0:00:13 > 0:00:16'Hello, G George. Are you all right?
0:00:16 > 0:00:19'Are you going to try to land?'
0:00:19 > 0:00:24Name's not G George, it's P Peter, Squadron Leader Peter D Carter.
0:00:24 > 0:00:29No, I'm not landing. Undercarriage is gone. I'm bailing out presently.
0:00:29 > 0:00:34- Take a telegram.- Received your message. We can hear you.
0:00:34 > 0:00:41- Telegram to my mother. Mrs Michael Carter, 88 Hampstead Lane, London. - 88 Hampstead Lane.
0:00:41 > 0:00:49Tell her I love her. You'll have to write this for me, but I want her to know I love her very much.
0:00:49 > 0:00:54I've never really shown it to her, but I always loved her, to the end.
0:00:54 > 0:00:59Received your message. We can hear you. Are you wounded?
0:00:59 > 0:01:04- Are you bailing out? - What's your name?- June.
0:01:04 > 0:01:09June, I'm bailing out, but there's a catch. I've got no parachute!
0:01:09 > 0:01:14David Niven, playing - better than most - the officer and gentleman.
0:01:14 > 0:01:21He was a film star for 40 years, when movies were the most popular entertainment in the world.
0:01:21 > 0:01:26He was an accomplished comedian, with debonair style and manners.
0:01:26 > 0:01:31It was a role he played in real life, too, and with great success.
0:01:31 > 0:01:36Naturally charming, he made you feel awkward by comparison.
0:01:36 > 0:01:41He was so impeccably turned out, you wished you'd cleaned your shoes.
0:01:41 > 0:01:48Educated at public school and at Sandhurst, he became a lumberjack, barman, waiter...
0:01:48 > 0:01:55and even sold bootleg booze during prohibition, before starting his film career as a Hollywood extra.
0:01:55 > 0:02:00In 1972, I asked him about his childhood and his first love.
0:02:00 > 0:02:05- Does this programme get bleeped? - No, no, you may speak freely.
0:02:05 > 0:02:09Well, I know what you're getting at, Michael!
0:02:09 > 0:02:16You can take the bleeps out! Anyway, I was sort of almost 15. That's my excuse, anyway.
0:02:16 > 0:02:21We lived in London and there wasn't room for me in this small house.
0:02:21 > 0:02:28So I was farmed out, into a room up at St James' Place. We lived in Sloane Street.
0:02:28 > 0:02:35And so every night, after dinner, this creepy stepfather I had used to give me tuppence for the bus,
0:02:35 > 0:02:39number 19, 22 or 30 up Sloane Street.
0:02:39 > 0:02:46I used to get off at the Ritz Hotel and walk down to my ghastly burrow with a pot under the bed, o-oh!
0:02:46 > 0:02:54I got more adventurous, and I would walk on up to Piccadilly to look at the lights, for Bovril and so on.
0:02:54 > 0:02:59Then I realised that lots of girls were walking about at the same time.
0:02:59 > 0:03:07Then I once saw a spectacular pair of legs and I followed this girl, just to look at her.
0:03:07 > 0:03:12And she seemed to have an awful lot of men friends she would talk to.
0:03:12 > 0:03:17So I went to my room, and I kept on thinking about this girl.
0:03:17 > 0:03:22The next night I couldn't wait to get up to Piccadilly again.
0:03:22 > 0:03:29Finally I saw her with a nice-looking man I thought was her father, a man in a dinner jacket,
0:03:29 > 0:03:34and she took him into this little house in Cork Street.
0:03:34 > 0:03:41And I hid and waited to see if she came out again, and she did, quite soon, actually!
0:03:41 > 0:03:46So anyway, after that I really thought of this girl all the time.
0:03:46 > 0:03:49I used to go looking for her at night.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52One night she suddenly turned on me.
0:03:52 > 0:04:00She was a lovely Cockney. "D'you want a piece, mate?" I didn't know what she was talking about.
0:04:00 > 0:04:05"D'you want to come home with me?" I said, "Yes!"
0:04:05 > 0:04:12So this dream took me into this flat. I thought this would be the ginger beer and gramophone record!
0:04:12 > 0:04:19Then she gave me this ghastly book of photographs, and said "If you've any trouble, look at these first."
0:04:19 > 0:04:22- Wa-aah! - AUDIENCE CACKLES
0:04:22 > 0:04:24Fifteen!
0:04:24 > 0:04:32And then she appeared, the usual thing, pink shoes and nothing else, and I'm gibbering!
0:04:32 > 0:04:39She said, "You can wash over there, dear." There was a kidney-shaped table full of blue fluid.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47So I washed my hands!
0:04:47 > 0:04:49I didn't know...! Terrible!
