0:00:04 > 0:00:07# Let's all go to the music hall
0:00:07 > 0:00:11# Where the songs are gay and bright
0:00:11 > 0:00:14# Let's all go to the music hall
0:00:14 > 0:00:17# Where the stars are twinkling half the night
0:00:17 > 0:00:21# Whether you're in the gallery, the circle or the pit
0:00:21 > 0:00:24# Or whether you sit in the red, plush stalls
0:00:24 > 0:00:28# Oh, let's all go to the music hall tonight
0:00:28 > 0:00:31# Let's all go to the hall! #
0:00:41 > 0:00:43# All hands on deck!
0:00:43 > 0:00:45# There's a pretty little craft in sight
0:00:45 > 0:00:48# All hands on deck, for she does look all right
0:00:48 > 0:00:52# What do we care if the ship becomes a wreck?
0:00:52 > 0:00:55# Oh, we haven't seen a girl in 18 months
0:00:55 > 0:00:56# All hands on deck!
0:00:56 > 0:00:58# All hands on deck!
0:00:58 > 0:01:00# There's a pretty little craft in sight
0:01:00 > 0:01:04# All hands on deck, for she does look all right
0:01:04 > 0:01:08# What do we care if the ship becomes a wreck?
0:01:08 > 0:01:10# Oh, they haven't seen a girl in 18 months
0:01:10 > 0:01:12# All hands on deck! #
0:01:12 > 0:01:16# My boy's a sailor man, my boy's a tar
0:01:16 > 0:01:20# Oh, girls, you ought to know what sailors are
0:01:20 > 0:01:24# If one comes on to you, just home from sea
0:01:24 > 0:01:29# And he's got fancy tattoos on his arm, he belongs to me
0:01:29 > 0:01:33# If one comes on to you, just home from sea
0:01:33 > 0:01:35# And he's got fancy tattoos on his arm
0:01:35 > 0:01:37# He belongs to me. #
0:01:37 > 0:01:40# All the nice girls love a sailor
0:01:40 > 0:01:44# All the nice girls love a tar
0:01:44 > 0:01:48# For there's something about a sailor
0:01:48 > 0:01:51# Well, you know what sailors are!
0:01:51 > 0:01:55# Bright and breezy, free and easy
0:01:55 > 0:01:58# He's the ladies' pride and joy
0:01:58 > 0:02:02# Falls in love with Kate and Jane, then he's off to sea again
0:02:02 > 0:02:06# Ship ahoy! Ship ahoy!
0:02:06 > 0:02:09# All the nice girls love a sailor
0:02:09 > 0:02:13# All the nice girls love a tar
0:02:13 > 0:02:17# For there's something about a sailor
0:02:17 > 0:02:20# Well, you know what sailors are!
0:02:20 > 0:02:24# Bright and breezy, free and easy
0:02:24 > 0:02:28# He's the ladies' pride and joy
0:02:28 > 0:02:31# Falls in love with Kate and Jane, then he's off to sea again
0:02:31 > 0:02:35# Ship ahoy! Ship ahoy! #
0:02:36 > 0:02:39# Sons of the sea
0:02:39 > 0:02:42# All British born
0:02:42 > 0:02:46# Sailing every ocean
0:02:46 > 0:02:50# Laughing foes to scorn
0:02:50 > 0:02:53# They may build their ships, my lads
0:02:53 > 0:02:56# And think they know the game
0:02:56 > 0:03:00# But they can't build the boys of the bulldog breed
0:03:00 > 0:03:03# Who made old England's name
0:03:03 > 0:03:08# No, they can't build the boys of the bulldog breed
0:03:08 > 0:03:15# Who made old England's name. #
0:03:31 > 0:03:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:03:39 > 0:03:41CHEERING
0:03:41 > 0:03:45Once again, good evening,
0:03:45 > 0:03:48ladies and gentlemen!
0:03:48 > 0:03:51- ALL:- Good evening!
0:03:51 > 0:03:55Kaleidoscopically... AUDIENCE GROAN
0:03:55 > 0:04:00..charismatic, our coruscating cornucopia...
0:04:00 > 0:04:04AUDIENCE OOHS ..cascades into increasingly
0:04:04 > 0:04:08apoplectic... AUDIENCE OOHS
0:04:08 > 0:04:11..percussiveness, prodigiously produced...
0:04:11 > 0:04:16LAUGHTER ..by Mr Alan Randall!
