0:00:02 > 0:00:04- Good evening.- This is BBC Two. - Blast off!
0:00:04 > 0:00:05I've got a story to tell you.
0:00:05 > 0:00:07What happened?
0:00:07 > 0:00:09# Mahna mahna, doo-doo doo-doo-doo... #
0:00:09 > 0:00:11- Gissa job.- My darling John.
0:00:11 > 0:00:13I miss it but I know I shouldn't do this!
0:00:13 > 0:00:15Hello and welcome to this week's Whistle Test.
0:00:17 > 0:00:22BBC Two hit the air on April 20th 1964.
0:00:22 > 0:00:26This anniversary series tells the stories of some of the programmes that shaped it.
0:00:38 > 0:00:39When I was a researcher,
0:00:39 > 0:00:41I'd worked with Clarissa,
0:00:41 > 0:00:43and I'd always wanted
0:00:43 > 0:00:45to do something else with her
0:00:45 > 0:00:47because I thought she was fantastic.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51But I really struggled to find the right format for her.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53Pat had rung me up and said,
0:00:53 > 0:00:57"Do you know Jennifer Paterson? Because I've had a vision." And...
0:00:57 > 0:01:00I said, "Well, I've met her once at a lunch party in Tuscany,"
0:01:00 > 0:01:02and she said, "Well, come to London, because I've had an idea."
0:01:02 > 0:01:06# Those two fat ladies are itching
0:01:06 > 0:01:10# To get into your kitchen! Yeah! #
0:01:10 > 0:01:12I went to Clarissa first and said,
0:01:12 > 0:01:15"Jennifer's come up with this interesting title for the show.
0:01:15 > 0:01:18"I don't know what you think of it. And her reaction, of course, was,
0:01:18 > 0:01:22"Well, if Jennifer thinks it's all right, I think it's fine. Why would I have a problem with it?"
0:01:22 > 0:01:25And Jennifer had the same reaction, really.
0:01:25 > 0:01:28"If Clarissa doesn't mind, I don't. Of course we're fat!"
0:01:28 > 0:01:32This dish was made with an old cock.
0:01:32 > 0:01:36Not an old hen, an old cock, because they have the flavour.
0:01:36 > 0:01:38Lot of good in an old cock, isn't there?
0:01:38 > 0:01:42Jennifer and Clarissa, I would say, tolerated each other.
0:01:42 > 0:01:46I think they had a huge professional respect for each other
0:01:46 > 0:01:50but they didn't necessarily see eye to eye.
0:01:50 > 0:01:52And don't suggest a supermarket.
0:01:52 > 0:01:55I know you won't go into an ordinary little shop, will you?
0:01:55 > 0:01:58When you are working with strong characters, I mean,
0:01:58 > 0:02:01there's a certain amount of, um... diplomacy that goes on.
0:02:01 > 0:02:05Take out your aggression... Look at that, isn't that a lovely thing?
0:02:05 > 0:02:08And I often feel like writing to Kofi Annan and saying,
0:02:08 > 0:02:11"When you retire, if you need somebody to do the job,
0:02:11 > 0:02:13"I've probably got the qualifications."
0:02:13 > 0:02:17- Here's to your beautiful eyes. - And yours, dear. Chin-chin.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20Why don't we skip dessert and get out of here?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23Why? What have you got in mind?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Nothing.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27It's just that you're already quite fat, innit?
0:02:27 > 0:02:30LAUGHTER
0:02:31 > 0:02:32Check, please.
0:02:32 > 0:02:36Goodness Gracious Me actually originated as a television idea,
0:02:36 > 0:02:40and what we did is, we helped pay for a radio pilot
0:02:40 > 0:02:41and then a radio series
0:02:41 > 0:02:45to begin to develop these scripts and that ensemble.
0:02:45 > 0:02:48We have a new man starting with us today,
0:02:48 > 0:02:51a new man joining the team.
0:02:51 > 0:02:53His name is, um...
0:02:54 > 0:02:56..Jo...Ju...
0:02:56 > 0:02:57Oh. It's Jonathan.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59Jo-noh-tan!
0:03:01 > 0:03:03When it first went out on BBC Two,
0:03:03 > 0:03:08there were people who kind of rang in to the BBC every single week
0:03:08 > 0:03:12complaining that the show was racist towards white people.
0:03:12 > 0:03:13Jonathan.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Jonatawala!
0:03:16 > 0:03:17Jamuen-kashmir!
