0:00:00 > 0:00:00- Subtitles
0:00:00 > 0:00:02- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:00:09 > 0:00:13- "Language of Heaven"
0:00:18 > 0:00:20- Oh, hello!
0:00:20 > 0:00:22- Wow!
0:00:22 > 0:00:24- Cardiff.
0:00:24 > 0:00:26- The capital city.
0:00:27 > 0:00:29- The Glee Club in Cardiff.
0:00:29 > 0:00:34- Lovely. It's nice to be here. - I'm trying to see who I know.
0:00:34 > 0:00:37- It's lovely being in the capital.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41- I'm here to do comedy. - Observational comedy they call it.
0:00:42 > 0:00:46- Mind you, when I'm on Anglesey, - there's not much to observe!
0:00:46 > 0:00:51- I'll say something like, "You know - when you go to Nando's?"...
0:00:51 > 0:00:54- ..and they say, "No."
0:00:55 > 0:00:58- "What, just chicken?"
0:01:02 > 0:01:07- Then I say, - "OK, OK, how about a joke?"
0:01:08 > 0:01:10- "Something funny - happened to me today."
0:01:10 > 0:01:15- "You didn't mention it - when I saw you in the shop earlier."
0:01:17 > 0:01:18- OK, then.
0:01:19 > 0:01:22- "I was on the bus..." - "No, you weren't, I was on it."
0:01:24 > 0:01:28- "OK, do you know - what jellyfish is in Welsh then?"
0:01:28 > 0:01:30- "No!"
0:01:32 > 0:01:34- It's lovely to be here.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37- The start of a gig - is always difficult.
0:01:37 > 0:01:40- I've never been able - to get it right.
0:01:40 > 0:01:44- Someone gave me - a piece of advice many years ago.
0:01:45 > 0:01:50- He said, "To start a gig well, - you have to say something...
0:01:50 > 0:01:53- "..that will grab - the audience's attention.
0:01:54 > 0:01:57- "You have to say something - that'll surprise them...
0:01:57 > 0:02:00- "..and something they'll agree with.
0:02:00 > 0:02:05- "You want this response - - 'Oh, yes, I agree with that.'"
0:02:06 > 0:02:10- I had a real cracker years ago - when I started doing stand-up.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13- Pretend I've just started the show.
0:02:13 > 0:02:16- Tudur Owen. Yeah-hey!
0:02:16 > 0:02:18- Hiya. Hiya.
0:02:21 > 0:02:23- Adolf Hitler - what a twat!
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- It works every time. - Every single time.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31- It works in two ways - because it surprises people.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35- You don't usually hear Hitler - being described as a twat...
0:02:36 > 0:02:39- ..and then it's, - "Oh, yes, he is a twat, isn't he?"
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- It works every time, - unless I was doing a BNP gig.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- I'd adapt it a little then, - if you know what I mean.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50- "Adolf Hitler - - he wasn't all that bad."
0:02:50 > 0:02:55- I'd do the Hitler salute later on - - the little one, not the full one.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58- That'd be offensive. - I'd do the other.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01- He had a little salute.
0:03:01 > 0:03:05- In footage of the Nuremberg rallies, - he had an odd salute.
0:03:05 > 0:03:10- It struck me as strange since there - were thousands at these rallies...
0:03:10 > 0:03:14- ..shouting, - "Hitler, you're brilliant!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17- "We love you!" - but in German, of course.
0:03:22 > 0:03:24- They were shouting, "Yay!"
0:03:24 > 0:03:29- You'd think that this man, who - wanted to take over the world...
0:03:29 > 0:03:33- ..would've thought of a better - response than the one he had.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36- More like Robbie Williams.
0:03:36 > 0:03:39- "Yes, I am brilliant, aren't I?"
0:03:39 > 0:03:42- But what he had - was his own little salute.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44- He was like, "Oh, behave!"
0:03:44 > 0:03:46- "Behave!"
0:03:47 > 0:03:48- It's true, isn't it?
0:03:49 > 0:03:51- "Heil Hitler!" "Oh, behave now!"
0:03:53 > 0:03:56- "What are we - going to do with Poland?"
0:04:02 > 0:04:07- I've lost my breath. - I'm too old for this lark. I'm 46.
0:04:07 > 0:04:11- Odd things happen - when you reach your forties.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14- I found my first - grey pubic hair recently.
0:04:15 > 0:04:16- On a slice of bara brith.
0:04:20 > 0:04:25- There's a cafe in Caernarfon - that you really shouldn't go to!
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- I was there recently - having a cuppa and a cake...
0:04:29 > 0:04:32- ..and I noticed - a white curl in the bara brith.
0:04:32 > 0:04:36- I didn't want to make a fuss. - Is anyone in from Caernarfon?
0:04:44 > 0:04:46- I didn't want to make a fuss...
0:04:46 > 0:04:50- ..but I went up to the girl - behind the counter and said...
0:04:51 > 0:04:53- .."I don't want to make a fuss...
0:04:53 > 0:04:58- "..but I know the person who - bakes the cakes is a little older.
0:04:58 > 0:05:01- "I found a little curl..."
0:05:01 > 0:05:03- So she started making excuses.
0:05:03 > 0:05:07- "My father makes the cakes - and when it gets really busy...
0:05:08 > 0:05:12- "..he doesn't have - enough spare hands...
0:05:12 > 0:05:16- "..so he sometimes - puts the cakes under his armpits."
0:05:16 > 0:05:20- I said, "Stop talking nonsense. - Besides, that's disgusting."
0:05:21 > 0:05:24- "You should see - what he does with a doughnut."
0:05:26 > 0:05:30- It's nice being here. I don't - get to come to Cardiff that often.
0:05:31 > 0:05:34- I used to come more often - and bring the children with me.
0:05:35 > 0:05:39- It's nice because more and more - people speak Welsh here now.
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- It's nice standing - in front of a large audience...
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- ..of Welsh speakers.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51- Welsh is the language of heaven, - so they say...
0:05:51 > 0:05:54- ..not that I'll ever find out.
0:05:54 > 0:05:58- If Welsh - is really the language of heaven...
0:05:58 > 0:06:03- ..lots of English people are going - to be pissed off, aren't they?
0:06:03 > 0:06:07- I can imagine St Peter - sitting at heaven's gates...
0:06:08 > 0:06:12- ..waiting for people to arrive, - reading Golwg at the same time...
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- ..and a man - approaching with a suitcase.
0:06:21 > 0:06:25- St Peter says in Welsh, - "Welcome. Welcome to heaven!"
0:06:25 > 0:06:31- That's how he speaks. - "Well done for reaching here."
0:06:32 > 0:06:35- "Can you say - all that again in English, please?"
0:06:35 > 0:06:37- "Oh, no." "Why not?"
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- "No speak English in heaven."
0:06:39 > 0:06:43- "What do you mean? - You don't speak English in heaven?"
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- "No." "Why not?"
0:06:45 > 0:06:47- "There's not much call for it."
0:06:54 > 0:06:56- "Hang on.
0:06:56 > 0:07:01- "Are you trying to tell me... - I've led a blameless life.
0:07:01 > 0:07:05- "I've just had - a nasty accident in Corris, right?
0:07:05 > 0:07:07- "Right?
0:07:08 > 0:07:13- "I've come all the way up here - and you're trying to tell me...
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- "..I'll not be able - to understand a bloody word?"
0:07:16 > 0:07:18- "Well, yeah."
0:07:19 > 0:07:22- "That's not good enough. - I want to speak to the boss.
0:07:23 > 0:07:25- "Get him down here now." "No point."
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- "Why not?" - "He don't speak England too."
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- "What can I do? - What can I do? I'm dead."
0:07:33 > 0:07:38- "I'm not supposed to say it, but you - could always try the other place."
0:07:39 > 0:07:42- "You know, down there. - The bad place."
0:07:42 > 0:07:45- "What, Deiniolen?" "No"
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- "Lower down." "What, Llanrug?"
0:07:54 > 0:07:57- "No, no, really bad."
0:07:57 > 0:08:00- "Do you mean hell? - You think I should go to hell?"
0:08:01 > 0:08:05- "Yeah." - "Well, thanks for bugger all."
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- Off he goes, down the stairs...
0:08:09 > 0:08:11- ..past Deiniolen...
0:08:11 > 0:08:13- ..right down to the depths...
0:08:13 > 0:08:15- ..to the gates of hell.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20- They're similar to heaven's, - only the welding's not as good.
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Of course, - beyond the gates of hell...
0:08:24 > 0:08:26- ..is the devil.
0:08:28 > 0:08:32- He's standing there, - playing with his tail.
0:08:32 > 0:08:37- "Excuse me, mate - you, with - the horns and tail, is this hell?"
0:08:37 > 0:08:40- "Oh, yes." - "Do you speak English in here?"
0:08:40 > 0:08:43- "Yes." - "Because they don't up there."
0:08:47 > 0:08:51- "You might as well open up. - I'm coming in, I've got no choice."
0:08:58 > 0:09:00- "Ha-ha! I was joking!"
0:09:10 > 0:09:13- You're all going to find out.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- Cardiff.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21- When I used to come here regularly, - I'd bring the children along.
0:09:21 > 0:09:27- They always wanted to go to a theme - park, so I took them to St Fagans.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29- It's free.
0:09:30 > 0:09:34- Tell them it's where Mickey Mouse - lived before he was famous!
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- Here's a word of advice for you...
0:09:37 > 0:09:39- ..before I leave you.
0:09:39 > 0:09:43- If you're on Facebook...
0:09:44 > 0:09:46- ..or even if you're not...
0:09:46 > 0:09:49- ..a friend of mine - recently lost his job...
0:09:49 > 0:09:52- ..because he was tagged on Facebook.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55- Someone took a photo of him - and tagged him.
0:09:55 > 0:09:58- I'm not talking about - the Caernarfon tag.
0:09:58 > 0:10:01- He's not even on Facebook - but he was tagged.
0:10:01 > 0:10:07- He was in a Christmas party - that his work was paying for.
0:10:07 > 0:10:09- All-expenses-paid job.
0:10:09 > 0:10:14- He'd gone over the top and was - tagged snogging one of the clients.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- It's a sackable offence - in an old people's home.
0:10:22 > 0:10:24- His wife left him. He's from Bangor.
0:10:24 > 0:10:28- I said, "Have you got wi-fi?," - he said, "No, she left me, aye."
0:10:35 > 0:10:39- That joke doesn't usually work - outside of Bangor!
0:10:40 > 0:10:44- He explained to me - what had happened.
0:10:45 > 0:10:48- He'd been having an affair - with someone online.
0:10:48 > 0:10:52- It's possible nowadays.
0:10:52 > 0:10:56- He was having cyber sex, - which I never knew existed.
0:10:56 > 0:10:59- Apparently, - you can have a virtual affair.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03- He explained to me - what cyber sex was...
0:11:03 > 0:11:06- ..which is basically imaginary sex.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09- I've been doing that for years!
0:11:10 > 0:11:14- He explained - that he'd met this woman online.
0:11:14 > 0:11:19- He took his laptop somewhere private - with wi-fi and chatted to her.
0:11:20 > 0:11:24- It's all about describing what - you'd like to do to one another.
0:11:24 > 0:11:27- He'd met this woman - who was saying...
0:11:27 > 0:11:30- .."I'm in my room and - I'm undressing. Are you excited?"
0:11:31 > 0:11:33- "Yes, I'm excited."
0:11:34 > 0:11:38- "I've taken off my top." - "I've taken off mine too."
0:11:38 > 0:11:42- "I'm on the bed, naked. - Are you naked?"
0:11:42 > 0:11:47- "No, my trousers are down - but I've got my work boots on."
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- She said she was - rubbing herself on satin sheets.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52- "I've got some baby oil."
0:11:53 > 0:11:55- "I've got some tomato sauce."
0:12:00 > 0:12:04- She said, "Oh, my God, - I'm excited. I'm so excited now.
0:12:04 > 0:12:08- "I'm completely naked. Have you - taken off all your clothes?"
0:12:08 > 0:12:13- "Not yet." "Are you embarrassed?" - "No, it's just I'm in McDonald's."
0:12:18 > 0:12:23- It's been a pleasure talking to you. - See you again soon. Goodnight.
0:12:30 > 0:12:30- .
0:12:32 > 0:12:32- Subtitles
0:12:32 > 0:12:34- Subtitles- - Subtitles
0:12:40 > 0:12:43- "A tongue out to the Dragon"
0:12:48 > 0:12:50- Wow!
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- Thank you very much.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- Hello, everyone.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- Hello, Cardiff.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- Yay!
0:12:59 > 0:13:04- We've toured all over Wales, trying - to get people to come and watch us.
0:13:04 > 0:13:08- This is the first time I've done - stand-up in front of an audience...
0:13:08 > 0:13:11- It's amazing.
0:13:11 > 0:13:16- What an audience. What would - stand-up be without an audience?
0:13:17 > 0:13:19- I'll tell you.
0:13:19 > 0:13:20- Pwllheli.
0:13:21 > 0:13:26- I was told, "Loads of people will - come." No, only eight showed up.
0:13:26 > 0:13:29- That's what's nice - about going on a comedy tour...
0:13:29 > 0:13:34- ..and introducing comedians - to different parts of Wales...
0:13:34 > 0:13:36- ..and Welsh culture.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- Phil Evans did a gig with us - in North Wales.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42- Phil had never met anyone - from North Wales...
0:13:43 > 0:13:47- ..and specifically not someone - from Llannerch-y-medd on Anglesey.
0:13:47 > 0:13:50- He met my auntie and uncle - who are teetotal.
0:13:50 > 0:13:55- I'd had a couple of pints when - Phil turned up. I said, "Hey, Phil."
0:13:56 > 0:14:00- My uncle said, "Nice to meet you." - Phil said, "I speak Welsh."
0:14:00 > 0:14:04- He said, "Oh, you speak Welsh. - Nice to meet you.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07- "He speaks Welsh. Nice to meet you."
0:14:07 > 0:14:10- Phil said, "I see - you've been on the piss all day."
0:14:10 > 0:14:15- I said, "What?" He said, - "They're pissed out of their heads."
0:14:15 > 0:14:18- "No, that's how they speak." - "What's wrong with them?"
0:14:19 > 0:14:21- "That's how they speak - in Llannerch-y-medd."
0:14:22 > 0:14:24- He said, "I'm sure they're pissed."
0:14:25 > 0:14:28- When he left, my uncle said, - "He's not all there, is he?"
0:14:28 > 0:14:30- It's interesting...
0:14:30 > 0:14:34- ..when people go on about - the Welsh language deteriorating.
0:14:35 > 0:14:37- It's not happening here in Cardiff.
0:14:37 > 0:14:41- There are more Welsh-medium schools - in Cardiff than ever before.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45- It's amazing, - but still people complain.
0:14:46 > 0:14:51- It's a fact that 90% of children in - Welsh-medium education in Cardiff...
0:14:51 > 0:14:54- ..come from - a non-Welsh-speaking family.
0:14:54 > 0:14:57- People are worried - Cardiff kids will be held back.
0:14:57 > 0:15:01- But what's wrong with doing - an A Level in Sali Mali?
0:15:01 > 0:15:06- "Pry Bach Tew has a party - that no-one knows about. Discuss."
0:15:09 > 0:15:13- The fact that Pry Bach Tew has - a party that no-one knows about...
0:15:13 > 0:15:17- ..suggests he has - an ineffective marketing strategy.
0:15:17 > 0:15:21- Because there are lots of - non-Welsh-speaking parents...
0:15:22 > 0:15:26- ..some people complain about - Welsh names being mispronounced.
0:15:26 > 0:15:29- But I don't mind it. - My kids go to Ysgol Pwll Coch.
0:15:30 > 0:15:33- Non-Welsh-speaking parents - say to me...
0:15:33 > 0:15:36- .."Will your boy - be going to Pull Cock?
0:15:40 > 0:15:42- "Hopefully when he's older, yes."
0:15:44 > 0:15:49- "Oh, no. They can go to Pull Cock - from the age of three."
0:15:50 > 0:15:52- "They grow up so quickly, - don't they?"
0:15:52 > 0:15:54- "Oh, yes.
0:15:54 > 0:15:59- "My eldest is in the last year. He - goes to Pull Cock all by himself."
0:16:00 > 0:16:02- "Is that how I pronounce it?"
0:16:02 > 0:16:05- "That is exactly - how you pronounce it.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09- "Don't let any of these Welshies - tell you otherwise."
0:16:09 > 0:16:14- You also get the other extreme, - the super-duper Welsh of Cardiff...
0:16:14 > 0:16:18- ..which is great, - fair play to them for staying...
0:16:18 > 0:16:22- ..because lots of people move - to Cardiff, take the best jobs...
0:16:22 > 0:16:24- ..have children, then leave.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28- My friend said, "Sian and I are - moving from Cardiff for the kids."
0:16:29 > 0:16:32- I said, "Why, because of asthma - or air pollution?"
0:16:32 > 0:16:36- He said, "No, I just don't want them - speaking like you."
0:16:40 > 0:16:43- I was so ruddy-duddy offended!
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- I've other friends - called Siwan and Med.
0:16:49 > 0:16:54- Siwan's always complaining, "I don't - like these silly names at school...
0:16:54 > 0:16:58- "..like Tyrone, Rashid, Connor - and names like that."
0:16:58 > 0:17:00- I said, - "Why, what are yours called?"
0:17:00 > 0:17:05- "Mabli, Onllwyn, - Lleucu Ceridwen and Obed."
0:17:07 > 0:17:09- "Obed?!"
0:17:10 > 0:17:14- "Yes, we wanted a Welsh name - that everyone could pronounce...
0:17:14 > 0:17:16- "..to avoid any upset."
0:17:16 > 0:17:20- I said, "Yes, they'll go, - 'How's it goin', Obed?'"
0:17:22 > 0:17:24- "Where you been, Obed?"
0:17:25 > 0:17:29- I'm conscious - when I tell that story...
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- ..that there may be Mablis - or Lleucus in the audience.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35- I offended - a lot of people at the Eisteddfod...
0:17:36 > 0:17:40- ..because the place - is full of Obeds!
0:17:40 > 0:17:42- Full of 'em!
0:17:43 > 0:17:45- Med wanted Welsh names - for his children...
0:17:46 > 0:17:50- ..and his son is called - Onllwyn ap Med, meaning son of Med.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- If you're the daughter, - "ach" is used instead of "ap"
0:17:54 > 0:17:58- His daughter is called - Lleucu Cerys Ceridwen ach Med.
0:18:05 > 0:18:07- You're lovely, aren't you?
0:18:08 > 0:18:10- It's going well, isn't it?
0:18:10 > 0:18:14- I became - very aware of nationalism...
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- ..when I went to college - at Bangor Normal.
0:18:17 > 0:18:19- Fair enough, really.
0:18:19 > 0:18:23- Everyone's familiar with it. - This is how rubbish it was.
0:18:23 > 0:18:26- When it closed down, - no-one said bugger all.
0:18:26 > 0:18:29- Usually there's a fuss - if a Welsh chip shop closes.
0:18:30 > 0:18:35- But when Bangor Normal closed, - everyone went, "Fair enough."
0:18:35 > 0:18:39- There were a lot of farmers - in my college year.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41- I tried to empathize - with the farmers.
0:18:42 > 0:18:45- When they complained about farming, - I joined in.
0:18:45 > 0:18:49- "I went to the Amelia Trust - City Farm in Cardiff...
0:18:49 > 0:18:52- "..and the rabbit food - had gone up 10p - it was awful!"
0:18:53 > 0:18:57- The farmers always did better - than everyone else at college...
0:18:57 > 0:19:02- ..because they could cheat by - writing more on their massive hands.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05- They hid it well - under the comb-over too.
0:19:05 > 0:19:08- They were better - at getting away with it.
0:19:09 > 0:19:12- Once I played a trick - that I thought was hilarious.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16- A boy with his own room - had gone home for the weekend.
0:19:16 > 0:19:19- I soaked his carpet with water - and threw cress seeds on it.
0:19:20 > 0:19:24- By the Sunday, there was - a carpet of cress on the floor.
0:19:24 > 0:19:28- I thought it was hilarious but the - farmer went, "That's not funny."
0:19:28 > 0:19:32- I said, "You don't - appreciate my Cardiff humour."
0:19:32 > 0:19:37- He went to the nearest field and - came back with a sheep in his arms.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40- He put it down and said, - "Now it's funny."
0:19:44 > 0:19:46- I got myself into a bit of trouble.
0:19:47 > 0:19:50- I took part - in a Welsh Language Society rally.
0:19:50 > 0:19:52- I came third.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57- I was very happy with that.
0:19:58 > 0:20:01- I took part in - the Wales Is Not For Sale protest.
0:20:01 > 0:20:04- Wales Is Not For Sale. - Wales Is Not For Sale.
0:20:04 > 0:20:09- A news crew was there filming it - and grabbed me for a soundbite.
0:20:09 > 0:20:13- Confused, I said, "It's scandalous - that Wales is not for sale."
0:20:17 > 0:20:22- As Welsh people we should be able to - sell our houses to anyone we choose.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25- It doesn't matter - where they come from.
0:20:25 > 0:20:31- Ffred Ffransis was shouting, "What - are you doing?" and dragging me off.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- So that was me in college, - protesting.
0:20:35 > 0:20:39- We graffiti'd slogans like "New - Language Act" and I suggested...
0:20:39 > 0:20:44- ..they should be bilingual so that - English people'd understand them.
0:20:44 > 0:20:46- One guy goes, "Good idea".
0:20:47 > 0:20:49- "Piss Off And Die, English Scum."
0:20:50 > 0:20:52- I became proper involved...
0:20:52 > 0:20:55- ..in campaigns like - Wales Is Not For Sale...
0:20:56 > 0:20:58- ..Welsh Homes For Welsh People...
0:20:58 > 0:21:01- ..Ta-ta, Botha, Botha, Ta-ta...
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- ..and Tryweryn Ein Llyw Olaf.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07- He was quite a guy. Brilliant.
0:21:07 > 0:21:09- He was a brave man.
0:21:10 > 0:21:14- We had a full-on Welsh teacher at - school who went on about Tryweryn.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18- He banged on about - the drowning of Tryweryn so much...
0:21:18 > 0:21:21- ..that I thought - people had actually drowned.
0:21:22 > 0:21:25- I was drawing pictures - of people face down in the water...
0:21:26 > 0:21:32- ..like Pompeii, and imagining - it twinned with Cantre'r Gwaelod.
0:21:32 > 0:21:36- Lots of Tryweryn's residents - received compensation.
0:21:36 > 0:21:40- I'm sure they opened the letter - and went, "I oppose... How much?!"
0:21:41 > 0:21:45- "Go and fetch my snorkel. Hang on, - there's enough here to buy a boat.
0:21:45 > 0:21:47- "We'll be alright."
0:21:47 > 0:21:52- So I'd sprayed slogans everywhere - and got into a bit of trouble.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54- I was arrested for it.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58- Like any self-respecting - middle class person...
0:21:58 > 0:22:02- ..my parents hired a lawyer - to get me out of the shit.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05- She was from Anglesey. - She was brilliant.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- She said, - "Don't worry, I'll get you off.
0:22:08 > 0:22:13- "I'll provide an alibi and say you - were nowhere near the crime scene.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17- "You were somewhere - between Oswestry and Shrewsbury."
0:22:17 > 0:22:22- So I went to court but the Welsh- - speaking judge was unavailable....
0:22:22 > 0:22:25- ..so an English-speaking judge - replaced him.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28- She said, - "I'm very uncomfortable with this.
0:22:29 > 0:22:32- "I don't want to do this. - I'm not at all happy with this."
0:22:32 > 0:22:35- I said, "Stuff the Welsh language...
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- "..Mami and Dadi - are paying you a lot of money.
0:22:39 > 0:22:42- "Go out there - and do what you have to do."
0:22:42 > 0:22:44- She said, "I'm not happy."
0:22:44 > 0:22:49- She wasn't happy with it because - she was from Llannerch-y-medd.
0:22:49 > 0:22:53- "Your Honour, I will prove my client - was nowhere near this incident...
0:22:54 > 0:22:57- "..and was somewhere - between Shrewsbury and Oswestry."
0:22:58 > 0:23:03- I was fined 3,000 and - she was held in contempt of court...
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- ..because the judge - thought she was pissed.
0:23:07 > 0:23:12- You've been wonderful. Thank you - very much for listening. Goodnight.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40- S4C Subtitles by Adnod Cyf.
0:23:41 > 0:23:41- .