0:00:07 > 0:00:14This programme contains some strong language
0:00:22 > 0:00:23Hiya, my name's Cream.
0:00:23 > 0:00:26Means Cash Rules Everything Around Me.
0:00:26 > 0:00:27Don't forget that.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30MUSIC: "Fix Up Look Sharp" by Dizzee Rascal
0:00:31 > 0:00:34'I love this place, I come here all the time.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37This is where the best ingredients are. It's the shit.'
0:00:37 > 0:00:40I'm big into cooking, I'm a good cook.
0:00:40 > 0:00:42My signature dish is Devonshire beef,
0:00:42 > 0:00:46truffled mash sprinkled with Madeira sauce.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47Now, that's the shit.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Yeah, that smells good.
0:00:50 > 0:00:52'Being a rapper's all about'
0:00:52 > 0:00:54bitches, money and fame, in that order.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56What can I say? I love pussy.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58Ooh, cat food.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01'I got two cats, er, who I love - Money and Fame.'
0:01:02 > 0:01:07I'm a rapper. Stands for Rude Ass Pussy Playin' Energy Roller.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Don't fuck with that.
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Hello, Joel the train spotter here.
0:01:12 > 0:01:15I'm here at my usual spot, train spotting. Please enjoy.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18MUSIC: "Nightrain" by Guns N' Roses
0:01:20 > 0:01:24Next train which I'm expecting should be a class...
0:01:25 > 0:01:27..4-5-0 or triple four,
0:01:27 > 0:01:31which will be expected to arrive in a couple of minutes,
0:01:31 > 0:01:33and I sense it coming about now.
0:01:36 > 0:01:37Just give it a minute.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44OK... Ah, that's not the train.
0:01:45 > 0:01:47Is this the 158?
0:01:48 > 0:01:50No.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54That's not the one.
0:01:56 > 0:01:57That's not the one.
0:02:01 > 0:02:03May my spellum bidding be done.
0:02:03 > 0:02:05May my spellum bidding be done.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07So may it be done!
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Ah, come in.
0:02:15 > 0:02:17Thank you.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20- I'm Kev.- OK.- Just want you to give me a valuation of my property here.
0:02:20 > 0:02:22Fantastic. That's what I'm here for.
0:02:22 > 0:02:24May I introduce my wife, Sandy?
0:02:24 > 0:02:27She takes different guises during the day, she's a cat at the moment.
0:02:27 > 0:02:30- OK.- She'll become something else later, but just ignore her.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32All right. OK.
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Um, just let me check something.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40MAGICAL WHOOSHING
0:02:40 > 0:02:43No, you're fine. Just checking you're the right estate agent.
0:02:43 > 0:02:45- OK, yeah.- We've been diddled a bit in the past, so...
0:02:45 > 0:02:47- Um, OK, well, this is the living room.- Yeah.
0:02:47 > 0:02:49- Lovely high ceilings here.- Yeah.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52Um, I use that when me broomstick goes up.
0:02:52 > 0:02:55Um, we do have a protective force field
0:02:55 > 0:02:59that's in place around the flat, and that will be staying in place.
0:02:59 > 0:03:00OK.
0:03:00 > 0:03:02Do you think that would help at all, with the price?
0:03:02 > 0:03:05Er, I-I doubt it would add any value, but I also doubt it would,
0:03:05 > 0:03:07er, devalue the property in any way, either.
0:03:07 > 0:03:09- OK. OK.- OK.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Hi, I'm Jonny Nash - ladies' man.
0:03:14 > 0:03:16MUSIC: "Sexy And I Know It" by LMFAO
0:03:23 > 0:03:25- So, what do you do? - Er, I'm a writer.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27- I'm a writer, as well. - You are? What do you write?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- Yeah. Dirty poetry. - Dirty poetry?
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- Yeah! I've got a good one here, actually.- Have you?- Yeah.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36Just kind of like - "You look so innocent, you look so sweet,
0:03:36 > 0:03:38"as long as I have a face you'll always have a seat."
0:03:40 > 0:03:41LAUGHTER
0:03:41 > 0:03:45So, I'll grab your number now and then, I tell you what,
0:03:45 > 0:03:47we'll go out tomorrow night,
0:03:47 > 0:03:49we can play, we can play carpenter tomorrow night.
