0:00:10 > 0:00:12POD, you've got your work cut out!
0:00:12 > 0:00:14SHE LAUGHS
0:00:14 > 0:00:17I'm Ellie Taylor and, if you're a fan of fakery, then listen up.
0:00:17 > 0:00:22Because Snog, Marry, Avoid? is on tour, and we're ready to do battle.
0:00:22 > 0:00:25Snog, Marry, Avoid's Personal Overhaul Device, POD,
0:00:25 > 0:00:28is back with a vengeance.
0:00:28 > 0:00:30What is the fakest part of you?
0:00:30 > 0:00:32My face.
0:00:32 > 0:00:36POD is hitting the streets of fake Britain with a major interface lift
0:00:36 > 0:00:37along with an attitude upgrade.
0:00:37 > 0:00:41And, be warned, she's bitchier than ever!
0:00:41 > 0:00:44POD computes you look orange.
0:00:44 > 0:00:46- SHE LAUGHS - I look brown.
0:00:46 > 0:00:47- Orange.- Brown.
0:00:47 > 0:00:49- Orange.- I look brown.
0:00:49 > 0:00:50Orange!
0:00:50 > 0:00:53Armed with new data, POD's natural beauty antennae
0:00:53 > 0:00:57- have been twitching off the scale with alarming results. - ALARM
0:00:57 > 0:00:59From Manchester to Newcastle,
0:00:59 > 0:01:01Liverpool to Cardiff,
0:01:01 > 0:01:03each week, we'll cross examine the culprits
0:01:03 > 0:01:05who've turned their backs on natural beauty.
0:01:05 > 0:01:08- BOTH:- POD, please let us in?
0:01:08 > 0:01:11In our first ever Snog, Marry, Avoid? national tour.
0:01:11 > 0:01:14What's going on here? You've got your rollers in!
0:01:14 > 0:01:16POD will also set me the challenge of personally sampling
0:01:16 > 0:01:20the very worst local style disasters.
0:01:20 > 0:01:22SHE LAUGHS WILDLY
0:01:22 > 0:01:24I am Wonder Wag!
0:01:26 > 0:01:29If you can't beat them, I suppose we have to join them.
0:01:29 > 0:01:33This week, POD and the roadshow have moved to the south-east.
0:01:33 > 0:01:34- BOTH:- Shut up!
0:01:34 > 0:01:37And a county famous for white stilettos, fake tan,
0:01:37 > 0:01:38and Jodie Marsh.
0:01:38 > 0:01:41We're in Essex!
0:01:52 > 0:01:55- Hiya, POD.- Hello, Ellie, come in. - Thank you.
0:01:58 > 0:02:02Hello, POD. We're in Essex, land of my birth.
0:02:02 > 0:02:05Ellie, POD computes some Essex girls are so orange
0:02:05 > 0:02:09they count as one of my five-a-day. Have you ever had a fake tan?
0:02:09 > 0:02:11I had one once where you had to stand in a booth,
0:02:11 > 0:02:14wear paper knickers and do that, and then gets sprayed.
0:02:14 > 0:02:17- It wasn't pretty.- It doesn't sound very glamorous.- It wasn't.
0:02:17 > 0:02:20In fact, it brings me on to your mission for today.
0:02:20 > 0:02:25You need to find out why the locals believe fake tan puts the "sex" into Essex.
0:02:25 > 0:02:28- Do I need to get my David Dickenson on?- I'd rather you didn't.
0:02:28 > 0:02:31But POD's sure you'll go to any length to complete your mission.
0:02:31 > 0:02:34A girl's gotta do what a girl's gotta do.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39A wig-wearing DJ
0:02:39 > 0:02:41who's after some natural beauty "decks" appeal.
0:02:41 > 0:02:44I think I look like a bit of a jumble sale.
0:02:44 > 0:02:48I try to blend in with the locals, with an orange Essex facial.
0:02:48 > 0:02:51That is a true Essex glow, honey.
0:02:51 > 0:02:52Oh, my God, OMG.
0:02:52 > 0:02:57And, POD meets a bleached blonde pole dancer whose mum's in despair.
0:02:57 > 0:03:01Look at what she's wearing today. It's just ridiculous, isn't it?
0:03:01 > 0:03:02Ooh!
0:03:04 > 0:03:08Whether they're vajazzling or pajazzling, or just bedazzling,
0:03:08 > 0:03:11Essex girls and guys certainly know how to catch your eye.
0:03:11 > 0:03:14Which means they won't be able to slip under POD's radar.
0:03:14 > 0:03:18Essex was once all stonewashed denims and white stilettos.
0:03:18 > 0:03:23But now, the trendsetters are sticking jewels on their Southend.
0:03:23 > 0:03:25Welcome to the home of the vajazzle.
0:03:25 > 0:03:27- BOTH:- Hi, POD!
0:03:27 > 0:03:29I'm here to do a vajazzle on my friend.
0:03:29 > 0:03:31I'm going to show you step-by-step how to do it.
0:03:31 > 0:03:35This sounds fascinating. Off you go, then.
0:03:35 > 0:03:37I've never had one myself. But, if it makes them happy,
0:03:37 > 0:03:40and it's better than it being untidy down there.
0:03:40 > 0:03:43What about if the girl had a vajazzle done especially for you,
0:03:43 > 0:03:46maybe with your name, or just your face?
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- A bit creepy, really. - To look down there,
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- and there's a glittery version of your face?- Yeah.
0:03:53 > 0:03:56What's it like, having fakery glued to your lady area?
0:03:56 > 0:03:59Ooh, sexy.
0:03:59 > 0:04:03It's like a Christmas tree. If you only get it out a few hours a year,
0:04:03 > 0:04:06- why not decorate it, innit? - HE GIGGLES
0:04:06 > 0:04:11- Have you ever experienced a man with a pajazzle?- No, I haven't no.
0:04:11 > 0:04:14What would you do if you came face to face, so to speak?
0:04:14 > 0:04:18Then I'd be a little bit concerned if he should actually be with me anyway, to be honest.
0:04:18 > 0:04:20It's for girls, not for boys.
0:04:20 > 0:04:24Pajazzle, you couldn't pay me enough money to have one, no way.
0:04:24 > 0:04:27I'm going to tell my husband about this!
0:04:27 > 0:04:29It's a bit of a waste of time. Who sees that?
0:04:29 > 0:04:31You say why? We say, why not?
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Hi, POD. I've just done a vajazzle on this gentleman.
0:04:35 > 0:04:39And he's got an arrow pointing down to his little bits.
0:04:45 > 0:04:48First up is a girl who's in a long-term relationship with fakery.
0:04:48 > 0:04:53But will an intervention by POD lead to a much-needed break-up?
0:04:57 > 0:05:00Hi, I'm Kelly, I'm 21.
0:05:00 > 0:05:03Pretty much everything is fake. Like, my hair's fake.
0:05:03 > 0:05:05The lashes. The nails.
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Nothing's really natural any more.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10My clothes and my outfits,
0:05:10 > 0:05:13I'd say they're different, they're definitely unique.
0:05:13 > 0:05:16I like my boobs out. Like a bit of bum showing. Legs.
0:05:16 > 0:05:17Everything, really.
0:05:20 > 0:05:23Living with Kelly is a nightmare. But I've seen so much of it,
0:05:23 > 0:05:26it doesn't matter what she comes down in now, it won't shock me.
0:05:26 > 0:05:28It's Kelly.
0:05:28 > 0:05:30Look at those shoes!
0:05:30 > 0:05:32KELLY LAUGHS
0:05:32 > 0:05:35I like it.
0:05:35 > 0:05:37Look at what she's wearing today.
0:05:37 > 0:05:39It's ridiculous, isn't it?
0:05:39 > 0:05:41Ooh! That door.
0:05:41 > 0:05:44She just looks absolutely hideous.
0:05:44 > 0:05:47I think she hides behind the make-up a lot.
0:05:47 > 0:05:52To be honest with you, I've not seen the real Kelly for a long, long time.
0:05:58 > 0:06:03On a night out, I am absolutely wild. I really let my hair down.
0:06:03 > 0:06:06I'm always normally first on the dancefloor.
0:06:08 > 0:06:09I love to pole dance when I'm out.
0:06:09 > 0:06:11If there is a pole, that's it, I'm there.
0:06:13 > 0:06:15I think she wears way too much make-up.
0:06:15 > 0:06:18She needs to tone it down with the tan. The cleavage, the bum.
0:06:18 > 0:06:22You've got to have one thing out, not everything out.
0:06:22 > 0:06:25POD, I need to lose the fakery. So people can see the real Kelly.
0:06:25 > 0:06:28Can you please help me? I just don't know what to do!
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Now, Kelly doesn't seem like she's a big fan of clothes,
0:06:31 > 0:06:35which is a shame, because I've got a fleece that would fit her perfectly!
0:06:35 > 0:06:37Anyway, let's go and have a chat.
0:06:37 > 0:06:39- Hello, Kelly, are you all right? - I'm good, thank you.
0:06:39 > 0:06:41- You haven't got many clothes on?- No.
0:06:41 > 0:06:43I like how you've got the long socks going up to keep you warm.
0:06:43 > 0:06:46But then you've missed this portion of your outfit.
0:06:46 > 0:06:49- I do like a bit of flesh out. - You have got quite a bit.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Talk me through your fakery routine.
0:06:52 > 0:06:55I have a sunbed for 12 minutes, that's how I get my tan.
0:06:55 > 0:06:57That's proper baked, man!
0:06:57 > 0:07:02Then, with make-up, it's foundation, powder, bronzer.
0:07:02 > 0:07:05Three different eye shadows that I use.
0:07:05 > 0:07:08And then, pencil eyeliner. Liquid eyeliner.
0:07:08 > 0:07:12Mascara. Eyebrow pencil. Lip liner.
0:07:12 > 0:07:13- VOICE FADES OUT: - Lipstick, lip-gloss...
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- DREAMLIKE VOICE: - 'Hmm, chip-shop tea tonight.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18'Battered cod or a saveloy?
0:07:18 > 0:07:21'Battered cod or a saveloy? Or maybe a pickle. No, no.
0:07:21 > 0:07:23'Nice, meaty saveloy, every time.'
0:07:23 > 0:07:26Doubled-up eyelashes, not single ones, short ones,
0:07:26 > 0:07:28it's got to be really long and thick.
0:07:28 > 0:07:30So why wide you want to come and see POD, then?
0:07:30 > 0:07:32So people can take me more seriously.
0:07:32 > 0:07:34I want more people to think, "She looks very professional."
0:07:34 > 0:07:38Instead of, "She looks tacky," all that sort of thing.
0:07:38 > 0:07:40It doesn't sound like there's any time to waste.
0:07:40 > 0:07:42- POD awaits. - I'm really excited.
0:07:47 > 0:07:50I am POD, the Personal Overhaul Device.
0:07:50 > 0:07:52Who are you?
0:07:52 > 0:07:55- I am Kelly.- Kelly?- Yes?
0:07:55 > 0:07:57Why are you dressed like a ballerina stripper?
0:07:57 > 0:08:01- KELLY LAUGHS - I'm not dressed like a ballerina stripper!
0:08:01 > 0:08:03What are you dressed like, then?
0:08:03 > 0:08:06I'd describe it as, sort of, like Barbie/Essex/princess.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09- There's a lot of slashing going on. - Yeah.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12Not a lot of style. KELLY GIGGLES
0:08:12 > 0:08:14Why have you come to POD for a make-under?
0:08:14 > 0:08:18I want to prove to people that I'm not just a typical blonde.
0:08:18 > 0:08:21Well, you're not a natural blonde. So are you a dumb blonde?
0:08:21 > 0:08:24No! I'm not a dumb blonde, POD, I think I'm quite intelligent.
0:08:24 > 0:08:28- Prove it, tell me something interesting.- Um...
0:08:28 > 0:08:29To put eyelashes on.
0:08:29 > 0:08:31SHE GIGGLES
0:08:31 > 0:08:36Let's just move on, Kelly. Should we find out what the general public think of your look?
0:08:36 > 0:08:38- Yes, POD. - Run phase one.
0:08:41 > 0:08:45Kelly, I asked the general public if they would snog, marry or avoid you.
0:08:45 > 0:08:48What do you think they said?
0:08:48 > 0:08:50I think they said "snog", POD.
0:08:50 > 0:08:54I'd avoid, plainly just because she's a bit too common,
0:08:54 > 0:08:55a bit too fake.
0:08:55 > 0:08:56SHE GIGGLES
0:08:56 > 0:09:00I don't think I'm common at all, POD!
0:09:00 > 0:09:03I'd probably avoid, because she's got too much make-up on.
0:09:03 > 0:09:04She's not really my type.
0:09:04 > 0:09:09Why? How can I not be someone's type? I don't understand.
0:09:09 > 0:09:11I would snog this girl because she looks easy,
0:09:11 > 0:09:14and I think, on a night out, she would definitely be game for a snog
0:09:14 > 0:09:16and probably something else.
0:09:16 > 0:09:17SHE GIGGLES
0:09:17 > 0:09:20I can't believe that, that's such an insult.
0:09:20 > 0:09:2220% do want to snog you.
0:09:22 > 0:09:25But, a staggering 80% of the public
0:09:25 > 0:09:27wanted to get as far away from you as possible.
0:09:27 > 0:09:29No, POD!
0:09:29 > 0:09:32POD computes your look is a tangerine peroxide problem.
0:09:32 > 0:09:35SHE GIGGLES
0:09:35 > 0:09:36And, you need my...
0:09:40 > 0:09:41I like the sound of that, POD.
0:09:41 > 0:09:44Run phase two.
0:09:46 > 0:09:48Remove all of your fakery.
0:09:50 > 0:09:54Now, it is time for you to take off those ridiculously high stilts.
0:09:54 > 0:09:57Oops.
0:09:57 > 0:09:58Look, see how short I am now, POD.
0:09:58 > 0:10:00I'm very tiny!
0:10:00 > 0:10:04- Hold them up nice and high.- There.
0:10:04 > 0:10:06Now you look like a little oompa-loompa.
0:10:06 > 0:10:09- Shall I chuck them away? - Yes, please.- OK.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10THUDDING
0:10:10 > 0:10:13Kelly, watch my hard drive.
0:10:13 > 0:10:17- Are you prepared for me to be bald, POD?- Just get on with it!
0:10:17 > 0:10:20That's one.
0:10:20 > 0:10:21Two.
0:10:23 > 0:10:25Three.
0:10:25 > 0:10:27And four.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29Hold them up.
0:10:29 > 0:10:32It looks like you've skinned an Afghan hound. KELLY GIGGLES
0:10:32 > 0:10:36Come on, get scrubbing.
0:10:36 > 0:10:38Do I have to take the eyebrows off as well, POD?
0:10:38 > 0:10:40ALL your make-up.
0:10:41 > 0:10:46Oh, no. My eyebrows are going to disappear. Going to look like I haven't got any.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Hold up that pad.
0:10:49 > 0:10:53And that's not all of it, yet! Look at that one!
0:10:53 > 0:10:57Oh, dear! Run the make-under. In three, two, one.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07Oh, dear! I look like an old lady.
0:11:07 > 0:11:10No, you look like a young beauty.
0:11:10 > 0:11:12I like the shoes, and I like the tights.
0:11:12 > 0:11:16And I don't mind the top and shorts, really. Yeah.
0:11:16 > 0:11:18Now, the big question.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22Do you think you're more likely to get a job with this look, or your old one?
0:11:22 > 0:11:25- I'd be taken more seriously looking like this.- Why?
0:11:25 > 0:11:27Because obviously I've got more clothes on.
0:11:27 > 0:11:30And my hair's not so bright and in your face.
0:11:30 > 0:11:33POD computes you do in fact look extremely pretty.
0:11:33 > 0:11:34- SHE GIGGLES - Thank you.
0:11:34 > 0:11:38Earlier, 80% of the public wanted to avoid you.
0:11:38 > 0:11:41Do you think they now want to snog, marry or avoid you?
0:11:41 > 0:11:43I think they said "snog", POD.
0:11:43 > 0:11:48- I'd snog her, because she's quite attractive.- Hurray. That's nice.
0:11:48 > 0:11:50I'd give her a little kissy, and see if it leads to a snog.
0:11:50 > 0:11:54- SHE GIGGLES - That's cheeky.
0:11:54 > 0:11:56I'd marry her, because she looks pretty sophisticated,
0:11:56 > 0:11:58and she looks really nice.
0:11:58 > 0:12:02Aw, that's much better than the other ones, POD.
0:12:02 > 0:12:05A whopping 90% of the public now want to snog you.
0:12:05 > 0:12:06Ah, that's nice.
0:12:06 > 0:12:09And the other 10% want to marry you.
0:12:09 > 0:12:12- Ah, so no "avoids" then, POD? - None at all.
0:12:12 > 0:12:15POD computes it's been ever so much fun talking to you, Kelly.
0:12:15 > 0:12:17Oh, thank you, you too, POD.
0:12:17 > 0:12:20- Goodbye.- Bye!
0:12:21 > 0:12:24I'm just outside Katie's house. And we're going to go in
0:12:24 > 0:12:29- to see my mum and Kate. But I'm very nervous. - SHE GIGGLES
0:12:29 > 0:12:31- I just want the old Kelly back. - The old Kelly.
0:12:31 > 0:12:32Really something natural.
0:12:32 > 0:12:34SHE LAUGHS
0:12:34 > 0:12:38- We're really excited and we can't wait.- Can't wait.
0:12:38 > 0:12:39THEY SCREAM
0:12:39 > 0:12:43- Oh, my God?- Oh, my God, I love it, I love it.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46- Your hair.- Let me look at your hair. Turn round.
0:12:46 > 0:12:49- It looks beautiful. - Oh, it is absolutely gorgeous, Kelly.
0:12:49 > 0:12:52I hope she realises that she doesn't need all the make-up
0:12:52 > 0:12:56to look like, beautiful, because she is a beautiful girl.
0:12:56 > 0:12:58Love the hair. You've just got volume to it now,
0:12:58 > 0:13:02and I love the clothes she's wearing, that she's actually wearing clothes.
0:13:02 > 0:13:04I really liked it.
0:13:04 > 0:13:07So it's cheered me up, made me feel more confident.
0:13:07 > 0:13:12- Hug it out!- Oh. I've got my Kelly back again. Lovely.
0:13:12 > 0:13:15I think people will take her more seriously
0:13:15 > 0:13:18because she looks more sophisticated, which is lovely.
0:13:18 > 0:13:22- Kelly's back.- Yeah, Kelly's back.
0:13:25 > 0:13:27It seems that Essex girls love faking it.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29Well, I've never faked anything in my life.
0:13:29 > 0:13:32Well, there was this one time, but I don't think the bloke noticed.
0:13:32 > 0:13:36Anyway, I want to see if the future's bright when the future's orange.
0:13:36 > 0:13:40Well, that's what will happen if you sunbathe with a long-sleeved top on!
0:13:42 > 0:13:44I've had an Essex facial.
0:13:44 > 0:13:47So long as the locals don't notice my pasty white legs,
0:13:47 > 0:13:49I'm going to blend right in.
0:13:49 > 0:13:52That is a true Essex glow, honey. You've got the true Essex glow.
0:13:52 > 0:13:55- Do you think so, honey? - Yeah, I do.- Oh my God, OMG.
0:13:55 > 0:13:58Do you think my face looks very orange?
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Considering we're in Chelmsford, not really.
0:14:01 > 0:14:02SHE LAUGHS
0:14:06 > 0:14:08There's some people laughing at me over there.
0:14:08 > 0:14:11It's never a good look when people are laughing at you.
0:14:11 > 0:14:13What do you make of this face?
0:14:13 > 0:14:17Mm. It's slightly orange.
0:14:17 > 0:14:20- Do you not think it's a little bit over the top?- No. Not at all.
0:14:20 > 0:14:23Do you think we should be proud to be the orange county?
0:14:23 > 0:14:26- Yes. I do. Orange and proud. - SHE LAUGHS
0:14:26 > 0:14:30- Do you think I'm the same colour as this?- Not quite.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32It's a good fake tan, but it's definitely not orange.
0:14:32 > 0:14:36- Do you think I need a bit more? - No, not a pretty girl like yourself.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39Now, the worrying thing about this tan
0:14:39 > 0:14:42is that pretty much everyone I asked has really like it.
0:14:42 > 0:14:45Although I'm pretty sure there's going to be one person who won't.
0:14:47 > 0:14:51- Knockedy knock-knock. - Alert, alert! Get in here now!
0:14:53 > 0:14:58- Well, hello.- What on Earth has happened to your face, Ellie?
0:14:58 > 0:15:01- Are you not liking it then? - It looks radioactive.
0:15:01 > 0:15:04It looks like I've been sunbathing with some kind of long-sleeved coat on.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06I don't want to hear about your white bits.
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Are the streets of Essex full of orange girls?
0:15:09 > 0:15:11I've seen a few.
0:15:11 > 0:15:16Quite a few of the girls who I asked what they thought of my tan, and liked it, were quite...
0:15:16 > 0:15:20this colour. So, yeah, I think I could blend in reasonably well.
0:15:20 > 0:15:23POD computes your face is a disgrace.
0:15:23 > 0:15:25Ellie computes the same, POD.
0:15:25 > 0:15:28Go and wash that off immediately.
0:15:30 > 0:15:35Next up is a DJ whose obsession with fakery is sure to put POD into a spin.
0:15:35 > 0:15:37Hi, everybody, I'm Bam Bo Tang.
0:15:37 > 0:15:40I'm a DJ from London. And welcome to my crazy world.
0:15:43 > 0:15:47I have been DJing for 10 years, all over the country and the world.
0:15:49 > 0:15:52I think every girl likes to dress up when they go out.
0:15:52 > 0:15:56So, this is kind of an accessory to my music.
0:15:57 > 0:16:01It's a horrendously good excuse to dress however you like,
0:16:01 > 0:16:04and get away with it, basically.
0:16:04 > 0:16:06My style is a bit different to everyone else's
0:16:06 > 0:16:08I certainly stand out.
0:16:08 > 0:16:11I can't really help it, it's kind of me.
0:16:11 > 0:16:14The things which make me look different is obviously my hair.
0:16:14 > 0:16:18And I'm very big on big necklaces and chains.
0:16:18 > 0:16:21I've always been a bit different.
0:16:21 > 0:16:24It started off a lot smaller scale.
0:16:24 > 0:16:27Now, it's just, kind of, snowballed.
0:16:27 > 0:16:29Every part of my body's now decorated.
0:16:29 > 0:16:32I look like a bit of a jumble sale.
0:16:34 > 0:16:40Times change, because I've reached a new era in my life and I'm married now.
0:16:41 > 0:16:46I'd mostly like to change the huge hair.
0:16:46 > 0:16:48I hope that POD will look at Lucy
0:16:48 > 0:16:51and bring out a natural essence, really.
0:16:51 > 0:16:54I think she can look great, just in a tracksuit,
0:16:54 > 0:16:58and just her hair down, chilling, more than anything else.
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Without the accessories, without the madness, without the big glasses.
0:17:01 > 0:17:05Hi, POD, Bam here. I'm really looking forward to my make-under.
0:17:05 > 0:17:07It's a new point in my life, so just do it, girl!
0:17:07 > 0:17:09Oh, yes!
0:17:09 > 0:17:11Well, Bam Bo certainly knows how to spin a tune.
0:17:11 > 0:17:14I wonder if she's got that one that goes...
0:17:14 > 0:17:16SHE HUMS THE BIRDIE SONG
0:17:16 > 0:17:18No, probably not!
0:17:18 > 0:17:20- Well, you look a little bit bonkers. - Thanks very much.
0:17:20 > 0:17:23- What is going on? - My best outfit for POD.
0:17:23 > 0:17:27I think she's going to hate it, so you've done quite a good job.
0:17:27 > 0:17:28What's on your head?
0:17:28 > 0:17:30I've got a Mohican on my head.
0:17:30 > 0:17:34I thought, if I'm going to take on POD, I need to be a bit of a tribal warrior and take her on.
0:17:34 > 0:17:37- Do you always wear that?- No, because it doesn't fit in the car!
0:17:37 > 0:17:39SHE LAUGHS
0:17:39 > 0:17:41So, unless I go in sideways, like that...
0:17:41 > 0:17:43What are your reasons for coming to see POD, then?
0:17:43 > 0:17:47I would love for POD to do me a fantastic make-under,
0:17:47 > 0:17:50and for David to see me all gorgeous,
0:17:50 > 0:17:54and for his eyeballs to fall out of his head with happiness, basically.
0:17:54 > 0:17:57- So, you're just married?- Yes. - And you're kind of thinking of having kids?
0:17:57 > 0:18:00Definitely. I'd love that so much.
0:18:00 > 0:18:03What would they make, like, if you had kids, and you dressed like this?
0:18:03 > 0:18:08I don't know. I think, if my mum dressed like this, I'd be definitely embarrassed.
0:18:08 > 0:18:10I know you're at a crossroads in your life.
0:18:10 > 0:18:12I've got a quiz for you, to work out whether you want
0:18:12 > 0:18:16to stick with the DJing, or maybe become a bit of an Earth mother.
0:18:16 > 0:18:17There's two choices.
0:18:17 > 0:18:20Bottle of Champers, bottle of breast milk?
0:18:20 > 0:18:23Oh, my God, that's so rank. Definitely champagne!
0:18:23 > 0:18:25Don't call breast milk "rank".
0:18:25 > 0:18:28Drop a beat, or drop the kids off?
0:18:28 > 0:18:33- SHE SNORTS - Drop the kids off with the beats in the car, yeah.
0:18:33 > 0:18:35OK, and the last one.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38Cracking tune, or cracked nipples?
0:18:38 > 0:18:40- Cracking tune!- Every time.
0:18:40 > 0:18:42From my quiz, and it's quite scientific,
0:18:42 > 0:18:46I think maybe you're not quite ready to be a mum just yet.
0:18:46 > 0:18:50Maybe work on the remix of the Wheels On The Bus, and then you go for it, love.
0:18:50 > 0:18:52- Thank you. - SHE LAUGHS
0:18:52 > 0:18:55All the very best of luck, then, Bam Bo. And POD awaits.
0:18:55 > 0:18:58I'm really excited, I can't wait to see what she's going to do.
0:19:04 > 0:19:09BAM SQUEALS I am Pod. The Personal Overhaul Device. Who are you?
0:19:09 > 0:19:10I am Bam Bo Tang.
0:19:10 > 0:19:15- Are you a hippy? - No, I'm definitely not a hippy. I'm far too noisy to be a hippy.
0:19:15 > 0:19:19You don't spend your time trekking around Asia doing drumming circles
0:19:19 > 0:19:23- and telling people you're on a "gap yah"?- No, POD.
0:19:23 > 0:19:24Why do you have dreadlocks?
0:19:24 > 0:19:27I have dreadlocks because I think it looks cool.
0:19:27 > 0:19:30- Bam Bo Tang.- Yes, POD.
0:19:30 > 0:19:34- A fake name, POD does not compute. - What are you really called?
0:19:34 > 0:19:35My real name is Lucy.
0:19:35 > 0:19:39- Lucy? That's a lovely name.- Do you think so, POD? Thank you very much.
0:19:39 > 0:19:42POD computes you look a bit like a dreadlocked, crusty cockatoo.
0:19:42 > 0:19:44BAM LAUGHS
0:19:44 > 0:19:46You're just a crusty old toaster.
0:19:46 > 0:19:49But I'm not the one with a dead chicken my head. POD CLUCKS
0:19:49 > 0:19:51- SHE LAUGHS - It's not a dead chicken!
0:19:51 > 0:19:56Do you apply your make-up by repeatedly head-butting your make-up case?
0:19:56 > 0:19:59No, I do not.
0:19:59 > 0:20:02Do you know what? I've actually spent ages getting ready for you today,
0:20:02 > 0:20:04so I think you're being really nasty.
0:20:04 > 0:20:08What do you think your look says about you to the general public?
0:20:08 > 0:20:12I think it says that I'm a fun-loving person, that I'm confident
0:20:12 > 0:20:15and that I'm extra shiny and I need to be looked at.
0:20:15 > 0:20:17Shall we find out?
0:20:17 > 0:20:18Run phase one.
0:20:21 > 0:20:24I asked the general public if they would snog, marry or avoid this girl.
0:20:24 > 0:20:26What do you think they said?
0:20:26 > 0:20:28I think they said snog.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31I'd have to avoid, probably cos she's got dreadlocks.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34Oh, my God, dreadlocks, argh!
0:20:34 > 0:20:38- It's not that bad, is it, really? - Yes.- No, it's not, POD.
0:20:38 > 0:20:42- I'd probably snog her cos I'm a bit desperate, so... - SHE LAUGHS
0:20:42 > 0:20:46Oh, God. Oh God. That's not good, is it?
0:20:46 > 0:20:49I'd avoid because of the hair, the nails,
0:20:49 > 0:20:54I don't like the colour of the hair and the eyebrows are quite large.
0:20:54 > 0:20:56Oh, well, they don't like anything, do they?
0:20:56 > 0:20:59In fact, 10% of the public do want to snog you.
0:20:59 > 0:21:03Unfortunately, the other 90% want to get as far away from you as possible.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06You're lying. 90%?
0:21:06 > 0:21:10POD computes you are a dreadfully dreaded fake freak.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12And, you need my...
0:21:16 > 0:21:20- Are you ready for the next stage? - OK, come on, then.
0:21:20 > 0:21:22Run phase two.
0:21:25 > 0:21:27Remove all of your fakery.
0:21:27 > 0:21:31I can't believe you're doing this to me, this is horrible.
0:21:31 > 0:21:32- Come on!- Argh!
0:21:32 > 0:21:36That really hurt. See, I'm actually suffering pain for you.
0:21:36 > 0:21:39- Put on your deep cleanse uniform. - Ugh.
0:21:39 > 0:21:41It's like an old lady's been sitting in it.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44Get rid of that poultry headwear.
0:21:44 > 0:21:46I really don't want to.
0:21:48 > 0:21:52Bam Bo! Ding dong. You're looking beautiful.
0:21:52 > 0:21:54Shut up.
0:21:54 > 0:21:55What is this?
0:21:55 > 0:21:57It's going on your head.
0:21:57 > 0:21:59You're testing our friendship, POD, big-time.
0:21:59 > 0:22:03Scrub that fakery off your face.
0:22:03 > 0:22:05I don't think it wants to come off, you know.
0:22:05 > 0:22:08- All of it.- God, it look so eurgh.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11- Hold up those wipes.- No! - Let me see them.
0:22:11 > 0:22:12BAM GIGGLES
0:22:12 > 0:22:17Run the make-under in... Three, two, one.
0:22:23 > 0:22:28Oh, my God! Wow, that's different.
0:22:28 > 0:22:31It's really cute.
0:22:31 > 0:22:33- What do you think? - Yes, I quite like this.
0:22:33 > 0:22:36I look like such a lady, I look very respectable, don't I?
0:22:36 > 0:22:39You are now Lucy the lady.
0:22:39 > 0:22:41Wait, let me perfect my wave.
0:22:41 > 0:22:46- BOTH IN A POSH VOICE: Oh, hello!- Oh, hello.- Hello.- Hello.
0:22:46 > 0:22:49Previously, 90% of the public wanted to avoid Bam Bo Tang.
0:22:49 > 0:22:54Do you think they now want to snog, marry or avoid Lady Lucy?
0:22:54 > 0:22:59I think they said, er...snog.
0:22:59 > 0:23:01- I'd snog her, because she's very attractive.- Yay.
0:23:01 > 0:23:04Very attractive? OK. Thank you very much.
0:23:04 > 0:23:07- I'd snog her because she has really pretty eyes.- Have I?
0:23:07 > 0:23:08You can actually see them now, I suppose.
0:23:08 > 0:23:11- Yes, it's quite nice to see your eyes.- Oh.
0:23:11 > 0:23:14This girl is not to snog, this girl is to marry.
0:23:14 > 0:23:17Oh! Lovely. That's my favourite one, I think.
0:23:17 > 0:23:22- 70% of the public do indeed want to snog you.- Wow, that's a lot.
0:23:22 > 0:23:27The other 30% want to marry you, that's an impressive result, Lady Lucy.
0:23:27 > 0:23:29- I could get used to this. - I hope you do.
0:23:29 > 0:23:32- Goodbye, Lucy.- Bye, POD, thank you.
0:23:36 > 0:23:42I am really excited to see my lovely husband David now and show him the new me.
0:23:42 > 0:23:45Definitely excited about seeing the way she looks.
0:23:45 > 0:23:47I'm used to crazy hair and stuff.
0:23:47 > 0:23:50I hope, I just hope they did something nice and elegant with her.
0:23:53 > 0:23:57- Hello!- Oh, my God! Look at that!
0:23:57 > 0:24:00Wow, baby, you look amazing.
0:24:00 > 0:24:02'He looked very happy, didn't he? I think he likes it.'
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Thumbs up. Win, win.
0:24:05 > 0:24:09- Yeah, you look fantastic, baby. Honestly, really, really great. - Good.
0:24:09 > 0:24:13Lucy's new look is absolutely amazing. It is classy.
0:24:13 > 0:24:16It's quite reserved, but not too much, because the legs are out.
0:24:16 > 0:24:19I feel very, very grown up. But I feel a bit stifled.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21So don't know how I'm going to DJ in it.
0:24:21 > 0:24:24In all fairness, if you can DJ with a chain full of burgers
0:24:24 > 0:24:27- and ice creams and whistles, I'm sure you can DJ in a blazer.- Yes.
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Thank you very much for having me.
0:24:29 > 0:24:32I love my new look, you've done a fantastic job.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34So don't get too much of a big head, please!
0:24:34 > 0:24:37- Cheers, POD, thank you very much. - Thank you, POD, Cheers.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Earlier, we met Kelly, who had lots of blonde hair and a corset
0:24:44 > 0:24:45and not much else.
0:24:45 > 0:24:50After she's had her run-in with POD, how she kept her more grown-up look?
0:24:50 > 0:24:53Yes, you have, because you've got a suit jacket on!
0:24:53 > 0:24:55THEY LAUGH
0:24:55 > 0:24:57You're a professional now.
0:24:57 > 0:25:00I've been like this, you know, I think it does look a lot better.
0:25:00 > 0:25:04If I do get job interviews and things like that, if I turn up looking like this,
0:25:04 > 0:25:06they're more likely to take me a lot more seriously
0:25:06 > 0:25:10than look at me I think, "Oh, dear, what have we got here?" kind of thing.
0:25:10 > 0:25:12How did everyone receive this new look?
0:25:12 > 0:25:16Friends came up to me and said, "Oh, my gosh, you look much better.
0:25:16 > 0:25:19"You look more classy. And it suits you so much having short hair."
0:25:19 > 0:25:21In a way, it made me think,
0:25:21 > 0:25:26they're giving me loads of compliments now, what did they think of me before?
0:25:26 > 0:25:29Do you have a final message for POD, then?
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Just, thank you, POD, for doing the make-under,
0:25:32 > 0:25:34it's given me a lot more confidence,
0:25:34 > 0:25:37and I wouldn't have had it without you.
0:25:44 > 0:25:48POD is out to convince British guys and gals to sling the slap
0:25:48 > 0:25:49and finish with fake tan.
0:25:49 > 0:25:51And it's going to be tough in a place called...
0:25:51 > 0:25:54- ALL:- Essex!
0:25:54 > 0:25:58What else do you think about, apart from fakery?
0:25:58 > 0:25:59Nothing, really, POD!
0:25:59 > 0:26:03- BOTH:- Hi, POD. Let us Essex girls in!
0:26:03 > 0:26:06We are typical Essex girls because...
0:26:06 > 0:26:10We are fun. Sexy. Outrageous.
0:26:10 > 0:26:14Don't you mean you're trashy, tacky and have no taste?
0:26:14 > 0:26:17- BOTH:- Shut up!
0:26:17 > 0:26:19- Hi, POD.- Hello, come in.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22Take those off.
0:26:22 > 0:26:26Now POD understands why you're wearing sunglasses.
0:26:26 > 0:26:28Bitch!
0:26:28 > 0:26:31- Could you do POD a favour? - Yes, POD?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33Could you lift your hands to your face?
0:26:33 > 0:26:36SHE LAUGHS
0:26:36 > 0:26:39POD computes you are natural beauties.
0:26:39 > 0:26:40- Oh, thanks.- Thank you.
0:26:40 > 0:26:45Apart from the bleached blonde one in the middle. THEY LAUGH
0:26:45 > 0:26:47Thanks! That's natural!
0:26:49 > 0:26:50Earlier, we met Bam Bo Tang,
0:26:50 > 0:26:52who went from a dreaded Mohawk
0:26:52 > 0:26:54feathery kind of weird lady
0:26:54 > 0:26:56to an absolutely beautiful screen siren.
0:26:56 > 0:26:58But, has she kept her look?
0:26:58 > 0:27:01- I'm so delighted to say that you have.- Hey!
0:27:01 > 0:27:03- You look phenomenal.- Thank you.
0:27:03 > 0:27:07Honestly, the hair is like you've stepped out of some Hollywood salon.
0:27:07 > 0:27:09- I know.- It's fabulous. - The hair's lovely.
0:27:09 > 0:27:13- What did you make of all the clothes, then? - Yeah, I liked the clothes,
0:27:13 > 0:27:15but they're not, they're completely the opposite of me.
0:27:15 > 0:27:19I thought they were a little bit too Kate Middleton.
0:27:19 > 0:27:21So, yeah, the bling is back a little bit.
0:27:21 > 0:27:24I think you would make a fantastic mother at the school gates now.
0:27:24 > 0:27:26- I know. Would you be proud of me? - I totally would.
0:27:26 > 0:27:28Do you have a final message for POD?
0:27:28 > 0:27:32POD, thank you very much for making me look like royalty and such a lady.
0:27:32 > 0:27:36Erm, the clothes are not going to get binned yet.
0:27:36 > 0:27:40So, sorry about that, but all in all I think you're probably OK with it.
0:27:44 > 0:27:48- Hiya, POD.- Ah, there you are, Ellie. Come in.- Thank you.
0:27:50 > 0:27:55Hiya, POD. I think we have well and truly done Essex.
0:27:55 > 0:27:59POD's just pleased you've done away with the orange radioactive glow you had earlier.
0:27:59 > 0:28:03I got through about 20 face wipes, honestly. It was disgusting.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06Would you say the residents of Essex need to lighten up?
0:28:06 > 0:28:09Overall, yes. Tanning does seem to be quite important to them.
0:28:09 > 0:28:14Silicon, peroxide and streaky tans do not compute. Get back out there, Ellie.
0:28:14 > 0:28:18- ESSEX ACCENT:- Afraid not, I'm going out with Tracey and Stacey, we're going down Baz Vegas.
0:28:18 > 0:28:23Then I've got to go and polish my white stilettos. Soz. You can pod off, babes.
0:28:43 > 0:28:46Subtitled by Red Bee Media Ltd