0:00:14 > 0:00:18APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:00:18 > 0:00:20'She's so inoffensive, she's offensive.
0:00:20 > 0:00:23'Ladies and gentlemen, please welcome your host,
0:00:23 > 0:00:25'the fabulous Ruth Jones!'
0:00:25 > 0:00:28# So here she is Merry Christmas
0:00:28 > 0:00:31# Everybody's having fun
0:00:31 > 0:00:34# Look to the future now
0:00:34 > 0:00:36# It's only just
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# Begu-u-u-n. #
0:00:41 > 0:00:45CHEERING
0:00:45 > 0:00:48Ohh! Hello and welcome to my Christmas Cracker!
0:00:48 > 0:00:52We've got a real festive feast for you on the show tonight.
0:00:52 > 0:00:54Cockney comedy king, Micky Flanagan...
0:00:54 > 0:00:56CHEERING
0:00:56 > 0:00:59..all-singing, all-dancing, living legend, Lulu...
0:00:59 > 0:01:01CHEERING
0:01:01 > 0:01:04..music from the brilliant Manic Street Preachers...
0:01:04 > 0:01:06CHEERING
0:01:06 > 0:01:08..and in a second I'll be reunited
0:01:08 > 0:01:11with my dear friend, the fabulous James Corden!
0:01:11 > 0:01:13CHEERING
0:01:13 > 0:01:17Hey, but what do you think about my houseband
0:01:17 > 0:01:21and the fantastic Segue Sisters!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24My first guest is an immensely talented actor, writer,
0:01:24 > 0:01:26presenter and electrician.
0:01:26 > 0:01:28LAUGHTER
0:01:28 > 0:01:30Please welcome my dear, dear friend,
0:01:30 > 0:01:32James Corden!
0:01:32 > 0:01:33APPLAUSE
0:01:33 > 0:01:36# Whatever I said Whatever I did I didn't mean it
0:01:36 > 0:01:39# I just want you back for good Want you back
0:01:39 > 0:01:43# Want you back Want you back for good
0:01:43 > 0:01:45# Whenever I'm wrong Just tell me the song
0:01:45 > 0:01:47# And I'll sing it
0:01:47 > 0:01:49# We'll be right and understood
0:01:49 > 0:01:51# Want you back, want you back
0:01:51 > 0:01:55# See I want you back for good... #
0:01:55 > 0:01:56CHEERING
0:01:56 > 0:01:59Well, do you know what, it's come to something
0:01:59 > 0:02:02when I have to invite you as a guest on to my chat show
0:02:02 > 0:02:04to sit on the sofa and have a catch up!
0:02:04 > 0:02:06I saw you last week!
0:02:06 > 0:02:08See, he won't join in!
0:02:08 > 0:02:10- No, I... - I saw you for how long?
0:02:10 > 0:02:12Only about half an hour.
0:02:12 > 0:02:14Exactly! We used to spend hours together!
0:02:14 > 0:02:16I know, it is weird, isn't it?
0:02:16 > 0:02:20At the moment you are in this hit show in the West End,
0:02:20 > 0:02:21One Man, Two Guvnors.
0:02:21 > 0:02:24If you haven't seen it, it's amazing! Have a look at this.
0:02:24 > 0:02:27I am my own worst enemy. Stop being negative.
0:02:27 > 0:02:29I'm not negative. I'm being realistic.
0:02:29 > 0:02:30I'll screw it up. I always do.
0:02:30 > 0:02:32Who screws it up? You!
0:02:32 > 0:02:35A role model for village idiots! Me? You're nothing!
0:02:35 > 0:02:38You're the cock up! Don't you call me a cock up, you cock up!
0:02:38 > 0:02:41LAUGHTER
0:02:41 > 0:02:43You slapped me! Yes, I did! And I'm glad I did because...
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Oh, ho, ho...that hurt!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47Good, because you started it!
0:02:47 > 0:02:49HE SCREAMS
0:02:49 > 0:02:53HE CHOKES AND GASPS
0:02:55 > 0:02:58APPLAUSE
0:02:58 > 0:03:02It's so incredibly physical.
0:03:02 > 0:03:05That's the thing I can't get over. Are you covered in bruises?
0:03:05 > 0:03:08Yes... It's not all like that.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10There are other people in it.
0:03:10 > 0:03:13Yes, it hurts every night,
0:03:13 > 0:03:15it really does.
0:03:15 > 0:03:19I come on stage and within about two minutes, I have to roll
0:03:19 > 0:03:23over the back of the sofa, there's that, there's a lot of running.
0:03:23 > 0:03:26My legs often hurt, but they never really hurt when I'm doing it.
0:03:26 > 0:03:28When I'm doing it, it's just great.
0:03:28 > 0:03:31I'll be amazed if I ever play a better part.
0:03:31 > 0:03:34It's an amazing role, and he is superb in it.
0:03:34 > 0:03:38I am not just saying it, he's absolutely incredible in it.
0:03:38 > 0:03:41Is it true you accepted it without even reading the play?
0:03:41 > 0:03:42Nicholas Hytner...
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Sir Nicholas Hytner, I should say,
0:03:44 > 0:03:47..directed a play I was in called The History Boys,
0:03:47 > 0:03:50and is the Artistic Director of the National Theatre...
0:03:50 > 0:03:53- So weird me telling you this... - I know!
0:03:53 > 0:03:56You know the answers to all of these questions, you know all the answers.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00This is so...it's the weirdest thing. It's like...
0:04:00 > 0:04:02It's like you've been in a coma!
0:04:02 > 0:04:04He called and said,
0:04:04 > 0:04:07"Do you want to do a play in the National Theatre?" I said, "Yes."
0:04:07 > 0:04:10And he said, "Don't you want to know what it is?" I said, "No."
0:04:10 > 0:04:13The truth is, I think if you're an actor in Britain
0:04:13 > 0:04:17and you get to work at the National Theatre, particularly with him,
0:04:17 > 0:04:20you're one of the luckiest in the country. So next year in April,
0:04:20 > 0:04:24we go to Broadway and we'll do the play there.
0:04:24 > 0:04:29You're going to New York under different circumstances from last time
0:04:29 > 0:04:31because you'll be going as a dad this time.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33James has become a father!
0:04:33 > 0:04:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:37 > 0:04:38True. It's, um...
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- How's that turning out? - Great! Brilliant!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43I have to say, because I am very proud of this,
0:04:43 > 0:04:47but James and Jules have asked me to be godmother to baby Max.
0:04:47 > 0:04:50APPLAUSE
0:04:50 > 0:04:52And I've been thinking,
0:04:52 > 0:04:56I am just wondering what you expect of me as a godmother.
0:04:56 > 0:04:57Mostly financial!
0:04:57 > 0:04:59LAUGHTER
0:04:59 > 0:05:01As Max starts to speak,
0:05:01 > 0:05:05he may start asking you quite awkward questions.
0:05:05 > 0:05:09And so, I have written a few questions down to see...
0:05:09 > 0:05:13- just to give you preparation, so you're ready with the answers.- OK.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16This is the kind of thing he might ask you.
0:05:16 > 0:05:19Daddy, where do babies come from?
0:05:19 > 0:05:23You should talk to your mum about that.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25Daddy, why is water wet?
0:05:25 > 0:05:29LAUGHTER
0:05:29 > 0:05:33You should talk to your mum about that.
0:05:33 > 0:05:37What's GDP expressed as a percentage of average earnings?
0:05:37 > 0:05:39LAUGHTER
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Average earnings? You should talk to your godmother about that!
0:05:43 > 0:05:47APPLAUSE
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Daddy, will they do another episode of Gavin and Stacey?
0:05:50 > 0:05:53AUDIENCE: Yes!
0:05:53 > 0:05:56Well, here's the thing!
0:05:56 > 0:06:01I have looked at the prices of your schools!
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Probably yeah! No...
0:06:03 > 0:06:07CHEERING
0:06:07 > 0:06:11The thing is, we do get asked that a lot... We're asked,
0:06:11 > 0:06:15"Will there be any more Gavin and Stacey?" It's lovely to be asked.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19I find it funny...cos I always say the same thing, which is true,
0:06:19 > 0:06:22that we haven't had any time.
0:06:22 > 0:06:24I think, the thing is, it's a big thing.
0:06:24 > 0:06:27It's a big thing to go back to it.
0:06:27 > 0:06:31The worst thing that could happen is we ruin this thing
0:06:31 > 0:06:35that we're both so proud of.
0:06:35 > 0:06:38I think we sort of decided we wouldn't write a series,
0:06:38 > 0:06:40because it's gone on such a journey
0:06:40 > 0:06:44and, if we were to go back, it would only be for a special.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I mean, I'm up for it, if you are.
0:06:47 > 0:06:50Yeah. Shall we, then?
0:06:50 > 0:06:51I think we will. I think...
0:06:51 > 0:06:54CHEERING
0:06:54 > 0:06:57You know that I'm quite keen to do a musical.
0:06:57 > 0:07:02I think a musical version of Gavin and Stacey would be a good idea,
0:07:02 > 0:07:04I really do.
0:07:04 > 0:07:07- I think you're saying this for comedy effect.- I do!
0:07:07 > 0:07:09You would write a Gavin and Stacey musical
0:07:09 > 0:07:13- and we'd do it in the West End or something?- Definitely.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15But what would the story be?
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Well, we can come up with something!
0:07:17 > 0:07:19Where would the houses be? The cars? You know...
0:07:19 > 0:07:21That's the magic of theatre!
0:07:21 > 0:07:23We'll get the audience to help us.
0:07:23 > 0:07:28Give us a location, or a scene between Smithy and Nessa.
0:07:28 > 0:07:32- AUDIENCE: On the island. - On the island!
0:07:32 > 0:07:36Give me a reason why Smithy and Nessa should get together.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38AUDIENCE: They love each other!
0:07:38 > 0:07:43They don't love each other! Have you ever seen it?
0:07:43 > 0:07:45AUDIENCE: They have great sex!
0:07:45 > 0:07:48Because they have great sex? OK!
0:07:48 > 0:07:50LAUGHTER
0:07:50 > 0:07:54We're going to join our band and see if we can come up with a song...
0:07:54 > 0:07:58- This will either be brilliant, or the worst thing ever!- Absolutely!
0:07:58 > 0:08:01CHEERING
0:08:10 > 0:08:13I feel like I'm on Whose Line Is It Anyway!
0:08:13 > 0:08:18- We'll get in the mood, in character! - This is a bad idea!
0:08:18 > 0:08:24- I can't remember how to do the character!- Go on, do some Nessa! - Oh, what's occurring?- Ohh!
0:08:24 > 0:08:25CHEERING
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Can you do some Smithy? You've done Smithy quite recently.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30I do it all the time!
0:08:30 > 0:08:33PIANO PLAYS
0:08:33 > 0:08:35All right, Smithy? What's occurring?
0:08:35 > 0:08:39- All right! - What you doing on the island?
0:08:39 > 0:08:43# This and that I'm doing this and that
0:08:43 > 0:08:48# It's none of your business Get out of my face
0:08:48 > 0:08:53# I don't know what you're doing here You're on my land
0:08:53 > 0:08:57# This is my place this is my territory
0:08:57 > 0:08:59# Don't go on about it
0:08:59 > 0:09:04# I just came down to see the boy
0:09:05 > 0:09:07# The boy he loves you no doubt
0:09:07 > 0:09:09# He loves you no doubt
0:09:09 > 0:09:11# He looks at you and he says my dad
0:09:11 > 0:09:15# Yeah I love you But he's a Welsh boy
0:09:15 > 0:09:16# Don't give me that
0:09:16 > 0:09:18- # He's a Welsh boy - He's English
0:09:18 > 0:09:21# He don't want none of your Essex crap... #
0:09:21 > 0:09:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:33 > 0:09:38- That is a different tune. - Let's have a mood change.
0:09:38 > 0:09:39- You said all that Essex...?- Yeah.
0:09:44 > 0:09:48# Gavlar, oh Gavlar
0:09:49 > 0:09:55# I miss you since you've moved down to Wales
0:09:55 > 0:10:01- # Gavlar, I'm stuck with Pamelar - Pamela
0:10:01 > 0:10:07# And Mick and you are down there with those sheep shaggers
0:10:10 > 0:10:14# What is this place called Billericay?
0:10:17 > 0:10:21# It's full of people who are called Nicky... #
0:10:21 > 0:10:23Eh?
0:10:23 > 0:10:26# They are very hard and they are all very tricky... #
0:10:26 > 0:10:29Nice.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33# I don't want my boy growing up to be like that. #
0:10:33 > 0:10:35Twat!
0:10:45 > 0:10:49Oh, dear. We have to talk about the other big thing
0:10:49 > 0:10:55- you have done this year which is your autobiography.- Yeah.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58James Corden May I Have Your Attention Please? Brilliant title.
0:10:58 > 0:11:01A fantastic read, I have to say.
0:11:01 > 0:11:04- I was touched that you read it. I really was.- Can I be honest?
0:11:04 > 0:11:09- I did first of all...- Flick read it. - No, I read it. - You read your bits first.
0:11:09 > 0:11:13I flicked to look at my bits. "What has he said about me?" Then I got engrossed.
0:11:13 > 0:11:18You didn't put in the story about the squirrel. I love that story when you dressed up as a squirrel.
0:11:18 > 0:11:24I wanted to tell it. It was a harvest festival and we all had to dress up
0:11:24 > 0:11:28as different animals and we were going to march through the town.
0:11:28 > 0:11:33I said, "Mum in two weeks I have got to be a squirrel."
0:11:33 > 0:11:38Two weeks went by and the night before, I went, "Mum have you made my squirrel outfit?" She just went...
0:11:38 > 0:11:40And I knew from the look on her face,
0:11:40 > 0:11:45this was the first time she had thought about the squirrel outfit since the last time.
0:11:45 > 0:11:53Cut to me in a brown jumper, a pair of my sister's brown leggings...
0:11:55 > 0:12:02..shoe polish on my nose, with whiskers like this,
0:12:02 > 0:12:05and then my mum, the final insult to injury,
0:12:05 > 0:12:08my mum got a pair of her tights
0:12:08 > 0:12:15and put one leg inside the other and put rolled up pairs of jeans
0:12:15 > 0:12:20in the tights and safety pinned them to my arse. Right?
0:12:20 > 0:12:27All I had was what could only have looked like
0:12:27 > 0:12:33a huge poo dragging on the floor.
0:12:33 > 0:12:37And my own trainers, white trainers. I turn up to school.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41Some of them had big bushy tails with wire in them and little paws.
0:12:44 > 0:12:50I was just in a brown tracksuit and it was dragging on the floor.
0:12:50 > 0:12:53It was so bad that even the bullies
0:12:53 > 0:12:58who would have jumped on an opportunity like that were looking at me going,
0:12:58 > 0:13:01"His mum has done him over there."
0:13:03 > 0:13:05Do you know what I mean?
0:13:06 > 0:13:12- It's been lovely to have a chat with you. I don't get to chat with you that often.- It's nice.
0:13:12 > 0:13:19- Have you got any ambitions that you still want to achieve?- Honestly?
0:13:19 > 0:13:23- I want to write something else with you.- Aw!- Truly.
0:13:27 > 0:13:31To get back into a room and try and think of some characters
0:13:31 > 0:13:36and a story and try and tell it as well as we told the last one.
0:13:36 > 0:13:39- That's what I would like to do.- I hope that we get to do that as well.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41James Corden, thank you so much.
0:13:50 > 0:13:55My next guest has gone from being a Billingsgate fish porter to a sell-out stand-up.
0:13:55 > 0:13:59Before we meet him let's have a look at him in action.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02There are young men in this room who do not realise what
0:14:02 > 0:14:03men my age have had to put up with.
0:14:03 > 0:14:09We've seen everything change. We caught the fag end of when men were in charge.
0:14:09 > 0:14:10Properly in charge.
0:14:10 > 0:14:15"I've got a pair of bollocks and a day job - I must be in charge."
0:14:15 > 0:14:21They used to walk about, doing nothing, walk about in their pants.
0:14:23 > 0:14:28They would come home and put the money on the table and walk about in their pants.
0:14:31 > 0:14:34My old man did nothing.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37If he shut a cupboard door, he thought he was helping out.
0:14:39 > 0:14:43"Shut that door for you, Sylvie!"
0:14:45 > 0:14:47"I'm going down the pub for a week."
0:14:47 > 0:14:50Micky Flanagan, ladies and gentlemen.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53# Oh Micky you're so fine you're so fine you blow my mind
0:14:53 > 0:14:55# Hey, Micky
0:14:55 > 0:14:58# Oh Micky what a pity you don't understand
0:14:58 > 0:15:00# You take me by the heart when you take me by the hand
0:15:00 > 0:15:03# Oh, Micky you're so pretty can't you understand?
0:15:03 > 0:15:05# It's guys like you, Micky
0:15:05 > 0:15:10# What you do Micky, do Micky Don't break my heart, Mickey. #
0:15:10 > 0:15:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:12 > 0:15:13Thank you.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19- You're looking fantastic. - Oh, thanks.- I have to say.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23- Me mum got me ready.- Really?! - Done a better job than your mum!
0:15:23 > 0:15:27Sounds a bit like lazy, doesn't she, his mum?
0:15:27 > 0:15:30- You're just hugely successful now. - Yeah, I know.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35- Isn't it, your tour has been record-breaking?- I know, yeah.
0:15:35 > 0:15:40Yours was the fastest-selling comedy tickets since Eddie Izzard's live tour four years ago?
0:15:40 > 0:15:44It's amazing, isn't it? If it carries on, I'm going to sign off!
0:15:44 > 0:15:48I am! It's been murder getting back every other Tuesday.
0:15:48 > 0:15:54And when the helicopter lands on top of the unemployment benefit office, it's causing a bit of suspicion.
0:15:54 > 0:15:57Yeah. Do you get recognised a lot now?
0:15:57 > 0:16:03I was in Brighton a couple of weeks ago. We took my little boy down and I put him on these motorbike things.
0:16:03 > 0:16:05You know, so, I'm standing there,
0:16:05 > 0:16:09a bloke went, "Can I have a photograph, mate?" And I went, "Yeah, all right."
0:16:09 > 0:16:12I looked over at my friends, and I'm like, showbiz, you know.
0:16:12 > 0:16:16Two minutes later, a bloke came over to me and went,
0:16:16 > 0:16:21"I've just put 50p in one of the bikes, mate, they're not working over there".
0:16:21 > 0:16:24I was like, "I don't work here, mate!"
0:16:24 > 0:16:26Do you find now you're meeting all sorts of people?
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Do you get star struck at all?
0:16:28 > 0:16:31Do you know who I met? Kevin McCloud.
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Isn't it strange the people that have really thrown me, because I've been watching him for years.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38- On Grand Designs. - In our house, he's a god.
0:16:38 > 0:16:44The highlight of our week is if we stumble onto an episode of Grand Designs me and the wife ain't seen.
0:16:44 > 0:16:47The tension in the room, it builds and builds.
0:16:47 > 0:16:50It's just as good when it's one you have seen though!
0:16:50 > 0:16:53And you know they've made a really great house.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57It's nice because if you ain't seen it, it's always, is the glass going to turn up?
0:16:57 > 0:17:02You look at each other halfway through and, "I can't take it, babe!
0:17:02 > 0:17:04"All the way from Germany in two weeks.
0:17:04 > 0:17:08"If that glass don't turn up before winter, the whole thing is going to be ruined."
0:17:08 > 0:17:13Kevin McCloud, because when I met him I was like "I'm really pleased to meet you."
0:17:13 > 0:17:16You say something stupid - "I've done my house up!" And he goes...
0:17:16 > 0:17:18TAKES A DEEP SIGH
0:17:21 > 0:17:25- You happened to mention your DVD. Again, fantastic.- It's brilliant.
0:17:25 > 0:17:29I mean we can't even discuss this, but I do love your theory
0:17:29 > 0:17:35behind why there are so many teenage pregnancies these days compared to previous years.
0:17:35 > 0:17:39Yes, there's less foreplay now, or what our parents would call heavy petting.
0:17:39 > 0:17:43- Yes, yes.- Basically, fingering has disappeared, hasn't it?
0:17:45 > 0:17:46That's the truth of the matter.
0:17:46 > 0:17:51The kids aren't interested. "Leave it out, I ain't fingering her.
0:17:51 > 0:17:54"I ain't wasting my time fingering!"
0:18:00 > 0:18:03It's true, it's absolutely true!
0:18:03 > 0:18:06When I was at school, it was all about fingering.
0:18:06 > 0:18:12No-one was thinking... No-one was thinking about sex! It was, like, not until we got to college.
0:18:12 > 0:18:15At school, it was like, you'd just come in the next day,
0:18:15 > 0:18:17"How did you get on?" "Fingered her."
0:18:17 > 0:18:21But you also do talk about, erm, titting her up.
0:18:21 > 0:18:26Yeah, I mean obviously you've got to do your titting up time.
0:18:26 > 0:18:30- Which can be anywhere from three to six months.- Yes.
0:18:30 > 0:18:34Starting off over the jumper. Then you get under the jumper.
0:18:34 > 0:18:37- But above the bra?- Sometimes above the coat, if it's winter.
0:18:37 > 0:18:39But eventually you get to hold her tit.
0:18:39 > 0:18:44You don't know what to do with the tit. You walk home in a daze.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48I've held a tit! It just makes me think, you know...
0:18:48 > 0:18:51kids...it all goes through it too quickly, you know?
0:18:51 > 0:18:54I mean I didn't have sex until I was like 27.
0:18:54 > 0:18:55AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:18:58 > 0:19:00Let's talk about where you started off
0:19:00 > 0:19:04because you've come to comedy a bit later.
0:19:04 > 0:19:06Yes, I'm not a big rusher.
0:19:06 > 0:19:10You started off as a fish porter in Billingsgate market.
0:19:10 > 0:19:15My first job was as a Billingsgate fish porter, that was me at 17.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18- You earned a lot of money doing it, didn't you?- I did, yes.
0:19:18 > 0:19:23- In 1980, I was earning £250 a week. - That was a lot!- Cor!
0:19:23 > 0:19:26Talk about a catch!
0:19:27 > 0:19:32- You also do a wonderful cockney walk.- Yeah, I do, yeah.
0:19:32 > 0:19:37I just wondered whether you'd share it with our lovely audience.
0:19:37 > 0:19:38You want it to try and catch on?
0:19:38 > 0:19:44- Yes, because we don't really have a walk in Wales.- Do you not?- No.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48My friend Gillian does a walk that looks like she's just baked a sponge.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51- Yes, all right. Let me just give that one a little try.- OK.
0:19:51 > 0:19:54What's the point? You bake a sponge cake...
0:19:54 > 0:19:57No one comes round.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02- Oi oi! - I've got a few little props there.
0:20:02 > 0:20:07Fish, now you know about fish, it can be very dangerous if it isn't fresh.
0:20:07 > 0:20:11The things to look out for are the very bright eyes,
0:20:11 > 0:20:17clear, healthy, firm skin, not too smelly.
0:20:17 > 0:20:20Same sort of criteria you'd use for a one-night stand.
0:20:23 > 0:20:27So the cockney has got a few walks. I can take you through the main three, right?
0:20:27 > 0:20:30Your first one is your casual cockney walk.
0:20:30 > 0:20:34This is just your Cockney walking about.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37Nothing special going on, just walking about.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39This tends to attract women.
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Women start looking over, they think, "He looks reliable."
0:20:46 > 0:20:49I bet he'd come home every now and then, that one.
0:20:50 > 0:20:53That's just your casual cockney walk.
0:20:53 > 0:20:55There's a slightly tough...
0:20:55 > 0:20:58If the cockney feels threatened, he'll widen slightly.
0:21:01 > 0:21:06This is when the cockney is under threat. The gait will widen.
0:21:06 > 0:21:10The head will drop a bit. Just a bit, a bit wider.
0:21:13 > 0:21:17Your third one is for when the cockney is busy,
0:21:17 > 0:21:20which he is sometimes. Not very often.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23This is slightly more with the shoulders.
0:21:23 > 0:21:25APPLAUSE
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Thank you!
0:21:32 > 0:21:37Were you the class clown? They were all, "He was the class clown!"
0:21:37 > 0:21:41And then you become a stand-up comedian? Was that the case for you?
0:21:41 > 0:21:45I mean everyone was a clown. Everyone did whatever they could.
0:21:45 > 0:21:51The chief things in school were to try to get the teacher to either cry or attack another pupil.
0:21:51 > 0:21:56This was the genuine aim of the pupil, if we could just get him to break down
0:21:56 > 0:22:00or possibly attack one of the weaker children.
0:22:00 > 0:22:03In metalwork once, what I thought would be really funny
0:22:03 > 0:22:08is every time the metalwork teacher finished the sentence, I went, "Hmm."
0:22:08 > 0:22:13Ah, it was killing! We were getting massive laughs!
0:22:13 > 0:22:19The metalwork teacher, nice fella, Mr Filmer, in his 50s, 60s, decent, good bloke.
0:22:19 > 0:22:23He just walked past. Bosh, right up.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25Decked me on the floor.
0:22:25 > 0:22:28I went, "Ughh!" and he went, "Hmmm."
0:22:32 > 0:22:36What were your classmates like? Was there a lot of ambition to...?
0:22:36 > 0:22:40No, school was somewhere they sent us before we went to work.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42And I've said many times,
0:22:42 > 0:22:46the careers officer turned up, Christ knows what he thought he was doing,
0:22:46 > 0:22:49but he stood there, asked us what we wanted to do with our lives,
0:22:49 > 0:22:52and this is the absolute truth - the most ambitious kid in the class
0:22:52 > 0:22:56was a kid called Gary Hutton because he wanted to drive a van.
0:22:58 > 0:23:01"Sir, I'm going to drive a van!"
0:23:01 > 0:23:04We were all like, "You dreamer, Hutton!
0:23:04 > 0:23:07"You ain't gonna drive a van, man!
0:23:07 > 0:23:11"You know why we is here, we is here to carry the stuff TO the van!"
0:23:11 > 0:23:14When I was in school, I was... I was head girl.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17I'm not going to lie, I'm not going to be ashamed, I was head girl.
0:23:17 > 0:23:23- There's me, there. I look like I've just baked a sponge there!- You do!
0:23:23 > 0:23:28- James, do you think we'd have got on in school?- We'd have got on because of the school play.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30So we'd have got on for about six weeks a year.
0:23:30 > 0:23:33Aww! I think I'd have gone more for Micky
0:23:33 > 0:23:35because he was more my age group,
0:23:35 > 0:23:39and also I'd have gone for his fashion sense, I think.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40- Aww.- Look at that!- Sweet!
0:23:40 > 0:23:44There wasn't one single natural fibre in that jumper!
0:23:47 > 0:23:51I used to internally combust. I was like, if you put that jumper on me,
0:23:51 > 0:23:54I'd go, "Mum, I'll be hot in about three seconds!"
0:23:54 > 0:23:58"Go on, put that on, you'll be all right."
0:23:58 > 0:24:02- What's Christmas going to be like for you?- I'll be drunk most of it. - Drunk.
0:24:02 > 0:24:08I like Christmas, it's the only time you can have a glass of champagne at half past nine in the morning.
0:24:08 > 0:24:11- And people frown upon you if you don't.- Yeah, they go, "Drink?"
0:24:11 > 0:24:15- You go, "No, you're all right."- Come on, it's Christmas!- Party pooper!
0:24:15 > 0:24:21It's very much my wife's mum comes round and she cooks the dinner.
0:24:21 > 0:24:25She's a really nice woman because she's... She's a psychiatrist
0:24:25 > 0:24:27and she's serenity personified.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29I've been with her when we've been in car accidents,
0:24:29 > 0:24:32I've been to her home when it's been burgled,
0:24:32 > 0:24:35she just goes..."Part of life."
0:24:37 > 0:24:41She came round to do the dinner one day, I heard her say, "You wanker!"
0:24:41 > 0:24:44I went in, I went, "Hilary, what's the matter?"
0:24:44 > 0:24:47She went, "The cauliflower cheese has not browned off."
0:24:48 > 0:24:52- That's what broke her, the cauliflower cheese.- Really?
0:24:52 > 0:24:54Yes, she just got to such a pitch.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58She took it out the oven, and she was like, "Wanker!"
0:24:58 > 0:25:02Your little boy, how will you keep him entertained over Christmas?
0:25:02 > 0:25:06I'm going to be really creative, I'm going to think things through,
0:25:06 > 0:25:10- and put him in front of the telly. Can I tell you a little story?- Yes.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13It's a little bit odd because you know... I was watching the news,
0:25:13 > 0:25:17you know when the Gaddafi thing was going on? It was horrible footage.
0:25:17 > 0:25:20- Hmm.- My wife brought him in from school. I'd gone to the toilet,
0:25:20 > 0:25:24and when I came back he was watching the Gaddafi footage. He was a bit shaken up.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27He said, "Daddy, what has that man done?"
0:25:27 > 0:25:32I said, "Well the thing is, son, that crowd have just found out that, when he was a little boy,
0:25:32 > 0:25:36"he used to get his parents up really early in the morning.
0:25:39 > 0:25:45"They're not having it, son. They're not having it." He said, "I'll take some colouring to bed with me."
0:25:45 > 0:25:48I said, "Now you're thinking, son, now you're thinking."
0:25:48 > 0:25:52- What does next year hold for you at the moment? - I'm going to write the book.- Are you?
0:25:52 > 0:25:56- They've asked me to write a book, yes.- An autobiography?- Yes.
0:25:56 > 0:25:58I'm going to have to be very careful.
0:25:58 > 0:26:02- Mmmm.- I don't want to end up being called Supergrass!
0:26:05 > 0:26:10Every East End face is gonna be straight... "If he's grassed me up, I'll have his legs!"
0:26:10 > 0:26:14So I'm going to enjoy doing it. I think people are interested.
0:26:14 > 0:26:18You do something really well, and for some reason people go,
0:26:18 > 0:26:20"Could you just fill in the gaps for us?"
0:26:20 > 0:26:23So I'm looking forward to it.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26I look forward to reading it when you've written it.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Ladies and gentlemen, Micky Flanagan.
0:26:28 > 0:26:30APPLAUSE
0:26:30 > 0:26:31Thank you.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36My next guest has been a huge star for five decades.
0:26:36 > 0:26:39I'm really excited to have her on the show.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42Please give a massive Welsh welcome to Lulu!
0:26:42 > 0:26:44APPLAUSE
0:26:44 > 0:26:47# You can dance, you can jive
0:26:47 > 0:26:51# Having the time of your life
0:26:51 > 0:26:55# Ooh, see that girl Watch that scene
0:26:55 > 0:26:59# Diggin' the dancing queen
0:26:59 > 0:27:04# Diggin' the dancing queen
0:27:04 > 0:27:07# Diggin' the dancing queen! #
0:27:11 > 0:27:15Can I just say, your achievements - there's not enough room to write them down. Amazing.
0:27:15 > 0:27:17A child star at the age of 15,
0:27:17 > 0:27:22you've released more than 20 albums and 70 singles,
0:27:22 > 0:27:26you've sung the theme to a James Bond film, won the Eurovision Song contest,
0:27:26 > 0:27:28and you hosted your own chat show. Do you ever think,
0:27:28 > 0:27:31"I could have done a bit more!"?
0:27:32 > 0:27:33MICKY: Lazy!
0:27:35 > 0:27:39Yeah, definitely. I've just been sitting on my laurels.
0:27:39 > 0:27:43But absolutely incredible career.
0:27:43 > 0:27:47- The crazy thing is, I still think there's more to do.- Yeah. Good!
0:27:47 > 0:27:51I'm not the kind of person who does think that it's over.
0:27:51 > 0:27:55No, we haven't had enough of her yet, have we?
0:27:55 > 0:27:5815 when you started - it must have been quite a scary environment
0:27:58 > 0:28:01for a 15-year-old girl.
0:28:01 > 0:28:04I wanted to be an R&B singer, rock'n'roll,
0:28:04 > 0:28:07I did not want to be a pop singer.
0:28:07 > 0:28:10I tried to be true to myself,
0:28:10 > 0:28:13and then I worked with the record executives and producers
0:28:13 > 0:28:17and people who thought I should do certain things. I disagreed with them.
0:28:17 > 0:28:23That was tough for me, and I would go home and cry all the time.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25But I would sort of agree to do it.
0:28:25 > 0:28:29But you knew your own mind at that age. You knew what you wanted to do.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Yes, I did, but it's hard when you're 15.
0:28:32 > 0:28:36But of course, a lot of the things I was guided to do
0:28:36 > 0:28:41that initially I didn't want to do, were successful, so I clocked that.
0:28:41 > 0:28:42I clocked that.
0:28:42 > 0:28:47I think I learned a lot from being in the business at such a young age.
0:28:47 > 0:28:51You're from Glasgow originally. My Welsh accent kind of comes and goes.
0:28:51 > 0:28:54Does your Scottish accent come and go?
0:28:54 > 0:28:57As soon as I hear him talk Cockney, I want to go right into it.
0:28:57 > 0:29:01When I was in To Sir, With Love, which is a film I did when I was 16,
0:29:01 > 0:29:04I had a very thick Scottish accent.
0:29:04 > 0:29:07And it was set in the East End of London,
0:29:07 > 0:29:11so the first week of filming, I decided I'm going to get this accent, ain't I!
0:29:11 > 0:29:16- IN COCKNEY ACCENT: - I want to talk like them! I'm not going to talk like I do.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18That would make me different.
0:29:18 > 0:29:21So I realised quite quickly I could do accents.
0:29:21 > 0:29:25You mentioned To Sir, With Love - that was a big influence on you, wasn't it, that film?
0:29:25 > 0:29:30It was. When I was thinking about being a schoolteacher,
0:29:30 > 0:29:32those films rung in my mind.
0:29:32 > 0:29:34The ones where you win the kids over.
0:29:34 > 0:29:39- And Sidney PWA-tier, which is how you have to say it...- Sidney PWA-tier!
0:29:39 > 0:29:41PWA-tier!
0:29:41 > 0:29:44You can't say Sidney Potter, as I think Del Boy did once!
0:29:46 > 0:29:48It was based on an East End school,
0:29:48 > 0:29:52and I thought, "I'll go in and be like Sidney PWA-tier."
0:29:52 > 0:29:54- It didn't work out.- It didn't work!
0:29:54 > 0:29:57One of them done a poo in my desk.
0:30:00 > 0:30:03You've worked with some incredible names in your time.
0:30:03 > 0:30:07- I've been around a long time. - The Beatles! Tom Jones.- Yes, Tom.
0:30:07 > 0:30:11- Michael Caine. What was it like working with them?- I worked with...
0:30:11 > 0:30:15- With James - the best, obviously. - The best! When he was a baby!
0:30:15 > 0:30:18It was called Whatever Happened To Harold Smith?
0:30:18 > 0:30:22- I played Lulu's love interest. - Did you?! Really?
0:30:22 > 0:30:25I played her son's best friend.
0:30:25 > 0:30:29- Were you a MILF?- A MILF?! - LAUGHTER
0:30:29 > 0:30:31Did you have to kiss and everything?
0:30:31 > 0:30:37- No, I had to squeeze Lulu's bum. It was terrific.- A little bit was left to the imagination,
0:30:37 > 0:30:40- which is the way I like it. - Leave them wanting more.
0:30:40 > 0:30:44We were talking about the people you worked with, and about being star-struck.
0:30:44 > 0:30:49- When you worked with people like the Beatles, were you a bit overwhelmed? - I was, I was just 15.
0:30:49 > 0:30:51But they were so nice to me.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54I mean, all the people I worked with, whether it was Jimi Hendrix,
0:30:54 > 0:30:59whether it was The Who, or The Beatles or The Stones,
0:30:59 > 0:31:03- they used to pat me on the head. I was the little one.- Awww!
0:31:04 > 0:31:09I know you've been asked about where the name Lulu comes from millions of times.
0:31:09 > 0:31:12But I bet you've never been asked it in Welsh. So here goes....
0:31:12 > 0:31:19Mae diddordeb mawr 'da fi mewn enwau. O le ddaeth yr enw Lulu?
0:31:19 > 0:31:23SHE MOUTHS AUDIENCE: Ooooh!
0:31:23 > 0:31:26- Beautiful! Beautiful. - Where does it come from?
0:31:26 > 0:31:30My manager, the woman who discovered me when I was 15,
0:31:30 > 0:31:32said I was a lulu of a kid.
0:31:32 > 0:31:36I think it's an American expression, it means something's great.
0:31:36 > 0:31:40Can I say something as well, in bingo, if you go "House!"
0:31:40 > 0:31:44and they come over and check your numbers and they're wrong,
0:31:44 > 0:31:45it's a lulu.
0:31:45 > 0:31:50- SHE SQUEALS - Is it? - I think he's lying. Is that true?
0:31:50 > 0:31:55Often the woman will be checking, and she'll go, "Sorry, it's a lulu!"
0:31:55 > 0:32:00- I went out with a girl once who called her...a Lulu.- Did she? - Really?!
0:32:00 > 0:32:06I said, "Where are you off to?" She said, "I'm off to get my lulu waxed."
0:32:06 > 0:32:07No!
0:32:07 > 0:32:14- I'm not a big Strictly fan, I don't follow it that well.- Neither did I!
0:32:14 > 0:32:19- But you did incredibly well.- Thank you. I've always loved to dance.
0:32:19 > 0:32:22My brothers and sister and my parents...
0:32:22 > 0:32:25My parents met in a dancehall. We all loved to dance.
0:32:25 > 0:32:28I'd been asked to do Strictly before, but at this point
0:32:28 > 0:32:32I think I was lulled into a false sense of security and thought,
0:32:32 > 0:32:34"You know, I could probably do that."
0:32:34 > 0:32:39- But I loved it. - Are you glad you did it?
0:32:39 > 0:32:41I would do it again,
0:32:41 > 0:32:44for the absolute exhilaration
0:32:44 > 0:32:46and the physical adrenaline, and the learning.
0:32:46 > 0:32:50I wanted to learn to dance, and I thought, I've got a chance.
0:32:50 > 0:32:56I think I was in for about six weeks all in all.
0:32:56 > 0:32:59- You did incredibly, didn't she? - I really enjoyed it. - APPLAUSE
0:33:02 > 0:33:05Do you think that, as a Scot, that...
0:33:05 > 0:33:08I always want to call it "Mahogmanay"!
0:33:08 > 0:33:13I like that! I'm going to do that from now on! Mahogmanay!
0:33:13 > 0:33:16Do you think Hogmanay is more important than Christmas?
0:33:16 > 0:33:20I don't know if it's more important. But I think to a lot of Scots it is, yes.
0:33:20 > 0:33:23As a child, we used to have Christmas for the kids.
0:33:23 > 0:33:25I know a lot of it is for the kids,
0:33:25 > 0:33:28but basically it was absolutely for the kids,
0:33:28 > 0:33:33then you did nothing but wash, clean and cook and get everything ready.
0:33:33 > 0:33:35They go mental up there.
0:33:35 > 0:33:39- IN A SCOTTISH ACCENT:- They go mental! We're all going Scottish now!
0:33:39 > 0:33:43It's true. Nobody celebrates Hogmanay the way they do in Scotland.
0:33:43 > 0:33:47- I think it's something to do with the drinking. They love a drink.- No!
0:33:47 > 0:33:51I noticed it when I was there, when I was coming out of the pub at six in the morning!
0:33:51 > 0:33:56- They don't do that!- Someone passed me and called me a lightweight!
0:33:56 > 0:34:01Before we finish tonight, me and the audience have done a special little thing for you.
0:34:01 > 0:34:04You've got your iconic opening to the song Shout, which is that...
0:34:04 > 0:34:11# We-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-e-ell... #
0:34:11 > 0:34:13Very good!
0:34:15 > 0:34:19If someone just tuned in at that moment, they'd go, "Oh, the TV's gubbed."
0:34:21 > 0:34:25- Me and the audience have prepared a Welsh one for you.- Awww!
0:34:25 > 0:34:29It's a Welsh version, a Welsh opening to the song Shout. Here we go.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31- That's original.- One, two, three.
0:34:31 > 0:34:36- IN STRONG WELSH ACCENT: Well... - You know you make me want to shout.
0:34:36 > 0:34:39- That's so sweet! - Is the Welsh version.
0:34:39 > 0:34:42That is the most original thing, because everywhere I go,
0:34:42 > 0:34:45people want me to do that bit, and I go, "Och, not again!"
0:34:45 > 0:34:49- We've done it for YOU. We brought it to you instead.- Thank you.
0:34:49 > 0:34:52Ladies and gentlemen, the sensational Lulu!
0:34:52 > 0:34:54APPLAUSE
0:34:57 > 0:35:00I hope you all have a wonderful Christmas.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03A big thank you to you all for watching.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05Thanks to my house band and the Segue sisters.
0:35:05 > 0:35:06APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:35:06 > 0:35:12- And of course, to my fabulous guests. To Lulu! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:35:12 > 0:35:14- To Micky Flanagan. - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:35:14 > 0:35:17- And to James Corden! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:35:17 > 0:35:20And to play us out tonight,
0:35:20 > 0:35:23celebrating an incredible 21 years in the charts, here they are
0:35:23 > 0:35:27with their current single This Is The Day, it's the Manic Street Preachers.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:35:48 > 0:35:52# You didn't wake up this morning cos you didn't go to bed
0:35:52 > 0:35:55# You were watching the whites of your eyes turn red
0:35:55 > 0:35:59# The calendar on your wall
0:35:59 > 0:36:03# Is ticking the days off
0:36:03 > 0:36:06# You've been reading some old letters
0:36:06 > 0:36:09# You smile and you think how much you've changed
0:36:09 > 0:36:13# And all the money in the world
0:36:15 > 0:36:18# Couldn't bring back those days
0:36:32 > 0:36:38# You pull back the curtains and the sun burns into your eyes
0:36:39 > 0:36:45# You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky
0:36:46 > 0:36:52# This is the day your life will surely change
0:36:53 > 0:37:00# This is the day when things fall into place
0:37:07 > 0:37:14# You could've done anything if you'd wanted
0:37:14 > 0:37:21# And all your friends and family think that you're lucky
0:37:21 > 0:37:24# But the side of you they'll never see
0:37:24 > 0:37:28# Is when you're left alone with the memories
0:37:28 > 0:37:32# That hold your life together
0:37:33 > 0:37:37# Together like glue
0:37:50 > 0:37:57# You pull back the curtains And the sun burns into your eyes
0:37:57 > 0:38:03# You watch a plane flying across a clear blue sky
0:38:05 > 0:38:12# This is the day your life will surely change
0:38:12 > 0:38:18# This is the day when things fall into place
0:38:19 > 0:38:26# This is the day your life will surely change
0:38:26 > 0:38:32# This is the day when things fall into place
0:38:34 > 0:38:37# This is the day
0:38:40 > 0:38:44# This is the day. #
0:38:48 > 0:38:52Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:38:52 > 0:38:57Email subtitling@bbc.co.uk