0:00:06 > 0:00:10# Oh! You beautiful doll
0:00:10 > 0:00:14# You great big beautiful doll
0:00:14 > 0:00:18# Let me put my arms around you
0:00:18 > 0:00:22# I could never live without you
0:00:22 > 0:00:25# Oh! You beautiful doll
0:00:25 > 0:00:28# You great big beautiful doll
0:00:28 > 0:00:33# If you ever leave me how my heart would ache
0:00:33 > 0:00:36# I want to hug you afraid you'd break
0:00:36 > 0:00:40# Oh, oh, oh, oh
0:00:40 > 0:00:47# Oh, you beautiful doll. #
0:00:47 > 0:00:49APPLAUSE
0:00:49 > 0:00:52FANFARE
0:00:54 > 0:00:56CROWD CHEERS
0:01:03 > 0:01:05- ALL:- Whoo!
0:01:05 > 0:01:12Once again, good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:12 > 0:01:16- ALL:- Good evening! - MAN:- ..Leonard!
0:01:16 > 0:01:18Thank you! LAUGHTER
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- Felicitously... - Ohh!
0:01:21 > 0:01:26..fanfaronaded by the infallible Mr Bernard Herrmann
0:01:26 > 0:01:29and his frenetic affiliates...
0:01:29 > 0:01:31Ooh!
0:01:31 > 0:01:35..the incomparably protean Players Theatre,
0:01:35 > 0:01:40plus none other than Miss Peggy Mount!
0:01:40 > 0:01:42APPLAUSE
0:01:47 > 0:01:50# We're getting ready for the mother-in-law
0:01:50 > 0:01:52# Getting ready for the fray
0:01:52 > 0:01:54# When she puts her face inside this place
0:01:54 > 0:01:56# Well, fine if the old girl means to stay
0:01:56 > 0:01:58# There's a little back room on the third top floor
0:01:58 > 0:02:01# Where the beetles up the wall do climb
0:02:01 > 0:02:03# Oh! Mother, mother, mother mother, mother, mother
0:02:03 > 0:02:05# You'll have a lively time
0:02:05 > 0:02:07# Oh! Mother, mother, mother mother, mother, mother
0:02:07 > 0:02:09# You'll have a lively time... #
0:02:09 > 0:02:15# For she's a bit of a ruin that Cromwell knocked about a bit
0:02:15 > 0:02:18# One that Oliver Cromwell knocked about a bit
0:02:18 > 0:02:22# In the gay old days there used to be some doings
0:02:22 > 0:02:26# No wonder that the poor old Abbey went to ruins
0:02:26 > 0:02:30# Those who've studied history sing and shout of it
0:02:30 > 0:02:33# You can bet your life there isn't a doubt of it
0:02:33 > 0:02:36# Outside the Oliver Cromwell last Saturday night
0:02:36 > 0:02:40# She was one of the ruins that Cromwell knocked about a bit. #
0:02:40 > 0:02:44What do you mean I'm one of the ruins that Cromwell knocked...?
0:02:44 > 0:02:47- I'll give you ruin! - APPLAUSE
0:02:47 > 0:02:48Ruin(!)
0:02:49 > 0:02:52I'm no ruin!
0:02:52 > 0:02:56I'm a very respectable woman, that's what I am.
0:02:56 > 0:02:58AUDIENCE JEERS
0:02:58 > 0:02:59# I'm a poor daily help
0:02:59 > 0:03:02# And I'm happy to say
0:03:02 > 0:03:05# I goes out a-charring at five bob a day
0:03:05 > 0:03:09# I muck out your house or your self-contained flat
0:03:09 > 0:03:14# I'm a very good char known as Penelope Platt
0:03:14 > 0:03:19# I'm Penelope
0:03:21 > 0:03:24# Five bob a day and me meals is the price
0:03:24 > 0:03:28# Though sometimes it's cheese and a lump of cold rice
0:03:28 > 0:03:33# Fair cruel it is but you can't make a fuss
0:03:33 > 0:03:38# Where on earth would folk be if it wasn't for us?
0:03:38 > 0:03:42- # I'm Penelope - She's Penelope
0:03:44 > 0:03:47# I gets out me bucket me mop and me broom
0:03:47 > 0:03:51# And in less than a flash I've mucked out your room
0:03:51 > 0:03:55# If I'm in a rush it goes under the mat
0:03:55 > 0:03:59# I'm a very good char I'm Penelope Platt
0:03:59 > 0:04:04- # I'm Penelope - She's Penelope
0:04:06 > 0:04:09# When I've finished me work and I've rested me feet
0:04:09 > 0:04:13# I hangs up me apron and nips down the street
0:04:13 > 0:04:17# And there in the local each night you will see
0:04:17 > 0:04:22# I drinks with me mates who goes charring with me
0:04:22 > 0:04:26# We're Penelope. #
0:04:26 > 0:04:27Who?
0:04:27 > 0:04:29Penelope!
0:04:29 > 0:04:30There you are, you see, mate?
0:04:30 > 0:04:33If you're ever round our way, just drop in.
0:04:33 > 0:04:36It would be lovely to see you.
0:04:36 > 0:04:37Just...
0:04:37 > 0:04:42# Call round any old time
0:04:42 > 0:04:46# And make yourself at home
0:04:46 > 0:04:51# Put your feet on the mantelshelf
0:04:51 > 0:04:55# Open the cupboard and help yourself
0:04:55 > 0:05:03# I don't care if your friends have left you all alone
0:05:03 > 0:05:08# Rich or poor, knock at the door
0:05:08 > 0:05:17# And make yourself at home. #
0:05:17 > 0:05:20CROWD CHEERS
0:05:30 > 0:05:32I...I promise you,
0:05:32 > 0:05:37you will have Miss Peggy Mount once again later on in the programme.
0:05:37 > 0:05:42But now - continentally contributory to culture,
0:05:42 > 0:05:45for you cognoscenti...
0:05:45 > 0:05:47- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:05:49 > 0:05:53For your ecstatic cooperation,
0:05:53 > 0:05:59we give you...prima ballerina a saluta Chantal!
0:05:59 > 0:06:02Partnered tonight, for the very first time,
0:06:02 > 0:06:04by Dumont!
0:06:04 > 0:06:06APPLAUSE
0:06:08 > 0:06:11MUSIC: Theme from Swan Lake
0:07:05 > 0:07:07LAUGHTER
0:09:03 > 0:09:05APPLAUSE
0:10:37 > 0:10:39APPLAUSE
0:11:27 > 0:11:29APPLAUSE
0:11:55 > 0:11:57APPLAUSE
0:12:14 > 0:12:16Our cornucopic...
0:12:16 > 0:12:18LAUGHTER
0:12:18 > 0:12:20I must apologise for that series of accidents.
0:12:20 > 0:12:24LAUGHTER Our cornucopic charivaria
0:12:24 > 0:12:31convokes a compulsively cosmopolitan characterisation
0:12:31 > 0:12:37from that sauciest of soubrettes, Miss Jeannie Harris!
0:12:37 > 0:12:38APPLAUSE
0:12:40 > 0:12:43MUSIC: Has Anyone Seen A German Band?
0:13:01 > 0:13:07# Once a little German girl lonely and sad
0:13:07 > 0:13:14# Came to merry England from her Fatherland
0:13:14 > 0:13:19# Looking for her sweetheart whose front name was Fritz
0:13:19 > 0:13:27# And he played the trombone in some German band
0:13:27 > 0:13:34# She searched round the city by night and by day
0:13:34 > 0:13:43# And asked everyone on the way
0:13:43 > 0:13:51# "Has anyone seen a German Band?
0:13:51 > 0:13:55# "German Band, German Band
0:13:55 > 0:14:05# "I've been looking about all upon my own
0:14:05 > 0:14:11# "I've searched every street both near und far
0:14:11 > 0:14:16# "Near und far, ja, ja, ja
0:14:16 > 0:14:20# I want my Fritz Vot plays twiddly bits
0:14:20 > 0:14:26# "On his big trombone
0:14:35 > 0:14:41# "Fritz was very fond of me" Katrina said
0:14:41 > 0:14:47# "When he was in Germany over der sea
0:14:47 > 0:14:52# "Und he would come round to mine own Vater's house
0:14:52 > 0:14:59# "He'd make love and eat all our Limburger cheese
0:14:59 > 0:15:03# "He'd serenade me
0:15:03 > 0:15:07# Mit Der Watch On Der Rhine
0:15:07 > 0:15:17# "Und I thought his... trombone divine
0:15:17 > 0:15:24# Has anyone seen a German Band?
0:15:24 > 0:15:28# German Band, German Band... #
0:15:28 > 0:15:30Stop der music!
0:15:32 > 0:15:34Stop the music.
0:15:34 > 0:15:36- Vot is your name?- Herrmann.
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- Herrmann!- Ja.
0:15:38 > 0:15:42- Ahh! Is a good name, ja?- Ja.
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Und you?
0:15:44 > 0:15:47Sachs.
0:15:47 > 0:15:49LAUGHTER
0:15:49 > 0:15:52Mr Sachs, you vill help me down the steps, please,
0:15:52 > 0:15:55- I have difficulties mit der feet. - I see.- Ja?
0:15:59 > 0:16:02Danke schon. You can sit down now. Danke schon.
0:16:04 > 0:16:08You vill all sink mit me. Ja?
0:16:08 > 0:16:10- ALL:- Ja!
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Ve have vays of making...
0:16:12 > 0:16:14LAUGHTER
0:16:14 > 0:16:17..vays of making you sink, ja?
0:16:18 > 0:16:22Und not only vill you sink...
0:16:22 > 0:16:23LAUGHTER
0:16:23 > 0:16:26..but you vill svay.
0:16:26 > 0:16:28You vill svay to the right...
0:16:28 > 0:16:32To your right - everybody svay to the right.
0:16:32 > 0:16:35And everybody svay to the left.
0:16:35 > 0:16:38Und right...
0:16:38 > 0:16:39Und left...
0:16:39 > 0:16:41Und right...
0:16:41 > 0:16:43Und left...
0:16:43 > 0:16:45Keep svaying!
0:16:45 > 0:16:49And vhile you are svaying, you vill sing!
0:16:49 > 0:16:51Very loudly!
0:16:51 > 0:16:54You vill, as you Englanders say,
0:16:54 > 0:16:56"Give it vot you got."
0:16:56 > 0:16:58LAUGHTER
0:16:58 > 0:17:00And I 'ope you got a lot.
0:17:01 > 0:17:04Ein, zwei, drei...
0:17:04 > 0:17:10# Has anyone seen a German Band?
0:17:10 > 0:17:15# German Band, German Band
0:17:15 > 0:17:23# I've been looking about all upon my own
0:17:23 > 0:17:28# I've searched every street both near und far
0:17:28 > 0:17:33# Near und far, ja, ja, ja
0:17:33 > 0:17:37# I vant my Fritz vot plays twiddly bits
0:17:37 > 0:17:43# On his big trombone. #
0:17:43 > 0:17:48- APPLAUSE - Ein more time! Ja!
0:17:48 > 0:17:53# Has anyone seen a German Band?
0:17:53 > 0:17:58# German Band, German Band
0:17:58 > 0:18:07# I've been looking about all upon my own
0:18:07 > 0:18:12# I've searched every street both near und far
0:18:12 > 0:18:17# Near und far, ja, ja, ja
0:18:17 > 0:18:21# I vant my Fritz vot plays twiddly bits
0:18:21 > 0:18:27# On his big trombone. #
0:18:27 > 0:18:29APPLAUSE
0:18:44 > 0:18:48Illustrious in legerdemain...
0:18:48 > 0:18:49- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:18:49 > 0:18:53- Nonpareil in necromancy...- Ooh!
0:18:53 > 0:18:58- Omnipotent in prestidigitatory... - Ooh!
0:18:58 > 0:19:00..prowess.
0:19:02 > 0:19:04Conjuring.
0:19:04 > 0:19:08For your amazement, Mr Larry Parker!
0:19:08 > 0:19:11APPLAUSE
0:19:24 > 0:19:27WHISTLE BLOWS
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Hey!
0:19:30 > 0:19:31Hup!
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Ah...
0:19:36 > 0:19:38Ooh...
0:19:39 > 0:19:41STICK CLATTERS
0:19:45 > 0:19:46For...
0:19:47 > 0:19:49Ah!
0:20:05 > 0:20:06LAUGHTER
0:20:09 > 0:20:11HE MUMBLES
0:20:18 > 0:20:20LAUGHTER
0:20:41 > 0:20:42Oh, well...
0:20:59 > 0:21:01LAUGHTER
0:21:02 > 0:21:03Hey!
0:21:40 > 0:21:41Hey!
0:21:49 > 0:21:51What do you know?
0:21:51 > 0:21:53Ah!
0:21:58 > 0:21:59Hey!
0:22:03 > 0:22:04Oi!
0:22:10 > 0:22:13Now, for the - for the next part of the...
0:22:13 > 0:22:15- LAUGHTER - ..of...
0:22:15 > 0:22:17Hey...
0:22:17 > 0:22:19Now, for the next part of the...
0:22:23 > 0:22:26For the next part of the show...
0:22:26 > 0:22:28And of... Oi!
0:22:30 > 0:22:32And for the...for the...
0:22:32 > 0:22:33for, er...
0:22:35 > 0:22:36Hey!
0:22:36 > 0:22:38And the eyeballs, completely...
0:22:38 > 0:22:39Nothing at all on the...
0:22:42 > 0:22:44HE WHISTLES
0:22:48 > 0:22:49Hey!
0:22:49 > 0:22:51Hup!
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Now, for, er...
0:22:55 > 0:22:58MUSIC: Anything Goes
0:23:08 > 0:23:10Take this trick.
0:23:10 > 0:23:12MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH
0:23:12 > 0:23:14..disbelief on the...
0:23:14 > 0:23:16On the... On the...
0:23:16 > 0:23:17Hup!
0:23:38 > 0:23:41LAUGHTER
0:24:19 > 0:24:22Now, for the next part...
0:24:23 > 0:24:25Tearing once...
0:24:25 > 0:24:27twos...
0:24:27 > 0:24:28threes...
0:24:28 > 0:24:30Goes in tiny pieces, goes in tiny pieces.
0:24:30 > 0:24:32Now...
0:24:32 > 0:24:35SPEECH MUFFLED
0:24:39 > 0:24:41Now...
0:24:42 > 0:24:44HE CHUCKLES
0:24:47 > 0:24:49HE CHUCKLES
0:24:59 > 0:25:01Placing the pieces in the bag.
0:25:01 > 0:25:04In the bag, sir! From the... From the...
0:25:04 > 0:25:06From the handkerchief to the corner.
0:25:11 > 0:25:13Hey!
0:25:13 > 0:25:14Hup!
0:25:38 > 0:25:44Redeeming a pledge, it is my proud privilege to present again
0:25:44 > 0:25:49that paramount paragon of amplitudinous plenitude...
0:25:49 > 0:25:50- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:25:50 > 0:25:53..Miss Peggy Mount!
0:25:53 > 0:25:55APPLAUSE
0:26:06 > 0:26:10# I met a tramp all alone in his camp
0:26:10 > 0:26:14# Laughing gaily and singing a song
0:26:14 > 0:26:19# This hobo man drank his tea from a can
0:26:19 > 0:26:23# And I hailed him as I passed along
0:26:23 > 0:26:26# I said, "You're down and out
0:26:26 > 0:26:28# "But you seem happy
0:26:28 > 0:26:32# "What is your secret? Tell me, friend"
0:26:32 > 0:26:37# "Secret?" said he "By, gee, that's just philosophy
0:26:37 > 0:26:42# "Here's the beginning and the end
0:26:42 > 0:26:44# "Oh, the...
0:26:44 > 0:26:49# "World's all right It's the people living in it
0:26:49 > 0:26:54# "Make it seem all wrong seem all wrong
0:26:54 > 0:26:58# "If there's strife or any trouble in it
0:26:58 > 0:27:02# "You can bet your life it's the people who begin it
0:27:02 > 0:27:07# "So I tramp my way and I'm happy every minute
0:27:07 > 0:27:10# "And I sing my little song
0:27:10 > 0:27:12# "Oh, the world's all right
0:27:12 > 0:27:15# "It's the people living in it
0:27:15 > 0:27:19# "Make it seem all wrong
0:27:23 > 0:27:26# "Far from the crowd," he said
0:27:26 > 0:27:27# "I sing aloud
0:27:27 > 0:27:31# "And the song seems to flow from my heart
0:27:31 > 0:27:36# "Maybe the birds haven't quite got the words
0:27:36 > 0:27:40# "But they're in with the tune from the start
0:27:41 > 0:27:45# "I never get the blues 'cept when I'm dreaming
0:27:45 > 0:27:50# "Dreaming I feel my mother's kiss
0:27:50 > 0:27:55# "In dreams back home I stray but when I wake I say
0:27:55 > 0:27:59# " 'Don't want the old life give me this!'
0:28:00 > 0:28:03# "Oh, the...
0:28:03 > 0:28:07# "World's all right It's the people living in it
0:28:07 > 0:28:11# "Make it seem all wrong seem all wrong
0:28:11 > 0:28:16# "If there's strife or any trouble in it
0:28:16 > 0:28:19# "You can bet your life it's the people who begin it
0:28:19 > 0:28:24# "So I tramp my way and I'm happy every minute
0:28:24 > 0:28:28# "And I sing my little song
0:28:28 > 0:28:31# "Oh, the world's all right
0:28:31 > 0:28:34# "It's the people living in it
0:28:34 > 0:28:37# "Make it seem all wrong
0:28:37 > 0:28:42# "So I tramp my way and I'm happy every minute
0:28:42 > 0:28:45# "And I sing my little song
0:28:45 > 0:28:48# "Oh, the world's all right
0:28:48 > 0:28:51# "It's the people living in it
0:28:51 > 0:28:55# "Make it seem all wrong." #
0:28:55 > 0:28:57APPLAUSE
0:29:09 > 0:29:14- For your enthusiastic enthrallment... AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:29:14 > 0:29:17- ..a thaumaturlogically...- Ooh!
0:29:17 > 0:29:25..unorthodox exhibition of Jan Madd's magic!
0:29:25 > 0:29:27APPLAUSE
0:33:09 > 0:33:11APPLAUSE
0:33:30 > 0:33:35- The ludicrously... AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:33:35 > 0:33:42..loquacious lugubriousness of the one and only Mr Les Dawson!
0:33:42 > 0:33:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:33:48 > 0:33:50ALL CLAP IN TIME
0:34:02 > 0:34:04Thank you for that well-rehearsed smatter of applause.
0:34:07 > 0:34:11And yet I will endure this, because, let's face it,
0:34:11 > 0:34:13as you all know, this great nation of ours, at present,
0:34:13 > 0:34:16is going through a very severe economic depression.
0:34:16 > 0:34:17Not that depression bothers me,
0:34:17 > 0:34:20because I was a failure during the boom.
0:34:25 > 0:34:28This suit bears mute testament to that fact - look at it.
0:34:28 > 0:34:30Oh, I know it's seen better days.
0:34:30 > 0:34:31God knows how old it is,
0:34:31 > 0:34:33but every time a band plays The Lancers,
0:34:33 > 0:34:35me trousers break into a gallop.
0:34:41 > 0:34:46I wanted so desperately to get some new fustian for tonight.
0:34:46 > 0:34:48I went to a tailor in Leeds for a suit -
0:34:48 > 0:34:51I couldn't believe the prices. I said, "What can I have for £15?"
0:34:51 > 0:34:52He gave me some wool and a loom.
0:35:00 > 0:35:03In the name of piety, why do I kid myself?
0:35:03 > 0:35:05It's not been a good year. I'm not looking for sympathy,
0:35:05 > 0:35:08but last year, I lost over 15 first-class engagements
0:35:08 > 0:35:10through repeated illness.
0:35:10 > 0:35:12They all got sick of me.
0:35:18 > 0:35:21I don't mind telling you that I'm so far behind on the rent,
0:35:21 > 0:35:23the town hall's holding the wife as hostage.
0:35:27 > 0:35:29And that was a blow. My wife, she had to give her job up.
0:35:29 > 0:35:31It was a damn good job - it wasn't her fault.
0:35:31 > 0:35:33She got rheumatism in her shoulder,
0:35:33 > 0:35:35and she couldn't throw the harpoon properly.
0:35:37 > 0:35:39It's an amazing thing that
0:35:39 > 0:35:42when you first meet the woman who will be your life partner,
0:35:42 > 0:35:45romance comes into people's lives in different guises.
0:35:45 > 0:35:49In some cases, it's a drift of perfume on a Georgian staircase...
0:35:49 > 0:35:52it can be a snatch of song on a Neapolitan balcony...
0:35:52 > 0:35:54WOMAN TITTERS
0:35:54 > 0:35:55LAUGHTER
0:35:55 > 0:35:59..the caress of hands in the scented bower.
0:35:59 > 0:36:00True love came to me
0:36:00 > 0:36:03the night I saw the wife suck a hot chip with her teeth out.
0:36:14 > 0:36:17Well, that night, when romance came into my life,
0:36:17 > 0:36:22I knew, as we sat opposite the table with a candle between us,
0:36:22 > 0:36:26that she was emotionally moved, and I told her I loved her.
0:36:26 > 0:36:30I bent across the table over the candle to kiss her lips
0:36:30 > 0:36:33and she snatched her head away angrily,
0:36:33 > 0:36:36and I fell heavily on the candle.
0:36:36 > 0:36:40It took the head waiter 15 minutes to get the wick from up me nose.
0:36:47 > 0:36:49And then we had our first engagement -
0:36:49 > 0:36:50that first magical moment
0:36:50 > 0:36:54when two souls come together on the sea of life.
0:36:54 > 0:36:56We sat on the omnibus holding hands
0:36:56 > 0:36:59which took some doing - I was upstairs, she was down.
0:37:03 > 0:37:05Because...
0:37:05 > 0:37:07Because of her passion for food,
0:37:07 > 0:37:11I took her to a very well-known French restaurant in Huddersfield.
0:37:11 > 0:37:13It was called the Chez By Gum.
0:37:15 > 0:37:17HE CHUCKLES
0:37:23 > 0:37:25LAUGHTER
0:37:30 > 0:37:33And yet I've been married for 15 years, and believe me,
0:37:33 > 0:37:36it just seems like yesterday.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39If it was tomorrow, I'd cancel the bloody thing.
0:37:42 > 0:37:44It...
0:37:47 > 0:37:50I can see it now - the rays of the hot August sun
0:37:50 > 0:37:52were filtering through the stained glass windows
0:37:52 > 0:37:54of the medieval chapel,
0:37:54 > 0:37:57highlighting the mellow antiquity of the Saxon altar
0:37:57 > 0:37:59and glinting on her father's rifle.
0:38:03 > 0:38:06The organist was playing O Perfect Love,
0:38:06 > 0:38:10until he saw the wife's family canter down the aisle,
0:38:10 > 0:38:13then he stopped and broke into the March Of The Gladiators.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21The wife's mother was crying her eyes out on the front pew.
0:38:21 > 0:38:24But that was because she had her hand trapped in the collection box.
0:38:32 > 0:38:33The wife and I stood at the altar.
0:38:33 > 0:38:36The vicar at the size of the wife, he looked at me, he said,
0:38:36 > 0:38:38"Do you take this woman, or will you have her delivered?"
0:38:42 > 0:38:44Now, don't get me wrong, I'm not saying she's fat,
0:38:44 > 0:38:47but when she stood in the garden the other week in her vest...
0:38:49 > 0:38:51..she...
0:38:51 > 0:38:53It looked like a canvas-topped abattoir.
0:38:56 > 0:38:58She hasn't got elastic in her drawers -
0:38:58 > 0:38:59it's a curtain rail.
0:39:05 > 0:39:07And to add to my bowl of happiness,
0:39:07 > 0:39:10the wife's mother has just come to live with us.
0:39:13 > 0:39:14LAUGHTER
0:39:17 > 0:39:19As soon as I heard the knock on the door,
0:39:19 > 0:39:20I knew it was her mother,
0:39:20 > 0:39:23because next door's savage Alsatian was whimpering.
0:39:28 > 0:39:31My wife said, "Will you put the gas fire in me mother's room?"
0:39:31 > 0:39:33Said, "Yes, but I haven't lit it."
0:39:36 > 0:39:38Tonight, in a more light-hearted vein,
0:39:38 > 0:39:39in response to several fan letters
0:39:39 > 0:39:41that arrived through the window round a brick,
0:39:41 > 0:39:44I should like to play the piano for you.
0:39:44 > 0:39:48Now, I thought, just to get away from the usual theatrical dross,
0:39:48 > 0:39:50these drapes of illusion,
0:39:50 > 0:39:55to all sing together the songs that we all love -
0:39:55 > 0:39:58to be ourselves, to get back to the grassroots.
0:39:58 > 0:40:00Will you join me on some songs?
0:40:00 > 0:40:02- ALL:- Yes!
0:40:02 > 0:40:06We shall start off on the pianoforte in these oral coro d'antics...
0:40:06 > 0:40:08Ooh!
0:40:08 > 0:40:11..with My Old Man Said Follow The Band.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14You will note that when I play the piano, it has often been said
0:40:14 > 0:40:16there's one difference between myself and Chopin.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22He's been dead longer than I have.
0:40:24 > 0:40:27Thank you. Are you ready, young man?
0:40:27 > 0:40:29Try and keep up if you can.
0:40:36 > 0:40:38My Old Man Said Follow The Band.
0:40:39 > 0:40:41Now, come on, let's hear you, now.
0:40:41 > 0:40:43Let's raise the roof.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45It won't take much doing - the guttering's on the inside.
0:40:45 > 0:40:47Are you ready?
0:40:47 > 0:40:51HE PLAYS DISCORDANTLY
0:40:51 > 0:40:53LAUGHTER
0:40:57 > 0:40:58We can't all be professionals!
0:41:00 > 0:41:02We'll try this one - Lily Of Laguna.
0:41:07 > 0:41:09PLAYING FALLS OUT OF TUNE
0:41:20 > 0:41:23It just glows, doesn't it?
0:41:23 > 0:41:25HE RESUMES
0:41:25 > 0:41:29ALL: # I know she likes me, I know she likes me
0:41:29 > 0:41:31# Because she says so... #
0:41:31 > 0:41:33I wish I was out there listening to this.
0:41:33 > 0:41:37# Lily of Laguna
0:41:37 > 0:41:41# She is my Lily and my Rose. #
0:41:43 > 0:41:46Often, when faced with genius, there is a shyness.
0:41:47 > 0:41:49Perhaps tonight might be as good a time as any
0:41:49 > 0:41:54to introduce to you the works of a very...unfortunately -
0:41:54 > 0:41:57how can I put it? - forgotten Yorkshire composer.
0:41:57 > 0:41:59His name was Seth Bottlegreen.
0:42:01 > 0:42:02The first man to discover
0:42:02 > 0:42:05that people who ate prunes were never late for work.
0:42:13 > 0:42:15Most of his music was very moving,
0:42:15 > 0:42:17but this one in particular, I feel...
0:42:17 > 0:42:18LAUGHTER
0:42:21 > 0:42:23HE PLAYS LIVELY PIECE
0:42:27 > 0:42:29Tricky, isn't it?
0:42:29 > 0:42:31That's three fingers.
0:42:31 > 0:42:32On the same hand.
0:42:34 > 0:42:36# My Auntie Fanny by mistake
0:42:36 > 0:42:38# Put senna pods in the currant cake
0:42:40 > 0:42:42# And the only advice that we could give
0:42:42 > 0:42:44# Was, "Skip to the loo my darling." #
0:42:46 > 0:42:48APPLAUSE
0:43:06 > 0:43:10There's only just time to ask Mr Les Dawson to lead the company
0:43:10 > 0:43:13and yourselves for the last chorus tonight -
0:43:13 > 0:43:15Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:43:15 > 0:43:16Ladies and gentlemen,
0:43:16 > 0:43:19Mr Les Dawson and the entire company, Mr Bernard Herrmann
0:43:19 > 0:43:22and the entire and indomitable orchestra...
0:43:22 > 0:43:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:24 > 0:43:30- But this time, chiefly... ALL:- ..yourselves!
0:43:34 > 0:43:37# Come, come Come and make eyes at me
0:43:37 > 0:43:41# Down at the old Bull and Bush
0:43:41 > 0:43:45# Come, come Drink some port wine with me
0:43:45 > 0:43:48# Down at the old Bull and Bush
0:43:48 > 0:43:52# Hear the little German band Umpapa, umpapa
0:43:52 > 0:43:56# Just let me hold your hand dear
0:43:56 > 0:44:00# Do, do Come and have a drink or two
0:44:00 > 0:44:03# Down at the old Bull and Bush.
0:44:03 > 0:44:05# Bush-Bush. #
0:44:05 > 0:44:07APPLAUSE AND CHEERING