0:04:16 > 0:04:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:32 > 0:04:35# Now, when I was a boy, me mother's pride and joy
0:04:35 > 0:04:39# She gave me a whistle, this is it
0:04:39 > 0:04:43# And no matter where I go, land of hope or picture show
0:04:43 > 0:04:47# Me little whistle always makes a hit
0:04:47 > 0:04:51# It's been a pal to me, it's as easy as can be
0:04:51 > 0:04:55# To blow it doesn't use up any gristle
0:04:55 > 0:04:59# A lady came to tea, and when she smiled at me
0:04:59 > 0:05:03# I blew a little blast on me whistle
0:05:03 > 0:05:07# Once in a country lane, while sheltering from the rain
0:05:07 > 0:05:11# I soon found out I was not alone
0:05:11 > 0:05:14# I heard a sound like this
0:05:14 > 0:05:16# It must have been a kiss
0:05:16 > 0:05:20# Two lovers thinking they were on their own
0:05:20 > 0:05:24# They carried on disgraceful, I went all goosey like
0:05:24 > 0:05:28# But when the lady shouted, "Stop it, Cecil!"
0:05:28 > 0:05:32# I took it for a hint, I had a little squint
0:05:32 > 0:05:36# And I couldn't blow a blast on me whistle
0:05:36 > 0:05:40# Well, I'm married now, I really don't know how
0:05:40 > 0:05:44# To tell you of the news that came today
0:05:44 > 0:05:46# I've a little son and heir
0:05:46 > 0:05:49# Just one, no, not a pair
0:05:49 > 0:05:51# No wonder that I'm feeling bright and gay
0:05:53 > 0:05:56# I'm feeling very proud, but I mustn't talk so loud
0:05:56 > 0:06:00# I've been celebrating at the Rose and Thistle
0:06:00 > 0:06:05# He's a lovely little kid and the first thing that he did
0:06:05 > 0:06:08# Was to blow a little blast on his whistle. #
0:06:17 > 0:06:19Oh, you want more?
0:06:21 > 0:06:22All right.
0:06:23 > 0:06:25Thank you!
0:06:27 > 0:06:28Thank you very much, thank you.
0:06:28 > 0:06:30Well, you are a lovely audience,
0:06:30 > 0:06:32and now I'm going to sing one of the old favourites.
0:06:32 > 0:06:35I'll sing the verse and you can all join in the chorus. Off we go, Bert.
0:06:38 > 0:06:42# I'm leaning on a lamp
0:06:42 > 0:06:47# Maybe you think I look a tramp
0:06:47 > 0:06:52# Maybe you think I'm hanging round to steal a car
0:06:56 > 0:07:00# But, no, I'm not a crook
0:07:00 > 0:07:04# And if you think that's what I look
0:07:04 > 0:07:10# I'll tell you why I'm here and what my motives are... #
0:07:10 > 0:07:13Come on, you all know it, let's hear you sing.
0:07:13 > 0:07:15# I'm...
0:07:15 > 0:07:18- ALL:- # Leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street
0:07:18 > 0:07:21# In case a certain little lady comes by... #
0:07:21 > 0:07:23Champion!
0:07:23 > 0:07:27# Oh, me, oh, my
0:07:27 > 0:07:31# I hope the little lady comes by
0:07:33 > 0:07:37# I don't know if she'll get away, she doesn't always get away
0:07:37 > 0:07:41# But anyway, I know that she'll try
0:07:41 > 0:07:46# Oh, me, oh, my
0:07:46 > 0:07:49# I hope the little lady comes by
0:07:49 > 0:07:51HE SCATS
0:07:51 > 0:07:55# There's no other girl I would wait for
0:07:55 > 0:08:00# But this one, I'd break any date for
0:08:00 > 0:08:04# I won't have to ask what she's late for... #
0:08:04 > 0:08:05Your turn.
0:08:05 > 0:08:09# She wouldn't leave me flat, she's not a girl like that
0:08:09 > 0:08:14# Now, she is absolutely wonderful and marvellous and beautiful
0:08:14 > 0:08:18# And everyone can understand why
0:08:18 > 0:08:22# I'm leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street
0:08:22 > 0:08:26# In case a certain little lady comes by...
0:08:26 > 0:08:28And again, come on!
0:08:28 > 0:08:31# I'm leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street
0:08:31 > 0:08:36# In case a certain little lady comes by
0:08:36 > 0:08:41# Oh, me, oh, my
0:08:41 > 0:08:46# I hope that little lady comes by
0:08:46 > 0:08:50# I don't know if she'll get away, she doesn't always get away
0:08:50 > 0:08:55# But anyway, I know that she'll try
0:08:55 > 0:08:59# I'm leaning on a lamppost at the corner of the street
0:08:59 > 0:09:04# In case a certain little lady comes by. #
0:09:04 > 0:09:06- CHEERING AND APPLAUSE - Thank you!
