0:00:02 > 0:00:06HORSE AND CART TROT PAST
0:00:25 > 0:00:27ORCHESTRA PLAYS UPBEAT TUNE
0:00:54 > 0:00:57TUNE OF GOD REST YE MERRY GENTLEMEN
0:01:04 > 0:01:06CROWD SINGS ALONG
0:01:13 > 0:01:16TUNE OF GOOD KING WENCESLAS
0:01:35 > 0:01:41TUNE OF THE FIRST NOEL
0:02:13 > 0:02:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:02:27 > 0:02:31Once again, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
0:02:31 > 0:02:35And may I add my congratulations to yours to Mr Alan Ainsworth
0:02:35 > 0:02:38for his arduous endeavours with the boys and
0:02:38 > 0:02:44that positively frenetic flourish of his frenzied little weapons.
0:02:44 > 0:02:45CROWD WHOOPS
0:02:46 > 0:02:51In the festive interlude, we celebrate, ladies and gentlemen...
0:02:51 > 0:02:53Yes, madam. There you are.
0:02:53 > 0:02:57Now, isn't that nice? That's charming.
0:02:57 > 0:02:59And you, my darling. There.
0:02:59 > 0:03:02We celebrate tonight, and already I have a little gift,
0:03:02 > 0:03:05we celebrate the Feast of Stephen.
0:03:05 > 0:03:09And tonight we have a particular celebrant, an anniversary
0:03:09 > 0:03:12celebrant with us, whom I'm sure you will wish to cheer.
0:03:12 > 0:03:16Ken Frith, ladies and gentlemen, our pianist tonight,
0:03:16 > 0:03:18celebrates his birthday.
0:03:18 > 0:03:19Ken!
0:03:19 > 0:03:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:21 > 0:03:25- CROWD SING:- # Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you
0:03:25 > 0:03:28# Happy birthday, dear Ken
0:03:28 > 0:03:32# Happy birthday to you. #
0:03:35 > 0:03:36And now, ladies and...
0:03:36 > 0:03:39CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:39 > 0:03:42And now, ladies and gentlemen,
0:03:42 > 0:03:45I hope that goes for those among you tonight who also are
0:03:45 > 0:03:48celebrating anniversaries of one kind or another.
0:03:48 > 0:03:50Ladies and gentlemen,
0:03:50 > 0:03:54tonight we open the second part of our programme with the return
0:03:54 > 0:03:57to this hall, to this programme,
0:03:57 > 0:04:02of two artistes who have delighted us in the past with their...
0:04:02 > 0:04:07with, ladies and gentlemen, their scintillant synthesis of...
0:04:07 > 0:04:08CROWD WHOOPS
0:04:09 > 0:04:12..of simultaneous synchronisation.
0:04:12 > 0:04:16Ladies and gentlemen, the Manton Brothers!
0:04:16 > 0:04:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:19 > 0:04:21ORCHESTRA STARTS UP
0:04:23 > 0:04:26THEY TAP DANCE
0:05:05 > 0:05:10THEY TAP DANCE
0:05:24 > 0:05:30- CROWD SING:- # I know she likes me, I know she likes me
0:05:30 > 0:05:32# Because she says so
0:05:32 > 0:05:36# She is my lily of Laguna
0:05:36 > 0:05:39# She is my lily and my rose. #
0:05:41 > 0:05:43THEY TAP DANCE
0:06:24 > 0:06:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:36 > 0:06:38I promise you, ladies and gentlemen,
0:06:38 > 0:06:41for the warmth of your applause, that you will have
0:06:41 > 0:06:44the Manton Brothers once again later on in the programme.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47I should like to say to the lady in the enchanting
0:06:47 > 0:06:49broderie Anglaise chapeau...
0:06:49 > 0:06:51I don't mean that that's... CROWD MURMURS
0:06:51 > 0:06:55I don't mean that that's ALL she's wearing!
0:06:55 > 0:06:59..that the boys are maybe not brothers, but from the same stable.
0:06:59 > 0:07:01LAUGHTER
0:07:01 > 0:07:05You notice that even the gleam on the teeth synchronises.
0:07:05 > 0:07:07And now, ladies and gentlemen,
0:07:07 > 0:07:11I have very much pleasure in introducing to this programme
0:07:11 > 0:07:17in a positive fanfaronade of fun and frolic
0:07:17 > 0:07:22from the lunatic fringe - Smoothey and Layton!
0:07:22 > 0:07:24APPLAUSE
0:07:30 > 0:07:37# I don't mind being here alone
0:07:38 > 0:07:44# As long as I'm alone with you
0:07:47 > 0:07:54# You're the kind I've tried hard to find
0:07:54 > 0:07:59# You've made all my dreams come true... #
0:08:02 > 0:08:03VOICE BREAKS
0:08:03 > 0:08:04Ooh.
0:08:04 > 0:08:06LAUGHTER
0:08:07 > 0:08:11Oh, ladies and gents, I'm terribly sorry.
0:08:11 > 0:08:13I do sincerely hope you'll forgive me.
0:08:13 > 0:08:16Goodness knows what it was, but I must admit to you that I am feeling
0:08:16 > 0:08:20a little nervous, a little excited, a little carried away this evening.
0:08:20 > 0:08:22There is, of course, a very good reason for this, and...
0:08:22 > 0:08:25MAN SHOUTS OUT LAUGHTER
0:08:25 > 0:08:26Bless you, sir.
0:08:26 > 0:08:29There is a good reason for this, and everybody backstage,
0:08:29 > 0:08:30all the boys and girls in the show, have dared me
0:08:30 > 0:08:33to come out and let you wonderful people into the secret.
0:08:33 > 0:08:35Well, it's purely and simply this - that just a few moments ago,
0:08:35 > 0:08:36Mr McPaulson, our manager,
0:08:36 > 0:08:39rushed around the back to inform me that they received
0:08:39 > 0:08:44a message to the effect that my wife, bless her heart,
0:08:44 > 0:08:46has presented me with a bundle of joy.
0:08:46 > 0:08:49APPLAUSE AND CHEERS
0:08:56 > 0:08:57The laundry came back.
0:09:01 > 0:09:03Thank you, maestro, and good e...
0:09:06 > 0:09:07You should have seen your faces!
0:09:09 > 0:09:12Especially Auntie Fanny down there!
0:09:12 > 0:09:15- Smoothey, what are you doing here? - Hello.- Hello indeed.
0:09:15 > 0:09:17Well, I just popped...
0:09:17 > 0:09:19- Oh, dear.- What? - I just popped out to sing a song,
0:09:19 > 0:09:21and tell all these nice people about the wife.
0:09:21 > 0:09:22- Have you told them?- Yes, yes.
0:09:22 > 0:09:24- Well, just pop back again.- Yes, sir.
0:09:24 > 0:09:26Ladies and gentlemen, in my capacity as professor of music,
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- I would like... - Just a moment, just a moment.
0:09:28 > 0:09:30- Sir, did you say you were a professor?- Indeed, I did, yes.
0:09:30 > 0:09:32Oh, good, well, look, professor - mummy bear had a baby bear,
0:09:32 > 0:09:33but baby bear had no hair.
0:09:33 > 0:09:35- What did they call him? - What did they call him?
0:09:35 > 0:09:37Fred Bear.
0:09:37 > 0:09:39LAUGHTER
0:09:39 > 0:09:41- If I can just have your indulgence...- I said...
0:09:45 > 0:09:48- The whole...- Two bishops going to bed. Which one wears a nightdress?
0:09:48 > 0:09:49I don't know.
0:09:49 > 0:09:51Mrs Bishop, silly.
0:09:56 > 0:09:57- Disregarding the...- I...
0:09:59 > 0:10:01What is the matter?
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Do you know, I don't know?
0:10:05 > 0:10:07- No... - LAUGHTER
0:10:07 > 0:10:09No, honestly, I don't know.
0:10:09 > 0:10:10But it don't half hurt.
0:10:12 > 0:10:16- Passing swiftly on...- Ah, sir, before you pass on, erm, what...?
0:10:16 > 0:10:18LAUGHTER
0:10:18 > 0:10:20What's the difference between a cemetery and a bathroom?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22What is the difference between a cemetery and a bathroom?
0:10:22 > 0:10:25Nothing. When you've got to go, you've got to go.
0:10:37 > 0:10:39I thank you for your indulgence, ladies and gentlemen.
0:10:39 > 0:10:42We'll pass swiftly on to something which I feel...
0:10:42 > 0:10:45The ma... The manager said if I behave meself this evening,
0:10:45 > 0:10:46I could do me Shakespeare bit.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49- Shakespeare bit?- Yes, sir. - What do you know about Shakespeare?
0:10:49 > 0:10:51He's dead.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53- You really want to do some Shakespeare?- Yes, sir.
0:10:53 > 0:10:54- Sir Laurence.- Thank you.
0:10:54 > 0:10:57Ladies and gentlemen, on this rather auspicious occasion,
0:10:57 > 0:10:59I would like to do Richard III.
0:10:59 > 0:11:00SCATTERED CHEERS
0:11:04 > 0:11:08Did my ears deceive me, or did I hear sniggering among you?
0:11:08 > 0:11:10Why do you snigger?
0:11:10 > 0:11:14I was informed, on very good authority, you appreciated the arts.
0:11:14 > 0:11:16Richard III.
0:11:16 > 0:11:17Best of luck.
0:11:20 > 0:11:22He sat...
0:11:25 > 0:11:30He sat in the sheltered seat one night, upon a cigarette, alight.
0:11:32 > 0:11:34- Shakespeare?- Burns.
0:11:38 > 0:11:40- Thank you again for your patience. - Hey, just a minute.
0:11:40 > 0:11:42We'll swing into my first number now...
0:11:42 > 0:11:44Sir, sir, where did you get that from? Give us a go.
0:11:44 > 0:11:46"Give us a go"? What do you know about music?
0:11:46 > 0:11:49My neighbour, Mrs Stanthorpe, plays the fiddle and the flute.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:11:51 > 0:11:53Plays the what?
0:11:53 > 0:11:56- The fiddle and the flute. - BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:11:56 > 0:11:58Well, who wants to hear the fiddle and the flute?
0:11:58 > 0:11:59BLOWS WEAK RASPBERRY
0:12:01 > 0:12:03The fiddle and the flute what?
0:12:06 > 0:12:07BLOWS WEAK RASPBERRY
0:12:07 > 0:12:10Do you mean to tell me a man of your position can't...?
0:12:10 > 0:12:11BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:12:15 > 0:12:19- I possibly could, if I forced myself.- Ooh, no, professor, please.
0:12:23 > 0:12:25- Professor.- What? - What's the difference between...
0:12:25 > 0:12:26- BLOWS ONE RASPBERRY - ..and...?
0:12:26 > 0:12:28- BLOWS TWO RASPBERRIES - I have no idea.
0:12:28 > 0:12:29BLOWS RASPBERRY
0:12:32 > 0:12:35Thank you again for your forbearance. My first number is...
0:12:35 > 0:12:37Give me a go of your thing.
0:12:37 > 0:12:41- "Give me a go of your thing". - Your shiny thing.
0:12:41 > 0:12:42If it is this to which you are referring,
0:12:42 > 0:12:46what you should say is, "Excuse me", old boy.
0:12:46 > 0:12:48What have you done?
0:12:50 > 0:12:53- I haven't done anything.- Oh. - I am teaching you to enunciate.
0:12:53 > 0:12:55- Is it painful?- Yes.
0:12:55 > 0:12:57- No!- Well, give me a go of your thing, then.
0:12:57 > 0:12:59- All right, take it, have a go. - Thank you.
0:12:59 > 0:13:01- Where's the other bit? - Other bit? What other bit?
0:13:01 > 0:13:03- The other part.- What other part?
0:13:03 > 0:13:06Ladies and gentlemen, a professor, and he says, "What other part?"
0:13:06 > 0:13:07The bow.
0:13:10 > 0:13:11You don't need a bow with that instrument.
0:13:11 > 0:13:12You blow it with your mouth.
0:13:12 > 0:13:14- You don't?- You do.- Oh.
0:13:14 > 0:13:16- Now, do you blow the trumpet voluntary?- Mm?
0:13:16 > 0:13:18I said, do you blow the trumpet voluntary?
0:13:18 > 0:13:19Oh, no, I charge a few bob.
0:13:20 > 0:13:22I don't mean that! What are you going to blow?
0:13:22 > 0:13:26- Eh?- What are you going to blow of?
0:13:30 > 0:13:32- "To blow of"?- That's correct.
0:13:34 > 0:13:37Ladies and gentlemen, it really does give me such great pleasure
0:13:37 > 0:13:39to be in the position to blow of for you this evening...
0:13:39 > 0:13:41LAUGHTER
0:13:41 > 0:13:44..the new world Symphony Opus Number One,
0:13:44 > 0:13:45and we "opus" how you like it.
0:13:45 > 0:13:47It's in G-sharp minor.
0:13:48 > 0:13:52There are variations on the theme in E-flat for left-handed foghorn,
0:13:52 > 0:13:56and the piece is by "Shoshostokavich". Thank you.
0:13:56 > 0:13:58- You're going to blow what? - That's what I'm going to blow IN.
0:13:58 > 0:14:01What comes OUT, I know nothing about.
0:14:03 > 0:14:06APPLAUSE
0:14:09 > 0:14:11- PLAYS NOTE - Oh!
0:14:11 > 0:14:12Pardon.
0:14:12 > 0:14:15- I'm glad you brought that up. - Aren't we all?
0:14:17 > 0:14:21PLAYS COMPETENTLY
0:15:02 > 0:15:04Who said there was no talent in the land?
0:15:04 > 0:15:05Ladies and gentlemen, now,
0:15:05 > 0:15:07here's a little number we can all get our teeth in.
0:15:07 > 0:15:10What do you say we hear each and every voice? Thank you.
0:15:10 > 0:15:13MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH
0:15:16 > 0:15:18All together now!
0:15:18 > 0:15:20# Oh, you beautiful doll... #
0:15:20 > 0:15:21AUDIENCE JOINS IN
0:15:21 > 0:15:25That's it! # You great big beautiful doll
0:15:25 > 0:15:30# Let me put my arms about you... #
0:15:30 > 0:15:34Well, how's this, then? How are you?
0:15:34 > 0:15:40# Oh, you beautiful doll, you great big beautiful doll
0:15:40 > 0:15:45# Oh, if you ever leave me, how my heart would ache,
0:15:45 > 0:15:49# I want to hug you, but I fear you'd break
0:15:49 > 0:15:50- # Oh - Oh
0:15:50 > 0:15:51- # Oh - Oh
0:15:51 > 0:15:52- # Oh - Oh
0:15:52 > 0:15:54- # Oh... # - Oh, shut up!
0:15:59 > 0:16:03APPLAUSE
0:16:10 > 0:16:12Blimey, girls, me big end's gone!
0:16:13 > 0:16:19BOTH: # Oh, you beautiful doll! #
0:16:38 > 0:16:40Ladies and gentlemen,
0:16:40 > 0:16:47last year, at the same festive season, young Patricia Bredin
0:16:47 > 0:16:53brought the fragrance of spring to warm our wintry hearts.
0:16:53 > 0:16:57Tonight, ladies and gentlemen, fresh from her triumphs
0:16:57 > 0:17:00in the sphere of tableaux vivants... CROWD MURMURS
0:17:02 > 0:17:05Moving pictures, my dear.
0:17:07 > 0:17:14..Miss Bredin comes, as I'm sure our own beloved poet laureate
0:17:14 > 0:17:18would have said, clothed in white samite.
0:17:18 > 0:17:23Mystic, wonderful, Patricia Bredin!
0:17:30 > 0:17:34# When I was a child at my mother's knee
0:17:34 > 0:17:38# My mother sang words of wisdom to me
0:17:38 > 0:17:43# She warned me of dangers down in the wood
0:17:43 > 0:17:46# For not every stranger's kindly and good
0:17:48 > 0:17:52# Till the right time comes
0:17:52 > 0:17:57# Never fall for romantic illusion
0:17:57 > 0:18:01# For it's all a snare and delusion
0:18:01 > 0:18:06# Till the right time comes
0:18:06 > 0:18:10# At school, I soon learned that boys carry books
0:18:10 > 0:18:14# For cute little girls with pretty good looks
0:18:14 > 0:18:19# Those schoolday romances thrilled me, but yet
0:18:19 > 0:18:24# I never took chances I might regret
0:18:24 > 0:18:29# At sweet 17, you learn very soon
0:18:29 > 0:18:33# The lies men can tell when under the moon
0:18:33 > 0:18:37# When soft words are spoken, wisdom departs
0:18:37 > 0:18:42# Those same words have broken so many hearts
0:18:42 > 0:18:47# Till the right time comes
0:18:47 > 0:18:51# Never fall for romantic illusion
0:18:51 > 0:18:56# For it's all a snare and delusion
0:18:56 > 0:19:01# Till the right time comes
0:19:01 > 0:19:05# What girl doesn't yearn for big city lights?
0:19:05 > 0:19:10# The butterfly days and glamorous nights
0:19:10 > 0:19:14# But when men start winking, though it seems nice
0:19:14 > 0:19:20# It's safer to think of mother's advice
0:19:20 > 0:19:24# The time hurries by, I patiently wait
0:19:24 > 0:19:29# For love will arrive before it's too late
0:19:29 > 0:19:33# No changing for new loves, no false alarms
0:19:33 > 0:19:38# I'll wait till my true love's here in my arms
0:19:38 > 0:19:42# Till the right time comes
0:19:42 > 0:19:47# Never fall for romantic illusion
0:19:47 > 0:19:51# For it's all a snare and delusion
0:19:51 > 0:19:56# Till the right time comes
0:19:56 > 0:20:04# Till the right time comes. #
0:20:04 > 0:20:08APPLAUSE
0:20:13 > 0:20:17Ladies and gentlemen, I'm sorry to interrupt this charming performance,
0:20:17 > 0:20:21but we do feel that as this hall has been positively hallowed as
0:20:21 > 0:20:26a temple of veneration for Aphrodite by Mr Harry Joseph,
0:20:26 > 0:20:31I should ask Miss Bredin for you all to oblige.
0:20:31 > 0:20:34SOFT MUSIC PLAYS
0:20:37 > 0:20:39LAUGHTER
0:20:45 > 0:20:46SHE SIGHS
0:20:55 > 0:20:57APPLAUSE
0:21:00 > 0:21:03I'd like you to join in the next chorus with me.
0:21:06 > 0:21:11# You are my honey, honeysuckle
0:21:11 > 0:21:14# I am the bee
0:21:14 > 0:21:18# I'd like to sip the honey sweet
0:21:18 > 0:21:22# From these red lips, you see
0:21:22 > 0:21:30# I love you dearly, dearly, and I want you to love me
0:21:30 > 0:21:34# You are my honey, honeysuckle
0:21:34 > 0:21:38# I am the bee. #
0:21:40 > 0:21:44# Joshua, Joshua,
0:21:44 > 0:21:49# Sweeter than lemon squash, you are
0:21:49 > 0:21:57# Yes, by gosh you are, and you love me so
0:21:57 > 0:22:05# Joshua, Joshua, sweeter than lemon squash, you are
0:22:05 > 0:22:09# Oh, by gosh, you are
0:22:09 > 0:22:13# Joshu-oshua. #
0:22:16 > 0:22:18# Hold your hand out
0:22:18 > 0:22:20# You naughty boy
0:22:20 > 0:22:24# Hold your hand out, you naughty boy
0:22:24 > 0:22:28# Last night, in the pale moonlight
0:22:28 > 0:22:32# I saw you, I saw you
0:22:32 > 0:22:35# With a nice girl in the park
0:22:35 > 0:22:39# You were strolling full of joy
0:22:39 > 0:22:43# And you told her you'd never kissed a girl before
0:22:43 > 0:22:46# Hold your hand out, you naughty boy. #
0:22:53 > 0:22:57- # Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow-wow - Bow-wow
0:22:57 > 0:23:01- # Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow-wow - Bow-wow
0:23:01 > 0:23:05# I've got a little cat, and I'm very fond of that
0:23:05 > 0:23:10# But I'd rather have a bow-wow-wow
0:23:10 > 0:23:14- # Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow-wow - Bow-wow
0:23:14 > 0:23:18- # Daddy wouldn't buy me a bow-wow - Bow-wow
0:23:18 > 0:23:21# I've got a little cat, and I'm very fond of that
0:23:21 > 0:23:24# But I'd rather have a bow-wow-wow. #
0:23:29 > 0:23:34# After the ball is over
0:23:34 > 0:23:39# After the break of morn
0:23:39 > 0:23:43# After the dancers leaving
0:23:43 > 0:23:47# After the stars are gone
0:23:47 > 0:23:52# Many a heart is aching
0:23:52 > 0:23:56# If you could hear them all
0:23:56 > 0:24:01# Many the hopes have vanished
0:24:01 > 0:24:09# After the ball. #
0:24:09 > 0:24:14APPLAUSE
0:24:29 > 0:24:32Ladies and gentlemen... Oh, I beg your pardon.
0:24:33 > 0:24:35SOFT PIANO MUSIC
0:24:38 > 0:24:40Oh, what am I doing? I'm sorry.
0:24:40 > 0:24:44Ladies and gentlemen, I am sorry, I nearly forgot myself. Erm...
0:24:44 > 0:24:49Our next artiste is new to this particular programme, but
0:24:49 > 0:24:54not new to your hearts, ladies and gentlemen, and he has, he informs me
0:24:54 > 0:24:59and I know, several times afore, tickled your riseabilities.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Ladies and gentlemen... CROWD MURMURS
0:25:02 > 0:25:06..tonight, he comes to this particular programme with the act
0:25:06 > 0:25:11with which he first burst onto an astonished world several years ago,
0:25:11 > 0:25:14at the Corn Exchange in Newark.
0:25:14 > 0:25:20Ladies and gentlemen, we give you Cardew, the cad of the school.
0:25:20 > 0:25:23APPLAUSE
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Hello, chaps.
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- Do you like the scarf? - SHOUTS OF APPROVAL
0:25:30 > 0:25:33I've got a long one, but that would look silly.
0:25:33 > 0:25:35That reminds me -
0:25:35 > 0:25:38# You will see by my scarf, you will see by my hat
0:25:38 > 0:25:40# I belong to an old public school
0:25:40 > 0:25:43# But my bat is not straight, and I don't play the game
0:25:43 > 0:25:46# And I think that a sportsman's a fool
0:25:46 > 0:25:49# So have no illusions, and I will hide not
0:25:49 > 0:25:51# I'll tell you right now that I'm bad
0:25:51 > 0:25:54# My name's not Caruthers, or Carstairs or Craig
0:25:54 > 0:25:57# I'm Cardew, the old school cad
0:25:57 > 0:26:01# Who played manly games and of cricket was fond?
0:26:01 > 0:26:03# Not Cardew, the cad of the school
0:26:03 > 0:26:06# Who, behind the pavilion, played games with a blonde?
0:26:06 > 0:26:09# That was Cardew, the cad of the school!
0:26:09 > 0:26:12# When sports day came round and the school took the track
0:26:12 > 0:26:14# Who down by the river, stretched out on a mac
0:26:14 > 0:26:17# Read a dirty French book with a bright yellow back?
0:26:17 > 0:26:19# Cardew, the cad of the school
0:26:23 > 0:26:26# Who thought that the school fancy dress dance was stupid?
0:26:26 > 0:26:28# Cardew, the cad of the school
0:26:28 > 0:26:31# Who took all his clothes off and turned up as Cupid?
0:26:31 > 0:26:33# Cardew, the cad of the school
0:26:33 > 0:26:36# Who cut the sports photographs out with a knife
0:26:36 > 0:26:40# And stuck in the frames real art studies from life?
0:26:40 > 0:26:43# Who was caught in the grounds with the headmaster's wife?
0:26:43 > 0:26:45# Cardew, the cad of the school
0:26:48 > 0:26:52# Who flogged the darts cup, to his lasting disgrace?
0:26:52 > 0:26:54# Cardew, the cad of the school
0:26:54 > 0:26:57# A bedroom utensil was stuck in its place...
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# ..by Cardew, the cad of the school
0:27:04 > 0:27:07# Who climbed up the flagstaff when no-one was there
0:27:07 > 0:27:10# Took down the school flag, and left high in the air
0:27:10 > 0:27:13# An intimate portion of feminine wear?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15# Cardew, the cad of the school. #
0:27:17 > 0:27:19I loved the old school. Dear old St Fanny's.
0:27:23 > 0:27:24Divided into three houses -
0:27:24 > 0:27:26Cookhouse, Washhouse, and Dosshouse.
0:27:28 > 0:27:30There had been a fourth house, but it was burnt down.
0:27:37 > 0:27:39Slaughterhouse.
0:27:40 > 0:27:42Beautiful school, beautiful school.
0:27:42 > 0:27:45Lovely situation - stands in a natural basin.
0:27:45 > 0:27:48My room was just over the plughole.
0:27:48 > 0:27:52Over the school door is the school crest. Lovely crest.
0:27:52 > 0:27:54Two brass monkeys in fur coats.
0:27:58 > 0:28:01When you went to the school, you might meet the headmaster,
0:28:01 > 0:28:03Dr Jankers.
0:28:03 > 0:28:06BA, BO, BF.
0:28:09 > 0:28:11Remarkable man. Speaks three languages -
0:28:11 > 0:28:13English, Yiddish, and Rubbish.
0:28:14 > 0:28:16Very much loved by the school.
0:28:16 > 0:28:19Only last week, he was presented with an illuminated address.
0:28:19 > 0:28:21They set fire to his house.
0:28:23 > 0:28:25I shall never forget the first time I met the headmaster.
0:28:25 > 0:28:28I walked into his study. He was standing with his back to the fire,
0:28:28 > 0:28:30airing his knowledge.
0:28:32 > 0:28:35He turned round, he told me everything a boy should know,
0:28:35 > 0:28:37all about the birds and the flowers.
0:28:37 > 0:28:39Oh, it was marvellous.
0:28:39 > 0:28:43When I get a bit older, I'm hoping to marry a nice geranium.
0:28:43 > 0:28:45Matter of fact, we'd just had the school exams.
0:28:45 > 0:28:47I got into awful trouble in Geography.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50They asked me to give three uses of the Pennine Chain.
0:28:50 > 0:28:51I could only think of one.
0:28:55 > 0:28:56For my bicycle.
0:28:58 > 0:29:00Matter of fact, I've got my report here,
0:29:00 > 0:29:03and I'd like to read my report to you, if I can find it.
0:29:03 > 0:29:05That's tonight's homework.
0:29:07 > 0:29:10That's LAST night's homework.
0:29:10 > 0:29:13I've left it behind, I think... Yes, here it is.
0:29:13 > 0:29:16Here we are - my report.
0:29:16 > 0:29:17"English - broken.
0:29:19 > 0:29:21"History - murky.
0:29:21 > 0:29:22"Language - filthy.
0:29:25 > 0:29:27"Conduct - well up to criminal standard.
0:29:28 > 0:29:31"Position in form - 12th. Number in form - 11.
0:29:33 > 0:29:37"Form master's remarks - has retained his position with ease.
0:29:39 > 0:29:43"Headmaster's remarks - this boy should go a long way.
0:29:43 > 0:29:44"And the sooner, the better."
0:29:45 > 0:29:49Never mind, it's not all work at St Fanny's. Not all work.
0:29:49 > 0:29:52I loved the long summer evenings in the school quadrangle.
0:29:52 > 0:29:54That's Latin for "back yard".
0:29:54 > 0:29:58Nothing to be heard but some young, fresh, studious voice, remarking,
0:29:58 > 0:29:59"You can't stick on 15."
0:30:02 > 0:30:04While that went on, I sat in the corner making notes.
0:30:04 > 0:30:07Ten shilling notes, pound notes...
0:30:07 > 0:30:09But best of all, best of all,
0:30:09 > 0:30:12the thing I love most about the school is the fact it's so historic.
0:30:12 > 0:30:14You take the headmaster - please.
0:30:16 > 0:30:19The headmaster's own bed was slept in by King Henry VIII.
0:30:19 > 0:30:21And to this very day, you can still see the round mark
0:30:21 > 0:30:24on the bedside carpet where he used to keep his crown.
0:30:24 > 0:30:26LAUGHTER
0:30:30 > 0:30:34As for me, I always do my best to live up to the school motto,
0:30:34 > 0:30:37the old English motto which dates back to the early 12th century.
0:30:37 > 0:30:39"It troubleth me not what happeneth to thee, Jack,
0:30:39 > 0:30:42"I am all right."
0:30:42 > 0:30:44My crowning exploit took place on the occasion
0:30:44 > 0:30:47of the school tiddlywinks championship.
0:30:47 > 0:30:49I was drawn against the headmaster's daughter.
0:30:49 > 0:30:52And at the crucial moment, I tiddled when I should have winked.
0:30:52 > 0:30:54LAUGHTER
0:30:58 > 0:31:02The end of my shocking career, the end of my shocking career,
0:31:02 > 0:31:05lies in the answer to this question -
0:31:05 > 0:31:08who mixed dynamite in the chemistry class?
0:31:08 > 0:31:09Cardew, the cad of the school.
0:31:09 > 0:31:13And at last left the school through a large pane of glass?
0:31:13 > 0:31:15Cardew, and some of the school.
0:31:16 > 0:31:19Who, though he could never obtain a degree,
0:31:19 > 0:31:23was as crafty and cunning as cunning could be?
0:31:23 > 0:31:28And will end up, no doubt, a successful MP?
0:31:28 > 0:31:32Cardew, the cad of the school!
0:31:32 > 0:31:34APPLAUSE
0:31:48 > 0:31:54Ladies and gentlemen, as the cognoscenti among you will know,
0:31:54 > 0:31:59our sovereign has arranged a state visit from France for the New Year.
0:31:59 > 0:32:03And we on this programme follow humbly in the regal footsteps
0:32:03 > 0:32:06in bringing our next artiste from Europe.
0:32:06 > 0:32:09Ladies and gentlemen, we present very proudly,
0:32:09 > 0:32:11Grock's nephew,
0:32:11 > 0:32:16the illustrious nephew of a peerless clown.
0:32:16 > 0:32:17Noberti!
0:32:17 > 0:32:19APPLAUSE
0:32:27 > 0:32:29NOBERTI LAUGHS
0:32:30 > 0:32:32I fall off, didn't I?
0:32:53 > 0:32:54Acrobat!
0:32:54 > 0:32:56Hup...hoo!
0:32:56 > 0:32:57Huy....hoo!
0:32:59 > 0:33:01Hee-yo!
0:33:03 > 0:33:05Hee...
0:33:05 > 0:33:06Yah.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11It's not very simple to do that...
0:33:11 > 0:33:12You go, hup!
0:33:15 > 0:33:17Timber!
0:33:25 > 0:33:26Tee...!
0:33:28 > 0:33:30..imber...
0:33:30 > 0:33:32Where's my hat?
0:33:32 > 0:33:33Ha-ha! I lost my hat!
0:33:33 > 0:33:35Hup!
0:33:35 > 0:33:36Ho!
0:33:55 > 0:33:56That's it! That's it!
0:33:56 > 0:33:58APPLAUSE
0:34:45 > 0:34:47Alley-up!
0:34:48 > 0:34:50Alley-up!
0:34:54 > 0:34:55Alley-up!
0:35:04 > 0:35:06Alley-up, eh? Boom!
0:35:07 > 0:35:09Boom...
0:35:09 > 0:35:10Ah...
0:35:10 > 0:35:12Aaahh...
0:35:12 > 0:35:13Achoo!
0:35:13 > 0:35:15APPLAUSE
0:35:46 > 0:35:48APPLAUSE
0:35:50 > 0:35:51Thank you!
0:36:03 > 0:36:05He showed me!
0:36:10 > 0:36:11Yeah!
0:36:24 > 0:36:26There, much better...
0:36:40 > 0:36:41Ow!
0:37:05 > 0:37:06Hup!
0:37:11 > 0:37:14Hey-hup, diddly-round, in there, eh?
0:38:01 > 0:38:03I get paid for it, don't worry.
0:38:05 > 0:38:07You look nice, you know.
0:38:07 > 0:38:08You look very nice.
0:38:09 > 0:38:11Help!
0:38:11 > 0:38:12Help!
0:38:31 > 0:38:32Heeeeelllp!
0:38:58 > 0:39:00APPLAUSE
0:39:22 > 0:39:23I think, ladies and gentlemen,
0:39:23 > 0:39:26not to put too fine a physiological point on it,
0:39:26 > 0:39:31we can congratulate Noberti on swivelling on his own apex.
0:39:31 > 0:39:36And now, ladies and gentlemen, we go once again abroad,
0:39:36 > 0:39:43and we bring you, in all the proud plenitude of her...
0:39:43 > 0:39:46of her palpitating pulchritude,
0:39:46 > 0:39:51we give you La Senorita Betty Jumel.
0:39:51 > 0:39:55MUSIC: Toreador Song by Bizet
0:40:05 > 0:40:06LAUGHTER
0:40:12 > 0:40:14# Sirs, your toast
0:40:14 > 0:40:16# A courteous answer claiming
0:40:16 > 0:40:19# I lift the glass to soldiers gay and bold
0:40:19 > 0:40:23# Toreros, like you, with courage naming... #
0:40:23 > 0:40:25Ooh! Ha-ha-ha!
0:40:27 > 0:40:30# See the circus, thronged with crowds of people
0:40:30 > 0:40:34# The seats are filled, above, below
0:40:34 > 0:40:36# Loud bells ring out
0:40:36 > 0:40:38# From every steeple
0:40:38 > 0:40:40# All the world has come
0:40:40 > 0:40:43# Has come to the show! #
0:40:43 > 0:40:44Ah-ha-ha.
0:40:44 > 0:40:45Oh, dear, oh, dear.
0:40:49 > 0:40:50Won't be a moment.
0:40:56 > 0:40:59# Hark, what shouting
0:40:59 > 0:41:00# What frenzied voices
0:41:00 > 0:41:05# When the bull flies out with angry roar
0:41:05 > 0:41:06# Ah...
0:41:08 > 0:41:10# Sure of honour when the fight is o'er
0:41:10 > 0:41:11# Look out!
0:41:11 > 0:41:12# Beware!
0:41:12 > 0:41:13# Take care
0:41:13 > 0:41:16# Beware of... #
0:41:16 > 0:41:17Aargh!
0:41:33 > 0:41:35Ha, ha-ha-ha!
0:41:37 > 0:41:42# Toreador, now guard thee
0:41:42 > 0:41:45# Toreador, toreador...
0:41:45 > 0:41:49# Bear thou in mind, when combat thee elates
0:41:49 > 0:41:53# That bright eyes fondly regard thee
0:41:53 > 0:41:58# For thee a fond heart waits, toreador
0:41:58 > 0:42:03# For thee a fond heart waits. #
0:42:20 > 0:42:21I shan't be a moment.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34# Suddenly, there comes a silence
0:42:34 > 0:42:36# There comes a silence
0:42:36 > 0:42:39# Oh, what has happened now?
0:42:39 > 0:42:41# All hearts are beating high
0:42:41 > 0:42:43# All hearts are beating high
0:42:43 > 0:42:46# Tis a mighty bull come rushing out of the Toril
0:42:46 > 0:42:48# See, he flies
0:42:48 > 0:42:49# His foe...
0:42:52 > 0:42:54# ..with him, a picador
0:42:54 > 0:42:56# Oh, trouble!
0:42:56 > 0:42:58# Shout out the people
0:42:58 > 0:43:01# On goes the bull, now here, now there
0:43:01 > 0:43:05# Raging, he flies!
0:43:05 > 0:43:06# And... #
0:43:06 > 0:43:09LAUGHTER
0:43:17 > 0:43:19APPLAUSE
0:43:29 > 0:43:32# And maddened by the banderillos
0:43:32 > 0:43:34# In frenzy, wild he fights
0:43:34 > 0:43:37# The circus streams with gore
0:43:37 > 0:43:40# Many, see, for safety climb the fences
0:43:40 > 0:43:44# Look out, toreador!
0:43:44 > 0:43:45# Beware
0:43:45 > 0:43:46# Look out!
0:43:46 > 0:43:48# Beware!
0:43:57 > 0:44:02# Toreador, now guard thee
0:44:02 > 0:44:05# Toreador, toreador
0:44:05 > 0:44:09# Bear thou in mind, when combat thee elates
0:44:09 > 0:44:13# Bright eyes fondly regard thee
0:44:13 > 0:44:18# For thee a fond heart waits, toreador
0:44:18 > 0:44:20# For... #
0:44:20 > 0:44:22LAUGHTER
0:44:36 > 0:44:38APPLAUSE
0:44:42 > 0:44:44Who is he?
0:44:46 > 0:44:50# For thee a fond
0:44:50 > 0:44:52# Heart
0:44:52 > 0:44:55# Waits! #
0:44:55 > 0:44:57APPLAUSE
0:45:18 > 0:45:20My ladies and gentlemen,
0:45:20 > 0:45:23I think Mr Ainsworth and the boys will agree with me
0:45:23 > 0:45:25that that was very Bizet.
0:45:25 > 0:45:27And now...
0:45:27 > 0:45:30And now, ladies and gentlemen, we redeem a pledge,
0:45:30 > 0:45:34and give you, once again, the Manton Brothers!
0:45:34 > 0:45:35APPLAUSE
0:45:40 > 0:45:44# Though we have to do our job all day
0:45:44 > 0:45:47# In a manner bright and gay
0:45:47 > 0:45:51# We could make our work seem just like play
0:45:51 > 0:45:54# If we could dance
0:45:54 > 0:45:57# While on the roads that we repair
0:45:57 > 0:46:00# Our dancing makes the people stare
0:46:00 > 0:46:05# We'd do our job without a care
0:46:05 > 0:46:07# If we could dance
0:46:08 > 0:46:11# We'd dance all day while the gaffer is away
0:46:11 > 0:46:15# Our soft-shoe is a treat
0:46:15 > 0:46:17# And as we dig, dig
0:46:17 > 0:46:19# Dig all day
0:46:19 > 0:46:22# Our feet are always tapping out a beat
0:46:22 > 0:46:25# When work is done, we're on the street
0:46:25 > 0:46:29# Doing what comes naturally
0:46:29 > 0:46:33# Oh, how happy we could be
0:46:33 > 0:46:35# If we could dance. #
0:48:31 > 0:48:33APPLAUSE
0:48:42 > 0:48:45And now, ladies and gentlemen, to send you home happy,
0:48:45 > 0:48:46for our final item tonight,
0:48:46 > 0:48:49we reach to the top of the Christmas tree, and we give you,
0:48:49 > 0:48:52ladies and gentlemen, two artistes who need no glass from me.
0:48:52 > 0:48:56Ladies and gentlemen, in all pride, we present...
0:48:56 > 0:48:58Morecambe and Wise!
0:48:58 > 0:49:00APPLAUSE
0:49:03 > 0:49:05- Thank you, thank you. Who's come on?- I don't know.
0:49:05 > 0:49:07Oh, it's us.
0:49:07 > 0:49:10Hello, darling! Working? Oh, you're up there, aren't you?
0:49:11 > 0:49:14Don't worry about that one, it's the wife.
0:49:14 > 0:49:16Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. I must say how happy we are
0:49:16 > 0:49:19to be appearing once again at the City Varieties, Leeds.
0:49:19 > 0:49:21It really is wonderful to see all your happy, smiling faces.
0:49:21 > 0:49:23- Happy, smiling...! - LAUGHTER
0:49:25 > 0:49:27As a matter of fact, the old place hasn't changed one little bit.
0:49:27 > 0:49:29But don't you feel there's something missing?
0:49:29 > 0:49:32OUTRAGEOUS TROMBONE NOTE
0:49:32 > 0:49:33That's it.
0:49:34 > 0:49:37Ah, but it's exciting in the theatre. The lights, the atmosphere!
0:49:37 > 0:49:39- Is that what it is?- Yes.- I thought it was you.- Ye... What do you mean?
0:49:39 > 0:49:42- I'm getting a bit fed up with this stage lark.- Fed up with it?
0:49:42 > 0:49:45Well, I'd like to do something different. You know, like...
0:49:45 > 0:49:46Go abroad, get a new job.
0:49:46 > 0:49:49Where was that woman, there, when she was doing all that dancing?
0:49:49 > 0:49:50- Where was she?- I've got it.- What?
0:49:50 > 0:49:51- Spain.- Is that where she was?- Yes.
0:49:51 > 0:49:53That's where I'd like to go, where it's hot.
0:49:53 > 0:49:55- That's the place for you.- Why?
0:49:55 > 0:49:58Listen, you would make a marvellous bullfighter.
0:49:58 > 0:50:00LAUGHTER
0:50:00 > 0:50:01Yeah, you're a natural.
0:50:01 > 0:50:05Listen, I'm going to make you the greatest bullfighter in the world.
0:50:05 > 0:50:07- You're only saying that! - No, I'm not.
0:50:07 > 0:50:09- Well, somebody just did.- Eh?
0:50:09 > 0:50:11LAUGHTER
0:50:11 > 0:50:14Now, we've got to dress you for the part. I mean, you must look right.
0:50:14 > 0:50:16A right what?
0:50:16 > 0:50:18LAUGHTER
0:50:18 > 0:50:20A right bullfighter.
0:50:20 > 0:50:22- Now, you're wearing a three-cornered hat.- What for?
0:50:22 > 0:50:24Your three-cornered head.
0:50:25 > 0:50:28- What are you laughing at? - I thought it was funny.
0:50:28 > 0:50:30It so happens I have a three-cornered head.
0:50:32 > 0:50:34Now, where do you get these hats?
0:50:34 > 0:50:36LAUGHTER
0:50:39 > 0:50:41You're wearing...
0:50:41 > 0:50:43- A blue, velvet jacket.- Pardon?
0:50:45 > 0:50:48You're wearing a blue, velvet jacket, with a ruffled collar.
0:50:48 > 0:50:51A spangled shirt with broderie anglaise cuffs.
0:50:53 > 0:50:54Bright yellow pantaloons.
0:50:56 > 0:50:58- Snug fitting.- Hey...
0:51:00 > 0:51:02White stockings and the most heavenly pair
0:51:02 > 0:51:04- of black, patent shoes.- Yeah.
0:51:04 > 0:51:07- Now, what do you say to that? - I won't have to say anything.
0:51:08 > 0:51:10Dressed like that, I think everybody'll know.
0:51:10 > 0:51:12LAUGHTER
0:51:17 > 0:51:20- What are you going to call yourself? - How about Elsie?- No!
0:51:20 > 0:51:21LAUGHTER
0:51:26 > 0:51:28Choose a name, a bullfighting name.
0:51:30 > 0:51:32- Arturo D Rodriguez Liquorice! - Liquorice?- Liquorice.
0:51:32 > 0:51:34- That's not a name. - Spanish, isn't it?
0:51:34 > 0:51:36LAUGHTER
0:51:38 > 0:51:41- Do I have to fight a bull? - Fight a bull?- Yeah.
0:51:41 > 0:51:42- Not right away.- Oh.
0:51:42 > 0:51:44I mean, have you ever faced a bull?
0:51:44 > 0:51:47- I came face-to-face with a ferocious bull once.- Did it give you a start?
0:51:47 > 0:51:49I didn't need one, I was off like lightning.
0:51:49 > 0:51:50LAUGHTER
0:51:54 > 0:51:56Now comes the great day.
0:51:57 > 0:52:00The arena is packed to capacity.
0:52:00 > 0:52:02- Is it full?- Of course.- Is it?
0:52:02 > 0:52:05The people are all waiting for the greatest bullfighter in all Spain.
0:52:05 > 0:52:07Ah, well, they won't need me now. I can go, then.
0:52:07 > 0:52:09It's you they are waiting for.
0:52:09 > 0:52:10Is it?
0:52:10 > 0:52:13I can see you now, standing in the centre of the bullring.
0:52:13 > 0:52:15All eyes are focused on you.
0:52:15 > 0:52:18They are all waiting for you to do something.
0:52:18 > 0:52:20LAUGHTER
0:52:22 > 0:52:25They won't have to wait very long, will they?
0:52:25 > 0:52:28Definitely not, because they know...
0:52:28 > 0:52:30They know that you are a man of action!
0:52:30 > 0:52:33- And actions speak louder than words? - Yeah!- Ha-ha!
0:52:33 > 0:52:36It's a happy show, innit?
0:52:36 > 0:52:38Now, suddenly, at one end of the arena,
0:52:38 > 0:52:40there is a little cloud of dust as the bull rushes in.
0:52:40 > 0:52:44At the other end of the arena, there's an even bigger cloud of dust as I rush out!
0:52:44 > 0:52:45Followed by Jimmy and Ben.
0:52:50 > 0:52:53- You're not afraid, are you? - Afraid?- Afraid?- Yes.- Oh.
0:52:53 > 0:52:55- You are?- Yeah.
0:52:55 > 0:52:58What a magnificent animal that is. Just look at it.
0:52:58 > 0:53:01- There it is, over there. - My God, he's quick, ain't he?- Yeah.
0:53:02 > 0:53:05- Where is he now? - Sat in that seat.- Sitting Bull.
0:53:05 > 0:53:07LAUGHTER
0:53:09 > 0:53:10- He's asleep.- Asleep?!
0:53:10 > 0:53:11It's a bulldozer. Thank you!
0:53:11 > 0:53:13LAUGHTER
0:53:14 > 0:53:16Do you realise that bull weighs over two tonnes?
0:53:16 > 0:53:18- That's a lot of bull.- Yes.
0:53:21 > 0:53:23- Now comes your supreme moment. - I faint?
0:53:23 > 0:53:25- No.- No.- The moment for the kill.
0:53:27 > 0:53:29Just you and the bull, alone in the arena.
0:53:32 > 0:53:34- Ole!- You had me worried there.
0:53:34 > 0:53:36LAUGHTER
0:53:36 > 0:53:38- Ole!- Ole!- Congratulations. - What have I done?
0:53:38 > 0:53:41- You have just killed that bull with one masterstroke.- Thank you.
0:53:41 > 0:53:44- A magnificent effort. I'm very proud of you.- I'm quick, aren't I? - Oh, yes, very quick.
0:53:44 > 0:53:45Poor old bull.
0:53:47 > 0:53:50- You forgot that bit, didn't you?- Yes.
0:53:51 > 0:53:54- What's that?- I said, you forgot that bit.- No, no.- Oh.- Up there!
0:53:54 > 0:53:56- What?- In the box.
0:53:56 > 0:53:58- Can you see him?- No.
0:53:58 > 0:54:01- It's... It is!- Is it?- Yes!
0:54:01 > 0:54:03It's the president of the bullring.
0:54:07 > 0:54:09- Can't he get down? - He doesn't want to.
0:54:09 > 0:54:11- Do you know what he's done? - He hasn't, has he?- Yes!
0:54:11 > 0:54:13LAUGHTER
0:54:15 > 0:54:18He has awarded you...
0:54:18 > 0:54:19the ear of the bull.
0:54:22 > 0:54:24Oh, this is indeed a great honour!
0:54:24 > 0:54:27You must thank him in the old Spanish way.
0:54:30 > 0:54:31Muchas gracias, senor!
0:54:34 > 0:54:36# Muuuchas gracias! #
0:54:38 > 0:54:40MOUTHING
0:54:41 > 0:54:44ERNIE SNIGGERS
0:54:44 > 0:54:46LAUGHTER
0:54:47 > 0:54:48He's having a go, isn't he?
0:54:50 > 0:54:51Muchas gracias!
0:54:53 > 0:54:54Senor!
0:54:55 > 0:54:57What about the workers?
0:54:57 > 0:54:58LAUGHTER
0:55:01 > 0:55:02Cuanta la gusta?!
0:55:07 > 0:55:08Charlie Chaplin!
0:55:08 > 0:55:10LAUGHTER
0:55:13 > 0:55:14Viva Zapata!
0:55:14 > 0:55:15With chips!
0:55:15 > 0:55:17LAUGHTER
0:55:25 > 0:55:27- Hey...- What?- Who's working you?
0:55:29 > 0:55:32Now, you walk towards the president's box,
0:55:32 > 0:55:36and you throw the ear of the bull to the president's beautiful daughter.
0:55:38 > 0:55:41- She accepts it.- I'm glad, because I wouldn't know what to do with it.
0:55:41 > 0:55:43LAUGHTER
0:55:43 > 0:55:46She looks down at you and smiles and says...
0:55:46 > 0:55:47- I know what she says. - What does she say?
0:55:47 > 0:55:50"Hello, hello, hello - what's this 'ere?" Ha-ha!
0:55:50 > 0:55:52LAUGHTER
0:55:54 > 0:55:55BOTH: # Sleigh bells ring
0:55:55 > 0:55:57# Are you listening?
0:55:57 > 0:55:59# Down the lane
0:55:59 > 0:56:01# Snow is glistening
0:56:01 > 0:56:03# A beautiful sight
0:56:03 > 0:56:05# We're happy tonight
0:56:05 > 0:56:08# Walking in a winter wonderland
0:56:08 > 0:56:12# Gone away is the bluebird
0:56:12 > 0:56:16# Here to stay is a new bird
0:56:16 > 0:56:18# He sings a love song
0:56:18 > 0:56:20# As you go along
0:56:20 > 0:56:22# Walking in a winter wonderland
0:56:24 > 0:56:28# In the meadow you can see a snowman
0:56:28 > 0:56:31# Then pretend that he is Parson Brown
0:56:31 > 0:56:35# He'll say, "Are you married?" You'll say, "No, man,
0:56:35 > 0:56:39# "But you can do the job when you're in town."
0:56:39 > 0:56:40# Later on
0:56:40 > 0:56:42# We'll conspire
0:56:42 > 0:56:44# As we dream
0:56:44 > 0:56:47# By the fire
0:56:47 > 0:56:49# To face unafraid
0:56:49 > 0:56:50# The plans that you've made
0:56:50 > 0:56:53# Walking in a winter wonderland. #
0:56:53 > 0:56:54Into the dance!
0:57:28 > 0:57:29Altogether now!
0:57:44 > 0:57:45APPLAUSE
0:58:03 > 0:58:09Ladies and gentlemen, before we send you out to illuminated Leeds...
0:58:09 > 0:58:11- AUDIENCE:- Aw!
0:58:11 > 0:58:15..and I mean lit up, we're going to ask Messers Morecambe and Wise
0:58:15 > 0:58:18to lead the company and yourselves in The Old Bull And Bush.
0:58:18 > 0:58:22Ladies and gentlemen, Morecambe and Wise, the entire company,
0:58:22 > 0:58:25but this time, chiefly...
0:58:25 > 0:58:26- ALL:- Yourselves!
0:58:31 > 0:58:33# Come, come
0:58:33 > 0:58:35# Come and make eyes at me
0:58:35 > 0:58:37# Down at the old Bull and Bush
0:58:37 > 0:58:38# Da-da-da-da-da
0:58:38 > 0:58:40# Come, come
0:58:40 > 0:58:42# Come and drink wine with me
0:58:42 > 0:58:46# Down at the old Bull and Bush
0:58:46 > 0:58:48# See the little German band
0:58:48 > 0:58:50# Da-da-da-da-da
0:58:50 > 0:58:54# Just let me hold your hand, dear
0:58:54 > 0:58:56# Come, come
0:58:56 > 0:58:58# Come and have a drink or two
0:58:58 > 0:59:03# Down at the old Bull and Bush. #
0:59:03 > 0:59:05APPLAUSE