0:03:17 > 0:03:22I don't know, you English with your completely different...
0:03:24 > 0:03:25And I just thought, how great
0:03:25 > 0:03:29that we had six regular viewers who watched every episode.
0:03:32 > 0:03:33Victim's wife's over there.
0:03:33 > 0:03:35SHE SOBS
0:03:35 > 0:03:38OK, thanks. Better go talk to her.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41This is the part of the job I really hate.
0:03:46 > 0:03:50Goodness Gracious Me came about because the community at large
0:03:50 > 0:03:54was just getting more confident. We just did the telly bit.
0:03:54 > 0:03:56You know, there was East Is East at the pictures
0:03:56 > 0:03:59and there was loads of music groups and loads of businesspeople
0:03:59 > 0:04:05and I think they all contributed equally to the British Asian scene as we did.
0:04:05 > 0:04:07We just did it in a way that was more public.
0:04:23 > 0:04:24HE CHANTS
0:04:26 > 0:04:28Bollocks!
0:04:33 > 0:04:35The brutal facts are,
0:04:35 > 0:04:38the handful of valuable pictures are worth about 400,000
0:04:38 > 0:04:40so we'll take the valuable pictures
0:04:40 > 0:04:43and all the rest will have to be disposed of.
0:04:43 > 0:04:45They will have to be destroyed.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53Me and Simon Curtis, the producer,
0:04:53 > 0:04:54went out to Stephen Poliakoff
0:04:54 > 0:04:58and the idea that Simon presented to me was,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01"Let's book Stephen Poliakoff to make a film.
0:05:01 > 0:05:03"He should come back to the BBC and make a film."
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Michael Jackson said to me,
0:05:06 > 0:05:10"Try to make something that people will remember."
0:05:13 > 0:05:18And so I came up with the idea of making things of irregular length,
0:05:18 > 0:05:21incredibly slow, trying to slow down television.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25It was based on an idea which actually was a semi-true story
0:05:25 > 0:05:28of a photo collection that belonged to a British film studio
0:05:28 > 0:05:32that suddenly changed ownership and they were going to burn the photos.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35Very extreme, sounds like something out of Nazi Germany,
0:05:35 > 0:05:37but actually, it was a true story from the '90s.
0:05:37 > 0:05:41- Here it is, Emporia. - Jesus, there it is.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44You're there somewhere, saying,
0:05:44 > 0:05:48"Hey, Dad, let's go close the local museum, it's not worth shit."
0:05:48 > 0:05:51Well, thanks for finding that.
0:05:51 > 0:05:54At that time, the late '90s, when I conceived the show,
0:05:54 > 0:05:56most television, and certainly most television dramas,
0:05:56 > 0:05:58were in very, very short scenes.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01They had lots and lots of cuts in between different narrative stories,
0:06:01 > 0:06:04tiny, tiny little scenes, and I thought, "Let's do huge scenes!
0:06:04 > 0:06:07"And use photographs." Really perverse.
0:06:07 > 0:06:09These now are the pictures I was able to put together
0:06:09 > 0:06:12because I got the connection.
0:06:12 > 0:06:15I got the connection that Oswald made.
0:06:15 > 0:06:17We had this story, we knew where it went,
0:06:17 > 0:06:21but we hadn't made the connection with Ireland, where Hettie came from.
0:06:21 > 0:06:26We never traced it back until Oswald started delving into your background.
0:06:30 > 0:06:31WOMAN'S LAUGHTER
0:06:34 > 0:06:38So, you find my grandmother playing in an orchestra.
0:06:39 > 0:06:42Your grandmother's going to surprise you.
0:06:44 > 0:06:45I really believe she is.
0:06:50 > 0:06:53In the spring of 1998, controller Mark Thompson took
0:06:53 > 0:06:56what would prove to be a fateful decision.
0:06:56 > 0:06:59To me, the lesson of One Man And His Dog is
0:06:59 > 0:07:01that the fact that people aren't watching a programme
0:07:01 > 0:07:04doesn't mean they don't want it to be there.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06HIGH-PITCHED WHISTLE
0:07:06 > 0:07:08I had no idea when we cancelled it
0:07:08 > 0:07:11that actually what we were doing for many people,
0:07:11 > 0:07:13many people who hadn't watched it for years,
0:07:13 > 0:07:15was cancelling a bit of the countryside.
0:07:15 > 0:07:18And the news didn't come out for 18 months, two years,
0:07:18 > 0:07:22I mean, long after I'd left BBC Two, but it was a minor earthquake.
