0:00:02 > 0:00:04BAND STRIKES UP
0:00:11 > 0:00:16ALL: # I'll be your sweetheart
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# If you will be mine
0:00:20 > 0:00:24# All my life
0:00:24 > 0:00:30# I'll be your Valentine
0:00:30 > 0:00:34# Bluebells I've gathered
0:00:34 > 0:00:39# Keep them and be true
0:00:39 > 0:00:44# When I'm a man, my plan
0:00:44 > 0:00:51# Will be to marry you. #
0:00:51 > 0:00:54CHEERING
0:00:55 > 0:00:57BAND PLAYS FANFARE
0:00:59 > 0:01:01CHEERING
0:01:08 > 0:01:09CHEERING
0:01:10 > 0:01:13Once again...
0:01:13 > 0:01:19good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:19 > 0:01:22CHEERING
0:01:22 > 0:01:25- Kaleidoscopically... - AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:01:25 > 0:01:29..for your gregarious gratification...
0:01:29 > 0:01:35the resplendencies of the absolutely indispensable...
0:01:35 > 0:01:38Players Theatre!
0:01:38 > 0:01:39CHEERING
0:01:45 > 0:01:48# Put on your ta-ta, little girlie
0:01:48 > 0:01:52# Do, do what I want you to
0:01:52 > 0:01:55# Far from the busy hurly-burly
0:01:55 > 0:01:59# I've got lots to say to you
0:01:59 > 0:02:02- GIRLS:- # My head's completely twirly-whirly
0:02:02 > 0:02:05- BOYS:- # My gal I want you to be
0:02:05 > 0:02:09# So put on your ta-ta, your pretty little ta-ta
0:02:09 > 0:02:12# And come on and ta-ta with me! #
0:02:12 > 0:02:16# On Mother Kelly's doorstep
0:02:16 > 0:02:20# Down Paradise Row
0:02:20 > 0:02:24# I'd sit along o' Nelly
0:02:24 > 0:02:29# She'd sit along o' Joe
0:02:29 > 0:02:32# She'd got a little hole in her frock
0:02:32 > 0:02:36# Hole in her shoe, hole in her sock
0:02:36 > 0:02:38# Where her toe peeped through
0:02:38 > 0:02:40# Ah, but Nelly was
0:02:40 > 0:02:46# The smartest down our alley
0:02:46 > 0:02:50# On Mother Kelly's doorstep
0:02:50 > 0:02:54# I'm a-wondering now
0:02:54 > 0:02:58# If li'l girl Nelly
0:02:58 > 0:03:02# Remembers Joe, her beau
0:03:02 > 0:03:07# And does she love me
0:03:07 > 0:03:11# Like she used to
0:03:11 > 0:03:15# On Mother Kelly's doorstep
0:03:15 > 0:03:20# Down Paradise Row? #
0:03:22 > 0:03:25# Wait till the sun shines, Nellie
0:03:25 > 0:03:29# When the clouds go drifting by
0:03:29 > 0:03:32# We will be happy, Nellie
0:03:32 > 0:03:35# Don't you sigh
0:03:35 > 0:03:39# Down Lovers' Lane we'll wander
0:03:39 > 0:03:42# Sweethearts you and I
0:03:42 > 0:03:46# Wait till the sun shines, Nellie
0:03:46 > 0:03:49# By and by
0:03:49 > 0:03:53# Wait till the sun shines, Nellie
0:03:53 > 0:03:56# When the clouds go drifting by
0:03:56 > 0:04:00# We will be happy, Nellie
0:04:00 > 0:04:03# Don't you sigh
0:04:03 > 0:04:06# Down Lovers' Lane we'll wander
0:04:06 > 0:04:10# Sweethearts you and I
0:04:10 > 0:04:13# Wait till the sun shines, Nellie
0:04:13 > 0:04:21# By and by! #
0:04:21 > 0:04:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:33 > 0:04:38An ingenious ornithological...
0:04:38 > 0:04:40- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:04:40 > 0:04:43That's to do with birds, sir.
0:04:43 > 0:04:50..ostentation of verisimilitudinous vocal vivification...
0:04:50 > 0:04:52CHEERING
0:04:52 > 0:04:55..Mr Keith Harris!
0:04:55 > 0:04:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:59 > 0:05:01HE LAUGHS
0:05:01 > 0:05:04Thank you, thank you very much indeed. Hello, good evening.
0:05:04 > 0:05:06Ladies and gentlemen, you'll never believe this.
0:05:06 > 0:05:09Honestly, I've just been accosted at the stage door by a bird.
0:05:09 > 0:05:12- Ooh! - Yes! Yes.
0:05:12 > 0:05:14As I got out of my carriage, this bird said to me, "Mr Harris,"
0:05:14 > 0:05:17he said, "Can you help me get into show business?"
0:05:17 > 0:05:21I said, "Well, what have you got to offer?"
0:05:21 > 0:05:23In the way of talent, that is, of course.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25And do you know, I was so overwhelmed with what I heard,
0:05:25 > 0:05:29ladies and gentlemen, I've asked this bird to appear before you
0:05:29 > 0:05:30this evening.
0:05:30 > 0:05:33So if you'll excuse me, I'll just bring...
0:05:33 > 0:05:36- Can you come out? - I can't.- Pardon?
0:05:36 > 0:05:38- I-I-I can't come out. I'm shy. - What do you mean, you're shy?
0:05:38 > 0:05:41Just come out here. Just come out here and have a look.
0:05:42 > 0:05:46- Come on.- I-I... They'll look at me.- Come on.
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Come out. I'll tell you what, we'll go down here and see everybody.
0:05:49 > 0:05:52- Now, he's very, very shy, you see. AUDIENCE:- Awww!- No, please.
0:05:52 > 0:05:56If I can just bring him down, you see, because...
0:05:56 > 0:06:00- Awww!- I know! Now turn round and have a look.
0:06:00 > 0:06:01I...
0:06:01 > 0:06:02I can't.
0:06:04 > 0:06:07- Yes, you can. You can have a look. - I-I can't. They'll laugh at me.
0:06:07 > 0:06:11They won't laugh. Turn round and have a look.
0:06:11 > 0:06:12Awww!
0:06:12 > 0:06:14- They're laughing. - Oh, look, it's all right.
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Please. Now come on, turn round, because now you're in show business.
0:06:18 > 0:06:21- I-I'm in show business? - Yes.- Yes?- Yes!
0:06:21 > 0:06:23That's right! You're in show business.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Now, the people are laughing with you and not at you.
0:06:25 > 0:06:27- They're laughing with me? - Yes.
0:06:27 > 0:06:29Ha-ha-ha!
0:06:29 > 0:06:30AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:06:30 > 0:06:34- They're laughing with me!- That's right!- Ha-ha-ha!- What's your...?- Ha!
0:06:34 > 0:06:38- What's your name?- Pardon? - What's your name?- Orville.
0:06:38 > 0:06:40- Orville.- Yes. - Oh, I see, Orville.
0:06:40 > 0:06:43What are you going to do for the ladies and gentlemen this evening?
0:06:43 > 0:06:45- I'm going to do my impressions. - Your impressions?
0:06:45 > 0:06:49- Yes.- Oh, I see. Yes.- Yeah.
0:06:49 > 0:06:52Yes. Who are you going to do an impression of?
0:06:52 > 0:06:54- Percy Edwards. - Percy...
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- Ha-ha-ha! They're laughing with us. Ha-ha-ha.- Yes, it's good.
0:06:59 > 0:07:03Listen, how about flying round the auditorium, do some aerobatics?
0:07:03 > 0:07:07- I-I'd like to.- You'd like to? - But I-I...
0:07:07 > 0:07:10No. No whoopsies, no.
0:07:10 > 0:07:11I...
0:07:11 > 0:07:13Why not?
0:07:13 > 0:07:15I-I can't fly.
0:07:15 > 0:07:17Aww!
0:07:17 > 0:07:20Now, see, it's all right taking the mickey, but you can't fly?
0:07:20 > 0:07:23- I-I can't fly.- But how did you get here from London?
0:07:23 > 0:07:25I walked.
0:07:25 > 0:07:27Well, listen, Orville, I'm going to teach you to fly.
0:07:27 > 0:07:30I mean, with a name like yours, you should be able to fly, Orville.
0:07:30 > 0:07:34- That's right.- That's right. - Yes.- Yeah.
0:07:34 > 0:07:37I want you just to flap your wings. There we are.
0:07:37 > 0:07:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:41 > 0:07:43There we are. Now look at this.
0:07:43 > 0:07:45Believe it or not, Orville, yes, indeed,
0:07:45 > 0:07:49I'm going to take my hand away! Look at that! Wahey!
0:07:49 > 0:07:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:51 > 0:07:54- Yeah!- I took my hand away.
0:07:54 > 0:07:58It's a good job you didn't take your other hand away, wasn't it?
0:07:58 > 0:08:00- Well...- Yeah! - There, that's marvellous.
0:08:00 > 0:08:03Now you feel happy, you can tell all your friends that you can fly.
0:08:03 > 0:08:06- I can't do that, no. - Well, why not?
0:08:06 > 0:08:08I haven't got any friends.
0:08:08 > 0:08:09Awww!
0:08:09 > 0:08:14- You haven't got any friends? - No! I've... Nobody loves me.- Awww!
0:08:14 > 0:08:16Awww, I'm sure they do.
0:08:16 > 0:08:20I mean, don't the other little birds love you?
0:08:20 > 0:08:23- They don't talk to me. - They don't talk to you?
0:08:23 > 0:08:25I'm a funny colour.
0:08:27 > 0:08:30- Well, it's not easy being green. - Isn't it really?
0:08:30 > 0:08:33- I-I'll tell you all about it. - All right, tell us all about it.
0:08:33 > 0:08:36- You won't laugh? - I won't laugh.
0:08:38 > 0:08:41# It's not that easy being green
0:08:41 > 0:08:46# Having to spend each day the colour of the leaves... #
0:08:46 > 0:08:47Yes.
0:08:47 > 0:08:49# When I think it could be nicer
0:08:49 > 0:08:52# Being red or yellow or gold
0:08:52 > 0:08:55# Or something colourful like that... #
0:08:55 > 0:08:58- Like that. - Mm...
0:08:58 > 0:09:02# It's not easy being green
0:09:02 > 0:09:08# Well, you seem to blend in with so many other ordinary things... #
0:09:08 > 0:09:11- Yes. - # And people tend to pass you over
0:09:11 > 0:09:15# Cos you're not sticking out like sparklers on the water
0:09:15 > 0:09:18# Or stars in the sky
0:09:19 > 0:09:23# But green is the colour of spring... #
0:09:23 > 0:09:25That's true.
0:09:25 > 0:09:28# And green can be cool and friendly-like... #
0:09:28 > 0:09:31- Friendly-like? - That's right!
0:09:31 > 0:09:34- # Green can be big like the ocean... #- Yes!
0:09:34 > 0:09:37# Or important, like a mountain
0:09:37 > 0:09:39# Or tall... #
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- Tall?- Very tall. - Like a tree?
0:09:41 > 0:09:42Like a tree.
0:09:42 > 0:09:46# When green is all there is to be
0:09:46 > 0:09:50# Well, well, it can make you wonder why
0:09:50 > 0:09:53# But why wonder, why wonder?
0:09:53 > 0:09:58# I am green, and that'll do fine
0:09:58 > 0:09:59# It's beautiful
0:09:59 > 0:10:06# And I think that's what I want to be. #
0:10:06 > 0:10:08- Being green. - Yeah.
0:10:08 > 0:10:10Ahhh!
0:10:10 > 0:10:12CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:19 > 0:10:21Hey!
0:10:30 > 0:10:36Superabundant in superstructural superbities...
0:10:36 > 0:10:39Ooh!
0:10:39 > 0:10:41You'll see what I mean presently.
0:10:41 > 0:10:48..mercurially minuscule in a metropolitan medley...
0:10:48 > 0:10:51your own Miss Barbara Windsor!
0:10:51 > 0:10:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:58 > 0:11:02# London is a little bit of all right
0:11:02 > 0:11:06# Nobody can really deny that's true
0:11:06 > 0:11:09# Bow Bells, big bells, up to the Heath and down again
0:11:09 > 0:11:12# And if you should visit the monkeys in the zoo
0:11:12 > 0:11:13# Bring a banana!
0:11:13 > 0:11:17# Feed the ducks in Battersea Park and take a trip to Kew
0:11:17 > 0:11:20# It only costs a tenner there and back
0:11:20 > 0:11:23# See our lads in the Palace yard
0:11:23 > 0:11:24# Troop the Colour and change the guard
0:11:24 > 0:11:27# And don't forget your brolly and your mac
0:11:27 > 0:11:28# And I'll mention
0:11:28 > 0:11:32# London is London
0:11:32 > 0:11:36# Is anyone in doubt about it?
0:11:36 > 0:11:40# Nowhere's like London
0:11:40 > 0:11:45# Forgive me if I shout about it
0:11:45 > 0:11:48# You can have Paris
0:11:48 > 0:11:53# Or Venice or Rome
0:11:53 > 0:11:55# But London is London
0:11:57 > 0:11:59# Is England
0:11:59 > 0:12:05# Is home. #
0:12:05 > 0:12:09# Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner
0:12:09 > 0:12:12# That I love London so
0:12:13 > 0:12:17# Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner
0:12:17 > 0:12:22# That I think of her wherever I go
0:12:22 > 0:12:27# Oh, I get a funny feeling inside of me
0:12:27 > 0:12:31# Just walking up and down
0:12:31 > 0:12:35# Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner
0:12:35 > 0:12:40# That I love London town
0:12:40 > 0:12:44# Oh, I get a funny feeling inside of me
0:12:44 > 0:12:49# Just walking up and down
0:12:49 > 0:12:53# Maybe it's because I'm a Londoner
0:12:53 > 0:12:59# That I love London, dear old London
0:12:59 > 0:13:07# I love London town! #
0:13:07 > 0:13:09CHEERING
0:13:25 > 0:13:28Carrying all before her.
0:13:28 > 0:13:29Ooh!
0:13:29 > 0:13:37Circumambulatory in parapolysyllabic periphrasis...
0:13:37 > 0:13:39Ooh!
0:13:39 > 0:13:40Excuse me!
0:13:43 > 0:13:45- Excuse me.- I'm in the middle of an introduction!
0:13:45 > 0:13:48Excuse me.
0:13:48 > 0:13:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:54 > 0:13:57Thank you. Thank you.
0:13:57 > 0:13:59Excuse me. Excuse me.
0:14:01 > 0:14:04Excuse me. Excuse me.
0:14:04 > 0:14:07Yes, excuse me.
0:14:18 > 0:14:21Is this the way to the talent competition, Mr, er...?
0:14:21 > 0:14:25No, it is not. This is a fully fledged professional performance,
0:14:25 > 0:14:26and I don't know what you're doing here.
0:14:26 > 0:14:29Well, I was told it was a talent show, and I've come on...
0:14:29 > 0:14:30AHAHA! Get down!
0:14:32 > 0:14:33I'm ever so sorry about this,
0:14:33 > 0:14:36because they told me it was a talent show.
0:14:36 > 0:14:39- Have you seen me tap-dance?- No... - Well, you're going to.
0:14:39 > 0:14:41Look at that.
0:14:42 > 0:14:44HE HUMS A TUNE
0:14:44 > 0:14:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:14:53 > 0:14:56Is that all right, Mr Chairman?
0:14:56 > 0:14:58I tell you what, I do bird impressions.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00Do you want to see a chicken?
0:15:01 > 0:15:03You'll like this.
0:15:03 > 0:15:04HE CLUCKS LIKE A CHICKEN
0:15:34 > 0:15:36HE SQUAWKS
0:15:37 > 0:15:38Go lay an egg!
0:15:44 > 0:15:46I can't, I'm a cock bird!
0:15:48 > 0:15:50HE CLUCKS
0:15:56 > 0:15:58HE CROWS
0:15:58 > 0:16:00By Jove!
0:16:06 > 0:16:09Mr Chairman, have you seen me do me duet?
0:16:11 > 0:16:14I do a duet all by meself.
0:16:14 > 0:16:16So I'd like to do a duet for you, if you don't mind,
0:16:16 > 0:16:19ladies and gentlemen. A little song. It's a very, very old song,
0:16:19 > 0:16:22and it is called My Hero, from The Chocolate Soldier.
0:16:25 > 0:16:27# Lost my heart to you!
0:16:32 > 0:16:36HIGH VOICE: # I have a true and noble lover
0:16:36 > 0:16:43# He is my sweetheart, all my own
0:16:43 > 0:16:47# His like on earth who shall discover?
0:16:47 > 0:16:55# His heart is mine and mine alone... #
0:16:55 > 0:16:57HE LAUGHS LIKE WOODY WOODPECKER
0:16:59 > 0:17:04DEEP VOICE: # We pledged our troth each to the other
0:17:04 > 0:17:08# And for our happiness I pray
0:17:08 > 0:17:15# Our lives belong to one ano... #
0:17:19 > 0:17:20HE CLUCKS LIKE A CHICKEN
0:17:28 > 0:17:34HIGH VOICE: # Oh, happy, happy wedding day
0:17:34 > 0:17:42# Oh, happy, happy wedding day... #
0:17:42 > 0:17:44I feel a fool.
0:17:46 > 0:17:47K-k-k-k-k!
0:17:49 > 0:17:51K-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k!
0:17:51 > 0:17:53K-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k-k!
0:17:53 > 0:17:54K-k-k-k-k-k-k-k!
0:17:54 > 0:18:00DEEP VOICE: # K-k-k-k-come, come, I want you only
0:18:00 > 0:18:05# My love is true
0:18:05 > 0:18:11HIGH VOICE: # Come, come, my life is lonely
0:18:11 > 0:18:16# I yearn for you
0:18:16 > 0:18:21DEEP VOICE: # Come, come, naught can efface you
0:18:21 > 0:18:27HIGH VOICE: # My arms are aching now to embrace you
0:18:27 > 0:18:32# Come here, be mine... #
0:18:32 > 0:18:33HE INHALES
0:18:33 > 0:18:34DEEP VOICE: # Come
0:18:34 > 0:18:36HIGH VOICE: # Come
0:18:36 > 0:18:40STILL IN HIGH VOICE: # I want you only
0:18:40 > 0:18:48DEEP VOICE: # Come, hero mine! #
0:18:48 > 0:18:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:08 > 0:19:13Appearing in versatile virtuosity, from operatic...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15Ooh!
0:19:15 > 0:19:22..from operatic arias to limpid lyricism...
0:19:22 > 0:19:23Ooh!
0:19:23 > 0:19:27..crystalline in clarity, welcome back
0:19:27 > 0:19:30to Miss Valerie Masterson!
0:19:30 > 0:19:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:38 > 0:19:41SHE SINGS A HIGH MELODY
0:19:48 > 0:19:53# I would linger
0:19:53 > 0:19:56# In this daydream
0:19:56 > 0:20:00# That enthrals me
0:20:00 > 0:20:05# Thus at twilight
0:20:05 > 0:20:08# Sweet and happy
0:20:08 > 0:20:12# Does this day seem
0:20:12 > 0:20:15# Born of bliss
0:20:15 > 0:20:21# And beauty bright
0:20:22 > 0:20:26# I would linger
0:20:26 > 0:20:29# In this daydream
0:20:29 > 0:20:32# Born of bliss
0:20:32 > 0:20:37# And beauty bright, ah
0:20:37 > 0:20:41# Sweet and happy
0:20:41 > 0:20:44# Does this day seem
0:20:44 > 0:20:47# Born of bliss
0:20:47 > 0:20:51# And beauty bright
0:20:51 > 0:20:53# Beauty bright!
0:20:53 > 0:20:56# But this treasure
0:20:56 > 0:20:58# Youth's sole measure
0:20:58 > 0:21:03# Bloometh, soon 'tis dead
0:21:03 > 0:21:06# After greeting
0:21:06 > 0:21:08# Follows weeping
0:21:08 > 0:21:09# Love cometh
0:21:09 > 0:21:12# Peace hath fled
0:21:12 > 0:21:15# Love cometh
0:21:15 > 0:21:18# Love cometh...
0:21:18 > 0:21:23# Ah, peace hath fled
0:21:23 > 0:21:31# I would linger
0:21:31 > 0:21:34# In this daydream
0:21:34 > 0:21:37# Born of bliss
0:21:37 > 0:21:42# And beauty bright, ah
0:21:42 > 0:21:46# Sweet and happy
0:21:46 > 0:21:50# Does this day seem
0:21:50 > 0:21:53# Born of bliss
0:21:53 > 0:21:59# And beauty bright
0:21:59 > 0:22:05# Far from the cold world's sorrow
0:22:05 > 0:22:08# Let me rest
0:22:08 > 0:22:12# Let me rest in my dreams
0:22:12 > 0:22:17# Leave to stern fate the morrow
0:22:17 > 0:22:21# While the roses bloom
0:22:21 > 0:22:26# And youth sheds its perfume
0:22:40 > 0:22:43# Sweet and happy
0:22:43 > 0:22:47# Oh, sweet and happy
0:22:47 > 0:22:50# Ever is youth's dream
0:22:50 > 0:22:55# So sweet and fair. #
0:23:22 > 0:23:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:23:48 > 0:23:51# All through the night
0:23:51 > 0:23:56# There's a little brown bird singing
0:23:56 > 0:24:00# Singing in the hush
0:24:00 > 0:24:05# Of the darkness and the dew
0:24:05 > 0:24:09# Singing in the hush
0:24:09 > 0:24:16# Of the darkness and the dew
0:24:16 > 0:24:20# Would that his song
0:24:20 > 0:24:27# Through the stillness could go winging
0:24:27 > 0:24:31# Could go a-winging
0:24:31 > 0:24:35# To you
0:24:36 > 0:24:43# To you
0:24:56 > 0:25:00# All through the night-time
0:25:00 > 0:25:04# My lonely heart is singing
0:25:04 > 0:25:08# Sweeter songs of love
0:25:08 > 0:25:13# Than the brown bird ever knew
0:25:13 > 0:25:17# Sweeter songs of love
0:25:17 > 0:25:24# Than the brown bird ever knew
0:25:24 > 0:25:28# Would that my song
0:25:28 > 0:25:34# Through the stillness could go winging
0:25:34 > 0:25:39# Could go a-winging
0:25:39 > 0:25:43# To you
0:25:44 > 0:25:49# To you
0:25:51 > 0:25:55# All through the night-time
0:25:55 > 0:26:01# My lonely heart is singing
0:26:01 > 0:26:09# Sweeter songs of love
0:26:09 > 0:26:28# Than the brown bird ever knew. #
0:26:30 > 0:26:32CHEERING
0:26:46 > 0:26:51- Apotheotic thaumaturgical... - Ooh!
0:26:51 > 0:26:53..thespianism...
0:26:53 > 0:26:54Ooh!
0:26:54 > 0:26:57Theatrical magic!
0:26:57 > 0:27:00You're welcome. ..Marvo and Dolores!
0:27:00 > 0:27:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:10 > 0:27:13WOLF WHISTLE FROM AUDIENCE
0:27:19 > 0:27:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:39 > 0:27:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:46 > 0:27:48HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:28:12 > 0:28:14The glove.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16- Eh?- The glove.
0:28:17 > 0:28:18Oh!
0:28:20 > 0:28:22WOLF WHISTLE FROM AUDIENCE
0:28:24 > 0:28:26SHE CHUCKLES
0:28:44 > 0:28:46WOLF WHISTLE FROM AUDIENCE
0:28:46 > 0:28:49Will you stop prancing around?!
0:28:49 > 0:28:51- Eh?- Will you stop prancing around?!
0:28:51 > 0:28:54Well, you told me to distract.
0:28:54 > 0:28:56Not in the middle of a trick, you silly cow!
0:28:58 > 0:29:01Don't you talk to me like that. I'm not your wife, y'know.
0:29:01 > 0:29:02I'm only living with yer.
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Er...the wand!
0:30:00 > 0:30:03Where are the rest of the scarves?
0:30:03 > 0:30:06Well, they're in the wash, cos they were filthy.
0:30:06 > 0:30:08BAND FLOURISH
0:30:22 > 0:30:24- Distract, distract! - Yeah, yeah!
0:30:28 > 0:30:30AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG TO MUSIC
0:30:30 > 0:30:33The dove! Where's the dove?
0:30:33 > 0:30:37Well... Well, I let it out, cos it's cruel!
0:30:37 > 0:30:39- What am I going to do now?- Oh, I dunno, you're the bleedin' magician.
0:30:39 > 0:30:41You should know.
0:30:41 > 0:30:45- The box! In the box!- I don't like that box.- Go on, in the box.
0:31:40 > 0:31:46SHE SHRIEKS
0:31:46 > 0:31:48APPLAUSE
0:31:52 > 0:31:55More! More!
0:32:04 > 0:32:06You CAN'T have an encore to that!
0:32:06 > 0:32:08Awww!
0:32:08 > 0:32:10That was Mr Fred Evans,
0:32:10 > 0:32:12and that WAS Miss Barbara Windsor.
0:32:14 > 0:32:17Or didn't you guess?
0:32:17 > 0:32:23Emulatory homage to that magical harbinger
0:32:23 > 0:32:26of melodious hilarity...
0:32:26 > 0:32:28Ooh!
0:32:28 > 0:32:30..our own Gracie Fields...
0:32:30 > 0:32:33once more, the Players Theatre,
0:32:33 > 0:32:35and Miss Jan Hunt!
0:32:35 > 0:32:37CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:32:42 > 0:32:46ALL: # Sing as we go And let the world go by
0:32:46 > 0:32:49# Singing a song We'll march along the highway
0:32:49 > 0:32:52# Say goodbye to sorrow
0:32:52 > 0:32:56# There's always tomorrow To think of today
0:32:56 > 0:33:00# Sing as we go Although the skies are grey
0:33:00 > 0:33:03# Beggar or king You've got to sing a gay tune
0:33:03 > 0:33:07# A song and a smile Making life worthwhile
0:33:07 > 0:33:13# So sing as we go along. #
0:33:15 > 0:33:19# Little old lady passing by
0:33:19 > 0:33:24# Catching everyone's eye
0:33:24 > 0:33:28# You have such a charming manner
0:33:28 > 0:33:31# Sweet and shy
0:33:31 > 0:33:35# Little old bonnet set in place
0:33:35 > 0:33:40# And a smile on your face
0:33:40 > 0:33:44# You're a perfect picture
0:33:44 > 0:33:50# In your lavender and lace. #
0:33:52 > 0:33:56# Sally, Sally
0:33:56 > 0:34:00# Don't ever wander
0:34:00 > 0:34:04# Away from the alley
0:34:04 > 0:34:08# And me
0:34:08 > 0:34:13# Sally, Sally
0:34:13 > 0:34:17# Marry me, Sally
0:34:17 > 0:34:24# And happy forever I'll be
0:34:24 > 0:34:30# Oh, when skies are blue you're beguiling
0:34:30 > 0:34:36# When they are grey you're still smiling
0:34:36 > 0:34:39# Ooh-ooh
0:34:39 > 0:34:44# Sally, Sally
0:34:44 > 0:34:48# Pride of our alley
0:34:48 > 0:34:54# You're more than the whole world
0:34:54 > 0:34:59# To me. #
0:34:59 > 0:35:01Whoa!
0:35:01 > 0:35:04# Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye
0:35:04 > 0:35:08# Cheerio, here I go, on my way
0:35:08 > 0:35:12# Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye
0:35:12 > 0:35:17# With a cheer, not a tear, make it gay
0:35:17 > 0:35:20# Give me a smile I can keep all the while
0:35:20 > 0:35:24# In my heart while I'm away
0:35:24 > 0:35:28# Till we meet once again, you and I
0:35:28 > 0:35:32# Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye
0:35:32 > 0:35:36# Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye
0:35:36 > 0:35:39# Cheerio, here I go, on my way
0:35:39 > 0:35:43# Wish me luck as you wave me goodbye
0:35:43 > 0:35:47# Give a cheer, not a tear, make it gay
0:35:47 > 0:35:51# And give me a smile I can keep all the while
0:35:51 > 0:35:55# In my heart while I'm away
0:35:55 > 0:35:59# Till we meet once again, you and I
0:35:59 > 0:36:00# Wish me luck
0:36:00 > 0:36:04# As you wave me
0:36:04 > 0:36:11# Goodbye! #
0:36:11 > 0:36:14CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:26 > 0:36:29There's just time now to ask Miss Barbara Windsor to lead the
0:36:29 > 0:36:32company and yourselves in the last chorus for tonight,
0:36:32 > 0:36:34Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:36:34 > 0:36:37Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Barbara Windsor, the entire company,
0:36:37 > 0:36:41Mr Bernard Herrmann and the entire and many-faceted orchestra...
0:36:41 > 0:36:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:44 > 0:36:47..but this time, chiefly...
0:36:47 > 0:36:50Yourselves!
0:36:53 > 0:36:57ALL: # Come, come, come and make eyes at me
0:36:57 > 0:36:59# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:36:59 > 0:37:01# Da-da da-da-da
0:37:01 > 0:37:05# Come, come, drink some port wine with me
0:37:05 > 0:37:09# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:37:09 > 0:37:13# Hear the little German band Da da-da da-da-da-da
0:37:13 > 0:37:17# Just let me hold your hand, dear
0:37:17 > 0:37:21# Do, do, come and have a drink or two
0:37:21 > 0:37:24# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:37:24 > 0:37:26# Bush, Bush! #
0:37:26 > 0:37:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:37:33 > 0:37:36AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG