0:00:03 > 0:00:05# Enjoy yourself
0:00:06 > 0:00:08# It's later than you think
0:00:10 > 0:00:11# Enjoy yourself
0:00:12 > 0:00:15# While you're still in the pink
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# The years go by
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# As quickly as you wink
0:00:22 > 0:00:24# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself
0:00:24 > 0:00:27# It's later than you think. #
0:00:34 > 0:00:35Hello.
0:00:41 > 0:00:45Hello and welcome to this special Christmas edition
0:00:45 > 0:00:49of I've Never Seen Star Wars. Tonight, I'll be attempting
0:00:49 > 0:00:51to extract my guest from his comfort zone
0:00:51 > 0:00:55and getting him to try some things he's never done before.
0:00:55 > 0:00:59Tonight's initiate is Britain's favourite polymath.
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Let's find out what he's never done.
0:01:01 > 0:01:06Will you please welcome the absolutely wonderful Stephen Fry!
0:01:06 > 0:01:08APPLAUSE
0:01:08 > 0:01:13# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think.#
0:01:16 > 0:01:19Thank you. Thank you very much. I say.
0:01:22 > 0:01:26- Now, Stephen, are you good at trying new things?- No, appalling.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28I've got to the age where,
0:01:28 > 0:01:30you know how when you're a tree and you're young,
0:01:30 > 0:01:33you can bend the branches which way they will,
0:01:33 > 0:01:36and then there comes an age where you bend and they snap.
0:01:36 > 0:01:40- I've got to the gnarled, snappy stage.- Oh, right.
0:01:40 > 0:01:43I've got to the age where I just fall over.
0:01:43 > 0:01:45That's a sort of tree thing.
0:01:45 > 0:01:49- That's a tree thing, too. - One thing I've heard about you,
0:01:49 > 0:01:52and is this true, you've never bought a bottle of bleach?
0:01:52 > 0:01:57No, I... why... why would I?
0:01:57 > 0:02:00I don't know, but I'm somehow amazed by that.
0:02:00 > 0:02:04There are many, many methods of suicide I've contemplated,
0:02:04 > 0:02:05but bleach...
0:02:05 > 0:02:08Bleach isn't one of them. I wouldn't dare.
0:02:08 > 0:02:12Probably, people have bought bleach on my behalf.
0:02:12 > 0:02:15Without my knowing about it. Sometimes, I come back to my flat
0:02:15 > 0:02:19and I find the water in the lavatory is blue and I know
0:02:19 > 0:02:22that my beloved Edna has done something to it
0:02:22 > 0:02:23and that may involve bleach.
0:02:23 > 0:02:27- Or else you've had a Royal round. - Or indeed I've had a Royal round.
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Let's start, shall we, by talking about appearance.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34- Do you look after your appearance? - No. See, look. I never look at myself.
0:02:34 > 0:02:37Even when I'm brushing my teeth, I don't look at myself.
0:02:37 > 0:02:39I look at myself a bit when I shave -
0:02:39 > 0:02:41which I haven't done very heavily this evening -
0:02:41 > 0:02:45otherwise, no. I can't bear the sight of myself.
0:02:45 > 0:02:47I don't watch my own TV programmes, for example.
0:02:47 > 0:02:51I haven't watched QI since the second one in the first series.
0:02:51 > 0:02:55But you know that everybody else in the entire world thinks
0:02:55 > 0:02:59you look gorgeous. You don't need to think, it's not stupid. HE GRUMBLES
0:02:59 > 0:03:02There's one very nice person there.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05Oh, she dropped her white stick.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09- You're gorgeous too, you're utterly gorgeous.- Oh, please.- You are.
0:03:09 > 0:03:13Look at your glasses and lips and how beautifully they go together.
0:03:13 > 0:03:16Your eyes are beautiful. Everything about you is beautiful.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Could you give my husband a ring?
0:03:18 > 0:03:22He's not said anything like that since, oh,
0:03:22 > 0:03:25the day before the wedding night, I don't think.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27How would you describe your look, then?
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I would say this is a man with a bent nose
0:03:29 > 0:03:33and a body like a bin-liner full of yoghurt.
0:03:33 > 0:03:38More or less. I honestly - I know it sounds...
0:03:38 > 0:03:41This is not a begging for sympathy, or a "you are deluded."
0:03:41 > 0:03:45I got a lot of letters after my last autobiography saying,
0:03:45 > 0:03:48"Will you shut up about your dislike of your appearance?"
0:03:48 > 0:03:50I understand this and don't want to go on about it.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53I envy those... You know in Futurama, Richard Nixon
0:03:53 > 0:03:56goes around just as a brain in a jar,
0:03:56 > 0:03:59I think it would be admirable not to have this excrescence.
0:03:59 > 0:04:00It needs to be fed,
0:04:00 > 0:04:03it needs to be worked in a gym in order to look human.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06All I would like is just my head and my lips so I could speak,
0:04:06 > 0:04:08and my eyes so that I could see things,
0:04:08 > 0:04:11my ears so that I can hear things. The rest of it is just...
0:04:11 > 0:04:13What's it doing there?
0:04:13 > 0:04:16There is one little part of it which occasionally likes
0:04:16 > 0:04:19to go out and play, but that's about it.
0:04:20 > 0:04:23I'd like your brain in a box, actually, your head in a box,
0:04:23 > 0:04:25when I'm watching University Challenge.
0:04:25 > 0:04:29I'm a bit useless at that, but I have to say,
0:04:29 > 0:04:33I have to have a body because there's nowhere else to put chips, is there?
0:04:36 > 0:04:39Given your ambivalence towards the way you look,
0:04:39 > 0:04:43we asked you to have a part of your body pierced.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46Yes. Yes.
0:04:47 > 0:04:51Now, why had you not been pierced before?
0:04:51 > 0:04:53Had it never occurred to you to bother?
0:04:53 > 0:04:58I have a lot of godchildren and some of them are very privileged,
0:04:58 > 0:05:01because some of my friends are very lucky.
0:05:01 > 0:05:05They've gone to famous public schools and things.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Now, 30 or 40 years ago, at Eton College,
0:05:08 > 0:05:13if you had a pierced ear or a tattoo,
0:05:13 > 0:05:15you'd probably be expelled.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17You'd almost be expelled for not having one now.
0:05:17 > 0:05:21It's extraordinary how things have come round. It just never crossed my mind.
0:05:21 > 0:05:25Now it has had to, unfortunately,
0:05:25 > 0:05:29because we sent you along to get pierced. Where did you do it?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32I thought I'd better go somewhere that had a bit of a reputation.
0:05:32 > 0:05:35You'd be embarrassed if I went to a piercing parlour
0:05:35 > 0:05:36and three years later, sued you
0:05:36 > 0:05:39because I had Hepatitis C or something.
0:05:39 > 0:05:41So we went to Selfridges in London.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44- Let's have a look and see what happened.- Oh, my goodness.- Yes.
0:05:47 > 0:05:51Ah. How amusing - Metalmorphosis.
0:05:51 > 0:05:53Hello, I'm Stephen.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56- Nice to meet you. - I've come to be pierced by you.- OK.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I can see that at least you practise what you preach.
0:05:59 > 0:06:03Yes, this is our extensive list of everything, so you've got...
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Is it just piercing, or does this include tattoos?
0:06:06 > 0:06:08No, this is just all the piercings we do.
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I think we can avoid the female genital page,
0:06:11 > 0:06:14and frankly the male genital page, too. I've got to decide which ear.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17I sleep on my right so I wouldn't want to keep annoying it.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19On the other hand, if it's in my left,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22doesn't that make me claim I'm heterosexual or something?
0:06:22 > 0:06:25- Isn't there some code?- There's lots of stories about codes.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27Nowadays, people get pierced where they want to,
0:06:27 > 0:06:29so it doesn't really mean anything.
0:06:29 > 0:06:33If you're ready, if you want to follow me to the studio?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36- Well, who would have guessed? - If you take a seat.
0:06:36 > 0:06:37Quite a medical feel to it.
0:06:41 > 0:06:45I'm going to ask this in a plain and not a panicky way -
0:06:45 > 0:06:47will there be much blood?
0:06:47 > 0:06:51- No, there's not going to be any blood at all.- Good.
0:06:51 > 0:06:54- Not for my sake, for the sake of the viewer.- Obviously.
0:06:54 > 0:06:58Some things that we pierce bleed a little bit -
0:06:58 > 0:07:00mostly genital piercings.
0:07:00 > 0:07:03Why would they want to do that as well,
0:07:03 > 0:07:05on top of all their other problems,
0:07:05 > 0:07:08the other weepings and seepings? Oh, my goodness.
0:07:09 > 0:07:14- This bit doesn't hurt. - You do a little X marks the spot?
0:07:14 > 0:07:15Well, a dot.
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- OK, are you ready to go? - I think so.- Good, OK.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28If you take a deep breath in. Blow it out. That's it.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33- Seriously?- That's it, that's all it is. It's in, the back's on.
0:07:33 > 0:07:37Your ear's going to feel a little bit hot, it's going to look a little bit red.
0:07:37 > 0:07:40That will go really quickly. That's all the fuss over with!
0:07:40 > 0:07:43Thank you so much. Give me a kiss.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47- That's what you look like pierced. - HE LAUGHS
0:07:48 > 0:07:52I'm going to have to get used to this whole new me. It's completely weird.
0:07:52 > 0:07:57Well, well, well. I wonder what Jo Brand will think of it. She'll probably think I'm stupid.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06I was fully prepared to come with it still in,
0:08:06 > 0:08:08but unfortunately had to do some re-shooting
0:08:08 > 0:08:11on a Sherlock Holmes film, so I had to take it out.
0:08:11 > 0:08:15Once it's taken out, it heals up almost instantly.
0:08:15 > 0:08:18So that's the only memory we have of the day I was pierced, really.
0:08:18 > 0:08:22It lasted about two days, and amazingly, almost nobody I bumped into noticed it at once.
0:08:22 > 0:08:24Really?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27I was at a show, my nephew and his girlfriend came
0:08:27 > 0:08:29and we were chatting in the interval of the show.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31He was chatting to me and I said,
0:08:31 > 0:08:33"Do you notice anything different about me?"
0:08:33 > 0:08:37People always look to the hairline when you say that. He said, "No, no."
0:08:37 > 0:08:40He said, "You haven't got a beard or a moustache or anything"
0:08:40 > 0:08:43and suddenly went, "Oh, my God, Uncle Stephen.
0:08:43 > 0:08:44"What on earth is happening?"
0:08:44 > 0:08:48It was this sort of tragic, he thought his uncle had gone weird.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51As if having grown up knowing me all his life,
0:08:51 > 0:08:53I could have got any weirder!
0:08:53 > 0:08:57I have had my ears pierced, but I had them done at college when I was
0:08:57 > 0:08:58very drunk one night,
0:08:58 > 0:09:02by a friend with an ice cube, a cork and a needle.
0:09:02 > 0:09:05- Oh, you're joking. - No. Are you going to re-pierce?
0:09:05 > 0:09:06I think not.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08I've done it now and it was an experience.
0:09:08 > 0:09:12I am going to show you some options that you could have had
0:09:12 > 0:09:14downstairs, as it were.
0:09:17 > 0:09:21Let's just start with your bits. Well, not YOUR bits.
0:09:21 > 0:09:25- That's your classic Prince Albert? - That's your classic Prince Albert.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27Not keen?
0:09:27 > 0:09:30I just don't see why.
0:09:30 > 0:09:33Does it enhance the pleasure for the lady, is that the point?
0:09:33 > 0:09:35I couldn't tell you.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43I'll pop one on my husband later and give you a ring.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46Can I say, I thought you did brilliantly there and you were brave.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Would you like to give your experience
0:09:49 > 0:09:51of having your ear pierced marks out of ten?
0:09:51 > 0:09:54Oh, yes. I'm really glad I did it.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57It's nice to feel that I have a tiny thing in common with probably
0:09:57 > 0:10:00a majority of my fellow citizens now,
0:10:00 > 0:10:02so I would give that an eight out of ten.
0:10:02 > 0:10:05That's an eight of ten, everyone.
0:10:06 > 0:10:10# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself, it's later than you think. #
0:10:10 > 0:10:15Stephen, let me ask you - are you a handy man around the house?
0:10:18 > 0:10:21No. I grew up in a house that was ancient. Ancient.
0:10:21 > 0:10:24It was probably the first house in Norfolk ever to be on electricity,
0:10:24 > 0:10:26and it hadn't changed since.
0:10:26 > 0:10:29It had those huge ceramic fuses that would occasionally go
0:10:29 > 0:10:32and if my father wasn't around or my brother wasn't around,
0:10:32 > 0:10:36I did know how to change a fuse and it was a jolly dangerous business.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40I could do that and I could change a plug.
0:10:40 > 0:10:42That's about it, really, to be honest.
0:10:42 > 0:10:44Certainly nothing to do with woods or screws or drills
0:10:44 > 0:10:48or braces and bits or anything like that.
0:10:48 > 0:10:49Tinkering with car engines?
0:10:49 > 0:10:53No, I love cars and there was a time when for some bizarre reason
0:10:53 > 0:10:56I had almost up to 11 of the bloody things in different places,
0:10:56 > 0:10:59but I wasn't particularly good at dealing with them.
0:10:59 > 0:11:01I just screamed for someone else to do it.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04How about school - did you do metalwork or woodwork?
0:11:04 > 0:11:09I have a dim memory of once being allowed into a woodwork shop
0:11:09 > 0:11:12and then very quietly led out of it and told that perhaps
0:11:12 > 0:11:15I ought to think about something like the cello.
0:11:15 > 0:11:18- DIY's a bit of a mystery for you. - A complete mystery.
0:11:18 > 0:11:23Given you really have virtually done no DIY in your life,
0:11:23 > 0:11:25I thought it would be a great idea
0:11:25 > 0:11:29if you constructed your first ever piece of flat-pack furniture.
0:11:33 > 0:11:36Astonishing. I cannot... The people who make
0:11:36 > 0:11:39these things are the biggest company in the world, virtually.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41Presumably, everybody does it. I cannot
0:11:41 > 0:11:45believe the human race has allowed itself to get into the position
0:11:45 > 0:11:48where instead of buying a bloody desk,
0:11:48 > 0:11:50they just buy the bits of it and put it together.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54It puts good, honest carpenters out of work and is...
0:11:54 > 0:11:56AGONY!
0:11:56 > 0:12:00- You've never been to IKEA, have you? - I've never been inside one.
0:12:00 > 0:12:04- I've driven past them, they're blue and yellow.- That's right.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06We didn't send you to buy your flat-pack
0:12:06 > 0:12:09because we like you too much. It can be hideous.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- This is what happened. - Oh, dear.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14Oh, blimey.
0:12:14 > 0:12:15Good gracious.
0:12:15 > 0:12:19Oh, God, here are all the parts and the screws. Good gracious!
0:12:19 > 0:12:23That's good. That's a very good start, look at that.
0:12:23 > 0:12:27Isn't that brilliant? Oh, come on.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29No. Completely arsed it up already.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Bollocks.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34Apart from anything else,
0:12:34 > 0:12:39it's physically the most demanding thing I've ever done in my life.
0:12:39 > 0:12:42Let me just get my breath back.
0:12:43 > 0:12:4719568. Jesus.
0:12:47 > 0:12:51Are you the little hole for this?
0:12:51 > 0:12:53No.
0:12:59 > 0:13:02Now for the same thing again.
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Just allow some room for me to get my...
0:13:10 > 0:13:12Right. That's a pretty good start.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21And that would just swing there like that, obviously.
0:13:23 > 0:13:25SNAPPING
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Oh, shut up. Oh, I've broken the dowel.
0:13:29 > 0:13:31This is going to be agony.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39That went straight through the air.
0:13:39 > 0:13:42Have to match up. Have to nail into something, Stephen.
0:13:42 > 0:13:46I'm really...at the end of my tether with this now.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52You've come out of your hole, you bastard.
0:14:02 > 0:14:06This is deeply troubling. Deeply troubling.
0:14:15 > 0:14:20Match up in the wood. Thank you. I'm grateful for the help.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23What the blazes? I don't know what you are.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28Oh, you're a drawer, possibly. Are you? A drawer?
0:14:28 > 0:14:31I've only got one slider.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34This is...
0:14:34 > 0:14:36HE SOBS
0:14:37 > 0:14:40I'll just have a little hanging door for the moment,
0:14:40 > 0:14:44but generally speaking, there's your...
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Ahh!
0:14:47 > 0:14:49It's a bottom drawer now, which is more useful
0:14:49 > 0:14:53because you can get at the paper and the things you need.
0:14:53 > 0:14:57But essentially, there's Goliat...
0:14:57 > 0:14:58slain by David.
0:14:59 > 0:15:03I thought I did a bloody good job, frankly.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04Right, next.
0:15:12 > 0:15:14Oh, dear.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17Can I just start off, I'm sorry about doing this,
0:15:17 > 0:15:21but this is how much Stephen had left at the end.
0:15:21 > 0:15:25I would assume any sensible company would leave some extra in case you get them lost.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30- But not 23.- All right. Fair enough.
0:15:30 > 0:15:32- Did it make you feel manly? - No, it made me feel angry.
0:15:32 > 0:15:34It made me feel genuinely angry.
0:15:34 > 0:15:37It made me feel that the company had contempt for me.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40I understand that not everyone can afford purpose-built
0:15:40 > 0:15:42carpentry furniture, my goodness me.
0:15:42 > 0:15:46I understand not everybody can spend a weekend making their own,
0:15:46 > 0:15:49which would be beautiful and a lovely thing to do.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I understand that a flat-pack is a good idea in saving money,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55but I'd think there is an enormous space in the market for someone
0:15:55 > 0:15:59to come in with an intelligent, joyful way of doing it.
0:15:59 > 0:16:03There's no colour coding which seems to me one of the dumbest things.
0:16:03 > 0:16:06One would just like to shake the head of the Head of Ikea
0:16:06 > 0:16:10because the instructions just do not seem to understand human nature.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12They're all visual, aren't they?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15They're all visual, but they're black-and-white visual.
0:16:15 > 0:16:20- I wanted to redesign the bloody thing...- There were a couple of things you could have done.
0:16:20 > 0:16:24- You could have taken your jacket off. - Yes, I suppose.
0:16:24 > 0:16:28Also, the other thing you didn't do, which a lot of people do do,
0:16:28 > 0:16:32is get all of the nails and screws out of the bag and put them
0:16:32 > 0:16:34in groups so that you can identify...
0:16:34 > 0:16:38These are the kind of people who put things up their bottoms.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42This is taking anality too far.
0:16:42 > 0:16:45I also did Goliat at home.
0:16:45 > 0:16:50You took over an hour and half, I took about an hour and 20 minutes.
0:16:50 > 0:16:54- Well done.- 20 minutes of that was piss-taking by my husband.
0:16:54 > 0:16:57- That doesn't count.- Can we have a look at a picture of mine?
0:16:57 > 0:17:01I'd love to see yours. I bet it's a lot better than mine. Perfect.
0:17:01 > 0:17:03APPLAUSE
0:17:05 > 0:17:09- And what's that thing on top of it? - Weirdly, my BAFTA fell off a shelf.
0:17:11 > 0:17:16- I have been told women are better at it and I can well believe it. - I really loved it as well.
0:17:16 > 0:17:20I know it's so weird to say that, but I really enjoyed it.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- I'm delighted to hear it.- It doesn't sound like you're going to give...
0:17:23 > 0:17:26- No.- Flat-pack furniture very high marks.
0:17:26 > 0:17:29What would you give your experience out of ten?
0:17:29 > 0:17:32- One.- You would give it one out of ten.
0:17:41 > 0:17:45Do you think you're a person who's tuned into popular culture?
0:17:47 > 0:17:49I must confess, I'm not.
0:17:49 > 0:17:54There is an enormous number of holes in my tapestry. I rely on friends.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57There are things that you cannot but know.
0:17:57 > 0:18:00You literally can go... I have for example never seen anything
0:18:00 > 0:18:03with the word "dancing" in it ever.
0:18:03 > 0:18:04Do you watch a lot of comedy?
0:18:06 > 0:18:07A fair amount.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I like, though, it slightly makes my eyes water -
0:18:10 > 0:18:13the kids, they've now made a film.
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Simon Bird and...
0:18:16 > 0:18:19- What the hell's that called? - What the hell is that?
0:18:19 > 0:18:23The Inbetweeners, yes. It's witty, they know what they're doing and it's good.
0:18:23 > 0:18:30There is one comedy series that you've never seen an episode of.
0:18:30 > 0:18:32It's three-times BAFTA award-winning,
0:18:32 > 0:18:38which at the height of its popularity had 24 million viewers.
0:18:38 > 0:18:42- Jesus.- You have never seen an episode of Only Fools and Horses.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47I'm sorry, it's not like a moral choice.
0:18:47 > 0:18:51- It just never happened. - Some people have fainted.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56I've also never seen the one with the old people in it -
0:18:56 > 0:18:59- Last of the Summer Wine.- Oh, yes. - That's been going for 70 years.
0:18:59 > 0:19:02- That's no great loss.- OK.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10Really, I feel awful because again, I've worked with Nicholas Lyndhurst.
0:19:10 > 0:19:14I think David Jason is one of the finest television actors in history.
0:19:14 > 0:19:19I have seen every episode of Frost probably 20 times.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22I'm absolutely obsessed with it and I think he is a genius.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Can I just ask, is there anyone in the audience
0:19:25 > 0:19:29who's never seen Only Fools and Horses? Oh, you've got a few.
0:19:29 > 0:19:33It's not something I'm proud of. As I say, I really admire
0:19:33 > 0:19:35all the talent that went into the making of it.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39The director of most of them, I've worked with him.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42I've just felt embarrassed that I've never got round to it.
0:19:42 > 0:19:45You need no more feel embarrassed because you have watched it.
0:19:45 > 0:19:48- Because you sent me round a box-set.- Indeed.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Tell us about the episodes you watched.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Oh, I saw one called "The Unlucky Winner is..."
0:19:55 > 0:19:57Rodney is talented at painting
0:19:57 > 0:19:59and Del Boy - of whom I was well aware
0:19:59 > 0:20:02because like Arthur Daley in Minder,
0:20:02 > 0:20:06one sort of knew he was a dodger and diver and a weaver and a bobber.
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Selling things down the market and dodgy watches or whatever it might be.
0:20:09 > 0:20:12I kind of knew that was what his character was already.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15In this instance, he'd been having a phase of doing competitions
0:20:15 > 0:20:19and he had submitted a painting of Rodney's
0:20:19 > 0:20:21to a Corn Flakes competition.
0:20:21 > 0:20:25It had won, but there was a big but, which was very funny.
0:20:25 > 0:20:27I really enjoyed the episode.
0:20:27 > 0:20:30It has an element, I won't say of soap opera,
0:20:30 > 0:20:32but of continuing drama.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34The characters grow and develop
0:20:34 > 0:20:38and there are moments of sadness that aren't sentimentalised,
0:20:38 > 0:20:40that are very touching.
0:20:40 > 0:20:43I think that's why the nation took it to their hearts so much
0:20:43 > 0:20:45because they grew up with that family.
0:20:45 > 0:20:49You now look back at it, it seems extraordinarily innocent, really.
0:20:49 > 0:20:51I'm so pleased you enjoyed it, actually,
0:20:51 > 0:20:53because I absolutely love it.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57I think it's kind of a real universal comedy because it doesn't matter
0:20:57 > 0:21:00if you're middle-class, upper-class or what you are.
0:21:00 > 0:21:04You can watch it and there's just always great laughs in it, really.
0:21:04 > 0:21:07That's the thing about John Sullivan as a writer,
0:21:07 > 0:21:12he was a fantastic character writer, and he could do wonderful jokes,
0:21:12 > 0:21:15just brilliant moments that make you laugh out loud.
0:21:15 > 0:21:18Because you enjoyed it, and we're very pleased
0:21:18 > 0:21:22we've got a little memento for you of it, which is...here.
0:21:26 > 0:21:28A statuette of Rodney.
0:21:28 > 0:21:31- You know what? I think it looks a bit like you.- It does, doesn't it?
0:21:31 > 0:21:33Please take that with you.
0:21:33 > 0:21:36If I didn't eat so much, I would look like that.
0:21:36 > 0:21:38Thank you very much indeed.
0:21:38 > 0:21:40I'm extremely touched.
0:21:40 > 0:21:44Would you mind to give us your marks out of 10 for Only Fools And Horses?
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- I would give it nine and half out of 10.- Fantastic. 9.5 out of 10.
0:21:54 > 0:21:57Stephen, now I'd like to talk to you about violence.
0:21:58 > 0:22:01How are you with violence?
0:22:01 > 0:22:04I'm extremely good at running away.
0:22:04 > 0:22:09I hate confrontation - even verbal confrontation upsets me very much.
0:22:09 > 0:22:11I don't think I've ever hit anybody.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15- Have you been in a fight?- No. I remember what a shock it was.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19In Cambridge, there's a place, where - Scudamore's it's called -
0:22:19 > 0:22:24all the punts are. Outside a pub there, I saw a fight.
0:22:24 > 0:22:28It was the first fight I'd ever seen. I was 20, or something.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32It was the first proper fight I'd ever seen. The sight of one fist
0:22:32 > 0:22:36hitting someone's face made my blood sing, and I felt like being sick,
0:22:36 > 0:22:40it was the most awful thing I'd ever seen.
0:22:40 > 0:22:43- I cried, I actually cried.- No. - Honestly, I was so upset by it.
0:22:43 > 0:22:46And I was also upset by the fact that I was so upset.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49I thought, "Come on, Stephen, you're a grown man.
0:22:49 > 0:22:52"How can you have lived all your life?"
0:22:52 > 0:22:55When you think all around the world how much violence there is.
0:22:55 > 0:22:58I may be a gay boy, but I'm not a complete Nancy.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00I have actually knocked two people out.
0:23:00 > 0:23:02Blimey!
0:23:02 > 0:23:03Really?
0:23:03 > 0:23:07I was in a pub when I was a teenager, and this bloke pinched my bum.
0:23:07 > 0:23:10My instant reaction was to lamp him in the face.
0:23:10 > 0:23:13The other time was when I was at a party and this bloke came up to me,
0:23:13 > 0:23:15he was very drunk, and he pulled my dress off.
0:23:15 > 0:23:19I was left standing in the middle of a party with just my pants on.
0:23:21 > 0:23:24What an attractive sight that was.
0:23:24 > 0:23:28I thought that it would be great for you to explore that side of yourself.
0:23:28 > 0:23:31- You did, didn't you? - Yes, I did, I am so sorry.
0:23:31 > 0:23:36So, what we decided would be a great idea was to send
0:23:36 > 0:23:38you for your first-ever boxing lesson.
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Now, where did you go?
0:23:42 > 0:23:45We went to Canning Town, the Peacock gym, Canning Town.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47What were your expectations?
0:23:47 > 0:23:49Were you anxious? Did you think you would be good at it?
0:23:49 > 0:23:53I thought that I would be laughed at. That is understandable -
0:23:53 > 0:23:57I am a flabby 54 year-old, with no experience of this kind of thing.
0:23:57 > 0:23:59I'm pretty uncoordinated,
0:23:59 > 0:24:00I'm not very graceful.
0:24:00 > 0:24:03I just hoped they would be kind enough to me,
0:24:03 > 0:24:06you know, to at least not mock me openly!
0:24:06 > 0:24:10Let's have a look at it, and see how it went then.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Do you go through the middle one? Oh, dear!
0:24:16 > 0:24:20If you just have a little run round the outside of the ring.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Just nice and easy.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25When I say out "one", I want you to put your left hand on the floor.
0:24:25 > 0:24:28- Left hand on the floor.- Oh, oow!
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Two, right hand on the floor. Two, right hand on the floor.
0:24:31 > 0:24:35- It's awfully unkind. - Three, both hands on the floor.- Oh!
0:24:35 > 0:24:39What I'm going to do, I'm going to show you a few basic moves.
0:24:40 > 0:24:42Don't be stiff with it, be nice and loose.
0:24:44 > 0:24:48One, it comes out nice and sharp. Nice and sharp. One, that's it.
0:24:48 > 0:24:51One, that's it. One, good, good.
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Go back. One, good. One.
0:24:54 > 0:24:59Turn that wrist over. One, good. One, good. Push down.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04Start off with a jab. That's it, good. Jab. Good. Double jab.
0:25:04 > 0:25:08Double jab. One, two.
0:25:08 > 0:25:11One, two. Arm. Come on.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I can't feel nothing, come on.
0:25:13 > 0:25:14AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:25:14 > 0:25:17Push it, hard. Come on. Good, good.
0:25:17 > 0:25:19Right, body shots, what we're going to do,
0:25:19 > 0:25:21we're going to keep that left leg up.
0:25:21 > 0:25:25That left leg has got to be facing me all the time, chin down, arms up.
0:25:25 > 0:25:31Elbows in tight, Stephen. Punch hard, punch hard all the time. Good.
0:25:32 > 0:25:36Keep punching, keep punching. Come on. Come on.
0:25:36 > 0:25:38Come on, harder. That's it, come on. Come on.
0:25:40 > 0:25:43AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Good. Good.
0:25:53 > 0:25:58Turn, turn, harder. Let it go. Come on, let it go.
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Oow! Oow!
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- Come on.- That's hard.
0:26:10 > 0:26:11Breathe. Well done.
0:26:11 > 0:26:13HE GRUNTS
0:26:16 > 0:26:18APPLAUSE
0:26:21 > 0:26:24I thought, for someone that's never chinned anyone
0:26:24 > 0:26:27that was really impressive. Don't you think so, audience?
0:26:27 > 0:26:29APPLAUSE
0:26:33 > 0:26:35And actually, we do indeed have Andre Olley here,
0:26:35 > 0:26:37who was your trainer. Hi, Andre.
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Hello there. Hi, Stephen.
0:26:39 > 0:26:41Andre, you were so kind to me, honestly,
0:26:41 > 0:26:43but I'm still slightly suffering.
0:26:43 > 0:26:47It is the hardest work I've ever done in the shortest space of time.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50As I said to Andre at the time, you know,
0:26:50 > 0:26:54I may not like the idea of people punching themselves in the face,
0:26:54 > 0:26:59but anybody who can just be in a ring for one round,
0:26:59 > 0:27:03I take my hat off to them. I can't tell you how exhausting it is.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07And actually, the act of punching is more exhausting than being punched!
0:27:07 > 0:27:10I would say, "Punch me, punch me. It's fine, keep going, keep going."
0:27:10 > 0:27:12But this business...
0:27:12 > 0:27:16I was just exhausted! I take my hat off to people like Andre.
0:27:16 > 0:27:21I think they're incredible physical specimens and incredibly gifted,
0:27:21 > 0:27:23but also they're doing a lot for the community,
0:27:23 > 0:27:28so I thank you for your tolerance and kindness to me!
0:27:28 > 0:27:32- Give my best to everyone at the Peacock. - Thank you so much, Andre Olley.
0:27:35 > 0:27:38You WERE good. Have you found your inner caveman?
0:27:38 > 0:27:41No, I haven't!
0:27:41 > 0:27:44I would still rather use sarcasm, to be honest.
0:27:44 > 0:27:47Can you give me a score out of ten for your boxing experience?
0:27:47 > 0:27:51Well, I have to say, although it was agony all round,
0:27:51 > 0:27:53there was something profound about it,
0:27:53 > 0:27:55and I have to say ten out of ten!
0:27:55 > 0:27:56Fantastic.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Stephen Fry, thank you so much for embracing
0:28:08 > 0:28:11that very varied number of tasks
0:28:11 > 0:28:15- with such gusto and charm. Stephen Fry, everyone.- Thank you.
0:28:15 > 0:28:16CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:16 > 0:28:18How lovely! Thank you!
0:28:22 > 0:28:24# Enjoy yourself
0:28:24 > 0:28:28# It's later than you think
0:28:28 > 0:28:31# Enjoy yourself
0:28:31 > 0:28:34# While you're still in the pink
0:28:34 > 0:28:36# The years go by
0:28:36 > 0:28:40# As quickly as you wink
0:28:40 > 0:28:43# Enjoy yourself, enjoy yourself
0:28:43 > 0:28:45# It's later than you think. #
0:28:45 > 0:28:48Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:28:48 > 0:28:51E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk