0:00:02 > 0:00:04In a world where attraction is mostly based on looks,
0:00:04 > 0:00:07what would happen if you had to rely on personality alone?
0:00:07 > 0:00:09Oh, my God!
0:00:09 > 0:00:13Well, thanks to some magnificently macabre make up...
0:00:13 > 0:00:14Oh! Oh!
0:00:14 > 0:00:16..we're going to find out.
0:00:16 > 0:00:22Will true love blossom when what you see is definitely not what you get?
0:00:22 > 0:00:24This is Sexy Beasts.
0:00:29 > 0:00:32I'd like to meet a nice girl who's up for a bit of a laugh
0:00:32 > 0:00:35and fun, and, er...
0:00:35 > 0:00:39Yeah. Just a different girl, really. A new face would be nice, real nice.
0:00:39 > 0:00:41SONG: "SPIDER-MAN THEME SONG"
0:00:41 > 0:00:44Meet our picker - Adam. Urgh, I hate spiders!
0:00:44 > 0:00:47He's a fast-talking electrician from Norfolk who has six eyes
0:00:47 > 0:00:49but only one type of preferred lady.
0:00:49 > 0:00:52I like brunette girls, they're probably my favourite.
0:00:52 > 0:00:55Yeah, sort of like dark eyes, I like dark-skinned girls, as well.
0:00:55 > 0:00:58Not too skinny, but, like... I like a bit of curve.
0:00:58 > 0:01:01That's an incy-wincy bit fussy, isn't it, judging like that?
0:01:01 > 0:01:04And I don't really like girls who judge people straightaway,
0:01:04 > 0:01:05do you know what I mean?
0:01:05 > 0:01:07Yeah, I know exactly what you mean!
0:01:07 > 0:01:08After hours in make-up,
0:01:08 > 0:01:12Adam's about to be seen by his friend Anton for the first time.
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Urgh!
0:01:15 > 0:01:18That looks mental. You look rank. Honestly.
0:01:18 > 0:01:20You can't tell what I look like, can you, at all?
0:01:20 > 0:01:22No. Urgh. It's all wet.
0:01:22 > 0:01:25Of course it's wet! It's an eye!
0:01:25 > 0:01:27Oh, Adam's look's normally, like, everything.
0:01:27 > 0:01:30You'll see him, he's, like, in the mirror, doing all his shaving.
0:01:30 > 0:01:33Well, I've got to look fresh, innit.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34Yes, of course.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37So what kind of fun can the girls expect to have on a date with Adam?
0:01:37 > 0:01:40Give us a story from a typical Adam night out.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42I was in the toilets and, erm, and decided to, like,
0:01:42 > 0:01:44just started drinking out of the urinal.
0:01:44 > 0:01:47I just thought that would be quite...quite tasty, really.
0:01:47 > 0:01:51Wow. FYI, the BBC does not condone drinking from urinals.
0:01:51 > 0:01:53But we did fill his bottle here with urinal water
0:01:53 > 0:01:55to make him feel at home.
0:01:55 > 0:01:57Only the best for our beasts.
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Right, moving on. Who's going to try and capture our spider's heart
0:02:01 > 0:02:03with a pint glass and piece of paper?
0:02:03 > 0:02:09My name's Teri. I'm also known as Teriness or Pussycat.
0:02:09 > 0:02:12I love Pussycat because I've got a pussycat
0:02:12 > 0:02:17and she's my little girl, so because I'm her mummy, I'm mummy Pussycat.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20I like her.
0:02:20 > 0:02:23# I'm a little yellow fish in the deep blue sea... #
0:02:23 > 0:02:26This fish-faced funster is Teri from Doncaster
0:02:26 > 0:02:28and she's not really a cat.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31I do get upset when people say I'm not a cat...
0:02:31 > 0:02:32Oh.
0:02:32 > 0:02:35But, even if they believe I'm not a cat, I like them
0:02:35 > 0:02:37just to humour me and be like, "Ah, OK, you're a cat."
0:02:37 > 0:02:39Hiss! Meow. Purr.
0:02:39 > 0:02:41Sure, and what does a cat do for a career?
0:02:41 > 0:02:43I'm a barista.
0:02:43 > 0:02:47It sounds like I do something really important, but I just make coffee.
0:02:47 > 0:02:48Really badly.
0:02:48 > 0:02:49You don't just make coffee.
0:02:49 > 0:02:52You're a woman who thinks she's a cat making coffee.
0:02:52 > 0:02:53Do you know what, I think I love her.
0:02:53 > 0:02:56It's time to bring out Teri's friend, Tish, who happens to be
0:02:56 > 0:02:58afraid of masks.
0:02:58 > 0:02:59Oh, my God, wait there.
0:02:59 > 0:03:01We can see you!
0:03:02 > 0:03:06On top of the cat thing, Teri and Tish are unofficially married
0:03:06 > 0:03:08and refer to each other as wife.
0:03:08 > 0:03:10This is getting complicated.
0:03:10 > 0:03:12Oh, my God.
0:03:14 > 0:03:17I thought you were going to be a cat.
0:03:17 > 0:03:19- Oh, God. - I'm a fish.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21- You are not a fish. - I'll be a catfish.
0:03:21 > 0:03:24- Mate, he's not going to pick you. - I know.
0:03:24 > 0:03:26- Look at you. - I'm mental as well.
0:03:26 > 0:03:29So if Tish is Teri's wife, how will that affect the relationship?
0:03:29 > 0:03:32She were here first, wasn't she?
0:03:32 > 0:03:34- Exactly. We won't get divorced. - No.
0:03:34 > 0:03:36Glad to hear it.
0:03:36 > 0:03:38Now let's meet the next lady hoping to be the Mary Jane
0:03:38 > 0:03:41to Spider-dam's - ha-ha - Peter Parker.
0:03:41 > 0:03:45I would describe myself as fun, outgoing
0:03:45 > 0:03:47and I don't take myself too seriously.
0:03:47 > 0:03:50Especially with a face like this.
0:03:50 > 0:03:52That's where I put my staples!
0:03:52 > 0:03:56# I'm friends with the monster that's under my bed
0:03:56 > 0:03:58# Get along with the voices... #
0:03:58 > 0:04:01Meet Sami, a front of house manager from Ascot
0:04:01 > 0:04:03and Frankenstein's latest creation.
0:04:03 > 0:04:06I'd like the guy to just come up with some random ideas, do something
0:04:06 > 0:04:10crazy like hot air ballooning or something just out of the ordinary.
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Does drinking from a urinal count?
0:04:12 > 0:04:15Other than craziness, what else does she look for in a guy?
0:04:15 > 0:04:18I am automatically just attracted to blue eyes.
0:04:19 > 0:04:21Well, that's a little bit eye-ist, I think.
0:04:21 > 0:04:23Let's bring in her friend Kayleigh to see what
0:04:23 > 0:04:26she thinks of Sami's make over.
0:04:26 > 0:04:28SHE SCREAMS
0:04:28 > 0:04:31Oh, my God. Sami, you actually look horrendous.
0:04:31 > 0:04:33What have they done to your head?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Oh, my God, that's actually scary.
0:04:35 > 0:04:37So what's Sami like, then, Kayleigh?
0:04:37 > 0:04:42Sami loves to get drunk and dance everywhere.
0:04:42 > 0:04:44That's my plan. To wow, wow the men.
0:04:44 > 0:04:47But it does attract the wrong kind of...
0:04:47 > 0:04:50kind of people we want the attention from.
0:04:50 > 0:04:53When we get excited, we just do a little thing like...
0:04:53 > 0:04:54- Oh! - THUD
0:04:54 > 0:04:56This fell out...!
0:04:56 > 0:04:59While the sound man bills Kayleigh for the broken microphone,
0:04:59 > 0:05:01we should meet our final flirtatious filly.
0:05:02 > 0:05:05I'm a really odd girl in person. I am.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08I want to try English guys.
0:05:10 > 0:05:12# She bangs, she bangs
0:05:12 > 0:05:13# Oh, baby, when she moves... #
0:05:13 > 0:05:15It's our first Venezuelan Sexy Beast.
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Hola to singer and dancer, Sofia.
0:05:19 > 0:05:22So what does our Venez-ualien want from a date?
0:05:23 > 0:05:26Something really spontaneous will be perfect.
0:05:26 > 0:05:30Like drinking from a urinal? No? OK.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33Now, sadly, Sofia's friend pulled out at the last minute
0:05:33 > 0:05:36and her other chums can't just pop over from Venezuela,
0:05:36 > 0:05:39especially as BBC Three's budget has, well...
0:05:39 > 0:05:40it's all gone, really.
0:05:40 > 0:05:45So instead, using the magic of television, here's another Sofia.
0:05:45 > 0:05:49Oh... Oh, my God!
0:05:49 > 0:05:50Look at that.
0:05:50 > 0:05:55What do you think? Sexy, isn't it?
0:05:55 > 0:05:58It is awful. I have to say.
0:05:58 > 0:06:01I know. It is not me at all.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04But way better than when you just wake up.
0:06:04 > 0:06:08Oh, how cheeky! You do know you look exactly the same?
0:06:09 > 0:06:13So, three beautiful monstrosities and one creepy-crawly crumpet.
0:06:13 > 0:06:17Their true identities will only be revealed when the dating is done.
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Relying purely on personality,
0:06:19 > 0:06:23the trio of terrors have just ten minutes to woo Adam.
0:06:23 > 0:06:26Who will he pick and who will he flush down the plughole?
0:06:26 > 0:06:27Let the speed dates begin.
0:06:29 > 0:06:32SONG: "Three Women" by Jack White
0:06:32 > 0:06:36When the speed dates are over, Adam will brush one of the ladies away
0:06:36 > 0:06:37like a cobweb.
0:06:39 > 0:06:44And Sami's in first. Will she manage to have Adam in stitches?
0:06:44 > 0:06:47- Hi.- Hello. You all right? - Oh, my God, you're so scary!
0:06:47 > 0:06:49Really? Do you like spiders? Are you all right?
0:06:49 > 0:06:51- Yes. How are you? - Yeah, I'm all right.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53- Apart from looking ugly? - Ugly?
0:06:53 > 0:06:56This is my present from me to you. This is a coconut.
0:06:56 > 0:06:57- Can you hold it? - Yeah.
0:06:57 > 0:06:59Slightly condescending, Sami.
0:06:59 > 0:07:02Yeah, she got me a coconut which was, er, really random.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05I do like coconuts, though. But erm... Yeah, it was good.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07I like coconuts.
0:07:07 > 0:07:09- Basically, I love coconut oil. - All right, OK.
0:07:09 > 0:07:12- I use it on all my cooking. So... - Yeah?
0:07:12 > 0:07:14- Yeah. You want to fry some chicken, fry some fish.- Coconut?
0:07:14 > 0:07:17Yeah, it's really healthy, it's better than olive oil.
0:07:17 > 0:07:18- Can I touch you? - Yeah, go on, touch me.
0:07:18 > 0:07:19SHE MOANS
0:07:19 > 0:07:21- It's quite hairy, that. - Yeah.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23These are like... Do you like my hands?
0:07:23 > 0:07:24- Quite weird, innit?- Spiky.
0:07:24 > 0:07:27Tell me a little bit about yourself, then. What sort of girl are you?
0:07:27 > 0:07:30- Me? What sort of girl I am? - Yeah, what kind of girl...
0:07:30 > 0:07:31- Crazy. - Go on.
0:07:31 > 0:07:32- I love... - Yes?
0:07:32 > 0:07:34- I love... - Yes?
0:07:34 > 0:07:36- I love the gym. - Oh.
0:07:36 > 0:07:38I love food, so I eat loads.
0:07:38 > 0:07:41OK, so there's this place near where I live and you just have desserts.
0:07:41 > 0:07:45I not only had an Oreo sundae, I also, I had cookie dough.
0:07:45 > 0:07:46Afterwards, we were like,
0:07:46 > 0:07:48"We need something savoury to balance it out."
0:07:48 > 0:07:50So, we went to McDonald's, had two cheeseburgers.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Oh, my God. You can eat, can't you?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55Do you like a girl that has a good diet and eats lots as well?
0:07:55 > 0:07:58- Definitely, I like the...- Or would you prefer a girl that's
0:07:58 > 0:07:59going to sit there with a salad, cos...
0:07:59 > 0:08:02I don't mind... Er... I don't really...
0:08:02 > 0:08:03I don't... Mmm.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06Yeah, well, she eats so much, doesn't she?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Yeah, she probably eats more than me, I think.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09I don't eat that much.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Yeah, just the odd housefly and occasional wasp.
0:08:12 > 0:08:16Would you let me wear this in the bedroom?
0:08:16 > 0:08:19What?! You can't ask a girl that, I don't think she wants to...
0:08:19 > 0:08:20- Yeah.- Oh...
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- Cool.- The hairier the better. - Yeah?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25Yeah, I've gotta ask them all now, that question.
0:08:25 > 0:08:28Yeah, she'd be up for it, she's bang up for that.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30- Only if I could look like this. - Yeah.
0:08:30 > 0:08:31- Yeah? - Quality, yeah.
0:08:31 > 0:08:32This is getting weird.
0:08:32 > 0:08:35I think it went really well, actually. I was quite surprised.
0:08:35 > 0:08:39He was really, kind of, calm and really relaxed,
0:08:39 > 0:08:41so that helped, so conversation was flowing.
0:08:41 > 0:08:43So Adam and Sami seemed to get on well,
0:08:43 > 0:08:46but he still has two ladies to sink his fangs into.
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Next, it's Teri.
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- How are you? - I'm good, how are you?
0:08:50 > 0:08:51I'm good, yeah. What are you meant to be?
0:08:51 > 0:08:53I were hoping they were going to do me as a cat.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57They done me as a fish, so... I'm going to say I'm a catfish.
0:08:57 > 0:08:59A catfish. Let me just feel that.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00- A catfish. - BELL RINGS
0:09:00 > 0:09:03Oh, my God! Hmm, they look lovely. I've got ones here, look.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04Touch mine.
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- SQUEAKS - Oh, my God.
0:09:06 > 0:09:08I look really sad with this mask on, as well.
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- You do look really sad.- I'm smiling underneath, I promise ya.
0:09:11 > 0:09:13You're smiling. Are you a happy person?
0:09:13 > 0:09:15- I'm very happy, yeah. - What do you do, for a job and that?
0:09:15 > 0:09:16- I make coffee. - You make coffee?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18Yeah. Like, all different ones... Like...
0:09:18 > 0:09:21You actually make coffee or you actually work in a coffee house?
0:09:21 > 0:09:23- I work in a coffee house, so... - Oh, right.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25- I've got to ask you a question. - Oh, go on, then.- Do you like cats?
0:09:25 > 0:09:27- Cats?- Yes. - Yeah, they're all right.
0:09:27 > 0:09:30Yes! Get in. Because I think I'm a cat.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32- You think you're a cat? - Yeah, on like...
0:09:32 > 0:09:35- Really?- I'll hiss, I'll meow. - Really?
0:09:35 > 0:09:36Yeah, what was that about?
0:09:36 > 0:09:39She thinks she's a cat? I didn't really get that, but, er...
0:09:39 > 0:09:41that could be kind of fun to sort of find out.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44I'll just see her crawling about on the floor, that'll be quite funny.
0:09:44 > 0:09:46On all fours. I'll give her a little bowl of milk.
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Er... Would you ever wear masks like this in bed?
0:09:49 > 0:09:51- In what? - Oh, not again, Adam!
0:09:51 > 0:09:53Would you ever wear a mask like this in bed?
0:09:53 > 0:09:54As in, like, lovemaking.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57I'd do it. Yeah. Just the once.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Just to be crazy.
0:09:58 > 0:10:02I can't believe how well that uncouth question's going down!
0:10:02 > 0:10:04Anyway, thoughts on the date?
0:10:04 > 0:10:08It kind of flowed quite well, the conversation, it...it kept going.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10And you, Adam?
0:10:10 > 0:10:11I hope she's not bald.
0:10:11 > 0:10:14Because she looked bald, but she must have hair.
0:10:14 > 0:10:19Great. Let's bring on the blue and brainy Venezuely.
0:10:19 > 0:10:22Nice to meet you.
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Your head looks like a brain.
0:10:23 > 0:10:26- It is...yeah. - What are you meant to be?
0:10:26 > 0:10:29- I don't know.- You don't know what you're meant to be?
0:10:29 > 0:10:33I do, I do know, it's my brain, it's coming out and...
0:10:33 > 0:10:34- You got a big brain? - Yes.
0:10:34 > 0:10:36- Are you intelligent? - Yes, yeah.
0:10:36 > 0:10:37And modest.
0:10:37 > 0:10:40I brought you something. This is a Venezuelan chocolate, um...
0:10:40 > 0:10:43Oh, yeah, I love chocolate. Where's that from? Where's your country?
0:10:43 > 0:10:45Venezuela.
0:10:45 > 0:10:46- Oh, Venezuela. - Yes, South America.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49- Where abouts is that then? Oh, America?- Yes. Yes.
0:10:49 > 0:10:51Oh, wow, I've been to America. I've been to New York.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Er... Really? When?
0:10:53 > 0:10:55- Is it in America? - No.
0:10:55 > 0:10:57- Yeah. - No. No. South America.
0:10:57 > 0:10:59- Is it South America? - Yes.
0:10:59 > 0:11:03People usually know about my country a lot
0:11:03 > 0:11:06cos it's on the news all the time.
0:11:06 > 0:11:07In Venezuela!
0:11:07 > 0:11:10But it is... It doesn't bother me at all.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13I could help him, don't worry.
0:11:13 > 0:11:14Ah, she's lovely!
0:11:14 > 0:11:18But there's that one awful question playing on Adam's dirty mind.
0:11:18 > 0:11:21In the bedroom, yeah, would you let me wear this mask?
0:11:22 > 0:11:23What for?
0:11:23 > 0:11:27Like, just, as in, like, a sexual encounter. Would you let me wear it?
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Oh. Oh, God.
0:11:30 > 0:11:32- Did I shock you a little bit? - That's a tough one.
0:11:32 > 0:11:35- Is that a tough one, is it? - Yes. Definitely no.
0:11:35 > 0:11:37- You're saying no? - I don't think so, no.
0:11:37 > 0:11:40- Oh, no. - Thank the lord, Sofia.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43God. How could you possibly ask that?
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Yeah, I think I freaked her out with the, er,
0:11:46 > 0:11:47with the mask question a little bit.
0:11:47 > 0:11:51If I wanted to have sex with, with a spider, I would...
0:11:51 > 0:11:55Well, anyway, forget it.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57So, two out of three ain't bad. But, yeah.
0:11:59 > 0:12:03Our malformed madams have all had their turn at seducing the spider
0:12:03 > 0:12:06and he must now tell one of them fangs, but no fangs.
0:12:06 > 0:12:08Hello, ladies.
0:12:08 > 0:12:09- ALL:- Hello.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12To which one of these revolty girls is he about to say,
0:12:12 > 0:12:14"I'll tarantu-later"?
0:12:16 > 0:12:17Will it be Sofia?
0:12:17 > 0:12:20Sure, she's brainy, but when it comes to bonking in a mask,
0:12:20 > 0:12:24she was the only girl to give the saucy spider the brush off.
0:12:25 > 0:12:30Will crazy Sami's eating habits mean Adam finds her hard to digest?
0:12:30 > 0:12:35Or will fishy-faced barista cat Teri be shown the cat flap?
0:12:35 > 0:12:38Who is your money spider on?
0:12:38 > 0:12:41Three lovely dates. Enjoyed all of them.
0:12:43 > 0:12:49Teri - great girl, easy to talk to, a few things in common, I liked.
0:12:49 > 0:12:53Er, but I'm a bit worried that you're bald underneath that.
0:12:54 > 0:12:56So that's...
0:12:57 > 0:13:01Sami. Another great date. Conversation went really well,
0:13:01 > 0:13:03easy to talk to again.
0:13:03 > 0:13:06But I'm a bit worried you eat so much that
0:13:06 > 0:13:09if we had a second date, it'd just cost me, like, the bomb.
0:13:09 > 0:13:11I'd go 50/50.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13Maybe.
0:13:13 > 0:13:17Sofia. Again, you're a lovely girl but I think you're kind of shy.
0:13:17 > 0:13:21- Oh, really?- Yeah. With the mask thing, I don't...
0:13:21 > 0:13:23you said you wouldn't want me in the bedroom with it on. So...
0:13:23 > 0:13:26- Oh, really? - Yeah. So that's a thing.
0:13:28 > 0:13:31I wish I could take you all home. I really do.
0:13:31 > 0:13:32But I've made my decision.
0:13:33 > 0:13:37Er... The beast I'm binning is...
0:13:44 > 0:13:46- ..Sami. - Oh, no!
0:13:46 > 0:13:49Oh, no, Sofia.
0:13:49 > 0:13:51That was the one. Not you.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53Adam!
0:13:53 > 0:13:56- You, Sofia.- Quick, fire up Sofia's exit music!
0:13:58 > 0:14:01# I'm gonna send him to outer space... #
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Oh, my God! I can't believe I said the wrong girl's name.
0:14:04 > 0:14:06I was trying to do the whole, like, trick the girl
0:14:06 > 0:14:07and say the other name.
0:14:07 > 0:14:11But I actually looked at the girl and said the one I was looking at.
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Dreadful.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15I would like to say something in Spanish - te lo pierdas,
0:14:15 > 0:14:17which means, you miss it. I'm sorry.
0:14:17 > 0:14:18Oh, no.
0:14:18 > 0:14:24I think when my mask comes out, he will be really disappointed
0:14:24 > 0:14:26and he will regret it, maybe.
0:14:26 > 0:14:27Well, let's find out.
0:14:27 > 0:14:31Before our Venez-ualien goes back to her singing and dancing,
0:14:31 > 0:14:33let's see what the true Sofia looks like.
0:14:38 > 0:14:39Ay Caramba!
0:14:44 > 0:14:47Remind me, what was Adam's ideal look again?
0:14:47 > 0:14:50I like brunette girls, they're probably my favourite.
0:14:50 > 0:14:53Yeah, sort of like dark eyes, I like dark skinned girls, as well.
0:14:53 > 0:14:56That's a big whoops, Adam, innit? Whoops!
0:14:58 > 0:15:01Time for the remaining mask wearers to see for the first time
0:15:01 > 0:15:04what he's missed out on.
0:15:04 > 0:15:05Oh, my God.
0:15:05 > 0:15:07- She's so pretty. - You're stunning.
0:15:07 > 0:15:08What do you think?
0:15:08 > 0:15:11Te lo perdiste, you've missed it, or...or you don't...?
0:15:11 > 0:15:14Oh, no. Oh, my God, like, gutted.
0:15:15 > 0:15:19She had everything, like, everywhere. It was well good. Oh!
0:15:19 > 0:15:21For now, Adam has to keep his furry chin up
0:15:21 > 0:15:24and take Teri and Sami on their second dates.
0:15:24 > 0:15:28Afterwards, he'll have to choose one of them to be his Sexy Beast.
0:15:28 > 0:15:31No time to lose. Sami, you're up first.
0:15:35 > 0:15:38Spidey and Stitch Face are ignoring the fact that they're
0:15:38 > 0:15:44in sunny Brighton and instead are venturing down into a basement
0:15:44 > 0:15:47to try their hand at...
0:15:49 > 0:15:50..pottery.
0:15:50 > 0:15:52So, this is a pottery wheel.
0:15:52 > 0:15:55A few words of advice from expert Kate.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58You're just gently feeling the clay.
0:15:58 > 0:16:00Right, well, I know where this is going.
0:16:00 > 0:16:03Will anything they say not be an innuendo?
0:16:03 > 0:16:04Get your hands round it.
0:16:04 > 0:16:07Oh, I've got a little, er... Something's going on inside there.
0:16:07 > 0:16:09Urgh! What is that in the middle? Do you want some help?
0:16:09 > 0:16:12- Yeah, I think I need a hand. - Am I allowed to help?
0:16:12 > 0:16:15Can you put your finger in the middle?
0:16:15 > 0:16:16That's two fingers, OK.
0:16:16 > 0:16:17Oh, God.
0:16:19 > 0:16:23Sami's turn. Will she do better than Adam's slippery poo?
0:16:23 > 0:16:26Start off nice and slow. Is this right?
0:16:26 > 0:16:27Can I put my fingers in it?
0:16:27 > 0:16:30Not yet. No, not yet, hold your horses.
0:16:30 > 0:16:31Here we go again!
0:16:31 > 0:16:35Now, don't look now, Sami, but there's a spider right behind you.
0:16:35 > 0:16:37SONG: "Unchained Melody" by Righteous Brothers
0:16:37 > 0:16:39Can I stick 'em in yet?
0:16:39 > 0:16:43Yep. OK, you hold it. I'm going to get more water.
0:16:43 > 0:16:45What about... How's this, then?
0:16:45 > 0:16:46Ahhh. I wonder what they're making?
0:16:46 > 0:16:49- Adam! - What?
0:16:49 > 0:16:51- What is that? - It's a lighthouse.
0:16:51 > 0:16:52Yes, of course it is.
0:16:52 > 0:16:55And I guess every lighthouse needs some rocks.
0:16:55 > 0:16:58- Make it bigger.- OK.
0:16:58 > 0:17:00- Oh, God. I like that. - Is that better?
0:17:00 > 0:17:02Mm-hm. Yeah.
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Never done pottery before, ever. So that was, like, that's an experience.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07I think I'm quite good, as well.
0:17:07 > 0:17:09I think I made a pretty good lighthouse.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Erm, I'm not quite sure what he was trying to insinuate with
0:17:11 > 0:17:16the shape of the lighthouse, but it was definitely interesting.
0:17:16 > 0:17:17Well, Sami, it's a penis.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23So are you going to do pottery again after this?
0:17:23 > 0:17:25Yeah. I quite like it.
0:17:25 > 0:17:27I can't imagine why.
0:17:27 > 0:17:30Let's all cool down a bit over a post date cup of tea.
0:17:31 > 0:17:33So we're drinking tea. Do you like tea?
0:17:33 > 0:17:36I do love tea. I like it sugary and milky.
0:17:36 > 0:17:37- Hmmm. - Coffee drinker?
0:17:37 > 0:17:40- Yeah, I am, actually. - Yeah. Iced coffee?
0:17:40 > 0:17:42- Never tried it.- Never tried it? You've got to try it.
0:17:42 > 0:17:45- I have one every single morning. - Yeah?- Yeah. Vanilla iced coffee.
0:17:45 > 0:17:47They just make a really good one at work
0:17:47 > 0:17:48so I just get it every morning, yeah.
0:17:48 > 0:17:50- Oh, yeah, you work at a coffee shop, don't you?- No.
0:17:50 > 0:17:53Adam! That's the wrong girl!
0:17:53 > 0:17:54I make coffee.
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Have his chances of bi-urinal drinking with Sami gone up in smoke?
0:17:58 > 0:17:59I work in a gym.
0:17:59 > 0:18:02- Oh. Yeah, that's the one. - There is coffee there.
0:18:02 > 0:18:06Lucky escape. Now move on and don't do anything else embarrassing.
0:18:09 > 0:18:11It ain't going to work, is it?
0:18:11 > 0:18:12Like that.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14I might dip my fangs in it.
0:18:14 > 0:18:16Go on. That's not going to work. No.
0:18:16 > 0:18:19Not going to work, is it? Need a straw or something.
0:18:19 > 0:18:21- I've got a good question for you. - Go on, then.
0:18:21 > 0:18:25Would you rather eat poo-flavoured chocolate,
0:18:25 > 0:18:28or chocolate-flavoured poo?
0:18:28 > 0:18:32What? Chocolate-flavoured poo or poo-flavoured chocolate?
0:18:32 > 0:18:35Yeah. You've got to think about that, don't you?
0:18:35 > 0:18:36Mm-hm. Chocolate-flavoured poo.
0:18:36 > 0:18:38You would rather eat chocolate-flavoured poo?
0:18:38 > 0:18:41- Me too. Everyone thinks I'm weird for that, though.- Yeah.
0:18:41 > 0:18:43- Cos at least you've got the taste of chocolate in your mouth.- Yeah.
0:18:43 > 0:18:48But you're still eating actual faeces. Oh, the youth of today.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Hopefully, I think the chances of him picking me
0:18:51 > 0:18:53as his Sexy Beast are quite high.
0:18:53 > 0:18:56So, fingers crossed it'll all be good.
0:18:56 > 0:18:59Franken-Sami is confident she's done enough,
0:18:59 > 0:19:02but Adam has one more lady to see.
0:19:02 > 0:19:05Will Teri manage to spin a web of desire?
0:19:06 > 0:19:09If there's one place to do such a thing, it's out and about
0:19:09 > 0:19:10around Brighton Pier.
0:19:10 > 0:19:13- Right, you know how I've got a wife? - Yeah.
0:19:13 > 0:19:14Have you got a husband?
0:19:14 > 0:19:17No, I ain't got a husband. Not really into men.
0:19:17 > 0:19:20First on their dating to-do list is a classic seaside game
0:19:20 > 0:19:24of crazy golf. And neither of them have ever played before.
0:19:24 > 0:19:27Do you have to start this... Which one? 18?
0:19:27 > 0:19:28No, start at number one. Where's one?
0:19:28 > 0:19:31I don't even know how you hold a golfing club.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33Well, that's good.
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Oh, that's well good.
0:19:36 > 0:19:37A crowd seem to be gathering.
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Have they never seen a fish play a spider at golf before?
0:19:40 > 0:19:44- Crazy golf with a crazy cat lady. - Yes, crazy cat crazy golf.
0:19:44 > 0:19:46I THINK Teri's enjoying herself.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49I'm such a smiley person, and this face,
0:19:49 > 0:19:52this mask, it just does not reflect who I am at all.
0:19:52 > 0:19:54Go on. Give us your biggest smile.
0:19:54 > 0:19:55Urgh.
0:19:55 > 0:19:59Time to move on from golf and crank this date up a notch.
0:19:59 > 0:20:00To the roller coaster!
0:20:03 > 0:20:05So, do you like roller coasters? Are you scared of them?
0:20:05 > 0:20:07- Roller coasters are my favourite ride.- Are they?- Yeah.
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Oh, you ain't scared, then.
0:20:09 > 0:20:10This should give them a good chance
0:20:10 > 0:20:12to get to know each other a little better.
0:20:12 > 0:20:15Adam, would you care to get the conversation started?
0:20:16 > 0:20:19HE SCREAMS
0:20:19 > 0:20:23Pretty manly. Teri, anything to say about that?
0:20:23 > 0:20:24Well?
0:20:24 > 0:20:25SHE SCREAMS
0:20:27 > 0:20:29And any last words, Adam?
0:20:29 > 0:20:30HE SCREAMS
0:20:30 > 0:20:33Great. OK, well, not the best place to chat.
0:20:33 > 0:20:35- It was scary, wasn't it? - Yeah.
0:20:36 > 0:20:40Time for a proper seaside sit-down to reflect on the date.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Adam, you've got a, you've got a little bit of, erm...
0:20:45 > 0:20:47You've, erm... Forget it.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Would you dress up as a cat for me?
0:20:49 > 0:20:52For you? Yeah, I'll dress up as a cat.
0:20:52 > 0:20:54- Yes!- We can be cats together. We can prance around...
0:20:54 > 0:20:56- Yeah, we'll be cats together.- Yeah.
0:20:56 > 0:20:59- We'll have our own little cat family.- I could be, like, the, er...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01the cat from across the road and, like, you know, be the cool one,
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- you know.- I'm a cool cat. - No, I'll be the cool cat.
0:21:03 > 0:21:04Oh, how sweet.
0:21:04 > 0:21:05ALARM SOUNDS
0:21:05 > 0:21:08Dating is over!
0:21:08 > 0:21:10And I smell a decision in the air.
0:21:13 > 0:21:16Who will be Adam's Sexy Beast?
0:21:17 > 0:21:19Will it be Sami?
0:21:19 > 0:21:23She would eat poo, but she also knows how to erect a lighthouse.
0:21:24 > 0:21:26Or will he pick Teri?
0:21:26 > 0:21:30She thinks she's a cat... and she thinks she's a cat.
0:21:30 > 0:21:34But she does think she's a cat.
0:21:34 > 0:21:37Time to find out just how his spider senses are tingling,
0:21:37 > 0:21:40and then it's bye to the masks and hello to the faces.
0:21:46 > 0:21:49- Hello, girls. Are you all right? Yeah?- Yes.
0:21:49 > 0:21:52Good. It was great. I had fun, both dates.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Erm... This is going to be so hard.
0:21:54 > 0:22:00Er... Sami. Great girl, you are a lovely girl. We had fun.
0:22:00 > 0:22:04Probably the pottery date wasn't my perfect idea for a good date,
0:22:04 > 0:22:07but I still had fun. We still... It was a laugh.
0:22:07 > 0:22:11Teri. I think we got on well, we clicked, erm...
0:22:11 > 0:22:13A little bit freaky, the cat thing.
0:22:13 > 0:22:17I'm not going to lie, not going to lie. A bit freaky.
0:22:17 > 0:22:19But maybe, maybe we could get past it.
0:22:19 > 0:22:21This is the hardest decision to make,
0:22:21 > 0:22:23cos I genuinely enjoyed both dates.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26But I've made my decision.
0:22:27 > 0:22:29Hopefully I'm going to get the name right this time.
0:22:29 > 0:22:31Hopefully.
0:22:33 > 0:22:35But my Sexy Beast is...
0:22:37 > 0:22:41Sami or Teri? Teri or Sami?
0:22:41 > 0:22:44Salmon teriyaki. Kiri Te Kanawa-nawa.
0:22:44 > 0:22:47Sorry, I'm not sure what happened there.
0:22:47 > 0:22:51It's time for Adam to decide who he wants to be his spider girl.
0:22:58 > 0:22:59Teri.
0:22:59 > 0:23:02Yes! You have got the name right, haven't you?
0:23:02 > 0:23:05Yeah. That is the right name, that is the right name.
0:23:05 > 0:23:07Well, there you go. The woman who thinks she's a cat
0:23:07 > 0:23:10and the man who drinks from urinals and would eat a poo.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Purrr-fect.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16I'm really, really happy to be Adam's Sexy Beast.
0:23:16 > 0:23:19Although I don't look happy, but I am.
0:23:19 > 0:23:22No, you don't. What about you, Sami? Any regrets?
0:23:22 > 0:23:24Looking back, it definitely wasn't an error
0:23:24 > 0:23:27talking about chocolate-flavoured poo or poo-flavoured chocolate
0:23:27 > 0:23:30because that's something that runs through my mind all the time.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31So I've got to put it out there.
0:23:31 > 0:23:34If it doesn't come out at the beginning, it's going to come out
0:23:34 > 0:23:36at some point, so... Yeah, no, no regrets.
0:23:36 > 0:23:40Right. Soon we'll remove the legs from the spider, but in a nice way.
0:23:40 > 0:23:43For now, though, we get to stare at the real Sami.
0:23:43 > 0:23:45Her patchwork quilt of a face has been undone
0:23:45 > 0:23:48and the babe from Berkshire is bared to behold.
0:23:48 > 0:23:51SONG: "Total Eclipse Of The Heart" by Bonnie Tyler
0:23:57 > 0:23:59She can make me coffee any day - ha!
0:23:59 > 0:24:01Oh, no, that was Teri, wasn't it? Sorry.
0:24:01 > 0:24:04Her monster make-up is removed and the wait is over.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08Will Adam's lighthouse collapse with regret once he sees the real Sami?
0:24:08 > 0:24:10Well, let's see.
0:24:10 > 0:24:12Sami gets to stare back at the real Adam, too,
0:24:12 > 0:24:14though, at home, you must wait a little longer.
0:24:14 > 0:24:17- Oh, my God. - Oh, God.
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Oh, my God.
0:24:18 > 0:24:20You look nothing like I thought you looked like.
0:24:20 > 0:24:21Neither do you.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23- Don't I? - Oh, my God. When...
0:24:23 > 0:24:26When you said you had tattoos, I didn't realise you had that many.
0:24:26 > 0:24:28Oh, yeah, there's loads. There's loads of tattoos.
0:24:28 > 0:24:30- Oh, my gosh. Hi, nice to meet you. - Hiya.
0:24:30 > 0:24:33I've learnt always to be myself.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35Like I said before, this whole way through, I've been myself
0:24:35 > 0:24:39and he didn't really like me for that. I don't know why.
0:24:39 > 0:24:41But I'll continue to be myself.
0:24:41 > 0:24:45But also maybe to think outside the box a little bit more.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48I was stuck in my blue-eyed box. I do like blue eyes...
0:24:48 > 0:24:51'OK. While Sami finished the world's longest sentence,
0:24:51 > 0:24:52'let's move on to our winner.'
0:24:54 > 0:24:57We're all dying to know what the real Teri looks like.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01Personally, I'm thinking short-tailed tabby. Here we go.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04SONG: "Memory" by Elaine Paige
0:25:08 > 0:25:13She looks Teri-ific. And there are the cat ears. Meow!
0:25:15 > 0:25:19Adam has a treat in store when he sees Teri in all her Teri-ness.
0:25:20 > 0:25:21And fast-talking Adam's about to
0:25:21 > 0:25:24have a very speedy make over himself.
0:25:24 > 0:25:26Goodbye eight legs and six eyes
0:25:26 > 0:25:29and hello to the normal amount of facial features.
0:25:29 > 0:25:31Don't make me list them.
0:25:34 > 0:25:37# So take a look at me now... #
0:25:37 > 0:25:39And what features they are!
0:25:41 > 0:25:44He's a handsome chap with a handsome number of tattoos.
0:25:44 > 0:25:47Teri will be like the catfish that got the cream
0:25:47 > 0:25:48when the curtain falls.
0:25:53 > 0:25:57Oh, my God. Hiya. You look nothing like I thought you'd look like.
0:25:57 > 0:26:00You don't look like anything I thought you'd look like.
0:26:00 > 0:26:02- Really?- Yeah. - Everyone says that.
0:26:02 > 0:26:04- Oh, you look lovely, though.- You look very nice.
0:26:06 > 0:26:07Thanks.
0:26:07 > 0:26:08MUSIC STOPS
0:26:10 > 0:26:12Are you going to just, er... stand there?
0:26:12 > 0:26:14Oh... Here, come on.
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- Give me a hug. - Do you want a hug?- Yeah.
0:26:17 > 0:26:18That's better.
0:26:18 > 0:26:21I do fancy Adam. He's got such a gorgeous smile.
0:26:21 > 0:26:23He's got such a nice body.
0:26:23 > 0:26:26I hope I get to see more of his tattoos.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28I chose Teri cos I was hoping she was brunette.
0:26:28 > 0:26:31I just had that in my head. I was sure she was brunette.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33But she weren't.
0:26:33 > 0:26:36I'd probably rate them in order I knocked them out.
0:26:36 > 0:26:40It was Sofia first, then Sami and then Teri.
0:26:40 > 0:26:43Hmmmm. I don't think he gets the idea of this show,
0:26:43 > 0:26:46but you never know, there was that rather sweet hug.
0:26:46 > 0:26:47Eventually.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50So, with their faces back as nature intended,
0:26:50 > 0:26:55are their names etched on Cupid's arrow ready to be fired?
0:26:56 > 0:26:58Well, we have means of finding out.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00Welcome to the "Will They, Won't They?" bar.
0:27:00 > 0:27:03If Adam and Teri want to see one another again
0:27:03 > 0:27:05then all they have to do is show up.
0:27:05 > 0:27:09And then have sex with their masks on, I think.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13You could cut the atmosphere with a claw. Will anyone show?
0:27:15 > 0:27:16It's Teri!
0:27:17 > 0:27:22Of course, the cat wants to play with the spider, it makes sense.
0:27:22 > 0:27:24But what about Adam?
0:27:24 > 0:27:28Does he see a future with genetically spliced half cat,
0:27:28 > 0:27:30half human children?
0:27:30 > 0:27:33- No. - Is he not coming? Why?
0:27:33 > 0:27:34Sorry, Teri.
0:27:34 > 0:27:38His reason for not showing, and it's nothing to do with cats,
0:27:38 > 0:27:41it's just he doesn't like the fact you've got blonde hair.
0:27:41 > 0:27:45I haven't. I've got naturally very dark brown hair.
0:27:46 > 0:27:47Is this all for me?
0:27:50 > 0:27:52Ah, romance.
0:27:54 > 0:27:55The dating is done
0:27:55 > 0:27:57Fare thee well, adios
0:27:57 > 0:27:59Did we find a love match?
0:27:59 > 0:28:02No, we weren't even close
0:28:02 > 0:28:05Adam, our spider, made a penis from clay
0:28:05 > 0:28:08Called it a lighthouse then blew Sami away
0:28:08 > 0:28:11But he wasn't done there, he let Teri down, too
0:28:11 > 0:28:15Popped a poo in her litter tray and got another tattoo.
0:28:15 > 0:28:17Bye-bye, everybody. Bye-bye.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21# On candy-striped legs
0:28:21 > 0:28:24# The spiderman comes
0:28:24 > 0:28:29# Softly through the shadow of the evening sun
0:28:29 > 0:28:34# Stealing past the windows of the blissfully dead
0:28:34 > 0:28:38# Looking for the victim shivering in bed
0:28:39 > 0:28:43# Searching out fear in the gathering gloom
0:28:43 > 0:28:46# And suddenly a movement... #