0:00:17 > 0:00:20'Is that an ice-cream in your Speedos, or are you just pleased to see her?
0:00:20 > 0:00:23'It's Ruth Jones!'
0:00:23 > 0:00:29# Her name is Ruthy And she dances on the sand
0:00:29 > 0:00:36# And when she shines she really shows you all she can
0:00:36 > 0:00:43# Oh Ruthy, Ruthy Dance across the Rio Grande. #
0:00:45 > 0:00:50Ah! My lovely house band and my lovely house singers, The 99ers!
0:00:53 > 0:00:55Are you all having a good summer?
0:00:55 > 0:00:57- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:00:57 > 0:01:00Well, it's about to get a whole lot better.
0:01:00 > 0:01:04Tonight, we have got none other than the king of chat himself here,
0:01:04 > 0:01:09the wonderfully irrepressible Jonathan Ross!
0:01:09 > 0:01:12One of Britain's most talented comedy actors, Stephen Mangan will be here.
0:01:14 > 0:01:18Plus, music from the rockabilly whirlwind that is Imelda May.
0:01:18 > 0:01:24First up, she's one of my favourite comedians and I'm so excited to have her here tonight.
0:01:24 > 0:01:28It's the award winning, cake-loving, fabulously funny, Sarah Millican.
0:01:31 > 0:01:38# Oh, mysterious girl, I wanna get close to you
0:01:41 > 0:01:49# Oh, mysterious girl Move your body close to mine
0:01:51 > 0:01:53- # Close to mine.- #
0:01:53 > 0:01:58- Welcome.- Is that all for me?- This is all for you. Do you like the hats?
0:01:58 > 0:02:02- Thank you very much. They're brilliant. Are they glued on or... - No.
0:02:02 > 0:02:04You're looking at me like I'm an idiot.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Are you in a holiday mood?
0:02:06 > 0:02:09What's your ideal holiday?
0:02:09 > 0:02:14I've just come back from a few days away, so I still haven't quite got
0:02:14 > 0:02:17back to work, so if I nod off, it's just because it's nap time, you know.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20It's fine, stick your feet up, go for it. I don't mind.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23- I did a spa thing last week which was very nice.- Did you?- Yes.
0:02:23 > 0:02:28I always get worried about the massage bits though, I'm not very used to them.
0:02:28 > 0:02:32I get a bit scared of being semi naked in front of anybody, boyfriends included.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35Singly! That sounded like it was plural!
0:02:35 > 0:02:39And she said to me, the one I had last week, she said,
0:02:39 > 0:02:43"Do you do a lot of standing up?" And I thought, cos I'm a stand-up,
0:02:43 > 0:02:47that was her way of saying that she recognised me, and I said,
0:02:47 > 0:02:51"Yes, I do." And she said, "Because your ankles are really swollen."
0:02:51 > 0:02:53That's really nice. Have you ever...
0:02:53 > 0:02:55We went to Thailand one year...
0:02:55 > 0:03:00We had a husband and wife one, very above board.
0:03:00 > 0:03:03Me and my husband were in the same room together with two masseuses,
0:03:03 > 0:03:08or whatever the word is, and I'm sure they were just laughing at us blatantly. Going...
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Like doing that at each other, or one on each other?
0:03:11 > 0:03:17- No, one each, but kind of like... - "I'm on top, you carry on, Sheila."
0:03:20 > 0:03:22Very strong arms. Built up the muscles.
0:03:22 > 0:03:26I always think because I'm not skinny and I think
0:03:26 > 0:03:30it must be better to massage somebody who's not skinny.
0:03:30 > 0:03:33- Yes.- I think I'm, to be honest, giving them a treat.
0:03:33 > 0:03:36LAUGHTER
0:03:36 > 0:03:39Because it's like kneading dough to massage me,
0:03:39 > 0:03:46- whereas a Skinny Mini, it would be like polishing a xylophone. - LAUGHTER
0:03:46 > 0:03:48I know what you mean.
0:03:48 > 0:03:51But you must need a bit of a holiday because you've got a big tour coming up, haven't you?
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Yes, I've just finished one and I have another one coming up
0:03:55 > 0:03:59in October so it's all a bit full-on, but it's good though, brilliant.
0:03:59 > 0:04:01The best job in the world.
0:04:01 > 0:04:04It's called Thoroughly Modern Millican.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06- Yes.- It is starting in October.
0:04:06 > 0:04:12- Are you going to go all around the country?- Yes, well that's the point of a tour, cos, you know...- No...
0:04:12 > 0:04:16LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:04:18 > 0:04:22No, because you could just be doing your South East tour, you could just be doing a tour of Wales.
0:04:22 > 0:04:29- What would be nice would be just to do like my living room and transport people from various towns.- Yes.
0:04:29 > 0:04:33I don't think my agent would be keen, it's not very cost effective.
0:04:33 > 0:04:37You are known as a stand-up of course, but you have also become a bit of an agony aunt.
0:04:37 > 0:04:41Yes, just because I've had loads of problems.
0:04:41 > 0:04:45- You've got a series on Radio Four called Support Group?- Yes.- Tell us about that.
0:04:45 > 0:04:49With that we think of a problem, then open it up to the audience and chat to the audience
0:04:49 > 0:04:53about if anybody's had that problem before and we try and fix the problem.
0:04:53 > 0:04:56But it's scripted and it's comedy, it's not real, you know,
0:04:56 > 0:05:01nobody has any qualifications, it's just a bit of daft carry on, but it's very entertaining.
0:05:01 > 0:05:04We've got some people with some real issues in the audience tonight.
0:05:04 > 0:05:07Have you just judged them, or did they tell you that?
0:05:07 > 0:05:12- We thought maybe you could give them a bit of a helping hand if you wouldn't mind.- OK.
0:05:12 > 0:05:16Where is Samantha and Barry?
0:05:16 > 0:05:21Hi! Samantha says, "My partner's annoying habit is that he asks if I love him every ten minutes."
0:05:21 > 0:05:26- That's really sweet. - It's not really a problem is it but...- Is he just a bit needy?
0:05:26 > 0:05:31- (Yes.)- Yeah. Do you say, "I love you", so that she says it back?
0:05:31 > 0:05:34Not really, no, but it's just nice being told isn't it?
0:05:34 > 0:05:38Because you know at some point in the future there'll be a time when she says "Mm...
0:05:40 > 0:05:44- "..not so much." - Is it better for him to stop asking and then it will always be a mystery?
0:05:44 > 0:05:47- It will be a lovely surprise when they get divorced.- Ah!
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Where is Clary and Lawrence?
0:05:51 > 0:05:53- Hello.- Hi.
0:05:53 > 0:05:57Clary gets frustrated by Lawrence because he steals food.
0:05:57 > 0:06:01- Yes. Very much so.- From who?
0:06:01 > 0:06:05All of us. We are actually in university together and have been for four years
0:06:05 > 0:06:08and the whole time Lawrence has managed to steal food off everyone every day.
0:06:08 > 0:06:14He'll just lean over and take our chips off our plates.
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Have you got a fork at this point?
0:06:17 > 0:06:20Ugh! Stab his hand, he'll not do it again.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23I'm a kindred spirit with you, I'm a northerner. You should get this, it's food.
0:06:23 > 0:06:28- Don't bring me into this! - What's a northerner?
0:06:28 > 0:06:30- A northerner.- A northerner. - From Yorkshire.
0:06:30 > 0:06:33Whereabouts? That's Midlands!
0:06:33 > 0:06:38- No.- Where in Yorkshire are you from? - North Yorkshire, near York.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40That's a fake accent you're doing.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43- No, it's not. - That's what they sound like, flower.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46- Is it?- Uh-huh. It's weird.- It is very weird.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49Yours is a bit weird.
0:06:49 > 0:06:51We'll cut him out!
0:06:51 > 0:06:55LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:06:58 > 0:07:03- Thank you to you all for sharing your problems and thank you to Dr Millican for giving her advice.- Doctor!
0:07:05 > 0:07:10Talking about therapy, you sort of used stand-up as a therapy when you started out, didn't you?
0:07:10 > 0:07:16Yes, yes, I got divorced and some people go and sort of sleep around and some people get drunk a lot.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20- Do they?- Once they get over their divorces. Apparently so. Have you not?- No.- OK. Too nice a girl.
0:07:20 > 0:07:26But I just decided to get on a stage and tell a bunch of strangers about it which was weird but it worked.
0:07:26 > 0:07:30- Yeah.- For the first six months it was definitely therapy.
0:07:30 > 0:07:36You have this very sort of innocent, gentle persona, but your material is really dirty sometimes isn't it?
0:07:36 > 0:07:40Yes, it's hard because whenever you do telly you're always quite clean because of the nature of television
0:07:40 > 0:07:46and people obviously come and see you on tour and you get little old ladies and they're sort of,
0:07:46 > 0:07:52"Oh, she's really clean on the telly." and then you start talking about filth and they stay.
0:07:52 > 0:07:54LAUGHTER
0:07:54 > 0:07:55They never leave.
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- Is it mainly sex you talk about?- Not at all, no.
0:07:58 > 0:08:00They're obviously the bits that you are interested in though.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Yes, I must have tuned into that.
0:08:03 > 0:08:07I talk to the audience about it and it's amazing because I come across
0:08:07 > 0:08:12as being quite nice and approachable, people come out with all sorts of stuff.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16I did this things in my last show about, shout out if you've ever
0:08:16 > 0:08:23broken anything during sex and a lady shouted out that she'd broken a man's spirit.
0:08:23 > 0:08:29Normally I was getting like lamps and ankles and things like that - but a man's spirit!
0:08:29 > 0:08:36- But you're very broad-minded in your tastes and you're kind of like open to anything really?- Sounds terrible!
0:08:36 > 0:08:45- Didn't you gain some male attention recently in rather an unusual situation?- Oh, yes. Oh, yes.
0:08:45 > 0:08:52Erm, there was me and a couple of other comics went to Bristol Zoo and there was a very attractive gorilla.
0:08:52 > 0:08:56Well, he gave me the eye and, you know, I hadn't long
0:08:56 > 0:09:01been divorced and I didn't really know what flirting looked like, I've never really been good at it.
0:09:01 > 0:09:04I like a hairy man so it's just that bit further.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07Gorillas don't quite do it for me.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10Do you know what I find weirdly attractive?
0:09:10 > 0:09:14Railway station signs.
0:09:14 > 0:09:18OK. So now I'm the bonkers one because I find monkeys attractive,
0:09:18 > 0:09:23but you find signs sexy? Yes, like you know if you pull into Bristol Parkway
0:09:23 > 0:09:29and it just says Bristol Parkway and it's just saying it there on the sign in a kind of really...
0:09:29 > 0:09:31Why is it not saying (QUIETLY) Bristol Parkway?
0:09:31 > 0:09:34Because it's confident, arrogant and
0:09:34 > 0:09:37- it knows what it's doing. - It's just capitals, pet, that's all it is.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39Do you find capitals attractive?
0:09:39 > 0:09:42It could be a mixture of fonts.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46But moving on, because as a special treat for you and your love of the hairy man,
0:09:46 > 0:09:49I've signed you up to a particular little dating website called apedates. com.
0:09:49 > 0:09:53- This doesn't really exist, shut your face!- Yes, it does.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57How did I not know about this?
0:09:57 > 0:10:01Sexy plus gorillas equals... Come on Google...nothing.
0:10:01 > 0:10:05Have a look. You've had three hits already, you'll be pleased to know.
0:10:05 > 0:10:10- I have?- Yes.- That's so funny.
0:10:10 > 0:10:15- We've got gorilla number one is called...- Oh, he's moody isn't he?
0:10:15 > 0:10:19- He is.- He is. That's so a come on, come on.
0:10:19 > 0:10:23He looks like a teenage boy who doesn't want to clean his room.
0:10:23 > 0:10:27- He's called Kigali, he's from Bristol.- He's from Bristol?- Yes.
0:10:29 > 0:10:36- That might be him!- Number two is called Ambam from Ipswich.- He's nice.
0:10:36 > 0:10:41Do you know what I like about him, is that he hasn't got the best figure in the world...
0:10:41 > 0:10:46- But he's proud of it.- He's proud. He's going, "Yeah, this is me, come and have a cuddle."
0:10:46 > 0:10:50He looks like he's just either had a scratch or is about to have a scratch.
0:10:52 > 0:10:55The third one is Geoff.
0:10:55 > 0:10:58LAUGHTER
0:10:58 > 0:11:03He's posing like he's in a porn film.
0:11:03 > 0:11:05I thought it was like he was on the loo actually.
0:11:05 > 0:11:08Apparently he likes cuddling and throwing pooh.
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Don't we all?
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Which one are you going to go for?
0:11:13 > 0:11:16I'm going to go with number two, Cilla, definitely number two.
0:11:16 > 0:11:22- Why? Because he's a fantastic guy? - He's comfortable in his body and can I just ask, am I going to...
0:11:22 > 0:11:24He's not like coming out is he?
0:11:24 > 0:11:26LAUGHTER
0:11:26 > 0:11:30- Yes, he is.- Is this like Take Me Out? Are we going to like go off on a mini break and then
0:11:30 > 0:11:37- I'll have to come back next week and tell you how it went?- You can have a joint Thai massage with him.
0:11:37 > 0:11:39I wish it was like that, I really do.
0:11:39 > 0:11:41I think you make a lovely couple.
0:11:43 > 0:11:47That's lovely. As long as he doesn't evolve into a man, you'll be all right.
0:11:47 > 0:11:50Ladies and gentlemen, Sarah Millican.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:53 > 0:11:59My next guest tonight is no stranger to chat shows, though he's much more used to being in the driving seat.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02It's such an honour to have him on my show. He's been making us laugh for years.
0:12:02 > 0:12:06He's witty, charming, downright lush.
0:12:06 > 0:12:10Ladies and gentlemen, it's Jonathan Ross.
0:12:10 > 0:12:15# I'm walking on sunshine, whoa
0:12:15 > 0:12:20# I'm walking on sunshine, whoa
0:12:20 > 0:12:25# And don't it feel good? Hey, all right now
0:12:25 > 0:12:28# And don't it feel good? Hey, all right
0:12:28 > 0:12:30- # And don't it feel good?- #
0:12:30 > 0:12:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Thank you. Thank you very much.
0:12:35 > 0:12:38- How very kind.- It's so exciting, Jonathan Ross is on the sofa.
0:12:38 > 0:12:43It's so exciting to be here. You both look gorgeous and now we know you're both filthy minxes as well.
0:12:43 > 0:12:47- Yes.- I'll tell you who you want. Have you seen Tom Jones recently?
0:12:47 > 0:12:52- He looks like a big silverback now he's let the hair grow.- He's let it all go.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54What's it like being on the other side? Normally you are sat here.
0:12:54 > 0:12:58For a minute I thought I'd died. I thought maybe this might be the waiting room.
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Is this what it's like? I've got to pass the test to get in?
0:13:02 > 0:13:05With Ruth Jones and Sarah Millican.
0:13:05 > 0:13:10To be interviewed. I like being interviewed because as you were perhaps aware about me,
0:13:10 > 0:13:15I quite like talking, I enjoy talking, I enjoy talking with people and at people.
0:13:15 > 0:13:19I like noise coming out of my body. If I'm alone, I will make noises.
0:13:19 > 0:13:22My wife will find me and I'll be talking to people.
0:13:22 > 0:13:26I rehearse conversations and now she just ignores it.
0:13:26 > 0:13:28What is it like when you do go on other people's shows?
0:13:28 > 0:13:33Are you a bit control freaky and think, they should be doing it this way or that way?
0:13:33 > 0:13:35No, no, no, that would be kind of rude I think.
0:13:35 > 0:13:39- I enjoyed that, you were so funny. Wasn't Sarah hilarious?- Thank you.
0:13:39 > 0:13:41I can't imagine... Yes, she's brilliant.
0:13:41 > 0:13:43APPLAUSE
0:13:43 > 0:13:46So I was watching back there and we were all enjoying ourselves,
0:13:46 > 0:13:48but I can't imagine you having a proper job where
0:13:48 > 0:13:51you weren't being funny because if you had to deliver bad news...
0:13:51 > 0:13:57- You've got a lovely, but silly voice.- Coming from you!
0:13:57 > 0:14:00LAUGHTER
0:14:00 > 0:14:05- You have a point.- Didn't you work in a call centre once?
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Yes, I used to work in a call centre.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11- What was it for?- For the Jobcentre for people making claims to benefit.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15So if I phoned you up and said, what would it be? "I haven't got my benefit this week,
0:14:15 > 0:14:19"we are up against it, I need some money urgently, there's no food on the table,
0:14:19 > 0:14:21"please madam, please, I implore you, help."
0:14:21 > 0:14:25- And then what do you want me to do? My funny voice at you? - Well, no, I'm saying...
0:14:25 > 0:14:30I mean I couldn't probably give you any money, but at least I'd cheer you up with my stupid voice.
0:14:30 > 0:14:34Now hang on, don't get all arsey, I didn't say it was a stupid voice.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37You said silly which is one step along from stupid.
0:14:37 > 0:14:38Is it or is it not a silly voice?
0:14:38 > 0:14:40- AUDIENCE:- No!
0:14:40 > 0:14:44- See, they all think no.- You weren't saying that earlier.
0:14:44 > 0:14:47They were saying. "That woman with that stupid voice is on.
0:14:47 > 0:14:49"She used to work in a Jobcentre you know."
0:14:49 > 0:14:53You've been off our screens for a while but you're coming back in September?
0:14:53 > 0:14:57I'm back with a talk show in September and yes, doing loads of different bits, but back on ITV with
0:14:57 > 0:15:01a talk show and they're putting us after The X Factor on a Saturday night.
0:15:01 > 0:15:05- Brilliant.- Part of me is concerned because The X Factor is a huge show and it gets a big audience.
0:15:05 > 0:15:09I'm worried it will have a big audience and I'm going to go on and it will go bumph.
0:15:09 > 0:15:14You're hoping to keep some of the audience, but worried that it's not going to reflect well on you.
0:15:14 > 0:15:18- But I'm looking forward to it. - Maybe some people will have lost their remote and you'll get those.
0:15:18 > 0:15:22I'm hoping we'll get a lot of people in homes and doctors' waiting rooms,
0:15:22 > 0:15:26places where the TV is behind a glass box and you can't get to it,
0:15:26 > 0:15:29- In a cage.- Yes, safe. - You must really enjoy it though?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31I do, I love doing it. I love doing it.
0:15:31 > 0:15:35I love meeting people and I'm always excited when someone new comes along.
0:15:35 > 0:15:39I would love to have Sarah on my show because when someone new comes along
0:15:39 > 0:15:42who you find talented and funny, or you like a movie they're in or
0:15:42 > 0:15:44something they've done, it's exciting to get to meet them.
0:15:44 > 0:15:46I still get excited when I meet people.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50It's exciting when you get to talk to them and find out a bit about them. I love that side of it.
0:15:50 > 0:15:55When you come back in September, will it be similar to shows you've done before or can you not tell us?
0:15:55 > 0:16:00We haven't really planned it yet. We've just started talking now. It's going to be similar.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03It's going to have big-name guests on and music,
0:16:03 > 0:16:05but really there's not that much you can do.
0:16:05 > 0:16:08If you try too hard...
0:16:08 > 0:16:10You come to the building blocks
0:16:10 > 0:16:13of whether you have all the guests on at once,
0:16:13 > 0:16:17get rid of the first and get the second one on.
0:16:17 > 0:16:19It depends on what you like doing as a host.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23But it's just going to be the same kind of show, but on ITV.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26So tell me about your wife, Jane Goldman, a brilliant screenwriter.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28Yes.
0:16:28 > 0:16:32Is it a bit of a media powerhouse in the Ross household?
0:16:32 > 0:16:33No, you know what's so ridiculous,
0:16:33 > 0:16:36I've achieved a certain level of success in my career,
0:16:36 > 0:16:39and it's been a rollercoaster, there have been ups and downs,
0:16:39 > 0:16:43and she's had different successes in different areas as well.
0:16:43 > 0:16:47Like, when we first got together, she was really successful,
0:16:47 > 0:16:50working for magazines, she's always been a writer, she started screenplays,
0:16:50 > 0:16:53and I adore the fact she's having success,
0:16:53 > 0:16:56and I love that it's come to her, she deserves it.
0:16:56 > 0:16:58Also, I love the fact that she's earning money.
0:16:58 > 0:17:02Although - here is the weird thing - we still have separate accounts.
0:17:03 > 0:17:05- Do you?!- She has a separate account.
0:17:05 > 0:17:08We have a joint account that all my money's going to,
0:17:08 > 0:17:11and we have a separate account that all her money goes to.
0:17:11 > 0:17:15What do you do if you don't like some of the films she's written?
0:17:15 > 0:17:19I've been lucky that I have liked all the films.
0:17:19 > 0:17:21I haven't seen all of them, because a couple aren't finished.
0:17:21 > 0:17:24You must have a lot of friends who're actors who are in films.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26What if they're in a film you don't like?
0:17:26 > 0:17:29I've learned to lie, because once or twice I was honest,
0:17:29 > 0:17:30and I remember a while ago...
0:17:30 > 0:17:34You know who I'm talking about. He said, "What do you think about it?,"
0:17:34 > 0:17:38and I thought it wasn't very good at all, I was surprised.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41He didn't call me for a month, and my wife said, "What did you expect?"
0:17:41 > 0:17:42I said, "You didn't like it."
0:17:42 > 0:17:45She said, "Yes, but I didn't tell him I didn't like it."
0:17:45 > 0:17:48I said, "But he asked you what he thought of it."
0:17:48 > 0:17:49She said, "He didn't want to know."
0:17:49 > 0:17:52It's like a secret code going on that I don't fully understand.
0:17:52 > 0:17:54If someone asks you what you think about it,
0:17:54 > 0:17:57you are not meant to say what you think about it.
0:17:57 > 0:17:58You're say, "It's great."
0:17:58 > 0:18:00Hollywood rules.
0:18:01 > 0:18:04But there's ways of doing it. You can say things like...
0:18:04 > 0:18:07I've been to see people in plays and I've gone,
0:18:07 > 0:18:09"You looked like you really enjoyed doing that."
0:18:09 > 0:18:12Or, "You've got a lot of confidence, haven't you?"
0:18:12 > 0:18:14They must know you're avoiding it!
0:18:14 > 0:18:17I'll say, "Well, you've done it again."
0:18:17 > 0:18:21They must know you're not being effusive in your praise.
0:18:22 > 0:18:25"Only you could have done that!"
0:18:25 > 0:18:28That's a good one, isn't it, "You!"
0:18:28 > 0:18:32If someone does that to you, you think, "Oh, you hated it."
0:18:32 > 0:18:34So with you both having these big careers,
0:18:34 > 0:18:38how do you juggle family life? Because you've got a big family, loads of animals in the house.
0:18:38 > 0:18:41I tend to look after the animals more.
0:18:41 > 0:18:44- How many animals have you got? - I don't know,
0:18:44 > 0:18:47but I love my dogs more than I love my children or my wife and I...
0:18:47 > 0:18:49LAUGHTER
0:18:49 > 0:18:51Yes, you're going like that, but you haven't met 'em.
0:18:51 > 0:18:54Now, I love my family, but the thing about dogs is,
0:18:54 > 0:18:57they just know they love you and they trust you.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59They're needy.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01And a dog will never beat you at Scrabble.
0:19:01 > 0:19:03If it did, you'd really have problems.
0:19:03 > 0:19:08But you love your dogs a little bit too much, I think, because...
0:19:08 > 0:19:12Hold on, what are you going to say here? Because nothing was proven, it was an accident.
0:19:12 > 0:19:15No, no, I slipped over, I'd had a shower, the towel came loose.
0:19:15 > 0:19:17You know, I resent you saying this, Jones.
0:19:19 > 0:19:21All I was going to say was that you have
0:19:21 > 0:19:24a particular penchant for dressing them up.
0:19:24 > 0:19:26They like to be dressed up.
0:19:26 > 0:19:29They look at me in clothes. I can almost read their minds.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31They look at me in my finery sometimes and think,
0:19:31 > 0:19:32"Why for me no cravat?
0:19:32 > 0:19:34"Why don't I have a pair of fancy slippers?"
0:19:34 > 0:19:38Is that what you think they're thinking when they look at you?
0:19:38 > 0:19:39"Where's my corset?" Look.
0:19:39 > 0:19:41Yes.
0:19:41 > 0:19:44That's one happy dog right there, and it was Halloween.
0:19:44 > 0:19:48I was dressed as a devil, he was saying, "Where's my costume?"
0:19:48 > 0:19:52We dressed him as Yoda. Look at that!
0:19:52 > 0:19:54I think that's so... He's humiliated.
0:19:54 > 0:19:56- No, he loved it. - He's looking at you going,
0:19:56 > 0:20:00"Why the hell are you such a bastard? Why did you do this to me?"
0:20:00 > 0:20:02I think that's his sexy face.
0:20:02 > 0:20:05Do you? Are you going more that way than the gorillas now?
0:20:05 > 0:20:09I love an animal in clothes. It helped me through my divorce.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11Somebody said to me that I was working with,
0:20:11 > 0:20:13"Is there anything I can do to help?,"
0:20:13 > 0:20:16and I think he expected me to say, "Can we talk it out?,"
0:20:16 > 0:20:20and I just said, "I really love pictures of animals in clothes."
0:20:20 > 0:20:21So I'd be crying at my desk
0:20:21 > 0:20:24and he'd send an e-mail across and it would be a pig in slippers.
0:20:24 > 0:20:27It's a great thing.
0:20:27 > 0:20:29We've got one more, I think.
0:20:29 > 0:20:31Right.
0:20:31 > 0:20:33- That's my beloved...- I'm sorry.
0:20:33 > 0:20:34That's Mr Pickle.
0:20:34 > 0:20:36He likes cross dressing.
0:20:36 > 0:20:38We've got a lot of good outfits for him now.
0:20:38 > 0:20:40But it's quite hard to size dogs.
0:20:40 > 0:20:44You know when you're out and you see a dog outfit and you think,
0:20:44 > 0:20:47"That's going to suit him," you get it home and it doesn't fit.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51For example now, I know that Yoda's chest is that big,
0:20:51 > 0:20:53and Pickle, you have to be that big all over.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57With Princess, you can get a double fist like that, and that'll do her,
0:20:57 > 0:20:59so I'll say to him, "Will it fit that?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01So you'll often see me in the shop going...
0:21:01 > 0:21:06LAUGHTER
0:21:06 > 0:21:07That wasn't even me!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09That wasn't me, that was entirely you!
0:21:09 > 0:21:11That really wasn't me.
0:21:12 > 0:21:14But I'll go, "Have you got anything for that?
0:21:14 > 0:21:18"And I want the pink thing in that size, please."
0:21:18 > 0:21:21You are essentially, though, a big kid, aren't you?
0:21:21 > 0:21:25- You love playing, you love your comics.- Yes.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26I don't know whether I'm immature,
0:21:26 > 0:21:28but I have fairly unsophisticated taste,
0:21:28 > 0:21:30although I quite like grown-up things,
0:21:30 > 0:21:33and I've raised a family, so I'm a reasonable adult,
0:21:33 > 0:21:35but at the same time, I do like the things that I liked
0:21:35 > 0:21:38when I was a kid. I think it just marks me as consistent.
0:21:38 > 0:21:39Did you have more athleticism
0:21:39 > 0:21:42when you were younger that you are kind of losing?
0:21:42 > 0:21:44Does that make you sad?
0:21:44 > 0:21:48I am getting older, yes, and I am getting stiffer, not in a good way.
0:21:48 > 0:21:50You put your hand up to me there!
0:21:52 > 0:21:55Because we can all see you gagging for it tonight.
0:21:55 > 0:21:58I'm only going like that, you almost had to be hosed down!
0:21:58 > 0:22:03Do you find now that, as you are getting older, are you making the noise as you get out of the sofa?
0:22:03 > 0:22:07Yes, but I overdo it, because I like to amuse my wife with it.
0:22:07 > 0:22:13So it's like, "Agh," like that, but sometimes I'll go, "Josepha!"
0:22:13 > 0:22:17Stuff like that, "Sweet bloody Moses!," you know.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21Different words to keep her on her toes.
0:22:21 > 0:22:25I go the other way, I do a canny little noise like a "Ooh, ooh!"
0:22:25 > 0:22:29Then it sounds much more adorable.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31But you're years younger than we are.
0:22:31 > 0:22:35I thought you were about 24, I thought Sarah was 24.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37- 35.- I was amazed, no way you look 35.
0:22:37 > 0:22:38- Thank you.- It's true.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41You should agree.
0:22:41 > 0:22:43You kept saying how good you were
0:22:43 > 0:22:46at not really telling the truth anymore, so...
0:22:46 > 0:22:50I'm worried I may have missed out a few little things,
0:22:50 > 0:22:54so I was wondering if you would just indulge me
0:22:54 > 0:22:57in a little game of Ross's Rapid Replies?
0:22:57 > 0:23:01I'll indulge you in the game as long as I don't have to pronounce it.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04That would be cruel of you to make me do that.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07I'm not cruel. I would like you to sit in the hot seat,
0:23:07 > 0:23:09and I'm going to hurl a load of
0:23:09 > 0:23:11- quick-fire questions at you. - All right.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14And you just have to answer the first thing that comes into your head.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17The hot seat.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19LOUD MUSIC PLAYS
0:23:19 > 0:23:20Don't do that!
0:23:22 > 0:23:24They've finished me off!
0:23:24 > 0:23:27Here we go, just the first answer that comes into your head.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Starting now. Halloween or Christmas?
0:23:29 > 0:23:30Halloween.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32Beard or no beard?
0:23:33 > 0:23:37On men, beard, on women, it kind of depends, really.
0:23:39 > 0:23:42- Ant or Dec? - No, I can't choose between my sons.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45You can't choose Ant or Dec
0:23:45 > 0:23:48because the other one's going to be upset, and everyone prefers Dec.
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Do you know which is which?
0:23:49 > 0:23:52Ant has the bigger forehead, Dec has the smaller forehead.
0:23:52 > 0:23:55OK. Comics or dogs?
0:23:55 > 0:23:56It would be dogs.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I would sacrifice my comics for my dogs.
0:23:58 > 0:24:00Wales or England?
0:24:00 > 0:24:02Well, come on!
0:24:03 > 0:24:05Superman or Iron Man?
0:24:05 > 0:24:08I love the fact you didn't even expect me to answer that!
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Iron Man. I prefer Iron Man.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Meat or veg?
0:24:12 > 0:24:14Meat, I like meat, I love meat.
0:24:16 > 0:24:17OK. Knickers or thong?
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Knickers any day of the week. Thongs are wrong,
0:24:20 > 0:24:22there's something about a thong when you think,
0:24:22 > 0:24:24"What's it been doing up there all day?"
0:24:24 > 0:24:26It's not healthy, it's not nice.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Gavin or Stacey?
0:24:28 > 0:24:30It's got to be Stacey.
0:24:30 > 0:24:31Finally, back or front?
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Well...
0:24:35 > 0:24:39For normal occasions, front, for anniversaries and birthdays, back.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Thank you, Jonathan.
0:24:49 > 0:24:52I feel I've got to know you a lot better.
0:24:52 > 0:24:55- Thank you.- Jonathan Ross, ladies and gentlemen.
0:24:55 > 0:24:58Thank you.
0:24:58 > 0:25:02My final guest is one of Britain's best-loved comedy actors.
0:25:02 > 0:25:05He's conquered the small screen, the big screen and the stage.
0:25:05 > 0:25:08Please welcome the gorgeously brilliant Stephen Mangan.
0:25:08 > 0:25:16MUSIC: "Surfin' USA"
0:25:33 > 0:25:35You look like a bit of a surfer to me. Are you a surfer?
0:25:35 > 0:25:39- Tried it once, I absolutely hated it.- Did you?
0:25:39 > 0:25:41It's like trying not to drown for half an hour.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44How is your summer going anyway?
0:25:44 > 0:25:47- My summer's going great, yes. - You've got little ones now?
0:25:47 > 0:25:50Yes, it changes the whole holidays completely,
0:25:50 > 0:25:52because you keep looking at them thinking,
0:25:52 > 0:25:54"It would be easier at home."
0:25:54 > 0:25:56It's all the equipment you have to bring.
0:25:56 > 0:25:59You need trucks, like going on tour.
0:25:59 > 0:26:04- I just need a Micra, pet.- I imagine you're like Dolly Parton,
0:26:04 > 0:26:07- with seven wagons with your face on them.- I'd love my face on a wagon.
0:26:07 > 0:26:10Yes, we could sort that out, surely.
0:26:10 > 0:26:16Going on holiday in your pre-child phase, did you go on exotic holidays?
0:26:16 > 0:26:22If you had a job lined up, finish one job, a couple of months off,
0:26:22 > 0:26:25I would just go, and I've been to Honduras, Nicaragua,
0:26:25 > 0:26:28El Salvador and China and Laos.
0:26:28 > 0:26:32What about when you went to Jerusalem and you got interrogated, didn't you?
0:26:32 > 0:26:33Yes, I did.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36I've been to Israel once, and when you check in to EL AL,
0:26:36 > 0:26:39the security before the check-in desk,
0:26:39 > 0:26:44there was a girl about 20 years old with a semi-automatic rifle,
0:26:44 > 0:26:48and she said, "What's your name?" "Stephen Mangan."
0:26:48 > 0:26:53She said, "Where are you going?" I don't know what accent I'm doing!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Peckham, she was from Peckham!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00She said, "Where are you going?" I said, "Jerusalem."
0:27:00 > 0:27:03"What to do?" I said, "Well, drink a lot, bit of bad dancing."
0:27:03 > 0:27:06She said, "No jokes. What do you do in your life?"
0:27:06 > 0:27:08And she twitched the gun like this,
0:27:08 > 0:27:11and I said, "I'm an actor," she said, "What sort of acting?"
0:27:11 > 0:27:14I said, "Well, you know, telly and the odd film,"
0:27:14 > 0:27:19and she goes, "Did you go to drama school?," and I said, "Yes."
0:27:19 > 0:27:21She went, "Where?" I said, "RADA,"
0:27:21 > 0:27:23and she said, "How did you get into RADA?"
0:27:23 > 0:27:27I said, "Well, I did some pieces..."
0:27:27 > 0:27:30She said, "What sort of pieces did you do to get into RADA?"
0:27:30 > 0:27:34I was terrified at this stage, all I could see was the gun.
0:27:34 > 0:27:36I said, "I did a bit of Othello, a modern piece,
0:27:36 > 0:27:39a bit of Samuel Beckett. She goes, "Samuel Beckett?"
0:27:39 > 0:27:41I said, "Yes, one of his radio plays."
0:27:41 > 0:27:44She said, "For a theatre audition?"
0:27:46 > 0:27:48I said, "Yes, it worked quite well.
0:27:48 > 0:27:51"I know it was for radio, but I'm sure he wouldn't have minded."
0:27:51 > 0:27:54I said, "Why...?" She goes, "I want to be an actress, I want to know."
0:27:54 > 0:27:56Brilliant.
0:27:56 > 0:27:59Terrified.
0:27:59 > 0:28:02- We actually worked together years ago.- We did.
0:28:02 > 0:28:04- It's actually ten years ago. - Can you believe that?
0:28:04 > 0:28:08We were in Adrian Mole, the Cappuccino Years
0:28:08 > 0:28:10and you played Adrian Mole very brilliantly
0:28:10 > 0:28:13and I played your ex-girlfriend Sharon Bott,
0:28:13 > 0:28:16- and I looked for the clip... - No way.- ..and I found it.
0:28:18 > 0:28:20'Sharon Bott.
0:28:20 > 0:28:23'She took my virginity in that house.
0:28:23 > 0:28:27'Oh, I didn't struggle much, 'she was so very beautiful.
0:28:29 > 0:28:34'She's obviously heard I'm back and wants to reawaken our sexual affair.
0:28:35 > 0:28:37'Sharon Bott.
0:28:37 > 0:28:41'Some of my best poetry was written in praise of her beauty.'
0:28:48 > 0:28:49Hello, Adrian.
0:28:49 > 0:28:53'Christ, it's Moby Dick with a perm!
0:28:58 > 0:29:00It was a good look.
0:29:00 > 0:29:03You know, when you're a little boy,
0:29:03 > 0:29:06you dream of playing James Bond, don't you?
0:29:06 > 0:29:09- I got Adrian Mole. - So tell me about Episodes.
0:29:09 > 0:29:12For those who haven't seen it, it's fantastic. What is it about?
0:29:12 > 0:29:17It's about a couple of writers, Tamsin Greg and I are a husband and wife writing team
0:29:17 > 0:29:19who have a big hit in the UK
0:29:19 > 0:29:22with a show starring Richard Griffiths.
0:29:22 > 0:29:26The Americans love it and want to buy it so we ship it out to LA
0:29:26 > 0:29:30and make us sack Richard Griffiths and hire Matt Le Blanc,
0:29:30 > 0:29:34as the erudite elderly headmaster of a boys' elite boarding school.
0:29:34 > 0:29:38- Obvious choice(!)- So we had to change the entire script to make him a hockey coach
0:29:38 > 0:29:43- and it's about us coming up against the whole Hollywood system. - Have you guys seen it? Episodes?
0:29:43 > 0:29:47I saw one which I loved, but because I was watching out of sync I'm waiting for the DVD
0:29:47 > 0:29:51because otherwise you miss the good stuff. It was very good.
0:29:51 > 0:29:54He seems to really get what you're doing as well.
0:29:54 > 0:29:57I know this sounds snobbish, but you expect English actors
0:29:57 > 0:30:02- to be a bit more intelligent than American actors, does that sound wrong?- Not to me.
0:30:03 > 0:30:05So he seems to really, you know,
0:30:05 > 0:30:09- he seems great with it. - He's a very smart guy. - You're doing another series?
0:30:09 > 0:30:11Yes, nine episodes this time.
0:30:11 > 0:30:17- Fantastic. But really the thing you get recognised for a lot is your part in Alan Partridge?- Yes.
0:30:17 > 0:30:23Tell us about that, because it's a very well-known scene, isn't it, where Alan Partridge is cooling off?
0:30:23 > 0:30:25Yes, I played Dan Moody,
0:30:25 > 0:30:27Dan of Moodyshire,
0:30:27 > 0:30:32who's a rather sort of lust-filled kitchen salesman...
0:30:34 > 0:30:37..who is very like Alan Partridge, I love LEXI.
0:30:37 > 0:30:40We both wear Lynx Africa.
0:30:40 > 0:30:43What happens in the actual scene?
0:30:43 > 0:30:48He sort of idolises me, sees me across a car park and in the script
0:30:48 > 0:30:51it says he shouts, "Dan, Dan" and that's it.
0:30:51 > 0:30:54But when we did it on the day, he just didn't stop.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57I mean, he went on and on and on and after that came out,
0:30:57 > 0:31:01I couldn't go into a shop without the guy behind the till...
0:31:01 > 0:31:03The joke only works if you say it 42 times,
0:31:03 > 0:31:07so you have to stand there when someone's going, "Dan, Dan."
0:31:07 > 0:31:11Do you get recognised in peculiar places?
0:31:11 > 0:31:13Sometimes, yes.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15I get occasionally recognised.
0:31:15 > 0:31:19The first time I was properly recognised, I was on my way to my smear test...
0:31:23 > 0:31:25Luckily I wasn't in the smear test,
0:31:25 > 0:31:28but I was on my way and then this lady recognised me and said,
0:31:28 > 0:31:33"Where are you off to now?" "Just an appointment." I couldn't say, "To get my fanny looked at."
0:31:36 > 0:31:40I had a similar appointment to that, a bit of a female examination
0:31:40 > 0:31:44and the doctor was there and the nurse and they're smiling away,
0:31:44 > 0:31:48asking me if I'm going on holiday this year while doing their thing.
0:31:48 > 0:31:50As I was leaving, the nurse said to me, "Oh, by way,
0:31:50 > 0:31:57"I'm a big fan of your character," and I said, "You've seen a lot more of my character today, haven't you?"
0:31:57 > 0:32:01It is quite weird. Have you been in awkward positions where you've been recognised?
0:32:01 > 0:32:04Yes, I was on my way to a smear test and...
0:32:04 > 0:32:07apparently I shouldn't have been in the building.
0:32:07 > 0:32:10So it was kind of fortunate.
0:32:10 > 0:32:14I get regular colonoscopies every year and the first one,
0:32:14 > 0:32:16you wear the gown that opens to the back.
0:32:16 > 0:32:20They give you this thing and say it's like a Martini, it was like 15 Martinis...
0:32:20 > 0:32:23And they open the gown up and they were just lubeing me up
0:32:23 > 0:32:25and the bloke went, "Hang on a minute,
0:32:25 > 0:32:30"you're in Green Wing aren't you," I thought, "How did he recognise me?"
0:32:30 > 0:32:31No!
0:32:31 > 0:32:36- Oh, my God, that is awful!- I've never seen an episode of Green Wing. - No, you should get the box set.
0:32:36 > 0:32:39You're a big sports lover, aren't you?
0:32:39 > 0:32:41- I am, yes.- I'm not.
0:32:41 > 0:32:44I don't know ANYTHING about sports whatsoever.
0:32:44 > 0:32:47But do you travel around the world watching cricket and things?
0:32:47 > 0:32:51I used to, not since the kids ruined my life, but...
0:32:52 > 0:32:57I mean, they're all right, kids, but travelling to watch sport, that's living.
0:32:57 > 0:33:00I go and watch cricket a lot, I have been in the past.
0:33:00 > 0:33:06The thing I like about cricket is that it does have really odd words, doesn't it, very odd terminology?
0:33:06 > 0:33:12- Yes.- So I thought we could have a little celebration of all things cricket seeing as it is summer,
0:33:12 > 0:33:16- by having a little game of That's Just Not Cricket.- Oh, right.
0:33:16 > 0:33:20So what I'm going to do is, I'm going to give you a series of terms,
0:33:20 > 0:33:25and I want you to tell me if it's cricket terms or not. I'm going to give you a cricket bat
0:33:25 > 0:33:27that says cricket or not cricket.
0:33:27 > 0:33:30So there you go, you can have a bat each. You've all got one
0:33:30 > 0:33:32and you're all in with a chance
0:33:32 > 0:33:38of winning nothing less than the Ruth Jones sticky wicket.
0:33:38 > 0:33:41- Right? That's up for grabs.- Oh, hello.
0:33:41 > 0:33:44I've met him.
0:33:44 > 0:33:48All you have to do is tell me... I'm going to hurl some terms at you.
0:33:48 > 0:33:52Tell me whether they're cricket or that's just not cricket, right.
0:33:52 > 0:33:55Do we HAVE to take that home?
0:33:55 > 0:33:57That should be for the loser!
0:33:57 > 0:33:59So number one then, here we go.
0:33:59 > 0:34:02Is this cricket or that's just not cricket? A googly.
0:34:04 > 0:34:08- Oh. You're just copying the boys now, aren't you?- No, I'm not!
0:34:08 > 0:34:12- Everyone's heard of a googly. - What is it?- It's a search engine.
0:34:13 > 0:34:16- It's testicles.- It's what you put in one of those, yes.
0:34:16 > 0:34:18A googly is a type of spinner.
0:34:18 > 0:34:20They bowl it and it goes googly.
0:34:20 > 0:34:24It looks like a spinning one when in fact it's gone the other way.
0:34:24 > 0:34:28- Very well, I think YOU know what you're talking about.- So do I!
0:34:28 > 0:34:31What about this one then, the splitting of a bamboo?
0:34:31 > 0:34:33That's a sexual position, isn't it?
0:34:33 > 0:34:36I think it's in the karma sutra.
0:34:36 > 0:34:40You're absolutely right, it's in the karma sutra when the man's on top
0:34:40 > 0:34:44and the woman raises one leg up in the air
0:34:44 > 0:34:45and rests it on his shoulder.
0:34:45 > 0:34:49And it says here, "Option to swap legs throughout."
0:34:51 > 0:34:52Well, you would, wouldn't you?
0:34:52 > 0:34:56Why would you do that sort of thing with someone you like?
0:34:56 > 0:34:57Don't go flinging limbs about.
0:34:57 > 0:35:03You're going to hurt yourself or be embarrassed and afterwards say, "Why did you put my foot there?"
0:35:03 > 0:35:06"Well, I read about it and it's called wheeling the grass hopper...
0:35:06 > 0:35:09You strike me as quite an experimental person.
0:35:09 > 0:35:11That's because of your age, isn't it?
0:35:11 > 0:35:14- No. I've always been... - Do you have be careful of hips?
0:35:14 > 0:35:17Yes. I was once having intercourse with my wife and my hip cracked very loudly
0:35:17 > 0:35:20and she thought we had a burglar downstairs.
0:35:20 > 0:35:26I then had the horrible moment where I thought, "Do I tell her it's not a burglar, it's my hips"
0:35:26 > 0:35:29or do I say, "Maybe it's a burglar, let me finish and I'll have a look?"
0:35:31 > 0:35:34- I opted for the truth. - A yarn over?
0:35:34 > 0:35:36A yarn over?
0:35:36 > 0:35:38Cricket or that's just not cricket?
0:35:38 > 0:35:42- Not cricket. What do you think it is? - A yarn over? A crocheting term?
0:35:42 > 0:35:44- Yes, it is!- Is it?! Whoa!
0:35:44 > 0:35:46APPLAUSE
0:35:46 > 0:35:50Trying to pretend I didn't know that. I love crocheting(!)
0:35:50 > 0:35:53You go on knitting holidays!
0:35:53 > 0:35:56A landing strip, cricket or not cricket?
0:35:56 > 0:35:57What is it?
0:35:59 > 0:36:00It's, er...
0:36:00 > 0:36:03It's...a way you can wax your nunny.
0:36:05 > 0:36:08That's true, actually.
0:36:08 > 0:36:10- It's a waxing term.- Is it?
0:36:10 > 0:36:12It's for a very thin strip.
0:36:13 > 0:36:16- Steven even has won, obviously.- Yay!
0:36:16 > 0:36:18And he'll take home my sticky wicket.
0:36:23 > 0:36:25My crocheting knowledge came through!
0:36:25 > 0:36:32I have had a wonderful time tonight. thank you to all my lovely guests, the sensational Steven Mangan,
0:36:32 > 0:36:37- the scintillating Sarah Millican, the bloody marvellous Jonathan Ross...- Thank you.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39..my band and the 99ers.
0:36:39 > 0:36:43And of course, a huge thank you to you at home for watching.
0:36:43 > 0:36:48To play us out tonight with her single, Sneaky Freak, it's the immensely talented Imelda May.
0:37:00 > 0:37:04# I'm behind you
0:37:04 > 0:37:05# I'm watching your back I'm going to find you
0:37:05 > 0:37:07# Look in every crack I know your passwords
0:37:07 > 0:37:10# I know you backwards I've cracked your codes
0:37:10 > 0:37:11# I even search your clothes
0:37:11 > 0:37:13# Cos I'm sneaky freak
0:37:13 > 0:37:16# Yes, I'm sneaky freak
0:37:16 > 0:37:19# Watch out cos I'm sneaky freak
0:37:19 > 0:37:21# Oh, I'm a sneaky freak
0:37:22 > 0:37:26# Cos I'm a creepy sneaky freak
0:37:28 > 0:37:32# What you're up to? Cos I'm gonna find out his secrets
0:37:32 > 0:37:35# Yeah, I know about it I picked your locks, yeah
0:37:35 > 0:37:37# I stole your ID You'll never know it was me
0:37:37 > 0:37:40# You'll never know it was me Cos I'm a sneaky freak
0:37:40 > 0:37:44# Oh, I'm a sneaky freak
0:37:44 > 0:37:46# Watch out cos I'm a sneaky freak
0:37:46 > 0:37:49# Oh, I'm a sneaky freak
0:37:50 > 0:37:54# Cos I'm a creepy sneaky freak
0:37:55 > 0:37:59# Oh, you locked your door about quarter past four
0:37:59 > 0:38:02# You're hiding something, I know
0:38:02 > 0:38:05# You're holding your phone whenever you're at home
0:38:05 > 0:38:10# You jump whenever it go-o-o-oes
0:38:11 > 0:38:14# You got a feeling something's not right
0:38:14 > 0:38:17# You should be keeping one eye open at night
0:38:17 > 0:38:19# O'er your shoulder Was that something you saw?
0:38:19 > 0:38:22# I'm getting bolder cos I'm above the law
0:38:22 > 0:38:24#Cos I'm a sneaky freak
0:38:24 > 0:38:27# Oh, I'm a sneaky freak
0:38:27 > 0:38:29# Watch out, cos I'm a sneaky freak
0:38:29 > 0:38:32# Oh, I'm a sneaky freak
0:38:33 > 0:38:37# Cos I'm creepy sneaky freak
0:38:37 > 0:38:39# Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
0:38:45 > 0:38:47# Oh-ho-ho
0:38:47 > 0:38:50# You've got a feeling something's not right
0:38:50 > 0:38:53# You should be keeping one eye open at night
0:38:53 > 0:38:56# O'er your shoulder Was there something you saw?
0:38:56 > 0:38:59# I'm getting bolder cos I'm above the law
0:38:59 > 0:39:00# Cos I'm a sneaky freak
0:39:00 > 0:39:03# Oh, I'm a sneaky freak
0:39:03 > 0:39:06# Watch out, cos I'm a sneaky freak
0:39:06 > 0:39:10# Oh, I'm a sneak freak
0:39:10 > 0:39:13# Cos I'm a creepy sneaky freak
0:39:13 > 0:39:15# Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah!
0:39:15 > 0:39:17# I'm a sneaky freak
0:39:17 > 0:39:20# Oh, yes, I'm a sneaky freak
0:39:20 > 0:39:23# Yeah, yeah, I'm a sneaky freak
0:39:23 > 0:39:26# Oh-oh, I'm a sneaky freak
0:39:26 > 0:39:31# Yeah, cos I'm a creepy sneaky freak
0:39:31 > 0:39:32# Yeah!
0:39:32 > 0:39:34# I'm creepy
0:39:34 > 0:39:37# Oh, yeah, I'm sneaky
0:39:37 > 0:39:39# Ow!
0:39:39 > 0:39:40# Freaky! #
0:39:42 > 0:39:45Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:39:45 > 0:39:49E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk