0:00:02 > 0:00:04BAND TUNES UP
0:00:09 > 0:00:11CONDUCTOR TAPS BATON
0:00:11 > 0:00:13BAND PLAYS FANFARE
0:00:16 > 0:00:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:24 > 0:00:26CHEERING
0:00:28 > 0:00:31Once again...
0:00:31 > 0:00:35good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:00:35 > 0:00:37- ALL:- Good evening!
0:00:37 > 0:00:39Inaugurally promulgating...
0:00:39 > 0:00:41Ooh!
0:00:41 > 0:00:44..plenitudinous impotentialities...
0:00:44 > 0:00:46Ooh!
0:00:46 > 0:00:49..the Players Theatre!
0:00:49 > 0:00:51CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:59 > 0:01:03# Goodbye, summer, so long, fall
0:01:03 > 0:01:06# Hello, wintertime
0:01:06 > 0:01:08# Let's take a good old sleigh ride
0:01:08 > 0:01:10# Come on, all
0:01:10 > 0:01:13# Hear those old bells jingle and chime
0:01:13 > 0:01:17# Every Joe and Josie is comfy cosy
0:01:17 > 0:01:20# Their hearts and lips, they decry
0:01:20 > 0:01:25# And so it's goodbye, summer, so long, fall
0:01:25 > 0:01:29# Hello, wintertime. #
0:01:29 > 0:01:32# Winter, winter
0:01:32 > 0:01:36# When the snow is softly falling
0:01:36 > 0:01:40# That's the time to squeeze When you start to freeze
0:01:40 > 0:01:43# In October and November And December, just remember
0:01:43 > 0:01:47# Winter, winter
0:01:47 > 0:01:50# When your sweetheart comes a-calling
0:01:50 > 0:01:54# By the fireside so bright You'll sit and squeeze her
0:01:54 > 0:01:58# That's the time to squeeze her When it's winter. #
0:02:01 > 0:02:05# So give me a little cosy corner
0:02:05 > 0:02:09# And an armchair for two
0:02:09 > 0:02:14# Somewhere with somebody there
0:02:14 > 0:02:17# Anywhere will do
0:02:17 > 0:02:22# Give me an evening in the twilight
0:02:22 > 0:02:26# With the pale moon above
0:02:26 > 0:02:30# And I'll find a cosy little corner
0:02:30 > 0:02:34# In the heart of the one I love
0:02:34 > 0:02:38# Give me a little cosy corner
0:02:38 > 0:02:41# And an armchair for two
0:02:41 > 0:02:46# Somewhere with somebody there
0:02:46 > 0:02:50# Anywhere will do
0:02:50 > 0:02:54# Give me an evening in the twilight
0:02:54 > 0:02:58# With the pale moon above
0:02:58 > 0:03:02# And I'll find a cosy little corner
0:03:02 > 0:03:05# In the heart of the one I love. #
0:03:08 > 0:03:11# Oh, I must go home tonight I must go home tonight
0:03:11 > 0:03:14# I don't care if it's snowing, blowing, I'm going
0:03:15 > 0:03:17# I only got married this morning
0:03:17 > 0:03:19# It fills me with delight
0:03:19 > 0:03:21# I'll stay out as long as you like next week
0:03:21 > 0:03:22# But I must go home tonight
0:03:22 > 0:03:29# Yes, I must go home tonight! #
0:03:40 > 0:03:46Resplendent circus celebrants, for your spectacular...
0:03:46 > 0:03:48- Ooh!- ..astonishment,
0:03:48 > 0:03:51Ted Durante and Hilda!
0:03:51 > 0:03:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:54 > 0:03:56BAND PLAYS CIRCUS MUSIC
0:04:02 > 0:04:05HE SPEAKS FAKE GERMAN
0:04:09 > 0:04:10BAND CONTINUES
0:04:12 > 0:04:13HE SHOUTS OUT
0:04:13 > 0:04:15BAND STOPS
0:04:15 > 0:04:18HE CONTINUES TO SPEAK FAKE GERMAN
0:04:18 > 0:04:19HE SIGHS
0:04:22 > 0:04:24BAND PLAYS A WALTZ
0:04:24 > 0:04:25Beautiful!
0:04:31 > 0:04:33Kraut!
0:04:48 > 0:04:50Up! Up! Up!
0:04:50 > 0:04:52Ja! APPLAUSE
0:05:38 > 0:05:39Kraut!
0:06:08 > 0:06:12Kraut! Up! Und komm!
0:06:13 > 0:06:15Kraut on der Kopf.
0:06:15 > 0:06:19Und da-da-da-da-da. On der Kopf mit der Kraut.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Up! Hey!
0:06:28 > 0:06:29Und...
0:06:45 > 0:06:48HE CRIES OUT
0:06:51 > 0:06:53APPLAUSE
0:07:05 > 0:07:08Kraut up on der Kopf. Ja!
0:07:08 > 0:07:12HE SPEAKS ANGRILY
0:07:12 > 0:07:14What? Is a ferret?
0:07:16 > 0:07:18Catch a ferret, und thpft!
0:07:22 > 0:07:25Kraut, ja! Kopf. The nut!
0:07:27 > 0:07:29Up on ze nut!
0:07:31 > 0:07:34Right up on ze nut.
0:07:34 > 0:07:36Hop!
0:07:38 > 0:07:39Gut!
0:07:41 > 0:07:43Gut...
0:07:46 > 0:07:48CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:07:53 > 0:07:54Allez oop!
0:07:56 > 0:07:58Allez oop!
0:08:07 > 0:08:09Get off me bloody 'ead!
0:08:13 > 0:08:15APPLAUSE
0:08:25 > 0:08:27HE LAUGHS UNCONVINCINGLY
0:08:29 > 0:08:31My neck!
0:08:32 > 0:08:35I've lost my neck. Don't stand there, look for it!
0:08:35 > 0:08:38It's about that big. It's got a wart on the back.
0:08:39 > 0:08:41Was ist das? What?
0:08:46 > 0:08:48Yeah, that's gut! APPLAUSE
0:08:52 > 0:08:54All right!
0:08:54 > 0:08:56BAND PLAYS CIRCUS MUSIC
0:08:58 > 0:09:00CHEERING
0:09:08 > 0:09:13Contributory from current Covent Garden ovations...
0:09:13 > 0:09:17- AUDIENCE:- Ooh! - ..resonant in reverberancies,
0:09:17 > 0:09:20Mr Robert Tear!
0:09:20 > 0:09:23CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:09:30 > 0:09:32SOLO PIANO PLAYS
0:09:39 > 0:09:45# It was many and many a year ago
0:09:45 > 0:09:49# In a kingdom by the sea
0:09:49 > 0:09:54# That a maiden there lived whom you may know
0:09:54 > 0:09:59# By the name of Annabel Lee
0:09:59 > 0:10:04# And this maiden, she lived with no other thought
0:10:04 > 0:10:10# Than to love and be loved by me
0:10:20 > 0:10:24# I was a child and she was a child
0:10:24 > 0:10:29# In this kingdom by the sea
0:10:29 > 0:10:34# But we loved with a love that was more than love
0:10:34 > 0:10:40# I and my Annabel Lee
0:10:40 > 0:10:46# With a love that the winged seraphs of Heaven
0:10:46 > 0:10:53# Coveted, her and me
0:11:00 > 0:11:05# And this was the reason that long ago
0:11:05 > 0:11:09# In this kingdom by the sea
0:11:09 > 0:11:14# A wind blew out of a cloud, chilling
0:11:14 > 0:11:18# My beautiful Annabel Lee
0:11:18 > 0:11:22# So that her high-born kinsmen came
0:11:22 > 0:11:27# And bore her away from me
0:11:27 > 0:11:31# To shut her up in a sepulchre
0:11:31 > 0:11:36# In this kingdom by the sea
0:11:36 > 0:11:42# My beautiful Annabel Lee
0:11:43 > 0:11:51# My beautiful Annabel Lee
0:11:59 > 0:12:07# But the moon never beams without bringing me dreams
0:12:07 > 0:12:12# Of a beautiful Annabel Lee
0:12:12 > 0:12:17# And the stars never rise but I see the bright eyes
0:12:17 > 0:12:22# Of a beautiful Annabel Lee
0:12:22 > 0:12:27# And so all the night-tide I lay down by the side
0:12:27 > 0:12:33# Of my darling, my darling, my life and my bride
0:12:33 > 0:12:38# In her sepulchre there by the sea
0:12:38 > 0:12:44# In her tomb by the sounding sea
0:12:47 > 0:12:55# My beautiful Annabel Lee
0:12:57 > 0:13:03# My beautiful...
0:13:03 > 0:13:13# Annabel Lee. #
0:13:27 > 0:13:31- Gregarious...- Ooh!
0:13:31 > 0:13:36..in galorously diverting drolleries...
0:13:36 > 0:13:38Ooh!
0:13:38 > 0:13:39..from Yorkshire...
0:13:39 > 0:13:42LOUD CHEERING
0:13:42 > 0:13:44..Mr Tom Mennard!
0:13:44 > 0:13:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:13:48 > 0:13:49Oh!
0:13:52 > 0:13:53Thank you.
0:13:53 > 0:13:55TOM CHUCKLES
0:14:01 > 0:14:06I had never set eyes on the bloke before in my life.
0:14:07 > 0:14:09Never.
0:14:09 > 0:14:12There we are in the doctor's waiting room. He turns to me,
0:14:12 > 0:14:17a perfect stranger, he says, "What have you come to see him for?"
0:14:18 > 0:14:21I said, "Something private."
0:14:21 > 0:14:26I am not one who goes round showing me operations, y'know?
0:14:26 > 0:14:30So the doctor comes over. He's got one of these hydraulic syringes.
0:14:30 > 0:14:35And he sticks the needle in me arm and took something out,
0:14:35 > 0:14:38squirted it in a test tube, held it up to the light.
0:14:38 > 0:14:40He gave it to the nurse. He says, "Take that to the brewery.
0:14:40 > 0:14:43"Maybe they can tell us what it is."
0:14:43 > 0:14:47He says, "There's a drop of blood in your alcohol stream.
0:14:47 > 0:14:48"Otherwise, you're not bad."
0:14:49 > 0:14:51So, I put me clothes on, I came out.
0:14:51 > 0:14:54I thought, "I shan't stay with him long."
0:14:54 > 0:14:59And in the evening - that was the Friday - I met my particular
0:14:59 > 0:15:02friends, Harry Armitage, Charlie Hollindale.
0:15:02 > 0:15:04We went round the Goat and Compasses.
0:15:04 > 0:15:07It was funny, because they opened, as always, at six,
0:15:07 > 0:15:09and when we got there it was nearly five past, y'know?
0:15:09 > 0:15:12And the landlord had sent one of the lads round the hospital
0:15:12 > 0:15:14to see if there'd been an accident.
0:15:14 > 0:15:17And we get in there. I mean, we just take it steady.
0:15:17 > 0:15:19We're not alcoholics.
0:15:19 > 0:15:23Y'know, I mean, I can make a pint last five minutes if I drag it out.
0:15:23 > 0:15:24Y'know, for a bet. And, erm...
0:15:27 > 0:15:30We're drinking there, steady. About nine o'clock,
0:15:30 > 0:15:33Harry upset the landlord, which is quite easy.
0:15:33 > 0:15:36I thought, "I'll get these three out of here."
0:15:36 > 0:15:37So I says to the barman, I said,
0:15:37 > 0:15:39"Where's this new games room they've opened?
0:15:39 > 0:15:41"It said on the third floor."
0:15:41 > 0:15:43He said, "In the state that Charlie's in,
0:15:43 > 0:15:45"you want to send him up in the lift."
0:15:45 > 0:15:48So we get Charlie in this lift, me, Harry and Fred.
0:15:48 > 0:15:49He gets out on the third floor,
0:15:49 > 0:15:51saw this waiter walking past, called him over.
0:15:51 > 0:15:53He says, "Waiter!
0:15:53 > 0:15:56"Very cramped in that lift you've got over there.
0:15:56 > 0:15:58The waiter said, "Yes, sir.
0:15:58 > 0:16:01"Well, normally that one only holds two plates of soup and a teapot."
0:16:04 > 0:16:06So I said to the lads,
0:16:06 > 0:16:09"We won't bother with the lift, we'll go by the stairs.
0:16:09 > 0:16:12"It won't take long" - which it didn't,
0:16:12 > 0:16:14we missed every one of 'em.
0:16:16 > 0:16:19We was all right till we got in the street, and then it started,
0:16:19 > 0:16:23because - every gentleman here tonight will vouch for this -
0:16:23 > 0:16:27it is not the stuff you drink that does the damage.
0:16:27 > 0:16:28It's the fresh air.
0:16:30 > 0:16:33And believe me, that street was full of it.
0:16:36 > 0:16:39I felt like writing to the Yorkshire Post.
0:16:39 > 0:16:42Within a minute, Harry's lying flat on his stomach on the pavement,
0:16:42 > 0:16:45his fingers gripped tightly over the edge of the kerb.
0:16:45 > 0:16:47He looked up at me, he says, "Get a ladder, quick.
0:16:47 > 0:16:49"I can't hang on much longer."
0:16:58 > 0:17:01Do you mind not laughing while I'm talking? I'm trying to get...
0:17:02 > 0:17:05I helped him stand up, looked round.
0:17:05 > 0:17:09There's Charlie, hanging round the lamppost, knocking on it like mad.
0:17:09 > 0:17:11I says, "What are you knocking on there for?"
0:17:11 > 0:17:14He says, "I know there's somebody in. There's a light on upstairs."
0:17:17 > 0:17:19We get to Harry's house.
0:17:19 > 0:17:22He was looking for the key, and I was looking for the door.
0:17:22 > 0:17:28And the...door opened. Harry's missus stood there,
0:17:28 > 0:17:31looking daggers at me, Fred and Charlie, cos for some reason
0:17:31 > 0:17:35what we have never discovered, she doesn't seem keen on any of us.
0:17:36 > 0:17:39I thought, "She doesn't look very happy."
0:17:39 > 0:17:40And I'm very good at flattery.
0:17:40 > 0:17:43And let's face it, the ladies like it, don't they? Y'know?
0:17:43 > 0:17:45And she's standing there, she's got a long black dress on,
0:17:45 > 0:17:47a big hat full of flowers. I thought, "I'll do it."
0:17:47 > 0:17:51So I said, "Hello, Mrs Armitage!" She says, "Hello..."
0:17:51 > 0:17:55I said, "Your dress might be tatty, but the hat's very nice."
0:17:55 > 0:18:00She says, "Thank you. It should be. I've just paid nearly 27/6 for this.
0:18:00 > 0:18:04"It's a new hat. You're supposed to wish on it."
0:18:04 > 0:18:05I says, "You what?!"
0:18:10 > 0:18:13She says, "You're supposed to wish on it." Well...
0:18:13 > 0:18:16Charlie's just that little bit hard of hearing, y'know?
0:18:23 > 0:18:24And... Yeah!
0:18:26 > 0:18:29And I think he must have misunderstood her.
0:18:30 > 0:18:33Anyhow, he had to buy her a new hat.
0:18:34 > 0:18:38I'm off for a new pint. Ta-ra for now. So long. Bye. He-hey!
0:18:51 > 0:18:54- Superlatively...- Ooh!
0:18:54 > 0:18:59..sonorous in a distillation of supplicatory...
0:18:59 > 0:19:01- Ooh!- ..invocation...
0:19:01 > 0:19:04- A song of pleading.- Awww!
0:19:04 > 0:19:08..Mr Benjamin Luxon!
0:19:08 > 0:19:10CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:24 > 0:19:29# Into a railway station crept a little child one night
0:19:29 > 0:19:34# The last train was just leaving and the bustle at its height
0:19:34 > 0:19:40# The stationmaster, standing there, looked down with wond'ring eyes
0:19:40 > 0:19:48# Upon this little maid, so frail in form, so small in size
0:19:48 > 0:19:54# "Where is your father, little one? Are you alone?" he cried
0:19:54 > 0:20:03# With tearful eyes she looked up in his face and thus replied
0:20:04 > 0:20:10# Give me a ticket to heaven
0:20:10 > 0:20:15# That's where Dad's gone, they say
0:20:15 > 0:20:21# He'll be so lonely without me
0:20:21 > 0:20:27# Travelling all that way
0:20:27 > 0:20:32# Mother died when I was born, sir
0:20:32 > 0:20:37# And left Dad and me all alone
0:20:37 > 0:20:43# So give me a ticket to heaven, please
0:20:43 > 0:20:47# Before the last train is gone
0:20:49 > 0:20:54# My daddy worked upon the line, and when I went tonight
0:20:54 > 0:21:00# To take his tea he lay there on a shutter, oh, so white
0:21:00 > 0:21:05# Then to a great big building his mates carried him away
0:21:05 > 0:21:13# "He's booked for heaven, poor old Dick," I heard one of them say
0:21:14 > 0:21:19# A station this must be, I thought to catch the train I'd wait
0:21:19 > 0:21:26# But, finding none, I ran on here, I hope I'm not too late
0:21:28 > 0:21:33AUDIENCE JOINS IN: # Give me a ticket to heaven
0:21:33 > 0:21:39# That's where Dad's gone, they say
0:21:39 > 0:21:44# He'll be so lonely without me
0:21:44 > 0:21:49# Travelling all that way
0:21:50 > 0:21:55# Mother died when I was born, sir
0:21:55 > 0:22:01# And left Dad and me all alone
0:22:01 > 0:22:07# So give me a ticket to heaven, please
0:22:07 > 0:22:11# Before the last train is gone
0:22:12 > 0:22:18# The stationmaster said, "Come, little one, I'll see you right
0:22:18 > 0:22:24# "A ticket to your father you shall have this very night"
0:22:24 > 0:22:29# He took her to the hospital, they let her see her dad
0:22:29 > 0:22:33# Though injured, he had not been killed
0:22:33 > 0:22:39# And, oh, her heart was glad
0:22:39 > 0:22:45# Then, turning to that kind friend who had brought her all the way
0:22:45 > 0:22:57# She said, "If I lose Dad again, I'll come to you and say..."
0:22:58 > 0:23:03# Give me a ticket to heaven
0:23:03 > 0:23:09# That's where Dad's gone, they say
0:23:09 > 0:23:14# He'll be so lonely without me
0:23:14 > 0:23:19# Travelling all that way
0:23:19 > 0:23:24# Mother died when I was born, sir
0:23:24 > 0:23:30# And left Dad and me all alone
0:23:30 > 0:23:37# So give me a ticket to heaven, please
0:23:37 > 0:23:46# Before the last train has gone. #
0:23:54 > 0:23:56CHEERING
0:24:02 > 0:24:05Beguiling gaminerie...
0:24:05 > 0:24:06Ooh!
0:24:06 > 0:24:08French.
0:24:08 > 0:24:09- ..in... - HE LAUGHS
0:24:09 > 0:24:15..a Marie Lloyd medley, your own, your very own
0:24:15 > 0:24:18Miss Barbara Windsor!
0:24:18 > 0:24:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:23 > 0:24:24CHEERING
0:24:26 > 0:24:29# Up to the West End, right in the best end
0:24:29 > 0:24:33# Straight from the country came Miss Maudie Brown
0:24:33 > 0:24:37# Her father a curate but couldn't endure it
0:24:37 > 0:24:41# And that's why the lady's residing in town
0:24:41 > 0:24:45# 12 months ago, her modest self felt quite sublime
0:24:45 > 0:24:48# To sit on a boy's knee who was covered in grime
0:24:48 > 0:24:51# And if you should want a kiss
0:24:51 > 0:24:53# She would droop her eyes like this
0:24:53 > 0:24:57# But now she keeps them just one at a time
0:24:59 > 0:25:05# And every little movement has a meaning of its own
0:25:05 > 0:25:08# Every little movement tells a tale
0:25:08 > 0:25:13# Oh, when she walks in dainty hobble
0:25:13 > 0:25:17# In the background there there's a kind of wibble-wobble
0:25:17 > 0:25:20# And she glides like this
0:25:20 > 0:25:24# And the Johnnies follow in her trail
0:25:24 > 0:25:27# But when she turns her head like so
0:25:27 > 0:25:29# Something's stirring, don't you know?
0:25:29 > 0:25:32# And every little movement tells a tale. #
0:25:34 > 0:25:36APPLAUSE
0:25:41 > 0:25:45# When I take my morning promenade
0:25:45 > 0:25:49# Quite a fashion card on the promenade
0:25:49 > 0:25:52# Now, I don't mind nice boys staring hard
0:25:52 > 0:25:56# If it satisfies their desire
0:25:56 > 0:26:00# Do you think my dress is a little bit
0:26:00 > 0:26:03# Just a little bit, not too much of it?
0:26:03 > 0:26:07# Though it shows my shape just a little bit
0:26:07 > 0:26:11# That's the little bit the boys admire
0:26:11 > 0:26:15AUDIENCE JOINS IN: # When I take my morning promenade
0:26:15 > 0:26:19# Quite a fashion card on the promenade
0:26:19 > 0:26:23# Now, I don't mind nice boys staring hard
0:26:23 > 0:26:27# If it satisfies their desire
0:26:27 > 0:26:30# Do you think my dress is a little bit
0:26:30 > 0:26:34# Ooh! Just a little bit, but not too much of it?
0:26:34 > 0:26:38# Though it shows my shape just a little bit
0:26:38 > 0:26:42# That's the little bit the boys admire. #
0:26:42 > 0:26:43Ooh!
0:26:43 > 0:26:44APPLAUSE
0:26:45 > 0:26:49# Now, we had to move away Cos the rent we couldn't pay
0:26:49 > 0:26:52# The moving van came round just after dark
0:26:52 > 0:26:56# There was me and my old man Shoving things inside the van
0:26:56 > 0:26:59# Which we'd often done before, let me remark
0:26:59 > 0:27:03# We packed all that we could pack On the van, and that's a fact
0:27:03 > 0:27:06# And we got inside all we could get inside
0:27:06 > 0:27:10# Then we packed all we could pack On the tailboard at the back
0:27:10 > 0:27:14# Till there wasn't any room for me to ride
0:27:14 > 0:27:20AUDIENCE JOINS IN: # And my old man said follow the van
0:27:20 > 0:27:23# And don't dilly-dally on the way
0:27:23 > 0:27:28# Oh, off went the van with me home packed in it
0:27:28 > 0:27:32# And I followed on with me old cock linnet
0:27:32 > 0:27:37# I dillied and dallied I dallied and dillied
0:27:37 > 0:27:40# I lost me way and don't know where to roam
0:27:40 > 0:27:44# But you can't trust a special like the old-time copper
0:27:44 > 0:27:47# When you can't find your way home
0:27:48 > 0:27:52# No, you can't trust a special like the old-time copper
0:27:52 > 0:28:00# When you can't find your way home! #
0:28:00 > 0:28:02CHEERING
0:28:10 > 0:28:15# I'm a young girl who's just come over
0:28:15 > 0:28:20# Over from the country where they do things big
0:28:20 > 0:28:26# And amongst the boys I've got a lover
0:28:26 > 0:28:32# And since I've got a lover, well, I don't give a fig
0:28:33 > 0:28:40# For the boy that I love's up in the gallery
0:28:42 > 0:28:47# The boy that I love's looking down at me
0:28:47 > 0:28:54# There is he, can't you see? Waving his handkerchief
0:28:54 > 0:29:02# As merry as the robin that sings on a tree
0:29:04 > 0:29:09# The boy that I love's up in the gallery
0:29:11 > 0:29:16# The boy that I love's looking down at me
0:29:17 > 0:29:25# There he is, can't you see? Waving his handkerchief
0:29:25 > 0:29:31# As merry as the robin...
0:29:31 > 0:29:37# That sings on a tree. #
0:29:55 > 0:29:58CHEERING
0:30:06 > 0:30:11A dulcitoned duplicity in antiphonal...
0:30:11 > 0:30:14- Ooh!- ..threnody...
0:30:14 > 0:30:15Ooh!
0:30:15 > 0:30:17A duet.
0:30:17 > 0:30:22..Mr Benjamin Luxon and Mr Robert Tear!
0:30:22 > 0:30:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:30:33 > 0:30:37# A dickie bird sat on an apple-tree bough
0:30:37 > 0:30:40# And warbled by night and day
0:30:40 > 0:30:45# His words you'll hear, should you list' to him now
0:30:45 > 0:30:49# A-trilling his roundelay
0:30:49 > 0:30:53# Few folks can boast a voice like mine
0:30:53 > 0:30:57# Such beauty of tones a gift divine
0:30:57 > 0:31:03# I'll sing my notes from A to G
0:31:03 > 0:31:10# And an opera star...
0:31:10 > 0:31:13# ..I will someday be
0:31:13 > 0:31:15- # Tweedle-deedle-dee - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:31:15 > 0:31:19# Tweedle-deedle-dee, tweedle- deedle-deedle-deedle-deedle-dee
0:31:19 > 0:31:22# Tweedle-deedle-dee, tweedle- deedle-dee, tweedle-deedle-dee, tweedle-deedle-dee...
0:31:22 > 0:31:27- # Few folks can boast a voice like mine - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:31:27 > 0:31:31- # Such beauty of tone is a gift divine - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:31:31 > 0:31:35- # I'll sing my notes from A to G - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:31:35 > 0:31:40- # An opera star I will be - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:31:40 > 0:31:43- # Someday I will be - La-la-la la-la-la
0:31:43 > 0:31:52# And an opera star I'll be
0:31:52 > 0:31:55# A star I'll be
0:31:55 > 0:32:00- # Tweedle-deedle-dee - I'll sing my notes from A to G
0:32:00 > 0:32:02# An opera star...
0:32:02 > 0:32:09- # ..I will someday be - He will someday be
0:32:14 > 0:32:18# On high in that tree dwelt a bachelor owl
0:32:18 > 0:32:21# A grim old customer, he
0:32:21 > 0:32:26# That fellow, he cried with ferocious scowl
0:32:26 > 0:32:30# Will soon be my death, I can see
0:32:30 > 0:32:34# He sings by night, he sings by day
0:32:34 > 0:32:39# Oh, would that his lease would expire next May
0:32:39 > 0:32:46# For nothing on earth can be such a bore
0:32:46 > 0:32:50# As musical folk hoo-hoo-hoo!
0:32:50 > 0:32:55# In the hoo-hoo-hoo! hoo-hoo-house
0:32:55 > 0:32:59# The house next door
0:32:59 > 0:33:05# The house next...
0:33:05 > 0:33:07- # ..hoo-hoo-hoo! door - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:33:07 > 0:33:09- # Tweedle-deedle-dee - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:33:09 > 0:33:12# Tweedle-deedle-deedle-deedle- deedle-dee
0:33:12 > 0:33:15# Tweedle-deedle-dee Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:33:15 > 0:33:17# Tweedle-deedle-dee Tweedle-deedle-dee...
0:33:17 > 0:33:20- # He sings his notes from A to G - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:33:20 > 0:33:25- # Can no-one persuade him to stay away? - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:33:25 > 0:33:29- # He sings his notes from A to G - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:33:29 > 0:33:37# An opera star he will be someday be
0:33:37 > 0:33:45# And an opera star he'll be
0:33:45 > 0:33:49# A star he'll be
0:33:49 > 0:33:53- # Tweedle-deedle-dee - I'll sing my notes from A to G
0:33:53 > 0:33:56- # An opera star - Tweedle-deedle-dee
0:33:56 > 0:34:06- # ..I will some... - He will some...
0:34:06 > 0:34:08- # ..day be - ..day be. #
0:34:08 > 0:34:11CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:34:26 > 0:34:31- Purveying a positive pantechnicon...- Ooh!
0:34:31 > 0:34:35- ..of talents tantamount to a tattoo...- Ooh!
0:34:35 > 0:34:39..the one and only Mr Roy Castle!
0:34:39 > 0:34:41CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:34:41 > 0:34:45BAND PLAYS On Ilkley Moor Baht 'At
0:34:49 > 0:34:51Thank you, thank you.
0:34:54 > 0:34:56Thank you, sir.
0:35:07 > 0:35:11Here in Leeds, they've discovered a new way of letting you know
0:35:11 > 0:35:13when your time's up.
0:35:16 > 0:35:20Whoever's by me when this goes off goes out with me for the evening.
0:35:22 > 0:35:27Where to? Nobody knows. It'll be a glorified mystery trip.
0:35:27 > 0:35:30Right, well, I've just about had enough now. I, er...
0:35:31 > 0:35:33We'll pass it round, shall we?
0:35:37 > 0:35:39Like a pass-the-parcel, isn't it?
0:35:41 > 0:35:43If you'd like to play this for a bit now...
0:35:44 > 0:35:49Don't push him away! Did you see? She said, "Get off it, get off it!"
0:35:49 > 0:35:50HE CHUCKLES
0:35:50 > 0:35:52He's not saying anything, look!
0:35:54 > 0:35:55- You're alight.- Yeah. Oh!
0:35:55 > 0:35:58He says, "Your trousers are on fire."
0:36:00 > 0:36:03I'll be burnt down to the ground.
0:36:03 > 0:36:06Do you want to have a go at this? Can you play these? That's it.
0:36:06 > 0:36:09LOW NOTE Oh!
0:36:09 > 0:36:12That was great! That was great! APPLAUSE
0:36:12 > 0:36:14Fantastic!
0:36:15 > 0:36:19I think we should try and stamp that out. It won't stop. Ah, yeah. There.
0:36:19 > 0:36:22We'll play a duet, seeing as you can play so well. Go on, you stand up.
0:36:22 > 0:36:25Have a blow at this. Come on, you'll be all right. Have a good blow.
0:36:25 > 0:36:26No, don't pass it round.
0:36:26 > 0:36:29LOW NOTES Beautiful. Beautiful.
0:36:29 > 0:36:32Stand up a bit. Keep your handkerchief on you. That's it.
0:36:32 > 0:36:35You play that, I'll play this. All right?
0:36:35 > 0:36:37Cos it's going to be a marching job, this.
0:36:37 > 0:36:39Right, off you go.
0:36:39 > 0:36:42ONE NOTE Keep going.
0:36:42 > 0:36:44Keep going. Keep going.
0:36:45 > 0:36:48Aren't you glad you're not wearing a hat now?
0:36:48 > 0:36:50QUICK, RHYTHMIC NOTES
0:36:50 > 0:36:52That's it. Keep going.
0:36:52 > 0:36:54Now stand up and march round.
0:37:00 > 0:37:01I'll start you off. That's it.
0:37:04 > 0:37:06ROY PLAYS The Yellow Rose Of Texas
0:37:08 > 0:37:10Keep going. What's the matter with you?
0:37:18 > 0:37:20ROY SPEEDS UP
0:37:25 > 0:37:26APPLAUSE
0:37:26 > 0:37:28ROY LAUGHS
0:37:34 > 0:37:36It'll be all right.
0:37:36 > 0:37:39Once it's all over, all your teeth go to the bottom, down there.
0:37:41 > 0:37:43We'll just play that last phrase now.
0:37:54 > 0:37:55Keep going.
0:37:56 > 0:37:58Oi! ROY WHISTLES
0:37:58 > 0:38:02We're playing down here, son. We're playing a duet down here.
0:38:02 > 0:38:03Hold it, hold it.
0:38:03 > 0:38:04OI!
0:38:04 > 0:38:05Can I leave that with you?
0:38:05 > 0:38:07We're playing a duet down here!
0:38:09 > 0:38:12Oi! OI!
0:38:12 > 0:38:14Oi!
0:38:14 > 0:38:16- Come on. ALL:- Oi!
0:38:18 > 0:38:19Yeah, come on, come on, a big one.
0:38:19 > 0:38:21OI!
0:38:22 > 0:38:23Right. Right...
0:38:35 > 0:38:36APPLAUSE
0:38:55 > 0:38:57OK, that'll do. APPLAUSE
0:39:03 > 0:39:05Would you mind removing your hat, please?
0:39:05 > 0:39:06ROY CHUCKLES
0:39:06 > 0:39:09Right, here we go, lad. Give us a roll, then.
0:39:09 > 0:39:12Give us a roll on your drum, lad.
0:39:12 > 0:39:13It goes "Ma-ma Da-da".
0:39:16 > 0:39:18Getting faster and faster
0:39:18 > 0:39:20until it becomes a roll.
0:39:43 > 0:39:44APPLAUSE
0:39:52 > 0:39:53Nothing.
0:40:09 > 0:40:10I think we've got him!
0:40:10 > 0:40:11HE PLAYS SOFTLY
0:40:17 > 0:40:20HE PLAYS MUCH LOUDER
0:40:23 > 0:40:26TWO LOUD BANGS ON DRUM
0:40:28 > 0:40:2915 all.
0:41:04 > 0:41:06CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:41:16 > 0:41:18ROY CHUCKLES
0:41:24 > 0:41:26Cuckoo!
0:41:31 > 0:41:32Cuckoo!
0:41:34 > 0:41:35Cuckoo!
0:41:36 > 0:41:38It's three o'clock.
0:41:56 > 0:41:57APPLAUSE
0:42:04 > 0:42:07HE SHOUTS LIKE A DRILL SERGEANT: Company, by the right...
0:42:07 > 0:42:10quick...
0:42:10 > 0:42:12march!
0:42:18 > 0:42:20HE SHOUTS
0:42:21 > 0:42:23By the right...
0:42:24 > 0:42:26..quick...
0:42:26 > 0:42:27MARCH!
0:42:32 > 0:42:34Got you! Got you!
0:43:10 > 0:43:12AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG
0:43:22 > 0:43:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:32 > 0:43:36Look at this. Cuckoo! How about that, then, eh?
0:43:50 > 0:43:53Look at that. Cuckoo!
0:43:53 > 0:43:56Show him yours. Show him yours.
0:44:02 > 0:44:03ROY LAUGHS
0:44:32 > 0:44:35CHEERING
0:44:49 > 0:44:54In an harmoniously homogenised
0:44:54 > 0:44:56Harry Champion show...
0:44:57 > 0:45:02..the Players Theatre with Mr John Rutland!
0:45:08 > 0:45:11# Everybody knows him in his old brown hat
0:45:11 > 0:45:15# That he's got upon his pim-pim-pimple
0:45:15 > 0:45:18# It only cost him a tanner down the Cut
0:45:18 > 0:45:22# But it looks all right on his little wooden nut
0:45:22 > 0:45:25# Oh, I say, oh, I say, now
0:45:25 > 0:45:27# What do you think of that? Think of that?
0:45:27 > 0:45:31# If he can't get what he orders in a pot
0:45:31 > 0:45:33# He'll have it in his old brown hat
0:45:33 > 0:45:35# Well, why not?
0:45:35 > 0:45:38# Where I live, my neighbours are a nice lot
0:45:38 > 0:45:39# Specially when I'm out of doors
0:45:39 > 0:45:41# They all treat me with great respect
0:45:41 > 0:45:42# But they never say, "What's yours?"
0:45:42 > 0:45:44# If I walk in a public house
0:45:44 > 0:45:46# They say, "Look out, he's here"
0:45:46 > 0:45:48# They grab their pots and glasses, shouting
0:45:48 > 0:45:50# "Danger, mind your beer" Whoo!
0:45:50 > 0:45:51# Everybody knows me in me old brown hat
0:45:51 > 0:45:53# That I got upon me pim-pim-pimple
0:45:53 > 0:45:54# It only cost me a tanner down the Cut
0:45:54 > 0:45:56# But it looks all right on me little wooden nut
0:45:56 > 0:45:59# Oh, I say, whaddya think of that?
0:45:59 > 0:46:01# If I can't get what I order in a pot
0:46:01 > 0:46:03# I'll have it in me old brown hat Well, why not?
0:46:03 > 0:46:05# Have it in me old brown hat Well, why not?
0:46:05 > 0:46:06# Have it in me old brown hat. #
0:46:06 > 0:46:08# What a mouth, what a mouth! What a north and south
0:46:08 > 0:46:10# Lumme, what a mouth he's got
0:46:10 > 0:46:12# When he was a youngster, Oh, Gawd lovell
0:46:12 > 0:46:14# His poor old mum used to feed him with shovel
0:46:14 > 0:46:17# What a gap, poor chap, he's never been known to laugh
0:46:17 > 0:46:19# Whoa, if he did, it's a penny to a quid
0:46:19 > 0:46:20# His face would fall in half. #
0:46:20 > 0:46:23# Don't walk about without a cady on
0:46:23 > 0:46:24# Ginger, you're barmy
0:46:24 > 0:46:26# Get your 'air cut, get your 'air cut
0:46:26 > 0:46:27# Ginger, you're barmy! #
0:46:27 > 0:46:31# Oh, I say, whaddya think of that?
0:46:31 > 0:46:33# If I can't get what I order in a pot
0:46:33 > 0:46:35# I'll have it in me old brown hat Well, why not?
0:46:35 > 0:46:36# Have it in me old brown hat Well, why not?
0:46:36 > 0:46:38# Have it in me old brown hat
0:46:38 > 0:46:40# Daddle-daddle da da, daddle-daddle da da
0:46:40 > 0:46:43# Da, da, brown hat! #
0:46:43 > 0:46:45CHEERING
0:46:51 > 0:46:55# There's one day a week when we feel a bit gay
0:46:55 > 0:46:57# That's Saturday
0:46:57 > 0:46:58# Saturday?
0:46:58 > 0:47:02# When we get our wages, it's all hip-hooray
0:47:02 > 0:47:04# On Saturday
0:47:04 > 0:47:05# Saturday!
0:47:05 > 0:47:09# You go all the week perhaps and can't get a sub
0:47:09 > 0:47:13# But the day comes at last when your rufties you rub
0:47:13 > 0:47:17# And directly you gets it, you're off to a pub!
0:47:17 > 0:47:19# On Saturday
0:47:22 > 0:47:26# Oh, Saturday, that's the day for me
0:47:26 > 0:47:31# We have a fair old beano and we spend our L s d
0:47:31 > 0:47:37# On Monday morning we are always B-R-O-K-E
0:47:37 > 0:47:41# Oh, Saturday, that's the day for me
0:47:41 > 0:47:46# Oh, Saturday, that's the day for me
0:47:46 > 0:47:51# We have a fair old beano and we spend our L s d
0:47:51 > 0:47:57# On Monday morning we are always B-R-O-K-E
0:47:57 > 0:48:01# Oh, Saturday, lovely, lovely Saturday
0:48:01 > 0:48:06# Saturday, the day for... #
0:48:06 > 0:48:10# Boiled beef and carrots, Boiled beef and carrots
0:48:10 > 0:48:12# That's the stuff for your Derby Kell
0:48:12 > 0:48:14# Makes you fit and it keeps you well
0:48:14 > 0:48:17# Don't live like vegetarians on food they give to parrots
0:48:17 > 0:48:19# From morn till night, blow out your kite
0:48:19 > 0:48:21# On boiled beef and carrots. #
0:48:21 > 0:48:25# I like pickled onions, I like piccalilli
0:48:25 > 0:48:26# Picked cabbage is all right
0:48:26 > 0:48:28# On a bit of cold meat on Sunday night
0:48:28 > 0:48:32# I can go tomatoes-es, but what I do prefer
0:48:32 > 0:48:34# Is a little bit of cucum, cucum-cucum
0:48:34 > 0:48:35# A little bit of cucumber. #
0:48:35 > 0:48:39# Any old iron, any old iron Any-any-any old iron
0:48:39 > 0:48:41# You look neat Talk about a treat
0:48:41 > 0:48:43# You look dapper from your napper to your feet
0:48:43 > 0:48:46# Dressed in style, brand-new tile Father's old green tie on
0:48:46 > 0:48:48# I wouldn't give you tuppence for your old watch chain
0:48:48 > 0:48:50# Old iron, old iron
0:48:50 > 0:48:52# Any old iron, any old iron
0:48:52 > 0:48:54# Boiled beef and carrots
0:48:54 > 0:48:56# A little bit of cucum, cucum-cucum
0:48:56 > 0:48:59# Any, any, any, what a mouth, any old iron, brown hat
0:48:59 > 0:49:03# And his soul goes marching on
0:49:03 > 0:49:09# Everybody knows me in me old brown hat!
0:49:12 > 0:49:14- # Brown hat!- Brown hat! - # Brown hat! #
0:49:26 > 0:49:29And now, there's just time to ask Mr Roy Castle and
0:49:29 > 0:49:32Miss Barbara Windsor to lead the company and yourselves in the
0:49:32 > 0:49:35last chorus for tonight, Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:49:35 > 0:49:39Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Roy Castle, Miss Barbara Windsor, the entire
0:49:39 > 0:49:41company, Mr Bernard Herrmann,
0:49:41 > 0:49:44the entire and indefatigable orchestra...
0:49:44 > 0:49:47CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:49:47 > 0:49:49..but this time, chiefly...
0:49:49 > 0:49:52- ALL:- ..yourselves!
0:49:56 > 0:49:59# Come, come, come and make eyes at me
0:49:59 > 0:50:02# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:50:02 > 0:50:03# Da-da da-da-da
0:50:03 > 0:50:07# Come, come, drink some port wine with me
0:50:07 > 0:50:09# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:50:10 > 0:50:14# Hear the little German band Da da-da-da da-da-da
0:50:14 > 0:50:18# Come let me hold your hand, dear
0:50:18 > 0:50:22# Do, do, come and have a drink or two
0:50:22 > 0:50:25# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:50:25 > 0:50:27# Bush, Bush! #
0:50:27 > 0:50:30CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:50:32 > 0:50:35AUDIENCE CLAPS ALONG TO MUSIC