0:00:02 > 0:00:09This programme contains some strong language
0:00:19 > 0:00:21Let's go and touch some people up.
0:00:21 > 0:00:25This is Impractical Jokers, the hidden camera show where
0:00:25 > 0:00:29four comedians compete to embarrass each other in everyday situations.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32The jokers are: Joel Dommett.
0:00:32 > 0:00:33My name is Pedro.
0:00:35 > 0:00:37Roisin Conaty.
0:00:37 > 0:00:38I am better than you.
0:00:38 > 0:00:40- Paul McCaffrey.- I genuinely don't think I can do this.
0:00:40 > 0:00:43- And Marek Larwood.- Thank you very much for your time. Thank you very much.
0:00:43 > 0:00:47They have to do and say everything the others tell them,
0:00:47 > 0:00:48or face a forfeit.
0:00:48 > 0:00:50# I'm a referee lover. #
0:00:50 > 0:00:53It's a ruthless fight to the finish, where there's no winner,
0:00:53 > 0:00:54just a loser.
0:00:54 > 0:00:55Ah!
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Today the jokers are in Leicester Square,
0:01:04 > 0:01:06and they're going to strike up conversations
0:01:06 > 0:01:08with complete strangers.
0:01:08 > 0:01:09Excuse me, guys.
0:01:09 > 0:01:11There's a premiere happening here at three, is it?
0:01:11 > 0:01:15But at some point, they're going to be fed a line by the other jokers.
0:01:15 > 0:01:17I can fit my dick in that bin.
0:01:18 > 0:01:23All they know is that they have to keep that line of conversation going for 20 seconds.
0:01:23 > 0:01:25Have you ever dressed up as a sailor?
0:01:25 > 0:01:26You've not dressed up as a sailor?
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Aye-aye!
0:01:29 > 0:01:32Any joker who fails to keep it going loses.
0:01:35 > 0:01:38First up, it's Marek.
0:01:38 > 0:01:40Sorry, mate, sorry to bother you.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42Do you know anywhere I can buy shorts round here
0:01:42 > 0:01:44- cos I need to get some for summer?- No, I don't.
0:01:44 > 0:01:46You don't know? Where's the shopping district?
0:01:46 > 0:01:48I got a hand job in Bradford once.
0:01:48 > 0:01:49Uh...
0:01:49 > 0:01:53Keep walking here, when you get to the five guys...
0:01:54 > 0:01:56Chuck it in, come on. Chuck it in.
0:01:56 > 0:01:58..Jack Wolfskin.
0:01:58 > 0:02:00Oh! I'll tell you what, though, mate...
0:02:00 > 0:02:02I...I got a hand-job in Bradford once.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- You've been to Bradford? - No, I have not.
0:02:05 > 0:02:06It's really good.
0:02:06 > 0:02:07Everyone there is really friendly.
0:02:07 > 0:02:09OK.
0:02:11 > 0:02:13Try again, mate.
0:02:13 > 0:02:15Do you know if Covent Garden's this way?
0:02:15 > 0:02:16Sorry. Or that way or..?
0:02:18 > 0:02:20Say, "I can lick myself like a cat."
0:02:20 > 0:02:22- Yeah. - I think it's that way.
0:02:22 > 0:02:23But ask someone.
0:02:23 > 0:02:25Yeah. I can lick myself like a cat.
0:02:25 > 0:02:27- You can what? - Lick myself like a cat.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32He's going, he's going. Oh, he's gone!
0:02:32 > 0:02:34Nope. He's gone!
0:02:34 > 0:02:36Unlucky.
0:02:36 > 0:02:38Do it again, Marek.
0:02:38 > 0:02:41Sorry to bother you, mate. Do you... Have you...
0:02:41 > 0:02:43Can you walk to Covent Garden from here? Cos I'm a little bit lost.
0:02:43 > 0:02:46- Covent Garden, yeah, you just go down... - Can't wait for this one.
0:02:46 > 0:02:49I'm still allowed to breast-feed on birthdays and Christmas.
0:02:49 > 0:02:50And I don't turn off anywhere?
0:02:50 > 0:02:52No. No, no.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53I'll tell you what, though,
0:02:53 > 0:02:55I'm still allowed to, like,
0:02:55 > 0:02:57breast-feed on birthdays and Christmas.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59So it's really good because I don't have to worry.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01I don't have to worry so much about,
0:03:01 > 0:03:03you know, what I'm going to do.
0:03:03 > 0:03:05I can hold on, knowing I've got Christmas
0:03:05 > 0:03:06to look forward to, and my birthday.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09You're losing him, Marek. You're losing him.
0:03:09 > 0:03:12My birthdays are halfway through.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Bad luck, Marek.
0:03:16 > 0:03:18Marek doesn't carry on any conversation
0:03:18 > 0:03:21for the 20 seconds, so gets a fail.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24Next, it's Joel.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26Oh, I just feel so...
0:03:26 > 0:03:28- Scared?- Yeah, scared.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Go on, Joelly.
0:03:30 > 0:03:34- All these people flying out... - I agree, all these people flying...
0:03:34 > 0:03:36I think the flying out is the main thing with that.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Don't you..? I agree with you entirely.
0:03:38 > 0:03:39Flying up or flying out?
0:03:39 > 0:03:43Flying up, mainly, and then flying out.
0:03:43 > 0:03:45I've never seen one of my own shits.
0:03:45 > 0:03:49I... I have never seen one of my own...
0:03:50 > 0:03:53Um... Never mind.
0:03:53 > 0:03:55Ah!
0:03:55 > 0:03:56I'm so scared!
0:03:58 > 0:04:00Excuse me, mate. Do you know the area at all?
0:04:00 > 0:04:03- Not that much. - Not that much? Do you know..?
0:04:03 > 0:04:06Do you know just, like, where the nearest...
0:04:06 > 0:04:08sort of, nearest coffee shop is or anything?
0:04:08 > 0:04:10And then say, "I hate having to rubber up."
0:04:10 > 0:04:14I don't know, you have like... to go that way to get the...
0:04:14 > 0:04:16Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:04:16 > 0:04:18I mean, I just hate
0:04:18 > 0:04:20having to rubber up, you know?
0:04:20 > 0:04:21I don't know.
0:04:21 > 0:04:25Do you ever have that same feeling? When you're...
0:04:25 > 0:04:29- You just... - When you're rubbering it up?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31You know, you just hate it when you have to...you know,
0:04:31 > 0:04:33you're in...you're about to just...
0:04:33 > 0:04:35When you're doing the washing up
0:04:35 > 0:04:37and you have to put the rubber gloves on? And...no?
0:04:37 > 0:04:40- Ah, that's not what we meant, Joel. - No? No?- No.
0:04:40 > 0:04:41That's a massive fail.
0:04:41 > 0:04:42Boo!
0:04:44 > 0:04:48Joel veers off the subject, so joins Marek with a fail.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Next, it's Paul.
0:04:50 > 0:04:52- Have you just been in that cinema? - No.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54No? It's rubbish!
0:04:54 > 0:04:57I shat out a slipper this morning.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00I think I've had one of the worst starts to the day.
0:05:00 > 0:05:02First of all, I woke up this morning...
0:05:02 > 0:05:03Say it.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05I shat out a slipper this morning.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07It was like a moccasin.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11I mean, the surprising thing was,
0:05:11 > 0:05:13I don't remember eating it!
0:05:13 > 0:05:15You know, so it came out.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Last time that happened was Christmas,
0:05:17 > 0:05:19and that wasn't a moccasin,
0:05:19 > 0:05:20that was a Doctor Marten boot.
0:05:20 > 0:05:22So...
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Size 12, so I'm a size 4,
0:05:24 > 0:05:26so it must've been someone else's.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28You can imagine the surprise. It was, er...
0:05:28 > 0:05:30- Well done. - Good work! Wow.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33- A moccasin?!- Have a good day.
0:05:34 > 0:05:36Paul's the first joker
0:05:36 > 0:05:38to succeed and get a pass.
0:05:40 > 0:05:43Finally, it's Roisin.
0:05:43 > 0:05:45Excuse me.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Do you think the red lipstick and the red jacket is too much?
0:05:49 > 0:05:51- I like the colour. - You like the colour?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- I think it's just a bit too... - Bit too red? Too much?
0:05:53 > 0:05:57I like to dribble down myself and make my own wet T-shirt competition.
0:05:57 > 0:05:59And make it a little bit less..?
0:05:59 > 0:06:01But no, it looks nice.
0:06:01 > 0:06:03So I like to dribble down myself
0:06:03 > 0:06:05and make my own wet T-shirt competition.
0:06:05 > 0:06:08And just see how that goes, really, you know?
0:06:08 > 0:06:09It takes a lot of dribble.
0:06:09 > 0:06:12You've got to drink a lot of water to...you know...
0:06:12 > 0:06:15because I'm quite full-chested.
0:06:15 > 0:06:16That must be nearly time.
0:06:16 > 0:06:17I really need to
0:06:17 > 0:06:20get my drool on, get my old drool on.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23- Yeah.- So... 'Three, two, one!'
0:06:23 > 0:06:26- Drooly, drooly, drooly. Drooling all over myself. - She's done it!
0:06:26 > 0:06:29- Hopefully see you again! - Well done.
0:06:29 > 0:06:31Who knew you could talk so much dribble?
0:06:33 > 0:06:36Roisin carries on the conversation
0:06:36 > 0:06:37for the whole 20 seconds
0:06:37 > 0:06:39and joins Paul with a pass.
0:06:44 > 0:06:46Which means, at the end of the first challenge,
0:06:46 > 0:06:51Marek and Joel are the current losers with one fail each.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53Predicting the future is easy.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56I predict we're going to set up a tarot card stall
0:06:56 > 0:06:57and give away free readings.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I'm just going to ask you a few very simple things.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01I would definitely say you're a man.
0:07:01 > 0:07:04Our challenge, that we'll have to do and say...
0:07:04 > 0:07:06everything the other jokers tell us.
0:07:06 > 0:07:07Ooh!
0:07:07 > 0:07:09The tower!
0:07:09 > 0:07:13Ooh, the tower! Ooh!
0:07:13 > 0:07:16'And if we don't get a tip, we get a fail.'
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Would you like to leave me a tip?
0:07:19 > 0:07:24First to try and get a tip for a reading is Joel.
0:07:24 > 0:07:26I'm doing free tarot card readings for today, sir.
0:07:26 > 0:07:29Just wondering whether you'd be interested in something like that? Yeah, you're in?
0:07:29 > 0:07:32- Go, go, go.- Take a seat down there. What's your name, my friend?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- Daniel.- Daniel!
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- Yeah.- Have you ever had a tarot card reading before, Daniel?
0:07:36 > 0:07:39- No.- No?- Just to give you some idea of my power...
0:07:39 > 0:07:41Just to give you a small indication of my powers...
0:07:41 > 0:07:45I predicted when Neighbours was going to be moved to Channel 5.
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Uh...I predicted when Neighbours was going to move to Channel 5.
0:07:48 > 0:07:53- Really?- OK, here we go. And that is the star.
0:07:53 > 0:07:56Absolutely brilliant card for you, Daniel.
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Very exciting news for you, Daniel.
0:07:58 > 0:08:02- You...- You're going to have a threesome with 19-year-old Swedish twins.
0:08:02 > 0:08:07..are going to have... yeah...you're going to have a...
0:08:07 > 0:08:09- threesome.- Oh, really?
0:08:09 > 0:08:13With 19-year-old Swedish twins. High-five!
0:08:13 > 0:08:14And the twins' names...
0:08:14 > 0:08:17The twins' names are...
0:08:17 > 0:08:18Boris and Bjorn.
0:08:21 > 0:08:24They are...they're Boris and Bjorn?
0:08:24 > 0:08:29Just wondering whether we could have... I mean, it's just for tips.
0:08:29 > 0:08:32- I'll just give you some pennies. - Yes!
0:08:32 > 0:08:37- There we go! - Joel gets a tip so he gets a pass.
0:08:37 > 0:08:40Next up, it's Marek.
0:08:40 > 0:08:42- Tarot card reading today, sir? - Straight in, mate.
0:08:42 > 0:08:45- If you'd like to take a seat, please.- They call me Crystal Bald.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48Call me Crystal Bald. OK.
0:08:48 > 0:08:51OK. Right, first card.
0:08:51 > 0:08:52What is it?
0:08:52 > 0:08:54It's the star.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56"Ooh, the star!" in a sarky voice.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58Look at me! I'm a star!
0:08:58 > 0:09:01Oh, get me on Celebrity Big Brother.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Oh, it's bullshit!
0:09:03 > 0:09:04This next card is...
0:09:04 > 0:09:08The Wheel of Fortune. It... Absolute great card.
0:09:08 > 0:09:09This means...
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Someone's going to lose their virginity tonight.
0:09:13 > 0:09:15Someone is going to...
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Do it, Marek. Come on!
0:09:18 > 0:09:20Someone's going to...have a...
0:09:20 > 0:09:21a good time.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25A good thing is going to happen to you.
0:09:25 > 0:09:27If you want to leave a tip, you don't have to, whatever,
0:09:27 > 0:09:30if you thought it was worthwhile. Did you find that worthwhile at all?
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- Yeah...- Things are going to go well.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35So if you're here this time next week I'll be able to tell you.
0:09:35 > 0:09:37You're going to have a great week. Take care.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Nice to meet you. All the best.
0:09:39 > 0:09:41Great, thank you.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Yeah, yeah!
0:09:44 > 0:09:48Marek gets a tip for that reading so he gets a pass.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Next, it's Paul.
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Hello, there. We're doing free tarot readings today.
0:09:52 > 0:09:54- Are you?- Have you ever had your tarot done?
0:09:54 > 0:09:56- Yeah, yeah.- Where was it?
0:09:56 > 0:09:58- Back in Manchester, where I'm from. - Oh, in Manchester?!
0:09:58 > 0:10:00I love Manchester. I base my haircut on it.
0:10:00 > 0:10:03- I love Manchester. I base my haircut on it, clearly.- Yeah. Stone Roses.
0:10:03 > 0:10:06- Stone Roses, aye.- Let's go.
0:10:06 > 0:10:11Let's go. OK. The Wheel of Fortune! Ah, fantastic!
0:10:11 > 0:10:13- What would my nan say here? - What would my nan say here?
0:10:13 > 0:10:17In an old woman's Irish accent... sounding drunk...
0:10:17 > 0:10:20Always book your tickets in advance.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22She would look at this
0:10:22 > 0:10:26and go, "Always book your tickets in advance!
0:10:27 > 0:10:32"Because sometimes singles are cheaper than returns!"
0:10:32 > 0:10:35Always make sure you use the loo before you leave as well.
0:10:35 > 0:10:38Because those toilets are fucking disgusting.
0:10:38 > 0:10:42She says, "Always use the toilets before you leave the house
0:10:42 > 0:10:47"because the ones on the trains are fucking disgusting.
0:10:47 > 0:10:50"You be careful what you catch off them."
0:10:52 > 0:10:57And respond to this card - give it a kiss. Hello, mate.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- Hello, mate.- How you been?
0:10:59 > 0:11:02How you been? Haven't seen you in a while.
0:11:02 > 0:11:05Put it near your ear. What are you saying about her?
0:11:05 > 0:11:06What you saying?
0:11:06 > 0:11:08Yes, you're right. She is very hot.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12She is very hot!
0:11:14 > 0:11:16There's loads of positivity.
0:11:16 > 0:11:19Absolutely fantastic, and it's been...
0:11:19 > 0:11:21lovely to meet you. Obviously it's free,
0:11:21 > 0:11:24- but if you...have enjoyed it today...like...- Do you want a tip?
0:11:24 > 0:11:25Only if you feel like I deserve it.
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Thank you so, so much.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29That was amazing.
0:11:29 > 0:11:33So Paul also gets a tip and joins Marek and Joel with a pass.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38Finally to try and get a tip for a reading is Roisin.
0:11:39 > 0:11:42- Yes, it is free.- Right, OK.
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Straight in now. Big yourself up.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46I am the hot new thing on the psychic circuit.
0:11:46 > 0:11:51I'm the hot new thing on the old... the tarot psychic world.
0:11:51 > 0:11:52My name is Chakra Khan.
0:11:52 > 0:11:53My name's Chakra...Chakra Khan.
0:11:53 > 0:11:55Cards over your shoulder.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57- Won't be needing those. - Won't be needing those.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59- Why?- On your feet now.
0:11:59 > 0:12:00Right.
0:12:00 > 0:12:02OK. Avalon.
0:12:02 > 0:12:03Avalon.
0:12:03 > 0:12:04Stonehenge.
0:12:04 > 0:12:06Stonehenge.
0:12:06 > 0:12:07Dreams.
0:12:07 > 0:12:09- Dreams.- Realities.
0:12:09 > 0:12:10Realities.
0:12:10 > 0:12:12- The mind.- The mind.
0:12:12 > 0:12:14- The soul.- The soul.
0:12:14 > 0:12:16- Bums.- Bums.
0:12:16 > 0:12:18- Tums.- Tums.
0:12:22 > 0:12:23Eyes.
0:12:25 > 0:12:26OK.
0:12:26 > 0:12:27- OK.- Name. Give me your name.
0:12:27 > 0:12:29Name. Give me your name.
0:12:29 > 0:12:30My name? Lisa.
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Yeah. First name. First name. Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36I knew it was going to be Lisa. Chakra Khan.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Think of a number between one and three.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39Two.
0:12:39 > 0:12:41- Limbo!- Limbo!
0:12:41 > 0:12:43In between, say Chakra Khan.
0:12:43 > 0:12:44Chakra Khan!
0:12:47 > 0:12:48Oh, I don't like this.
0:12:48 > 0:12:51- You don't like it? - No. It's weird.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52Sorry, it's my first time.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54I was just trying to make it a bit more...
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Is that what you do, just that?
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Would you like to leave me a tip?
0:12:58 > 0:13:01- No!- Absolutely not? - No.- Thank you very much.
0:13:01 > 0:13:03Being honest, it was rubbish.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04No tip.
0:13:04 > 0:13:09Roisin gets no tips for her reading but she does get a fail.
0:13:09 > 0:13:12So at the end of challenge two, Marek, Roisin
0:13:12 > 0:13:15and Joel are all level with one fail each.
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Hello, mate. How you doing?
0:13:20 > 0:13:22We're here on the streets of Glasgow
0:13:22 > 0:13:26and our task is to get complete strangers to think they know us.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28- Hello, tiger!- Hello, Steve!
0:13:29 > 0:13:31If that's not difficult enough,
0:13:31 > 0:13:35we have the other jokers in our ears making up ridiculous reasons!
0:13:35 > 0:13:37We met at that cock fight!
0:13:37 > 0:13:40We met at...at the cock fight!
0:13:40 > 0:13:43The goal is to get the strangers to agree that they know us.
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- Lisa!- No.- Claire?- No.
0:13:45 > 0:13:46Susan!
0:13:46 > 0:13:48If we can't get anyone to agree, we lose.
0:13:48 > 0:13:49Mum!
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Them's the rules!
0:13:55 > 0:13:59First to get a stranger to remember them is Marek.
0:13:59 > 0:14:01Yes, this guy.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02Call him a legend. Legend!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Lege, mate. I know you, don't I, from...I know you from..?
0:14:05 > 0:14:10Lege? Lege! We used to be mates! Hey, Lege! Come on!
0:14:10 > 0:14:12Legend! Lege! Legey!
0:14:13 > 0:14:16Old Lege there's ignoring me.
0:14:19 > 0:14:21It's going to take a miracle.
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- All right, mate? I know you from...? - We had poppadoms at curries!
0:14:25 > 0:14:27We had poppadoms, didn't we? Not English poppadoms.
0:14:27 > 0:14:29- Indian poppadoms.- Spanish.
0:14:29 > 0:14:30- Spanish poppadoms?- No...
0:14:30 > 0:14:33I met you in Barcelona, was it? What's your name? Is your..?
0:14:33 > 0:14:34- Yes!- Yes!
0:14:34 > 0:14:36Hug him! Go in!
0:14:36 > 0:14:38Remember, we had those poppadoms?
0:14:38 > 0:14:39They were disgusting, I was sick everywhere!
0:14:39 > 0:14:42- Oh.- I was the French guy with the massive dong.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45I was the French guy with the... with the...
0:14:45 > 0:14:47with the massive dong. A massive dong.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48Yeah.
0:14:48 > 0:14:50Yeah, that's right!
0:14:50 > 0:14:52Well, that's the size - about that!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54It was great to see you, anyway.
0:14:54 > 0:14:56- Do you remember me?- No.
0:14:56 > 0:14:59- Oh. I can't believe it. You let me down!- Sorry.
0:14:59 > 0:15:00No, it's all right.
0:15:00 > 0:15:02See you. Traitor!
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Marek doesn't convince anyone that they know him
0:15:06 > 0:15:08so he gets a fail.
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Next up, Roisin.
0:15:12 > 0:15:13Oi! Oi!
0:15:13 > 0:15:15- JOKERS LAUGH - 'Nice!'
0:15:15 > 0:15:16Hello! How've you been?
0:15:16 > 0:15:17'Like it.'
0:15:17 > 0:15:19You don't remember me?
0:15:19 > 0:15:21- No.- "Horny wives book club."
0:15:21 > 0:15:22Horny wives book club!
0:15:22 > 0:15:25"You always rip the last pages out, don't you?"
0:15:25 > 0:15:28- You always rip the last pages out, don't you?- No.
0:15:28 > 0:15:30You little tinker.
0:15:30 > 0:15:31Oh, you do remember me!
0:15:31 > 0:15:33You do remember me!
0:15:36 > 0:15:39- There you are! How have you been? - What?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41"We met at the photographer thing."
0:15:41 > 0:15:44- Remember the photography event we went to?- No.
0:15:44 > 0:15:45You kept on zooming in on my big wig-wams.
0:15:45 > 0:15:48I've never been to a photography event.
0:15:48 > 0:15:50You were the one... Remember we did the photo and...
0:15:50 > 0:15:52'Say it!'
0:15:52 > 0:15:57Oh, you were zooming in on my... wig-wams.
0:15:57 > 0:15:59"Try looking at me through the camera like you did that night."
0:15:59 > 0:16:02I think if you look through there at me then you'll recognise me.
0:16:02 > 0:16:03"I was the wrong way round."
0:16:03 > 0:16:06I was the wrong way round. I was like... do you remember me like that?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- What about like this?- No.
0:16:10 > 0:16:12What about like this?
0:16:12 > 0:16:13Yeah!
0:16:13 > 0:16:14I can't believe...! You must...
0:16:14 > 0:16:16you must remember this one.
0:16:16 > 0:16:18"You made me hold those peaches for hours."
0:16:18 > 0:16:19You made me hold those peaches for hours.
0:16:19 > 0:16:21How can you not remember me?!
0:16:21 > 0:16:23This is the weirdest thing in the world.
0:16:23 > 0:16:25It's crazy you don't remember me!
0:16:25 > 0:16:28I've never... I - honestly, I haven't met you.
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Aww, that was a sterling effort.
0:16:31 > 0:16:34That's not a thumb sign, you're just pointing at your boobs!
0:16:34 > 0:16:37Roisin doesn't convince a stranger to remember her,
0:16:37 > 0:16:40so she joins Marek with a fail.
0:16:40 > 0:16:43Next up, it's Joel.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Go up to that bloke, that bald bloke, and shout "Marek!
0:16:45 > 0:16:49"It's you, right?!" Go on! "Marek!"
0:16:49 > 0:16:50Is it Marek?
0:16:50 > 0:16:52It's not Marek.
0:16:54 > 0:16:56Hey, didn't we...?
0:16:56 > 0:16:58- "We met at the Scooby-Doo." - We met at the Scooby-Doo thing.
0:16:58 > 0:16:59"You came as Sue Lewis."
0:16:59 > 0:17:01You came as Sue Lewis.
0:17:01 > 0:17:02"I came as Trevor McDonald."
0:17:02 > 0:17:04I came as...Trevor McDonald.
0:17:04 > 0:17:06- Wrong person!- No, it must be!
0:17:06 > 0:17:09"I'm going to show you something and you'll remember it straightaway."
0:17:09 > 0:17:11- Look, remember, we did this together.- Start cycling.
0:17:11 > 0:17:13Right, we did...the thing...
0:17:13 > 0:17:14And then start shouting...
0:17:14 > 0:17:17- MAREK: "You know, bot-bot!" - You know, bot-bot!- "Bot-bot!"
0:17:17 > 0:17:18We did bot-bot!
0:17:18 > 0:17:20And we were like, "Bot-bot!"
0:17:20 > 0:17:22Stick to taking the medication. Honestly, it wasn't me, man.
0:17:22 > 0:17:23We did the bot-bot!
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Start making sex noises. Sex noises.
0:17:25 > 0:17:28Bot-bot! Bot-bot! Uhh...
0:17:28 > 0:17:31With the bot-bot. Uhh... With the bot-bot!
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- Uhh. With the bot-bot. - Have a good day.
0:17:33 > 0:17:35Unhhh...
0:17:35 > 0:17:37- Unlucky, Joel.- Yeah.
0:17:37 > 0:17:38Oh, with the bot-bot.
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Joel isn't successful either
0:17:43 > 0:17:45and joins the others with a fail.
0:17:45 > 0:17:46Finally, it's Paul.
0:17:49 > 0:17:52You do look like you're waiting for the rest of your band to show up.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54You look like you've been dropped in the wrong city.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01Oh, my God! Hello, mate! How you doing?
0:18:01 > 0:18:03"I tried to buy your kidney!"
0:18:03 > 0:18:04I don't remember you.
0:18:04 > 0:18:06- Yeah...- Sorry.
0:18:06 > 0:18:08We met last week.
0:18:08 > 0:18:09- Not me.- 'Say it!'
0:18:09 > 0:18:11- 'Say it, Paul.' - "Your lovely, sexy kidney."
0:18:11 > 0:18:13Sorry, dude. You've got the wrong guy.
0:18:13 > 0:18:15I tried to buy your kidney!
0:18:17 > 0:18:18"Is it still for sale?"
0:18:18 > 0:18:19Is...?
0:18:23 > 0:18:25I think he's... I think he's already sold it.
0:18:28 > 0:18:29Hello, mate!
0:18:29 > 0:18:30How's it going? All right?
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Good to see you again.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35- Oh, er...- From the other night. I'm trying to think.
0:18:35 > 0:18:37I don't think I know you, mate.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39- Yeah, we met the other night, didn't we?- "Chess club."
0:18:39 > 0:18:41- Was it chess club?- What? - "You moved my pawn."
0:18:41 > 0:18:43You moved my pawn at the chess club the other night.
0:18:43 > 0:18:44I don't know you, honest.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48We definitely met! What's your name again?
0:18:48 > 0:18:49James.
0:18:49 > 0:18:52James! We spoke for about three hours.
0:18:52 > 0:18:54"Come on, mate. We smelt each other's hair."
0:18:54 > 0:18:57It was like last Sunday, I'm sure, or the Sunday before.
0:18:57 > 0:18:58"Come on, mate.."
0:18:58 > 0:19:02We smelt each other's... we smelt each other's hair.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04- Oh, right, right, right. - Smell that. See if you can remember.
0:19:04 > 0:19:07- Yeah.- You remember it!- Yeah. - Good man!
0:19:07 > 0:19:09- Yeah.- You legend!
0:19:09 > 0:19:11Take it easy, God bless.
0:19:11 > 0:19:12Smell that, mothers!
0:19:14 > 0:19:17Mate. I've just got a memorable face, Marek. What can I say?
0:19:19 > 0:19:21So Paul's the only joker to succeed and get a pass.
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Which means, at the end of challenge three,
0:19:27 > 0:19:31Marek, Roisin and Joel are level on two fails each.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39High-five is when you hit someone with your hand on their hand.
0:19:39 > 0:19:40- Isn't it, Paul?- Yeah, that's right.
0:19:40 > 0:19:42Show me someone that doesn't like to high-five
0:19:42 > 0:19:44and I'll show you someone that is dead inside.
0:19:46 > 0:19:47Hey, sir. Nice to see you.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51And now we have to high-five complete strangers
0:19:51 > 0:19:55as many times as possible - and whoever gets the fewest, loses.
0:19:58 > 0:20:00First up, it's Marek.
0:20:00 > 0:20:01He's joint loser at the moment
0:20:01 > 0:20:02with Roisin and Joel,
0:20:02 > 0:20:06and if any of them fail, they'll face this week's forfeit.
0:20:06 > 0:20:10Every day I've just realised that he looks more like a pigeon.
0:20:10 > 0:20:13- Doesn't he? - He's got a real pigeon profile.
0:20:13 > 0:20:15How's it going, ladies? High-five!
0:20:15 > 0:20:16- Oh, God.- Sorry, I'm in a rush.- OK.
0:20:16 > 0:20:18"Sorry, I'm in a rush"!
0:20:18 > 0:20:20Sorry, mate, do you know where the...?
0:20:20 > 0:20:21Sorry to bother you.
0:20:21 > 0:20:23Do you know where the Glasgow Museum of Modern Art is?
0:20:23 > 0:20:26- No idea. We're just visiting ourselves.- Oh, where from?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28- 'Oh!'- Inverness. - Inverness. I love Inverness.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30- It's a great place, isn't it? How long you been there?- Six years.
0:20:30 > 0:20:32Ah, nice one, mate.
0:20:32 > 0:20:34A lot of my best mates are from Inverness. They're really cool.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36High-five! Yeah!
0:20:36 > 0:20:38Yeah!
0:20:38 > 0:20:40- 'Yeah!'- 'He's just hitting him!'
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Yeah!
0:20:47 > 0:20:48Yeah!
0:20:50 > 0:20:52That was loads. That was at least 30.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54- No way!- No way.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Marek scores 33,
0:20:56 > 0:20:59and that's the score to beat to avoid a fail.
0:20:59 > 0:21:01Next up, it's Paul.
0:21:02 > 0:21:04How's it going?
0:21:05 > 0:21:06Yeah!
0:21:09 > 0:21:10That was amazing.
0:21:16 > 0:21:18JOKERS LAUGH
0:21:19 > 0:21:21Hello, mate. Doing all right?
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- Do you know where the punk disco is? - No.
0:21:26 > 0:21:27'Ooh!'
0:21:27 > 0:21:29You looked like you were trying to hit him!
0:21:29 > 0:21:31That was way too much!
0:21:31 > 0:21:33It's high-five, not GBH, Paul.
0:21:35 > 0:21:37- Oh, are you doing for the Red Cross? - Yeah.
0:21:37 > 0:21:39How are you getting on today? I used to do that as well.
0:21:39 > 0:21:40Having a good day? Yeah.
0:21:40 > 0:21:42You look like somebody. You look like Noel Gallagher.
0:21:42 > 0:21:44I look like Noel Gallagher?
0:21:44 > 0:21:46- I like that.- 'On a good day.'
0:21:46 > 0:21:492, 3, 4, 5, 6...
0:21:52 > 0:21:55All right, see who's going to be the last to stop.
0:21:58 > 0:22:00- Is this the high-five championships?- Blimey!
0:22:00 > 0:22:02- 'What the fuck is happening?'- More!
0:22:02 > 0:22:03Thank you. Have a good day!
0:22:03 > 0:22:05See who's going to be the last to stop.
0:22:05 > 0:22:07- That's a good tactic. - That's a good tactic.
0:22:07 > 0:22:08Paul does well,
0:22:08 > 0:22:10but not well enough to beat Marek's score.
0:22:10 > 0:22:14He'll get a fail unless another joker scores lower.
0:22:14 > 0:22:15Let's see how Joel gets on.
0:22:18 > 0:22:19Got any tactics, Joel?
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Yeah, I've got a few things in my bag.
0:22:22 > 0:22:24That sounds quite sinister.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28Back into being scared again. OK.
0:22:28 > 0:22:30Back into being scared.
0:22:30 > 0:22:32Relax. Put those shoulders back.
0:22:32 > 0:22:34Pull those trousers up.
0:22:34 > 0:22:36ROISIN: Let's go.
0:22:38 > 0:22:40No.
0:22:40 > 0:22:41That was an amazing tactic.
0:22:41 > 0:22:42Out of nowhere.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45MAREK: I don't think that's a good enough Scottish accent.
0:22:45 > 0:22:46Try it in Welsh.
0:22:47 > 0:22:48Hello, sir.
0:22:48 > 0:22:51I've just got my hand out of plaster and I was just wondering
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- if you could just touch my hand and see...- 'Oh, my God!'
0:22:53 > 0:22:55..if it feels real.
0:22:55 > 0:22:56Come off it, mate.
0:22:56 > 0:22:58You're SO losing this challenge, Joel.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00High-five if you love Scotland!
0:23:02 > 0:23:04Hey, I love Scotland! High-five!
0:23:04 > 0:23:07Straight in! Two. Three! Three!
0:23:07 > 0:23:08I think two are enough, mate.
0:23:08 > 0:23:09Three! Three! No, four.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11Not a good enough Scottish accent.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15- High-five if you love Scotland.- Eh?
0:23:15 > 0:23:18High-five if you love Scotland.
0:23:18 > 0:23:19- Are you having me on?- Yeah!
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Come on, two, two. All right.
0:23:20 > 0:23:23Three. Three, three.
0:23:23 > 0:23:25Get out. Get out.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29With only four high fives,
0:23:29 > 0:23:31Joel is currently looking at another fail
0:23:31 > 0:23:34and will face this week's forfeit.
0:23:34 > 0:23:37That is, unless Roisin does even worse.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42You're like a partially shaved lion.
0:23:42 > 0:23:43Like a poodle.
0:23:43 > 0:23:46It's Glasgow, not Moscow.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47HE WHISTLES
0:23:49 > 0:23:51High-five, sir.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58Hey, sir. Nice to see you.
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Does my hand smell?
0:24:05 > 0:24:07- High-five. I've got that camera! - Oh, have you?
0:24:07 > 0:24:09Yeah. High-five!
0:24:09 > 0:24:10Oh, off she goes.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12- Are you on holiday?- Ah, yeah. Yes.
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Oh, cool. Are you just taking photos of Glasgow?
0:24:14 > 0:24:16- Everything.- Oh, nice.- Yeah.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17- Where are you from?- Just the US.
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Oh, high-five! Whereabouts?
0:24:19 > 0:24:22- Er, Minnesota.- I haven't been, but I've heard it's amazing.
0:24:22 > 0:24:24I've seen this tactic somewhere before.
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- High-five! What kind of camera is it?- Er...
0:24:27 > 0:24:28She thinks she's going to steal it.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- Oh, cool. Yeah.- It's doing the job.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33Yeah, it's doing the job. Well, it was lovely to meet you. High-five!
0:24:33 > 0:24:35'No, she only needs one more. Don't do it, Roisin!'
0:24:35 > 0:24:36We love high-fiving.
0:24:36 > 0:24:37'Argh, she's done it!'
0:24:37 > 0:24:40It's one of my favourite things to do. It's like a hobby!
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- It's sort of like an addiction.- Well...
0:24:42 > 0:24:44- Can I just have a couple more? - Good luck.
0:24:44 > 0:24:45It's not a sexual thing.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48- "It's not a sexual thing"!- That's...
0:24:51 > 0:24:54Roisin beat Joel and earns herself a pass.
0:24:56 > 0:24:58Which means, with three fails to his name...
0:24:58 > 0:25:00Joel is this week's loser
0:25:00 > 0:25:02and must now face the consequences.
0:25:04 > 0:25:07- Oh, here comes the loser. - Hey, best friends!- Loser!
0:25:07 > 0:25:08- Oh, hello, mate.- Loser!
0:25:08 > 0:25:11Whatever, guys. I'm a winner in life. So...
0:25:11 > 0:25:12Oh, I'll tell you what, though -
0:25:12 > 0:25:15I'm pretty excited, because you're a world-famous artist, aren't you?
0:25:15 > 0:25:17- Is it the exhibition today? - Yeah, yeah, yeah.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- What exhibition?- The exhibition we've prepared for you.
0:25:20 > 0:25:22We've made all the stuff ourselves, so...
0:25:22 > 0:25:24Come on, then, Joel, we'd better go, mate.
0:25:24 > 0:25:25Your audience is waiting for you. Let's go.
0:25:25 > 0:25:28So Joel is about to be thrown in front of an expectant,
0:25:28 > 0:25:32critical, art-loving audience to present an extraordinary
0:25:32 > 0:25:35collection which he's never seen before.
0:25:35 > 0:25:39Ladies and gentlemen, London's most talked-about new artist
0:25:39 > 0:25:43and recent winner of the Nonny Prize, it's Dommett!
0:25:43 > 0:25:45Hello, everybody.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46Hello. How are you all?
0:25:46 > 0:25:49Good, good, good. Nice to see you all here today.
0:25:49 > 0:25:53So I'm basically a bit of an experimental artist
0:25:53 > 0:25:56and so I've brought you all here today to...
0:25:56 > 0:25:59to see some things.
0:26:00 > 0:26:04This is installation one - Left Messages.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10'Yes, Joel, you've shat on a gravestone.'
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Look at that guy's face!
0:26:12 > 0:26:15I mean, it's... I...
0:26:15 > 0:26:17Yeah, I just didn't like... I didn't...
0:26:17 > 0:26:20You know, I'm saying that I don't like death.
0:26:22 > 0:26:24So, we'll pop onto the next one now.
0:26:24 > 0:26:27This is, again, just another message that I've left.
0:26:32 > 0:26:35Now, just a great...
0:26:36 > 0:26:40..metaphor for the fact that we all eat shit these days, you know?
0:26:44 > 0:26:45'Oh, Joel!'
0:26:49 > 0:26:51Um...
0:26:51 > 0:26:52It's a child's swing in a park.
0:26:54 > 0:26:55Yeah.
0:26:55 > 0:26:57Just the...yeah.
0:26:58 > 0:27:02And...right, this is my final piece.
0:27:02 > 0:27:04This is a sculpture made from things that
0:27:04 > 0:27:05I've stolen from people's gardens.
0:27:05 > 0:27:08I've stolen most of this stuff from people's gardens.
0:27:13 > 0:27:15Er...
0:27:15 > 0:27:18This piece is called...
0:27:18 > 0:27:20it's called I Did My Horny Knickers.
0:27:20 > 0:27:22"My Horny Knickers"?
0:27:22 > 0:27:25And, yeah, just spells out, you know,
0:27:25 > 0:27:28how a lot of people feel on a day-to-day basis.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30What bits did you use to make the letters?
0:27:30 > 0:27:35And I used the... the bit here to make the letters.
0:27:35 > 0:27:36What bit?
0:27:36 > 0:27:38This bit to... Yeah, the crotch bit.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42It's just, really, you know...
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Do you guys... Do you guys like it?
0:27:48 > 0:27:51It looks like the work of a repressed, white teenager.
0:27:51 > 0:27:53It looks like...
0:27:53 > 0:27:54Which would be the case.
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Yeah, I think that's probably the case.
0:27:56 > 0:27:58I think that's almost definitely the case.
0:27:58 > 0:28:00Boom!
0:28:02 > 0:28:05# Hey, hey, hey, yeah
0:28:05 > 0:28:07# How you like me now?
0:28:11 > 0:28:14# I try to have a little fun now
0:28:16 > 0:28:20# I stay with my ear to the drum now
0:28:20 > 0:28:22# Hey, hey, hey, hey, yeah
0:28:22 > 0:28:25# Turn it up, turn it up now
0:28:25 > 0:28:28# Hey, hey, hey, yeah turn me up... #