0:09:22 > 0:09:25Assorted artefacts,
0:09:25 > 0:09:28in continuous, circumrotatory...
0:09:28 > 0:09:31AUDIENCE OOHS
0:09:31 > 0:09:34..parabolic...
0:09:34 > 0:09:36LAUGHTER
0:09:36 > 0:09:38No, it's not a medicine!
0:09:38 > 0:09:43..Parabolic...trajectory!
0:09:43 > 0:09:44AUDIENCE OOHS
0:09:44 > 0:09:46Juggling!
0:09:46 > 0:09:47AUDIENCE OOHS
0:09:47 > 0:09:50From Switzerland, Sollveno!
0:14:23 > 0:14:25APPLAUSE
0:14:52 > 0:14:54Ebulliently buxom...
0:14:54 > 0:14:58AUDIENCE OOHS ..beguilingly gorgeous,
0:14:58 > 0:15:01from Devon, for your delight,
0:15:01 > 0:15:04Miss June Marlow!
0:15:05 > 0:15:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:08 > 0:15:10MUSIC PLAYS
0:15:13 > 0:15:17# I don't care, I don't care
0:15:17 > 0:15:19# What people think of me
0:15:20 > 0:15:25# I'm happy-go-lucky, they say that I'm plucky
0:15:25 > 0:15:27# Contented and carefree
0:15:29 > 0:15:33# I don't care, I don't care
0:15:33 > 0:15:36# If he's a clerk or just a millionaire
0:15:36 > 0:15:40# If I'm never successful, it won't be distressful
0:15:40 > 0:15:44# Cos I don't care
0:15:47 > 0:15:49# They say I'm crazy
0:15:49 > 0:15:50# Got no sense
0:15:50 > 0:15:52# But I don't care
0:15:55 > 0:15:59# They may or may not mean offence
0:15:59 > 0:16:01# But I don't care
0:16:03 > 0:16:07# You see, I'm sort of independent
0:16:07 > 0:16:10# Of the clever race descendant
0:16:10 > 0:16:15# My star is on the ascendant
0:16:15 > 0:16:18# That's why I don't care
0:16:19 > 0:16:23# I don't care, I don't care
0:16:23 > 0:16:25# What people think of me
0:16:26 > 0:16:30# I'm happy-go-lucky, they say that I'm plucky
0:16:30 > 0:16:33# Contented and carefree
0:16:34 > 0:16:38# I don't care, I don't care
0:16:38 > 0:16:41# If he's a clerk or just a millionaire
0:16:41 > 0:16:43# And if you should sock me,
0:16:43 > 0:16:45# Then no, it won't rock me
0:16:45 > 0:16:47# I'll try to forgive it,
0:16:47 > 0:16:49# I know I'll outlive it
0:16:49 > 0:16:51# Don't try to rearrange me
0:16:51 > 0:16:52# Nothing can change me
0:16:52 > 0:16:58# Cos I don't care
0:17:02 > 0:17:04# I don't care! #
0:17:05 > 0:17:07CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:17:13 > 0:17:16STRING SECTION PLAYS
0:17:19 > 0:17:20# Come to me
0:17:21 > 0:17:25# My melancholy baby
0:17:28 > 0:17:33# Cuddle up and don't be blue
0:17:37 > 0:17:45# All your fears are foolish fancy maybe
0:17:47 > 0:17:52# You know, dear, I'm in love with you
0:17:57 > 0:18:04# Every cloud must have a silver lining
0:18:06 > 0:18:13# Wait until the sun shines through
0:18:17 > 0:18:22# Smile, my honey, dear
0:18:22 > 0:18:26# While I kiss away each tear
0:18:27 > 0:18:34# Or else I shall be melancholy too
0:18:39 > 0:18:44# My love is true and just for you
0:18:44 > 0:18:51# I'd do almost anything at any time
0:18:51 > 0:18:57# Dear, when you sigh or when you cry
0:18:58 > 0:19:05# Something seems to grip this very heart of mine
0:19:09 > 0:19:12# Come to me
0:19:12 > 0:19:17# My melancholy baby
0:19:21 > 0:19:26# Cuddle up and don't be blue... #
0:19:26 > 0:19:29SHE CALLS OUT: All your fears are foolish.
0:19:30 > 0:19:38# All your fears are foolish fancy maybe
0:19:41 > 0:19:47# You know, dear, that I'm in love with you... #
0:19:49 > 0:19:52Every cloud must have a silver lining.
0:19:52 > 0:20:00# Every cloud must have a silver lining
0:20:02 > 0:20:08# Wait until the sun shines through
0:20:13 > 0:20:17# Smile, my honey, dear
0:20:17 > 0:20:23# While I kiss away each tear
0:20:24 > 0:20:32# Or else I shall be melancholy
0:20:32 > 0:20:37# Too. #
0:20:40 > 0:20:43CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:20:46 > 0:20:50BAND PLAYS
0:20:56 > 0:20:58APPLAUSE
0:21:01 > 0:21:04Hectic harbinger
0:21:04 > 0:21:10of uninhibited hilarity in headgear hijinks!
0:21:11 > 0:21:13Audience: Ooh!
0:21:13 > 0:21:17All those Hs. Mr Deryk Parkin!
0:21:17 > 0:21:18CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:23 > 0:21:26# Now, how I came to get this hat is very strange and funny
0:21:27 > 0:21:31# Grandfather died and left to me his property and money
0:21:31 > 0:21:34# And when the will it was read out
0:21:34 > 0:21:36# They told me straight and flat
0:21:36 > 0:21:39# If I would have his money, I must always wear this hat
0:21:39 > 0:21:43# And now everywhere I go, people shout out
0:21:43 > 0:21:46# "Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?"
0:21:46 > 0:21:50# "Oh, isn't it a nobby one and just the proper style?
0:21:50 > 0:21:53# "I should like to have one just the same as that"
0:21:53 > 0:21:56# Wherever I go they shout, "Hello, where did you get that hat?" #
0:21:56 > 0:21:57It's true, you know.
0:21:57 > 0:22:00Everywhere I go people laugh at me and my hat.
0:22:00 > 0:22:01Yes, they do!
0:22:01 > 0:22:03I don't know why, it's a beautiful hat, that.
0:22:03 > 0:22:04A beautiful piece of material.
0:22:04 > 0:22:06You feel that, Mr Sachs, feel it.
0:22:06 > 0:22:08- Yes.- It's felt.
0:22:08 > 0:22:11LAUGHTER
0:22:11 > 0:22:14# Grandfather served with Nelson upon the briny sea
0:22:14 > 0:22:17# Embraced upon the quarter deck
0:22:17 > 0:22:19# There were none so brave as he
0:22:19 > 0:22:21# When Nelson got his fatal wound
0:22:21 > 0:22:24# And on the deck did swoon
0:22:24 > 0:22:26# Instead of kissing Hardy
0:22:26 > 0:22:27# He began to croon this tune
0:22:27 > 0:22:31# "Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?
0:22:31 > 0:22:34# "Oh, isn't it a nobby one and just the proper style?
0:22:34 > 0:22:37# "I should like to have one just the same as that"
0:22:37 > 0:22:41# Wherever I go they shout, "Hello, where did you get that hat?"
0:22:41 > 0:22:44# La-de-dum-da-dee-da-dee... #
0:22:46 > 0:22:47LAUGHTER
0:22:48 > 0:22:51# Grandfather was a dustman when he left the great Navy
0:22:51 > 0:22:56# Despite his dirty trousers, ladies took him in for tea
0:22:56 > 0:22:58# They offered him their crumpet... #
0:22:58 > 0:23:00LAUGHTER
0:23:00 > 0:23:02# ..and home-made cakes as well
0:23:03 > 0:23:07# For they were eager that he should to them the secret tell
0:23:07 > 0:23:08HIGHER PITCH: "Where did you get that hat?
0:23:08 > 0:23:10# "Where did you get that tile?
0:23:10 > 0:23:13# "Oh, isn't it a nobby one and just the proper style?
0:23:13 > 0:23:17# "I should like to have one just the same as that"
0:23:17 > 0:23:20# Wherever I go they shout, "Hello where did you get that hat?" #
0:23:20 > 0:23:23# La-de-dum-dum-dah... #
0:23:23 > 0:23:25LAUGHTER
0:23:26 > 0:23:29# When Grandad did his courting
0:23:29 > 0:23:31# And beneath the moon he sat
0:23:31 > 0:23:35# To whisper his sweet nothings he would always wear this hat
0:23:35 > 0:23:37# With brim turned down to hide his blush
0:23:37 > 0:23:39# He'd offer her the ring
0:23:39 > 0:23:43# In awe and admiration, the young lady then would sing
0:23:43 > 0:23:46# "Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?
0:23:46 > 0:23:50# "Oh! Isn't it a nobby one and just the proper style?
0:23:50 > 0:23:53# "I should like to have one just the same as that"
0:23:53 > 0:23:57# Wherever I go they shout, "Hello, where did you get that hat?"
0:23:57 > 0:23:59# Ah-de-da-da...
0:24:00 > 0:24:02# La-la-la-la-la... #
0:24:02 > 0:24:04AUDIENCE JOINS IN
0:24:04 > 0:24:06# Now, following in Father's footsteps
0:24:06 > 0:24:08# I got married just last week
0:24:08 > 0:24:10# And naturally I wore this hat
0:24:10 > 0:24:12# Tradition so to keep
0:24:12 > 0:24:15# But halfway through the service
0:24:15 > 0:24:17# When I came to say "I do"
0:24:17 > 0:24:21# The vicar said. "But first there is one thing I'll ask of you"
0:24:21 > 0:24:24DEEPER VOICE: "Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?
0:24:24 > 0:24:28# "Oh, isn't it a lovely one and just the proper style?
0:24:28 > 0:24:31# "I should like to have one just the same as that"
0:24:31 > 0:24:34# Wherever I go they shout, "Hello, Where did you get that hat?"
0:24:34 > 0:24:35Oh!
0:24:35 > 0:24:38AUDIENCE: # "Where did you get that hat? Where did you get that tile?
0:24:38 > 0:24:41# "Oh, isn't it a nobby one and just the proper style?
0:24:41 > 0:24:44# "I should like to have one just the same as that"
0:24:44 > 0:24:48# Wherever I go they shout, "Hello, where did you get that hat?" #
0:24:51 > 0:24:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:59 > 0:25:01APPLAUSE
0:25:03 > 0:25:07Albert, our adept auxiliary, sets the scene
0:25:07 > 0:25:12for an excursion into classical culture,
0:25:12 > 0:25:15with Mr James Tyler!
0:25:18 > 0:25:19APPLAUSE
0:25:22 > 0:25:25HORN AND PIANO PLAY
0:25:27 > 0:25:32HE PLAYS BANJO
0:25:57 > 0:25:59FASTER TEMPO
0:26:13 > 0:26:15MUSIC STOPS SUDDENLY
0:26:15 > 0:26:16LAUGHTER
0:26:34 > 0:26:35CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:26:46 > 0:26:48HE PLAYS AT HIGH TEMPO
0:28:20 > 0:28:21CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:23 > 0:28:25CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:32 > 0:28:34CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:28:38 > 0:28:44Lustrously loquescent in Lehar's limpidities,
0:28:44 > 0:28:48svelte, debonair, dynamic,
0:28:48 > 0:28:51Mr David Kernan!
0:28:51 > 0:28:53CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:29:03 > 0:29:07# My very happy fatherland
0:29:07 > 0:29:11# Whenever will you understand?
0:29:11 > 0:29:13# I'll sweat for you with all my might
0:29:15 > 0:29:18# But rather more my day than night
0:29:18 > 0:29:21# I'm sitting at my desk by one
0:29:21 > 0:29:24# Among the urgent files galore
0:29:24 > 0:29:28# A little furtive drinking done
0:29:28 > 0:29:32# I'm back at home for drinks at four
0:29:34 > 0:29:36# The strain of it is great indeed
0:29:38 > 0:29:41# Until the day I see the light
0:29:42 > 0:29:46# No wonder that I surely need
0:29:47 > 0:29:53# A little change of scene at night
0:29:53 > 0:29:59# I'm off to Chez Maxim
0:29:59 > 0:30:02# To join the whirling stream
0:30:02 > 0:30:04# For one brief hour entrancing
0:30:04 > 0:30:07# The moments fly romancing
0:30:07 > 0:30:12# Lolo, do-do, jou-jou
0:30:12 > 0:30:15# Cloclo, Margot, frou frou
0:30:16 > 0:30:21# And when it comes to dancing
0:30:21 > 0:30:26# Goodbye by Fatherland
0:30:27 > 0:30:31# At Maxim's once again
0:30:31 > 0:30:34# I swim in pink champagne
0:30:34 > 0:30:37# When people ask what bliss is
0:30:37 > 0:30:42# I simply answer, this is!
0:30:43 > 0:30:49Lolo, do-doh, jou-joue
0:30:49 > 0:30:52# Cloclo, Margot, frou frou
0:30:54 > 0:30:58# And when it comes to kisses
0:30:58 > 0:31:05# Goodbye my Fatherland. #
0:31:11 > 0:31:17# Love unspoken, faith unbroken
0:31:17 > 0:31:22# My life through
0:31:23 > 0:31:30# Strings are playing, hear them saying
0:31:30 > 0:31:34# "Love me true"
0:31:35 > 0:31:41# Now the echo answers
0:31:41 > 0:31:46# "Say you want me too"
0:31:47 > 0:31:53# All the world's in love with love
0:31:53 > 0:31:59# And I love you
0:32:01 > 0:32:06# Love unspoken, faith unbroken
0:32:06 > 0:32:10# My life through
0:32:10 > 0:32:16# Strings are playing, hear them saying,
0:32:16 > 0:32:20# "Love me true".
0:32:21 > 0:32:26# Now the echo answers
0:32:26 > 0:32:32# "Say you want me too"
0:32:32 > 0:32:37# All the world's in love with love
0:32:37 > 0:32:44# And I love you. #
0:32:44 > 0:32:48# What to think, what to say, what to do
0:32:48 > 0:32:51# What a red letter day if we knew
0:32:51 > 0:32:54# Being male, we may fail if we try
0:32:54 > 0:32:58# But we try, try, try, try, try
0:32:58 > 0:33:02# Clutching hook we must cope as we can
0:33:02 > 0:33:06# Oh, it's plainly too much for a man
0:33:06 > 0:33:10# Though you sweat, though you slave, they forget what you wave
0:33:10 > 0:33:13# Then you're back where you first began
0:33:13 > 0:33:18# Women, women, women, women, women
0:33:18 > 0:33:21# Are...
0:33:21 > 0:33:27# What to think, what to say, what to do
0:33:31 > 0:33:34# Being men, we may fail if we try
0:33:34 > 0:33:38# Yes, we'll try, try, try, try, try
0:33:38 > 0:33:41# Clutching hook we must go as we can
0:33:41 > 0:33:45# No, it's plainly too much for a man
0:33:45 > 0:33:49# Though we sweat, though we slave, they forget what you gave
0:33:49 > 0:33:54# Then you're back where you first began... #
0:34:19 > 0:34:24Preposterous, paragon of plenitudinous
0:34:24 > 0:34:28protean prowess. Sorry.
0:34:31 > 0:34:36The one and only Mr Roy Castle!
0:34:58 > 0:35:01That's great(!)
0:35:09 > 0:35:12Well, I must say it is great to be appearing here.
0:35:17 > 0:35:23I've been on 15 seconds and brought the place down.
0:35:23 > 0:35:24APPLAUSE
0:35:38 > 0:35:42My husband and I...
0:35:42 > 0:35:45LAUGHTER
0:35:48 > 0:35:51# My desert is... #
0:35:53 > 0:35:56I have to get out of this lot. Well done, Albert.
0:35:56 > 0:36:00Have we got everything here? Sorry about that, ladies and gentlemen.
0:36:00 > 0:36:02Sorry about that.
0:36:02 > 0:36:07I did so want to make a good entrance, too.
0:36:08 > 0:36:11Because tonight I have a duty to perform, ladies and gentlemen.
0:36:11 > 0:36:15A duty that I feel should have been performed many, many years ago.
0:36:15 > 0:36:22I do feel that this should have been performed many years ago and
0:36:22 > 0:36:24I'm going to perform it now.
0:36:27 > 0:36:29That's why I brought this.
0:36:29 > 0:36:32HE PLAYS FANFARE
0:36:40 > 0:36:44There has never been a tribute to our Leonard.
0:36:47 > 0:36:50APPLAUSE
0:36:58 > 0:37:02Stalwart of The Good Old Days for years.
0:37:02 > 0:37:08His intellect and poignant sense of humour can only be compared
0:37:08 > 0:37:10to Will Shakespeare's.
0:37:14 > 0:37:19His dextrous handling of the English language leaves giants
0:37:19 > 0:37:23clawing helpless in the wake
0:37:23 > 0:37:28with words like interdecontaminationallyistical.
0:37:30 > 0:37:33There is no-one else the challenge up will take.
0:37:38 > 0:37:40Not even Shake.
0:37:42 > 0:37:46Sartorially his garmenture is perfect.
0:37:47 > 0:37:50His coiffeur is flawless to a hair.
0:37:50 > 0:37:54His manicure defies deluxe description.
0:37:54 > 0:37:56But he's got a shiny bottom on his chair.
0:38:01 > 0:38:05As he sits there behind lumined candle,
0:38:05 > 0:38:08his career we can finally unravel.
0:38:09 > 0:38:13Who would think that he once wrote to Barney Coleham,
0:38:13 > 0:38:16"Am available, have gavel and will travel."
0:38:27 > 0:38:30And there he's sat for many generations...
0:38:33 > 0:38:35LAUGHTER It's true.
0:38:38 > 0:38:43But one point I am rather loathe to push, the reason Barney
0:38:43 > 0:38:45has kept there for eons,
0:38:45 > 0:38:48to give him time to learn the words to Bull And Bush.
0:38:55 > 0:38:59The white gloves we tend to take for granted,
0:38:59 > 0:39:03we notice not the laundered musketeer.
0:39:06 > 0:39:09Unblemished shirt front and a rigid collar,
0:39:09 > 0:39:12we forget the shiny bottom on the chair.
0:39:15 > 0:39:20But now it is time to recognise allegiance, devotion,
0:39:20 > 0:39:23in heterogeneous ways. Yes.
0:39:24 > 0:39:27A long overdue tribute to our Leonard.
0:39:27 > 0:39:33Without him, there'd be no good in Good Old Days.
0:39:34 > 0:39:36Come on, Albert.
0:39:43 > 0:39:46There we are, thank you very much, Albert.
0:40:03 > 0:40:07My final rendering tonight, I think we should attempt some
0:40:07 > 0:40:11form of record and for this I'm going to give you a medley.
0:40:11 > 0:40:14There are plenty of singalongs and swimalongs and all kinds
0:40:14 > 0:40:18of things but this is a medley called Singalong If You Can.
0:40:18 > 0:40:21The idea is as soon as one song reminds you of another one, you have
0:40:21 > 0:40:24to switch to the new song.
0:40:24 > 0:40:26The idea is something like...
0:40:26 > 0:40:28# On a wonderful day like today...
0:40:28 > 0:40:30# Daisy, Daisy. #
0:40:30 > 0:40:33See what I mean? There is only one rule.
0:40:33 > 0:40:37We're not allowed to repeat any song. Nothing must be repeated.
0:40:37 > 0:40:39Thank you, Mr Pianist.
0:40:40 > 0:40:44# On a wonderful day like today
0:40:44 > 0:40:47# Daisy, daisy
0:40:47 > 0:40:49# Give me your answer, do
0:40:49 > 0:40:52# What you will, the countryside is still
0:40:52 > 0:40:56# The only make believe
0:40:56 > 0:41:02# I love your only make believe
0:41:02 > 0:41:06# That you were the only girl in the world
0:41:06 > 0:41:12# And I-I-I-I like you very much
0:41:12 > 0:41:15# I-I-I-I'm sitting on top of the world
0:41:15 > 0:41:18# Just rolling along
0:41:18 > 0:41:21# Just sing...ing in the rain
0:41:21 > 0:41:25# Just singing in the rain
0:41:25 > 0:41:31# What a mouth, what a mouth what a north and south...of the border
0:41:31 > 0:41:33# Down Mexico way
0:41:33 > 0:41:37# Way down upon the Swannee River
0:41:37 > 0:41:41# Far... Far.... Far....
0:41:41 > 0:41:42DISCORDANT PIANO NOTES
0:41:42 > 0:41:45# Far... #
0:41:45 > 0:41:47That wasn't you again, was it?
0:41:47 > 0:41:52# Far, far, far
0:41:52 > 0:41:55# Far away places
0:41:55 > 0:42:00# Strange dear, but true dear
0:42:00 > 0:42:03# When I'm close tonight
0:42:03 > 0:42:06# Tonight, tonight
0:42:06 > 0:42:11# Won't be like...any old iron, any old iron, any any any old
0:42:11 > 0:42:14# McDonald had a farm, ee-aye-ee-aye-oh
0:42:14 > 0:42:18# Oh, you beautiful doll
0:42:18 > 0:42:22# You great big beautiful dream...er
0:42:23 > 0:42:29# Wake up to...me and my shadow
0:42:29 > 0:42:34# Strolling down the aven...
0:42:34 > 0:42:37# You always hurt the one you...
0:42:37 > 0:42:39# Love is like a viol...
0:42:39 > 0:42:43# ..in a little Spanish town It was on a night like this...
0:42:43 > 0:42:46# ..is my lovely
0:42:46 > 0:42:48# Daisy
0:42:48 > 0:42:51AUDIENCE JEER
0:42:53 > 0:42:54Day-day-day... Right...
0:42:54 > 0:42:56Day, day, day...
0:42:56 > 0:43:01# Day tried to tell me we're too young
0:43:02 > 0:43:06# To young to really be...
0:43:06 > 0:43:09# In the cool, cool, cool of the evening
0:43:09 > 0:43:14# Tell 'em I'll be...there's a small ho...
0:43:14 > 0:43:17# Tell 'em I'll be...there's a small ho...
0:43:17 > 0:43:20# Tell 'em I'll be...there's a small ho...
0:43:20 > 0:43:23# Tell 'em I'll be...there's a small ho...
0:43:23 > 0:43:26# Tell 'em I'll be...there's a small ho...
0:43:26 > 0:43:29# Tell 'em...I'll be with you
0:43:29 > 0:43:33# In apple blossom time
0:43:33 > 0:43:37# On my hands, knees and boomps-a-daisy
0:43:37 > 0:43:41# Daisy, daisy!
0:43:41 > 0:43:44# Daisy
0:43:44 > 0:43:48# Daisy, Daisy Crockett
0:43:48 > 0:43:50# Queen of the wild frontier...
0:43:50 > 0:43:52# ..we are, 'ere we are
0:43:52 > 0:43:54# 'Ere we are again
0:43:54 > 0:43:56BRASS SECTION DROWNS HIM OUT
0:44:01 > 0:44:04Hold, hold, hold!
0:44:04 > 0:44:06Hold, hold...
0:44:06 > 0:44:07# Hold McDonald had a farm
0:44:07 > 0:44:12# Ee-aye-ee-aye-oh! #
0:44:12 > 0:44:15APPLAUSE
0:44:29 > 0:44:32The vitality, versatility,
0:44:32 > 0:44:39in a vehicular velue. Once again, the Players Theatre.
0:44:47 > 0:44:49# Shout hurrah for the motorcar
0:45:02 > 0:45:06# Get out of the way, get out of the way
0:45:07 > 0:45:12# There's a lovely girl named Florrie
0:45:12 > 0:45:15# But for short we call her Flo
0:45:15 > 0:45:19# And she really feels quite sorry
0:45:19 > 0:45:22# The boys all love her so
0:45:22 > 0:45:26# She's a neat little, sweet little, icicle
0:45:26 > 0:45:30# Her heart must be made of snow
0:45:30 > 0:45:34# She once used to ride on a bicycle
0:45:34 > 0:45:37# But now she prefers to go
0:45:37 > 0:45:42# On a motorcar
0:45:42 > 0:45:45# Oh, Flo, why do you go
0:45:45 > 0:45:48# Riding along on your motorcar?
0:45:49 > 0:45:53# People say you're peculiar
0:45:53 > 0:45:57# Singular So you are
0:45:57 > 0:46:00# Oh, Flo, do let me go
0:46:00 > 0:46:03# I'll be your guiding star
0:46:03 > 0:46:10# There's room for two - me and you - on an elegant motorcar
0:46:24 > 0:46:28# Johnny O'Connor bought an automobile
0:46:28 > 0:46:31# He took his sweetheart for a ride one Sunday
0:46:31 > 0:46:34# Johnny was togged up in his best Sunday clothes
0:46:34 > 0:46:38# She nestled close to his side
0:46:38 > 0:46:41# Things went just dandy till he got down the road
0:46:41 > 0:46:45# Then something happened to the old machinery
0:46:45 > 0:46:48# That engine got his goat Off went his hat and coat
0:46:48 > 0:46:51# Everything needed repairs
0:46:51 > 0:46:55# He'd have to get under Get out and get under
0:46:55 > 0:46:58# To fix his little machine
0:46:58 > 0:47:02# He was just dying to cuddle his queen
0:47:02 > 0:47:05# But every minute when he'd begin it
0:47:05 > 0:47:08# He'd have to get under Get out and get under
0:47:08 > 0:47:11# Then he'd get back at the wheel
0:47:11 > 0:47:14# A dozen times they'd start to hug and kiss
0:47:14 > 0:47:18# And then the darned old engine it would miss
0:47:18 > 0:47:22# Then he'd have to get under Get out and get under
0:47:22 > 0:47:25# And fix up his automobile. #
0:47:31 > 0:47:35# Then he'd have to get under Get out and get under
0:47:35 > 0:47:40# And fix up his automobile. #
0:47:53 > 0:47:57And now there's only just time to ask Mr Roy Castle to lead
0:47:57 > 0:48:01the company and yourselves in the last chorus for tonight,
0:48:01 > 0:48:02Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:48:02 > 0:48:06Ladies and gentlemen, Mr Roy Castle and the entire company,
0:48:06 > 0:48:09Mr Bernard Herrmann, the entire and indefatigable orchestra.
0:48:09 > 0:48:14APPLAUSE
0:48:20 > 0:48:24# Come, come, come and make eyes at me
0:48:24 > 0:48:28# Down at the Old Bull And Bush Da, da, da, da, da
0:48:28 > 0:48:32# Come, come, drink some port wine with me
0:48:32 > 0:48:35# Down at the Old Bull And Bush
0:48:35 > 0:48:39# Hear the little German Band, Da, da, da, da, da,
0:48:39 > 0:48:42# Just let me hold your hand, dear
0:48:42 > 0:48:47# Do, do come and have a drink or two
0:48:47 > 0:48:50# Down at the Old Bull And Bush
0:48:50 > 0:48:52# Bush! Bush! #
0:48:52 > 0:48:54CHEERING