0:00:02 > 0:00:04MUSIC: The Honeysuckle And The Bee
0:00:06 > 0:00:10# You are my honey, honeysuckle
0:00:10 > 0:00:14# I am the bee
0:00:14 > 0:00:18# I'd like to sip the honey sweet
0:00:18 > 0:00:21# From those red lips you see
0:00:21 > 0:00:25# I love you dearly, dearly
0:00:25 > 0:00:29# And I want you to love me
0:00:29 > 0:00:33# You are my honey, honeysuckle
0:00:33 > 0:00:38# I am the bee. #
0:00:42 > 0:00:47FANFARE PLAYS
0:00:47 > 0:00:49CHEERING
0:00:57 > 0:00:59Once again,
0:00:59 > 0:01:04good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:04 > 0:01:06- AUDIENCE:- Good evening!
0:01:07 > 0:01:10Kinetiscopically...
0:01:10 > 0:01:11Ooh...
0:01:11 > 0:01:13..cosmopolitan...
0:01:13 > 0:01:14LAUGHTER
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Our kaleidoscopic carnivalia...
0:01:17 > 0:01:18CHEERING
0:01:20 > 0:01:23That means "hurly-burly".
0:01:23 > 0:01:25LAUGHTER
0:01:25 > 0:01:30Formidable, farouche, frenetique -
0:01:30 > 0:01:33the Players' Theatre!
0:01:40 > 0:01:44MUSIC: Offenbach's Can Can
0:02:22 > 0:02:24# I'd like to go again
0:02:24 > 0:02:25# To Paris on the Seine
0:02:25 > 0:02:28# For Paris is a proper pantomime
0:02:28 > 0:02:32# And if they'd only take the 'Ackney Road and plant it over there
0:02:32 > 0:02:34# I'd like to be in Paris all the time
0:02:36 > 0:02:39# La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
0:02:39 > 0:02:42# Paris is a pantomime
0:02:42 > 0:02:44# La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
0:02:46 > 0:02:49# I'd like to be in Paris all the time
0:02:49 > 0:02:51# The continon, the continon
0:02:51 > 0:02:53# That very, very place, Marie
0:02:53 > 0:02:54# And I'm so glad that dear old Dad
0:02:54 > 0:02:56# He took me there to see
0:02:56 > 0:02:58# The madames all sweet with pretty little feet
0:02:58 > 0:03:00# They smile as you trip along
0:03:00 > 0:03:02# I didn't know what he was doing for me
0:03:02 > 0:03:03# When he took me to the continon
0:03:03 > 0:03:06INSTRUMENTAL
0:03:14 > 0:03:15# I didn't know what he was doing for me
0:03:15 > 0:03:17# When he took me to the continon
0:03:22 > 0:03:26# Parisienne
0:03:26 > 0:03:29# It's a lover's dance And I'll find romance
0:03:29 > 0:03:33# Parisienne
0:03:33 > 0:03:34# Oh, I love it so I don't want to go
0:03:36 > 0:03:39# We won't stop to take a rest
0:03:39 > 0:03:40# I know you can stand the test
0:03:42 > 0:03:44# Watch the couples slide
0:03:44 > 0:03:45# See them as they glide
0:03:45 > 0:03:48# While they're swaying they are saying
0:03:49 > 0:03:52# Parisienne
0:03:52 > 0:03:55# Watch the couples slide See them as they glide
0:03:55 > 0:03:59# Parisienne
0:03:59 > 0:04:02# Hear that sweet refrain There it goes again
0:04:02 > 0:04:05# You can have your turkey trot and grizzly bear
0:04:05 > 0:04:08# If you love Parisienne I won't care
0:04:08 > 0:04:12# Most everybody's dancing it
0:04:15 > 0:04:18# Everybody's dancing it. #
0:04:22 > 0:04:24MUSIC: Offenbach's Can Can
0:04:50 > 0:04:51APPLAUSE
0:05:05 > 0:05:07Now will you go home and practise?
0:05:07 > 0:05:08LAUGHTER
0:05:08 > 0:05:11Impudent ambiguities,
0:05:11 > 0:05:14disarming dubieties,
0:05:14 > 0:05:20incorrigible innuendo incarnate!
0:05:20 > 0:05:22Who, but the one and only
0:05:22 > 0:05:24Mr John Inman?
0:05:24 > 0:05:26CHEERING
0:05:28 > 0:05:30MUSIC: With My Little Wigger-wagger
0:05:38 > 0:05:41# There's one thing about me There's no doubt
0:05:42 > 0:05:45# I look a masher when I'm walking out
0:05:45 > 0:05:47# People stare and I don't know why
0:05:49 > 0:05:51# Perhaps it is because I wear a collar and a tie
0:05:52 > 0:05:56# No joke, my poke Though a trifle red
0:05:56 > 0:05:58# Doesn't make them look at me a lot
0:05:59 > 0:06:02# But there's one thing people seem to think quite funny
0:06:02 > 0:06:05# And I'll tell you what it is Just what
0:06:07 > 0:06:09# It's me...
0:06:09 > 0:06:11# Little wigger-wagger in me hand
0:06:13 > 0:06:16# That makes me such a dandy
0:06:16 > 0:06:19# It's not my strut Nor my face, tut tut
0:06:20 > 0:06:23# Nor me brand-new cady Like a pimple on my nut
0:06:24 > 0:06:27# Maidies and the ladies
0:06:27 > 0:06:29# I meet when I am walking in the Strand
0:06:31 > 0:06:33# They all look at me And I shout "I'm free"
0:06:34 > 0:06:39# Cos I've me little wigger-wagger in me hand
0:06:39 > 0:06:40# Dee da...
0:06:45 > 0:06:47# While down on the beach in Margate way
0:06:49 > 0:06:53# I took a swim in Pegwell Bay
0:06:53 > 0:06:56# Left my clothes on the sandy beach
0:06:56 > 0:07:00# I put them where I reckoned that the water wouldn't reach
0:07:00 > 0:07:03# Long stroke, side stroke I began to swim
0:07:03 > 0:07:07# Bobbing in the water like a boat
0:07:07 > 0:07:09# And on my cane I tied a pair of bladders
0:07:10 > 0:07:12# Just keep me up and make me float
0:07:15 > 0:07:17# With me... #
0:07:18 > 0:07:19Wait for it, wait for it!
0:07:21 > 0:07:24# With me...
0:07:24 > 0:07:25# Little wigger-wagger in my hand
0:07:27 > 0:07:31# I left the salt seawater
0:07:31 > 0:07:35# I felt a jay cos to my dismay
0:07:35 > 0:07:37# The tide had carried all my toggery away!
0:07:38 > 0:07:42# I there felt a pie there
0:07:42 > 0:07:45# For all the girls were standing on the sand
0:07:45 > 0:07:48# As I left the sea They all shouted, "Are you free?"
0:07:48 > 0:07:52# Cos I'd me little wigger-wagger in me hand!
0:07:52 > 0:07:56# With my little wigger-wagger in my hand
0:07:56 > 0:07:59# By George, I'm such a dandy
0:07:59 > 0:08:03# It's not my strut Nor my face, tut tut
0:08:03 > 0:08:05# Nor me brand-new cady Like a pimple on my nut
0:08:07 > 0:08:10# Ladies and the maidies
0:08:10 > 0:08:12# I meet when I am walking in the Strand
0:08:13 > 0:08:16# They all look at me And I shout, "I'm free"
0:08:17 > 0:08:20# Cos I've me little wigger-wagger in me hand. #
0:08:34 > 0:08:38I promise you, you will have Mr John Inman later on in the programme.
0:08:38 > 0:08:40But now,
0:08:40 > 0:08:41continentally contributory,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45implementing implausibility with...
0:08:45 > 0:08:46Ooh...!
0:08:46 > 0:08:49..implausibility with immaculacy,
0:08:49 > 0:08:52a transcendent tour de force,
0:08:52 > 0:08:54of prestidigitational...
0:08:54 > 0:08:56Ooh!
0:08:56 > 0:08:59..legerdemain.
0:08:59 > 0:09:00Tricks!
0:09:00 > 0:09:01LAUGHTER
0:09:01 > 0:09:02From Poland,
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Salvano!
0:09:04 > 0:09:07FANFARE AND APPLAUSE
0:09:13 > 0:09:17BAND PLAYS INSTRUMENTAL
0:10:15 > 0:10:17APPLAUSE
0:10:32 > 0:10:35APPLAUSE
0:10:51 > 0:10:54APPLAUSE
0:11:13 > 0:11:15MUSIC BECOMES MORE UPBEAT
0:11:37 > 0:11:38APPLAUSE
0:11:44 > 0:11:46Voila.
0:11:46 > 0:11:47Another way.
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Another way, now.
0:11:49 > 0:11:50A special way.
0:12:40 > 0:12:44DRUMROLL
0:12:49 > 0:12:51Cheers. Zum wohl.
0:12:51 > 0:12:52A votre sante. Salute.
0:12:52 > 0:12:54Na zdrowie.
0:12:54 > 0:12:55This, here.
0:12:57 > 0:12:58Horrible.
0:13:03 > 0:13:04Want to try it? No?
0:14:47 > 0:14:53Sedulous celebrant of seasonal festivities...
0:14:53 > 0:14:54Ooh!
0:14:55 > 0:14:58Palpably pneumatic
0:14:58 > 0:15:04in amplitudinous principal-boy plumaciousness.
0:15:04 > 0:15:06Hooray!
0:15:06 > 0:15:09Miss Norma Dunbar!
0:15:09 > 0:15:11APPLAUSE
0:15:11 > 0:15:13MUSIC: Daisy Bell by Harry Dacre
0:15:24 > 0:15:29- OPERATIC TONE: - # There is a flower within my heart
0:15:29 > 0:15:34# Daisy, Daisy
0:15:34 > 0:15:38# Planted one day by a glancing dart
0:15:38 > 0:15:42# Planted by Daisy Bell
0:15:43 > 0:15:48# Whether she loves me Or loves me not
0:15:48 > 0:15:53# Sometimes it's hard to tell
0:15:53 > 0:15:58# Yet I am longing to share the lot
0:15:58 > 0:16:05# Of beautiful Daisy Bell
0:16:06 > 0:16:11- BELTING IN COCKNEY ACCENT: - # Daisy, Daisy
0:16:11 > 0:16:13# Give me your answer, do
0:16:13 > 0:16:15AUDIENCE JOINS IN
0:16:16 > 0:16:21# I'm half crazy
0:16:21 > 0:16:25# All for the love of you
0:16:25 > 0:16:30# It won't be a stylish marriage
0:16:30 > 0:16:35# I can't afford a carriage
0:16:35 > 0:16:40# But you'll look sweet upon the seat
0:16:40 > 0:16:44# Of a bicycle built for two
0:16:49 > 0:16:53- OPERATIC TONE:- # I will stand by you
0:16:53 > 0:16:54# In wheel or woe
0:16:54 > 0:16:59# Daisy, Daisy
0:16:59 > 0:17:04# You'll be the bell which I'll ring you know
0:17:04 > 0:17:08# My beautiful Daisy Bell
0:17:08 > 0:17:14# You'll take the lead in each trip we take
0:17:14 > 0:17:18# Then if I don't do well
0:17:18 > 0:17:23# I will permit you to use the brake
0:17:23 > 0:17:27# My beautiful Daisy
0:17:27 > 0:17:35# Bell...
0:17:38 > 0:17:43- BELTING IN COCKNEY ACCENT AGAIN: - # Daisy, Daisy
0:17:43 > 0:17:45# Give me your answer, do... #
0:17:45 > 0:17:46AUDIENCE JOINS IN
0:17:46 > 0:17:48Mr Chairman!
0:17:48 > 0:17:52# I'm half crazy... #
0:17:52 > 0:17:53Hello, darlin'!
0:17:53 > 0:17:54AUDIENCE CONTINUES TO SING
0:17:54 > 0:17:58Here, Mr Chairman, look at this lovely daisy I found! Ooh!
0:17:58 > 0:18:02# It won't be a stylish marriage
0:18:02 > 0:18:04# I can't afford... #
0:18:04 > 0:18:05Coo-ee!
0:18:05 > 0:18:07# ..a carriage
0:18:07 > 0:18:12# But you'll look sweet upon the seat
0:18:12 > 0:18:15# Of a bicycle built for two... #
0:18:15 > 0:18:17Altogether now!
0:18:17 > 0:18:22# Daisy, Daisy
0:18:22 > 0:18:25# Give me your answer, do... #
0:18:25 > 0:18:27Well, let's hear you!
0:18:27 > 0:18:30# I'm half crazy... #
0:18:30 > 0:18:32Lovely!
0:18:32 > 0:18:36# All for the love of you
0:18:36 > 0:18:41# It won't be a stylish marriage
0:18:41 > 0:18:46# I can't afford a carriage
0:18:46 > 0:18:50# But you'll look sweet upon the seat
0:18:50 > 0:18:58# Of a bicycle built for two. #
0:18:58 > 0:19:01CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:13 > 0:19:15You see...
0:19:15 > 0:19:17LAUGHTER
0:19:17 > 0:19:20Principal boys aren't born.
0:19:20 > 0:19:21LAUGHTER
0:19:21 > 0:19:22They're built!
0:19:22 > 0:19:23LAUGHTER
0:19:26 > 0:19:28Verisimilitudinous...
0:19:28 > 0:19:30Ooh...
0:19:30 > 0:19:31It just means life-like.
0:19:31 > 0:19:33LAUGHTER
0:19:33 > 0:19:34Like you.
0:19:36 > 0:19:38..ventriloquacity.
0:19:38 > 0:19:45Engagingly endearing ornithological anthropomorphism.
0:19:45 > 0:19:47LAUGHTER
0:19:48 > 0:19:50A talking bird.
0:19:50 > 0:19:51LAUGHTER
0:19:51 > 0:19:54Mr Keith Harris!
0:19:54 > 0:19:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:06 > 0:20:09Thank you very, very much indeed. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
0:20:09 > 0:20:11I found...
0:20:11 > 0:20:13Yes.
0:20:13 > 0:20:16Believe it or not, I found this little bird, here,
0:20:16 > 0:20:19outside the stage door and he said can he come in because, you see,
0:20:19 > 0:20:20he wants to be in showbusiness.
0:20:20 > 0:20:22- AUDIENCE:- Aww! - Yes.
0:20:22 > 0:20:24I think he's rather shy,
0:20:24 > 0:20:26but I'll get him to turn round and have a look at you. Just a minute.
0:20:26 > 0:20:28Will you turn round and have a look?
0:20:28 > 0:20:29I can't.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30LAUGHTER
0:20:32 > 0:20:33You can't?
0:20:33 > 0:20:35I can't.
0:20:35 > 0:20:36Why not?
0:20:36 > 0:20:39They...they're laughing at me.
0:20:39 > 0:20:41No, they're not laughing at you.
0:20:41 > 0:20:42I heard them.
0:20:42 > 0:20:45Look, it's all right. Come on, turn around and have a look.
0:20:45 > 0:20:46He's a little bit shy. Turn around.
0:20:46 > 0:20:48- I'll have a look, then. - Have a look.
0:20:48 > 0:20:49- AUDIENCE:- Aww!
0:20:51 > 0:20:53They're laughing now!
0:20:53 > 0:20:55Oh, come on, come on.
0:20:55 > 0:20:56He's very shy, very shy.
0:20:56 > 0:20:58Look, it's all right. Come on. You see?
0:20:58 > 0:20:59Now, what's your name?
0:20:59 > 0:21:01- Pardon?- What's your name?
0:21:01 > 0:21:03- Orville.- Orville?- Yes.
0:21:03 > 0:21:06I see. And what are you going to do, Orville, for all the ladies and
0:21:06 > 0:21:08gentlemen, now you're here? What would you like to do?
0:21:08 > 0:21:10I-I'm going to do some impressions.
0:21:10 > 0:21:12Impressions?
0:21:12 > 0:21:14- Yes.- Yes, I see.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15Erm, who...
0:21:16 > 0:21:18- They're laughing with us. - Yes, we know.
0:21:20 > 0:21:23Who are you going to do your impressions of?
0:21:23 > 0:21:25Percy Edwards.
0:21:25 > 0:21:26LAUGHTER
0:21:26 > 0:21:29Yes...Percy Edwards.
0:21:29 > 0:21:30All right...
0:21:35 > 0:21:37You mean you're going to do some bird impressions, are you?
0:21:37 > 0:21:39- I'd like to.- You would?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41- Yeah.- Yes, all right. Well, you can.
0:21:41 > 0:21:44- Thank you.- Yes.
0:21:44 > 0:21:47Ladies and gentlemen, Orville will now do his bird impressions.
0:21:47 > 0:21:49- Go on, then.- Are you ready?- Yeah.
0:21:49 > 0:21:51- First one.- First one.- Yeah.- Yeah.
0:21:52 > 0:21:53LOUD GULP
0:21:53 > 0:21:55LAUGHTER
0:21:55 > 0:21:56- Is that it?- Yes.
0:21:57 > 0:21:58What was that?
0:21:58 > 0:21:59A swallow.
0:22:02 > 0:22:03A swallow?
0:22:08 > 0:22:09Yes, that was a very good impression.
0:22:09 > 0:22:12- Did, did you like it? - I liked it, yes.
0:22:12 > 0:22:14W-where's my prize?
0:22:14 > 0:22:16LAUGHTER
0:22:16 > 0:22:17Where's what?
0:22:17 > 0:22:18Where's my prize?
0:22:18 > 0:22:20- Your prize?- Yes.
0:22:20 > 0:22:23Well, you don't get a prize for doing that.
0:22:23 > 0:22:25I...I-I thought you did.
0:22:25 > 0:22:27LAUGHTER
0:22:27 > 0:22:30Oh, no, sorry. No prizes.
0:22:30 > 0:22:31- Oh...- No, no.
0:22:31 > 0:22:32Aww...
0:22:32 > 0:22:34You see, you see...
0:22:34 > 0:22:35- What?- You see,
0:22:35 > 0:22:38if you want to do something better...
0:22:38 > 0:22:40Why don't you do some flying? That would be marvellous.
0:22:40 > 0:22:42You could fly around the theatre, here.
0:22:42 > 0:22:45You could fly all around here, you see? You could do some aerobatics,
0:22:45 > 0:22:47and that would be fantastic...
0:22:47 > 0:22:48- No?- I can't.
0:22:49 > 0:22:51You can't?
0:22:51 > 0:22:53- I can't.- You can't...you can't what?
0:22:53 > 0:22:55Fly.
0:22:55 > 0:22:57Aww...
0:22:57 > 0:22:58I can't!
0:23:02 > 0:23:03I can't!
0:23:07 > 0:23:09- You can't?- No.
0:23:09 > 0:23:11But how did you get here from London?
0:23:11 > 0:23:13- I walked.- Did you?
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Walked!
0:23:15 > 0:23:16Where's my prize?
0:23:16 > 0:23:18- You don't get a prize.- No.
0:23:18 > 0:23:21But I'll tell you what I can do. I can't give you a prize, but listen -
0:23:21 > 0:23:23I can teach you how to fly. Would you like to?
0:23:23 > 0:23:24- I'd like that.- OK.
0:23:24 > 0:23:26- Thank you very muchly.- All right.
0:23:26 > 0:23:28All you've got to do - it's very simple -
0:23:28 > 0:23:30you just flap your wings. Go on, flap your wings.
0:23:30 > 0:23:31- I will.- Go on, then. That's it.
0:23:31 > 0:23:32Aww!
0:23:32 > 0:23:34- You see, Orville?- Yeah?
0:23:34 > 0:23:36You've got to do it faster.
0:23:36 > 0:23:39- Faster?- Yes.- I will. - Go on, then. That's it.
0:23:39 > 0:23:40That's it, go on!
0:23:40 > 0:23:42Faster, faster!
0:23:42 > 0:23:44ORVILLE PANTS
0:23:44 > 0:23:46- What?- I'm out of puff now!
0:23:46 > 0:23:48LAUGHTER
0:23:48 > 0:23:49Out of puff!
0:23:49 > 0:23:51- Yeah.- Look, it's all right.
0:23:51 > 0:23:53Come on - look, you flap those wings. I've got hold of you.
0:23:53 > 0:23:54I've got hold of your, your...
0:23:54 > 0:23:56Well, I've got hold of you, anyway.
0:23:56 > 0:23:58I'm going to take my hand away, OK?
0:23:58 > 0:24:01- OK.- That's it - flap those wings and I will take my hand away.
0:24:01 > 0:24:03Are you ready? Here we go!
0:24:03 > 0:24:04Waa...
0:24:04 > 0:24:05Wahey!
0:24:13 > 0:24:16Yeah, I flew!
0:24:17 > 0:24:18Yes, and I took my hand away.
0:24:18 > 0:24:22It's a good job you didn't take your other hand away, wasn't it?
0:24:22 > 0:24:25Ha-ha! You flew.
0:24:25 > 0:24:27Where's my prize now?
0:24:27 > 0:24:29Listen, you must be very pleased -
0:24:29 > 0:24:32you can go home now and you can tell all your friends you can fly.
0:24:32 > 0:24:34And you can tell your mummy and daddy you can fly,
0:24:34 > 0:24:37- and just think how happy they'll be, won't they?- Aww...
0:24:37 > 0:24:39No.
0:24:39 > 0:24:40But, but...
0:24:40 > 0:24:42- Why not?- I can't.
0:24:42 > 0:24:43You can't tell them?
0:24:43 > 0:24:45No.
0:24:45 > 0:24:48And why can't you tell your mummy and daddy that you can fly?
0:24:48 > 0:24:51Cos I ha-haven't got a mummy or daddy...
0:24:51 > 0:24:53Aww...!
0:24:55 > 0:24:56You, you...
0:24:56 > 0:24:59You haven't got a mummy or daddy?
0:24:59 > 0:25:00No.
0:25:00 > 0:25:01No?
0:25:01 > 0:25:03No.
0:25:03 > 0:25:05- No friends?- No.
0:25:05 > 0:25:07- No.- Aww...
0:25:07 > 0:25:10I-I-I've got no-one to phone.
0:25:10 > 0:25:13- No-one to pho...? - LAUGHTER
0:25:17 > 0:25:19No.
0:25:19 > 0:25:22- And no friends?- No friends.
0:25:22 > 0:25:23No mummy.
0:25:23 > 0:25:25- No mummy.- Aww!
0:25:25 > 0:25:26No daddy.
0:25:26 > 0:25:28Aww!
0:25:28 > 0:25:30- In fact...- Yes?
0:25:30 > 0:25:32..I'm nobody's child.
0:25:32 > 0:25:33Aww...
0:25:34 > 0:25:37You tell us all about it.
0:25:37 > 0:25:38- I will.- Come on.
0:25:40 > 0:25:44# I'm nobody's child
0:25:44 > 0:25:47# I'm nobody's child
0:25:49 > 0:25:52# I'm like a flower
0:25:52 > 0:25:55# I'm, I'm just growing wild
0:25:56 > 0:26:00# Oh, no daddy's kisses
0:26:00 > 0:26:04# And no mummy's smile
0:26:04 > 0:26:07# You see, nobody loves me... #
0:26:07 > 0:26:08Don't they?
0:26:08 > 0:26:12# Cos I'm, I'm nobody's child. #
0:26:12 > 0:26:13Listen, come on.
0:26:13 > 0:26:15I tell you what - look, we'll all try and sing it...
0:26:15 > 0:26:17We'll all sing it with him, eh?
0:26:17 > 0:26:18Make him feel better.
0:26:21 > 0:26:24# He's nobody's child... #
0:26:24 > 0:26:26ORVILLE WHIMPERS
0:26:26 > 0:26:29# He's nobody's child
0:26:29 > 0:26:30Just like a flower...
0:26:30 > 0:26:33# Just like a flower
0:26:33 > 0:26:34I'm growing wild.
0:26:34 > 0:26:37# He's growing wild
0:26:37 > 0:26:39Nobody loves me.
0:26:39 > 0:26:42# Nobody wants him
0:26:42 > 0:26:44And nobody's smile.
0:26:44 > 0:26:46# And nobody's smile
0:26:46 > 0:26:48You see, nobody loves me.
0:26:48 > 0:26:50# Nobody loves him
0:26:50 > 0:26:52Cos I'm...
0:26:52 > 0:26:55# He's nobody's child. #
0:26:55 > 0:26:56ORVILLE WHIMPERS
0:26:56 > 0:26:58It's all right now, Come on.
0:26:58 > 0:27:00I'm sure everybody here - you all love him, don't you?
0:27:00 > 0:27:02- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:27:02 > 0:27:04- Did you hear that?- Well...
0:27:04 > 0:27:08# Somebody loves me
0:27:08 > 0:27:14# I'm somebody's child. #
0:27:14 > 0:27:17CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:27:18 > 0:27:19Thank you.
0:27:34 > 0:27:37Superlatively sophisticate
0:27:37 > 0:27:39in a sartorial...
0:27:39 > 0:27:41Ooh...
0:27:41 > 0:27:42(Clothing.)
0:27:42 > 0:27:46..spectacle of synchronised
0:27:46 > 0:27:47simultaneity.
0:27:47 > 0:27:48CHEERING
0:27:48 > 0:27:51That dashing duplicity,
0:27:51 > 0:27:55Messrs Ray and Tutor Davies!
0:27:55 > 0:27:57APPLAUSE
0:27:57 > 0:28:00MUSIC: Elegance by Jerry Herman
0:28:03 > 0:28:09# Have you noticed when I doff my hat my air remains quite bold?
0:28:09 > 0:28:15# Have you noticed when I check my cuffs the studs are made of gold?
0:28:15 > 0:28:18- # Have you noticed? - Yes I've noticed
0:28:18 > 0:28:23# We have no need to be told that...
0:28:23 > 0:28:25# We've got elegance
0:28:25 > 0:28:28# We've got built in elegance
0:28:28 > 0:28:32# And with elegance, elegance
0:28:34 > 0:28:35# We're gonna carry it off!
0:28:41 > 0:28:43# Here we are The two of us
0:28:43 > 0:28:46# Won't be long Before you're through with us
0:28:46 > 0:28:49# We live life in the vernacular
0:28:49 > 0:28:52# Every day is quite spectacular
0:28:52 > 0:28:55# What a thrill To be with us
0:28:55 > 0:28:58# People queue just to have tea with us
0:28:58 > 0:29:00# We've got elegance
0:29:00 > 0:29:03# Without style and elegance
0:29:03 > 0:29:07# You will never ever carry it off
0:29:12 > 0:29:17# All who are well-bred agree Little Ray
0:29:17 > 0:29:18# Has pedigree
0:29:18 > 0:29:21# Even though our father drives a bus
0:29:21 > 0:29:24# Silver spoons were used for feeding us
0:29:24 > 0:29:27# We have got What's known as chic
0:29:27 > 0:29:30# Do it all on three and six a week
0:29:30 > 0:29:32# We've got elegance
0:29:32 > 0:29:35# Without style and elegance
0:29:35 > 0:29:39# You will never ever carry it off
0:30:33 > 0:30:38# Have you noticed when I hold my cup my finger never moves?
0:30:38 > 0:30:44# And the way I keep my pinky up indubitably proves
0:30:44 > 0:30:46# That...
0:30:46 > 0:30:47# We've got elegance
0:30:48 > 0:30:50# We've got built in elegance
0:30:51 > 0:30:56# And with elegance, elegance Elegance, elegance, elegance
0:30:56 > 0:30:59# We're gonna carry it
0:30:59 > 0:31:02# Yes, we'll even marry it
0:31:02 > 0:31:08# If we can get it retail We're prepared to cash and carry it
0:31:08 > 0:31:11# We can carry it
0:31:11 > 0:31:17# Off! #
0:31:36 > 0:31:38Perambulatory...
0:31:38 > 0:31:39- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:31:39 > 0:31:42..peripatetic peregrinatory...
0:31:42 > 0:31:44Ooh!
0:31:44 > 0:31:45..pedestrianism.
0:31:45 > 0:31:47LAUGHTER
0:31:47 > 0:31:49Hiking. LAUGHTER
0:31:49 > 0:31:50Once again,
0:31:50 > 0:31:53Mr John Inman!
0:31:53 > 0:31:55CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:55 > 0:31:58MUSIC: Who's Your Lady Friend? by Robert Stolz
0:32:05 > 0:32:08LAUGHTER
0:32:18 > 0:32:19HE BELCHES
0:32:23 > 0:32:28Oh, no - I think there's one or two more of them...left in there.
0:32:28 > 0:32:30Ee, I've had a time, do you know? I have.
0:32:30 > 0:32:32I haven't passed one pub from here to Batley.
0:32:32 > 0:32:33Straight in, I was.
0:32:37 > 0:32:40I'm the daddy of all the hikers, you know? I'm 82.
0:32:40 > 0:32:41HE LAUGHS
0:32:43 > 0:32:4682. I would have been 83, but me father were a bit shy.
0:32:56 > 0:32:58How can you look so clean and laugh so dirty?
0:32:58 > 0:33:01LAUGHTER
0:33:01 > 0:33:05APPLAUSE
0:33:11 > 0:33:12HE BELCHES
0:33:14 > 0:33:17I went in the pub. I said to the landlord, I said,
0:33:17 > 0:33:18"That beer's a bit thin." He said,
0:33:18 > 0:33:24"Aye, you'd be thin if you'd come up same pipe as this has."
0:33:24 > 0:33:26Ee...
0:33:26 > 0:33:28Oh, he were a grand fellow, my dad, though, he was.
0:33:28 > 0:33:3095 when he went.
0:33:31 > 0:33:32Should be here by now.
0:33:36 > 0:33:38He got married when he was my age.
0:33:38 > 0:33:40He did!
0:33:40 > 0:33:41Nice girl - 18, she was.
0:33:44 > 0:33:45Well, she wanted a baby, you see?
0:33:49 > 0:33:52He went to the doctor's - he says, "How do I stand?"
0:33:52 > 0:33:53He said, "It's a miracle."
0:33:58 > 0:33:59He says, "Well, I...
0:33:59 > 0:34:02"I've got this young wife. She wants a baby. What shall I do?"
0:34:02 > 0:34:06He says, "Well, you'd better get a lodger."
0:34:06 > 0:34:09You know, two months later there was a baby on the way?
0:34:09 > 0:34:12He was thrilled by that. He went dashing back to the doctor.
0:34:12 > 0:34:15He says, "Hey! My wife's having a baby!"
0:34:15 > 0:34:16He said, "Did you get a lodger?"
0:34:16 > 0:34:19He says, "Aye, and I think she's having one an' all!"
0:34:30 > 0:34:31Oh, I tell you...
0:34:32 > 0:34:36I've just been in a pub, now. I was in a pub now. I was standing there,
0:34:36 > 0:34:40I said to the barmaid, I said, "It's three years since I came in here."
0:34:40 > 0:34:42She said, "Well, I'm serving as fast as I can!"
0:34:51 > 0:34:53I said, "Mine's a light,"
0:34:53 > 0:34:55and she chucked a bucket of water over me head.
0:35:06 > 0:35:07I felt a bit, you know...
0:35:07 > 0:35:10I got taken short in there cos I'd had one or two of...
0:35:10 > 0:35:11HE BELCHES
0:35:12 > 0:35:16Ooh, I felt one coming on, then. It surprised me.
0:35:16 > 0:35:20I went to the doings and I, I'd just got a pint, you see?
0:35:20 > 0:35:22LADY IN AUDIENCE CACKLES
0:35:23 > 0:35:26She'll be off to the doings an' all in a minute!
0:35:31 > 0:35:32I'd just got a pint.
0:35:34 > 0:35:37I put it on the bar. I wrote a note in it -
0:35:37 > 0:35:39"I have spit in this ale."
0:35:42 > 0:35:48When I came back somebody had written underneath "So have I."
0:35:48 > 0:35:49I'm going to a funeral in a minute.
0:35:56 > 0:35:58I were at one the other day.
0:35:58 > 0:36:01I were standing by the graveside, the vicar came up to me.
0:36:01 > 0:36:04He said, "How old are you?" I said, "I'm 82."
0:36:04 > 0:36:07He said, "Well, it's hardly worth you going home, is it?"
0:36:08 > 0:36:11MUSIC: I'm Happy When I'm Hiking by Ralph Butler and Raymond Wallace
0:36:11 > 0:36:15# I'm happy when I'm hiking
0:36:15 > 0:36:17# A pack upon my back
0:36:19 > 0:36:22# I'm happy when I'm hiking
0:36:22 > 0:36:25# Off the beaten track
0:36:26 > 0:36:30# Out in the open country
0:36:30 > 0:36:33# Going all o'er the road
0:36:33 > 0:36:37# With a real good friend To the journey's end
0:36:37 > 0:36:41# 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 miles away... #
0:36:41 > 0:36:42Now, on!
0:36:45 > 0:36:49- # I'm happy when I'm hiking... # - AUDIENCE JOINS IN
0:36:49 > 0:36:53# A pack upon my back
0:36:53 > 0:36:56# I'm happy when I'm hiking
0:36:56 > 0:37:00# Off the beaten track
0:37:00 > 0:37:04# Out in the open country... #
0:37:04 > 0:37:07- AUDIENCE CONTINUES - Very nice!
0:37:07 > 0:37:11# With a real good friend To the journey's end
0:37:11 > 0:37:15# 10, 20, 30, 40, 50 miles away. #
0:37:15 > 0:37:16Hey!
0:37:18 > 0:37:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:37:38 > 0:37:43Ineffable for your ineluctable...
0:37:43 > 0:37:44Ooh!
0:37:44 > 0:37:47..effulgance, enchanting..
0:37:48 > 0:37:51..in aural...
0:37:51 > 0:37:52LAUGHTER
0:37:52 > 0:37:56..and ocular edification,
0:37:56 > 0:38:00your own Miss Lyn Kennington!
0:38:00 > 0:38:02CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:02 > 0:38:05MUSIC: My Hero by Oscar Straus and Stanislaus Stange
0:38:15 > 0:38:20# I have a true and noble lover
0:38:20 > 0:38:25# He is my sweetheart All my own
0:38:25 > 0:38:30# His like on Earth who shall discover?
0:38:30 > 0:38:37# His heart is mine and mine alone
0:38:37 > 0:38:41# We pledged our troth Each to the other
0:38:41 > 0:38:46# And for our happiness I pray
0:38:46 > 0:38:54# Our lives belong to one another
0:38:54 > 0:39:01# Oh, happy happy wedding day
0:39:01 > 0:39:10# Oh, happy happy wedding day
0:39:12 > 0:39:16# Come, come
0:39:16 > 0:39:20# I love you only
0:39:20 > 0:39:26# My love is true
0:39:26 > 0:39:29# Come, come
0:39:29 > 0:39:33# My life is lonely
0:39:33 > 0:39:39# I long for you
0:39:39 > 0:39:43# Come, come
0:39:43 > 0:39:47# Naught can efface you
0:39:47 > 0:39:51# My arms are aching
0:39:51 > 0:39:57# Now to embrace you
0:39:57 > 0:40:03# Thou art divine
0:40:03 > 0:40:07# Come, come
0:40:07 > 0:40:12# I love you only
0:40:12 > 0:40:14# Come
0:40:14 > 0:40:24# Hero mine. #
0:40:24 > 0:40:27CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:40:37 > 0:40:41MUSIC: In The Gloaming by Annie Fortescue Harrison and Meta Orred
0:40:53 > 0:40:57# In the gloaming
0:40:57 > 0:41:01# Oh, my darling
0:41:01 > 0:41:07# When the lights are dim and low
0:41:07 > 0:41:15# And the quiet shadows falling
0:41:15 > 0:41:21# Softly come and softly go
0:41:21 > 0:41:27# When the winds are sobbing faintly
0:41:27 > 0:41:36# With a gentle unknown woe
0:41:36 > 0:41:46# Will you think of me and love me
0:41:46 > 0:41:52# As you did once long ago?
0:42:07 > 0:42:10# In the gloaming
0:42:10 > 0:42:14# Oh, my darling
0:42:14 > 0:42:20# Think not bitterly of me
0:42:20 > 0:42:27# Though I went away in silence
0:42:27 > 0:42:33# Left you lonely Set you free
0:42:33 > 0:42:38# For my heart was crushed with longing
0:42:38 > 0:42:47# What had been could never be
0:42:47 > 0:42:57# It was best to leave you thus dear
0:42:57 > 0:43:05# Best for you and best for me
0:43:05 > 0:43:13# It was best to leave you thus
0:43:13 > 0:43:17# Best for you
0:43:17 > 0:43:22# And best
0:43:22 > 0:43:28# For me. #
0:43:30 > 0:43:33APPLAUSE
0:43:57 > 0:44:01In happy homage to Mr Bobby Howes,
0:44:01 > 0:44:06those exhilarating harbingers of halcyon harmonies...
0:44:06 > 0:44:08CHEERING
0:44:08 > 0:44:10..the Players' Theatre!
0:44:10 > 0:44:13MUSIC: Spread A Little Happiness by Vivian Ellis
0:44:21 > 0:44:25# Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky
0:44:25 > 0:44:28# You mustn't sigh and you mustn't cry
0:44:28 > 0:44:33# Just spread a little happiness as you go by
0:44:33 > 0:44:36# Please try
0:44:36 > 0:44:39# What's the use of worrying or feeling blue?
0:44:39 > 0:44:43# When days are long keep on smiling through
0:44:43 > 0:44:48# And spread a little happiness till dreams come true
0:44:50 > 0:44:56# Surely you'll be wise to make the best of every blues day
0:44:57 > 0:45:03# Don't you realise you'll find next Monday or next Tuesday
0:45:03 > 0:45:07# Your golden shoes day?
0:45:08 > 0:45:12# Even when the darkest clouds are in the sky
0:45:12 > 0:45:15# You mustn't sigh and you mustn't cry
0:45:15 > 0:45:21# Spread a little happiness as you go by
0:45:21 > 0:45:23# Spread a little happiness
0:45:35 > 0:45:38# Got a date with an angel
0:45:38 > 0:45:40# Going to meet her at seven
0:45:42 > 0:45:45# Got a date with an angel
0:45:45 > 0:45:48# And I'm on my way to heaven
0:45:49 > 0:45:52# She'll be sweet when I meet her
0:45:53 > 0:45:55# She'll be sweet when I greet her
0:45:57 > 0:46:00# I just feel proud like St Peter
0:46:00 > 0:46:03# Cos I'm on my way to heaven
0:46:04 > 0:46:06# Soon I'll hear the bells ring out
0:46:08 > 0:46:10# And the choir will sing out
0:46:11 > 0:46:14# And the pearly gates swing out
0:46:14 > 0:46:18# She'll beckon to me
0:46:19 > 0:46:23# I've been waiting a lifetime
0:46:23 > 0:46:27# For this evening at seven
0:46:27 > 0:46:30# Got a date with an angel
0:46:30 > 0:46:33# And I'm on my way to heaven
0:46:36 > 0:46:39# Life is just a bowl of cherries
0:46:39 > 0:46:41# Don't be mysterious
0:46:41 > 0:46:43# Life's far too serious
0:46:43 > 0:46:47# You work, you slave You worry so
0:46:47 > 0:46:52# But you can't take your dough When you go, go, go
0:46:52 > 0:46:55# Keep repeating it's the berries
0:46:55 > 0:46:59# The strongest oak must fall
0:46:59 > 0:47:03# The sweet things in life To you are just loaned
0:47:03 > 0:47:07# How can you lose what you've never owned?
0:47:07 > 0:47:10# Life is just a bowl of cherries
0:47:10 > 0:47:13# So live and laugh at it all
0:47:15 > 0:47:18# Life is just a bowl of cherries
0:47:18 > 0:47:20# Don't be so serious
0:47:20 > 0:47:22# Life's too mysterious
0:47:22 > 0:47:26# You work, you slave You worry so
0:47:26 > 0:47:30# But you can't take your dough When you go, go, go
0:47:30 > 0:47:34# Keep repeating it's the berries
0:47:34 > 0:47:38# The strongest oak must fall
0:47:38 > 0:47:42# The sweet things in life To you are just loaned
0:47:42 > 0:47:46# So how can you lose what you've never owned?
0:47:46 > 0:47:49# Life is just a bowl of cherries
0:47:49 > 0:47:53# So live and laugh at it all
0:47:54 > 0:47:58# When the darkest clouds are in the sky
0:47:58 > 0:48:02# You mustn't sigh and you mustn't cry
0:48:02 > 0:48:04# Spread a little happiness
0:48:04 > 0:48:11# As you go by. #
0:48:30 > 0:48:33And now, there's just time
0:48:33 > 0:48:35to ask Mr John Inman to lead the company and yourselves
0:48:35 > 0:48:38in the last chorus for tonight - Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:48:38 > 0:48:41Ladies and gentlemen, Mr John Inman, the entire company,
0:48:41 > 0:48:46Mr Bernard Hermann and the entire and indefatigable orchestra!
0:48:46 > 0:48:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:48 > 0:48:51But, this time, chiefly,
0:48:51 > 0:48:53- yourselves! AUDIENCE:- Yourselves!
0:48:53 > 0:48:57MUSIC: Down At The Old Bull And Bush
0:48:57 > 0:49:01# Come, come, come and make eyes at me
0:49:01 > 0:49:05# Down at the Old Bull And Bush Da, da, da, da, da
0:49:05 > 0:49:07# Come, come, drink some port wine with me
0:49:09 > 0:49:11# Down at the Old Bull And Bush
0:49:13 > 0:49:15# Hear the little German band
0:49:15 > 0:49:16# Da, da-da-da, da, da, da
0:49:16 > 0:49:20# Just let me hold your hand dear
0:49:20 > 0:49:24# Do, do, come and have a drink or two
0:49:24 > 0:49:28# Down at the Old Bull and Bush.
0:49:28 > 0:49:29# Bush, Bush! #