0:04:49 > 0:04:54APPLAUSE
0:04:54 > 0:04:57- No bleeps!- No!
0:04:57 > 0:05:04I think that's a marvellous introduction! Tell you what, it beats sex education films!
0:05:04 > 0:05:07- Well, yes!- It does!
0:05:07 > 0:05:12- I know, reading your book too, that you became very fond of her.- True.
0:05:12 > 0:05:19It sounds corny and odd, but she really... I think I fell in love with her very much.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24- And she used to come down and see me at school...- LAUGHTER
0:05:24 > 0:05:29She'd never seen the country before. She came from Hoxton.
0:05:29 > 0:05:37She used to arrive with a ghastly tartan rug and potted shrimp sandwiches. Thank God for the rug!
0:05:37 > 0:05:43- Did she meet any...? Wasn't it a bit dangerous? You were at boarding school.- I was.
0:05:43 > 0:05:48- Yes. I was at Stowe.- Stowe!- It had a marvellous headmaster, Roxburgh.
0:05:48 > 0:05:54The cricket match was on. She was a real dish, a beauty. Lovely girl.
0:05:54 > 0:06:01And Roxburgh came over, saw me sitting on the rug with this girl watching the cricket.
0:06:01 > 0:06:08And... Oh, it was agony! And he said, "May I join you?" And I said, "Oh, sir, please. This is Miss..."
0:06:08 > 0:06:11I won't give the name, even now.
0:06:11 > 0:06:15She said, "You don't look a bit like a schoolmaster, do you, dear?"
0:06:15 > 0:06:19- And he knew. He knew!- Yeah!- He knew.
0:06:19 > 0:06:27With David Niven there was a remarkable difference between the confident man appearing on camera
0:06:27 > 0:06:34and the gibbering wreck waiting to go on. I never met anyone so nervous about appearing on TV.
0:06:34 > 0:06:39Half an hour before that interview, I heard him being ill next door.
0:06:39 > 0:06:47When I went to see if I could help, he said he was always sick with fear before a public appearance.
0:06:47 > 0:06:52We met again in 1975, by which time he was a literary celebrity as well.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55APPLAUSE
0:06:55 > 0:06:58Good evening and welcome.
0:06:58 > 0:07:03If you were a writer and had a first novel published this week,
0:07:03 > 0:07:07you could expect to sell 250 copies in hardback.
0:07:07 > 0:07:14If you were an established writer with form, you might sell 600-700 hardback copies.
0:07:14 > 0:07:19My special guest tonight wrote a book once. It was his first effort.
0:07:19 > 0:07:26It sold 200,000 hardback copies, and a staggering four million in both hard and paperback.
0:07:26 > 0:07:31Not bad for a book he described as the sort people read in the loo!
0:07:31 > 0:07:35That book was called "The Moon's a Balloon".
0:07:35 > 0:07:40The companion volume, "Bring on the Empty Horses", is just published.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43The author, my guest, David Niven.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47APPLAUSE
0:07:56 > 0:08:02I mentioned the fact that you've written the sequel to "The Moon's a Balloon".
0:08:02 > 0:08:10You're on record as saying before that you wouldn't write a sequel. What made you change your mind?
0:08:10 > 0:08:17Well, the New York publisher, Putnam, after I got lucky with the first one, called me up.
0:08:17 > 0:08:23I went to see him and he offered me a large sum to write something else.
0:08:23 > 0:08:28And I said, "What?" And he said, "Anything you like."
0:08:28 > 0:08:30So I said, "Fine."
0:08:30 > 0:08:33And I grabbed the cheque!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36And quickly spent it!
0:08:36 > 0:08:41And about a year later he said, "How's the book coming along?"
0:08:41 > 0:08:46And it went on like that, sort of cat and mouse, for quite a while.
0:08:46 > 0:08:53Then I really had to sit down to it. I started to write a novel, and it was not very good.
0:08:53 > 0:09:00Then I dipped into the bottomless pit of Hollywood, and thought I'd better write about something I know.
0:09:00 > 0:09:05And, um, I wrote about ancient Hollywood, really...
0:09:05 > 0:09:09and it's about Hollywood between 1935 and 1960,
0:09:09 > 0:09:16coinciding with what is laughingly referred to as "the great days". I've tried to describe them.
0:09:16 > 0:09:22The book is in fact basically a fond obituary for a lost society.
0:09:22 > 0:09:28It's an obituary for that period, yes. But Mike, Hollywood today is booming again,
0:09:28 > 0:09:33and I just came back from making a movie, and Hollywood is now...
0:09:33 > 0:09:38In the book, I don't try to make any comparison between the two.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43I settled solely for that period, and I was there, from extra on down.
0:09:43 > 0:09:48At that point, it was controlled by about six moguls.
0:09:48 > 0:09:54And it was full of immense personalities, enormous superstars and great writers.
0:09:54 > 0:10:02Now it is full of great talent, new faces, and it's controlled by conglomerates and computers,
0:10:02 > 0:10:07and powerful agents and lawyers. The same game, differently composed.
0:10:07 > 0:10:10- Yes. Far less glamorous, actually.
0:10:10 > 0:10:16We'll discuss the writers and stars you talk about in your book later.
0:10:16 > 0:10:21I'd like to talk to you about being a writer, a change in your life.
0:10:21 > 0:10:27At a late stage in your career you became a very successful writer.
0:10:27 > 0:10:31I do envy you! Four million copies! Strewth!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Anyway... Envy, envy!
0:10:33 > 0:10:37Do you find inspiration comes easily?
0:10:37 > 0:10:39No, not at all!
0:10:39 > 0:10:45I mean, first of all I've got absolutely no powers of concentration whatever.
0:10:45 > 0:10:53If it's a nice day I can't write, because it's something else to do. And if it rains it's too dreary!
0:10:53 > 0:11:00I'll make any excuse! If an aeroplane goes over, it's a bonanza. I'll watch that for hours!
0:11:00 > 0:11:06And I beg my wife to bring awful news, a burst boiler or something!
0:11:06 > 0:11:13Fianlly I put one little chair in the garden right up against a corner of a hedge,
0:11:13 > 0:11:18so I can't even see the sky, and I sit there and do my best.
0:11:18 > 0:11:23- Would you describe yourself as an author or an actor?- Oh, an actor.
0:11:23 > 0:11:28I regard this as a terrific...not a sideline, even, I'm an amateur.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30I love doing it, if it's a success.
0:11:30 > 0:11:37I was so happy with the earlier unexpected success, because I wrote it for chums for Christmas.
0:11:37 > 0:11:41You've got an awful lot of chums!
0:11:41 > 0:11:49"Bring on the Empty Horses" is an intriguing title for a book about Hollywood. Where does it come from?
0:11:49 > 0:11:53I have to put a self-bleep machine into this.
0:11:53 > 0:11:58- You don't have to.- I do, I think! - You do?- Yes!
0:11:58 > 0:12:05A great Hungarian director called Mike Curtiz was directing The Charge of the Light Brigade.
0:12:05 > 0:12:13And his English was very peculiar, and Errol Flynn and I were standing under a rostrum - he was on it -
0:12:13 > 0:12:18and the charge had taken place and, as you know, everybody was killed.
0:12:18 > 0:12:25It was time 200 riderless charges arrived. So Mike with his megaphone says, "Bring on the empty horses."
0:12:25 > 0:12:31So Flynn and I fell down. He turned on us, through the megaphone,
0:12:31 > 0:12:35"You bums! You lousy, limey bastards! You jerks!
0:12:35 > 0:12:42"You and your goddamn language! You think I know bleep nothing, and I know bleep all!"
0:12:42 > 0:12:45LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:12:45 > 0:12:50You've been in Hollywood for 40 years, haven't you?
0:12:50 > 0:12:56I've been in the business 40 years. I lived there for 25 years and I go back often.
0:12:56 > 0:13:04What was it like being a young, struggling actor then in Hollywood, as you said, in the great days?
0:13:04 > 0:13:10- You didn't walk in a superstar, did you?- Oh, no. I was an extra, and that was hell.
0:13:10 > 0:13:13What kind? Were you classified?
0:13:13 > 0:13:18Yes, I was. There were the dress extras, who were very snooty.
0:13:18 > 0:13:26They had clothes for every occasion. Ball gowns and race-going clothes and office clothes and all that.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28They got paid 10 a day.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31Which was about £3, I suppose.
0:13:31 > 0:13:38Then there were the people who looked all right in uniforms and could walk properly.
0:13:38 > 0:13:43The rest of us were the cattle. We were put in sort of ethnic groups.
0:13:43 > 0:13:49You know, Asian, American red, American white, American black,
0:13:49 > 0:13:54- and I was Anglo-Saxon type 2008. - LAUGHTER
0:13:54 > 0:13:58- Do you remember the first lines you spoke?- Yes.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01I remember the first three lines.
0:14:01 > 0:14:07One was... I said, "Hello, my dear." No! "Goodbye, my dear."
0:14:07 > 0:14:12to Elissa Landi at a railway station,
0:14:12 > 0:14:20and I was such a smash, I was hired to say "Hello, my dear" to Ruth Chatterton at another station.
0:14:20 > 0:14:27Then my big moment was in a Sam Goldwyn production with Miriam Hopkins and Edward G Robinson.
0:14:27 > 0:14:34I was a cockney sailor, and I was thrown out of the window of a brothel in San Francisco
0:14:34 > 0:14:38into three foot of mud. And I said, "Orl roight, I'll go!"
0:14:38 > 0:14:42and Miriam and Joel McCrea and Eddie Robinson
0:14:42 > 0:14:48and some donkeys and 40 vigilantes walked over the top of me.
0:14:48 > 0:14:55An auspicious debut(!) One of the fascinating things that comes out in what you've written
0:14:55 > 0:15:00is the amount of importance attached in those days in Hollywood
0:15:00 > 0:15:04to publicity, to making yourself known.
0:15:04 > 0:15:09- What kind of tricks did they get up to, publicity experts?- Well, Mike...
0:15:09 > 0:15:14In those days it was not great talents, it was great personalities.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18And there were probably 40 people who could support any picture.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21Today there are probably four.
0:15:21 > 0:15:26And it was a case of publicity building up grains of sand
0:15:26 > 0:15:31until they became sizeable hills that could be seen a long way off!
0:15:31 > 0:15:34They got up to all sorts of tricks.
0:15:34 > 0:15:41The first publicity man came from Barnum and Bailey's circus, a man called Harry Richenbach.
0:15:41 > 0:15:46He was hired in the early days to publicise a Tarzan picture.
0:15:46 > 0:15:53He booked a ground floor room in a hotel right opposite the theatre in New York where it would open.
0:15:53 > 0:15:56A large packing case was delivered.
0:15:56 > 0:16:01He pressed the bell and ordered 8lb of chopped hamburger for lunch.
0:16:01 > 0:16:07So the waiter tottered up with this, and there was a large lion sitting at his table
0:16:07 > 0:16:10with a napkin round his neck!
0:16:10 > 0:16:18- So the waiter sued Harry Richenbach under immense publicity. That was the first publicity stunt!- Really?
0:16:18 > 0:16:21It backfired, as he got badly sued.
0:16:21 > 0:16:28The next one that backfired was Mae West... Mae West backfired?! That sounds very strange!
0:16:28 > 0:16:34Mae West was doing a movie called It Ain't No Sin.
0:16:34 > 0:16:40And they had a brilliant idea and they got together 140 parrots.
0:16:41 > 0:16:48They put them into intensive training, and the poor animals were taught to say, "It ain't no sin."
0:16:48 > 0:16:55They were to be put on perches in hotel lobbies all round the city for the opening of the picture.
0:16:55 > 0:17:02At the last minute, the Hays Office, the group in charge of Hollywood morals,
0:17:02 > 0:17:07decided It Ain't No Sin was a dirty title, changing it to I'm No Angel.
0:17:07 > 0:17:11The poor bloody parrots were taken away...
0:17:11 > 0:17:14and given a crash course in this.
0:17:14 > 0:17:22Then they were put on the perches and frightful noises came out and they were sent home in disgrace!
0:17:22 > 0:17:29My favourite flop, though, was Walt Disney, of all people, with the opening of Pinocchio in New York.
0:17:29 > 0:17:34He hired 12 midgets, and he dressed them as Pinocchio and put them up
0:17:34 > 0:17:39on the theatre marquee to gambol about and cause a traffic stir.
0:17:39 > 0:17:47Everything went beautifully until lunch time, when somebody sent them up a couple of bottles of bourbon.
0:17:47 > 0:17:54The midgets started playing strip poker up there, and by 3.00pm they were all naked and belching
0:17:54 > 0:18:01and screaming about on the top, and the fire department brought them down in pillowcases!
0:18:01 > 0:18:05APPLAUSE
0:18:10 > 0:18:13A drunken midget in a pillowcase!
0:18:15 > 0:18:18I don't believe a word of it!
0:18:18 > 0:18:23The other people, of course, who were around at that time...
0:18:23 > 0:18:26It's absurd, isn't it?
0:18:26 > 0:18:29..were, um, the gossip columnists.
0:18:29 > 0:18:37As you say, Hollywood invented the publicity stunt. They also invented the gossip columnist, didn't they?
0:18:37 > 0:18:42And you suffered, or lived through, the two most powerful women...
0:18:42 > 0:18:47They were immensely powerful, Hedda Hopper and Louella Parsons.
0:18:47 > 0:18:53One was short and fat, the other long and thin, and both were mines of misinformation.
0:18:53 > 0:18:58Between them, they covered every single newspaper in the USA.
0:18:58 > 0:19:04They had millions of readers. They did daily profiles, and were very powerful.
0:19:04 > 0:19:12I don't think they could destroy anybody who had great talent. They both hacked away at Marlon.
0:19:12 > 0:19:16They had terrific favourites and terrific enemies.
0:19:16 > 0:19:21Hedda's enemy was Orson Welles, because he made Citizen Kane.
0:19:21 > 0:19:26Hearst, of course, her boss, was the prototype of that.
0:19:26 > 0:19:31And Hedda loathed Chaplin, because she was very politically minded.
0:19:31 > 0:19:36She thought he was very left wing, and a Commie, and all that stuff.
0:19:36 > 0:19:43As she was dying, aged 82, she said, "I hear that SOB Chaplin wants to get back in the country. Stop him."
0:19:43 > 0:19:46And died.
0:19:46 > 0:19:51But they were very rough, and the studios used them.
0:19:51 > 0:19:56I remember I was under contract to Sam Goldwyn for 15 years,
0:19:56 > 0:20:01and something happened, a contract was up for renewal or dissipation,
0:20:01 > 0:20:05and Goldwyn decided to soften me up for the kill,
0:20:05 > 0:20:12to get me to settle for less money. I was rather popular, I thought, at the studio.
0:20:12 > 0:20:19I picked up the paper and a headline said, "Niven unbearable, say fellow workers"!
0:20:19 > 0:20:23It said I'd got so swollen-headed nobody could work with me!
0:20:23 > 0:20:30- Louella put it in to help Goldwyn. These things happened. - Did you have to be nice to them?
0:20:30 > 0:20:34Well, you did. We were all whores, really.
0:20:34 > 0:20:41It was much easier to go with them than against them. They could make it very uncomfy for you.
0:20:41 > 0:20:45Did you ever manage to get back at any of them?
0:20:45 > 0:20:48Well, we did a little thing once...
0:20:48 > 0:20:56Ida Lupino was a great friend, and she was married to a very rough man, Howard Duff. She still is.
0:20:56 > 0:21:01And Hjordis, my wife... We loathed Hedda and Louella at this point,
0:21:01 > 0:21:06we'd had problems with them, all four of us had problems with them.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10We had a little plan, and we had dinner together.
0:21:10 > 0:21:15I called Ciro's, a chic nightclub, and booked a table for two.
0:21:15 > 0:21:20The head waiter said, "Oh, yes, Mr Niven, just you and Madam?"
0:21:20 > 0:21:26I said "Just give me a quiet corner table." Then Ida and I arrived.
0:21:26 > 0:21:33Terrific twittering, cos there were spies everywhere for the columnists, in the brothels and the hospitals!
0:21:33 > 0:21:42Immediately, next thing I knew, about 15 cameramen arrived, we're sitting with Lupie nibbling my ear!
0:21:42 > 0:21:49Right in the middle of all this, in come Howard and Hjordis, and go to the far side of the dance floor.
0:21:49 > 0:21:54Lupino overdid it, she says, "You must flee!" You must flee(!)
0:21:57 > 0:22:05And then Howard, who was reputed as a brawler, you know, now he spotted us, kicked over his table.
0:22:05 > 0:22:12Crash! Everybody in the place is watching. Everybody waited. And I pretended to be a bit gassed.
0:22:12 > 0:22:16I got up from mine, we took our coats off, big deal!
0:22:16 > 0:22:23All the photographers get into position for the kill. The dance floor is cleared, and we circle.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25The classic western ending!
0:22:25 > 0:22:31Finally we grabbed each other, kissed and waltzed round the room!
0:22:31 > 0:22:35APPLAUSE
0:22:41 > 0:22:46Can we talk about some of the great figures you've worked with?
0:22:46 > 0:22:50Take your pick. Gary Cooper, you worked with him.
0:22:50 > 0:22:58- Did you ever feel in awe of any of these people when you were young? - Oh, yes. They were superstars.
0:22:58 > 0:23:03The word is used a lot now, but these people really were.
0:23:03 > 0:23:08Coop, Gable, Bogey... They used to get 20,000 letters a week each.
0:23:08 > 0:23:12They were gods, really, because there was no competition.
0:23:12 > 0:23:18No television, no bingo halls, no night baseball, nothing but movies.
0:23:18 > 0:23:24200 million people each week paid to see Hollywood movies. Of course one was in awe.
0:23:24 > 0:23:31The first big movie I was put into was a picture with Lubitsch, the master director,
0:23:31 > 0:23:36directing Cooper and Claudette Colbert. And I was terrified.
0:23:36 > 0:23:43Lubitsch was a wonderful little man. He got me into his office and acted out my part for me. Brilliantly!
0:23:43 > 0:23:50And I collapsed. He said, "What's the matter?" I said, "I can't possibly do that!"
0:23:50 > 0:23:55He said, "Are you scared of me?" I said, "No. Yes! I'm terrified!"
0:23:55 > 0:24:03And he said, "Well, let me tell you something. Cooper is terrified of Claudette. It's his first comedy.
0:24:03 > 0:24:08"Claudette is terrified of Coop, because he's such a natural actor.
0:24:08 > 0:24:10"I'm terrified of both of them!"
0:24:10 > 0:24:15So he said, "You will be on the set for a week before you start work,
0:24:15 > 0:24:22"so you'll get to know everybody and will be part of the family." They took all that trouble.
0:24:22 > 0:24:29- Was he a natural actor, Cooper? - Oh, so natural! He was the most relaxed man I've ever known!
0:24:29 > 0:24:34After a take, he'd just go to sleep on the floor, or something!
0:24:34 > 0:24:42I did love him. I wish I could have learnt his calm. He had tremendous concentration, drawing attention.
0:24:42 > 0:24:47- Brando has it, too.- Yes.- You always look at Brando, cos he concentrates.
0:24:47 > 0:24:52I asked Coop about it. I said, "MrCooper,"- Icalledhim that -
0:24:52 > 0:25:00"How do you concentrate?" He said, "Concentrate? I'm just trying to remember what the hell I say next!"
0:25:00 > 0:25:05You also knew Garbo very well, too. How intimidating was she?
0:25:05 > 0:25:12Well, she was terribly intimidating. For instance, Groucho Marx, she straightened him out.
0:25:12 > 0:25:17She was walking round the lot, and I'd see her in the distance,
0:25:17 > 0:25:24with big floppy hats and a running outfit. She was approaching when Groucho, with that crouch and cigar,
0:25:24 > 0:25:27came along and looked under the hat.
0:25:27 > 0:25:32He found he was staring into Baltic blue eyes and he panicked and said,
0:25:32 > 0:25:37"Pardon me, ma'am, I thought you were a guy I knew in Pittsburgh!"
0:25:39 > 0:25:46But, you know, she was marvellous. Years later I bought her old house. We lived there happily for 15 years.
0:25:46 > 0:25:51One day a mutual friend appeared at our house, and behind him was Garbo.
0:25:51 > 0:25:54I nearly fell through the floor.
0:25:54 > 0:26:01She said, "I hope you don't mind me coming, but the happiest days of my life were spent in this house.
0:26:01 > 0:26:09"I would love to see it again." My wife is Swedish, so they became chums. She was always there.
0:26:09 > 0:26:16We went on a yachting trip once, Hjordis and I, and Garbo and a man friend who was supposed to navigate.
0:26:16 > 0:26:24We headed for Catalina Island, which is 40 miles off into the Pacific. Miss it, you go to Japan!
0:26:24 > 0:26:31So, we set off, and something went wrong with the navigation. The man got at the schnaps!
0:26:31 > 0:26:39He said, "Don't worry! It'll be all right." The sun was going down. He said we'd see the island's outline.
0:26:39 > 0:26:45The sun sizzled into the sea with no sign of the island. We were lost.
0:26:45 > 0:26:52He disappeared below, made lots of calculations, then said "We're nine miles north of the Grand Canyon!"
0:26:54 > 0:27:01So it was a fraught weekend. Then the lavatory broke. On a small boat you get to know people! You would!
0:27:01 > 0:27:09You should. And she was marvellous. She volunteered for all the dirty jobs, and everything.
0:27:09 > 0:27:14But at the end of it, I didn't know her any better. It was six days.
0:27:14 > 0:27:21- Except that I knew she did not have large feet!- That was it?- Actually, she had beautifully shaped feet.
0:27:21 > 0:27:28But she had an awful habit of encasing them in big brown loafers. They looked like landing craft!
0:27:28 > 0:27:31Bob Taylor did Camille with her.
0:27:31 > 0:27:39He said it was awful. He knew... She was wearing these marvellous crinolines, magnificent hairdos,
0:27:39 > 0:27:44"But underneath," he said, "I know she has crummy old slippers on!"
0:27:44 > 0:27:49It's a great mystery - did she ever tell you why she gave up acting?
0:27:49 > 0:27:56She did. I finally had the guts to ask her. She came to live in France near us, and we saw a lot of her.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59One day she came over for lunch.
0:27:59 > 0:28:04We were going to have lunch in the garden and it rained.
0:28:04 > 0:28:09So instead of having lunch AT the table, we had it underneath!
0:28:09 > 0:28:17It was very cosy! So I asked her. I finally said, "Why did you give up movies? There was no reason to."
0:28:17 > 0:28:22She thought for so long, I thought I'd dropped some horrendous brick.
0:28:22 > 0:28:28She said, "I'd made enough faces." It didn't help me any further forward.
0:28:28 > 0:28:35I think really what happened was she got right to the top and knew there was nowhere to go except down.
0:28:35 > 0:28:43How difficult was it to remain unimpressed by it all, having made it? Was any advice offered to you,
0:28:43 > 0:28:48which kept you sane and a survivor in Hollywood?
0:28:48 > 0:28:55Gable was a great chum of mine. He was a real feet-on-the-ground man. We used to go fishing together.
0:28:55 > 0:29:03He always said, "If you ever get to the top, be tough with the brass, with the moguls.
0:29:03 > 0:29:10"Don't forget it's a terrifying scenario we're taking part in. And we're gonna get it in the end.
0:29:10 > 0:29:17"Everybody expects that." He used to say, "I personally take Spencer Tracy's advice.
0:29:17 > 0:29:22"Get there on time, know the jokes, take the cheque and go home."
0:29:22 > 0:29:27- Yes. And that's the way...- I think, Mike, I WAS getting out of control,
0:29:27 > 0:29:34because it's very difficult not to believe your own publicity. There was so much of it!
0:29:34 > 0:29:38I think I really was saved by the war.
0:29:38 > 0:29:43I came back here for 6½ years and was brought down to earth smartly.
0:29:43 > 0:29:48But did it put an impossible strain on your married life, for instance?
0:29:48 > 0:29:53Our marriage has lasted for 20 something years, thank God.
0:29:53 > 0:30:00It put an extraordinary strain on, because Hjordis is very beautiful. She was the top model in Sweden.
0:30:00 > 0:30:08A very beautiful woman should immediately - this is a tiny example - attract the attention
0:30:08 > 0:30:12if a couple walks into a room or a restaurant.
0:30:12 > 0:30:19But if she walks in with a dreary old bulldog face that's been around for 500 years, she gets it second.
0:30:19 > 0:30:27Or table-hopping, when people are plucking at you in Hollywood, "What about...?" Left there standing.
0:30:27 > 0:30:34- It got to such a point, she left. - Really?- She said, "I've got to find out if I'm anything any more."
0:30:34 > 0:30:39This was after years of marriage. She took off for four months.
0:30:39 > 0:30:46And I realised a horrendous thing, that I was taking the most important thing for granted.
0:30:46 > 0:30:52- Thank God, we got the show on the road again.- Another thing, David.
0:30:52 > 0:31:00The other thing that must strike you, and I wonder if it worries you, is lots of people you knew are dead.
0:31:00 > 0:31:03Oh, yeah?! Yes!
0:31:03 > 0:31:11- It's true! Gable, Flynn, Bogey, all those great stars...- I feel I'm being measured for something!
0:31:12 > 0:31:15I once said that to Noel Coward.
0:31:15 > 0:31:22I said, "I've got to the point in my life when all my chums are dying like flies."
0:31:22 > 0:31:27He said, "Personally, I'm delighted if mine last through luncheon!"
0:31:27 > 0:31:32LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:31:34 > 0:31:42No, but I know exactly what you mean. It's horrible to lose one's friends in any walk of life.
0:31:42 > 0:31:50The trick is not to live in a cocoon of one group of friends, all of the same age.
0:31:50 > 0:31:55I'm lucky to have younger friends, who I hope will see me through!
0:31:55 > 0:31:58- What plans do you have?- What?! - For the future?!
0:31:58 > 0:32:03- Not for seeing it through! Working, I meant!- Oh, thank God!
0:32:03 > 0:32:08- I wasn't making a proposition!- I thought Mormons were coming for me!
0:32:08 > 0:32:16Let me think. I go to New York in two or three days. Then I go on to Hollywood to make a movie.
0:32:16 > 0:32:22I made one last year. I make, usually, one a year, to keep the sheriff away.
0:32:22 > 0:32:29I made one in Malaysia last year, Paper Tiger, with the most sensational Japanese boy of nine,
0:32:29 > 0:32:34who learnt to speak English for a very long part in eight weeks.
0:32:34 > 0:32:40And we worked in Malaysia, where it was very strange because, you know,
0:32:40 > 0:32:46they've been having a little problem there. It's a picture about a political kidnapping.
0:32:46 > 0:32:54The chief of police of Kuala Lumpur said, "I think this is a dangerous movie for you to make out here.
0:32:54 > 0:32:59"So I'm going to put a 24-hour guard on some of the actors."
0:32:59 > 0:33:06We were living in the Kuala Lumpur Hilton. The day we arrived they killed the chief of police!
0:33:07 > 0:33:15It made me very nervous indeed, I can tell you! It's a lovely part of the world, terribly hot.
0:33:15 > 0:33:22It was 137 degrees - it's 100 miles north of the equator - in August. 97% humidity.
0:33:22 > 0:33:29And we had 14 nationalities in the crew and actors. Germans, Japanese, Americans, English, everything.
0:33:29 > 0:33:33Spanish cameraman, Malays, Indian - unbelievable.
0:33:34 > 0:33:37And two or three lovely limeys.
0:33:37 > 0:33:44One was from Battersea. I can't say his name. He'd never been out of England. Not to the Isle of Wight!
0:33:44 > 0:33:50He appeared in this terrific heat with a sweater on and a cap!
0:33:50 > 0:33:55And he looked round and he said to me,
0:33:55 > 0:33:58"Turned mild, hasn't it, David?"
0:34:06 > 0:34:12- Don't drink that. The fly's gone into it! The fly's gone into your water!- You're right.
0:34:12 > 0:34:17- Put it on the floor and I'll stamp on it!- It's a kamikaze!- So, anyway,
0:34:17 > 0:34:21this fellow, the heat finally got to him!
0:34:21 > 0:34:29He said, "I think I'll take a short zzz in the jungle, David. I found a nice little hole behind that tree.
0:34:29 > 0:34:36"Keep an eye on things. If they need me..." He went. He emerged two hours later. He'd aged 50 years!
0:34:36 > 0:34:44I said, "What happened to you?" He said, "Oh, my Gawd! There's been a dreadful incident, David!" "What?"
0:34:44 > 0:34:51"Well, I woke up with a dreadful weight on my chest." "What?" "I looked down, it was an anaconda!"
0:34:51 > 0:34:57Anaconda, that's the snake that eats the pythons! 35ft long, yellow.
0:34:57 > 0:35:02He said, "It took about 25 minutes to go past!"
0:35:02 > 0:35:06LAUGHTER
0:35:06 > 0:35:13- The joys of filming!- You asked me what I was going to do next.- Yes. - New York, California,
0:35:13 > 0:35:20I just came back from making a Walt Disney movie with a skunk that goes "Prft!" every time it looks at me!
0:35:20 > 0:35:26And a bulldog that had emphysema! It was great fun!
0:35:26 > 0:35:31Well, we've reached the end, sadly. It goes so quickly with you.
0:35:31 > 0:35:35Normally, if somebody can sing a song, they sing a song.
0:35:35 > 0:35:40Last time you were on the programme, you told a joke at the end.
0:35:40 > 0:35:48- If you recall, it was a rather risque joke, which went down well, about an orang-utan...- Yes!
0:35:48 > 0:35:52In fact, it was so popular we repeated it.
0:35:52 > 0:35:56So, as a party piece, do you know any similar jokes?
0:35:58 > 0:36:03I could give you, um, I could give you a joke about a prawn,
0:36:03 > 0:36:06or a joke about gambling.
0:36:08 > 0:36:12- AUDIENCE CACKLES - Let's have the prawn joke.
0:36:12 > 0:36:17Then if that doesn't work, we'll have the gamblers!
0:36:17 > 0:36:20The prawn fell in love with a crab.
0:36:20 > 0:36:22And it was mad about this crab.
0:36:22 > 0:36:29And it said, "Look, I'm mad about that crab that lives up round the big rock at the end."
0:36:29 > 0:36:37And the prawn's father was furious. He said, "You can't be seen with a crab! Ridiculous! They go sideways!
0:36:37 > 0:36:40"Tell the crab it's finished."
0:36:40 > 0:36:45The prawn went to the crab and said, "Crab, I'm terribly sorry, it's off.
0:36:45 > 0:36:52"My father says you look ridiculous going sideways, and as a matter of fact, you do!" The crab was furious.
0:36:52 > 0:37:00It said, "I'll be down this evening. I'll have a seaweed and soda with your father." And went off.
0:37:00 > 0:37:09Now, at 6.00pm the prawns were all sitting around their rock. The weed opened and in came the crab.
0:37:09 > 0:37:16To everybody's amazement it came in straight, like that. The prawn said, "Crab! You're going straight!"
0:37:16 > 0:37:20The crab said, "Shut up, I'm pissed!"
0:37:20 > 0:37:24RAUCOUS LAUGHTER
0:37:27 > 0:37:31I spoke to David Niven for the last time in 1981,
0:37:31 > 0:37:39when he was suffering the first symptoms of motor neurone disease, which led to his sad death in 1983.
0:37:39 > 0:37:46He was all those things we tend to make fun of nowadays - courteous, charming, polite, well-spoken.
0:37:46 > 0:37:54In more innocent times, he came to represent everything upright and decent about the true Brit.
0:37:54 > 0:37:59No matter how cynical you are, it was a very attractive package.
0:37:59 > 0:38:06Next week, I shall be recalling encounters with Kenneth Williams, on Sunday at 10.55pm. Goodnight!
0:38:23 > 0:38:28Subtitles by Judith Russell BBC Scotland, 1995