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- We can play what? - Carpenter.
0:03:51 > 0:03:54We'll go out, get hammered and then I'll nail you.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56- SHE LAUGHS - Oh, my God.
0:03:56 > 0:03:57- BELL RINGS - Sorry, I have to go.
0:03:57 > 0:04:00- You have to go.- Yeah. - But before you go...- Yeah?
0:04:00 > 0:04:01How about your number?
0:04:01 > 0:04:03My number's six. Give that a call.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06# He's here, he's queer
0:04:06 > 0:04:08# He takes it up the rear
0:04:08 > 0:04:09# It's got to be Ally! #
0:04:09 > 0:04:12MUSIC: "Die Young" by Keha
0:04:12 > 0:04:13# Let's make the most of the night
0:04:13 > 0:04:15# Like we're gonna die young. #
0:04:15 > 0:04:20OK, guys, I'm going to read you a nice love story today for a nice change.
0:04:20 > 0:04:21It's a bit of romance,
0:04:21 > 0:04:24cos we all need a bit of romance in our lives, don't we, guys?
0:04:24 > 0:04:25QUIET SNORING
0:04:25 > 0:04:28I thought it would make a change from all the horror stories
0:04:28 > 0:04:30I keep reading you about pet cemeteries,
0:04:30 > 0:04:33and yous don't want to be hearing about cemeteries, do you, really?
0:04:33 > 0:04:36Not at your stage of life. OK, so let's begin.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41"Alan had not noticed the new lifeguard on the beach before.
0:04:41 > 0:04:43"As he put down his towel in his usual spot,
0:04:43 > 0:04:46"which always got the best of the day's sun, he couldn't help
0:04:46 > 0:04:50"glancing towards the white wooden steps the lifeguards always sat on.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52"The lifeguards on this beach were always good looking,
0:04:52 > 0:04:54"but there was something else about this one,
0:04:54 > 0:04:57"something which meant Alan couldn't take his eyes off him.
0:04:57 > 0:05:01"He had a muscular build, rippling biceps and skin the colour of caramel,
0:05:01 > 0:05:04"which glistened and sparkled with sand,
0:05:04 > 0:05:07"and the fiercest blue eyes Alan had ever seen
0:05:07 > 0:05:09"under a mop of soft blonde hair.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12"But from where Alan was now lying there was something else, too,
0:05:12 > 0:05:16"as the lifeguard casually shifted his legs wide apart,
0:05:16 > 0:05:18"giving Alan the full frontal view of his..."
0:05:18 > 0:05:21THUNDER RUMBLES
0:05:21 > 0:05:23DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:05:31 > 0:05:33How long does it take for a bus?
0:05:33 > 0:05:36Hell, I don't know, do I? Probably about an hour.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39An hour? That's a bit too far.
0:05:39 > 0:05:42We've been waiting here, how long now? Ten, 15 minutes?
0:05:42 > 0:05:46That's not really that long - long is like two hours.
0:05:46 > 0:05:48I'm not going to wait two hours for a bus.
0:05:48 > 0:05:50I know, well we haven't waited for that long, have we?
0:05:50 > 0:05:54But you can't say waiting for ten, 15 minutes is a long time.
0:05:54 > 0:05:55It is for a bus.
0:05:59 > 0:06:04Rise, price of flat, higher and higher, rise!
0:06:04 > 0:06:06Mighty power, higher and higher.
0:06:06 > 0:06:08- Hiya.- Welcome back. You've had a good look round?
0:06:08 > 0:06:10I've had a very good look round.
0:06:10 > 0:06:14A couple of bits here and there I would say need decoration before the re-let of the property.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18But, I believe, with everything put in place, we could reach a figure around 575.
0:06:18 > 0:06:20OK. I'd like to offer you a drink.
0:06:20 > 0:06:22MYSTICAL MUSIC
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Quite a nice taste, isn't it?
0:06:31 > 0:06:32It's not bad, actually, not bad at all.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- Mm, that's a magical potion that I made up earlier.- OK.
0:06:35 > 0:06:40To try and put your mind into a mode that will kind of up the price.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- OK.- To push it all the way to the roof, if you can.
0:06:43 > 0:06:45At the moment I'm going to stick with the, er...
0:06:45 > 0:06:47price I said of 575.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49- See what happens when the telepathy kicks in.- OK.
0:06:49 > 0:06:53And I think, in the meantime, my wife down there is also thinking thoughts at you.
0:06:53 > 0:06:54Yeah.
0:06:54 > 0:06:56What it might do, um, might be useful,
0:06:56 > 0:06:58is if I do a quick evaluation ceremony.
0:06:58 > 0:07:00Yeah.
0:07:00 > 0:07:01OK. Yeah, that's fine.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05ELEMENTS OF EARTH AND AIR, FIRE AND WATER,
0:07:05 > 0:07:08DRAWN TOGETHER FROM EVERY QUARTER, SO MAY IT BE DONE!
0:07:11 > 0:07:12OK.
0:07:12 > 0:07:14Any difference in the price, do you think?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Again, not at the moment. I'll still keep it at the 575 figure.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20- OK, well, thank you for coming round. - That's no problem whatsoever.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24- And, er, you've got my phone number. - Yeah.- For WHEN I change your mind.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26I doubt I will change my mind, to be honest.
0:07:26 > 0:07:28I'm sure you're going to change your mind.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30- OK. I can't see it changing. - I really am sure.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32- OK. - Anyway, let me see you out.
0:07:32 > 0:07:33OK, thank you very much.
0:07:42 > 0:07:44So may it be done!
0:07:44 > 0:07:48Time for the finger of awesomeness and the thumb of power.
0:07:48 > 0:07:50MUSIC: "Sweat" by Snoop Dogg
0:07:50 > 0:07:52# I just wanna make you sweat. #
0:07:52 > 0:07:54Hi, guys. Just like in real life,
0:07:54 > 0:07:57you might find yourself just about to step in a pile of shit.
0:07:57 > 0:07:59Doesn't mean you have to.
0:07:59 > 0:08:00You can always step over it.
0:08:00 > 0:08:02Job done.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Use trees and all living things to harness the power of energy.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Ha! Feeling energised and awesome!
0:08:08 > 0:08:10Make good use of the dog,
0:08:10 > 0:08:12and play with the children.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15My name's Dorota. I am an actress.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18I'm exclusive lady and I love film. Thank you.
0:08:19 > 0:08:21Hello. My name is Atonu.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24I am the husband and manager of this talented actress.
0:08:30 > 0:08:36MUSIC PLAYED THROUGH PHONE: "Pretty Woman" by Roy Orbison
0:08:39 > 0:08:41MUSIC STOPS
0:08:42 > 0:08:44Hi, do you remember me?
0:08:44 > 0:08:45No. Er, yes.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49You didn't se...sell me test yesterday.
0:08:49 > 0:08:52- Do you working on commission?- Yes.
0:08:52 > 0:08:54This is big, big mistake. Huge one!
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Now I going for the shopping.
0:08:58 > 0:09:00MUSIC STARTS
0:09:02 > 0:09:04HE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:09:04 > 0:09:05Oh, yes.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08HE SPEAKS IN OWN LANGUAGE
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Sorry.
0:09:11 > 0:09:16Still waiting for the class treble four to come through.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17That's not it.
0:09:19 > 0:09:20No.
0:09:20 > 0:09:224-5-0, that's not it.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26HE EXHALES
0:09:28 > 0:09:29Oh, is that the train?
0:09:31 > 0:09:33No.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37MUSIC: "Candy" by Robbie Williams
0:09:49 > 0:09:51- Ola.- Hello.- How are you?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54- Very good to meet you. Jack. - Ah, my name is Talina.
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- Great to meet you. - Nice to meet you.
0:09:56 > 0:09:58You too. Please take a seat.
0:09:58 > 0:09:59Er, Jack...
0:10:00 > 0:10:05I'm a simple girl. I'm looking for exotic luxury adventure.
0:10:05 > 0:10:07Er, how many persons would be travelling?
0:10:07 > 0:10:08Two.
0:10:08 > 0:10:09- Two. - HE LAUGHS
0:10:09 > 0:10:12Actually, you know,
0:10:12 > 0:10:16do you think we can look around in the hot steamy jungle?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18Yes, um, well, that's...
0:10:18 > 0:10:19So, what can you offer?
0:10:20 > 0:10:23We could have a look at properties in the Caribbean for you,
0:10:23 > 0:10:25and then you said going to the jungle, as well.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27What we can do at Abercrombie & Kent is that, certainly for...
0:10:27 > 0:10:30I think your eyes, it's really very blue, like sea.
0:10:30 > 0:10:32Thank you, that's very kind of you to say. Thank you.
0:10:32 > 0:10:34I really would like to travel.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36I would like to wide my horizon...
0:10:36 > 0:10:38OK.
0:10:38 > 0:10:41Would you like to widen my horizon?
0:10:42 > 0:10:46When I look into your eyes I really feel myself so happy.
0:10:46 > 0:10:47LAUGHTER
0:10:47 > 0:10:49- That's awfully kind of you to say. - Yeah.
0:10:51 > 0:10:55I'm a super lover undercover, there can never be no other.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57Not many people know this about me,
0:10:57 > 0:11:00but I'm world class at Sudoku and crosswords.
0:11:00 > 0:11:02Nobody can beat me at a crossword,
0:11:02 > 0:11:04and if they try I have to take 'em out.
0:11:05 > 0:11:07DANCE MUSIC
0:11:14 > 0:11:16What a lovely morning!
0:11:18 > 0:11:20The tea is ready already.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22How warm! How cosy!
0:11:29 > 0:11:34How beautiful would it be to share it with a loving wife and children?
0:11:34 > 0:11:36SONG: "Tea for Two" by Pablo Bubar
0:11:36 > 0:11:39# Picture you upon my knee
0:11:39 > 0:11:43# Just tea for two and two for tea
0:11:43 > 0:11:50# Just me for you and you for me, alone
0:11:51 > 0:11:55# Nobody near us, to see us or hear us
0:11:55 > 0:11:58# No friends or relations on weekend vacations
0:11:58 > 0:12:01# We won't have it known, dear
0:12:01 > 0:12:06# That we own a telephone, dear
0:12:06 > 0:12:10# Day will break and you'll awake
0:12:10 > 0:12:14# And start to bake a sugar cake
0:12:14 > 0:12:21# For me to take for all the boys to see
0:12:21 > 0:12:25# We will raise a family
0:12:25 > 0:12:30# A boy for you, a girl for me
0:12:30 > 0:12:32# Oh, can't you see
0:12:32 > 0:12:39# How happy we would be? #
0:12:44 > 0:12:46- Hello.- Hello!
0:12:46 > 0:12:47How are you?
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Better now that you're here.
0:12:48 > 0:12:50LAUGHTER
0:12:50 > 0:12:52- I'm Angel. - They call me Coffee.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55- Coffee?- Yeah.- Coffee. - Cos I grind so fine.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57LAUGHTER
0:12:57 > 0:12:59Very good. What do you do?
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- I'm an astronaut. - Astronaut, yeah?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- Yeah.- And my next mission... - Are you?
0:13:03 > 0:13:05..is to explore Uranus.
0:13:05 > 0:13:06Yeah?!
0:13:06 > 0:13:08LAUGHTER
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I like it, carry on.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12You like a bit of that, eh?
0:13:12 > 0:13:14I've gone all quiet now!
0:13:14 > 0:13:16You are bad boy!
0:13:16 > 0:13:17Yes, I am, baby!
0:13:17 > 0:13:19Yeah, why don't we get out of here? We can do a 68.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20- A 68, yeah?- Mm.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22- Not a 69?- Do you know what it is? - No.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25It's where you go down on me and I'll owe you one.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27LAUGHTER
0:13:27 > 0:13:28Oh, my gosh!
0:13:28 > 0:13:30Let me show you some of the finer oral actions.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32Yeah?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35- Oh, my God! - HE FLAPS HIS TONGUE
0:13:35 > 0:13:38Oh, my gosh! It looks like a false tongue.
0:13:38 > 0:13:39LAUGHTER
0:13:39 > 0:13:42That's a trick one, isn't it? Oh, my gosh.
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Trust you to get a naughty thing in...
0:13:46 > 0:13:48- Oh, my God!- Woo!
0:13:48 > 0:13:51- Yeah, I've got a little tattoo. - So, the little one is where?
0:13:51 > 0:13:53- It's a ten-inch ruler. - Oh, it's a ten inch ruler!
0:13:56 > 0:13:58You know where it's tattooed!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01- That's good. I thought you couldn't get out of that one.- Yeah.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06MUSIC: "Bom Bom" by Sam and the Womps
0:14:15 > 0:14:18HORN BLARES AND BIKE CRASHES
0:14:40 > 0:14:42- Excuse me.- Yes?
0:14:42 > 0:14:44Do you have any outfits
0:14:44 > 0:14:46made up of sanitary pads?
0:14:46 > 0:14:47Sanitary... Sanitary pads?
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Yes.
0:14:48 > 0:14:51- Um, no. - How about something like this?
0:14:51 > 0:14:53Um...
0:14:53 > 0:14:56I'm the one which actually made it and I designed it.
0:14:56 > 0:15:00In your shop I can see that you don't have something
0:15:00 > 0:15:03- as unique as this maxi dress. - No, we don't.
0:15:03 > 0:15:05- Do you like it? - Er...
0:15:05 > 0:15:07Not personally.
0:15:07 > 0:15:11- I actually think that it suits you. - Suits me?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Yes, I think so. And it's actually unique.
0:15:14 > 0:15:19Nobody has actually worn something like this, um, outfit.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23It's a maxi dress. What it simply does, it's, er...
0:15:23 > 0:15:27I think it's quite unattractive, cos you're wearing sanitary towels.
0:15:27 > 0:15:30Right. The idea is uniqueness.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35Nobody's actually done, er, any, er, any outfit with sanitary towels.
0:15:35 > 0:15:36Mmm.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38Why, why did you want to design something like this?
0:15:38 > 0:15:40- If you, if you're on the beach... - Yeah.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43..having your bikini, just put this one on top and it's fine.
0:15:43 > 0:15:45It's not a very good material, though, for the beach,
0:15:45 > 0:15:47cos this would, like, absorb the water and...
0:15:47 > 0:15:50If you wear this dress, you go outside,
0:15:50 > 0:15:52within hours you'll be in the newspaper.
0:15:52 > 0:15:54Yeah, probably thinking you're crazy.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55They'll be following you.
0:15:55 > 0:15:57If you can actually buy this design,
0:15:57 > 0:16:01you might actually make very good customers which are celebrities.
0:16:01 > 0:16:02Yeah.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04MUSIC: "Gold Dust" by DJ Fresh
0:16:14 > 0:16:16Hello.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18Hi, Louis, how'd you do? I'm Chris.
0:16:18 > 0:16:20- I'm Louis.- Yeah. Have a seat, mate. - Thank you.
0:16:21 > 0:16:23Right then.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25Now, let's start.
0:16:25 > 0:16:26Tell me all about yourself.
0:16:26 > 0:16:29I'm working in a butcher's, I just feel like
0:16:29 > 0:16:32I want to do something else and I really ain't sure what I want to do.
0:16:32 > 0:16:34- What type of something else would that be?- Not too sure.
0:16:34 > 0:16:36When I was at school they sent me on courses,
0:16:36 > 0:16:38I did bricklaying, a little bit of plumbing.
0:16:38 > 0:16:41When you're doing something that you really enjoy doing,
0:16:41 > 0:16:42what-what is that?
0:16:42 > 0:16:45And maybe, cos what we could then do is turn that interest
0:16:45 > 0:16:49or passion that you've got into, er, a job.
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Well, this is a skill I have.
0:16:53 > 0:16:55MUSIC: "Scream and Shout" by Will.I.Am
0:17:13 > 0:17:15- MUSIC STOPS - Yeah, I think that's cool Louis.
0:17:15 > 0:17:18- I don't think that we need to demonstrate it. No.- No?- No.
0:17:18 > 0:17:19Don't you like it?
0:17:19 > 0:17:22Well, I don't know, man. I mean, it's really not for me, is it?
0:17:22 > 0:17:25- Why is it not for you? - Mm?
0:17:25 > 0:17:27Everyone likes different things, don't they?
0:17:27 > 0:17:28Yeah, but...
0:17:28 > 0:17:31MUSIC STARTS
0:17:42 > 0:17:43MUSIC STOPS
0:17:43 > 0:17:44You looked shocked.
0:17:44 > 0:17:46No, bemused, man.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47- Bemused?- Yes.
0:17:50 > 0:17:52MUSIC STARTS AGAIN
0:17:57 > 0:17:58MUSIC STOPS
0:17:58 > 0:18:01Tell you what Louis, why don't you put your clothes back on, mate?
0:18:01 > 0:18:05I think we've seen enough. Let me give you some notes.
0:18:05 > 0:18:08- Come on, pull your chair right in. - LOUIS LAUGHS
0:18:08 > 0:18:10Right, take a pen.
0:18:10 > 0:18:13OK, what makes you think you can be a male stripper?
0:18:13 > 0:18:15Well, I enjoy having a good time with the ladies,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17and I've got a nice-sized piece.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Right, OK. Right.
0:18:26 > 0:18:27PHONE RINGS
0:18:33 > 0:18:37'You know who I am! I am coming...!'
0:18:37 > 0:18:39My God! Oh, my God!
0:18:39 > 0:18:41Oh, my...
0:18:41 > 0:18:45'You don't know anything about me, but I know everything about you.
0:18:46 > 0:18:48'I am coming...'
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Oh, my God, he is coming! Oh, my God, he is coming!
0:18:51 > 0:18:55Oh, my God, he is coming! Oh, my God, he is coming!
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Oh, my god, he is coming! Argh!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00'Coming, coming, coming...'
0:19:00 > 0:19:03FOOTSTEPS APPROACH
0:19:04 > 0:19:05- Finished, yeah?- Mm.
0:19:05 > 0:19:07Still waiting.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Not yet.
0:19:16 > 0:19:20Um, what kind of accommodation do you think we should have?
0:19:20 > 0:19:23Maybe a honeymoon suite?
0:19:23 > 0:19:25I do have a, a girlfriend Vicky,
0:19:25 > 0:19:27who's the absolute love of my life, so, you know...
0:19:27 > 0:19:30It's so, so sweet. Do you have very nice friend?
0:19:30 > 0:19:32Er, yes, I've lots of very good friends, yeah.
0:19:32 > 0:19:35- OK, fine, he can take me. - LAUGHTER
0:19:35 > 0:19:38Yeah, so, actually I have idea...
0:19:38 > 0:19:41Do you think me and your friend, do you think we can join you
0:19:41 > 0:19:44- and your girlfriend when you're going for holidays? - LAUGHTER
0:19:44 > 0:19:47The holidays I have with my girlfriend, they're very special,
0:19:47 > 0:19:49they're very intimate, so I want to make sure...
0:19:49 > 0:19:51It's all right, you will have more fun with me and your friend.
0:19:51 > 0:19:53HE LAUGHS
0:19:53 > 0:19:56Well, I guess in one sense I would need to know your preferred price range?
0:19:56 > 0:19:58- Uh?- Your preferred price range.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01Why do you need to think about the price?
0:20:01 > 0:20:04Oh, just so I get a gauge, I want to make sure I'm meeting all of your expectations.
0:20:04 > 0:20:06I don't really think I need to know the price.
0:20:06 > 0:20:11I mean, it doesn't really matter, but you can give the price
0:20:11 > 0:20:14to your friend and I think he will be happy to pay.
0:20:14 > 0:20:15Well, um, what...
0:20:15 > 0:20:19Once he meet me, do you know, to be honest, I'm a happiness.
0:20:19 > 0:20:21I bring happiness.
0:20:22 > 0:20:23- Mm-hmm.- But I think it's not a lot.
0:20:23 > 0:20:26I think your friend will be fine to pay.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- LAUGHTER - I mean, certainly with...
0:20:28 > 0:20:31Because how I told you, I'm a normal girl, I'm a simple one,
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- but I have very high standard. - Mm-hmm.
0:20:33 > 0:20:37If you do have any questions I'm only one phone call or e-mail away. I'm here to help.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39Sure. I will call you tonight.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41Thank you, that's very kind,
0:20:41 > 0:20:45but, um, my office hours at the moment are ten till six o'clock.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49THUNDER RUMBLES
0:20:49 > 0:20:50DRAMATIC MUSIC
0:20:59 > 0:21:02What I have been told is that you're not supposed to...
0:21:02 > 0:21:04When it's raining or really pouring down,
0:21:04 > 0:21:08- you're supposed to walk home in the rain, not run.- Really?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10Because you get, you get less wet,
0:21:10 > 0:21:13- Cos when you run you're running into the rain more.- Mm.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16- So that's what gets you more wet. - Well, I never knew that at all.
0:21:16 > 0:21:19- Yeah. So that's a handy tip for when you're in the rain...- Yeah?
0:21:19 > 0:21:22..and it's pouring down, you just walk home, don't run.
0:21:24 > 0:21:28"Alan had never made a movie like this before.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31"The whole film set was around a pool in the hills above Los Angeles,
0:21:31 > 0:21:34"and even before he had arrived, half the cast seemed to have
0:21:34 > 0:21:37"all their clothes off, and they were frolicking in the hot tub.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39"Amongst them, someone Alan recognised -
0:21:39 > 0:21:43"well-built with caramel coloured skin and a mop of blonde hair."
0:21:43 > 0:21:44QUIET SNORING
0:21:44 > 0:21:47"He was clearly going to be the biggest star of this film
0:21:47 > 0:21:49"and Alan could see why."
0:21:58 > 0:22:00Could be a long day, Ronnie.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03MUSIC: "Get Hyper" by Droideka
0:22:05 > 0:22:09Front elevation, side elevation, plan.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14Originally this one were about nothing -
0:22:14 > 0:22:18three people staring into the abyss.
0:22:18 > 0:22:25Then I thought about Moses, then I decided on the French Revolution
0:22:25 > 0:22:29because I thought this one would bring the crowds in.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36The French Revolution -
0:22:36 > 0:22:42the story, their heads come off and they fall into the basket.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46That's pretty good, that,
0:22:46 > 0:22:48and it fetched the crowds in,
0:22:48 > 0:22:51similar to what I'm trying to do.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56This one should get 'em thinking quite deep.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Yeah.
0:23:01 > 0:23:02I like it.
0:23:04 > 0:23:05Ugh!
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Ugh! Argh!
0:23:08 > 0:23:11Hang on a minute, guys, I'll be with you in a second,
0:23:11 > 0:23:13I'm just trying to push this wall over.
0:23:13 > 0:23:16Of course, I'm not really trying to push the wall over, am I?
0:23:16 > 0:23:19But how many times do you come up against an obstacle in your life
0:23:19 > 0:23:20and you try and barge your way through it?
0:23:20 > 0:23:24Wouldn't it just be simpler to step away and find a way round it?
0:23:27 > 0:23:28- What's this now? - That's my ex.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Ah, see now...
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Oh, she's... That's Charlotte Church, isn't it?
0:23:32 > 0:23:34- Mm.- She's your ex?- Yeah.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37- That's in my restaurant. - So, she came to your restaurant,
0:23:37 > 0:23:39and then you said she was your girlfriend!
0:23:39 > 0:23:41But why would she come to my restaurant?
0:23:41 > 0:23:43Maybe she likes the food.
0:23:43 > 0:23:44- Did you meet her...- Huh?
0:23:44 > 0:23:47- ..and then take this photo and say she's your girlfriend?- No.
0:23:47 > 0:23:48Um... Well, good on you,
0:23:48 > 0:23:51Charlotte Church is a gorgeous girl, so...
0:23:51 > 0:23:52Mm, I'm hot.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55- I'm burning up right here! - I know the feeling.
0:23:57 > 0:23:58Hotness!
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Oh, wow, that's pretty cool. SHE LAUGHS
0:24:00 > 0:24:03If I do that will it burn me? It smells a bit!
0:24:03 > 0:24:04- That's just my skin. - That's just you!
0:24:04 > 0:24:07- "Just my skin burning, it's fine." - Yeah, just my hand frying up.
0:24:07 > 0:24:09- I'm well into male grooming myself. - Are you?
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Yeah, had a little male grooming accident.
0:24:12 > 0:24:13What happened?
0:24:13 > 0:24:16- I thought I'd go laser my chest. - Laser your chest?
0:24:16 > 0:24:19Yeah, I did a couple of treatments, but I couldn't hack it.
0:24:19 > 0:24:20You didn't man up?
0:24:20 > 0:24:23So, what, you're half and half, or...? Oh, are we going to see?
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Oh, I'm very excited about this.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28Oh, what are we going to see? How far down did they go?!
0:24:28 > 0:24:30I did say I was a dancer.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Oh, it kind of looks like a little top.
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Stands for V.
0:24:35 > 0:24:37- V?- Yeah.- Why?
0:24:37 > 0:24:38V-I-P.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48Why is this telephone not ringing? You have su...you...
0:24:48 > 0:24:51RING TONE
0:24:51 > 0:24:53HE GROANS
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Hello.
0:25:02 > 0:25:04Hello, is Transylvania there?
0:25:04 > 0:25:06Yes.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09Can I talk with Count Dracula, please?
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Er, speaking.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14Do you remember me? It's me, Claudia.
0:25:14 > 0:25:16It is you?
0:25:16 > 0:25:19You want me? You want me?
0:25:19 > 0:25:20You want me?
0:25:20 > 0:25:22Yes, yes, yes, I want you.
0:25:23 > 0:25:26No problem. Where are you?
0:25:26 > 0:25:27In London.
0:25:27 > 0:25:29No problem.
0:25:29 > 0:25:32I will see you tomorrow at midnight
0:25:32 > 0:25:35at Muswell Hill, in London.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39But be careful - if you want not to be bitten by me
0:25:39 > 0:25:41then you must bring garlic with you,
0:25:41 > 0:25:44because the temptation is too strong for me,
0:25:44 > 0:25:49and if I bite you then you remain for me for ever.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51Therefore, the choice is up to you.
0:25:51 > 0:25:55In anyway, I will see you tomorrow at midnight.
0:25:55 > 0:26:00I cannot wait. My heart is once again jump for you.
0:26:00 > 0:26:01See you on Wuswiff Hill.
0:26:03 > 0:26:07Flirt stands for Fuck Love, I'd Rather Tease.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Roses are red, the grass is green,
0:26:10 > 0:26:13give me that body and I'll cover it with cream.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17Always being knocked over by vans and bicycles?
0:26:17 > 0:26:20Try walking on the pavement, it's a lot safer.
0:26:20 > 0:26:21Power up!
0:26:21 > 0:26:24Got a problem you can't find a solution to?
0:26:24 > 0:26:25Need a second opinion?
0:26:25 > 0:26:27Well, what better person than yourself?
0:26:27 > 0:26:29But don't internalise it -
0:26:29 > 0:26:32have a conversation with yourself, move to a second chair.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36"Hello, Garth, what problem are you having?"
0:26:36 > 0:26:39"Well, it's quite simple, I can't find a solution to what I'm doing."
0:26:39 > 0:26:41"Oh, really? Well, maybe I can help."
0:26:41 > 0:26:42It's easy, isn't it?
0:26:42 > 0:26:45And if that doesn't help, bring a third person in.
0:26:45 > 0:26:46"Hello, how are you?"
0:26:46 > 0:26:48"So what's your opinion in all this, then?"
0:26:48 > 0:26:51"Well, actually, I think that maybe if you did this and you did that,
0:26:51 > 0:26:53"we'd find a solution."
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Simple.
0:26:55 > 0:26:58MUSIC: "Approaching Twilight" by Tim Garland
0:27:08 > 0:27:13Oh, nice to see you after so many years. You looking great.
0:27:14 > 0:27:15Argh!
0:27:15 > 0:27:18SHE LAUGHS
0:27:18 > 0:27:21What you say...have done? Now I stay with you for ever.
0:27:29 > 0:27:30I'm still waiting for it.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Oop, here it comes, the class 155 locomotive,
0:27:36 > 0:27:39please enjoy as it goes through.
0:27:39 > 0:27:41And this is definitely the train.
0:27:48 > 0:27:50HE CHUCKLES
0:27:51 > 0:27:54# It's the B to the O to the O-M town,
0:27:54 > 0:27:57# Crazy-ass people all around
0:27:57 > 0:27:59# Jump around to the funky sound
0:27:59 > 0:28:02# Girls looking fine so get down
0:28:02 > 0:28:04# Now, welcome, everybody, to my city
0:28:04 > 0:28:07# Now let's get downhill to the nitty-gritty
0:28:07 > 0:28:10# It's the B to the O to the O-M town
0:28:10 > 0:28:13# Crazy-ass people all around
0:28:13 > 0:28:15# Jump around to the funky sound... #
0:28:15 > 0:28:18Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd