0:00:24 > 0:00:27Hello, I'm Clive Anderson. Welcome to The Funny Side Of Christmas.
0:00:27 > 0:00:31Tonight, we'll try and fathom the miracle of Christmas television,
0:00:31 > 0:00:34find out what makes a Christmas Special special.
0:00:34 > 0:00:39Ask what it took to get a Christmas single to number one before the miraculous birth of The X Factor.
0:00:39 > 0:00:45And wonder - if Christmas really is for the children, an opportunity for families to get together and to eat,
0:00:45 > 0:00:49drink and be merry, why do we spend so much of it just watching the telly?
0:00:49 > 0:00:54We'll be asking whether festive television is haunted by the ghost of Christmas TV past
0:00:54 > 0:01:00and we'll try to decide how many Christmas TV cliches have to be on screen at once
0:01:00 > 0:01:03to turn it into a big, fat, juicy turkey.
0:01:07 > 0:01:09# Snow is falling
0:01:09 > 0:01:12# All around you
0:01:12 > 0:01:14# Children playing
0:01:14 > 0:01:16# Having fun
0:01:16 > 0:01:18# It's the season
0:01:18 > 0:01:21# Of love and understanding
0:01:21 > 0:01:25# Merry Christmas, everyone. #
0:01:26 > 0:01:29The BBC throw everything at Christmas -
0:01:29 > 0:01:34brandy butter, holly, mistletoe, the kitchen sink.
0:01:34 > 0:01:37You have stars, snow, trees,
0:01:37 > 0:01:40mistletoe, holly, Santa, reindeer.
0:01:40 > 0:01:42When you're building up to Christmas,
0:01:42 > 0:01:46that's when you can grab your audience. You can get them all excited with you.
0:01:46 > 0:01:49# We're going to have a party tonight! #
0:01:49 > 0:01:51You had Morecambe And Wise, you had Mike Yarwood.
0:01:51 > 0:01:55# I'm gonna find that girl underneath the mistletoe
0:01:55 > 0:01:57# And kiss by candlelight. #
0:01:57 > 0:02:01Even the most cynical, hard-edged broadcaster
0:02:01 > 0:02:03can be softened by working on Christmas Day
0:02:03 > 0:02:07and doing a live show, because there are elements you can put into it
0:02:07 > 0:02:09that would make concrete melt.
0:02:09 > 0:02:11# Every day is Christmas
0:02:11 > 0:02:15# What a nice way to spend the year! #
0:02:15 > 0:02:20Why do people watch TV on Christmas Day? You're all together. The one day off. And what do you do?
0:02:20 > 0:02:23You ignore each other and you watch the box. Smart one.
0:02:25 > 0:02:29It's August, the hottest day of the year.
0:02:29 > 0:02:33People are wearing shorts and flip-flops, frying eggs on the pavement.
0:02:33 > 0:02:37Even the high street shops' Christmas ad campaigns are at least a couple of weeks away,
0:02:37 > 0:02:42but if you work in television, this is the time you film the Christmas Special.
0:02:42 > 0:02:49In 80-degree heat, cue in the bleak midwinter and all the fake snow you can roll into balls.
0:02:49 > 0:02:51The BBC starts to celebrate Christmas in August.
0:02:51 > 0:02:54They decide what Christmas Specials they'll have and you have
0:02:54 > 0:02:58to haul in your Christmas trees and your spangles and your tinsel.
0:02:58 > 0:03:01And so quite a lot of the shows you see at Christmas time,
0:03:01 > 0:03:03spare a thought for the performers,
0:03:03 > 0:03:06because they're probably baking in August sunshine.
0:03:06 > 0:03:09We had an official Christmas Changing Rooms once
0:03:09 > 0:03:11and it was being filmed in October
0:03:11 > 0:03:14and there was a lot of research done
0:03:14 > 0:03:18on where in the British Isles it was most likely to snow in October.
0:03:18 > 0:03:21And it was found to be the Isle of Arran.
0:03:21 > 0:03:28Not only is there no snow, poor Carol Smillie is squinting to keep the dazzling sun out of her eyes.
0:03:28 > 0:03:30Now, this being the season of goodwill and all,
0:03:30 > 0:03:34we've upped the budget and given each team £750 to do up a room
0:03:34 > 0:03:36and decorate it for Christmas.
0:03:36 > 0:03:37It didn't snow.
0:03:37 > 0:03:39In fact, there was a heat wave
0:03:39 > 0:03:45and we were all rushing around in our big heavy jumpers sweating profusely.
0:03:45 > 0:03:48And I can remember doing one shot.
0:03:48 > 0:03:49I was in a crofter's cottage
0:03:49 > 0:03:53doing one shot against a window, talking about decorating a tree,
0:03:53 > 0:03:56and a bloke walked by with a surfboard under his arm.
0:03:56 > 0:04:02By the end of it, we had to just put tracing paper up over the windows
0:04:02 > 0:04:04because it just looked so ridiculous.
0:04:04 > 0:04:06We may as well have done it in a studio.
0:04:06 > 0:04:10But I thought it would be really nice to focus it as much as possible on Arran.
0:04:10 > 0:04:13So bringing in local crafts maybe.
0:04:13 > 0:04:18- Or maybe designer biscuits to hang on the Christmas tree.- Oh, great.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21Good man. Tell me one thing, are you wearing anything under there?
0:04:21 > 0:04:24That's for me to know and for you to never find out!
0:04:24 > 0:04:27I got tricked up in a kilt, although I refused to wear tartan.
0:04:27 > 0:04:30I refused to wear plaid, not being Scottish at all.
0:04:30 > 0:04:34And at the time, Ewan McGregor was doing a lot of sort of black serge
0:04:34 > 0:04:39and I wore a grey serge kilt with a matching grey jumper, which sounds perfectly fabulous,
0:04:39 > 0:04:43until you realise that with my stocky frame, I look like Velma from Scooby-Doo.
0:04:43 > 0:04:46All I lacked was the glasses. There was nothing very seasonal about it.
0:04:46 > 0:04:50CAROL LAUGHS
0:04:50 > 0:04:55All my designer friends are just going to be so jealous.
0:04:55 > 0:04:59Changing Rooms was changing seasons, but they weren't the only ones.
0:04:59 > 0:05:03There was flexibility in the ecclesiastical calendar, too.
0:05:03 > 0:05:08There has been one or two occasions where we've sort of done Christmas
0:05:08 > 0:05:11with tinsel everywhere, people in their Christmas garb.
0:05:11 > 0:05:14Then got the congregation to quickly whip into their spring clothes,
0:05:14 > 0:05:18put daffodils out and the same setting turns into Easter.
0:05:18 > 0:05:25# Mary was that mother mild
0:05:25 > 0:05:33# Jesus Christ her little child. #
0:05:33 > 0:05:35Christmas is a time for tradition.
0:05:35 > 0:05:38The repetition of ancient rituals -
0:05:38 > 0:05:42nativity plays, carol concerts, Jesus in the manger.
0:05:42 > 0:05:45You don't bother with all that? Well, they do on Blue Peter.
0:05:52 > 0:05:54- Hello!- Hello!
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Hello!- Hello!
0:05:56 > 0:05:59- And that's the fourth candle on our...- ..Advent Crown, all ready for...
0:05:59 > 0:06:01- ..Christmas, the day... - ..after tomorrow.
0:06:01 > 0:06:05Blue Peter's Christmas preparations always started with the Advent Crown.
0:06:05 > 0:06:07I don't know why we're allowed to have it.
0:06:07 > 0:06:14Health and safety just doesn't come into it cos it's basically two wire hangers, bit of tinsel,
0:06:14 > 0:06:17real candles in jam jars. It's a disaster.
0:06:17 > 0:06:20You've got your holder like that.
0:06:20 > 0:06:26The whole idea is that you have two wire coat hangers and you...
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Oh, my gosh! I'm going to fail at this, aren't I?
0:06:28 > 0:06:32You sort of wire them together so they cross over each other.
0:06:32 > 0:06:36So basically, you've got four sort of bits coming out
0:06:36 > 0:06:38and you bend them over at the end.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40You make sure that the hook bit's in the middle
0:06:40 > 0:06:42so it can hang on to something above
0:06:42 > 0:06:45and then you put a bit of wire around some jam jars.
0:06:45 > 0:06:50Make a small hole there with a drill and that will fit on just like that.
0:06:50 > 0:06:52Of course if your candle fits,
0:06:52 > 0:06:55then you're not going to need to put any Plasticine in.
0:06:55 > 0:06:59You dob your candles inside each of your jam jars
0:06:59 > 0:07:03and then you whip a lot of tinsel around the, hopefully
0:07:03 > 0:07:06non-flammable tinsel, around your coat hangers
0:07:06 > 0:07:10and all you need then is a box of matches and you're off.
0:07:10 > 0:07:12That's how you make it, I think.
0:07:12 > 0:07:16Yes, well, the Advent Crown has now got two candles already lit.
0:07:16 > 0:07:20I'm going to light the third candle on our Advent Crown.
0:07:20 > 0:07:24- Lighting the third one... - ..means there's only one more Blue Peter before Christmas.
0:07:24 > 0:07:28That's the fourth candle lit on our Blue Peter Advent Crown.
0:07:28 > 0:07:33Which means there can't be long now to go before it's Christmas Day.
0:07:33 > 0:07:39We'd give each other presents bought by the production team, so we didn't know what we were getting.
