0:00:06 > 0:00:08# God rest ye merry, gentlemen
0:00:08 > 0:00:10# Let nothing you dismay
0:00:10 > 0:00:13# Remember Christ our Saviour
0:00:13 > 0:00:15# Was born on Christmas day
0:00:15 > 0:00:17# To save us all from Satan's power
0:00:17 > 0:00:19# When we were gone astray
0:00:19 > 0:00:23# O tidings of comfort and joy
0:00:23 > 0:00:24# Comfort and joy
0:00:24 > 0:00:29# O tidings of comfort and joy. #
0:00:29 > 0:00:32# Good King Wenceslas looked out
0:00:32 > 0:00:34# On the feast of Stephen
0:00:34 > 0:00:37# When the snow lay round about
0:00:37 > 0:00:40# Deep and crisp and even
0:00:40 > 0:00:42# Brightly shone the moon that night
0:00:42 > 0:00:44# Though the frost was cruel
0:00:44 > 0:00:47# When a poor man came in sight
0:00:47 > 0:00:55# Gath'ring winter fuel. #
0:00:55 > 0:00:59APPLAUSE
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Hurray!
0:01:12 > 0:01:14Hurray!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Once again!
0:01:17 > 0:01:20Hurray!
0:01:20 > 0:01:22Good evening...
0:01:22 > 0:01:27ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:27 > 0:01:30Hurray!
0:01:30 > 0:01:33LAUGHTER
0:01:33 > 0:01:36- Promulgatorally...- Ooh!
0:01:36 > 0:01:41- ..the peripherally...- Ooh!
0:01:41 > 0:01:44- ..plenitudinous...- Ooh!
0:01:44 > 0:01:46..Players Theatre
0:01:46 > 0:01:51propinquitous to that paragon.
0:01:51 > 0:01:54The one and only...
0:01:54 > 0:01:59Mr Edward Woodward!
0:01:59 > 0:02:03APPLAUSE
0:02:07 > 0:02:09# Everybody knows him in his old brown hat
0:02:09 > 0:02:11# That he's got on his pim-pim-pimple
0:02:11 > 0:02:13# It only cost him a tenner down the cut
0:02:13 > 0:02:15# But it looks all right on his little wooden nut
0:02:15 > 0:02:19# Oh, I say, what do you think of that?
0:02:19 > 0:02:21# If he can't get what he orders in a pot
0:02:21 > 0:02:23# He'll have it in his old brown hat Well, why not?
0:02:23 > 0:02:25# Have it in his old brown hat Well, why not?
0:02:25 > 0:02:27# Have it in my old brown hat. #
0:02:27 > 0:02:31# I'm 'Enery the Eighth, I am
0:02:31 > 0:02:34# 'Enery the Eighth I am, I am
0:02:34 > 0:02:38# I'm getting married to the widow next door
0:02:38 > 0:02:42# She's been married seven times before
0:02:42 > 0:02:45# Every one was an 'Enery
0:02:45 > 0:02:49# She wouldn't have a Willie or a Sam
0:02:49 > 0:02:53# I'm her eighth old man called 'Enery
0:02:53 > 0:02:56# 'Enery the Eighth, I am. #
0:02:56 > 0:02:59# What a mouth! What a mouth! What a North and South
0:02:59 > 0:03:01# Ker-i-key! What a mouth he's got
0:03:01 > 0:03:03# When he was a youngster, Oh, Lord Lovell
0:03:03 > 0:03:06# His poor old mother used to feed him with a shovel
0:03:06 > 0:03:09# What a gap! Poor chap! He's never been known to laugh
0:03:09 > 0:03:11# Cos if he did, it's a penny to a quid
0:03:11 > 0:03:13# His face'd fall in half
0:03:13 > 0:03:16# Da-da-da-da-da, da-da-da-da-da # Ba-da, ba-da
0:03:16 > 0:03:18# In half! #
0:03:24 > 0:03:27# There's one day a week when we feel a bit gay
0:03:27 > 0:03:29- # That's Saturday - # Saturday
0:03:29 > 0:03:32That's what I said, Saturday!
0:03:32 > 0:03:34# When your wages you get, it's all 'Hip-hoo-ray'
0:03:34 > 0:03:37- # On Saturday - # Saturday
0:03:38 > 0:03:42# You can go through the week p'r'aps not getting a sub
0:03:42 > 0:03:45# But the day dawns at last when your 'oof-tish' you rub
0:03:45 > 0:03:49# And directly you've got it, you're down to the pub
0:03:49 > 0:03:52- # On Saturday - # Saturday
0:03:53 > 0:03:56# Oh, Saturday! That's the day for me
0:03:56 > 0:03:58It is, too!
0:03:58 > 0:04:01# We have a fair old beano and we spend our L-S-D
0:04:01 > 0:04:02It's a lovely day, Saturday
0:04:02 > 0:04:04# On Monday morning we are always B-R-O-K-E
0:04:04 > 0:04:06Nice to see you, sir. Hello. Good evening.
0:04:06 > 0:04:09- # Oh, Saturday! - Oh, you're a lovely-looking lot.
0:04:09 > 0:04:10- Beautiful! - # Lovely, lovely Saturday
0:04:10 > 0:04:12Sprouting hairs there. Lovely. Very nice.
0:04:12 > 0:04:15# Is a day for... #
0:04:15 > 0:04:19# Boiled beef and carrots, Boiled beef and carrots
0:04:19 > 0:04:21# That's the stuff for your darby-kel
0:04:21 > 0:04:22# Keeps you fit and it makes you well
0:04:22 > 0:04:26# Don't live like vegetarians, on food they give to parrots
0:04:26 > 0:04:28# From morn till night, blow out your kite
0:04:28 > 0:04:30# On boiled beef and carrots. #
0:04:30 > 0:04:34# Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron?
0:04:34 > 0:04:36# You look neat, talk about a treat
0:04:36 > 0:04:38# You look dapper from your napper to your feet
0:04:38 > 0:04:40# Dressed in style, lovely tile
0:04:40 > 0:04:41# Your father's old green tie on
0:04:41 > 0:04:44# I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain
0:04:44 > 0:04:46# Old iron, old iron
0:04:46 > 0:04:49# Any old iron, any old iron, any, any, any old iron?
0:04:49 > 0:04:51# You look neat... #
0:04:51 > 0:04:53MUSIC STOPS Gotcha!
0:04:53 > 0:04:55Ooh, you've got to look alive tonight, my darlings.
0:04:55 > 0:04:57You got to look alive tonight, I tell ya.
0:04:57 > 0:04:59# Ooh, you look neat, talk about a treat
0:04:59 > 0:05:01# You look dapper from your napper to your feet
0:05:01 > 0:05:02# Dressed in style...
0:05:02 > 0:05:05MUSIC STOPS, HE LAUGHS
0:05:05 > 0:05:07I got caught myself then, didn't I? LAUGHTER
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Here we go, then.
0:05:08 > 0:05:10# Dressed in style, brand-new tile
0:05:10 > 0:05:11# Your father's old green tie on
0:05:11 > 0:05:14# I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain
0:05:14 > 0:05:15# Old iron, old iron. #
0:05:15 > 0:05:17Gotcha! Oh, no, no, no.
0:05:17 > 0:05:18One, a-two, a-three.
0:05:18 > 0:05:20# Old iron, old iron... #
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Very nice.
0:05:22 > 0:05:24# Oh, I say, what do you think of that?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26# If he can't get what he orders in a pot
0:05:26 > 0:05:29# He'll have it in his old brown hat Oh, why not?
0:05:29 > 0:05:30# Have it in his old brown hat Oh, why not?
0:05:30 > 0:05:36- # Have it in his old brown hat - # Have it in my old brown hat
0:05:36 > 0:05:38# Have it in his old brown hat! #
0:05:38 > 0:05:42APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:05:42 > 0:05:45Thank you. Thank you.
0:05:53 > 0:05:56I promise you, ladies and gentlemen, you will have
0:05:56 > 0:06:01Mr Edward Woodward once again later on in the programme.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04CHEERING
0:06:04 > 0:06:07All of him, ladies. LAUGHTER
0:06:07 > 0:06:10The proliferation of paraphernalia
0:06:10 > 0:06:16is held harbinger for a Parisian exhibition.
0:06:16 > 0:06:18Ooh!
0:06:18 > 0:06:22Ladies and gentlemen, Brahma!
0:06:22 > 0:06:27APPLAUSE
0:06:54 > 0:06:58APPLAUSE
0:07:14 > 0:07:19APPLAUSE
0:07:39 > 0:07:43APPLAUSE
0:07:54 > 0:07:58APPLAUSE
0:08:28 > 0:08:33LAUGHTER
0:08:46 > 0:08:51APPLAUSE
0:09:29 > 0:09:34APPLAUSE
0:10:06 > 0:10:09LAUGHTER
0:10:14 > 0:10:18APPLAUSE
0:11:37 > 0:11:42APPLAUSE
0:11:56 > 0:11:57Well, I'm no lip-reader,
0:11:57 > 0:12:02but I distinctly saw that lady in the middle of the fourth row
0:12:02 > 0:12:06in the pink and lilac...
0:12:06 > 0:12:08or mauve pillbox hat,
0:12:08 > 0:12:10I distinctly saw her turn to her neighbour
0:12:10 > 0:12:14and say what she wouldn't do for diamonds next Christmas.
0:12:16 > 0:12:20A devastating juxtaposition...
0:12:20 > 0:12:22Oh!
0:12:22 > 0:12:24That merely means putting side-by-side.
0:12:26 > 0:12:33..of ingenious and ingenuous juvenilia, for your delight,
0:12:33 > 0:12:37Little Miss Sheila Bernette.
0:12:37 > 0:12:38APPLAUSE
0:12:46 > 0:12:50# When I was born, my Ma and Pa
0:12:50 > 0:12:53# They looked at me and said Oh, pshaw!
0:12:56 > 0:12:59# The doctor said It's a girl, I think
0:12:59 > 0:13:02# And Pa went out and got a drink
0:13:02 > 0:13:04# Then Ma said I looked just like Pa
0:13:04 > 0:13:07# And Pa said I took after Ma
0:13:07 > 0:13:10# Aunt Jane said I looked like a quince
0:13:10 > 0:13:14# And I've been a stepchild ever since
0:13:15 > 0:13:19# They always, always pick on me
0:13:19 > 0:13:23# They never, never let me be
0:13:23 > 0:13:27# I'm so very lonesome, awfully sad
0:13:27 > 0:13:31# It's a long time since I've been glad
0:13:31 > 0:13:35# But I know what I'll do by and by
0:13:35 > 0:13:38# I'll eat some worms and then I'll die
0:13:38 > 0:13:43# And when I'm gone you wait and see
0:13:43 > 0:13:46# They'll all be sorry that they picked on me
0:13:46 > 0:13:47# So there
0:13:50 > 0:13:53# One morning just at four o'clock
0:13:53 > 0:13:56# Somebody tried to pick our lock
0:13:56 > 0:13:59# I knew 'twas Papa sure as sin
0:13:59 > 0:14:02# And opened the door and let him in
0:14:02 > 0:14:04TRUMPET NOTE FALLS DRUM THUMPS
0:14:06 > 0:14:10# My ma said What time is it, Pa?
0:14:10 > 0:14:13# It's 12 o'clock my pa told Ma
0:14:13 > 0:14:16# Just then the cuckoo cuckooed four
0:14:17 > 0:14:22# And Pa made me cuckoo eight times more
0:14:24 > 0:14:29# Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh...
0:14:29 > 0:14:34# They always, always pick on me
0:14:34 > 0:14:39# They never, never let me be
0:14:39 > 0:14:43# I'm so very lonesome, awfully sad
0:14:43 > 0:14:48# It's a long time since I've been glad
0:14:49 > 0:14:53# But I know what I'll do by and by
0:14:53 > 0:14:57# I'll eat some worms
0:14:57 > 0:14:59# Then I'll die
0:14:59 > 0:15:03# And when I'm gone you wait and see
0:15:03 > 0:15:07# They'll all be sorry that they picked on me
0:15:12 > 0:15:17# They always, always pick on me
0:15:17 > 0:15:21# They never, never let me be
0:15:21 > 0:15:25# I'm so very lonesome, awfully sad
0:15:25 > 0:15:28# It's a long time since I've been glad
0:15:28 > 0:15:32# But I know what I'll do by and by
0:15:32 > 0:15:35# I'll eat some worms and then I'll die
0:15:35 > 0:15:38# And when I'm gone you wait and see
0:15:38 > 0:15:40# They'll all be sorry
0:15:40 > 0:15:42# Yes, they'll all be sorry
0:15:42 > 0:15:46# Yes, they'll all be sorry that they picked on
0:15:46 > 0:15:50# Me-e-e-e. #
0:15:50 > 0:15:52APPLAUSE
0:16:07 > 0:16:13Scintillants in a sextuplicity...
0:16:13 > 0:16:15- Ooh! - AUDIENCE MEMBER:- Yes, please!
0:16:15 > 0:16:20..of soaring symphonic serendipity.
0:16:20 > 0:16:22Ooh!
0:16:22 > 0:16:27Which merely means six chaps in a musical melange or,
0:16:27 > 0:16:31if you prefer the vulgar, mishmash.
0:16:31 > 0:16:32Ladies and gentlemen,
0:16:32 > 0:16:36The King's Singers.
0:16:36 > 0:16:38CHEERING
0:16:51 > 0:16:55# Where have you been all the day Billy Boy, Billy Boy?
0:16:55 > 0:16:58# Where have you been all the day My Billy Boy?
0:16:58 > 0:17:01# I've been walking all the day with my charming Nancy Gray
0:17:01 > 0:17:04# And me Nancy, tickled me fancy Oh, me charming Billy Boy
0:17:04 > 0:17:08# Billy Boy, Billy Boy Billy Boy, Billy Boy
0:17:08 > 0:17:11# Is she fit to be yer wife Billy Boy, Billy Boy?
0:17:11 > 0:17:14# Is she fit to be yer wife Me Billy Boy?
0:17:14 > 0:17:17# She's as fit to be my wife As the fork is to the knife
0:17:17 > 0:17:21# And me Nancy, tickled me fancy Tickled me fancy, fancy, fancy
0:17:21 > 0:17:22# And me Nancy, tickled me fancy
0:17:22 > 0:17:24# Tickled me fancy, fancy, fancy
0:17:24 > 0:17:26# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom
0:17:26 > 0:17:28# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom
0:17:28 > 0:17:31# Can she cook a bit of steak Billy Boy, Billy Boy?
0:17:31 > 0:17:34# Can she cook a bit of steak Me Billy Boy?
0:17:34 > 0:17:37# She can cook a bit of steak Aye, and make a girdle cake... #
0:17:37 > 0:17:39HE MIMICS BAGPIPES
0:17:39 > 0:17:40# Me charming Billy Boy
0:17:40 > 0:17:42# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom
0:17:42 > 0:17:43# Diddle-dee-yom Bom-bom
0:17:43 > 0:17:46# Diddle-dee-yom Billy, Billy, Billy Boy
0:17:46 > 0:17:48# Billy Boy
0:17:48 > 0:17:52# Can she make an Irish stew Billy Boy, Billy Boy?
0:17:52 > 0:17:55# Can she make an Irish stew Me Billy Boy? #
0:17:55 > 0:17:57- She can make an Irish stew, ha-ha! - Mmm!
0:17:57 > 0:18:00LAUGHTER
0:18:00 > 0:18:03And I'm able to state most emphatically that her
0:18:03 > 0:18:08culinary attainments are, in many other respects, noteworthy.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12# Oh, me Nancy, tickled me fancy Oh, me charming Billy Boy
0:18:12 > 0:18:15# Ch, boy Ch-ch, Billy Boy, ch. #
0:18:29 > 0:18:33# George Jones had a meeting at his house last night
0:18:33 > 0:18:36# For to name his first-born child
0:18:36 > 0:18:38# To give him a high-tone name and start him off right
0:18:38 > 0:18:41# For George was almost wild
0:18:41 > 0:18:44# Now the day of the Christening Parson Brown inquired
0:18:44 > 0:18:47# What's this child's name going to be?
0:18:47 > 0:18:50# Someone hollered, Ham! Another shouted, Sam!
0:18:50 > 0:18:55# But George said Let's name this one for me
0:18:56 > 0:18:57# Gonna name him
0:18:59 > 0:19:01# George George Washington
0:19:01 > 0:19:04# Christopher Columbus Madison and Douglas Lee
0:19:04 > 0:19:07# Gonna name him Jim Jim Jeffries, Jack Johnson
0:19:07 > 0:19:09# Ring in Booker T
0:19:09 > 0:19:12# Admiral Admiral Dewey, Thomas Jefferson
0:19:12 > 0:19:15# McKinley and Sherlock Holmes
0:19:15 > 0:19:20# Obadiah
0:19:20 > 0:19:26# Hezekiah
0:19:26 > 0:19:27# Abraham-a-Lincoln.
0:19:27 > 0:19:29# Oh, I said I said Abe Lincoln
0:19:29 > 0:19:31# And I mean I mean Abe Lincoln Jones
0:19:32 > 0:19:36# Now, little George's twin sister didn't have no name
0:19:36 > 0:19:39# So George said Let's name this one too
0:19:39 > 0:19:41# He turned to the parson saying, Reverend Brown
0:19:41 > 0:19:44# Now I will tell you what we will do
0:19:44 > 0:19:47# Now it ain't so important as a namin' my son
0:19:47 > 0:19:50# To that I'm sure you will agree
0:19:50 > 0:19:53# When up spoke the wife just as big as holy life
0:19:53 > 0:19:59# And she said You leave this one to me
0:20:00 > 0:20:05# Gonna name her
0:20:05 > 0:20:06# Martha Martha Washington
0:20:06 > 0:20:08# Aimee Semple McPherson
0:20:08 > 0:20:10# Shirley Temple, Gypsy Rose Lee
0:20:10 > 0:20:11# Gonna name her Cleopatra
0:20:11 > 0:20:13# Peggy Hopkins Joyce
0:20:13 > 0:20:15# Ring in a Lidia P
0:20:15 > 0:20:18# Aunt Je- Aunt Jemima, Texas Guinan
0:20:18 > 0:20:20# Victoria and Kate Malone
0:20:22 > 0:20:27# Adeline
0:20:27 > 0:20:33# Gertrude Stein
0:20:33 > 0:20:34# Lindy Lou Eliza
0:20:34 > 0:20:35# Oh, I said I said Eliza
0:20:35 > 0:20:38# And I mean I mean Eliza Jones. #
0:20:40 > 0:20:43APPLAUSE
0:20:57 > 0:20:59# Deck the halls with boughs of holly
0:20:59 > 0:21:01# Fa la la la la la la la la
0:21:01 > 0:21:03# 'Tis the season to be jolly
0:21:03 > 0:21:04# Fa la la la la la la la la
0:21:04 > 0:21:07# Fill the glasses raise the wassail
0:21:07 > 0:21:08# Fa la la, la la la la la la la
0:21:08 > 0:21:10# Sing the ancient Christmas carol
0:21:10 > 0:21:13# Fa la la la la la la la la
0:21:13 > 0:21:15# Do-do do-do do-do-do-do
0:21:15 > 0:21:18# Do, do-do do-do
0:21:18 > 0:21:20# See the flowing bowl before us
0:21:20 > 0:21:22# Fa la la la, la la bee-doo ba!
0:21:22 > 0:21:23# Start the band and join the chorus
0:21:23 > 0:21:25# Fa-la la-la la la la-la-la
0:21:25 > 0:21:27# Follow me in merry measure
0:21:27 > 0:21:29# Fa-la-la-la-la fa-la-la-la-la La-la-la-la la-la-la
0:21:29 > 0:21:31# While we sing of mirth and pleasure
0:21:31 > 0:21:33# While we sing of mirth and pleasure
0:21:33 > 0:21:35# While we sing of mirth and pleasure
0:21:35 > 0:21:37# Fa la la la la, la la la la
0:21:37 > 0:21:38# Hum da-da-da-da Hum da-da-da-da
0:21:38 > 0:21:40# La la la-la la-la la-la
0:21:40 > 0:21:43# Fa la la la la, la la la la... #
0:21:43 > 0:21:45VERY LOW SINGING LAUGHTER
0:21:45 > 0:21:47# Do-do-bee-do-ba Do-do-bee-do-ba
0:21:47 > 0:21:50# Do-do-bee-do, do-do-bee-do do-do-bee-do-ba
0:21:50 > 0:21:52# Fast the festive season passes... #
0:21:52 > 0:21:54THEY PLAY KAZOOS
0:21:54 > 0:21:55# Join the fun ye lads and lasses
0:21:57 > 0:21:59# Singing gaily all together
0:22:00 > 0:22:05AS A DRUNKEN CHORUS: # Fa la la la la, la la la la... #
0:22:05 > 0:22:06Hiccup!
0:22:06 > 0:22:09# Mindless of the wind and weather
0:22:09 > 0:22:10# Fa la la la Fa la la la
0:22:10 > 0:22:11# Fa la la la La la la la la
0:22:11 > 0:22:14# Very merry Christmas to you. #
0:22:14 > 0:22:16APPLAUSE
0:22:33 > 0:22:38The exultant, ultimate in...
0:22:41 > 0:22:44- ..vehement virility...- Oh!
0:22:45 > 0:22:47CHUCKLING: ..affiliated...
0:22:48 > 0:22:52..affiliated to feminine fallibility.
0:22:52 > 0:22:58Ladies and gentlemen, Hercules hectic with Venus.
0:22:58 > 0:23:00Oh!
0:23:00 > 0:23:03Ted Durante and Hilda.
0:23:04 > 0:23:06APPLAUSE
0:23:17 > 0:23:20HE SPEAKS COD GERMAN
0:23:23 > 0:23:24LAUGHTER
0:23:27 > 0:23:29Danke, danke.
0:23:29 > 0:23:31MUSIC: Over The Waves by Juventino Rosas
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Beautiful.
0:23:38 > 0:23:40HE YELLS
0:23:42 > 0:23:44Ooh!
0:23:53 > 0:23:55HE SINGS ALONG
0:24:01 > 0:24:02HE YELLS
0:24:05 > 0:24:07APPLAUSE
0:24:15 > 0:24:17LAUGHTER
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Ooh!
0:24:26 > 0:24:28HE SPEAKS COD GERMAN
0:24:32 > 0:24:34WOLF WHISTLES
0:24:38 > 0:24:39Ooh!
0:24:44 > 0:24:46LAUGHTER
0:24:51 > 0:24:54HE SHOUTS IN COD GERMAN
0:25:22 > 0:25:26LAUGHTER
0:25:49 > 0:25:52There's a little hole, stick it up!
0:26:00 > 0:26:03HE YELLS
0:26:27 > 0:26:29LAUGHTER
0:26:43 > 0:26:45HE YELLS
0:27:01 > 0:27:03Vash bin Doncaster?
0:27:07 > 0:27:09HE INSTRUCTS HER IN COD GERMAN
0:27:18 > 0:27:20FABRIC TEARS
0:27:20 > 0:27:22LAUGHTER
0:27:26 > 0:27:29AUDIENCE HOWLS
0:27:40 > 0:27:43Arait? Reng bleng splitzee jacksie?
0:27:57 > 0:28:00HE YELLS
0:28:15 > 0:28:18HE INSTRUCTS HER IN COD GERMAN
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Nicht aus, up on the compf.
0:28:31 > 0:28:33On the compf!
0:28:37 > 0:28:41Up on the compf!
0:28:41 > 0:28:43Gut.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45On the compf, up!
0:28:47 > 0:28:48On the compf, up!
0:28:50 > 0:28:52LAUGHTER
0:29:01 > 0:29:02HE YELLS
0:29:07 > 0:29:10APPLAUSE
0:29:21 > 0:29:23HE YELLS
0:29:24 > 0:29:26Oi-oi-oi, oi-oi oi!
0:29:27 > 0:29:29Vat is the ferret?
0:29:38 > 0:29:41On the compf!
0:29:41 > 0:29:43Twit!
0:29:49 > 0:29:52On the compf! HE BLOWS A RASPBERRY
0:30:10 > 0:30:14APPLAUSE
0:30:18 > 0:30:20HE YELLS
0:30:23 > 0:30:25HE YELLS
0:30:28 > 0:30:31LAUGHTER
0:30:31 > 0:30:32HE YELLS IN COD GERMAN
0:30:33 > 0:30:35Get off me!
0:30:40 > 0:30:42APPLAUSE
0:30:53 > 0:30:54My neck!
0:30:56 > 0:30:57I've lost my neck.
0:30:58 > 0:30:59Look for it.
0:31:01 > 0:31:04What are you going to do about the neck?
0:31:04 > 0:31:05Vas is this?
0:31:05 > 0:31:08HE YELPS
0:31:08 > 0:31:10Ja! That's it.
0:31:11 > 0:31:13Voila.
0:31:13 > 0:31:15APPLAUSE
0:31:36 > 0:31:40I am extremely happy to tell you that Ted and Hilda
0:31:40 > 0:31:42are more than just good friends.
0:31:42 > 0:31:44LAUGHTER
0:31:44 > 0:31:48I've just met their lovely little daughter and now,
0:31:48 > 0:31:52ladies and gentlemen, all the way from, believe it or not,
0:31:52 > 0:31:58Polynesia, for our velutinous inveiglement.
0:32:00 > 0:32:05Welcome, thrice welcome, to
0:32:05 > 0:32:10the planturously amplitudinous
0:32:10 > 0:32:16opulences is of Miss Wilma Reading.
0:32:16 > 0:32:17CHEERING
0:32:29 > 0:32:37# Oh, they say some people long ago
0:32:37 > 0:32:40# Were searching for a different tune
0:32:40 > 0:32:43# One that they could croon
0:32:43 > 0:32:48# As only they can
0:32:50 > 0:32:53# They only had the rhythm
0:32:53 > 0:33:02# So they started swaying to and fro
0:33:02 > 0:33:05# They didn't know just what to use
0:33:05 > 0:33:12# This is how the blues really began
0:33:14 > 0:33:21# They heard the breeze in the trees
0:33:21 > 0:33:26# Singing weird melodies
0:33:26 > 0:33:30# And they made that
0:33:30 > 0:33:35# The start of the blues
0:33:35 > 0:33:40# And from a jail came a wail
0:33:40 > 0:33:45# Of a down-hearted frail
0:33:45 > 0:33:48# And they played that
0:33:48 > 0:33:54# As part of the blues
0:33:54 > 0:33:56# From a whippoorwill
0:33:56 > 0:33:59# Way high on a hill
0:33:59 > 0:34:03# They took a new note
0:34:03 > 0:34:06# And they pushed it through a horn
0:34:06 > 0:34:09# Until it was worn
0:34:09 > 0:34:11# Into a blue note
0:34:12 > 0:34:18# And then they nursed it and rehearsed it
0:34:18 > 0:34:22# And they gave out the news
0:34:22 > 0:34:25# That the Southland
0:34:26 > 0:34:31# Gave birth to the blues
0:34:31 > 0:34:35# Oh, they nursed it Rehearsed it
0:34:35 > 0:34:37# And gave out the news
0:34:37 > 0:34:40# That the Southland
0:34:40 > 0:34:42# Gave birth
0:34:42 > 0:34:50# To the blues. #
0:34:50 > 0:34:53APPLAUSE
0:35:06 > 0:35:08Ooh!
0:35:08 > 0:35:12# I'm sitting on top of the world
0:35:14 > 0:35:19# Just rollin' along I'm rollin' along
0:35:20 > 0:35:24# I'm quittin' the blues of the world
0:35:25 > 0:35:30# I'm singin' a song just singin' a song
0:35:30 > 0:35:34# Glory, Hallelujah I just saw the parson
0:35:34 > 0:35:38# Said, Par, get ready to call
0:35:38 > 0:35:39# Just like Humpty Dumpty
0:35:39 > 0:35:41# Oh!
0:35:41 > 0:35:43# I started to fall
0:35:43 > 0:35:47# I'm sitting on top of the world
0:35:48 > 0:35:53# Just rollin' along Just rollin' along. #
0:36:04 > 0:36:09# You made me love you
0:36:09 > 0:36:12# I didn't want to do it
0:36:12 > 0:36:14# I didn't want to do it
0:36:16 > 0:36:22# You made me want you
0:36:22 > 0:36:25# And all the time you knew it
0:36:25 > 0:36:27# I guess you always knew it
0:36:29 > 0:36:33# You made me happy sometimes
0:36:35 > 0:36:38# You made me sad... # LAUGHTER
0:36:40 > 0:36:45# But there were times, dear
0:36:45 > 0:36:49# Oh, you made me feel so bad
0:36:49 > 0:36:50# Ha, whoo!
0:36:52 > 0:36:57# You made me sigh for
0:36:57 > 0:36:59# I didn't wanna tell you
0:36:59 > 0:37:03# I didn't want to tell you
0:37:03 > 0:37:09# I want a love, that's true
0:37:09 > 0:37:14# yes, I do, indeed I do you know I do
0:37:14 > 0:37:19# Give me, give me, give me give me what I sigh for
0:37:19 > 0:37:26# You know ya got the brand o' kisses that I'd die for
0:37:26 > 0:37:33# You know you made me love you.. #
0:37:34 > 0:37:36Here we go now.
0:37:36 > 0:37:38AUDIENCE JOINS IN
0:37:38 > 0:37:42# You made me love you
0:37:42 > 0:37:45# I didn't want to do it
0:37:45 > 0:37:47# I didn't want to do it
0:37:48 > 0:37:54# You made me love you
0:37:54 > 0:37:59# Yes, I do, indeed I do you know I do
0:38:00 > 0:38:05# Give me, give me, give me give me what I sigh for
0:38:05 > 0:38:12# You know ya got the brand o' kisses that I'd die for
0:38:12 > 0:38:20# You know you made me love you. #
0:38:20 > 0:38:23APPLAUSE
0:38:23 > 0:38:26Whoo!
0:38:43 > 0:38:46# Come on and hear Come on and hear
0:38:46 > 0:38:49# Alexander's ragtime band
0:38:49 > 0:38:52# Come on and hear Come on and hear
0:38:52 > 0:38:54# It's the best band in the land
0:38:54 > 0:38:56# They can play a bugle call
0:38:56 > 0:38:58# Like you never heard before
0:38:58 > 0:39:00# So natural that you want to go to war
0:39:00 > 0:39:03# It's just the bestest band
0:39:03 > 0:39:05# What-am, ma-honey lamb
0:39:05 > 0:39:08# Come on along, come on along
0:39:08 > 0:39:11# Let me take you by the hand
0:39:11 > 0:39:14# Up to the man, to the man
0:39:14 > 0:39:16# Who's the leader of the band
0:39:16 > 0:39:18# Now if you care to hear
0:39:18 > 0:39:22# The Suwannee River played in ragtime
0:39:22 > 0:39:25# Come on and hear Come on and hear
0:39:25 > 0:39:34# Alexander's ragtime band. #
0:39:34 > 0:39:37CHEERING
0:39:56 > 0:39:59If this very English audience can bring itself to say
0:39:59 > 0:40:01two words in a foreign language, I will be grateful.
0:40:01 > 0:40:04Can you say buena suerte?
0:40:04 > 0:40:06- Buena suerte.- That's lovely.
0:40:06 > 0:40:10Because at this time of year we ought
0:40:10 > 0:40:14and we do welcome the strangers in our midst.
0:40:15 > 0:40:21From Mexico, and so we say buena suerte
0:40:21 > 0:40:25to The Orlandos.
0:40:25 > 0:40:27APPLAUSE
0:40:54 > 0:40:56LIGHT APPLAUSE
0:41:55 > 0:41:58DRUM ROLL
0:42:37 > 0:42:40APPLAUSE
0:42:51 > 0:42:53CHEERING
0:43:18 > 0:43:20DRUM ROLL
0:43:47 > 0:43:49APPLAUSE
0:44:16 > 0:44:23Once again, this time, in uncharacteristically,
0:44:23 > 0:44:25uncircumscribed...
0:44:25 > 0:44:27Ooh!
0:44:29 > 0:44:31You really are awful.
0:44:33 > 0:44:36..cachinnatary convocation,
0:44:36 > 0:44:43the always endearing Miss Sheila Bernette.
0:44:43 > 0:44:44APPLAUSE
0:44:52 > 0:44:55# Rosie sitting waiting at the window
0:44:55 > 0:44:58# Rosie's eyes are peeping down the street
0:44:58 > 0:45:02# So nicely she's dressed she's looking her best
0:45:02 > 0:45:05# From head to toe her toilet is complete
0:45:05 > 0:45:09# She scarcely looks at people who are passing
0:45:09 > 0:45:12# For they of no importance seem to be
0:45:12 > 0:45:14# But in a little while
0:45:14 > 0:45:16# She smiles a sunny smile
0:45:16 > 0:45:19# At something interesting she can see
0:45:20 > 0:45:24# Someone's turning round the corner
0:45:24 > 0:45:27# Quickly to the glass she goes
0:45:27 > 0:45:29# Spends a moment there
0:45:29 > 0:45:31# Dabbing at her hair
0:45:31 > 0:45:33# Rubs a little powder on her nose
0:45:34 > 0:45:37# What makes Rosie so excited?
0:45:38 > 0:45:40# Guess that conundrum if you can
0:45:40 > 0:45:44# There's someone ra-ta-ta-ta-tatting at the door
0:45:44 > 0:45:47# It's Rosie's young man
0:45:51 > 0:45:54# Sitting there together in the parlour
0:45:54 > 0:45:58# He and she on one big easy chair
0:45:58 > 0:45:59# I need not tell you
0:45:59 > 0:46:01# What they say and do
0:46:01 > 0:46:04# For judging by your faces you've been there
0:46:04 > 0:46:08# But when they say goodnight it's really painful
0:46:08 > 0:46:11# As if they nevermore are doomed to meet
0:46:11 > 0:46:13# But everything's all right
0:46:13 > 0:46:15# For there tomorrow night
0:46:15 > 0:46:18# You'll find Miss Rosie peeping down the street
0:46:19 > 0:46:22# Someone's turning round the corner
0:46:22 > 0:46:26# Quickly to the glass she goes
0:46:26 > 0:46:27# Spends a moment there
0:46:27 > 0:46:29# Dabbing at her hair
0:46:29 > 0:46:33# Rubs a little powder on her nose Ah-choo!
0:46:33 > 0:46:36# What makes Rosie so excited?
0:46:36 > 0:46:39# Guess that conundrum if you can
0:46:39 > 0:46:42# There's someone ra-ta-ta-ta-tatting at the door
0:46:42 > 0:46:46# It's Rosie's young man
0:46:46 > 0:46:49# Someone's coming round the corner
0:46:49 > 0:46:52# Quickly to the glass she goes
0:46:52 > 0:46:54# Spends a moment there
0:46:54 > 0:46:56# Dabbing at her hair
0:46:56 > 0:46:59# Rubs a little powder on her nose Ah-choo!
0:46:59 > 0:47:02# What makes Rosie so excited?
0:47:02 > 0:47:06# Guess that conundrum if you can
0:47:06 > 0:47:09# There's someone ra-ta-ta-ta-tatting at the door
0:47:09 > 0:47:12# It's Rosie's young man! #
0:47:12 > 0:47:15APPLAUSE
0:47:28 > 0:47:34As promised, and this time, plus, and it's a very big plus,
0:47:34 > 0:47:37a pliability of pool deluxe...
0:47:37 > 0:47:39You can ask your fella what that means.
0:47:42 > 0:47:47Impeccable, imperturbable,
0:47:47 > 0:47:52immaculacy incarnate.
0:47:52 > 0:47:59- Oh!- Your own, your very, very own Edward Wadsworth.
0:47:59 > 0:48:00CHEERING
0:48:08 > 0:48:11# I've come back through Paris
0:48:11 > 0:48:14# From the sunny southern shore
0:48:14 > 0:48:17# I to Monte Carlo went
0:48:17 > 0:48:19# Just to raise my winter's rent
0:48:19 > 0:48:22# Dame Fortune smiled upon me
0:48:22 > 0:48:25# As she's never smiled before
0:48:25 > 0:48:28# Now I've now such a lot of money I'm a gent
0:48:30 > 0:48:35# Ye-e-e-s... #
0:48:36 > 0:48:40Yes, you're quite right. I'll take that note back in the morning.
0:48:40 > 0:48:43# Now I've now such lots of money I'm a gent
0:48:45 > 0:48:51# As I walk along the Bois de Boulogne
0:48:51 > 0:48:53# With an independent air
0:48:53 > 0:48:55# You can hear the girls declare
0:48:55 > 0:48:57# He must be a millionaire
0:48:57 > 0:49:00# You can hear them sigh and wish to die
0:49:00 > 0:49:02# You can see them wink the other eye
0:49:02 > 0:49:06# At the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo... #
0:49:06 > 0:49:09Well, ladies and gentlemen, it's very nice to be here this evening.
0:49:09 > 0:49:13Very, very nice indeed. What a merry lot you are.
0:49:13 > 0:49:17What a lovely moustache you have there, sir!
0:49:17 > 0:49:21What a lovely moustache! Or have you been drinking cocoa?
0:49:21 > 0:49:24Have a word in his ear, darling, will you? Have a word in his ear.
0:49:24 > 0:49:26I don't have to be here tonight, you know, sir.
0:49:26 > 0:49:28I mean, the only reason I'm here tonight is because,
0:49:28 > 0:49:30in my profession in this city,
0:49:30 > 0:49:32it's vastly overcrowded.
0:49:32 > 0:49:33I'm a shepherd.
0:49:34 > 0:49:38Thank you very much. All contributions kindly received.
0:49:38 > 0:49:39Ladies and gentlemen,
0:49:39 > 0:49:41at this juncture in time I would like to ask you to join me
0:49:41 > 0:49:43in a final rousing chorus
0:49:43 > 0:49:46of The Man Who Broke The Bank At Monte Carlo.
0:49:46 > 0:49:48I'm merely asking you, not because I need your help,
0:49:48 > 0:49:52but because I do feel the band need a bit of practice.
0:49:52 > 0:49:55So, sir, if you please and even if you don't please,
0:49:55 > 0:49:57a-one, a-two, a-three.
0:49:57 > 0:50:03# As I walk along the Bois de Boulogne
0:50:03 > 0:50:05# With an independent air
0:50:05 > 0:50:07# You can hear the girls declare
0:50:07 > 0:50:09# He must be a millionaire
0:50:09 > 0:50:12# You can hear them sigh and hope to die
0:50:12 > 0:50:14# You can see them wink the other eye
0:50:14 > 0:50:18# At the man who broke the bank at Monte Carlo. #
0:50:18 > 0:50:22Now, of course, having got all that money, what do you do with it?
0:50:22 > 0:50:24I'll tell you what I did.
0:50:25 > 0:50:29# I went down to Maxim's
0:50:29 > 0:50:32# Where fun and frolic beams
0:50:32 > 0:50:36# With all the girls I'd chatter
0:50:36 > 0:50:39# I'd laugh, I'd kiss, I'd flatter
0:50:41 > 0:50:46# Low, low, do-do, shoo-shoo
0:50:47 > 0:50:51# Clo-clo, Margo, fru-fru
0:50:53 > 0:50:58# For surnames do not matter
0:50:58 > 0:51:03# I take the first to hand. #
0:51:09 > 0:51:15# And when they told me
0:51:15 > 0:51:20# How beautiful you are
0:51:20 > 0:51:24# I wouldn't believe them
0:51:24 > 0:51:27# They wouldn't believe me
0:51:28 > 0:51:33# Your face, your eyes your lips, your hair
0:51:33 > 0:51:37# Are in a class beyond compare
0:51:37 > 0:51:43# You're the loveliest girl I've ever seen
0:51:45 > 0:51:51# And when I tell them
0:51:51 > 0:51:55# And I'm certainly going to tell them
0:51:55 > 0:52:02# That I'm the man whose wife one day you'll be
0:52:03 > 0:52:07# They'll never believe me
0:52:08 > 0:52:12# They'll never believe me
0:52:13 > 0:52:16# That from this great big world
0:52:16 > 0:52:24# You've chosen me. #
0:52:32 > 0:52:38# Goodbye, Dolly, I must leave you
0:52:38 > 0:52:44# Though it breaks my heart to go
0:52:44 > 0:52:50# Something tells me I am needed
0:52:50 > 0:52:56# At the front to fight the foe
0:52:56 > 0:53:01# See, the soldier boys are marching
0:53:01 > 0:53:07# And I can no longer stay
0:53:07 > 0:53:13# Hark, I hear the bugle calling
0:53:13 > 0:53:18# Goodbye, Dolly Gray
0:53:18 > 0:53:24# Goodbye, Dolly, I must leave you
0:53:24 > 0:53:30# Though it breaks my heart to go
0:53:30 > 0:53:34# Something tells me I am needed
0:53:34 > 0:53:40# At the front to fight the foe
0:53:40 > 0:53:45# See, the soldier boys are marching
0:53:45 > 0:53:51# And I can no longer stay
0:53:51 > 0:53:56# Hark, I hear the bugle calling
0:53:56 > 0:54:01# Goodbye, Dolly Gray
0:54:01 > 0:54:11# Goodbye, Dolly Gray. #
0:54:11 > 0:54:13APPLAUSE
0:54:31 > 0:54:34CHEERING
0:54:39 > 0:54:40There's only, only,
0:54:40 > 0:54:45only just time for one last chorus - Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:54:45 > 0:54:48Ladies and gentlemen, we have Mr Edward Woodward,
0:54:48 > 0:54:51the entire company, the leader of the band,
0:54:51 > 0:54:54Mr Bernard Herrmann, and his entire
0:54:54 > 0:54:59and totally articulated orchestra,
0:54:59 > 0:55:02but this time chiefly...
0:55:02 > 0:55:04- AUDIENCE:- Yourselves!
0:55:08 > 0:55:14# Come, come, come and make eyes at me down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:55:14 > 0:55:16# Da-da, da-da-da
0:55:16 > 0:55:20# Come, come, drink some port wine with me
0:55:20 > 0:55:24# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:55:24 > 0:55:26# Hear the little German Band
0:55:26 > 0:55:28# Da, da, da-da-da-da-da-da-da
0:55:28 > 0:55:31# Just let me hold your hand, dear
0:55:31 > 0:55:35# Do, do come and have a drink or two
0:55:35 > 0:55:39# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:55:39 > 0:55:40# Bush, bush. #
0:55:40 > 0:55:43CHEERING