0:07:22 > 0:07:25And the person who felt the tremors
0:07:25 > 0:07:28was the incoming controller, Jane Root.
0:07:29 > 0:07:30I had absolutely no idea
0:07:30 > 0:07:33of the campaign that would be run around it.
0:07:33 > 0:07:36HE WHISTLES
0:07:36 > 0:07:40There was front pages of tabloid newspapers,
0:07:40 > 0:07:44people talking about a march of shepherds and their dogs
0:07:44 > 0:07:47on Television Centre, which never happened, I'm pleased to say.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52It was a baptism of fire.
0:07:52 > 0:07:55It's one of those things that... I wouldn't wish it on my successor
0:07:55 > 0:07:58but you have to know that sooner or later,
0:07:58 > 0:07:59a One Man And His Dog moment
0:07:59 > 0:08:02happens to every channel controller of BBC Two.
0:08:02 > 0:08:05Another moment of drama in every trial.
0:08:05 > 0:08:06That'll do.
0:08:24 > 0:08:29People now think, and I think we do as well, of our programme as quite extreme
0:08:29 > 0:08:33and yet, at the beginning, we tried to make it real, didn't we?
0:08:33 > 0:08:37We had a big thing in our head about it being very documentary-like,
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Mike Leigh, almost, and the people in the Restart room being very real.
0:08:40 > 0:08:41Some of it, some of it.
0:08:41 > 0:08:44Not the bit, like breast-feeding a pig and all that.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53That wasn't like a documentary, was it?
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Hokey-cokey, pig in a pokey!
0:08:55 > 0:08:57Ahem!
0:08:57 > 0:08:58CLOCK STRIKES
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Hello, gents. Oh, it's half past nine.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Time for men, men with jobs to go to work.
0:09:03 > 0:09:06When we first...when we first started our first ever live show,
0:09:06 > 0:09:08- you were going to be Pauline, weren't you?- Yeah.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- Why didn't I do it? - And I was going to be Papa Lazarou.
0:09:11 > 0:09:14- You didn't want to do it, did you? - No, I said, "I'm not confident."
0:09:14 > 0:09:16So I ended up doing Pauline
0:09:16 > 0:09:19and then he took on the Papa Lazarou character
0:09:19 > 0:09:21- and you know, now it's the way it should be.- Yeah, yeah.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25You can shout out as many jobs as you like, Ross.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28You're never going to bloody get one, you worthless dole scum.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- Do a bit of Pauline. - I can't do her now.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32- "Hello, Dave!"- "Hello, Dave!"
0:09:32 > 0:09:34Hello, Dave!
0:09:34 > 0:09:36I can do, anyone can do Papa Lazarou.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37- That could have been anyone. - Don't say that!
0:09:37 > 0:09:40- But you know, there's only one Pauline.- Yeah, that's true.
0:09:40 > 0:09:42Can I get your age, please, Pauline?
0:09:42 > 0:09:45- I think that's a lady's prerogative...- I need to know how old you are for the records.
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- Let's say I'm as old as me gums and a little bit...- How old are you?
0:09:48 > 0:09:4948!
0:09:49 > 0:09:52There were some characters who had a definite life span -
0:09:52 > 0:09:54Mr Chinnery, the vet who kills animals.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57Hello.
0:09:57 > 0:10:00There were only so many animals that you could kill, basically.
0:10:00 > 0:10:01What's that?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03It's compressed air.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06Basically, a short, concentrated blast
0:10:06 > 0:10:08should perk him up a bit.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10We kind of ran out at the end of the first series,
0:10:10 > 0:10:11then before the second series
0:10:11 > 0:10:15had to watch a load of All Creatures Great And Small for inspiration!
0:10:15 > 0:10:16VALVE WHINES
0:10:16 > 0:10:19And a little bit more. We can afford to be quite bold.
0:10:24 > 0:10:25Well, he's here. Do you want a word?
0:10:25 > 0:10:28CRACKLING
0:10:28 > 0:10:29How's she doing?
0:10:32 > 0:10:34Naked is what I call my way of cooking.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36What I cook in the restaurant isn't what I cook at home.
0:10:36 > 0:10:39I think we commissioned The Naked Chef with Jamie Oliver,
0:10:39 > 0:10:42I think in less than 24 hours of seeing the tape.
0:10:44 > 0:10:48Pat had found this boy in the kitchens of the River Cafe
0:10:48 > 0:10:51and just thought he was a natural star.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Lovely jubbly.
0:10:53 > 0:10:57I saw this guy in the background and
0:10:57 > 0:10:59I honestly thought he must have been about 13 or 14,
0:10:59 > 0:11:01he looked so incredibly young,
0:11:01 > 0:11:06and incredibly proficient making this wonderful spinach dish.
0:11:06 > 0:11:09We met and I think he thought it was a joke to start with.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12He thought one of his friends was winding him up.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14No way! It's not me, it's the food.
0:11:15 > 0:11:19The Naked Chef pretty much, from the first moment, was a hit for us.
0:11:22 > 0:11:25There's no doubt that you could tell immediately
0:11:25 > 0:11:29when you put the camera on Jamie that he certainly had a presence,
0:11:29 > 0:11:31a sort of star quality,
0:11:31 > 0:11:34but like anybody who's faced with a camera for the first time,
0:11:34 > 0:11:37he did find it, I think, rather intimidating
0:11:37 > 0:11:42and rather nerve-racking. He, um...he gabbled.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44So what I do is, I put all the figs around the plate,
0:11:44 > 0:11:45just sort of really rough, yeah.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47Beautiful figs, which are in season now.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50I brought these from London, got them at the market.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52You couldn't get a word in from one beginning...
0:11:52 > 0:11:55from the beginning of a recipe to the end, he just talked and talked.
0:11:55 > 0:11:58What you want to do is just get your ham and you want to sort of weave it
0:11:58 > 0:12:00in amongst the figs and the mozzarella...
0:12:00 > 0:12:03Which is why we actually used that technique of asking him questions
0:12:03 > 0:12:05and trying to interrupt him, actually.
0:12:05 > 0:12:07Ever had any terrible disasters?
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Oh, mate, I've had so many disasters you wouldn't believe.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12I've lost count, I've had so many bad ones.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15It was very practical at the time just to try and find a way
0:12:15 > 0:12:17of ordering Jamie's thoughts, I suppose.
0:12:17 > 0:12:19I'm going to get the leg of lamb.
0:12:19 > 0:12:22I'm going to put it straight onto the bars, right?
0:12:22 > 0:12:25And put the empty tin underneath to catch all the goodness
0:12:25 > 0:12:28and all the drips and all that kind of Marmitey lovely jubbly staff.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Jamie had this...just big life force
0:12:31 > 0:12:33and I think women found that very sexy
0:12:33 > 0:12:36and men thought this was the kind of cooking they could actually do.
0:12:37 > 0:12:39- All right, all right.- Hey!
0:12:40 > 0:12:42You're too kind, mate.
0:12:42 > 0:12:45Jamie had a relationship with Sainsbury's, who he advertised for,
0:12:45 > 0:12:48which was very difficult for the BBC to handle.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51The BBC has very strict rules about those kinds of things
0:12:51 > 0:12:54and we just got to a point where we couldn't see a way around it.
0:12:56 > 0:13:01And if I was going to list regrets as a channel controller,
0:13:01 > 0:13:04number one would be the day Jamie Oliver left. Terrible, terrible.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Welcome to The Weakest Link.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I've never been a fan of quiz shows.
0:13:11 > 0:13:16I mean, mostly because I found them cheesy and patronising.
0:13:16 > 0:13:18Colin, are you as interesting as your shirt?
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Not much good at geography, are you?
0:13:21 > 0:13:24- What's so funny?- Nothing.
0:13:24 > 0:13:28The worst thing a contestant on The Weakest Link can do
0:13:28 > 0:13:32is get on the wrong side of the team in the green room
0:13:32 > 0:13:34before they are on the podiums.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37I mean, sometimes on that first round, someone gets voted off
0:13:37 > 0:13:39who's got all the questions right
0:13:39 > 0:13:42and you think, "Ha-ha! You didn't behave yourself an hour earlier."
0:13:42 > 0:13:44Bye, you lot.
0:13:44 > 0:13:45I hope none of you win.
0:13:45 > 0:13:48I've been voted the rudest woman on television,
0:13:48 > 0:13:50the meanest woman on television,
0:13:50 > 0:13:53the most unpopular person on British television,
0:13:53 > 0:13:55and isn't that great?
0:13:57 > 0:13:58Who wants to be loved?
0:13:58 > 0:14:00Goodbye.
0:14:08 > 0:14:10Based on the original transcripts,
0:14:10 > 0:14:14Conspiracy told the story of the meeting that would set the seal
0:14:14 > 0:14:17on the Final Solution.
0:14:17 > 0:14:21So, to begin, we have a storage problem in Germany with these Jews
0:14:21 > 0:14:25and there have been conversations for almost a year now about this Jew and that Jew
0:14:25 > 0:14:27and the complexities of the law
0:14:27 > 0:14:29and this problem, as you, I'm sure, know, has tormented us.
0:14:29 > 0:14:32It takes fantastic bravery in making a drama
0:14:32 > 0:14:34to strip out everything else.
0:14:34 > 0:14:36But the brief remains clear.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41All of Europe, England, from Lapland to Libya,
0:14:41 > 0:14:44from Vladivostok to Belfast, no Jews.
0:14:44 > 0:14:46Not one.
0:14:46 > 0:14:50There's always a tendency to spend money on big set pieces
0:14:50 > 0:14:52and hundreds of extras.
0:14:53 > 0:14:55Carbon monoxide, what it does is...
0:14:57 > 0:14:58The bodies come out pink.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00HE SNIGGERS
0:15:00 > 0:15:02- The gas turns them pink. - It's a nice touch.
0:15:02 > 0:15:05No, this is a drama that's going to run in almost real time.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07We will not sterilise every Jew and wait for them to die
0:15:07 > 0:15:10or sterilise every Jew and then exterminate the race. That's farcical.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13It's going to be incredibly historically accurate.
0:15:13 > 0:15:15Dead men don't hump, dead women don't get pregnant.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19Death is the most reliable form of sterilisation, put it that way. TYPING IN BACKGROUND
0:15:21 > 0:15:24It's done as if it's just another, you know,
0:15:24 > 0:15:26annual general meeting of...
0:15:27 > 0:15:30..you know, of a stationery wares office.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32I am pointing out the difficulty
0:15:32 > 0:15:35of casting every Jew and non-Jew into the sausage machine,
0:15:35 > 0:15:38and if that's the plan, I'm asking that some legal framework be built.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41It's like, you know, "I think we're going to need
0:15:41 > 0:15:44"another bonding on this paper, it looks very nice but it's blue..."
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Let's get it done, and if we skip a few steps so be it.
0:15:47 > 0:15:48Skip a few steps!
0:15:48 > 0:15:51When you plane down a piece of wood, a few chips go flying.
0:15:51 > 0:15:55It's done like that, and that's why it's so chilling.
0:15:56 > 0:16:0060,000 Jews every day go up in smoke.
0:16:02 > 0:16:04We can achieve that.
0:16:04 > 0:16:05Imagine.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20One of the things of being controller of BBC Two
0:16:20 > 0:16:21is that in the first few years
0:16:21 > 0:16:24you're always getting these great presents
0:16:24 > 0:16:28that have been bequeathed to you by your former channel controllers.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33It seemed to me that there weren't enough programmes
0:16:33 > 0:16:35that really told the big stories.
0:16:39 > 0:16:41I thought that it was amazing
0:16:41 > 0:16:45that no-one had ever done a history of Britain,
0:16:45 > 0:16:48and, you know, it sounds incredibly obvious and simple.
0:16:48 > 0:16:49It just hadn't been done.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57On January 30, 1649,
0:16:57 > 0:17:00the English killed their king.
0:17:00 > 0:17:03That's why we decided to...
0:17:03 > 0:17:05not just to do A History of Britain, but to do it big.
0:17:09 > 0:17:14And the person chosen to tell the story was historian Simon Schama.
0:17:14 > 0:17:15They saw in me
0:17:15 > 0:17:17someone who loved the subject
0:17:17 > 0:17:21and who could get almost, you know,
0:17:21 > 0:17:23embarrassingly excited about it!
0:17:33 > 0:17:34SOLDIERS CHANT
0:17:36 > 0:17:38Imagine yourself, then,
0:17:38 > 0:17:42on the morning of Saturday, 14th October, 1066.
0:17:42 > 0:17:44He is a dramatic writer,
0:17:44 > 0:17:47you know, he's somebody who writes to move you.
0:17:47 > 0:17:51You stand on the brow of the hill and look down, hundreds of yards away
0:17:51 > 0:17:53at the opposition.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56He's a man of peaks and troughs, that's how he writes.
0:17:56 > 0:18:00He's a man of winding stories that gradually draw you in
0:18:00 > 0:18:03and beguile you with somebody's character.
0:18:03 > 0:18:07Surely after all the blunders and bloodshed, the botched coups
0:18:07 > 0:18:10and the futile slaughters, he would do the right thing,
0:18:10 > 0:18:13he would share power.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16But Charles was constitutionally incapable
0:18:16 > 0:18:19of being a constitutional king.
0:18:19 > 0:18:22He had this view of British history
0:18:22 > 0:18:25that came from being both British but living in America,
0:18:25 > 0:18:29and he had a kind of, a sort of subjective objectivity.
0:18:29 > 0:18:33It was on these unforgiving backless oak benches
0:18:33 > 0:18:36that the first Jews to be admitted
0:18:36 > 0:18:41since the expulsion 360-something years before parked their behinds.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44It's Oliver Cromwell we have to thank for that,
0:18:44 > 0:18:49for opening a new chapter of Anglo-Jewish history. My history.
0:18:49 > 0:18:51This isn't duty viewing. This isn't like doing your A-levels,
0:18:51 > 0:18:54where you've got to sit down and do a bit of revision.
0:18:54 > 0:18:56We never, ever wanted it to be like that.
0:18:56 > 0:18:58DRUMBEATS
0:19:00 > 0:19:04I think reconstructions we always treated with a little bit of caution, you know.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Anyone who's had anything to do with them
0:19:06 > 0:19:10knows that you go into the world of reconstruction at your peril.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Actually, I said, "OK, you know,
0:19:15 > 0:19:18"I'm going to now invent the Python alert."
0:19:18 > 0:19:20And anything that looked really like
0:19:20 > 0:19:23the Batley Ladies' Guild version of Pearl Harbour, you know,
0:19:23 > 0:19:25anything that looked really stupid,
0:19:25 > 0:19:28we'd all fall around laughing and say, "We can't possibly do that."
0:19:28 > 0:19:30CANNON FIRES
0:19:30 > 0:19:32For the men in the Parliament lines,
0:19:32 > 0:19:36watching a distant trot turn into a canter and then a charge
0:19:36 > 0:19:41and seeing their own muskets have no effect on the suddenly terrifyingly hurtling horsemen,
0:19:41 > 0:19:44the moment of truth had arrived.
0:19:47 > 0:19:51History is a form of direct personal communication
0:19:51 > 0:19:55and often unblushingly subjective, provisional,
0:19:55 > 0:19:59you know, history as an argument, not history as authority.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01Television is perfect for that
0:20:01 > 0:20:06and history needs TV, and you know, I think TV needs history too.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10Britain, Britain, Britain.
0:20:10 > 0:20:12Land of technological achievement.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15We've had running water for over ten years,
0:20:15 > 0:20:20an underground tunnel that links us to Peru, and we invented the cat.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22Look into my eyes, look into my eyes, the eyes, not around the eyes,
0:20:22 > 0:20:25don't look around the eyes. Look into my eyes. You're under.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27So tell me a little bit about yourself.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29I'm a lady! I'm a lady!
0:20:29 > 0:20:32And because I'm a lady, I like to do ladies' things.
0:20:32 > 0:20:33Chitty Chitty Bang Bang!
0:20:33 > 0:20:36You like the film and this one's got Michael Bald in it.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38- You like Michael Bald.- Yeah, I know.
0:20:38 > 0:20:39I'm the only gay in the village.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41No, I'm the gay in this village!
0:20:41 > 0:20:44Yeah, catchphrases when people tell you who they are,
0:20:44 > 0:20:45that's what we have got.
0:20:45 > 0:20:47- Which one do you want to see? - That one.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Three, two, one. You're back in the room.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Stuart Murphy on BBC Three and I commissioned this together.
0:20:51 > 0:20:55We always had this plan that it would show first on BBC Three
0:20:55 > 0:20:56and then show on BBC Two.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59I'm hard, yet soft. I'm coloured, yet clear.
0:20:59 > 0:21:04I'm fruity and sweet. I am jelly. What am I?
0:21:04 > 0:21:06And it's a kind of wonderful word of mouth thing.
0:21:06 > 0:21:09No, but, yeah, but no, yeah, but no, but, yeah, but no,
0:21:09 > 0:21:10cos I'm not even going on the pill
0:21:10 > 0:21:13cos Nadine reckons they stop me from getting pregnant.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17I make the better woman, David always says, because I'm rounder.
0:21:17 > 0:21:19I've not really noticed that myself.
0:21:19 > 0:21:22SCREW YOU!
0:21:29 > 0:21:30I inherited quite a lot of
0:21:30 > 0:21:34quite small, not particularly brilliantly funded programmes
0:21:34 > 0:21:35about disability,
0:21:35 > 0:21:38and one of the things I wanted to do was just make very big things
0:21:38 > 0:21:40right in the middle of the schedule
0:21:40 > 0:21:43that were great programmes in their own right.
0:21:45 > 0:21:48It's 4:20 in the morning.
0:21:49 > 0:21:53I've just got up and Joseph's just been telling me what he's doing.
0:21:53 > 0:21:57That sense of really great programmes that everybody can watch.
0:21:57 > 0:22:04I was bored, so I drawed a picture of Karate Man there. And then...
0:22:04 > 0:22:07And made an awful lot of mess as well.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- You're so defensive.- Me? Defensive?
0:22:14 > 0:22:17- Hey, that's mine!- Come and get it.
0:22:22 > 0:22:25MUFFLED: My chocolate!
0:22:25 > 0:22:26SHE SQUEALS
0:22:26 > 0:22:27THEY LAUGH
0:22:27 > 0:22:30We decided that you could, it was better to spend more money,
0:22:30 > 0:22:33and that's what we did. We put more money in
0:22:33 > 0:22:36and we tried to get really great people working on them.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42'I didn't want to touch her.'
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Hiya.
0:22:46 > 0:22:48Janet, this is Joe.
0:22:51 > 0:22:52Hello, Janet.
0:22:52 > 0:22:54'I felt like everyone was looking at me
0:22:54 > 0:22:56'and I didn't want anybody to see me touch her.'
0:23:02 > 0:23:04'Me own mam.'
0:23:07 > 0:23:09What does that make me?
0:23:10 > 0:23:12David Beckham and Robbie Williams are in,
0:23:12 > 0:23:15but Constable and Wordsworth are not.
0:23:15 > 0:23:18That's the news from the nationwide BBC poll to find
0:23:18 > 0:23:20the greatest Britons of all time.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23I think it is an example of television having great power
0:23:23 > 0:23:26because there was so much oral history there.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31- David Beckham! - What about Alfred the Great?
0:23:31 > 0:23:33It was a bit nerve-racking.
0:23:33 > 0:23:38We did wonder if there would be lots of boy band members on the 100 list,
0:23:38 > 0:23:40but in fact, it was an incredibly serious list.
0:23:51 > 0:23:58Jeremy Clarkson's film on Brunel was outstanding
0:23:58 > 0:24:02and allowed Brunel to nearly win.
0:24:03 > 0:24:05All on its own, the Clifton Bridge
0:24:05 > 0:24:08would have put him in the history books.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12But there was a little bit more than that.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14I used to bore people at dinner parties
0:24:14 > 0:24:16about this Isambard Kingdom Brunel,
0:24:16 > 0:24:17and they used to go, "Yeah, yeah,"
0:24:17 > 0:24:19so then the opportunity presented itself
0:24:19 > 0:24:21to make a programme about him. "Yes!"
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Then there was the Hungerford Bridge...
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Chepstow Bridge... Balmoral Bridge...
0:24:27 > 0:24:29- Maidenhead Bridge... - I remember watching it
0:24:29 > 0:24:32and thinking, "If I had to vote, I'd vote for him."
0:24:32 > 0:24:38We shall fight on the beaches, we shall fight on the landing grounds,
0:24:38 > 0:24:41we shall fight in the fields, and in the streets.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44From the beginning, passions ran high.
0:24:44 > 0:24:46We shall never surrender.
0:24:46 > 0:24:48There was an amazing moment
0:24:48 > 0:24:51when Andrew Marr, I have to say, a little bit worse for wear,
0:24:51 > 0:24:54went up to Jeremy Clarkson at a BBC One drinks reception,
0:24:54 > 0:24:56poked him in the chest and said,
0:24:56 > 0:24:59"If you think Brunel's going to beat Darwin, you've another think coming."
0:24:59 > 0:25:02- I wasn't hiding this... - Nobody is voting for Darwin.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05- You're wasting your breath.- Trying to be absolutely sure about it.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08If I could just chip in, nobody's voting, it's fine, you're finished.
0:25:08 > 0:25:09The final was electric, you know,
0:25:09 > 0:25:12because we were live for more than two hours
0:25:12 > 0:25:13with Peter Snow doing the results.
0:25:13 > 0:25:17So we can now show you, just for the fun of it, a bit of swing.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19It was difficult to know who was going to win.
0:25:19 > 0:25:24We are now ready with the final result. Peter.
0:25:24 > 0:25:28I saw no need to be competitive with Jeremy or with Andrew.
0:25:28 > 0:25:31I didn't feel like that. I just felt we'd all done our best
0:25:31 > 0:25:33and it was for the people to decide.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36Winston Churchill has won.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40He is your greatest Briton.
0:25:40 > 0:25:42And the Golden Globe goes to...
0:25:51 > 0:25:54Launching a new comedy is the single most risky thing
0:25:54 > 0:25:56you can possibly do in television.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58There's good news and bad news.
0:25:58 > 0:26:03The bad news is, Neil will be taking over both branches
0:26:03 > 0:26:06and some of you will lose your jobs. Yeah.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07Those of you who are kept on
0:26:07 > 0:26:11will have to relocate to Swindon if you want to. Yeah.
0:26:11 > 0:26:14Almost anything else people can say was quite good or interesting
0:26:14 > 0:26:16or well acted, even if they don't like it much.
0:26:16 > 0:26:20The good news is, I've been promoted.
0:26:22 > 0:26:23So...
0:26:23 > 0:26:25every cloud...
0:26:27 > 0:26:30If you make a comedy and it doesn't work, it just dies.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36- You're still thinking about the bad news, aren't you?- Yeah.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39Great, daring comedy has been on BBC Two
0:26:39 > 0:26:41right from the very, very beginning,
0:26:41 > 0:26:44when you had The Likely Lads and Pete and Dud,
0:26:44 > 0:26:47which were fresh, surprising, a bit edgy, bit shocking.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50# Mahna mahna, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
0:26:50 > 0:26:52# Mahna mahna, doo-doo-doo-doo
0:26:52 > 0:26:54As with The Likely Lads, all those years ago,
0:26:54 > 0:26:58The Office came about as the result of an in-house BBC training film.
0:26:58 > 0:27:01# Mahna mahna, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
0:27:01 > 0:27:03# Mahna mahna, doo-doo-doo-doo
0:27:03 > 0:27:05# Mahna mahna, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo
0:27:05 > 0:27:06# Doo-doo-doo, doo-doo-doo,
0:27:06 > 0:27:09# Doo-doodle-oodle doo-doo-doo-doo-doo
0:27:09 > 0:27:13# Mahna mahna na-na na na na-na-na-na
0:27:13 > 0:27:15# Mahna mahna, doo-doo, doo-doo-doo... #
0:27:15 > 0:27:17All right, I'll ask you straight.
0:27:17 > 0:27:21Is there anything that could happen between us two while this is going on?
0:27:21 > 0:27:23Like what?
0:27:23 > 0:27:25What, specifically?
0:27:25 > 0:27:26Yeah.
0:27:27 > 0:27:28Hand job?
0:27:29 > 0:27:31Look, don't answer, think about it.
0:27:33 > 0:27:36If "don't know" wasn't there, what would you put?
0:27:42 > 0:27:46- What are the options?- "Not at all", "to some extent", "very much so",
0:27:46 > 0:27:49- "don't know".- Very much so.- Do you remember what the question was?- No.
0:27:49 > 0:27:54I suppose my proudest moment, I suspect it's seeing Ricky Gervais,
0:27:54 > 0:27:57a chubby Englishman, standing on the stage at the Golden Globes.
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Two bookends. Excellent.
0:28:00 > 0:28:03You need the set. One looks, you know...
0:28:03 > 0:28:04LAUGHTER
0:28:05 > 0:28:07Obviously I haven't prepared a speech.
0:28:07 > 0:28:12I remember when, um... we first got BBC Two.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14I was very young
0:28:14 > 0:28:18and you had to get an aerial put up for some reason in those days
0:28:18 > 0:28:21and the guy came and he was on the roof
0:28:21 > 0:28:23and he was screwing this little aerial to the chimney
0:28:23 > 0:28:27and my mum was in the garden and she said she was supervising it
0:28:27 > 0:28:31but really, she was waiting for every neighbour on our estate to walk past,
0:28:31 > 0:28:35so she could go, "Getting BBC Two, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah.
0:28:35 > 0:28:39"What, that? Yeah, just getting BBC Two. BBC Two."
0:28:39 > 0:28:41Never watched it. Never watched it.
0:28:43 > 0:28:47MUSIC: "Handbags and Gladrags"