0:00:12 > 0:00:17What are you doing it for? You're not saying, "I want another pound."
0:00:17 > 0:00:25You're saying, "I want to do the work better." You do the job because you want to do it well.
0:00:25 > 0:00:28Kenneth, I think that's crap.
0:00:28 > 0:00:34- I'm sorry. I really... - I've never been so insulted! - AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:00:36 > 0:00:41That was a friendly encounter with Kenneth Williams in 1973.
0:00:41 > 0:00:47In those early days of our professional relationship, we DIDN'T like each other.
0:00:47 > 0:00:51In his published diaries Kenneth Williams states,
0:00:51 > 0:00:59"I was asked if I'd go to Thames TV to chat with Michael Parkinson. Certainly not! North-Country nit."
0:00:59 > 0:01:04We met when he was a panellist on What's My Line? and I was a guest.
0:01:04 > 0:01:11He wrote in his diary, "The first celebrity was Michael Parkinson, whom I loathe." It was mutual.
0:01:11 > 0:01:17At first, I couldn't stand him. So why was he a regular guest on the show?
0:01:17 > 0:01:24One reason was he loved showing off. And we loved giving him the chance to do so.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26He was camp, funny and entertaining.
0:01:26 > 0:01:32Here's an example of Kenneth Williams at his very best, from 1980.
0:01:32 > 0:01:38The other guests are the American humorist and songwriter Tom Lehrer and Robin Ray.
0:01:39 > 0:01:45BAND PLAYS "You Must Have Been A Beautiful Baby"
0:01:45 > 0:01:49AUDIENCE APPLAUDS
0:01:49 > 0:01:57- Since we last talked to you, you've published this successful book called Acid Drops.- Yes.
0:01:57 > 0:02:03- It's your collection of verbal put-downs. - Yes. I thought Tart Retorts.
0:02:03 > 0:02:10But someone said, "Acid Drops is better." The tartness is in the acidity. Drop is about put-downs.
0:02:10 > 0:02:17- So I thought it was a better title. - But why did you pick that particular art form?
0:02:17 > 0:02:23Well, I picked it because... I'd done a lot of those Quote, Unquote shows.
0:02:23 > 0:02:31Gyles Brandreth, who was editing this book, said, "You enjoy the malignant thrust and rude retort.
0:02:31 > 0:02:37"And you deliver them with a degree of relish. Why don't we do a book about them?"
0:02:37 > 0:02:44That's how it all occurred. I'd gone along to Quote, Unquote with my various bits and pieces.
0:02:44 > 0:02:51The producer always said, "Bring a few. What you think is funny may not be broadcastable."
0:02:51 > 0:02:56- AUDIENCE LAUGHS - So one always had to have spares.
0:02:56 > 0:03:01I remember taking along to him one which I thought was a lovely one.
0:03:01 > 0:03:06It was true. Stanley Baxter told me he'd heard two men in a London club.
0:03:06 > 0:03:10One said, "I've just come from Evita."
0:03:10 > 0:03:14The other one said, "You don't look very brown!"
0:03:15 > 0:03:22I thought that was marvellous. But they didn't want it, so I put that in my book.
0:03:22 > 0:03:27And I put others in the diaries. I've kept them since I was 14.
0:03:27 > 0:03:33When did you discover your talent for what you call the "malignant thrust"?
0:03:33 > 0:03:39I suppose because I've so often been a victim, you see, of aggression.
0:03:39 > 0:03:44And I found very early on in life... I'm a small person.
0:03:44 > 0:03:51I found early in life that if you didn't have a retort to put down people who were rude and bullying,
0:03:51 > 0:03:58- you couldn't do it in any other way. I couldn't do it physically. - As a schoolboy?
0:03:58 > 0:04:03Yes, that was the first occasion. I used the tongue to be vituperative.
0:04:03 > 0:04:10- But the malignant thrust often gets you a wallop. Did you need a bodyguard?- I always had one handy.
0:04:10 > 0:04:17- LAUGHTER - Yes, I cultivated the friendship of very big people. And...
0:04:17 > 0:04:26I got very well in with the captain of the school football team and the cricket team, all those big chaps.
0:04:26 > 0:04:29They'd always bash people for me.
0:04:29 > 0:04:36I did it in the army as well. I kept in the area of protection of those sort of people.
0:04:36 > 0:04:41In compiling the book, did you come across any one section of...
0:04:41 > 0:04:46..of life in which the put-down was more...
0:04:46 > 0:04:51..rich an area than others? I mean, is it, I don't know...theatre?
0:04:51 > 0:04:56- Is it politics? - It covers almost everything.
0:04:56 > 0:05:02I love that FE Smith one where, after a lengthy preamble in front of the judge,
0:05:02 > 0:05:09the judge said, "Your arguments are very lengthy, and frankly, Mr Smith, I'm none the wiser."
0:05:09 > 0:05:15He said, "No, my lord, but doubtless better-informed."
0:05:15 > 0:05:19- LAUGHTER - That is a marvellous put-down.
0:05:19 > 0:05:24But it's essentially erudite. It belongs to the legal system.
0:05:24 > 0:05:32In the book there's a marvellous collection of quotes about theatrical characters.
0:05:32 > 0:05:38There are several that I wanted to do and afterwards I said, "Oh, I forgot!"
0:05:38 > 0:05:45That'll have to be in the next edition. They're having a reprint, incidentally,
0:05:45 > 0:05:52because they've sold them all. And one that I really would have loved to have been in...
0:05:52 > 0:05:59It's the essence of theatre. It was told me by Jeremy Swan who knew the man in charge of this company.
0:05:59 > 0:06:07Robert Helpmann was doing a tour of this ballet, Midsummer Night's Dream... He was playing Oberon.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11They played it in a vast sports arena. It was floodlit.
0:06:11 > 0:06:16Every dancer was given rooms which were essentially for sports people.
0:06:16 > 0:06:22They gave Robert Helpmann what they thought was the best room the umpire's room.
0:06:22 > 0:06:27When the man came for the half hour call, he didn't get any answer.
0:06:27 > 0:06:33He went in and found in this umpire's room, Robert Helpmann on a chair on the table!
0:06:33 > 0:06:42With a mirror against the one naked lightbulb, doing this elaborate eye make-up which was green and gold.
0:06:42 > 0:06:44And he said, "Are you all right?"
0:06:44 > 0:06:50And Robert Helpmann said, "I'm fine, but God knows how these umpires manage!"
0:06:50 > 0:06:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:56 > 0:07:00It conveys that wonderful sense of theatre.
0:07:00 > 0:07:08People who are in the theatre imagine, do they not, that the world revolves about THAT area
0:07:08 > 0:07:11and not about any other?
0:07:11 > 0:07:19Edith Evans was comparable. She had this extraordinary ability to rise above any adversity.
0:07:19 > 0:07:26After Gentle Jack there was terrible booing and she said to me, "Well, I heard ONE bravo."
0:07:26 > 0:07:29I said, "No, that was 'Go home!'"
0:07:29 > 0:07:37She said, "How very rude." When we came out of the theatre she said to me, "Did they give you any notes?"
0:07:37 > 0:07:41I said, "Yes. Did they give you any?"
0:07:41 > 0:07:43She said, "Binky said
0:07:43 > 0:07:50"'Hardy Amies has designed very regal costumes YOU should look equally regal in them.'
0:07:50 > 0:07:58She said, "Is that justified?" I said, "No. Any criticism of your deportment is impertinence."
0:07:58 > 0:08:04- And she said, "Yes. You're a very pleasant young man." - LAUGHTER
0:08:04 > 0:08:13"There's no reason why the right girl shouldn't come along." Which she saw as the reward for virtue.
0:08:13 > 0:08:17Then we got back to the hotel where we were staying.
0:08:17 > 0:08:23We were the only two. Everyone else had dined. It was 11 o'clock at night.
0:08:23 > 0:08:32But these two tin plates were over a bit of cold ham and lettuce. We sat in the corner of the empty room
0:08:32 > 0:08:38and an old fart who was the night porter, who was also deputising as waiter,
0:08:38 > 0:08:44came in and said to Dame Edith, "Your partner in crime's had her grub."
0:08:44 > 0:08:52Her partner in crime was her adviser in spiritual matters, who had accompanied her on the tour.
0:08:52 > 0:08:57She was a Christian Scientist and would not take any medicines,
0:08:57 > 0:09:05but believed spiritual faith would resolve illness. He said, "Your partner in crime's had her grub.
0:09:05 > 0:09:10"But she said you might fancy a drop of wine. Do you?"
0:09:10 > 0:09:15She said, "A half bottle of Beaujolais would not come amiss."
0:09:15 > 0:09:19He said, "I have a drop in the sideboard."
0:09:19 > 0:09:27- He bent over to get it and then broke wind with alarming ferocity. - HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER
0:09:27 > 0:09:35It rang out appallingly. And she said to me, "This place has gone off terribly."
0:09:35 > 0:09:38APPLAUSE
0:09:38 > 0:09:44And I thought that revealed great composure and presence of mind.
0:09:44 > 0:09:50And it's something, I think, which is...it does run through theatre.
0:09:50 > 0:09:55I recall, when I first worked with Maggie Smith in television,
0:09:55 > 0:10:01I said to her, "You are very relaxed." The head was so, so relaxed.
0:10:01 > 0:10:08She said, "That's because I've had so many fillings my head's top heavy with lead."
0:10:08 > 0:10:13We went to Fortnum & Mason where she was after a bra.
0:10:13 > 0:10:18A very grand assistant in Fortnum's, which was heavy carpeting
0:10:18 > 0:10:20you hardly heard as you entered
0:10:20 > 0:10:27this woman said the bra cost 7 guineas. And Maggie said, "7 guineas for a bra?!
0:10:27 > 0:10:34- "Cheaper to have your tits off." - LAUGHTER - The place...was in uproar.
0:10:34 > 0:10:42They'd never heard anyone being quite so forthright before in that sort of establishment.
0:10:43 > 0:10:50One of the fascinations of doing the Parkinson Show was in putting together combinations of people.
0:10:50 > 0:10:56Sometimes it worked, sometimes it didn't. When it did, the result was memorable.
0:10:56 > 0:11:03In 1972, we brought together Sir John Betjeman, Maggie Smith and Kenneth Williams.
0:11:03 > 0:11:08Now, THEY liked each other. But Kenneth and I were having problems.
0:11:10 > 0:11:14AUDIENCE APPLAUDS
0:11:17 > 0:11:25I was dying to go to the loo back there and I kept thinking, "I'll miss a really important bit."
0:11:25 > 0:11:30And they said to me, "You must stand by." I was glued to it, watching.
0:11:30 > 0:11:38- I'd like to ask all of you about critics.- I loathe them. I've said it so often.
0:11:38 > 0:11:43I've always said they're like the eunuchs in the harem.
0:11:43 > 0:11:49They see it done every night but they can't do it themselves.
0:11:49 > 0:11:52APPLAUSE
0:11:52 > 0:11:56- They're absolutely useless. - But they're not always, Ken.
0:11:56 > 0:12:01Always there's a grain of truth. That's what's so unnerving.
0:12:01 > 0:12:07- Hardly ever.- Oh, Ken... - And even if there were, Maggie, I would say this
0:12:07 > 0:12:15they might be saying something true, but they've hardly ever earned the right to say it. That's the point.
0:12:15 > 0:12:21You see, people like these would-be doyens.
0:12:21 > 0:12:29They write in Sunday newspapers and look upon themselves as augurs of taste as if from Olympian heights.
0:12:29 > 0:12:33I could show you cuttings that name people as the best...
0:12:33 > 0:12:39One critic said, "The best in the West, nay N-A-Y the world."
0:12:39 > 0:12:46And went on to name people that have trod a path into oblivion. I've not heard of them since.
0:12:46 > 0:12:53- They're all useless, you see?- Yes. - Half the time they're not doing what a critic should do.
0:12:53 > 0:12:59- That is communicating love and affection for his subject.- I agree.
0:12:59 > 0:13:07- They're turning a phrase to earn THEM a reputation.- I don't think you can lump them all together.
0:13:07 > 0:13:13There ARE some serious ones. And you CAN learn things and sometimes change.
0:13:13 > 0:13:18You would say, to put it crudely, pleasuring themselves rather than...
0:13:18 > 0:13:25- They've got a rotten job. I admit that.- I agree. Awful. - It's a very frustrating job.
0:13:25 > 0:13:33Shaw said a lot of them were frustrated playwrights. A lot of them are frustrated actors probably.
0:13:33 > 0:13:39But Russell Lovell said that there's something ridiculous about criticism.
0:13:39 > 0:13:44- What is good is good without our saying so.- Yes.- That exposes it.
0:13:44 > 0:13:52It also brings out the truth of what you said that communicating enthusiasm is what you should do.
0:13:52 > 0:13:59There are certain people that CAN do it. I've read Rex Reed, those profiles in the New Yorker.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02He DOES communicate an atmosphere.
0:14:02 > 0:14:09You feel the atmosphere of the entertainment he enjoyed. And he infects YOU.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12And this happens with good teaching.
0:14:12 > 0:14:18A good teacher, if he takes you into the realm of English literature...
0:14:18 > 0:14:24MY teacher infected me with the spirit of poetry, mostly the Romantics.
0:14:24 > 0:14:31Probably it was my melancholic leaning at the time. Shelley, Keats, Byron, he infected me with them.
0:14:31 > 0:14:36- Exactly. - He did it with love and affection.
0:14:36 > 0:14:41The criticism that matters in this sense is THAT kind of thing,
0:14:41 > 0:14:45NOT the kind of thing where they're making a headline,
0:14:45 > 0:14:51something catty or malignant, which lingers in the memory for a day or so.
0:14:51 > 0:14:57- Do you get melancholic about criticism?- Yes. I can't bear it.
0:14:57 > 0:15:04There was a time when I longed to see my name in print. Now I see it with dread.
0:15:04 > 0:15:12- That's sad.- Does it really affect you?- I believe everything that's said against me is true
0:15:12 > 0:15:18and anything that's said in my favour is flattery. I never believe...
0:15:18 > 0:15:25- ..that I'm any good at all.- I... - All artists need the reassurance of their own worth.
0:15:25 > 0:15:30They haven't got it within. This is one of the paradoxes of all art.
0:15:30 > 0:15:36Though artists may appear to be people of power, the reverse is true.
0:15:36 > 0:15:43They're the most vulnerable people in the world. When I met my idol, Sir Godfrey Tearle, he told me...
0:15:43 > 0:15:50He was giving a marvellous performance at the Haymarket. I was in his dressing room.
0:15:50 > 0:15:57I couldn't find words to say how marvellous his performance was and he said to me, "I've been downcast
0:15:57 > 0:16:04"because a little boy of 10 said my trousers were too high and my socks were showing."
0:16:04 > 0:16:09- THAT worried him. - Can we talk a bit now...
0:16:09 > 0:16:16..about something Sir John was talking about earlier? About the business of preservation.
0:16:16 > 0:16:21Is it something that concerns you? Are you on Sir John's side?
0:16:21 > 0:16:29Yes, I am. I see the problem in another way because I have two brothers and they're both architects.
0:16:29 > 0:16:35They say that if we go on keeping things standing, what else can we build?
0:16:35 > 0:16:40I suppose our problem here is that we are just a small island.
0:16:40 > 0:16:45But the examples of planning blight,
0:16:45 > 0:16:52things like the dreadfulness of the Elephant and Castle, which used to be a place of humanity
0:16:52 > 0:16:56and is now a concrete desert... The Euston Centre is the same.
0:16:56 > 0:17:02- Frightful.- This sort of thing... - And Tottenham Court Road...- Exactly.
0:17:02 > 0:17:08- The Labour government could have... - LAUGHTER - Yeah! Could've made them into flats.
0:17:08 > 0:17:13They left the whole thing standing empty. It's a national scandal.
0:17:13 > 0:17:22- The office development permit was introduced by...Lord... The man who was foreign secretary.- Oh, Lord...
0:17:22 > 0:17:26- Um...um...- George Brown. He stopped offices being built.
0:17:26 > 0:17:30But only in the last two years of the government.
0:17:30 > 0:17:37The first act of a socialist government should be to stop all that
0:17:37 > 0:17:41and say, "Homes are the most important thing."
0:17:41 > 0:17:46All this crap about having youth clubs and theatres built.
0:17:46 > 0:17:53Cultural activities are no good if you've no home to go to. We need homes...
0:17:53 > 0:17:56- On the ground.- Precisely!
0:17:56 > 0:17:59AUDIENCE APPLAUDS
0:18:02 > 0:18:09- That makes me very angry. Doesn't it you, to pass a skyscraper empty? - I absolutely agree with you.
0:18:09 > 0:18:15Yet they all go on strike for a couple of pounds in their pay packet.
0:18:15 > 0:18:23Why can't they...? If the unions really care about their fellow man, why can't they march about that?
0:18:23 > 0:18:31Instead of another pound for themselves! Why not a few pounds for someone who's really hard up?
0:18:31 > 0:18:37- That's not the unions' problem. - APPLAUSE - I've got support.- Oh, well...
0:18:37 > 0:18:43- It's not the unions' fault that... - What is the statue outside the TUC?
0:18:43 > 0:18:50- It depicts a man, doesn't it, helping up another man who's on the ground?- Yes.
0:18:50 > 0:18:54- That statue symbolises what the TUC stands for.- Of course.- Right.
0:18:54 > 0:18:59Well, when a union jeopardises the work of their fellow men...
0:18:59 > 0:19:04If you stop trains, people can't get to their work, can they?
0:19:04 > 0:19:11So, in doing what you want for yourself, you're jeopardising your fellow men.
0:19:11 > 0:19:15Why can't you work in concert with your fellow men?
0:19:15 > 0:19:20- That statue represents helping, not hindering.- Because it might be...
0:19:20 > 0:19:26..take two workers, that one fellow is a lot worse-off than the other worker.
0:19:26 > 0:19:32- They're not all equal. If they were, there'd be no problem. - It comes down to morality.
0:19:32 > 0:19:36You don't just work for another pound!
0:19:36 > 0:19:43I took my job at £3 10/ a week, playing small parts... I came out the army '47, that's what I got.
0:19:43 > 0:19:51Digs were 25 bob all in. The rest was for soap and fags. And a drop of Harpic! I did my own cleaning.
0:19:51 > 0:19:59But I saved and, because I wanted to do the job well, I got another rep fortnightly, then monthly rep.
0:19:59 > 0:20:01I did seven years in the provinces.
0:20:01 > 0:20:08You're not saying, "I want another pound." You're saying, "I want to do the work better."
0:20:08 > 0:20:15I was brought up with that morality. You do the job because you want to do it well.
0:20:15 > 0:20:18Kenneth, I think that's crap.
0:20:18 > 0:20:25- I mean, I'm sorry... I really... - I've never been so insulted! - AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:20:27 > 0:20:33- YOU mustn't laugh.- Don't take it to heart.- Whose side are you on?!
0:20:33 > 0:20:39It's all very well you saying that. All of us here are in jobs that are creative,
0:20:39 > 0:20:44where, with talent, you can get to the top and have a handsome living.
0:20:44 > 0:20:52You can't tell me that someone who's putting door handles on a car for 10 hours a day, 5 days a week
0:20:52 > 0:20:59isn't going to get frustrated and doesn't deserve an extra quid. Of course his work ethic is money.
0:20:59 > 0:21:06- He doesn't get the satisfaction from the job that we get.- True. - You are...talking... I...
0:21:06 > 0:21:13His inference is that the man who puts door knobs on has a monotonous job.
0:21:13 > 0:21:19What do you think doing something night after night...? I'm doing this play...
0:21:19 > 0:21:24I've said it so many times I'm beginning to wonder what it means.
0:21:24 > 0:21:29- Everyone does seem to think that our work is glamorous. Why?- It's not.
0:21:29 > 0:21:36It's self-discipline and going on night after night, and doing it as well as you can.
0:21:36 > 0:21:43If I have to stick door knobs on I've painted my own walls I want to do it WELL.
0:21:43 > 0:21:47The guy who goes on strike is not earning your salary.
0:21:47 > 0:21:55What about the period I had no success? I spent 7 years in the provinces. That wasn't successful.
0:21:55 > 0:22:02No, but there was always... Because you had a talent in an area where talent pays off, you had a horizon.
0:22:02 > 0:22:07- Do you want a world where every job leads to some marvellous end?- Yes!
0:22:07 > 0:22:11- All jobs can't be like that. - Exactly.
0:22:11 > 0:22:16- That's the problem.- But...- You must allow people their frustrations.
0:22:16 > 0:22:21- No, they must accept their limitations.- We get no pension.
0:22:21 > 0:22:28- That's a superman argument. - It isn't. Voltaire said every man must dig in his own garden.
0:22:28 > 0:22:32- Sir John, can we have a calm word? - AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:22:32 > 0:22:38- By the way, do you know what Voltaire's last words were?- No.
0:22:38 > 0:22:43The priest said, "Will you now make your peace and renounce the devil?"
0:22:43 > 0:22:48And he said, "It's a bit late in the day to be making enemies."
0:22:48 > 0:22:52LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:22:53 > 0:23:01- Sir John, were you going to say something?- I've forgotten. - And I don't blame you at all.
0:23:01 > 0:23:05I don't blame you! Let's talk about poetry.
0:23:05 > 0:23:11Some of his lines... We were talking about you the other day.
0:23:11 > 0:23:15- You weren't there. - LAUGHTER
0:23:15 > 0:23:21- Maggie was quoting a thing of yours. - Phone for the fish knives, Norman. - That poem.
0:23:21 > 0:23:26The one I love is the prayer of the lady about the air raids.
0:23:26 > 0:23:31"Lord, keep beneath thy special care 149 Cadogan Square."
0:23:31 > 0:23:37- And "Come, friendly bombs, and fall on Slough."- Don't mention that!
0:23:37 > 0:23:44- All the trouble I got for that. - Did you?- When I was a prep school master on 30 quid a term.
0:23:44 > 0:23:52- All in, of course. It didn't leave you much for cigarettes. - No. Nor Harpic!- No.
0:23:52 > 0:23:56What kind of problem did it create?
0:23:56 > 0:23:58You can't libel a corporation.
0:23:58 > 0:24:05You can libel an individual, likethe borough engineer, butnotaconglomerate body.
0:24:05 > 0:24:10They've always been very generous to me in Slough considering.
0:24:10 > 0:24:13I was about 19 when I wrote that.
0:24:13 > 0:24:18I'm now...goodness knows how old! 65, nearly 66.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22Why it should be remembered, I can't think.
0:24:22 > 0:24:29In those days, everyone was horrified by the new tendencies of things coming...
0:24:29 > 0:24:38We could see the evil world of tall skyscrapers and nothingness that we've been describing arriving.
0:24:38 > 0:24:42And that was what the anger of that poem was about.
0:24:42 > 0:24:50And the lack of consideration for the individual as a separate person. I must go on for a second.
0:24:50 > 0:24:56Why I like actors very much is because they're givers, not takers.
0:24:56 > 0:25:01And it's the takers we're always fighting against.
0:25:01 > 0:25:09- You have to spend your whole time every day being en rapport with the audience.- Yes, what one poet called,
0:25:09 > 0:25:15"the eternal reciprocity of tears." To understand comedy is to understand that.
0:25:15 > 0:25:23The pathos has to be inherent in a comedy performance. If you haven't got it, you haven't got any comedy.
0:25:23 > 0:25:30There's a poem by Haliburton about "Caesar must die in them. Their lives must be rehearsed."
0:25:30 > 0:25:33Kenneth, we are running out of time.
0:25:33 > 0:25:39- It's a disgrace.- Oh! - I asked for over an hour last time. - LAUGHTER
0:25:39 > 0:25:43I was sandwiched in for a few minutes. A disgrace!
0:25:43 > 0:25:51- You make good use of those few minutes! Kenneth, you were going to read...- I've got it here.
0:25:51 > 0:25:57- We're not flattering. We ARE Betjeman fans. - We were talking about this earlier.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59We're going to read this together.
0:25:59 > 0:26:05- This... Do you want to tell them the title? - The title is Death In Leamington.
0:26:05 > 0:26:12- It's one of the first poems you wrote.- First poems I got published.
0:26:12 > 0:26:14She died in the upstairs bedroom
0:26:14 > 0:26:22By the light of the evening star that shone through the plate glass window from over Leamington Spa
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Beside her the lonely crochet lay patiently and unstirred
0:26:26 > 0:26:31But the fingers that would have worked it were dead as the spoken word
0:26:31 > 0:26:36Nurse came in with the tea-things, Breast high 'mid stands and chairs
0:26:36 > 0:26:43But Nurse was alone with her own little soul and the things were alone with theirs
0:26:43 > 0:26:47She bolted the big, round window She let the blinds unroll
0:26:47 > 0:26:52She set a match to the mantle She covered the fire with coal
0:26:52 > 0:26:58"Tea!", she said in a tiny voice "Wake up, it's nearly five!"
0:26:58 > 0:27:01Oh, chintzy, chintzy cheeriness
0:27:01 > 0:27:04Half dead and half alive.
0:27:04 > 0:27:10Do you know that the stucco is peeling? Do you know that the heart will stop?
0:27:10 > 0:27:14From those yellow Italianate arches do you hear the plaster drop?
0:27:14 > 0:27:19Nurse looked at the silent bedstead, at the grey, decaying face
0:27:19 > 0:27:23As the calm of a Leamington evening drifted into the place
0:27:23 > 0:27:28She moved the table of bottles away from the bed to the wall
0:27:28 > 0:27:35And, tiptoeing gently over the stairs, Turned down the gas in the hall.
0:27:35 > 0:27:37That's beautiful.
0:27:37 > 0:27:42- APPLAUSE - Thank you.
0:27:42 > 0:27:46- Oh, how nice you do it.- It's lovely. - Thank you very much indeed.
0:27:46 > 0:27:50- You enjoyed that? - It's a lovely poem.
0:27:52 > 0:27:59After a few more shows with Kenneth, the relationship improved. In the end, we got on fine.
0:27:59 > 0:28:06I admired his talent and felt sad that he gave the impression of going through life unfulfilled,
0:28:06 > 0:28:09both as an entertainer and a person.
0:28:09 > 0:28:16We've seen why he was popular on talk shows. He needed little prompting to do a party piece.
0:28:17 > 0:28:22- FRENCH ACCENT - My next number is a song of love.
0:28:22 > 0:28:27It is about two people who are how you say? crossed in love.
0:28:27 > 0:28:30He love 'er and she love 'im.
0:28:30 > 0:28:33But they cannot be married...
0:28:33 > 0:28:38..because they are how you say? 'usband and wife.
0:28:38 > 0:28:41AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:28:41 > 0:28:47It is entitled "Ma Crepe Suzette" which means a flaming hot dish.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:28:52 > 0:28:57- And so is Suzette. - PIANO STRIKES UP
0:29:01 > 0:29:07- TO THE TUNE OF "Auld Lang Syne" #- Honi soit qui mal y pense
0:29:07 > 0:29:13- #- Faites vos jeux Reconnaissance
0:29:13 > 0:29:19- #- 'Ammersmith Palais de danse
0:29:19 > 0:29:25- #- Badinage Ma crepe Suzette
0:29:25 > 0:29:30- #- Double entendre Restaurant
0:29:30 > 0:29:37- #- Jacques Cousteau Yves St Laurent
0:29:37 > 0:29:43- #- Ou est la plume de ma tante?
0:29:43 > 0:29:50- #- C'est la vie Ma crepe Suzette
0:29:50 > 0:29:54- #- Corsage Massage
0:29:54 > 0:29:59- #- Frere Ja-a-a-acques
0:29:59 > 0:30:03- #- Salon Pont d'Avignon
0:30:03 > 0:30:07- #- Petula Cla-a-a-a-ark
0:30:07 > 0:30:15- #- Fiancee Ensemble Lorgnette
0:30:15 > 0:30:22- #- Lingerie Eau de toilette
0:30:22 > 0:30:29- #- Gauloises cigarettes
0:30:29 > 0:30:34- #- Entourage Ma crepe Suzette
0:30:34 > 0:30:39- #- Citroen Mirage Caravelle
0:30:39 > 0:30:45- #- Hors-d'oeuvre Brut Et Chanel
0:30:45 > 0:30:51- #- Chaise longue Sacha Distel
0:30:51 > 0:30:57- #- Fuselage Ma crepe Suzette
0:30:57 > 0:31:01- #- Pince-nez Bidet...- #
0:31:01 > 0:31:06- LAUGHTER #- Commissionaire
0:31:06 > 0:31:10- #- Mon repos Brigitte Bardot
0:31:10 > 0:31:17- #- Jeux Sans Frontieres!- # - It's A Knockout, innit?
0:31:17 > 0:31:22- LAUGHTER - The French, I mean, not the song.
0:31:22 > 0:31:28- #- Faux pas Grand prix Espionage
0:31:28 > 0:31:34- #- Gruyere Camembert Fromage
0:31:34 > 0:31:40- #- Mayonnaise All-night gara-a-a-age
0:31:40 > 0:31:43- #- RSVP
0:31:43 > 0:31:50- #- Ma crepe Suzette.- #
0:31:50 > 0:31:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:55 > 0:31:58SHOUTS OF "More!"
0:32:00 > 0:32:04That was from a show werecorded in 1979.
0:32:04 > 0:32:11My favourite moments with Williams were when he displayed his talent for accents and anecdotes.
0:32:11 > 0:32:17I first interviewed him in 1972 and he was eager to show off to his new audience.
0:32:17 > 0:32:23The other guests were the late Patrick Campbell and Frank Muir, whom God preserve.
0:32:24 > 0:32:31- You've worked with some great ladies of the theatre. - Yes.- Dame Edith.
0:32:31 > 0:32:38Yes. Edith, I was told on good authority afterwards, said, "Why have you cast Kenneth Williams?"
0:32:38 > 0:32:44She was told, "He'll be very good." She said, "But he's got a peculiar voice."
0:32:44 > 0:32:50- LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE - But I haven't, have I?- No.
0:32:50 > 0:32:53There's nothing peculiar about it.
0:32:53 > 0:32:57Then I did that thing with Bergman. She was fascinating.
0:32:57 > 0:33:03I found all these women... like Martita Hunt who I did Paradiso with...
0:33:03 > 0:33:10People said to me to be careful because they were formidable. I found they were charming.
0:33:10 > 0:33:17Guinness helped me out marvellously. In the brothel scene I was to say, "What a night I've had!"
0:33:17 > 0:33:23In the dressing room I'd unzipped the flies because the trousers were tight.
0:33:23 > 0:33:29I went on and I forgot to do them up. I came on and he kept covering me
0:33:29 > 0:33:32"It's very good to see you."
0:33:32 > 0:33:38and playing the scene with me behind him. I thought, "This is a bit much."
0:33:38 > 0:33:45When we came into the wings, I said, "You fronted me." He said, "But your flies." I said, "Oh, dear."
0:33:45 > 0:33:53And he said, "Always remember before you go on stage, blow your nose and check your flies."
0:33:53 > 0:33:55Marvellous advice.
0:33:55 > 0:34:02What about accents? Have you come to any conclusions about accents? What shapes them?
0:34:02 > 0:34:08It's a lot to do with climate. The northern countries use the mouth so much.
0:34:08 > 0:34:15The German umlaut Ich weiss nicht these sorts of sounds, and the Scots with their "ch".
0:34:15 > 0:34:22The mouth is used much more in the North than it is in the East China and Japan
0:34:22 > 0:34:27where the lips hardly move and it's all coming from up there.
0:34:27 > 0:34:33- The French are sort of...nasal... - HE MUMBLES IN A FRENCH ACCENT
0:34:33 > 0:34:37I think the climate has a lot to do with that.
0:34:37 > 0:34:42Plus the fact that you get these curious idiosyncrasies.
0:34:42 > 0:34:46The fact that the generous "r" is so prevalent in the West Country.
0:34:46 > 0:34:49The Americans sailed from Plymouth.
0:34:49 > 0:34:55I think that's why the Americans have got those "darned lovely rrrs".
0:34:55 > 0:35:02In the West Country they still roll their r's. Tremendously generous vowels, aren't they?
0:35:02 > 0:35:07Whereas the English governing accent is not at all generous.
0:35:07 > 0:35:12Abominably clipped. "My secretary." All you hear is "sec".
0:35:12 > 0:35:18The French say a-bom-i-na-able. You get the whole thing given you.
0:35:18 > 0:35:25The English middle-class one is frightfully pinched. Do-come-in-and-meet-Muriel.
0:35:25 > 0:35:31It's so incredibly tight-arsed. You think, "She should let herself go!"
0:35:32 > 0:35:36Kenneth Williams died in 1988. He was 62.
0:35:36 > 0:35:41In 40 years as an entertainer, he gave an enormous amount of pleasure
0:35:41 > 0:35:48as an actor, broadcaster and comedian. On the last Parkinson Show of all, recorded in 1982,
0:35:48 > 0:35:56we asked him to recreate Rambling Sid Rumpole, from that wonderful radio series Round The Horn.
0:35:56 > 0:35:58That's what we close with tonight.
0:35:58 > 0:36:06This is the last of the current series. I hope you've enjoyed looking back with me. Goodnight.
0:36:08 > 0:36:11APPLAUSE
0:36:11 > 0:36:17- WEST-COUNTRY ACCENT - Well, my dearies, I've come up with a lugubrious lyric
0:36:17 > 0:36:22about a lovesick swain singing to his love beneath her bower.
0:36:22 > 0:36:29She has a very low bower, but that is because of the prevailing winds.
0:36:29 > 0:36:31And it goes after this fashion.
0:36:31 > 0:36:39- TO THE TUNE OF "Darling Clementine" #- Joe, he was a young cord wangler Monging greebles did he go
0:36:39 > 0:36:47- #- And he loved a bogler's daughter By the name of Chiswick Flo...- #
0:36:47 > 0:36:54- LAUGHTER #- Light she was and like a grusset And her gander parts were fine
0:36:54 > 0:36:59- #- But she sneered at his cord wangle
0:36:59 > 0:37:03- #- As it hung upon the line
0:37:04 > 0:37:10- #- So he stole a woggler's moolie For to make a wedding ring
0:37:10 > 0:37:14- #- But the Bow Street runners caught him
0:37:14 > 0:37:18- #- And the judge said, "You will swing."
0:37:18 > 0:37:23- #- Oh! O-Oh! Oh, they hung him...- # LAUGHTER
0:37:27 > 0:37:34- #- Oh, they hung him by the postern...- # LAUGHTER
0:37:34 > 0:37:38- #- Nailed his moolie to the fence
0:37:41 > 0:37:49- #- For to warn all young cord wanglers That it was a grave offence
0:37:49 > 0:37:51- #- There's a moral to this story
0:37:51 > 0:37:58- #- Though your cord wangle be poor, Keep your hands off others' moolies,
0:37:58 > 0:38:01- #- For it is against the law.- #
0:38:01 > 0:38:05Subtitles by Audrey Flynn BBC Scotland 1995