0:07:39 > 0:07:42And with a highly-trained production team buying their presents,
0:07:42 > 0:07:46no wonder the presenters could hardly contain their excitement.
0:07:46 > 0:07:48We're allowed to open the presents today,
0:07:48 > 0:07:50because this is the nearest Blue Peter to Christmas.
0:07:50 > 0:07:53- So who shall we start with? Me? - Who's going to be first? Me?
0:07:53 > 0:07:57No, let's start with the animals. Let's have Petra first. Oh!
0:07:57 > 0:08:01Ah, look, Jason, a beautiful bowl with your name on it.
0:08:01 > 0:08:04What's in there, apart from your head? Aw, look at that!
0:08:04 > 0:08:06There's a doggy bowl.
0:08:06 > 0:08:08Shep, get out!
0:08:08 > 0:08:12- Ouch!- Oh! I felt that for you. - It's Christmas!
0:08:12 > 0:08:15They always had a kind of pattern to them, which was rather nice.
0:08:15 > 0:08:20It was a very traditional Blue Peter Christmas, which was lovely.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22So you knew it was the Christmas programme.
0:08:23 > 0:08:26Oh, isn't it pretty?
0:08:26 > 0:08:28Oh, beautiful. A lovely book.
0:08:28 > 0:08:30And what is marvellous
0:08:30 > 0:08:32is that this matches the one I was given last year.
0:08:32 > 0:08:37Oh, just the very job. The number of times I go away
0:08:37 > 0:08:43with the Blue Peter cameras to film and have a suitcase the size of a house to carry two shirts.
0:08:43 > 0:08:46This is perfect. Let me just open it up.
0:08:46 > 0:08:47Oh!
0:08:47 > 0:08:50- Oh, Johnny!- 'Tis a toolbox. I'm very glad about this.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53You see, with me last one, me car ran over it.
0:08:53 > 0:08:57The last programme, almost like Christmas Eve I think
0:08:57 > 0:09:00our last programme would be really close to Christmas Day,
0:09:00 > 0:09:04it would be a live programme. It would really, really feel Christmassy.
0:09:04 > 0:09:07The programme was always nice. There was a lovely tree.
0:09:07 > 0:09:11It was always that moment when you'd go, "Hark, I can hear the band coming in now."
0:09:11 > 0:09:14That moment when the doors opened and the Salvation Army Band
0:09:14 > 0:09:19would come in with their lanterns singing O Come, All Ye Faithful, was a very nice moment.
0:09:19 > 0:09:21Always rounded off the programme.
0:09:21 > 0:09:23Stand up in front of your television and join in.
0:09:23 > 0:09:26We're going to sing a very well-known carol,
0:09:26 > 0:09:28Hark The Herald Angels Sing.
0:09:28 > 0:09:31And we've got lots of help, the choirs of four schools.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35They're accompanied by our old friends from the Chalk Farm Salvation Army Band
0:09:35 > 0:09:38and I think they're coming up the road now. I can just hear them singing.
0:09:38 > 0:09:43And to lead them, our old friends, the Chalk Farm Band of the Salvation Army.
0:09:43 > 0:09:46I can hear them coming down the road now into the Blue Peter studio.
0:09:46 > 0:09:50And they're led by our old friends the Chalk Chop...
0:09:50 > 0:09:52Chalk Farm Salvation Army.
0:09:52 > 0:09:55I can hear them coming up the hill now. Here they come.
0:09:55 > 0:09:59And I can hear them coming along and into the studio now.
0:09:59 > 0:10:03# Born that man no more may die
0:10:03 > 0:10:06# Born to raise the sons of earth... #
0:10:06 > 0:10:12Same brass band, same carols, same script. Well, if it ain't broke...
0:10:12 > 0:10:15I'm sure if you watched Blue Peter next Christmas,
0:10:15 > 0:10:18you will find that it's still exactly the same as it was.
0:10:18 > 0:10:20I shall watch it and make sure that it is.
0:10:20 > 0:10:23# ..to the newborn King! #
0:10:23 > 0:10:29Christmas Specials struggle to escape a strict list of things that must be included on screen.
0:10:29 > 0:10:33Christmas trees, tinsel, baubles, presents, more tinsel,
0:10:33 > 0:10:36fake snow, tinsel and, of course, tinsel.
0:10:36 > 0:10:40Every television show has its own perfectly decorated tree
0:10:40 > 0:10:45for reminding us at home of the important message that we haven't bought one yet,
0:10:45 > 0:10:49let alone remembered where we put away the decorations at the end of last year.
0:10:56 > 0:11:00On television, Christmas is laid on with a trowel.
0:11:00 > 0:11:04Charles Dickens, Walt Disney, traditional pantomimes...
0:11:04 > 0:11:06they're all way too subtle.
0:11:06 > 0:11:10On television, Christmas is an excuse for the designer to go way over the top.
0:11:10 > 0:11:13Never mind the expense, or for that matter taste.
0:11:13 > 0:11:17On Yuletide telly, every studio needs a Christmas tree,
0:11:17 > 0:11:20every presenter needs to give their co-host a present,
0:11:20 > 0:11:23every item of clothing screams, "It's Christmas!"
0:11:23 > 0:11:27Caught up in the Christmas spirit, presenters find an excuse to behave
0:11:27 > 0:11:32in a manner that would be unforgivable at any other time.
0:11:36 > 0:11:40You know that Christmas is round the corner when programmes,
0:11:40 > 0:11:43particularly children's programmes, like Blue Peter, put on a panto.
0:11:43 > 0:11:46# We're getting into practice for going to the ball
0:11:46 > 0:11:50- # We'll make sure when we get there - Guests will stop and stare! #
0:11:50 > 0:11:53I don't think pantomime ever works well on television
0:11:53 > 0:11:58and I don't think that necessarily means that it can't.
0:12:00 > 0:12:05There's no point just pointing a camera at the stage,
0:12:05 > 0:12:09because the audience have to be filmed as well.
0:12:09 > 0:12:13They're as important as anybody on that stage.
0:12:13 > 0:12:17A diamond-studded, solid gold Crackerjack pencil!
0:12:17 > 0:12:19Crackerjack!
0:12:19 > 0:12:22The Nationwide pantomime, you see, that was just
0:12:22 > 0:12:26one of the most frightening bits of television I've ever seen in my life.
0:12:26 > 0:12:28But what's this? A whirling wind I hear.
0:12:28 > 0:12:31Jack Scott said the weather would be calm and clear.
0:12:31 > 0:12:36We planned to discuss the state of the nation, but is this what the Chancellor means by inflation?
0:12:36 > 0:12:40I can remember being deeply shocked seeing Sue Lawley in bunches,
0:12:40 > 0:12:42because they were doing The Wizard Of Oz.
0:12:42 > 0:12:47And I was probably only about nine, but I can remember thinking how incredibly unflattering
0:12:47 > 0:12:49Sue Lawley in bunches was.
0:12:49 > 0:12:50# Follow the yellow brick road
0:12:50 > 0:12:53# Follow the yellow brick road
0:12:53 > 0:12:56# Follow, follow, follow, follow the yellow brick road. #
0:13:00 > 0:13:02If you were watching commercial television,
0:13:02 > 0:13:05you'd know that Christmas was on its way cos there's lots of adverts.
0:13:05 > 0:13:07Look at the price of these smashing rockers.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09These super dolls, £8.99.
0:13:09 > 0:13:13Dolls' prams, too, and this great bike is £16.99.
0:13:13 > 0:13:15Since the invention of commercial television,
0:13:15 > 0:13:19there's always been another side to the true meaning of Christmas,
0:13:19 > 0:13:22one which TV has never shied away from embracing.
0:13:22 > 0:13:25It's Christmas' very own early warning system.
0:13:25 > 0:13:29# It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas
0:13:30 > 0:13:33# Everywhere you go. #
0:13:33 > 0:13:38The must-have toy was always something that we promoted
0:13:38 > 0:13:41and projected and kids loved it because it was seen on TV.
0:13:41 > 0:13:44"Everyone wants a Cabbage Patch Doll." "Do they really?"
0:13:44 > 0:13:46"Yeah, yeah." And they did, all the kids...
0:13:46 > 0:13:48But it was the kids being told, obviously,
0:13:48 > 0:13:51that this was the year's greatest thing.
0:13:51 > 0:13:54This is what it's all about, funny little rag dolls,
0:13:54 > 0:13:56each with a different face, a birth certificate
0:13:56 > 0:13:59and, apparently, the ability to inspire pure joy.
0:13:59 > 0:14:02I got my doll! I got my doll!
0:14:02 > 0:14:05Those who can't get their own have been known to snatch from others.
0:14:05 > 0:14:07Where is she? Do you see her?
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Is this what Christmas is about?
0:14:09 > 0:14:11I agree with you 100%.
0:14:11 > 0:14:15A full-grown woman taking a doll out of a child's hand?
0:14:15 > 0:14:19If kids saw it on children's television, they wanted it even more.
0:14:19 > 0:14:22Now, Eusebio was so generous, he's offered ten dolls,
0:14:22 > 0:14:24so we have to pick out ten cards, Stu.
0:14:24 > 0:14:26- Dig right down here.- Cabbage dolls. - They're not Cabbage dolls.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29You have to say Cabbage Patch Kids, apparently.
0:14:29 > 0:14:34It was, you know... It's been seen on TV therefore it becomes desirable.
0:14:34 > 0:14:40Trivial Pursuits, a sort of quiz game, which this store is selling at the rate of 1,000 sets a day.
0:14:40 > 0:14:44The last Dalek disappeared off the shelves in a Milton Keynes store this afternoon.
0:14:44 > 0:14:49Pegasus, the Barbie horsehair styling toy, has sold out in stores.
0:14:49 > 0:14:54Over the years, toy advertisers have ever so gently suggested to our children
0:14:54 > 0:14:56what they should ask for from Santa.
0:14:56 > 0:14:58So public spirited of them.
0:15:02 > 0:15:03But it wasn't always this way.
0:15:03 > 0:15:08In the early days of television, Christmas viewing was a much simpler affair.
0:15:08 > 0:15:11- Hip-hip...- Hurray!
0:15:11 > 0:15:15The early years of Christmas on TV followed a straightforward pattern...
0:15:15 > 0:15:18Queen's Speech, televised church services,
0:15:18 > 0:15:19skinny, ration-book Santas.
0:15:19 > 0:15:24Then it was time to switch the TV off and enjoy a round of parlour games.
0:15:24 > 0:15:26Will you be staying late, Antony?
0:15:26 > 0:15:30Yeah, but after they've had their dinner
0:15:30 > 0:15:36they always play charades and parlour games and that.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38THEY LAUGH
0:15:38 > 0:15:42Parlour games!
0:15:42 > 0:15:44Is their telly broke?
0:15:46 > 0:15:50So for almost 2,000 years, between the comings of Jesus Christ
0:15:50 > 0:15:55and John Logie Baird, people had to spend Christmas without TV. Imagine.
0:15:55 > 0:15:58Now it's the box in the corner keeping the family occupied,
0:15:58 > 0:16:01giving the day a bit of focus, because let's not forget -
0:16:01 > 0:16:05television can remind us of the real meaning of Christmas.
0:16:05 > 0:16:09It's rushing down in the morning, ripping open your presents, being disappointed,
0:16:09 > 0:16:12a family argument, snoozing in the afternoon with too much booze
0:16:12 > 0:16:15and then depressed by the end of the day. That's Christmas.
0:16:15 > 0:16:20There is a real risk of turning into a real retrospective grump about things,
0:16:20 > 0:16:23but I do remember more intelligent programming at Christmas.
0:16:23 > 0:16:27Families are not all together on Christmas Day all the time now,
0:16:27 > 0:16:30so people don't sit down and watch one programme.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33Times have changed and we've got to move with it, but it's a pity.
0:16:33 > 0:16:38Let's hear a bit more about the nativity story.
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Let's put it in a bit more of a context.
0:16:40 > 0:16:45"Dear Jim, I would like to visit the Holy Land to see where Jesus lived.
0:16:45 > 0:16:48"Could you do anything about it? Thanks very much, Gary."
0:16:48 > 0:16:50Well, there's plenty of context here,
0:16:50 > 0:16:52if not much in the way of shorts.
0:16:52 > 0:16:56This is from the Christmas Special Jim'll Fix It in 1975,
0:16:56 > 0:16:59but it's concentrating more on the Easter message.
0:16:59 > 0:17:02More Jim'll "Crucifix It" than Away In A Manger.
0:17:02 > 0:17:07Here, you can see how difficult life was for Jesus when he was
0:17:07 > 0:17:10having to carry his cross all the way up this hill and up these steps.
0:17:10 > 0:17:12And it was a hot day like this.
0:17:12 > 0:17:16The other thing that really gets me is there is a complete dearth of carol services.
0:17:16 > 0:17:22It's almost impossible to find something that you can just leave on the television -
0:17:22 > 0:17:28moving images, nice music - just so that you don't feel lonely that's reasonably festive.
0:17:28 > 0:17:31I remember carol singers in the streets and you'd hear them
0:17:31 > 0:17:36in the distance and everybody would fling up their windows and they'd be collecting for something.
0:17:36 > 0:17:40And it was just lovely and you knew all the carols - you could join in.
0:17:40 > 0:17:42CHILDREN SING
0:17:49 > 0:17:53When you then heard them on television, they reminded you in a way of those days.
0:17:53 > 0:17:56INDISTINCT SINGING
0:17:56 > 0:18:00Er, yeah... Yes, we all knew the words to that one(!)
0:18:00 > 0:18:07The problem with Christmas is that it carries far too much focus to it.
0:18:07 > 0:18:12You know, we are fixated by this one point, because we hope
0:18:12 > 0:18:15that it's the day when all wrongs are going to be righted.
0:18:15 > 0:18:20It's that magical moment where everybody wakes up and, you know, the soldiers at war
0:18:20 > 0:18:25play football in no-man's land, and I'm going to like my mother-in-law.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28I'm going to like all the presents I get.
0:18:28 > 0:18:32I'm going to drink as much champagne as I want and not get unpleasantly drunk.
0:18:32 > 0:18:35So, it's Christmas morning.
0:18:35 > 0:18:38After midnight mass, or a late-night party,
0:18:38 > 0:18:40Mum and Dad can have a long lie-in.
0:18:40 > 0:18:44As late as 6.30, when the kids wake up demanding their presents.
0:18:44 > 0:18:48But pity the poor folk who have to work on Christmas morning.
0:18:48 > 0:18:51Nurses, emergency services and those hapless souls presenting
0:18:51 > 0:18:54live television programmes from around the country.
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Good morning and merry Christmas to one and all.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03It's 10.30 and, like us, you've probably been up since the early hours
0:19:03 > 0:19:06making sure that Santa left before the children got up.
0:19:06 > 0:19:11We've been up getting Christmas dinner ready and getting ready for our special Christmas show.
0:19:11 > 0:19:13So let's find out now what's under the tree.
0:19:13 > 0:19:15We'll come to our audience live on Christmas morning.
0:19:15 > 0:19:18We will open our presents as they're opening their presents.
0:19:18 > 0:19:21The whole idea is their sitting room, our sitting room.
0:19:21 > 0:19:24You actually feel there's somebody at the helm of it all.
0:19:24 > 0:19:29Somebody on TV doing the same, and people all over the country are watching at the same time.
0:19:29 > 0:19:31So we brought the families in and we thought,
0:19:31 > 0:19:34"That's what our viewers would want to see anyway."
0:19:34 > 0:19:36And it was chaotic.
0:19:36 > 0:19:39There were kids everywhere and there were lots of presents
0:19:39 > 0:19:43and some of them were fake and some of them were real and the kids were all excited about that.
0:19:43 > 0:19:46I've got some ducks for the wall. Do you know...
0:19:46 > 0:19:48He's always wanted ducks for the wall!
0:19:48 > 0:19:51Always wanted a flight of ducks on the wall in the office.
0:19:51 > 0:19:55Oh, and there's three. Thank you, dear. I'm very thrilled with that.
0:19:55 > 0:19:57It's a pleasure. And I'm very thrilled.
0:19:57 > 0:20:00It's always very touching, isn't it, this time?
0:20:00 > 0:20:05And well-known guests are dropping in, whatever, just to say hi and happy Christmas.
0:20:08 > 0:20:12On behalf of everyone here in Ramsay Street, I'd like to wish everyone
0:20:12 > 0:20:16in Britain a very happy and peaceful Christmas.
0:20:16 > 0:20:19ALL: Merry Christmas!
0:20:19 > 0:20:22ALL: Hello and a merry Christmas!
0:20:22 > 0:20:24ALL: Have a peaceful Christmas.
0:20:24 > 0:20:28It was mayhem, but that's how Christmas morning should be.
0:20:28 > 0:20:30Miss Piggy...what memories.
0:20:30 > 0:20:35- I've lost my Lego!- Can I call all entrants to the Ross King quiz, which was held earlier this month?
0:20:35 > 0:20:39It was lovely to be able to bring them all the bells and smells of a Christmas morning.
0:20:39 > 0:20:42- Jeremy Beadle, where are you? - Hi, Anne.- Hi.
0:20:42 > 0:20:44I'm actually outside the ward and we're gonna go in.
0:20:44 > 0:20:47Right, let's see what happens here.
0:20:47 > 0:20:49Merry Christmas, everybody!
0:20:49 > 0:20:51Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas.
0:20:53 > 0:20:57Yeah! Hi. And you are Scott?
0:20:57 > 0:20:59Where's our presents?
0:20:59 > 0:21:03- Where's your presents?!- Yeah. - Well, that's about level.
0:21:03 > 0:21:07That's where you find people, hopefully, on Christmas morning
0:21:07 > 0:21:09that will give a warm feeling to the audience at home.
0:21:09 > 0:21:11I'm Alan Partridge. I love kids.
0:21:11 > 0:21:15The things they say. There you go. Right. Does anyone watch my show...
0:21:15 > 0:21:19Knowing Me, Knowing You With Alan Partridge, no?
0:21:19 > 0:21:21- No.- No?- No.
0:21:21 > 0:21:24- No-one knows it?- Never heard of you.- Never heard of me.
0:21:24 > 0:21:27- No.- Right. It's very rude to say that, actually.
0:21:27 > 0:21:29Are you looking forward to Christmas?
0:21:40 > 0:21:42Those Christmas morning things
0:21:42 > 0:21:44where they go and visit kids in hospital.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47How long is it gonna be before some hapless presenter
0:21:47 > 0:21:50pulls somebody's drip out live on air?
0:21:50 > 0:21:51That'll be the worst thing.
0:21:51 > 0:21:55- # Isn't it rather nice to have...- Friends
0:21:55 > 0:21:58# ..you rely upon, shoulders to cry upon
0:21:58 > 0:22:02- # You must have...- Friends
0:22:02 > 0:22:03# Friends. #
0:22:03 > 0:22:09Inevitably, erm, somebody says, "Let's go and visit Santa."
0:22:09 > 0:22:12This is Lucy Pardy, who wrote me a letter and said
0:22:12 > 0:22:16that she believes in Santa Claus, but her big sister, Daphne, doesn't.
0:22:16 > 0:22:19They come from Oxford. Now you believe in Santa Claus, don't you?
0:22:19 > 0:22:22- Yes.- Now, what do you think he looks like?
0:22:22 > 0:22:24Beard, white beard.
0:22:24 > 0:22:26- White beard.- It's curly.
0:22:26 > 0:22:28I have to own up to a crime in my life now.
0:22:28 > 0:22:34I was the one who started the trips to Lapland to meet the real Santa Claus.
0:22:34 > 0:22:37Rovaniemi Airport is right on the Arctic Circle,
0:22:37 > 0:22:40so we're very close to the North Pole and in fact I'm told
0:22:40 > 0:22:44it's the actual airport that Santa Claus flies his sleigh from on Christmas Eve.
0:22:44 > 0:22:49And we would take eight-year-olds from their warm houses in Britain.
0:22:49 > 0:22:56We would fly them to the Arctic Circle, where the plane would land on akin to something like sheet ice
0:22:56 > 0:23:02and we would convince them that they were going to meet Santa Claus, who, as you and I both know, does exist.
0:23:02 > 0:23:06But he gets a bit busy close to Christmas time, so...
0:23:06 > 0:23:10I have to say, I'll own up now, that the Santa that they met was not the real Santa.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12Now this was more than 20 years ago.
0:23:12 > 0:23:15They're may be some scarred adults out there.
0:23:15 > 0:23:17This is my sister, Daphne.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21She doesn't believe in you.
0:23:21 > 0:23:22- Oh!- I do now.
0:23:22 > 0:23:28Thank you. That was the best Christmas present I could have had.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30Exactly who was the least convincing there...
0:23:30 > 0:23:33the girl, her sister or the Santa
0:23:33 > 0:23:35with the white beard and the black moustache?
0:23:35 > 0:23:41But there was one man who was the undisputed king of Christmas for two decades.
0:23:41 > 0:23:44We're spending our Christmas at Chequers, which, as you know,
0:23:44 > 0:23:47is the country home of British Prime Ministers and
0:23:47 > 0:23:50we're very happy to take part in the Noel Edmonds Show.
0:23:50 > 0:23:51From 1984 onwards,
0:23:51 > 0:23:55Noel Edmonds brought us his Christmas morning show
0:23:55 > 0:23:58from the top of London's Telecom Tower, which, as you all know,
0:23:58 > 0:24:00is the London home of British Telecom.
0:24:00 > 0:24:04In amongst the traditional trimmings, there was always something innovative.
0:24:04 > 0:24:08And we'll be doing the world's first-ever computer draw.
0:24:08 > 0:24:14We are undertaking one of the greatest communications projects ever put forward.
0:24:14 > 0:24:19And a first, an absolute first, for the show that loves to bring you firsts, we are going to be
0:24:19 > 0:24:22bringing you live television pictures from a commercial airliner.
0:24:22 > 0:24:25It's never been done before. Hello, Krankies!
0:24:26 > 0:24:31Noel must have thanked his mum and dad very much for giving him
0:24:31 > 0:24:34the name "Noel", because round Christmas time,
0:24:34 > 0:24:38who would you want to do a present programme and everything?
0:24:38 > 0:24:40"Can we find somebody called Noel?"
0:24:40 > 0:24:45When Noel comes into your living room, you feel comfortable.
0:24:45 > 0:24:52When he looks down that lens and he talks to you, you feel at ease. He's just so professional and so...
0:24:52 > 0:24:58He's like a member of the family and I think that's what you liked about watching his show.
0:24:58 > 0:25:04After those first Noel's, Noel brought us his Christmas Presents on a regular basis.
0:25:04 > 0:25:06A very happy Christmas to you.
0:25:06 > 0:25:09I hope you're having a wonderful day. As you can see,
0:25:09 > 0:25:11I've got my Christmas presents.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13I hope you've got the box of tissues.
0:25:13 > 0:25:18This show wasn't all about jumpers and technological firsts.
0:25:18 > 0:25:23This was about reuniting families and bringing a tear to the glassiest of eyes.
0:25:23 > 0:25:28You've actually been sitting next to your father.
0:25:28 > 0:25:32William. Meet Kay.
0:25:36 > 0:25:40The whole country was talking about Noel's Christmas Presents.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44He's got the seasonal flavour to it and the heart-wrenching story,
0:25:44 > 0:25:47if you like, or the very happy story as well.
0:25:47 > 0:25:51Something that didn't look as though it was going to be good and turn out right,
0:25:51 > 0:25:53then Noel makes it happen.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55Happy Christmas.
0:25:55 > 0:26:00Noel was the gift that kept on giving, every Christmas morning right up until 1999.
0:26:00 > 0:26:05And he'll always be remembered as the person with the third most famous beard at Christmas,
0:26:05 > 0:26:09after Jesus himself and Santa.
0:26:09 > 0:26:13Of course nowadays, the real meaning of Christmas is often lost.
0:26:13 > 0:26:18But in the past, many of us turned to the television in our millions at Christmas
0:26:18 > 0:26:20because we worshipped an ancient, saintly figure.
0:26:20 > 0:26:23And in that week of holy celebration, we wanted to come together and
0:26:23 > 0:26:29rejoice at his arrival at number one with his song Mistletoe And Wine.
0:26:32 > 0:26:39# Mistletoe and wine Children singing Christian rhyme... #
0:26:39 > 0:26:43If you were asked to do Christmas Top Of The Pops, you were obviously
0:26:43 > 0:26:47the flavour of the month and we always enjoyed doing that one.
0:26:47 > 0:26:50And it was one of those shows that it was quite a lot of fun to do
0:26:50 > 0:26:53because there was that Christmas atmosphere,
0:26:53 > 0:26:55although it was two weeks before Christmas usually.
0:26:55 > 0:26:59It gave you a chance to camp it up a bit, put silly costumes on.
0:26:59 > 0:27:03Even if you didn't come wearing a silly costume, somebody would provide you with it.
0:27:03 > 0:27:05The wardrobe went berserk usually on times like that.
0:27:12 > 0:27:17The prop-buying department at the BBC, of whom there were several football teams in those days,
0:27:17 > 0:27:21they would do their best. They'd go down to Shepherd's Bush market and
0:27:21 > 0:27:24stock up on every cheap Christmas bit of decoration they could.
0:27:24 > 0:27:28And so, yes, you'd be handed squealers and pointed hats and stuff like that
0:27:28 > 0:27:32to wear to turn this studio into a Christmas party.
0:27:32 > 0:27:37The effects came out. You did Top Of The Pops Christmas and snow would come down
0:27:37 > 0:27:42and there'd be trees around and stuff like that, so, yeah, I think they always made the effort.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Top Of The Pops may have changed over the years.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48In fact, it's changed so much it's been cancelled.
0:27:48 > 0:27:53But rather miraculously, the Top Of The Pops Christmas Special lives on.
0:27:53 > 0:27:55From Jimmy Saville and Tony Blackburn
0:27:55 > 0:27:58to Dave Lee Travis and Mike Reid and Fearne Cotton,
0:27:58 > 0:28:02Top Of The Pops has always known how to camp it up at Christmas.
0:28:02 > 0:28:06I was a kid growing up and I saw Top Of The Pops at Christmas time and I loved it.
0:28:06 > 0:28:08And so when I was asked to present it, I thought,
0:28:08 > 0:28:11"God, this is a career high." And they said, "That's OK.
0:28:11 > 0:28:15"Here's 150 quid for doing it and we don't supply any costume.
0:28:15 > 0:28:19"You buy your own." So you make about - well, you did then -
0:28:19 > 0:28:23you made about 35 quid for doing the Top Of The Pops Christmas Special.
0:28:23 > 0:28:29If you ask any artist, they'll tell you that the most prestigious chart position is the Christmas number one.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32At one time, people wanted to get that Christmas number one.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35Nowadays, of course, we know what it's going to be because
0:28:35 > 0:28:38it will be the winner of X Factor, so all the fun's gone out of it.
0:28:38 > 0:28:40The atmosphere would be so exciting.
0:28:40 > 0:28:42All the people that had number ones,
0:28:42 > 0:28:45it had been their year. So they were up. They were great.
0:28:49 > 0:28:54The audience loved it. It was Christmassy, they had the hats on, the tinsel and the blowers.
0:28:54 > 0:28:55So the atmosphere was great.
0:28:55 > 0:28:59I hated making them too Christmassy.
0:28:59 > 0:29:03I hated having all those naff Christmas things.
0:29:03 > 0:29:06# Girl, when you hold me
0:29:06 > 0:29:09# How you control me
0:29:09 > 0:29:11# You bend and you fold... #
0:29:11 > 0:29:15I try and have a little bit of a Christmas theme going on.
0:29:15 > 0:29:17I don't want to be too, "Bah, humbug".
0:29:17 > 0:29:20Those Christmas cliches can often look really, really naff with a band.
0:29:20 > 0:29:24You've got someone singing about international peace and love,
0:29:24 > 0:29:26and meanwhile, you've got some kind of
0:29:26 > 0:29:29flaming Christmas pudding going on in the background.
0:29:29 > 0:29:30It can just seem a bit extra cheesy.
0:29:32 > 0:29:37# Mamma, take me in your arms
0:29:37 > 0:29:39# Rock me, baby... #
0:29:41 > 0:29:44How many people have you seen trying to spit snow out
0:29:44 > 0:29:47and do all that stuff, or set themselves on fire with candles.
0:29:47 > 0:29:52A lot of Christmas stuff is just too risky. Christmas trees getting knocked over.
0:29:55 > 0:30:01You get a lot of unnecessary children in there.
0:30:01 > 0:30:08# There's no-one quite like Grandma and I know you will agree. #
0:30:08 > 0:30:11But Christmas is a time for sentimentality.
0:30:11 > 0:30:16It's a good thing to do that, but you've got to really be careful how you tread that line.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19# Temptation, frustration
0:30:19 > 0:30:23# So bad it makes him cry... #
0:30:23 > 0:30:26You've got to have the bells on and the idea of snow falling.
0:30:26 > 0:30:29Anything like that. You just put everything into it, including
0:30:29 > 0:30:32the kitchen sink and you'll probably get a good record.
0:30:32 > 0:30:35But it's got to be a catchy song. There's an added ingredient to it.
0:30:35 > 0:30:39Far too many people seem to be dreaming of a naff Christmas,
0:30:39 > 0:30:42certainly as far as Top Of The Pops is concerned, you know?
0:30:42 > 0:30:49# Oh, is he more, too much more, than a pretty face... #
0:30:49 > 0:30:51I never like Christmas songs, apart from one...
0:30:51 > 0:30:54Slade, Merry Christmas Everybody, which was fantastic.
0:30:54 > 0:30:57When you hear Noddy Holder go, "It's Christmas!"
0:30:57 > 0:30:59It's like hearing the first cuckoo.
0:30:59 > 0:31:04# Are you hanging up a stocking on your wall? #
0:31:04 > 0:31:06He was yelling, "It's Christmas!"
0:31:06 > 0:31:08It was different to anything else we'd had and,
0:31:08 > 0:31:12they brought it out every Christmas and I think they probably still do.
0:31:12 > 0:31:17# So here it is, Merry Christmas
0:31:17 > 0:31:20# Everybody's having fun
0:31:20 > 0:31:29# Look to the future now It's only just begun. #
0:31:29 > 0:31:32And Wizard did quite a good Christmas song as well.
0:31:32 > 0:31:38# I wish it could be Christmas every day
0:31:38 > 0:31:44# Let the bells ring out for Christmas. #
0:31:44 > 0:31:47Cliff Richard's Mistletoe And Wine, I thought was a...
0:31:47 > 0:31:52It wasn't one of my favourites. Nevertheless, he's done some fantastic records in his time.
0:31:52 > 0:32:00# A time for waiting and fighting to see. #
0:32:00 > 0:32:02Have a great Christmas, everybody!
0:32:14 > 0:32:15The tinselling of TV at Christmas
0:32:15 > 0:32:18isn't just confined to the programmes.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21The bits in between want to get in on the act as well.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24The humble channel ident always gets a little festive makeover.
0:32:24 > 0:32:27Over the years, we've seen the Christmas idents evolve from
0:32:27 > 0:32:30snowy versions of the run-of-the-mill logos
0:32:30 > 0:32:33into mini-movies of Christmas folk obstructing the streets
0:32:33 > 0:32:37with giant snowballs and ice rinks full of plastered penguins.
0:32:37 > 0:32:38There's been dioramas,
0:32:38 > 0:32:43much-loved mechanical efforts with more than a hint of the homemade,
0:32:43 > 0:32:45cartoon Christmas trees,
0:32:45 > 0:32:49shiny graphical fantasies and tributes to Willy Wonka.
0:32:49 > 0:32:52And all of them labelled Christmas TV as special,
0:32:52 > 0:32:54different from the every day.
0:32:54 > 0:32:59So when the idents are put back in their boxes in the BBC loft,
0:32:59 > 0:33:03we know we've returned to the boring old rest of the year.
0:33:06 > 0:33:10But TV isn't just trying to entertain you at Christmas.
0:33:10 > 0:33:14It doles out tips on how to host the perfect celebration.
0:33:14 > 0:33:19Year after year, TV chefs offer up detailed guidance on how to prepare
0:33:19 > 0:33:23the best possible Christmas dinner. Usually turkey, I think.
0:33:23 > 0:33:28You'll be offered instruction on cooking a bird from Gordon, Delia, Jamie and Nigella.
0:33:28 > 0:33:32But not one of them has a word of advice on how to fake a smile and say,
0:33:32 > 0:33:35"No, no, the turkey isn't dry at all. No, I love it.
0:33:35 > 0:33:37"No, no more for me. But, no, fine.
0:33:37 > 0:33:38"Good, very good this year."
0:33:38 > 0:33:42I've been doing Christmas cookery on television,
0:33:42 > 0:33:45stage and in national newspapers.
0:33:45 > 0:33:50I thought the one constructive thing that I could offer
0:33:50 > 0:33:54was a series of items that I've made for Christmas
0:33:54 > 0:33:58and found out over the years the absolutely easiest and
0:33:58 > 0:34:01most delicious and successful ways of doing...
0:34:01 > 0:34:03Fanny Cradock did the best turkeys. She cooked them
0:34:03 > 0:34:07in a straightforward way, but did appalling things to them afterwards.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11Cos you know, it's my considered opinion
0:34:11 > 0:34:15that Christmas is just about slave labour for the women.
0:34:15 > 0:34:18She approached the embellishment of a turkey
0:34:18 > 0:34:21the way she approached the embellishment of her own face.
0:34:21 > 0:34:24These turkeys practically had false eyelashes and green eye shadow.
0:34:24 > 0:34:30They were piped and they had little paper crowns on their amputated legs.
0:34:30 > 0:34:33And the head was remade out of a vegetable sculpture or something.
0:34:33 > 0:34:38That's great, but you know that the turkey actually probably tasted quite reliable.
0:34:38 > 0:34:42Prod it all over. Think of somebody you never liked, but you're too well bred to say it,
0:34:42 > 0:34:45so you take it out on the goose and stab it all over.
0:34:45 > 0:34:47A million chefs would tell you a million different ways
0:34:47 > 0:34:50to cook turkey and you always know that
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Christmas is coming because it's countdown to Christmas and
0:34:52 > 0:34:54all the cookery shows are on.
0:34:54 > 0:34:58What I want to do now is just help you to get organised.
0:34:58 > 0:34:59Always Delia, Delia, Delia.
0:34:59 > 0:35:01If I go round to someone's house
0:35:01 > 0:35:02and they've got a Delia book,
0:35:02 > 0:35:04- I think, "Fine." - You take a skewer and
0:35:04 > 0:35:07you pierce the thickest part of the leg, with the skewer,
0:35:07 > 0:35:13and then you just press it to see if the juices are running clear.
0:35:13 > 0:35:17She doesn't slide down banisters or maybe even ride scooters,
0:35:17 > 0:35:20but having Delia is just like having a mum or an aunt
0:35:20 > 0:35:23who really knows how to cook standing beside you.
0:35:23 > 0:35:26Last Christmas was just the pits because one channel was Nigella,
0:35:26 > 0:35:30one channel was Jamie, one channel was Hugh Fearnley-Whittingstall, Gordon Ramsay.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32They're all cooking the same meal.
0:35:32 > 0:35:34I'm worried about this bird, you know?
0:35:34 > 0:35:36- Why, darling?- Oh, I don't know.
0:35:36 > 0:35:39The water, the bucket, the soaking, all this other nonsense.
0:35:39 > 0:35:41But if it's what Nigella says.
0:35:41 > 0:35:45Yeah, but I'm just not confident, not with so many eating with us.
0:35:45 > 0:35:48I should have stuck with Jamie Oliver. I know where I am with him.
0:35:48 > 0:35:51Everyone's advising you. You start it on its left side.
0:35:51 > 0:35:55First, I'm going to release the turkey from its briny bath.
0:35:55 > 0:36:00- Then turn it to its right side. - Turkeys are, I think, probably the hardest bird to cook.
0:36:00 > 0:36:04- Now we'll stuff it. - Parsley, tarragon, salt.
0:36:04 > 0:36:08Viewers of a sensitive disposition, look away now.
0:36:08 > 0:36:11- Piping bag in.- Pipe butter.
0:36:11 > 0:36:16- You cook it upside-down. - I'm going to melt some butter with some maple syrup.- Massage.
0:36:16 > 0:36:19Make sure the skin gets lovely and brown.
0:36:19 > 0:36:23What we'll do now is sew it up with this very vicious-looking needle.
0:36:23 > 0:36:26Get it in the oven. Make sure you can get it in there. Kick it in.
0:36:28 > 0:36:31OK, folks.
0:36:31 > 0:36:35It shouldn't be about 1,001 different ways to cook a turkey,
0:36:35 > 0:36:38which is an incredibly dull thing to eat anyway.
0:36:38 > 0:36:41Oh, I don't think I'll bother getting a turkey next Christmas.
0:36:41 > 0:36:48- Oh!- What's the matter?- Barbara!
0:36:48 > 0:36:52It doesn't matter. You know, it really, really doesn't matter.
0:36:52 > 0:36:55They're trying too... because there is so much competition...
0:36:55 > 0:36:57they're just trying too hard.
0:36:57 > 0:37:01And that's part of the problem with Christmas, is it's about trying too hard.
0:37:01 > 0:37:05Television also serves up the same thing Christmas after Christmas.
0:37:05 > 0:37:08There's always the Queen, The Great Escape, Carols From King's College,
0:37:08 > 0:37:14high drama in Albert Square, Coronation Street, Emmerdale, Hollyoaks, Holby City and Casualty.
0:37:14 > 0:37:19In the '70s, the nation's favourite Christmas show was always Morecambe And Wise,
0:37:19 > 0:37:21but nowadays... Well, it still is.
0:37:23 > 0:37:28The Christmas light entertainment hits of the '70s pulled in huge family audiences.
0:37:28 > 0:37:31It wasn't unheard of for nearly half the population to sit down
0:37:31 > 0:37:36to watch them and the other half would probably have watched, too, if it wasn't for the washing-up.
0:37:38 > 0:37:41Millions of people! The world stopped and everybody watched
0:37:41 > 0:37:43Morecambe And Wise. I didn't get it.
0:37:43 > 0:37:47And I think maybe now I'm beginning to get nearer that bus-pass age,
0:37:47 > 0:37:51I look back at some of those old Morecambe And Wise sitcoms
0:37:51 > 0:37:55and I just think they were actually quite spectacular and genius.
0:37:55 > 0:37:59Eric and Ernie, absolute institution, definitely.
0:37:59 > 0:38:00Preserved in aspic.
0:38:00 > 0:38:03- Sorry about that.- What is it? I'm ashamed of asking.
0:38:03 > 0:38:04I'm from the Isle of Mann.
0:38:06 > 0:38:10Even the Royal Family, the Queen postponed her evening meal
0:38:10 > 0:38:13so that she could watch the Morecambe And Wise Show.
0:38:13 > 0:38:18The whole family gathered round the television to see this show.
0:38:18 > 0:38:20It was special and who was going to be on it?
0:38:20 > 0:38:22Morecambe And Wise, particularly interesting when
0:38:22 > 0:38:25they had people like Glenda Jackson on board,
0:38:25 > 0:38:27because she represented authority.
0:38:27 > 0:38:31The classic actress
0:38:31 > 0:38:33who you shouldn't fool around with.
0:38:33 > 0:38:35And they fooled around with her.
0:38:35 > 0:38:39And they used that kind of comedy extremely well.
0:38:39 > 0:38:44So skilfully that it's very, very difficult to replicate these days.
0:38:44 > 0:38:47I can't think of a better Christmas show than Morecambe And Wise.
0:38:47 > 0:38:49Excuse me, Miss.
0:38:49 > 0:38:50Or Madam, as the case may be.
0:38:50 > 0:38:52I'm afraid you can't stop here.
0:38:52 > 0:38:54Only professional artists are allowed
0:38:54 > 0:38:56up here in front of the cameras.
0:38:56 > 0:38:59Go back to your seat. This isn't the Generation Game, please.
0:39:00 > 0:39:03And, of course, you were very conscious -
0:39:03 > 0:39:05you were working on an institution.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07Eric always used to say, "Well, yeah.
0:39:07 > 0:39:10"It's great, but we've got to follow the last one."
0:39:10 > 0:39:14The way they're remembered, it's as if they only did Christmas shows.
0:39:16 > 0:39:20And if you were writing for Christmas shows, you felt daunted.
0:39:20 > 0:39:23You thought, "We're following something here.
0:39:23 > 0:39:27"They did a great one last year." And it raised your game.
0:39:27 > 0:39:32You really had to buckle down to it, because it was Eric and Ernie and Christmas.
0:39:35 > 0:39:40We never sat down thinking, "This is a Christmas show." Necessarily.
0:39:40 > 0:39:46Unless you suddenly thought of a great idea about reindeer and sleighs,
0:39:46 > 0:39:50or Christmas trees or kids getting up first thing in the morning to look at their presents.
0:39:50 > 0:39:54That could well occur, but it would have to be a good idea in its own right.
0:39:54 > 0:39:57You didn't think, "Oh, this is a Christmas brief.
0:39:57 > 0:40:00"We must do all Christmas jokes and situations."
0:40:00 > 0:40:04- Don't try and get sympathy. - I don't want sympathy from you.
0:40:04 > 0:40:05No sympathy from you, sunshine.
0:40:05 > 0:40:08You've had that for a start, I'll tell you.
0:40:10 > 0:40:13As Eric Morecambe said once on one of their Christmas shows,
0:40:13 > 0:40:17"I don't want any Christmas trees, cotton-wool beards and holly." I said, "Why not?"
0:40:17 > 0:40:19He said, "Get a repeat."
0:40:19 > 0:40:21And it was repeated that Easter.
0:40:21 > 0:40:24The Chancellor's statement reads as follows.
0:40:24 > 0:40:32"There may be trouble ahead, but while there's moonlight and music and love and romance..."
0:40:33 > 0:40:37# Let's face the music and dance. #
0:40:39 > 0:40:45Morecambe And Wise, The Two Ronnies and Mike Yarwood, those were special performers, and Bruce Forsyth.
0:40:45 > 0:40:48Those shows were special to the BBC.
0:40:52 > 0:40:54On BBC1 this Christmas, The Two Ronnies.
0:40:54 > 0:41:00- We're looking forward very much to seeing you on Boxing Day, aren't we, Ronnie?- Yes, indeed.
0:41:00 > 0:41:04- So it's a happy Christmas from me. - And it's a happy Christmas from him.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08The Two Rons would do Christmas shows.
0:41:08 > 0:41:11I think they verged on being more traditional than Eric and Ernie.
0:41:11 > 0:41:16You might get some snow and holly and stuff on a Two Ronnies Christmas show.
0:41:16 > 0:41:19# Crawling down chimneys with somebody's present
0:41:19 > 0:41:23# I sometimes get stuck and the soot's most unpleasant
0:41:23 > 0:41:26# Finds its way everywhere, right through your clothes
0:41:26 > 0:41:30- # Gets in my navel - And gets up my nose. #
0:41:30 > 0:41:34Christmas shows have got to be scheduled brilliantly and quite often
0:41:34 > 0:41:37they've got to be the right time, cos the children aren't in bed.
0:41:37 > 0:41:40They've got to be adult enough to interest the adults.
0:41:40 > 0:41:45So they've got to be like a pantomime with double entendres scattered through it,
0:41:45 > 0:41:48which the children don't understand but the adults do.
0:41:48 > 0:41:50So there's an element of enjoyment all the way through.
0:41:50 > 0:41:52- # I'm the hare. - He's the hare
0:41:52 > 0:41:57- # He's the hatter - And the former is as looney as the latter
0:41:57 > 0:41:59# Your hat is on fire
0:41:59 > 0:42:03# I'm smouldering with desire for Alice in her winter underwear. #
0:42:06 > 0:42:09Christmas Day entertainment on BBC1.
0:42:11 > 0:42:16At 8.20, the Mike Yarwood Christmas Show, with guest Paul McCartney.
0:42:16 > 0:42:19Hm-hm-hm! Excuse me.
0:42:19 > 0:42:24I don't know whether you know me, but I used to be Denis Healey.
0:42:24 > 0:42:29Mike Yarwood was my hero growing up because I wanted to be an impressionist.
0:42:29 > 0:42:35Well, I got rather fed up of being a silly billy, so I decided to become a chunky punky.
0:42:35 > 0:42:41He was brilliant. He was the only impressionist around at that time and it was what I wanted to do.
0:42:41 > 0:42:43The Mike Yarwood Christmas Show was one of
0:42:43 > 0:42:46the biggest shows on television. It was huge.
0:42:46 > 0:42:49He was an extraordinary performer
0:42:49 > 0:42:53and Lord knows how many millions he could command.
0:42:53 > 0:42:57# Jingle bells, jingle bells I can make them ring
0:42:57 > 0:42:59# Cos unlike Harold I have got...
0:43:01 > 0:43:05# ..a great big ding-a-ling. #
0:43:05 > 0:43:08I like to remind people what a big star Mike was.
0:43:08 > 0:43:11He was the first impressionist to have his own show,
0:43:11 > 0:43:14an impressionist with supports and guests prior to that.
0:43:14 > 0:43:18And Mike was a big Saturday night mainstream star.
0:43:18 > 0:43:23Mike Yarwood made his name with impressions of politicians and other well-known entertainers
0:43:23 > 0:43:25and from the '70s to the early '80s,
0:43:25 > 0:43:30he was a mainstay in the BBC's Christmas schedules and a huge ratings winner.
0:43:33 > 0:43:35Evening all.
0:43:35 > 0:43:36Aagh!
0:43:36 > 0:43:40Mike Yarwood's great appeal was, it looked satire but it was merely topical.
0:43:40 > 0:43:44He used to impersonate the politicians of the day brilliantly,
0:43:44 > 0:43:47or any personality for that matter. So it had an immediacy.
0:43:47 > 0:43:52It had a poignancy, which Morecambe And Wise didn't have, in the sense that
0:43:52 > 0:43:56they only used traditional values, traditional comedy.
0:43:56 > 0:44:00So Mike Yarwood had that little edge, so it's not surprising that,
0:44:00 > 0:44:04occasionally, Mike Yarwood actually beat Morecambe And Wise in the ratings.
0:44:04 > 0:44:08I think he could get the big star names, but also he could do the impressions
0:44:08 > 0:44:14of the big stars and you really believed that he was those people.
0:44:14 > 0:44:18But impressionists mustn't get stuck doing the same old faces.
0:44:18 > 0:44:22I'm here to say to Sammy Davis Jr, actor, comedian, entertainer,
0:44:22 > 0:44:28singer, dancer, impersonator, musician, a right clever dick if ever there was one...
0:44:28 > 0:44:31HE LAUGHS
0:44:31 > 0:44:35Don't go away Sammy Davis, because this is your song.
0:44:35 > 0:44:38Mike's stuff would date, a lot of it now.
0:44:38 > 0:44:41# I feel like I'm made out of gingerbread
0:44:41 > 0:44:44- # Gingerbread- A-huh - A-huh- A-huh... #
0:44:44 > 0:44:45And you have to move on.
0:44:45 > 0:44:48The worst thing that happened to Mike was Margaret Thatcher.
0:44:48 > 0:44:51The Russians called her the Iron Maiden.
0:44:51 > 0:44:54The Daily Mail called her the saviour of the middle classes.
0:44:54 > 0:44:57And these days, Edward Heath hardly ever calls her at all.
0:44:57 > 0:45:00Ladies and gentlemen, will you welcome Mrs Margaret Thatcher.
0:45:00 > 0:45:04Impersonating the Prime Minister had always been a staple of his act.
0:45:04 > 0:45:07But like Jim Callaghan, Michael Foot,
0:45:07 > 0:45:09Neil Kinnock and General Galtieri,
0:45:09 > 0:45:12he admitted defeat in the face of Margaret Thatcher.
0:45:14 > 0:45:17Please, please, don't stand up.
0:45:17 > 0:45:20I prefer you kneeling.
0:45:20 > 0:45:22As I said to the Pope last week.
0:45:22 > 0:45:26Please sit down. Very funny that, very funny. Erm...
0:45:28 > 0:45:34With his old favourites retiring from the political stage, Yarwood's popularity began to decline.
0:45:34 > 0:45:39His gentle parodies were out of date in the harsher world of alternative comedy.
0:45:39 > 0:45:42But he paved the wave for TV impressionists to come.
0:45:51 > 0:45:53If their colleagues in every other area of TV
0:45:53 > 0:45:57are getting in the festive spirit, why should news miss out on the fun?
0:45:57 > 0:46:01Over the years, TV news has developed its own traditions.
0:46:01 > 0:46:04Hardy perennials of news always bloom at Christmas,
0:46:04 > 0:46:08whether it's letting us know how snow has brought the country to a stop...
0:46:08 > 0:46:12And snow fell across much of Scotland today, most of it in the Highlands.
0:46:12 > 0:46:17..if it's worth popping down the bookies to bet on a blizzard for Christmas Day...
0:46:17 > 0:46:22This is Sandringham in Norfolk, raising the hopes of a white Christmas.
0:46:22 > 0:46:26..telling us which celeb is turning on the Christmas lights...
0:46:26 > 0:46:27Oh!
0:46:34 > 0:46:39..news is always guaranteed to help create a shortage in the country's high streets...
0:46:39 > 0:46:41With just four shopping days to go before Christmas,
0:46:41 > 0:46:45this year's must-have gifts are proving hard to come by.
0:46:45 > 0:46:51We're desperate for an iPod Nano and we've been shopping the last two days trying everywhere to try and get one.
0:46:51 > 0:46:55Now if the Wii games console is top of your Christmas list this year,
0:46:55 > 0:46:57then we're afraid you might be disappointed.
0:46:57 > 0:47:01We're trying to secure as much supply as possible.
0:47:01 > 0:47:04..or to enlighten you on which festive eccentricities
0:47:04 > 0:47:06the great British public get up to
0:47:06 > 0:47:10when health and safety regulations go out the window.
0:47:11 > 0:47:15The news cameras will be there, every year.
0:47:18 > 0:47:22Sitcoms come and sitcoms go, but whether your favourite is Steptoe And Son,
0:47:22 > 0:47:29Only Fools And Horses or Gavin And Stacey, they can all be relied upon to do a Christmas Special.
0:47:29 > 0:47:33At Christmas time, we are more eager than ever to welcome their dysfunctional families
0:47:33 > 0:47:38into our own living rooms, cos they make our own look almost normal, even bearable.
0:47:38 > 0:47:41- Shall we see who's got the most then?- Mm.
0:47:46 > 0:47:49- Found any?- No, nothing yet.- Oh, well.
0:47:49 > 0:47:51Let's see how lucky I am then, shall we?
0:47:54 > 0:47:57Ever since radio sitcoms like Hancock's Half Hour
0:47:57 > 0:48:02made their way on to TV, we've had a soft spot for seeing what our favourite comedy characters
0:48:02 > 0:48:05are getting up to at Christmas, even if it's not very much.
0:48:05 > 0:48:11So in the '60s and '70s, we spent Christmas with Steptoe And Son, The Likely Lads and Alf Garnet.
0:48:11 > 0:48:14Or even in prison with Ronnie Barker.
0:48:18 > 0:48:20We've got ever such a lot to look forward to.
0:48:20 > 0:48:23There's a concert and the carol service and the tree.
0:48:23 > 0:48:25- Yes, very useful that tree.- Useful?
0:48:25 > 0:48:27Yeah, for stashing Christmas contraband.
0:48:27 > 0:48:31All them dingly-danglies hide a multitude of sins, you know.
0:48:31 > 0:48:35Even the fairy on the top's got two ounces of tobacco stuffed up her tutu.
0:48:35 > 0:48:40But throughout the '80s and '90s, there was one sitcom that kept on delivering the Christmas goods,
0:48:40 > 0:48:42whether or not they fell off the back of a lorry.
0:48:42 > 0:48:48Cooking the Christmas dinner has become Granddad's purpose in life.
0:48:48 > 0:48:51All year round, he sits in that chair watching them tellies
0:48:51 > 0:48:54like an unoiled, redundant cog.
0:48:54 > 0:48:58But come Christmas time, he knows that he can whirr into action.
0:48:58 > 0:49:00It's his role in the family circle.
0:49:00 > 0:49:03Makes him feel he still has an important part to play.
0:49:03 > 0:49:07You know, that he's still needed.
0:49:07 > 0:49:12- Now you wouldn't want to take that away from him, would you? All for the sake of a little bit of...- Botulism.
0:49:12 > 0:49:14- What do you mean? - No, no. All right, Del.
0:49:14 > 0:49:16Why don't you do what I do, eh?
0:49:16 > 0:49:19You know, just put the dinner in your mouth and think of England.
0:49:19 > 0:49:23Shows like Only Fools And Horses, the Christmas Special,
0:49:23 > 0:49:26even now, the more recent Only Fools And Horses Christmas Special...
0:49:26 > 0:49:29if that one comes on, then you make an appointment to watch it.
0:49:29 > 0:49:32It was something to look forward to.
0:49:32 > 0:49:38You've maybe watched the Christmas film and then after that there would be the big Fools And Horses Special.
0:49:38 > 0:49:41- And they never let you down. - It's been running a long time.
0:49:41 > 0:49:45It's got a reputation built in like Only Fools And Horses.
0:49:45 > 0:49:50Therefore when you do a Christmas show, it has added publicity. Everybody knows what it is.
0:49:50 > 0:49:54There's an expectation and people want to see it.
0:49:56 > 0:50:00Hm, hm. Not bad. Not bad, Grandad.
0:50:00 > 0:50:03Slightly underdone, maybe.
0:50:03 > 0:50:04Slightly underdone?
0:50:04 > 0:50:07I reckon the kiss of life would revive that turkey.
0:50:07 > 0:50:13Just as you feel you can't take any more Christmas cheer, that you've been snowed, tinselled, egg-nogged,
0:50:13 > 0:50:16carolled and crackered into the ground
0:50:16 > 0:50:20with a relentless barrage of good will, TV offers a glimmer of hope.
0:50:20 > 0:50:25Yes, the television gives you a chance to see people having a more stressful Christmas than you are...
0:50:25 > 0:50:28the families in Britain's soap operas.
0:50:28 > 0:50:35If you can't have a relaxed time, at least TV will allow you to wallow in other people's misery.
0:50:35 > 0:50:38Come on, let's pull our crackers and then we can wear paper hats an' all.
0:50:38 > 0:50:41- What for?- Fun.
0:50:41 > 0:50:45The annual serving of doom and gloom from our favourite soaps has become
0:50:45 > 0:50:48something of a modern Christmas tradition,
0:50:48 > 0:50:51but Christmas catastrophes weren't always the way of the soap.
0:50:51 > 0:50:53Once upon a time, Coronation Street
0:50:53 > 0:50:56used to imbue the festive season with real warmth and joy.
0:50:56 > 0:50:59What is it, eh? Feels like a bread board.
0:50:59 > 0:51:02It is a bread board. It's got the knife in the doings though, eh?
0:51:02 > 0:51:04- A bread board?! - Cigs, thank you very much, Vera.
0:51:04 > 0:51:07- I'll have a packet of them. - Get off! They were a present!
0:51:07 > 0:51:10No! Fair dues! You can borrow my bread board!
0:51:10 > 0:51:13EastEnders set the tone for most of its future seasonal offerings
0:51:13 > 0:51:17with its very first Christmas Day episode back in 1986.
0:51:17 > 0:51:23Den's surprise present to Angie drew in over 30 million viewers, a record that still stands today.
0:51:23 > 0:51:26This, my sweet,
0:51:26 > 0:51:31is a letter from my solicitor telling you that your husband has filed a petition for divorce.
0:51:33 > 0:51:35Happy Christmas, Ange.
0:51:38 > 0:51:44- Look out!- Other soaps soon began to follow the formula of making Christmas go with a bang.
0:51:48 > 0:51:52Although Emmerdale maybe took it a little far in 1993,
0:51:52 > 0:51:54when its Christmas night of the long knives
0:51:54 > 0:51:57wiped out most of its cast in a spectacular plane crash.
0:51:57 > 0:52:02But it's EastEnders that has really stayed true to its early Christmas Day traditions
0:52:02 > 0:52:07and kept the flag of festive misery flying year after gloomy year.
0:52:07 > 0:52:10- What you doing?- Aagh!- Ugh!
0:52:10 > 0:52:14- I said, "Eat!"- Aaagh!
0:52:14 > 0:52:17I think we all love those Christmas Specials.
0:52:17 > 0:52:19Whatever soap you happen to follow
0:52:19 > 0:52:23is going to have some amazing cataclysm happening at Christmas time.
0:52:23 > 0:52:26And you're sitting thinking, it's the worst thing you can watch.
0:52:26 > 0:52:30It's really depressing and you're thinking, "Huh, Christmas Day! We've arrived."
0:52:42 > 0:52:45But these days, when it comes to Christmas on TV,
0:52:45 > 0:52:48it's not always something out of the ordinary we want.
0:52:48 > 0:52:50We want something very ordinary indeed.
0:52:50 > 0:52:55The TV equivalent of a pair of socks and a box of three matching handkerchiefs.
0:52:55 > 0:52:58Right, right, right. Here's a good one.
0:52:58 > 0:53:02What is yellow and dangerous?
0:53:02 > 0:53:05- Shark-infested custard.- Yes, yes!
0:53:05 > 0:53:07THEY LAUGH
0:53:08 > 0:53:13Finding a humorous take on Christmas has occupied many a sitcom writer over the decades
0:53:13 > 0:53:18and they've stopped the Christmas Special becoming humdrum by embracing the humdrum.
0:53:18 > 0:53:23In recent years, the Christmas Special has enjoyed showing us the incredibly ordinary Christmas.
0:53:23 > 0:53:29And could there be a more authentic Christmas than the one spent doing nothing but watching the telly?
0:53:29 > 0:53:33This is the one day we all get together to watch the bloody television
0:53:33 > 0:53:35and look at the shite they put on.
0:53:35 > 0:53:37Well, that's going for a burton.
0:53:37 > 0:53:40The Royale Family is a different kind of show.
0:53:40 > 0:53:43It reflects the awful reality of Christmas.
0:53:43 > 0:53:47You're sitting in front watching the Royale Family celebrating their Christmas
0:53:47 > 0:53:50and you think, "We're doing the same thing."
0:53:50 > 0:53:52The family's sitting down watching TV.
0:53:52 > 0:53:56You've got relations who have popped in and you think, "Oh, when are they going?"
0:53:56 > 0:53:58Will you give me a lift, Dave?
0:53:58 > 0:54:00Course I will, Nana, yeah.
0:54:04 > 0:54:06HE COUGHS
0:54:07 > 0:54:09HE COUGHS AGAIN
0:54:13 > 0:54:14Are you all right now then, Nana?
0:54:14 > 0:54:17- Ooh.- I'll take you now.- All right.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24It is brilliantly observed and quite cruel.
0:54:24 > 0:54:27There's an element of schadenfreude in it,
0:54:27 > 0:54:30which is not entirely attractive, but it is terribly funny.
0:54:30 > 0:54:34Another comedy Christmas Special gave us a stark portrayal of Christmas at work.
0:54:34 > 0:54:36How would you like to be remembered?
0:54:38 > 0:54:45Simply as the man who put a smile on the face of all who he met.
0:54:45 > 0:54:47The Office Christmas Show.
0:54:47 > 0:54:52I hadn't... It was before I did Extras and I remember thinking, "I want to write to Ricky Gervais."
0:54:52 > 0:54:57I didn't know him then. I thought, "I want to write to him and tell him how brilliant that was."
0:54:57 > 0:55:00In 2003, the will-they, won't-they romance
0:55:00 > 0:55:05of Tim and Dawn had fans of The Office on tenterhooks.
0:55:05 > 0:55:10- ..sunbathing, biting my nails. - Sure. I am beginning to wonder if your heart is really in this job.
0:55:10 > 0:55:12Dawn, you shouldn't be behind there.
0:55:12 > 0:55:17- You don't work here any more.- Look at the boss! Look at his little boss face.- Right, shall we make a move?
0:55:17 > 0:55:19Eh? Er...
0:55:19 > 0:55:22- We can give it a few minutes, can't we?- I know what you're like.
0:55:22 > 0:55:25You'll have too much to drink tonight and moan all day tomorrow.
0:55:25 > 0:55:27What about Secret Santas?
0:55:27 > 0:55:32- Well, I'm sure you'll cope. I'll go and get the coats, all right? - All right, mate.
0:55:32 > 0:55:37He's given her that wonderful art kit and said, "Go away and do some drawing."
0:55:37 > 0:55:42And that Secret Santa gift brought its own Christmas miracle.
0:55:42 > 0:55:44Ah!
0:55:46 > 0:55:48Careful! She's got a fiance.
0:55:48 > 0:55:50I haven't. Not any more.
0:55:54 > 0:55:56It's just fantastic. You want to cheer.
0:55:56 > 0:56:00You're sitting at home wanting to cheer. It was a wonderful moment.
0:56:03 > 0:56:05# It's Christmas time... #
0:56:05 > 0:56:10So who have we turned to most recently for our Christmas fix of sitcom real-life?
0:56:10 > 0:56:14A couple called Gavin and Stacey, who along with their friends and family
0:56:14 > 0:56:18struggle with the peace and harmony of the season.
0:56:18 > 0:56:22And the other good news...well, we see it as good news...
0:56:22 > 0:56:25- is that the new job is with the new branch.- Oh, very swish!
0:56:25 > 0:56:29- In Cardiff.- Cardiff?! You're going to be knackered, mate.
0:56:29 > 0:56:32It's like a seven-hour round trip, innit? Every day.
0:56:32 > 0:56:35- Are they paying your expenses?- No...
0:56:35 > 0:56:38- Look, the thing is... - We're moving back to Barry.
0:56:38 > 0:56:42- What?!- Just for the first six months, to see how it goes.
0:56:42 > 0:56:45- Oh, I get it!- Six months?- You!
0:56:45 > 0:56:49You couldn't wait, could yer? Right from day one you got your claws in!
0:56:49 > 0:56:52- Six months?- And now you're trying to take him away from me.- 24 weeks?
0:56:52 > 0:56:56- Let me just explain. - Why are you shouting? - Get your hands off me, Michael.
0:56:56 > 0:57:00- I'm not shouting.- His bosses have said it's a really good deal.
0:57:00 > 0:57:04- How do you know? - Gavin told me a few weeks back.
0:57:04 > 0:57:06- Oh, my Jesus!- So he knew about this!
0:57:06 > 0:57:09We're sieged in. We're full of food.
0:57:09 > 0:57:11We've probably had too much to drink.
0:57:11 > 0:57:17We're not going anywhere, so we want our telly to be good and we want to welcome in old friends.
0:57:17 > 0:57:20And I think for me that is what Christmas telly's about.
0:57:20 > 0:57:23# And have yourself
0:57:23 > 0:57:32# A merry little Christmas now. #
0:57:35 > 0:57:38So there we have it. Christmas is about sharing,
0:57:38 > 0:57:40togetherness and that warm glow
0:57:40 > 0:57:44that means the fairy lights have just fused and set the tree on fire.
0:57:44 > 0:57:46If you don't like Christmas that much,
0:57:46 > 0:57:48remember it's not really for you.
0:57:48 > 0:57:52It's for Noddy Holder and Roy Wood as they count their royalties.
0:57:52 > 0:57:55It's for the TV producers who got their work done in August
0:57:55 > 0:57:58and are now sunning themselves in the Bahamas.
0:57:58 > 0:58:01And it's for the children's toy manufacturers.
0:58:01 > 0:58:04Christmas television is enjoyed every year
0:58:04 > 0:58:08by people who have eaten too much, drunk too much and fallen asleep.
0:58:08 > 0:58:14And to be honest, if you dislike Christmas TV so much, what on earth have you been doing watching this?
0:58:14 > 0:58:19It could have been worse. We could have revisited 50 years of White Heather Club Hogmanays.
0:58:19 > 0:58:22Happy New Year! Goodbye!
0:58:27 > 0:58:31Subtitles by Red Bee Media Ltd
0:58:31 > 0:58:35E-mail subtitling@bbc.co.uk