0:00:05 > 0:00:08# Let's all go to the music hall
0:00:08 > 0:00:12# Where the songs are gay and bright
0:00:12 > 0:00:16# Let's all go to the music hall
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# Where the stars are twinkling half the night
0:00:20 > 0:00:23# Whether you're in the gallery, the circle or the pit
0:00:23 > 0:00:27# Or whether you sit in the red, plush stalls
0:00:27 > 0:00:31# Oh, let's all go to the music hall tonight
0:00:31 > 0:00:35# Let's all go to the hall! #
0:00:42 > 0:00:46# Hoorah, 'tis the morning
0:00:46 > 0:00:49# To the course we made our way
0:00:49 > 0:00:54# Lords and ladies, lads and lasses
0:00:54 > 0:00:58# All appealing, bright and gay. #
0:00:59 > 0:01:04# It's nice and warm, I think that we should have a lovely day
0:01:04 > 0:01:06# Very, very warm for May
0:01:06 > 0:01:09# Eighty in the shade, they say Just fancy!
0:01:09 > 0:01:13# It almost looks as though the sun has really come to stay
0:01:13 > 0:01:18# Oh, what very charming weather
0:01:18 > 0:01:23# It's nice and warm, I think that we should have a lovely day
0:01:23 > 0:01:25# Very, very warm for May
0:01:25 > 0:01:27# Eighty in the shade, they say Just fancy!
0:01:27 > 0:01:32# It almost looks as though the sun has really come to stay
0:01:32 > 0:01:36# Oh, what very charming weather. #
0:01:36 > 0:01:38ENSEMBLE TALK AMONGST THEMSELVES
0:01:41 > 0:01:45# Back your fancy, back your fancy, come and have a gamble
0:01:45 > 0:01:49# But look at the price just once or twice before you join the scramble
0:01:49 > 0:01:53# Wait until your chicks are hatched before you count them up
0:01:53 > 0:01:55# There's many a slip between the tip
0:01:55 > 0:01:57# And the horse that wins the cup! #
0:02:04 > 0:02:08# Put me amongst the girls
0:02:08 > 0:02:10# Put me amongst the girls
0:02:12 > 0:02:14# Do me a favour
0:02:14 > 0:02:19# Do you know I'd do the same for you?
0:02:19 > 0:02:22# If you would put me amongst the girls
0:02:22 > 0:02:26# Oh, the ones with the curly curls
0:02:26 > 0:02:30# They'll enjoy themselves and so will I
0:02:30 > 0:02:34# Oh, put me amongst the girls... #
0:02:58 > 0:03:02# If you would put me amongst the girls. #
0:03:02 > 0:03:04Thank you!
0:03:07 > 0:03:10# The horses are out, see, there they go
0:03:10 > 0:03:14# The fun is about to start, and so
0:03:14 > 0:03:16# We hustle and screw to get a good view
0:03:16 > 0:03:19# Or storm a position for seeing the show
0:03:19 > 0:03:23# The sun is there, he takes a stand with business-like air, flag in hand
0:03:23 > 0:03:24# He's lining them up to run for the cup
0:03:24 > 0:03:26# He's lining them up to run for the cup!
0:03:26 > 0:03:30# His orders are curt - oh, isn't it grand?
0:03:30 > 0:03:32# Isn't it grand?
0:03:32 > 0:03:35# They're off, they're off, the race begins, and everyone grips the rail
0:03:35 > 0:03:37# I hope the favourite wins
0:03:37 > 0:03:38# The chestnut can unveil
0:03:38 > 0:03:40# Faster, faster, oh, what a race!
0:03:40 > 0:03:42# Now number seven is through.
0:03:42 > 0:03:43# I think he'll win if he keeps up the pace!
0:03:43 > 0:03:45# And look at that jockey in blue!
0:03:45 > 0:03:47# He certainly knows how to ride
0:03:49 > 0:03:52# Galloping, galloping, galloping, galloping, now we go into the slate
0:03:52 > 0:03:54# I can't see Dandy Dick
0:03:54 > 0:03:56# There he is, he's number eight
0:03:56 > 0:03:57# Galloping, galloping, nearly there
0:03:57 > 0:03:59# The favourite's running away
0:03:59 > 0:04:02He's up by a leg, he's nearly there, hooray, hooray, hooray
0:04:02 > 0:04:08# He's up by a leg, he's nearly there, hooray, hooray, hooray! #
0:04:08 > 0:04:10ALL: Hooray!
0:04:10 > 0:04:12APPLAUSE
0:04:34 > 0:04:42Once again, good evening, ladies and gentlemen.
0:04:42 > 0:04:45- AUDIENCE:- Good evening!
0:04:45 > 0:04:48And very especially tonight to the lady and gentleman who've come
0:04:48 > 0:04:52all the way from Norway just to see the show, up there.
0:04:52 > 0:04:54APPLAUSE
0:04:59 > 0:05:05Phraseologically flamboyant,
0:05:05 > 0:05:09in fulsome, in comiastic eulogies.
0:05:11 > 0:05:15Flaunting preliminary in the players' set, Mr Norman Vaughan.
0:05:15 > 0:05:23This time in Blarneying buffoonery, Mr Pat Mooney.
0:05:23 > 0:05:25APPLAUSE
0:05:34 > 0:05:37Fantastic. Lovely to see yous all.
0:05:40 > 0:05:42I'm sorry about the suit.
0:05:42 > 0:05:44It'll be all right when it's ripe.
0:05:49 > 0:05:51Pat said to Mick, "Can you count?"
0:05:51 > 0:05:54He says, "Of course I can. One, two, three, four, five."
0:05:54 > 0:05:56He says, "Can you count any higher?"
0:05:56 > 0:05:59He says, "Yes. One, two, three, four, five."
0:06:01 > 0:06:03Dafties!
0:06:03 > 0:06:06Murphy was working on a building site and the slate fell off the roof
0:06:06 > 0:06:07and cut his ear off.
0:06:07 > 0:06:10And all the lads are looking in the rubble, and the sand, and the cement
0:06:10 > 0:06:12for Murphy's ear.
0:06:12 > 0:06:16Robert, he says, "'Ere, there's an ear 'ere, Murphy. Is that your ear?"
0:06:16 > 0:06:19Murphy says, "No, mine's got a pencil behind it."
0:06:28 > 0:06:31Pat and Mick are in a big pub having a drink,
0:06:31 > 0:06:33and there's a big mirror along one wall.
0:06:33 > 0:06:35And Pat looks over to the mirror and he says,
0:06:35 > 0:06:37"Jesus, Mick, there's a fellow over there the image of you."
0:06:39 > 0:06:41And Mick looks over to the mirror and he says,
0:06:41 > 0:06:44"How's that for a coincidence. Look at the fellow beside him."
0:06:45 > 0:06:47Pat looks over, he says,
0:06:47 > 0:06:49"Jesus, he's all right. I'll get up and get them a drink."
0:06:49 > 0:06:51And as he stood up, Mick said,
0:06:51 > 0:06:53"Sit down, I think they're coming over."
0:06:59 > 0:07:02He was driving Mick down the road in his old car the other day,
0:07:02 > 0:07:04and he went right through a set of red lights.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Mick says, "You've just gone through a set of red lights."
0:07:06 > 0:07:09He says, "Don't panic. Murphy does it all the time."
0:07:09 > 0:07:10They went through the next set of red lights.
0:07:10 > 0:07:14He says, "That's two sets of red lights you've gone through. Are you trying to kill the pair of us?"
0:07:14 > 0:07:16He says, "Don't panic. Murphy does it all the time."
0:07:16 > 0:07:18The next lights were on green,
0:07:18 > 0:07:21and he stopped the car and put the brakes on.
0:07:21 > 0:07:25He says, "You've just gone through two sets of red lights. What are you stopping at the green ones for?"
0:07:25 > 0:07:28He says, "Precautions. Murphy might be coming the other way."
0:07:34 > 0:07:36He opened a fish and chip shop,
0:07:36 > 0:07:39and an Englishman walks in and he says, "Fish and chips, twice".
0:07:39 > 0:07:41And Murphy said, "I heard you the first time."
0:07:46 > 0:07:48He walked into a plumber's. He said, "I'd like to buy a bath."
0:07:48 > 0:07:50The plumber says, "Would you like a plug with it?"
0:07:50 > 0:07:52He says, "Why, is it electric?"
0:08:02 > 0:08:04This is true - he went to France for his holidays,
0:08:04 > 0:08:06walks in the biggest casino in Monte Carlo.
0:08:06 > 0:08:09The governor met him at the door and says, "Bonsoir, Monsieur Murphy."
0:08:09 > 0:08:12He had his wellies on, you see, at the time.
0:08:12 > 0:08:15He says, "You wish to gamble? Would you like to gamble, monsieur?"
0:08:15 > 0:08:17He says, "Roulette, monsieur?"
0:08:17 > 0:08:20"Not roulette, sir, I can't count up to 36."
0:08:20 > 0:08:21He says, "Chemin de fer?"
0:08:21 > 0:08:24He says, "No, I was at the Puck Fair last week, sir, no, no."
0:08:24 > 0:08:27He says, "Ho-ho-ho, all we have left for you is dominoes."
0:08:27 > 0:08:31He says, "I like that game, that's the game with the spots, isn't it, dominoes? I like that game."
0:08:31 > 0:08:33He says, "Monsieur, here in Monte Carlo,
0:08:33 > 0:08:37"every spot on the dominoes is 18-carat diamonds. You will like this game."
0:08:37 > 0:08:39And he sits down with all these millionaire Frenchmen playing
0:08:39 > 0:08:41dominoes with 18-carat diamond spots,
0:08:41 > 0:08:43and he's losing all his money,
0:08:43 > 0:08:45and he's down to his last couple of francs and he thinks to himself,
0:08:45 > 0:08:47"I'm not going home broke,"
0:08:47 > 0:08:50and he flicks one of these dominoes into his welly.
0:08:50 > 0:08:53And he hobbles all the way back to his hotel
0:08:53 > 0:08:55and when he got it out, it was a double blank!
0:09:02 > 0:09:04Oh, you're a joy.
0:09:05 > 0:09:08Look at the styles here tonight. Where are you all from?
0:09:08 > 0:09:10Where are you from, love? Where do you come from?
0:09:10 > 0:09:12- Prestwich.- Prestwich!
0:09:12 > 0:09:16Are you? Did you read the papers this morning about Prestwich?
0:09:16 > 0:09:18They've just done worldwide statistics on women.
0:09:18 > 0:09:20They've found out that 90% of the women of Prestwich
0:09:20 > 0:09:24are unfaithful to their husbands. How about that?
0:09:24 > 0:09:26And the 10% who are faithful to their husbands
0:09:26 > 0:09:28so impressed the Archbishop of Canterbury,
0:09:28 > 0:09:31he sent them all a letter of congratulations each.
0:09:31 > 0:09:32Wasn't that nice of him? Wasn't it?
0:09:32 > 0:09:35Do you know what it said in the letter?
0:09:35 > 0:09:36Didn't you get one?
0:09:38 > 0:09:39Oh!
0:09:46 > 0:09:49Sorry about that. It's been lovely, back with you again here.
0:09:49 > 0:09:52This is lovely, being here with you all.
0:09:52 > 0:09:56I'd like to leave you all with a thought to go home with tonight -
0:09:56 > 0:09:58never put off till tomorrow what you can do tonight,
0:09:58 > 0:10:00because if you do it tonight, and you like it,
0:10:00 > 0:10:01you can do it again tomorrow!
0:10:01 > 0:10:03Goodnight, God bless you! Thank you!
0:10:04 > 0:10:06IRISH MELODY
0:10:16 > 0:10:20I must say, the hats are... orchidaceous tonight!
0:10:20 > 0:10:22- AUDIENCE:- Oooh!
0:10:22 > 0:10:23Not very much decollete,
0:10:23 > 0:10:26the show is really more millinery than naval, isn't it?
0:10:32 > 0:10:37A superlative distillation
0:10:37 > 0:10:40- of coruscating descant...- Oooh!
0:10:42 > 0:10:44..and dithyrambic deliquescence.
0:10:46 > 0:10:49Ladies and gentlemen, for your delight,
0:10:49 > 0:10:52Maryetta and Vernon Midgley!
0:10:52 > 0:10:54APPLAUSE
0:10:57 > 0:11:00MUSIC STARTS
0:11:09 > 0:11:14# Lovely night O, night of love
0:11:14 > 0:11:20# Within your stillness lies
0:11:20 > 0:11:25# Moon and stars in heaven above
0:11:25 > 0:11:32# Sweet rapture o'er us shed
0:11:32 > 0:11:36# Time will pass and joy will fade
0:11:36 > 0:11:42# For love is ne'er undying
0:11:42 > 0:11:46# Life is but of sorrow made
0:11:46 > 0:11:52# The day that love is dead
0:11:52 > 0:11:58- # O, gently wafting breeze - O, gently wafting breeze
0:11:58 > 0:12:03- # Fan our cheeks with your kiss - Fan our cheeks
0:12:03 > 0:12:08- # O, gently wafting breeze - O, gently wafting breeze
0:12:08 > 0:12:12- # Fan our cheeks with your kiss - Fan our cheeks
0:12:12 > 0:12:16- # Fan our cheeks - Fan our cheeks
0:12:16 > 0:12:22- # With a kiss - With a kiss
0:12:22 > 0:12:27- # Oo-oo-ooh - Oo-oo-ooh
0:12:27 > 0:12:32# O, lovely night, O, night of love
0:12:32 > 0:12:38# Within your stillness lies
0:12:38 > 0:12:42# Moon and stars in heaven above
0:12:42 > 0:12:48# Sweet rapture o'er us shed
0:12:48 > 0:12:52# O, night of love
0:12:52 > 0:12:59- # O, night of love - O, night of love
0:12:59 > 0:13:03# O, lovely night
0:13:03 > 0:13:07# O, night of love. #
0:13:07 > 0:13:13THEY VOCALISE IN HARMONY
0:13:29 > 0:13:35THEY HOLD HIGH NOTE
0:13:35 > 0:13:38APPLAUSE
0:13:47 > 0:13:50MUSIC RESTARTS
0:13:56 > 0:14:02# I remember
0:14:02 > 0:14:06# I remember
0:14:06 > 0:14:13# I remember how we loved our lovely day
0:14:17 > 0:14:21# I was never kissed before
0:14:21 > 0:14:25# In that kind of way
0:14:25 > 0:14:29# If you kiss me any more
0:14:29 > 0:14:33# I should run away
0:14:33 > 0:14:37# We must part, but, oh, my heart
0:14:37 > 0:14:41# With you will remain
0:14:41 > 0:14:48# I was never kissed before
0:14:48 > 0:14:55# So kiss me once again
0:15:01 > 0:15:05# In September when the grapes are purple
0:15:05 > 0:15:08# Marguerite pick the grapes with me
0:15:08 > 0:15:12# There are silver bells upon her fingers
0:15:12 > 0:15:15# All the little birds come out to see
0:15:15 > 0:15:19# Ma belle Marguerite
0:15:19 > 0:15:22# So beautiful to see
0:15:22 > 0:15:26# Les mains de ma petite
0:15:26 > 0:15:29# Marguerite picking grapes with me
0:15:29 > 0:15:33# Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling- a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ay
0:15:33 > 0:15:37# Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling- a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ay
0:15:37 > 0:15:40# Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling- a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ay
0:15:40 > 0:15:43# Ting-a-ling-a-ling-a-ling- a-ling-a-ling-a-ling-ay
0:15:43 > 0:15:46# In September when the grapes are purple
0:15:46 > 0:15:50# Marguerite picking grapes with me
0:15:50 > 0:15:53# There are silver bells upon her fingers
0:15:53 > 0:15:59# Marguerite picking the grapes with me-e-e-e
0:16:00 > 0:16:04# Marguerite picking grapes with me. #
0:16:06 > 0:16:09APPLAUSE
0:16:12 > 0:16:17# This is my lovely day
0:16:18 > 0:16:22# This is the day I shall remember
0:16:22 > 0:16:27# The day I'm dying
0:16:27 > 0:16:32# They can't take this away
0:16:33 > 0:16:36# It will be always mine
0:16:36 > 0:16:39# The sun and the wine
0:16:39 > 0:16:43# The sea birds crying
0:16:46 > 0:16:51# All happiness must pay
0:16:51 > 0:16:55# And who can tell if fate means well
0:16:55 > 0:16:59# Or the sky is lying
0:17:01 > 0:17:05# But look at me and say
0:17:07 > 0:17:11# You will remember too
0:17:11 > 0:17:15# That was our lovely day
0:17:18 > 0:17:22# I'll remember
0:17:23 > 0:17:28# I'll remember
0:17:28 > 0:17:33# When the time has come for happiness to pay
0:17:36 > 0:17:40# Sad and sighing
0:17:42 > 0:17:45# Old and dying
0:17:47 > 0:17:52# I'll remember how we loved
0:17:52 > 0:17:55# Our lovely day
0:17:58 > 0:18:02# Our lovely day
0:18:03 > 0:18:08# Our lovely...
0:18:08 > 0:18:12# da-a-a-ay. #
0:18:17 > 0:18:20CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:18:40 > 0:18:43From tartily...
0:18:43 > 0:18:46That doesn't mean what you think it means, sir(!)
0:18:46 > 0:18:51Scintillant in intriguing, esoteric intrepidity...
0:18:51 > 0:18:53- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:18:53 > 0:18:56..of equilibristic equipoise.
0:18:56 > 0:18:57- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:18:57 > 0:18:59Balancing.
0:18:59 > 0:19:03Tchenguiz!
0:19:03 > 0:19:06APPLAUSE
0:19:07 > 0:19:10MUSIC PLAYS
0:19:47 > 0:19:50APPLAUSE
0:20:21 > 0:20:24APPLAUSE
0:20:48 > 0:20:52APPLAUSE
0:22:17 > 0:22:21APPLAUSE
0:23:41 > 0:23:44APPLAUSE
0:24:07 > 0:24:11For the first time in this programme,
0:24:11 > 0:24:14that twinkling, terpsichorean...
0:24:14 > 0:24:17AUDIENCE LAUGHS
0:24:17 > 0:24:20Dancing.
0:24:20 > 0:24:22For the feet(!)
0:24:22 > 0:24:23LAUGHTER
0:24:23 > 0:24:27..troubadour, Mr Benny Garcia!
0:24:29 > 0:24:32APPLAUSE
0:24:36 > 0:24:40# In days of yore, before the war when hearts now old were young
0:24:40 > 0:24:44# At home each night by firelight those dear old songs were sung
0:24:44 > 0:24:49# Sweet melodies, their memories around my heart still cling
0:24:49 > 0:24:55# That's why I long to hear a song like grandma used to sing
0:24:58 > 0:25:01# California here I come, hey
0:25:01 > 0:25:04# Right back where I started from
0:25:04 > 0:25:08# Where bowers are flowers bloom in the spring
0:25:08 > 0:25:11# Each morning at dawning birdies sing and everything
0:25:11 > 0:25:15# A sun kissed miss said "Don't be late!"
0:25:15 > 0:25:17# That's why I can hardly wait
0:25:17 > 0:25:20# Come on and open up your Golden Gate
0:25:20 > 0:25:24# California, here I come
0:25:24 > 0:25:27# Come on and open up your Golden Gate
0:25:27 > 0:25:29# California, here I come
0:25:29 > 0:25:32Hey!
0:25:32 > 0:25:35# Come on and hear, come on and hear
0:25:35 > 0:25:37# Alexander's Ragtime Band
0:25:37 > 0:25:39# Come on and hear, come on and hear
0:25:39 > 0:25:42# It's the best band in the land
0:25:42 > 0:25:45# They can play a bugle call like you never heard before
0:25:45 > 0:25:47# So natural that you want to go to war
0:25:47 > 0:25:52# It's just the bestest band that am, oh, my honey lamb
0:25:52 > 0:25:54# Come on along, come on along
0:25:54 > 0:25:57# Let me take you by the hand
0:25:57 > 0:26:02# Up to the man, I said the man, who's the leader of the band
0:26:02 > 0:26:07# And if you care to hear the Swanee River played in rag-time
0:26:07 > 0:26:10# Come on and hear, come on and hear
0:26:10 > 0:26:12# Alexander's Ragtime Band
0:26:12 > 0:26:17# And if you want to hear the Swanee River played in rag-time
0:26:17 > 0:26:20# Come on and hear, come on and hear
0:26:20 > 0:26:24# Alexander's Ragtime Band
0:26:26 > 0:26:30# Does your mother know you're out
0:26:30 > 0:26:34# Cecilia
0:26:34 > 0:26:38# Does she know that I'm about
0:26:38 > 0:26:40# To steal ya?
0:26:42 > 0:26:47# Oh, my, when I look in your eyes
0:26:50 > 0:26:54# Something tells me
0:26:54 > 0:26:57# You and I should get together
0:26:57 > 0:27:01# How's about a little kiss
0:27:01 > 0:27:04# Cecilia?
0:27:04 > 0:27:08# Oh, just a kiss you'll never miss
0:27:08 > 0:27:12# Cecilia
0:27:12 > 0:27:16# Oh, why should we two
0:27:16 > 0:27:20# Keep on wasting time?
0:27:20 > 0:27:25# Hey, oh, Cecilia, won't you please be mine?
0:27:55 > 0:27:59# Now why should we two
0:27:59 > 0:28:02# Keep on wasting time?
0:28:02 > 0:28:05# Oh, Cecilia, won't you, please
0:28:05 > 0:28:09# Oh, Cecilia, come on, please
0:28:09 > 0:28:15# Oh, Cecilia, won't you please be mine? #
0:28:18 > 0:28:21Hey!
0:28:21 > 0:28:24APPLAUSE
0:28:34 > 0:28:39Your traditional warmth of welcome and perhaps more for the
0:28:39 > 0:28:42youngest ever performer in this programme.
0:28:42 > 0:28:47Ladies and gentlemen, Little Miss Rosa Michelle!
0:28:47 > 0:28:50APPLAUSE
0:29:04 > 0:29:10# Take my head on your shoulder, Daddy
0:29:10 > 0:29:14# Turn your face to the west
0:29:16 > 0:29:20# It is just the hour the skies turns gold
0:29:22 > 0:29:26# The hour that mother loves best
0:29:28 > 0:29:33# The day has been long without you, Daddy
0:29:33 > 0:29:36# You've been such a while away
0:29:38 > 0:29:45# And are you tired of your work, Daddy
0:29:45 > 0:29:49# As I am tired of my play?
0:29:51 > 0:29:55# But I've got you and you've got me
0:29:55 > 0:29:59# Though everything is gone
0:30:01 > 0:30:06# We're all alone, sweet Daddy
0:30:08 > 0:30:12# Poor Mother, dear Mother
0:30:12 > 0:30:16# Once told me so
0:30:19 > 0:30:23# But year by year she'll think of you
0:30:23 > 0:30:27# Those thoughts may all be right
0:30:29 > 0:30:34# We shall always keep her
0:30:34 > 0:30:37# Here in our dreams
0:30:39 > 0:30:44# Daddy, goodnight
0:30:46 > 0:30:50# Daddy, goodnight
0:30:50 > 0:30:53# Dear Daddy
0:30:53 > 0:30:56# Dear Daddy
0:30:58 > 0:31:01# Goodnight
0:31:05 > 0:31:07# Good...
0:31:10 > 0:31:15# ..night. #
0:31:22 > 0:31:26APPLAUSE
0:31:37 > 0:31:41Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Keith Harris!
0:31:41 > 0:31:45CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:31:47 > 0:31:49Thank you very, very much, ladies and gentlemen.
0:31:49 > 0:31:52What about that number, Little Rosa? Wasn't that sad, eh? Aah!
0:31:52 > 0:31:54AUDIENCE SIGHS
0:31:54 > 0:31:57Never mind, because actually I've got somebody here who's just as sad.
0:31:57 > 0:31:58His name is Orville. He's very shy.
0:31:58 > 0:32:00I'll get him to turn around and have a look.
0:32:00 > 0:32:02Will you turn around and have a look?
0:32:02 > 0:32:04- ORVILLE:- I can't.
0:32:04 > 0:32:06- I beg your pardon?- I can't.
0:32:06 > 0:32:08LAUGHTER
0:32:08 > 0:32:10- You can't?- No.
0:32:10 > 0:32:13- Why not?- Cos they'll laugh at me.
0:32:13 > 0:32:16I don't think they'll laugh after that last song.
0:32:16 > 0:32:18Look, they won't laugh at you. They're very nice people.
0:32:18 > 0:32:21- Come on, turn round and have a look. - I'll have a look then.
0:32:21 > 0:32:24- Have a look.- I will.- Go on.
0:32:24 > 0:32:26- AUDIENCE:- Aww!
0:32:26 > 0:32:29- There, you see.- They're laughing now.- Oh, they're not.
0:32:29 > 0:32:34- They are. I heard them.- Yes, I know, but, you see, they're laughing...
0:32:34 > 0:32:39- I heard them.- Yes, I know, but they're not laughing AT you.
0:32:39 > 0:32:42- No.- No, you see, it's because you're on the stage.
0:32:42 > 0:32:44You came here last time, you had a nice time, didn't you?
0:32:44 > 0:32:47- Yes, thank you.- That's right.
0:32:47 > 0:32:50Yes, but if you remember last time we came to this theatre,
0:32:50 > 0:32:53you had a chip on your shoulder.
0:32:53 > 0:32:55- I didn't.- You did.
0:32:55 > 0:32:58- I didn't.- You did.- I didn't.
0:32:58 > 0:33:00You did.
0:33:00 > 0:33:03You had a chick on your shoulder.
0:33:03 > 0:33:06Me.
0:33:06 > 0:33:09I didn't say a chick. I said a chip.
0:33:09 > 0:33:11- Oh.- Yes.
0:33:11 > 0:33:14Now, listen, you were watching before in the wings, weren't you?
0:33:14 > 0:33:17- I've got wings. - Yes, I know you've got wings.
0:33:17 > 0:33:20- I've got wings, you know. - Yes, I know.
0:33:20 > 0:33:21I've got wings, you know.
0:33:21 > 0:33:23LAUGHTER
0:33:23 > 0:33:26You were watching... What were you watching?
0:33:26 > 0:33:29- Little girl singing.- That's right.
0:33:29 > 0:33:31- Did you like her?- Yes.- Did you?- Yes.
0:33:31 > 0:33:34And you said you would like to meet her
0:33:34 > 0:33:37- because she wasn't very happy, was she?- No.
0:33:37 > 0:33:40Would you like to meet Rosa?
0:33:40 > 0:33:43I-I get shy when I see Rosa.
0:33:43 > 0:33:47- What, Rosa Michelle? - No, "Rosa" people looking at me!
0:33:47 > 0:33:48LAUGHTER
0:33:48 > 0:33:50I get shy.
0:33:50 > 0:33:52Look, I tell you what, because she wasn't very happy,
0:33:52 > 0:33:55- so if we bring her on...- Yes. - ..you can meet her
0:33:55 > 0:33:57and it will make you happy and it would make her happy, wouldn't it?
0:33:57 > 0:34:01- Thank you.- All right. I'll tell you what, we'll just call her on.
0:34:01 > 0:34:05- Rosa.- Oh, she's there. - Hello, come and sit down here.
0:34:05 > 0:34:07APPLAUSE
0:34:11 > 0:34:14- Is she here?- Yeah, she's here. - Oh, I can't look!
0:34:14 > 0:34:19- Now, Rosa, this is Orville. - Hello, Orville.
0:34:19 > 0:34:21Hello, Ro... Oh, I can't!
0:34:21 > 0:34:24- I feel silly.- It's all right. Look, we've got to try and cheer her up.
0:34:24 > 0:34:27She's very, very pretty, you know.
0:34:27 > 0:34:29I wish I was pretty.
0:34:29 > 0:34:31- Well, you are pretty.- I'm ugly.
0:34:31 > 0:34:35- I'm ugly, aren't I, Rosa?- You're not ugly. I think you're lovely.
0:34:35 > 0:34:36Ooh!
0:34:36 > 0:34:38LAUGHTER
0:34:38 > 0:34:41- You think I'm lovely? - Yes, he is, isn't he?
0:34:41 > 0:34:43- AUDIENCE:- Yes.
0:34:43 > 0:34:45- There you are.- Oh, thank you.
0:34:48 > 0:34:50Now, listen, what were you telling me before?
0:34:50 > 0:34:55Rosa, you know when you sang your song, well, it made me cry.
0:34:55 > 0:34:57- I made you cry?- Yes.
0:34:57 > 0:34:59I didn't mean to.
0:34:59 > 0:35:03- Well you did cos you sang about your daddy, didn't she?- That's right.
0:35:03 > 0:35:05And I haven't got a daddy.
0:35:05 > 0:35:07- AUDIENCE:- Aah!
0:35:07 > 0:35:10And I haven't got a mummy.
0:35:10 > 0:35:11- AUDIENCE:- Aah!
0:35:11 > 0:35:14And I haven't got a grandad or a granny, any of them.
0:35:14 > 0:35:16- AUDIENCE:- Aah!
0:35:16 > 0:35:20- I haven't got anybody.- Aah.
0:35:20 > 0:35:22Keep it up!
0:35:22 > 0:35:24LAUGHTER
0:35:24 > 0:35:26- No antecedents?- Pardon?
0:35:26 > 0:35:30- I said no antecedents. - I haven't even got an Auntie Elsie.
0:35:30 > 0:35:32LAUGHTER
0:35:32 > 0:35:35Oh, dear, we're not doing a very good job cheering Rosa up, are we?
0:35:35 > 0:35:38- No.- Listen, you two must get together.
0:35:38 > 0:35:40- You must always remember to smile. - Yes.
0:35:40 > 0:35:44Because you've got all the lovely people here and just remember...
0:35:44 > 0:35:46What?
0:35:46 > 0:35:51# Smile though your heart is aching
0:35:51 > 0:35:55# Smile even though it's breaking
0:35:55 > 0:35:59# When there are clouds in the sky
0:35:59 > 0:36:03# You'll get by
0:36:03 > 0:36:07# Smile through your tears and sorrow
0:36:07 > 0:36:10# Smile and maybe tomorrow
0:36:12 > 0:36:17# You'll see the sun come shining through
0:36:17 > 0:36:20# For you
0:36:20 > 0:36:24# Light up your face with gladness
0:36:24 > 0:36:28# You've got to hide every trace of sadness
0:36:28 > 0:36:31# Although a tear... #
0:36:31 > 0:36:32Is she crying?
0:36:32 > 0:36:35# May be ever so near
0:36:35 > 0:36:39# That's the time you must keep on trying
0:36:41 > 0:36:44# Smile, what's the use of crying?
0:36:45 > 0:36:49# You'll find that life is still worthwhile
0:36:50 > 0:36:54# If you just
0:36:54 > 0:36:56# Smile. #
0:36:56 > 0:37:00- Smile.- That's it.
0:37:00 > 0:37:03APPLAUSE
0:37:09 > 0:37:11# Hey, hobo man
0:37:11 > 0:37:13# Hey, Dapper Dan
0:37:13 > 0:37:15# You've both got your style
0:37:15 > 0:37:19# But, brother, you're never fully dressed without a smile
0:37:22 > 0:37:25# Your clothes may be Beau Brummelly
0:37:25 > 0:37:27# They stand out a mile
0:37:27 > 0:37:32# But, brother, you're never fully dressed without a smile
0:37:34 > 0:37:37# Who cares what they're wearing
0:37:37 > 0:37:41# On Main Street or Saville Row
0:37:41 > 0:37:43# It's what you wear from ear to ear
0:37:43 > 0:37:47# And not from head to toe
0:37:49 > 0:37:52# That matters
0:37:54 > 0:37:55# Hey, hobo man
0:37:55 > 0:37:57# Hey, Dapper Dan
0:37:57 > 0:38:02# So remember, you're never fully dressed
0:38:02 > 0:38:06# Though you may wear the best
0:38:06 > 0:38:09# You're never fully dressed
0:38:09 > 0:38:13# Without a smile
0:38:13 > 0:38:15# Smile, smile
0:38:19 > 0:38:21# Smile! #
0:38:21 > 0:38:24APPLAUSE
0:38:37 > 0:38:41Engagingly, ingratiating,
0:38:41 > 0:38:43in gregarious...
0:38:43 > 0:38:47from the Latin "grex",
0:38:47 > 0:38:52..garrulity, none other than Mr Norman Vaughan!
0:38:54 > 0:38:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:39:02 > 0:39:05Lovely.
0:39:05 > 0:39:06Everybody...
0:39:06 > 0:39:08# La, la, la-la. #
0:39:08 > 0:39:11- Come on. AUDIENCE:- # La, la, la-la, la-la
0:39:11 > 0:39:13# La, la, la-la, la-la. #
0:39:13 > 0:39:16# I thought it was great when I went on the stage
0:39:16 > 0:39:20# About six-and-a-half months ago
0:39:20 > 0:39:23# Cos everybody was so kind to me
0:39:23 > 0:39:27# When they found out that I was a pro
0:39:27 > 0:39:30# But a fire broke out in my lodgings one night
0:39:30 > 0:39:34# And the firemen were there instantly
0:39:34 > 0:39:38# They saved everybody right down to the cat
0:39:38 > 0:39:41# But they never once tried to save me
0:39:41 > 0:39:45# I dashed to the window and heard with dismay
0:39:45 > 0:39:50# A big fire brigade captain to somebody say...
0:39:50 > 0:39:54# "He's a pro, he's a pro
0:39:54 > 0:39:58# "He'll do us a turn in a minute or so"
0:39:58 > 0:40:02# I could feel myself cooking, my shirt was alight
0:40:02 > 0:40:06# So I stood on the windowsill trembling with fright
0:40:06 > 0:40:09# The firemen were laughing at me
0:40:09 > 0:40:13# And I heard someone say down below
0:40:13 > 0:40:16# "Let him do us a turn cos I don't think he'll burn
0:40:16 > 0:40:21# "He's a pro, he's a pro." #
0:40:21 > 0:40:24CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:40:33 > 0:40:34Yes, I've played them all.
0:40:34 > 0:40:37The Palace, Halifax.
0:40:37 > 0:40:40The Savoy, Kettlethorpe.
0:40:40 > 0:40:42LAUGHTER
0:40:42 > 0:40:44The Apothecary's Hall, Runcorn.
0:40:44 > 0:40:46LAUGHTER
0:40:46 > 0:40:48My grandfather was famous too, you know.
0:40:48 > 0:40:51Oh, my grandfather went back to Marie Antoinette
0:40:51 > 0:40:53and my grandmother caught him a couple of times!
0:40:53 > 0:40:55LAUGHTER
0:40:57 > 0:41:0040 years of happily married life and then he died.
0:41:00 > 0:41:02- AUDIENCE:- Aah.
0:41:02 > 0:41:04After 40 years he died...
0:41:04 > 0:41:05- AUDIENCE:- Aah.
0:41:05 > 0:41:08..and she wanted to get in touch with him
0:41:08 > 0:41:11so she went to see all these spiritualists and mediums and
0:41:11 > 0:41:14eventually one Thursday afternoon she was in the spiritualist's
0:41:14 > 0:41:15and she heard his voice.
0:41:15 > 0:41:18She said, "Henry, tell me, what's it like on the other side?"
0:41:20 > 0:41:23He said, "It's fantastic."
0:41:27 > 0:41:29LAUGHTER
0:41:29 > 0:41:32He said, "This is the routine."
0:41:34 > 0:41:36LAUGHTER
0:41:36 > 0:41:38"We get up in the morning.
0:41:40 > 0:41:44"We have a light salad breakfast,
0:41:44 > 0:41:47"then we have a love-in all morning.
0:41:49 > 0:41:52"Then we have a light salad lunch
0:41:52 > 0:41:55"and we have a love-in all afternoon.
0:41:58 > 0:42:01"Then we go to bed very early to get ready for the next day."
0:42:01 > 0:42:04LAUGHTER
0:42:04 > 0:42:05And she said,
0:42:05 > 0:42:09"Henry, I didn't think they did things like that on the other side!"
0:42:09 > 0:42:12He said, "Other side? I'm a rabbit in Harrogate!"
0:42:12 > 0:42:15LAUGHTER AND APPLAUSE
0:42:23 > 0:42:25Thank you, Bernard.
0:42:25 > 0:42:27- AUDIENCE:- # La, la, la-la, la-la
0:42:27 > 0:42:30# La, la, la-la, la-la
0:42:30 > 0:42:33# I one time played in a swell music hall
0:42:33 > 0:42:37# Where I thought I should make such a hit
0:42:37 > 0:42:40# The band played my music, I dashed on the stage
0:42:40 > 0:42:42# But a battle was on in the pit
0:42:42 > 0:42:46# I started to sing All That I Ask Is Love
0:42:46 > 0:42:49# I remember no more after that
0:42:49 > 0:42:52# All That I Ask Is Love but the boys up above
0:42:52 > 0:42:55# Gave me something more solid than that
0:42:55 > 0:42:58# I woke in hospital the following day
0:42:58 > 0:43:03# And I just recollect hearing somebody say...
0:43:03 > 0:43:06# "He's a pro, he's a pro"
0:43:06 > 0:43:10# "And the poor devil looks like one too", said Nurse Flo
0:43:10 > 0:43:13# The doctor said, "Nurse, there's but one thing to do
0:43:13 > 0:43:17# "We must operate on him to pull him right through"
0:43:17 > 0:43:20# He said, "Nurse, do you think he'll hurt
0:43:20 > 0:43:24# "If we starved him for 12 hours or so?"
0:43:24 > 0:43:27# The nurse said, "Have no fears, he's been starving for years
0:43:27 > 0:43:31# "He's a pro, he's a pro." #
0:43:31 > 0:43:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:50 > 0:43:55Engendering nostalgia once again,
0:43:55 > 0:43:57The Players Theatre!
0:43:57 > 0:44:00APPLAUSE
0:44:04 > 0:44:08# Here we are, here we are, here we are again
0:44:08 > 0:44:11# There's Pat and Mac and Tommy and Jack and Joe
0:44:11 > 0:44:15# When there's trouble brewing, when there's something doing
0:44:15 > 0:44:17# Are we down hearted?
0:44:17 > 0:44:18# No, let them all come
0:44:18 > 0:44:22# Here we are, here we are, here we are again
0:44:22 > 0:44:25# We're fit and well and feeling as right as rain
0:44:25 > 0:44:29# Never mind the weather, now then, all together
0:44:29 > 0:44:32# Hello, hello, here we are again
0:44:32 > 0:44:36# So pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag
0:44:36 > 0:44:39# And smile, smile, smile
0:44:41 > 0:44:44# While you've a lucifer to light your fag
0:44:44 > 0:44:47# Smile, boys, that's the style
0:44:48 > 0:44:52# What's the use of worrying?
0:44:52 > 0:44:56# It never was worthwhile, so
0:44:56 > 0:45:00# Pack up your troubles in your old kit-bag
0:45:00 > 0:45:03# And smile, smile, smile
0:45:04 > 0:45:10# If you were the only girl in the world
0:45:10 > 0:45:16# And you were the only boy
0:45:16 > 0:45:21# Nothing else would matter in the world today
0:45:21 > 0:45:26# We would go on loving in the same old way
0:45:26 > 0:45:32# A Garden of Eden just made for two
0:45:32 > 0:45:36# With nothing to mar our joy
0:45:37 > 0:45:42# I would say such wonderful things to you
0:45:42 > 0:45:48# There would be such wonderful things to do
0:45:48 > 0:45:53# If you were the only girl in the world
0:45:53 > 0:45:57# And you were the only boy
0:45:59 > 0:46:04# And I was the only boy
0:46:10 > 0:46:12# Goodbye-ee, goodbye-ee
0:46:16 > 0:46:20# Goodbye-ee, goodbye-ee
0:46:22 > 0:46:27# Wipe the tear, baby dear
0:46:27 > 0:46:30# From your eye-ee
0:46:34 > 0:46:39# It's a long way to Tipperary
0:46:39 > 0:46:44# It's a long way to go
0:46:44 > 0:46:49# It's a long way to Tipperary
0:46:49 > 0:46:53# To the sweetest girl I know
0:46:54 > 0:46:58# Goodbye, Piccadilly
0:46:58 > 0:47:02# Farewell, Leicester Square
0:47:02 > 0:47:06# It's a long long way to Tipperary
0:47:06 > 0:47:10# But my heart's right there
0:47:10 > 0:47:13# It's a long way to Tipperary
0:47:13 > 0:47:17# It's a long way to go
0:47:17 > 0:47:21# It's a long way to Tipperary
0:47:21 > 0:47:24# To the sweetest girl I know
0:47:24 > 0:47:29# Goodbye, Piccadilly
0:47:29 > 0:47:32# Farewell, Leicester Square
0:47:32 > 0:47:36# It's a long long way to Tipperary
0:47:36 > 0:47:41# But my heart's right there. #
0:47:44 > 0:47:49CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:47:58 > 0:48:01Now there's just time to ask Mr Norman Vaughan to lead the
0:48:01 > 0:48:04company and yourselves in the last chorus for the night,
0:48:04 > 0:48:06Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:48:06 > 0:48:09Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Norman Vaughan, the entire company,
0:48:09 > 0:48:13Mr Bernard Herman and the entire and indefatigable orchestra.
0:48:13 > 0:48:15CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:48:15 > 0:48:20But this time, chiefly, yourself!
0:48:24 > 0:48:30# Come, come, come and make eyes at me down at the Old Bull and Bush,
0:48:30 > 0:48:31# Da, da, da, da, da
0:48:31 > 0:48:35# Come, come, drink some port wine with me
0:48:35 > 0:48:38# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:48:38 > 0:48:42# Hear the little German band, da, da, da, da, da, da-da
0:48:42 > 0:48:45# Just let me hold your hand, dear
0:48:45 > 0:48:49# Do, do come and have a drink or two
0:48:49 > 0:48:52# Down at the Old Bull and Bush
0:48:52 > 0:48:55# Bush, Bush! #
0:48:55 > 0:48:59CHEERING AND APPLAUSE