0:00:26 > 0:00:30It's a brand-new chat show set in my pad with him right here.
0:00:32 > 0:00:35the best humpers in the world,
0:00:49 > 0:00:52Thank you for staying in with us, do please welcome our guests.
0:00:54 > 0:00:56Noel, welcome. How are you?
0:00:56 > 0:00:59I'm good, thanks. Excellent.
0:00:59 > 0:01:02I've actually got some gifts for you, to make you feel welcome.
0:01:02 > 0:01:06Noel, we've got you a net of cheese.
0:01:06 > 0:01:08They're the best cheeses, man.
0:01:08 > 0:01:10I've never tried them! All right!
0:01:10 > 0:01:14Sorry. You've never had a Babybel?
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Just bite straight into it.
0:01:17 > 0:01:21roll for ages, like... Try it.
0:01:30 > 0:01:32What have you got for Ashley?
0:01:32 > 0:01:35Fresh from the jungle, a bowl of
0:01:35 > 0:01:37Is that a camel's penis? Yes.
0:01:39 > 0:01:43No, it's lamb and pig penis. Did you eat a camel's penis?
0:01:43 > 0:01:46I ate the tip. And was the camel
0:01:47 > 0:01:51It's like a weird cereal from the
0:02:00 > 0:02:02We are similar but with some
0:02:02 > 0:02:04You two have lived together.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06We did. It was an absolute shithole.
0:02:06 > 0:02:09Our house turned into what we like
0:02:09 > 0:02:12Were you both equally responsible for this chaos or is one...
0:02:16 > 0:02:19and the other one was messy?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21There's usually an anal one
0:02:21 > 0:02:25I didn't really do anything.
0:02:25 > 0:02:36Because Russell is quite OCD. I am not OCD, I'm just tidy.
0:02:36 > 0:02:39Do you like doing housework, though? Cos I quite like hoovering.
0:02:39 > 0:02:42I do. Hoovering is the best part.
0:02:42 > 0:02:44my own shadow the other day.
0:02:47 > 0:02:50You've lived with Lee Mack?
0:02:50 > 0:02:53It was like Laurel and Hardy.
0:02:55 > 0:02:58some sort of horrible sketch.
0:03:00 > 0:03:04What was your summer holiday like?
0:03:10 > 0:03:1470th birthday. Dance floor!
0:03:14 > 0:03:19We've actually got footage of that.
0:03:19 > 0:03:21Really? Yes, we have. What?!
0:03:26 > 0:03:29Oh, no. Is that actually you?
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I don't think she knows what a phone is, so I doubt she sent that.
0:03:50 > 0:03:53and just hung out at the beach
0:04:06 > 0:04:09got body painted for EA Games,
0:04:15 > 0:04:17I was like, "Oh, my God! OK."
0:04:20 > 0:04:24"Greg and I have just been recruited.
0:04:33 > 0:04:35Greg, did you get up to anything?
0:04:35 > 0:04:45Not a lot. The usual, boring stuff.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Do you guys dress up at all?
0:05:18 > 0:05:22That's the cutest Batman ever,
0:05:34 > 0:05:37It was a play. It was a play.
0:05:39 > 0:05:43Ecoman, what are his values? He took, like, bad fumes...
0:05:48 > 0:05:50and we know you like pranking
0:05:50 > 0:05:54because you did this prank war with Professor Green. Yeah.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56We were both arguing on Twitter
0:05:56 > 0:06:00so we had a bit of Twitter, like,
0:06:00 > 0:06:03cos people love that stuff and
0:06:03 > 0:06:05I think I ended up calling him
0:06:07 > 0:06:09In context I said something like,
0:06:09 > 0:06:12"I haven't seen someone address crowds with a quiff since Hitler."
0:06:15 > 0:06:18I was like, maybe that was a bit
0:06:18 > 0:06:23Hitler's not going to @ you!
0:06:23 > 0:06:26get me back and I got lured
0:06:26 > 0:06:28into a room and I knew something
0:06:28 > 0:06:31and I got, like, a fire extinguisher
0:06:33 > 0:06:35if you guys have got it on video?
0:06:57 > 0:06:59I did. I don't know how that happened. How was your 40th?
0:07:02 > 0:07:10This is what happens when you get
0:07:10 > 0:07:19cos so far, everything you say
0:07:21 > 0:07:25you'd have just been sitting in a room full of footage saying,
0:07:25 > 0:07:27"What are we going to do now?"
0:07:29 > 0:07:37OK. Changing topic. It's all about
0:07:37 > 0:07:41the man in your life is a dog.
0:07:41 > 0:07:46Tell us about your dog. He is a six
0:07:46 > 0:07:49What's he called? His name's Cooper. And why is he called Cooper?
0:07:49 > 0:07:53My gay best mate at the time was obsessed with Bradley Cooper,
0:07:53 > 0:07:55literally would talk about him
0:07:55 > 0:07:58So one day I got a little puppy
0:07:58 > 0:08:00let's go watch this movie."
0:08:02 > 0:08:07I've adopted a dog as well, called Colin. OK. He's a pug.
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Do you want to see my puppy?
0:08:16 > 0:08:18Come this way. Colin! Hey, Colin!
0:08:28 > 0:08:32when he sees girls. I don't know where he learnt it from. Yay.
0:08:32 > 0:08:34with us in our little house here.
0:08:34 > 0:08:37He lives under the pool table.
0:08:37 > 0:08:41He's put a diamante collar on cos someone's still in the closet.
0:08:54 > 0:08:56I've actually put this as a the test.
0:08:56 > 0:08:58I've got the dogs together,
0:08:58 > 0:09:02and we played a little game that
0:09:17 > 0:09:20check intelligence in a dog.
0:09:20 > 0:09:23If you put a towel on a dog's head, the speed which it goes
0:09:23 > 0:09:25"get off" shows its intelligence.
0:09:38 > 0:09:40I think it might be a draw.
0:10:28 > 0:10:32So you won that so are you the more intelligent Rizzle Kick? Erm...
0:10:32 > 0:10:35In basic social situations, no.
0:10:40 > 0:10:43But you were deputy head boy
0:10:48 > 0:10:51What is that? Like, head of grade? It's professional second-best.
0:11:04 > 0:11:07I just couldn't cope with it,
0:11:07 > 0:11:09I'm really enjoying this game but I've got a clip I wanted to play.
0:11:09 > 0:11:12What about my clips? I've got one about which dog poos first.
0:11:18 > 0:11:22One, two, three, four, five, six,
0:11:25 > 0:11:28Four, five, six, seven, eight.
0:11:28 > 0:11:32Crawl and crawl, down, down, down.
0:11:46 > 0:11:49Jason Derulo. I keep forgetting Jason's in the attic. Is he?
0:11:57 > 0:12:00I'm going to be here all night long,
0:12:04 > 0:12:20Oh, you want to make this happen?
0:12:20 > 0:12:36Just talking dirty. That's the name of your new single, isn't it?
0:12:36 > 0:12:38# All I really need to understand is
0:12:38 > 0:12:43# When you talk dirty to me
0:12:50 > 0:12:54Is this thing still on? Yeah. OK. Can you pass me that laptop?
0:12:54 > 0:12:56Let's have a look at the questions.
0:12:56 > 0:12:59comes from Kirsty who says,
0:12:59 > 0:13:02proudest part of your body?
0:13:07 > 0:13:11Yeah, I'm winking at Kirsty.
0:13:11 > 0:13:13So what about your fans and stuff?
0:13:15 > 0:13:18lots of dirty talk and stuff?
0:13:21 > 0:13:23Sometimes it's a little shocking,
0:13:25 > 0:13:29Somebody saying stuff like, "Jason, I want to sit on your face."
