0:00:06 > 0:00:10# After the ball is over
0:00:10 > 0:00:15# After the break of morn
0:00:15 > 0:00:20# After the dancers' leaving
0:00:20 > 0:00:24# After the stars are gone
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Many a heart is aching
0:00:30 > 0:00:34# If you could read them all
0:00:36 > 0:00:41# Many the hopes that have vanished
0:00:41 > 0:00:47# After the ball. #
0:01:07 > 0:01:13Once again, good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:15 > 0:01:20Obligatory...orotundity...
0:01:20 > 0:01:24initially...accolade.
0:01:25 > 0:01:31An ozoniferous...extravaganza.
0:01:32 > 0:01:40A seaside show now, exemplary in expertise, The Players' Theatre!
0:01:43 > 0:01:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:49 > 0:01:53# If Margate were down in Regent Street,
0:01:53 > 0:01:56# Blackpool in Leicester Square
0:01:56 > 0:02:00# If the Isle of Man was somewhere down the Strand
0:02:00 > 0:02:03# Oh, it would be grand, listening to the band
0:02:03 > 0:02:07# If Brighton Fair were in Trafalgar Square
0:02:07 > 0:02:10# Piccadilly all surrounded by the sea
0:02:10 > 0:02:14# And you could bathe with all the girls down Bond Street
0:02:14 > 0:02:18# What a grand place London town would be. #
0:02:18 > 0:02:21# All the girls are lovely by the seaside
0:02:21 > 0:02:23# All the girls are lovely by the sea
0:02:25 > 0:02:28# When you're strolling down beside the ocean
0:02:28 > 0:02:31# The ocean, what a commotion
0:02:31 > 0:02:35# All the girls are lovely by the seaside
0:02:35 > 0:02:39# With their curls and bits of drapery
0:02:39 > 0:02:42# French-y girls with eyes of blue give the goo-goo eye to you
0:02:42 > 0:02:46# Whether they don't or whether they do, they're all lovely by the sea. #
0:02:54 > 0:02:58# Where's the harm, where's the harm, will anyone tell me, pray?
0:02:58 > 0:03:01# Should we take care out in the beautiful summer weather?
0:03:01 > 0:03:05# When they tell you it's wrong, tell them to take a run
0:03:05 > 0:03:09# Go along to it, but don't spoil the fun. #
0:03:10 > 0:03:13# Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside
0:03:13 > 0:03:17# I do like to be beside the sea
0:03:17 > 0:03:21# I do like to stroll along the prom, prom, prom,
0:03:21 > 0:03:24# Where the brass bands play tiddly-om-pom-pom
0:03:24 > 0:03:28# Just let me be beside the seaside
0:03:28 > 0:03:31# I'll be beside myself with glee
0:03:31 > 0:03:35# There are lots of girls beside I should like to be beside
0:03:35 > 0:03:38# Beside the seaside, beside the sea
0:03:38 > 0:03:43# Beside the seaside, beside the sea. #
0:03:57 > 0:04:03- For your aural and ocular... - AUDIENCE MURMURS
0:04:03 > 0:04:11Ears and eyes! ..edification, the ineffable evanescence of nubility...
0:04:12 > 0:04:16- ..Miss Melanie Munro! - APPLAUSE AND CHEERING
0:04:16 > 0:04:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:23 > 0:04:26# I'm just 17
0:04:26 > 0:04:28# I've never been
0:04:28 > 0:04:32# To any stately ball
0:04:32 > 0:04:34# A shy young maid
0:04:34 > 0:04:36# I'm half afraid
0:04:36 > 0:04:41# To raise my eyes at all
0:04:41 > 0:04:45# But I must learn to twist and turn
0:04:45 > 0:04:49# To set my feet alight
0:04:49 > 0:04:52# So come, hero
0:04:52 > 0:04:59# And strive to show me how to dance tonight
0:05:01 > 0:05:07SHE VOCALISES
0:05:12 > 0:05:14# Dance on, hero
0:05:14 > 0:05:17# The night is young
0:05:17 > 0:05:21# The stars are fair above
0:05:21 > 0:05:23# How tenderly
0:05:23 > 0:05:26# Your eyes look down
0:05:26 > 0:05:29# How sweet your words of love
0:05:29 > 0:05:33# The world is fading far away
0:05:33 > 0:05:38# And all things sad and false
0:05:38 > 0:05:41# Oh, dear hero
0:05:41 > 0:05:45# I love you so
0:05:45 > 0:05:49# Tonight we'll dance like swans. #
0:05:49 > 0:05:53SHE VOCALISES
0:06:31 > 0:06:32SONG ENDS
0:06:39 > 0:06:42BAND PLAYS NEW TUNE
0:06:53 > 0:06:56# Susan Green was sweet 16
0:06:56 > 0:06:59# Had never yet been kissed
0:07:00 > 0:07:02# And what you'd never had
0:07:02 > 0:07:05# Why, of course, you'd never missed
0:07:05 > 0:07:07LAUGHTER
0:07:07 > 0:07:11# But Susan read a novel called
0:07:11 > 0:07:14# Mama's Loving Boy
0:07:14 > 0:07:18# It put ideas into her head
0:07:18 > 0:07:22# And filled her full of joy
0:07:24 > 0:07:26# She walked into a shop
0:07:26 > 0:07:30# The salesman said, "Now, Miss
0:07:30 > 0:07:33# "What would you like to have?"
0:07:33 > 0:07:38# She shyly answered this
0:07:40 > 0:07:42# I want a boy
0:07:42 > 0:07:45# I want a boy
0:07:45 > 0:07:47# Not for a toy
0:07:47 > 0:07:50# Bound to annoy
0:07:50 > 0:07:53# I want a nice young man
0:07:53 > 0:07:55# Who will understand
0:07:55 > 0:07:59# Don't want an amateur who'll just hold your hand
0:07:59 > 0:08:02# I'd like to tease
0:08:02 > 0:08:04# I'd like to squeeze
0:08:04 > 0:08:10# I've heard that loving is simply divine
0:08:10 > 0:08:12# One who'd meet you in the hall
0:08:12 > 0:08:14# Kiss you, squeeze you, back to the wall
0:08:14 > 0:08:16# Sit you down upon his lap
0:08:16 > 0:08:18# Hug you till you snap
0:08:18 > 0:08:21# I want a boy
0:08:21 > 0:08:23# I want a boy
0:08:23 > 0:08:26# I want a great big wonderful
0:08:26 > 0:08:29# Lovable, delectable
0:08:29 > 0:08:33# Great big wonderful
0:08:33 > 0:08:40# Boy. #
0:08:40 > 0:08:42APPLAUSE
0:08:57 > 0:09:02Ingratiatingly endearing and diminutive dronery,
0:09:02 > 0:09:04your own, my own,
0:09:04 > 0:09:09everybody's own Mr Arthur Askey!
0:09:09 > 0:09:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:25 > 0:09:26Hello, playmates!
0:09:26 > 0:09:28- AUDIENCE:- Hello!
0:09:28 > 0:09:30I-I-I thank you.
0:09:31 > 0:09:33Now, this is where the show picks up.
0:09:33 > 0:09:34LAUGHTER
0:09:34 > 0:09:37Cos I'm going to sing for you tonight, playmates.
0:09:37 > 0:09:38- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Well, I'm a jolly good singer!
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Oh, yes, I am!
0:09:43 > 0:09:45- AUDIENCE:- Oh, no, you're not!
0:09:45 > 0:09:47I jolly well am.
0:09:47 > 0:09:50Anyway, I'm going to sing you a little song that is entitled...
0:09:50 > 0:09:52- AUDIENCE MEMBER:- The Bee! - No!
0:09:52 > 0:09:53LAUGHTER
0:09:53 > 0:09:55APPLAUSE
0:09:58 > 0:10:00The Bee?
0:10:00 > 0:10:03That was me father, he used to sing that.
0:10:03 > 0:10:05LAUGHTER
0:10:05 > 0:10:08Little shorthouse with glasses, that was my dad.
0:10:08 > 0:10:11No, this is rather on a higher scale.
0:10:11 > 0:10:13This is simply entitled A Ballad.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Oh.
0:10:20 > 0:10:22LAUGHTER
0:10:22 > 0:10:25# I love the swallows flying high
0:10:25 > 0:10:26# Ah-ha
0:10:26 > 0:10:28- AUDIENCE:- # Ah-ha
0:10:28 > 0:10:30# We all love swallows
0:10:30 > 0:10:31# So do I
0:10:31 > 0:10:33# Ah-ha
0:10:33 > 0:10:36# I love the swallow and tomtit
0:10:36 > 0:10:39# I love to hear the swallow flit
0:10:39 > 0:10:42# But I'd sooner swallow gin in it
0:10:42 > 0:10:44# Ah-ha
0:10:44 > 0:10:47# Ah-ha... #
0:10:47 > 0:10:49What do you think of it so far?
0:10:49 > 0:10:50- AUDIENCE:- Rubbish!
0:10:50 > 0:10:51LAUGHTER
0:10:51 > 0:10:53Wait till you hear the next verse!
0:10:53 > 0:10:54LAUGHTER
0:10:57 > 0:10:59# A glorious thing is the English rose
0:10:59 > 0:11:00# Ah-ha
0:11:00 > 0:11:01# Ah-ha
0:11:01 > 0:11:04# It's just like nectar to my nose
0:11:04 > 0:11:06# Ah-ha
0:11:06 > 0:11:09# I love the rose, it's so sublime
0:11:09 > 0:11:12# If it's red or white, it's all the say-me
0:11:12 > 0:11:14BOOING
0:11:14 > 0:11:16# But I'd sooner have cod's roes any old time
0:11:16 > 0:11:18# Ah-ha
0:11:18 > 0:11:21# Ah-ha. #
0:11:21 > 0:11:22Would you like The Bee Song?
0:11:22 > 0:11:24- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:11:24 > 0:11:26Well, this is a B song. I'll get on with it.
0:11:26 > 0:11:27LAUGHTER
0:11:27 > 0:11:29This is the last verse.
0:11:29 > 0:11:31# I love a haddock wet or dry
0:11:31 > 0:11:33# Ah ha
0:11:33 > 0:11:36# I love a haddock and I'll tell you why
0:11:36 > 0:11:38# Ah-ha
0:11:38 > 0:11:42# I had a sweetheart, tall and fair
0:11:42 > 0:11:44# Fishmonger's daughter
0:11:44 > 0:11:45# Name of Claire
0:11:45 > 0:11:50# And she had a kind of way with her
0:11:50 > 0:11:52# Ah-ha
0:11:52 > 0:11:55# Ah-ha... #
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Get ready with the applause. LAUGHTER
0:11:57 > 0:11:59Don't rush it, I'll tell you when.
0:11:59 > 0:12:02# Ah...
0:12:02 > 0:12:04# Ha! #
0:12:04 > 0:12:06APPLAUSE
0:12:16 > 0:12:18So I'm going to sing you a little chorus song, now.
0:12:18 > 0:12:20It's a little song, and I sing...
0:12:20 > 0:12:22# Come on everybody
0:12:22 > 0:12:23# We're going to sing. #
0:12:23 > 0:12:24And you sing...
0:12:24 > 0:12:28# Louder and louder and louder! Hoy! #
0:12:28 > 0:12:31See? Each louder gets louder than the other louder.
0:12:31 > 0:12:33You may have heard the song before.
0:12:33 > 0:12:35It was sung years ago by Harry LOUDER.
0:12:35 > 0:12:36LAUGHTER
0:12:36 > 0:12:37But anyway, enjoy the song. Here we go.
0:12:43 > 0:12:46# What's the use of being miserable?
0:12:46 > 0:12:49# What's the use of being blue?
0:12:50 > 0:12:54# I'm going to alter all that
0:12:54 > 0:12:57# I'll tell you what we'll do
0:12:58 > 0:12:59# Come on, everybody
0:12:59 > 0:13:01# We're going to sing
0:13:01 > 0:13:03# Louder and louder
0:13:03 > 0:13:04# And louder
0:13:04 > 0:13:05# Hoy!
0:13:05 > 0:13:08# Never mind the rafters, just make them ring
0:13:08 > 0:13:11# Louder and louder and louder
0:13:11 > 0:13:12# Hoy!
0:13:12 > 0:13:16# Let's all beguile the girls and boys
0:13:16 > 0:13:19# Open up your throttles and make a noise
0:13:19 > 0:13:21# Come on, everybody
0:13:21 > 0:13:23# We're going to sing
0:13:23 > 0:13:25# Louder and louder and louder
0:13:25 > 0:13:27# Hoy!
0:13:27 > 0:13:30# Come on everybody we're going to sing
0:13:30 > 0:13:34# Louder and louder and louder. #
0:13:34 > 0:13:36KNOCKING
0:13:36 > 0:13:38(Come here.)
0:13:38 > 0:13:39Are you a Mason?
0:13:39 > 0:13:41LAUGHTER
0:13:41 > 0:13:42What is it?
0:13:42 > 0:13:46THEY WHISPER
0:13:49 > 0:13:51Now, we're making too much noise.
0:13:51 > 0:13:53LAUGHTER
0:13:53 > 0:13:55- AUDIENCE:- Shame!- Shame!
0:13:55 > 0:13:58We've just had word there's an old lady very ill in Bradford.
0:13:58 > 0:13:59LAUGHTER
0:13:59 > 0:14:02So we've got to keep it down a bit, so I'll tell you what, playmates,
0:14:02 > 0:14:04instead of singing, "Louder and louder and louder,"
0:14:04 > 0:14:07we've got to sing, "Softer and softer and softer."
0:14:07 > 0:14:08(Shh!)
0:14:08 > 0:14:10All right, we'll try it.
0:14:12 > 0:14:14HUSHED: # Come on, everybody
0:14:14 > 0:14:16# We're going to sing
0:14:16 > 0:14:19# Softer and softer and softer
0:14:19 > 0:14:20# Shh!
0:14:20 > 0:14:22# Never mind the rafters
0:14:22 > 0:14:24# And make them ring
0:14:24 > 0:14:26# Softer and softer and softer
0:14:26 > 0:14:27# Shh!
0:14:27 > 0:14:31# Do you know what I heard today?
0:14:31 > 0:14:35# A lady's very ill 20 miles away
0:14:35 > 0:14:36# Come on, everybody
0:14:36 > 0:14:38# We're going to sing
0:14:38 > 0:14:41# Softer and softer and softer
0:14:41 > 0:14:43# Shh! #
0:14:43 > 0:14:44Very good indeed. KNOCKING
0:14:44 > 0:14:45Oh, God!
0:14:45 > 0:14:46LAUGHTER What is it now?
0:14:46 > 0:14:49We've just had a message that...
0:14:49 > 0:14:51Oh! Oh, we're all right.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54We can sing as loud as we like now.
0:14:54 > 0:14:55The old lady's just died.
0:14:55 > 0:14:56LAUGHTER
0:14:56 > 0:14:58So we'll all sing loudly together!
0:14:59 > 0:15:02# Come on, everybody
0:15:02 > 0:15:03# We're going to sing
0:15:03 > 0:15:06# Louder and louder and louder
0:15:06 > 0:15:07# Hoy!
0:15:07 > 0:15:11# Never mind the rafters, we'll make them ring
0:15:11 > 0:15:14# Louder and louder and louder
0:15:14 > 0:15:15# Hoy!
0:15:15 > 0:15:18# Let's all beguile the girls and boys
0:15:18 > 0:15:21# Open up your throttles and make a noise
0:15:21 > 0:15:23# Come on, everybody
0:15:23 > 0:15:25# We're going to sing
0:15:25 > 0:15:27# Louder and louder and louder
0:15:30 > 0:15:33# And louder
0:15:33 > 0:15:35# And louder. #
0:15:35 > 0:15:37APPLAUSE
0:15:53 > 0:15:57Resonant in revivifying...
0:15:57 > 0:16:00- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!
0:16:00 > 0:16:02..reverberances,
0:16:02 > 0:16:05inexhaustibly Hibernian...
0:16:05 > 0:16:06- AUDIENCE:- Oh?
0:16:06 > 0:16:08- Irish. - LAUGHTER
0:16:08 > 0:16:11..Mr Josef Locke!
0:16:11 > 0:16:13APPLAUSE
0:16:14 > 0:16:18# We'll make a bonfire of our troubles
0:16:18 > 0:16:21# And we'll watch them blaze away
0:16:21 > 0:16:25# And when they've all gone up in smoke clouds
0:16:25 > 0:16:29# We'll never worry should they come another day
0:16:29 > 0:16:33# And as the bonfire keeps on burning
0:16:33 > 0:16:37# Happy days will be returning
0:16:37 > 0:16:41# While the band is playing
0:16:41 > 0:16:45# We'll watch our troubles blaze away
0:16:45 > 0:16:48# See them go right up to the sky
0:16:48 > 0:16:52# And watch the flame go higher and higher
0:16:52 > 0:16:56# Blazing away, blazing away
0:16:56 > 0:16:59# Oh, come along, bring your worries
0:16:59 > 0:17:04# We'll make a bonfire of our troubles
0:17:04 > 0:17:08- # La-la-la-la - Blaze away
0:17:08 > 0:17:12# And when they've all gone up in smoke clouds
0:17:12 > 0:17:16- # We'll never worry should they - Come another day
0:17:16 > 0:17:20# And as the bonfire keeps on burning
0:17:20 > 0:17:24# Happy days will be returning
0:17:24 > 0:17:28# While the band is playing
0:17:28 > 0:17:29# We'll watch our troubles
0:17:29 > 0:17:31# Blaze
0:17:31 > 0:17:37# Awa-a-a-a-y. #
0:17:37 > 0:17:39APPLAUSE
0:17:55 > 0:18:02# I'll take you home again, Kathleen
0:18:03 > 0:18:09# Across the ocean wide and wild
0:18:11 > 0:18:17# To where your heart has ever been
0:18:17 > 0:18:25# Since first you were my bonny bride
0:18:25 > 0:18:32# The roses all have left your cheeks
0:18:32 > 0:18:39# I've watched them fade away and die
0:18:39 > 0:18:43# Your voice is sad
0:18:43 > 0:18:46# When e'er you speak
0:18:46 > 0:18:54# And tears bedim your loving eyes
0:18:56 > 0:19:04# But I will take you back, Kathleen
0:19:04 > 0:19:10# To where your heart will feel no pain... #
0:19:10 > 0:19:12"When the fields."
0:19:12 > 0:19:20# And when the fields are fresh and green
0:19:20 > 0:19:36# I will take you to your home, again. #
0:19:38 > 0:19:40CHEERING
0:19:52 > 0:19:56Well, here's a brand-new one and I've never sung it before
0:19:56 > 0:19:58and I don't tell lies, so...
0:19:58 > 0:20:00LAUGHTER
0:20:00 > 0:20:02What are you ha-ha-ing about?
0:20:02 > 0:20:05But here it is, if you fancy it later on you can have a go
0:20:05 > 0:20:07at the start - I'll give it...
0:20:07 > 0:20:09Here it is, The Soldier's Dream!
0:20:11 > 0:20:14AUDIENCE CLAP ALONG
0:20:18 > 0:20:22Hi, ha, ha, hey!
0:20:24 > 0:20:28# Out on the plains the weary soldiers now are sleeping
0:20:28 > 0:20:31# They love to slumber while the evening breezes blow
0:20:31 > 0:20:35# From the fields the smell of new-mown corn is creeping
0:20:35 > 0:20:39# And the sentinel is pacing to and fro
0:20:39 > 0:20:43# Then all at once the sky is filled with shapes of horsemen
0:20:43 > 0:20:47# Lit up by lightning as the dying day goes by
0:20:47 > 0:20:51# And the famous white horse is directing the course
0:20:51 > 0:20:55HE SINGS
0:20:55 > 0:20:59# See them pass by
0:20:59 > 0:21:03HE SINGS
0:21:18 > 0:21:26# Yes, they will die but they live in song and story... #
0:21:28 > 0:21:30Hear the guns!
0:21:32 > 0:21:34The trumpets sound, ha-ha-ha!
0:21:41 > 0:21:45HE SINGS
0:21:49 > 0:21:56# Yes, they will die but they live in song and story
0:21:56 > 0:21:59# See them pass by
0:21:59 > 0:22:04# Yes, sirree Yes, sirree, a glory
0:22:04 > 0:22:07# Yes, they will die
0:22:07 > 0:22:16# But they live in song and story. #
0:22:16 > 0:22:20CHEERING
0:22:32 > 0:22:34CHEERING
0:22:37 > 0:22:38From...
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Tingsryd...
0:22:40 > 0:22:41CROWD PROTESTS
0:22:41 > 0:22:43..in Sweden.
0:22:43 > 0:22:48Invincible, in-vertiginous virtuosity...
0:22:48 > 0:22:50Mr Bernie Wirengard!
0:22:52 > 0:22:55CHEERING
0:22:55 > 0:22:59ORCHESTRA PLAYS TIPSY MUSIC
0:24:12 > 0:24:16LAUGHTER
0:24:50 > 0:24:52CHEERING
0:25:02 > 0:25:04LAUGHTER
0:25:11 > 0:25:13AUDIENCE CLAPS IN TIME
0:27:12 > 0:27:14CHEERING
0:27:41 > 0:27:43SUSPENSEFUL DRUMROLL
0:28:15 > 0:28:17CHEERING
0:28:25 > 0:28:27CHEERING
0:28:29 > 0:28:31ORCHESTRA PLAYS JAUNTY TUNE
0:28:52 > 0:28:55Overweeningly winsome...
0:28:55 > 0:28:57AUDIENCE GROANS
0:28:57 > 0:29:00..infallibly infectious...
0:29:00 > 0:29:02flirtatiousness...
0:29:02 > 0:29:04Miss Aimi Macdonald!
0:29:04 > 0:29:06CHEERING
0:29:16 > 0:29:19# There's no mistake that I can act
0:29:19 > 0:29:22# I'm talented and that's a fact
0:29:22 > 0:29:26# I know because my mother told me so
0:29:26 > 0:29:29# She kept a house for active folks
0:29:29 > 0:29:32# And listened to their funny jokes
0:29:32 > 0:29:36# So now I guess my mother ought to know
0:29:36 > 0:29:41# In fact I'm great in everything
0:29:41 > 0:29:45# I suppose you've never heard me sing
0:29:45 > 0:29:49# Ma says I'd shine in opera with my style
0:29:49 > 0:29:53# She says no-one would stand a chance
0:29:53 > 0:29:57# With me and us alone we'd dance
0:29:57 > 0:30:01# If I wore coloured beads
0:30:01 > 0:30:05# And my big smile
0:30:05 > 0:30:09# And if managers only thought the same as Mother
0:30:09 > 0:30:13# It would fill poor Sarah Bernhardt with regrets
0:30:13 > 0:30:15# Ellen Terry if she knew
0:30:15 > 0:30:18# And Miss Lilian Baylis too
0:30:18 > 0:30:22# They would chuck the stage and join the Suffragettes
0:30:22 > 0:30:26# And if managers only thought the same as Mother
0:30:26 > 0:30:31# They would label me the only tragic star
0:30:31 > 0:30:34# Beerbohm Tree might be allowed
0:30:34 > 0:30:38# Just to walk on with the crowd
0:30:38 > 0:30:43# That's if managers only thought the same as Ma
0:30:54 > 0:30:57# My darling mother thinks also
0:30:57 > 0:31:00# To Parliament I ought to go
0:31:00 > 0:31:04# I fancy myself too I must declare
0:31:04 > 0:31:08# I don't know much about the law
0:31:08 > 0:31:11# But Mama says the way I jaw
0:31:11 > 0:31:15# Would suit the other dear old ladies there
0:31:15 > 0:31:19# So vote for me when I begin
0:31:19 > 0:31:22# I promise you if I get in
0:31:22 > 0:31:26# To me the Members will take off their hats
0:31:26 > 0:31:30# I'll change the budget, never fear
0:31:30 > 0:31:33# Instead of taxing wine and beer
0:31:33 > 0:31:36# I'll stick it on old bachelors... #
0:31:36 > 0:31:38LAUGHTER
0:31:38 > 0:31:41# And cards
0:31:41 > 0:31:45# And if Parliament only thought the same as Mother
0:31:45 > 0:31:50# I am going to be the Speaker in the chair
0:31:50 > 0:31:52# I shall do away with men
0:31:52 > 0:31:54# Only women will vote then
0:31:54 > 0:31:58# Every night we'll have a mothers' meeting there
0:31:58 > 0:32:03# And if Parliament only thinks the same as Mother
0:32:03 > 0:32:07# I shall be the best Prime Minister by far
0:32:07 > 0:32:10# And Lloyd George I'm certain will
0:32:10 > 0:32:15# Pass an act and pay the bill
0:32:15 > 0:32:20# That's if Parliament only thinks the same as Ma
0:32:20 > 0:32:24# Trade union leaders will agree
0:32:24 > 0:32:27# To ask me in to tea
0:32:27 > 0:32:30# You see... #
0:32:30 > 0:32:32AUDIENCE GROANS
0:32:32 > 0:32:36# That's if Parliament only thinks the same
0:32:36 > 0:32:38# Parliament only thinks the same
0:32:38 > 0:32:41# Parliament only thinks the same as Ma! #
0:32:41 > 0:32:43CHEERING
0:32:57 > 0:33:03# Lovers sitting looking shy
0:33:03 > 0:33:08# As lovers often will
0:33:09 > 0:33:15# Waiting for that hour of bliss
0:33:15 > 0:33:21# When all the house was still
0:33:22 > 0:33:26# Then her mama went out
0:33:26 > 0:33:30- AUDIENCE JOINS IN:- # Da-ra-ra-ra Da-ra-ra-dee
0:33:30 > 0:33:34# Then her papa went out
0:33:34 > 0:33:37# Da-ra-ra-ra da-ra-ra-dee
0:33:38 > 0:33:41# She and her boy stayed home
0:33:41 > 0:33:44# Two of them on their own
0:33:45 > 0:33:49# Waiting to be Hoping to be
0:33:49 > 0:33:53# Longing to be alone
0:33:55 > 0:33:59# Nobody else about
0:33:59 > 0:34:03# Da-ra-ra-ra Da-ra-ra-dee
0:34:03 > 0:34:07# Then his cigar went out
0:34:07 > 0:34:11# Da-ra-ra-ra Da-ra-ra-dee
0:34:11 > 0:34:15# Even the fire went out
0:34:15 > 0:34:17# But when the lights
0:34:17 > 0:34:24# Went out
0:34:25 > 0:34:29# Da-ra-ra-ra Da-ra-ra-ra
0:34:29 > 0:34:35# Da-ra-ra-dee. #
0:34:36 > 0:34:39APPLAUSE
0:34:43 > 0:34:48BAND PLAYS INTERLUDE
0:34:59 > 0:35:03CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:35:06 > 0:35:08Apocalyptically...
0:35:08 > 0:35:10- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:35:10 > 0:35:14"..thermoturgical" thespianism!
0:35:14 > 0:35:16CHEERING
0:35:16 > 0:35:22The one and only Mr Ron Moody.
0:35:22 > 0:35:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:35:24 > 0:35:28FANFARE
0:35:33 > 0:35:37Thank you, ladies and gentlemen and Monsieur Roget.
0:35:40 > 0:35:43As I entered the theatre this evening I was greeted with
0:35:43 > 0:35:45cries of...
0:35:45 > 0:35:48ENTHUSIASTIC TONE: "What are you doing back here again?"
0:35:48 > 0:35:49It wasn't exactly like that.
0:35:49 > 0:35:51It was rather more, rather more...
0:35:51 > 0:35:54DISAPPOINTED TONE: "What are you doing back here again?"
0:35:54 > 0:35:55LAUGHTER
0:35:55 > 0:35:59So here we go, on with the show.
0:35:59 > 0:36:03FANFARE
0:36:03 > 0:36:04PARP
0:36:04 > 0:36:07LAUGHTER
0:36:09 > 0:36:15This... This is what it's like being on a stage.
0:36:15 > 0:36:17PIANO BEGINS
0:36:17 > 0:36:19Rather like a race you cannot win.
0:36:20 > 0:36:25# Then you look around at this gilded cage. #
0:36:25 > 0:36:27And you see the people looking in.
0:36:27 > 0:36:31Of course, people, real people, human people, old people.
0:36:31 > 0:36:33LAUGHTER
0:36:33 > 0:36:37Smiling people, laughing people. Ha-ha-ha!
0:36:37 > 0:36:40LAUGHTER
0:36:42 > 0:36:45Crying people?
0:36:45 > 0:36:49No. Happy people.
0:36:49 > 0:36:52# Now I know why we do a show
0:36:52 > 0:36:55# For the happy moments we can bring
0:36:55 > 0:36:59# Same old tale from the nightingale
0:36:59 > 0:37:03# Flying high so you can hear it sing
0:37:03 > 0:37:06# At the zoo what the monkeys do
0:37:06 > 0:37:09# No-one else would do for twice the wage
0:37:09 > 0:37:11# That's the world we share
0:37:11 > 0:37:13# And it's all out there
0:37:13 > 0:37:15# When you walk upon a stage
0:37:17 > 0:37:20# What a moment for Beerbohm Tree
0:37:20 > 0:37:23# When Svengali cast a thousand spells
0:37:23 > 0:37:27# Hear them cheer Maybe shed a tear
0:37:27 > 0:37:30# For the fearful tale that Trilby tells
0:37:30 > 0:37:33# Hear her sing
0:37:33 > 0:37:36# Poor tormented thing
0:37:36 > 0:37:39# Like a bird imprisoned in a cage
0:37:41 > 0:37:44# See Svengali's eyes
0:37:44 > 0:37:46# Grow to twice their size
0:37:46 > 0:37:50# When you walk upon... #
0:37:51 > 0:37:54See Svengali's eyes grow to twice their size...
0:37:54 > 0:37:56LAUGHTER
0:37:56 > 0:37:58When you walk upon...
0:37:58 > 0:38:02SHOUTING: See Svengali's eyes grow to twice their size
0:38:02 > 0:38:06When you walk upon a stage.
0:38:06 > 0:38:10Trilby! Where are you, Trilby?
0:38:10 > 0:38:15I know you're here tonight, Trilby. I feel it in my bones, Trilby.
0:38:15 > 0:38:16Where are you, Trilby?
0:38:16 > 0:38:19LAUGHTER
0:38:19 > 0:38:22APPLAUSE
0:38:26 > 0:38:34Smart cookie, huh? Trilby, where are you? I know you're here, Trilby.
0:38:34 > 0:38:36Trilby, I will find you tonight. Trilby, I will find you!
0:38:36 > 0:38:39I know you are here tonight, Trilby.
0:38:39 > 0:38:41Tonight I will make a star...
0:38:41 > 0:38:43LAUGHTER
0:38:45 > 0:38:47Sing, Trilby. Sing.
0:38:47 > 0:38:51Sing. Now is your big chance. Trilby, relax. Close your eyes.
0:38:53 > 0:38:56When I snap my fingers you will sing as you have never sung before.
0:38:56 > 0:39:00LAUGHTER
0:39:05 > 0:39:07Oh!
0:39:08 > 0:39:11Trilby! Sorry. I beg your pardon.
0:39:11 > 0:39:13- You're OK.- Trilby!
0:39:14 > 0:39:19Sing, Trilby! Sing, Trilby! Sing. Sing.
0:39:19 > 0:39:20Sing.
0:39:20 > 0:39:23LAUGHTER
0:39:26 > 0:39:29Trilby, sing! Do me a favour, sing, Trilby.
0:39:29 > 0:39:32PIANO TRILLS
0:39:32 > 0:39:38# Ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah
0:39:38 > 0:39:42# Ah-ah...
0:39:42 > 0:39:45SHE SINGS: Je Veux Vivre by Charles Gounod
0:39:47 > 0:39:51APPLAUSE
0:40:30 > 0:40:32LAUGHTER
0:40:32 > 0:40:36SHE CONTINUES TO SING IN FRENCH
0:40:46 > 0:40:47SHE STOPS SINGING
0:40:47 > 0:40:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:40:49 > 0:40:53SHE RESUMES SONG
0:40:57 > 0:41:01HE MUTTERS
0:41:01 > 0:41:04SHE CONTINUES TO SING
0:41:12 > 0:41:14APPLAUSE
0:41:16 > 0:41:19STILL SINGING
0:41:23 > 0:41:24SHE STOPS
0:41:24 > 0:41:26APPLAUSE
0:41:35 > 0:41:37Can you come back next week?
0:41:38 > 0:41:40I won't be here.
0:41:42 > 0:41:45SHE RESUMES SINGING
0:41:47 > 0:41:48LAUGHTER
0:41:50 > 0:41:51SHE SCREAMS
0:41:51 > 0:41:52LAUGHTER
0:41:53 > 0:41:55APPLAUSE
0:42:02 > 0:42:07Never mind. That is what we are here for. Happy people.
0:42:08 > 0:42:10# Now I know how Caruso felt
0:42:10 > 0:42:14# Singing Rigoletto in his prime
0:42:14 > 0:42:17# Chaliapin was Godunov
0:42:17 > 0:42:21# But he must have known it at the time
0:42:21 > 0:42:28# Now I know how Al Jolson felt when his Sonny Boy had come of age
0:42:28 > 0:42:31# You can hear the sound going round and round
0:42:31 > 0:42:34# When you walk upon a stage
0:42:35 > 0:42:38# Now I know how they must have felt
0:42:38 > 0:42:42# In the grand old days...
0:42:42 > 0:42:45# All else pales when they tell you tales
0:42:45 > 0:42:48# That will make your skin begin to crawl
0:42:49 > 0:42:54# Hear the whisper of Mr Hyde
0:42:55 > 0:42:58# And of Quasimodo's dreadful rage
0:43:00 > 0:43:03# Feel your blood run cold
0:43:03 > 0:43:06# As it did of old
0:43:06 > 0:43:10# When you walk upon
0:43:10 > 0:43:11MUFFLED: # A stage. #
0:43:11 > 0:43:13LAUGHTER
0:43:15 > 0:43:16MUFFLED: Good evening...
0:43:16 > 0:43:18LAUGHTER
0:43:23 > 0:43:27Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
0:43:27 > 0:43:30My name is Dr Jekyll.
0:43:30 > 0:43:34Dr Hire Me Jekyll, a specialist.
0:43:34 > 0:43:37LAUGHTER
0:43:37 > 0:43:39Sodium carbonate, potassium carbonate,
0:43:39 > 0:43:42sodium sodium, potassium potassium, carbon tetrachloride.
0:43:42 > 0:43:46sodium tetrachloride, carbon potassium tetrachloride, sodium tetrachloride.
0:43:46 > 0:43:49Dare I? Dare I?
0:43:49 > 0:43:51- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:43:51 > 0:43:52LAUGHTER
0:43:52 > 0:43:55HE GRUNTS
0:43:58 > 0:44:00Ooh! Ah! Ah!
0:44:00 > 0:44:02HE ROARS
0:44:02 > 0:44:06Sodium carbonate, potassium carbonate, sodium chloride, potassium chloride.
0:44:06 > 0:44:08LAUGHTER
0:44:08 > 0:44:11HE ROARS
0:44:11 > 0:44:12Oh!
0:44:12 > 0:44:14LAUGHTER
0:44:17 > 0:44:22HE ROARS
0:44:24 > 0:44:27LAUGHTER
0:44:33 > 0:44:37DRUMROLL
0:44:43 > 0:44:45APPLAUSE
0:44:48 > 0:44:51My name is Quasimodo.
0:44:51 > 0:44:56I'm not a man and I'm not a beast. Heh-heh-heh!
0:44:57 > 0:45:03I'm as shapeless as the man in the moon. The bells made me deaf.
0:45:03 > 0:45:06Sanctuary! Sanctuary!
0:45:06 > 0:45:08Room service!
0:45:08 > 0:45:10LAUGHTER
0:45:10 > 0:45:15Look not upon the face, young lady. Look at the heart.
0:45:15 > 0:45:20The heart of a handsome man is often deformed.
0:45:20 > 0:45:23A heart that cannot hold love belongs...
0:45:23 > 0:45:25Oh, give us a kiss.
0:45:25 > 0:45:26LAUGHTER
0:45:26 > 0:45:28You didn't have to shrink away!
0:45:30 > 0:45:31I'm going to jump. I don't care.
0:45:31 > 0:45:33DRUMROLL
0:45:33 > 0:45:35APPLAUSE
0:45:47 > 0:45:50LAUGHTER
0:46:01 > 0:46:04Count... Count Dracula.
0:46:05 > 0:46:09No, madam, I am not a vegetarian.
0:46:09 > 0:46:11I just don't like stakes.
0:46:13 > 0:46:15I'm...
0:46:17 > 0:46:20Looks like I'm stuck with these for the rest of the bloody evening.
0:46:20 > 0:46:23# Now I know how they must have felt
0:46:23 > 0:46:26# When they sang and danced their way to fame
0:46:27 > 0:46:30# All the world said that they were mad
0:46:30 > 0:46:32# Working day and night to make a name
0:46:34 > 0:46:37# Living rough, for the life was tough... #
0:46:37 > 0:46:38You try this with your teeth in.
0:46:40 > 0:46:43MUFFLED: # And you wonder why
0:46:43 > 0:46:44# When you walk upon
0:46:44 > 0:46:46# When you talk upon
0:46:46 > 0:46:48# When you sing upon
0:46:48 > 0:46:50# When you dance upon
0:46:50 > 0:46:53# When you walk upon a
0:46:53 > 0:46:56# Chocolate cigarettes
0:46:56 > 0:46:58# Tutti-frutti ices... #
0:46:58 > 0:47:02APPLAUSE DROWNS SINGING
0:47:03 > 0:47:07# When you walk upon a stage. #
0:47:08 > 0:47:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:47:21 > 0:47:23Thank you!
0:47:25 > 0:47:29There's just time to ask Mr Ron Moody to lead the company
0:47:29 > 0:47:31and yourselves in the last chorus for tonight,
0:47:31 > 0:47:32Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:47:32 > 0:47:35Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Ron Moody, the entire company,
0:47:35 > 0:47:39Mr Bernard Herrmann, the entire and indefatigable orchestra...
0:47:39 > 0:47:41CHEERING
0:47:41 > 0:47:44..and this time, chiefly...
0:47:44 > 0:47:46- ALL:- ..yourselves.
0:47:50 > 0:47:54# Come, come, come and make eyes at me
0:47:54 > 0:47:55# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:47:55 > 0:47:57# Da-da-da-da-da
0:47:57 > 0:48:01# Come, come, drink some port wine with me
0:48:01 > 0:48:03# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:48:05 > 0:48:07# Hear the little German band
0:48:07 > 0:48:09# Da-da-da-da-da
0:48:09 > 0:48:11# Just let me hold your hand, dear
0:48:13 > 0:48:16# Do, do come and have a drink or two
0:48:16 > 0:48:21# Down at the Old Bull and Bush Bush, Bush. #
0:48:21 > 0:48:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:25 > 0:48:27ORCHESTRA PLAYS INSTRUMENTAL
0:48:27 > 0:48:30AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG