0:00:09 > 0:00:12# Oh, where did you get that hat?
0:00:12 > 0:00:14# Where did you get that tile?
0:00:14 > 0:00:18# Isn't it a nobby one and just the proper style?
0:00:19 > 0:00:22# I should like to have one just the same as that
0:00:22 > 0:00:26# Where'er I go they shout, "Hello! Where did you get that hat?"
0:00:26 > 0:00:30# Oh...
0:00:30 > 0:00:32- FASTER:- # Where did you get that hat?
0:00:32 > 0:00:33# Where did you get that hat?
0:00:33 > 0:00:37# Isn't it a nobby one and just the proper style?
0:00:37 > 0:00:39# I should like to have one just the same as that
0:00:39 > 0:00:43# Where'er I go they shout, "Hello! Where did you get that hat?" #
0:00:43 > 0:00:44CHEERING
0:00:46 > 0:00:48APPLAUSE
0:00:48 > 0:00:50FANFARE
0:00:53 > 0:00:55CHEERING
0:01:01 > 0:01:03CHEERING
0:01:04 > 0:01:07Once again...
0:01:07 > 0:01:12good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:12 > 0:01:14- AUDIENCE:- Good evening!
0:01:14 > 0:01:17Preambulatorily...
0:01:17 > 0:01:19- AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:01:19 > 0:01:21..periphrastic...
0:01:21 > 0:01:22- AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:01:22 > 0:01:24..propitiatory...
0:01:25 > 0:01:28..lustrous in locomotivation...
0:01:28 > 0:01:30CHEERING
0:01:30 > 0:01:33..the Players' Theatre!
0:01:33 > 0:01:35CHEERING
0:01:40 > 0:01:43# Oh, Mr Porter, what shall I do?
0:01:43 > 0:01:47# I wanted to go to Birmingham and they're taking me on to Crewe
0:01:47 > 0:01:49# Send me back to London as quickly as you can
0:01:49 > 0:01:53# Oh! Mr Porter, what a silly girl I am
0:01:53 > 0:01:56# Take me back to London as quickly as you can
0:01:56 > 0:01:59# Oh! Mr Porter, what a silly girl I am... #
0:02:01 > 0:02:05# Watching the trains come in
0:02:05 > 0:02:08# Watching the trains come in
0:02:08 > 0:02:12# We sit and stroke each other's hand
0:02:12 > 0:02:16# As only lovers understand
0:02:16 > 0:02:20# Watching the trains come in
0:02:20 > 0:02:24# Hearing the porter shout
0:02:24 > 0:02:27# When we have watched all the trains come in
0:02:27 > 0:02:30# We watch all the trains go out... #
0:02:32 > 0:02:35# Daddy's on the engine
0:02:35 > 0:02:38# Don't be afraid
0:02:39 > 0:02:43# Daddy knows what he is doing
0:02:43 > 0:02:46# Said the little maid
0:02:46 > 0:02:51# We'll soon be out of danger
0:02:51 > 0:02:55# Don't you ever fear
0:02:55 > 0:02:56# Everyone is safe
0:02:56 > 0:03:01# Because my daddy's the engineer
0:03:03 > 0:03:05# Everyone is safe
0:03:05 > 0:03:09# Because her daddy's the engineer... #
0:03:12 > 0:03:16# I arrived at Euston by the midnight train
0:03:16 > 0:03:18# But when I got to the wicket there
0:03:18 > 0:03:20# Someone wanted to punch my ticket
0:03:20 > 0:03:24# Guards and porters came round me by the score
0:03:24 > 0:03:28# And I told them all I'd never had my ticket punched before
0:03:28 > 0:03:32# They arrived at Euston by the midnight train
0:03:32 > 0:03:33# But when they got to the wicket there
0:03:33 > 0:03:35# Someone wanted to punch their ticket
0:03:35 > 0:03:39# Guards and porters came round us by the score
0:03:39 > 0:03:43# And we told them all we'd never had our ticket punched before... #
0:03:43 > 0:03:44WHISTLE BLOWS
0:03:48 > 0:03:52# When the midnight choo-choo leaves for Alabam'
0:03:52 > 0:03:54# I'll be right there
0:03:54 > 0:03:56# I've got my fare
0:03:57 > 0:04:01# When I see that rusty-haired conductor man
0:04:02 > 0:04:05# I'll grab him by the collar and I'll holler
0:04:05 > 0:04:06# Alabam'! Alabam'!
0:04:06 > 0:04:09# That's where you stop that train
0:04:09 > 0:04:11# That takes me back again
0:04:11 > 0:04:14# Down home where I'll remain
0:04:14 > 0:04:16# Where my honey-lamb am
0:04:17 > 0:04:19# I will be right there with bells
0:04:19 > 0:04:22# When that old conductor yells
0:04:22 > 0:04:24# All aboard! All aboard!
0:04:24 > 0:04:27# All aboard for Alabam'
0:04:27 > 0:04:29# All aboard! All aboard!
0:04:29 > 0:04:33# All aboard for Alabam'. #
0:04:35 > 0:04:36CHEERING
0:04:46 > 0:04:49Provocative purveyor...
0:04:49 > 0:04:53of piquantly percussive...
0:04:53 > 0:04:54improprieties.
0:04:54 > 0:04:55- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:04:57 > 0:04:58Saucy songs.
0:04:58 > 0:05:02Mr Alan Randall!
0:05:02 > 0:05:03CHEERING
0:05:05 > 0:05:06Thank you.
0:05:07 > 0:05:08Thank you very much.
0:05:12 > 0:05:15# Now, in our family we've got an heirloom
0:05:15 > 0:05:18# They handed it to me a year ago
0:05:18 > 0:05:22# It's been in our possession since Grandad was a lad
0:05:22 > 0:05:25# I'll tell you what it is and then you'll know
0:05:27 > 0:05:30# It's me grandad's flannelette nightshirt
0:05:30 > 0:05:33# In it I was christened one day
0:05:34 > 0:05:38# At the church they were in the well
0:05:38 > 0:05:41# No-one seemed to know if I were boy or girl
0:05:41 > 0:05:45# Now they'd had a drop to drink and they were in a mess
0:05:45 > 0:05:49# It's all right, said the preacher rather curt
0:05:49 > 0:05:53# I've been and had a quiz and I've found out what it is
0:05:53 > 0:05:56# By his grandad's flannelette shirt
0:05:56 > 0:05:57# Lordy, Lordy
0:05:57 > 0:05:59# Grandad's flannelette shirt... #
0:05:59 > 0:06:01Here we go.
0:06:17 > 0:06:18SOLO CONTINUES
0:06:34 > 0:06:38# Now, in 1810 me grandad joined the Navy
0:06:38 > 0:06:41# To fight Napoleon across the sea
0:06:42 > 0:06:46# You've heard about the battle they had at Waterloo
0:06:46 > 0:06:49# But what was it that gave us victory?
0:06:49 > 0:06:54# Why, me grandad's flannelette nightshirt
0:06:54 > 0:06:58# It saved old England that day
0:06:58 > 0:07:01# Bonaparte said he was all done
0:07:01 > 0:07:05# And even Josephine had got her gas mask on
0:07:06 > 0:07:09# They shot down our colours and they captured our flag
0:07:09 > 0:07:13# But we were not downhearted - it's a cert
0:07:13 > 0:07:16# Cos flying in the gale everyone could see the tail
0:07:16 > 0:07:19# Of me grandad's flannelette shirt
0:07:19 > 0:07:21# Lordy, Lordy
0:07:21 > 0:07:24# It's Grandad's flannelette shirt. #
0:07:26 > 0:07:29- That's it. - CHEERING
0:07:29 > 0:07:30Thank you very much. Thank you.
0:07:30 > 0:07:32Oh!
0:07:38 > 0:07:39- Thank you. - HE LAUGHS
0:07:43 > 0:07:47# Now, I go cleanin' windows to earn an honest bob
0:07:47 > 0:07:51# For a nosy parker it's an interestin' job
0:07:51 > 0:07:54# Now, it's a job that just suits me
0:07:54 > 0:07:56# A window cleaner you would be
0:07:56 > 0:07:58# If you can see what I can see
0:07:58 > 0:08:00# When I'm cleanin' windows
0:08:00 > 0:08:03# In my profession I work hard
0:08:03 > 0:08:04# But I'll never stop
0:08:04 > 0:08:06# I'll climb that blinkin' ladder
0:08:06 > 0:08:09# Till I get right to the top
0:08:09 > 0:08:11# The blushin' bride, she looks divine
0:08:11 > 0:08:13# The bridegroom, he is doin' fine
0:08:13 > 0:08:15# I'd rather have his job than mine
0:08:15 > 0:08:18# When I'm cleanin' windows... #
0:08:18 > 0:08:20All right, come on, you know this one.
0:08:20 > 0:08:24# I'm leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street
0:08:24 > 0:08:27# In case a certain little lady comes by... #
0:08:27 > 0:08:28Let's hear you sing.
0:08:28 > 0:08:31- # Oh, me - Oh, my
0:08:31 > 0:08:33- # Oh, my - Oh, blimey!
0:08:33 > 0:08:36# I hope the little lady comes by
0:08:37 > 0:08:40# I don't know if she'll get away
0:08:40 > 0:08:42# She doesn't always get away
0:08:42 > 0:08:45# But anyhow I know she'll try
0:08:45 > 0:08:48- # Oh, me - Oh, my
0:08:48 > 0:08:50- # Oh, my... # - That's it.
0:08:51 > 0:08:54# I hope the little lady comes by
0:08:55 > 0:08:59# There's no other girl I would wait for
0:08:59 > 0:09:04# But this one I'd break any date for
0:09:04 > 0:09:08# I won't have to ask what she's late for... #
0:09:08 > 0:09:09Your turn.
0:09:09 > 0:09:12# She wouldn't leave me flat She's not a girl like that... #
0:09:12 > 0:09:13I bet she is!
0:09:13 > 0:09:15# Oh, she's absolutely wonderful
0:09:15 > 0:09:18# And marvellous and beautiful
0:09:18 > 0:09:21# Anyone can understand why
0:09:21 > 0:09:24# And I'll be leaning on a lamp-post
0:09:24 > 0:09:26# At the corner of the street
0:09:26 > 0:09:29# In case a certain little lady comes by... #
0:09:29 > 0:09:31It's turned out nice again.
0:09:31 > 0:09:35# But I hope the little lady comes by. #
0:09:35 > 0:09:36That's it.
0:09:36 > 0:09:37CHEERING
0:09:53 > 0:09:55Mischievous meanderings...
0:09:55 > 0:09:57- AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:09:57 > 0:10:01..in mercurial mountebankery...
0:10:01 > 0:10:02- AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:10:03 > 0:10:05..all the way from Yorkshire.
0:10:05 > 0:10:08CHEERING
0:10:08 > 0:10:11Mr Duggie Brown!
0:10:11 > 0:10:13CHEERING
0:10:14 > 0:10:16JAUNTY TUNE PLAYS
0:10:18 > 0:10:19Good evening, sir, how are you?
0:10:22 > 0:10:24Oh, lovely. Thank you very much.
0:10:24 > 0:10:27What a marvellous... I thought it was somebody else coming on, then.
0:10:27 > 0:10:29That was beautiful, that. Everyone enjoying themselves?
0:10:29 > 0:10:31- AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:10:31 > 0:10:33Good, we'll soon put a stop to that.
0:10:33 > 0:10:36You all seem a nice crowd. You meet funny people, don't you?
0:10:36 > 0:10:39- Not too many, otherwise... - LAUGHTER
0:10:39 > 0:10:41Not too many, otherwise we'd be out of a job.
0:10:41 > 0:10:44There was these two Irish lads, they'd been to this dance.
0:10:44 > 0:10:46They tried to go home from Leeds to Harrogate.
0:10:46 > 0:10:48Anybody in from Leeds or Harrogate? Good.
0:10:48 > 0:10:50- SCATTERED CHEERING - Oh! Shame.
0:10:51 > 0:10:53And they missed the last bus.
0:10:53 > 0:10:55What silly Irishmen they were.
0:10:55 > 0:10:56So they decided to walk home.
0:10:56 > 0:10:58One says, "Pat, I can't walk home."
0:10:58 > 0:11:01He said, "Why?" He said, "I've got me new shoes on, they hurt."
0:11:01 > 0:11:03And they went past the bus station.
0:11:03 > 0:11:06One says, "Pat, do you know what?
0:11:06 > 0:11:07"Those doors are open.
0:11:07 > 0:11:11"Why don't I nip inside and steal a bus?"
0:11:11 > 0:11:13He said, "You can do that, I'll keep watch."
0:11:13 > 0:11:15So he went inside, he heard the engine revving.
0:11:15 > 0:11:17HE IMITATES ENGINE
0:11:17 > 0:11:19- Bang, crash. - HE IMITATES ENGINE
0:11:19 > 0:11:2224 minutes later, he came out. 24 minutes.
0:11:22 > 0:11:23He said, "Where have you been?"
0:11:23 > 0:11:27He said, "Well, they've gone and the bus for Harrogate right at the back of them all."
0:11:29 > 0:11:31APPLAUSE
0:11:31 > 0:11:33He said...
0:11:34 > 0:11:36AUDIENCE JEERS
0:11:36 > 0:11:38No!
0:11:39 > 0:11:40I haven't finished yet.
0:11:40 > 0:11:43He said, "Well, there's one for Knaresborough at the front -
0:11:43 > 0:11:45"we could have walked the other four miles."
0:11:45 > 0:11:47LAUGHTER
0:11:47 > 0:11:48Now you applaud!
0:11:53 > 0:11:54I like those silly ones.
0:11:55 > 0:11:57Chap walks in the chemist.
0:11:57 > 0:11:59He said, "'Scuse me, sir, I've lost me voice."
0:11:59 > 0:12:02He said, "Could you make me something up, please?"
0:12:02 > 0:12:03Chap said, "Of course I will.
0:12:03 > 0:12:06He said, "You know Frank Sinatra was in here today?" He said, "No."
0:12:06 > 0:12:08He said, "I just made it up."
0:12:16 > 0:12:18I tell you what I'll do - cos you've been very kind to me,
0:12:18 > 0:12:20I shall sing for you.
0:12:20 > 0:12:21AUDIENCE JEERS
0:12:21 > 0:12:23Aw, we'll have a bash anyway. Maestro?
0:12:23 > 0:12:26PIANO TINKLES
0:12:26 > 0:12:28# You say that you
0:12:28 > 0:12:29# Must leave me
0:12:30 > 0:12:34# That you and I must part
0:12:35 > 0:12:39# Why must you always grieve me?
0:12:41 > 0:12:47# Why must you break my heart?
0:12:48 > 0:12:54# Why did you make me care?
0:12:56 > 0:13:02# Why bring me dreams so rare?
0:13:04 > 0:13:08# You told me that sweethearts
0:13:08 > 0:13:12# Should never part
0:13:12 > 0:13:16# Why did you leave me
0:13:16 > 0:13:19# And break my heart?
0:13:20 > 0:13:24# Why can't we meet once more?
0:13:27 > 0:13:33# Why can't we love as before?
0:13:34 > 0:13:39# This world seemed so rosy
0:13:39 > 0:13:42# And life so fair
0:13:44 > 0:13:47# Why did you make me care...? #
0:13:47 > 0:13:51The middle bit is, "Why can't we meet once more?"
0:13:51 > 0:13:55# Why can't we meet once more...? #
0:13:55 > 0:13:57Why can't we love as before?
0:13:58 > 0:14:03# Why can't we love as before...? #
0:14:03 > 0:14:05This world seemed so rosy.
0:14:05 > 0:14:09# This world seemed so rosy
0:14:09 > 0:14:13# And life so fair
0:14:13 > 0:14:18# Why did you make
0:14:18 > 0:14:24# Me care? #
0:14:27 > 0:14:29Thank you.
0:14:30 > 0:14:32JAUNTY TUNE PLAYS
0:14:41 > 0:14:44The acme and the apogee
0:14:44 > 0:14:47of cultural gentility...
0:14:47 > 0:14:49- AUDIENCE:- Oh!
0:14:49 > 0:14:52..contrapuntally commingling
0:14:52 > 0:14:55Dr Evadne Hinge
0:14:55 > 0:14:58and Dame Hilda Bracket.
0:14:58 > 0:15:00CHEERING
0:15:08 > 0:15:10Thank you.
0:15:11 > 0:15:12Thank you very much.
0:15:14 > 0:15:16- Thank you very much.- Thank you.
0:15:16 > 0:15:17Thank you very much indeed. Very nice.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19HILDA CHUCKLES, AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:15:19 > 0:15:22- Oh, splendid, isn't it? - Yes, yes, yes.
0:15:22 > 0:15:23You tell them...
0:15:23 > 0:15:26Well, we're going to start off this evening, ladies and gentlemen,
0:15:26 > 0:15:31with a piece from one of the Gilbert and Sullivan operas, Patience.
0:15:31 > 0:15:33This, of course, as some of you may know,
0:15:33 > 0:15:36is one of the most popular and best-loved works
0:15:36 > 0:15:38in the entire Gilbert and Sullivan canon.
0:15:38 > 0:15:41Well, of course, it's one of my best-loved ones, too, you know.
0:15:41 > 0:15:43- Remember that. - Yes, I know that, dear.
0:15:43 > 0:15:46Yes, well, I was telling you, in case you'd forgotten.
0:15:46 > 0:15:48I hadn't forgotten. No, no.
0:15:51 > 0:15:56SHE PLAYS Still Brooding On Their Mad Infatuation
0:15:56 > 0:16:01# Still brooding on their mad infatuation!
0:16:01 > 0:16:03# I thank thee, love
0:16:03 > 0:16:06# Thou comest not to me
0:16:06 > 0:16:11# Far happier I, free from thy ministrations
0:16:11 > 0:16:17# Than dukes or duchesses who love can be
0:16:17 > 0:16:19# 'Tis Patience
0:16:19 > 0:16:21# Happy girl!
0:16:21 > 0:16:23# Loved by a poet!
0:16:25 > 0:16:27# Your pardon, ladies
0:16:27 > 0:16:29# I intrude upon you!
0:16:29 > 0:16:32# Nay, pretty child, come hither
0:16:32 > 0:16:37# Is it true that you have never loved?
0:16:37 > 0:16:40# Most true indeed
0:16:40 > 0:16:41# Most marvellous!
0:16:41 > 0:16:46BOTH, LOW-PITCHED: # And most deplorable!
0:16:48 > 0:16:50# I cannot tell what this love may be
0:16:50 > 0:16:52# That cometh to all yet not to me
0:16:52 > 0:16:54# It cannot be wise as they'd imply
0:16:54 > 0:16:57# Then why do these ladies sigh?
0:16:57 > 0:16:58# It cannot be joy and rapture deep
0:16:58 > 0:17:01# Then why do these gentle maidens weep?
0:17:01 > 0:17:04# It cannot be blissful as 'tis said
0:17:04 > 0:17:11# Or why are their eyes so wondrous red?
0:17:11 > 0:17:15# For everywhere true love I see
0:17:15 > 0:17:17# A-coming to all, yet not to me
0:17:17 > 0:17:23# I cannot tell what this love may be
0:17:23 > 0:17:26# For I am blithe and I am gay
0:17:26 > 0:17:28# While they sit sighing night and day
0:17:28 > 0:17:31- # For she is blithe and she is gay - Think of the gulf
0:17:31 > 0:17:33- # Twixt them and me - She is blithe
0:17:33 > 0:17:34# Think of the gulf twixt them and me
0:17:34 > 0:17:36- # She is gay - Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
0:17:36 > 0:17:38# Giddily gay
0:17:38 > 0:17:40# Oh...!
0:17:40 > 0:17:44# Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la
0:17:44 > 0:17:51BOTH: # And Miserie! #
0:17:51 > 0:17:53APPLAUSE
0:18:02 > 0:18:04Thank you very much.
0:18:07 > 0:18:08Thank you, thank you.
0:18:08 > 0:18:12No, thank you - thank you, dear.
0:18:12 > 0:18:14Yes...well, now...
0:18:16 > 0:18:20We would like to sing for you, as our little bowing-out piece,
0:18:20 > 0:18:25a lovely old song entitled Love's Old Sweet Song.
0:18:25 > 0:18:28And in this, we would like to, if we may,
0:18:28 > 0:18:30ask the gentlemen of the orchestra to join us.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33You can stay down there, but we'd like you to...
0:18:33 > 0:18:34Yes, if you would.
0:18:34 > 0:18:36Is that all right?
0:18:36 > 0:18:38Mr Bolt. Isn't he nice?
0:18:38 > 0:18:42Well, I'm sorry I should say Sir Adrian...
0:18:42 > 0:18:44Mr Herrmann, dear. Mr Herrmann - Herrmann.
0:18:44 > 0:18:47Oh, Sir Herrmann Bolt? Oh!
0:18:47 > 0:18:50Yes, sorry - Adrian's brother, right. Yes...
0:18:51 > 0:18:54SHE PLAYS Love's Old Sweet Song by James Molloy
0:19:06 > 0:19:09# Even today
0:19:09 > 0:19:11# We hear love's song of yore
0:19:11 > 0:19:14# Close in our hearts
0:19:14 > 0:19:17# It stays for evermore
0:19:17 > 0:19:20# Footsteps may falter
0:19:20 > 0:19:23# Weary grow the way
0:19:23 > 0:19:25# Still we can hear it
0:19:25 > 0:19:30# At the close of day
0:19:30 > 0:19:32# And at the end
0:19:32 > 0:19:36# When life's grim shadows fall
0:19:36 > 0:19:40# Still will be heard
0:19:40 > 0:19:47# The sweetest song of all
0:19:47 > 0:19:52# Just a song at twilight
0:19:52 > 0:19:57# When the lights are low
0:19:57 > 0:20:02# And the flick'ring shadows
0:20:02 > 0:20:06# Softly come and go
0:20:06 > 0:20:11# Though your heart be weary
0:20:11 > 0:20:15# Sad the day and long
0:20:15 > 0:20:21# Still to us at twilight
0:20:21 > 0:20:25# Comes love's old song
0:20:25 > 0:20:32# Comes love's old sweet song
0:20:32 > 0:20:36- AUDIENCE:- # Just a song a twilight
0:20:36 > 0:20:41# When the lights are low
0:20:41 > 0:20:46# And the flick'ring shadows
0:20:46 > 0:20:51# Softly come and go
0:20:51 > 0:20:55# Though your heart be weary
0:20:55 > 0:21:00# Sad the day and long
0:21:00 > 0:21:06# Still to us at twilight
0:21:06 > 0:21:10# Comes love's old song
0:21:10 > 0:21:18# Comes love's old sweet
0:21:18 > 0:21:21# Song! #
0:21:21 > 0:21:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:51 > 0:21:54I have to tell you that those two gracious ladies
0:21:54 > 0:21:59were Mr Patrick Fyffe and Mr George Logan.
0:22:02 > 0:22:05Nipponese nimbleness
0:22:05 > 0:22:12encapsulating terpsichorean corporeal pliability.
0:22:13 > 0:22:18Adagio acrobats, all the way from Japan,
0:22:18 > 0:22:21the Missiles!
0:22:21 > 0:22:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:10 > 0:25:13APPLAUSE
0:25:30 > 0:25:36Amatory impetus implements mellifluousness...
0:25:36 > 0:25:38- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:25:38 > 0:25:45..from the deliquescently delicious Miss Rita Morris!
0:25:45 > 0:25:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:25:48 > 0:25:51MUSIC: Kiss In The Dark by Victor Herbert and Buddy de Sylva
0:25:55 > 0:26:02# Oh, that kiss in the dark
0:26:02 > 0:26:10# But it kindled the spark
0:26:10 > 0:26:22# My awakening of love's young dream
0:26:22 > 0:26:27# I recall the mad delight
0:26:27 > 0:26:31# Of a lovely dance
0:26:31 > 0:26:36# Then strolling through the night
0:26:36 > 0:26:41# Trembling with romance
0:26:41 > 0:26:49# There he told me of my charms
0:26:49 > 0:26:57# How could I resist?
0:26:59 > 0:27:05# Suddenly within his arms
0:27:05 > 0:27:12# I was held and kissed
0:27:14 > 0:27:23# Oh, that kiss in the dark
0:27:23 > 0:27:31# Was, to him, but a lark
0:27:31 > 0:27:44# But to me, 'twas a thrill supreme
0:27:46 > 0:27:54# Just a kiss in the dark
0:27:54 > 0:28:03# But it kindled a spark
0:28:05 > 0:28:16# My awakening of love's young...
0:28:16 > 0:28:24# Dream. #
0:28:25 > 0:28:28APPLAUSE
0:28:37 > 0:28:40MUSIC: Bill by Oscar Hammerstein II and PG Wodehouse
0:28:43 > 0:28:47# I used to dream that I would discover
0:28:47 > 0:28:51# The perfect lover one day
0:28:51 > 0:28:54# I knew I'd recognise him
0:28:54 > 0:29:00# If ever he came round my way
0:29:01 > 0:29:05# I always used to fancy then
0:29:05 > 0:29:10# He'd be one of the god-like kind of men
0:29:10 > 0:29:16# With a giant brain and a noble head... #
0:29:16 > 0:29:19- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:29:19 > 0:29:24# Like the heroes bold
0:29:24 > 0:29:30# In those books we've read
0:29:30 > 0:29:35# But along came Bill
0:29:35 > 0:29:38# Who's not the type at all
0:29:38 > 0:29:45# You'll meet him on the street and never notice him
0:29:45 > 0:29:48# His form and face
0:29:48 > 0:29:52# His manly grace
0:29:52 > 0:29:59# They're not the kind you would find in a statue
0:29:59 > 0:30:03# And I can't explain
0:30:03 > 0:30:07# It's surely not his brain
0:30:07 > 0:30:13# That makes me thrill
0:30:13 > 0:30:21# I love him because he's wonderful
0:30:21 > 0:30:33# Because he's just my Bill. #
0:30:40 > 0:30:43APPLAUSE
0:30:48 > 0:30:51MUSIC: When I Grow Too Old To Dream by Oscar Hammerstein II
0:30:54 > 0:31:00# When I grow too old to dream
0:31:00 > 0:31:07# I'll have you to remember
0:31:07 > 0:31:14# When I grow too old to dream
0:31:14 > 0:31:21# Your love will live in my heart
0:31:21 > 0:31:28# So, kiss me, my sweet
0:31:28 > 0:31:35# And so let us part
0:31:35 > 0:31:43# And when I grow too old to dream
0:31:43 > 0:31:51# That kiss will live in my heart
0:31:51 > 0:31:57# When I grow too old to dream
0:31:57 > 0:32:04# I'll have you to remember
0:32:04 > 0:32:10# When I grow too old to dream
0:32:10 > 0:32:17# Your love will live in my heart
0:32:17 > 0:32:24# So kiss me, my sweet
0:32:24 > 0:32:31# And so let us part
0:32:31 > 0:32:39# And when I grow too old to dream
0:32:39 > 0:32:46# That kiss will live in my...
0:32:46 > 0:32:51# Heart. #
0:32:51 > 0:32:53APPLAUSE
0:33:17 > 0:33:22Multi-potent munificence
0:33:22 > 0:33:25of apocalyptic...
0:33:25 > 0:33:27It's from the Bible.
0:33:27 > 0:33:28LAUGHTER
0:33:28 > 0:33:31..thespian metamorphoses.
0:33:31 > 0:33:37The one and only Mr Ron Moody!
0:33:37 > 0:33:40CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:33:46 > 0:33:50Roll up, roll up, roll up, ladies and gentlemen,
0:33:50 > 0:33:53for the 200th edition of The Good Old Days.
0:33:55 > 0:34:00I have made theatrical history from Waikiki to Wigan.
0:34:00 > 0:34:04I have seen them come and I have seen them go.
0:34:04 > 0:34:08And I'll tell you something else - you ain't seen nothin' yet.
0:34:08 > 0:34:09Cos...
0:34:09 > 0:34:13# I'm the showman
0:34:13 > 0:34:14# The man who takes the risks
0:34:14 > 0:34:16# Yes, I'm the showman
0:34:16 > 0:34:21# The man who lightly whisks the grand souffle of entertaining you
0:34:21 > 0:34:24# There's no delay when I'm explaining who
0:34:24 > 0:34:26# Will top the bill this week
0:34:26 > 0:34:28# Will reach the popular peak
0:34:28 > 0:34:31# Will make the audiences clamour
0:34:31 > 0:34:35# I've got the magic touch and it's amazing how much
0:34:35 > 0:34:39# I give this grim old business glamour... #
0:34:39 > 0:34:42Showmanship - how did it all begin?
0:34:42 > 0:34:44The great god Pan played on his pipes
0:34:44 > 0:34:46And the first man looked and laughed
0:34:46 > 0:34:48Then Thespis spoke a word or two
0:34:48 > 0:34:50And the actor learned his craft
0:34:50 > 0:34:52Next, Sophocles and Euripides
0:34:52 > 0:34:54Were all the rage in Greece
0:34:54 > 0:34:55Then Nero struck a blow for Rome
0:34:55 > 0:34:57And fiddled a caprice
0:34:57 > 0:34:58Was he a master?
0:34:58 > 0:35:01He was disaster!
0:35:08 > 0:35:11VIOLIN SCREECHES AND SCRAPES
0:35:11 > 0:35:14GROANING AND LAUGHTER
0:35:17 > 0:35:20GROANING CONTINUES
0:35:25 > 0:35:27- COD ITALIAN ACCENT:- Stop-a the music! Stop-a the music.
0:35:27 > 0:35:31The band's a-playing in the wrong key.
0:35:31 > 0:35:34Where's everybody going? Avanti subito.
0:35:34 > 0:35:35I'm the Emperor Nero Rome.
0:35:35 > 0:35:38Why can't I hold an audience
0:35:38 > 0:35:40if Samson, he can bring the house down?
0:35:40 > 0:35:44Samson, he was a big man, Samson. A big man.
0:35:44 > 0:35:47He walk down under the house, he push the column.
0:35:47 > 0:35:50- COLUMN RATTLES AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:35:50 > 0:35:51You insured?
0:36:00 > 0:36:04Came Passion plays and mysteries and pageants by the score
0:36:04 > 0:36:07And the Commedia dell'Arte set the audience a-roar
0:36:07 > 0:36:10But the greatest of them all is me
0:36:10 > 0:36:12I'm a talent that is rare
0:36:12 > 0:36:14For behind this veil of mystery
0:36:14 > 0:36:17I'm the one that always dared to go one better
0:36:17 > 0:36:19I'm a go-getter
0:36:28 > 0:36:32Ladies and gentlemen, Richard Burbidge presents,
0:36:32 > 0:36:35for the first time at The Globe Theatre,
0:36:35 > 0:36:37a promising young playwright, William Shakespeare.
0:36:37 > 0:36:40His real name is Bacon, but he had to change it,
0:36:40 > 0:36:42cos he couldn't get a Jewish audience.
0:36:44 > 0:36:46So here he is, ladies and gentlemen,
0:36:46 > 0:36:52Mr Burbidge himself in the part of the man you love to hate - Shylock.
0:36:54 > 0:36:57HISSING
0:36:58 > 0:37:00BOOING
0:37:00 > 0:37:04Where is Signor Antonio?
0:37:04 > 0:37:06I'm looking for Sign...
0:37:06 > 0:37:08I'll have another one, if you don't mind.
0:37:08 > 0:37:11Signor Antonio? Where are you, Signor Antonio?
0:37:11 > 0:37:13I know you're here, see. Ah...
0:37:15 > 0:37:17- AUDIENCE:- Aw...!
0:37:17 > 0:37:19Signor Antonio!
0:37:19 > 0:37:21HE LAUGHS DRAMATICALLY
0:37:24 > 0:37:26Many a time and oft in the Rialto
0:37:26 > 0:37:29You have rated me above my monies and my usances
0:37:29 > 0:37:32You call me misbeliever, cut-throat dog and spit...
0:37:32 > 0:37:35LAUGHTER
0:37:37 > 0:37:39You call me misbeliever, cut-throat dog
0:37:39 > 0:37:42And spit upon my Jewish gabardine
0:37:42 > 0:37:43And all for use of that which is mine own.
0:37:43 > 0:37:45Well, then, it now appears
0:37:45 > 0:37:47You come to me and you say, "Shylock, we would have moneys."
0:37:47 > 0:37:50You say so! You, that did void your rheum upon my beard
0:37:50 > 0:37:52And foot me as you spurn a stranger cur over your threshold!
0:37:52 > 0:37:54Moneys is your suit. What should I say to you?
0:37:54 > 0:37:56Should I not say, "Hath a dog money?
0:37:56 > 0:37:58"Is it possible a cur can lend three thousand ducats?"
0:37:58 > 0:38:00Or shall I bend low and in a bondman's key
0:38:00 > 0:38:03With bated breath and whispering humbleness say this...
0:38:03 > 0:38:05LAUGHTER
0:38:14 > 0:38:16Get me another Signor Antonio.
0:38:18 > 0:38:21# For I'm the showman
0:38:21 > 0:38:23# The man who has the flair
0:38:23 > 0:38:25# The master showman
0:38:25 > 0:38:26# Who'll conjure from the air
0:38:26 > 0:38:30# A world of charming and alarming things
0:38:30 > 0:38:33# No need to worry what tomorrow brings
0:38:33 > 0:38:34# I'll give them all to you
0:38:34 > 0:38:36# Make your wishes come true
0:38:36 > 0:38:39# And I will guarantee that no man
0:38:39 > 0:38:41# Will take one jar away
0:38:41 > 0:38:43# The only price that you pay
0:38:43 > 0:38:46# Is your allegiance to the showman
0:38:46 > 0:38:48# Come on, do not refuse
0:38:48 > 0:38:50# Roll up and pay your dues
0:38:50 > 0:38:53# To this amazing devil - that's me!
0:38:53 > 0:38:57# That's me, that's me That's me, my friend
0:38:57 > 0:39:02# The showman. #
0:39:02 > 0:39:04APPLAUSE
0:39:15 > 0:39:21Impeccability immaculate in tribute to Mr Jack Buchanan
0:39:21 > 0:39:26from the Players' Theatre and Mr Peter Gale!
0:39:26 > 0:39:29CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:39:44 > 0:39:47# Who stole my heart away?
0:39:47 > 0:39:51# Who makes me dream all day?
0:39:51 > 0:39:54# Dreams I know can never be true
0:39:54 > 0:39:58# Seems as though I'll ever be blue
0:39:58 > 0:40:02# Who means my happiness?
0:40:02 > 0:40:07# Who would I answer yes to?
0:40:07 > 0:40:09# Well, you oughta guess
0:40:09 > 0:40:11# Who? Who?
0:40:11 > 0:40:13# No-one but you!
0:40:13 > 0:40:15# Who? Who?
0:40:15 > 0:40:17# No-one but... #
0:40:17 > 0:40:21# You fall in love with a modern Galahad
0:40:21 > 0:40:25# Deep in his heart he'll install you
0:40:25 > 0:40:29# But I am only a simple sort of lad
0:40:29 > 0:40:34# I had no pet names to call you
0:40:34 > 0:40:36# But I've now I've bought a thesaurus
0:40:36 > 0:40:38# And there I've found a few
0:40:38 > 0:40:41# I'll sing a little chorus
0:40:41 > 0:40:45# Of pet names meant for you
0:40:45 > 0:40:50# You darling, you ducky
0:40:50 > 0:40:53# You sweet so-and-so!
0:40:53 > 0:40:56# You sweet thing, you neat thing
0:40:56 > 0:40:59# You set me aglow!
0:40:59 > 0:41:03# My fond one, my blonde one
0:41:03 > 0:41:06# Take care what you're at
0:41:06 > 0:41:13# You're making my heart pitter-pat
0:41:13 > 0:41:19# I've lots of other names for your attention
0:41:19 > 0:41:26# Plus one or two I dare not even mention
0:41:26 > 0:41:29# My Venus, my goddess
0:41:29 > 0:41:32# Let me be your beau
0:41:32 > 0:41:38# And you'll be my sweet so-and-so
0:42:04 > 0:42:10# I've lots of other names for your attention
0:42:10 > 0:42:17# Plus one or two I dare not even mention
0:42:17 > 0:42:20# Tallulah, alleluia
0:42:20 > 0:42:23# Let me be your beau
0:42:23 > 0:42:30# And you'll be my sweet so-and-so. #
0:42:30 > 0:42:32APPLAUSE
0:42:38 > 0:42:44# My car will meet her
0:42:44 > 0:42:48# And her mother comes too
0:42:48 > 0:42:52# It's a two-seater
0:42:52 > 0:42:57# Still her mother comes too
0:42:57 > 0:43:03# And when she's visiting me
0:43:03 > 0:43:07# At dinner, supper or tea
0:43:07 > 0:43:12# She loves to sit on my knee
0:43:12 > 0:43:16# And her mother does too
0:43:16 > 0:43:21# We buy her trousseau
0:43:21 > 0:43:25# And her mother comes too
0:43:25 > 0:43:30# Asked not to do so
0:43:30 > 0:43:34# Still her mother comes too
0:43:34 > 0:43:38# She simply can't take a snub
0:43:38 > 0:43:43# I go and sulk at the club
0:43:43 > 0:43:47# Then have a bath and a rub
0:43:47 > 0:43:52# And her brother comes too! #
0:43:59 > 0:44:01# Stand up and sing
0:44:01 > 0:44:03# Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da-da
0:44:03 > 0:44:07# Just stand up and sing
0:44:07 > 0:44:09# When things are bad
0:44:09 > 0:44:12# Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da-da
0:44:12 > 0:44:15# Sing this and grow glad
0:44:15 > 0:44:20# If you would see your troubles burst in bubbles
0:44:20 > 0:44:24# Try to learn this song
0:44:24 > 0:44:27# For while you stand up and sing
0:44:27 > 0:44:29# Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da-da
0:44:29 > 0:44:33# You'll never go wrong
0:44:58 > 0:45:00# For if you stand up and sing
0:45:00 > 0:45:02# Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da-da
0:45:02 > 0:45:05# You'll never go...
0:45:05 > 0:45:06# You'll never go
0:45:06 > 0:45:10# You'll never go wrong
0:45:10 > 0:45:14# For if you see your troubles burst in bubbles
0:45:14 > 0:45:17# Try to learn this song
0:45:17 > 0:45:20# This song
0:45:20 > 0:45:22# For if you stand up and sing
0:45:22 > 0:45:24# Da-da, da-da, da-da, da-da-da
0:45:24 > 0:45:28# You'll never go You'll never go
0:45:30 > 0:45:33# You'll never go wrong
0:45:33 > 0:45:34# Go wrong
0:45:34 > 0:45:42# Go wrong. #
0:45:43 > 0:45:46APPLAUSE
0:45:54 > 0:46:00# Goodnight, Vienna
0:46:00 > 0:46:04# You city of a million melodies
0:46:04 > 0:46:08# Our hearts are thrilling to the strains that you play
0:46:08 > 0:46:13# From dawn till the daylight dies
0:46:13 > 0:46:17# Goodnight, Vienna
0:46:17 > 0:46:21# Now lovers kiss beneath your linden trees
0:46:21 > 0:46:25# The world is waiting on the edge of the day
0:46:25 > 0:46:28# Just waiting to say
0:46:28 > 0:46:36# Goodnight. #
0:46:36 > 0:46:39APPLAUSE
0:46:46 > 0:46:48And now, there's just time to ask
0:46:48 > 0:46:50Mr Ron Moody to lead the company and yourselves
0:46:50 > 0:46:53in the last chorus for tonight, Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:46:53 > 0:46:56Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Ron Moody, the entire company,
0:46:56 > 0:47:02Mr Bernard Herrmann and the entire and never-defeated orchestra.
0:47:02 > 0:47:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE It is time to play yourselves.
0:47:11 > 0:47:15# Come, come Come and make eyes at me
0:47:15 > 0:47:19# Down at the Old Bull and Bush La-la-la-la-la
0:47:19 > 0:47:23# Come, come Drink some port wine with me
0:47:23 > 0:47:27# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:47:27 > 0:47:31# Hear the little German band La-la-la-la-la-la-la
0:47:31 > 0:47:34# Just let me hold your hand, dear
0:47:34 > 0:47:38# Do, do come and have a drink or two
0:47:38 > 0:47:42# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:47:42 > 0:47:43# Bush-Bush. #
0:47:43 > 0:47:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE