0:00:02 > 0:00:04- SUSAN CALMAN:- In a world where attraction is mostly based on looks,
0:00:04 > 0:00:07what would happen if you had to rely solely on your personality?
0:00:07 > 0:00:10Well, thanks to some gloriously weird make up...
0:00:10 > 0:00:12SHE LAUGHS: Oh, my God!
0:00:12 > 0:00:14..we're going to find out!
0:00:14 > 0:00:15SHE SCREAMS
0:00:15 > 0:00:20Will true love blossom when what you see is definitely not what you get?
0:00:20 > 0:00:22This is Sexy Beasts!
0:00:22 > 0:00:27RIHANNA: # We found a love in a hopeless place! #
0:00:28 > 0:00:33I'm very loyal. I'd be very loyal if I was to be in a relationship.
0:00:33 > 0:00:36I'm a good boy like that. At least I think so.
0:00:36 > 0:00:38HOWLING
0:00:40 > 0:00:45Meet Matt, the mutt, he's an apprentice engineer from Lincoln.
0:00:45 > 0:00:46Am I a player?
0:00:46 > 0:00:50I want to say no, but apparently I am.
0:00:51 > 0:00:53HOWLING
0:00:53 > 0:00:56OK! Play on, player. Hit us with your best line.
0:00:56 > 0:00:58"You've got something on your bum." "Really?"
0:00:58 > 0:01:02- And I, say, "Yes. My eyes." - SILENCE
0:01:02 > 0:01:04That usually works quite well in town.
0:01:04 > 0:01:07So I said, "Hit us with your BEST line!" Yeah? Best?
0:01:07 > 0:01:09Prude, rude and dirty minded...
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Is coming up next on BBC Three!
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- ..is definitely what I am.- Oh!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17THE FUTUREHEADS: # The hounds of love are calling... #
0:01:17 > 0:01:21After Matt's three hours of make-up, his pedigree chum Dan...
0:01:21 > 0:01:24is about to see him for the first time.
0:01:24 > 0:01:26LAUGHTER Oh, boy, how are you doin'?
0:01:26 > 0:01:27You look nice, mate!
0:01:27 > 0:01:30I tell you, you look like... HE SPEAKS INAUDIBLY
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Oh, I don't know which one of these two I like more!
0:01:33 > 0:01:35What a lad!
0:01:35 > 0:01:39He looks like a member of a boy band, so...his looks are very important.
0:01:39 > 0:01:42If it weren't for his looks, I don't know where he'd be.
0:01:42 > 0:01:44Battersea Dogs Home? And what are the chances
0:01:44 > 0:01:47of Matt walking away with a new owner tonight?
0:01:47 > 0:01:50If Matt's perfect ten is here today, um,
0:01:50 > 0:01:53there's no doubt that she'll like him.
0:01:53 > 0:01:54- Good boy.- Yeah!
0:01:54 > 0:01:55Well, that's our picker,
0:01:55 > 0:01:58so who's going to try and give this dog a bone?
0:01:58 > 0:02:01I get my hair done, like, the bonded extensions,
0:02:01 > 0:02:05I get my lashes done, I've had my lips done. My nails.
0:02:05 > 0:02:07I go on a sunbed about two, three times a week.
0:02:07 > 0:02:10- Er... It's expensive. - SHE LAUGHS
0:02:10 > 0:02:13THE CHAINSMOKERS: # Let me take a selfie! #
0:02:13 > 0:02:17This is Amber, a receptionist from Romford in Essex.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20I'd like to see if I can actually be attracted to someone
0:02:20 > 0:02:24looking like a monster, because I don't think I can.
0:02:24 > 0:02:26Cos I just think it's all about looks.
0:02:26 > 0:02:29Well, lizardy lady, I think that's a little superficial of you.
0:02:29 > 0:02:32- What's superficial mean? - Well, it's, um...
0:02:32 > 0:02:34- Does that mean fake? - Well, sort of...yes...
0:02:34 > 0:02:37- That's artificial, isn't it? - Never mind.
0:02:37 > 0:02:40Let's see what her not at all excitable friend Bryony thinks
0:02:40 > 0:02:43- of the monstrous make-over. - GIGGLING
0:02:43 > 0:02:45Oh! Ooh! HIGH-PITCHED: Ha!
0:02:45 > 0:02:47HYSTERICAL LAUGHTER
0:02:47 > 0:02:50Oh, my God, Amber!
0:02:50 > 0:02:54- You look...- Disgusting! - Oh, my God! You look like the Hulk!
0:02:54 > 0:02:56I don't think she's ever seen the Hulk.
0:02:56 > 0:03:00Oh, my God, that... Oh, my God! LAUGHTER
0:03:00 > 0:03:04Excellent. But what does the laughing lizard lady like in a lad?
0:03:04 > 0:03:07I think, as long as they're funny, that'll... That's quite important.
0:03:07 > 0:03:10But other than that, she mainly focuses on looks,
0:03:10 > 0:03:12- so this should be interesting.- Yeah.
0:03:12 > 0:03:14Very interesting!
0:03:14 > 0:03:17Let's meet the next lady pining for some puppy love.
0:03:17 > 0:03:21RACHAEL: # Some day my prince will come... #
0:03:21 > 0:03:25SCREAMING # Some day, I'll find my love... #
0:03:25 > 0:03:30# She's been dreaming of a true love's kiss
0:03:30 > 0:03:32- # And a prince... # - This petrifying princess
0:03:32 > 0:03:34is Rachael from County Durham.
0:03:34 > 0:03:37And she's on the prowl for her Prince Charming.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39# ..so happy! #
0:03:39 > 0:03:42Yeah, I am looking for a Prince Charming, hopefully.
0:03:42 > 0:03:44Or a superhero. That would do as well.
0:03:44 > 0:03:46I don't want to shatter your dreams, Rachael,
0:03:46 > 0:03:49but neither of those things exist.
0:03:49 > 0:03:52If you can't have those, what's your third choice?
0:03:52 > 0:03:56Yeah, I'd like to find an FBO. An FBO is a Facebook Official.
0:03:56 > 0:04:00If it's not announced on Facebook, then it's not a proper relationship.
0:04:00 > 0:04:03Really?! Is that the age we're living in? Fine!
0:04:03 > 0:04:05Well, here's Rachel's Facebook Official friend Anna
0:04:05 > 0:04:07to offer some support.
0:04:07 > 0:04:09- LAUGHTER - Oh...
0:04:09 > 0:04:12- Oh, that's not... - No, you're supposed to be nice!
0:04:12 > 0:04:15How can you be nice about that?!
0:04:15 > 0:04:19That bit's cool. Looks like a mini vagina.
0:04:19 > 0:04:22They've just stuck a mini vagina on your face.
0:04:22 > 0:04:25- It feels like one... - Stop feeling my vagina!
0:04:25 > 0:04:28- GIGGLING - That's us, we're a couple now!
0:04:28 > 0:04:32Time for a change of topic, I think! So why is Rachael currently single?
0:04:32 > 0:04:38Rachael is single, in my opinion, um, because...she's mad.
0:04:38 > 0:04:42SHE HARMONISES
0:04:42 > 0:04:46Um, and because she does live in a princess bubble,
0:04:46 > 0:04:48and thinks that she is from Wicked.
0:04:48 > 0:04:50But that's not why I'm single!
0:04:50 > 0:04:53I can't... Some people probably like Glinda?
0:04:53 > 0:04:57Not real men would like Glinda from Wicked! Maybe gay dancers would.
0:04:57 > 0:05:00- So, if you were a boy, you... - That's a bit horrible!
0:05:00 > 0:05:02- You're discriminating. - How? That's true.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05A sweeping generalisation there, but an accurate one.
0:05:05 > 0:05:08Right, who's beastly girl number three?
0:05:08 > 0:05:09I do rely on my looks quite a lot.
0:05:09 > 0:05:11I can't leave the house without mascara on.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Um, I don't think I'm ugly, but I don't think I'm like really pretty.
0:05:15 > 0:05:18MADONNA: # Beautiful Stranger! #
0:05:18 > 0:05:21This is Kirsty from Manchester.
0:05:21 > 0:05:24She works in finance and also is a ring girl at boxing matches.
0:05:24 > 0:05:25BELL RINGS
0:05:25 > 0:05:29So surely the guys are lining up to take her out?
0:05:29 > 0:05:32Um, I do go on quite a few dates, I do meet a lot of lads,
0:05:32 > 0:05:36but I don't really last longer than three months with them maybe.
0:05:36 > 0:05:38Well, three months is a long time in the ring,
0:05:38 > 0:05:41and what's the lady like behind the latex?
0:05:41 > 0:05:45Er, personality wise, I think I'm a bit mad, er, crazy.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49A bit weird at times. Um, I like to have fun.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52Well, that's reassuring! Any special skills?
0:05:52 > 0:05:55I do a Donald Duck impression.
0:05:55 > 0:05:57- Do you want me to do it now? - Yes, please.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00LOUD QUACKING, SHE GIGGLES
0:06:00 > 0:06:03And now the duck impression?
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Er, potentially, I am... Hopefully, I will meet the man of my dreams.
0:06:06 > 0:06:10We're hopeful as well. As is your good friend Niamh.
0:06:10 > 0:06:12Oh, my God! LAUGHTER
0:06:12 > 0:06:14Oh, my God!
0:06:14 > 0:06:17Kirsty, it looks Halloween.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Eugh!
0:06:19 > 0:06:20She's really bubbly.
0:06:20 > 0:06:26She's nice, she's kind, so, um, and she's just...Kirsty.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28LAUGHTER She's just herself.
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Thank you, Niamh, for that illuminating description(!)
0:06:31 > 0:06:33Today, Kirsty's not just being herself,
0:06:33 > 0:06:36but a strange, blue, alien-type thing with a cobra's hood.
0:06:36 > 0:06:40Will Matt be doing some snake charming tonight?
0:06:40 > 0:06:42So, three hideous beauties
0:06:42 > 0:06:44- and one unneutered canine. - BARKING
0:06:44 > 0:06:47The masks will only be removed when the dating is complete.
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Relying on personality alone,
0:06:49 > 0:06:53the three ladies have just ten minutes to impress Matt.
0:06:53 > 0:06:56Which one of them will he choose to rub his belly?
0:06:56 > 0:06:58Let the speed dates begin!
0:06:58 > 0:07:02# We found a love in a hopeless place! #
0:07:02 > 0:07:05MUSIC: "Signs" by Snoop Dogg (Ft. Justin Timberlake)
0:07:05 > 0:07:10OK, Matt, SIT and stay! Good boy! There's a good boy, there's a, er...
0:07:10 > 0:07:11Once he's met all three beasts,
0:07:11 > 0:07:15Matt will send one of them off with a flea in their ear.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17- Hiya.- Hi.
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Up first, it's space armadillo thingy Kirsty.
0:07:20 > 0:07:25- So what do you do in your spare time?- I work in finance.- Right.
0:07:25 > 0:07:29Um, and I also do ring girl in gym boxing matches and stuff.
0:07:29 > 0:07:33- Boxing?- Yeah. The ring cards and stuff.- Oh, I see.- Yeah.- Oh, wow!
0:07:33 > 0:07:36- They're usually rather nice. - SHE LAUGHS
0:07:36 > 0:07:37'They wear very little, don't they?'
0:07:37 > 0:07:40And they're... they're usually pretty hot.
0:07:40 > 0:07:43- Where are you from?- Lincoln.
0:07:43 > 0:07:46- Lincoln, where's that? - Where is it?- Yeah.- Britain.
0:07:46 > 0:07:50It went quite well. There was no awkward like pauses or anything.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53Just run smoothly, yeah.
0:07:53 > 0:07:55If there's one thing you don't want on a date with a dog,
0:07:55 > 0:07:57it's awkward "paws' You're welcome!
0:07:57 > 0:08:02- Would you rather swap hands for feet?- Right.
0:08:02 > 0:08:04Or arse for elbow?
0:08:04 > 0:08:05MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
0:08:05 > 0:08:10- Um...hands for feet, definitely! - Hands for feet.- Yeah.
0:08:10 > 0:08:13- It would be a bit weird to have... - An arse on your elbow!
0:08:13 > 0:08:16- Definitely.- I've seen worse things on people's elbows.- Like what?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18- Like crap tattoos.- Yeah.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21- Have you got any yourself? - Well, I was going to get one.- Yeah?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24I thought it would be a good idea, cos I was going to get
0:08:24 > 0:08:27- "choking hazard" just there. - SHE LAUGHS
0:08:27 > 0:08:31- Em...- 'Um, at the moment, I do think I've done enough.'
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Um, we seem to have a bit in common.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Yeah, I think she's nice. I like her.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39Woof! Matt seems to have been charmed by the alien snake creature,
0:08:39 > 0:08:43but will he love the lizard? Good luck, Amber!
0:08:43 > 0:08:45LAUGHTER
0:08:45 > 0:08:49- You actually look ridiculous! - I- look ridiculous?!
0:08:49 > 0:08:51- Wow!- Oh, my God!
0:08:51 > 0:08:54- Are you well?- I'm good. What's your name?
0:08:54 > 0:08:56- Matt.- Matt, I'm Amber. - And your name is?
0:08:56 > 0:09:00- Amber.- Amber. Nice to meet you, Amber.- I got you a little gift.- Oh!
0:09:00 > 0:09:03- But let me explain it first, cos you won't get it!- Right, OK.
0:09:03 > 0:09:07But, basically, I thought you might be a bit nervous...
0:09:07 > 0:09:09- Yeah.- Obviously.- Yeah, yeah. A little bit, I might admit.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12So I thought I'd get you some deodorant wipes.
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Oh, thanks very much! Brilliant! - In case you sweat!
0:09:15 > 0:09:17- I'm a bit of a chatterbox as well... - Mm-hm?
0:09:17 > 0:09:20- ..so I thought I'd get you some earplugs.- Nice!
0:09:20 > 0:09:23- You're a chatterbox? - Yeah, yeah! Um...
0:09:23 > 0:09:25You actually look ridiculous!
0:09:25 > 0:09:28- It looks good, though, doesn't it? - It does look good, yeah.- Brilliant.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- I'll give you a ten out of ten now. - Really?- Yeah.
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- I-I...I'll give you a nine.- OK. - And I'll give you one later!
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Why? Why? What do you mean one later?
0:09:39 > 0:09:42- Do you...do you get it?- What? - It's gone down...- I don't get it.
0:09:42 > 0:09:44- ..like a lead balloon. It don't matter.- OK.
0:09:44 > 0:09:47- One day, I may be able to tell you that joke.- OK.
0:09:47 > 0:09:48Yeah, he's got a lot of banter,
0:09:48 > 0:09:52which I think's a very important, like, he kept making me laugh.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I don't really like Essex girls. Their accent.
0:09:56 > 0:09:59- IMITATES ACCENT:- Shut up! Oh, please no.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03- Did you not get me a gift as well? I got you something.- No.- Why not?
0:10:03 > 0:10:07- Maybe another day...- Another time. - I've got to give you one anyway.
0:10:09 > 0:10:12- Still not getting that joke? - No, I don't get it!- I'm gutted.
0:10:12 > 0:10:14- Oh, what, cos you said the nine out of ten thing?- Yeah.
0:10:14 > 0:10:18- Do you mean that, then?- And I'll give you one later.- But what one?
0:10:18 > 0:10:22- What do you mean?- What do you think? - No-one else gets it!- They do.
0:10:22 > 0:10:25- They don't.- They do. - Oh, we do!
0:10:25 > 0:10:28There's nine out of ten and I'll give you one later,
0:10:28 > 0:10:32meaning one as in...
0:10:32 > 0:10:34- sexy time. - HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Oh, what, "one later" - is that what he means?
0:10:40 > 0:10:42That's cheeky!
0:10:42 > 0:10:44AWKWARD LAUGHTER CONTINUES
0:10:45 > 0:10:48Steady on, chuckles, you've still got one lady to go.
0:10:48 > 0:10:51Bring in Rach-HELL!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54- Wow!- Hiya. Are you all right?
0:10:54 > 0:10:57- Very well, thank you. How are you? - GIGGLES: Oh, you look really cute!
0:10:57 > 0:11:00- Cute?- Yeah. Hi, nice to meet you. - You look, um...different.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04- Ha-ha!- Wow!- Yeah, apparently, I'm the scary one.- Yeah, reminds me of, um...
0:11:04 > 0:11:07- You're fluffy. Can I feel your fur? - You can feel...
0:11:07 > 0:11:10- Aw!- Yeah.- That's really cute. - Feel it a bit more if you want.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12- Aw!- I think the nose is brilliant.
0:11:12 > 0:11:14- I think you look ace. - I had a little laugh...
0:11:14 > 0:11:18- Whereabouts are you from? - I'm from Lincoln.- Where's that?
0:11:18 > 0:11:21- No-one knows where Lincoln is. - No.- Lincoln is brilliant.
0:11:21 > 0:11:23I don't think Matt knows where Lincoln is.
0:11:23 > 0:11:26The Geordie accent is like the Scottish accent.
0:11:26 > 0:11:28Sometimes you don't know what they're saying.
0:11:28 > 0:11:30- Especially on the phone. - Oh, really?!
0:11:30 > 0:11:33I think Matt and I should have a coffee and a chat sometime soon.
0:11:33 > 0:11:35- What's that? Believe?- Believe.
0:11:35 > 0:11:38- It's like a necklace I constantly always wear.- And what does it...?
0:11:38 > 0:11:41- Obviously believe. Believe in what? - It's the fairy tale stuff.
0:11:41 > 0:11:45- Oh, so you're into Disney and... - Yeah.- ..Tangled and...- Yeah.
0:11:45 > 0:11:47- And Frozen. - Which one is your favourite?
0:11:47 > 0:11:50- Have you seen Enchanted before?- No. - Have you never seen Enchanted?- No.
0:11:50 > 0:11:52Oh, my God!
0:11:52 > 0:11:54Do you know when you have a hairdressing conversation?
0:11:54 > 0:11:57It seemed a bit like that like. Oh, I'll ask...
0:11:57 > 0:11:59"What do you think about the weather?" sort of thing.
0:11:59 > 0:12:05Is a third nipple a hideous mutation or a fun accessory?
0:12:05 > 0:12:08- Can you actually have a third nipple? - Yeah. Many people have got them.
0:12:08 > 0:12:10- Some people have got like four, I think.- Wow.
0:12:10 > 0:12:13I think, if you had four, you'd be a mutant, I reckon.
0:12:13 > 0:12:16- Yeah.- I don't think you'd be normal.- Yeah.
0:12:17 > 0:12:21I don't think it went that well, if I'm honest.
0:12:21 > 0:12:24I hope that it has been enough, but, um, we never know really,
0:12:24 > 0:12:27but it's just finger's crossed, cos I'd like to go on another date
0:12:27 > 0:12:30with the lovely dog. SHE LAUGHS
0:12:30 > 0:12:33Our female freaks have all flirted with Fido,
0:12:33 > 0:12:36and he must now put one to sleep, dating wise.
0:12:36 > 0:12:38Will he remove the right monster?
0:12:42 > 0:12:44It's time to cull a creature.
0:12:44 > 0:12:47- Hello again, ladies. - ALL: Hi.
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Has Matt managed to make a decision?
0:12:49 > 0:12:53- I've made my decision. - Oh, thank Dog! I mean God!
0:12:53 > 0:12:56Well, which one of these mangled maidens
0:12:56 > 0:12:58is about to be shown the trap door?
0:12:58 > 0:13:02Will it be a first round KO for Kirsty?
0:13:02 > 0:13:06Has Matt the dog had just about a-woof of Rachael?
0:13:06 > 0:13:09Or will Amber never get that one later,
0:13:09 > 0:13:13but instead get flushed away like a number two?
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Who is going WALKIES?!
0:13:18 > 0:13:22Kirsty, um, I think you're a lovely girl, I think you've got
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- a really nice smile... - Thank you.- ..quite cute, um...
0:13:26 > 0:13:30- But I just think you maybe like to be a bit more chatty.- OK, yeah.
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- Amber...- Yeah?
0:13:32 > 0:13:35I think, er, there's some sort of chemistry there between us,
0:13:35 > 0:13:40er, but...I'm not too keen on your accent.
0:13:40 > 0:13:42- No offence. - Are you actually being serious?
0:13:42 > 0:13:44- Yeah. I'm afraid, yeah. - All right, OK.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47And, last but not least, Rachael.
0:13:47 > 0:13:53Um, I think you're really sweet and a lovely girl, but I don't think
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- there is as much of a connection as I'd have liked.- Yeah.
0:13:56 > 0:14:00And the beast I'm binning is...
0:14:00 > 0:14:05MUSIC: Theme from "The Thing" by Ennio Morricone
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- ..Rachael.- That's fine.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13- I'm sorry.- That's fine.
0:14:13 > 0:14:16I can go back home and see my dog. THEY LAUGH
0:14:16 > 0:14:17(My dog's cuter.)
0:14:17 > 0:14:19LAUGHTER
0:14:19 > 0:14:22I'm feeling all right. I can sort of see what he meant.
0:14:22 > 0:14:24Like there was no connection at all, really.
0:14:24 > 0:14:27I've made the wrong decision, I've made the wrong decision.
0:14:27 > 0:14:28I've made the wrong decision.
0:14:28 > 0:14:31She's actually really outgoing and really funny.
0:14:31 > 0:14:33My biggest fear with Kirsty is,
0:14:33 > 0:14:37how I might need to obviously take control of the whole date.
0:14:37 > 0:14:39I'm praying to God that Rachael,
0:14:39 > 0:14:42when I see her without her make-up on, is not fit.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45HE LAUGHS AWKWARDLY
0:14:45 > 0:14:49Before Rachael returns to her make-believe world of princes
0:14:49 > 0:14:52and Disney songs, let's see what the real Rachael looks like.
0:14:54 > 0:14:59STEVIE WONDER: # I believe when I fall in love with you
0:14:59 > 0:15:02- # It will be for ever... # - Oh, hello!
0:15:02 > 0:15:07Oh, Matt you've just cocked your leg on the rug of love. Bad boy!
0:15:07 > 0:15:11Time for everyone to see for the first time what he's missed out on.
0:15:11 > 0:15:14- Hi!- Oh, my God! - LAUGHTER
0:15:14 > 0:15:15Very different, right?
0:15:15 > 0:15:18- I hope it's different anyway. - I thought you'd have brown hair.
0:15:18 > 0:15:21It is sort of brown, like browny-blonde.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23And your nose doesn't look like a snatch.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25- OK.- It looks a lot better! - Thank you.
0:15:25 > 0:15:27Well, what girl doesn't like being told
0:15:27 > 0:15:29her nose doesn't match her unmentionables?
0:15:29 > 0:15:31So does Matt still think he made a mistake?
0:15:31 > 0:15:33Does he like Rachael after all?
0:15:34 > 0:15:37- I don't fancy her. - MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY
0:15:37 > 0:15:39- OK.- At all.- Moving on.
0:15:39 > 0:15:42Matt seems content with his decision,
0:15:42 > 0:15:46but now it's time to take Amber and Kirsty on their second dates.
0:15:46 > 0:15:50After those, he'll have to pick one of them to be his sexy beast.
0:15:50 > 0:15:54To the dates we go! And Amber the Lizard Lady is first.
0:15:54 > 0:15:59# We found love in a hopeless place! #
0:16:04 > 0:16:08It's date o'clock in the afternoon and Matt has brought
0:16:08 > 0:16:11cold-blooded lizard Amber to the muddy old countryside.
0:16:11 > 0:16:15- I'm going to have to pick you up, aren't I?- Oh, I guess you are.
0:16:15 > 0:16:16SHE LAUGHS
0:16:16 > 0:16:19MUSIC: "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Proof here that "The Doggy Guard" would have been a better film.
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Right, enough of this chivalry. What's he actually here for?
0:16:26 > 0:16:29A romantic game of fetch? Chasing birds? Or is Amber going
0:16:29 > 0:16:32to lovingly pick up a great steaming pile of Matt's...?
0:16:32 > 0:16:35- HORN TOOTS - Oh, good! Some 4x4 off-road driving.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37HE LAUGHS
0:16:37 > 0:16:40And instructor Chris is delighted to be supervising.
0:16:40 > 0:16:42- What are you laughing at?! - SHE LAUGHS
0:16:42 > 0:16:44Hi, guys!
0:16:44 > 0:16:46That's amazing!
0:16:46 > 0:16:48- LAUGHTER - Oh, bless him!
0:16:48 > 0:16:51Why DO they do that?!
0:16:51 > 0:16:55- Up first, it's Amber. - Gently ease up off the brake.
0:16:55 > 0:16:56She's got to manoeuvre the car
0:16:56 > 0:16:59around a course of terrifically tricky terrain.
0:16:59 > 0:17:01MUSIC: "Rock The Boat" by Hues Corporation
0:17:01 > 0:17:04- # Rock the boat - Don't tip the boat over!
0:17:04 > 0:17:06- # Rock the boat - Don't rock the boat, baby... #
0:17:06 > 0:17:09SHE GIGGLES # Rock the bo-o-oat! #
0:17:11 > 0:17:13- Be careful. - I AM being careful.
0:17:13 > 0:17:15- The right corner just ahead. - Yeah, I can see that.
0:17:15 > 0:17:16Have you got your glasses?
0:17:16 > 0:17:18They're like a married couple already!
0:17:18 > 0:17:22I can just picture their green, furry children now. Ha-ha!
0:17:22 > 0:17:24It's Matt's turn to confront the countryside.
0:17:24 > 0:17:26Let's do this!
0:17:26 > 0:17:30THE HOOSIERS: # It's gonna be a bumpy ride... #
0:17:30 > 0:17:32If we can just stop round here...
0:17:32 > 0:17:35- and we'll go dogging... - SHE LAUGHS
0:17:35 > 0:17:38..which would be quite ironic, cos I look like a dog.
0:17:38 > 0:17:41Wow, thanks for explaining that, Matt(!)
0:17:41 > 0:17:43Does Amber really need help with every joke?
0:17:43 > 0:17:44That's an innuendo.
0:17:44 > 0:17:48- What's an in unen...inuend...? - What's an innuendo?- Yeah.
0:17:48 > 0:17:51- So if I said, "Oh, that's massive!"- Yeah?
0:17:51 > 0:17:54- Say, "Oh, that puddle's massive!" - Yeah.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- Well, no, if I said, "That's massive!"- Yeah?
0:17:57 > 0:17:59Er...it's gone wrong.
0:17:59 > 0:18:01The innuendo, ladies and gentlemen.
0:18:01 > 0:18:03First part of the date over
0:18:03 > 0:18:05and Amber seems to have Matt under control.
0:18:05 > 0:18:06Fetch!
0:18:09 > 0:18:11If you want to know where that stick landed,
0:18:11 > 0:18:14it was just outside a coffee shop for the after off-road drinks.
0:18:14 > 0:18:17- SHE LAUGHS - Hi, mate! ..Ah!
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Will the fun times continue?
0:18:20 > 0:18:22- I hate tea and I hate coffee. - Good luck, Matt!
0:18:22 > 0:18:25Don't you think that these look like a bit...?
0:18:28 > 0:18:32He's done it! He's found Amber's level. Cake tits!
0:18:32 > 0:18:36A proud moment for mankind and one to be etched on our minds for ever!
0:18:36 > 0:18:39- Can I be really forward?- Go on.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41- Uh-oh! - This is big time.- OK.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- Are you ready? - Not really.
0:18:43 > 0:18:48I've always wondered what it'd be like to, like, kiss in, in this.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51- You are... No, you're not going to kiss me!- Why not?!
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- Because you look really ugly. - You've probably kissed worse!
0:18:54 > 0:18:56SHE LAUGHS
0:18:56 > 0:18:58Oh, my God. I don't know...
0:18:59 > 0:19:00Eugh!
0:19:00 > 0:19:03It's not... Don't worry, it's not going to kill you.
0:19:03 > 0:19:04No, go on, I'll do it. Quick!
0:19:04 > 0:19:07BILLY OCEAN: # Suddenly... #
0:19:07 > 0:19:10Huh?! Here we go! The first ever Sexy Beasts kiss!
0:19:10 > 0:19:12I'm so excited! I'm so excited! I'm so excited!
0:19:15 > 0:19:17See? See, I told you! You can't because of the nose!
0:19:17 > 0:19:19- My nose is too fat... - You're like all hair.
0:19:19 > 0:19:22Oh, I think we might have bigged that up a bit too much.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25- How was it for you? - It was lovely.- Was it?
0:19:25 > 0:19:27- SHE LAUGHS:- Yeah! - Was it?- No!
0:19:27 > 0:19:32A strange end to a strange date, but Matt has one more lady to see!
0:19:32 > 0:19:35Will Kirsty manage to win over the cocky spaniel?
0:19:35 > 0:19:39MUSIC: Theme from "The Magnificent Seven" by Elmer Bernstein
0:19:41 > 0:19:44This is the Wild Wild West, in Glasgow.
0:19:44 > 0:19:47And here at the Grand Ole Opry, a line dancing class
0:19:47 > 0:19:50is being gate-crashed by a space adder and a dog.
0:19:52 > 0:19:55It's Kirsty's last chance to win Matt over
0:19:55 > 0:19:57and get the conversation rolling.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00Five, six, seven. Right heel, left heel.
0:20:00 > 0:20:03Heel, heel, toe, toe, grapevine to the right,
0:20:03 > 0:20:07quarter turn, hitch, back two, three, step, step, heel.
0:20:07 > 0:20:10- I've got it!- I'm cocking this up. - I've got it... I had it!
0:20:10 > 0:20:11- No, no, no, no. - KIRSTY LAUGHS
0:20:11 > 0:20:14Well, Matt appears to have four left feet.
0:20:14 > 0:20:17- Have you ever done anything like this before?- Er, yeah.
0:20:17 > 0:20:19- Have you?- I did it in school.
0:20:19 > 0:20:23- You did it before? - Yeah, I've done ballroom as well.
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Yeah, she's obviously a bit more, you know, having a laugh.
0:20:25 > 0:20:28Yeah, I think it's, er, I think it's pretty good.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31He seems like a gentleman. He seems really nice.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34- They're out of time, it's not us. - KIRSTY LAUGHS
0:20:34 > 0:20:35It's definitely them.
0:20:35 > 0:20:37- We're definitely doing it right. - Yeah, she got it wrong.
0:20:37 > 0:20:39They seem to be having fun,
0:20:39 > 0:20:42despite it being tricky to dance and chat at the same time.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44But fear not, there's a table reserved
0:20:44 > 0:20:47just at the side for a post-dance natter.
0:20:47 > 0:20:51WILLIE NELSON: # I've been so blue and lonely... #
0:20:51 > 0:20:55- How much is your gym membership a month?- £50 for three months.
0:20:55 > 0:20:59Oh, blimey! Come on, you two! What about the ring girling?
0:20:59 > 0:21:00- That must be ace.- Yeah.
0:21:00 > 0:21:02Are you in...? What are you wearing?
0:21:02 > 0:21:05Little tiny knickers to wear. BOXING BELL RINGS
0:21:05 > 0:21:07- Really?! - Down, boy!
0:21:07 > 0:21:09- Can I be invited to like a...? - SHE LAUGHS
0:21:09 > 0:21:13- I'll go like this. - We'll have to see.- Yeah?- Yeah.
0:21:13 > 0:21:14It's all going swimmingly.
0:21:14 > 0:21:17Maybe that's because we haven't heard a joke from Matt in a while.
0:21:17 > 0:21:21What sort of cheese do you use to get a bear down from a tree?
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- I don't know... - Cam-on-bear - Camembert.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- Do you like cheese?- No, I've just got a load of cheese jokes.- OK!
0:21:27 > 0:21:31Give us a shout when you tell one of them, eh? How do they think it went?
0:21:31 > 0:21:35Um, out of ten, I'd give the day probably a ten.
0:21:35 > 0:21:38Wow, that's impressive. How come?
0:21:38 > 0:21:41- Um, we have quite a lot in common. - Like?
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- Um, we both drive. - Of course!
0:21:44 > 0:21:46So after all the fun they've had,
0:21:46 > 0:21:50has Kirsty managed to change Matt's opinion of her?
0:21:50 > 0:21:52In a word, no.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Good!
0:21:54 > 0:21:57So then, it's decision time for Matt.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Who is going to be his Sexy Beast?
0:22:00 > 0:22:02Will it be Amber, despite her Essex drawl
0:22:02 > 0:22:05and the fact she didn't know what an innuendo was?
0:22:05 > 0:22:07There was that stolen kiss!
0:22:07 > 0:22:09Or will he choose Kirsty?
0:22:09 > 0:22:11She appeared to have a much better time than Matt.
0:22:11 > 0:22:15But he does like the idea of her ring girl costume.
0:22:15 > 0:22:19Time to find out whose leg he wants to wrap himself around.
0:22:19 > 0:22:22And then it's de-masking time for everyone.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25- Hello again, ladies. - Hi.- Hello.
0:22:25 > 0:22:30It's been an enjoyable experience, er, going out with you all.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31Kirsty, I'd like to start with you.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33Um, I don't think line dancing's my thing.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36- I'm not sure if you noticed. - No, definitely not.
0:22:36 > 0:22:39- Um, I think we chatted a bit more, which was good.- Yeah.- Um...
0:22:39 > 0:22:43- And we had a bit of a giggle. - Yeah.- But...I don't think...
0:22:43 > 0:22:46there was much of a connection between us.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51Amber...I've actually come round to your accent...
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- SHE LAUGHS - ..and found it quite funny.
0:22:53 > 0:22:56- Some of the things you say are quite funny.- Oh, good.- Um...
0:22:56 > 0:23:00- The date we had was a good laugh and we had fun.- It was really fun, yeah.
0:23:00 > 0:23:06Um...but I have come to a decision, after much thought.
0:23:06 > 0:23:09And my Sexy Beast is...
0:23:10 > 0:23:14(Amber or Kirsty? Kirsty or Amber?)
0:23:14 > 0:23:16Did me whispering it and reversing it
0:23:16 > 0:23:18make the slightest bit of difference?
0:23:18 > 0:23:21Absolutely not. Decision time, Matt!
0:23:21 > 0:23:24Who do you want to win...a lot?
0:23:24 > 0:23:27MUSIC: Theme from "The Thing" by Ennio Morricone
0:23:28 > 0:23:30..Amber.
0:23:30 > 0:23:32LAUGHTER Oh, well done.
0:23:32 > 0:23:34- Sorry, Kirsty.- No, that's fine.
0:23:34 > 0:23:38Anyone else think it, er, probably isn't fine?
0:23:38 > 0:23:40I was relieved that I was chosen as his Sexy Beast,
0:23:40 > 0:23:44cos obviously no-one wants to be second best.
0:23:44 > 0:23:48Um, I'm a little bit disappointed, cos obviously everyone likes to win.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51But still, we've all learned the meaning of love.
0:23:51 > 0:23:55If he takes his mask off and he's a monster, then I will not be happy.
0:23:55 > 0:23:57Exactly!
0:23:57 > 0:23:59We'll see if Matt really is a dog in a few minutes.
0:23:59 > 0:24:02For now, we get to meet the real Kirsty.
0:24:02 > 0:24:05She's shed her extra-terrestrial sneaky skin
0:24:05 > 0:24:08to reveal the lovely lady hiding underneath.
0:24:11 > 0:24:14ROXETTE: # It must have been love
0:24:14 > 0:24:17# But it's over now
0:24:17 > 0:24:20# It must have been good... #
0:24:20 > 0:24:22Ding, ding and ding, dong.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25The prosthetics have been peeled away and, at last,
0:24:25 > 0:24:29we get to see the perennially pretty Kirsty that was hiding beneath.
0:24:29 > 0:24:34Will Matt feel a "heavyweight" on his conscience once he's seen her?
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Let's find out, shall we?
0:24:35 > 0:24:37And although Kirsty will get to see him too,
0:24:37 > 0:24:39you must wait a little longer.
0:24:42 > 0:24:44HE LAUGHS Oh, my God!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46- Wow!- Definitely not what I thought.
0:24:46 > 0:24:50- You're good looking. - Thank you.- Yeah.- So are you.
0:24:50 > 0:24:52- Thank you. - You're a bit like Harry Styles.
0:24:52 > 0:24:54SHE LAUGHS: Oh, my gosh.
0:24:54 > 0:24:58Looks-wise, I did fancy him, yeah. Um, yeah.
0:24:58 > 0:24:59I thought you'd have short hair.
0:24:59 > 0:25:03- Is it good?- It's a good thing, yeah. - Yeah? Thank you very much.
0:25:03 > 0:25:07From the experience, I've learnt that looks aren't everything.
0:25:07 > 0:25:10It does come down to personality a lot, definitely, yeah.
0:25:10 > 0:25:14Several hours of piling on the prosthetics transformed Amber
0:25:14 > 0:25:18into a lizard that can drive a 4x4. Welcome to the 21st century.
0:25:18 > 0:25:22The question is what's the lady like when she's been descaled?
0:25:24 > 0:25:29BERLIN: # Take my breath away... #
0:25:29 > 0:25:32And she is indeed a Sexy Beast!
0:25:34 > 0:25:36# Take my breath away... #
0:25:36 > 0:25:40Matt will surely be on heat when he sees the real Amber.
0:25:42 > 0:25:45And talking of Matt, he's about to have a severe grooming.
0:25:45 > 0:25:46It's farewell to the fur
0:25:46 > 0:25:50and hello to the tip-top lad that lies beneath.
0:25:52 > 0:25:55ONE DIRECTION: # That's what makes you beautiful! #
0:25:55 > 0:25:59Ooh, he does as well! And have we left some of the wig on?
0:25:59 > 0:26:02Amber will surely be over the moon once the hallowed curtain drops.
0:26:04 > 0:26:08# You don't know you're beautiful! Light up my world... #
0:26:08 > 0:26:10Oh, my God!
0:26:10 > 0:26:13- Wow! Holy moly! - That is now what I...
0:26:13 > 0:26:16Nice work! Great choice.
0:26:17 > 0:26:19Oh, my God!
0:26:19 > 0:26:21- You look good. - You look like Frankie Cocozza.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23- MUSIC STOPS ABRUPTLY - Frankie Cocozza!
0:26:23 > 0:26:26Amber's gone in the "Wrong Direction"!
0:26:26 > 0:26:28- Good decision. - SHE LAUGHS
0:26:28 > 0:26:34She was fit, to be fair, um, and I'd probably climb her like a tree.
0:26:34 > 0:26:36Oh, what a charmer!
0:26:36 > 0:26:39You're not what I was thinking, like what I was expecting, though.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40SHE LAUGHS
0:26:40 > 0:26:42I actually found him really funny.
0:26:42 > 0:26:44I couldn't stop laughing when I was with him.
0:26:44 > 0:26:49But I was expecting tanned, like chiselled face,
0:26:49 > 0:26:52a bit of stubble, good hair.
0:26:52 > 0:26:53Just...
0:26:55 > 0:26:57It's definitely opened my eyes to...to...
0:26:57 > 0:27:00you can be the hottest girl in the world,
0:27:00 > 0:27:03it doesn't necessarily mean that you're going to get on.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05Matt seems happy with his decision.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09And as for Amber? Well, she was almost rendered speechless.
0:27:09 > 0:27:12But now the faces have returned to their normal forms,
0:27:12 > 0:27:16is the sweet whiff of love in the air?
0:27:16 > 0:27:19To find out, we've laid on some free champagne in a bar.
0:27:19 > 0:27:23If Amber and Matt want to see each other again, they'll turn up.
0:27:23 > 0:27:26And it'll probably almost certainly mean marriage, children
0:27:26 > 0:27:29and eventually a double coffin.
0:27:29 > 0:27:34So here we go - is there a future for Matt and Amber slash Mamber?
0:27:34 > 0:27:37WHITESNAKE: # Is this love...? #
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Hello, Matt! Take a seat!
0:27:40 > 0:27:44He's clearly smitten, but what about Amber?
0:27:44 > 0:27:45Are we about to see her reunited
0:27:45 > 0:27:49with her favourite member of One Dalmatian?
0:27:49 > 0:27:52# ..or am I dreaming? Is this the love... #
0:27:52 > 0:27:54- MUSIC SLOWS THEN STOPS - No.
0:27:54 > 0:27:58Sorry, Matt. There he goes leaving with his tail between his legs,
0:27:58 > 0:28:00but at least he gets to keep the booze.
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Dating time's over for our Sexy Beasts.
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Matt met some freaks from the North and North East.
0:28:08 > 0:28:11But his beau was from Essex. His true love he'd found.
0:28:11 > 0:28:14Though Amber frustrated this love-seeking hound.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Matt thought they'd be one. Maybe one day get hitched.
0:28:17 > 0:28:21But she stood him up, what an absolute...lizard.
0:28:21 > 0:28:24It's the 21st century. Make your own decisions, love, well done.
0:28:25 > 0:28:31THE OSMONDS: # And they called it puppy love!
0:28:32 > 0:28:37# Oh, I guess they'll never know
0:28:39 > 0:28:46# How a young heart really feels
0:28:46 > 0:28:53# And why I love her so. #