0:00:02 > 0:00:05BAND PLAYS In The Twi-Twi-Twilight
0:00:08 > 0:00:12ALL: # In the twi-twi-twilight
0:00:12 > 0:00:16# Out in the beautiful twilight
0:00:16 > 0:00:20# They all go out for a walk, walk, walk
0:00:20 > 0:00:24# A quiet spoon and a talk, talk, talk
0:00:24 > 0:00:28# That's the time they long for
0:00:28 > 0:00:32# Just before the night
0:00:32 > 0:00:35# And many a grand little wedding is planned
0:00:35 > 0:00:41# In the twi-twilight! #
0:00:43 > 0:00:46CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:00:46 > 0:00:48BAND PLAYS FANFARE
0:00:51 > 0:00:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:01:01 > 0:01:04Once again...
0:01:04 > 0:01:07CHEERING
0:01:07 > 0:01:12..good evening, ladies and gentlemen!
0:01:12 > 0:01:14CHEERING
0:01:14 > 0:01:16Ladies and gentlemen,
0:01:16 > 0:01:18irreplaceably unique,
0:01:18 > 0:01:23the nonpareil Players' Theatre!
0:01:23 > 0:01:25CHEERING
0:01:25 > 0:01:27BAND PLAYS All Hands On Deck
0:01:27 > 0:01:31# All hands on deck, there's a pretty little girl in sight
0:01:31 > 0:01:34# All hands on deck, oh, she does look all right
0:01:34 > 0:01:38# What do we care if the ship becomes a wreck?
0:01:38 > 0:01:40# Oh, we haven't seen a girl for 18 months
0:01:40 > 0:01:41# All hands on deck!
0:01:41 > 0:01:43# Oh, we haven't seen a girl for 18 months
0:01:43 > 0:01:45# All hands on deck!
0:01:45 > 0:01:49# All the nice girls love a sailor
0:01:49 > 0:01:52# All the nice girls love a tar
0:01:52 > 0:01:56# Oh, there's something about a sailor
0:01:56 > 0:01:59# Well, you know what sailors are!
0:01:59 > 0:02:03# Bright and breezy, free and easy
0:02:03 > 0:02:07# He's the ladies' pride and joy
0:02:07 > 0:02:09# Falls in love with Kate and Jane
0:02:09 > 0:02:11# Then he's off to sea again
0:02:11 > 0:02:14# Ship ahoy! Ship ahoy!
0:02:14 > 0:02:18# Oh! Jack! You are a handy man
0:02:18 > 0:02:20# Whether on sea or on shore
0:02:20 > 0:02:21# Whether in love or in war
0:02:21 > 0:02:23# You're all right
0:02:23 > 0:02:25# Beat us, nobody can
0:02:25 > 0:02:28# That's why they call us Jack the handy man
0:02:28 > 0:02:31# Oh! We're all right
0:02:31 > 0:02:32THEY WHISTLE THE TUNE
0:02:32 > 0:02:36# That's why they call us Jack the handy man
0:02:36 > 0:02:40# Sons of the sea
0:02:40 > 0:02:42# Bobbing up and down like this
0:02:43 > 0:02:47# Sailing the ocean
0:02:47 > 0:02:51# Bobbing up and down like this
0:02:51 > 0:02:54# They can build their ships, my lad
0:02:54 > 0:02:57# Bobbing up and down like this
0:02:57 > 0:03:01# But you can't beat the boys of the bulldog breed
0:03:01 > 0:03:05# Bobbing up and down like this!
0:03:05 > 0:03:08# Sons of the sea
0:03:08 > 0:03:12# Bobbing up and down like this
0:03:12 > 0:03:15# Sailing the ocean
0:03:15 > 0:03:18# Bobbing up and down like this
0:03:19 > 0:03:22# They can build their ships, my lads
0:03:22 > 0:03:25# Bobbing up and down like this
0:03:25 > 0:03:29# But they can't beat the boys of the bulldog breed
0:03:29 > 0:03:31# Bobbing up and down like this!
0:03:31 > 0:03:33# Rule, Britannia!
0:03:33 > 0:03:37# Britannia, rule the waves
0:03:37 > 0:03:45# Britons never, never, never shall be slaves. #
0:03:47 > 0:03:50CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:01 > 0:04:05Ladies and gentlemen, from Italy...
0:04:05 > 0:04:08implementing implausible...
0:04:08 > 0:04:09- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:04:09 > 0:04:11..immaculacy...
0:04:11 > 0:04:12Ooh!
0:04:12 > 0:04:14..with magniloquent...
0:04:14 > 0:04:15LAUGHTER
0:04:15 > 0:04:18..magniloquent... I forgot the U.
0:04:18 > 0:04:21It's because of this non-U audience.
0:04:21 > 0:04:24..magniloquent...
0:04:24 > 0:04:26munificence...
0:04:26 > 0:04:32that tornadic - or "tor-nay-dic" - operatic tenor...
0:04:32 > 0:04:36Signor Gino Donati!
0:04:36 > 0:04:38CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:04:52 > 0:04:55# M'appari
0:04:55 > 0:04:58# Tult' amor
0:04:58 > 0:05:02# Il mio sguardo
0:05:02 > 0:05:05# L'incontro
0:05:05 > 0:05:09# Bella si
0:05:09 > 0:05:12# Che il mio cor
0:05:12 > 0:05:18# Ansioso a lei volo
0:05:18 > 0:05:20# Mi feri
0:05:20 > 0:05:22# M'invaghi
0:05:22 > 0:05:25# Quell'angelica belta
0:05:25 > 0:05:26# Sculta in cor
0:05:26 > 0:05:28# Dall'amor
0:05:28 > 0:05:32# Cancellarsi non potra
0:05:32 > 0:05:34# Il pensier
0:05:34 > 0:05:36# Di poter
0:05:36 > 0:05:38# Palpitar... #
0:05:42 > 0:05:44Well, what happen?!
0:05:44 > 0:05:47Can't you see I am singing? Can't you see I am singing?
0:05:47 > 0:05:50Excuse me, sir. I have technical difficulties...
0:05:50 > 0:05:54a broken cable, and now everything is frozen up.
0:05:54 > 0:05:56- Everything is frozen up? - Yes.
0:05:56 > 0:05:59I think you made a mistake in coming here. This is a smart room.
0:05:59 > 0:06:01This is the very last thing what I ask of you.
0:06:01 > 0:06:04- You go back to your business... - Offstage.- ..whatever to do.
0:06:04 > 0:06:06- Keep your hands there. - Here?
0:06:06 > 0:06:10Ma guarda un po cosa vi succede! Che maleducato!
0:06:14 > 0:06:18Suppose we meet some day in a swimming pool for these experiments?
0:06:18 > 0:06:20- No, no, we must do it here. - Do it here.
0:06:20 > 0:06:23Doveva capitarmi una cosa...
0:06:24 > 0:06:26Push the left. Push the right.
0:06:26 > 0:06:28Push. Push.
0:06:30 > 0:06:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:06:55 > 0:06:59- Let's go to the right.- I don't fool around with politics here.
0:07:04 > 0:07:06Allez-oop!
0:07:13 > 0:07:16- Arrivederci. - Arrivederci.
0:07:16 > 0:07:18APPLAUSE
0:07:21 > 0:07:24Impossible to play the serious music!
0:07:24 > 0:07:28I would like to conclude this recital with a very serious performance
0:07:28 > 0:07:31which I think no other tenor has done before.
0:07:31 > 0:07:34I will sing for you the famous Italian romance
0:07:34 > 0:07:37Non Ti Scordar Di Me, La Vita Mia Legata A Te,
0:07:37 > 0:07:38which means in English
0:07:38 > 0:07:39"Mama...
0:07:41 > 0:07:43"Mama, you work so hard all your life for me.
0:07:43 > 0:07:47"Now that you are old you can work for yourself."
0:07:47 > 0:07:49Maestro, prego.
0:07:49 > 0:07:51BAND PLAYS
0:08:02 > 0:08:07# Partirono le rondini dal mio
0:08:07 > 0:08:11# Paese freddo e senza sole
0:08:13 > 0:08:20# Cercando primavere di viole
0:08:20 > 0:08:27# Nidi d'amore e di felicita
0:08:27 > 0:08:34# La mia vita rondine parte
0:08:34 > 0:08:40# Senza lasciarmi un bacio
0:08:40 > 0:08:45# Senza un addio parte
0:08:45 > 0:08:48# Be careful!
0:08:48 > 0:08:55# Non ti scordar di me
0:08:55 > 0:09:02# La vita mia legata a te
0:09:02 > 0:09:09# Io t'amo sempre piu
0:09:09 > 0:09:15# Nel sogno mio rimani tu
0:09:15 > 0:09:20# Non ti scordar di me... #
0:09:20 > 0:09:21APPLAUSE
0:09:21 > 0:09:28# La vita mia legata a te
0:09:28 > 0:09:35# C'e sempre un nid...
0:09:35 > 0:09:41# ..del mio cor per te
0:09:41 > 0:09:49# Non ti scordar di me. #
0:09:49 > 0:09:51CHEERING
0:10:03 > 0:10:05CHEERING CONTINUES
0:10:12 > 0:10:14Versatility...
0:10:14 > 0:10:16volatility...
0:10:16 > 0:10:17Ooh!
0:10:17 > 0:10:19..virtuosity.
0:10:19 > 0:10:20Oh!
0:10:20 > 0:10:23Who but the one and only
0:10:23 > 0:10:26Miss Beryl Reid?
0:10:26 > 0:10:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:10:37 > 0:10:40# Who were you with last night?
0:10:41 > 0:10:44# Who were you with last night?
0:10:44 > 0:10:48# It wasn't your sister, it wasn't your ma
0:10:48 > 0:10:52# Ha ha ha-ha ha-ha-ha
0:10:52 > 0:10:55# Who were you with last night
0:10:55 > 0:10:58# Out in the pale moonlight?
0:10:58 > 0:11:02# Are you gonna tell your missus when you get home
0:11:02 > 0:11:05# Who you were with last night?
0:11:05 > 0:11:09# Are you gonna tell your missus when you get home
0:11:09 > 0:11:16# Who you were with last night? #
0:11:16 > 0:11:20CHEERING
0:11:20 > 0:11:23Ah! I'm going to...
0:11:23 > 0:11:26It's a very cheeky question, really, isn't it,
0:11:26 > 0:11:29"Who were you with last night?"?
0:11:29 > 0:11:31Could get you into trouble!
0:11:31 > 0:11:33Mind you, I'm not much of a judge about men,
0:11:33 > 0:11:36because I haven't had many chaps in my life.
0:11:36 > 0:11:39- AUDIENCE:- Awww! - No, honestly! No, no!
0:11:39 > 0:11:43I can be honest with you now. My whole life, I've had three fellas.
0:11:43 > 0:11:44- AUDIENCE:- Oh...
0:11:44 > 0:11:46No, no! No, I tell a lie.
0:11:46 > 0:11:48I've had 82.
0:11:51 > 0:11:54Yeah, I forgot that weekend at Batley.
0:11:57 > 0:12:01But we were... Harold and I... I've gone off the subject.
0:12:01 > 0:12:03Harold and I were in the public park.
0:12:03 > 0:12:05We were the only couple there, I think.
0:12:05 > 0:12:08And we were on the verge.
0:12:08 > 0:12:11Well, it's more comfortable than that wooden bench.
0:12:11 > 0:12:14And he grabbed hold of me and he said,
0:12:14 > 0:12:18"Beryl, where do we go from here?"
0:12:18 > 0:12:20"Nowhere," I said, removing his hands.
0:12:20 > 0:12:23"You've reached the three-mile limit."
0:12:23 > 0:12:25I thought, "Well, there must be something better for me
0:12:25 > 0:12:28"than Harold and the recreation ground,"
0:12:28 > 0:12:33and next morning, when I was reading the Tory Times, there it was.
0:12:33 > 0:12:36There was an advertisement that said,
0:12:36 > 0:12:38"Wanted - parlourmaid with breeding.
0:12:38 > 0:12:41"Apply Gaylord Havisham,
0:12:41 > 0:12:44"The Grange, Turnham Green."
0:12:44 > 0:12:46Well, it was marvellous!
0:12:46 > 0:12:49It could have been aimed at me, the breeding bit, you know.
0:12:50 > 0:12:52Cos I speak two languages.
0:12:52 > 0:12:55I'm what you could call bifocal.
0:12:55 > 0:12:59And so I applied for the job personally,
0:12:59 > 0:13:02and I was ushered in, and there was Gaylord Havisham.
0:13:02 > 0:13:07Oh, he was wonderful! He was loaded with culture.
0:13:07 > 0:13:09Mostly physical...
0:13:10 > 0:13:12..I'm glad to say.
0:13:12 > 0:13:17And, erm, he said, "How would you like to be
0:13:17 > 0:13:19"the mistress of this house?"
0:13:19 > 0:13:22I said, "How dare you?!"
0:13:22 > 0:13:25Well, I thought that was something between a master
0:13:25 > 0:13:26and a mattress, you see.
0:13:27 > 0:13:29APPLAUSE
0:13:31 > 0:13:34"No, you've mistaken me. I want you to be my wife.
0:13:34 > 0:13:38"If I kiss you, will you reciprocate?"
0:13:38 > 0:13:41Well, I hadn't got me dictionary with me, you see, so I...
0:13:42 > 0:13:46Well, I got carried away then, and I couldn't help but accept,
0:13:46 > 0:13:49and of course there was only one thing left for him to say.
0:13:49 > 0:13:54And, being a perfect gentleman, he said it so beautifully.
0:13:54 > 0:13:55PIANO PLAYS
0:13:55 > 0:14:00# I'll be your sweetheart
0:14:00 > 0:14:04# If you will be mine
0:14:04 > 0:14:08# All my life
0:14:08 > 0:14:13# I'll be your valentine
0:14:13 > 0:14:18# Bluebells are gathered
0:14:18 > 0:14:22# Take them and be true
0:14:22 > 0:14:26# Now I'm a man, my plan
0:14:26 > 0:14:31# Is just to marry you
0:14:31 > 0:14:35# Bluebells are gathered
0:14:35 > 0:14:39# Take them and be mine
0:14:39 > 0:14:44# All my life
0:14:44 > 0:14:48# I'll be your valentine
0:14:48 > 0:14:53# Bluebells are gathered
0:14:53 > 0:14:57# Take them and be true
0:14:57 > 0:15:01# Now I'm a man, my plan
0:15:01 > 0:15:06# Is just to marry you
0:15:06 > 0:15:10# Now I'm a man, my plan
0:15:10 > 0:15:16# Is just to marry you. #
0:15:16 > 0:15:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:15:34 > 0:15:36Peregrinatory...
0:15:36 > 0:15:38- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:15:38 > 0:15:40..from Prague.
0:15:40 > 0:15:43A celeritous septuplicity
0:15:43 > 0:15:44Ooh!
0:15:44 > 0:15:47..of circumrotatory...
0:15:47 > 0:15:51- Oh! - ..revolutionists.
0:15:51 > 0:15:54Seven trick cyclists.
0:15:54 > 0:15:55Ladies and gentlemen,
0:15:55 > 0:15:58the Valla Bertini!
0:15:58 > 0:16:00CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:16:00 > 0:16:03BAND PLAYS
0:18:51 > 0:18:53MUSIC ENDS
0:19:08 > 0:19:10Coruscating...
0:19:10 > 0:19:13cosmopolitan...
0:19:13 > 0:19:15exoticism....
0:19:15 > 0:19:16- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:19:16 > 0:19:18..incarnate.
0:19:18 > 0:19:19Ooh!
0:19:19 > 0:19:22All the way from 'Uddersfield.
0:19:22 > 0:19:25Your own, your very, very own...
0:19:25 > 0:19:27Roy Castle!
0:19:27 > 0:19:28CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:28 > 0:19:31BAND PLAYS: On Ilkla Moor Baht 'at
0:19:35 > 0:19:37MUSIC ENDS
0:19:37 > 0:19:40Beautiful. We all came off together.
0:19:40 > 0:19:43- Good evening. - Good evening!
0:19:43 > 0:19:45- Good evening. - Good evening!
0:19:45 > 0:19:48Let's get it all together.
0:19:48 > 0:19:51By the way, the pronunciation is Roy "Cassle".
0:19:52 > 0:19:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:19:56 > 0:19:58Cassle!
0:20:00 > 0:20:02Thank you, sir. PIANO PLAYS
0:20:02 > 0:20:04HE CLEARS HIS THROAT
0:20:04 > 0:20:08# Just as the song begins
0:20:08 > 0:20:10# You speak
0:20:10 > 0:20:16# And I hear violins
0:20:16 > 0:20:18# It's magic
0:20:18 > 0:20:20# Oh!... #
0:20:20 > 0:20:22LAUGHTER
0:20:22 > 0:20:25- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:20:25 > 0:20:27Way ahead of his time, this lad.
0:20:29 > 0:20:30# It's magic... #
0:20:30 > 0:20:32- This is different, isn't it? AUDIENCE:- Yes!
0:20:32 > 0:20:34It's worse, but it's different.
0:20:36 > 0:20:37# It's magic
0:20:38 > 0:20:40# Ta-la la-la la-la la-la
0:20:40 > 0:20:42# Taddle-addle-addle-um
0:20:42 > 0:20:43# Oh, yes
0:20:43 > 0:20:45# Hear me talking to you
0:20:45 > 0:20:47# Magic
0:20:47 > 0:20:49# Huh-huh-hum
0:20:49 > 0:20:50# It's magic
0:20:50 > 0:20:52PIANO CONTINUES
0:20:52 > 0:20:54LAUGHTER
0:20:56 > 0:20:59What was the old thing we used to do?
0:20:59 > 0:21:02# It's magic Oh, yes
0:21:02 > 0:21:03# It's magic
0:21:07 > 0:21:08# It's tragic... #
0:21:09 > 0:21:14That book's going back in the morning, I'll tell you that now.
0:21:14 > 0:21:15# It's magic
0:21:15 > 0:21:17# Taddle-addle-addle-um
0:21:19 > 0:21:21# Daddle-daddle-daddle-um
0:21:21 > 0:21:23# Daddle-daddle-daddle-um... #
0:21:25 > 0:21:26This one?
0:21:26 > 0:21:27- AUDIENCE:- No!
0:21:27 > 0:21:28Yes!
0:21:30 > 0:21:32ROY LAUGHS
0:21:32 > 0:21:34All right for you, you know where to put your pipe!
0:21:38 > 0:21:39This one?
0:21:39 > 0:21:41Yes! No!
0:21:41 > 0:21:42What's the betting?
0:21:42 > 0:21:43# It's magic
0:21:43 > 0:21:44HE LAUGHS
0:21:44 > 0:21:47- Yes! - # It's magic
0:21:47 > 0:21:49Yeah! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:21:54 > 0:21:55I should have finished on that.
0:21:55 > 0:21:57# The stars desert the skies
0:21:57 > 0:22:00# And come to nestle in your eyes
0:22:00 > 0:22:01# It's magic
0:22:01 > 0:22:02# Oh-ho ho-ho ho-ho ho
0:22:02 > 0:22:04# Mm-hm-hm
0:22:04 > 0:22:07# Just take one handkerchief
0:22:07 > 0:22:08# One handkerchief... #
0:22:08 > 0:22:11HE WHISTLES LIKE A BIRD
0:22:13 > 0:22:15# One handkerchief
0:22:15 > 0:22:19# Tie it in a knot
0:22:19 > 0:22:21# Tie it in a knot
0:22:21 > 0:22:24# And then beyond belief
0:22:24 > 0:22:27# The knot suddenly...
0:22:27 > 0:22:28# ..is not... #
0:22:30 > 0:22:33CHEERING AND APPLAUSE Forget it, forget it. Forget it.
0:22:35 > 0:22:37Too late, too late. That was too quick for you, wasn't it?
0:22:37 > 0:22:39Yes!
0:22:39 > 0:22:42OK. Action replay. Slow motion.
0:22:42 > 0:22:46HE SINGS UNINTELLIGIBLY IN A DEEP, SLOW VOICE
0:23:12 > 0:23:17Thank you. Thank you. Perfectly normal handkerchief. Look at that.
0:23:17 > 0:23:19PIANO PLAYS
0:23:20 > 0:23:22# As we walk hand in hand
0:23:22 > 0:23:26# The world becomes a wonderland... #
0:23:26 > 0:23:28It's magic.
0:23:28 > 0:23:30# Hear me talking to ya
0:23:30 > 0:23:31# Magic... #
0:23:31 > 0:23:34HE WHISTLES LIKE A BIRD
0:23:34 > 0:23:35I've got you this time.
0:23:35 > 0:23:37# Oh... #
0:23:38 > 0:23:42APPLAUSE No, no, no, no! No! No!
0:23:42 > 0:23:46Don't applaud, you'll cause a draught.
0:23:46 > 0:23:47# Why do I tell myself
0:23:47 > 0:23:49# Ooh-hoo-hoo... #
0:23:50 > 0:23:54Somebody get in touch with Leeds United, quick.
0:23:54 > 0:24:00# These things that happen are all really true?... #
0:24:04 > 0:24:05You have a go.
0:24:05 > 0:24:07# The magic... #
0:24:07 > 0:24:09This time, this time!
0:24:09 > 0:24:10# The magic
0:24:11 > 0:24:13# The magic... #
0:24:13 > 0:24:15Yeah! CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:24:17 > 0:24:19Thank you. Thank you.
0:24:19 > 0:24:21Thank you very much. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
0:24:21 > 0:24:23Thank you very much indeed.
0:24:23 > 0:24:28It's a famous double act, Roy Castle and Harold Dyte. Now then...
0:24:28 > 0:24:31Fine fellow, fine fellow.
0:24:31 > 0:24:34Now then, for my next trick, I need a volunteer, preferably a gentleman.
0:24:34 > 0:24:36Anyone at all, I have no stooges.
0:24:36 > 0:24:38Any gentleman. Do you want to have a go? Anybody close.
0:24:38 > 0:24:41Would you like to try? It's just a trick. It's all right.
0:24:41 > 0:24:44I won't hurt you. There'll be no problems. I'm not big enough.
0:24:46 > 0:24:49Right. Listen, I tell you what, we'll use his chair.
0:24:49 > 0:24:53Then he'll know that there's no fix. All right? Yeah, that's it.
0:24:53 > 0:24:54That's it.
0:24:54 > 0:24:57You're not going to take that long about it, are you? Right, here we go.
0:24:57 > 0:24:59Come on, up here. Come on, up here.
0:24:59 > 0:25:02Now then... CHUCKLES
0:25:02 > 0:25:04- How do you do?- Very nice to see you. Don't sit down yet,
0:25:04 > 0:25:07we want the chair over the trapdoor. Hang on.
0:25:08 > 0:25:12Right, you can sit down now. You just sit down there, there's a good lad.
0:25:12 > 0:25:15- All right? Now... - Fine, fine.
0:25:15 > 0:25:18- You hadn't bargained for this, had you?- No!
0:25:18 > 0:25:21Have you got the trick there? Good lad. That's it. That's it. Lovely.
0:25:21 > 0:25:24Don't let him see the milk. He's got a dark suit on.
0:25:24 > 0:25:27I'll just have a quick look at the instructions first.
0:25:27 > 0:25:30I got it wrong last night. There we go now.
0:25:30 > 0:25:33"First of all, pour milk into tumbler." Right.
0:25:33 > 0:25:36HE WHISTLES CIRCUS MUSIC
0:25:37 > 0:25:40There's plenty, thank you. That'll do.
0:25:40 > 0:25:41Right.
0:25:41 > 0:25:44"Cover tumbler with card."
0:25:44 > 0:25:45Right.
0:25:50 > 0:25:52Hang on a minute.
0:25:53 > 0:25:55"Invert the whole thing."
0:25:55 > 0:25:57Right.
0:25:57 > 0:25:59No, wait, it means the whole thing, doesn't it, Peter?
0:25:59 > 0:26:02CHUCKLES You're looking sweaty!
0:26:04 > 0:26:06Right. Now then, hang on a minute.
0:26:08 > 0:26:10"Place the whole thing on victim's head."
0:26:15 > 0:26:18Right, right! Now then, hang on a sec. Er, just one moment.
0:26:19 > 0:26:22This is where it normally goes wrong, this is.
0:26:22 > 0:26:25Can you keep real still here, Peter? Real still. Don't move at all,
0:26:25 > 0:26:29whatever you do. Don't move. Keep still. Good lad. Well done indeed.
0:26:31 > 0:26:33"On no account remove the card."
0:26:37 > 0:26:39APPLAUSE
0:26:45 > 0:26:47- Can you sing, Peter? - No.
0:26:48 > 0:26:51Good lad, it won't show me up, then, will it?
0:26:51 > 0:26:53You sing this after me.
0:26:53 > 0:26:55# Why do I tell myself
0:26:55 > 0:26:57- SHAKILY:- # Why do I tell myself?
0:26:59 > 0:27:02- # These things - # These things
0:27:02 > 0:27:05- # That happen - # That happen
0:27:05 > 0:27:08- # Are all - # Are all
0:27:08 > 0:27:11- # Really true? - # Really true?
0:27:13 > 0:27:15# Yapa-taka-taka huh-huh-huh!
0:27:15 > 0:27:17# Yapa-taka-taka huh-huh-huh!... #
0:27:17 > 0:27:20Yay! CHEERING
0:27:20 > 0:27:22ROY LAUGHS
0:27:27 > 0:27:28I wish it was molten lead now.
0:27:31 > 0:27:33# When in my heart I know
0:27:33 > 0:27:36# When in my heart I know
0:27:36 > 0:27:38- # The magic - # The magic
0:27:38 > 0:27:44# Is my love
0:27:44 > 0:27:49# Is my love... #
0:27:49 > 0:27:51CHEERING
0:27:53 > 0:27:55Finish it off yourself. # For you. #
0:27:56 > 0:28:00- # For you. # - Look at that. What a beautiful thing.
0:28:00 > 0:28:02BAND PLAYS A FLOURISH
0:28:05 > 0:28:07CHEERING
0:28:07 > 0:28:08ROY CHEERS
0:28:08 > 0:28:10There goes your chair.
0:28:10 > 0:28:12All right. Thank you.
0:28:12 > 0:28:14Yay! Great stuff! Come on, take a bow.
0:28:14 > 0:28:17Come on, stand up. Take a bow.
0:28:19 > 0:28:20ROY CHEERS
0:28:21 > 0:28:23Yeah, yeah! By golly!
0:28:23 > 0:28:26Right, OK, now, another little surprise.
0:28:29 > 0:28:32Now, I've been challenged to get a tune out of this,
0:28:32 > 0:28:36so I've bunged it up that end and I'm going to have a blow down here.
0:28:36 > 0:28:38IT MAKES A NOTE LIKE A TRUMPET
0:28:40 > 0:28:42A LITTLE APPLAUSE No, no, no, no, I wasn't expecting...
0:28:42 > 0:28:45The only thing is now... the problem is the tune,
0:28:45 > 0:28:47what tune we're going to choose to play on it, that's all.
0:28:47 > 0:28:50Any suggestions? SHOUTS FROM AUDIENCE
0:28:50 > 0:28:51Colonel Bogey?
0:28:53 > 0:28:55Flight Of The Bumblebee? LAUGHS
0:28:55 > 0:28:57Buzz off.
0:28:59 > 0:29:01MORE SHOUTS
0:29:01 > 0:29:03Three Old Ladies? LAUGHS
0:29:07 > 0:29:08That's a pretty good one!
0:29:08 > 0:29:11The only one we could come up with was Don't Bring Lulu.
0:29:11 > 0:29:14- Isn't that right?- That's it.- OK. You start, then every man for himself.
0:29:14 > 0:29:16A-one, two, a rip-bam-bom.
0:29:16 > 0:29:18BAND PLAYS
0:29:52 > 0:29:54CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:29:56 > 0:29:59BAND PLAYS On Ilkla Moor Baht 'at
0:30:13 > 0:30:16What you might call a right "Roy"-al flush!
0:30:16 > 0:30:18And now...
0:30:18 > 0:30:19from those...
0:30:19 > 0:30:21GROANS FROM AUDIENCE
0:30:21 > 0:30:23I've got a living to earn.
0:30:23 > 0:30:28..from those occasionally United States of America...
0:30:28 > 0:30:34pulchritudinous in postprandial Puccini...
0:30:34 > 0:30:35Ooh!
0:30:35 > 0:30:38..your very warmest welcome...
0:30:38 > 0:30:41for refulgence, for warmth...
0:30:41 > 0:30:44for loveliness.
0:30:44 > 0:30:48- Ahhh! - Miss Lorna Dallas!
0:30:48 > 0:30:51CHEERING
0:30:51 > 0:30:53BAND PLAYS O Mio Babbino Caro
0:31:04 > 0:31:11# O mio babbino caro
0:31:11 > 0:31:20# Mi piace, e bello bello
0:31:20 > 0:31:28# Vo'andare in Porta Roma
0:31:28 > 0:31:35# A comperar l'anello
0:31:35 > 0:31:43# Si, si, ci voglio andare
0:31:43 > 0:31:51# E se l'amassi indarno
0:31:51 > 0:31:58# Andrei sul Ponte Vecchio
0:31:58 > 0:32:06# Ma per buttarmi in Arno
0:32:06 > 0:32:14# Mi struggo e mi tormento!
0:32:14 > 0:32:22# O Dio
0:32:22 > 0:32:29# Vorrei morir
0:32:34 > 0:32:39# Babbo, pieta
0:32:39 > 0:32:48# Pieta
0:32:49 > 0:32:54# Babbo, pieta
0:32:54 > 0:33:03# Pieta. #
0:33:07 > 0:33:09APPLAUSE
0:33:09 > 0:33:12CHEERING
0:33:16 > 0:33:19BAND PLAYS Oh, Dear! What Can The Matter Be?
0:33:24 > 0:33:28# Oh, dear, what can the matter be?
0:33:28 > 0:33:32# Dear, dear, what can the matter be?
0:33:32 > 0:33:37# Oh, dear, what can the matter be?
0:33:37 > 0:33:42# Johnny's so long at the fair
0:33:43 > 0:33:45# Where can my Johnny be?
0:33:47 > 0:33:49# Where can my Johnny be?
0:33:51 > 0:33:55# What can the matter be?... #
0:33:55 > 0:33:56Oh, dear!
0:33:56 > 0:34:02# Johnny's so long at the fair
0:34:11 > 0:34:14# What'll I do
0:34:14 > 0:34:22# When you are far away
0:34:22 > 0:34:27# And I am blue?
0:34:27 > 0:34:31# What'll I do?
0:34:31 > 0:34:34# What'll I do
0:34:34 > 0:34:42# When I am wondering who
0:34:42 > 0:34:46# Is kissing you?
0:34:46 > 0:34:50# What'll I do?
0:34:51 > 0:34:53# What'll I do
0:34:53 > 0:34:58# With just a photograph
0:34:58 > 0:35:07# To tell my troubles to?
0:35:07 > 0:35:11# When I'm alone
0:35:11 > 0:35:18# With only dreams of you
0:35:18 > 0:35:23# That won't come true
0:35:24 > 0:35:32# What'll I do? #
0:35:32 > 0:35:34APPLAUSE
0:35:37 > 0:35:41# In this year of 1892
0:35:41 > 0:35:44# Our conventions have been thrown all askew
0:35:44 > 0:35:46# But I know I'm out of date
0:35:46 > 0:35:48# When I seek one mate
0:35:48 > 0:35:52# One faithful lover true
0:35:52 > 0:35:56# To be really in the fashion today
0:35:56 > 0:36:00# You must have a dozen beaux in your sway
0:36:00 > 0:36:05# But somehow I don't believe in the modern plan
0:36:05 > 0:36:12# I want to wait for just one man
0:36:12 > 0:36:14# It's more fun to love 'em all
0:36:14 > 0:36:19# Kiss 'em all, short and tall
0:36:19 > 0:36:24# I have another scheme
0:36:24 > 0:36:31# It's my only dream
0:36:31 > 0:36:38# One kiss, one man to save it for
0:36:38 > 0:36:45# One love for him alone
0:36:45 > 0:36:51# One word, one vow and nothing more
0:36:51 > 0:36:57# To tell him I'm his own
0:36:57 > 0:37:02# One magic night within his arms
0:37:02 > 0:37:11# With passion's flower unfurled
0:37:11 > 0:37:19# But I will try to love only one man
0:37:19 > 0:37:23# And no other man...
0:37:23 > 0:37:32# ..in the world. #
0:37:32 > 0:37:33CHEERING
0:37:37 > 0:37:41BAND PLAYS Oh, You Beautiful Doll
0:37:49 > 0:37:52We are truly international tonight.
0:37:52 > 0:37:56I've just had a note and these two lovely presents to tell me
0:37:56 > 0:37:58that in that box over there
0:37:58 > 0:38:01there is a party which has come especially
0:38:01 > 0:38:04all the way to see the show tonight
0:38:04 > 0:38:07from my beloved Denmark!
0:38:07 > 0:38:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:38:16 > 0:38:20Godaften, mine damer og herre!
0:38:20 > 0:38:23- AUDIENCE:- Ooh!
0:38:23 > 0:38:26And for all of you, and especially for those of you from Denmark,
0:38:26 > 0:38:29the Embankment now launches
0:38:29 > 0:38:33Miss Beryl Reid and Mr Roy Castle!
0:38:33 > 0:38:37BAND PLAYS I Live In Trafalgar Square
0:38:45 > 0:38:49- I say?- Yes?- I like the suit. - Oh, do you?- Yes.
0:38:49 > 0:38:52- I picked it up in Savile Row. - Really?
0:38:52 > 0:38:55Sometimes I think it was hardly worth bending down for.
0:38:55 > 0:38:57Yes, yes, I agree, I agree, I agree.
0:38:57 > 0:38:59HE CLEARS HIS THROAT Well...
0:38:59 > 0:39:02- BOTH:- # Today we've been busy removing
0:39:02 > 0:39:04# And we're all of a fidgety-fidge
0:39:04 > 0:39:07# Our last place was on the Embankment
0:39:07 > 0:39:10# The third seat from Waterloo Bridge
0:39:10 > 0:39:12- # But the cooking - And - oh! - the attendants
0:39:12 > 0:39:15# Didn't happen to suit us so well
0:39:15 > 0:39:18# So we ordered our man to back up and
0:39:18 > 0:39:21# Look out for another hotel
0:39:21 > 0:39:25# Well, he did, and the new place is extra, I vow
0:39:25 > 0:39:27# Just wait till we tell ya
0:39:27 > 0:39:31# Where we're stopping now
0:39:31 > 0:39:36# We live in Trafalgar Square
0:39:36 > 0:39:40# With four lions to guard us
0:39:40 > 0:39:44# Fountains and statues all over the place
0:39:44 > 0:39:47# And the metropole staring us right in the face
0:39:47 > 0:39:52# We'll own it's a trifle draughty
0:39:52 > 0:39:56# But we looks at it this way, you see
0:39:56 > 0:40:00# If it's good enough for Nelson... #
0:40:00 > 0:40:01BANG!
0:40:01 > 0:40:02Oh!
0:40:04 > 0:40:06- What a dirty bird. - Yes.
0:40:06 > 0:40:11# It's quite good enough for me! #
0:40:11 > 0:40:13- I say, you know, Clive?- Yes?
0:40:13 > 0:40:16If I were really rich, every year I'd spend six
0:40:16 > 0:40:19months in New York, six months in Rome
0:40:19 > 0:40:20and six months in Paris.
0:40:20 > 0:40:22THEY CHUCKLE
0:40:22 > 0:40:2418 months in one year?
0:40:24 > 0:40:27- Yes, wonderful what money can do, isn't it?- Yes, yes, yes.
0:40:27 > 0:40:30- Tell me, have you had your holidays yet?- Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes.
0:40:30 > 0:40:34- Yes, yes, yes?- Took my secretary to the West Indies.- Oh, really?- Yes.
0:40:34 > 0:40:36Jamaica?
0:40:40 > 0:40:42Came very close, yes.
0:40:42 > 0:40:45Oh, I'm rather weary. Are you? Have a tiny sit down.
0:40:45 > 0:40:47HE YAWNS
0:40:47 > 0:40:50Even a dainty kip-ette. Ooh!
0:40:51 > 0:40:54# Now, the beds ain't as soft as they might be
0:40:54 > 0:40:57# Still, the temperature's never too high
0:40:57 > 0:40:59# And it's nice to see swells who are passing
0:40:59 > 0:41:02# Look on with a h'envious h'eye
0:41:02 > 0:41:04# And when we wake up in the morning
0:41:04 > 0:41:07# Just fancy how nice it must feel
0:41:07 > 0:41:09# To have a good walk for your breakfast
0:41:09 > 0:41:12# And the same for your dinner and tea...
0:41:12 > 0:41:16# There's many a duke up in Park Lane tonight
0:41:16 > 0:41:23# Who'd relinquish his title for our appetite
0:41:23 > 0:41:27# We live in Trafalgar Square
0:41:27 > 0:41:32- AUDIENCE JOINS IN - # With four lions to guard us
0:41:32 > 0:41:36# Fountains and statues all over the place
0:41:36 > 0:41:40# And the metropole staring us right in the face
0:41:40 > 0:41:45# We'll own it's a trifle draughty
0:41:45 > 0:41:49# But we looks at it this way, you see
0:41:49 > 0:41:54# If it's good enough for Nelson
0:41:54 > 0:41:58# It's quite good enough for me
0:41:58 > 0:42:02# If it's good enough for Nelson
0:42:02 > 0:42:06- AUDIENCE:- # It's quite good enough for me! #
0:42:06 > 0:42:09CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:42:10 > 0:42:14# We live in Trafalgar Square
0:42:14 > 0:42:18# With four lions to guard us
0:42:18 > 0:42:22# Fountains and statues all over the place
0:42:22 > 0:42:26# And the metropole staring us right in the face
0:42:26 > 0:42:29# We'll own it's a trifle draughty
0:42:29 > 0:42:33# But we looks at it this way, you see
0:42:33 > 0:42:38# If it's good enough for Nelson
0:42:38 > 0:42:41# It's quite good enough for me
0:42:41 > 0:42:46# If it's good enough for Nelson
0:42:46 > 0:42:52# It's quite good enough for me! #
0:42:52 > 0:42:56CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:07 > 0:43:09- And now... - AUDIENCE:- More!
0:43:09 > 0:43:13And now, ladies and gentlemen, there's just, just time to ask
0:43:13 > 0:43:16Miss Beryl Reid and Mr Roy Castle
0:43:16 > 0:43:18to lead the entire company and yourselves
0:43:18 > 0:43:22in the last chorus for tonight, Down At The Old Bull And Bush.
0:43:22 > 0:43:26Ladies and gentlemen, Miss Beryl Reid, Mr Roy Castle,
0:43:26 > 0:43:31the absolutely indispensible Mr Bernard Herrmann!
0:43:31 > 0:43:32CHEERING AND APPLAUSE
0:43:34 > 0:43:39..and his orchestra, but this time, chiefly...
0:43:39 > 0:43:41ALL: ..yourselves!
0:43:41 > 0:43:43BAND STRIKES UP
0:43:45 > 0:43:49ALL: # Come, come, come and make eyes at me
0:43:49 > 0:43:51# Down at the old Bull and Bush
0:43:51 > 0:43:53# Da-da-da da-da!
0:43:53 > 0:43:56# Come, come, have some port wine with me
0:43:56 > 0:43:59# Down at the old Bull and Bush
0:44:00 > 0:44:02# Hear the little German band
0:44:02 > 0:44:04# Da da-da da-da-da-da
0:44:04 > 0:44:08# Just let me hold your hand, dear
0:44:08 > 0:44:12# Come, come, come and have a drink or two
0:44:12 > 0:44:15# Down at the old Bull and Bush
0:44:15 > 0:44:17# Bush, Bush! #
0:44:17 > 0:44:19CHEERING AND APPLAUSE