0:00:08 > 0:00:12# Flanagan, Flanagan
0:00:12 > 0:00:16# Take me to the Isle of Man again
0:00:16 > 0:00:19# Take me where the folks all cry
0:00:19 > 0:00:23# K-E-double-L-Y
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# Flanagan, Flanagan
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# If you love your Mary Ann
0:00:31 > 0:00:35# Oh, oh, oh, oh, Flanagan
0:00:35 > 0:00:40# Take me to the Isle of Man. #
0:00:40 > 0:00:44CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:44 > 0:00:48FANFARE
0:00:48 > 0:00:51CHEERING
0:00:57 > 0:00:59LOUD CHEER
0:00:59 > 0:01:02Once again,
0:01:02 > 0:01:07good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:07 > 0:01:09CHEERING
0:01:09 > 0:01:12Hyperbolically...
0:01:12 > 0:01:13- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!
0:01:13 > 0:01:15And that's not rude.
0:01:15 > 0:01:20..polysyllabic in prognostication,
0:01:20 > 0:01:25commemorating Miss Clarice Mayne,
0:01:25 > 0:01:27immutably munificent...
0:01:27 > 0:01:29Oooh!
0:01:29 > 0:01:31LAUGHTER
0:01:31 > 0:01:34..in minstrelsy,
0:01:34 > 0:01:37the Players' Theatre!
0:01:37 > 0:01:39APPLAUSE
0:01:44 > 0:01:47# Put on your tat-ta, little girlie
0:01:47 > 0:01:50# Do-do what I want you to
0:01:50 > 0:01:54# Far from the busy hurly-burly
0:01:54 > 0:01:57# I've got lots to say to you
0:01:57 > 0:02:00# My head's completely twirly whirly
0:02:00 > 0:02:03# My girl I want you to be
0:02:03 > 0:02:07# So put on your tat-ta, your pretty little tat-ta
0:02:07 > 0:02:10# And come out and tat-ta, come out and tat-ta
0:02:10 > 0:02:14# Come out and tat-ta with me. #
0:02:14 > 0:02:18# Josh-u-ah, Josh-u-ah
0:02:18 > 0:02:21# Why don't you call and see Mama?
0:02:21 > 0:02:25# She'll be pleased to know
0:02:25 > 0:02:29# You are my best beau
0:02:29 > 0:02:33# Josh-u-ah, Josh-u-ah
0:02:33 > 0:02:36# Nicer than lemon squash you are
0:02:36 > 0:02:40# Yes, by gosh you are
0:02:40 > 0:02:44# Josh-u-osh-u-ah. #
0:02:50 > 0:02:56# You called me baby doll a year ago
0:02:56 > 0:03:01# You told me I was very nice to know
0:03:01 > 0:03:05# I soon learned what love was
0:03:05 > 0:03:08# I thought I knew
0:03:08 > 0:03:12# But all I've learned has only taught me
0:03:12 > 0:03:17# How to love you
0:03:17 > 0:03:22# You made me think you'd love me in return
0:03:22 > 0:03:29# Don't tell me you were fooling after all
0:03:29 > 0:03:32# For if you turn away
0:03:32 > 0:03:37# You'll be sorry some day
0:03:37 > 0:03:40# You left behind
0:03:40 > 0:03:46# A broken doll
0:03:48 > 0:03:52# You made me think you loved me in return
0:03:52 > 0:03:55# In return, in return, in return
0:03:55 > 0:04:02# Don't tell me you were fooling after all
0:04:02 > 0:04:05# For if you turn away
0:04:05 > 0:04:09# You'll be sorry some day
0:04:09 > 0:04:16# You left behind a broken doll. #
0:04:16 > 0:04:20# Jere-Jeremiah
0:04:20 > 0:04:23# My heart's on fire
0:04:23 > 0:04:26# Play again that sweet refrain
0:04:26 > 0:04:30# Ump-ta-ra-ra, ump-ta-ra-ra
0:04:30 > 0:04:33# Jere-Jeremiah
0:04:33 > 0:04:36# It's the finest tune I've known
0:04:36 > 0:04:40# Rag it, drag it, zig-zig-zag it
0:04:40 > 0:04:43# On your ragtime trombone
0:04:43 > 0:04:46# Jere-Jeremiah
0:04:46 > 0:04:50# My heart's on fire
0:04:50 > 0:04:53# Play again that sweet refrain
0:04:53 > 0:04:56# Ump-ta-ra-ra, ump-ta-ra-ra
0:04:56 > 0:04:59# Jere-Jeremiah
0:04:59 > 0:05:03# It's the finest tune I've known
0:05:03 > 0:05:06# Rag it, drag it, zig-zig-zag it
0:05:06 > 0:05:08# On your ragtime
0:05:09 > 0:05:11# Ragtime
0:05:13 > 0:05:20# Ragtime trombone. #
0:05:20 > 0:05:22CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:05:31 > 0:05:33Caledonian capers
0:05:33 > 0:05:39committed in immaculate sartorial impeccability...
0:05:39 > 0:05:40Oooh!
0:05:40 > 0:05:46..the glass of fashion and the very mould of form,
0:05:46 > 0:05:49Mr Barry Cryer!
0:05:49 > 0:05:51APPLAUSE
0:05:54 > 0:05:55Good evening.
0:05:57 > 0:06:00# I love a lassie
0:06:00 > 0:06:02# A bonnie Hieland lassie
0:06:02 > 0:06:06# She's as pure as the lily in the dell
0:06:06 > 0:06:09# She's as sweet as the heather
0:06:09 > 0:06:11# The bonnie bloomin' heather
0:06:11 > 0:06:16# Mary, my Scots bluebell. #
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Good evening, McLadies and McGentlemen.
0:06:19 > 0:06:22They asked me to wear a funny costume, but I refused.
0:06:22 > 0:06:23Now...
0:06:25 > 0:06:26Lovely to be back here again.
0:06:26 > 0:06:30Mr Colehan, our producer, greeted me personally here today.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32The only man whose handlebar moustache has a bell on it.
0:06:32 > 0:06:34And...
0:06:34 > 0:06:36he looked me straight in the eye, he said,
0:06:36 > 0:06:37"You're back, you're back.
0:06:37 > 0:06:40"That's what we like to see - your back."
0:06:40 > 0:06:44A lovely man. He's been doing this show for 25 years, you know.
0:06:44 > 0:06:47The BBC say he's got to carry on till he gets it right. Now...
0:06:52 > 0:06:54To continue my farewell appearance, I'd like...
0:06:56 > 0:06:58..I'd like to greet my good friend Mr Sachs - good evening, sir.
0:06:58 > 0:07:01- Good evening to you.- I went to St Leonard's at the weekend -
0:07:01 > 0:07:03they all send their regards. Now...
0:07:03 > 0:07:06Mr Bernard Herrmann, our MD,
0:07:06 > 0:07:09which stands for "musical director" and not "doctor of medicine",
0:07:09 > 0:07:12although it has been suggested he could do with a little practice.
0:07:12 > 0:07:15Now...Bernard and the gentlemen of the orchestra
0:07:15 > 0:07:18are a veritable tower of strength to all the artistes in this show.
0:07:18 > 0:07:22To see them weaving their way back from the Duck & Pullet
0:07:22 > 0:07:24and entering the theatre
0:07:24 > 0:07:26and launching into the overture pizzicato
0:07:26 > 0:07:30is the experience of a lifetime, ladies and gentlemen.
0:07:30 > 0:07:31Now, enough of this tittle-tattle.
0:07:31 > 0:07:33That's a Scots expression.
0:07:33 > 0:07:34You know tittle-tattle.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Oh, yes, a tattle was a garment,
0:07:36 > 0:07:38a woolly garment ladies wore on the chest,
0:07:38 > 0:07:40hence the expression. Now...
0:07:44 > 0:07:46Oh...
0:07:48 > 0:07:49I'm laughing cos I know what's coming next.
0:07:49 > 0:07:50I've had a hell...
0:07:52 > 0:07:54I don't usually listen, but tonight...
0:07:54 > 0:07:56I've had a marvellous year since I saw you.
0:07:56 > 0:08:00I attended the Inversnecky Folk Singing & Sporran-Burning Festival.
0:08:02 > 0:08:06Every night we used to gather round the camp fire singing folk songs
0:08:06 > 0:08:09and setting fire to each other's sporrans.
0:08:09 > 0:08:12You've never heard such top notes in your life.
0:08:14 > 0:08:20But the high spot, the high spot of my year, the veritable pinnacle,
0:08:20 > 0:08:22the veritable pinnacle...
0:08:22 > 0:08:24I do enjoy saying that. Shall we all say that?
0:08:24 > 0:08:27On the count of three - one, two, three...
0:08:27 > 0:08:29ALL: The veritable pinnacle!
0:08:29 > 0:08:31Wonderful - community joking.
0:08:31 > 0:08:33Oh, wonderful. The veritable pinnacle
0:08:33 > 0:08:36was in fact being invited to open the Highland Games.
0:08:36 > 0:08:40Oh, that was wonderful. After the initial traditional meal of haggis
0:08:40 > 0:08:42and senna pods,
0:08:42 > 0:08:45I did a lap of honour and...
0:08:46 > 0:08:49Well, you would, wouldn't you? Anyway...
0:08:49 > 0:08:50I'm blethering here.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53I never even told you the lassie I was singing about in the song.
0:08:53 > 0:08:55Her name is Bridie Angus.
0:08:55 > 0:08:59She's one of the Aberdeen Anguses and she's here tonight somewhere,
0:08:59 > 0:09:00somewhere up there.
0:09:00 > 0:09:02Oh, hello, Bridie!
0:09:02 > 0:09:03Oh, I'm sorry, sir.
0:09:03 > 0:09:05It was the moustache. For a moment...
0:09:05 > 0:09:07I met her at a tea dance.
0:09:07 > 0:09:10You don't half spill some during the lancers.
0:09:10 > 0:09:13I saw her in the corner, poor wee soul, a real wallflower,
0:09:13 > 0:09:14standing in a pot,
0:09:14 > 0:09:16and asked her to dance.
0:09:16 > 0:09:20While we were on the floor - well, not on the floor -
0:09:20 > 0:09:21I asked if I could see her home,
0:09:21 > 0:09:23so she showed me a photograph.
0:09:23 > 0:09:25And...
0:09:25 > 0:09:26we've been going steady ever since.
0:09:26 > 0:09:29I'm telling them about the tea dance, hen.
0:09:29 > 0:09:31I call her hen - she sleeps in the yard.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32I'm...
0:09:32 > 0:09:35I've been walking her up and down outside the theatre before the show.
0:09:35 > 0:09:38I think the black coffee's beginning to work. Are you all right, love?
0:09:38 > 0:09:41Are you all right? I blame the whisky - a shilling a tot.
0:09:41 > 0:09:43Oh, I can get her drunk on £8.
0:09:45 > 0:09:46I'm going to do the poem now
0:09:46 > 0:09:48for the ladies and gentlemen and you, Bridie.
0:09:48 > 0:09:50Wake her up, for God's sake, somebody.
0:09:50 > 0:09:53Here's the poem, love, here's the poem.
0:09:53 > 0:09:57You can search high and low, you can search near and far
0:09:57 > 0:09:59From Land's End up to John O'Groats
0:09:59 > 0:10:03For a love beyond others, but none can compare
0:10:03 > 0:10:05With a Scot and his love for his oats.
0:10:05 > 0:10:06Now there's the poem.
0:10:10 > 0:10:12CHEERING
0:10:16 > 0:10:19That was a near thing, love, wasn't it?
0:10:20 > 0:10:22All quality, no quantity. Now...
0:10:23 > 0:10:25..ladies and gentlemen,
0:10:25 > 0:10:26for Bridie and your good selves,
0:10:26 > 0:10:28we're going to sing the song again,
0:10:28 > 0:10:31a quick wee chorus and this is your last chance to practise,
0:10:31 > 0:10:35cos you're going to sing it again with Mr Ian Wallace later on.
0:10:35 > 0:10:36Thank you, Mr Herrmann.
0:10:39 > 0:10:41# I love a lassie
0:10:41 > 0:10:43# A bonnie, bonnie lassie
0:10:43 > 0:10:47# She's as pure as the lily in the dell
0:10:47 > 0:10:50# She's as sweet as the heather
0:10:50 > 0:10:53# The bonnie bloomin' heather
0:10:53 > 0:10:56# Mary, my Scots bluebell. #
0:10:58 > 0:11:01CHEERING
0:11:12 > 0:11:16You see, it isn't only our sporrans that we're wearing low this year.
0:11:16 > 0:11:20And now, from Canada,
0:11:20 > 0:11:24eager aspirant for your appreciative applause,
0:11:24 > 0:11:27the very newest newcomer to this programme,
0:11:27 > 0:11:30Miss Penelope Beavan!
0:11:30 > 0:11:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:11:46 > 0:11:52# Coming home from Canterbury fair
0:11:52 > 0:12:00# Coming home alone, yet my fancy still is there
0:12:00 > 0:12:05# Bonnie lads with fancies far too free
0:12:05 > 0:12:13# Made me blush and yet one I fancied fancied me
0:12:13 > 0:12:19# For my smile he gave me love songs
0:12:19 > 0:12:26# For my kiss a ribbon for my hair
0:12:26 > 0:12:32# Coming home alone and in despair
0:12:32 > 0:12:40# For I left my heart there at Canterbury fair
0:12:45 > 0:12:52# "Tis nice to walk," said he to me and so we strolled away
0:12:52 > 0:13:00# "Tis nice to talk," said I but my, what could a body say?
0:13:00 > 0:13:07# His arm was soon around me, in my heart there danced a flame
0:13:07 > 0:13:11# For at last true love had found me
0:13:11 > 0:13:17# How I wish I'd asked his name
0:13:18 > 0:13:22# Now I'm coming home
0:13:22 > 0:13:26# From Canterbury fair
0:13:26 > 0:13:34# In my heart his kiss and his ribbon in my hair
0:13:34 > 0:13:40# Other lads will smile and dance with me
0:13:40 > 0:13:43# But my heart will ache
0:13:43 > 0:13:48# For it will be his smile I see
0:13:48 > 0:13:54# And I know I'll ever love him
0:13:54 > 0:14:01# Ever hope we'll meet again somewhere
0:14:01 > 0:14:08# Coming home alone and in despair
0:14:08 > 0:14:14# For I lost my heart there
0:14:14 > 0:14:20# At Canterbury fair. #
0:14:35 > 0:14:38From Switzerland,
0:14:38 > 0:14:43the acme of acrobatic intrepidity...
0:14:43 > 0:14:47- AUDIENCE:- Ooh! - ..and corporeal pliability,
0:14:47 > 0:14:52Mr Rocky Rendall!
0:14:52 > 0:14:54APPLAUSE
0:15:00 > 0:15:06Mr Rendall has just set up a world record of 36 minutes, 45 seconds
0:15:06 > 0:15:08of compression in that small box,
0:15:08 > 0:15:12which measures 19 inches by 19 inches by 19,
0:15:12 > 0:15:16with a little door 12 inches by 12.
0:15:16 > 0:15:19Mr Rendall weighs 16st
0:15:19 > 0:15:21and 5'8" in height.
0:15:21 > 0:15:23Mr Rocky Rendall!
0:15:23 > 0:15:26APPLAUSE AND DRUMROLL
0:15:33 > 0:15:37ORCHESTRA PLAYS SUSPENSEFUL MUSIC
0:16:50 > 0:16:52APPLAUSE
0:18:30 > 0:18:33CHEERING
0:18:46 > 0:18:48Now, the impediments of illusion
0:18:48 > 0:18:55are eliminated for the advent of a primeval pachydermatous...
0:18:55 > 0:18:57- Ohh! - ..panegyric.
0:18:59 > 0:19:01A thick-skinned...
0:19:01 > 0:19:02LAUGHTER
0:19:02 > 0:19:04..song of praise
0:19:04 > 0:19:09from none other than Mr Ian Wallace!
0:19:18 > 0:19:22# A bold hippopotamus was standing one day
0:19:22 > 0:19:26# On the banks of the cool Shalimar
0:19:27 > 0:19:32# He gazed at the bottom as he peacefully lay
0:19:32 > 0:19:36# By the light of the evening star
0:19:36 > 0:19:42# Away on a hilltop sat combing her hair
0:19:42 > 0:19:46# His fair hippopotami maid
0:19:46 > 0:19:52# The hippopotamus was no ignoramus
0:19:52 > 0:19:56# So sang her this sweet serenade
0:19:58 > 0:20:03# Mud, mud, glorious mud
0:20:03 > 0:20:08# Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood
0:20:08 > 0:20:13# So follow me, follow, down to the hollow
0:20:13 > 0:20:21# And there let us wallow in glorious mud
0:20:24 > 0:20:29# The fair hippopotama he aimed to entice
0:20:29 > 0:20:33# From her seat on that hilltop above
0:20:34 > 0:20:38# As she hadn't got a ma to give her advice
0:20:38 > 0:20:42# Came tiptoeing down to her love
0:20:44 > 0:20:48# Like thunder the forest re-echoed the sound
0:20:48 > 0:20:53# Of the song that they sang when they met
0:20:53 > 0:20:59# His inamorata adjusted her garter
0:20:59 > 0:21:03# And lifted her voice in duet
0:21:05 > 0:21:10- HIGH PITCHED: - # Mud, mud, glorious mud
0:21:10 > 0:21:15# Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood
0:21:15 > 0:21:20# So follow me follow, down to the hollow... #
0:21:20 > 0:21:22HE GIGGLES
0:21:22 > 0:21:28# And there let us wallow in glorious mud
0:21:31 > 0:21:36# Now more hippopotami began to convene
0:21:36 > 0:21:41# On the banks of that river so wide
0:21:41 > 0:21:46# I wonder now what am I to say of the scene
0:21:46 > 0:21:50# That ensued by the Shalimar side?
0:21:51 > 0:21:57# They dived all at once with an ear-splitting splosh
0:21:57 > 0:22:02# Then rose to the surface again
0:22:02 > 0:22:08# A regular army of hippopotami
0:22:08 > 0:22:12# All singing this haunting refrain... #
0:22:12 > 0:22:15All together now!
0:22:15 > 0:22:20# Mud, mud, glorious mud
0:22:20 > 0:22:25# Nothing quite like it for cooling the blood
0:22:25 > 0:22:31# So follow me follow, down to the hollow
0:22:31 > 0:22:34# And there let us wallow
0:22:34 > 0:22:41# In glorious...
0:22:41 > 0:22:47# Mud! #
0:22:58 > 0:23:06From Germany, unparalleled apotheosis of plethoric,
0:23:06 > 0:23:10proliferative profusion...
0:23:10 > 0:23:13Lots and lots.
0:23:13 > 0:23:15Dinardi!
0:23:59 > 0:24:00APPLAUSE
0:27:04 > 0:27:06LAUGHTER AND GASPS
0:29:28 > 0:29:30APPLAUSE
0:29:41 > 0:29:44An histrionically
0:29:44 > 0:29:47heart-felt rendition
0:29:47 > 0:29:52- incorporating a metamorphic trans... - Ooh!
0:29:52 > 0:30:00..transmogrification for your edification, Miss Marti Webb!
0:30:01 > 0:30:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:30:15 > 0:30:18# In a gilded hall of music
0:30:18 > 0:30:20# Sat a bright, expectant crowd
0:30:20 > 0:30:22# Waiting for the coming singer
0:30:22 > 0:30:26# Whom they'd hail with praises loud
0:30:26 > 0:30:28# Years ago, he'd been their idol
0:30:28 > 0:30:31# How his wit had made them roar!
0:30:31 > 0:30:35# Now this benefit performance
0:30:35 > 0:30:38# Kept him from the workhouse door
0:30:38 > 0:30:41# What a storm of welcome greets him
0:30:41 > 0:30:44# As he steps upon the stage
0:30:44 > 0:30:47# But, alas, how sadly altered
0:30:47 > 0:30:50# What with illness and with age
0:30:50 > 0:30:55# "I-I c-cannot s-sing t-tonight," he falters
0:30:55 > 0:30:59# As he speaks, he bows his head
0:30:59 > 0:31:02# But his speech was interrupted
0:31:02 > 0:31:08# Someone in the gallery said
0:31:08 > 0:31:14# Sing us one of the old songs, George
0:31:14 > 0:31:19# One of the songs we know
0:31:19 > 0:31:24# Try, old man Do what you can
0:31:24 > 0:31:29# And we'll let the chorus go
0:31:29 > 0:31:34# We can't forget what you used to be
0:31:34 > 0:31:40# In the days when life was new
0:31:40 > 0:31:46# Sing us a song And if you go wrong
0:31:46 > 0:31:51# We'll help to pull you through
0:31:52 > 0:31:55# At this show of recognition
0:31:55 > 0:31:57# Tears ran down the singer's cheeks
0:31:57 > 0:32:00# Twice he started, twice he faltered
0:32:00 > 0:32:03# Neither could he sing nor speak
0:32:03 > 0:32:06# Maybe twas the glorious triumph
0:32:06 > 0:32:09# That his memory still could trace
0:32:09 > 0:32:12# Where he'd shone the best and brightest
0:32:12 > 0:32:16# In the very self-same place
0:32:16 > 0:32:19# Well, he knew the doctor's warning
0:32:19 > 0:32:23# Singing would be fatal now
0:32:23 > 0:32:25# But the gratitude they'd shown him
0:32:25 > 0:32:28# Must be recognised somehow
0:32:28 > 0:32:31# How could he assay to please them?
0:32:31 > 0:32:33# All his wits were now appalled
0:32:33 > 0:32:37# As he stood there hesitating
0:32:37 > 0:32:42# Once again the gallery called
0:32:42 > 0:32:47- AUDIENCE JOINS IN:- # Sing us one of the old songs, George
0:32:47 > 0:32:53# One of the songs we know
0:32:53 > 0:32:57# Try, old man Do what you can
0:32:57 > 0:33:03# And we'll let the chorus go
0:33:03 > 0:33:08# We can't forget what you used to be
0:33:08 > 0:33:13# In the days when life was new
0:33:13 > 0:33:19# Sing us a song And if you go wrong
0:33:19 > 0:33:24# We'll help to pull you through
0:33:25 > 0:33:28# Then, as though a ray of sunshine
0:33:28 > 0:33:30# Cast a halo round the place
0:33:30 > 0:33:34# Stood a child before the footlights
0:33:34 > 0:33:38# With a smiling angel face
0:33:38 > 0:33:42# "Dad's been ill," she murmured softly
0:33:42 > 0:33:45# "And if me you will allow
0:33:45 > 0:33:48# "Just to let him rest this evening
0:33:48 > 0:33:51# "I will sing for Daddy now"
0:33:51 > 0:33:56# Then a strain of sweetest music
0:33:56 > 0:34:00# Wafted o'er the spacious hall
0:34:08 > 0:34:16- HESITANTLY:- # After the ball is over
0:34:16 > 0:34:23# After the break of dawn
0:34:23 > 0:34:30# After the dancers' leaving
0:34:30 > 0:34:35# Da-da...da-da...da da... #
0:34:35 > 0:34:37"Many a heart is aching."
0:34:37 > 0:34:43- MORE CONFIDENTLY: - # Many a heart is aching
0:34:43 > 0:34:50# If you could reach them all
0:34:50 > 0:34:56# Many a heart that is aching
0:34:56 > 0:35:00# After...
0:35:00 > 0:35:05# ..the ball!
0:35:05 > 0:35:08CHEERING
0:35:14 > 0:35:16# As she bowed her thanks
0:35:16 > 0:35:18# And left the stage
0:35:18 > 0:35:21# All eyes in haste were dried
0:35:21 > 0:35:25# Those who heard her Must have blessed her
0:35:25 > 0:35:30# On the night the gallery cried
0:35:30 > 0:35:35- AUDIENCE JOINS IN:- # Sing us one of the old songs, George
0:35:35 > 0:35:40# One of the songs we know
0:35:40 > 0:35:45# Try, old man Do what you can
0:35:45 > 0:35:50# And we'll let the chorus go
0:35:50 > 0:35:55# We can't forget what you used to be
0:35:55 > 0:36:01# In the days when life was new
0:36:01 > 0:36:07# Sing us a song And if you go wrong
0:36:07 > 0:36:13# We'll help to pull you through
0:36:13 > 0:36:17# So sing us a song
0:36:17 > 0:36:22# And if you go wrong
0:36:22 > 0:36:29# We'll help to pull you through. #
0:36:29 > 0:36:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:36:44 > 0:36:48- Ebullient in buffoonery... - Ooh!
0:36:48 > 0:36:49..rumbustious...
0:36:49 > 0:36:51HE LAUGHS I'VE busted!
0:36:51 > 0:36:52..in...in...
0:36:55 > 0:36:58It's that diaphragm.
0:36:58 > 0:37:01..rumbustious in mountebankery...
0:37:01 > 0:37:04your own, your very, very own...
0:37:04 > 0:37:06Mr Bernard Cribbins!
0:37:06 > 0:37:08CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:37:17 > 0:37:20# The sultan sat on his Oriental mat
0:37:20 > 0:37:23# In his harem, High Street, Persia
0:37:23 > 0:37:26# He took one sip Of his coffee, just a drip
0:37:26 > 0:37:29# And he says to his slave Oh, curse ya
0:37:29 > 0:37:31# Oh, curse ya, curse ya, curse ya
0:37:31 > 0:37:35# That's the horriblest coffee in Pers-i-a
0:37:35 > 0:37:40# Now, what I want is a proper cup of coffee
0:37:40 > 0:37:42# Made in a proper copper coffee pot
0:37:43 > 0:37:46# I may be off my dot
0:37:46 > 0:37:50# But I want a cup of coffee from a proper coffee pot
0:37:50 > 0:37:53# Tin coffee pots, iron coffee pots
0:37:53 > 0:37:56# They're no use to me
0:37:56 > 0:37:59# If I can't have a proper cup of coffee from a proper copper coffee pot
0:37:59 > 0:38:00# I'll have a cup of tea... #
0:38:00 > 0:38:03Oh! What a lovely chorus!
0:38:03 > 0:38:04CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:04 > 0:38:07Ladies and gentlemen, thank you!
0:38:07 > 0:38:10- May I come amongst them, Mr Chairman?- Oh, do, do!
0:38:10 > 0:38:11Thank you very much indeed. Yes...
0:38:13 > 0:38:16Every time I play this hall, that happens. I can't understand it.
0:38:16 > 0:38:17What a lovely audience.
0:38:17 > 0:38:20I think I can say without fear of contradiction
0:38:20 > 0:38:22you're the loveliest audience we've had in here tonight.
0:38:22 > 0:38:25Right? A couple of oompahs, please. Thank you.
0:38:25 > 0:38:26BAND STRIKES UP
0:38:30 > 0:38:33# King Solomon with the Queen would carry on
0:38:33 > 0:38:36# As we read in ancient scandals
0:38:36 > 0:38:39# He gave her lots of silver coffee pots
0:38:39 > 0:38:42# With diamond spouts and 'andles
0:38:42 > 0:38:45# But, cried the Queen of Sheba
0:38:45 > 0:38:49# I would rather have any old tea ba'... #
0:38:49 > 0:38:50All posh, like a queen.
0:38:50 > 0:38:54# What I want is a proper cup of coffee
0:38:54 > 0:38:56# Made in a proper copper coffee pot... #
0:38:56 > 0:38:57Come on, you lot!
0:38:57 > 0:39:00# I may be off my dot
0:39:00 > 0:39:04# But I want a cup of coffee from a proper coffee pot
0:39:04 > 0:39:07# Tin coffee pots, iron coffee pots
0:39:07 > 0:39:10# They're no use to me
0:39:10 > 0:39:14# If I can't have a proper cup of coffee from a proper copper coffee pot
0:39:14 > 0:39:16# I'll have a cup of tea. #
0:39:16 > 0:39:19Very good. Very good! This is all about coffee.
0:39:19 > 0:39:22This is a teetotal chorus. I...
0:39:22 > 0:39:25No, don't leave, sir! You can have one later!
0:39:25 > 0:39:28It's about coffee, ladies and gentlemen.
0:39:28 > 0:39:30So we've got very good GROUNDS for singing it. Right?
0:39:30 > 0:39:32- AUDIENCE GROANS - A couple of oompahs, please.
0:39:32 > 0:39:34- BAND STRIKES UP - Yes, thank you.
0:39:37 > 0:39:40# Napoleon found he was in the cart
0:39:40 > 0:39:43# When he lost that Waterloo fight
0:39:43 > 0:39:46# He gave his sword up to Wellington, the lord
0:39:46 > 0:39:49# And he said, You British do fight
0:39:49 > 0:39:51# Yes, you've won Waterloo, sir
0:39:51 > 0:39:55# Now what am I having with you, sir?... #
0:39:55 > 0:39:56All French, right?
0:39:56 > 0:40:00- FRENCH ACCENT:- # What I want is a proper cup of coffee... #
0:40:00 > 0:40:01Do your lip like that.
0:40:01 > 0:40:03- AUDIENCE:- # Made in a proper copper coffee pot
0:40:03 > 0:40:06# I may be off my dot
0:40:06 > 0:40:10# But I want a cup of coffee from a proper coffee pot
0:40:10 > 0:40:13# Tin coffee pots, iron coffee pots
0:40:13 > 0:40:16# They're no use to me
0:40:16 > 0:40:20# If I can't have a proper cup of coffee from a proper copper coffee pot
0:40:20 > 0:40:22# I'll have a cup of tea. #
0:40:22 > 0:40:25Very good, very good! There are some people not singing it quite right.
0:40:25 > 0:40:28There's a lady down here was singing...
0:40:28 > 0:40:29"If I can't have a proper cup of coffee,
0:40:29 > 0:40:32"I'm going to ask the copper in for tea."
0:40:32 > 0:40:35I wish you luck, madam! Yes!
0:40:35 > 0:40:37A gentleman over there, I heard him singing, "What I want is
0:40:37 > 0:40:41"a proper pint of porter, and put it in a proper pewter porter pot."
0:40:41 > 0:40:43That might be interesting. I might develop that.
0:40:43 > 0:40:45What I want is a proper pint of porter,
0:40:45 > 0:40:48and put it in a proper pewter porter pot
0:40:48 > 0:40:50Ooh! I may be off my dot
0:40:50 > 0:40:53But I want a pint of porter in a proper pewter pot
0:40:53 > 0:40:55Glass porter pots, brass porter pots
0:40:55 > 0:40:56What are they about?
0:40:56 > 0:40:59# If I can't have a proper pint of porter in a proper pewter porter pot
0:40:59 > 0:41:01# I'll have a sip o' stout. #
0:41:01 > 0:41:04Oh! Nearly made it!
0:41:04 > 0:41:06Yes! A couple of oompahs!
0:41:06 > 0:41:07BAND STRIKES UP
0:41:11 > 0:41:14# In days of old, when nights and days were bold
0:41:14 > 0:41:17# And whisky was much cheaper
0:41:17 > 0:41:19# Dick Turpin rode up to a coffee stall
0:41:19 > 0:41:22# And showed his pistol to the coffee-stall keeper
0:41:22 > 0:41:25# Said he, Stand and deliver
0:41:25 > 0:41:29# My goodness, I'm all of a shiver
0:41:29 > 0:41:31# Now, what...
0:41:31 > 0:41:34# ..I want is a proper cup of coffee
0:41:34 > 0:41:37- # Made in a proper copper coffee pot - Lovely!
0:41:37 > 0:41:41# I may be off my dot But I want...
0:41:41 > 0:41:43# ..a proper coffee from a proper coffee pot... #
0:41:43 > 0:41:44"Tin coffee pots."
0:41:44 > 0:41:47- # Tin coffee pots... - ..iron coffee pots
0:41:47 > 0:41:50# They're no use to me
0:41:50 > 0:41:54# If I can't have a proper cup of coffee from a proper copper coffee pot
0:41:54 > 0:41:55# I'll have a cup of tea... # And again!
0:41:55 > 0:41:59# Now, what I want is a proper cup of coffee!
0:41:59 > 0:42:02# Made in a proper copper coffee pot
0:42:02 > 0:42:04# I may be off my dot
0:42:04 > 0:42:07# But I want a cup of coffee from a proper coffee pot
0:42:07 > 0:42:10# Tin coffee pots, iron coffee pots
0:42:10 > 0:42:11# They're no use to me
0:42:11 > 0:42:13# If I can't have a proper cup of coffee from a proper copper coffee pot
0:42:13 > 0:42:16- # I'll have a cup of tea! # - Hey!
0:42:16 > 0:42:19APPLAUSE
0:42:19 > 0:42:20Thank you!
0:42:28 > 0:42:31If you can afford the coffee.
0:42:31 > 0:42:34Stimulant Scottish sonorities,
0:42:34 > 0:42:38doughtily distilled by the Players Theatre
0:42:38 > 0:42:41and Mr Ian Wallace!
0:42:41 > 0:42:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:11 > 0:43:14# I love a lassie, a bonnie, bonnie lassie
0:43:14 > 0:43:18# She's as pure as the lily in the dell
0:43:18 > 0:43:23# She's as sweet as the heather, the bonnie blooming heather
0:43:23 > 0:43:26# Mary, ma Scots bluebell
0:43:26 > 0:43:30# I love a lassie, a bonnie, bonnie lassie
0:43:30 > 0:43:34# She's as pure as the lily in the dell
0:43:34 > 0:43:38# She's as sweet as the heather, the bonnie, blooming heather
0:43:38 > 0:43:42# Mary, ma Scots bluebell. #
0:43:42 > 0:43:48# Just a wee deoch an doris Just a wee dram, that's all
0:43:48 > 0:43:52# Just a wee deoch an doris Afore we gang awa'
0:43:52 > 0:43:57# There's a wee wifie waiting in a wee but and ben
0:43:57 > 0:43:59# If you can say "It's a braw, bright, moonlicht nicht"
0:43:59 > 0:44:01# Then you're all richt, ye ken. #
0:44:01 > 0:44:05# Oh, roaming in the gloaming
0:44:05 > 0:44:09# By the bonnie banks of Clyde
0:44:09 > 0:44:12# Roaming in the gloaming
0:44:12 > 0:44:15# Wi' a lassie by my side
0:44:15 > 0:44:18# When the sun has gone to rest
0:44:18 > 0:44:22# That's the time that I love best
0:44:22 > 0:44:28# Oh, it's lovely roaming in the gloaming. #
0:44:28 > 0:44:31Now, I'll tell ye aboot that wee lassie, but of course,
0:44:31 > 0:44:34at my age, I'm simply reminiscing.
0:44:35 > 0:44:40# I love my Jean, my bonnie, bonnie Jean
0:44:40 > 0:44:42# Oh, she's there if I so need her
0:44:42 > 0:44:44# And she's only 17
0:44:44 > 0:44:47# Her hair is nice and crimpy
0:44:47 > 0:44:49# And her cheeks are like the rose
0:44:49 > 0:44:51# And she comes frae bonnie Scotland
0:44:51 > 0:44:54# Where the bluebell grows. #
0:44:54 > 0:44:58But, ye ken, even the best things come to an end.
0:44:58 > 0:45:03# So we parted on the shore
0:45:03 > 0:45:08# Yes, we parted on the shore
0:45:08 > 0:45:11# I said goodbye
0:45:11 > 0:45:15# For I'm off to Baltimore
0:45:15 > 0:45:19# Then I kissed her on the ship
0:45:19 > 0:45:24# And the crew began to roar
0:45:24 > 0:45:27# Heavey-ho, heavey-ho
0:45:27 > 0:45:31# And we parted on the shore. #
0:45:35 > 0:45:38# Every road through life
0:45:38 > 0:45:41# Is a long, long road
0:45:41 > 0:45:46# Filled with joys and sorrows, too
0:45:46 > 0:45:51# As you journey on, how your heart will yearn
0:45:51 > 0:45:57# For the things most dear to you
0:45:57 > 0:46:02# With wealth and love, tis so
0:46:02 > 0:46:09# But onward we must go
0:46:09 > 0:46:13# Keep right on to the end of the road
0:46:13 > 0:46:17# Keep right on to the end
0:46:17 > 0:46:23# Though the way be long Let your heart be strong
0:46:23 > 0:46:27# Keep right on round the bend
0:46:27 > 0:46:32# Though you're tired and weary, still journey on
0:46:32 > 0:46:37# Till you come to your happy abode
0:46:37 > 0:46:45# Where all the love You've been dreaming of
0:46:45 > 0:46:48# Will be there
0:46:48 > 0:46:51# At the end
0:46:51 > 0:46:55# Of the road
0:46:55 > 0:47:00# Keep right on to the end of the road
0:47:00 > 0:47:05# Keep right on to the end
0:47:05 > 0:47:10# Though the way be long Let your heart be strong
0:47:10 > 0:47:15# Keep right on round the bend
0:47:15 > 0:47:20# Though you're tired and weary, still journey on
0:47:20 > 0:47:25# Till you come to your happy abode
0:47:25 > 0:47:33# Where all your love You've been dreaming of
0:47:33 > 0:47:37- # Will be there - Will be there
0:47:37 > 0:47:40- # At the end - At the end
0:47:40 > 0:47:43# Of the road
0:47:43 > 0:47:48# At the end of the road! #
0:47:48 > 0:47:52CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:05 > 0:48:09Now, there's just time to ask Mr Bernard Cribbins
0:48:09 > 0:48:12and Mr Ian Wallace to lead the company and yourselves
0:48:12 > 0:48:15in the last chorus for tonight, Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:48:15 > 0:48:18Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Bernard Cribbins, Mr Ian Wallace,
0:48:18 > 0:48:21the entire company, Mr Bernard Herrmann,
0:48:21 > 0:48:24the entire and indefatigable orchestra...
0:48:24 > 0:48:26CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:26 > 0:48:29..but this time, chiefly...
0:48:29 > 0:48:32..yourselves!
0:48:35 > 0:48:39ALL: # Come, come, come and make eyes at me
0:48:39 > 0:48:41# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:48:41 > 0:48:43# Da-da da-da-da
0:48:43 > 0:48:47# Come, come, drink some port wine with me
0:48:47 > 0:48:51# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:48:51 > 0:48:54# Hear the little German band Da da-da da-da-da-da
0:48:54 > 0:48:58# Just let me hold your hand, dear
0:48:58 > 0:49:02# Do come, come and have a drink or two
0:49:02 > 0:49:05# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:49:05 > 0:49:07# Bush, Bush! #
0:49:07 > 0:49:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:49:13 > 0:49:16AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG WITH MUSIC