0:13:30 > 0:13:35to fuck me hard to your music
0:13:45 > 0:13:48up on shuffle once or twice.
0:13:50 > 0:13:52Since we're in my loft area,
0:13:52 > 0:13:56there are a few bits in here
0:13:58 > 0:14:01Can you make anything sexual?
0:14:07 > 0:14:11Is your grandfather half black? Yep.
0:14:23 > 0:14:30I didn't know that. Big-time.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32See if you can make me more sexual.
0:14:34 > 0:14:37I mean, even if you do little innuendos, you know what I'm saying?
0:14:45 > 0:14:56wait by the lights and maybe,
0:15:07 > 0:15:10Good? Keep it short. Don't put so much into it. It's short.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13Hey, baby. Do you want the lights on or do you want the lights off?
0:15:15 > 0:15:17Enjoy the rest of your evening
0:15:21 > 0:15:25let's get back to business.
0:15:27 > 0:15:29Tell me how you like it, girl.
0:15:41 > 0:15:45So how do you like your Mad Hatter's Tea Party? Absolutely amazing.
0:15:48 > 0:15:52It needed doing so I thought, you're coming over, let's make it mental.
0:15:52 > 0:15:57Like a beautiful albino Ewok!
0:15:59 > 0:16:04That's some of your artwork. Yeah. How the hell did you get that?
0:16:04 > 0:16:07is called the tiger spider.
0:16:07 > 0:16:10His bowtie is actually a butterfly.
0:16:10 > 0:16:14That's a tiger spider as well.
0:16:14 > 0:16:17In your comedy you've created some incredible characters.
0:16:17 > 0:16:20Have you got a favourite character
0:16:20 > 0:16:22I quite like the Hitcher, who wears
0:16:24 > 0:16:26He's quite a frightening serial
0:16:26 > 0:16:28"I'm Old Greg, mother licker."
0:16:31 > 0:16:33"I'm Old Greg, mother licker.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38I've just done a new series,
0:16:38 > 0:16:40I'm editing it at the moment.
0:16:42 > 0:16:46on the edge of a volcano in Hawaii.
0:16:54 > 0:17:09I don't really have dreams,
0:17:09 > 0:17:26I have dreams in the daytime.
0:17:31 > 0:17:34Spike Milligan, Vic and Bob,
0:17:34 > 0:17:37Everything and anything. Lots of comedy. I was obsessed with comedy.
0:17:37 > 0:17:40I didn't know I wanted to be a comedian but knew wanted to write
0:17:40 > 0:17:42comedy. I thought I was too shy
0:17:42 > 0:17:45so I started doing stand-up and
0:17:49 > 0:17:51We've got a couple of things
0:17:51 > 0:17:54to jog some memories so there is a cat here with an eye patch.
0:17:56 > 0:17:58I was very close to my nan when I grew up, she used to look after me
0:17:58 > 0:18:03in the day and she had a cat called
0:18:03 > 0:18:07so I thought that was funny.
0:18:07 > 0:18:10I used to do was I used to...
0:18:14 > 0:18:17and I used to go, "Jethro!"
0:18:20 > 0:18:24Actually, Jethro actually consumed some drugs once at a party, yeah.
0:18:29 > 0:18:32And he was freaking out so my dad and mum phoned up their friend
0:18:32 > 0:18:35and said, "What should we do? The cat has taken some acid."
0:18:37 > 0:18:39otherwise it'll hurt itself.
0:18:39 > 0:18:41So they put it in the sock drawer.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47it had put all the socks into pairs.
0:18:52 > 0:18:55Was there a story about Pete Doherty and some cats at the party?
0:18:55 > 0:18:58Yeah. I was at a hotel room.
0:18:58 > 0:19:00This was when I was partying a lot,
0:19:02 > 0:19:05I sort of went out and partied a lot and it was really good fun.
0:19:07 > 0:19:13and Pete Doherty knocks on the door
0:19:13 > 0:19:16Just literally came in with a top
0:19:27 > 0:19:43You got any kittens in there
0:19:43 > 0:19:47We'll put it here and I'll draw out the first question from the mad hat.
0:19:57 > 0:19:59"I'm going to a fancy dress party
0:19:59 > 0:20:03"as the internet, made of items
0:20:07 > 0:20:10You could go as Twitter with
0:20:12 > 0:20:16punched in the face. Hello.
0:20:18 > 0:20:22Special little brew here for you guys. That's a nice costume.
0:20:27 > 0:20:28Some costume would be nice.
0:20:28 > 0:20:31I saw that hanging up and thought, Russell's would be in that.
0:20:34 > 0:20:37We're trapped here now so we need
0:20:37 > 0:20:40Don't drink that one, Greg. Greg.
0:20:40 > 0:20:42Ashley, that one is for you. Why?
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Are you ready for your bedtime story?
0:20:58 > 0:21:02crack on with a fairy tale.
0:21:07 > 0:21:10Once upon a time, there was a beautiful princess called Ashley
0:21:13 > 0:21:1832! On Saturday, I turned. So, yeah!
0:21:22 > 0:21:26She'd been locked in a tower for daring to argue with the Queen,
0:21:43 > 0:21:47"Throw down your hair," shouted Harley. Throw down your hair!
0:22:11 > 0:22:20he had learned in his 40 years of being alive, which was...
0:22:37 > 0:22:40go back to my raven people.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45I'll say, "I met a wise man called
0:22:58 > 0:23:03And Jordan shouted something incomprehensible from down the well.
0:23:12 > 0:23:16called Ashley were far more hassle
0:23:16 > 0:23:19and went home to play his favourite childhood game of... Is it your turn?
0:23:19 > 0:23:22Weetabix Down The Pyjamas.
0:23:24 > 0:23:27It's a game where I come from.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31couldn't help but shouting out
0:23:39 > 0:23:43And Ashley the beautiful princess
0:23:47 > 0:23:50Sorry, that's my catchphrase.
0:23:55 > 0:23:59I will expect a cheque in the post.
0:24:09 > 0:24:12Get out of bed, please. You've got
0:24:14 > 0:24:16Thank you very much, Ashley.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22the wonderful Rizzle Kicks.
0:24:54 > 0:24:59# I turn the channel and just see
0:24:59 > 0:25:01# Awkward pauses and dodgy moments
0:25:09 > 0:25:11# Go and beat their targets
0:25:11 > 0:25:14# I've also seen careers end When they ain't even really started
0:25:14 > 0:25:17# Jeremy Kyle got the nation
0:25:17 > 0:25:19# At other people's expense
0:25:24 > 0:25:26# We make people go clap, clap yeah
0:25:26 > 0:25:29# When I heard people buy views
0:25:29 > 0:25:31# Than all John Terry's black
0:25:35 > 0:25:36# I said screw the voting and
0:25:36 > 0:25:41# I just wanna see people fight and have sex so let's say hey
0:25:41 > 0:25:44# I'm living I'm living life man
0:25:45 > 0:25:48# I'm living, I'm living life
0:25:48 > 0:25:52# I've got my heart I found my soul
0:26:13 > 0:26:14# I wanna dance I wanna have fun
0:26:22 > 0:26:24and make my dreams come true
0:26:24 > 0:26:26# Keep it up man a beat like this
0:26:26 > 0:26:28# Reminds my heart what to do
0:26:28 > 0:26:31# I want you to feel useless baby
0:26:31 > 0:26:35# That's right every bad boy should
0:26:35 > 0:26:37# But I'm a boy it's all good
0:26:39 > 0:26:41# I'm an icon standing here
0:27:20 > 0:27:22# I'm living, I'm living life man
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# I'm living, I'm living life
0:28:24 > 0:28:27Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd