0:00:08 > 0:00:11ALL: # Oh! You beautiful doll
0:00:11 > 0:00:14# You great big beautiful doll
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# Let me put my arms around you
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# I could never live without you
0:00:23 > 0:00:26# Oh! You beautiful doll
0:00:26 > 0:00:29# You great big beautiful doll
0:00:31 > 0:00:35# If you ever leave me How my heart will ache
0:00:35 > 0:00:39# I want to hug you But I fear you'd break
0:00:39 > 0:00:42# Oh, oh, oh, oh
0:00:42 > 0:00:46# Oh, you beautiful doll! #
0:00:47 > 0:00:50APPLAUSE
0:00:56 > 0:00:59APPLAUSE
0:01:06 > 0:01:09CHEERING
0:01:09 > 0:01:13Once... Once again,
0:01:13 > 0:01:18good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:18 > 0:01:21- AUDIENCE:- Good evening!
0:01:21 > 0:01:24- Preliminarily... AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:01:24 > 0:01:31- In expunction of peripheral... AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:01:31 > 0:01:34Perorational...
0:01:36 > 0:01:39P-E-R-O-R... THEY LAUGH
0:01:39 > 0:01:41..A-T-I-O-N-A-L.
0:01:41 > 0:01:43THEY CHEER
0:01:46 > 0:01:48- Do I get the money? AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:01:50 > 0:01:52Perorational superfluity
0:01:52 > 0:01:58- and exhilarating ozoniferous extravaganza. AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:01:58 > 0:02:02Exultant in melodious maritime miscellany.
0:02:04 > 0:02:06Seaside songs!
0:02:06 > 0:02:11Ladies and gentlemen, The Polymorphous Players Theatre
0:02:11 > 0:02:13and none other than Mr Bernard Cribbins
0:02:13 > 0:02:15and Miss Sandie Shaw!
0:02:15 > 0:02:19CHEERING
0:02:23 > 0:02:27ALL: # Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside
0:02:27 > 0:02:29# I do like to be beside the sea
0:02:30 > 0:02:34# I do like to stroll along the Prom, Prom, Prom
0:02:34 > 0:02:37# Where the brass bands play tiddely-om-pom-pom
0:02:38 > 0:02:41# So just let me be beside the seaside
0:02:41 > 0:02:44# I'll be beside myself with glee
0:02:44 > 0:02:48# There are lots of girls beside I should like to be beside
0:02:48 > 0:02:51# Beside the seaside Beside the sea! #
0:02:56 > 0:02:58# I love to go swimmin' with wimmin
0:02:59 > 0:03:02# And wimmin love swimmin' with me
0:03:02 > 0:03:06# I pretend that I'm a crab and their dainty ankles grab
0:03:06 > 0:03:08# Who wouldn't be a lobster in the sea?
0:03:09 > 0:03:13# For peaches all fall on the beaches
0:03:13 > 0:03:17# And picking them's my specialty
0:03:17 > 0:03:20# I get those Navy notions when I see floating queens
0:03:20 > 0:03:23# I dive into the ocean and I play submarines
0:03:23 > 0:03:27# I love to go swimmin' with wimmin
0:03:27 > 0:03:29# And wimmin love swimmin' with me. #
0:03:30 > 0:03:31Listen, everybody!
0:03:33 > 0:03:38She sells sea-shells on the seashore.
0:03:38 > 0:03:42The shells she sells are sea-shells, I'm sure.
0:03:42 > 0:03:46For if she sells sea-shells on the sea shore,
0:03:46 > 0:03:50then I'm sure she sells sea-shore shells.
0:03:50 > 0:03:51All together now!
0:03:51 > 0:03:54ALL: # She sells seashells on the seashore
0:03:54 > 0:03:56# The shells she sells are sea-shells, I'm sure
0:03:56 > 0:03:59# For if she sells sea-shells on the sea-shore
0:03:59 > 0:04:01# Then I'm sure she sells sea-shore shells. #
0:04:01 > 0:04:03Whoo!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- # They're all single by the seaside - Oi! Oi!
0:04:09 > 0:04:13# All single by the sea
0:04:13 > 0:04:16# Oh! See them on the pier each night
0:04:16 > 0:04:19# All busy in the twi-twilight
0:04:19 > 0:04:22# They're all single by the seaside
0:04:23 > 0:04:26# All happy as can be
0:04:26 > 0:04:30# When you see a pretty face or a dainty piece of lace
0:04:30 > 0:04:32# They're all single by the sea
0:04:33 > 0:04:37ALL: # When you see a pretty face or a dainty piece of lace
0:04:37 > 0:04:38# They're all single by the sea. #
0:04:45 > 0:04:47# You can do a lot of things at the seaside
0:04:47 > 0:04:50# That you can't do in town
0:04:50 > 0:04:52# Fancy seeing mother with her legs all bare
0:04:52 > 0:04:55# Paddling in the fountain in Trafalgar Square
0:04:55 > 0:04:59# Bobbing up and down in the water 'Twould make a policeman frown
0:04:59 > 0:05:01# You can do a lot of things at the seaside
0:05:01 > 0:05:04# That you can't do in town
0:05:04 > 0:05:05- ALL: # No, you can't do - No!
0:05:05 > 0:05:07- # No, you can't do. - No!
0:05:07 > 0:05:08# No, you can't do in town. #
0:05:12 > 0:05:16# The seaside girl
0:05:16 > 0:05:19# Oh, the seaside girl
0:05:20 > 0:05:23# As deep as the sea
0:05:23 > 0:05:27# And as wide as the ocean is she
0:05:27 > 0:05:31# Her front teeth cost her a fiver
0:05:31 > 0:05:34# They look just like mother-of-pearl
0:05:35 > 0:05:40# And that's why there's always a smile on the face
0:05:41 > 0:05:44# Of the seaside girl
0:05:45 > 0:05:49ALL: # And that's why there's always a smile on the face
0:05:49 > 0:05:52# Of the seaside girl. #
0:05:55 > 0:05:58# Like this! Like this! Bobbing up and down like this
0:05:58 > 0:06:00# Gus and Gertie in their bathing socks
0:06:00 > 0:06:02# All mixed up like chocolates in a box
0:06:02 > 0:06:05# They cried, "What ho!" Such fun we would not miss
0:06:05 > 0:06:07# When we saw his missus and the man next door
0:06:07 > 0:06:08# Bobbing up and down like this
0:06:08 > 0:06:12# Like this! Like this! Bobbing up and down like this
0:06:12 > 0:06:14# Gus and Gertie in their bathing socks
0:06:14 > 0:06:15# All mixed up like chocolates in a box
0:06:15 > 0:06:18# They cried, "What ho!" Such fun we would not miss
0:06:18 > 0:06:20# When we saw his missus and the man next door
0:06:20 > 0:06:23# Bobbing up and down like this Like this, like this, like this
0:06:23 > 0:06:26# Bobbing up and down like this
0:06:26 > 0:06:28# Bobbing up and down like this Oh! #
0:06:28 > 0:06:30APPLAUSE
0:06:40 > 0:06:42I promise you, ladies and gentlemen,
0:06:42 > 0:06:46you will have Miss Sandie Shaw and Mr Bernard Cribbins...
0:06:46 > 0:06:47THEY CHEER
0:06:47 > 0:06:51..once again later on in the programme.
0:06:51 > 0:06:53And this time, more decently covered.
0:06:53 > 0:06:55THEY GROAN
0:06:55 > 0:06:59And now ladies and gentlemen, to whet your appetite,
0:06:59 > 0:07:02your libidinous appetites, from France,
0:07:02 > 0:07:08Mademoiselle Marie Ange Brillet!
0:07:08 > 0:07:11THEY CHEER
0:07:12 > 0:07:16MUSIC PLAYS
0:08:17 > 0:08:19APPLAUSE
0:08:27 > 0:08:29APPLAUSE
0:08:52 > 0:08:56APPLAUSE
0:09:15 > 0:09:18APPLAUSE
0:09:42 > 0:09:44APPLAUSE
0:09:51 > 0:09:54MUSIC PLAYS
0:10:21 > 0:10:23APPLAUSE
0:10:43 > 0:10:47APPLAUSE
0:10:50 > 0:10:52THEY CHEER
0:11:05 > 0:11:09And now, something for the ladies.
0:11:09 > 0:11:11THEY CHEER
0:11:11 > 0:11:14- Munificent... AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:11:14 > 0:11:17- Magisterial... AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:11:17 > 0:11:19- ..muscularity. AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:11:20 > 0:11:27Stimulant in stentorian Caledonian canticles.
0:11:27 > 0:11:29- AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:11:29 > 0:11:33That, in spite of anything you may think, means Scottish songs.
0:11:33 > 0:11:38Welcome to Mr Bill McCue!
0:11:38 > 0:11:42THEY CHEER
0:11:47 > 0:11:51# Hail Caledonia! Land of my childhood
0:11:51 > 0:11:55# Land of my birth So radiant and fair
0:11:56 > 0:12:00# Though I have roam'd through the world and its treasures
0:12:00 > 0:12:05# No place on earth with thee can compare
0:12:05 > 0:12:09# Thou art majestic and regal in splendour
0:12:09 > 0:12:14# Thou art the home of the gallant and true
0:12:14 > 0:12:19# Lassies with hearts Aye, so true and so tender
0:12:19 > 0:12:22# Hail Caledonia!
0:12:22 > 0:12:26# How I love you!
0:12:26 > 0:12:31# Let the Irish sing of their Em'rld Isle
0:12:31 > 0:12:35# Where the four-leav'd shamrock grows
0:12:35 > 0:12:40# Let the English praise their valleys and braes
0:12:40 > 0:12:44# And the bonny English rose
0:12:45 > 0:12:49# But give me the land o' the heather and the kilt
0:12:49 > 0:12:54# The mountains and the river
0:12:54 > 0:12:57# For the blood leaps in my veins
0:12:57 > 0:13:00# When I hear the bagpipe's strains
0:13:01 > 0:13:09# Scotland, dear old Scotland forever! #
0:13:11 > 0:13:14APPLAUSE
0:13:18 > 0:13:20Thank you.
0:13:22 > 0:13:24HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:13:29 > 0:13:35# The northern lights of old Aberdeen
0:13:35 > 0:13:38# Mean home sweet home to me
0:13:40 > 0:13:44# The northern lights of Aberdeen
0:13:44 > 0:13:48# Are what I long to see
0:13:49 > 0:13:54# I've been a wanderer all of my life
0:13:54 > 0:13:58# And many a sight I've seen
0:13:59 > 0:14:04# God speed the day when I'm on my way
0:14:04 > 0:14:07# To my home in Aberdeen. #
0:14:08 > 0:14:13- # A Gordon for me, a Gordon for me - AUDIENCE JOIN
0:14:13 > 0:14:17# If ye're no a Gordon, ye're nae use to me
0:14:17 > 0:14:21# The Black Watch are braw the Seaforths and a'
0:14:21 > 0:14:24# But the cocky wee Gordon's the pride o' them all. #
0:14:24 > 0:14:25Come on now, louder!
0:14:25 > 0:14:30# A Gordon for me, a Gordon for me
0:14:30 > 0:14:34# If ye're no a Gordon, ye're nae use to me
0:14:34 > 0:14:38# The Black Watch are braw and Seaforths and a'
0:14:38 > 0:14:42# But the cocky wee Gordon's the pride o' them all. #
0:14:45 > 0:14:48# And it's oh, my...
0:14:48 > 0:14:53# Mackay, tell me who is the girl that you'll marry?
0:14:53 > 0:14:58# Is it Molly or Clare from Maddison Square
0:14:58 > 0:15:01# Or bonnie wee Jean from Glengarry? #
0:15:06 > 0:15:11# At hush of even-tide
0:15:11 > 0:15:15- # Over the hills beyond the Clyde - AUDIENCE JOIN
0:15:15 > 0:15:21# I go roaming to my ceiling
0:15:21 > 0:15:24# Down in the Glen
0:15:25 > 0:15:29# Though humble it may be
0:15:29 > 0:15:33# There an angel waits for me
0:15:34 > 0:15:39# In that lonely little ceiling
0:15:39 > 0:15:42# Down in the Glen
0:15:43 > 0:15:47# Across the moonlit heather
0:15:47 > 0:15:51# My lassie calls as I roam
0:15:51 > 0:15:56# Yet soon we'll be together
0:15:56 > 0:16:01# In that heaven we call home
0:16:02 > 0:16:08# The sheep are in the fold
0:16:08 > 0:16:12# And there's peace worth more than gold
0:16:12 > 0:16:18# For a shepherd in the ceiling
0:16:19 > 0:16:26# Down in the Glen! #
0:16:27 > 0:16:31APPLAUSE
0:16:48 > 0:16:51That's for the pretty lady in the front row,
0:16:51 > 0:16:53the green...lady in green,
0:16:53 > 0:16:56who's still sitting in an hypnotic glaze...
0:16:56 > 0:16:58THEY LAUGH
0:16:58 > 0:17:02..staring...staring at Mr McCue's dimpled knees.
0:17:02 > 0:17:04THEY LAUGH
0:17:04 > 0:17:07And now, ladies and gentlemen - all right, now?
0:17:07 > 0:17:10And now, ladies and gentlemen, from the Netherlands...
0:17:10 > 0:17:12- AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:17:12 > 0:17:14- ..via Australia... AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:17:14 > 0:17:18..convocative for cognoscenti...
0:17:20 > 0:17:23That is the knowing among you.
0:17:23 > 0:17:26..of... THEY LAUGH
0:17:26 > 0:17:28- I don't know! - Pardon? You don't know?
0:17:28 > 0:17:31Well, get the gentleman next to you to teach you.
0:17:33 > 0:17:37..of contrapuntal contrarieties,
0:17:37 > 0:17:42welcome to Mr Francis van Dyke!
0:17:42 > 0:17:46THEY CHEER, MUSIC PLAYS
0:17:51 > 0:17:55HE PLAYS INTRO
0:18:11 > 0:18:15MUSIC: By The Light Of The Silvery Moon
0:18:25 > 0:18:28AUDIENCE HUMS ALONG
0:18:37 > 0:18:41ORCHESTRA JOINS
0:18:50 > 0:18:54APPLAUSE
0:19:01 > 0:19:03THEY CHEER
0:19:09 > 0:19:12THEY LAUGH
0:19:28 > 0:19:32MUSIC: Turkey In The Straw
0:19:38 > 0:19:40THEY LAUGH
0:19:50 > 0:19:52APPLAUSE
0:19:59 > 0:20:02PLAYS MELODY FASTER
0:20:12 > 0:20:14- That's all. - APPLAUSE
0:20:23 > 0:20:25Bravo.
0:20:25 > 0:20:26Yes.
0:20:39 > 0:20:43HE PLAYS A MELODY
0:21:14 > 0:21:16THEY CHEER
0:21:22 > 0:21:26PLAYS MELODY AGAIN
0:21:41 > 0:21:46HE IMITATES LAUGHTER
0:22:10 > 0:22:14PLAYS MELODY, LAUGHTER
0:22:14 > 0:22:21HE IMITATES LAUGHTER
0:22:28 > 0:22:30IMITATES LAUGHTER AT LOWER PITCH
0:22:33 > 0:22:35- HE SCRAPES - Sorry!
0:22:38 > 0:22:41HE IMITATES A WOLF-WHISTLE
0:22:42 > 0:22:46CONTINUES PLAYING MELODY
0:22:53 > 0:22:56THEY CHEER
0:23:09 > 0:23:14Denmark undeniably delivers the unparalleled ultimate...
0:23:14 > 0:23:17- AUDIENCE:- Oh!- ..in aerial equipoise.
0:23:17 > 0:23:21Ladies and gentlemen, the Kagans!
0:23:21 > 0:23:24THEY CHEER
0:23:44 > 0:23:47DRUMROLL
0:23:56 > 0:23:58APPLAUSE
0:24:32 > 0:24:35APPLAUSE
0:24:43 > 0:24:45Ladies...
0:24:45 > 0:24:49Ladies and gentlemen, Madame Kagan will now attempt
0:24:49 > 0:24:52to overreach the difficult with the impossible.
0:24:52 > 0:24:57She will repeat that fly walk, but this time, blindfolded.
0:24:57 > 0:25:01As you know, there is no safety net underneath, and she begs you,
0:25:01 > 0:25:05please, because of the effort of concentration involved,
0:25:05 > 0:25:09not this time to applaud until she has finished the walk.
0:25:09 > 0:25:11Ladies and gentlemen, Madame Kagan.
0:25:11 > 0:25:14DRUMROLL
0:26:24 > 0:26:28APPLAUSE
0:26:34 > 0:26:40ORCHESTRA PLAYS MOON RIVER
0:27:57 > 0:28:00AUDIENCE GASP
0:28:05 > 0:28:08APPLAUSE
0:28:30 > 0:28:33APPLAUSE
0:28:42 > 0:28:44THEY CHEER
0:28:50 > 0:28:53- Ineluctably... AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:28:53 > 0:29:00Ingenuous, imponderably ineffable, once again,
0:29:00 > 0:29:06your own, you're very, very own Sandie Shaw!
0:29:06 > 0:29:08THEY CHEER
0:29:18 > 0:29:19- AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:29:21 > 0:29:25On the day I left the village, my dear mother whispered...
0:29:25 > 0:29:29Nell, take this piece of bread and dripping and your fare.
0:29:30 > 0:29:35And remember when in London, though you're just a servant girl,
0:29:35 > 0:29:38you're just the sort that gentlemen ensnare.
0:29:40 > 0:29:44With your youth and fatal beauty, when you get to Waterloo,
0:29:44 > 0:29:47there'd be crowds of dukes and millionaires...
0:29:47 > 0:29:50# All waiting there for you
0:29:52 > 0:29:55# But heaven will protect an honest girl
0:29:57 > 0:30:00# An an-gi-el will guard you, little Nell
0:30:01 > 0:30:04# When these rich men tempt you, Nelly
0:30:04 > 0:30:06# With their spark-el-ling Moselly
0:30:06 > 0:30:10# Say "Nay-nay!" And do be very carefu-el!
0:30:11 > 0:30:15# And if some old bloated blase roue swell
0:30:15 > 0:30:20# Says, "I'll kiss you We're alone in this hotel"
0:30:20 > 0:30:23# Breathe a prayer he shall not do it
0:30:24 > 0:30:27# And then biff him with the cruet
0:30:27 > 0:30:29THEY LAUGH
0:30:29 > 0:30:32# Then Heaven will protect an honest girl!
0:30:38 > 0:30:42# I wondered round Leicester Square from six o'clock till nine
0:30:42 > 0:30:45# But no millionaire came tempting me to stray
0:30:47 > 0:30:51# If he does, I thought, I'll let him take me to the Ritz to dine
0:30:51 > 0:30:54# Then I'll gobble up his tripe and run away
0:30:55 > 0:31:01# Oh, my God, I did feel feel hungry, cor, I hadn't had a bite
0:31:01 > 0:31:03# Since my piece of bread and dripping
0:31:03 > 0:31:07# And I knew that Ma was right
0:31:08 > 0:31:12# Yes, 'eaven will protect an honest girl
0:31:13 > 0:31:16# Next day, I pawned my shawl in Camberwell
0:31:17 > 0:31:20# Then my skirt and blouse I blagged 'em
0:31:20 > 0:31:22# I went trampin' back to Dagenham
0:31:22 > 0:31:25# When a fortnight passed And then I rang the bell
0:31:27 > 0:31:32# "Oh, but Mother, dear", I said, "It's little Nell
0:31:32 > 0:31:35# "I've lost my soul, my uppers too as well
0:31:36 > 0:31:39# "And I've walked 'ome in my undies
0:31:41 > 0:31:43- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:31:43 > 0:31:46# But I'll tell the class on Sundays
0:31:47 > 0:31:52# That 'eaven will protect an 'onest girl! #
0:31:53 > 0:31:55APPLAUSE
0:32:14 > 0:32:17# Hello! Hello! Who's your lady friend?
0:32:18 > 0:32:20# Who's the little girlie by your side?
0:32:22 > 0:32:25# I've seen you with a girl or two
0:32:25 > 0:32:29# Oh! Oh! Oh! I am surprised at you
0:32:29 > 0:32:33# Hello! Hello! Stop your little games
0:32:33 > 0:32:36# Don't you think your ways you ought to mend?
0:32:37 > 0:32:41# It wasn't the girl I saw you with at Brighton
0:32:41 > 0:32:43# Who, who, who's your lady friend? #
0:32:45 > 0:32:47# Who were you with last night?
0:32:48 > 0:32:51# Who were you with last night?
0:32:52 > 0:32:56# It wasn't your sister It wasn't your ma
0:32:56 > 0:32:59# Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
0:33:00 > 0:33:02# Who were you with last night
0:33:03 > 0:33:06# Out in the pale moonlight?
0:33:06 > 0:33:08# Are you going to tell your missus
0:33:08 > 0:33:10# When you get home
0:33:10 > 0:33:12# Who were you with last night? #
0:33:14 > 0:33:17# Put your arms around me, honey, hold me tight
0:33:17 > 0:33:21# Huddle up and cuddle up with all your might
0:33:21 > 0:33:25# Oh! Oh! Won't you roll those eyes?
0:33:25 > 0:33:28# Eyes I love to idolise
0:33:28 > 0:33:31# When you look at me, my heart begins to float
0:33:32 > 0:33:36# Then it starts a rockin' like a motor boat
0:33:36 > 0:33:42# Oh! Oh! I never knew any boy like you. #
0:33:45 > 0:33:49# If you were the only boy in the world
0:33:50 > 0:33:54# And I were the only girl
0:33:55 > 0:34:00# Nothing else would matter in the world today
0:34:00 > 0:34:04# We would go on loving in the same old way
0:34:06 > 0:34:11# A garden of Eden just made for two
0:34:11 > 0:34:15# With nothing to mar our joy
0:34:16 > 0:34:22# I would say such wonderful things to you
0:34:22 > 0:34:27# There would be such wonderful things to do
0:34:27 > 0:34:29# If you were the only...
0:34:29 > 0:34:33- AUDIENCE:- # Boy in the world!
0:34:33 > 0:34:36# And I were the only girl
0:34:38 > 0:34:43# If you were the only boy in the world
0:34:43 > 0:34:47# And I were the only girl
0:34:48 > 0:34:54# Nothing else would matter in the world today
0:34:54 > 0:34:59# We could go on loving in the same old way
0:34:59 > 0:35:03# A garden of Eden just made for two
0:35:04 > 0:35:07# With nothing to mar our joy
0:35:09 > 0:35:15# There would be such wonderful things to do
0:35:15 > 0:35:20# I would say such wonderful things to you
0:35:20 > 0:35:26# If you were the only girl in the world
0:35:26 > 0:35:32# And you were the only boy. #
0:35:32 > 0:35:35APPLAUSE
0:35:56 > 0:36:03Concluding our world tour, cosmopolitanism incarnate!
0:36:03 > 0:36:07All the way from Lancashire. THEY LAUGH
0:36:07 > 0:36:11The one and only Bernard Cribbins!
0:36:11 > 0:36:13THEY CHEER
0:36:20 > 0:36:22THEY LAUGH
0:36:25 > 0:36:27Ahem!
0:36:29 > 0:36:32# When Haggen Schmidt ran second in the Derby last July
0:36:32 > 0:36:36# I was standing at the corner of the street
0:36:36 > 0:36:39# And a fellow dressed in uniform could easily see that I
0:36:39 > 0:36:42# Was standing at the corner of the street
0:36:42 > 0:36:46# He treated me and told me that the country needed men
0:36:46 > 0:36:49# In lifeguard's clothes, he said I'd look a treat
0:36:49 > 0:36:53# And he gave to me a shilling so I signed my name and then
0:36:53 > 0:36:55# I was standing at the corner of the street
0:36:56 > 0:37:00# And for standing at the corner of the street
0:37:00 > 0:37:02# They dressed me up with spurs upon my feet
0:37:04 > 0:37:07# They put me on this horse's back to teach me 'ow to ride
0:37:07 > 0:37:11# When I fell off, the riding master came to me and cried
0:37:11 > 0:37:14# "However did you come to be a soldier?" I replied,
0:37:14 > 0:37:17# "I was standing at the corner of the street"
0:37:22 > 0:37:25# Now once when I was quite a lad, instead of going to school, I was...
0:37:25 > 0:37:28- AUDIENCE:- # Standing at the corner of the street
0:37:30 > 0:37:34# I landed there at ten o'clock I'd made it quite a rule to be...
0:37:34 > 0:37:36# Standing at the corner of the street
0:37:36 > 0:37:40# One day, my teacher caught me I fair trembled at the knees
0:37:40 > 0:37:43# "You're late again!" Then he kicked me with 'is feet
0:37:44 > 0:37:45# "Pray, tell me the reason"
0:37:45 > 0:37:47# So, I of course replied
0:37:47 > 0:37:51# "I was standing at the corner of the street"
0:37:51 > 0:37:54# And for standing at the corner of the street
0:37:55 > 0:37:57# "In store for you, me lad, you've got a treat"
0:37:59 > 0:38:02# Then 'e laid me on a form and with his cane, he gave a frown
0:38:02 > 0:38:04# He put some stripes across me pants
0:38:04 > 0:38:06# They were pink, red, white and brown
0:38:06 > 0:38:09# And after that, for many a day, instead of sitting down
0:38:09 > 0:38:12# I was standing at the corner of the street. #
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Right!
0:38:17 > 0:38:20# Now, the other day, as usual, instead of going a walk, I was...
0:38:20 > 0:38:22# Standing at the corner of the street
0:38:24 > 0:38:28# And two men come running up to me, their faces white as chalk, I was...
0:38:28 > 0:38:30# Standing at the corner of the street
0:38:31 > 0:38:35# They said a bull has just escaped He's absolutely mad
0:38:35 > 0:38:38# He's knocked a dozen policemen off their feet
0:38:38 > 0:38:41# There's only one man strong enough to catch that bull, they cried
0:38:41 > 0:38:43# And he's
0:38:43 > 0:38:46# Standing at the corner of the street
0:38:46 > 0:38:49# Well, I was standing at the corner of the street
0:38:50 > 0:38:52# I said, "We'll soon stop his retreat"
0:38:54 > 0:38:57# Now one of you stand 'ere like this and show him something red
0:38:57 > 0:39:01# The other one must grab 'is horns and 'old on to 'is 'ead
0:39:01 > 0:39:05# They both said, "Where will you be?" so I turned round and said,
0:39:05 > 0:39:08# "I'll be standing at the corner of the street." #
0:39:09 > 0:39:11Thank you! Thank you!
0:39:11 > 0:39:13- APPLAUSE - Thank you, Mr Herrmann!
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Thank you!
0:39:20 > 0:39:22Thank you, ladies and gentlemen.
0:39:22 > 0:39:24May I come amongst them? Are they all right?
0:39:24 > 0:39:26- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:39:26 > 0:39:31- Have they all been fed and watered, have they? Good, yes.- No! No!- Yes?
0:39:31 > 0:39:33- No?- Never mind, won't be long now, ladies and gentlemen.
0:39:33 > 0:39:37With the aid of Mr Bernard Herrmann and yourself, ladies and gentlemen,
0:39:37 > 0:39:38I'd like you to join me in the chorus
0:39:38 > 0:39:40of this very horticultural ditty.
0:39:40 > 0:39:42With the aid of Mr Herrmann and his sons of suction...
0:39:42 > 0:39:44THEY LAUGH
0:39:44 > 0:39:48..I would like you to join me in singing that well-known phrase,
0:39:48 > 0:39:49the Marrow Song.
0:39:49 > 0:39:51Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen.
0:39:56 > 0:39:59# Down the street there lives a man I'd like you all to know
0:39:59 > 0:40:03# He grew a great big marrow for the local flower show
0:40:03 > 0:40:06# When the story got around, they came from far and wide
0:40:06 > 0:40:11# And when the people saw the marrow, everybody cried
0:40:13 > 0:40:16# Ooooh! What a beauty!
0:40:16 > 0:40:18# I've never seen one as big as that before. #
0:40:18 > 0:40:20Come on!
0:40:20 > 0:40:23# Ooooh! What a beauty!
0:40:23 > 0:40:26# It must be two feet long or even more
0:40:27 > 0:40:31# It's such a lovely colour and nice and round and fat
0:40:31 > 0:40:34# I never thought a marrow could grow as big as that
0:40:34 > 0:40:38- # Ooooh! What a beauty! # - Louder!
0:40:38 > 0:40:41# I've never seen one as big as that before. #
0:40:45 > 0:40:50Oh, please, please! Please, please, please, please.
0:40:51 > 0:40:53Put me off my stroke there with my dainty footwork.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59# He was leaning on the garden gate the other day
0:40:59 > 0:41:03# And he beckoned to a lady who lived just across the way
0:41:03 > 0:41:06# He took her down the garden path and showed it her with pride
0:41:06 > 0:41:10- # And when she saw the size of it... - THEY LAUGH
0:41:12 > 0:41:15# The little lady sighed
0:41:15 > 0:41:19# Ooooh! What a beauty!
0:41:19 > 0:41:22# I'd never seen one as big as that before. #
0:41:22 > 0:41:23Come on!
0:41:23 > 0:41:27# Ooooh! What a beauty!
0:41:27 > 0:41:29# It must be two feet long or even more
0:41:30 > 0:41:34# It's such a lovely colour And nice and round and fat
0:41:34 > 0:41:37# I never thought a marrow could grow as big as that. #
0:41:37 > 0:41:38Come on!
0:41:38 > 0:41:41# Ooooh! What a beauty!
0:41:41 > 0:41:44# I've never seen one as big as that before. #
0:41:46 > 0:41:48THEY CHEER
0:41:48 > 0:41:49Wait, wait.
0:41:52 > 0:41:55# And then the flower show come round and everybody went
0:41:55 > 0:41:59# To see the great big marrow lying there inside the tent
0:41:59 > 0:42:03# When the judges came along to give the prizes out
0:42:03 > 0:42:08# They only took one look at it and then began to shout... #
0:42:08 > 0:42:10Come on, now.
0:42:10 > 0:42:13# Ooooh! What a beauty!
0:42:13 > 0:42:16# I've never seen one as big as that before. #
0:42:16 > 0:42:17Come on!
0:42:17 > 0:42:21# Ooooh! What a beauty!
0:42:21 > 0:42:23# It must be two feet long or even more
0:42:24 > 0:42:28- # It's such a lovely colour... - And nice and round and fat
0:42:28 > 0:42:31# I never thought a marrow could grow as big as that
0:42:31 > 0:42:35# Ooooh! What a beauty!
0:42:35 > 0:42:37# I've never seen one as big as that before. #
0:42:37 > 0:42:39One more time!
0:42:39 > 0:42:42- # Ooooh! What a beauty! # - Come on.
0:42:42 > 0:42:45# I've never seen one as big as that before. #
0:42:45 > 0:42:47All jump and down!
0:42:47 > 0:42:50- # Ooooh! What a beauty! # - Come on.
0:42:50 > 0:42:52# It must be two feet long or even more. #
0:42:52 > 0:42:53Bounce, bounce!
0:42:53 > 0:42:57# It's such a lovely colour and nice and round and fat
0:42:57 > 0:43:01# I never thought a marrow could grow as big as that. #
0:43:01 > 0:43:02Oh!
0:43:02 > 0:43:05# Oooh! What a beauty!
0:43:05 > 0:43:08# I've never seen one as big as that before
0:43:08 > 0:43:13# I've never seen one as big as that before. #
0:43:15 > 0:43:18- APPLAUSE - Thank you!
0:43:20 > 0:43:22Thank you.
0:43:25 > 0:43:29And now, ladies and gentlemen, there is just time to ask
0:43:29 > 0:43:30Mr Bernard Cribbins and Miss Sandie Shaw
0:43:30 > 0:43:33to lead the company of yourselves in the last chorus of the night,
0:43:33 > 0:43:35Down At The Old Bull And Bush. Ladies and gentlemen,
0:43:35 > 0:43:37Mr Bernard Cribbins, Miss Sandie Shaw,
0:43:37 > 0:43:38Mr Bernard Herrmann
0:43:38 > 0:43:41and the entire vertiginously versatile orchestra!
0:43:41 > 0:43:43THEY CHEER
0:43:43 > 0:43:46But this time, chiefly...
0:43:46 > 0:43:48- AUDIENCE:- Yourselves!
0:43:51 > 0:43:55ALL: # Come, come, come and make eyes at me
0:43:55 > 0:43:58# Down at the old Bull and Bush
0:43:59 > 0:44:03# Come, come, come drink port wine with me
0:44:03 > 0:44:06# Down at the old Bull and Bush
0:44:06 > 0:44:10# Hear the little German band La-la-la-la-la-la
0:44:10 > 0:44:13# Just let me hold your hand, dear
0:44:14 > 0:44:18# Come, come, come and have a drink or two
0:44:18 > 0:44:21# Down at the old Bull and Bush
0:44:21 > 0:44:22# Bush-Bush! #
0:44:22 > 0:44:24APPLAUSE