- That is amazing, I'm gobsmacked!
0:36:24 > 0:36:28- I felt like a woman. - I thought I can do what I want now.
0:36:28 > 0:36:33- I look like spaghetti junction with - scars but you can see passed that.
0:36:33 > 0:36:34- I felt like a woman again.
0:36:35 > 0:36:38- You can't explain that feeling, - it's amazing.
0:36:38 > 0:36:42- It's really humbling. It makes you - put things into perspective.
0:36:42 > 0:36:46- The time I get with this person to - have a small part of their life...
0:36:47 > 0:36:49- ..it's just the best, it's lovely.
0:36:49 > 0:36:51- How much do they pay for this?
0:36:51 > 0:36:53- How much do they pay for this?- - Nothing, I do it for free.
0:36:54 > 0:36:59- Every woman's here because they've - gone through some life experience.
0:36:59 > 0:37:01- You don't pick cancer, - cancer picks you.
0:37:02 > 0:37:06- Being able to do something like - that, you're giving them closure.
0:37:06 > 0:37:10- As you walk away, it's really - empowering and its lovely.
0:37:10 > 0:37:14- That's amazing. - You'd never tell. Honestly.
0:37:15 > 0:37:16- It's mad.
0:37:17 > 0:37:18- Rachel, high five.
0:37:21 > 0:37:26- Seeing that today and realising - how much women support each other...
0:37:26 > 0:37:29- ..is something that shakes you.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33- Also, Mam died 20 years ago - to breast cancer...
0:37:34 > 0:37:37- ..and I think so much - has changed in 20 years.
0:37:37 > 0:37:41- We are so open these days, so much - more open than we have ever been.
0:37:42 > 0:37:45- And that also makes me - feel good and warm inside.
0:37:46 > 0:37:47- You must be an amazing drawer?
0:37:48 > 0:37:50- No! Give me a pen and paper - and I'm atrocious.
0:37:51 > 0:37:54- My children, when we play games - at home, they say, "That's so bad!"
0:37:55 > 0:37:58- The minute I have a pigment pen - in my hand, it all flows.
0:37:58 > 0:37:59- I can't draw for toffee!
0:38:00 > 0:38:04- To us, it might have looked like - one small thing, having a nipple...
0:38:04 > 0:38:07- ..but to Carrie, - it means everything.
0:38:07 > 0:38:10- It was interesting what her - and Rachel were both saying.
0:38:11 > 0:38:17- This is the last stamp almost - to feel like a complete woman.
0:38:20 > 0:38:22- Going home tonight...
0:38:22 > 0:38:27- ..knowing that she felt - like that one small extra thing...
0:38:27 > 0:38:29- ..has given her - the icing on the cake...
0:38:30 > 0:38:33- ..or the crown in its place, - it's priceless, isn't it?
0:38:36 > 0:38:37- .
0:38:40 > 0:38:40- Subtitles
0:38:40 > 0:38:42- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:38:45 > 0:38:47- There's something - in the air this year.
0:38:47 > 0:38:51- Yes, it's the centenary. - There is a thirst for history.
0:38:51 > 0:38:54- But there is also a thirst - for protest too.
0:38:54 > 0:38:58- We are raising our voices - on all kinds of different causes.
0:38:58 > 0:39:00- There are new ways of being heard.
0:39:01 > 0:39:07- So many things have changed - as a result of online protest.
0:39:07 > 0:39:13- It can influence protests and it - also enables us to grow communities.
0:39:13 > 0:39:15- There are so many opportunities now.
0:39:18 > 0:39:22- There are negative elements - to working online as a feminist...
0:39:23 > 0:39:25- ..and writing about women's history.
0:39:26 > 0:39:30- If someone wants to be abusive - online, well, it's the internet.
0:39:30 > 0:39:33- They are going to do that!
0:39:33 > 0:39:39- But we are tied to something - that is a positive reaction.
0:39:39 > 0:39:41- It keeps us going.
0:39:41 > 0:39:46- It is a protest and that passion - helps us keep the focus.
0:39:50 > 0:39:54- Social media allows us - to show our colours instantly.
0:39:55 > 0:39:59- We can inspire millions of people - to march worldwide...
0:39:59 > 0:40:01- ..by a click of the finger.
0:40:03 > 0:40:07- In 1908, the first big rally to call - for the vote was held in Hyde Park.
0:40:07 > 0:40:12- A group of activists travelled - from Cardiff to join in the protest.
0:40:12 > 0:40:15- This is the banner - they took with them.
0:40:17 > 0:40:19- I feel quite emotional.
0:40:22 > 0:40:25- Someone really made this, - it's a labour of love.
0:40:26 > 0:40:29- There's a community behind this.
0:40:29 > 0:40:33- It brings it back to groups of women - campaigning in their communities.
0:40:34 > 0:40:39- When they took it to London, the - crowds said, "The devil has come.
0:40:39 > 0:40:45- "The Welsh suffragists - have the devil among them!"
0:40:45 > 0:40:48- They had dared to put the dragon - on their banner.
0:40:48 > 0:40:50- What better symbol than a dragon!
0:40:51 > 0:40:55- There's a dragon in every - Welsh woman. That's a good thing.
0:40:55 > 0:40:57- And fire in our bellies!
0:41:02 > 0:41:06- Every stitch in this banner - represents a woman in history...
0:41:07 > 0:41:11- ..who battled to realise a dream - - a dream of being equal.
0:41:12 > 0:41:16- A century on, - this dream still drives us.
0:41:18 > 0:41:20- Maybe we do dream enough...
0:41:20 > 0:41:25- ..but there's something on the last - hurdle that says, "I can't do that."
0:41:25 > 0:41:30- Maybe it's a job for a man, - maybe it's a race for men...
0:41:30 > 0:41:34- ..maybe I'll get swallowed up - in this masculine world.
0:41:35 > 0:41:38- But no, I think not only - do we need to dream...
0:41:39 > 0:41:45- ..but we need to follow our dreams - to take our step to the path...
0:41:45 > 0:41:49- ..which will take us towards - the top of our journey.
0:41:49 > 0:41:54- You've focused - a lot on ultra races...
0:41:55 > 0:42:00- ..which can be - a masculine, testosterone world.
0:42:00 > 0:42:04- Again, you don't see yourself - as a woman competing in these.
0:42:04 > 0:42:10- You see yourself as a single - competitor not defined by gender.
0:42:11 > 0:42:14- Yes, it's interesting - because when people ask me...
0:42:14 > 0:42:18- .."Do you describe yourself as - a female runner? No, I'm a runner."
0:42:19 > 0:42:22- At the end of the day - I've competed against the men.
0:42:23 > 0:42:27- I'm glad I'm on the starting line, - side-by-side with men.
0:42:29 > 0:42:34- I remember one story, I told someone - I'd come fourth in one of the races.
0:42:35 > 0:42:37- And they said, "Oh, what happened?
0:42:38 > 0:42:43- "When I saw you race you were first, - you were winning the women's race."
0:42:43 > 0:42:47- "No, I won the women's race. - I came fourth overall."
0:42:48 > 0:42:50- To me, - that was the most important one.
0:42:50 > 0:42:52- Whoever was in front of me.
0:42:52 > 0:42:56- Doesn't matter their age, - their sex, their religion.
0:42:56 > 0:42:58- In my world, that's not important.
0:42:59 > 0:43:01- You're competing against yourself...
0:43:01 > 0:43:04- ..and maybe the person - that's in front of you.
0:43:07 > 0:43:12- By now, I don't see myself - working in a man's world.
0:43:13 > 0:43:18- I obviously do, but the rugby world - is a lovely world to work in.
0:43:19 > 0:43:21- I'm not just saying that.
0:43:21 > 0:43:26- We've come on in leaps and bounds - in the last ten years.
0:43:28 > 0:43:31- I have to work hard, - not because I'm a woman...
0:43:31 > 0:43:37- ..but because I work with men - who played the game professionally.
0:43:37 > 0:43:42- To be as good as them, - and give them my judgement...
0:43:42 > 0:43:44- ..that's why I work hard.
0:43:45 > 0:43:48- Not because I have to - because I am a woman.
0:43:52 > 0:43:55- It takes years - to define ourselves...
0:43:55 > 0:43:58- ..as women - who are happy in our own skins.
0:43:59 > 0:44:01- My close relationship - with women of all ages...
0:44:02 > 0:44:05- ..is one of those things - I treasure most about life.
0:44:06 > 0:44:11- The happiest times have been defined - by the women around me.
0:44:11 > 0:44:14- My trust and appreciation - of other women...
0:44:14 > 0:44:17- ..is paramount to my existence - as I get older.
0:44:23 > 0:44:25- Over the last year - I've opened my heart...
0:44:25 > 0:44:28- ..and spilled - some of my greatest fears...
0:44:29 > 0:44:31- ..about being a woman today - on paper.
0:44:32 > 0:44:35- It was a bittersweet experience.
0:44:36 > 0:44:40- I think I wouldn't do any favours - to myself or anyone else...
0:44:41 > 0:44:43- ..if I said, - "No, I'm fine, life is great."
0:44:44 > 0:44:47- I don't have any problems - with anything.
0:44:47 > 0:44:51- That isn't what life is, - life is full of challenges...
0:44:51 > 0:44:53- ..that we have to overcome.
0:44:55 > 0:44:58- I've been floored - by the response to the book.
0:44:59 > 0:45:03- It felt as if I was baring my soul, - I had been so honest.
0:45:03 > 0:45:08- It got republished - even before the third launch.
0:45:09 > 0:45:13- Within a fortnight, - it had been republished.
0:45:15 > 0:45:19- I couldn't believe it - because I got so scared...
0:45:19 > 0:45:23- ..thinking what people's - reaction might be.
0:45:26 > 0:45:31- I can say honestly that it's where - I have had the biggest reaction...
0:45:31 > 0:45:33- ..that I have ever had in my life.
0:45:35 > 0:45:38- We only have one life - and we have to live it...
0:45:39 > 0:45:42- ..with optimism, with dreams...
0:45:43 > 0:45:46- ..and just thinking - about what we can do.
0:45:47 > 0:45:51- Sometimes taking that step - out of our comfort zone.
0:45:55 > 0:45:59- One group of women are doing - just that and coming together...
0:45:59 > 0:46:03- ..not to protest but to have fun - - a leather sisterhood.
0:46:05 > 0:46:08- I haven't been on a motorbike - for a few years...
0:46:08 > 0:46:12- ..and I've realised it's where - I'm at my happiest, I think.
0:46:12 > 0:46:17- Being on the back of a motorbike - offers an incredible freedom.
0:46:17 > 0:46:20- Yes, I love being - on the back of a motorbike.
0:46:21 > 0:46:26- The thrill of the hair and wind, - and everything going through you.
0:46:26 > 0:46:29- Why aren't there more girls - on motorbikes?
0:46:29 > 0:46:32- I don't have a clue, - I don't understand.
0:46:32 > 0:46:34- Why don't girls?
0:46:34 > 0:46:38- I'm not confident, - I'm not someone who's a biker...
0:46:38 > 0:46:40- ..but I just love riding a bike.
0:46:41 > 0:46:44- I don't have a biker image.
0:46:44 > 0:46:50- Excuse me, if anyone - looks like a biker, Ruth, it's you.
0:46:50 > 0:46:53- You look fantastic!
0:46:56 > 0:47:01- Until when do you see yourself - on a motorbike?
0:47:02 > 0:47:04- Well, until I can't get my leg over!
0:47:05 > 0:47:07- I can't get on it!
0:47:08 > 0:47:09- I'll drink to that!
0:47:15 > 0:47:18- I think every woman is a feminist.
0:47:18 > 0:47:22- To me, that goes with the territory.
0:47:22 > 0:47:24- By now, because of the choice...
0:47:25 > 0:47:30- ..and because of what women have - been through and fought for...
0:47:30 > 0:47:32- ..the world is so open to women.
0:47:32 > 0:47:36- I am in a very happy relationship - with a fantastic man...
0:47:36 > 0:47:40- ..and I am happy - with who I am as a woman.
0:47:41 > 0:47:43- I'm ready for the next chapter.
0:47:43 > 0:47:45- Away we go!
0:48:10 > 0:48:12- S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.
0:48:12 > 0:48:13- .