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0:00:31 > 0:00:37After winning the Literary Medal in the Swansea National Eisteddfod...
0:00:37 > 0:00:41..it was a great experience for me to return to Penrhiwllan...
0:00:41 > 0:00:43..to celebrate the success.
0:00:45 > 0:00:48It meant so much to me that people from the village...
0:00:49 > 0:00:52..felt that I belonged to this area.
0:00:52 > 0:00:56They wanted to host an event in my honour.
0:00:56 > 0:00:59My roots are here. I belong here.
0:00:59 > 0:01:05Any success that came from my work would have to be celebrated here.
0:01:30 > 0:01:35We're in the vestry of Gwernllwyn Chapel, Penrhiwllan, near Llandysul.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38I have so many memories of this place.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43Penrhiwllan, during the 1980s...
0:01:43 > 0:01:45..was a very close-knit community.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49There was a lot of cultural activity...
0:01:49 > 0:01:51..with the chapel and so on.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54A carnival was held every year.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57It was a wonderful place to be raised.
0:02:04 > 0:02:09During this time, people used to leave their doors unlocked.
0:02:09 > 0:02:13I could walk into the house next door and play.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15I knew everyone in the village.
0:02:16 > 0:02:21That experience isn't part of my life nowadays as I live in a town.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24It's something I miss when looking back.
0:02:24 > 0:02:28We were all so close and ready to help one another.
0:02:43 > 0:02:48I had my first experience of performing and being creative...
0:02:49 > 0:02:51..here, in Sunday school.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54The Sunday school had many members.
0:02:54 > 0:02:58We were encouraged to stage a Christmas show...
0:02:58 > 0:03:03..and work together to write scripts and songs.
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I was a little too creative at times.
0:03:07 > 0:03:11I remember one of the Christmas concerts.
0:03:11 > 0:03:13I performed an item on the piano.
0:03:13 > 0:03:15Rather than playing one piece...
0:03:16 > 0:03:19..I played whatever was floating around in my head at the time.
0:03:19 > 0:03:24I played on for 15 minutes. Mam had to come over and stop me in the end.
0:03:35 > 0:03:38- I would say that Fflur - was different from most children.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41- I don't know - what made her different.
0:03:41 > 0:03:44- She was sweet, gentle - and very quiet little girl...
0:03:44 > 0:03:50- ..but she was a perfectionist - in everything she did.
0:03:50 > 0:03:54- When she sang, in duets, - and sometimes solo...
0:03:54 > 0:03:57- ..at the Coedybryn Eisteddfod...
0:03:57 > 0:03:59- ..everything had to be just so.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Two important figures from my childhood...
0:04:16 > 0:04:17..were Dewi and Tann.
0:04:17 > 0:04:22Hetty Ann was her real name but I called her Tann.
0:04:22 > 0:04:26They acted as an additional pair of grandparents.
0:04:26 > 0:04:30They lived in the village, in a house called Llwynhelyg.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34Mam would leave me with them when she worked in Lampeter University.
0:04:35 > 0:04:40Llwynhelyg was the focal point of the village. Everyone visited.
0:04:40 > 0:04:43People would call in for a cuppa and a chat.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46I just remember being a child...
0:04:46 > 0:04:49..sitting at the table, eating lobscouse...
0:04:49 > 0:04:52..and talking to all these different people.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54I never wanted to leave.
0:04:54 > 0:04:58Mam always said I looked sad when it was time to leave.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01I used to have so much fun with them.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05I have some fond memories of them and the welcome they would give me.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07# This is the place where I heard
0:05:08 > 0:05:10# Gentle voices in a strong breeze
0:05:10 > 0:05:13# Tann and Dewi calling from the house
0:05:14 > 0:05:21# I still ask if they can hear me
0:05:23 > 0:05:27# Can they still hear me? #
0:05:30 > 0:05:34- Fflur was different - from the other children.
0:05:34 > 0:05:38- Most houses these days - are packed with toys...
0:05:38 > 0:05:41- ..and the same was true - when she was a child.
0:05:41 > 0:05:46- But when you visited Cartrefle, - you didn't see many toys.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49- You'd find Fflur in her cave.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- Behind the sofa...
0:05:52 > 0:05:56- ..you'd find a pile of blankets - and cushions.
0:05:56 > 0:05:58- That's where Fflur played.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- I don't know what she was doing.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05- Meditating, or an early attempt - at writing poetry.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Dad was a prominent figure with the Welsh Language Society in the 1970s.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25In 1979, he spent six months in prison...
0:06:25 > 0:06:29..for his role in the Blaenplwyf incident.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31I was only a baby at the time...
0:06:31 > 0:06:35..a baby in plaster since I was born with a dislocated hip.
0:06:36 > 0:06:38It was a difficult time for my parents.
0:06:39 > 0:06:43I admire them for being able to raise me properly during this time.
0:06:43 > 0:06:48I particularly admire my father for the stand he made at the time.
0:06:48 > 0:06:52He's a strong and influential figure in my life.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Mam was busy writing during my childhood.
0:07:03 > 0:07:05That was a great influence on my life.
0:07:06 > 0:07:11I regarded writing as something that people did naturally.
0:07:11 > 0:07:14She was also a language activist.
0:07:14 > 0:07:17I was in my teens when Mam was arrested.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22I remember looking out through the bathroom window...
0:07:22 > 0:07:25..and seeing a police car outside.
0:07:25 > 0:07:30You always worry when you see a police car outside your house.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34I remember sighing and thinking, "Mam's been arrested again!"
0:07:34 > 0:07:39I know this sounds selfish but I had a school concert that night.
0:07:39 > 0:07:43I was meant to be singing a solo part with the choir.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46I was angry because Mam couldn't be there that night.
0:07:47 > 0:07:49I've forgiven here now.
0:07:49 > 0:07:53As an adult, I realize that her actions...
0:07:53 > 0:07:56..were far more important than my singing.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59# Even thought I was weak
0:07:59 > 0:08:02# Penrhiwllan remains strong
0:08:02 > 0:08:05# That is where I will go
0:08:05 > 0:08:09# Still asking... #
0:08:10 > 0:08:13As a family, we moved from Penrhiwllan when I was 16...
0:08:13 > 0:08:15..and settled in Llandysul.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18The Teifi Valley is quite small...
0:08:18 > 0:08:22..so Llandysul felt like a metropolis at the time.
0:08:22 > 0:08:26I was living in a town with a secondary school and shops.
0:08:26 > 0:08:28It was an exciting experience.
0:08:28 > 0:08:33I started going out at night and meeting different friends.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35I had many adventures.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Since I lived in Penrhiwllan for the early years of my life...
0:08:40 > 0:08:43..I feel as if my childhood experiences...
0:08:43 > 0:08:45..are all frozen in that one place.
0:08:45 > 0:08:50When I return to Penrhiwllan, it evokes special memories for me.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54I feel a link with a younger version of myself.
0:08:59 > 0:09:02# Am I the same one?
0:09:05 > 0:09:10# Am I still the same one? #
0:09:14 > 0:09:15- .
0:09:22 > 0:09:22- 888
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- 888- - 888
0:09:53 > 0:09:56Aberaeron is a town that's close to my heart.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59I started coming here after passing my driving test.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03I worked here during school holidays.
0:10:03 > 0:10:08It was nice being able to come here and discover a new identity.
0:10:08 > 0:10:13It was a life that wasn't based on my upbringing.
0:10:13 > 0:10:16It was a life I was creating for myself.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23I started visiting Aberaeron at the age of 14 years.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27I used to busk in the craft centre.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31Tourists from around the world would visit Aberaeron.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Americans were very generous.
0:10:34 > 0:10:37As soon as they saw the harp, they gave me money.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39It was a great experience.
0:10:39 > 0:10:43There were artists of all kinds working at the centre.
0:10:43 > 0:10:47Some worked with textiles, others with wood or glass.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50They were a huge inspiration at the time.
0:10:50 > 0:10:53It was great being part of that community.
0:11:01 > 0:11:03After a period playing the harp...
0:11:03 > 0:11:06..I moved on to the perfect job for me...
0:11:06 > 0:11:12..selling cheese in the local food shop at the craft centre.
0:11:13 > 0:11:16That was a great job for someone...
0:11:17 > 0:11:19..who, like me, loves cheese.
0:11:19 > 0:11:25I was taught how to taste cheese and how to advise customers.
0:11:25 > 0:11:29My friends worked in supermarkets and cafes.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33On the weekends, they'd tell me about the people they'd met.
0:11:33 > 0:11:37I used to talk about the latest Welsh produce I'd tasted.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40I must have sounded really boring!
0:11:41 > 0:11:44# Aber, Aber, Aberaeron
0:11:44 > 0:11:48# Always, always there in the shadows
0:11:48 > 0:11:52# Take me back, take me right down to the depths
0:11:52 > 0:11:55# Drown me, wash me clean #
0:11:55 > 0:12:00It's a town that's been close to my heart on many different levels.
0:12:00 > 0:12:03I remember stopping in Aberaeron...
0:12:03 > 0:12:06..on the way to university for the first time.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10I ate honey ice cream with my parents on the quayside.
0:12:10 > 0:12:14It suddenly dawned on me that I was leaving home.
0:12:14 > 0:12:17Though pleased to see me going...
0:12:17 > 0:12:19..my parents seemed to want to stay close to me.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21I looked across the quay...
0:12:21 > 0:12:24..and saw another family doing exactly the same.
0:12:24 > 0:12:26That image has stayed with me.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41Every Christmas, during the early 1990s...
0:12:41 > 0:12:44..Cymdeithas yr Iaith organized a concert...
0:12:45 > 0:12:46..at the Feathers Hotel.
0:12:46 > 0:12:52# I said everything I had to say
0:12:53 > 0:12:57# Once is enough to say it #
0:12:58 > 0:13:02It was a great opportunity for everyone to meet up.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Buses would come from Aberystwyth, Carmarthen and Llandysul.
0:13:07 > 0:13:10You could socialize with friends from school...
0:13:10 > 0:13:15..children from other schools from different backgrounds and ages.
0:13:15 > 0:13:21It was a great experience to be here and watch bands I admired.
0:13:21 > 0:13:24I remember Catatonia playing here.
0:13:24 > 0:13:27Dom played every year, Gorky's played here.
0:13:27 > 0:13:32My friends and I would dance wildly near the stage.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36I can remember feeling such an adrenalin surge.
0:13:36 > 0:13:41Since then, I've associated Aberaeron with that experience.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44I'll always remember that exuberance of youth...
0:13:45 > 0:13:48..and the feeling that anything was possible.
0:13:48 > 0:13:51Life was so interesting and exciting.
0:14:00 > 0:14:03As an author, I enjoy being left alone at times.
0:14:04 > 0:14:09Someone who wants to write a novel needs to shut themselves away.
0:14:09 > 0:14:14Music is the exact opposite - it forces me out to socialize.
0:14:14 > 0:14:18I need contact with people, I need to work with the band.
0:14:18 > 0:14:22That duality is an important part of my life.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28I need the experience of being close to my audience.
0:14:28 > 0:14:30In a gig, you see people's response.
0:14:31 > 0:14:35It's great seeing people dancing and singing your lyrics.
0:14:36 > 0:14:42When you publish a novel, you wait a long time for any kind of response.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45It's an individual experience for the readers.
0:14:45 > 0:14:49Music brings the masses together. That's so important.
0:14:50 > 0:14:52# Let it all out #
0:14:58 > 0:15:02For my latest CD - Byd Bach, the theme is locations.
0:15:02 > 0:15:06I'm looking at the way locations have influenced my life...
0:15:06 > 0:15:08..as a performer and a person.
0:15:08 > 0:15:12I've done that now because I've reached a point in my life...
0:15:12 > 0:15:15..where I've settled in one place.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19I'm happy in Carmarthen and I'm looking back...
0:15:19 > 0:15:22..at the places where I've lived and visited.
0:15:22 > 0:15:26I'm looking at the way those places have led me to where I am now.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29I think places, without a doubt...
0:15:29 > 0:15:33..create different elements of someone's personality.
0:15:33 > 0:15:37They make us respond in a specific way to specific circumstances.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40It's an emotional map to read.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48Usually, on my journey from north Wales...
0:15:48 > 0:15:52..when I reach Aberaeron, I know that I'm almost home.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56It's a nice feeling to be back in Ceredigion...
0:15:56 > 0:16:00..and having the opportunity to see the sea and take a break...
0:16:01 > 0:16:03..before I continue my journey home.
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Porthgain is a remarkable place.
0:16:50 > 0:16:55You'll find two things here - beer and culture.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58There are two galleries in the village.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01There's also the Sloop Inn.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05People go there to drink and eat.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08It's a warm, homely place.
0:17:08 > 0:17:11# Without fail, in Porthgain, the sun shines
0:17:12 > 0:17:15# Nothing can outshine me when I'm there #
0:17:16 > 0:17:19I first visited Porthgain on a winter's night.
0:17:20 > 0:17:22It was such a quiet place.
0:17:23 > 0:17:24I remember driving down...
0:17:24 > 0:17:29..and seeing this lovely Christmas tree in the centre of the village.
0:17:29 > 0:17:31The village was so calm.
0:17:37 > 0:17:41I was invited here by a friend, Lowri Hughes.
0:17:41 > 0:17:44We've been friends since our college days.
0:17:44 > 0:17:49- I spent three weeks in Pembrokeshire - during the summer three years ago.
0:17:49 > 0:17:55- I returned to Porthgain for a week - just before Christmas.
0:17:55 > 0:17:57- Fflur stayed with me - for two nights...
0:17:58 > 0:18:02- ..and that's when Fflur - fell in love with Porthgain.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06I came down here so she did very little work while I was here.
0:18:06 > 0:18:09We usually have a good time when we meet up.
0:18:09 > 0:18:13It was a great opportunity to walk along the coastal paths.
0:18:14 > 0:18:18Porthgain is so different during the winter.
0:18:18 > 0:18:21The air is clear and cold.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25It gives you a different mind-set and outlook.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30It was a great time to be here as friends.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34We listened to Christmas carols and drank sherry!
0:18:35 > 0:18:38We felt an affinity to the village for a time...
0:18:38 > 0:18:42..and felt that our friendship had became closer.
0:18:45 > 0:18:47It is a remarkable place.
0:18:47 > 0:18:50It's not like other seaside towns.
0:18:50 > 0:18:55There's so much history behind the brickworks...
0:18:56 > 0:19:00..and the fact that they used to export so much from Porthgain.
0:19:00 > 0:19:03It's an important industrial location.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08Standing on the harbour and seeing the little boats on the sea...
0:19:09 > 0:19:15..it was a view that inspired a song I wrote which is called Porthgain.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18I write about the little boat of my heart...
0:19:18 > 0:19:23..and the fact that I descend from the main road into the village.
0:19:23 > 0:19:27When I'm on that journey, there's an emotional change within me.
0:19:28 > 0:19:30# Porthgain is the harbour of my mind
0:19:31 > 0:19:34# Every vein is a coastal path
0:19:35 > 0:19:38# My heart's little boat comes and goes
0:19:38 > 0:19:41# To the place where there are no doubts #
0:19:42 > 0:19:44I visit Porthgain about three times a year...
0:19:45 > 0:19:47..if I can.
0:19:47 > 0:19:49What I like about the place...
0:19:49 > 0:19:53..is being able to distance myself from the real world.
0:19:54 > 0:19:58There's no mobile phone signal and I don't surf the Internet here.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00I don't think about work at all.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05That in itself is a worthwhile experience.
0:20:05 > 0:20:08I can forget about any worries I might have...
0:20:09 > 0:20:10..any pressures of work.
0:20:11 > 0:20:13I can just be creative.
0:20:13 > 0:20:18There's nothing here apart from the waves, the birds and the locals.
0:20:18 > 0:20:20It's nice being on alone.
0:20:21 > 0:20:26I started writing Y Llyfrgell in this house, at the kitchen table.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30I like writing about different locations.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34I've written about Bardsey Island and the National Library.
0:20:34 > 0:20:39I prefer not to be in any specific location when writing about it.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Being in Porthgain...
0:20:42 > 0:20:45..while writing about the National Library...
0:20:45 > 0:20:48..was a pleasant experience.
0:20:48 > 0:20:53I could be objective and it gave my creative mind...
0:20:53 > 0:20:57..more freedom to create and develop new ideas.
0:20:58 > 0:21:00When I wrote Y Llyfrgell...
0:21:00 > 0:21:06..I locked myself away for days or weeks on end.
0:21:06 > 0:21:07I was almost in a trance.
0:21:08 > 0:21:12I was so immersed in my work, the real world didn't exist.
0:21:12 > 0:21:15That's a great experience for any author.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20You're in a state of believing entirely in the story.
0:21:23 > 0:21:27It's so nice to see the book when it's been published.
0:21:27 > 0:21:32That's when you know you can't alter the content any more.
0:21:32 > 0:21:34It's the finished product.
0:21:34 > 0:21:36Dorothy Parker once said...
0:21:36 > 0:21:39.."I don't like writing, I like having written."
0:21:40 > 0:21:43You get the pleasure when releasing the novel into the world.
0:21:43 > 0:21:45The process of writing is hard work.
0:21:46 > 0:21:48- I've always admired Fflur...
0:21:48 > 0:21:52- ..for the way she disciplines - herself when she writes.
0:21:52 > 0:21:57- She can turn her hand to so many - different aspects of writing.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00- She can write poetry, - prose and music.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04- Even after a particularly busy day - at work...
0:22:04 > 0:22:12- ..Fflur can discipline herself - to sit down and continue writing.
0:22:14 > 0:22:16When I started publishing my work...
0:22:17 > 0:22:20..I was writing for myself and I enjoyed writing.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23I didn't think too much about an audience.
0:22:23 > 0:22:29Now, I feel that I want to make a contribution with any novel I write.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35I want to try through my work to bring about change for the better.
0:22:36 > 0:22:41That's certainly a driving factor when I'm thinking about ideas.
0:22:41 > 0:22:46I want subject matter that deals with real-life issues.
0:22:46 > 0:22:50I want to make an impression and change the way people think.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02When I leave Porthgain...
0:23:02 > 0:23:04..I always feel sad.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06I lose that magical feeling.
0:23:06 > 0:23:11As I drive up the road, out of the village...
0:23:11 > 0:23:14..I feel as if I'm re-entering real life.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17I never want to return to real life.
0:23:17 > 0:23:20It's never a pleasant experience.
0:23:20 > 0:23:25It's never nice closing the door and stepping back to the real world.
0:23:26 > 0:23:29For me, it's the reason that makes it a special place...
0:23:29 > 0:23:31..I am only here for a while.
0:23:31 > 0:23:35If I lived here all year round, maybe I wouldn't feel the same.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20S4C Subtitles by Simian 04 Cyf.
0:24:21 > 0:24:22- .